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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,933 --> 00:00:04,795 Come on, Mabel, just say anything. 2 00:00:06,863 --> 00:00:08,587 Oh, my god. Did you hear that? 3 00:00:08,725 --> 00:00:09,965 Mabel just spoke. 4 00:00:10,103 --> 00:00:11,138 Oh, she did not. 5 00:00:11,276 --> 00:00:12,827 Right there. It was her first words. 6 00:00:12,965 --> 00:00:13,999 Uh-huh. What were they? 7 00:00:14,137 --> 00:00:15,895 She just said, "On Wisconsin." 8 00:00:16,033 --> 00:00:17,033 I see. 9 00:00:17,171 --> 00:00:18,619 Hey, I'm as surprised as you are. 10 00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:21,067 But clear as a bell, she said, "On Wisconsin." 11 00:00:21,205 --> 00:00:22,446 Why would she, really? 12 00:00:22,584 --> 00:00:24,584 Why? I don't know. Maybe she hates Michigan. 13 00:00:24,721 --> 00:00:26,307 I promise you she will talk soon. 14 00:00:26,445 --> 00:00:27,859 All right. 15 00:00:27,997 --> 00:00:29,858 Tell her you'd marry her all over again. 16 00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:32,685 Tell her you love her more than yesterday, 17 00:00:32,823 --> 00:00:35,098 but not as much as tomorrow. 18 00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:38,270 Mmm, tell her that next Thursday 19 00:00:38,408 --> 00:00:40,752 you will love her more than next Wednesday, 20 00:00:40,890 --> 00:00:43,373 but not quite as much as a week from Saturday. 21 00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:44,820 While in the month of July, 22 00:00:44,958 --> 00:00:46,372 oh, how you'll love... 23 00:00:46,510 --> 00:00:48,130 Oh, he loves her! What's that? 24 00:00:48,268 --> 00:00:50,509 More than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow. 25 00:00:50,647 --> 00:00:51,922 That's so sweet. 26 00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:54,267 Oh, sweetie, not to burst your bubble, 27 00:00:54,404 --> 00:00:56,128 but he's an actor. 28 00:00:56,266 --> 00:00:57,852 Would you do it all again? What? 29 00:00:57,990 --> 00:00:59,093 Marry me. 30 00:00:59,231 --> 00:01:00,886 You mean, now that I know you're sappy? 31 00:01:01,023 --> 00:01:03,265 I'm serious, are you sure you'd marry me again, 32 00:01:03,403 --> 00:01:04,575 right now, if we met today? 33 00:01:04,713 --> 00:01:06,229 Instantly. Instantly, I would. 34 00:01:06,368 --> 00:01:08,022 Then let's do it. 35 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,297 Do what? Let's renew our vows. 36 00:01:11,297 --> 00:01:12,297 I don't, uh... 37 00:01:12,436 --> 00:01:13,849 I don't even know what that means. 38 00:01:13,987 --> 00:01:16,158 Let's renew our vows, let's get married again, 39 00:01:16,296 --> 00:01:17,606 in front of God and everybody. 40 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,813 Okay, God, maybe, but another seating chart, 41 00:01:19,950 --> 00:01:21,399 frankly, my head would explode. 42 00:01:21,537 --> 00:01:23,192 It's been such a long time. 43 00:01:23,329 --> 00:01:25,502 Yes, but it's sort of like... 44 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,708 The vow... It's a vow. 45 00:01:27,846 --> 00:01:29,811 Once a vow is a vow, that's a vow. 46 00:01:29,948 --> 00:01:32,396 Yes, but we're not who we were then. 47 00:01:32,534 --> 00:01:34,431 Look at us. We're sleep deprived, 48 00:01:34,569 --> 00:01:37,016 We're knee-deep in work and poop 49 00:01:37,154 --> 00:01:38,912 and projectile squash. 50 00:01:39,050 --> 00:01:41,670 Honey, we're the same people, essentially, 51 00:01:41,808 --> 00:01:44,221 we're just a little more disgusting. 52 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:46,738 Those are the people that need to renew their vows. 53 00:01:46,876 --> 00:01:48,082 The disgusting people? 54 00:01:48,220 --> 00:01:49,531 There are new things to say, 55 00:01:49,668 --> 00:01:52,013 things we didn't know when we got married at 14. 56 00:01:52,150 --> 00:01:53,565 We weren't 14. We were young. 57 00:01:53,703 --> 00:01:55,633 We weren't thatyoung. Oh, we were soyoung... 58 00:01:55,771 --> 00:01:57,012 Okay, okay, we were very young. 59 00:01:57,149 --> 00:01:59,080 We knew nothing! Can I tell you something? 60 00:01:59,218 --> 00:02:00,873 When we gave our vows the first time 61 00:02:01,011 --> 00:02:03,907 and I promised to swear to respect, and honor, 62 00:02:04,045 --> 00:02:05,665 and tell the truth, the whole truth, 63 00:02:05,803 --> 00:02:08,078 and nothing but the truth... That still stands now. 64 00:02:08,216 --> 00:02:09,595 Fine. 65 00:02:09,733 --> 00:02:12,457 Can we discuss this another time, like, I don't know, never? 66 00:02:12,595 --> 00:02:15,180 My throat is doing something horrendous inside. 67 00:02:15,318 --> 00:02:16,353 Oh, suck it up. 68 00:02:16,491 --> 00:02:17,973 I'm sorry? 69 00:02:18,111 --> 00:02:19,421 I'm gonna be folding laundry 70 00:02:19,559 --> 00:02:20,937 till about the year 2006. 71 00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:22,559 I have a few of my own problems, okay? 72 00:02:23,972 --> 00:02:25,799 So I'’m guessing in sickness and in health, 73 00:02:25,936 --> 00:02:27,212 not a big part of the new vows. 74 00:02:27,351 --> 00:02:29,591 Hello. I just came by to drop off 75 00:02:29,729 --> 00:02:31,557 a present for my favorite baby. 76 00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:33,694 Is she gonna love this or what? 77 00:02:33,832 --> 00:02:35,072 A truck? 78 00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:36,383 Yeah. Why? 79 00:02:36,521 --> 00:02:38,210 A truck? 80 00:02:38,348 --> 00:02:40,589 What's wrong with you? What is wrong with her? 81 00:02:40,726 --> 00:02:41,761 What is wrong with you? 82 00:02:41,899 --> 00:02:43,140 Hey, what's wrong with you? 83 00:02:43,277 --> 00:02:45,208 Huh? Oh, I got a throat thing going on... 84 00:02:45,347 --> 00:02:47,105 Oh, god, all right, excuse me. 85 00:02:47,243 --> 00:02:49,276 Let me see if we have any sniffling-sneezing 86 00:02:49,415 --> 00:02:51,346 my-husband's- a-big-wussy medicine. 87 00:02:51,483 --> 00:02:53,172 You're so sparkly. 88 00:02:54,965 --> 00:02:56,551 Is everything okay? 89 00:02:56,689 --> 00:02:57,999 Huh? Yeah, it's fine. 90 00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,309 All right. 91 00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:01,309 Hey, Mabel, look what Uncle Ira 92 00:03:01,446 --> 00:03:02,515 brought you, a present. 93 00:03:02,653 --> 00:03:04,894 Can you say "truck," huh? Truck? 94 00:03:05,032 --> 00:03:06,204 Can you say "truck"? 95 00:03:07,549 --> 00:03:08,755 Wow. What? 96 00:03:08,893 --> 00:03:09,962 Did you hear that? 97 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:11,479 She just spoke. She just spoke! 98 00:03:11,617 --> 00:03:12,892 She did? Yeah, she just said, 99 00:03:13,030 --> 00:03:14,616 "Sausages are free." 100 00:03:15,788 --> 00:03:16,994 I think it was gurgling. 101 00:03:17,132 --> 00:03:18,718 Clear as day, she just said... 102 00:03:18,856 --> 00:03:21,580 She just said, "Sausages are free." 103 00:03:21,718 --> 00:03:22,924 Honey, did you hear that? 104 00:03:23,062 --> 00:03:24,166 It was gurgling. 105 00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:26,061 All right. What's that from anyway, 106 00:03:26,199 --> 00:03:28,199 like, is that from the Bible or something? 107 00:03:29,371 --> 00:03:30,923 "Sausages are free?" 108 00:03:31,060 --> 00:03:32,371 Yeah. 109 00:03:34,336 --> 00:03:36,025 Yes. Yes, it's from the Bible. 110 00:03:36,163 --> 00:03:37,266 Yes, it is. 111 00:03:37,405 --> 00:03:40,127 Book of Jimmy Dean, chapter 3, verse 12. 112 00:03:40,265 --> 00:03:42,404 Oh, like you're Cardinal Cushing. 113 00:03:42,541 --> 00:03:44,058 Oh, boy, it's like a knife 114 00:03:44,195 --> 00:03:45,850 being shoved down my esophagus. 115 00:03:45,988 --> 00:03:48,402 It's like broken shards of glass, 116 00:03:48,540 --> 00:03:50,056 like swallowing the whole glass. 117 00:03:50,194 --> 00:03:52,573 Like a gunnysack of ouch is surrounding... 118 00:03:52,711 --> 00:03:53,918 Oh, my god. Tea, okay? 119 00:03:54,056 --> 00:03:55,332 Sweetie, this is something. 120 00:03:55,470 --> 00:03:57,952 This is no kidding around. I'm calling Dr. Hazelkorn. 121 00:03:58,090 --> 00:03:59,572 It's a sore throat. Drink your tea 122 00:03:59,710 --> 00:04:01,296 and don't talk for eight seconds. 123 00:04:01,434 --> 00:04:03,984 Mmm. Hi. This is Paul Buchman. 124 00:04:04,122 --> 00:04:05,157 Here's the situation. 125 00:04:05,295 --> 00:04:06,984 I can no longer swallow. 126 00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:09,121 Oh, it's like hot lava. 127 00:04:09,259 --> 00:04:10,983 It's like a sword swallower's 128 00:04:11,121 --> 00:04:12,362 first day on the job. 129 00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:15,913 You know, like, picture a thousand nails... 130 00:04:16,051 --> 00:04:18,809 I'm just trying to give you a sense. 131 00:04:18,947 --> 00:04:20,705 Wednesday? Next Wednesday. 132 00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,118 That's kind of a... 133 00:04:22,256 --> 00:04:25,601 Here's the... it's like rusted barbed wire 134 00:04:25,739 --> 00:04:28,463 being just pushed down my windpipe... 135 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:31,289 Tomorrow? Well, that's better but I... 136 00:04:31,427 --> 00:04:34,289 To be honest... Picture hot bacon grease 137 00:04:34,427 --> 00:04:36,461 if they're pouring it down in your raw gullet 138 00:04:36,599 --> 00:04:39,046 and you get burning... I'll be right over, thank you. 139 00:04:48,113 --> 00:04:50,320 Did you just say, "You've got mail?" 140 00:04:51,665 --> 00:04:52,665 Hey! 141 00:04:52,698 --> 00:04:54,043 Hey. 142 00:04:54,181 --> 00:04:56,008 Guess what I am? What are you? 143 00:04:56,146 --> 00:04:58,904 You are looking at a little miss mentor. 144 00:04:59,042 --> 00:05:00,835 I don't know what you're saying to me. 145 00:05:00,972 --> 00:05:02,972 It's like big sisters. I've been selected 146 00:05:03,110 --> 00:05:05,317 to give valuable life guidance to a little girl. 147 00:05:05,455 --> 00:05:07,109 How in the world did they select you? 148 00:05:07,247 --> 00:05:09,040 I stole your résumé and put my name on it. 149 00:05:09,177 --> 00:05:10,695 Lisa! That Yale thing you did, 150 00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:12,108 I really get that now. 151 00:05:13,315 --> 00:05:14,176 Oops. 152 00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:15,315 Oops? 153 00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:16,349 Emily. 154 00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:17,417 You left her in the hall? 155 00:05:17,555 --> 00:05:19,934 She has to learn to love herself. 156 00:05:21,830 --> 00:05:23,140 Emily, this is Jamie. 157 00:05:23,278 --> 00:05:24,589 Hi, Jamie. Hi, Emily. 158 00:05:24,727 --> 00:05:26,622 It's nice to meet you. 159 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,104 Excuse me, Emily, one second. 160 00:05:28,242 --> 00:05:29,602 Ok, Emily, we have a big day, okay? 161 00:05:29,725 --> 00:05:30,897 We need energy food. 162 00:05:31,035 --> 00:05:32,035 Do you have doughnuts? 163 00:05:32,173 --> 00:05:33,276 Hello. Hi. 164 00:05:33,414 --> 00:05:35,207 Never mind. We'll figure it out. 165 00:05:35,345 --> 00:05:37,171 Whenever you go to a person's house, 166 00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:39,379 you always take their doughnuts. 167 00:05:39,517 --> 00:05:42,170 So, what did they say, you gonna pull through? 168 00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:45,101 Oh, my god? You're kidding? Today? 169 00:05:45,239 --> 00:05:47,687 Oh, my god. Okay. 170 00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:50,100 I'll be right there. 171 00:05:50,238 --> 00:05:51,721 Come on, you cute thing, 172 00:05:51,859 --> 00:05:53,720 we're gonna go see daddy in the hospital. 173 00:05:53,858 --> 00:05:55,203 He has to have his tonsils out. 174 00:06:03,787 --> 00:06:05,993 Oh, sweetie. 175 00:06:06,131 --> 00:06:07,304 Hello. 176 00:06:07,442 --> 00:06:09,544 Oh, look at you. Are you okay? 177 00:06:09,682 --> 00:06:11,199 Mm-hmm. Oh, 178 00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:12,992 I'm so sorry. It's okay. 179 00:06:13,130 --> 00:06:14,992 I didn't know you were really sick. 180 00:06:15,129 --> 00:06:16,198 How could you know? 181 00:06:16,336 --> 00:06:18,060 I'm sorry I told you to suck it up. 182 00:06:18,198 --> 00:06:19,301 Forget it. 183 00:06:19,439 --> 00:06:21,645 I'm sorry I brought you tea only grudgingly. 184 00:06:21,783 --> 00:06:24,714 Didn't even pick that up. 185 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,747 Tell me what you need, is there anything 186 00:06:26,885 --> 00:06:28,161 I can do for you? 187 00:06:28,299 --> 00:06:31,539 You'll be happy to know I'm in excellent hands here. 188 00:06:31,677 --> 00:06:33,263 Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. 189 00:06:33,401 --> 00:06:35,883 You really shouldn't be making him talk. 190 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,056 That really hurts, doesn't it? 191 00:06:51,466 --> 00:06:53,983 Oh, those great big tonsils can be painful. 192 00:06:54,121 --> 00:06:55,672 And you've got the biggest tonsils 193 00:06:55,810 --> 00:06:57,258 I've ever seen, heh, heh. 194 00:07:01,395 --> 00:07:04,015 Oh, this is Jamie and Mabel over there. 195 00:07:04,153 --> 00:07:05,153 Hi, I'm his... 196 00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:06,946 Hello, Mabel. 197 00:07:09,635 --> 00:07:13,013 Oh, you were right. She is adorable. 198 00:07:13,151 --> 00:07:15,254 I heard about you too. 199 00:07:15,392 --> 00:07:16,461 You did? 200 00:07:16,599 --> 00:07:18,702 You know, I really can't blame you 201 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,702 for not noticing little medical things, 202 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,495 being so busy and all. 203 00:07:22,633 --> 00:07:24,184 Honey I had to talk about something 204 00:07:24,321 --> 00:07:25,390 during the sponge bath. 205 00:07:28,458 --> 00:07:31,113 I picked these out just for you. 206 00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:33,423 Anything strike your fancy? 207 00:07:45,903 --> 00:07:47,385 I'll be right back. 208 00:07:47,523 --> 00:07:48,523 All right, listen... 209 00:07:48,558 --> 00:07:50,143 You know, I really think 210 00:07:50,282 --> 00:07:51,420 he needs his rest now. 211 00:07:51,557 --> 00:07:53,315 I really think I knew that. 212 00:07:56,281 --> 00:07:58,934 That's the fastest I ever hated anyone. 213 00:07:59,072 --> 00:08:00,141 She's a godsend. 214 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,727 All right. 215 00:08:01,865 --> 00:08:03,933 I get it. All right? 216 00:08:04,071 --> 00:08:05,175 What? If I won't help you, 217 00:08:05,313 --> 00:08:06,657 the pretty girl will. I get it. 218 00:08:06,795 --> 00:08:08,347 Good. So skit over? 219 00:08:08,485 --> 00:08:09,691 No. 220 00:08:09,829 --> 00:08:12,070 Paul, you poor guy, your tonsils. 221 00:08:12,207 --> 00:08:13,931 I feel so terrible. Are you gonna be okay? 222 00:08:14,069 --> 00:08:15,380 I hope so. Bye. 223 00:08:15,517 --> 00:08:17,241 That's called, "Showing your face." 224 00:08:17,379 --> 00:08:19,276 Who-who's The little girl? 225 00:08:19,414 --> 00:08:21,034 Lisa's protégé. 226 00:08:21,171 --> 00:08:22,309 Why? 227 00:08:22,447 --> 00:08:24,998 Paulie, Paulie, Paulie, look at you. 228 00:08:25,136 --> 00:08:26,412 Splinky, is this something? 229 00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:29,066 What are you, like, 40 now and getting your tonsils out? 230 00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:30,342 So? 231 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,652 No, it's cool there's a six-year-old next door 232 00:08:32,789 --> 00:08:34,100 with an enlarged prostate. 233 00:08:34,238 --> 00:08:36,513 Hi, Paulie. Mommy's here. 234 00:08:36,651 --> 00:08:37,961 Okay, I'm officially seven. 235 00:08:38,099 --> 00:08:39,099 How do you feel? 236 00:08:39,133 --> 00:08:41,132 Shh. Don't talk. 237 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,547 What did they say? 238 00:08:42,684 --> 00:08:44,339 Shh. Don't talk. 239 00:08:44,477 --> 00:08:45,890 Who is this doctor, and why 240 00:08:46,028 --> 00:08:47,648 didn't you call Dr. Fishman? 241 00:08:47,786 --> 00:08:49,166 Shh. Don't talk. 242 00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:51,958 Oh! 243 00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:54,716 My angel, ha-ha-ha! 244 00:08:54,854 --> 00:08:57,646 Come here, come here, Come here, come here. 245 00:08:57,784 --> 00:08:59,956 Ma, she's there. 246 00:09:00,094 --> 00:09:03,990 Mrs. Roycroft's granddaughter said her first word. 247 00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:05,645 We're hoping soon, Sylvia. 248 00:09:05,782 --> 00:09:07,713 You know what Paulie's first word was? 249 00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:08,851 Mama. 250 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:10,541 Shocking. 251 00:09:10,678 --> 00:09:13,574 Can you say "grandma?" 252 00:09:13,712 --> 00:09:15,436 Mabel, can you say "truck?" 253 00:09:15,573 --> 00:09:17,194 Can you say "truck?" 254 00:09:17,332 --> 00:09:19,814 Truck? Who gives a girl a truck? 255 00:09:19,952 --> 00:09:22,469 It's a brave new world, Aunt Syl. 256 00:09:22,607 --> 00:09:24,469 When I was a kid, I had my tonsils out. 257 00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:25,675 Everybody ate ice cream. 258 00:09:25,813 --> 00:09:26,847 Me, too. 259 00:09:26,985 --> 00:09:28,537 Maybe we should get ice cream after. 260 00:09:28,675 --> 00:09:30,475 Do you want Haäagen-Dazs or Ben & Jerry's? 261 00:09:30,605 --> 00:09:32,225 Haäagen-Dazs is around the corner. 262 00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:33,683 Oh, but Ben & Jerry's, my god. 263 00:09:33,811 --> 00:09:35,052 Starbucks java chip. 264 00:09:36,638 --> 00:09:39,466 Hello, hello! Surgery. 265 00:09:40,568 --> 00:09:42,050 It's almost time. 266 00:09:42,188 --> 00:09:44,533 Now, I know you're probably scared, 267 00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,843 but don't you worry that handsome head. 268 00:09:46,980 --> 00:09:49,463 With the anesthesia, you won't feel a thing. 269 00:09:49,601 --> 00:09:51,117 And when it's over and you wake up, 270 00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:52,359 I'll be there. 271 00:09:52,497 --> 00:09:54,393 Oh, thank god. 272 00:09:54,531 --> 00:09:56,013 You're such a pretty girl. 273 00:09:56,151 --> 00:09:57,531 I wish I had another son. 274 00:09:59,530 --> 00:10:01,219 Sweetie? Yeah. 275 00:10:01,357 --> 00:10:04,943 Listen, I want your face to be the last thing I see, 276 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,769 Just in case, you know? 277 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,218 What just in case? 278 00:10:08,355 --> 00:10:09,873 Listen, with general anesthesia 279 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,630 you never know anything could hap... 280 00:10:11,768 --> 00:10:14,181 Those words never came outta your mouth. 281 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,698 It's a long shot, you have to acknowledge... 282 00:10:16,836 --> 00:10:18,250 It's time, Mr. Buchman. 283 00:10:18,388 --> 00:10:20,835 Okay, it's time. Thank you, Gino. 284 00:10:20,973 --> 00:10:22,835 All right, here we go. 285 00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:25,559 You okay? 286 00:10:25,696 --> 00:10:27,558 I always make that noise. Oh. 287 00:10:27,696 --> 00:10:29,696 Okay, Paulie, here we go right this way. 288 00:10:29,833 --> 00:10:32,075 You know something? You're gonna be just fine. 289 00:10:32,213 --> 00:10:34,281 And then you're gonna play with your daughter 290 00:10:34,419 --> 00:10:37,176 and her truck. Can you say "truck"? 291 00:10:37,315 --> 00:10:41,314 "Truck"? Come on, say it, Mabel, "truck." 292 00:10:41,452 --> 00:10:42,728 Schmuck! 293 00:10:44,279 --> 00:10:45,520 Oh, my god. 294 00:10:45,658 --> 00:10:46,934 Sweetie, she spoke. 295 00:10:47,071 --> 00:10:48,174 Schmuck. 296 00:10:48,313 --> 00:10:49,622 Yeah, that's the good news. 297 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,588 The bad news is she's grounded. 298 00:10:52,932 --> 00:10:54,173 Schmuck. IRA: Oy. 299 00:10:54,312 --> 00:10:55,656 Schmuck. 300 00:10:55,794 --> 00:10:58,552 I can't tell this to Mrs. Roycroft. 301 00:10:58,689 --> 00:10:59,827 Aunt Syl, it'’ll be fine. 302 00:10:59,965 --> 00:11:01,930 Undo this. 303 00:11:02,068 --> 00:11:03,826 Can you say "mama"? 304 00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:04,999 Schmuck. 305 00:11:05,137 --> 00:11:06,688 It's hard not to take it personally 306 00:11:06,826 --> 00:11:08,274 when she's looking right at you. 307 00:11:08,412 --> 00:11:10,067 Mr. Buchman, the doctor is waiting. 308 00:11:10,204 --> 00:11:12,308 Yeah, okay. Would everybody just excuse me? 309 00:11:12,446 --> 00:11:14,479 I'd like a minute alone with my wife, please. 310 00:11:14,617 --> 00:11:16,203 What is it? Schmuck. 311 00:11:16,341 --> 00:11:17,582 I just... 312 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,789 I just want to say something to you. 313 00:11:19,927 --> 00:11:22,857 Should anything happen... I mean, I know it won't, 314 00:11:22,995 --> 00:11:25,236 but better safe than sorry. 315 00:11:25,374 --> 00:11:26,581 What is it? 316 00:11:26,718 --> 00:11:28,442 I... 317 00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:30,752 I want you to know... 318 00:11:30,889 --> 00:11:33,786 that you are the single greatest blessing 319 00:11:33,924 --> 00:11:35,337 I have ever received. 320 00:11:35,475 --> 00:11:39,163 I mean, I don't know why we're put here on this Earth. 321 00:11:39,302 --> 00:11:41,473 I don't know what they want from us. 322 00:11:41,611 --> 00:11:44,611 Except, I have always known 323 00:11:44,749 --> 00:11:47,990 that I am supposed to be by your side 324 00:11:48,127 --> 00:11:52,609 and taking care of you and having a family with you 325 00:11:52,747 --> 00:11:55,057 and making you happy. 326 00:11:56,781 --> 00:12:01,366 I-In a universe that's, like, 99 percent disappointment, 327 00:12:01,504 --> 00:12:04,848 You... you are the one sure thing. 328 00:12:04,986 --> 00:12:08,812 You are the proof that life is good. 329 00:12:08,950 --> 00:12:11,019 You are my life. 330 00:12:12,743 --> 00:12:14,639 What the hell's the matter with you? 331 00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:15,984 Hmm? 332 00:12:16,121 --> 00:12:17,845 How could you do this to me? 333 00:12:17,983 --> 00:12:19,190 What? 334 00:12:19,328 --> 00:12:21,085 They're gonna operate in four seconds, 335 00:12:21,224 --> 00:12:22,775 you give me a speech like that? 336 00:12:22,913 --> 00:12:24,395 Just a sec... I was fine. 337 00:12:24,533 --> 00:12:25,637 I know that. 338 00:12:25,775 --> 00:12:27,774 It's a tonsillectomy, for crying out loud. 339 00:12:27,912 --> 00:12:29,946 I was going to the cafeteria to have a sandwich 340 00:12:30,084 --> 00:12:32,187 now I think I'll just pace a hole in the floor. 341 00:12:32,325 --> 00:12:34,083 It was just in case, like cautionary... 342 00:12:34,222 --> 00:12:35,600 Well, thank you very much. 343 00:12:35,738 --> 00:12:37,703 It's a hypothetical, in case. In case-ily. 344 00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:39,530 Mr. Buchman, we really have to go. 345 00:12:39,668 --> 00:12:41,254 You go enjoy yourself. 346 00:12:41,392 --> 00:12:42,529 I can'’t, honey... 347 00:12:42,667 --> 00:12:44,633 I'll just be here grinding my teeth to dust. 348 00:12:44,771 --> 00:12:45,804 Schmuck! You said it. 349 00:12:45,942 --> 00:12:46,942 But, honey... 350 00:12:47,046 --> 00:12:48,632 This was a very hostile thing to do. 351 00:12:48,770 --> 00:12:50,148 Hostile? How was that hostile? 352 00:12:50,287 --> 00:12:52,321 I'’m saying! 353 00:12:57,251 --> 00:12:59,077 Can you say "hand?:" Huh? 354 00:12:59,216 --> 00:13:00,767 Please? "Hand." Schmuck! 355 00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,801 Can you say "Jell-O?" Schmuck. 356 00:13:02,939 --> 00:13:04,698 Mabel! Okay, can you say 357 00:13:04,835 --> 00:13:06,869 Lillian B. Saltzman Memorial Corridor? 358 00:13:07,007 --> 00:13:08,800 Schmuck. James? 359 00:13:08,937 --> 00:13:10,661 Keep working. 360 00:13:10,799 --> 00:13:12,351 Come on... 361 00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:27,933 Oh, hello. 362 00:13:28,071 --> 00:13:29,175 Oh, hi. 363 00:13:29,313 --> 00:13:31,071 What a beautiful baby. 364 00:13:31,209 --> 00:13:33,243 Yes. Schmuck! 365 00:13:33,381 --> 00:13:34,587 Oh, my. 366 00:13:34,725 --> 00:13:35,587 I'm sorry. 367 00:13:35,725 --> 00:13:36,760 Schmuck! 368 00:13:36,897 --> 00:13:38,518 Is there something I can do for you? 369 00:13:38,655 --> 00:13:41,241 Uh, no, not really. But thank you. 370 00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:42,999 Okay. 371 00:13:44,999 --> 00:13:46,689 You know... actually, you know what? 372 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:47,826 Yes? 373 00:13:47,964 --> 00:13:49,136 Sell me. 374 00:13:49,274 --> 00:13:50,584 I'’m sorry? 375 00:13:50,722 --> 00:13:53,480 I mean, I am not a religious man. 376 00:13:53,618 --> 00:13:55,238 No disrespect, but you know, 377 00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:56,618 I got a business that I run, 378 00:13:56,755 --> 00:13:57,858 and I date a little bit. 379 00:13:57,996 --> 00:13:59,789 And, you know, I'm curious, 380 00:13:59,927 --> 00:14:01,582 and if you could maybe sell me, 381 00:14:01,719 --> 00:14:02,926 that would be great. 382 00:14:03,064 --> 00:14:04,892 Well, that's really not something I do. 383 00:14:05,029 --> 00:14:06,236 Oh. 384 00:14:06,374 --> 00:14:08,477 What is your... pardon my ignorance, 385 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:11,062 but what is your conglomeration? 386 00:14:11,201 --> 00:14:12,993 I sort of represent everybody. 387 00:14:13,131 --> 00:14:14,614 Oh. 388 00:14:14,752 --> 00:14:16,682 That's wild, you know, I actually... 389 00:14:16,820 --> 00:14:18,544 I've actually never prayed. 390 00:14:18,682 --> 00:14:19,888 Would you like to? 391 00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,543 It's all right? 392 00:14:21,681 --> 00:14:22,922 Absolutely. 393 00:14:23,059 --> 00:14:25,474 Yeah, yeah, sure. Okay, good. 394 00:14:32,093 --> 00:14:35,403 Hello, and thanks for coming. 395 00:14:37,298 --> 00:14:38,540 Uh... 396 00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,470 You know, I would like, please, 397 00:14:40,608 --> 00:14:42,021 if it's no trouble, 398 00:14:42,159 --> 00:14:45,159 health and happiness for my entire family. 399 00:14:45,296 --> 00:14:50,571 World peace, please, and an end to all suffering. 400 00:14:50,709 --> 00:14:53,846 That would be nice. Um... 401 00:14:55,191 --> 00:14:56,914 I would also like to meet a nice woman, 402 00:14:57,052 --> 00:14:59,362 if you have an extra. 403 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,776 Oh, oh, and could you please 404 00:15:01,913 --> 00:15:03,362 send some consistent pitching 405 00:15:03,499 --> 00:15:05,154 for the Yankees in the playoffs? 406 00:15:05,292 --> 00:15:09,119 And... and... and an end to world hunger. 407 00:15:09,257 --> 00:15:10,946 Oh, and I'll tell you, 408 00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:14,221 I would love to see South Pacificrevived again 409 00:15:14,359 --> 00:15:17,048 because, as you know, that's one hell of a good show. 410 00:15:17,187 --> 00:15:19,083 Oh, damn. I just said hell. 411 00:15:19,220 --> 00:15:21,909 Oh, crap. I just said damn. 412 00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:23,771 This is not easy. 413 00:15:23,909 --> 00:15:25,426 Uh, what else? What else? 414 00:15:25,564 --> 00:15:27,701 Oh, an end to disease, 415 00:15:27,839 --> 00:15:30,873 uh, the return of candy cigarettes? 416 00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:34,803 I guess... 417 00:15:34,941 --> 00:15:36,390 I guess that's about it. 418 00:15:36,527 --> 00:15:37,665 Schmuck! 419 00:15:37,803 --> 00:15:39,665 Oh, yeah. Mabel. 420 00:15:39,802 --> 00:15:42,147 You know, you'd get me out of a major doghouse 421 00:15:42,284 --> 00:15:44,526 if you could clean up Mabel's mouth. 422 00:15:44,663 --> 00:15:46,663 Yeah. That's it. 423 00:15:46,801 --> 00:15:48,387 Okay, thank you. 424 00:15:48,525 --> 00:15:51,180 So, uh, hallelujah. 425 00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:53,351 Signing off. 426 00:15:53,489 --> 00:15:55,419 I rejoice in your house. 427 00:15:55,557 --> 00:15:57,385 Thou have a nice day. 428 00:15:57,523 --> 00:16:00,005 Happy trails to you. 429 00:16:00,143 --> 00:16:01,625 Smoke 'em if you got 'em. 430 00:16:01,763 --> 00:16:02,763 Hang on. 431 00:16:02,797 --> 00:16:04,038 Excuse me, help me out here. 432 00:16:04,177 --> 00:16:05,590 How do I end one of these things? 433 00:16:05,728 --> 00:16:07,037 That was fine. 434 00:16:07,176 --> 00:16:08,589 Yeah, really? 435 00:16:12,002 --> 00:16:13,622 How did it go? Is he okay? 436 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,622 He should be coming out of it soon. 437 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,621 Was everything routine? Any surprises, 438 00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:18,897 any complications? 439 00:16:19,035 --> 00:16:21,069 Step away from the patient, please. 440 00:16:23,413 --> 00:16:25,862 I'm sorry, but you can't come in yet. 441 00:16:25,999 --> 00:16:27,930 But when he wakes up, I'll be sure to tell him 442 00:16:28,068 --> 00:16:29,205 how much you cared. 443 00:16:29,343 --> 00:16:30,894 Uh, Diane... 444 00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,756 Is it Diane? 445 00:16:32,894 --> 00:16:34,377 Yes. Come here. 446 00:16:34,515 --> 00:16:35,515 Ow! 447 00:16:35,653 --> 00:16:37,308 All right. There you go. 448 00:16:46,788 --> 00:16:48,201 Sweetie? 449 00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,476 Ew. 450 00:17:30,468 --> 00:17:31,779 Ow! 451 00:17:46,189 --> 00:17:48,189 Oh, my god. Don't ever die. 452 00:17:52,395 --> 00:17:54,739 Give me my Romeo. 453 00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:57,600 And when he shall die, 454 00:17:57,738 --> 00:18:00,668 take him and cut him out in little stars 455 00:18:00,806 --> 00:18:03,082 and make the face of heaven so fine 456 00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:05,012 that all the world will be in love 457 00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:06,874 with night. 458 00:18:07,012 --> 00:18:09,184 Did I ever tell you I played Juliet 459 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:10,701 in the fifth grade? 460 00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:12,356 I did. 461 00:18:12,494 --> 00:18:15,287 Opposite Steven Palumbo's Romeo. 462 00:18:15,425 --> 00:18:17,631 Oy. What an actor he was. 463 00:18:17,769 --> 00:18:19,733 He started crying during my monologue 464 00:18:19,871 --> 00:18:21,319 when he was supposed to be dead, 465 00:18:21,457 --> 00:18:23,354 because he said I was leaning on his arm. 466 00:18:26,284 --> 00:18:28,284 Oh, my god. Don't ever die. 467 00:18:30,731 --> 00:18:32,110 I have so much more to tell you, 468 00:18:32,248 --> 00:18:33,868 and I'm not interested in telling it 469 00:18:34,006 --> 00:18:35,316 to anyone else. 470 00:18:35,454 --> 00:18:37,627 And I'm not saying I'd be helpless. 471 00:18:37,764 --> 00:18:41,488 I mean, I'm bright and fairly good with money. 472 00:18:41,626 --> 00:18:44,659 I mean, I guess I'm cute, right? 473 00:18:46,383 --> 00:18:49,072 You would say, "What, are you kidding me? 474 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,693 You, my little friend, are a perfect example 475 00:18:51,830 --> 00:18:53,657 of beautiful." 476 00:18:53,795 --> 00:18:55,932 And so, I am. 477 00:18:57,278 --> 00:18:59,898 'Cause I am nothing more or less than what I see 478 00:19:00,035 --> 00:19:02,380 in your eyes when you look at me. 479 00:19:04,552 --> 00:19:08,034 Do you know how long I waited for you? 480 00:19:08,172 --> 00:19:10,998 My mother used to say I was too picky, 481 00:19:11,137 --> 00:19:12,929 or afraid of commitment and that's why 482 00:19:13,067 --> 00:19:15,136 I was still unmarried by the age of almost 30. 483 00:19:15,274 --> 00:19:19,307 But the truth is, I was just looking for you. 484 00:19:20,996 --> 00:19:22,686 Do you know how close I came 485 00:19:22,824 --> 00:19:27,650 to being a narrow, cold, mistrustful woman? 486 00:19:27,788 --> 00:19:29,478 You have given me a life 487 00:19:29,616 --> 00:19:32,029 so big and full 488 00:19:32,166 --> 00:19:34,752 and good and fun. 489 00:19:34,890 --> 00:19:36,821 I don't even know what we do, really, 490 00:19:36,959 --> 00:19:39,407 besides clean up and complain 491 00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,027 and wish we were sleeping. 492 00:19:41,165 --> 00:19:42,991 But with you, somehow... 493 00:19:43,130 --> 00:19:44,646 fun. 494 00:19:46,405 --> 00:19:48,129 And I'll tell you a secret. 495 00:19:49,542 --> 00:19:51,197 When we got married, 496 00:19:51,335 --> 00:19:53,644 I couldn't imagine still wanting to be with anyone 497 00:19:53,782 --> 00:19:55,506 all this time later. 498 00:19:56,644 --> 00:19:57,919 But I do. 499 00:19:59,334 --> 00:20:01,678 It's a miracle to me. You... 500 00:20:01,816 --> 00:20:03,711 are a miracle. 501 00:20:05,332 --> 00:20:07,263 You've made me happy, 502 00:20:07,401 --> 00:20:09,572 which is something I never, ever 503 00:20:09,710 --> 00:20:11,296 thought I'd be. 504 00:20:25,328 --> 00:20:26,706 Honey? 505 00:20:26,844 --> 00:20:28,568 Are you up? 506 00:20:29,706 --> 00:20:31,154 Sweetie? 507 00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:34,980 Diane? 508 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,290 What? 509 00:20:44,875 --> 00:20:48,116 Remember, I used to have that eye problem. 510 00:20:48,254 --> 00:20:51,529 Honey, no, you know, I was clearing my throat, 511 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:52,943 and it came out... 512 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:54,391 Ga-ga-Diane. 513 00:20:54,529 --> 00:20:55,631 Oh, my ga-ga. 514 00:20:55,769 --> 00:20:58,148 No, you know what I was thinking? 515 00:20:58,286 --> 00:21:01,320 Diane Sawyer did a piece on hospitals, remember? 516 00:21:01,458 --> 00:21:03,974 Where you going? Don't go, don't go. 517 00:21:04,113 --> 00:21:06,767 James, James... Oh! 518 00:21:16,868 --> 00:21:18,902 So, what I'd really like to ask, lord, 519 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,660 is why do I always have to play a chaplain? 520 00:21:22,798 --> 00:21:25,591 I mean, I can be tough. 521 00:21:25,729 --> 00:21:27,142 Watch this. 522 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,279 Fredo, you broke my heart. 523 00:21:30,417 --> 00:21:32,692 You talkin' to me? 524 00:21:32,830 --> 00:21:36,036 You can't handle the truth. 525 00:21:36,175 --> 00:21:40,139 Leave the gun, take the cannolis. 526 00:21:40,277 --> 00:21:44,035 Get your hands off me, you damn dirty ape! 527 00:21:44,173 --> 00:21:48,724 Soylent green is people! 528 00:21:48,862 --> 00:21:52,137 So, what do you say, lord? 529 00:21:54,894 --> 00:21:56,618 Just asking. 530 00:22:02,962 --> 00:22:04,858 Closed Captioning: Leanne Royo 35665

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