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♪ Itsy-bitsy spider ♪
2
00:00:06,829 --> 00:00:08,897
♪ Went up the waterspout ♪
3
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♪ Down came the rain ♪
4
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♪ And washed The spider out ♪
5
00:00:16,445 --> 00:00:19,512
♪ And, uh... Tipper Gore ♪
6
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♪ Has a lot of clout ♪
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♪ And... Sometimes you sit ♪
8
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♪ And you could Start to pout ♪
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♪ Some people have, um ♪
10
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♪ A very bad case Of gout ♪
11
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♪ And if You're not sure ♪
12
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♪ That's called You doubt ♪
13
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That's how it goes.
14
00:00:52,842 --> 00:00:55,117
♪ Tell me why ♪
15
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,944
♪ I love you like I do ♪
16
00:00:57,082 --> 00:00:58,461
♪ Tell me who ♪
17
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♪ Can stop my heart
As much as you ♪
18
00:01:01,356 --> 00:01:03,597
♪ Tell me All your secrets ♪
19
00:01:03,734 --> 00:01:05,112
♪ I'll tell you Most of mine ♪
20
00:01:05,251 --> 00:01:07,526
♪ They say Nobody's perfect ♪
21
00:01:07,664 --> 00:01:09,972
♪ Well, that's really
True this time ♪
22
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♪ I don't have the answers
I don't have a plan ♪
23
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♪ All I have is you So, baby ♪
24
00:01:16,798 --> 00:01:18,452
♪ Help me understand ♪
25
00:01:18,590 --> 00:01:20,278
♪ What we do ♪
26
00:01:20,416 --> 00:01:22,622
♪ You can whisper In my ear ♪
27
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,277
♪ Where we go ♪
28
00:01:24,415 --> 00:01:26,758
♪ Who knows what
happens After here? ♪
29
00:01:26,896 --> 00:01:29,241
♪ Let's take Each other's hand ♪
30
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♪ And jump Into
the final frontier ♪
31
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:37,340
♪ Mad about you ♪
32
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♪ Mad about you ♪
33
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Clam chowder. That
would be a soup.
34
00:01:48,059 --> 00:01:51,300
Rice cakes. That would
be a snacking item.
35
00:01:51,437 --> 00:01:54,229
And pimentos. Pimentos.
Boy, that's, hmm,
36
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fruits? Vegetable?
37
00:01:57,435 --> 00:01:59,606
We'll say miscellaneous.
38
00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:01,502
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
39
00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:02,811
Condiment.
40
00:02:02,949 --> 00:02:03,949
Seriously? Trust me.
41
00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:07,051
Yeah. Tell me
again why we do this.
42
00:02:07,189 --> 00:02:10,842
Because last night we ate
13-year-old creamed corn.
43
00:02:19,287 --> 00:02:21,389
I thought it was gravy.
44
00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:25,594
Hey, splink, how are you?
45
00:02:25,732 --> 00:02:27,007
Hello.
46
00:02:27,145 --> 00:02:29,317
What's the matter with you?
47
00:02:29,455 --> 00:02:30,316
What?
48
00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:31,654
Why are you walking like that?
49
00:02:31,729 --> 00:02:32,764
Like what?
50
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:35,072
Like a... like a
really timid monkey.
51
00:02:35,211 --> 00:02:36,211
Hey, can I have this?
52
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:37,313
No, you can't have it.
53
00:02:37,451 --> 00:02:38,313
Hi, James.
54
00:02:38,451 --> 00:02:40,278
Hey. Nice pants.
55
00:02:40,416 --> 00:02:41,416
Thank you.
56
00:02:41,449 --> 00:02:43,277
That's what it is... the pants!
57
00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:44,552
What?
58
00:02:44,690 --> 00:02:46,450
The pants, with your
funny little walk there.
59
00:02:46,516 --> 00:02:47,378
Look at you.
60
00:02:47,516 --> 00:02:48,516
You know what, my friend?
61
00:02:48,653 --> 00:02:50,480
You are just jealous
because I can still
62
00:02:50,618 --> 00:02:54,306
fit into a pair of pants
that I wore 20 years ago.
63
00:02:54,444 --> 00:02:56,546
And you're saying you're
comfortable in these pants.
64
00:02:56,684 --> 00:02:57,684
More or less, yes.
65
00:02:57,753 --> 00:02:58,993
Yeah, okay. Tell you what.
66
00:02:59,131 --> 00:03:02,922
Here's 20 bucks. If you
can pick it up, it's yours.
67
00:03:06,232 --> 00:03:07,611
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
68
00:03:07,748 --> 00:03:09,403
Yeah. Nice talking to you.
69
00:03:09,541 --> 00:03:10,661
Well, they look really nice.
70
00:03:10,781 --> 00:03:11,643
Thank you, James.
71
00:03:11,780 --> 00:03:12,780
So, Paulie, uh,
72
00:03:12,815 --> 00:03:14,135
come with me
today, will you, huh?
73
00:03:14,263 --> 00:03:15,400
What's today?
74
00:03:15,538 --> 00:03:17,258
Oh, Ira's got a very,
very fascinating date.
75
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,226
With who?
76
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,053
I have no idea.
77
00:03:20,191 --> 00:03:21,535
What am I missing?
78
00:03:21,673 --> 00:03:24,465
Last week, after a
very lengthy hiatus,
79
00:03:24,603 --> 00:03:26,567
I actually put on
these pair of pants,
80
00:03:26,705 --> 00:03:28,326
and in the pocket, I found this.
81
00:03:28,463 --> 00:03:29,566
What is it?
82
00:03:29,704 --> 00:03:32,013
It's a program from
the Hayden Planetarium
83
00:03:32,151 --> 00:03:33,461
from, like, 1979.
84
00:03:33,599 --> 00:03:35,943
Somebody wrote a note,
see, with today's date. 1 p.m.,
85
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:37,700
and a little note
saying, "See you then."
86
00:03:37,838 --> 00:03:38,838
Wow.
87
00:03:38,975 --> 00:03:39,975
Wild, isn't it?
88
00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:41,974
She kissed it. That's so sexy.
89
00:03:42,112 --> 00:03:44,697
Well, listen... we're
hoping it's a she.
90
00:03:44,835 --> 00:03:46,662
You have no idea who this is?
91
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,178
James, come on.
It was the 1970s.
92
00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:51,384
I had a Trans Am, a
beautiful set of muttonchops,
93
00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:53,935
and an afro that
made me look 6'5".
94
00:03:55,416 --> 00:03:57,002
It's great that you're going.
95
00:03:57,140 --> 00:03:58,381
It's like fate.
96
00:03:58,519 --> 00:03:59,381
What is?
97
00:03:59,519 --> 00:04:00,519
That Ira would trim down
98
00:04:00,587 --> 00:04:02,207
just in time to fit
into these pants
99
00:04:02,344 --> 00:04:04,275
that have been in
mothballs since, like, 1979,
100
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,693
that you find this in the pocket
and keep the appointment.
101
00:04:06,756 --> 00:04:07,618
It's destiny!
102
00:04:07,756 --> 00:04:08,756
Yeah.
103
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,548
She gets like this
when she cleans.
104
00:04:10,685 --> 00:04:11,823
Paul, are you coming with?
105
00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:14,443
No, I'm wiping peanut
butter here. I got a lot to do.
106
00:04:14,581 --> 00:04:16,621
But if it turns out it's
destiny, you'll call us up.
107
00:04:16,683 --> 00:04:19,544
Okay. Just hope if she
turns up, she's not some nut.
108
00:04:19,681 --> 00:04:21,784
Well, if she's some
nut, you call us up.
109
00:04:21,922 --> 00:04:23,542
Are they really pop tarts?
110
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:24,541
What's it to you?
111
00:04:24,679 --> 00:04:25,954
I'm just surprised, that's all.
112
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,401
Hey... Oop! I'll get that.
113
00:04:30,505 --> 00:04:31,607
Gets like what?
114
00:04:31,745 --> 00:04:32,745
What?
115
00:04:32,848 --> 00:04:33,848
Gets like what?
116
00:04:33,951 --> 00:04:35,434
What?
117
00:04:35,572 --> 00:04:37,087
Hey, Aunt Syl. Hey, Uncle Burt!
118
00:04:37,226 --> 00:04:38,295
Howdy, howdy, howdy!
119
00:04:38,432 --> 00:04:40,500
Why are you walking like that?
120
00:04:40,638 --> 00:04:41,878
Aw, it's nothing.
121
00:04:45,843 --> 00:04:48,152
I have a cream.
122
00:04:48,979 --> 00:04:50,530
Hey, Burt, Sylvia.
123
00:04:50,668 --> 00:04:52,219
Oh, hi. Hi.
124
00:04:52,357 --> 00:04:53,908
Is that your rearview
mirror again?
125
00:04:54,046 --> 00:04:55,046
Yup.
126
00:04:55,183 --> 00:04:56,838
You still driving that
piece-of-junk car?
127
00:04:56,976 --> 00:04:58,182
Hey, watch it, buddy.
128
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:00,423
You've had this
car since I'm 10.
129
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:01,973
There's no reverse.
130
00:05:02,111 --> 00:05:03,352
Seriously, since 1993
131
00:05:03,490 --> 00:05:04,834
the man has only driven forward.
132
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,764
Wherever you
need to go it reverse,
133
00:05:06,902 --> 00:05:08,626
there's a way to
get there in forward.
134
00:05:08,764 --> 00:05:09,764
I understand that, but...
135
00:05:09,832 --> 00:05:10,952
What do you think people did
136
00:05:11,038 --> 00:05:12,658
before there was a
reverse, Mr. Big Shot?
137
00:05:12,796 --> 00:05:14,476
I don't know what
they did, but my point...
138
00:05:14,588 --> 00:05:16,209
All right, the
"reverse" conversation.
139
00:05:16,347 --> 00:05:17,691
That's it. Listen,
140
00:05:17,828 --> 00:05:19,896
if you don't hear from
me before Thursday,
141
00:05:20,034 --> 00:05:21,276
you call somebody, all right?
142
00:05:21,413 --> 00:05:22,722
Good luck. Go get 'em, monkey.
143
00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:23,964
Paulie, your father and I
144
00:05:24,101 --> 00:05:25,377
are going away for the weekend.
145
00:05:25,514 --> 00:05:27,273
I wonder, could we
borrow your big suitcase?
146
00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:28,582
Sure. What happened to yours?
147
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,961
Your father keeps
his TV Guidesin there.
148
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:32,649
Sylvia, where are you going?
149
00:05:32,787 --> 00:05:34,993
Oh. Remember the Melvilles?
150
00:05:35,132 --> 00:05:35,992
Enough.
151
00:05:36,131 --> 00:05:37,854
Yeah. Well, we're
gonna house-sit
152
00:05:37,991 --> 00:05:39,130
for them in Buffalo.
153
00:05:39,268 --> 00:05:41,094
We're driving up there
tomorrow afternoon.
154
00:05:41,232 --> 00:05:42,335
You're driving? Yeah.
155
00:05:42,473 --> 00:05:44,058
Oh, no, no. No, no.
156
00:05:44,196 --> 00:05:45,230
We'll be fine.
157
00:05:45,368 --> 00:05:46,574
No, you are not driving
158
00:05:46,712 --> 00:05:48,160
that stinky car to Buffalo.
159
00:05:48,297 --> 00:05:49,297
You can rent one.
160
00:05:49,435 --> 00:05:51,055
Oh, why rent one?
I got snow tires.
161
00:05:51,193 --> 00:05:53,033
Yeah, well, when the
snow tires get to Buffalo,
162
00:05:53,157 --> 00:05:54,637
they can send for
the rest of the car.
163
00:05:54,708 --> 00:05:56,432
Okay, listen, come on, Burt.
164
00:05:56,570 --> 00:05:57,845
We got to pack.
165
00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:59,775
We'll call when we get there.
166
00:05:59,913 --> 00:06:01,947
All right, but... be-be careful.
167
00:06:02,085 --> 00:06:03,739
Burt, come on. I
have to cut the carrots,
168
00:06:03,877 --> 00:06:05,601
I have to make the egg salad...
169
00:06:05,738 --> 00:06:06,738
Road trip!
170
00:06:06,772 --> 00:06:08,530
Yeah, all right,
but, jeez, be...
171
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,149
This is not good.
172
00:06:12,287 --> 00:06:13,149
This is very not good.
173
00:06:13,286 --> 00:06:14,148
All right.
174
00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:15,148
What are you gonna do?
175
00:06:15,286 --> 00:06:16,665
I am gonna rent them a car.
176
00:06:16,802 --> 00:06:18,562
No, no, no. You know
he'll never go for that.
177
00:06:18,664 --> 00:06:20,559
Well, this trip to Buffalo
is not gonna happen,
178
00:06:20,697 --> 00:06:22,180
so please tell me
what we should do.
179
00:06:24,454 --> 00:06:27,349
Remember when you lost
your Notre Dame t-shirt?
180
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:31,072
Yeah. I loved that shirt. I
used to wear it every day.
181
00:06:31,210 --> 00:06:32,071
Yes, you did.
182
00:06:32,209 --> 00:06:33,484
You hated that shirt.
183
00:06:33,622 --> 00:06:34,982
You always... You
said it was ratty
184
00:06:35,070 --> 00:06:36,414
and smelled like Fontina cheese.
185
00:06:36,552 --> 00:06:38,000
Mm-hmm. And then you lost it.
186
00:06:38,138 --> 00:06:39,458
But it all turned
out for the best
187
00:06:39,550 --> 00:06:41,481
because people stopped
laughing and pointing.
188
00:06:41,619 --> 00:06:43,900
That's true. I was a better
man without the shirt. I never
189
00:06:44,031 --> 00:06:46,231
figured out how I lost that
shirt. It was in the hamper,
190
00:06:46,307 --> 00:06:48,307
and then it was in the
drawer, then it was, like...
191
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,305
gone.
192
00:06:54,717 --> 00:06:55,785
Are you kidding me?
193
00:06:55,923 --> 00:06:57,646
I did it because I love you.
194
00:06:57,784 --> 00:06:58,784
What are you saying?
195
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,610
I'm just saying that sometimes,
196
00:07:00,748 --> 00:07:02,127
when things don't work so good,
197
00:07:02,265 --> 00:07:03,265
they need to...
198
00:07:03,402 --> 00:07:04,850
disappear.
199
00:07:05,677 --> 00:07:07,091
And it's for the best?
200
00:07:07,229 --> 00:07:09,710
Yes...
201
00:07:09,848 --> 00:07:12,674
I'm so scared of you
right now, I'm aroused.
202
00:07:14,639 --> 00:07:18,430
As we ponder the celestial magic
203
00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:22,738
of the summertime sky,
we know one thing for sure.
204
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,083
That's a lot of stars.
205
00:07:28,219 --> 00:07:30,252
Thank you for coming.
Have a nice day.
206
00:07:30,390 --> 00:07:31,527
Hey, how you doing?
207
00:07:31,665 --> 00:07:32,665
Get lost.
208
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:35,008
Ah, hey, 20 years.
Long time, huh?
209
00:07:35,147 --> 00:07:37,077
Why, you haven't aged a day.
210
00:07:40,006 --> 00:07:41,006
Whoa!
211
00:07:44,108 --> 00:07:46,452
Hey, long time no see.
212
00:07:46,590 --> 00:07:47,451
How's it goin'?
213
00:07:47,589 --> 00:07:48,796
Do I look familiar to you?
214
00:07:48,933 --> 00:07:50,795
No, I guess not.
215
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,896
My god, the pants still fit.
216
00:07:56,034 --> 00:07:57,826
Marianne!
217
00:07:57,964 --> 00:07:59,653
Of course!
218
00:07:59,791 --> 00:08:00,791
Mwah!
219
00:08:00,825 --> 00:08:02,549
You didn't even remember.
220
00:08:02,686 --> 00:08:04,513
No, no, I did. I did.
221
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:05,995
Well, you know, not exactly.
222
00:08:06,133 --> 00:08:07,649
But, hey, I showed up, didn't I?
223
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:08,787
Yeah.
224
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:10,201
Oh, you look good!
225
00:08:10,338 --> 00:08:11,682
Please. I look great.
226
00:08:11,820 --> 00:08:13,199
Yeah, you do.
227
00:08:13,337 --> 00:08:14,784
You look great.
228
00:08:17,852 --> 00:08:19,403
You all right there?
229
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:21,230
Oh, yeah. I'm good.
230
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,918
So, how you been, Marianne?
231
00:08:24,057 --> 00:08:25,125
I'm dating a duke now.
232
00:08:25,263 --> 00:08:27,055
A duke?
233
00:08:27,193 --> 00:08:28,537
Yeah, well, you know,
234
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,536
when you become
what they call ensconced
235
00:08:30,674 --> 00:08:32,845
in the upper social crest,
that's who you meet...
236
00:08:32,983 --> 00:08:34,775
Dukes, earls...
Them kind of people.
237
00:08:34,913 --> 00:08:35,913
What is he the duke of?
238
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:36,878
Hmm?
239
00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:38,326
I mean, if he's a duke,
240
00:08:38,464 --> 00:08:39,877
he's gotta be the
duke of something.
241
00:08:40,015 --> 00:08:41,187
Oh, whatever.
242
00:08:41,325 --> 00:08:45,323
The point is, he's even
more loaded than the last one.
243
00:08:45,461 --> 00:08:46,461
You?
244
00:08:46,494 --> 00:08:47,598
How's your life?
245
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:49,562
Good. Good. It's great,
as a matter of fact.
246
00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:52,836
I opened 2 new stores, so,
you know, business is booming,
247
00:08:52,974 --> 00:08:54,353
really keeping me busy.
248
00:08:54,491 --> 00:08:55,352
Oh, that's good.
249
00:08:55,490 --> 00:08:56,834
And also I'm dating
a supermodel,
250
00:08:56,972 --> 00:08:59,110
which, you know, is
great, because she's just...
251
00:08:59,248 --> 00:09:01,040
Ooh, she's so beautiful.
But you know what?
252
00:09:01,178 --> 00:09:02,969
She's also really a
very good person.
253
00:09:03,108 --> 00:09:04,314
Uh-huh. Yeah.
254
00:09:06,416 --> 00:09:08,864
Ah, who am I kidding, Marianne?
255
00:09:09,002 --> 00:09:10,759
You know, the truth is,
256
00:09:10,897 --> 00:09:14,275
I am running my one
business into the ground.
257
00:09:14,413 --> 00:09:18,239
My last girlfriend became a
man just after I started dating her.
258
00:09:18,377 --> 00:09:21,307
The other day, a 90-year-old
guy in a deli stole my bagel.
259
00:09:21,445 --> 00:09:24,857
Wow, Ira, that's
a really sad story.
260
00:09:24,995 --> 00:09:28,304
Want to hear an even sadder one?
261
00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:31,268
I'm completely broke
and living with my mother
262
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:32,749
in Secaucus, New Jersey.
263
00:09:32,887 --> 00:09:33,749
What?
264
00:09:33,887 --> 00:09:35,541
What happened to the money?
265
00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:37,369
I spent it.
266
00:09:37,507 --> 00:09:38,816
Oh.
267
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,125
Jeez, Marianne, I'm sorry.
268
00:09:41,263 --> 00:09:43,607
Ah, what are you gonna do?
269
00:09:43,745 --> 00:09:45,021
I had my fun.
270
00:09:46,054 --> 00:09:47,812
Hey, hey, hey.
271
00:09:47,949 --> 00:09:50,397
Here's a crazy thought.
272
00:09:50,535 --> 00:09:52,878
How about... just until
you get on your feet...
273
00:09:53,017 --> 00:09:54,568
How about you come
and stay with me?
274
00:09:54,706 --> 00:09:56,016
Let's skip the whole,
275
00:09:56,154 --> 00:09:58,291
"I couldn't, you could, I
couldn't, you could" thing.
276
00:09:58,428 --> 00:10:00,392
I'd love to. Terrific.
277
00:10:00,530 --> 00:10:01,874
Thank you, Ira.
278
00:10:02,013 --> 00:10:03,357
Ah, you're welcome.
279
00:10:03,495 --> 00:10:05,701
So what do you want to do?
You want to go somewhere?
280
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:06,839
Where?
281
00:10:06,976 --> 00:10:08,576
Anywhere. I gotta
get out of these pants.
282
00:10:08,699 --> 00:10:11,181
There's parts of me asleep that
have never been asleep before.
283
00:10:14,937 --> 00:10:16,283
Oh, my god.
284
00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:18,798
Each time I see it,
it gets a little sadder.
285
00:10:18,936 --> 00:10:20,970
Are you sure we're
doing the right thing?
286
00:10:21,108 --> 00:10:22,668
Please don't turn
out to be a bad person
287
00:10:22,796 --> 00:10:25,416
to steal a car with. Okay. Okay.
288
00:10:25,554 --> 00:10:27,484
Let's just do it.
289
00:10:28,725 --> 00:10:31,758
We're not... not
stealing the car. Just...
290
00:10:33,516 --> 00:10:35,274
How's it going there, honey?
291
00:10:35,412 --> 00:10:36,756
You know what?
292
00:10:36,894 --> 00:10:38,238
This is the key
for the ignition.
293
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:39,996
There's a separate
key for the door.
294
00:10:40,134 --> 00:10:42,478
Oh, my god, this car is so old.
295
00:10:42,616 --> 00:10:43,960
Are you kidding? This is the car
296
00:10:44,097 --> 00:10:47,476
that Henry Ford drove to the
place where he invented the car.
297
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:49,888
All right. Stand back.
298
00:10:54,506 --> 00:10:56,678
Sometimes if you
hit it just right...
299
00:10:59,918 --> 00:11:01,331
I used to be able to...
300
00:11:01,469 --> 00:11:04,295
Let's see here. I
gotta go up and under.
301
00:11:10,190 --> 00:11:11,534
Where did you learn to do that?
302
00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:13,464
The Todayshow.
303
00:11:18,082 --> 00:11:21,805
Man, your father's
got a lot of junk in here.
304
00:11:21,943 --> 00:11:23,391
So now what do we do?
305
00:11:23,528 --> 00:11:25,390
Now we find an alley,
take off the plates,
306
00:11:25,528 --> 00:11:27,802
file the serial number
off the engine block.
307
00:11:27,940 --> 00:11:29,595
It'll be like the
car never existed.
308
00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:32,490
I gotta start watching
the Todayshow.
309
00:11:36,454 --> 00:11:38,418
Ebony?
310
00:11:38,556 --> 00:11:41,623
Ever since I can remember.
311
00:11:41,761 --> 00:11:44,312
Does that guy look
like an undercover cop?
312
00:11:46,070 --> 00:11:48,655
Honey, he's a guy
buying a cantaloupe.
313
00:11:48,793 --> 00:11:50,310
I don't think he's
buying cantaloupe.
314
00:11:50,448 --> 00:11:52,618
Look at how he's handling them.
315
00:11:52,756 --> 00:11:54,618
That's exactly the way
you handle cantaloupe
316
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:56,617
when you're actually
an undercover cop
317
00:11:56,754 --> 00:11:58,237
pretending to be
buying cantaloupe.
318
00:11:58,375 --> 00:12:01,029
He must be from
the elite melon squad.
319
00:12:02,614 --> 00:12:04,451
Get out of the car
with your hands up.
320
00:12:04,475 --> 00:12:06,612
You see, thatwould be a cop.
321
00:12:19,090 --> 00:12:21,365
This was a bad call,
Jamie. A bad call.
322
00:12:21,503 --> 00:12:23,811
It'll be fine. Your parents
aren't going to press charges.
323
00:12:23,950 --> 00:12:25,230
But the cops are gonna grill us.
324
00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:26,983
Let's... let's get
our stories straight.
325
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,761
Just whatever I say,
you go along with it.
326
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:29,740
Okay.
327
00:12:29,878 --> 00:12:30,739
What? Honey.
328
00:12:30,877 --> 00:12:32,498
Okay. Don't worry.
329
00:12:32,636 --> 00:12:34,393
All right! Let's go!
330
00:12:34,531 --> 00:12:35,599
This way, please.
331
00:12:35,737 --> 00:12:36,737
What?
332
00:12:36,875 --> 00:12:38,598
Wait a minute. We're
actually together.
333
00:12:38,736 --> 00:12:40,425
This is Buchman, party of 2.
334
00:12:40,563 --> 00:12:41,563
Move it, please!
335
00:12:41,597 --> 00:12:43,424
Shut up, please! But...
336
00:12:43,562 --> 00:12:45,492
Okay. Honey! Don't worry.
337
00:12:46,732 --> 00:12:50,317
Ha-ha-ha! Dos
cervezas coming right up.
338
00:12:50,455 --> 00:12:51,834
And, hey! Stay beautiful, baby,
339
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,144
but more than that,
stay a good person.
340
00:12:56,281 --> 00:12:57,487
Oh! Hey!
341
00:12:57,625 --> 00:12:59,210
Hello.
342
00:12:59,348 --> 00:13:01,347
Ira, Chuck. Chuck, Ira.
343
00:13:01,485 --> 00:13:02,347
How's it goin'?
344
00:13:02,485 --> 00:13:03,794
Good, sir.
345
00:13:05,208 --> 00:13:07,034
Can I use the bathroom?
346
00:13:07,172 --> 00:13:09,378
Sure. It's right there.
347
00:13:10,481 --> 00:13:11,825
He's a sweet kid.
348
00:13:11,963 --> 00:13:13,893
He thinks I look
like Drew Barrymore.
349
00:13:14,031 --> 00:13:15,375
I'm happy for you.
350
00:13:15,513 --> 00:13:18,340
He's a terrific,
terrific kid, you know?
351
00:13:18,477 --> 00:13:21,890
What time you gotta have
him back to the orphanage?
352
00:13:22,027 --> 00:13:23,371
Cut it out.
353
00:13:23,509 --> 00:13:24,888
Hey, you want a beer?
354
00:13:25,026 --> 00:13:26,061
Sure.
355
00:13:26,198 --> 00:13:27,198
How's it goin' in there?
356
00:13:27,267 --> 00:13:28,611
I don't know.
357
00:13:28,749 --> 00:13:31,403
People seem to be
enjoying themselves.
358
00:13:33,471 --> 00:13:34,815
Tell me something.
359
00:13:34,953 --> 00:13:36,814
You still doing that
running man move?
360
00:13:36,952 --> 00:13:39,709
No. I was asked to stop that.
361
00:13:41,295 --> 00:13:43,776
Thank god.
362
00:13:43,915 --> 00:13:45,983
Really glad you're
here, Marianne.
363
00:13:46,121 --> 00:13:47,671
Mmm.
364
00:13:47,809 --> 00:13:49,498
Me, too.
365
00:14:03,078 --> 00:14:04,353
We're the Buchmans.
366
00:14:04,491 --> 00:14:05,801
Yes. Mr. And Mrs. Buchman.
367
00:14:05,939 --> 00:14:07,490
I'm detective
Sharp. Have a seat.
368
00:14:07,627 --> 00:14:09,455
Oh, my god, Burt,
did you hear that?
369
00:14:09,593 --> 00:14:11,523
"Have a seat." Good never
followed that sentence.
370
00:14:11,661 --> 00:14:13,005
All right, easy, babe.
371
00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:16,003
We found a car that
matches the description
372
00:14:16,141 --> 00:14:18,003
of the one that you
reported missing.
373
00:14:18,140 --> 00:14:20,002
The license plate
number's 826OUS,
374
00:14:20,139 --> 00:14:22,001
a 1974 Chevrolet Monte Carlo.
375
00:14:22,139 --> 00:14:24,517
How's business for
you? Good? Okay.
376
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:25,826
So I have to inform you
377
00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:27,725
that the car was found
not to be road-worthy.
378
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,859
As a matter of fact, it's
not even insult-worthy.
379
00:14:29,997 --> 00:14:31,341
We had to impound it.
380
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,893
When's the last time you had
the car inspected, Mr. Buchman?
381
00:14:34,030 --> 00:14:35,892
Uh... I... Uh... uh... well...
382
00:14:36,029 --> 00:14:37,374
Come on, pop, think, think.
383
00:14:37,511 --> 00:14:39,442
Smack yourself in the
head. Think about it.
384
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,372
Instead of questioning
us, the victim,
385
00:14:41,510 --> 00:14:43,543
shouldn't you be out
looking for the parps?
386
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:44,922
The who?
387
00:14:45,059 --> 00:14:47,541
The parps. The people who
committed this heinous crime.
388
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:48,747
The perps.
389
00:14:48,886 --> 00:14:50,161
What?
390
00:14:50,299 --> 00:14:51,746
The perps. Perpetrators.
391
00:14:51,885 --> 00:14:53,229
Fine. Good. Them.
392
00:14:53,366 --> 00:14:55,537
Shouldn't you be out
looking for the perps, Sherp?
393
00:14:55,675 --> 00:14:56,710
Parps. Sharp.
394
00:14:56,847 --> 00:14:57,847
I'm sharp, they're perps.
395
00:14:57,951 --> 00:14:59,019
Just find them!
396
00:14:59,157 --> 00:15:00,570
Great. Thank you, ma'am.
397
00:15:00,708 --> 00:15:01,949
Look. Listen.
398
00:15:02,087 --> 00:15:04,362
We found a Jamie and
Paul Buchman at the scene.
399
00:15:05,568 --> 00:15:07,256
My own son and daughter-in-law?
400
00:15:07,394 --> 00:15:08,567
I mean, why would they?
401
00:15:08,704 --> 00:15:10,464
I don't know, maybe
because their whole lives
402
00:15:10,531 --> 00:15:11,910
they live in your shadow,
403
00:15:12,047 --> 00:15:13,909
even as you vicariously
live through them,
404
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,425
forcing on them all your
unfulfilled hopes and dreams
405
00:15:16,563 --> 00:15:17,907
whether they want it or not.
406
00:15:18,045 --> 00:15:19,355
What? I don't know.
407
00:15:19,493 --> 00:15:21,836
There's got to be
some explanation.
408
00:15:21,974 --> 00:15:24,835
Yes. My son Paulie
would never steal from us.
409
00:15:24,973 --> 00:15:26,834
Neither would his wife Jamie.
410
00:15:26,972 --> 00:15:29,350
I'm not so sure about that.
411
00:15:29,488 --> 00:15:30,832
On many an occasion,
412
00:15:30,970 --> 00:15:33,727
I've seen her eyeing my
Bavarian chocolate-cake plates.
413
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:36,003
So, you're into
anti-Semitic desserts. Good.
414
00:15:36,141 --> 00:15:37,898
So, kids, you gonna
press charges or not?
415
00:15:38,036 --> 00:15:39,863
What are you saying,
that they've confessed?
416
00:15:40,001 --> 00:15:41,724
No, but they will.
417
00:15:41,862 --> 00:15:42,931
You're kidding.
418
00:15:43,069 --> 00:15:45,688
Yeah. It's a big prank, pops.
419
00:15:45,826 --> 00:15:47,998
Holy moly.
420
00:15:48,135 --> 00:15:50,582
Well, we do not
wish to press charges.
421
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:51,581
Okay.
422
00:15:51,719 --> 00:15:52,926
Not so fast, Sylvia.
423
00:15:53,064 --> 00:15:54,064
Okay.
424
00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:55,477
What are you saying, Burt?
425
00:15:55,615 --> 00:15:57,648
Well, would you mind if
we took... took some time,
426
00:15:57,785 --> 00:15:58,785
a minute or something?
427
00:15:58,820 --> 00:16:00,199
Okay. It's been great talking.
428
00:16:00,337 --> 00:16:03,335
I'm gonna go
watch the luge finals.
429
00:16:07,471 --> 00:16:09,505
Thanks, I... I don't smoke.
430
00:16:09,642 --> 00:16:10,746
Those are for me, slappy.
431
00:16:10,884 --> 00:16:11,952
Sorry.
432
00:16:12,090 --> 00:16:14,468
You're in deep kimchi
here, Mr. Buchman.
433
00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:16,743
Sir, I have to say, I
have not as of yet,
434
00:16:16,881 --> 00:16:19,776
uh, been given a chance
to make my phone call.
435
00:16:19,914 --> 00:16:21,775
Always with the phone call.
436
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,809
Like that's gonna save them.
437
00:16:23,947 --> 00:16:26,256
Fifteen years, never
saw the phone call help.
438
00:16:26,394 --> 00:16:28,634
Not one time, ever. But
you go ahead, cowboy.
439
00:16:28,772 --> 00:16:29,633
You dial away.
440
00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:32,150
Okay. Thank you.
441
00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:46,213
It's ringing.
442
00:16:47,694 --> 00:16:48,902
It's ringing some more.
443
00:16:52,796 --> 00:16:54,899
Probably in the shower.
444
00:16:55,037 --> 00:16:56,794
Ring...
445
00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:57,794
Give me that.
446
00:16:57,932 --> 00:16:59,104
Are you guilty, Mr. Buchman?
447
00:16:59,242 --> 00:17:00,827
No, I'm not.
448
00:17:00,965 --> 00:17:03,481
Look, let me... let me
tell you something, officer.
449
00:17:03,618 --> 00:17:05,170
Detective. Sorry.
450
00:17:05,308 --> 00:17:07,100
Do I look like a
school crossing guard?
451
00:17:07,238 --> 00:17:08,318
No. Do I have a uniform on?
452
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:09,724
Do I have a hat with a badge on?
453
00:17:09,823 --> 00:17:11,512
Thank you. Not at all.
454
00:17:11,650 --> 00:17:13,511
Detective, I love this country,
455
00:17:13,649 --> 00:17:14,924
and I love... its laws
456
00:17:15,062 --> 00:17:16,510
and its traditions.
457
00:17:16,648 --> 00:17:18,405
I love its laws
and its traditions
458
00:17:18,543 --> 00:17:20,439
and the spirit behind them all.
459
00:17:20,577 --> 00:17:22,610
I... I love... I love the
laws, the traditions,
460
00:17:22,748 --> 00:17:24,127
and the spirit,
461
00:17:24,265 --> 00:17:25,609
and the blood of our boys
462
00:17:25,746 --> 00:17:28,125
which has been shed on
foreign shores all these years
463
00:17:28,263 --> 00:17:30,055
in an effort to defend
those very laws
464
00:17:30,193 --> 00:17:31,468
and traditions and the spirit,
465
00:17:31,606 --> 00:17:33,486
and... and I love that
blood, I love those boys.
466
00:17:33,571 --> 00:17:34,950
Sit down, Mr. Buchman! Yes, sir.
467
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:36,914
How long you been married?
468
00:17:37,052 --> 00:17:38,845
How long have you been married?
469
00:17:38,982 --> 00:17:40,602
Seven years.
470
00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:42,463
Whoa! Let me shake your hand.
471
00:17:42,601 --> 00:17:45,186
Don't ever touch, sir.
472
00:17:45,324 --> 00:17:46,703
You trust your wife?
473
00:17:46,841 --> 00:17:49,185
Of course I trust her. She's...
she's a wonderful woman.
474
00:17:49,322 --> 00:17:51,115
Yeah, she's a real prize.
475
00:17:51,253 --> 00:17:52,701
I'm sorry?
476
00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:54,631
How about she blamed
the whole thing on you?
477
00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:56,250
What?
478
00:17:56,388 --> 00:17:58,732
Yeah. She said it
was all your idea,
479
00:17:58,871 --> 00:18:00,731
she was an unwilling passenger.
480
00:18:00,870 --> 00:18:02,179
Hmm?
481
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,764
No, no, no.
482
00:18:04,902 --> 00:18:06,728
She would never do that.
483
00:18:06,867 --> 00:18:08,866
She wouldn't, huh, Mr. B?
484
00:18:11,141 --> 00:18:13,933
Okay, here's the thing...
This was really all her idea.
485
00:18:14,071 --> 00:18:16,031
She... she... you know,
she stole my t-shirt once.
486
00:18:16,139 --> 00:18:18,138
She... she looks
sweet and everything,
487
00:18:18,276 --> 00:18:19,996
but she... she's got
the mind of a criminal.
488
00:18:20,102 --> 00:18:22,622
This is the amazing thing about
her. She's sweet, but she's cold
489
00:18:22,756 --> 00:18:25,204
and she's calculating, sometimes
she's just downright mean.
490
00:18:25,341 --> 00:18:27,203
This is just between you
and me, though, right?
491
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:28,547
There's no reason to write.
492
00:18:35,026 --> 00:18:37,405
Listen. I don't want to
make this any more difficult
493
00:18:37,543 --> 00:18:39,094
than it has to be,
okay, Mrs. Buchman?
494
00:18:39,231 --> 00:18:40,369
Okay.
495
00:18:40,506 --> 00:18:42,403
I mean, I look at
you, I see a woman...
496
00:18:42,541 --> 00:18:44,471
if things had been
different, who knows?
497
00:18:44,609 --> 00:18:47,159
It might have been
you and me, you know?
498
00:18:47,297 --> 00:18:48,365
Sure.
499
00:18:48,503 --> 00:18:50,744
Yeah, right. Listen.
Can you tell me
500
00:18:50,882 --> 00:18:53,018
how you and your husband
happened to be at the scene?
501
00:18:53,156 --> 00:18:56,017
Well, we were
walking by the car,
502
00:18:56,155 --> 00:18:58,533
and we noticed that
it was illegally parked.
503
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,601
Wanting to save our
parents the parking ticket,
504
00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:03,427
we broke into the car and
started it, using our extra key.
505
00:19:03,565 --> 00:19:06,599
And then we drove around and
started looking for a new spot.
506
00:19:06,737 --> 00:19:09,908
So you drove 70 blocks
looking for another parking spot.
507
00:19:10,046 --> 00:19:11,528
That's right.
508
00:19:11,665 --> 00:19:13,871
Do you trust your husband?
509
00:19:14,009 --> 00:19:16,974
Of course I trust him.
He's my soul mate.
510
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:19,076
How about he blamed
the whole thing on you?
511
00:19:19,214 --> 00:19:20,386
He would never do that.
512
00:19:20,524 --> 00:19:22,902
He wouldn't, huh, Mrs. B?
513
00:19:26,279 --> 00:19:28,658
But, Burt, you
can't press charges.
514
00:19:28,796 --> 00:19:30,106
He's your only son.
515
00:19:30,244 --> 00:19:34,207
Exactly. If I don't teach him
right from wrong, who will?
516
00:19:34,345 --> 00:19:36,619
Maybe that big fellow
in the holding cage.
517
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,171
They had no right to do this.
518
00:19:38,309 --> 00:19:39,309
None.
519
00:19:39,343 --> 00:19:40,722
It was very disrespectful.
520
00:19:40,859 --> 00:19:41,721
Oh, it was.
521
00:19:41,859 --> 00:19:43,685
But you understand
why they did it?
522
00:19:43,824 --> 00:19:45,202
They're worried about us.
523
00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:46,202
They're good kids.
524
00:19:46,339 --> 00:19:47,201
They love us.
525
00:19:47,339 --> 00:19:48,442
That's all.
526
00:19:48,580 --> 00:19:50,200
You know...
527
00:19:50,338 --> 00:19:53,785
a new car might not be so bad.
528
00:19:53,922 --> 00:19:55,198
Yeah.
529
00:19:55,335 --> 00:19:58,403
Like maybe a 1979
Plymouth Volare.
530
00:19:58,541 --> 00:19:59,851
Oh!
531
00:19:59,989 --> 00:20:01,885
I said we shouldn't do it,
532
00:20:02,023 --> 00:20:03,332
but he wouldn't listen.
533
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,848
Don't let that "bumbling
idiot" act fool you.
534
00:20:05,986 --> 00:20:07,399
He knows what he's doing.
535
00:20:09,020 --> 00:20:10,743
You know, he yelled at me.
536
00:20:10,881 --> 00:20:11,743
No.
537
00:20:11,881 --> 00:20:12,742
He did!
538
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,706
He was vicious and heartless,
539
00:20:14,844 --> 00:20:16,706
and he was ruthless and cruel.
540
00:20:16,843 --> 00:20:19,084
You know, he
sold pot in college.
541
00:20:24,667 --> 00:20:27,046
Well, it turns out,
Mrs. Buchman,
542
00:20:27,183 --> 00:20:30,217
that your father-in-law is
not gonna press charges.
543
00:20:31,526 --> 00:20:32,905
You're free to go.
544
00:20:33,043 --> 00:20:34,733
Nice meetin' ya.
545
00:20:38,041 --> 00:20:39,489
Sweetie.
546
00:20:39,626 --> 00:20:40,488
You okay?
547
00:20:40,626 --> 00:20:41,626
Yeah. Are you?
548
00:20:41,763 --> 00:20:43,245
Yeah. Boy, that
was something, huh?
549
00:20:43,383 --> 00:20:44,693
I just want to go home.
550
00:20:44,831 --> 00:20:46,623
The things they
were saying in there,
551
00:20:46,761 --> 00:20:48,921
and the things they tried
to get me to say about you...
552
00:20:49,036 --> 00:20:50,036
It was horrible.
553
00:20:50,173 --> 00:20:51,035
I said, hey, you...
554
00:20:51,173 --> 00:20:52,517
You do whatever you want to me,
555
00:20:52,655 --> 00:20:54,000
you leave her alone.
556
00:20:54,138 --> 00:20:56,308
They practically begged
me to pin it on you,
557
00:20:56,446 --> 00:20:57,929
but I told them
they could shove it.
558
00:20:58,067 --> 00:20:59,376
I love you.
559
00:20:59,514 --> 00:21:00,514
I love you.
560
00:21:00,582 --> 00:21:01,582
Mwah. Mwah.
561
00:21:13,025 --> 00:21:16,266
And as Leo reaches
across the full night sky,
562
00:21:16,403 --> 00:21:20,022
he finds Pisces licking
her lips and ready for action.
563
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,090
Together, they begin
an interstellar dance
564
00:21:22,228 --> 00:21:24,607
that is as old as time itself.
565
00:21:24,744 --> 00:21:26,606
Off comes Orion's belt,
566
00:21:26,743 --> 00:21:29,569
as Orion's pants fall
to the celestial floor.
567
00:21:29,708 --> 00:21:31,535
Aquarius, with little coaxing,
568
00:21:31,672 --> 00:21:33,016
takes her top off,
569
00:21:33,154 --> 00:21:35,533
and for the first time in eons,
570
00:21:35,671 --> 00:21:37,015
gets Poseidon's attention.
571
00:21:37,152 --> 00:21:39,014
Seeing this, the Gemini twins
572
00:21:39,152 --> 00:21:41,495
confess an ancient
longing for contact
573
00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:43,943
that the galaxy will not permit.
574
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,942
And lightheaded
and full of fire,
575
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,906
Taurus the bull begins
clawing the ground with one hoof
576
00:21:49,044 --> 00:21:51,457
and squirming out of his
loincloth with the other.
577
00:21:51,595 --> 00:21:54,489
Sagittarius fires
his love arrow,
578
00:21:54,627 --> 00:21:55,972
and Virgo, the supposed virgin,
579
00:21:56,110 --> 00:21:57,454
looks away guiltily.
580
00:21:57,592 --> 00:22:05,313
She knows she's got
some explaining to do.
581
00:22:05,451 --> 00:22:06,451
Captions: M.P.
39990
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