All language subtitles for Reba.S04E03.The.Two.Girl.Theory.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-FLUX_track4_[eng]

- [knocking on door]
- [playing flute]

Mom, thanks for coming.

She's been like this all day.

What's wrong?

She's really depressed.
She just lies there.

She doesn't eat. She doesn't talk.

She just keeps playing that stupid flute.

[continues playing]

Poor thing. Good thing
she didn't get that banjo she wanted.

I don't think she realized how hard
it was gonna be after she kicked Dad out.

Yeah. I know. I made it look like fun.

I'll talk to her.

Barbra Jean.

Oh. Hey, Reba.

- What's wrong?
- I don't know.

I woke up this morning
with no man, no career, no future.

I'm stuck at home with the kids.
My life has turned into yours!

It's horrible.

Barbra Jean, you need
to get off that couch.

I can't. My entire backside is numb.

My bad. I was supposed to roll her over.

Barbra Jean, you just can't
lie around moping about Brock.

You need to do something
to make you feel good about yourself.

- It might be fun to go out.
- Yeah.

Maybe to a bar.

Been a while since I've been
in a room full of drunken men

that want to take advantage of me.

That makes me feel good about myself.

Barbra Jean, you can't do that.
You're a married woman.

I'm a separated woman.

And I'm not gonna do anything.

I just wanna flirt
and feel attractive again.

Will you go with me?

[chuckles]

I got a great idea.
Why don't I just tell you you look nice

and then put you in a cab?

Reba, you have to go with me.

You know,
because of the "two girl" theory.

- Never heard of it.
- We have a "two girl" theory at school,

but it's about
the girls' field hockey team.

When a woman goes to a singles bar alone,
she looks like a loser.

Therefore, she attracts only losers.

Oh, that's ridiculous.
When I was young, I went to bars--

- Okay. Tell me about your theory.
- Yeah.

When two women go out together,
they attract the hot men,

because they don't scream,
"Love me. We're desperate."

You know, unless they actually do scream,
"Love me! We're desperate!"

Which, trust me, does not work.

- Oh. Well, since you put it that way, no.
- [groans]

I'm goin' home.

Uh, I don't know, Mom.
Maybe you should go with her.

Going to a crowded bar might be
the kind of boost she needs.

Can't you go with her?

Remember you said if I got overwhelmed
with Barbra Jean, you'd help?

Oh, Kyra.

Honey, I didn't mean that.

Fine. Okay, Barbra Jean,
I'll go with you just once.

Oh, sweet! This is gonna be super fun.

This is gonna be outrageous
and off the hook.

♪ Can I get a whoo-hoo ♪

[vocalizing]

- What are you gonna wear?
- A disguise.

[vocalizing continues]

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

[beeping]

[whirring]

Hurry up. Hurry up!

Honey, why are you in such a rush?

We've gotta get our breakfast
and get out of here.

Your mom spent an entire evening
with Barbra Jean.

She's gonna be in a foul mood.

[dings]

Aah!

Honey, why couldn't you have waited
30 seconds to eat?

Why can't you cook?

Good morning, Elizabeth,
Elizabeth, Elizabeth.

- Good morning, Cheyenne.
- Hi.

Good morning, Van.

[mumbling] Mornin', Mrs. H.

You seem like you're in a cheerful mood.

Oh, I had a great time with Barbra Jean
last night. That is one funny gal.

[laughs] Grandma's still drunk.

You know that "two girl" theory
of Barbra Jean?

It really does work.
And she's like a guy magnet.

I mean, it's just like takin'
a giant puppy in there.

Those big eyes of hers.

Plus, when you do this,
she looks every time.

What are you looking for?

I know it's silly,
but I had a bunch of napkins

with telephone numbers written on 'em.

Thought I put 'em in my purse.

Okay, Kyra, you're on.

Mom, look what Barbra Jean made you.

[gasps] Reba's Cocktail Napkin Scrapbook.

- Look at this.
- Mm-hmm.

These are all the guys that want Reba bad.

What?

I've organized them by "hunkosity,"

but there's an index
in the back that's alphabetical.

Barbra Jean,
I can't believe you did all this.

Yeah. Well,
the alphabetizing wasn't all her.

Here's that neurologist's number.

- [gasps] Dr. Bob.
- [gasps]

- Oh. He was cute.
- Yeah, and quite a heinie.

Oh, ho-ho. Not as good
as Joe the fireman's.

Oh, no, they've discovered boys.

Hey, I know him.

Hey, Van, can I borrow $10?

I want to take a cab to school.

Can't you see I'm fixing my fish?

Fine. But I'll have to tell Mom
how you got me in trouble at school.

Oh, like I could do that.
I'm not even in your school.

Remember that stuff you told me?

You know, "the talk."

- What talk?
- [sighs]

Van gave me "the talk,"
and I told everybody else.

Van gave you "the talk" talk?

Well, I told him in confidence.

Our next talk is a little something called
"keepin' your mouth shut!"

Jake, go to school.

Van and I need to discuss this.

Fine. But what are you gonna say
that Van hasn't already told me?

Oh, really.

Are you crazy?

Van, you can't do stuff like that.
That's for a parent to do.

Well, I feel sorry for him.
He doesn't have a dad.

He does have a dad.

- I keep forgetting.
- Oh.

Honey, you have to tell Mom exactly
what you told Jake. Everything.

Why would I do that? She'll kill me.

Van, it's the responsible thing to do.

What if someone gave Elizabeth "the talk?"

I'm not gonna do it.

I am serious. I'm gonna be so mad.

Not afraid of you.

Afraid of your mother.

I have never had so much fun
trolling for men.

Barbra Jean, we weren't trolling.

- They were jumping in the boat.
- Oh, yeah!

[both laughing hysterically]

- Oh, Reba, you and I make a great team.
- [sighs]

Hey, we should have team jerseys made up.

We... We could call ourselves
The Two Girls.

And guys would come over and say,
"What does that mean, The Two Girls?"

And I'd say, "I'm not telling." And then
they'd say, "What's your name, Sugar?"

And I'd say, "I'm Barbra Jean,
and this is Reba."

And then we would meet
every eligible man in town.

And then everybody would know us,
and we'd have a huge reputation.

[gasps, laughs]

That sounds great.
But no shirts and no reputation.

Reba, if we go into a bar without shirts,

we're going to have a reputation.

Hey, Reba, have you seen--

Barbra Jean.

So, where were you last night?

Oh...

You know, I was out.

You know, doin' something.

Doin' what? I thought we had plans.

What is with all the questions, Brock?
This is like CSI: Miami.

- Barbra Jean, we were--
- Oh, I can't hear you. Huh? Detective.

Forensic, David Caruso.

- [door slams]
- What was that all about?

Barbra Jean was supposed to meet me
for marriage counseling last night.

Instead, she was out barhopping.

How'd you know that?

Oh, this golf buddy of mine is one of
the bartenders over at the Blue Lounge.

Yeah. He said she was...

cruising with some slutty friend.

Well, maybe your bartender friend
should stop criticizing his customers...

and learn how to make a pink squirrel.

And I'm sure the woman
was perfectly lovely.

Well, who cares about her?
She's probably just some old tramp.

No. The point is,

Barbra Jean skipped
our counseling session.

Which I find really selfish
and inconsiderate.

I'm sitting there paying some guy
100 bucks an hour to feel like a fool.

- You have no idea what that's like.
- [chuckling] Oh.

Well, not to nitpick, but actually I do.

Brock, when we were separated,
there were lots of times

that you didn't show up
for our counseling.

Well, that's different. I didn't go then

because ours was all about you
blaming me for every little thing.

Brock, I spent hours with that therapist,
trying to save our marriage,

but you were off with Barbra Jean.

Well, guess what?
Now I'm off with Barbra Jean.

What do you think about that?

- You were out with Barbra Jean?
- Yes!

I'm the slutty friend. Surprise!

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go put on my war paint.

'Cause Barbra Jean and I
are gonna go out man hunting.

- Oh.
- Can I get a whoo-hoo?

Well, Jake's asleep, and I'm going out.

Cheyenne, does this outfit
make me look slutty?

No. Of course not. You look really nice.

Thank you.

Mrs. H.

Vavavavoom.

- I'm changing.
- Van.

Did you tell Mom yet?

Tell me what?

Don't do it, Cheyenne.

Van told Jake the facts of life.

Betrayal!

- He did what?
- [Cheyenne] Mm-hmm.

He gave Jake the talk about the facts
of life, but he didn't wanna tell you,

but I thought
it was my duty as a responsible adult.

Well, this is a surprise.

Go after him, Mom. He's scared of you.

Well, Van, all I can say is, thank you.

- What?
- What?

Well, yeah. I mean, it was really easy
telling my little girls about it,

but I think a boy
should hear it from a man.

Excuse me for a minute.

You know, I can't take all the credit.

Two dogs across the street
brought up the subject.

I can't believe you're glad he did this.

It was the responsible thing
to do, Cheyenne.

Oh.

How did he take it?

Oh, he loved it. He was laughing.
We were high-fiving. It was awesome.

[mouthing word]

You kept it age appropriate, right?

Absolutely. Nothing graphic or anything.

I just explained that it was like,
you know, wrestling with his buddies,

but with girls,
and that once you've done it,

it's all you ever want to talk about.

But, Van, he's a kid.

You were supposed to keep it technical
and boring. Wrestling makes it sound fun.

Don't worry. I didn't make it sound fun.
I don't even think of it like that.

Excuse me?

Oh. I mean it's fun with you, honey.
Just not with other people.

What other people?

Other people do it, Cheyenne.
Just take a look around the mall.

Okay. Why don't you just
tell me what you said to him?

Why? I did it right.

All right. If it'll make you feel better,
I'll tell him it's no fun.

In fact, I'll tell him it's a lot
of pressure and a lot of work,

and sometimes, I'd just rather read.

We'll talk about this later.

Endlessly.

Look. I don't want you to talk to him.

I just need to determine
if I need to talk to him.

It's no big deal, Mrs. H.
We started with the dogs.

Then I segued from them
to the birds and the bees.

But not for long because,
to be honest with you,

I don't know anything about how
the birds and the bees do it.

Except if they're doing it when
they're flying, it's probably dangerous.

It's why you probably see birds
smashing into windows all the time.

Yeah. Thank you.

I've determined
that I do need to talk to him.

- Hey, he's your kid.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Oh.

Hey, Mrs. H, by the way,

I told him I kind of invented it. So...

I rate that guy a five.

[slurps]

Now he's an eight.

Why are you writing your phone number
on those napkins?

Trying to beat the rush?

Yeah. 'Cause after
a couple of Jell-O shots,

my name looks like "Robo."

- Oh, they're cute.
- Oh, yeah.

- Make the puppy eyes.
- [chuckles] Come on, Reba.

They're not lookin' at my eyes.

- Make the puppy eyes.
- Oh, all right.

Hey, uh, I know you. We... We work
in the same medical building.

Paul. I'm the surgeon on the third floor.

Oh.

My mistake, 'cause I been
getting all my surgery

up on the second floor.

[cackling]

- You guys like Jell-O shots?
- Sure. Yeah.

- We'll be right back.
- Thanks.

Reba, we should do this
every Thursday night.

Yeah, but then we'd only be getting
the Thursday night crop.

There's a whole week's worth of men
to be harvested out here.

Yeah, but I need something
to do on Thursdays.

That's my marriage counseling night
with Brock.

Ugh. He just makes it miserable for me.

Yeah, I been there. I bet he's all,

"Hey, don't blame me.
I didn't do nothin' wrong."

-"I'm Brock. I'm Mr. Perfect."
- Uh-uh.

No. He's more like,
"We need to talk about our feelings."

"We need to work on this thing together."

[scoffs] What's that?

- No, he's not.
- Yeah, he is.

He's become really earnest.

And not the funny Ernest
that went to camp.

That don't sound like
the Brock that I know.

That sounds like somebody who's...

- trying.
- Hmm. Yeah.

Trying my nerves.

Good one, Barbra Jean.

You know, Barbra Jean,
this could be the Jell-O talking,

but I think you're being hard on him.

Hard on him? Reba, this is hard on me.

I mean, one day he decides
he's not happy with his life.

Try not to take that personally.

Yeah. But it sounds like
he's not stopping there.

It sounds like he's trying
to do something about it.

I think the counseling will help.

Well, maybe I don't wanna help.

Maybe I want him to know what it feels
like to be left twisting in the wind.

Are you doing this to punish him?

That...

and cutting tiny little holes
into all of his socks.

Here we go, ladies.

You know what, we just quit drinking.

- What?
- Yeah, you heard me.

This woman is married,
and her husband is emotionally unstable.

Now shoo!

[scoffs] Reba, what did you do that for?

Look, Barbra Jean.
Nobody blames you for being hurt.

But when you got married,
you made a commitment.

Now here you are, out having
a good time, avoiding all the issues,

instead of giving it your all
and trying to save your relationship.

Reba, this is my marriage.

And maybe I don't wanna fix it.

Okay.

But that's a decision
you need to make somewhere

where they're not
serving booze that jiggles.

- Now let's go.
- Fine.

But I'm still cutting holes in his socks.

Actually, I'm single.

Have a good day, honey.

Hey, how's about we keep
those dogs in the backyard!

You know what's funny?

You never see cats doin' that.

What you need, Brock?

Well, I wanted to apologize
for being such a jerk.

Which time?

The most recent one.

Barbra Jean called this morning,

she said you talked to her about therapy.

That means a lot to me.

Has Barbra Jean agreed to go with you?

She's not sure.

She'll think about it.

Man, I hope she does.

You really are trying, aren't you?

Harder than anything in my life.
Just wish I didn't have to do it alone.

I know how that feels.

[sighs]

You know, Brock, when we were
going through our separation,

I thought I'd hate you
for the rest of my life.

But now that you're going through it,
I feel bad for you,

and I'm sorry.

I really am.

I'm sorry too, Reba.

- Okay. That's enough of that.
- Yeah. That was--

Well, all I can say is,

my shrink is gonna have
a field day with this.

What do you mean?

Ah, you know,
the feelings you have for me.

I don't have feelings for you, Brock.

I said I know what you're going through.
That's called empathy.

Come on, Reba.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.

You felt it.

Felt what?

You know,

a spark.

A spark? Of all the egotistical--

I show you one moment of kindness,
and you have the gall--

Whoa, I'm detecting
a lot of anger here, Reba.

You think?

You know, excessive anger
always covers hidden feelings.

Oh. Well, that may very well be,

but I'm not hiding my feelings. Watch.

I need a Jell-O shot.

[theme music playing]