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1
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[theme music playing]
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[man on TV] Although Latin American women
have practically achieved...
3
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- Excuse me, Van.
- Hey!
4
00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:13,763
Excuse me, Van!
I'm trying to dust the furniture!
5
00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:14,848
Can you do it later?
6
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,100
I'm watching this show
about women's rights.
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00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:26,234
Now, just rub your socks on the table.
8
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,864
Well, all right, but this counts
as one of my chores.
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00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:35,827
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Brock. Where's Jake?
10
00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:37,162
What do you mean, where's Jake?
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What I mean is, we were
married once and had a son.
12
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At this time, do you know his location?
13
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He's not here? I was supposed to
pick him up and take him over
14
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,131
- to Tammy Anderson's house.
- No.
15
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,299
You were to pick him up
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00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,384
at Tammy Anderson's house
and bring him here.
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- Hey.
- Hey.
18
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Jake, how'd you get home?
19
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,561
Tammy Anderson's dad gave me a ride.
20
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And all the way home,
he wondered how someone forgets their kid.
21
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- Me, too.
- [sighs]
22
00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:13,281
Hey, I'm sorry, buddy.
Your mom asked me to do it.
23
00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:15,784
- I guess I kinda blew it.
- That's okay.
24
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,869
Hey, Tammy's mom let us paint.
25
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Let's have a look.
26
00:01:20,538 --> 00:01:23,291
Oh, hey. Did Elizabeth do that?
27
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[chuckles] No, honey.
That was... that was Jake.
28
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Recently?
29
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- It's a boy, waiting alone at a bus stop.
- Hmm.
30
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I call it "Where's Dad?"
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- See ya later, Dad.
- Yeah.
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Brock, you're a good father,
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but lately, you just haven't been
spending any time with the boy.
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Sorry, but I've been swamped.
35
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With trying to get the dental practice
back on its feet
36
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and juggling two families,
37
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geez, I haven't even had any Brock time.
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As I recall, it's Brock time
that got you two families.
39
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,083
I'm just worried that
it's starting to affect Jake.
40
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,461
You know, she's right, Mr. H.
41
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:12,090
You don't want to end up
like that song about the boy and his dad,
42
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with the dog and the cradle
and the rubber spoon.
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You see, before you know it,
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he's gonna be grown, married,
with a kid of his own.
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Won't call as often as you'd like, and...
46
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[sobs]
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Sorry!
48
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I got something in my eye.
49
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Great. Now the other one's got it.
50
00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:42,036
What's up with Van?
51
00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:44,914
The same thing happened with him
and his dad. They were never close.
52
00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:47,333
He doesn't like to talk about it,
but he's getting better.
53
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[Van] Cheyenne, I need you!
54
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Hold on, baby!
55
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,303
Well, take your shoes off.
I need to finish the table.
56
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:05,810
[Reba] Ha, hey!
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{\an8}♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪
58
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,065
{\an8}♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪
59
00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:15,445
♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪
60
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:18,031
{\an8}♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪
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♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪
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00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:24,537
{\an8}♪ With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter ♪
63
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{\an8}♪ I'm a survivor ♪
64
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[theme music playing]
65
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{\an8}♪ She ate her lunch so sadly ♪
66
00:03:39,677 --> 00:03:41,679
{\an8}♪ So alone, so alone ♪
67
00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:44,015
{\an8}♪ Just eatin' her lunch ♪
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00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,600
{\an8}♪ All alone ♪
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{\an8}♪ Drinkin' her water thirsty for love ♪
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{\an8}♪ All alone, so alone ♪
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00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:57,737
{\an8}Okay! Get $20 out of my purse
and go to the mall.
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00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,030
{\an8}♪ Going to the mall ♪
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00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:01,324
{\an8}♪ 'Cause her mom said okay, said okay ♪
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{\an8}Get out!
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{\an8}♪ Yes, she did ♪
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{\an8}Ah!
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Reba, I did it.
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00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,001
I'm gonna be spending more time with Jake.
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00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:14,837
I am gonna coach him in football.
Isn't that great?
80
00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:16,256
Tackle football?
81
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,425
{\an8}Reba, this is Texas.
You're lucky I don't tackle you right now.
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00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:20,426
{\an8}[both laugh]
83
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,684
{\an8}I don't want him to play
tackle football. He could get hurt.
84
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,477
{\an8}He's one of the smallest kids
in his class.
85
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:30,895
{\an8}Reba does have a point.
86
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:34,399
{\an8}I mean, I was the only girl
on my sixth-grade football team...
87
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:38,319
{\an8}[sighs] ...and I ate
boys like Jake for breakfast.
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00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,617
Which makes it all
the more important that he learn
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00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:45,994
not to let his size stop him.
90
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Come on, Reba. A kid living with his mom?
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Turn him into a mama's boy.
92
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,127
Jake's not a mama's boy.
93
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,629
[Jake] Hey, Mom! Where's the sewing kit?
94
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,467
- It's where you left it.
- Aw!
95
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,762
Hey, tough guys sew, too, you know.
96
00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:05,680
[scoffs]
97
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,891
Look, Reba. Tons of kids play football,
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and they don't get hurt.
It'd do him a world of good
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to get a little dirty, mix it up some.
100
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,523
Ooh, Brock has a point.
101
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When I played football,
I got hit in the head all the time,
102
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and it didn't affect me.
103
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:25,867
Somebody get the phone! [snorts]
104
00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:30,538
You don't even know
if Jake wants to play football.
105
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:31,914
Why don't we just ask him?
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Jake, come over here, killer.
107
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,918
- What's up?
- Listen, pal.
108
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:39,297
How would you like to have
a great time playing football
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and being coached by none other than
your ever-lovin' dad?
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Jake, you don't wanna play football
and get all sweaty
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and have people slappin' ya
upside the head all day long, do ya?
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00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:53,811
Jakey, you know, on the one hand,
you'd have girls cheering for you.
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00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:56,898
And on the other hand,
possible head injury.
114
00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:01,611
Although, honey, I played as a kid,
and I'm fine. [chuckles]
115
00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:06,074
Somebody let that cat out!
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- I wanna play football.
- Yes, that's my boy!
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We're gonna start workouts tomorrow.
118
00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:17,085
Cool. I can't wait to decorate my helmet.
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If he wants to decorate
his helmet, you let him.
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[chuckles]
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You're not the boss of me.
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What'd you say?
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Geez! I was agreeing with you.
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[theme music playing]
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Oh, hey, Reba.
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00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,665
Here's a sport
Jake's not too small to play.
127
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:56,582
Origami.
128
00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:01,629
The ancient Japanese art of folding paper.
129
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,215
He folded a towel at our house once.
130
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:05,258
Nobody got hurt.
131
00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:09,053
Any chance you could fold your lips?
132
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:12,682
Oh.
133
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,267
Hey.
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00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,518
What happened? Where is he?
135
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,395
Ah, you got nothin' to worry about, Reba.
136
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,772
Oh, thank goodness. So he's okay?
137
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,025
He was horrible!
138
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:25,945
Oh, God love him. He stunk on ice.
139
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:28,406
But he's not hurt, right?
140
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,949
No, Reba. No.
141
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,743
You can't get hurt in the fetal position.
142
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:38,082
To be honest,
it was a little embarrassing.
143
00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:40,251
Please tell me
you didn't say that in front of him.
144
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:41,586
Well, of course not.
145
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,088
Did you roll your eyes?
146
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,382
No, I didn't,
147
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:49,051
not even when he put
the dandelion in his helmet.
148
00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:55,641
But, honey, you can still put him
on the team, can't you?
149
00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:57,310
It's not up to me, Barbra Jean.
150
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,312
The parks commission makes the cuts,
151
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,898
and Jake is gonna be
the first to go, poor little guy.
152
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,316
Well, where is he?
153
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:06,611
Last I saw of him,
he was chasing a butterfly.
154
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:14,160
Or it was chasing him. I couldn't look.
155
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,333
- Oh, Jake, baby!
- Hey, mom.
156
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,127
You need anything?
157
00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:25,880
Uh, chocolate milk, a cookie, something?
158
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,716
You wanna come over
to our place and fold some towels?
159
00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:33,971
No, thanks.
160
00:08:34,555 --> 00:08:35,473
Hey, Dad.
161
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:37,225
I had a great time today.
162
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,559
Yeah, me, too, buddy.
163
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,561
And the best part is, we get to spend
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00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:43,731
every Saturday together
for the rest of the season.
165
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:48,152
Sure we will, Jake.
166
00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:50,696
Sure we will.
167
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:53,658
I'll see you at home, Barbra Jean--
168
00:08:57,411 --> 00:08:59,705
So, Jake, you really had
a good time today, huh?
169
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,165
- Yeah.
- Really?
170
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:04,126
I mean, you could
just spend Saturdays with me.
171
00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:06,629
Don't be jealous, Mom.
172
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,839
A boy has to spend time
with his father, too.
173
00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:13,010
It doesn't mean I love you any less.
174
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,766
- This is horrible, Barbra Jean.
- I know!
175
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:20,601
Because of me,
that little old boy's heart's
176
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:22,353
- gonna be broken.
- Mm-hmm.
177
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:25,940
I can't believe I'm gonna say this,
but somehow or another,
178
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,858
we gotta get that boy
on the football team.
179
00:09:27,858 --> 00:09:29,360
Okay, Reba.
180
00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:31,028
I'll coach him.
181
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,740
Not you, Barbra Jean.
182
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,367
Somebody who knows what they're doin'.
183
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,619
- He's not tryin' out for mascot.
- [scoffs]
184
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:43,207
I'm just sayin', I feel so much better now
185
00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:44,834
that my dad and I have talked.
186
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,335
Honey, driving by his house
187
00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:48,129
and honking your horn is not talking.
188
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:51,299
He knows my honk.
189
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:57,054
- Van, I need you to coach Jake.
- You didn't want him playing football.
190
00:09:57,054 --> 00:10:00,391
I didn't, but he feels it's very important
to spend a lot of time with his dad.
191
00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:03,060
So you want me to teach him
that the only way
192
00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,896
to win his father's love
is by playing some silly game?
193
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:08,065
[chuckles] 'Cause let me tell you
something, Mrs. H.
194
00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:10,234
You can run around all you want,
195
00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:11,402
and it's not gonna--
196
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,072
[sobs] I won't do it.
197
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,241
Someone's gotta break the cycle!
198
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:23,247
I think he's doin' way better with this.
199
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,542
[Van] Cheyenne, I need you!
200
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:31,172
Right behind you, baby!
201
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:36,177
So, I bet someone
who doesn't know what she's doin'
202
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,679
is lookin' pretty attractive right now.
203
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:42,433
- Oh, go answer the phone.
- Oh, I knew it!
204
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:53,361
[theme music playing]
205
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,156
Forty-nine, fifty.
206
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,034
Ready or not, here comes daddy.
207
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:02,870
Where's Elizabeth?
208
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,623
Where's Elizabeth?
209
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:07,917
[chuckling]
210
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,336
Elizabeth!
211
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,338
Honey!
212
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,508
Honey, where are you?
213
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:18,177
Oh, there you are. Come here.
214
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:22,098
Oh, you scared daddy. Don't do that.
215
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:24,016
I should only count to ten next time.
216
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,062
Van, is everything okay? You were yelling.
217
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:31,190
It was... it was fine.
Uh, Elizabeth just got scared,
218
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:33,192
but daddy made everything okay.
219
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,527
Oh, you go inside now.
220
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,529
Yes, you think he's a freak now,
221
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,988
wait till you start dating.
222
00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:40,282
[chuckling] Oh, yeah.
223
00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:42,118
[sighs]
224
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,287
- Dating?
- [door closes]
225
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,039
[chuckles]
226
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:52,545
Yeah, she's gonna grow up
and start dating. [sniffles]
227
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,466
[whistle blows] Sir!
228
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,468
You wanna get off
the practice field, please?
229
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:04,265
What are you guys doin'?
Wait. You're gonna train Jake?
230
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,891
Hey, somebody has to.
231
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,518
She might not be the most qualified,
232
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:10,020
but she doesn't burst
into tears every two minutes.
233
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:17,194
And I happen to be extremely qualified.
234
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:21,240
After high school, I coached
football professionally for a year
235
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,200
at Gatesville Women's Prison.
[clears throat]
236
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,457
We would have won
the Texas State Prison Tournament,
237
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,792
except my quarterback
was shot trying to escape.
238
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,006
If you're gonna make things up,
239
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,216
why don't you make things up
that make you sound good?
240
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:44,221
Why do I even have to do this?
241
00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:47,308
After I make the team, I'll just practice
with dad and the other kids.
242
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,267
You bet.
243
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,978
We're just making extra sure
that that happens.
244
00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:52,313
What do you mean?
245
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,607
Everybody that tries out
gets on the team, don't they?
246
00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:58,068
Well, um... [clears throat]
247
00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:00,237
not exactly, no.
248
00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:02,031
Don't you worry, Jakey.
249
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:05,659
If I can turn little arson Annie
into a top-notch running back,
250
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:06,994
I can help you. Okay.
251
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,247
But I thought everybody made the team.
252
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:11,916
I'm not as good as those other kids.
253
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,001
That's okay.
That's why we're out here with...
254
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,921
- [Barbra pants]
- ...Coach Cuckoo.
255
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,133
This is bad. I'm the worst guy out there,
256
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,135
and two of those guys are girls.
257
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:26,597
Okay, first off, let's lose the sexism.
258
00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:30,309
Come on. Look. Even if, by some chance,
259
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,853
you don't make the team,
it doesn't really matter.
260
00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:35,272
There's a lot of other things
that you're really good at
261
00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:37,191
But dad doesn't care about those things.
262
00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:38,484
Oh, yes, he does.
263
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:39,902
No, he doesn't!
264
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,904
Not like he cares about football.
265
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,864
And I can't play football.
266
00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,658
When I don't make the team,
267
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,785
he's gonna wish he had another son.
268
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:52,831
Oh, Jake, honey! He does have another son.
269
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,218
I know how the kid feels.
270
00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:06,303
Oh, knock it off. You don't know anything.
271
00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:09,056
Oh, yes, I do. I never had
a relationship with my father either.
272
00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:11,392
You're unbelievable, you know that?
273
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,310
You're so busy with your pity party
274
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:15,980
that you can't keep the same thing
from happening to him.
275
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,024
This is a sensitive issue for me.
276
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:22,653
Okay, look, Van.
277
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:25,072
I'm sorry about what happened
between you and your dad,
278
00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:27,116
but that was a long time ago.
279
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:29,368
My little boy is hurting now.
280
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:30,536
What do you want me to do?
281
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,997
Help him! Help him make the team.
282
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,164
My dad never helped me.
283
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,709
He never helped me make the team.
284
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,128
He never came to the tryouts.
285
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,090
You can't impress somebody
who isn't there.
286
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:45,092
[deep breath]
287
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,264
Be strong, Van. Be strong.
288
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:54,476
All right, dang it! I'll do it.
289
00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:57,021
But no halfway. That boy is mine.
290
00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:57,938
Thank you, Van.
291
00:14:57,938 --> 00:15:00,649
He's gonna need a new pair of shoes,
292
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:01,901
lots of water,
293
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,402
and a pan of fudge brownies.
294
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,572
- Brownies?
- No questions!
295
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,407
I've gotta turn a boy into a man,
296
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,075
and I get hungry.
297
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,287
[theme music playing]
298
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:22,087
All right. This time, run a skinny post.
299
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,505
On two. Hut, hut.
300
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:27,551
[Van] There you go.
301
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:32,431
Go, Jake. Go, Jake. It's your birthday.
302
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:34,975
It's your birthday. Raise the roof.
303
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,352
Michael Jackson.
304
00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:43,984
All right. Way to go, bud.
That's, like, ten in a row you've caught.
305
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:45,277
I thought it was 11.
306
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:47,738
I don't count the last one
because of the way you danced.
307
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:50,074
Never do that again.
308
00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:53,702
All right. So we've
gone over passing: A-plus.
309
00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:55,579
Receiving: A-plus.
310
00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:58,958
Now the only thing left
is the fun part, hitting. [chuckles]
311
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,626
What about kicking?
312
00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:05,547
[hoarsely] Kicking?
313
00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:10,594
[normal voice] Kickers are little wimps
who are afraid to get hit, Jake.
314
00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:12,763
I think I wanna be a kicker.
315
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:15,099
No, you don't. Didn't you hear me?
316
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,308
Hitting is the fun part.
317
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,227
Not when you're the one getting hit.
318
00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:23,315
Is this why you did so bad the other day?
You're afraid of getting hit?
319
00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:24,483
Yeah.
320
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:26,402
I also don't want to be lit on fire.
321
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:27,444
I'm weird.
322
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:31,824
I bet you think I'm a big baby.
323
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:32,950
No. No. No. Listen.
324
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:35,661
When I was playing,
I was afraid of getting hit too.
325
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:36,620
No, you weren't.
326
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,580
I was. Everybody's afraid of getting hit.
327
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,749
But you can use that to your advantage.
328
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:43,877
See, you need to hit them first,
so they get scared first.
329
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,338
Now, we're gonna do a play right now,
330
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:48,007
but we're gonna do it in slow motion.
331
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,843
I want you to try to hit me
before I hit you.
332
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:51,760
- Okay?
- Got it.
333
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,471
On go. Ready, set, go.
334
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:59,768
- Hey! You said slow motion!
- Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. I messed up.
335
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:01,520
Let's try that again. Okay. Here we go.
336
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,063
Ready, set, go.
337
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:05,983
Hey, no fair.
338
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,151
I'm sorry. One more time.
339
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,152
Ready, set, go.
340
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,404
Van, stop it!
341
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,408
Whoa!
342
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,537
That's right, Jake. "Whoa."
343
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,915
- I like that feeling.
- [chuckles]
344
00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:23,333
You still wanna be a kicker?
345
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:24,710
I wanna hit a kicker!
346
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,004
Lesson over.
347
00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:31,258
- Yeah!
- All right. All right. Cut it out.
348
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:32,426
- No!
- Get off me.
349
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:34,136
- No.
- Jake.
350
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:38,307
Yeah, you better walk away.
That's right. Oh, yeah.
351
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,937
[theme music playing]
352
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,733
♪ Snap, what's that? ♪
353
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,068
♪ It's that little boy's leg ♪
354
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,195
♪ Crack, oh, my! ♪
355
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,113
♪ It's that little boy's arm ♪
356
00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,866
Kyra! Knock it off.
357
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:56,867
You know what?
358
00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,869
You think you're so funny,
and you are so not.
359
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:01,163
Yeah? Well, you think
you're so pretty, and you so are.
360
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,623
Well, shut up, Kyra!
361
00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:09,671
- Hey.
- So, honey, what happened?
362
00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:11,298
Was he hurt? Tell me he's not hurt.
363
00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:14,134
♪ He's hurt, he's hurt
He slammed in the dirt ♪
364
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:16,720
I will sell that guitar.
365
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,638
All right.
366
00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:19,890
He's fine. He'll be right in.
367
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,225
Did he make the cut?
368
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,476
Yes, he did!
369
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:24,228
[cheering]
370
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:27,397
- And then...
- Yeah?
371
00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:29,066
He got banned.
372
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:30,984
What? Banned?
373
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,153
Oh, good Lord, no.
374
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,071
Steroids?
375
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:39,618
You should have been there.
He was an animal!
376
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:44,456
He was in on every play. Running, jumping,
uh, putting the smackdown on guys.
377
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,417
My son is a monster!
378
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,505
Okay. Wait a minute. I don't understand.
379
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,465
If he was so great, why was he banned?
380
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,008
Yeah. Isn't that how you play?
381
00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:56,677
Run around like a crazy lunatic?
382
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,011
Great sport, by the way.
383
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,807
They don't want him
playing like that at his age.
384
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:04,268
So, some of the parents
got together with the committee
385
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:06,770
and they banned him for one year.
386
00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:09,982
They called him an assassin.
387
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:13,110
Jake! Can you believe it?
388
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:15,112
So you just let them ban him?
389
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,321
Oh, no. I said,
390
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:18,615
"Okay, if he can't play,
then I'm not gonna coach."
391
00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:19,700
What did they say?
392
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:22,202
They said that's what
they were thinking, too.
393
00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:27,416
So they banned me.
I can't coach for a year.
394
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:33,297
Ladies and gentleman,
I give you the Assassinator!
395
00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:35,841
[cheers and applause]
396
00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:40,470
Stay very still, folks.
He's trained to hit anything that moves.
397
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:43,307
He's 75 pounds of ornery whup-ass.
398
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,435
But he's so cute!
399
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,853
Watch it, cheerleader!
400
00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:50,647
[laughs]
401
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:51,857
Thanks for the help, Van.
402
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,483
Hey, no problem, buddy.
403
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:56,361
Helped me too. Gave me a chance
to work through some of my feelings.
404
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,488
I can't believe I spent all those years
405
00:19:58,488 --> 00:19:59,907
mad at my dad 'cause...
406
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:01,950
[sobs]
407
00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:05,871
Oh, boy.
408
00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:09,917
I'm gonna go call my dad.
409
00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:12,961
All of this has really helped him.
410
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:14,963
I think he's had a real breakthrough.
411
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:17,007
I'm just glad I could've
been there for him.
412
00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:19,509
[Van] Cheyenne, I got the machine!
413
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:23,764
Okay, this is getting old.
414
00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:27,434
I think this might be
the first time you ever
415
00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:28,810
got in trouble with anybody.
416
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:29,937
I'm really proud of you.
417
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:31,521
Come on, Mr. Assassinator.
418
00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:33,732
I'm gonna take you in the kitchen
and buy you a soda.
419
00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:35,901
- [phone rings]
- I'll get it!
420
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,486
Oh, thank goodness. You hear it, too!
421
00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:47,663
[theme music playing]
422
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,359
{\an8}[voiceover] ACME! [coughing]
31266
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