All language subtitles for Reba.S04E11.Diamond.Jim.Brady.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-FLUX_track4_[eng]

[sighs]

They should've been here 20 minutes ago.

Reba, how do you expect me
to sketch you for my art class

when you keep walkin' around?

Now hold still. Ooh, sultry. Yeah.

Very romance novel.

I'm gonna draw Fabio standing behind you.

Barbra Jean, that can wait.
Did van say how serious his injury is?

He said it was his back.
The team was sendin' him home.

Ooh, perfect.

Say "home" again.

Home. Barbra Jean, go home!

Okay. Look, you guys, I don't have
very much time. Van's on his way in.

But listen, I have to warn you.
Do not make fun of his injury.

- Why? What is it?
- He broke his butt.

Well, he actually fractured
his tailbone, but let's face it,

he broke his butt.

- Guys, that is not funny.
- I know. no. no, no.

Come on, Reba.
We're relieved that it's not serious.

- [shushes]
- [all] Hey. Hey, buddy.

Hey, everybody.

S-So, it was your, um... your back, huh?

Yeah, the back. Back-ish.

Hey, why don't you
come on and take a seat?

No, thanks. I'll just stand.

Oh, honey, don't be silly.
You have to get off your feet.

Seriously, Van.
[straining] Pull up a doughnut.

You know what? This is not funny.

- No!
- No, it's not. Sorry. Sorry.

- You're right. You're right.
- Sorry 'bout that.

[air hisses]

It has a leak.

Van, don't be embarrassed
about your butt ring.

When I was on
the high school volleyball team,

I took a ball right to the eye.

Just whammo! You know?

And for the rest of the season,

I had to wear these huge, bug-eyed goggles

that everyone made fun of. [scoffs]

Would've been nice
if someone had mentioned,

I only had to wear them during games. Heh.

- Cheyenne, I wanna go back to Denver.
- Okay, no.

No, no, no. Wait. [sighs]

Van's hurt, and in this very tough time,

he deserves to be treated
with dignity and respect.

- Absolutely. Yeah. [clears throat]
- Thank you, Mrs. H.

Now, if y'all had enough fun,
I'm gonna go upstairs and get some rest.

- Okay, buddy.
- [strains]

Hey, man, feel better.

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

♪ Head, shoulders, knees and toes ♪

♪ Knees and toes ♪

Where do you think that doctor is?

I don't know, but he better
clear me to play soon.

The team needs me.

Don't you have that second-stringy guy?

[scoffs] Steve Wurly?

Wurly don't do what Van do.

- [Cheyenne] Hey.
- Sorry about the wait.

No problem. So, what's up, Doc?

I bet you hear that a lot.

Not since the last time you were here.

Yeah.

Hey, you know, I don't know
if it's from the massive dose

of X-rays you shot through me,
but my tailbone feels terrific.

Yeah, I'm sorry about all that, Van.

The tailbone looks fine,

but there's something else
I needed to get a good look at.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I don't know if we need to be
showin' my mother-in-law my onion.

- It's not your onion. It's this.
- Whoa! You can't show that!

That's your spine.

Oh.

Have you ever heard of spinal stenosis?

It's a narrowing of the spinal canal.

Has anyone ever mentioned
this to you before?

My spine is getting narrow?

Is that why my pants
have been feelin' looser?

No.

Stenosis is a fairly common condition.

Most people that have it
never even know it.

So you're sayin' it's not a problem?

Usually there's no problem
leading a normal, active life.

There is a problem, however,
if you're in a contact sport.

- Like football.
- What do you mean?

Well, no team would take the risk.

A player could become paralyzed
because of this. They'd be liable.

If they had known about this,

there is no way
they would've put you on the team.

Well, then don't tell 'em.

I have to tell 'em.
They sent you here, Van.

Van? Who's Van?

My name's Wurly. Steve Wurly.

Now, ladies, if you'll come with me.
Mrs. Wurly, mother wurly.

- Hey.
- Hey, buddy.

How was the drive?

Oh, we... we went by the park

and saw these little tiny kids
playin' football.

And I thought, "Children, stop."

"Don't fall in love with this sport."

"Your dreams are gonna get ripped
to shreds like a bunny in a wood chipper!"

Actually, uh, you didn't really think it.
You kinda yelled it.

[yells] Good!

It should be yelled! Maybe that's what
I'll do with my life now.

I'll just wander around
and yell the truth!

- But maybe not at little kids, they cry.
- Yeah.

Van, look on the bright side.

The doctor said this wouldn't
affect your daily life.

You can still do all the things
that a regular person can do.

Mrs. H, I don't wanna be a regular person.

[air hisses]

Dad, I hate to bring this up,

but I was hopin'
for some financial questions.

We gotta figure out
what we're gonna do moneywise

now that Van's not gonna be workin'.

Well, I can help.

When your dad was fiddling around
with that golf career,

I got quite good at stretchin' a buck.

First of all,

winning the Presto
Dry Cleaner Invitational...

wasn't fiddling around.

Okay? And Van is still under contract.

- He gets paid for the rest of the year.
- Really?

Yeah. Yeah. So stop worrying, you two.

Yeah. That's right. Stop worrying.

Everything is just gonna be...

[voice breaks] Hunky-dory.

Come on, Barbra Jean.
Let's see if we can find

somebody else for you to cheer up.

[whimpers]

How sad.

Okay. Look, Van, I am gonna go
to the pharmacy

to pick up your anti-inflammatories
and those painkillers.

Oh, and that topical cream
for your bottom.

[yells] Thank you!

- So how's it goin' there, buddy?
- Oh, never felt better.

Just sittin' here trying to decide

what kind of cigarettes
I'm gonna start smokin'.

Look, Van, this is a tough situation,

and I'm not gonna pretend like it isn't.

But it's a mother-in-law's job
to point out the good in every situation.

I thought it was a mother-in law's job
to make butt jokes about her son-in-law.

We wear many hats.

Okay. Here's the good.

You've had a great career,
you've got a wonderful family,

and now you get to find
somethin' new and exciting

to do with the rest of your life.

- But football was all I had.
- That's what you think today.

You'll find somethin'.
God never closes a door

without openin' another one.

[quietly] Lucky Strikes.

- What?
- Yeah.

That's the kind of cigarettes
I'm gonna start smokin'. Lucky Strikes.

The irony will just be magnificent!

No. Look, you'll get
your buyout from the team,

and that'll give you extra time
to figure things out.

I wasn't gonna say this
in front of Cheyenne,

but there won't be a buyout.

You heard the doctor.
This was a preexisting condition.

So?

So, I talked to my agent,

and that means the team
doesn't owe me anything.

- [sighs]
- Oh, boy.

Yeah. So much for bein' hunky-dory!

No football, no money, no life.

All I have to look forward to now
is a lifetime of topical creams...

for my bottom!

You know who I blame
for Van not gettin' paid?

The lawyers.

Yeah, they run everything.

And they're in bed with the doctors.

Now, the people
who should be running things,

the dentists...

nobody comes to.

But aren't "the dentist" in bed
with "the dental hygienist"?

[chuckles]

So no settlement, no job, great.

My life is turning out perfectly.

Pretty soon I will have achieved my dream

of being the prettiest girl
in the homeless shelter.

Come on, sweetie. You put some money away,

and we'll do whatever we can to help out

until Van figures out
what he's gonna do next.

Well, that's just it.
What is Van gonna do now?

[in sing-song voice] Ta-da!

Oh, good lord. He's become a pimp!

Y'all wonderin' what
I'm doing in a rich guy's coat?

- I'm a rich guy.
- What are you talking about?

Talkin' about bein' rich, baby.

The team gave me the settlement!

Hold on a second.

I thought they were off the hook
because it was a preexisting condition.

That's what their lawyer was sayin',

but my agent said they didn't find it
when I had my first physical.

And then it got kinda dull,
and then I dozed off. I don't know.

All I know is, when I woke up, I was rich!

- [Cheyenne] Oh, my God.
- I've gotta sit down.

So I don't have to pretend
that it's all gonna work out,

- 'cause it actually is gonna work out?
- Yes.

And Mrs. H, your support
through this was huge.

You were my rock.

Come here.

I also would like to publicly
apologize to God

for callin' him fat, mean and stupid.

[mouthing words]

- How much did you get?
- Guess.

- Van--
- Wrong. A hundred grand.

Van? Don't joke.

I'm not. I got a hundred thousand bucks,
minus the coat.

- Whoa. A hundred grand?
- Well, minus the coat.

Oh, Van, don't take it off.
I have to draw you.

Yeah. That's it.

Mrs. H, you were right.

God does not close one door
without openin' another.

And sometimes, behind that other door

is a guy holdin' a check
with a one and four zeros on it!

[Cheyenne squealing]

One and four zeros is 10,000.

Uh, five. One and five zeros, baby!

We're rich. I've gone from, like,
homeless to rich in, like, two seconds.

- Rich is way better.
- I know.

I can finally get that boat
I've always wanted.

- You never wanted a boat.
- I know. I can finally want a boat.

You guys should travel, see the world.

Knock it off.

He didn't pick that money
off a tree out front.

It's to replace his salary.
This money should be invested.

I'm with Mrs. H.
Investing is the way to go.

I just need to decide if I want to invest
in baseball cards or antique swords.

- Antique swords. Antique swords.
- Antique swords.

Invest in somethin' safe.

[both] Baseball cards. Baseball cards.

[mouthing words]

I came into some money once.

And I was all set to blow it
on a pair of diamond earrings,

somethin' I'd wanted
since I was a little girl.

But I knew it was foolish, so instead...

I used it to secure my future.

You are so wise.

I'm gonna draw you as an owl.

With Fabio behind you.

Mom, what'd you do with the money?

Put your dad through dental school.

[yells] Nobody say nothing!

- Hey, Mom, listen.
- [out of tune chord]

I love that song. Yeah.

- What's that?
- Well, it's a guitar.

I realize it's a guitar, Kyra.

They did teach us a little somethin'
in moron school.

- I meant, where'd you get it?
- Van bought if for me.

Why would he do that?

Yesterday, I would've said he's an idiot.

But today, it's because he's the best
brother-in-law on the planet.

Mom, you gotta come upstairs
and see the Xbox Van got me.

Okay, what's goin' on?

You can't use it up there.
You don't even have a TV in your room.

I do now. I put it
right next to my new foosball table.

Don't break it. It's goin' back.

Yeah. I mean, why would he need an Xbox?

You can't write a beautiful song
about your mother on a Xbox, like...

- ♪ I love my mommy, yeah ♪
- [out of tune chord]

Work on it.

- Where's Van?
- He's out.

Yeah, out of his mind.

Do you know he's out buyin' stuff
like they're gonna quit makin' it?

Uh-huh. Hey, Mom,

which one of these cars
goes better with my eyes?

- You're lookin' at cars?
- Yeah.

Yesterday, you were practically in tears
worryin' about not havin' any money.

Well, yesterday, we didn't have any money,

but now we do,
so I'm not worried. I'm giddy. [giggles]

No, no, no. You don't wanna be giddy.

Giddy lives next door to reckless,

who shares an apartment with stupid.

[in sing-song voice] Ta-da!

- That coat looks so great on you.
- I know. I know. Yeah.

Oh, sweet Van.

I compliment him on the coat,

and he just took if off
and gave it to me, like a movie.

Hope nobody compliments him on his pants.

He's gonna get a new coat on the way home
from buyin' Brock golf clubs.

That kid is generous to a fault.

Yes, to a fault.

He needs to use that money to live on
until he can find a new career!

Mom, there is plenty of money left.

Cheyenne, this is just day one.
All that stuff has to go back.

[hisses]

Do not... touch... the coat.

- Give it to me. Give It.
- No. No. No.

- Give it to me.
- No, no. Come on. [yelps]

Oh, hey, Mrs. H.
You don't need to be doin' that.

If the carpet's dirty,
I'll just buy you a new house.

Well, that's awfully crazy of you, Van,
but, no, thanks.

We need to talk.

But my team's on the TV in a few minutes.

Hey, listen to this.

Somebody e-mailed them and said
they should all wear a little sticker

with my number on it
on the back of their helmets.

Okay, it was me.

- Hey, where is everybody?
- Well, let's see.

Cheyenne is lookin' at cars.
Kyra's up playin' her guitar.

- Yeah.
- Brock's golfing.

Jake's playin' his new video games.

Barbra Jean's walkin'
up and down the street

in her new coat yellin',
"check it out!"

Good, I didn't want them to get jealous
that I got you your own pizza.

You got me a pizza?

Mm-hmm, with everything on it.

Van, I can't accept your pizza.

Are you mad
'cause I didn't get you somethin' nicer?

We need to talk.

Well, I'm not talkin', unless you...

- [air hisses]
- [sighs in relief] eat your pizza.

Who will blink first?

[cheering] Yeah! I got you!
You should've seen your face.

Mmm.

[laughs] You're hilarious when you pout.

Van, these are completely--

Oh, gorgeous! Oh, my gosh.

Well, you said
you always wanted diamond earrings.

Now you got them.

I don't know what to say.

Just say what's in your heart, Mrs. H.

[quietly] Okay.

Have you lost
what little sense God gave you?

I think I've figured out
why you don't get a lot of gifts.

Van, you can't do this.

You can't rip through this money
like a bag of sour cream potato chips.

- I'm not rippin' through it.
- $50,000 goes pretty quick.

It's a hundred grand.

You have to pay
a little thing called taxes.

You gotta pay taxes on that money,
and it'll be about half.

- Half?
- Yeah.

I thought Bush was lookin' out
for us rich guys.

Half.

And what's left after taxes

will have to last until you figure
what you're gonna do with your life.

It's not to blow on a bunch of dumb gifts

and one gorgeous pair of earrings.

What's goin' on?

I don't know.
I guess I just liked the way it felt

when I gave people stuff.

The way they looked at me with that look.

- What look?
- That look everybody used to give me

when I had a good game
or got written about in the paper.

You know, like I was a hero.

Oh. That look.

And now that I'm not playin' football
anymore, I'm not gonna get that look.

[sighs] I go back to bein' dumb old Van.

I think I know a way
you can get that hero look

without bein' Diamond Jim Brady.

Me too. Rescue someone
from a burning building.

But there are never any fires
in this neighborhood.

You want people
to look at you like a hero?

Then be a hero.
Do somethin' heroic with your life.

Deal with this tough time
that you're goin' through.

Find your way.

I don't know
what's gonna happen to me, Mrs. H.

That's okay.

Heroes never do.

Now here. Why don't you take these back--

[lid snaps loudly]

Later.

'Cause right now,
I'm gonna run up and down the street

with Barbra Jean.

Check it out! [chuckles]

[theme music playing]