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1
00:00:04,386 --> 00:00:06,006
Sweetie? Hey.
2
00:00:06,144 --> 00:00:07,936
Look who your
husband dragged in.
3
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:10,764
Mark! Jamie, hi! How are ya?
4
00:00:10,902 --> 00:00:12,626
Haven't seen you forever.
5
00:00:12,764 --> 00:00:13,833
Oh, look at you.
6
00:00:13,971 --> 00:00:15,660
Oh, you look so good! So do you!
7
00:00:15,797 --> 00:00:17,108
No! No! Yeah! Yeah!
8
00:00:17,246 --> 00:00:18,280
Yeah? Yeah!
9
00:00:18,417 --> 00:00:20,245
Yeah, okay,
maybe a little, yeah.
10
00:00:20,383 --> 00:00:22,521
God, we missed
you. Oh, me, you too.
11
00:00:22,658 --> 00:00:24,934
Which is why, when I had
my first day off in five months,
12
00:00:25,072 --> 00:00:26,392
I chose to spend
it with you guys.
13
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,555
Mark came down and watched
me film a segment today.
14
00:00:28,693 --> 00:00:31,209
Paul's doing a documentary
about people who should be famous,
15
00:00:31,346 --> 00:00:32,554
but they aren't. I heard that.
16
00:00:32,692 --> 00:00:34,174
'Cause, you know,
she lives with me,
17
00:00:34,312 --> 00:00:36,032
so she really knows
most of what's going on.
18
00:00:36,139 --> 00:00:37,243
Yeah. Yes, yes.
19
00:00:37,380 --> 00:00:39,138
Know who I interviewed today?
- Who?
20
00:00:39,276 --> 00:00:41,553
The guy who invented
the little piece of plastic
21
00:00:41,691 --> 00:00:44,690
that keeps the top of the
pizza box from touching pizza.
22
00:00:44,828 --> 00:00:45,862
How was the segment?
23
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,861
Ah, he didn't have
a lot to say, sadly.
24
00:00:48,999 --> 00:00:50,412
Kind of a quiet fellow. Yeah.
25
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,309
And then this light didn't work,
which was just maddening.
26
00:00:53,447 --> 00:00:55,481
Yeah, but, oh, I was
just so thrilled to be there.
27
00:00:55,619 --> 00:00:58,067
Because, you see, I've been
trying to make up for lost time.
28
00:00:58,204 --> 00:00:59,928
Sort of rebuild my
circle of friends,
29
00:01:00,066 --> 00:01:02,583
just immerse
myself in your lives.
30
00:01:02,721 --> 00:01:04,135
Yeah.
31
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,687
If that's okay
with you? Oh, hey!
32
00:01:05,825 --> 00:01:07,583
Please! Immerse yourself away.
33
00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:09,513
Great, great.
34
00:01:13,271 --> 00:01:14,685
How's the immersing going?
35
00:01:14,823 --> 00:01:17,099
It's good, it's good.
36
00:01:18,650 --> 00:01:19,856
Was that the doorbell?
37
00:01:19,994 --> 00:01:22,339
You remember the doorbell.
Oh, yeah, sure, yeah.
38
00:01:23,994 --> 00:01:25,993
Hey, Splinky, you
know the good doctor.
39
00:01:26,131 --> 00:01:27,614
Hey! Ira!
40
00:01:27,752 --> 00:01:29,890
Mark! Oh, Ira, how are you?
41
00:01:30,028 --> 00:01:31,406
How are things? Good.
42
00:01:31,545 --> 00:01:32,958
How's things with
the women? Good.
43
00:01:33,096 --> 00:01:34,268
How's the store? Not so good.
44
00:01:34,406 --> 00:01:35,751
What? What?
45
00:01:35,889 --> 00:01:38,129
Well, I've made some
unfortunate business decisions.
46
00:01:38,267 --> 00:01:40,405
But, hey, you know,
everything is gonna turn around.
47
00:01:40,544 --> 00:01:43,370
I have come up with a
fantastic new promotion.
48
00:01:43,508 --> 00:01:45,818
Tomorrow afternoon, at my store,
49
00:01:45,956 --> 00:01:47,611
one of my customers is gonna win
50
00:01:47,749 --> 00:01:50,852
a brand spanking
new Cadillac DeVille.
51
00:01:50,990 --> 00:01:52,576
A DeVille? Wow! Wow!
52
00:01:52,714 --> 00:01:54,594
That's the kind of car
where you... Where you...
53
00:01:54,713 --> 00:01:55,993
You ride in a car
and people say,
54
00:01:56,127 --> 00:01:57,575
"Wow! That... Look at that car!"
55
00:01:57,713 --> 00:01:58,713
I know.
56
00:01:58,850 --> 00:02:00,816
So how do you
win? Well, it's easy.
57
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,885
Twelve contestants put
their hands on the car,
58
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,125
the last one to take
their hands off wins.
59
00:02:05,263 --> 00:02:07,401
Can you afford to
give away a car?
60
00:02:07,539 --> 00:02:09,125
Ha, ha. Not even close.
61
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:11,159
I'm renting the car for the day
62
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:13,469
and the contestants
are all gonna be ringers.
63
00:02:13,607 --> 00:02:15,986
So the whole thing
is just a big fraud?
64
00:02:16,123 --> 00:02:18,710
Well, it's grand larceny,
actually, but, yeah.
65
00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,020
God, I've missed you guys.
66
00:02:21,158 --> 00:02:23,157
This is the worst
thing I've ever heard.
67
00:02:23,295 --> 00:02:26,157
Oh, really? 'Cause bankruptcy
is the worst thing I ever heard.
68
00:02:26,295 --> 00:02:27,984
What, things are
really that bad, huh?
69
00:02:28,122 --> 00:02:29,122
Oh, yeah.
70
00:02:29,259 --> 00:02:30,779
So where are you
gonna get the ringers?
71
00:02:30,914 --> 00:02:32,536
Well, I don't know.
72
00:02:32,673 --> 00:02:36,018
It's very hard to find ringers.
73
00:02:36,155 --> 00:02:39,603
I say, it's very
hard to find ringers.
74
00:02:41,257 --> 00:02:42,361
Once again, it's very...
75
00:02:42,499 --> 00:02:45,016
Oh, gosh, I'm sorry!
Oh, I'm so stupid.
76
00:02:45,154 --> 00:02:47,533
Of course, of course, you need
ringers. You can count us in.
77
00:02:47,671 --> 00:02:49,291
Yeah, count us in,
'cause by all means,
78
00:02:49,429 --> 00:02:51,773
we'd like to be felons too.
79
00:02:51,911 --> 00:02:54,739
Paul, Ira is a friend in need.
80
00:02:54,877 --> 00:02:56,393
Are we friends indeed?
81
00:02:56,532 --> 00:02:59,565
It's a felonious
crime. I'm a mother.
82
00:03:02,254 --> 00:03:03,496
What... What's the matter?
83
00:03:03,634 --> 00:03:05,082
I can't believe...
84
00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:07,668
You can't believe how ashamed
I feel to stoop to this level.
85
00:03:07,806 --> 00:03:09,426
Oh, Ira. Oh, come on, Splink.
86
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:10,844
Oh, asking you to break the law.
87
00:03:10,943 --> 00:03:12,703
Who would have thought
it would come to this?
88
00:03:12,839 --> 00:03:14,529
Oh, Ira, don't cry.
Eat your sandwich.
89
00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:16,529
Stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid...
90
00:03:16,667 --> 00:03:18,218
All right, we'll
do it, We're in.
91
00:03:18,356 --> 00:03:19,942
Just don't hit
yourself with the food.
92
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:21,528
Come on, Ira. Come
on, you and me.
93
00:03:21,666 --> 00:03:23,528
We're gonna pass
out these fliers until...
94
00:03:23,666 --> 00:03:26,182
Until... Until we
have no more. Okay.
95
00:03:26,319 --> 00:03:28,010
Yeah. Are you with me? Yes.
96
00:03:28,147 --> 00:03:29,354
I can't hear you! Yes, yes.
97
00:03:29,492 --> 00:03:30,698
I can't hear you! Yes, yes.
98
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:33,664
I can't hear you! Yes!
Enough already! Shut up!
99
00:03:33,802 --> 00:03:36,664
Mark has really
calmed down, hasn't he?
100
00:03:36,801 --> 00:03:38,215
Oh, yeah.
101
00:03:38,353 --> 00:03:40,628
I can't believe this
stupid light didn't work.
102
00:03:40,766 --> 00:03:42,663
You know how expensive
these things are to rent?
103
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,041
Did you shake it?
104
00:03:44,179 --> 00:03:46,145
Sweetie, it's a very
expensive piece of equipment.
105
00:03:46,282 --> 00:03:47,282
You don't just shake it.
106
00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:49,730
Ohh! Bright,
bright, bright light!
107
00:03:49,868 --> 00:03:52,626
Very bright! Shut it off! I did.
108
00:03:52,764 --> 00:03:54,005
No, seriously, no, shut it off.
109
00:03:54,143 --> 00:03:56,315
Honey? Oh, honey,
where'd you go?
110
00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:57,901
I'm right here.
111
00:03:58,039 --> 00:03:59,660
Oh. Oh, ask me how
I am. How are you?
112
00:03:59,798 --> 00:04:01,280
Blind!
113
00:04:12,037 --> 00:04:13,727
Oh, I've blinded you.
114
00:04:13,865 --> 00:04:14,865
No, no.
115
00:04:15,002 --> 00:04:16,553
What if I've
blinded you for life?
116
00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:18,731
No, sweetie, it's just a
day or so, the doctor said.
117
00:04:18,829 --> 00:04:21,139
I just... As long as I keep
taking those eye drops.
118
00:04:21,277 --> 00:04:22,717
I'm gonna take very
good care of you.
119
00:04:22,828 --> 00:04:24,277
I know that you will... Ow!
120
00:04:24,414 --> 00:04:25,587
Look out!
121
00:04:25,725 --> 00:04:27,725
Maybe next time, a little
earlier with the warning.
122
00:04:27,827 --> 00:04:29,448
Sorry. Oh, my God!
123
00:04:29,586 --> 00:04:31,896
It's worse than I
thought. He's disfigured.
124
00:04:32,034 --> 00:04:34,102
That's Mom, right?
Am I right, that's Mom?
125
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,550
And I'm gonna take a
wild guess... that's Pop.
126
00:04:36,688 --> 00:04:39,239
I like your hair.
It's a disguise.
127
00:04:39,377 --> 00:04:42,032
I don't want any of my old
customers to recognize me.
128
00:04:42,170 --> 00:04:43,929
It's very convincing.
129
00:04:44,067 --> 00:04:45,067
Oh, well, thank you.
130
00:04:45,169 --> 00:04:46,445
Look, for the life of me,
131
00:04:46,584 --> 00:04:48,859
I just don't understand
how this happened.
132
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,307
Well, like I said, Sylvia,
133
00:04:50,444 --> 00:04:52,721
he was looking into the
light when I got it to work.
134
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:56,237
I just don't understand how
this could have happened.
135
00:04:56,374 --> 00:04:58,789
Well, again, he was
looking down into the light,
136
00:04:58,927 --> 00:05:00,305
which I didn't realize,
137
00:05:00,443 --> 00:05:03,202
when it turned on and
shone into his eyes.
138
00:05:03,339 --> 00:05:05,304
I just don't understand
139
00:05:05,442 --> 00:05:07,132
how a thing like this happens.
140
00:05:07,270 --> 00:05:09,097
You know what?
I don't either. Oh.
141
00:05:09,235 --> 00:05:10,395
Hey, I think it's really nice
142
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:11,596
that you're helping out Ira.
143
00:05:11,718 --> 00:05:13,372
He's a putz.
144
00:05:13,511 --> 00:05:14,786
When I gave him the store,
145
00:05:14,924 --> 00:05:16,682
all I asked was
that two years later,
146
00:05:16,820 --> 00:05:18,682
I would not have to be
standing here in a wig.
147
00:05:18,820 --> 00:05:22,509
Hey, nice to meet you folks.
Glad you could make it out.
148
00:05:22,647 --> 00:05:23,888
Very subtle.
149
00:05:24,026 --> 00:05:25,026
Everything okay?
150
00:05:25,129 --> 00:05:26,956
No, no. Half my
ringers didn't show.
151
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,853
There's some big
accident on 34th Street.
152
00:05:28,991 --> 00:05:31,715
Ah, nobody signals anymore.
153
00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,542
It's okay. I know what to do.
154
00:05:33,679 --> 00:05:35,507
Afternoon, everybody!
155
00:05:35,645 --> 00:05:40,368
Welcome to Buchman's Sporting
Goods "Win a Free Car" Contest.
156
00:05:41,816 --> 00:05:43,575
Now the moment you've
all been waiting for.
157
00:05:43,713 --> 00:05:45,436
It's time to choose
our first contestants.
158
00:05:45,575 --> 00:05:47,953
All right, come on
down, Jamie Stemple.
159
00:05:48,091 --> 00:05:49,435
Oh, what a surprise.
160
00:05:49,574 --> 00:05:50,919
Oh, who's that?
161
00:05:51,056 --> 00:05:54,194
Okay, put your hand on that
caddy, Mr. Mark Devenow.
162
00:05:54,332 --> 00:05:56,262
Oh, my God! Oh, that's me!
163
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,882
Oh, God! I've never
been picked for anything!
164
00:05:59,020 --> 00:06:01,124
I... Ever! I can't believe this!
165
00:06:01,262 --> 00:06:03,503
Oh, my God, thank
you! Thank you!
166
00:06:03,641 --> 00:06:05,295
A notch less, huh?
167
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:09,123
Okay, our next contestant
is Mr. Paul Melton.
168
00:06:11,742 --> 00:06:14,673
Excuse me, I think
that would be you, sir.
169
00:06:14,811 --> 00:06:16,259
The blind guy!
170
00:06:16,397 --> 00:06:18,672
Paul Melton? Melton? Okay, yes.
171
00:06:18,810 --> 00:06:20,121
I'm sorry, I didn't realize...
172
00:06:20,259 --> 00:06:22,292
Okay, let me help you,
sir. Very nice to meet you.
173
00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:24,913
Nice to... Thank you
very much, kind lady.
174
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,360
Alrighty, our next
contestant is...
175
00:06:27,499 --> 00:06:29,395
Uh, Sylvia Rodham Clinton.
176
00:06:29,533 --> 00:06:31,670
Oh, that's me!
177
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,360
Very good.
178
00:06:33,498 --> 00:06:36,670
And Mr. Burt, uh, Bacharach.
179
00:06:36,808 --> 00:06:38,669
Oh, oh, no relation.
180
00:06:38,807 --> 00:06:40,566
Thank you.
181
00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:44,566
And contestant number
six, Mr. Marvin Bluestone.
182
00:06:44,703 --> 00:06:46,151
Hey, thanks, boss.
183
00:06:46,289 --> 00:06:47,634
Boss?
184
00:06:47,772 --> 00:06:49,737
What do you mean, boss?
185
00:06:51,530 --> 00:06:55,529
Uh, I call, uh,
everybody boss... boss.
186
00:06:55,667 --> 00:06:57,529
Excuse me, boss.
187
00:06:57,666 --> 00:06:59,942
Don't pee on the floor, boss.
188
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:04,010
Okay, contestants,
approach the car.
189
00:07:04,148 --> 00:07:05,700
Hey!
190
00:07:05,838 --> 00:07:08,182
Hey, you only picked six names.
191
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,733
The flier said there'd
be 12 contestants.
192
00:07:10,871 --> 00:07:13,078
Well, the flier was wrong.
We're going with six.
193
00:07:13,216 --> 00:07:15,974
Oh, yeah, well, I'm calling
the Better Business Bureau.
194
00:07:16,112 --> 00:07:17,698
We're going with 12.
195
00:07:17,836 --> 00:07:18,974
Okay...
196
00:07:19,112 --> 00:07:21,042
There's one in every crowd.
197
00:07:21,180 --> 00:07:24,938
Uh, okay, say hello
to Susan Ackerman,
198
00:07:25,076 --> 00:07:26,662
Jason Disbrow,
199
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,662
Ray Thorn,
200
00:07:29,799 --> 00:07:32,041
Jane Santangello,
201
00:07:32,179 --> 00:07:33,281
Maggie Conway.
202
00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:34,558
Ooh! Ooh!
203
00:07:34,696 --> 00:07:36,247
Maggie Conway?
204
00:07:36,385 --> 00:07:38,005
Is... Is she a ringer?
205
00:07:38,143 --> 00:07:39,902
No, no, she's legit.
206
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:41,935
Okay, and our
last contestant is...
207
00:07:42,073 --> 00:07:43,659
Mr. Rory O'Grady.
208
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,245
Yeah! Yeah! Whoa, baby!
209
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:48,452
Daddy needs a new caddy.
210
00:07:48,590 --> 00:07:50,624
Wait a minute, you
are Rory O'Grady?
211
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,038
Yeah, why?
212
00:07:52,176 --> 00:07:53,209
Oh, nothing.
213
00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:55,175
What, I don't look
Irish to you, is that it?
214
00:07:55,313 --> 00:07:56,313
I didn't say that.
215
00:07:56,451 --> 00:07:58,106
Why, because I'm
not wearing green
216
00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:00,070
and I don't have
red hair and freckles.
217
00:08:00,208 --> 00:08:02,932
Sorry, I left my "kiss me,
I'm Irish" button at home.
218
00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:05,105
You're on my list, pal.
219
00:08:05,242 --> 00:08:07,104
Okay, super.
220
00:08:07,242 --> 00:08:10,173
All right, we got 12.
Hands on the car.
221
00:08:10,311 --> 00:08:11,552
Alrighty.
222
00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:13,999
Listen, folks, those
of you watching,
223
00:08:14,137 --> 00:08:15,689
it wouldn't kill you
to buy something.
224
00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:17,172
All right, now,
we're gonna begin.
225
00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:18,310
Ready?
226
00:08:18,412 --> 00:08:19,412
Ow!
227
00:08:19,447 --> 00:08:20,516
Whoops! Sorry, lady,
228
00:08:20,654 --> 00:08:23,240
you took your hands
off the car. You're out.
229
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,895
We're down to 11.
230
00:08:25,033 --> 00:08:27,411
Boy, I really feel
like my other senses
231
00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,549
are compensating
for my lack of sight.
232
00:08:29,687 --> 00:08:31,135
Everything's more acute.
233
00:08:31,272 --> 00:08:33,721
Are you kidding me? You've
been blind for an hour and a half.
234
00:08:33,858 --> 00:08:36,582
I'm telling you. Okay,
perfect example.
235
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:40,375
Somebody is behind me, oh,
15 feet behind me, I would say,
236
00:08:40,513 --> 00:08:44,443
eating a burrito con queso.
237
00:08:45,857 --> 00:08:46,994
Oh, my God!
238
00:08:47,132 --> 00:08:49,029
Am I right? Okay,
somebody over there,
239
00:08:49,167 --> 00:08:51,373
somebody has Tic
Tacs. Oh, come on!
240
00:08:51,511 --> 00:08:52,753
Go ask, go ask.
241
00:08:52,890 --> 00:08:54,730
I think you'll find that
it's the man in the...
242
00:08:54,786 --> 00:08:56,441
No, I'm sorry, it's the woman...
243
00:08:58,165 --> 00:09:01,682
Woman. She's wearing tweed.
244
00:09:01,820 --> 00:09:02,889
Excuse me.
245
00:09:03,027 --> 00:09:06,336
Sure. Whoa, hey, okay.
246
00:09:06,475 --> 00:09:10,681
Excuse me, does anybody
happen to have a Tic-Tac?
247
00:09:10,819 --> 00:09:12,508
My God!
248
00:09:12,646 --> 00:09:14,714
See, you doubted me.
249
00:09:14,852 --> 00:09:16,921
Oh, okay, time for the drops.
250
00:09:17,059 --> 00:09:18,507
All right, little drops. Ohh.
251
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:19,989
Okay, glasses off,
252
00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:21,300
eyes open.
253
00:09:21,437 --> 00:09:22,679
I know the drill. Okay.
254
00:09:22,817 --> 00:09:24,713
Okay, glasses off.
255
00:09:24,851 --> 00:09:27,712
Oh, boy, I... I don't
enjoy this part of it.
256
00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:30,332
Here we go.
All right, all right.
257
00:09:30,471 --> 00:09:31,712
Did you do it yet?
258
00:09:31,849 --> 00:09:33,471
Nope, not yet. All right.
259
00:09:33,608 --> 00:09:34,918
Here it comes.
260
00:09:35,056 --> 00:09:36,987
Okay. Ah, that's my cheek.
261
00:09:37,124 --> 00:09:38,366
That's all right. Sorry.
262
00:09:38,504 --> 00:09:40,952
Okay. Here it comes.
263
00:09:41,090 --> 00:09:42,296
Uh-huh. Uh, nostrils.
264
00:09:42,434 --> 00:09:43,607
I'm sorry.
265
00:09:43,745 --> 00:09:45,744
It's not enough that
she nearly blinded him,
266
00:09:45,882 --> 00:09:47,675
now she's gonna
drown him. No, she's not.
267
00:09:47,813 --> 00:09:49,191
Let me do it. No, no, Sylvia...
268
00:09:49,329 --> 00:09:51,812
Hey, doctor, two
losers right over there!
269
00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:53,812
Oh, for crying out loud.
270
00:09:53,950 --> 00:09:57,087
All right, sir, ma'am,
you're out of the contest.
271
00:09:57,225 --> 00:09:58,467
What, you mean you can't even
272
00:09:58,605 --> 00:10:00,259
take your hand off
the car even once?
273
00:10:00,397 --> 00:10:02,742
No, those are the rules.
In fact, the only rule!
274
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,155
Okay, step away from the car.
275
00:10:06,775 --> 00:10:08,292
Did you do it yet?
276
00:10:08,430 --> 00:10:11,326
Here it comes... Oops!
277
00:10:11,465 --> 00:10:12,981
Tastes like chicken.
278
00:10:13,119 --> 00:10:15,325
Sorry.
279
00:10:15,464 --> 00:10:17,015
Excuse me, ma'am.
280
00:10:17,153 --> 00:10:18,498
You holding up okay?
281
00:10:18,635 --> 00:10:21,566
Because, you know,
there's no shame in leaving.
282
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,739
Let me explain something to you.
283
00:10:23,876 --> 00:10:26,634
I may be British, but there's
nothing on God's earth
284
00:10:26,772 --> 00:10:30,944
that moves my soul as much
as a big American Cadillac.
285
00:10:31,082 --> 00:10:32,358
Really?
286
00:10:32,495 --> 00:10:36,288
Just look at it: power
everything, leather interior,
287
00:10:36,426 --> 00:10:39,357
275 horsepower V-8,
288
00:10:39,494 --> 00:10:41,839
zero to 60 in a blink of an eye.
289
00:10:41,977 --> 00:10:44,252
Uhh! Oh, God!
290
00:10:45,425 --> 00:10:46,597
Okay, so you're staying?
291
00:10:46,735 --> 00:10:48,045
Uh-huh.
292
00:10:48,182 --> 00:10:49,631
Hi, guys. Hey.
293
00:10:49,769 --> 00:10:50,975
That would be Marvin.
294
00:10:51,113 --> 00:10:53,113
Yes. How's it going?
295
00:10:53,251 --> 00:10:55,596
My girlfriend wants me
to quit my stock boy job,
296
00:10:55,734 --> 00:10:57,214
but I don't know
what else I could do.
297
00:10:57,319 --> 00:10:58,629
Well, what are your interests?
298
00:10:58,767 --> 00:11:00,422
Funny cars.
299
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:01,698
Anything else?
300
00:11:01,836 --> 00:11:03,077
Helping people.
301
00:11:03,215 --> 00:11:04,628
So, like, a funny car ambulance
302
00:11:04,766 --> 00:11:07,456
would be right up your alley?
303
00:11:07,594 --> 00:11:09,765
Forget it. Whoa, Marvin.
304
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:12,834
I was kidding around.
Where'd he go? Marv?
305
00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:14,662
How you doing? Good, good.
306
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,040
Quite a car, isn't she? Sure is.
307
00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:19,246
Hey, would you like to
take a look at the inside?
308
00:11:19,384 --> 00:11:20,661
Is... Is that allowed?
309
00:11:20,799 --> 00:11:22,177
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
310
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,660
Just, you know, make sure
you keep your hand on the car.
311
00:11:24,798 --> 00:11:25,970
Don't worry.
312
00:11:26,108 --> 00:11:28,280
Okay.
313
00:11:28,418 --> 00:11:30,935
Do me a favor,
huh, shut this door?
314
00:11:31,073 --> 00:11:33,004
Aah!
315
00:11:33,141 --> 00:11:35,727
Oh, my gosh! Your hand!
316
00:11:35,865 --> 00:11:36,865
Put some water on it!
317
00:11:37,003 --> 00:11:38,451
Give him a hand.
318
00:11:38,589 --> 00:11:41,692
Oh, by the way, you
two guys, you're out!
319
00:11:42,933 --> 00:11:44,691
Hey, Maggie.
320
00:11:46,071 --> 00:11:47,173
How you holding up?
321
00:11:47,311 --> 00:11:50,035
Ooh, I love this machine.
322
00:11:52,172 --> 00:11:53,414
Ohh.
323
00:11:53,552 --> 00:11:55,310
I'm just gonna
give you a minute.
324
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:03,757
Hey, James.
325
00:12:03,895 --> 00:12:06,550
Oh, don't go, don't
go. Stay. Stay.
326
00:12:06,688 --> 00:12:09,894
Because my
fantastically acute senses
327
00:12:10,032 --> 00:12:12,962
tell me that there is
nobody around us right now.
328
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,273
So I'm gonna hop up
here right next to you
329
00:12:15,411 --> 00:12:17,306
and snuggle pretty close.
330
00:12:18,721 --> 00:12:20,652
It's nice up here, isn't it?
331
00:12:20,789 --> 00:12:23,858
It's kinda... Kinda cool.
332
00:12:23,996 --> 00:12:28,546
It's kinda sexy up
here, sittin' on a caddy.
333
00:12:28,684 --> 00:12:31,133
In fact, as long
as nobody's here,
334
00:12:31,270 --> 00:12:33,684
I'm gonna give
you a little of this.
335
00:12:36,201 --> 00:12:39,889
Perhaps even one of these.
336
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:42,958
Uh, don't say anything.
Don't say anything.
337
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:46,510
What I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna
leave this hand here on the car,
338
00:12:46,648 --> 00:12:51,716
while this hand, I would place
ever so discreetly over here.
339
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:55,232
What do you think of that?
340
00:12:55,370 --> 00:12:56,887
Lower.
341
00:13:07,782 --> 00:13:08,816
Maggie?
342
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:10,575
Yes.
343
00:13:10,713 --> 00:13:12,678
Excuse me one second.
344
00:13:18,712 --> 00:13:22,296
How could you
confuse Maggie and me?
345
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:23,504
You know...
346
00:13:23,642 --> 00:13:25,158
You can smell a
Tic-Tac in New Jersey,
347
00:13:25,296 --> 00:13:28,606
you don't recognize
your own wife?
348
00:13:28,744 --> 00:13:30,813
I... You know, I... I
smelled, you know,
349
00:13:30,950 --> 00:13:34,088
a nice, lemony-smelling
woman, I thought it was you.
350
00:13:34,226 --> 00:13:36,329
By the way, you also groped her.
351
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:39,329
Because I thought
I was groping you.
352
00:13:39,467 --> 00:13:40,949
Even after the initial grope?
353
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:42,811
Well, you know,
at a certain point,
354
00:13:42,949 --> 00:13:44,604
I started to have my doubts.
355
00:13:44,742 --> 00:13:46,362
Uh-huh, and why was that?
356
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:49,223
You know, I... I... Truthfully,
it did feel a little different.
357
00:13:49,361 --> 00:13:50,569
Different how?
358
00:13:50,707 --> 00:13:53,775
I don't know. You know,
she definitely works out.
359
00:13:58,877 --> 00:14:00,257
Gee, you have beautiful hands.
360
00:14:00,394 --> 00:14:01,636
Will you have sex with me?
361
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:05,429
Whoops! I'm sorry, you're out.
362
00:14:06,911 --> 00:14:09,358
Oh...
363
00:14:09,497 --> 00:14:11,737
by the way, we're
open seven days.
364
00:14:11,875 --> 00:14:13,668
Don't forget to
tell your friends.
365
00:14:13,806 --> 00:14:15,496
Hey, I am at a loss here.
366
00:14:15,634 --> 00:14:17,736
Well, what'd you like to
do when you were a kid?
367
00:14:17,874 --> 00:14:19,288
I used to like to stack things.
368
00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:21,356
Uh-huh. What else?
369
00:14:21,495 --> 00:14:23,839
I used to like to put little
pretend price tags on them
370
00:14:23,977 --> 00:14:27,217
and put them up on
little pretend shelves.
371
00:14:27,355 --> 00:14:30,941
You know, Marvin,
372
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:34,147
it's just possible that being
a stock boy is your calling.
373
00:14:34,285 --> 00:14:35,320
I know.
374
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:38,768
Deep in my heart
I've always known.
375
00:14:38,906 --> 00:14:41,319
I think I knew when I was 8.
376
00:14:41,457 --> 00:14:44,250
But I... I would pretend
to be like the other kids
377
00:14:44,388 --> 00:14:47,352
who wanted to be
doctors and lawyers.
378
00:14:47,491 --> 00:14:50,283
I had to live a lie.
379
00:14:51,456 --> 00:14:53,317
Thank you. Wait,
wait, no, no, your hand!
380
00:14:53,455 --> 00:14:55,095
Put your hand on the
car! Hand on the car!
381
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:57,282
Marvin! I'm sorry, boss.
382
00:14:57,421 --> 00:14:58,972
Terrific.
383
00:14:59,110 --> 00:15:01,523
Sweetie, I'm... I'm not
saying that you don't work out.
384
00:15:01,661 --> 00:15:03,489
I'm simply saying I...
385
00:15:03,626 --> 00:15:06,384
I was surprised
that she had, like,
386
00:15:06,522 --> 00:15:07,970
not an ounce of fat on her.
387
00:15:10,349 --> 00:15:11,935
Ohh!
388
00:15:12,073 --> 00:15:14,176
God bless America.
389
00:15:17,072 --> 00:15:18,934
Oh, my God!
390
00:15:19,072 --> 00:15:21,624
Oh, my God, Maggie.
391
00:15:21,762 --> 00:15:23,071
Hello, Hal.
392
00:15:23,209 --> 00:15:25,244
Maggie, please,
darling, listen to me,
393
00:15:25,381 --> 00:15:27,036
take your hands off the car.
394
00:15:27,174 --> 00:15:28,863
Oh, I can't.
395
00:15:29,001 --> 00:15:30,001
What's the matter, Hal?
396
00:15:30,139 --> 00:15:32,242
Maggie can't be near
Cadillacs, you see.
397
00:15:32,380 --> 00:15:36,621
They have a rather
extraordinary effect on her.
398
00:15:36,759 --> 00:15:37,828
Come here, darling.
399
00:15:37,966 --> 00:15:39,286
There's only one
thing to be done.
400
00:15:39,414 --> 00:15:40,483
What's that, Hal?
401
00:15:40,621 --> 00:15:42,344
I'll have to channel
her urges elsewhere.
402
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,206
Stand back, please.
403
00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:46,447
Maggie, darling,
404
00:15:46,585 --> 00:15:48,929
look here.
405
00:15:51,688 --> 00:15:52,688
That's it.
406
00:15:52,791 --> 00:15:53,791
Oh, God!
407
00:15:53,859 --> 00:15:55,928
Look here.
408
00:15:58,790 --> 00:15:59,927
Yes,
409
00:16:00,065 --> 00:16:01,824
look here.
410
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,720
Ohh!
411
00:16:03,858 --> 00:16:05,065
Harold!
412
00:16:05,202 --> 00:16:07,168
Harold!
413
00:16:07,306 --> 00:16:10,650
Harold!
414
00:16:10,788 --> 00:16:12,339
Good day, everyone.
415
00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:17,546
Sorry about what
I said before, huh?
416
00:16:17,684 --> 00:16:19,959
No problem.
417
00:16:20,097 --> 00:16:22,028
Nice try.
418
00:16:22,166 --> 00:16:23,752
Thank you.
419
00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:25,850
Did you think you were
gonna trick me off this car
420
00:16:25,958 --> 00:16:27,958
like those other patsies? No.
421
00:16:28,096 --> 00:16:29,820
So how's it going?
422
00:16:29,958 --> 00:16:31,267
Good.
423
00:16:31,406 --> 00:16:33,086
What part of Ireland
are you from anyway...
424
00:16:33,198 --> 00:16:34,957
There it is! There it is!
425
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,095
What is it? What is it with you?
426
00:16:37,232 --> 00:16:40,094
What are you with, like, the
find the fake Irish guy police?
427
00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:42,094
Let me tell you something, pal.
428
00:16:42,232 --> 00:16:43,542
When I win this car,
429
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,473
I'm gonna be rejoicing
with a pint of bitters
430
00:16:45,611 --> 00:16:47,507
and singing the song
of my native land.
431
00:16:47,644 --> 00:16:49,368
♪ With a bim-bam tooty
And a bim-bam teety ♪
432
00:16:49,506 --> 00:16:51,186
♪ We're goin' for A
Sunday drive, me boys ♪
433
00:16:51,264 --> 00:16:52,984
♪ With a bim-bam tooty
And a bim-bam teety ♪
434
00:16:53,092 --> 00:16:54,643
♪ We're goin' For
a Sunday drive ♪
435
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:56,850
There's your Irish.
436
00:16:56,988 --> 00:16:59,194
Anything you got to say to me?
437
00:16:59,332 --> 00:17:01,332
Please let go of my hand.
438
00:17:04,401 --> 00:17:05,814
Mark, are you okay?
439
00:17:05,952 --> 00:17:07,469
It's crazy!
440
00:17:07,607 --> 00:17:09,917
What? The contest! It's crazy!
441
00:17:10,055 --> 00:17:11,330
It's cruel!
442
00:17:11,469 --> 00:17:13,089
It's crazy and it's cruel!
443
00:17:13,227 --> 00:17:14,365
Mark, take it easy.
444
00:17:14,502 --> 00:17:15,847
What's the matter?
445
00:17:15,985 --> 00:17:17,847
Every time I stare at my hand,
446
00:17:17,984 --> 00:17:19,191
it just wants to let go!
447
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:20,708
I can't take the pressure!
448
00:17:20,846 --> 00:17:23,398
What pressure? There's no...
You know, the whole thing is fixed.
449
00:17:23,536 --> 00:17:25,156
Even if you win, you
don't get anything.
450
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,121
No, no, no, the pressure
of letting Ira down.
451
00:17:27,259 --> 00:17:28,500
I can't take the pressure
452
00:17:28,638 --> 00:17:30,086
of the obligations
of friendship!
453
00:17:30,224 --> 00:17:32,879
I have to take my
hand off the car!
454
00:17:33,017 --> 00:17:35,051
I have to take my
hand off the car!
455
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:37,257
Mark... They shoot
horses, don't they?!
456
00:17:37,396 --> 00:17:38,568
Aah!
457
00:17:38,705 --> 00:17:42,291
Aah! Sweet
liberty! I have to go!
458
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,395
I have to go!
459
00:17:44,533 --> 00:17:45,773
I'm sorry!
460
00:17:45,911 --> 00:17:47,946
I have to go!
461
00:17:48,084 --> 00:17:50,704
I'll see you in
another five months!
462
00:17:50,841 --> 00:17:52,669
I have to go!
463
00:17:56,634 --> 00:17:59,116
And then there were three.
464
00:18:01,668 --> 00:18:04,219
Sweetie?
465
00:18:04,357 --> 00:18:05,874
Honey?
466
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:09,287
Honeypie, darling?
467
00:18:10,529 --> 00:18:12,391
Hey, buddy,
468
00:18:12,528 --> 00:18:15,873
she's upset with you for
groping the English broad.
469
00:18:18,527 --> 00:18:20,285
Thank you.
470
00:18:22,285 --> 00:18:24,147
Sweetie, you want to
play "went on a picnic"?
471
00:18:24,285 --> 00:18:25,457
No!
472
00:18:25,595 --> 00:18:27,388
Come on, you love to
play "went on a picnic."
473
00:18:27,526 --> 00:18:29,595
Don't want to play.
All right, fine, okay.
474
00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:31,146
I'll play by myself.
475
00:18:31,284 --> 00:18:33,317
"Went on a picnic"?
What the hell is that?
476
00:18:33,456 --> 00:18:35,801
Went on a picnic and
I brought an apple,
477
00:18:35,938 --> 00:18:37,283
an apple and a banana,
478
00:18:37,421 --> 00:18:39,455
an apple, a banana,
and a coconut...
479
00:18:39,593 --> 00:18:40,731
You got to be kidding me?
480
00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:42,351
An apple, a banana,
and a coconut...
481
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:45,144
a French toast, a
gingerbread man,
482
00:18:45,282 --> 00:18:47,764
a Havarti cheese,
483
00:18:47,902 --> 00:18:50,798
an iced tea, a Jell-O mold,
484
00:18:50,936 --> 00:18:53,039
a kiwi, a lecithin substitute,
485
00:18:53,176 --> 00:18:55,866
a Mallomar, a nectarine,
486
00:18:56,004 --> 00:18:57,866
an orange and a, uh...
487
00:18:58,004 --> 00:18:59,797
a, uh...
488
00:18:59,935 --> 00:19:01,072
m, n, o, p.
489
00:19:01,210 --> 00:19:02,796
A, uh, a...
490
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:04,968
A pie! Pie.
491
00:19:05,106 --> 00:19:07,243
A pie, for God's sake!
492
00:19:07,382 --> 00:19:08,589
Uh...
493
00:19:08,727 --> 00:19:10,657
Uh, I brought an apple,
a banana, a coconut...
494
00:19:10,795 --> 00:19:11,898
Oh.
495
00:19:12,036 --> 00:19:13,553
Oh, time for the eye drops.
496
00:19:13,691 --> 00:19:15,415
Look, you know what?
Do your own eye drops.
497
00:19:15,553 --> 00:19:16,932
What? What are
you talking about?
498
00:19:17,070 --> 00:19:18,670
I don't feel like taking
care of you now.
499
00:19:18,759 --> 00:19:20,449
Oh, oh, great. Sweetie, come on,
500
00:19:20,587 --> 00:19:22,483
is this what it's gonna
be like when we're 80?
501
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,069
Come on, I get a little infirm,
502
00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,930
I... I have a problem
with my eyes...
503
00:19:27,068 --> 00:19:28,757
Uhh! Ooh, sorry.
504
00:19:28,895 --> 00:19:30,861
A little problem and that's
what you're gonna do?
505
00:19:30,999 --> 00:19:33,136
Get a little angry so you
can deny my medication?
506
00:19:33,274 --> 00:19:35,412
My prescribed medicine,
you're not going to give me?
507
00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:37,929
That's surprising. That's
a little disappointing...
508
00:19:38,067 --> 00:19:39,584
Ow! Ooh, excuse me.
509
00:19:39,722 --> 00:19:41,997
Give me that thing!
510
00:19:49,376 --> 00:19:50,513
Pardon me.
511
00:19:50,651 --> 00:19:51,892
Sweetie,
512
00:19:52,030 --> 00:19:53,720
let me tell you something.
513
00:19:53,857 --> 00:19:55,017
When you get older, you know,
514
00:19:55,133 --> 00:19:56,773
there's gonna be a
lot more of this... Ow!
515
00:19:56,891 --> 00:19:58,491
There's a lot more...
When you get older,
516
00:19:58,581 --> 00:20:00,512
there's gonna be plenty
of ointments and drops,
517
00:20:00,650 --> 00:20:02,530
and we're gonna have
to take care of each other.
518
00:20:02,649 --> 00:20:04,132
So we might as
well practice now.
519
00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:07,648
Sweetie? Sweetie, look,
I'm... Just... Look, I love you.
520
00:20:07,786 --> 00:20:11,268
Okay, just look me in the face
521
00:20:11,406 --> 00:20:13,199
and just tell me
that you love me too.
522
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:16,233
I love you.
523
00:20:19,025 --> 00:20:21,163
Pardon me one second.
524
00:20:21,301 --> 00:20:23,129
Sweetie? Jamie, come
on, say something.
525
00:20:23,266 --> 00:20:25,231
Oh, just give me the drops.
526
00:20:25,370 --> 00:20:27,679
Okay, thank you. That's all.
527
00:20:27,817 --> 00:20:30,403
Okay, I'm sorry, okay?
528
00:20:30,541 --> 00:20:33,127
I'm sorry I smelt
incorrectly. Okay.
529
00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:34,920
I'm sorry I wrongly
groped. Okay.
530
00:20:35,058 --> 00:20:36,747
I'm sorry I noticed
the firmness of...
531
00:20:36,885 --> 00:20:38,884
Careful. All right.
532
00:20:39,022 --> 00:20:40,437
Here it comes.
533
00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:41,919
Ohh! Ooh!
534
00:20:42,057 --> 00:20:43,091
That's it.
535
00:20:43,228 --> 00:20:45,090
Ah, that's the stuff, yeah.
536
00:20:45,228 --> 00:20:46,539
Hey, wait a minute. What?
537
00:20:46,676 --> 00:20:48,056
I'm beginning
to see a little bit.
538
00:20:48,194 --> 00:20:49,538
Really? Yeah.
539
00:20:49,676 --> 00:20:51,055
Not great, but a little bit.
540
00:20:51,193 --> 00:20:52,366
Oh, good.
541
00:20:52,504 --> 00:20:54,779
Yeah, I can see...
Hey, you're pretty.
542
00:20:54,917 --> 00:20:56,365
Oh, thank you.
543
00:20:56,503 --> 00:20:57,572
Hey.
544
00:20:57,710 --> 00:20:59,812
Okay, I'm sorry.
545
00:21:03,260 --> 00:21:06,570
Hey, hey, hey,
hands off the car!
546
00:21:06,708 --> 00:21:08,260
Hands off the car!
547
00:21:10,155 --> 00:21:12,810
I win! Yee-hee-hee-hee!
548
00:21:16,879 --> 00:21:18,534
Sorry. Oops!
549
00:21:25,533 --> 00:21:26,670
What?
550
00:21:26,808 --> 00:21:28,567
I want my car, Ira.
551
00:21:28,705 --> 00:21:31,221
I don't have it, I swear.
552
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:34,118
Ira, I want my car!
553
00:21:34,256 --> 00:21:35,566
Rory, listen to me,
554
00:21:35,704 --> 00:21:38,497
as God is my witness,
I do not have the car.
555
00:21:38,634 --> 00:21:39,979
Think about it, okay?
556
00:21:40,117 --> 00:21:42,427
A car in a New
York City apartment.
557
00:21:42,565 --> 00:21:44,805
Use your head!
558
00:21:46,254 --> 00:21:49,460
Paulie, Paulie, just two
more weeks max, huh?
559
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,080
What? Damn it, Ira,
560
00:21:53,218 --> 00:21:56,976
I saw the tread
marks in the elevator!
561
00:21:57,114 --> 00:21:58,838
Explain that!
562
00:21:58,976 --> 00:22:02,906
There's carbon monoxide
in the hallway, Ira!
563
00:22:03,044 --> 00:22:05,526
I smell that new car smell!
38978
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