Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:07,317
Murray, it's just
dental hygiene.
2
00:00:07,455 --> 00:00:09,559
Oh, come on. Yummy,
yummy, yummy.
3
00:00:09,697 --> 00:00:12,077
Oh, come on!
4
00:00:12,939 --> 00:00:15,043
You've changed.
5
00:00:21,940 --> 00:00:23,354
Physics for 200.
6
00:00:23,492 --> 00:00:26,355
This isotope is used to
make an atomic bomb.
7
00:00:26,492 --> 00:00:27,355
Okay, uh, no, no.
8
00:00:27,493 --> 00:00:28,837
What is kryptonite? Kryptonite?
9
00:00:28,975 --> 00:00:30,455
No, no. The hot
stuff that gets hot...
10
00:00:30,527 --> 00:00:32,665
What is uranium 235? - Yes.
11
00:00:32,803 --> 00:00:34,218
All right, like I'm
gonna know that.
12
00:00:34,356 --> 00:00:35,700
Okay. Abbreviations for 300.
13
00:00:35,838 --> 00:00:36,942
In the military,
14
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,218
it's what the initials
G.I. stand for.
15
00:00:39,356 --> 00:00:41,218
G.I., G.I...
16
00:00:41,356 --> 00:00:43,150
Gee, your hair smells terrific.
17
00:00:43,288 --> 00:00:45,046
G... general,
general, general...
18
00:00:45,184 --> 00:00:46,264
Get me out of the army now.
19
00:00:47,875 --> 00:00:49,909
What is "government issue"?
- Right.
20
00:00:50,047 --> 00:00:51,667
Government... all
right, G.I... G.I.Joe.
21
00:00:51,805 --> 00:00:52,805
G.I.Joe.
22
00:00:52,909 --> 00:00:54,392
Of course. Well,
what is Guadalcanal?
23
00:00:54,530 --> 00:00:55,530
That's the doorbell.
24
00:00:55,668 --> 00:00:58,117
Okay. Hail to the chief for 400,
25
00:00:58,254 --> 00:01:00,221
the easiest one on the board.
26
00:01:00,359 --> 00:01:01,979
This was L.B.J.'s middle name.
27
00:01:02,117 --> 00:01:03,186
I know it!
28
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:04,484
Barry? No. Boo boo? Bob, Bob.
29
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:05,600
Biff?
30
00:01:05,635 --> 00:01:06,755
Billy Bob? Lyndon Billy Bob?
31
00:01:06,877 --> 00:01:07,738
Lyndon Bristol...
32
00:01:07,877 --> 00:01:08,738
Hays, Hays, Hays.
33
00:01:08,877 --> 00:01:09,877
I think it's Hays.
34
00:01:09,911 --> 00:01:11,601
B... L.B.J.
35
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:12,946
Not Hays. Not Hays.
36
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:15,878
What is "Baines"? - Baines!
37
00:01:16,016 --> 00:01:17,567
I knew that.
38
00:01:17,705 --> 00:01:18,785
Were we always this stupid,
39
00:01:18,878 --> 00:01:19,739
or is this recent?
40
00:01:19,878 --> 00:01:20,740
What?
41
00:01:20,878 --> 00:01:22,154
What what?
42
00:01:23,844 --> 00:01:25,706
Hello, skunkie. Hi.
43
00:01:25,844 --> 00:01:27,465
All right, which one of you
44
00:01:27,602 --> 00:01:30,258
picked Moby Dick
for the book club?
45
00:01:30,396 --> 00:01:31,534
Okay, that was her.
46
00:01:31,672 --> 00:01:33,707
I wanted I Like Lollipops
47
00:01:33,845 --> 00:01:35,638
by Telly Savalas, but no...
48
00:01:35,776 --> 00:01:37,121
Moby Dick.
49
00:01:37,259 --> 00:01:39,225
Moby Dickis a classic.
50
00:01:39,363 --> 00:01:41,742
Hey, Telly Savalas...
Pretty complicated man.
51
00:01:41,881 --> 00:01:42,950
What do you got there?
52
00:01:43,088 --> 00:01:45,708
A little gift for my niece.
53
00:01:45,846 --> 00:01:49,157
Buchman and
Stemple family trees.
54
00:01:49,295 --> 00:01:50,295
Wow!
55
00:01:50,364 --> 00:01:51,227
Look at that!
56
00:01:51,364 --> 00:01:52,502
Yeah, isn't that something?
57
00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:53,812
See how far back they go?
58
00:01:53,951 --> 00:01:56,261
Look at that. Yeah,
Spartacus Stemple.
59
00:01:56,399 --> 00:01:58,399
Who knew? You mock,
60
00:01:58,537 --> 00:02:01,159
but this way your daughter will
know from whence she came.
61
00:02:01,297 --> 00:02:02,331
From Holland, apparently.
62
00:02:02,469 --> 00:02:03,952
So you're really... you're part
63
00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:06,573
Holland... Hollandish...
Holl... Hollandarian?
64
00:02:06,711 --> 00:02:08,160
Holl... Hollandaise...
65
00:02:08,298 --> 00:02:09,504
Dutch?
66
00:02:09,642 --> 00:02:11,505
Dutch! Okay, 'cause all right...
67
00:02:11,643 --> 00:02:14,746
I want to point out just
a little sort of anomaly.
68
00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:16,643
If you look at the Stemple
69
00:02:16,781 --> 00:02:18,230
great-great-great-grandmother...
70
00:02:18,368 --> 00:02:19,368
Hester.
71
00:02:19,471 --> 00:02:22,264
She is connected
by a squiggly line to...
72
00:02:22,402 --> 00:02:23,264
Irwin Buchman.
73
00:02:23,402 --> 00:02:25,058
That's funny. So then, if you go
74
00:02:25,196 --> 00:02:27,265
to the Buchman great-
great-great-grandfather...
75
00:02:27,403 --> 00:02:28,645
Irwin Buchman...
76
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:30,921
His son Maximilian...
77
00:02:31,058 --> 00:02:33,507
known as Jorge to his
friends, which is interesting.
78
00:02:33,645 --> 00:02:36,714
Is also connected
by a squiggly line to...
79
00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:39,266
Eleanor, daughter of
Romulus and Alexa.
80
00:02:39,404 --> 00:02:40,404
Exactly.
81
00:02:40,542 --> 00:02:42,267
I don't know what
you're talking about.
82
00:02:42,404 --> 00:02:43,439
What, what, what?
83
00:02:43,577 --> 00:02:45,060
You're cousins.
84
00:02:46,405 --> 00:02:47,681
We're all cousins.
85
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:52,027
And worse yet, in fact, we
are descended from cousins.
86
00:02:58,028 --> 00:03:00,166
I told you we were stupid.
87
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,718
Honey, I can't
believe you waited
88
00:03:03,855 --> 00:03:05,580
till the day before
the book club
89
00:03:05,718 --> 00:03:06,960
to read Moby Dick.
90
00:03:07,098 --> 00:03:08,614
On the off chance
we don't make it
91
00:03:08,752 --> 00:03:09,952
all the way through the books,
92
00:03:10,063 --> 00:03:11,623
maybe we should
pick up the Cliff Notes.
93
00:03:11,752 --> 00:03:14,063
The Cliff Notesfor this
are gonna be 200 pages.
94
00:03:14,201 --> 00:03:16,408
Is there, like, a pop-up book
or something we could get?
95
00:03:16,546 --> 00:03:18,133
Next thing, we'll be
renting the movie.
96
00:03:18,271 --> 00:03:19,753
Good idea. Hey, look at this!
97
00:03:19,892 --> 00:03:21,961
So You Think You
Married Your Cousin.
98
00:03:23,962 --> 00:03:25,582
That's a joke book.
99
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:29,031
No, it's n... Oh, Jeff
Foxworthy. Okay. All right.
100
00:03:29,169 --> 00:03:30,479
Come here.
101
00:03:30,617 --> 00:03:32,652
The Complete Guide to
Genealogical Relationships.
102
00:03:32,790 --> 00:03:34,652
Let's just look and see exactly
103
00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:36,755
how disgusting
and immoral we are.
104
00:03:36,894 --> 00:03:37,755
Okay, right here.
105
00:03:37,894 --> 00:03:38,756
So if we're...
106
00:03:38,894 --> 00:03:41,239
So according to this, we are...
107
00:03:41,377 --> 00:03:43,240
Fourth cousins
once... once removed.
108
00:03:43,378 --> 00:03:45,481
No, not... not removed.
You're only removed
109
00:03:45,619 --> 00:03:47,654
if you're not the
same generation.
110
00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:48,792
So we're fourth cousins?
111
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,137
I think so.
112
00:03:50,274 --> 00:03:52,394
So that means I'm a cousin
of somebody who is a cousin
113
00:03:52,447 --> 00:03:54,930
who has as their cousin
somebody who is a cousin of yours?
114
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,172
Huh?
115
00:03:56,310 --> 00:03:58,586
Maybe children of cousins
are not the best people
116
00:03:58,724 --> 00:04:00,311
to be figuring this
kind of thing out.
117
00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,414
We're fourth cousins, Paul.
118
00:04:02,552 --> 00:04:04,069
Okay, so we're fourth cousins.
119
00:04:04,207 --> 00:04:05,276
Big deal.
120
00:04:05,414 --> 00:04:06,587
Not a problem. Fine.
121
00:04:06,725 --> 00:04:07,725
Ugh!
122
00:04:07,863 --> 00:04:09,381
Gaaaaa, I don't like this.
123
00:04:09,518 --> 00:04:11,657
This is not supposed to
happen to people like us.
124
00:04:11,794 --> 00:04:13,553
Not to use stereotypes
or, you know, labels,
125
00:04:13,691 --> 00:04:14,840
but this is the kind of thing
126
00:04:14,864 --> 00:04:16,243
that generally happens to people
127
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:18,416
a little more hillish
and a little more billyish.
128
00:04:18,553 --> 00:04:19,760
I'll tell you this much.
129
00:04:19,899 --> 00:04:21,209
We are hiding
those family trees,
130
00:04:21,347 --> 00:04:22,934
and we're swearing
Debbie to secrecy.
131
00:04:23,071 --> 00:04:25,727
Oh, believe me. Can you imagine
what my mother's gonna say?
132
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:27,761
Oy. So what do we do now?
133
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:31,072
Go home, grab our
banjo, and brush our tooth.
134
00:04:36,728 --> 00:04:38,142
All right, congratulations.
135
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:39,971
We've been reading
Moby Dickfor 2 hours.
136
00:04:40,108 --> 00:04:40,971
What page are you on?
137
00:04:41,109 --> 00:04:42,109
Four.
138
00:04:42,178 --> 00:04:43,040
Good for you.
139
00:04:43,178 --> 00:04:44,316
It starts on 3.
140
00:04:44,454 --> 00:04:46,040
I understand. Ask
me what page I'm on.
141
00:04:46,178 --> 00:04:47,040
What page?
142
00:04:47,178 --> 00:04:48,040
Three.
143
00:04:48,178 --> 00:04:50,041
Why does he type so small?
144
00:04:50,178 --> 00:04:51,454
He shouldn't.
145
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,179
No. You write a book, be proud.
146
00:04:53,317 --> 00:04:54,179
And be clear.
147
00:04:54,317 --> 00:04:55,317
You know, how about this?
148
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,938
You want to maybe split it up?
149
00:04:57,075 --> 00:04:58,420
I'll read half, you read half,
150
00:04:58,558 --> 00:05:01,524
and later we'll tell each other
what happened in the other half.
151
00:05:01,662 --> 00:05:04,559
All right, so that
would be half of 857,
152
00:05:04,697 --> 00:05:06,042
so that would be 430...
153
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:07,043
It's 4...
154
00:05:07,180 --> 00:05:08,352
No, actually 20...
155
00:05:08,490 --> 00:05:10,077
Is that 420?
156
00:05:10,215 --> 00:05:12,055
Four, six... you didn't
carry... carry the one.
157
00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,733
Four... hold it. What
did you say, 850?
158
00:05:13,871 --> 00:05:16,078
It's a lot of pages.
Whatever it is.
159
00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:17,491
How about this, how about this?
160
00:05:17,629 --> 00:05:19,561
I'll read the end, and
you read the beginning,
161
00:05:19,698 --> 00:05:20,938
and we'll just skip the middle.
162
00:05:21,044 --> 00:05:22,596
You're not gonna
understand the end
163
00:05:22,734 --> 00:05:24,665
if you don't read the
beginning and the middle.
164
00:05:24,803 --> 00:05:26,252
Oh, I'm not gonna
understand the end
165
00:05:26,389 --> 00:05:28,528
even if do read the
beginning and the middle.
166
00:05:28,665 --> 00:05:30,355
You would just skip
the whole middle?
167
00:05:30,493 --> 00:05:31,838
Yeah! What happens
in the middle?
168
00:05:31,977 --> 00:05:34,115
Nothing happens in the
middle, nothing important,
169
00:05:34,253 --> 00:05:35,769
otherwise you
wouldn't need the end.
170
00:05:35,908 --> 00:05:38,563
I am not ready to throw
in the towel and cheat.
171
00:05:38,701 --> 00:05:40,322
All right. Let me tell you,
172
00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:42,185
you can run from the
chromosomal mistakes
173
00:05:42,322 --> 00:05:43,943
of our ancestors,
but you can't hide.
174
00:05:44,081 --> 00:05:45,874
The fact that we
can't read Moby Dick
175
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,452
has nothing to do
with being cousins.
176
00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:48,702
So what is it?
177
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,117
Part of it is aging.
178
00:05:50,254 --> 00:05:52,374
Scientists say the older
you get, the less you retain.
179
00:05:52,495 --> 00:05:53,495
What scientists?
180
00:05:53,599 --> 00:05:54,806
I read a thing. Where?
181
00:05:54,944 --> 00:05:55,944
60 Minutes.
182
00:06:05,497 --> 00:06:06,325
Sweetie?
183
00:06:06,463 --> 00:06:07,532
Yeah?
184
00:06:07,670 --> 00:06:09,463
Do you suppose
we could call up Cliff
185
00:06:09,601 --> 00:06:12,671
and ask him what the
hell he's talking about?
186
00:06:12,808 --> 00:06:15,153
Maybe they have Cliff
Notes for the Cliff Notes.
187
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:17,091
Yeah. Let me know when
you're ready to give in
188
00:06:17,154 --> 00:06:18,602
and watch the movie.
Warm up the VCR.
189
00:06:20,809 --> 00:06:23,603
Thar she blows!
190
00:06:23,741 --> 00:06:26,914
It was a great white
whale, Moby Dick.
191
00:06:27,052 --> 00:06:29,775
And tonight in the
story of the same name,
192
00:06:29,914 --> 00:06:31,500
I play the part of Ishmael...
193
00:06:31,638 --> 00:06:34,984
I can't believe you got
the Mr. Magoo version.
194
00:06:35,122 --> 00:06:37,467
Queequeg. That's it.
195
00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:38,777
It's a little loud.
196
00:06:38,915 --> 00:06:41,054
That's the only
way to enjoy Magoo.
197
00:06:41,191 --> 00:06:43,054
He would take
his trusty harpoon,
198
00:06:43,192 --> 00:06:44,872
and standing in the
prow of the whale boat,
199
00:06:44,985 --> 00:06:46,846
he'd let fly with unerring aim!
200
00:06:46,985 --> 00:06:49,675
And then there was Captain Ahab.
201
00:06:49,813 --> 00:06:51,709
Oh, that man had
terrible problems
202
00:06:51,847 --> 00:06:54,227
battling the great
white whale...
203
00:06:54,365 --> 00:06:55,847
A hurricane and a storm,
204
00:06:55,986 --> 00:06:57,710
and then his ship was hit...
205
00:06:57,848 --> 00:06:59,159
All right, that's enough.
206
00:06:59,296 --> 00:07:00,641
I'm enjoying this!
207
00:07:00,779 --> 00:07:01,918
It's not gonna help.
208
00:07:02,056 --> 00:07:03,194
How do you know?
209
00:07:03,332 --> 00:07:05,297
Because this is totally
different from the book.
210
00:07:05,435 --> 00:07:06,504
You didn't read the book.
211
00:07:06,642 --> 00:07:08,160
No, but I'm guessing
that in the book
212
00:07:08,297 --> 00:07:10,677
Ishmael doesn't try harpooning
a goldfish instead of a whale
213
00:07:10,815 --> 00:07:13,402
'cause he's so nearsighted!
214
00:07:13,540 --> 00:07:16,023
Well, fine. The book
club is in 16 hours,
215
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,058
so what do you suggest?
216
00:07:18,196 --> 00:07:20,023
All right, come here.
217
00:07:20,161 --> 00:07:23,161
I suggest a little visual aid.
218
00:07:23,299 --> 00:07:25,472
The problem with this book
is there's too many words
219
00:07:25,610 --> 00:07:26,713
and not enough pictures.
220
00:07:26,851 --> 00:07:28,610
Yes, there's, like,
virtually no pictures.
221
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:29,990
Mm-hmm. We have to encapsulate.
222
00:07:30,128 --> 00:07:33,025
We have to summarize.
We have to hone in
223
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:35,680
on the few facts that
we're absolutely sure of.
224
00:07:35,818 --> 00:07:36,956
All right, great.
225
00:07:37,094 --> 00:07:39,060
Which... What... what
would those facts be?
226
00:07:39,198 --> 00:07:40,715
Okay. All right.
227
00:07:40,853 --> 00:07:44,164
This... is the ship, the Pequod.
228
00:07:44,302 --> 00:07:45,888
Pequod.
229
00:07:46,026 --> 00:07:47,406
Okay. And this...
230
00:07:48,544 --> 00:07:49,924
is the whale.
231
00:07:51,062 --> 00:07:52,062
Moby.
232
00:07:52,131 --> 00:07:52,993
Moby Dick.
233
00:07:53,131 --> 00:07:57,372
And this is the captain...
234
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:58,752
Ahab.
235
00:07:58,890 --> 00:08:00,925
Doesn't look like
a captain, but...
236
00:08:11,202 --> 00:08:12,547
that's all I'm asking.
237
00:08:12,685 --> 00:08:13,685
All right.
238
00:08:13,719 --> 00:08:16,443
From what I understand, Ahab...
239
00:08:16,581 --> 00:08:18,065
on the Pequod...
240
00:08:18,203 --> 00:08:19,375
Yeah?
241
00:08:19,513 --> 00:08:21,582
Hunts Moby...
242
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,582
who kills Ahab.
243
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,548
Okay. And?
244
00:08:26,686 --> 00:08:28,376
And that's it. End of story.
245
00:08:28,514 --> 00:08:30,031
That can't be it.
246
00:08:30,169 --> 00:08:31,169
That's too simple. I...
247
00:08:31,238 --> 00:08:32,480
you must be missing something.
248
00:08:32,618 --> 00:08:33,929
Of course I'm missing something.
249
00:08:34,067 --> 00:08:34,929
I didn't read the book.
250
00:08:35,067 --> 00:08:36,136
Which in a book club...
251
00:08:36,274 --> 00:08:37,894
That's really the
whole point, isn't it?
252
00:08:38,032 --> 00:08:39,072
Honey, come on. It's fine.
253
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:41,136
We'll wing it.
Let's go to sleep.
254
00:08:41,274 --> 00:08:43,343
All right, all
right. Good night.
255
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,757
Good night, cuz.
256
00:08:46,620 --> 00:08:47,620
Night, sweetie.
257
00:08:47,689 --> 00:08:48,551
Okay.
258
00:08:48,689 --> 00:08:49,551
What?
259
00:08:49,689 --> 00:08:50,689
What? Nothing.
260
00:08:50,723 --> 00:08:52,654
What, you don't want to kiss me?
261
00:08:52,792 --> 00:08:54,483
No, no, I do, I do.
262
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:55,483
Good night.
263
00:08:55,621 --> 00:08:56,828
What?
264
00:08:58,690 --> 00:09:00,242
No... No... Nothing.
265
00:09:00,379 --> 00:09:01,862
What is it?
266
00:09:04,035 --> 00:09:06,104
You look like my Uncle Lenny.
267
00:09:11,243 --> 00:09:13,554
Apparently Queequeg is
some sort of mystical character.
268
00:09:13,692 --> 00:09:16,037
Oh, honey, don't
do this to yourself.
269
00:09:16,174 --> 00:09:18,795
Do what I do...
Embrace your stupidity.
270
00:09:19,795 --> 00:09:20,968
Look. I made sandwiches
271
00:09:21,106 --> 00:09:23,244
in the shape of little boats.
272
00:09:23,382 --> 00:09:26,004
I'm embarrassed
to be your cousin.
273
00:09:27,624 --> 00:09:29,556
Hey, finally!
274
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:32,832
Look what I made
for you nice people.
275
00:09:32,970 --> 00:09:34,659
Look, Burt, they
made the sandwiches
276
00:09:34,797 --> 00:09:36,659
look like little hats.
277
00:09:36,797 --> 00:09:38,488
They're little... little boats.
278
00:09:38,626 --> 00:09:39,488
How are they boats?
279
00:09:39,626 --> 00:09:40,660
How are they hats?
280
00:09:40,798 --> 00:09:41,798
Can I eat it yet?
281
00:09:41,937 --> 00:09:43,591
Yeah, all right. Sure.
282
00:09:43,729 --> 00:09:45,557
Okay. I thought we would open
283
00:09:45,695 --> 00:09:47,799
with some general
impressions of the book.
284
00:09:47,937 --> 00:09:50,558
Who would like to start? Henry?
285
00:09:50,696 --> 00:09:53,523
Me? Oh, boy! Pressure.
286
00:09:54,627 --> 00:09:56,835
Lead-off. Center ring.
287
00:09:56,972 --> 00:09:59,731
Flop sweat. Panic attack.
288
00:09:59,869 --> 00:10:01,835
Gotta go home.
289
00:10:03,766 --> 00:10:05,732
I'm just kidding, of course.
290
00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:08,767
Um... I liked the book.
291
00:10:08,905 --> 00:10:12,285
I was fascinated by the idea
292
00:10:12,423 --> 00:10:14,561
that, um, that water
is somehow tied
293
00:10:14,699 --> 00:10:16,561
to human meditation,
294
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:20,113
that the truth is
lying out there
295
00:10:20,251 --> 00:10:21,734
hiding somewhere by the sea,
296
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,044
and until you go,
you're left behind
297
00:10:24,182 --> 00:10:27,114
in the dark, alone,
always asking questions.
298
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:30,563
Is today Tuesday? Where'd
you get those pants?
299
00:10:30,701 --> 00:10:32,666
Is that turkey salad?
300
00:10:32,804 --> 00:10:35,115
That's very profound, Henry.
301
00:10:35,253 --> 00:10:37,184
No, I'm asking. Is
that turkey salad?
302
00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:40,288
I'll tell you what.
303
00:10:40,426 --> 00:10:42,391
I'm gonna make a
long story short, okay?
304
00:10:42,529 --> 00:10:45,805
Moby Dickis about
dating, period.
305
00:10:46,702 --> 00:10:48,151
I'm sorry?
306
00:10:48,289 --> 00:10:49,634
Ahab is the ultimate bachelor.
307
00:10:49,772 --> 00:10:51,289
The whale is the ultimate chick.
308
00:10:51,427 --> 00:10:54,359
Hoo-ah!
309
00:10:55,290 --> 00:10:57,014
Hoo-ah!
310
00:10:58,186 --> 00:11:01,291
Who... uh, can argue with that?
311
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,084
It's a very valid point.
312
00:11:03,222 --> 00:11:04,911
No, really. Seriously.
313
00:11:05,049 --> 00:11:08,016
Think about it. This guy
Ahab, he goes out there,
314
00:11:08,154 --> 00:11:09,843
he gives everything
he has for this whale,
315
00:11:09,981 --> 00:11:11,601
even though he knows
it's gonna kill him.
316
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,533
It's like a moth to a flame.
317
00:11:13,671 --> 00:11:16,292
Or like a guy named Ira
to the girl across the street
318
00:11:16,430 --> 00:11:18,017
who won't close her blinds.
319
00:11:19,602 --> 00:11:22,086
Thank you, Ira.
320
00:11:22,224 --> 00:11:23,258
Marvin?
321
00:11:23,396 --> 00:11:26,052
Well, I have to
say that I don't like
322
00:11:26,190 --> 00:11:28,603
that they kept on
calling Moby a whale.
323
00:11:28,741 --> 00:11:31,466
Every page... whale, whale.
324
00:11:31,604 --> 00:11:33,225
"Hey, look at that big whale."
325
00:11:33,363 --> 00:11:35,226
"Did you see the
size of that whale?"
326
00:11:35,363 --> 00:11:37,467
"Hey, whaley! Hey, whaley!"
327
00:11:37,604 --> 00:11:39,364
Marvin, he is a whale.
328
00:11:39,502 --> 00:11:42,536
Well, don't you
think he knows that?
329
00:11:42,674 --> 00:11:44,571
Pa? What do you think?
330
00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:46,847
Well, to me Ahab is a man
331
00:11:46,985 --> 00:11:51,055
who squeezed the very last
drop out of life right to the end.
332
00:11:51,192 --> 00:11:53,986
If you're gonna die,
that's the way to go...
333
00:11:54,124 --> 00:11:56,745
Strapped to this massive animal,
334
00:11:56,882 --> 00:12:01,091
surging through the
ocean at 60 miles an hour,
335
00:12:01,229 --> 00:12:04,056
staring death in the face.
336
00:12:04,194 --> 00:12:06,988
Either that, or you
go in your sleep.
337
00:12:09,677 --> 00:12:11,781
Paul, Jamie, what
do you guys think?
338
00:12:14,782 --> 00:12:16,506
I... I like... I like what...
339
00:12:16,644 --> 00:12:18,058
These are were
very provocative...
340
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,713
Oh, oh. You know, sure.
341
00:12:19,851 --> 00:12:21,438
Things to say.
You know, I get it.
342
00:12:21,576 --> 00:12:22,955
Perfectly, perfectly valid.
343
00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:28,714
I will say this.
344
00:12:28,852 --> 00:12:32,922
Um... Ahab on the Pequod...
345
00:12:33,991 --> 00:12:36,611
hunts Moby, who kills Ahab.
346
00:12:39,578 --> 00:12:40,958
Uh-huh.
347
00:12:41,095 --> 00:12:45,372
And, uh, Quentin to me
seemed like a mystical character.
348
00:12:46,372 --> 00:12:47,234
Who?
349
00:12:47,372 --> 00:12:48,717
Quentin. Quentin was a mystical.
350
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:49,855
He was sort of mystical.
351
00:12:49,993 --> 00:12:51,579
Queequeg?
352
00:12:51,717 --> 00:12:54,338
Queequeg, yes. He was mystical.
353
00:12:54,476 --> 00:12:56,028
What did you make, for instance,
354
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:57,407
of Ahab's leg?
355
00:12:58,994 --> 00:12:59,994
Us. You, yes.
356
00:13:00,098 --> 00:13:01,373
Oh, uh...
357
00:13:02,374 --> 00:13:03,821
Wh-what was the question?
358
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:05,167
What did you make of the leg?
359
00:13:05,305 --> 00:13:06,581
What do we make of it?
360
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:07,719
How do you mean?
361
00:13:07,857 --> 00:13:08,857
What do you think of it?
362
00:13:08,961 --> 00:13:11,891
I think it's a fine leg.
363
00:13:12,030 --> 00:13:13,444
It's a good leg.
364
00:13:13,582 --> 00:13:15,133
No, no, but symbolically.
365
00:13:15,271 --> 00:13:18,065
Well, symbolically,
yeah, you know, 'cause...
366
00:13:18,203 --> 00:13:21,410
well, think about it. You
hav... You have to have legs.
367
00:13:21,548 --> 00:13:23,341
Yeah. Otherwise it's just Ahab
368
00:13:23,479 --> 00:13:25,583
standing on the prow
of a boat, legless,
369
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:28,963
which is like sitting,
basically, so...
370
00:13:29,101 --> 00:13:31,061
So he'd have to go out,
and he'd have to get legs?
371
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:33,021
Where's he gonna get
'em, like, go to some island
372
00:13:33,135 --> 00:13:34,615
where they sell
'em? I don't think so.
373
00:13:34,722 --> 00:13:35,584
No, that's...
374
00:13:35,722 --> 00:13:36,860
Guys?
375
00:13:36,998 --> 00:13:39,136
Ahab had a wooden leg.
376
00:13:40,688 --> 00:13:41,550
I know.
377
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:43,137
I'm saying, yes.
378
00:13:44,688 --> 00:13:45,688
What?
379
00:13:45,723 --> 00:13:46,723
Because, you know,
380
00:13:46,757 --> 00:13:48,068
how... I mean,
it's so hard to...
381
00:13:48,206 --> 00:13:49,551
To... to chase a whale anyway,
382
00:13:49,689 --> 00:13:51,529
so imagine with a wooden
leg. How hard is that?
383
00:13:51,655 --> 00:13:52,517
Yeah, you try it.
384
00:13:52,655 --> 00:13:53,862
Yeah.
385
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,862
You two didn't read
the book, did you?
386
00:13:57,173 --> 00:13:58,207
No, no, you know...
387
00:13:58,345 --> 00:14:00,001
Isn't this just great?
388
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:02,208
You know, you picked the
longest book ever written,
389
00:14:02,346 --> 00:14:03,553
you make all of us read it,
390
00:14:03,690 --> 00:14:05,588
and then you don't bother
to read it yourselves?
391
00:14:05,726 --> 00:14:06,726
Golly.
392
00:14:06,795 --> 00:14:08,002
I am really offended.
393
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:09,898
Me, too. Double golly.
394
00:14:10,037 --> 00:14:11,588
You didn't read the book?
395
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:12,760
Honestly!
396
00:14:12,898 --> 00:14:14,727
What is the matter
with you people?
397
00:14:19,072 --> 00:14:20,658
Tell them. We're cousins.
398
00:14:30,694 --> 00:14:32,108
Oh, this is hilarious.
399
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:34,280
She's my cousin, she's my wife.
400
00:14:34,418 --> 00:14:36,556
She's my cousin, she's
my wife. She's my...
401
00:14:36,694 --> 00:14:38,867
I'm glad you
think it's so funny.
402
00:14:39,005 --> 00:14:41,040
This affects all of us...
You, me, everybody.
403
00:14:41,178 --> 00:14:42,902
We're practically circus people.
404
00:14:44,454 --> 00:14:45,972
Well, it doesn't affect me.
405
00:14:46,110 --> 00:14:48,455
My family knows well enough
406
00:14:48,593 --> 00:14:50,800
to go outside the
tent to get their nookie.
407
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:52,765
Right, Marvin.
408
00:14:52,903 --> 00:14:54,490
Like you have not been in love
409
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,007
with your mother
your whole life.
410
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,732
In love with her, yes,
411
00:14:57,870 --> 00:15:00,283
but I never even asked her out.
412
00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:03,560
Uh, may I raise the banner
of sanity for a moment here?
413
00:15:03,697 --> 00:15:05,077
Please.
414
00:15:05,215 --> 00:15:08,044
I would like to comment
on this sort of thing.
415
00:15:08,181 --> 00:15:11,423
I once had an aunt... Uh,
she wasn't exactly my aunt.
416
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,182
Actually, she was a
friend of the family,
417
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,561
but I called her "aunt"
418
00:15:15,699 --> 00:15:18,527
until one summer
afternoon on Nantucket
419
00:15:18,665 --> 00:15:22,045
when I accidentally saw her
step out of the pool shower.
420
00:15:22,183 --> 00:15:25,528
After that I called her Rita.
421
00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:30,322
But I digress.
422
00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:32,080
My problem is... May I?
423
00:15:32,218 --> 00:15:33,253
Please.
424
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:35,150
I am puzzled by
these squiggly lines.
425
00:15:35,287 --> 00:15:36,839
We don't see them anywhere else
426
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,185
on either family tree.
427
00:15:38,323 --> 00:15:39,530
Because they mean
428
00:15:39,668 --> 00:15:41,564
that somebody did
something very wrong.
429
00:15:41,702 --> 00:15:42,840
Excuse me.
430
00:15:42,979 --> 00:15:45,186
There's something
that simply must be said.
431
00:15:46,565 --> 00:15:47,669
It wasn't her fault.
432
00:15:47,806 --> 00:15:53,496
I want to welcome
you to the family now.
433
00:15:54,738 --> 00:15:56,325
Now?
434
00:15:59,601 --> 00:16:02,395
I'm telling you,
this is very bad.
435
00:16:02,532 --> 00:16:04,842
Jamie and her new cousin Mom,
436
00:16:04,981 --> 00:16:06,567
they're, like,
they're inseparable.
437
00:16:06,705 --> 00:16:08,326
Don't you think
you're overreacting?
438
00:16:08,464 --> 00:16:10,395
No! ALL: Hey.
439
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:11,705
How was your lunch?
440
00:16:11,843 --> 00:16:13,292
I have to tell you,
441
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:15,948
your mother... once you get
to know her, 8 shades of nifty.
442
00:16:16,085 --> 00:16:17,983
Help me, lord.
443
00:16:18,121 --> 00:16:19,397
Would you stop?
444
00:16:19,534 --> 00:16:21,259
Just ignore him. He's
being very childish.
445
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,569
Yes, he is.
446
00:16:22,707 --> 00:16:24,017
What's that?
447
00:16:24,155 --> 00:16:25,569
Oh, Sylvia gave it to me.
448
00:16:25,707 --> 00:16:27,569
She said it was in the family.
449
00:16:27,707 --> 00:16:28,707
It's lovely.
450
00:16:28,742 --> 00:16:29,949
Isn't it?
451
00:16:30,776 --> 00:16:32,950
I gotta go call her.
452
00:16:36,054 --> 00:16:37,639
Ma gave her grandma's broach!
453
00:16:37,777 --> 00:16:39,019
I told you this was very bad.
454
00:16:39,157 --> 00:16:40,778
I have always been
promised that broach!
455
00:16:40,915 --> 00:16:41,915
I know.
456
00:16:42,020 --> 00:16:43,409
Do you know the
things I've had to do
457
00:16:43,433 --> 00:16:44,433
to get that promise?
458
00:16:44,468 --> 00:16:46,055
The mother-daughter
fashion shows.
459
00:16:46,193 --> 00:16:47,538
I know.
460
00:16:47,676 --> 00:16:48,676
The matching culottes...
461
00:16:48,779 --> 00:16:51,434
the freakin' bakeoff of '92.
462
00:16:51,572 --> 00:16:53,469
She's breaching on your broach.
463
00:16:53,607 --> 00:16:55,125
Something has gotta be done.
464
00:16:55,263 --> 00:16:56,504
That's all I'm saying.
465
00:16:56,642 --> 00:16:58,297
Enough's enough, sister. Cousin.
466
00:16:58,435 --> 00:16:59,711
Right.
467
00:17:22,611 --> 00:17:25,473
Ow! Ow! Ow!
468
00:17:29,714 --> 00:17:31,025
Shh, shh, shh!
469
00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:38,992
Sheesh!
470
00:17:59,511 --> 00:18:01,995
Oh, just open!
471
00:18:03,236 --> 00:18:05,581
I got a pain right there.
472
00:18:05,719 --> 00:18:07,064
Okay.
473
00:18:09,961 --> 00:18:11,650
Quiet, quiet.
474
00:18:17,582 --> 00:18:18,582
Shh!
475
00:18:18,617 --> 00:18:20,066
Did the doorman see you?
476
00:18:20,204 --> 00:18:21,066
Sleeping.
477
00:18:21,204 --> 00:18:22,721
Good. In general, that's bad,
478
00:18:22,858 --> 00:18:23,962
but tonight that's good.
479
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:27,894
Do you have the broach? Yeah.
480
00:18:28,032 --> 00:18:30,550
Broach. Also a couple
of little extra trinkets
481
00:18:30,687 --> 00:18:32,619
just so it wouldn't
look suspicious.
482
00:18:32,757 --> 00:18:34,929
Some old cheap necklaces.
That's an old watch of mine.
483
00:18:35,068 --> 00:18:37,688
Burglar takes a Taco
Bell novelty watch?
484
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:39,102
I left the window open
485
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,280
so it'll look like the burglar
used the fire escape.
486
00:18:41,378 --> 00:18:42,516
It's perfect.
487
00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:44,000
The broach will disappear,
488
00:18:44,138 --> 00:18:46,000
and Ma will tear Jamie apart.
489
00:18:46,138 --> 00:18:48,034
You're very sweet to say that.
490
00:18:48,172 --> 00:18:49,414
Yeah.
491
00:18:50,241 --> 00:18:51,448
Go, go, go! Shh.
492
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,931
Quiet.
493
00:18:56,173 --> 00:18:57,380
Shh! Shut up.
494
00:19:00,415 --> 00:19:03,587
Quiet. Quiet. Very, very quiet.
495
00:19:05,002 --> 00:19:06,588
Shh. Shh!
496
00:19:13,106 --> 00:19:15,003
God bless her.
497
00:19:19,934 --> 00:19:20,796
It's all right.
498
00:19:20,934 --> 00:19:22,107
But Grandma's broach.
499
00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:24,107
Now, don't blame yourself.
500
00:19:24,245 --> 00:19:25,590
I feel so bad.
501
00:19:25,728 --> 00:19:28,418
No, the important thing
is that you're all right.
502
00:19:28,556 --> 00:19:30,453
You're so wonderful, Mommy.
503
00:19:30,591 --> 00:19:34,591
No, no, no. It's
nothing, it's nothing.
504
00:19:34,729 --> 00:19:37,591
Look. Here, take my watch.
505
00:19:37,729 --> 00:19:38,902
Oh!
506
00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:45,730
Stop.
507
00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:49,421
All right, we get
it. You can stop.
508
00:19:50,317 --> 00:19:51,179
Hi. Avon lady.
509
00:19:51,317 --> 00:19:52,593
Just kidding.
510
00:19:52,731 --> 00:19:54,490
What's up?
511
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:55,800
Well, I was inspired
512
00:19:55,938 --> 00:19:58,387
by your little
announcement the other day
513
00:19:58,525 --> 00:20:01,078
to do a little deeper
genealogical research,
514
00:20:01,216 --> 00:20:03,905
and, uh, could possibly
put these down somewhere?
515
00:20:04,043 --> 00:20:05,078
Sure.
516
00:20:05,216 --> 00:20:07,319
Avon lady. Just kidding.
517
00:20:08,354 --> 00:20:09,768
It's like Avon calling.
518
00:20:09,906 --> 00:20:14,217
You know, actually, there are
a lot of arcane abbreviations
519
00:20:14,355 --> 00:20:15,734
used in genealogy.
520
00:20:15,872 --> 00:20:18,080
For instance, the caret
indicates a second marriage.
521
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,390
Now, the brackets
indicate a maiden name,
522
00:20:20,527 --> 00:20:21,872
and those squiggly lines...
523
00:20:22,011 --> 00:20:24,080
Also known as a swung dash...
524
00:20:24,218 --> 00:20:26,735
Indicate quite fascinatingly...
525
00:20:26,873 --> 00:20:28,701
And how do I put
this delicately?
526
00:20:28,839 --> 00:20:31,219
Um... servitude.
527
00:20:32,495 --> 00:20:33,805
Wh-wh-wh...
528
00:20:33,943 --> 00:20:36,943
Irwin Buchman and Hester
Stemple were never married.
529
00:20:37,082 --> 00:20:38,805
He was actually her valet.
530
00:20:38,943 --> 00:20:39,943
What?
531
00:20:40,082 --> 00:20:41,772
Her valet! He picked
up her clothes...
532
00:20:41,910 --> 00:20:43,083
No, I know what a valet is.
533
00:20:43,220 --> 00:20:45,117
The same with
Maximilian and Eleanor.
534
00:20:45,255 --> 00:20:46,428
They were not married.
535
00:20:46,565 --> 00:20:48,600
He waited on her hand and foot.
536
00:20:48,738 --> 00:20:51,015
There's quite a history of
Buchmans being bossed around
537
00:20:51,152 --> 00:20:53,290
by Stemples here, but
I make no judgment.
538
00:20:53,428 --> 00:20:55,084
I'm just kidding, of course.
539
00:20:55,222 --> 00:20:58,222
Wait, wait. So our
family is not inbred?
540
00:20:58,360 --> 00:20:59,532
That's right.
541
00:20:59,670 --> 00:21:02,292
So... So we're just
naturally stupid.
542
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:04,085
Yes. Oh!
543
00:21:04,223 --> 00:21:05,912
Oh, hon, isn't that great?
544
00:21:06,050 --> 00:21:06,912
Oh, god, yes.
545
00:21:07,050 --> 00:21:08,602
Mommy, isn't that great?
546
00:21:08,740 --> 00:21:11,086
Yeah. Gimme the watch.
547
00:21:20,879 --> 00:21:21,741
Come here, you.
548
00:21:21,879 --> 00:21:22,741
Yeah.
549
00:21:22,879 --> 00:21:24,052
What's the matter?
550
00:21:24,190 --> 00:21:25,604
Mmm, nah. Mmm...
551
00:21:26,673 --> 00:21:27,673
You okay?
552
00:21:27,708 --> 00:21:28,570
Yeah.
553
00:21:28,708 --> 00:21:29,811
Mmmmm...
554
00:21:29,949 --> 00:21:31,229
You got a headache or something?
555
00:21:31,364 --> 00:21:32,364
Mmmmmm...
556
00:21:32,433 --> 00:21:34,157
You know, we're not cousins.
557
00:21:34,295 --> 00:21:35,812
Mmmmm...
558
00:21:35,950 --> 00:21:36,812
What is it?
559
00:21:36,950 --> 00:21:39,054
I miss Mommy.
560
00:22:01,919 --> 00:22:02,919
Captions: M.P.
37629
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese