All language subtitles for Reba.S04E18.Rebas.Rules.of.Real.Estate.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-FLUX_track4_[eng]

[theme music playing]

Reba, I got your message
that you wanted to see me.

This is the first time
that's ever happened.

I got you a card.

I need your help.

[gasps] That is so wonderful.

Oh! I should've got a second card.

Monday morning I have
a job interview with Dolly Majors

Dolly Majors?

[gasps] The real estate agent
whose face is on every bus bench in town?

Oh, Reba, she is bigger
than that lawyer, Mr. Accidente.

I know. And since you're my only
real estate client,

I need a letter of recommendation.

Oh, I'd love to.

Oh, I already have three poems
about you that I could use.

[breathes heavily] Reba's hair
is red. Violets are blue.

If Brock ever left me, I'd marry you.

[mouthing, inaudible]

Actually, I took the liberty
and typed something up.

- All you need to do is sign it.
- Okay.

You can leave off the smiley unicorn,
if you don't mind.

[Jake] Heads up!

- I'm on it. Go long.
- Stop.

- Jake, get in here.
- Yeah, but first go long.

Give that to me. Jake!

How many times do I have to tell you
not to throw things in the house?

Now, get outside and play.

But the sun, it burns.

Get.

This letter is so cold and impersonal.

It sounds like we hardly
even know each other.

I know.

You know, this doesn't fully
represent what is in my heart.

So if you don't mind,
I'm gonna give it the Barbra Jean touch.

[doorbell rings]

Had to call her. Had to invite her over.

You got rocks in your head, Reba.
That's what you got.

I'm serious, Barbra Jean.
This interview is huge.

And I only have two days
to get ready for it.

Hi. I'm Dolly Majors.

But... but I thought
the interview was Monday.

Rule 1 of real estate:
expect the unexpected.

I like to schedule an interview one day,
and then just pop in on another.

I'll tell Ms. Reba you're here.

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

[theme music playing]

It is okay that I popped in, isn't it?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's fine.

It's just I'm not dressed,
and the house is a mess.

Couldn't we schedule a time
for you to pop in?

Well, then I wouldn't get to see
who you are under pressure.

And so far, you're as jumpy
as a flea on a hot brick.

No, I'm... I'm fine. Come in. Sit down.

I'm sorry the house is
so messy. I have kids.

[Barbra] Reba?

She's not one of 'em.

Oh. Hello.

Hi.

If you don't leave now, this will be
the moment you'll regret forever.

Hi. I'm Barbra Jean.

Dolly Majors.

Oh, my gosh.
It's like lookin' in a tiny mirror.

[mouthing]

Yeah. Dolly popped in just as you
were poppin' out. Bye-bye now.

Reba, are you kidding? This is perfect.

Why write a letter when I can give Dolly
my recommendation in person?

'Cause you're less crazy
on paper then you are in person.

[laughs] Now, Dolly.

Reba sold a condo for us,
and I just have to tell you,

she is the best real estate agent
in the world.

Well, that is good to know.

[chuckles] She's not through talkin'.

Now, Brock and I wanted to help
her out after she lost her job.

She didn't actually lose it.
She got fired.

She called her boss a monkey's butt.

She's kind of got a little problem
with her temper, you know.

See? I bet you dollars to doughnuts

this would not have come up
in my office on Monday.

Cheyenne, quit nagging me about
not workin'. I just got paid $25.

That means
selling my blood counts as a job.

And who is this ambitious young man?

I'm... I'm... I'm Van.
And... I'm a little dizzy.

Oh, my gosh, it's Dolly Majors.

This is so weird. Mom has
an interview with you on Monday.

[chuckles] It's been
rescheduled to right now.

Oh. Oh. Okay, well,
we'll get out of your hair.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, we don't wanna blow this for you.

Yeah. 'Cause let's face it,
it's a long shot, anyway.

You know, we are just so appreciative
that you've given her this interview.

I mean, who else would
give a woman her age

with no experience a chance? [laughs]

- Knock 'em dead, Mrs. H.
- Yeah, good luck.

Oh, sorry about that, Doll.

[loud rock music playing]

- [shouting] What's that?
- That's her daughter Kyra.

Yeah, she's fallen prey
to the rock-and-roll lifestyle.

Van, tell Kyra to knock it off.

[Van] Kyra, turn down that devil music!

[music stops]

[laughs] Sorry about that, Dolly.

Well, you wanted to pop in,
see the real me. So, this is it.

It's also the reason,
if you hire me, I'll never go home.

Rule 2 of real estate: be yourself.

Heck, I have an Uncle Floyd
that can spit his glass eye in the air

- and catch it on the second bounce.
- oh.

[laughs]

Well, Dolly, she should be herself,
because she is great.

She's Reba. She's "unbelieve-aba."

I only wish she'd been a real estate agent
when I bought my house down the street.

Wait. You did not buy
that old colonial house with the bad...

Uh, never mind.

With the bad what? Is there something
wrong with my house?

Oh, my God. Is it the roof?
Is it... is it the plumbing?

Oh, toxic mold. Oh, my gosh, I've seen
that movie. That stuff can come to life.

Well, maybe... maybe I should sell my house.

Call me.

Thank you. Oh, God.
Thank you so much. Huh.

Oh, it's still warm.

If she moves, I'll work for you for free.

Rule 3 of real estate:
always look for the sale.

Well, I just happen to be very good
at that. I'm a natural-born salesperson.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I've been here five minutes. So far,
you haven't tried to sell me anything.

I'd sell you my kids but...

but nothing. I'd sell you my kids.

Sell me your house.

But I kind of use the house to live in.

Well, I know that. It's a test.

You wanna sell. Start sellin'.

My record to make a sale
is 30 seconds. Go.

- You're kiddin', right?
- Time's a'wastin'.

The little diamond's catchin' up
to the big diamond.

[clears throat] Okay.

- I'm not gonna sell you this house.
- No?

No. Anybody can sell you a house.

What I'm sellin' is, uh,
a place to raise your children.

A place where memories are made.

A place to... to grow, to love, to live.

No, ma'am, I don't sell houses.

My name is Reba Hart, and I sell homes.

And if I had a card, I'd pull one out
of my breasts and give it to you. [laughs]

Rule 4: get to their hearts,
not their brains.

- You got the job.
- Oh!

And you are gonna be
the prettiest woman in the office.

Oh. Second to you.

Hey, we're not comparin'
apples and melons here.

[laughs]

But I got the job.

I got the job right here
in my livin' room in my sweatpants.

You know what? We should celebrate.

I've been chillin' a bottle of champagne
just in case something good happens.

It's a few years old,
but it's still bubbly.

- Ain't we all?
- Yeah.

Hey, Mom.

I was outside playing with sticks
like some kind of cave boy,

when I saw this on the porch
with my name on it.

Uh, that's from me. I heard Reba
had a boy my grandson's age,

so I brought you somethin'.

That is so nice of you,
but you shouldn't have.

A weapon. Cool!

Oh, boy. A BB gun for a 10-year-old boy.

You really shouldn't have.

I learned to shoot when I was five.

How do you think my Uncle Floyd
got that glass eye?

I'm just kiddin'.

Kids are so overprotected
these days, don't you think?

Can I keep it, Mom?
I want to shoot a can off Van's head.

- Well, I don't know. It--
- Please?

Reba, one of my greatest joys
is givin' presents.

You are not gonna deny
your new boss joy, are you?

[mouthing] No.

No, of course not.
And what I was gonna say is,

I don't know any better way of celebratin'
than with a glass of champagne

and... gunfire.

Uh, honey, I'm gonna keep the BBs.

And you take your gun upstairs
and memorize all the instructions,

in English and in Spanish.

Dolly, make yourself at home.
My house is your house.

Just don't sell it, okay?

Mom, Van came into the garage
and told my band to shut up.

Yeah, write a song about it.

Kyra, honey, I just needed you to
stop playin' long enough

for me to get this job, which I got.

- Way to go, Mom.
- How'd you do it? Was it pity?

It was pity, wasn't it?
You are so lucky people pity you.

Guys, go and keep Dolly
company while I get the champagne.

Okay.

Mom, seriously, my band has a gig tonight,
and you said we could practice here.

Oh, honey, yeah, I did. But in my defense,
I'd had wine with dinner.

Can't you practice at your dad's?

Not since Barbra Jean
learned the words to our songs.

And bought a tambourine.

Well, look. You don't
need to practice your music.

Just work on your attitude.

You know,
how you hate authority. [snarling]

Well, I gotta tell you, Dolly,
getting this job is a dream come true.

Oh, we're excited too.

Look at me. I'm shakin'.

[Cheyenne laughing]

Who's ready to celebrate?

We are. We're buyin' a house.

[pops]

[screams]

- You sold Van and Cheyenne a house?
- [Van] Mm-hmm.

"It's another major sell by Dolly."
That's her slogan.

You wouldn't believe
where she keeps these things.

Shh.

[mouthing words]

Dolly, how did this happen?

I don't know. Somehow
the subject of real estate came up.

Yeah, and then she remembered this house
that was perfect for a young couple.

I said, "We're a young couple."
the next thing you know,

we're a young couple of homeowners.

You hadn't even seen it yet.

We don't need to see it, Mom.
The way Dolly described it,

it was like we were there.

- I just love the entryway. Mm-hmm.
- Oh, me, too.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Well, have you given any
thought to how you're gonna pay for it?

Of course. We're not clueless.

Whatever's left of my football settlement
will go to the down payment.

Okay. What about
the mortgage and insurance?

Mrs. H.

Red gold.

Yeah, but still,
a new house is very expensive.

Reba, it's not a house, it's a home.

It's a place to grow, to love, to live.

And puttin' young couples

in a home of their own
is another one of my great joys.

[chuckles] Well, who knew there'd
be so much joy here today?

[door opens]

Reba.

Why would you tell Barbra Jean

that our house is gonna
come to life and eat us?

It wasn't Reba. It was her.

Hi. I'm Dolly Majors.

Don't we look like twins
separated at birth?

Dolly, this is my ex-husband, Brock.

No! You can't be old enough
to have two teenage daughters.

Well, I... I work out.

A... anyway, about our house, I--

Speaking of houses, Van and Cheyenne
are buying a house of their own.

- Yeah.
- Isn't that great?

- Huh?
- Don't stop by without calling first.

- Nope.
- Okay.

Reba, can we see you in the kitchen?

Sure. This is such a happy occasion,
we're gonna need more champagne.

Or somethin' stronger.

Seriously, you could be my mini-me.

Reba, why didn't you stop that woman?

Because she's Dolly Majors.
She's unstoppable.

Oh, come on. She's only human.

With a smile that could light up Broadway.

She's my new boss. If I ruin that sale,

I could lose the job
I haven't even started yet.

We have to do something.
We can't let those two buy a house.

Brock, you're the father. Get in there
and forbid them from buying that house.

- [murmurs]
- Oh, oh. Wait, wait.

Be careful. Dolly's smart.

Oh, yeah? And what am I?

Be really careful.

And don't worry about furniture.
Just borrow more than the house is worth

and then spend the extra money
on whatever else you need.

[Cheyenne] Oh.

We should borrow three million dollars.

We'll be rich.

All right, Van, that's enough. Cheyenne.

Your mother is completely
supportive of this deal.

But as your father,
I'm afraid I'm against it.

You keep sayin' it,
and I can't believe it's true.

You are actually her father?

Well, if you're saying "nice job on
the moisturizing," thank you.

Why don't we talk about this
over a glass of champagne?

Not that you need anymore
sparkle in those blue eyes.

[chuckles] Well, I guess
one glass couldn't hurt.

Man, I hope Brock can handle this.

When he gets around chesty blondes,
his brain goes on the fritz.

I'm not worried about her.

When you got a big gulp at home,
you don't look to sip from a thimble.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Well, how'd it go?

Great. We're buyin' a vacation home.

- [gasps]
- What?

- Yeah.
- Oh, my gosh. Is it a beach house?

Can I sunbathe a la mode?

- Brock, how did this happen?
- I don't know.

Her voice took me to a place
where the angels live...

- with golf course access.
- Yeah.

Okay. Clearly this situation
needs to be handled

by the only person here
with a lick of sense.

Is someone comin' over, Reba?

Me. Now get out of here before she
sells you a piece of the moon.

Yeah, come on, Barbra Jean. Let's find
a map and figure out where Costa Rica is.

[trilling]

So I can sublease warehouse space
for my band to practice whenever I want?

You betcha. How much is your allowance?

Kyra, you silly.

You don't need a warehouse.
Honey, my garage is always open.

- But you said--
- I said

get out there in the garage
and rock and roll, dudes.

It's getting late. We'd better
go sign those offer papers.

Oh, yeah.

Boy, this sure does bring back memories.

You know, I remember
my first new home. [chuckles]

Your dad and I had jobs,
we were makin' money,

but still there were
a hundred things that could go wrong.

Like a leaky roof
and the plumbing and ants.

Oh, lordy, those ants.

- Well, what... what about spiders?
- Oh, lordy, those spiders!

I hate spiders.

But you love the entryway.

Yes, I do.

Oh. Cheyenne, I'm having
conflicting thoughts.

You know I only like to have one!

What are we gonna do?

Honey, maybe we should just take
our time and think about this.

I think she's right. You two should
not jump into buying a house.

- They shouldn't?
- Of course not.

They should consult other
professionals in their area.

- I think that's a good idea.
- Like you, Reba.

I think that's a bad idea.

Don't get shy on me now.

I consider you a valued employee,

even though we haven't
signed the papers yet.

- I'm happy with the sale. Van's happy.
- Yeah.

But I wanna know if you're happy.

You think it's okay, Mom?

Well, I'd have to say

I memorized el manual.

Can I have the BBs and a pumpkin?

No.

Can't have a BB gun.

Can't wing a frisbee in the house.

Were you ever a kid?

And no on the house too.

What? Mrs. H, I've already
decorated it in my mind.

At least let me have the jungle room.

Look, I been lettin' everybody do
stuff that they shouldn't do

just because I didn't wanna
go up against Dolly.

But that stops now.

You know what? She's right.

We're way too young to be grown-ups.

Come on. Let's go play with our baby.

You call that an entryway? [scoffs]

So I guess I should give this back to you.

Should I put that--
I'm... I'm just gonna hold it.

You just cost me a sale, Reba.

Well, Dolly, sellin' is important.
So are people.

And I don't think I could sell to anyone,
especially my kids,

if I didn't think it was a good idea.

Even if it meant
I wasn't gonna get the job.

Well, I thought you might feel that way.

I knew when I walked in that door you
were a person that cared about family.

And that's why I was testin' you.

- You were what?
- [laughs]

It was another test. I do that.

Oh! You... you got me again.

You were testing to see
if I had character and integrity

and the backbone to stand up to my boss.

And you've got more backbone
than a beer-battered catfish.

Oh! Gosh.

So I got the job? I passed the test!

No! You flunked.

Excuse me?

Reba, you are amazin'.

I mean, life throws you cow patties,
and you grow a garden.

But, hey, this is business.
It's a business I started in my garage

and built into the biggest
real estate empire in Houston.

I don't need a good person.
I need a shark.

You're right. I'm not a shark.

I'm more like one of those cute
little fish in finding nemo.

I tell you what. I'm gonna recommend you
to any other agency in town.

Maybe a few years might put some
rough edges on you,

and then you can come talk to me.

Oh, thank you very much. Hey, maybe one
of these days I'll sell you a house.

[laughs]

Oh, I just love your sense of humor.

You're just that good.

[Dolly cackles]

Bye-bye.

Yeah, I'm startin' to see the resemblance
between her and Barbra Jean.

[theme music playing]

[voiceover] ACME! [coughing]