All language subtitles for Night20At20The20Museum20200920Battle20Of20The20Smithsonian20SDH20Subtitles20English[_19820]

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Night At The Museum 2009
Battle Of The Smithsonian Subtitles English

Larry: What if this
was your house?

Power's out. Lights are dead.

Your little ones in their bunk
bed down the hall, crying out...

Children: Mommy! Daddy!
Come quick! I'm scared!

- Larry: You need to get there, and fast.
- Coming, honey! Daddy's coming!

You'll need a weapon. But first,
you'll need a flashlight.

But you're in the dark!
What are you gonna do?

How are you gonna find
it? I'll tell you how.

The glow-in-the-dark flashlight!

That's right, folks! I'm Larry
Daley of Daley devices,

and we're gonna spend the
next paid-programing block

rocking your world.

And I brought along
a friend to do it.

George foreman,
ladies and gentlemen!

(Crowd cheering)

Fantastic, Larry, fantastic!
Isn't he fantastic, America?

But, seriously, isn't it true
that just two years ago,

you were working as a night
guard at some dusty museum?

That is true, two-time world
heavyweight champ George foreman.

I was just a regular Joe with
a flashlight and a dream.

You mean a regular Larry.

(All laughing)

But what's no joke is you're
CEO of Daley devices,

creator of such indispensable
items as the super big dog bone!

You like that one?

The unlosable key ring!

Larry: Oh, yeah, that
little Chestnut!

And now your latest
breakthrough...

Say it with me, America!

All: The glow-in-the-dark
flash-light!

Whatever the household crisis, this
is Daley devices. Can I help you?

Gina, give this back to Stewart.
I don't trust his maths, okay?

That guy called again. Again?

Lar! Huge news! We got
the Wal-Mart meeting.

- No! When?
- Yeah. Three days.

Okay, all right. We got
a lot of work to do.

Well, okay, did you just hear me
say "wal" and "mart" together?

Yeah! I know, it's huge.

So just take a second
to be happy about it.

(Sighs) All right. Hey!

You're totally making fun of me.

No, let's hold off on the victory
parade till we close, okay?

You got it.

And when does he want to meet?

They want Friday
morning, 10:00 A.M.

Okay, then, you know
what? Cancel that pitch

for the electric saw thing
with the propeller, all right?

I just want to focus
on this. Okay.

Just this. My daughter's
birthday, cancelled!

You can go home. I'm gonna
be pretty late, okay.

Driver: Okay, boss.

Hello! Excuse me!
Unauthorized personnel!

Oh! If it isn't our very
own Mr. success story.

Come for one of your
nostalgia tours?

I haven't seen you
for a few months.

Yeah, I've been busy.
What's going on here?

Progress, so they tell me.

The future. Behold, natural
history, version 2.0.

(Warbled whirring)

Welcome to the museum of natural
history, where history comes to life!

Step up, ask your question.

Then let the next little boy
or girl have their turn.

Okay, where were you born?

Right here in New York
city, on twentieth street.

October 27th, the year
of our lord 1858.

(Warbled speech)

Blah, blah, blah. History,
history. Learning, learning.

Changing America, one
child at a time.

That's great. So you're adding
some new interactive exhibits?

No, Mr. Daley, not adding.
Replacing the old exhibits.

Where are they going?

Away.

We're getting rid of all this
junk. The dioramas, the waxworks,

even some of the
shabbier animals,

like this scrawny little monkey.

You should be careful.
He's a Capuchin.

It's a monkey.

He's a rare breed. He's a
Capuchin. He's not just a monkey.

"Monkey", then. I said
"monkey". Why be specific?

When you're throwing away a monkey,
you don't need the Latin name.

Are you throwing him away
or are you moving him?

What are you, the
primate garbage police?

Let it go, baby.

- Whose idea was this?
- Me, of course.

I'm in charge. Me and the board.

Mainly the board.

Anyway, why do you care?

No, it's just that
people love this stuff.

(Scoffing) People, Mr.
Daley, love "what's next?"

You should know that. You left.

My situation changed.
My business took off...

Yeah, you became a success. So
would I, if I was a night guard.

So where are these guys going?

Deep storage. Federal archives.

- Where's that?
- Washington, D.C.

The Smithsonian.

There's got to be
something that we can do.

It's done! They leave
tomorrow morning. It's over.

(Doors clanging shut)

Hey.

Hey, buddy, how you doing? Huh?

How you doing with all this?

Oh. You want what's
in here? Huh?

You think I got
something for you?

You think I got a
little rope? Huh?

Think you're stronger
than me, huh? Whoa!

Is that all you got, huh?

(Growling)

(Grunting)

(Exclaiming)

(Panting)

Lawrence! Good to see you, lad!

Yeah, you too, Teddy.

The guardian of
Brooklyn has returned!

Hey, Ahk. Look, McPhee told me
what's going on around here.

- I had no idea.
- Indeed.

A lot has transpired, Lawrence,
since your last visit.

One would say that...

(Cell phone vibrating)

- Larry: Just...
- Cricket.

Jedediah: Hey, Bocephus!
Little help over here!

Hey.

Hey, fellas. How you doing?

Jedediah: Well, lookee here.

If it ain't Mr.
Big-in-the-britches himself,

come back just in
time to see us off!

Yeah, Jed, I heard. Look, I don't
even know how this happened.

(Cell phone vibrating)

Yeah. Yeah, real mystery
how this happened.

Maybe the answer's on that magic
buzzing box there in your hand!

You weren't here, Gigantor!
That's how it happened!

Ain't no mystery!

(Sighs) The fact is, Larry, there's no
one else here to speak on our behalf

during business hours.

None, none, dumb-dumb.

(Cavemen grunting)

Hey, guys! It's okay!

I'll call the board in the morning,
all right? I got some pull now.

I'll handle this. We're
gonna be okay here.

"We"? Did you hear that?
You hear daydream Johnny?

There ain't been a "we" ever since you
put us on the "pay no mind" list.

And that's a cold
place to be, boy.

Larry, what's done is done.

Even the glory of Rome
had to come to an end.

Would you please not look dramatically
off into the middle distance

when you say that? It
makes me feel worse.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Where are you looking? Where are
you looking? I'm over here.

Just a bit of wall.

Look, guys, maybe
it won't be so bad.

(Speaking foreign language)

Yes, you make a good point.

But this is the Smithsonian
we're talking about here.

(Chattering)

Dexter, you don't know that.

You're missing the point, Gigantor!
They're shipping us out!

Larry, I know you're trying
to make us feel better.

I can see that you're
genuinely slightly bothered,

but it's never going
to be the same.

All of us here, together,
in this place.

It ain't never gonna
be home, boy.

(Exclaims)

Jedediah, please! Lawrence, these
are emotional times for all of us.

But it is our last
night as a family,

and I don't want to see it
squandered in self-pity.

So who will join me for one final
stroll through these hallowed halls?

(Grunting)

- Do you want to go for a walk?
- No.

I'm just gonna squander
it in self-pity.

Teddy: My dear, shall we?

(Trumpeting)

Safe journey, my love.

Hey, Dexter, want
some help there?

(Chattering)

(Groaning)

Hey, come on, man. No
hard feelings, all right?

It's gonna be fine.

(Dexter laughing)

It's almost dawn, Lawrence.

Yeah. So, where's
your crate, Teddy?

I won't be making this
journey, Lawrence.

It seems myself, Rexy, and a
few of the signature exhibits

will be staying here for now.

Without the tablet?

In truth, Lawrence,

Ahkmenrah's tablet will be
remaining here with him.

What?

They're going without
the tablet, my friend.

I'm afraid this night
is their last.

You didn't tell them.

Sometimes it's more noble to tell a
small lie than deliver a painful truth.

Are you gonna be okay?

I shall do my best.

And who knows?

Sometimes the greatest change brings
about even greater opportunity.

Look at you, Lawrence.

You left this place and created
quite a life for yourself.

Yeah, I guess so.

I should hope you'd do more
than guess, my friend.

You're a captain of industry.
The world at your fingertips.

It seems to me you have
everything you wanted.

Yeah, no, I know.

No, you don't. If I may, lad,

allow me to offer you
one piece of advice.

The key to happiness, to
true happiness, is...

(Cell phone vibrating)

Hang on one sec. I just gotta...

I got this Japanese deal.

No, okay, I'm turning
this off. I'm sorry.

The key to happiness?

I'll see you, Teddy.

So they're gone? There's
nothing you can do?

I wish there was, man. I'm
telling you, I tried everything.

I talked to McPhee,
I called the board,

but they shipped them
out this morning.

This is a lot of food, dad.

Yeah. Ed from work's gonna
come by. I thought I told you.

We just have to go over a
couple of little work things.

So you're working tonight.

I used to work every
night, remember?

That was when you had the
coolest job in the world.

(Phone ringing)

Yeah, well, "cool" doesn't pay for
your Guitar God VI or whatever.

Hello?

Gigantor! It's me, Jedediah!

- Octavius: Hold! Hold!
- Jed?

Never surrender!

Jed, what are you... how
did you dial the phone?

Long story! That brazen little
monkey stole the tablet,

and now we're in a
world of hurt, boy!

- What's going on?
- Kahmunrah!

- Kahmunrah?
- Ahkmenrah's big brother! He's here!

- And trust me, not a friendly!
- Octavius: Never!

I repeat, not a friendly!

- Is that Attila, jed?
- Jedediah: I don't know how much longer

- we can fight them off! No!
- Jed? Are you okay?

- Let go of me! Help!
- Hey, jed.

- Let go! No, you let go of me! Help!
- Jed?

(Dial tone droning)

What was that about?

I don't know.

Here, come on. Gonna drop
you off at your mom's.

What's going on, dad?

I'm gonna go find out.

Okay, buddy, McPhee said the federal
archives are in the Smithsonian.

Where exactly am I going?

That's the thing, dad. The Smithsonian
is actually 19 different museums.

They're laid out around
the national mall,

from the capitol to
the Lincoln memorial.

They got everything there. There's
actually some really cool stuff.

Nicky, please focus. Which
museum are the archives in?

Not in, under. It looks like it runs
underneath the entire Smithsonian.

So if ahkmenrah's
tablet is down there...

The biggest museum in the
world is coming alive.

What is exactly is
your plan here, dad?

Don't worry about it.

You have no plan, do you?

Now, Nicholas, I have a very
good, highly thought-out plan.

You have no plan.

Yes, I have no plan.

I'll call you when I'm in.

Here you go. Thanks.

Welcome to the biggest
museum in the world.

I know, right? It's a trip.

How about these planes dangling from
the ceilings, huh? Pretty weird.

Hi, excuse me. Could you tell me how
to get to the federal archives?

Of course. Just be a historical document
worthy of storing for all eternity.

(All laughing)

I'm kidding. He's
not a document.

I'm sorry, sir, the archives are
underground, and they're a secure area.

Really? Like, totally
secure? Okay, thank you.

Woman: (On pa) Ladies
and gentlemen,

the museum will be
closing in one hour.

Kahmunrah.

Hey! What are you doing?

No touching.

No, I wasn't gonna touch it.

You're moving in with
some I.T.T., bro.

I.T.T.? That's "intent
to touch" ', homey.

No, I wasn't. You're not
allowed to go over the...

What, are you gonna kiss it?

All right, sorry.

Put your hand on it and touch
it. 'Cause I stand there

and I wait all day for a little
girl like you to come in

and put her precious nail-polished
nails all over the exhibits.

Sorry. Last time I checked, I thought
we lived in a free country, so...

- No, we don't.
- No?

It's the United States of don't touch
that thing right in front of you.

I just want to... I'm allowed
to look at it here, okay?

See what happens
when you touch it!

So you're threatening me?
You're threatening me, Brandon?

- It's "Brundon."
- Excuse me?

- "Brundon"!
- "Brundon"?

- "Brundon."
- "Brundon."

What, did they run out of u's
on your nameplate maker?

I don't know, did
they run out of jokes

at the interesting-joke
store that you shop at?

Sorry, it looks like
"Brandon", but...

I'm not here to be your speech
therapist. It's "brundon"!

- "Brundon." Okay...
- You never heard of the name before?

"Brundon"? No.

Look up most popular baby
names in 1984. "Brundon."

Okay. Are you threatening
me, brundon?

I don't know, Princess
Jasmine. Am I?

Oh, wow. Lunabeam
nine-volt. Yeah.

Wonderful piece
of hardware, huh?

- That's their title, lunabeam nine.
- Great.

I prefer the Maglite led
myself, but that's just me.

- Do me a huge favour.
- What?

Shove your hands
into your pockets,

put your attitude way down,

and, also, be nice to people.

Great. But could I just
ask you one thing?

- Yeah.
- Okay, so just to be clear,

so, I can't do this, right?

Okay, that's actually crazy.

Did you just make a decision
to possibly end your life

earlier than you were expecting?

I'm gonna hit you
with the flash-light.

- Now you are threatening me.
- Okay. Do not touch it!

- Don't touch me.
- Do not touch it!

- Do not touch it!
- Don't touch me!

I'll touch you with my
flash-light all day.

No, your flash-light is
meant to illuminate.

I will literally rent a camper,

and we will drive across America
with my flash-light on your chest.

- Don't do that.
- Don't do what?

Want to see what happens
when I do it one more time?

- Let's see what happens.
- Watch you do nothing.

Let's watch you do
nothing when I do this.

(Whispering)
Seriously, Brandon...

- Brundon.
- Brundon,

you do not know who
you're dealing with.

You think you know what it
means to be a guard, huh?

Trust me, you don't know
the meaning of the word.

I have seen things that
you could not imagine.

Like what kind of stuff?

I'm not gonna tell you.

- But you're gonna drop the flash-light...
- The way you said it,

it sounded like you were
gonna say something cool.

Yeah, well, you don't
get to hear it.

Drop the flash-light.

(Exhales)

We cool?

That's actually pretty
cool, what you just did.

Thank you.

No hard feelings?

- All right? Sorry.
- Okay.

- I'm sorry.
- No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have...

No. It takes two opposing forces
to cause friction, and...

And you're just doing
your job, all right.

Take it easy, man.

Yeah!

That guy's great.

(Beeps)

Okay, buddy, I'm in.

Great. Where are you?

Larry: (On phone) The north east corridor
of the castle, just off the commons.

I need you to talk
me to the archives.

Okay.

At the end of the
hall, turn right,

and there should be a stairwell
coming up on your left.

- Got it.
- Now, it's kind of a maze down there.

Those underground tunnels connect
a bunch of different buildings.

- It could get complicated.
- We'd better hurry,

we only got 28 minutes
till sundown.

When you get down to B level, you
want to take another left...

(Static crackling on cell phone)

Nick? Hello? Nick?

Dad! Can you hear...

Nick, you're... Nick!

(Buzzing)

Man: (On pa) ID, brundon.

(Imitating brundon) Hey.

Later, dude.

All right. Yeah.

All right. Where are you guys?

Oh, my god.

You little troublemaker. I'm
gonna deal with you later.

No. No! No, no, no!

(Shouting in foreign language)

(Speaking foreign language)

(Speaking French)

No, English. English, perhaps.

I'm sorry, who are you?

I am kahmunrah, the great
king of the great kings,

and from the darkest
depths of ancient history,

I have come back to life!

Uh-huh.

Perhaps you did not
hear what I just said.

I am a centuries-old Egyptian
Pharaoh. I was dead,

but now I have
come back to life!

Yeah, no. I heard that. I
got that. Welcome back.

(Stammering) Who are you?

Larry Daley. Daley devices?

It's up in New York. It's funny,
I know your brother, Ahkmenrah.

- Do you?
- Yeah.

He knows baby brother.
The favourite son.

Yeah, good kid.

Isn't he just?

You know, mother and father always
gave him the best of everything,

and I do mean everything. They
even gave him the throne.

The throne which was
rightfully mine!

He never mentioned that.

I'll just bet he didn't.

Well, now begins the
era of kahmunrah,

because I have come back to...

Never mind, just
hand me the tablet.

Jedediah: Don't give it to
him, gigantor! Keep him away!

Silence! Silence
in there, please!

Don't make me come in there!

Jedediah: No! I
won't be muzzled!

Look, that tablet
is more powerful

than you, Larry Daley of Daley
devices, can possibly imagine.

Bringing things back to life
is just a parlour trick.

With it, I shall unlock the
gate to the underworld

and bring forth my army
from the land of the dead.

So, if it's not too
much trouble...

(Shouting in foreign language)

hand it over.

Okay, here you go.

Wise decision.

(Giving command in
foreign language)

Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I thought
you wanted the cube, but...

(Giving command in
foreign language)

The cube?

The cube of Rubik.

All right, what is this
cube of Rubik, then?

The cube. You know, the one that
turns all who oppose you to dust?

(Stammering) That one?
Whatever. I thought...

It was my bad, 'cause...
You know what? By the way,

your brother didn't want
to mess with it, either.

Yeah, he wanted to
play it safe, too.

Just, you sort of struck me as a
next-level sort of guy, so I was...

(Shouting in foreign language)

I am not my brother, Larry.

I will kill you and your friends
in the blink of an eye.

(Giving command in
foreign language)

Now take me to this
cube of Rubik.

Larry: Here it is. Open it.

(Roaring)

(Soldier screams)

(Roaring)

Come back here! Come back
here with my tablet!

I still have your friends!

(Shouting in foreign language)

(Screeching)

Whoa!

(Roaring)

(Grunting)

(Soldiers clamouring)

(Custer whooping)

(Bugle sounding)

- Take the wheel!
- What?

I said, take the wheel! Oh, we're
in it now! I love it! I love it!

Just keep her straight,
I'll handle the rest.

Now, charge!

Okay, so what's the plan here?

We're Americans! We
don't plan, we do!

Now hold on!

(Soldiers exclaiming)

(Custer laughs)

See that? Act first, think
later! Works every time!

You're in good hands!

General George a. Custer of the
fighting U.S. 7th cavalry,

at your service.

(Exclaiming)

(Grunts)

I'm good, I'm good!
Fly, you fool!

(Tires screeching)

What's the rumpus, Ace?

Look, lady, could you
get out of the way?

Lady? Who are you calling
lady? The name is Amelia.

(Tire deflating)

(Soldiers clamouring)

Amelia Earhart! Perhaps
you've heard of me?

Oh, right. You're a
famous pilot or whatever.

Pilot? I was the first
woman to fly the Atlantic!

First woman to receive
the flying cross,

first woman to fly across the
48 states in a gyroprop.

Now if you'd wipe that perhaps-permanent
look of alarm off your kisser,

I was wondering if you might be so
kind as to tell me exactly where I am.

You're in a museum. Or,
actually, under it.

And I'm in kind of a dangerous
situation right now,

so you might not want
to be anywhere near me.

- Wow, you're fast.
- What's your name, fly-boy?

My name is Larry Daley.

Well, Larry Daley, in case
you weren't listening,

I'm not one to shy
away from danger.

How about Spears? Are you one
to shy away from Spears?

(Soldiers shouting)

Let's ankle, skipper! Now
we're gonna have some fun.

Ninety-eight,
ninety-nine, bingo!

(Sighs)

Like a golden fleece.

All right, troops, when
your enemies captured me,

they made themselves
my enemies as well.

Big mistake. Big mistake.

(Grunting excitedly)

All right, here's the plan.

On the third bugle blast, I shall
loudly announce, "attack!"

(Exclaiming in surprise)

At which point, we will
all jump out of this box

and attack.

Boom.

Mind bomb. What do you think?

You, Sacaja...

That is not my name.

- Sacajamea.
- No.

- Sack-in-a-box.
- No.

Cinco de Mayo.

I know you are a
famous general...

That's all right,
that's all right.

I'm a person, just like you.

But won't yelling,
"attack!" Alert the enemy

that we are about to attack?

What?

(Chuckling)

Uh...

Yeah, I guess so.

You're quite the popular
fellow, Mr. Daley.

Why don't you just skedaddle?

I can't skedaddle. My friends
are being held down there.

I got to go get them. I got
to find another way down.

Wow.

(Children laughing)

This is new.

(All screaming)

Hey, it's all right. I
don't want to hurt you.

I don't think it's you they're
afraid of, Mr. Daley.

(Soldier shouting in
foreign language)

Trade you. Thanks.

Back off! Just back off!

I will fork you!

How about you, huh?

Never send a boy to
do a woman's job.

I spent two weeks spear-hunting
with a tribe in Micronesia.

The Micronesians had
much slower reflexes.

Come on!

(Big band music playing)

(Crowd cheering)

Man: It's over! It's
over! It's all over!

(Woman laughing)

Well, this is one humdinger
of a hootenanny.

Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me.

(Cell phone ringing)

Wow, four bars in 1945.

- Hello?
- Dad, finally!

I've been studying these
plans to the archives.

Looks like once you get
down the stairwell...

Oh, I'm way past the
stairwell, Nicky.

- So you found everyone?
- Sort of.

What is that flibberty-widget
you are talking to?

- Who's that?
- It's Amelia Earhart.

You found Amelia Earhart?

I... hey!

Wait a minute!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy,
what's your hurry?

Didn't you hear? The war's over!

Sorry. These guys
are chasing me.

What? What am I looking
at, Mardi Gras?

What unit are you from?

I'm from Brooklyn.

What? Are you serious? I'm
from Flatbush! Hey, fellas!

These so-and-so's are trying
to rough up my pal here

just 'cause he's from Brooklyn!

- Thank you!
- You got it! Fight!

Hey, mister! You forgot your...

What the heck is this thing?

(Shouting in foreign language)

Excuse me. Mind
if I get in here?

Any time you're done, Mr. Daley.

- Call me!
- Thank you for that.

So you're quite the smooth
operator, aren't you, Mr. Daley?

Quick!

(Soldiers shouting)

(Thudding)

- That actually worked.
- What's next?

Look, nothing personal, but I'm kind
of in the middle of something here

that's not really your fight.

It's because I'm a
woman, isn't it?

No, it's because I've got this ancient
raised-from-the-dead evil Pharaoh guy

who's willing to kill me and probably
anyone near me to get this tablet

so he can rule the world.

So it is because I'm a woman!

- Look, I...
- No, you look, Mr. Daley!

If it weren't for me, you'd still be
lost in that monochromatic mayhem!

- Lost in what?
- Black and white photo, you boob!

Now listen, and listen
good. I can help you.

I want to help you, and not because
I like you, which so far I don't,

but because I smell adventure,
and, damn it, I want in.

Okay. Don't blame me if
something happens to you.

I should be so lucky.

I am kahmunrah. I am half god,

once removed on
my mother's side,

rightful ruler of Egypt,
future ruler of...

Well, everything else.

Now, I have lost some men.

So, I am in need of some new generals
to join me in my little plan

of conquering this world.

Ivan the terrible.

Napoleon Bonaparte.

And young al Capone.

Yeah.

Some of the most despicable,

most feared leaders
in all of history.

Gentlemen,

really, it's just fantastic
to meet you all.

- And us, too.
- And me, you.

All I ask is your allegiance,

and in return, I
offer you the world.

Literally. Are there
any questions?

Yeah, I got one. How come
you're wearing a dress?

This is not a dress.
This is a tunic.

It was the height of fashion
3,000 years ago, I assure you.

Are there any other questions?

Da. This dress you're wearing,

do we have to wear
one of these, too?

(Stutters)

Were you not listening? I
just told Mr. Capone here

that this is not a dress.

It is, in fact, a tunic.
Very big difference.

Are there any other questions?

Any questions not
about the dress?

Tunic?

All right, then.
Moonlight is wasting,

and the time is short.

Short?

Why do you look at me
when you say "short"?

(Stammering) Sorry.
It slipped out.

Da. If we are talking
about world domination,

then of course, I am interested.

But first I want to clarify something
so you know what you are getting.

People always say, "Ivan the
terrible, he's so terrible."

"I'm so scared of
Ivan. He's bad news."

When in fact, the
correct translation is.

"Ivan the awesome."

Ivan the awesome?

It's not really
as catchy, is it?

I mean, "Ivan the terrible",
that really pops.

But I wasn't terrible. In fact, I
was quite an effective leader.

Duly noted. Now, I'd like to
wrap up the old meet-and-greet

by asking you
gentlemen a question.

Are you with me?

- Yeah. Yeah, sure.
- Oui.

Da, but...

Then bring Larry Daley
of Daley devices

and the golden tablet
of Ahkmenrah to me!

Amelia: We'll get you back
down to your chums, Mr. Daley.

You won't get lost
following Amelia Earhart.

(Soldiers speaking French)

Quick, get down.

(Animal growling)

Well, well, Mr. Daley, I quite
like the way you're holding me.

No. Sorry, I wasn't trying to...

Oh, please, stop beating
your gums, Mr. Daley.

You haven't been able to take
your cheaters off my chassis

since the moment we met.

I literally didn't
understand one word of that.

(Harp music playing)

(Speaking French)

Is it just me or is
there music in the air?

(Singing) ♪ ...My baby,
we can make it shine ♪

(Shushing) ♪ we can
take forever.. ♪

You! Little flying
angel things! Quiet!

They're cupids, Mr.
Daley. Gods of love.

Great. Gods of love,
would you shut up?

Please shut up. We're
trying to hide.

(Rapping) ♪ yeah! More
than a woman! Yeah! ♪

No, don't change
the arrangement,

it's not about the
arrangement. Quiet! Shh!

Cupid: ♪ kick the
chorus, y'all! ♪

♪ More than a woman ♪

♪ yo, show me what you
got, ♪ ♪ night guard! ♪

All right, come on. Let's go.

♪ More than a woman to me ♪

♪ more than a woman ♪

♪ she's more than a woman ♪

And so, the little tiny man who could
not be a smaller or shorter mouse

runs into the claws
of the giant cat!

(Snarls)

Wow, you're really hung up
on the height, aren't you?

- No, it's not about height, see...
- Yes, you are.

You're saying I'm a little
mouse, you're a giant cat.

(Hissing) I am the giant cat.

No offence, I just...

You're Napoleon. There's a
complex named after you.

You're famous for being
little, and it's true. Look.

Oh, you naive American man-boy.

Look. Neither of us are gonna
be jamming any time soon, right?

So it's not like we should...
It's not even an issue.

(Speaking French)

It's not about height
or something else.

It's a plan. It's
a brilliant plan.

- So it was a plan.
- Snazzy manoeuvre, emperor.

Merci, mademoiselle.

Now, if your boyfriend would
kindly come with me...

I'm not her boyfriend.

- Not her boyfriend.
- No.

Just friends?

Oh.

Larry: Yeah, friends.

- Acquaintances. Friends.
- Hmm. Oh.

Were you guys, like,
friends in college

and just afraid now to both
ruin your relationship

by telling the other person that
you want to be more than friends,

that you like-like each other?

One more time? I'm sorry.
I didn't catch the...

Were you guys, like,
friends in college

and now both afraid to
ruin your relationship

by telling the other person that
you want to be more than friends,

that you like-like each other?

Oh...

- No.
- No?

I just love the nitty-gritty
of relationships.

All us French do.

- Great.
- Yes. Amour!

- Now.
- Yeah?

- This way, or you die.
- Yes.

(Shouting command in French)

Wait, I'm coming with you!

No! Our fight is not with you.

So you gotta bet a second
time. All right. Okay.

(Sighs) My hair is currency
in certain parts of Europe.

It's true. Currency, like
gold or paper money.

The Duomo was purchased
with just one locket.

(Softly) Listen up, Kemosabe.

This rodeo clown wouldn't know
a flapjack from a flyswatter.

Now, Gigantor's out there
risking his hide for us.

The least we can do is
give him some help.

Some big help.

But we can't very well do that if
we're stuck in here, now, can we?

We need to escape.

What's a flapjack?

It's like a biscuit or a scone.

Chest bump?

(Grunts) Yeah.

Then deadly. Watch.

Guard your cards,
okay? Now you bet.

Okay, now you got to
throw some cards down.

- Ready?
- Ready.

Say something. Say anything.

This is no fun.
You're supposed to...

- Hey! What are you two doing out here?
- Octavius, go!

You, make a run for it,
I'll hold them off!

I will not leave you!

Ain't no time for your Roman
melodrama! Now, get! Go!

Old Jedediah will be fine.

Henchman: Now, you're
in real trouble.

Why, these aren't
real rubies at all.

Ruby slippers indeed.

(Glass shatters)

But, whoever you
are, Archie bunker,

you had one comfortable throne.

Henchman: Hey, boss.

Caught this one trying to escape
through a rust hole in the crate.

One of his little
friends got away.

Oh, please. What damage
could they possibly do?

Why, they're no bigger than a little
grain of couscous. Aren't you?

You know, two words come to
mind when I hear you talk.

"Delusional" and "weirdo".

And if I had to say a
third, "goofy". Just goofy.

Now you let old Jedediah out of
here or he's gonna get angry.

Well played, Jedediah!

(Sputtering) I'm sorry, I can't take
you seriously. You're just adorable,

even when you're threatening
me. It's hilarious.

Is it just me, or are these
guys unbelievably cute?

Now hold it a second, now.

Now, you have a right to keep me
as your captive, torture me, even,

but don't call me
cute! I ain't cute!

Steady, my friend! Just stay
alive! I will find you!

(Grunts)

(Exclaiming in French)

Gigantor. No!

Hello, Mr. Daley. Nice
to see you again.

Now, if you don't mind, I
shall take that from you.

Thank you.

Finally. Finally!
After 3,000 years,

my evil army of the damned,

my beautiful, beautiful army,

shall be unleashed!

(Sighs) I'm afraid that.

Mother and father may have slightly
changed the combination on me.

Wow, I guess this whole
unleashing-the-underworld thing

isn't really working
out for you, huh?

It must be really frustrating,

'cause you've waited
thousands of years

to come back from the
dead and everything,

and now you can't get it open.

Fear not, for I shall wait
a thousand more if I must.

Good, 'cause in a few hours you'll be
standing here in a frustrated position,

frozen, and I'll walk out of here
with my buddies and that'll be that.

So, I got all night.

Really? All night? Well!

He doesn't.

Open that cage.

What are you doing?

Jedediah: No touching!
No touching!

Don't you manhandle me!

- Look, he's having a little tantrum.
- Jed?

Uh-uh! Don't you squirm!

Don't squirm. It'll
only be worse for you.

- Put him down!
- Don't be afraid.

I shan't hurt you.

Oops! I lied.

I don't think he has all
night at all, Mr. Daley.

From the looks of things, I'd say
he has a little over an hour.

Take me out of here!

You were the guardian! You
know all about this tablet.

You're obviously much more
clever than the rest of us.

You may or may not
know the combination,

but I am going to give you exactly
one hour to figure it out.

If you do not, I shall
kill your friends.

And please don't think
about escaping,

for I shall be watching you.

Look, I don't even
know how to begin

to decipher this thing,
all right? Really.

What a pity.

And your little cowboy friend seemed
like such a charming little fellow.

Ah, well. Tick-tock, Mr. Daley.

Your hour has begun.

Hey! You got this,
partner. I know you do.

Shoo!

You got this!

There you are! Are
you all right?

I've been worried sick!
Sick I tell you.

No, I'm fine.

So what's our next
move, partner?

I don't know. I just got to
get this tablet translated.

Oh, great! This guy again.

Look, buddy, we don't want
any trouble, all right?

(Waves crashing)

(Whistling)

(Exclaiming happily)

Hmm, look at that!

I guess our sassy Cephalopoda was just a
fish who didn't like being out of water.

He's not such a
ballywagger after all.

(Grunting)

Okay. Glad you're happy.

(Kissing)

Teddy: Hello? A
little assistance?

- Oh! Hey, Teddy! Perfect!
- Yes!

Maybe you could help us.

I'd love to help you,
but first things first.

My nose is so itchy,
it's driving me insane.

I hate to ask, but, as you see,

I'm missing a few body parts.

Could you please
give us a scratch?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, yes! That's exquisite.
Oh! A little over there...

- Yes!
- More?

Oh, yes! Yes! Oh, that's...

Sweet rutabaga pie,
that was divine.

Theodore Roosevelt,
at your service.

Twenty-sixth President of the
United States, rough rider,

founder of the national parks, and
a whole bunch of other stuff.

Have we met?

Oh, no, there's another Teddy.

We have one of you in New York.

Really? What's he
like, this other me?

He's pretty much the
same, except with...

Except what? Say it.
Except with a body?

Yes. He has a body.

Oh, dash it, the pain!

- And a horse.
- Excuse me!

We really need someone to translate
what's written on this tablet.

Do you read hieroglyphics?

Yes, I do, Missy.

That's a simple one.

Bird. Man with spear.
Sideways fish. Beetle. Vase.

Okay, and what does that mean?

It means, and this is
just a rough translation,

"a man with a spear trapped a bird
and a sideways fish in a vase."

"And there was also a beetle."

I don't think that's it.

That's just one
possible translation.

Another possible translation is,

"you will find the
combination you seek"

"if you figure out the secret at
the heart of Pharaohs tomb."

Okay, and what does that mean?

I don't know! What
am I, the sphinx?

"What's this? What's that?" Why
don't you ask New York Teddy?

I'm sure he'd love to get his grubby
little fingers all over that thing!

Probably let his
horse lick it, too!

Mr. Daley, we should be going
to the sculpture gallery.

I think there's someone there who
might have a better thought on this.

The fellow we're looking
for is just down here.

Bonsoir.

Hello, young lady.

Hey, excuse me. Could
we keep moving, please?

We certainly could, but then we
might miss a rare opportunity.

I mean, she is a
degas, Mr. Daley.

Okay, it's just I got a little
buddy stuck in an hourglass,

I got a pitch meeting at
Wal-Mart in the morning...

It would be great if we could...

He's right here.

I think he'll have
a thought on this.

Mr. thinker, we're sorry to
interrupt your contemplation,

but we really need to
figure out the secret

at the heart of Pharaohs tomb.

I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

I'm thinking.

I'm thinking.

It's not happening with him.

Oh, wow.

You've gotta be kidding
me. Check that out!

(Giggles) Oh, yeah.

Hey! Hey!

Buddy! Over here!
This is serious.

Apparently, it's a matter
of life and death.

I'll tell you what's a
matter of life and death.

That beautiful lady over there.

Hey, baby! Check out the gun
show going on over here!

Boom! Bang!

Fire-power!

He's certainly no Einstein.

- Biceps! Deltoids...
- Yeah.

Wait a minute. I saw
a bunch of those.

A bunch of what’s?

- Little Einstein.
- Where?

Over there, in air and space.

I gotta get over there.

What?

Nothing.

Okay. Then why are
you staring at me?

I don't wanna miss a moment.

All right, good, but we should
get going, 'cause we...

(Groans)

- Why?
- You talk too much, Ace.

I don't know why I
did that, Mr. Daley.

I just feel as if I've been asleep
for a long time and now, suddenly,

I'm awake.

(Shushing) I can explain that...

But really, I could. I really...

(Groans)

Again, why?

(All singing "my
heart will go on")

Great, you're back.

Okay. Yeah. Great.

Love theme from Titanic. Good,
but not really appropriate.

You don't let yourself enjoy
things much, do you, Mr. Daley?

Okay, you know what? It's
not really the song choice.

And by the way, you're
a little pitchy.

Well, I thought you were
amazing, and you look wonderful.

(Kissing noises)

Could you just fly away, please?

And so the adventure continues.

(Clattering)

What did I tell you? Enough!

You know, I do sort of feel
like a floating butterfly.

You are crazier
than a road lizard.

Mr. Egypt, these two here heard
that we're taking over the world

and they want in. I don't
know who they are,

but they're on exhibit
here, too, apparently.

I don't even know what they are.

I'm sorry, but we're all full up
in our axis of evil today. Sorry.

Come on! But I'm bad! I'm bad!

Hey, I could show
you how bad I am!

(Roaring weakly)

(Weakly) Fear me!

I'm sorry. I'm just
not buying it.

You don't seem very bad. You just
seem sort of vaguely grouchy to me.

Oh, boy.

(Breathing heavily)

What are you doing? What
is that? What is this?

What does it mean?
You've lost me.

Is that you breathing? Because
I can't hear myself think.

Can I make one suggestion to
you, my friend? Just simplify.

There's just too
much going on here.

You're evil, you're
asthmatic, you're a robot...

And what is the cape for?

Are we going to the
opera? I don't think so.

Sorry! Goodbye.

Attention!

He's leaving with the tablet!

Kahmunrah: Where?

Give me that.

He's not trying to figure out
the... he's trying to escape!

Go. Go! All of you! Kill him!
And bring me that tablet.

Come on, people! Let's go! Without
that tablet, we've nothing!

Streltsy! Go!

Thought you could get away,
didn't you, Larry Daley?

(All shouting)

Criminy, we're Jimmy-jacked.

- Jimmy-jacked? Really?
- It's the way I speak.

Yeah, I know, but that one
sounds made up, even for you.

"Oh, no, our path has been blocked by
bad people." What's the fun in that?

The point is, we're not getting
into the air and space right now.

- You're right. We are Jimmy-jacked.
- Jimmy-jacked.

Come on.

Octavius: They say a good
man rules this union.

I promised Jedediah
I would bring help,

and help I will bring.

Charge!

(Screaming)

(Continues screaming)

(Exhales)

(Panting) Misjudged
the distance.

(Rustling)

Who's there?

Jupiter, protect me.

(Sniffing)

Remain very still.

They can sense movement.

(Chattering)

Apparently, they can also
hear me talking to myself.

(Grunting)

I'm not a nut.

No!

(Clamouring)

Larry: We should be okay
in here for a while.

Amelia: So, how long have
you guarded antiquities?

What? Oh, no, I don't
actually work at the...

I just thought with the
fancy getup and all...

No, I borrowed this.

I mean, I was a guard back in new
York, but that was a while ago.

So why did you leave?
Did you not enjoy it?

No, I loved it. I just...

Things sort of took off in a
different direction, so...

So what do you do now?

Well, I sort of...

Well, I sort of design
products and sell them.

- You're an inventor!
- I am.

I am an inventor,
yeah. I invent stuff.

Like the rocket ship?

- No.
- The sea plane.

The dirigible?

No, not aircraft.

Sort of like more
small-scale stuff, like...

Well, the glow-in-the-dark
flash-light, that was mine.

So this new job, do you like it?

Yeah, I like it a lot.
It's exciting. It's...

- What?
- I'm just confused, is all.

If you're not excited by
it, why do you do it?

I am excited by it.
I just said...

I know what you said, Mr. Daley,

but what I see in front of me
is a man who's lost his moxie.

I have not lost my...

I got my moxie.

Do you know why I
became a pilot?

I don't, no.

For the fun of it.

Why else would
anyone do anything?

(Abraham groaning)

Great Gatsby!

(Pigeons cooing)

Blast these pigeons and
their incessant cooing!

- No! Mr. president! Sir!
- All right. Time to see the state...

- Please don't get up!
- Of this great union! I always say,

leave nothing for tomorrow
which can be done today.

Sir, if you go out there, you're
gonna freak a lot of people out!

Freak? I assure you,
sir, I am no freak.

No, I didn't mean
you're a freak...

Come here, little one.

In fact, if anyone is freakish,
I'm afraid it's you, sir.

The truth is, you
are very small.

And I mean even for a
regular-sized human.

What? Why would you
even say that?

I must be honest.

Right. Okay, honest Abe. Of
course. I'm sorry. Great.

Come, now, Mr. president,
put the little man down

and let's sit our Fanny back
in that throne of yours.

You have a can-do attitude,
and I shall do as you ask.

- Thank you.
- Mmm-hmm.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

It's that very can-do spirit that has
defined this remarkable nation of ours.

- Interesting story.
- They're coming.

One night in Gettysburg...

Mr. president, we're gonna
need you to hold still now.

- What?
- Abraham, freeze!

Freeze? I...

(Soldiers clamouring)

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Come on, let's get to air and space.
- If I may,

you two make an adorable couple.

Oh, no, we're not...

No, we're not a... I
mean, we're not a...

"We're not a... I
mean, we're not a..."

Blah, blah, blah. I never lie!

The truth is, you two
are adorable together.

Thank you. Good night.

Farewell, lovely lady
and small, little man.

Amelia: Now let's see if we can
find these Einstein of yours.

(Lock beeps)

(On radio) One giant
leap for a mannequin...

Man 1: (On pa) D.C.,
this is air and space.

We are back online and
fully operational.

The Tuskegee airmen are
on the march once again.

Can you stop narrating everything
we're doing? Just live in the moment.

The Tuskegee airmen are
living in the moment!

- Miss Earhart?
- Yes.

I wanna say thank you.

What for, captain?

A lot of people didn't think
we could fly, either.

Thanks for clearing
the runway, ma'am.

Race you to Paris?

You're on!

Whoa, whoa, hey, hey! No!
Not now! We gotta...

- It's just a quick jaunt over the pond.
- No. Gotta find the Einstein.

Come on, we gotta go. We
don't have time. Come on!

Sorry, it's in the blood.

There she is, Mr. Daley.

Old Bessie, the old family bus.

That gal took me
across the Atlantic!

Okay. I think the Einstein
are over here, though.

Man 1: (On pa) This is mission
control. Flight check complete.

- Where'd you go? Where'd they go?
- You are clear for launch.

Contact!

Man 1: (On pa) D.C.,
this is mission control.

No, no! No! All systems go
and green for lift-off.

Man 2: (On pa) Roger that.
We are green for lift-off.

No, we're definitely not green
for any kind of lift-off!

I want a "go, no-go" for launch.

I say no-go. Let's not go.

Go!

Go!

- Go!
- No! No go!

Man 1: (On pa) Torquing
angles incoming.

Larry: Tone it down with the
torque. Torque it down.

De-torque. De-torque.

Commence ignition sequence.

Roger that, flight.

We have launch commit.

- No. No, no, no!
- Man 2: (On pa) Ten,

nine, eight, seven...

- Hey, that's mine.
- No, we do not have commit.

Repeat. We are decommissioning
the committal of the launch

and it is now a
negatory launch phase.

We are in a no-fly, no-go phase.

That is a November-gorgon
phase of non-flying!

Fine!

And we're gonna say good night.

Thank you. Good
work. Over and out.

- Larry: Sorry.
- Damn, that was disappointing.

Man: Come on. I'll buy
you a cup of coffee.

Hey, little space monkey.

(Chattering)

You're able. Okay,
good. How you doing?

Yes, good. At ease. All right.

You're a polite little
fella, aren't you?

Hey, you happen to know where those
little Einstein bobble-head guys are?

Mr. Daley! I found
your Einstein.

Great. Hey...

Gentlemen, we're trying to crack the
combination of this tablet doodad,

and the writing here
says we'll find it

if we figure out the secret at
the heart of Pharaohs tomb.

(Laughing)

That's an easy one. The
answer's in the question.

- What does that mean?
- "Figure out".

It's a figure! I.E., a number.

And the Pharaohs tomb,
I.E. The pyramids.

Don't you get it, kid? You're
looking for the secret number

at the heart of the pyramids.

Well, whistle me Dixie,
the answer's pi!

- Pi?
- 3.14159265, to be exact.

Yes! 3.1495265.

No, no, no, 3.14159265.

Yeah, okay, 3.14...

I'm sorry, I can't tell. Is it
yes or no? Cause you just...

I know it's hard,
could you just...

don't touch the hair.

Sorry, I can't tell
if it's up or...

I'm a bobble-head, dummkopf,

and that's the way, uh-huh,
uh-huh, we like it.

All together, now!

All: (Singing) ♪ that's
the way, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ we like it ♪

♪ uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

You know, we can't all
be Einstein, so...

- I can!
- We are!

- He is!
- Me, too!

- Okay, all right.
- Einstein: Okay, here it is.

- Can you slow it down a little bit?
- Okay.

3.14159265.

Okay. 3.14...

I've got it.

- Thank you, Mr. Einstein.
- Thank you.

All right. Now,

like the brilliant and
famous general that I am,

I thought long and hard
about what you said,

and I've come up with a brand-new
and improved battle plan!

(Laughs)

Okay.

I will loudly announce
that we are not

going to attack, and then...

Wait for it.

"What's the amazing Custer about to say
now? I hope he's my friend, or..."

(Exclaims) We attack!

(All laughing)

Didn't expect your friend to
run off like that, did you?

He's coming back, Ka-Ka-Ro.

Sure as moon shines on a
mongoose, he'll be here.

I would save my
breath if I were you.

You don't have many left.

We've got about 10 minutes
to get over there to jed.

I think we make a good team,
perhaps more than a team.

Um, wait, wait,
wait. Okay, wait.

What's the matter? You
didn't like kissing me?

No, I did. It was great. I mean, the
slapping hurt a little bit, but...

So you don't like me, then.

Of course I like you.
You're incredible.

I think you're an amazing
person. You're...

It's just there are certain issues
that would prevent us from...

I just... you're not...

I'm not what, Mr. Daley?

Okay. You're made of...

Made of...

Wonderful things. You're made
of good, wonderful things.

(Speaking French)

Come on.

Gentlemen, could you buy
us some time please?

(Soldiers clamouring)

It'll have to do.

No! That's the first
plane ever made!

It's made out of balsa
wood and paper.

It's made out of
spruce and canvas

and good old-fashioned
American ingenuity.

Are you coming, or what?

Out of our way!

I don't think so.

(Propeller whirring)

They're getting away!

(All clamouring)

Hang on, Mr. Daley. Things are
about to get interesting.

A lady pilot! Preposterous!

Think again, boys!

Oh, she's good.

(All screaming)

(Wire twanging)

- Uh-oh.
- What? What? What uh-oh?

One of the wires is jammed. I'm
going to have to loosen it.

- Here, take the stick!
- No! I'm not gonna... no!

I know you've got
moxie in you yet.

Moxie doesn't fly planes! People who
have pilots' licenses fly planes!

- Okay.
- She's all yours.

I don't want it! I
don't want the stick!

Don't look now, Mr. Daley, but
you're flying an aeroplane!

Able! The doors!

(Exclaims)

(Chattering)

(Alarm blaring)

- Got it!
- Pull!

Pull up!

(Both screaming)

(Exclaims)

Yes!

Godspeed, Amelia Earhart!

Godspeed.

Jedediah: Look a little
nervous there, Ramen noodle.

'Cause for me, this is
like a spa treatment.

Sand baths are really rejuvenating
for the skin. Exfoliates.

Giving up yet?

Not quite yet, no.

In fact, let's see if
we can't make time fly.

(Grunting)

(Plane approaching)

What is that funny sound?

(Groans)

(Amelia gasps)

Stop!

Right there, please, Mr. Daley.

Well. Well, well, well!

You certainly know how to
make an entrance, Mr. Daley.

Time to recruit some backup.

I hope for your little
friend's sake, here,

that you also figured
out the combination.

- Give me jed.
- Oh, no, no, no.

First, give me the combination
and hand over that tablet.

I'll give you the tablet
and the combination

when you release my friends
and give him back to me.

I shall release what I want to release
the moment I want to release it.

Great. And I'll release
what I want to release

at the exact moment that I
want to release it, okay?

Tell me the combination and
give me that tablet right now

or I shall kill all
of your friends,

starting with the little
shaggy-headed little cowman here.

I ain't shaggy-headed! Gigantor,
let me take this guy!

Don't worry, I got this handled. You
don't want to give me my friends,

then you're not gonna get your
combination or your tablet.

- All right, I'll tell you what.
- Good.

They didn't call me kahmunrah
the trustworthy for nothing.

Here you go. They didn't call
me kahmunrah the trustworthy!

They called me kahmunrah
the bloodthirsty,

who kills whoever doesn't give
kahmunrah exactly what he wants

in the moment that he wants
it, which is right now,

when I had also better get the
combination and the tablet!

That's what they called you?

It was shorter in Egyptian.

Great, I'll give you the combination
after you give him back.

How dare you? If you touch that
again, I shall kill you right now.

- Okay.
- Do not touch this.

This is a no-touching zone!

Good. Well, then...

Oh, my god! I can't believe you
reached across like that again!

I can't even believe it! Oh,
god, I want to kill you right...

If you didn't know
this combination,

you'd be so dead right now,

it would be unbelievable.

Great, but I do know
the combination.

Don't cross this
line with your hand!

How dare you! If you speak
again, I'm going to kill you.

Do you understand this?

Don't say it! Oh, god, I
see you getting ready.

- I wasn't gonna say anything.
- Oh, my god, don't say anything.

I shall murder you
if you talk again.

Now give me that tablet and
tell me the combination.

Okay. After you give me jed
and release my friends.

- You did all three!
- What?

You spoke and you reached
your hand across!

Look. I can talk to you
about this all night, okay?

- How about this?
- Look, just give...

How about I don't kill you right
now, like I really, really want to,

and I give you
precisely five seconds

to give me that tablet and
tell me the combination?

We already got the
combination. It's pi.

- 3.14159265.
- Einstein: No!

- (Shushing) Hey.
- Sorry.

So crazy hair here, he sang.

Oh, did he sing! Like a canary.

I'm sorry, Larry.

Enough out of you! Remember
what happened last time?

- That's enough.
- Einstein: Stupid man.

You okay?

Yeah, thanks.

Must be a real bummer
for you, Larry,

knowing that all of your Valiant
efforts were, in the end, for naught.

What a terrible disappointment
you must be to yourself.

(Humming)

Kahmunrah: Do you hear
that humming sound?

Do you know what that sound is?

It's rhetorical.

That is the sound of the end.

(Chanting in foreign language)

I'm sorry, jed.

(Sighs) You did your
best, gigantor.

Dadgum it, we almost
had him, too.

No, I mean, I'm sorry I wasn't around
the last couple of years at the museum.

Maybe none of this
would have happened.

You don't get it,
do you, gigantor?

I didn't call you 'cause
we needed your help.

Sure, we were in
a little pickle,

but it wouldn't have
been the first time

I had to wrestle my way
out of a root sack.

No, partner. I called you
'cause you needed us.

That fancy suit you've been parading
around in these past couple years,

that there's a hanging suit.

All gussied up, but dead inside.

That ain't you.

- And I'll tell you another thing.
- Yeah.

This night ain't over yet.

This little midnight cowboy's
got some fight left in him.

Something tells me you
do, too. Ho, now!

(Einstein yells)

Welcome to the new, extended
reign of kahmunrah,

fifth king of Egypt

and now the world!

Horus, Ra, my
warriors, come forth!

Send Larry Daley and his
friends to their doom!

(Squawks)

(Shouting in foreign language)

Octavius: Halt!

The mighty octavius
has returned!

I ride on the back of nature's
most fearsome creature! I ride

the squirrel!

(Chattering aggressively)

Forward now, my mighty steed!

Whoa, girl! Easy.

Do you wish to
surrender honourably?

Or must this end with the
spilling of your blood?

This? This is your big rescue?

Oh, no. This is!

(All exclaiming)

What is that thing?

The name is Abraham Lincoln.

And you, sir, are in
a heap of trouble!

Attack it!

(Shouting orders in
foreign language)

(Cawing)

Disgusting half-pigeons!

(Shrieking)

Kahmunrah: No, no, no! Hello?

Adiós, bird brains!

Wait, wait, wait. No, no!

Goodbye, strange bird men.

Do not return to the underworld!

Yes, yes, do go back
into the underworld!

Thank you for
coming! Good night!

Kahmunrah: No, no!

Oh, this is awkward.

It appears my work here is done.

Just remember, son, a house divided
against itself cannot stand.

(Glass shattering)

Farewell.

What now?

You know, I'm not quite sure.

I suppose we should probably
start by watching him die.

Streltsy! Make him dead!

(Bugle sounding)

Now what?

We are not going to attack right

now!

(All cheering)

Get them!

(All clamouring)

Fear not, Larry! I
will help Jedediah!

You come at them from behind!

- Hey, what's going on?
- I'm hiding.

Hiding? What are you doing?
Come on, we need you.

I'm a failure.

Hey, no, you're not.

Did you foolishly lead 208
Americans to their deaths

at the battle of little bighorn?

- No.
- No. Not good. Not good at all.

That's not good.

Sure, I talk a good game,

but the truth of the matter is,

I don't deserve these stars.

I will always be famous
for my biggest failure.

Hey.

The past is the past, okay?

Right now, this
moment, this night,

this is what you're gonna
be remembered for.

This is your last stand.

(Whining)

(Whimpering)

They need a leader.

Yeah, they need a leader.

(Laughing)

Yeah? You want to be
their leader, huh?

- Yeah, I do.
- Let's do this!

- All right?
- Yeah.

Let's go!

(Hooting)

Not good!

Larry!

Hey, able!

I want to help!

Oh, great.

Who are you? This is my museum!

Well, he's my human. Back off!

You need all the help you
can get, jungle-dweller!

Get over yourself space snob!

Guys! Hey, guys!

This is not the time to
get into this, all right?

Dexter, you know better.

All right? That's what
happens when you do that!

You get that.

(Groans)

(Both chattering)

Stop! Just stop! Stop!

Now, listen. You're
both proud Capuchin!

You need to concentrate
on slapping the enemy!

(Both laughing)

Keep it together, all right?

Come on, let's go! Let's do it!

Jedediah! They need us!

I ain't gonna make it!

Afraid this cowboy's been
to his last hoedown.

Octavius, remember me as I
was, wild, and free, and...

No need for final words.

- I'm not finished yet.
- Oh.

I want to get to the story
of our relationship,

the evolution from
enemy to friends.

No!

It'll make you cry!

No! Because you are
going to live!

(Screams)

Whoo!

Let's go to work.

Have a sword.

Sword!

Octavius: Incoming!

(Both grunting)

(Speaking French)

That smarts.

You smack, you kick!
You smack, you kick!

You smack, you kick!
Teamwork, fellas! Wunderbar!

How you doing, fellas?

Boom! Bam!

(All clamouring)

(Chattering)

- Are you all right?
- Never better.

Listen, when I give you the signal,
I want you to open the gate.

I take it you have a plan.

I'm gonna divide the house.

(Speaking French)

The tablet! Now!

Okay, sure, you can have it.

Just tell me who the boss
is and I'll give it to you.

Or should I give it to kahmunrah?
He's your master, right?

Nyet! He is not our master!

Really? 'Cause he
acts like he is.

But fine, just tell me who the
boss is and you can have it.

Hey! That'd be me.

This man is a peasant! I am the
only one here of noble birth!

Really? 'Cause he's got more
medals and a bigger hat, but...

Thank you. You might
got a lot of medals,

but you put one of your little
child hands on that tablet again,

it'll be the last thing them tiny
little mitts of yours ever touch.

Why would you touch
little nippy?

(Whistles)

I can handle this, okay?

You can handle nothing! You
can barely speak, you fool!

You know what? No problem.

I'll give it to
you. You see that?

(Exclaims)

(Screams)

Capone: Oh, you're a
spunky little fella!

Very clever, Mr. Daley, getting
them to fight amongst themselves.

Yeah. I can't
really take credit.

It was Abraham Lincoln's idea.

You know, a house
divided can't...

- Doesn't do well.
- Yes, well,

you should have saved yourself
when you had the chance,

because now I shall have
the tremendous pleasure

of killing you myself!

(Grunts)

What are you?

I'm the night guard.

No!

(All cheering)

Victory is ours!

Yeah!

Whoo! That's what
I'm talking about!

(Laughs) Yeah!

I'd say somebody
found his moxie.

The battle of the Smithsonian.

Perhaps the greatest battle
the world will never know.

We'll know.

Yeah.

Oh, man, I got an hour till sunrise.
I got to get you guys back.

Jedediah: In case you forgot, gigantor,
they don't want us there any more.

Well, I do.

Hey, think you could
hook us up with a ride?

My pleasure, of course.

Hang on a second. One last
thing I got to take care of.

Come on, boy! Come on, come on!

(Giant squid
exclaiming gleefully)

Get in there!

Feels good, right?

You're welcome! Just get back
inside by sunrise, okay?

These are promising
days, indeed.

All right. Hey, come on, guys.

Remember, stay with
your buddy, all right?

(Cavemen grunting)

Good, good.

(Chattering)

Well, you're back
where you belong.

Yeah. Think so.

(Sighs)

I guess I should be going.

Mmm.

Hey, Amelia.

That thing that I was trying
to tell you about earlier...

There's not really an
easy way to put this,

but, in the morning...

I know what's coming, Mr. Daley.

I've always known.

But it doesn't matter.

You've given me the adventure
of a lifetime in one night.

And I have a feeling it's going
to be a beautiful sunrise.

Have fun.

Thanks.

Hmm!

I don't know about you fellas, but this
old cowboy just got to second base.

Octavius: There she goes.

Jedediah: Straight towards...

Canada.

She's heading to Canada.

No, now she course-corrected.

Here, head on downstairs, guys.

- Jedediah: All righty.
- Octavius: Good night, Larry.

Hey, boy, how's it going?

Lawrence! Bless you for
bringing them back.

And might I say, a hearty
well-done is in order.

And may I also point out, they
cannot hide in the basement forever.

Yeah. No, I think I
got that figured out.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Sun come, dumb-dumb.

Our Moai friend is right. The
dawn will soon be upon us.

- Hey, Teddy.
- Hmm?

Remember the other night
you were saying something

about the key to happiness?

Did I?

You said, "the key
to happiness is..."

And then the sun came
up and you froze.

- I think I got it figured out.
- Yes?

It's doing what you love, isn't
it? With people you love.

Actually, I was going to
say "physical exercise",

but the love thing's good, too.

Lawrence!

Yeah.

Welcome home, son.

Thanks.

Well, folks, the wait is over.

After two months of renovation,

tonight, the museum of natural history
reopens its doors to the public.

As you can see, new
Yorkers are flooding in,

eager to see just what
changes are in store.

With its new,
extended night hours,

we're told the museum will
be more lively than ever.

- Well, well, well, well!
- Hey.

I see the uniform still fits
after these long, long years.

Yeah, yeah. Really hasn't
been that long, but...

So, to what do we owe
this "triumphant" return?

Not cut out for the "corporate"
jungle after all. Got fired.

No, actually, I sold my company.

The world doth move
in mysterious ways.

One day, we've got to get
rid of everything old,

the next, a rich, anonymous
donor gives a huge endowment.

With a proviso, everything
stays the same. So...

Well, not exactly the
same, obviously.

No.

Bully, lads and ladies, the
name is Theodore Roosevelt,

naturalist, rough rider and twenty-sixth
president of these great United States.

Come along, lad. The
hunt is afoot. Lawrence.

Hey, you dumb-dumbs
bring me gum-gum?

(Speaking foreign language)

(All laughing)

My parents gave me this
tablet some 3,000 years ago,

entrusting me with one of my
people's most prized possessions.

Does it do anything?

Do anything?

Yeah. What's the point if
it doesn't do anything?

Tell 'em.

Actually, it has a magical power that
brings all the exhibits to life.

No, really, what's it do?

Nothing. It's just
for decoration.

- (Whispers) I knew it.
- Mmm-hmm.

This place is lame. This thing
doesn't even look real.

Seriously, dude, these
animatronics suck.

(Roaring loudly)

(Screaming)

(Trumpeting)

- Mammoth?
- Yeah.

Extinct!

Today's technology is beyond me.

I know. It's so lifelike.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Something else.

You'll stick around a
bit longer this time,

or you gonna run away again
when you get something better?

- I'm gonna stay.
- Stay, for a long time.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Good. 'Cause, as night
guards go, you're...

(Throat catches)

- What?
- The best.

Excuse me.

You, the toddler! Don't
hug the displays.

I'm sorry. Hi.

I don't mean to stare. I just...

You look a lot like
somebody I know, and...

I get that a lot.

Do you?

Yeah. I guess I have
that kind of face.

- Familiar.
- Yeah.

You're not by any chance related
to Amelia Earhart, are you?

- No.
- No.

- No, I don't think so.
- Of course you're not.

I mean, I don't
know. Maybe I'm...

I just had to ask. I'm sorry.

She was that woman who
flew across the pacific.

- The Atlantic.
- Atlantic. Of course.

First woman to fly across the Atlantic,
and she received the flying cross,

first woman to do that.

- That's very cool.
- Yeah, she was cool.

Hey, you know what you should check
out is the the hall of miniatures.

Could you take me there?
I'm always getting lost.

Yeah, I know. Sure. Yeah,
I'll show you. Come on.

Thank you.

- I'm Larry Daley.
- Tess.

(Exclaims)

Woman: Joseph, time for dinner!

One second, ma!

Joey Motorola, you get down
here for supper right now!

I said one second, ma! I really
think I'm on to something here!

♪ If it's you and me forever ♪

♪ if it's you and me right now ♪

♪ that'd be alright ♪

♪ it'll be alright ♪

♪ chasing stars ♪ ♪
to lose our shadow ♪

♪ Peter Pan and Wendy
♪ ♪ turned out fine ♪

♪ so won't you fly with me? ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ gonna fly with me now ♪

♪ now the past ♪

♪ has come alive ♪

♪ and give it meaning ♪

♪ and a reason ♪

♪ to give all I can ♪

♪ to believe once again ♪

♪ if it's you and me forever ♪

♪ if it's you and me right now ♪

♪ that'd be alright ♪

♪ it'll be alright ♪

♪ chasing stars ♪ ♪
to lose our shadow ♪

♪ Peter Pan and Wendy
♪ ♪ turned out fine ♪

♪ so won't you fly with me? ♪

♪ Maybe you were just a friend ♪

♪ knowing you were miles away ♪

♪ from the place ♪ ♪
where you needed to be ♪

♪ and that's right
here with me ♪

♪ if it's you and me forever ♪

♪ if it's you and me right now ♪

♪ that'd be alright ♪

♪ chasing stars ♪ ♪
to lose our shadow ♪

♪ Peter Pan and Wendy
♪ ♪ turned out fine ♪

♪ so won't you fly with me? ♪

♪ If it's you and me forever ♪

♪ if it's you and me right now ♪

♪ that'd be alright ♪

♪ it'll be alright ♪

♪ chasing stars ♪ ♪
to lose our shadow ♪

♪ Peter Pan and Wendy
♪ ♪ turned out fine ♪

♪ so won't you fly, fly ♪

♪ fly with me? ♪

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