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1
00:00:04,780 --> 00:00:07,158
Okay, here's something
you didn't wanna know.
2
00:00:07,296 --> 00:00:09,469
Martin Glazer in apartment 5C
3
00:00:09,607 --> 00:00:11,400
wears a size 44 underpants.
4
00:00:11,538 --> 00:00:12,710
Ew.
5
00:00:12,848 --> 00:00:14,055
He leaves them in the washer
6
00:00:14,193 --> 00:00:16,020
for, like, six hours
after they're done
7
00:00:16,157 --> 00:00:18,157
like it's a pot roast.
8
00:00:18,295 --> 00:00:19,895
So finally I had to
take them out myself.
9
00:00:19,985 --> 00:00:23,571
What they don't have in
the laundry room... Tongs.
10
00:00:23,709 --> 00:00:25,502
How did you know whose
underwear they were?
11
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:27,846
Because it said right
in the elastic band,
12
00:00:27,984 --> 00:00:31,432
"I belong to Martin
Glazer, apartment 5C."
13
00:00:31,570 --> 00:00:32,570
Oh.
14
00:00:32,639 --> 00:00:34,293
I touched another
man's unmentionables.
15
00:00:34,432 --> 00:00:36,017
Are you washing your hands?
16
00:00:36,155 --> 00:00:38,052
Like I'm Silkwood, baby.
17
00:00:38,190 --> 00:00:39,534
What are you doing there?
18
00:00:39,672 --> 00:00:41,086
I'm wrapping a
certain somebody's
19
00:00:41,223 --> 00:00:43,154
wonderful Valentine's
Day present.
20
00:00:43,292 --> 00:00:45,223
That's sweet, but
can I just warn you?
21
00:00:45,362 --> 00:00:47,085
Whatever you got
me, what I got you,
22
00:00:47,223 --> 00:00:48,706
it's more wonderful.
23
00:00:48,844 --> 00:00:51,395
Pretty wonderful what I got you.
Not even in the same league...
24
00:00:51,533 --> 00:00:53,602
We don't have to argue.
No reason to argue. Okay.
25
00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:55,260
Why don't we take
them out and compare?
26
00:00:55,395 --> 00:00:57,326
I'm ready when you're ready.
27
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,186
You know, it's
going straight to me.
28
00:01:15,323 --> 00:01:16,703
Happy Valentine's Day.
29
00:01:16,841 --> 00:01:18,530
Happy Valentine's Day to you.
30
00:01:18,668 --> 00:01:20,219
All right. I'm gonna
guess a necktie.
31
00:01:20,358 --> 00:01:22,564
Oh, you think you're so smart.
32
00:01:22,702 --> 00:01:25,357
It's not a necktie?
Just open it.
33
00:01:25,495 --> 00:01:26,943
You go first. No. You.
34
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,701
You're right. You know
why? 'Cause what I got you
35
00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:31,919
is gonna be too tough an
act for a necktie to follow.
36
00:01:32,046 --> 00:01:33,425
You're gonna feel so silly.
37
00:01:33,563 --> 00:01:34,843
What, 'cause it's not a necktie?
38
00:01:34,977 --> 00:01:36,114
Open it. Hey, a necktie.
39
00:01:36,252 --> 00:01:37,356
Yes, it's a necktie,
40
00:01:37,494 --> 00:01:39,148
but it's a Paul Smith necktie.
41
00:01:39,286 --> 00:01:42,114
Oh, that's a beautiful necktie.
42
00:01:42,251 --> 00:01:44,596
It's great, isn't it? He's
a genius, Paul Smith.
43
00:01:44,734 --> 00:01:46,320
That's just a gorgeous necktie.
44
00:01:46,458 --> 00:01:47,458
You know, he's English.
45
00:01:47,527 --> 00:01:49,216
I love a nice English necktie.
46
00:01:49,355 --> 00:01:51,044
Aren't the colors great?
47
00:01:51,182 --> 00:01:52,699
Really, really nice colors.
48
00:01:52,837 --> 00:01:55,319
Vibrant, but they're subtle.
Yeah. You know what it is?
49
00:01:55,457 --> 00:01:57,836
They're aggressive, but,
like, there's a humility there.
50
00:01:57,974 --> 00:02:00,180
Exactly. And it's got
that smooth weave,
51
00:02:00,318 --> 00:02:01,767
so it's makes a
small little knot.
52
00:02:01,905 --> 00:02:03,076
This is a fantastic necktie.
53
00:02:03,214 --> 00:02:04,697
Oh, do you like it? I love it.
54
00:02:04,835 --> 00:02:07,353
I'm so glad. Second I saw it,
"that's what I wanna get him."
55
00:02:07,490 --> 00:02:08,731
And you were absolutely right.
56
00:02:08,869 --> 00:02:10,282
This is gorgeous.
Thank you so much.
57
00:02:10,421 --> 00:02:12,490
You're welcome. Open up yours.
58
00:02:12,628 --> 00:02:13,937
Okay.
59
00:02:15,868 --> 00:02:16,868
What did you do?
60
00:02:16,972 --> 00:02:19,523
You'll see, and you'll know.
61
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,660
Ooh, picture of a house.
62
00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:27,833
No. No?
63
00:02:27,971 --> 00:02:29,142
A house.
64
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,522
A picture of a house.
65
00:02:30,660 --> 00:02:32,315
No. No?
66
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:34,383
A house.
67
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:36,590
Right. A picture of
a house. A house.
68
00:02:36,728 --> 00:02:37,832
Right.
69
00:02:37,969 --> 00:02:39,556
No. No?
70
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:42,072
A house.
71
00:02:42,210 --> 00:02:43,900
A house.
72
00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:45,382
Of which this is a picture.
73
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,382
It's in Westchester.
In Irvington, actually.
74
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,313
Open up the envelope.
Look what's in the envelope.
75
00:02:54,932 --> 00:02:56,105
Look at that.
76
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:57,963
We've been in escrow
for the last six weeks,
77
00:02:58,070 --> 00:02:59,656
and we close on Tuesday.
78
00:03:01,346 --> 00:03:04,966
Oh, a house. Yes!
79
00:03:05,104 --> 00:03:07,242
Happy Valentine's Day.
80
00:03:07,380 --> 00:03:08,931
Uh... I know.
81
00:03:09,069 --> 00:03:11,206
You have reservations
about moving to the suburbs,
82
00:03:11,345 --> 00:03:13,448
which is why I have
arranged... I'm not stupid, okay.
83
00:03:13,586 --> 00:03:15,103
I have arranged
with the sellers...
84
00:03:15,241 --> 00:03:16,379
Mr. and Mrs. Dichristophoro,
85
00:03:16,516 --> 00:03:18,034
who, by the way,
lovely people...
86
00:03:18,172 --> 00:03:20,516
They're gonna let us
spend a night in the house
87
00:03:20,654 --> 00:03:22,826
before we buy it just to
put your mind at ease.
88
00:03:22,964 --> 00:03:23,964
Won't that be great?
89
00:03:24,102 --> 00:03:25,550
How happy are you
with me right now?
90
00:03:25,688 --> 00:03:28,998
No, honey. No, don't
sell yourself short,
91
00:03:29,135 --> 00:03:32,101
'cause the necktie
is also really nice.
92
00:03:37,928 --> 00:03:41,617
This is the kitchen,
the custom kitchen.
93
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,686
We had a lot of good
times in this kitchen,
94
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,548
huh, Ramona? Yes, we did.
95
00:03:45,686 --> 00:03:48,064
Look at this, honey.
This is all Formica.
96
00:03:48,202 --> 00:03:49,995
You can't get that anymore.
97
00:03:50,133 --> 00:03:53,650
Show them the intercom system.
98
00:03:53,788 --> 00:03:55,650
This is the intercom system.
99
00:03:55,788 --> 00:03:58,340
There are intercoms
located throughout the house.
100
00:03:58,478 --> 00:04:01,167
It's in mint condition.
Would you like to try it?
101
00:04:01,305 --> 00:04:03,200
Yeah, sure.
102
00:04:03,339 --> 00:04:05,993
Kevin, we got
a spill in aisle 7.
103
00:04:06,131 --> 00:04:08,269
You can't get those anymore. Mm.
104
00:04:08,408 --> 00:04:10,028
Tell them about the
living room, Frank.
105
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:11,545
This is the living room
106
00:04:11,683 --> 00:04:14,338
where we do most of our living.
107
00:04:14,476 --> 00:04:15,785
Oh, God.
108
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,130
Remember that, Ramona? Uh-huh.
109
00:04:18,268 --> 00:04:19,785
I took a misstep
once in the attic
110
00:04:19,923 --> 00:04:22,267
and fell through
into the living room.
111
00:04:22,406 --> 00:04:23,647
Oh, look.
112
00:04:23,784 --> 00:04:26,612
You can still see the
line of the replastering.
113
00:04:26,750 --> 00:04:27,750
Frank.
114
00:04:27,853 --> 00:04:30,094
Why don't you tell
them about something
115
00:04:30,232 --> 00:04:32,094
besides the hole in the ceiling?
116
00:04:32,232 --> 00:04:33,232
Okay.
117
00:04:33,336 --> 00:04:35,611
Over here is the first
thing we purchased
118
00:04:35,749 --> 00:04:38,542
when we moved in...
This table and chairs.
119
00:04:41,093 --> 00:04:42,196
You're not gonna believe...
120
00:04:42,335 --> 00:04:44,989
These... they're
made from barrels.
121
00:04:45,127 --> 00:04:47,920
Get outta here. No. Really.
122
00:04:48,057 --> 00:04:49,575
Oh, listen, you're
gonna love this.
123
00:04:49,713 --> 00:04:50,713
Listen to this.
124
00:04:57,781 --> 00:04:59,849
That is great. Try it.
125
00:04:59,987 --> 00:05:02,642
That's okay. No.
Try, try, try, try it.
126
00:05:05,711 --> 00:05:07,262
Boy, that is fantastic.
127
00:05:07,401 --> 00:05:10,021
They don't make these anymore.
128
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:14,227
Listen, Mr. Dichristophoro...
129
00:05:19,813 --> 00:05:21,226
Sorry.
130
00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:23,502
Mr. Dichristophoro,
I can't help noticing
131
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,812
you seem upset at the
prospect of selling your home.
132
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:26,950
Oh, honey, no.
133
00:05:26,984 --> 00:05:28,950
No, honey, no. No.
134
00:05:29,088 --> 00:05:30,467
Well, it's just...
135
00:05:30,605 --> 00:05:31,915
you cut the grass
136
00:05:32,052 --> 00:05:34,294
and you shovel the driveway
137
00:05:34,432 --> 00:05:37,156
and you pooper-scoop
the lawn for 29 years
138
00:05:37,294 --> 00:05:38,638
because it's yours,
139
00:05:38,776 --> 00:05:42,224
and then... one
day, it isn't anymore.
140
00:05:42,362 --> 00:05:43,706
I know how you feel. I think...
141
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,844
To everything there is
a season, okay, Frank?
142
00:05:45,982 --> 00:05:47,810
Turn, turn, turn.
143
00:05:52,050 --> 00:05:53,327
You see, folks,
144
00:05:53,465 --> 00:05:56,947
the time has come for us
to move out of this house.
145
00:05:57,085 --> 00:06:00,118
Our children Jennifer,
Jessica, Chuckie...
146
00:06:00,256 --> 00:06:02,084
Married, married, dancer...
147
00:06:02,222 --> 00:06:04,946
Are all grown.
148
00:06:05,084 --> 00:06:06,911
What do we need
with three bedrooms?
149
00:06:07,048 --> 00:06:09,117
Three bedrooms. And besides,
150
00:06:09,255 --> 00:06:11,394
there's a little piece
of heaven waiting for us
151
00:06:11,531 --> 00:06:14,254
in a town called
Delray Beach, Florida.
152
00:06:15,807 --> 00:06:17,047
Florida.
153
00:06:17,185 --> 00:06:21,013
Please. Don't start with
the Florida-bashing, okay?
154
00:06:21,151 --> 00:06:23,082
Frank is scared of Florida.
155
00:06:23,219 --> 00:06:25,908
He thinks Florida kills people.
156
00:06:26,046 --> 00:06:27,632
I'm just saying, all the time,
157
00:06:27,770 --> 00:06:30,322
you hear about
people going there.
158
00:06:36,287 --> 00:06:37,976
But you never hear one word
159
00:06:38,114 --> 00:06:40,217
about them coming back.
160
00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:44,217
Florida is a state in the union.
161
00:06:44,355 --> 00:06:45,768
How could a state in the union
162
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,423
kill people pathologically?
163
00:06:47,561 --> 00:06:49,492
What am I, a scientist?
164
00:06:49,630 --> 00:06:52,216
It's the sunshine state,
for crying out loud.
165
00:06:52,354 --> 00:06:53,423
That's not sunshine.
166
00:06:53,561 --> 00:06:56,940
That's the white light
you see before you die.
167
00:06:57,078 --> 00:06:59,802
All right, get your things.
168
00:06:59,939 --> 00:07:01,732
The Buchmans are waiting for us
169
00:07:01,870 --> 00:07:03,008
to leave them alone.
170
00:07:03,146 --> 00:07:05,318
"Buchman"? Uh-huh.
171
00:07:05,456 --> 00:07:07,352
That's the name you're
gonna put on the mailbox?
172
00:07:07,490 --> 00:07:09,490
Thought we might.
173
00:07:09,628 --> 00:07:11,318
And on the welcome
mat, it's gonna say,
174
00:07:11,456 --> 00:07:12,903
"the Buchmans"?
175
00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:14,869
Seems the natural thing to do.
176
00:07:15,007 --> 00:07:16,178
And when people drive by,
177
00:07:16,317 --> 00:07:18,213
someone in the car will
say, "who lives there?"
178
00:07:18,351 --> 00:07:20,317
And then someone else will say,
179
00:07:20,455 --> 00:07:22,178
"the Buchmans"?
180
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:23,437
I don't know exactly what...
181
00:07:23,523 --> 00:07:24,626
My God.
182
00:07:24,764 --> 00:07:25,868
Frank!
183
00:07:26,005 --> 00:07:29,350
Mr. and Mrs. Dichristophoro...
184
00:07:29,488 --> 00:07:32,763
I had a canary for
lunch. Forgive me. I, um...
185
00:07:34,176 --> 00:07:36,211
I wanna thank you
both. It's so nice of you
186
00:07:36,349 --> 00:07:38,211
to let us have a trial
night in the house.
187
00:07:38,349 --> 00:07:39,969
Well, let me tell you something.
188
00:07:40,107 --> 00:07:42,175
You two are good buyers,
189
00:07:42,314 --> 00:07:44,314
and a good buyer
is hard to find.
190
00:07:44,452 --> 00:07:45,796
Nice of you to say that.
191
00:07:45,934 --> 00:07:47,003
Thanks a lot.
192
00:07:47,141 --> 00:07:48,520
Frank?
193
00:07:57,381 --> 00:07:59,450
Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Oh, God!
194
00:08:05,035 --> 00:08:07,552
Okay. Guess where I have been.
195
00:08:07,690 --> 00:08:10,138
Where? The laundry room.
196
00:08:10,276 --> 00:08:11,449
I wouldn't have believed it
197
00:08:11,587 --> 00:08:13,562
if I hadn't seen it with my
own... They have a room
198
00:08:13,586 --> 00:08:15,827
with nothing but a
washer and a dryer
199
00:08:15,965 --> 00:08:17,517
waiting for us to use.
200
00:08:17,655 --> 00:08:18,827
Us and nobody else.
201
00:08:18,964 --> 00:08:20,792
Oh, honey, this is
the greatest thing.
202
00:08:20,930 --> 00:08:23,654
There's no quarters.
There's no elevators.
203
00:08:23,792 --> 00:08:27,136
There's no Martin Glazer
and his big-boy pants.
204
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,101
I was so moved,
205
00:08:29,239 --> 00:08:30,584
I did a load of colors.
206
00:08:30,722 --> 00:08:33,170
They have washing machines
in Manhattan, you know.
207
00:08:33,308 --> 00:08:35,480
It's not just the washing
machine. Don't you see?
208
00:08:35,618 --> 00:08:36,893
We own land now.
209
00:08:37,031 --> 00:08:38,515
We're landowners.
210
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:41,962
Like the O'Haras in
Gone with the Wind.
211
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:43,514
It's a third of an acre.
212
00:08:43,652 --> 00:08:45,892
It's the rich red earth of Tara.
213
00:08:46,030 --> 00:08:48,479
Tara, Tara, Tara.
214
00:08:48,616 --> 00:08:50,720
Oh, it's so... Oh,
it's brisk in here too.
215
00:08:50,858 --> 00:08:52,098
Wait till you go to the toilet.
216
00:08:52,202 --> 00:08:53,891
It's like peeing
on a frozen lake.
217
00:08:54,029 --> 00:08:55,753
Ah, it's good for you.
218
00:08:55,891 --> 00:08:56,960
Good for you.
219
00:08:57,098 --> 00:08:59,098
Look at that. What?
220
00:08:59,236 --> 00:09:00,891
A little spider on
the wall. Ah! Spider!
221
00:09:01,029 --> 00:09:02,719
Oh! Cold!
222
00:09:02,857 --> 00:09:05,063
Aw, come here,
little guy. Oh, kill it!
223
00:09:05,201 --> 00:09:07,305
Kill it and then set me on fire.
224
00:09:09,338 --> 00:09:11,545
You don't kill a spider.
Spiders kill other insects.
225
00:09:11,683 --> 00:09:13,442
So kill all of
them. Kill 'em all.
226
00:09:13,580 --> 00:09:15,751
Open a window. Gladly.
227
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,200
Ohh! Colder still!
228
00:09:17,337 --> 00:09:19,268
Okay. Here you go, little guy.
229
00:09:19,406 --> 00:09:22,026
Out into the world.
Close the window.
230
00:09:22,164 --> 00:09:24,164
Okay. Bye, Spidey. Excuse me.
231
00:09:24,303 --> 00:09:26,095
No!
232
00:09:29,129 --> 00:09:30,956
Sorry, Spidey.
233
00:09:33,267 --> 00:09:34,577
Mm!
234
00:09:34,715 --> 00:09:36,715
Mm-mm-mm.
235
00:09:36,853 --> 00:09:37,921
Listen to that.
236
00:09:38,059 --> 00:09:39,748
What? Exactly.
237
00:09:39,886 --> 00:09:41,679
It's so quiet.
238
00:09:41,817 --> 00:09:44,369
I never knew there
was a world this quiet.
239
00:09:46,023 --> 00:09:48,816
An owl hoots.
240
00:09:51,402 --> 00:09:53,264
A dog barks happily.
241
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:04,125
Chains are dragged
violently across a floor.
242
00:10:04,263 --> 00:10:06,263
What the hell was
that? I don't know.
243
00:10:10,262 --> 00:10:11,400
Okay. Is it me,
244
00:10:11,538 --> 00:10:13,298
or is the noise coming
from inside the house?
245
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:14,710
Oy, gevalt! Let's go.
246
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:15,917
What? Where?
247
00:10:16,055 --> 00:10:17,365
Let's go see what the noise is.
248
00:10:17,503 --> 00:10:19,503
Why? What do you mean, why?
249
00:10:19,641 --> 00:10:22,537
So there's chains being
dragged violently across a floor?
250
00:10:22,675 --> 00:10:26,157
What is that our business?
You wanna just sit here
251
00:10:26,296 --> 00:10:27,896
and wait for the
chains to come after us?
252
00:10:28,019 --> 00:10:29,259
Maybe they won't come after us.
253
00:10:29,364 --> 00:10:30,674
Maybe they'll just go away.
254
00:10:30,811 --> 00:10:32,329
We'll have the
element of surprise.
255
00:10:32,467 --> 00:10:33,949
I don't want the
element of surprise.
256
00:10:34,087 --> 00:10:35,777
I want the element of
hiding under the bed.
257
00:10:35,915 --> 00:10:38,035
You hide under the bed.
I'll go see what the noise is.
258
00:10:38,121 --> 00:10:40,639
No. No splitting up. That's what
always happens in the movies.
259
00:10:40,776 --> 00:10:42,190
They split up, and
two minutes later
260
00:10:42,328 --> 00:10:44,603
I gotta find you with
an ax in your head.
261
00:10:44,741 --> 00:10:46,672
Well, I wouldn't wanna
put you through that.
262
00:10:46,810 --> 00:10:49,362
We're not splitting
up, I'm saying.
263
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:50,844
So come with me.
264
00:10:50,982 --> 00:10:52,637
Okay.
265
00:11:02,670 --> 00:11:04,429
Really? Yeah.
266
00:11:04,567 --> 00:11:06,463
You're gonna hit an ax
murderer with a trout?
267
00:11:06,601 --> 00:11:08,945
They hate that.
268
00:11:19,496 --> 00:11:21,565
I sure wish I had my pants.
269
00:11:25,047 --> 00:11:26,254
Ah!
270
00:11:26,392 --> 00:11:28,529
Intercom, intercom.
Intercom, intercom, intercom.
271
00:11:28,667 --> 00:11:31,218
I'll just go back and
pick up my ovaries.
272
00:11:38,804 --> 00:11:40,148
What is that now?
273
00:11:40,287 --> 00:11:41,803
I don't know.
274
00:11:47,216 --> 00:11:49,009
It's like a voice.
275
00:11:49,147 --> 00:11:50,871
A voice? Oh, my God.
276
00:11:51,009 --> 00:11:54,147
A voice dragging chains
and a moaning voice.
277
00:11:54,285 --> 00:11:56,125
What are you saying,
that the house is haunted?
278
00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:57,457
Uh-huh.
279
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,491
What is it saying?
280
00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:11,318
Have some peanut
butter and jelly.
281
00:12:13,111 --> 00:12:14,421
Honey, we're
looking for a ghost.
282
00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:16,110
I'm not gonna stop
and make a sandwich.
283
00:12:16,248 --> 00:12:17,868
That's what the
thing is saying, I think.
284
00:12:18,006 --> 00:12:19,352
Have some peanut
butter and jelly.
285
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,282
Have some peanut
butter and jelly?
286
00:12:21,420 --> 00:12:23,558
Yeah. What do
you think it's saying?
287
00:12:27,420 --> 00:12:32,315
Go away, Paul and Jamie.
288
00:12:32,453 --> 00:12:34,419
It's not saying that.
Well, I'm calling 911.
289
00:12:34,557 --> 00:12:36,452
What are you gonna do,
tell them we're standing
290
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,550
in our underwear with a
trout looking for a ghost?
291
00:12:38,659 --> 00:12:39,899
I wish we were safely hidden...
292
00:12:39,935 --> 00:12:41,003
Ohh! Aah!
293
00:12:41,141 --> 00:12:42,349
Not a ghost! Not a ghost!
294
00:12:42,487 --> 00:12:43,969
It's Beethoven. Beethoven, see?
295
00:12:44,107 --> 00:12:45,107
Nice. Nice Beethoven.
296
00:12:45,245 --> 00:12:47,348
I can't believe you did this!
297
00:12:47,486 --> 00:12:48,589
What?
298
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:50,693
I can't believe you came
up here to the North Pole
299
00:12:50,830 --> 00:12:52,140
and bought a house... A house...
300
00:12:52,279 --> 00:12:54,382
Without consulting me. I
wanted it to be a surprise.
301
00:12:54,519 --> 00:12:55,692
It's not a birthday party.
302
00:12:55,830 --> 00:12:58,692
You don't throw
somebody a surprise house.
303
00:12:58,830 --> 00:13:00,588
It happens to be a
very expensive present.
304
00:13:00,725 --> 00:13:03,139
The least you could do is be
a little more gracious about it.
305
00:13:03,278 --> 00:13:04,553
I don't wanna be here, Paul.
306
00:13:04,691 --> 00:13:06,932
I wanna be in Manhattan.
Where you don't own land.
307
00:13:07,069 --> 00:13:09,035
You own cubic feet 50
stories above the ground
308
00:13:09,173 --> 00:13:11,277
like a normal person.
309
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:13,897
Where all the ghosts have gone
away, where you don't walk...
310
00:13:14,035 --> 00:13:15,448
Shh!
311
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:16,828
Shh, shh, shh! Wait a minute.
312
00:13:16,965 --> 00:13:17,965
What?
313
00:13:17,999 --> 00:13:20,827
The noise is coming from there.
314
00:13:20,965 --> 00:13:22,275
Careful.
315
00:13:22,413 --> 00:13:24,067
Lead with your fish.
316
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:35,550
Okay, honey, come here.
317
00:13:35,687 --> 00:13:37,825
Here is your big bad ghost.
318
00:13:40,652 --> 00:13:41,996
You had to do a load of laundry?
319
00:13:42,134 --> 00:13:43,996
It was beckoning to me.
320
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,548
It's the quarters
in a pocket from...
321
00:13:49,686 --> 00:13:52,444
What are we gonna do about this?
322
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:53,650
We shut it off mid cycle,
323
00:13:53,788 --> 00:13:54,961
we take out the quarters.
324
00:13:55,099 --> 00:13:57,340
This. No, no, no.
This. All of this.
325
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:00,960
Well, we can still
back out of the deal
326
00:14:01,098 --> 00:14:03,305
if that's really what you
want. What are you saying?
327
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,283
This is really your idea
of the perfect future?
328
00:14:05,408 --> 00:14:07,235
That's exactly what I'm saying.
329
00:14:07,373 --> 00:14:09,580
What do you say? You
have to have the city?
330
00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,097
Yes.
331
00:14:14,407 --> 00:14:18,199
Well, this is a
chance for one of us
332
00:14:18,338 --> 00:14:19,785
to be a a really big person.
333
00:14:19,923 --> 00:14:22,061
Yes, indeedy.
334
00:14:40,783 --> 00:14:43,093
Oh, let's buy the house.
335
00:14:43,231 --> 00:14:44,920
Seriously?
336
00:14:45,058 --> 00:14:47,713
Yes. Let's buy the house.
337
00:14:47,851 --> 00:14:49,093
Why?
338
00:14:49,231 --> 00:14:50,575
Because it will make you happy,
339
00:14:50,713 --> 00:14:52,126
and when you're
happy, I'm happy.
340
00:14:52,265 --> 00:14:53,954
So I'll be happy.
341
00:14:54,092 --> 00:14:55,919
You're really...
342
00:14:56,057 --> 00:14:57,161
you're a big person.
343
00:14:57,299 --> 00:14:59,747
Yes, I am.
344
00:14:59,885 --> 00:15:01,471
You're a bigger
person than I am.
345
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:02,609
If you say so.
346
00:15:02,712 --> 00:15:04,746
I say so.
347
00:15:04,884 --> 00:15:06,022
It bothers me a little
348
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:07,849
that you're a bigger
person than I am,
349
00:15:07,987 --> 00:15:09,401
but you are. I know.
350
00:15:09,539 --> 00:15:11,917
Thank you for letting
me buy you this house.
351
00:15:12,055 --> 00:15:13,917
You're welcome.
I won't forget it.
352
00:15:14,055 --> 00:15:15,335
I'm not gonna let you forget it.
353
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:16,779
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
354
00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:19,227
Oh, I love you. I
love you so much.
355
00:15:19,365 --> 00:15:21,123
I love you too.
356
00:15:21,262 --> 00:15:22,985
So guess what.
This is our house.
357
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,227
Yes, it is.
358
00:15:24,364 --> 00:15:26,813
This is Tara. It's Tara.
359
00:15:29,122 --> 00:15:30,570
Would you mind then
360
00:15:30,708 --> 00:15:33,639
if I carried you
across the threshold?
361
00:15:33,777 --> 00:15:35,846
Of the laundry room?
362
00:15:35,983 --> 00:15:37,363
Would you mind?
363
00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:38,914
Okay.
364
00:15:41,087 --> 00:15:42,121
Would you mind if we just
365
00:15:42,259 --> 00:15:45,120
walked hand-in-hand
across the threshold?
366
00:15:45,259 --> 00:15:46,948
I'd like to welcome everyone
367
00:15:47,086 --> 00:15:49,672
to the closing of escrow
of number 31 Sharon Drive,
368
00:15:49,810 --> 00:15:51,430
Irvington, New York. Thank you.
369
00:15:51,568 --> 00:15:53,327
And we're very
excited to be here.
370
00:15:53,465 --> 00:15:55,947
Now, Mr. and Mrs. Buchman,
I have in my hand here
371
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:58,602
the transfer
disclosure statement,
372
00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:00,222
the title search,
373
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,395
and the wood-destroying
pests and organisms
374
00:16:02,533 --> 00:16:03,877
inspection report.
375
00:16:04,015 --> 00:16:06,773
All of which require
both of your signatures.
376
00:16:06,911 --> 00:16:07,911
Not a problem.
377
00:16:07,980 --> 00:16:10,152
Frank.
378
00:16:10,290 --> 00:16:12,014
There you go,
sweetie. Okay, thanks.
379
00:16:12,152 --> 00:16:13,841
Frank!
380
00:16:17,048 --> 00:16:18,841
You good? Yeah.
381
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,496
I have here the check
for the down payment
382
00:16:21,634 --> 00:16:24,737
and a second check from the
lender Chase Manhattan Bank
383
00:16:24,875 --> 00:16:26,702
for the balance of
the purchase price.
384
00:16:28,012 --> 00:16:30,357
There it goes, sweetie.
Bye-bye, money.
385
00:16:30,495 --> 00:16:32,288
This is so exciting, isn't it?
386
00:16:32,426 --> 00:16:34,012
Yes. Yes, it is.
387
00:16:34,150 --> 00:16:35,870
Can I talk to you for a second?
388
00:16:35,977 --> 00:16:36,977
Sure.
389
00:16:37,045 --> 00:16:38,769
Folks, we'll be right back.
390
00:16:38,907 --> 00:16:40,045
Is everything all right?
391
00:16:40,183 --> 00:16:42,322
Oh, it's fine.
392
00:16:43,976 --> 00:16:45,769
Just give us one sec.
393
00:16:48,217 --> 00:16:49,734
What is it? Are
you okay? Uh, yeah.
394
00:16:49,872 --> 00:16:51,837
What, are you nervous
about spending the money?
395
00:16:51,975 --> 00:16:53,147
Well, yes, but...
396
00:16:53,285 --> 00:16:54,940
Worried we're getting
in over our heads?
397
00:16:55,078 --> 00:16:56,940
Of course, but... You
think we should have gone
398
00:16:57,078 --> 00:16:59,285
with the adjustable-rate
mortgage?
399
00:16:59,422 --> 00:17:00,905
Probably, but that's not it.
400
00:17:01,043 --> 00:17:02,698
What, then?
401
00:17:02,836 --> 00:17:04,388
I changed my mind.
402
00:17:04,526 --> 00:17:07,835
If it's okay with you, I
don't wanna buy the house.
403
00:17:07,973 --> 00:17:09,697
Really? You love this house.
404
00:17:09,835 --> 00:17:11,145
You know, but not really.
405
00:17:11,283 --> 00:17:13,318
It's cold and there are spiders
406
00:17:13,456 --> 00:17:16,421
and I don't think
that's real Formica.
407
00:17:16,558 --> 00:17:18,248
You're lying. No, I'm not.
408
00:17:18,386 --> 00:17:20,213
You're lying through
your teeth. No, I'm not.
409
00:17:20,351 --> 00:17:21,833
I know you're
lying. You're lying.
410
00:17:23,937 --> 00:17:26,213
All right. Listen to me.
411
00:17:26,350 --> 00:17:28,385
If this is not your dream,
412
00:17:28,523 --> 00:17:30,661
then I don't want
it to be my dream.
413
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:32,901
I want us to find another dream,
414
00:17:33,039 --> 00:17:35,729
a beautiful dream that
will be... our dream.
415
00:17:35,867 --> 00:17:38,211
You know, your dream
and my dream together.
416
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:41,693
Okay?
417
00:17:41,831 --> 00:17:45,659
You couldn't let me be the
bigger person, could you?
418
00:17:45,797 --> 00:17:47,521
What's that?
419
00:17:47,659 --> 00:17:49,452
You couldn't stand
that I was able to step up
420
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,830
and be the bigger person...
What are you talking about?
421
00:17:51,968 --> 00:17:53,520
Now we can't live
in the city, either.
422
00:17:53,658 --> 00:17:55,071
Why not? 'Cause you come in
423
00:17:55,209 --> 00:17:57,649
with a gesture like this, you
think I'm gonna act like a jerk?
424
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,553
You'd love that,
wouldn't you? Love what?
425
00:17:59,691 --> 00:18:01,174
Then you could be
the bigger person...
426
00:18:01,313 --> 00:18:03,553
Okay, you know
what? You're unstable.
427
00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:05,104
Pardon me?
428
00:18:05,243 --> 00:18:08,208
You are emotionally
and mentally unwell.
429
00:18:08,346 --> 00:18:10,759
And by the way,
a little transparent.
430
00:18:10,897 --> 00:18:12,380
What? Why don't
you just admit it.
431
00:18:12,518 --> 00:18:14,931
You're upset because I got
you a big beautiful house,
432
00:18:15,069 --> 00:18:17,138
oh, don't do it. And
you got me a tie.
433
00:18:17,276 --> 00:18:19,103
Oh! You went for the tie!
434
00:18:19,242 --> 00:18:21,241
That is just the
lowest of the low.
435
00:18:21,379 --> 00:18:23,206
Well, you know,
I'm not a big person.
436
00:18:23,344 --> 00:18:24,344
Clearly. Yeah.
437
00:18:24,413 --> 00:18:25,792
Hello, Mr. Buchman.
438
00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:29,240
Hurry up. We're running out
of crap to talk about in here.
439
00:18:29,378 --> 00:18:30,895
We'll be right with you.
440
00:18:31,032 --> 00:18:32,832
Look, why don't we just
go deal with them now,
441
00:18:32,929 --> 00:18:34,412
because we're gonna
need a good fight
442
00:18:34,549 --> 00:18:36,756
for the ride home anyway.
What are we gonna say to them?
443
00:18:36,894 --> 00:18:39,894
There are only 1,500
of these in the world.
444
00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,859
Half of them are in
communist China.
445
00:18:44,204 --> 00:18:45,962
All right. I have an idea.
446
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:47,755
Just follow me.
447
00:18:49,548 --> 00:18:52,203
Okay. Sorry about
that, everybody.
448
00:18:52,341 --> 00:18:53,582
Very sorry.
449
00:18:56,064 --> 00:18:57,409
We were actually just discussing
450
00:18:57,547 --> 00:18:59,582
where we're gonna put
this beautiful barrel table
451
00:18:59,719 --> 00:19:01,133
when we move in.
452
00:19:01,271 --> 00:19:02,753
I'm sorry?
453
00:19:02,891 --> 00:19:03,891
The barrel table.
454
00:19:04,029 --> 00:19:06,097
What? What are
you talking about?
455
00:19:06,236 --> 00:19:08,028
It looks great here
in the living room,
456
00:19:08,166 --> 00:19:09,926
but I was thinking it
might go in the kitchen
457
00:19:10,028 --> 00:19:12,338
or maybe even outside. Is
it waterproof, do you know?
458
00:19:12,476 --> 00:19:16,062
Buddy! You're not
getting the barrel table.
459
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,993
What do you mean?
460
00:19:18,131 --> 00:19:19,304
This isn't a furniture store.
461
00:19:19,441 --> 00:19:20,751
You're buying the house.
462
00:19:20,889 --> 00:19:22,372
We're taking the barrel table.
463
00:19:22,510 --> 00:19:25,095
Ooh, boy. Uh,
Mr. Dichristophoro,
464
00:19:25,234 --> 00:19:26,510
I was just under the impression
465
00:19:26,647 --> 00:19:28,303
that the barrel table
came with the house.
466
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,474
Well, that's a dopey impression.
467
00:19:31,612 --> 00:19:33,784
What'd you think, you get
the whole kit and caboodle...
468
00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,405
The car, the cat, Ramona?
469
00:19:35,543 --> 00:19:36,853
No, of course not.
470
00:19:36,991 --> 00:19:38,094
Look, Mr. Buchman,
471
00:19:38,233 --> 00:19:39,542
if you want the barrel table,
472
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,680
you can have the barrel
table. Well, thank you.
473
00:19:41,818 --> 00:19:43,645
Sure. What else do you
want? The tchotchkes,
474
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,404
pictures of my nephew?
Take my sweater.
475
00:19:45,541 --> 00:19:47,852
I don't want your sweater.
Mr. Dichristophoro, please,
476
00:19:47,990 --> 00:19:50,300
I just want the barrel table.
Frank, put your sweater on.
477
00:19:50,438 --> 00:19:51,713
It's not my sweater. It's his.
478
00:19:51,851 --> 00:19:54,196
Selling the man the sweater.
I don't want the sweater.
479
00:19:54,334 --> 00:19:56,264
I don't want the sweater.
What's the matter,
480
00:19:56,402 --> 00:19:58,230
you don't like the sweater?
481
00:19:58,368 --> 00:19:59,471
It's a very nice sweater.
482
00:19:59,609 --> 00:20:00,850
Then take it. Take the sweater.
483
00:20:00,988 --> 00:20:02,126
Frank, give him the sweater.
484
00:20:02,264 --> 00:20:04,919
Ramona. You still
have your cardigan.
485
00:20:07,125 --> 00:20:09,367
The barrel table dies
with me in Florida.
486
00:20:09,505 --> 00:20:11,263
Oh, really? Well, let
me tell you something.
487
00:20:11,401 --> 00:20:13,021
If this doesn't stay, we go.
488
00:20:13,159 --> 00:20:14,400
Mr. Buchman, please sit down.
489
00:20:14,538 --> 00:20:15,818
Please don't tell
him what to do.
490
00:20:15,951 --> 00:20:17,573
I've never seen
anything like this.
491
00:20:17,711 --> 00:20:19,435
Nor have I. Sit down.
492
00:20:19,572 --> 00:20:20,779
Sit down.
493
00:20:20,917 --> 00:20:23,089
You two sit down.
Frank, sit down.
494
00:20:23,227 --> 00:20:24,365
I can't sit down.
495
00:20:24,503 --> 00:20:26,399
Watch me. It's easy.
496
00:20:26,537 --> 00:20:29,296
I know how to sit down.
I'm just not sitting down.
497
00:20:29,433 --> 00:20:30,812
Well, if you're not
gonna sit down,
498
00:20:30,950 --> 00:20:32,881
I'm not sitting down,
either. No. Me, neither.
499
00:20:33,018 --> 00:20:34,949
You know what... What
do you think you're doing?
500
00:20:35,087 --> 00:20:37,087
Enough standing and sitting.
501
00:20:40,018 --> 00:20:41,846
The barrel table is
not part of the sale.
502
00:20:41,983 --> 00:20:43,708
Now, if you can't accept
that, Mr. Buchman,
503
00:20:43,845 --> 00:20:45,605
I will call this deal
off right here and now.
504
00:20:45,741 --> 00:20:49,396
Oh, God! Be still, Ramona.
505
00:20:51,258 --> 00:20:53,671
Mr. Dichristophoro, I'm sorry.
506
00:20:53,809 --> 00:20:55,706
It really hurts me to
say that I feel betrayed,
507
00:20:55,844 --> 00:20:58,602
and I'm indignant. I
cannot agree to that.
508
00:20:58,740 --> 00:21:00,257
I'm with him. Oh, my God!
509
00:21:00,395 --> 00:21:02,119
I'm sorry. This deal
is hereby unsolved,
510
00:21:02,257 --> 00:21:03,981
insolved, unresolved,
and dissolved.
511
00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:06,877
You're gonna blow
this deal over that table?
512
00:21:11,807 --> 00:21:13,566
So let it be written.
513
00:21:13,704 --> 00:21:16,255
So let it be done.
36261
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