All language subtitles for Reba.S04E14.Reba.the.Realtor.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-FLUX_track4_[eng]

[quirky music playing]

Mom, you're home early.

Jake, are you eatin' cookies?

Somebody was.

I'm putting these back.

Hey, Mrs. H. What's for dinner?

I got fired from my job today.

What happened?

Did your boss sexually harass you?

Did he call ya toots or honey
or touch you like this?

Because if he did...

we are talkin' big coin.

No. I called him a monkey's butt.

Ah, that's okay.

Oh, for future reference,

the one moment of joy that you feel

when you tell off your boss...

isn't worth it.

Come on, Mom. Look at the bright side.

What bright side?

[sighs] You're home early.

Little help?

Come on. Buck up, camper.

If anybody knows
that there's a brighter side

to losin' their job, it's me.

And hey, I didn't lose
some crummy office job.

I lost my life's passion.

And?

Well, when my football career
went up in smoke,

you told me that just leaves me open
for something better.

Granted, that hasn't happened yet,
but I'm still hopeful.

Yes, Mom, and you should be, too,

because you are talented and fantastic.

- [Van] Yes.
- Aww.

And I want you to march right upstairs,

get in a hot bath and relax

because you got nowhere
to go except up, lady!

- You're right.
- [Cheyenne] Yeah.

- When one door closes, another door opens.
- [Van] Amen.

- Thanks, guys.
- [Van] Love you.

Aww, honey.
I really think you lifted her spirits.

Yeah. Well, better get used to it.

We're gonna be carrying that dead weight
for the rest of our lives.

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

[quirky music playing]

[cutlery clinking]

- Hey, Mom.
- Hey.

So, I heard you got fired from your job.

Need a hug?

I don't know. What's it pay?

You know, I was thinking,
since money's gonna be tight around here,

maybe I could help out.

See, there's this open mic night
at a club downtown,

and if my band wins,
we get a hundred bucks.

Wait a minute.

Are you askin' me if you can go to a club?

I'm asking if I can show my family I care.

By playin' music in a club? No.

[exclaims] Why not?

Because clubs are seedy and dangerous.

At least the fun ones are.

But music is important to me.
I finally found something I care about.

I'm very happy about that, sweetie.
I really am.

But you can't go by yourself,
and I can't go with ya.

Fine. I'll be at my house,
selling my guitar on eBay.

- Hey.
- Van, I need you to do me a favor.

You got it. Anything at all.

I need you to go with Kyra tomorrow

'cause she's gonna play in a contest
with her band.

Aw, come on!

No way.

He goes with ya,

keeps an eye on ya
and brings you back home.

Those are my conditions.

Fine. But when I'm a huge rock star,

one of those security guys
is gonna babysit you.

Mrs. H, don't make me do it.

They're not even a real band.
They're posers.

They're like...
They're like the flag football of music.

Hey, you offered to help.

Because I thought you were gonna
ask me to do the dishes or something.

I need you to do the dishes too.

Aw, come on!

Oh, you poor thing.

It broke our hearts
when we heard you got the boot.

Not that we were surprised.

You've always been full of the sass.

Hey, I had a great attitude at that job.

Just kept it on the hush-hush.

Well, I baked you this
to get you through the hard times.

Granny calls it "pity pie."

Because we give it to people we pity.

And it's pie.

So, have you decided
what you're gonna do now?

Oh, I know exactly what I'm gonna do.

Remember back when I got
my realtor's license,

- but then I got pregnant with Jake?
- Reba!

Good Lord!
Do you really think this is the right time

to have another baby?

I'm gonna sell real estate.

Yeah. Yeah. I do remember that.

I also remember that you had
a hard time getting a real estate job

because you didn't have
any experience selling.

Right. But this time,
I'm gonna avoid that problem

by selling something first.

Well, how in the world
are you gonna do that?

Where you gonna find some poor sap
who'll let you sell his property

[chuckles] without any experience?

Well, do y'all still have that condo

that Brock was livin' in
during the separation?

- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes!

Say hello to your new realtor.

Me. Say hello to me.

Oh, my gosh. This is a brilliant idea.

You can be Reba the Realtor.

Or, in Espanol,

[trilling r's] Reba, la Realtor.

What do you think, Brock?
I mean, you don't need that place anymore.

And Barbra Jean's been buggin' you
about getting rid of it.

Come on. Give me a shot at sellin' it.

I love this idea.

Reba can hold the open house, and...

And we'll get a discount
on the commission. Everybody wins.

- Well, wait a minute. I didn't say--
- [speaking Spanish]

[vehicle horn honks]

[in English] Oh, Van and Kyra are back.

You would not believe
how much he complained

- about taking her to that club.
- [door opens]

Van, are you okay?

Oh. How was the band?

It...

was...

awesome.

[mouthing]

It was?

Kyra was amazing.

When she first stepped up to the mic,

she was a little quiet,
and I thought, "Uh-oh. Choke."

But then she smiled and lit up the stage.

Wait a minute. Kyra smiled?

- And lit up the stage?
- Yes.

And then she was all, "Hello, Houston!"
and we were all, "Hello!"

And she was, like,
"Are you ready to rock and roll?"

and we were, like, "Yeah!"

Then the band started playing,
Kyra started singing,

and it was awesome.

We would have won, except there was
an all-girl band called The Bikinis.

Guess what they were wearing.

Yeah, but that's not the worst part.

They weren't an all-girl band.

Welcome. Here you go.

Look around. Cookies are right over there.

Make yourself at home.

Hey, Reba. How's it goin'?

Great. Couldn't be better.

Yeah. I think it could. Yeah.

Which is why I am here to help.

Guess what you don't know about me.

That you're actually two crazy people,
one on top of the other?

[laughs boisterously]

Good one. [chuckles]

Growing up, my daddy owned a used car lot.

And every day after school,
I would stand out front

wearin' a bear suit
and holdin' a giant red arrow.

I brought in twice as many customers
as those creepy blow-up dolls.

You know...

- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay. Right.

- I get it. I get it. I get it.
- Okay. Okay.

- Barbra Jean, look. I don't think I--
- Shh!

I'm not Barbra Jean.

I'm an interested customer,
goin' room to room

talkin' the place up, okay?

[whispers] Watch and learn.

Oh, my gosh!

I can't believe
they taped The Surreal Life here.

It's almost like
you can still smell Erik Estrada.

Oh, wow. [chuckles]

No way!

An upstairs? [giggles]

I'm sorry. Sorry.

Hey, Reba. How's it goin'?

Ah, well, you just missed
the big blonde balloon lady.

Oh. Well, keep up the good-- Ooh, cookies.

Hey. I got some great news.

I was gonna tell your wife,
but she's nuts.

I got an offer.

Really? A good one?

I think it's a good one.
It's not what you were askin', but--

No, I'm not interested.

You didn't let me finish.

Well, is it more than what I'm asking?

- No, but you're not gonna--
- Then I'm not interested.

- Brock.
- Oh, Reba. Come on.

I hired you to sell the place,
not give it away.

Look, anyone can get less money.

A good salesperson can actually get more.

See, this is why I wanted a professional.

What you want is to get off my last nerve.

You're askin' too much,
and that was a good offer.

So I'm hearing that
you are not a good salesperson.

So I'm hearing you're a monkey's butt.

I'm sorry. What'd you say?

Well, maybe you'd have been
able to hear me

if there were ears on a monkey's butt.

Why don't you call me that
just one more time?

Don't you tell me what to do,
monkey's butt.

All right. That's it.

- You're fired!
- Oh, fine!

You know the three rules of real estate?

Don't work for a monkey's butt.
Don't work for a monkey's butt!

[lively instrumental music playing]

[quirky music playing]

[grunts]

Hey, Mom.

How's the open house going,
and shouldn't you be there?

Nope. Your dad fired me.

What? What happened?

I had him a great offer.

But your father
was too stupid to accept it.

And after I told him so repeatedly,
he fired me.

You just can't work with some people.

So you argued with him?

Well, honey,

sometimes you have to argue with 'em.

Otherwise, they'll go on
thinkin' they're right.

I can't believe the luck
I've had this week.

Well, did you ever think
that maybe it wasn't luck? Maybe it's you.

Lucky for you Elizabeth is here.
[chuckles]

So Grandma can't use
her "big people" words.

Do you remember what you told me

when I told you all the teachers
at school were pickin' on me?

-"Good for them"?
- No.

You said,
before I go blaming other people,

I should take a look in the mirror.

Cheyenne, have you been waiting
three years for this moment?

Yes. Doesn't feel too good, does it?

Okay. It's nap time for Elizabeth.

Hi, Reba.

Oh, Barbra Jean. You're not
bringing me another pity pie, are ya?

No. It's a quiche.

In "quiche" you're feeling down.

Barbra Jean, I don't need a quiche.
I don't need a pie.

I just need to be alone.

- I understand.
- Thank you.

Oh, Reba.

You just need to know
that your being fired

was not your fault.

Maybe it was. Maybe Cheyenne's right.

[sighs] It didn't matter that
that was a good offer.

- I should've kept my mouth shut.
- But it was a good offer.

Exactly. But I couldn't get him to see it.

And that's my job as a realtor,

to present it in the way
that he can accept it.

Maybe I wasn't cut out for this.

Reba,

he wouldn't have accepted that offer,

no matter what it was.

He's never gonna sell it.
Don't you get it?

That's his bachelor pad.

Little cave he can scamper off to

whenever things
get a little rocky at home.

- Barbra Jean, that can't be it.
- Really?

Well, then why did it take him so long
to put it up for sale?

And... And why did he ask
for such an unrealistic sales price?

And... And why did he hire

a completely unqualified amateur
to sell the place?

Why didn't I just stop at a bar?

And let's face it, Reba.

He is still not committed to our marriage.

Barbra Jean,
I don't think that's what it is.

What else could it be?

Well, off the top of my head,
he's cheap, greedy and stupid.

Yeah, but he was all of those things
even when our marriage was good.

You're right. He was all those things
when our marriage was good.

There's somethin' else,
and I'm gonna find out what it is.

- How would you know how to do that?
- Hey, it's my job to know.

I'm a realtor.
In "quiche" you didn't know.

[laughs boisterously]

[lively instrumental music playing]

So Kyra enters from stage right.

No. Kyra enters from stage...

left.

No. Kyra descends from the sky.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's goin' on?

You guys have only been
practicing for three hours.

We were thinking about hitting a movie.

What? No. Movies?

Guys, don't you realize
there are millions of kids out there

tryin' to take your place on MTV?

I want you to go out there
and play until your fingers bleed!

I'll be out in a minute.

Goldberg. Goldberg.

I wanna hear those drums sing, man.

Love you.

Sorry I had to come down
so hard on the boys, but, uh,

rock means hard work.

Until we get on the bus.
Then it's party time.

Look, Van.
I think I'm gonna quit the band.

I don't know if this is what I want.

What are you talkin' about?

Kyra, I've seen you up on stage.
You deserve to be up there.

You deserve to descend from the sky.

Now, what's goin' on?
Is it the guys? Are they jealous?

'Cause they can be replaced, you know.

Every long-haired slacker failing math
wants to be in a band.

It is the guys, but it's not me
they have a problem with.

It's you.

I'm sorry?

They think you're cramping our style.

We started playing music because we love
it, but you're just turning it into a job.

They really want me gone?

I should have seen this coming,

especially when you guys wrote that song,

"Get Lost, Van."

Well, anyway, I told them if you go, I go.

Kyra, this is your dream.

And... And you need to hold on to this
with every fiber of your being.

Tell the guys I'm gone.

- You sure?
- Yeah. Yeah.

I should... I should probably
start hangin' out with my wife.

[sighs]

Van.

Thanks for believing in me.

Thanks for being willing to quit the band.

Yeah, like I was really
gonna quit the band.

[lively instrumental music playing]

These are the comps
that show I got a better offer

than any condo in this area.

Yeah. Better.

- You should've listened to me.
- Should've listened.

- Barbra Jean, I'm tellin' it.
- She's tellin' it.

I don't care what anyone else got.

If I don't like the offer,
I don't have to take it.

- I like the offer, and I wanna take it.
- Yeah, she wants to take it.

Reba, I'm tellin' it.

Uh, honey. Look, I don't think
you understand what's goin' on here.

Oh. Oh, I think I do.

You don't want to sell
your bachelor pad, do ya, slick?

Why in the world would I
need a bachelor pad? I'm married.

Well, then why?

I... don't know if I can explain it.

Well, you better explain it.

Otherwise Barbra Jean and I
aren't gonna give you a moment's peace.

- Why, Brock?
- Why, Brock?

All right. All right. Wow.

We're broke.

What?

We owe more on the condo
than it's worth. All right?

When I started golfing professionally, I...

I needed some extra income,

so I took out a second mortgage
on the place.

I figured I'd start payin' it back
when I started winning.

And stop looking at me like that.
It's very easy to judge in hindsight!

Well, if this ain't a Shinola sandwich.

Oh, honey, you should've told me.

It's only money.

We can survive this.

As long as we're not broke.

Barbra Jean, we are out of money.

Oh, for Pete's sake!

- She means it's a metaphor of your love.
- Yeah.

Whatever. We're still broke.

- Oh!
- Anyway...

until we can come up with enough money
to cover the cost of the loan,

we can't sell the condo, okay?

I'm sorry, Reba. I never
should've put you through all that.

Ah, it's all right. It's mostly my fault.

I should've shot you
when I caught you cheatin' on me.

Hey, guess what, guys?

- I've got great news.
- [Reba] Great.

We do have the money.

- What?
- Uh-huh.

When I thought we were getting a divorce,

I started hiding some of our assets.

You were stealing money from me?

No!

I was protecting money from you.

And you're welcome.

- That's brilliant. Why didn't I do that?
- [Barbra Jean] Yeah.

[chuckles] Well,

exactly how much money
did you protect from me?

Well, exactly...

how much do we need?

Twenty...

five thousand?

Oh, my gosh! What a coincidence.

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Does that mean
that you're gonna take the offer?

Well, we're gonna
have to have a little talk,

but yes, I... I think it does.

Oh, yes! I did it! I made my first sale!

You guys don't wanna sell
your other house, do ya, move far away?

[laughter]

Oh, Reba, you are such a kidder.

No, I'm serious.

I can find somebody to buy it.

If I had the money, I'd buy it myself.

How much do you need?

Oh, my gosh!

Does this place have an upstairs?

[lively instrumental music playing]

[theme music playing]

- [voice] Acme!
- [crashes]

[coughing]