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Previously, on Mad About You...
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00:00:03,812 --> 00:00:05,466
I blame my parents.
3
00:00:07,569 --> 00:00:09,844
This nice man married
your daddy and me.
4
00:00:09,982 --> 00:00:11,843
You guys know I'm not
really a minister, right?
5
00:00:11,981 --> 00:00:14,153
All right, here's what we'll
do. Here's what we'll do.
6
00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,091
We'll go down to city
hall, we'll get married,
7
00:00:16,222 --> 00:00:17,382
we'll sign our regular thing,
8
00:00:17,497 --> 00:00:19,152
and then bing-bam-boom,
problem solved.
9
00:00:19,290 --> 00:00:20,290
Do you, Jamie...
10
00:00:20,325 --> 00:00:22,151
Bwuchman...
11
00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:23,427
take Paul Buchman...
12
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,426
to be your lawful
wedded husband?
13
00:00:25,564 --> 00:00:27,599
I don't want to get married.
14
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:30,218
You didn't so much get that
second vasectomy, did you?
15
00:00:30,356 --> 00:00:31,494
Wh...
16
00:00:31,631 --> 00:00:34,286
Because I am
remarkably pregnant.
17
00:00:35,355 --> 00:00:37,044
So let me ask you this.
18
00:00:37,181 --> 00:00:39,021
Are you gonna change
your name back to Stemple?
19
00:00:39,147 --> 00:00:40,147
What do you mean?
20
00:00:40,216 --> 00:00:41,905
Well, we're not
actually married.
21
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,904
No, sweetie, everything
stays exactly the same.
22
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Oh, my God.
23
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:47,076
Go away.
24
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:48,524
The apartment is not for rent.
25
00:00:48,662 --> 00:00:50,248
Huh? Who's that?
26
00:00:50,386 --> 00:00:51,454
It's your parents.
27
00:00:51,592 --> 00:00:53,212
Burt and Sylvia Buchman.
28
00:00:53,350 --> 00:00:54,212
Yes. Sorry.
29
00:00:54,350 --> 00:00:55,453
Happy anniversary.
30
00:00:55,591 --> 00:00:57,900
Oh, thanks.
31
00:00:58,038 --> 00:01:01,106
Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. What
has it been, 7 years now?
32
00:01:01,245 --> 00:01:02,865
Seven beautiful years.
33
00:01:03,003 --> 00:01:04,967
That's not nothing.
34
00:01:05,105 --> 00:01:06,520
Let me ask you something.
35
00:01:06,657 --> 00:01:08,519
If we had just been together
36
00:01:08,657 --> 00:01:09,519
for the last 7 years,
37
00:01:09,657 --> 00:01:11,104
but we weren't actually married,
38
00:01:11,243 --> 00:01:12,863
that would still be
"not nothing," right?
39
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,551
No, that would be nothing.
40
00:01:14,689 --> 00:01:15,551
Really?
41
00:01:15,689 --> 00:01:17,068
Yeah, you'd be
like Cousin Elliott
42
00:01:17,206 --> 00:01:19,412
and what's her name.
What is her name?
43
00:01:19,550 --> 00:01:22,378
Exactly. If they were
married, we'd all know.
44
00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:25,308
Until you make it official,
you're just playing house.
45
00:01:25,446 --> 00:01:27,893
You've gotta make a
statement. You gotta stand up
46
00:01:28,030 --> 00:01:30,307
in front of the whole world
and say, "I love this girl!"
47
00:01:30,444 --> 00:01:33,615
then there's a record of
it in city hall all typed up
48
00:01:33,753 --> 00:01:36,787
nice and everything. Otherwise,
you're just kidding around.
49
00:01:36,925 --> 00:01:38,201
I smell a diaper.
50
00:01:38,338 --> 00:01:39,511
Oh, gimme.
51
00:01:39,649 --> 00:01:41,304
No, no, no. We'll do it.
52
00:01:41,441 --> 00:01:42,303
Come on, Burt.
53
00:01:42,441 --> 00:01:44,510
You got a little thing there.
54
00:01:44,647 --> 00:01:46,371
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
55
00:01:46,509 --> 00:01:48,509
Come on. Come on.
56
00:01:48,646 --> 00:01:50,784
Don't even say it.
57
00:01:50,922 --> 00:01:52,024
What?
58
00:01:53,403 --> 00:01:54,921
They're your parents. We're us.
59
00:01:55,058 --> 00:01:57,368
We, don't forget, are very hip.
60
00:01:57,506 --> 00:01:58,644
We don't need city hall.
61
00:01:58,782 --> 00:02:00,382
We don't need a piece
of paper. We're us.
62
00:02:00,471 --> 00:02:01,471
Yeah.
63
00:02:01,539 --> 00:02:02,677
Hi.
64
00:02:02,815 --> 00:02:04,642
Hi. I understand your
apartment is for rent.
65
00:02:04,780 --> 00:02:07,504
Oh, you know, sadly
that is a misprint.
66
00:02:07,641 --> 00:02:08,641
Oh!
67
00:02:08,779 --> 00:02:09,813
Oh.
68
00:02:09,951 --> 00:02:11,088
Oh.
69
00:02:11,227 --> 00:02:12,985
Oh.
70
00:02:13,123 --> 00:02:14,536
Oh!
71
00:02:15,398 --> 00:02:16,398
Oh, is this your wife?
72
00:02:16,501 --> 00:02:18,121
Uh... no, not really.
73
00:02:18,259 --> 00:02:19,534
Oh, all right.
74
00:02:22,327 --> 00:02:24,499
Sweetie? I found it.
75
00:02:24,637 --> 00:02:26,499
Last one in the
city, but I found it.
76
00:02:26,637 --> 00:02:28,498
One big seat, one little seat.
77
00:02:28,636 --> 00:02:31,980
Two kids, one carriage.
One big happy family.
78
00:02:44,494 --> 00:02:46,321
Shh.
79
00:02:47,355 --> 00:02:49,044
It happens.
80
00:02:49,182 --> 00:02:51,492
These things happen, sweetie.
81
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:53,732
I'm sorry.
82
00:02:53,870 --> 00:02:57,525
No, no, no, no, no.
It's not your fault.
83
00:02:59,042 --> 00:03:01,075
You did everything right.
84
00:03:02,627 --> 00:03:05,040
It just wasn't meant to be.
85
00:03:07,281 --> 00:03:09,832
Turns out I wanted it.
86
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:13,280
Me, too.
87
00:03:22,484 --> 00:03:25,208
And so, I'm an only child.
88
00:03:25,346 --> 00:03:28,689
So, the manager
blames it on my feet.
89
00:03:28,827 --> 00:03:30,551
Yeah, that's the problem.
90
00:03:30,689 --> 00:03:32,998
The shoes that
you made are fine.
91
00:03:33,136 --> 00:03:36,032
My feet that God made
are clearly defective.
92
00:03:36,170 --> 00:03:37,307
Fran... I don't understand.
93
00:03:37,445 --> 00:03:39,514
You can send a monkey to Pluto.
94
00:03:39,652 --> 00:03:41,272
You can't make a
high-heeled sandal
95
00:03:41,410 --> 00:03:42,686
that doesn't lacerate my calf.
96
00:03:42,824 --> 00:03:45,030
Fran? I'm sorry. What?
97
00:03:45,168 --> 00:03:46,960
He left me.
98
00:03:47,098 --> 00:03:48,098
What?
99
00:03:48,236 --> 00:03:50,787
Paul. He left me.
100
00:03:52,339 --> 00:03:56,544
Oh, my God. What happened?
When did this happen?
101
00:03:56,682 --> 00:04:01,128
Last night, but I think it's
been on its way for a long time.
102
00:04:01,267 --> 00:04:03,025
Why?
103
00:04:03,163 --> 00:04:04,645
Well...
104
00:04:04,783 --> 00:04:06,093
What did he say?
105
00:04:06,231 --> 00:04:11,023
He said I'm unkind.
106
00:04:11,161 --> 00:04:12,436
What does that mean?
107
00:04:12,574 --> 00:04:15,746
He said I've changed
and that maybe this way
108
00:04:15,884 --> 00:04:19,124
will be better for both of us.
109
00:04:19,263 --> 00:04:21,434
He's an idiot, your husband!
110
00:04:21,572 --> 00:04:23,433
Maybe he's right. I
mean, I have changed.
111
00:04:23,571 --> 00:04:25,777
How could I not? I
was 26 when we met.
112
00:04:25,915 --> 00:04:28,743
We used to be very
kind to each other,
113
00:04:28,881 --> 00:04:33,086
but then there's a kid, and
I'm always worried about her,
114
00:04:33,224 --> 00:04:35,775
and there's just not as
much time to be kind.
115
00:04:35,913 --> 00:04:37,258
Who has that kind of time?
116
00:04:37,396 --> 00:04:39,498
And then she grows
up, and there you are.
117
00:04:39,636 --> 00:04:41,360
It's just the two of you,
118
00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:43,118
and nobody even
remembers how to be nice,
119
00:04:43,256 --> 00:04:44,704
so am I less nice?
120
00:04:44,841 --> 00:04:45,841
Sure.
121
00:04:45,876 --> 00:04:50,392
Am I unkind? Okay. Fine.
122
00:04:51,219 --> 00:04:53,736
You... are an idiot.
123
00:04:53,874 --> 00:04:56,080
Well, isn't that nice.
124
00:04:56,218 --> 00:04:58,562
I'm sorry. You think
I like to say this?
125
00:04:58,700 --> 00:04:59,700
Wh...
126
00:04:59,735 --> 00:05:00,975
It hurts me to say this,
127
00:05:01,113 --> 00:05:03,699
but I'm not gonna
beat around the bush.
128
00:05:03,836 --> 00:05:06,664
You, my friend, you
are a phenomenal idiot.
129
00:05:06,802 --> 00:05:08,766
You know, Mark,
if I'm not mistaken,
130
00:05:08,904 --> 00:05:11,249
you left Fran once upon a time.
131
00:05:11,387 --> 00:05:12,938
Yeah, I did. You're right.
132
00:05:13,076 --> 00:05:14,110
I was young!
133
00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:15,662
What do you mean?
134
00:05:15,799 --> 00:05:16,799
Look at you. You're old!
135
00:05:16,868 --> 00:05:19,178
I'm not old. I am...
136
00:05:19,316 --> 00:05:20,522
No, you're young.
137
00:05:20,660 --> 00:05:22,763
That's why social security
starts for you in 3 hours,
138
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:25,762
because you're so young!
139
00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:29,968
I mean, we always fought,
140
00:05:30,105 --> 00:05:32,484
but when the fights were
over, we were closer.
141
00:05:32,622 --> 00:05:34,588
By the end, it
wasn't even fighting.
142
00:05:34,726 --> 00:05:37,311
It was just criticism
and complaining
143
00:05:37,449 --> 00:05:38,690
and poking and prodding.
144
00:05:38,827 --> 00:05:40,242
Okay.
145
00:05:40,379 --> 00:05:41,482
All I know is
146
00:05:41,620 --> 00:05:43,964
I can't always be
wrong, you know?
147
00:05:44,102 --> 00:05:46,067
Some of what I do must be right.
148
00:05:46,205 --> 00:05:47,205
Who cares?
149
00:05:47,309 --> 00:05:49,722
Who cares? Who cares
who's right or wrong?
150
00:05:49,859 --> 00:05:52,066
Who's got the
strength to keep track?
151
00:05:52,204 --> 00:05:54,651
You just stay
married and shut up.
152
00:05:55,685 --> 00:05:57,306
Why?
153
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:58,753
Why?
154
00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:00,408
Because it's better.
155
00:06:00,546 --> 00:06:04,235
Listen, you know, nobody
believed that more than me.
156
00:06:04,373 --> 00:06:06,338
Oh, I know, I know.
157
00:06:06,476 --> 00:06:07,889
But we were miserable.
158
00:06:08,027 --> 00:06:11,992
Do you understand that? Jamie
and I, we were both miserable.
159
00:06:12,129 --> 00:06:14,233
So who are you
not to be miserable?
160
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,370
No. At a certain
point, you have to say,
161
00:06:18,507 --> 00:06:20,092
"Okay, who is this for?"
162
00:06:20,231 --> 00:06:21,678
I mean, who's winning here?
163
00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:22,989
Nobody.
164
00:06:23,127 --> 00:06:24,230
But you love Jamie.
165
00:06:24,368 --> 00:06:26,677
Of course. Very much.
166
00:06:26,815 --> 00:06:28,711
So?
167
00:06:28,849 --> 00:06:30,711
So I'll be the bad guy.
168
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:33,469
So I'll... Let me be
the one who says,
169
00:06:33,606 --> 00:06:38,123
"You know what? Why don't
we just let each other live?"
170
00:06:38,260 --> 00:06:39,640
Till death do you part.
171
00:06:39,778 --> 00:06:41,260
That's what is says... Death...
172
00:06:41,398 --> 00:06:42,846
Not a lack of kindness.
173
00:06:42,984 --> 00:06:44,672
The vows are very specific.
174
00:06:44,810 --> 00:06:46,189
In other words, you don't leave.
175
00:06:46,327 --> 00:06:47,844
That's the one
thing you don't do.
176
00:06:47,982 --> 00:06:50,844
You think I haven't felt good
and fed up plenty of times?
177
00:06:50,981 --> 00:06:52,739
Believe me, I have,
many, many times.
178
00:06:52,877 --> 00:06:53,917
But I didn't leave, did I?
179
00:06:53,946 --> 00:06:55,980
No. No, I stayed.
180
00:06:56,118 --> 00:06:57,290
Right.
181
00:06:57,428 --> 00:06:59,221
He left.
182
00:07:03,012 --> 00:07:04,943
Good times.
183
00:07:06,702 --> 00:07:08,459
Here's something.
184
00:07:08,597 --> 00:07:10,907
Our dog Murray
died when I was 6,
185
00:07:11,045 --> 00:07:15,078
so naturally my parents told
me about it when I was 12.
186
00:07:16,251 --> 00:07:18,319
Okay, I've had it with you two!
187
00:07:18,457 --> 00:07:20,043
Uh-oh. Now what?
188
00:07:20,181 --> 00:07:23,076
If one human year
equals seven dog years,
189
00:07:23,215 --> 00:07:25,386
that would make Murray 210.
190
00:07:25,524 --> 00:07:27,248
So? So...
191
00:07:27,386 --> 00:07:28,972
You lied. That isn't Murray.
192
00:07:31,178 --> 00:07:32,557
Um...
193
00:07:32,695 --> 00:07:34,935
Listen, Mabel... Sonya...
194
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:40,107
Sweetie, some
very special dogs...
195
00:07:40,244 --> 00:07:43,210
Save it, Ma. Murray
died, didn't he?
196
00:07:43,347 --> 00:07:44,864
And you got another dog
197
00:07:45,001 --> 00:07:47,622
who looked just like
Murray, didn't you?
198
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,173
I mean, who does such a thing?
199
00:07:54,345 --> 00:07:58,067
Thereafter, my parents promised
they'd be straight with me.
200
00:07:58,206 --> 00:07:59,446
Sweetheart?
201
00:08:00,619 --> 00:08:02,239
Last night...
202
00:08:02,376 --> 00:08:05,135
your grandfather...
203
00:08:05,273 --> 00:08:09,650
unexpectedly and in his sleep...
204
00:08:11,271 --> 00:08:12,271
moved to Florida.
205
00:08:16,235 --> 00:08:18,132
Paulie, keep up with the hearse.
206
00:08:18,269 --> 00:08:20,647
Ma, you're grieving
or you're driving.
207
00:08:20,785 --> 00:08:23,544
Oh, very nice. Chew
my head off, I'm a widow.
208
00:08:23,682 --> 00:08:26,267
Sorry. You're right.
209
00:08:29,611 --> 00:08:32,506
You know, sometimes
in the silence,
210
00:08:32,644 --> 00:08:34,644
I can feel his presence.
211
00:08:43,297 --> 00:08:44,607
Couldn't be sorrier.
212
00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:46,882
Hello.
213
00:08:47,020 --> 00:08:48,916
I guess it's true what they say.
214
00:08:49,054 --> 00:08:50,157
Life goes on.
215
00:08:50,295 --> 00:08:53,674
No, no. No, absolutely
not. Absolutely not!
216
00:08:53,812 --> 00:08:55,880
No, no, no. Absolutely not!
217
00:08:56,018 --> 00:08:57,259
What?
218
00:08:57,397 --> 00:09:00,051
Hold on. It's the tenant board.
219
00:09:00,190 --> 00:09:01,637
They say we can
have the apartment,
220
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,223
but now they want key money.
221
00:09:03,361 --> 00:09:04,567
Key money? What is that?
222
00:09:04,705 --> 00:09:05,705
It's a bribe, basically.
223
00:09:05,774 --> 00:09:07,015
Honestly, must you do this now?
224
00:09:07,153 --> 00:09:08,953
I'm sorry, Ma. It's just
that we have a chance
225
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:11,014
to get the apartment
across the hall from us,
226
00:09:11,152 --> 00:09:13,462
but only if we do it today.
What, the Scottish people?
227
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:14,462
English people.
228
00:09:14,599 --> 00:09:15,461
Right. Yeah.
229
00:09:15,599 --> 00:09:17,805
So what? Pay them the key money.
230
00:09:17,943 --> 00:09:19,460
Really?
231
00:09:19,598 --> 00:09:22,218
Yes. Sure. The
wall can come down,
232
00:09:22,356 --> 00:09:24,493
and you'll finally
have a room for Mabel.
233
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:26,217
What are you waiting for?
234
00:09:26,355 --> 00:09:28,665
Yes. Tell them yes.
235
00:09:28,803 --> 00:09:31,113
Okay. Done. We'll
get you the check.
236
00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:32,250
Thank you.
237
00:09:32,353 --> 00:09:34,077
So it's ours?
238
00:09:34,215 --> 00:09:35,077
It's ours.
239
00:09:35,214 --> 00:09:37,490
Okay. All right,
this is a good day.
240
00:09:37,627 --> 00:09:39,076
It really is.
241
00:09:46,867 --> 00:09:48,660
Can you imagine?
Cecilia wore chiffon.
242
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,762
You're right. Very
inappropriate for a funeral.
243
00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:52,761
It's not that, it's her figure.
244
00:09:52,899 --> 00:09:55,416
There's gotta
be a better fabric.
245
00:09:58,450 --> 00:10:01,932
Oh! I didn't get potato
salad... just coleslaw.
246
00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:04,104
Ma, people love coleslaw.
247
00:10:04,242 --> 00:10:06,931
Aunt Syl, you want
me to go get it?
248
00:10:07,068 --> 00:10:08,379
No.
249
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:41,232
And that's why they
call it intercourse.
250
00:10:41,370 --> 00:10:43,094
Sexual intercourse.
251
00:10:43,232 --> 00:10:44,472
I'm saying.
252
00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:48,885
Sweetheart, do you
understand any of this?
253
00:10:49,022 --> 00:10:50,022
I'm on the pill.
254
00:10:51,988 --> 00:10:54,505
Okay, so then you know.
255
00:10:55,745 --> 00:10:57,020
That was the moment
256
00:10:57,159 --> 00:10:59,537
my father decided I
was growing up too fast,
257
00:10:59,675 --> 00:11:01,192
and so began our Sunday morning
258
00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:03,192
"buy the newspaper,
buy some bagels,
259
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,502
get an Italian ice,
260
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,260
and make fun of
perfectly innocent people
261
00:11:06,398 --> 00:11:08,708
in the street" ritual.
262
00:11:10,707 --> 00:11:13,224
My mother and I
also had our rituals.
263
00:11:13,362 --> 00:11:14,224
No!
264
00:11:14,362 --> 00:11:15,223
I'm saying yes!
265
00:11:15,361 --> 00:11:16,361
No! Yes!
266
00:11:16,499 --> 00:11:18,532
No!
267
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,462
Yes.
268
00:11:25,599 --> 00:11:26,461
No!
269
00:11:26,599 --> 00:11:28,220
Yes!
270
00:11:33,115 --> 00:11:34,390
My therapist said
271
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:37,218
that the reason I clash
with my mother so much
272
00:11:37,356 --> 00:11:39,113
is that we're so very alike.
273
00:11:39,251 --> 00:11:40,113
No!
274
00:11:40,251 --> 00:11:42,044
That statement alone
275
00:11:42,181 --> 00:11:45,456
upped me from two sessions
to three sessions a week.
276
00:11:46,905 --> 00:11:48,422
My grandfather used to say,
277
00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:51,421
"Out of pain beauty does come."
278
00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:53,420
He also used to say,
279
00:11:53,558 --> 00:11:56,109
"Plant one right
here, tiger puss,"
280
00:11:56,247 --> 00:11:57,315
you know, so some things
281
00:11:57,453 --> 00:11:59,074
were more resonant than others.
282
00:11:59,212 --> 00:12:02,590
And what I did
was I took my pain,
283
00:12:02,728 --> 00:12:06,072
poured it into my work,
and I waited for beauty.
284
00:12:06,210 --> 00:12:07,451
Hey, Bob.
285
00:12:07,588 --> 00:12:10,829
Hey. What have you
got there, a knife?
286
00:12:12,036 --> 00:12:13,036
She's stabbing Bob!
287
00:12:13,139 --> 00:12:16,000
Unh, I'm bleeding a lot.
288
00:12:30,135 --> 00:12:31,342
Well, who wants pie?
289
00:12:31,479 --> 00:12:32,651
Yeah, that sounds good.
290
00:12:32,789 --> 00:12:35,306
That's a great idea.
We'll see you there.
291
00:12:35,443 --> 00:12:36,512
All right, Paulie. Okay.
292
00:12:38,064 --> 00:12:39,960
Want to get some pie?
293
00:12:40,098 --> 00:12:41,166
I don't think so.
294
00:12:41,304 --> 00:12:43,338
Okay. Well...
295
00:12:44,338 --> 00:12:46,303
It was good to see you.
296
00:12:46,441 --> 00:12:48,716
You, too.
297
00:12:48,853 --> 00:12:50,922
Think you and me were
supposed to be Bob?
298
00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:52,129
Oh, let's say no.
299
00:12:52,267 --> 00:12:53,370
Ha. Ha. Okay.
300
00:12:54,852 --> 00:12:56,197
How's the apartment?
301
00:12:56,335 --> 00:12:57,369
Good.
302
00:12:59,644 --> 00:13:01,299
Did you ever think
we'd be these people?
303
00:13:01,437 --> 00:13:04,333
No, I did not.
304
00:13:08,539 --> 00:13:12,400
I just want to
say if I did, um...
305
00:13:12,538 --> 00:13:15,915
change in some way
that made you feel...
306
00:13:16,054 --> 00:13:18,743
No, hey, no, no, no, no, no.
307
00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:20,811
You don't have to do that.
308
00:13:20,949 --> 00:13:22,087
That's okay.
309
00:13:22,224 --> 00:13:24,328
Okay.
310
00:13:24,466 --> 00:13:27,361
But I do think it's better
this way... Don't you think?
311
00:13:27,499 --> 00:13:28,499
I do.
312
00:13:28,533 --> 00:13:29,774
I do, too.
313
00:13:32,532 --> 00:13:34,394
Okay, so you take
care of yourself.
314
00:13:34,532 --> 00:13:35,532
You, too.
315
00:13:35,566 --> 00:13:37,324
Okay.
316
00:13:37,462 --> 00:13:38,738
Okay.
317
00:14:09,454 --> 00:14:11,418
Did you just kiss me?
318
00:14:13,831 --> 00:14:15,417
No.
319
00:14:17,521 --> 00:14:19,347
I didn't think so.
320
00:14:26,518 --> 00:14:28,656
Buy me some pie?
321
00:14:31,517 --> 00:14:33,413
Yes, please.
322
00:14:47,271 --> 00:14:49,064
And he bought her pie,
323
00:14:49,202 --> 00:14:52,718
and he took her
home, and he never left.
324
00:14:57,924 --> 00:15:00,303
Yes, it was not my best film.
325
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,371
I see that now.
326
00:15:02,509 --> 00:15:08,025
But it was what I would call a
hugely successful screening.
327
00:15:08,163 --> 00:15:10,885
To me, there is no
greater act of courage
328
00:15:11,024 --> 00:15:14,850
than being the
one who kisses first.
329
00:15:14,988 --> 00:15:17,712
And bearing that in mind...
330
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:19,367
I ask all of you who
are not my mother
331
00:15:19,505 --> 00:15:23,021
to turn around for a second.
332
00:15:23,159 --> 00:15:26,606
Mom, I love you.
333
00:15:26,744 --> 00:15:29,329
Okay, everybody, you
can turn back around.
334
00:15:30,811 --> 00:15:33,259
I said at the beginning
that I blame my parents...
335
00:15:33,397 --> 00:15:34,983
and I do.
336
00:15:35,121 --> 00:15:37,776
I blame them for
making me crazy.
337
00:15:37,913 --> 00:15:40,844
I blame them for
being so difficult.
338
00:15:42,361 --> 00:15:44,050
But most of all...
339
00:15:44,188 --> 00:15:47,049
I blame them for making
it impossible for me
340
00:15:47,187 --> 00:15:48,945
to dismiss the idea
341
00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:52,185
that love can actually work out.
342
00:15:54,874 --> 00:15:57,804
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here today...
343
00:15:57,942 --> 00:16:01,114
Ahem... Actually, we are
gathered here almost tomorrow.
344
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,769
Sorry again about the late hour.
345
00:16:02,907 --> 00:16:05,227
Yeah, it's just we want to
keep the same anniversary, so...
346
00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:07,354
Happy to be here.
Flattered to be asked.
347
00:16:07,492 --> 00:16:10,354
Although, we are moving
right along here on midnight,
348
00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:12,180
so, uh, I should just kind of...
349
00:16:12,318 --> 00:16:13,835
Please, by all
means, by all means.
350
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,533
Paul, do you take
Jamie to be your wife,
351
00:16:15,628 --> 00:16:17,348
to have and to hold,
to love and to cherish,
352
00:16:17,421 --> 00:16:18,421
till death do you part?
353
00:16:18,454 --> 00:16:19,730
I do.
354
00:16:19,868 --> 00:16:21,557
Jamie, do you take
Paul to be your husband,
355
00:16:21,695 --> 00:16:23,415
to have and to hold,
to love and to cherish,
356
00:16:23,488 --> 00:16:24,694
till death do you part?
357
00:16:24,832 --> 00:16:26,970
I do.
358
00:16:27,107 --> 00:16:28,762
Are you sure?
359
00:16:30,451 --> 00:16:31,589
Yes.
360
00:16:31,727 --> 00:16:33,367
Well, you know, the
last time we talked...
361
00:16:33,485 --> 00:16:34,726
I understand. Okay.
362
00:16:34,864 --> 00:16:35,984
Well, uh, you got the rings,
363
00:16:36,105 --> 00:16:38,277
and the, uh, witness
is asleep in the crib.
364
00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:41,345
Dog's lost interest, so I
guess we can move right along.
365
00:16:41,483 --> 00:16:43,000
By the power vested in me,
366
00:16:43,138 --> 00:16:45,000
I now pronounce
you man and wife.
367
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:46,344
And we got 7 seconds left,
368
00:16:46,482 --> 00:16:48,402
so you can kiss each
other squarely on the mouth.
369
00:16:48,447 --> 00:16:50,136
Ha.
370
00:16:50,274 --> 00:16:51,721
Okay. Okay.
371
00:16:51,859 --> 00:16:52,998
Well, I'm out of here.
372
00:16:53,136 --> 00:16:55,651
Okay, there you go.
We're all signed up.
373
00:16:55,789 --> 00:16:57,341
Here's your
certificate right there.
374
00:16:57,479 --> 00:16:58,582
I'm gonna leave you my card
375
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,282
in case you ever want
to get ahold of me.
376
00:17:00,306 --> 00:17:02,409
I am a certified
public accountant
377
00:17:02,547 --> 00:17:03,891
and also a notary public
378
00:17:04,029 --> 00:17:06,924
and I can fix a boat.
379
00:17:11,854 --> 00:17:12,854
Well...
380
00:17:12,923 --> 00:17:15,061
Well.
381
00:17:15,199 --> 00:17:16,474
We are married.
382
00:17:16,612 --> 00:17:17,681
Yes, we are.
383
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:20,335
All official, typed up,
nice and everything.
384
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:21,920
Yep.
385
00:17:22,059 --> 00:17:25,713
I got to say it
feels, uh... it feels...
386
00:17:25,850 --> 00:17:27,250
what am I trying
to say? It feels...
387
00:17:27,334 --> 00:17:28,334
Exactly the same?
388
00:17:28,402 --> 00:17:29,402
Very much, yes.
389
00:17:29,540 --> 00:17:31,126
Did we rush him too much?
390
00:17:31,264 --> 00:17:32,435
I don't know. Maybe we did.
391
00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:34,470
'Cause there were
actually a couple of things
392
00:17:34,607 --> 00:17:36,479
I would have said if he'd
given us a minute or 2.
393
00:17:36,503 --> 00:17:38,262
Really? Me, too. Really?
394
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,088
Yeah. Well, I know
you pretty good now.
395
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:42,846
I would have been
a little more specific.
396
00:17:42,985 --> 00:17:44,225
What would you have said?
397
00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:46,053
I would have said, "I love you."
398
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:48,052
That's not so specific.
399
00:17:48,190 --> 00:17:50,017
No, but...
400
00:17:50,155 --> 00:17:51,258
I really love you.
401
00:17:51,396 --> 00:17:53,327
Oh.
402
00:17:53,465 --> 00:17:55,360
And I would have said...
403
00:17:57,015 --> 00:18:00,014
I know life is a big,
dangerous thing,
404
00:18:00,152 --> 00:18:05,737
and it's stronger and
smarter and sneakier than us,
405
00:18:05,875 --> 00:18:07,357
but here's what I got.
406
00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:09,392
I will always love you.
407
00:18:09,529 --> 00:18:13,218
Don't ever doubt
that no matter what.
408
00:18:13,356 --> 00:18:15,321
So that's what I
would have said.
409
00:18:15,459 --> 00:18:16,459
What would you have said?
410
00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:20,009
I would have said...
411
00:18:22,181 --> 00:18:26,111
I would have said there
are millions of things I want,
412
00:18:26,249 --> 00:18:29,386
but only one
thing I really need.
413
00:18:29,524 --> 00:18:30,972
And if you ever
decided to leave me,
414
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,144
I would go and find
you and bring you home
415
00:18:33,281 --> 00:18:36,418
'cause you'd be wrong.
416
00:18:37,832 --> 00:18:38,900
See, now that's a wedding.
417
00:18:39,039 --> 00:18:40,039
Yeah.
418
00:18:40,073 --> 00:18:42,279
How do you like
being married so far?
419
00:18:42,417 --> 00:18:44,761
I like it very much.
420
00:18:45,968 --> 00:18:47,037
You hungry? Not really.
421
00:18:47,175 --> 00:18:48,691
Okay.
422
00:18:52,967 --> 00:18:54,345
Come here.
423
00:19:07,445 --> 00:19:12,100
Thank you for a
wonderful engagement.
424
00:19:13,237 --> 00:19:15,339
It has been my pleasure.
425
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:50,193
♪ You turn around ♪
426
00:19:50,330 --> 00:19:54,812
♪ Then you ask me
Behind tears of doubt ♪
427
00:19:54,951 --> 00:20:00,052
♪ "Just what do I see in you?" ♪
428
00:20:00,190 --> 00:20:04,327
♪ Please don't cry ♪
429
00:20:04,465 --> 00:20:09,223
♪ I know sometimes It
seems we barely get by ♪
430
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:11,291
♪ But you don't see ♪
431
00:20:11,429 --> 00:20:13,669
♪ How much you do ♪
432
00:20:13,807 --> 00:20:16,014
♪ Oh, to get me through ♪
433
00:20:16,152 --> 00:20:20,082
♪ When the world is cold ♪
434
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:23,770
♪ And I need A friend to hold ♪
435
00:20:23,908 --> 00:20:25,735
♪ You give me love ♪
436
00:20:25,873 --> 00:20:28,596
♪ You give me love, baby ♪
437
00:20:28,734 --> 00:20:32,285
♪ And when my hope is gone ♪
438
00:20:32,423 --> 00:20:36,043
♪ And I feel I can't go on ♪
439
00:20:36,181 --> 00:20:38,180
♪ You pick me up ♪
440
00:20:38,318 --> 00:20:43,179
♪ You give me love
You give me love ♪
441
00:20:43,317 --> 00:20:47,213
♪ Yeah, yeah Oh, baby ♪
442
00:20:49,695 --> 00:20:54,900
♪ I apologize ♪
443
00:20:55,038 --> 00:20:59,899
♪ If I never told you
What you are in my eyes ♪
444
00:21:00,037 --> 00:21:04,656
♪ Oh, baby Let me tell you now ♪
445
00:21:04,794 --> 00:21:08,861
♪ Every day ♪
446
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:13,895
♪ Looks sweeter knowing
You'll be there in every way ♪
447
00:21:14,033 --> 00:21:18,583
♪ Now how can you
say That's not enough ♪
448
00:21:18,721 --> 00:21:22,720
♪ 'Cause when
The world is cold ♪
449
00:21:22,858 --> 00:21:26,478
♪ And I need a friend to hold ♪
450
00:21:26,616 --> 00:21:30,477
♪ You give me love
You give me love, baby ♪
451
00:21:30,615 --> 00:21:35,165
♪ And when my hope is gone ♪
452
00:21:35,303 --> 00:21:38,647
♪ And I feel I can't go on ♪
453
00:21:38,785 --> 00:21:41,061
♪ You pick me up ♪
454
00:21:41,199 --> 00:21:42,853
♪ You give me love ♪
455
00:21:42,991 --> 00:21:48,300
♪ You give me everything
My heart desires ♪
456
00:21:48,438 --> 00:21:52,023
♪ Morning sun
And midnight fires ♪
457
00:21:52,161 --> 00:21:56,298
♪ Someone there
To share my dream ♪
458
00:21:56,435 --> 00:22:00,125
♪ With you I have everything ♪
459
00:22:00,263 --> 00:22:03,640
♪ When the world is cold ♪
460
00:22:03,778 --> 00:22:07,468
♪ And I need A friend to hold ♪
461
00:22:07,605 --> 00:22:09,536
♪ You give me love ♪
462
00:22:09,674 --> 00:22:12,191
♪ You give me love, baby ♪
463
00:22:12,328 --> 00:22:16,568
♪ And when my hope is gone ♪
464
00:22:16,706 --> 00:22:19,602
♪ And I feel I can't go on ♪
465
00:22:19,740 --> 00:22:21,877
♪ You pick me up ♪
466
00:22:22,015 --> 00:22:23,635
♪ You give me love ♪
467
00:22:23,773 --> 00:22:28,738
♪ Yeah, when my world Is cold ♪
468
00:22:28,876 --> 00:22:32,599
♪ And I need A
friend to hold me ♪
469
00:22:32,737 --> 00:22:34,323
♪ You give me love ♪
470
00:22:34,461 --> 00:22:36,977
♪ You give me love, baby ♪
471
00:22:37,115 --> 00:22:41,114
♪ And when my hope is gone ♪
472
00:22:41,252 --> 00:22:44,596
♪ And I feel I can't go on ♪
473
00:22:44,734 --> 00:22:46,629
♪ You pick me up ♪
474
00:22:46,767 --> 00:22:48,835
♪ You give me love ♪
475
00:22:48,974 --> 00:22:54,076
♪ Yeah, when my world is cold ♪
476
00:22:54,214 --> 00:22:57,351
♪ And I need A
friend to hold me ♪
477
00:22:57,489 --> 00:23:01,005
♪ You give me love
You give me love, baby ♪
478
00:23:03,246 --> 00:23:04,406
So in case you're interested,
479
00:23:04,522 --> 00:23:05,970
here's what happened
to everybody.
480
00:23:06,108 --> 00:23:08,555
Ira and Marianne ended
up with eight children...
481
00:23:08,692 --> 00:23:11,829
One from every continent
and two from New Jersey.
482
00:23:11,968 --> 00:23:13,519
Mark and Fran invited
483
00:23:13,657 --> 00:23:15,898
an adventuresome Swedish
couple into their marriage,
484
00:23:16,036 --> 00:23:17,828
and they've never been happier.
485
00:23:17,967 --> 00:23:20,655
My grandma moved
to Boca Raton, Florida,
486
00:23:20,793 --> 00:23:22,035
but it didn't take.
487
00:23:22,172 --> 00:23:23,965
So then she moved
into my parents' building,
488
00:23:24,103 --> 00:23:26,998
but two floors down
so as not to intrude.
489
00:23:27,136 --> 00:23:31,308
Aunt Lisa is exactly the same.
490
00:23:31,446 --> 00:23:34,858
Me... I'm fine.
491
00:23:34,996 --> 00:23:38,513
And these two, if you'll
pardon the expression,
492
00:23:38,651 --> 00:23:41,099
lived happily ever after.
493
00:23:46,717 --> 00:23:47,717
Captions: M.P.
33397
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