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1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,304
DALE: I am sympathetic
to the problem.
2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,173
I just don't know
if another rate hike
3
00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:06,707
is the answer.
Emergency.
4
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,042
Skip, I'm in a meeting.
5
00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:09,710
With Postmaster General
Lou Berryman.
6
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:11,512
Oh, I know exactly
who you're in a meeting with.
7
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:14,215
Hello, sir. Those will be the
last polite words I say to you.
8
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,650
Skip, is there
an emergency or not?
9
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:17,985
Yes, there is.
10
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,720
I ordered a pair
of indoor boots,
11
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,755
with light soles,
so that there would be
12
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:23,023
no scuffing when I dance,
13
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:24,592
scheduled to arrive
in five to seven
14
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:25,993
business days--
today is day eight.
15
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,028
I'm simply a citizen
looking for answers.
16
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,563
Dad, I need
you to call
17
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,432
customer service
and play the president card.
18
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:32,900
I need to
get bumped up
19
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:34,502
to supervisor.
No. And this is
20
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,071
the kind of thing you need
to handle on your own.
21
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:38,372
And this thing
isn't even a thing.
22
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:40,074
I can't believe
I'm still talking.
23
00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:42,510
Come on, every word out of
my mouth is wasting my life.
24
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,679
Look, we're both mad at Lou,
but we all want the same thing:
25
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:48,949
for someone to accept the blame
for me not receiving my boots.
26
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:49,950
XANDER:
Hey, guys.
27
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,852
Check out my new moon boots.
28
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,222
(whispers):
You little son of a...
29
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,090
I'm sorry, Dad.
30
00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:58,259
I'm sorry,
Mr. Berryman.
31
00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:00,928
I love what you've done
with the new Muppet stamps.
32
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:02,396
Yeah. All right.
33
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:07,168
* Oh, whoa-oh-oh, whoa.
34
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,105
And the President
and First Lady of France
35
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:13,040
will arrive this morning
for a series of meetings
36
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,576
and social engagements,
or as the French say,
37
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,545
"réunion bilatérale."
38
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:20,248
That is not Rosetta Stone.
39
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:23,117
That is a semester
at the Sorbonne-- what's up?
40
00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:24,552
And then later tonight,
President Gilchrist
41
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,086
and the first lady
will be stepping out
42
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,788
for a date night,
taking in a play
43
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,190
at the Kennedy Center.
44
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,632
So, this play tonight,
we still going or no?
45
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,734
No, no, no,
don't do that.
46
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:41,735
We're going.
47
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:42,936
I'm just checking.
48
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,305
I mean, I'm in
if you are.
49
00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:46,674
No reason to believe
anyone's not in, hon.
50
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,442
We're all in.
51
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,311
We all continue to be in.
52
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:51,745
Great, terrific.
53
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:53,447
I just figured you
might not want to go
54
00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:56,116
since it ends after midnight
and it is a three-hour play
55
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,352
translated from Norwegian.
Come on, hon.
56
00:01:58,386 --> 00:02:00,654
This is our date night
and we cancelled last week.
57
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:01,655
Who's saying cancel?
58
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:02,823
Do you want to cancel?
59
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:04,124
Stop it.
I'm just saying that
60
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:05,193
it's been a long week.
61
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,794
My first briefing was at 5:30,
62
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,329
I'm still on Hong Kong time
63
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,998
after that Asia trip,
and it's a three-hour play
64
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:12,633
translated from Norwegian.
65
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,468
So, what, you want to stay
home, uncork your pants
66
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:17,037
and watch a movie while you plow
through a box of Yodels?
67
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:18,939
Is that what you want to do?
No! Look, we don't
68
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,309
have to go to some play,
but we need to do something.
69
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:23,677
Let's not become one of those
couples that just gives up.
70
00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,846
So no play?
71
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,817
D.B.: Hey!
(knock on door)
72
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,985
It's me, D.B.
Hi, D.B.
73
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:34,355
Wow, look how big
you're getting.
74
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,624
(chuckles)
75
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,959
You know, you'd be a
pretty hot fat chick.
76
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,994
Ugh. This baby has
turned what used to be
77
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:43,631
a sleek Becca coupe
into a freakin' minivan.
78
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,566
Plus, I am hungry
all the time,
79
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:48,236
because there is this thing
inside me eating all of my food.
80
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:50,904
I'm not even a person anymore.
81
00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:53,474
I'm just a grow bag
for a monster.
82
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,142
Geez, dark, babe.
83
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,378
So, you still up for a movie?
Yeah.
84
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,079
I want to get lost
in something really good.
85
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:01,649
That's too bad 'cause I only
brought something great!
86
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,151
This is my favorite
movie of all time.
87
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,053
Prank Guys.
Yeah, it's these
88
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,821
three guys--
Chugsy, Rhino and...
89
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,757
a third guy--
all they do is go
90
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,158
across country
pranking each other.
91
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,694
It's... (chuckles)
so funny.
92
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,596
Just give it a
chance, okay?
93
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,265
I promise you'll like it.
94
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:18,266
Is there even a plot?
95
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:20,601
Yeah, they prank each other.
96
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:23,637
Also, Chugsy's got some
pretty serious custody issues.
97
00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:25,439
So, you are going to see
98
00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:26,707
Ibsen tonight?
99
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,909
We love the arts.
100
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,177
Yeah, we love them a lot.
101
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,679
But we're staying
in tonight.
102
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,614
You know how it is.
How what is?
103
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:35,383
The demands
of the office, uh...
104
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,050
BERNARD:
Ah, no, of course.
105
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,453
There are afternoons
where events occur
106
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:41,722
and we are simply
unable to make love.
107
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,123
BERNICE:
Unable,
108
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:45,459
but not unwilling, eh?
No.
109
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,928
Everybody's willing, but I'm
talking about the 70-plus-hour
110
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:50,097
work weeks,
the unrelenting pressure.
111
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:53,100
We have the toughest jobs
in the world.
112
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,569
That is just what we want
people to think, eh?
113
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:59,139
Are you saying that you have
never ever cancelled date night?
114
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:02,410
I'm sorry, my English--
uh, "date night"?
115
00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:04,878
Oh, well, you-you go to dinner
and then a play
116
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,947
and then maybe you get
a little amorous.
117
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,216
In France,
we call it "night."
118
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,219
(laughs) How can
you cancel night?
119
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,555
My job is hard.
Am I crazy?
120
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,923
Uh...
121
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,158
EMILY: Oh, look
at you two.
122
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:19,660
You're so romantic.
123
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,161
What's your secret?
124
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,331
I will tell you, but you must
do everything we say.
125
00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:25,666
Okay.
126
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:28,769
First, you make a dinner
together, something spicy.
127
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:32,440
Some wine
to awaken the soul.
128
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:35,409
Then, you take a bath
129
00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:38,646
as hot as your skin
will allow.
130
00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:41,749
Then you do a puzzle.
131
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:42,750
I'm sorry, what?
132
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,118
Dinner, bath
133
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,254
and a puzzle.
134
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,757
Uh, again, a...?
135
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,059
(whispers):
Puzzle.
136
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:57,831
Of course they have time
for romance stuff in France.
137
00:04:57,865 --> 00:05:00,033
They're either on strike
or on vacation.
138
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,002
We're gonna make
an intimate dinner.
139
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,170
We're gonna take a bath.
140
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:04,638
Two people in a bath?
141
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,007
We'll just have to
shower afterwards.
142
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,444
It's romantic.
How did you get me?
143
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:11,979
Hey, Becca.
144
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,447
We're gonna have date night
at the house tonight.
145
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:14,848
Can you, uh, you know,
146
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,850
kind of keep the kids
out of our hair?
147
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,886
Sorry, I have my own
awesome date night with D.B.
148
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,121
watching some kind
of horror film where
149
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,690
a man named
Chugsy is repeatedly
150
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:23,891
tricked by two people claiming
151
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:26,026
to be his friends.
Prank Guys!
152
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:27,961
It's the father of my baby's
favorite film.
153
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,530
Maybe it'll be
my baby's favorite film.
154
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,499
Ooh, what's that,
fourth grade teacher?
155
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,200
My child superglued
his buttocks together
156
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,035
and forgot to learn how to read?
157
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:36,537
Fantastic.
158
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,971
Xander to
mission control.
159
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,407
I'm being chased
by a lumbering,
160
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,509
vaguely humanoid
life-form!
161
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:42,843
That's very hurtful!
162
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,745
And give me back my boots!
163
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:46,514
Skip, a word?
164
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,315
Flabbergasted.
165
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,583
What's up?
Your father and I
166
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:51,184
are staying in
for date night tonight.
167
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:54,054
Can you kind of stay
on top of the kids?
168
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:55,689
If he stays on top of me,
I'll die.
169
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:58,058
You'll pay for that--
such mean wordplay.
170
00:05:58,091 --> 00:05:59,660
Dad, can you
talk to him?
171
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,829
Just come here
for a second. Okay.
172
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,532
Apparently, it's important
that Emily and I have
173
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:05,866
a little alone time.
174
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,234
Oh, hey, yugga-yugga.
175
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:09,169
So what I'm asking you to do is
176
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,371
step up and be the man
of the house tonight.
177
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,006
Totally. What are
we talking about?
178
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,242
Impart some basic values,
fine-tune the moral compass?
179
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:16,276
Am I getting warm?
180
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:17,578
My feet are getting warm.
181
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,112
Take off my boots, Xander!
182
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:20,548
Listen, listen,
you've been on this earth
183
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:21,715
for two and a half decades.
184
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,016
All I'm asking
you to do is just
185
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,452
make sure the kids
do their homework,
186
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:25,953
they brush their teeth
and they get to bed
187
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,220
at a reasonable hour.
188
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,589
This has made
me so tired.
189
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:29,857
Homework, teeth, bed.
190
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,191
And no interruptions.
191
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,460
Can you handle it?
192
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:34,061
The important thing is
193
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,896
that you think
I can handle it.
194
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:38,365
No, the important thing is
that you handle it.
195
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,101
Then I misunderstood completely,
but I now understand.
196
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:45,973
Date night.
197
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:52,880
(men laughing over speakers)
198
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,815
(groans)
This is so stupid.
199
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,717
(laughs) I know,
it's great.
200
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,385
Oh!
201
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,420
(laughs)
202
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,060
Wow.
203
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,228
Marshall.
204
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,130
What's going on?
Oh, nothing.
205
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,633
I'm sorry, I didn't realize
you were in here watching...
206
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:13,834
whatever this is.
207
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,469
President Milbert
208
00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:17,738
gave your father some
classic French films as a gift.
209
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,573
They were very
quickly re-gifted.
210
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,642
Did the French dude
also give you the hat?
211
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,577
The beret is my own;
I did not realize
212
00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:25,913
the room was taken.
Wait, Marshall, wait.
213
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,915
Were you gonna watch
Je M'appelle la Lune?
214
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,182
I adore that movie.
215
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,851
The scene where the two lovers
216
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,753
meet on the bridge,
but really
217
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,588
the bridge is
a metaphor for...
218
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:35,589
The loss of French identity.
219
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,991
I know, it's so great.
220
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:40,594
Do you think maybe
we could watch it?
221
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,195
Oh, no, uh-uh, uh-uh.
222
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,764
I do not want to interrupt
your guys' evening.
223
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,432
No, no, please.
It's okay, right?
224
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,868
We can finish
Prank Guys later.
Yeah.
225
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,503
This is actually
a pretty good stopping point.
226
00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:51,505
The next couple of scenes,
there's a lot of blood.
227
00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,040
Awesome. I'll go
put this on.
228
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,041
Come on, big guy.
229
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,475
Pop a squat.
230
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,214
(sighs)
231
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:09,256
Again, did not realize
the room was taken.
232
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,626
See?
233
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,061
Isn't this fun?
234
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,529
Yes.
235
00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:17,297
The French know
what they're doing.
236
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,200
Except when it comes to
repelling invading armies.
237
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,069
(chuckles)
238
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,470
Oh.
239
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,472
Maybe we won't even
need that bath.
240
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,875
Ah, easy there, chief.
Don't get ahead of yourself.
241
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:30,343
We have to do
all the steps.
242
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:34,982
Earlier today,
in front of you and our father,
243
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,985
I did not comport myself
in a mature manner.
244
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,152
Boots were stolen.
245
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,154
Boots weren't
returned.
246
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,723
Boots remain unreturned.
247
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:44,324
But that's all in the past.
248
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,826
Because now
249
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,394
Dad has put me
in charge here.
250
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,563
And things are going
to be different.
251
00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:52,165
That is why I am wearing
this cardigan
252
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:54,735
to show my dominance.
253
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:57,337
There are but three
simple commands:
254
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,272
homework, teeth, bed.
255
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:02,342
And whosoever disobeys
shall face the wrath...
256
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,577
Guys?
257
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,579
Guys?
258
00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:08,616
Guys? Guys, what are you doing?!
259
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:10,851
Playing a video game.
We're obviously playing
a video game.
260
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,453
Well, I-I... Xander that was
a hypothetical question.
261
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,623
Look, this is not one of
the three commandments
262
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,124
as handed down
by our...
Shh!
263
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:19,192
Don't you dare use
the first two consonants
264
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,194
of "shut up" to silence me.
265
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,196
Dad! We have a... oh!
266
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,464
Hey, nice.
267
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:26,133
Finding new ways
to keep it fresh.
268
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,267
I like it.
269
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,602
Anyway, crisis.
270
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,037
I told them
to do their homework,
271
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,039
and they just won't
do their homework.
272
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,373
Kids, do your homework!
273
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,374
(sighs)
274
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,709
Fine.
Okay.
275
00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:37,044
SKIP:
Nice.
276
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,146
I set them up,
you knock them down.
277
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,281
What's the problem? You used
to babysit them all the time?
278
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,216
I know, but they're older now.
279
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,119
And they no longer think
I'm perfect, which is humbling.
280
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,487
You just have
to put your foot down.
281
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,156
Well, which foot?
How often?
282
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:52,225
Now I'm thinking
about my boots again!
283
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,261
(people speaking French
over speakers)
284
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,564
Guys, I got
to be honest.
285
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:58,999
I hate this.
286
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,167
It's not for everybody.
287
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,568
Is it for anybody?
288
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,971
Just try and enjoy
the deliberate pace.
289
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:06,573
That's what helps you
to absorb the mise en scéne.
290
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:07,607
Yes.
291
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,411
Oh, bathroom time.
292
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,580
I don't even have
to go, but, uh,
293
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,182
I can get there.
294
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,217
You two have fun.
295
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,822
"You two have fun"?
296
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:23,423
Oh, my God, he knows!
297
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,092
What? Shh.
298
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,427
Marshall, we have to tell
him that we used to date.
299
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,096
Otherwise, it'll be like
we're hiding something
300
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,530
and it'll be weird.
301
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,532
Wait, wait, wait, so on
the off chance that things
302
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:34,267
might get weird later,
you want to definitely
303
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:35,335
make things weird now?
304
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,104
Yes.
No.
305
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,438
Okay, you're right.
306
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,007
We're probably
overthinking this,
307
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,009
but just to be safe,
let's try and enjoy
308
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,210
the movie a
little less.
309
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,878
Okay.
310
00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,113
(gasps)
311
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,048
Oh, Guy, Guy,
don't be a fool.
312
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,349
Go to that girl.
313
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,885
Want to try a
little harder?
314
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,954
Well, guys, we've reached
the teeth portion
315
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:57,390
of our three-part evening,
so get in there and brush.
316
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:08,368
Hey, Marigold,
have you seen my foot?
317
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,470
Oh, there it is.
318
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,139
Right where I put it: down.
319
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,373
Go brush your teeth!
320
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,042
Xander took my magazine,
321
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:17,544
and I'm not doing anything
till he gives it back.
322
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:18,712
Xander took
323
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:19,980
my boots, too.
324
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,648
I think he's got a problem.
325
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,550
I'm not gonna stand for that.
(cracks knuckles)
326
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:24,918
Not in this cardigan.
327
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:29,089
Xander, is that
Marigold's magazine?
328
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,158
Yes, it's called Cosmopolitan.
329
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,826
I thought it was about
fashionable city life,
330
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,061
but it's not.
331
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,096
I have so many
questions.
332
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:38,231
Oh, no. You do?
Yeah, like...
333
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:40,267
what's the guh-spot?
334
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,838
(romantic music playing,
people speaking French)
335
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,874
D.B.: Oh, look at
the two lovebirds.
336
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:49,576
(movie stops)
337
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:50,844
All right.
338
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,445
We dated, okay?
339
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,181
But Marshall didn't
want to tell you.
340
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,284
But I thought it was important
that you knew, you know?
341
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,685
So we had a relationship.
342
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,854
It's over, in the past,
end of story.
343
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:03,090
Wow. Uh...
344
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,557
I was just talking
about them.
345
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:10,563
Oh.
346
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:23,210
God, it's hot.
347
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,079
Really, really unpleasant.
348
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:28,215
I feel like my skin
is coming off.
349
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,482
It's so unromantic.
350
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,084
I think we're being poached.
351
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:34,221
Bernard and Bernice said
the hottest bath you can stand.
352
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,388
I don't want
to face it,
353
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,624
but they might be idiots.
354
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:40,260
So... are you okay?
355
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,461
Say something.
356
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:42,896
(sighs)
357
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,998
I guess that, uh, I'm feeling
358
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:46,633
like it's...
359
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:48,902
totally cool.
360
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,337
Okay? No harm, no foul.
361
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,338
Marshall's
a good dude.
362
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:52,339
You're a good dude.
363
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,307
I get it.
364
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,143
So, you're not mad?
Nah, babe.
365
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:57,477
MARSHALL:
You know what?
366
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,479
I'm mad.
D.B.:
Oh.
367
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,281
What's the matter, buddy?
368
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:02,916
Look, it's fine
that you know,
369
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,751
but we agreed not to
tell anyone right now,
370
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,753
and she just went ahead
and did it anyway.
371
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,355
And she always
does that.
372
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:09,489
What do I do?
373
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,590
Just decide what
you think is best
374
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:11,624
without consulting
anybody.
375
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,126
(scoffs)
You do that, babe.
376
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,128
Nailed it, Marsh.
377
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,796
Thanks, man.
378
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:20,433
And I don't understand
why ten buff bachelors
379
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,535
who make your blood boil
is a good thing.
380
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:25,873
In the Middle Ages, blood
boiling was a torture technique.
381
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:28,508
The author also lists
ten ways to please a man,
382
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:29,877
none of which is pizza.
383
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:32,112
And why are there so
many tips on teasing?
384
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,814
I get teased all the time
at school, and it's horrible.
385
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,449
What am I missing about teasing?
386
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,385
You haven't said anything
in a while.
387
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,487
Please go ahead and answer
any of these questions.
388
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,855
(gulps)
389
00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:43,957
Where did we end up
on teeth brushing?
390
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,525
That's my question.
391
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,360
And while you think about that,
392
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:50,163
I'll be thinking about
your questions.
393
00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:53,400
Oh, and I'll just be
taking this back to Marigold.
394
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,801
Or Mount Doom.
395
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:55,835
Whichever comes first.
396
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,304
And I'll return in due haste.
397
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,738
MARSHALL:
Yeah, right, but-but wait.
398
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,073
But does she ever
do that thing where
399
00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:01,574
she puts you
"in charge" of something?
400
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:03,076
Oh, totally. Like,
she'll pick the movie
401
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:04,844
and hand me the
tickets and be all,
402
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,679
"You're in charge of the
tickets." What is that?
403
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,415
You lost
those tickets.
404
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,050
And if you disagree
with her about something,
405
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:12,052
she says "we."
Like, "Are we sure?"
406
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:13,720
Man, that bugs me.
407
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:15,555
Are we really still
talking about this?
408
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:16,356
Oh!
Oh!
409
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:17,357
(laughs)
410
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,691
With all those foibles,
411
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,227
I can't believe
I had feelings for her.
412
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,995
Ow!
Oh, no, a punch!
413
00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:23,730
Man, what was that for?
I don't know!
414
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,332
You said that thing about
having feelings for her.
"Had."
415
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,333
As in past tense.
416
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,700
Not present indicative.
417
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:29,536
D.B., I thought you
were cool with it.
418
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,538
I thought I was, too.
419
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:34,741
I am just as blindsided
by this as you two.
420
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:40,213
(whispering):
Marigold... Marigold.
421
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:43,216
We all know Xander's smart,
but how's his memory?
422
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,085
Does he forget
everything that he reads?
423
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,119
Oh, you've got my magazine.
424
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:47,887
Yeah, and hey, listen,
425
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:50,723
you shouldn't be reading stuff
like that, all right?
426
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:51,959
I guess.
427
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,560
I mean, I just...
428
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:56,729
wanted to figure out
how to get girls to like me.
429
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,565
I think you mean boys.
430
00:14:58,598 --> 00:14:59,899
No, I mean girls.
431
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,236
Oh, I see.
432
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,405
Well, um,
433
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:06,639
all of our bodies
are changing.
434
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,575
Please excuse me. Got to go.
435
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:13,780
(pounding on door)
436
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,082
What's happening?!
Watch out!
437
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,549
I know you told me
to handle it...
438
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,251
Oh, God, Dad,
bath party!
439
00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:20,153
Hey, Momily.
Hi, Skip.
440
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:21,754
And I was handling it.
Believe me, you'd be
441
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:22,922
patting me on the
back right now
442
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,157
if you weren't naked
443
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:25,792
in a bath with your wife,
444
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:27,760
and I'm so sorry,
but there's a situation.
445
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:30,930
Is anyone dead, hurt,
or on fire, Skip?
446
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:33,433
No, but...
Dead, hurt, or on fire.
447
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,435
That's a very high bar.
448
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:36,903
That's an abnormally
high bar, Dad.
449
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,138
(door closes)
450
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,406
My butt's asleep.
451
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,974
Yeah, let's just go to bed.
452
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:48,915
D.B.: Okay, I-I think what
happened was it took a while
453
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,018
to sink in.
Like an old modem, you know?
454
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,785
Becca and Marshall went out.
455
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,854
(imitates modem beep and hiss)
456
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:56,323
I'm mad!
457
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:57,624
Ooh, punch!
458
00:15:57,657 --> 00:16:00,027
Anyway, I'm so sorry, man.
At least
459
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,662
I don't have a job
where I have to be on camera.
460
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:03,863
Oh, wait.
461
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:06,333
(door creaks open)
462
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,202
Oh, thank God, nobody's naked.
Becca, I have a serious
463
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,204
situation with the kids.
I could really use your help.
464
00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:12,972
I'm kind of in the middle
of something.
465
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,641
Is anyone dead,
hurt, or on fire?
466
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:15,642
Marshall's hurt.
467
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,444
Damn it! You win.
468
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,046
Okay, Marshall?
I have an idea.
469
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,513
All right?
But hear me out.
470
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,382
'Cause it's a little
outside the bun.
471
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,317
But since I punched
you in the face,
472
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:26,019
maybe the only way
to make us even
473
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,820
is for you to...
474
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,489
(exhales)
475
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,724
I feel great about that.
So do I.
476
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:34,827
Only, now I'll need
a second icepack for my hand.
477
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:36,196
Marshall, you don't have to go.
478
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:37,630
We can still finish the movie.
479
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,332
Nope. No, no, no.
480
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:42,535
I prefer to finish it by myself,
as was the original plan,
481
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:44,504
until I got sucked
into the adventures
482
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,473
of my definitely ex-girlfriend
483
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:47,907
and her pal Sluggo.
484
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,509
Just give me that.
485
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,911
You two can finish enjoying
Prank Dudes.
486
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:53,913
Prank Guys.
Prank Dudes sucks.
487
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,182
N'importe quoi.
488
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,585
It means "whatever."
489
00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:02,989
(sighs)
490
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,225
Oh, this feels so good.
491
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:06,659
You okay?
492
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,229
Yeah. So what if
we're not a spicy dish
493
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,897
like Bernard
and Bernice?
494
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,532
It's okay. We're
a hearty stew.
495
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,067
Keeps you warm
in the winter.
496
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,535
Comfort food.
497
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,604
Yeah. Doesn't matter
when you serve it.
498
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:19,339
Once a week, once a month.
499
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:22,041
It's always there.
500
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:23,276
Good night, honey.
501
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:24,577
Good night.
502
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:39,759
(grunts)
503
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:41,528
I refuse to be stew.
504
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,530
1,500 pieces?
505
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,665
Start looking for corners, stud.
506
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,301
BECCA:
Ah, Chugsy.
507
00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:49,702
Right in the beehive.
508
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,070
(men laughing over speakers)
509
00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:53,906
What's wrong?
510
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,908
I just don't get
what's going on.
511
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:57,777
I mean,
now you like my movie?
512
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,912
Yeah, it's funny.
513
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:02,949
Okay, but be honest.
514
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,618
Wouldn't you rather
be watching...
515
00:18:05,652 --> 00:18:08,921
Marshall's movie?
516
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:10,157
Oh.
517
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:12,292
I see what you mean.
518
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:13,326
(movie stops)
519
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:16,095
Look, D.B...
520
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:17,797
there was a time
when I thought
521
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,133
Marshall's movie was
the movie for me.
522
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,101
But then things change,
523
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,070
and suddenly you're
watching a new movie.
524
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,438
And it's about
525
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,440
a bunch of guys getting
hit in the nuts.
526
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:31,344
And at first, you
think it's a little...
527
00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:32,812
I don't know...
528
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:36,283
kind of dopey and
not really for you.
529
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:39,652
But then,
against all odds,
530
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:43,923
you find yourself kind of
getting into this movie.
531
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,327
And you realize that Prank
Guys has a lot to offer.
532
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,497
Wow.
533
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,165
I feel so much better.
534
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,134
(sighs)
535
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:57,804
Now how do you feel about me?
536
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:00,006
(movie resumes)
537
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:02,842
Shh.
538
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:07,380
Look for parts of
the cat's face.
539
00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:08,881
I can't find any.
540
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,817
Oh! There's some
right there.
There we go.
541
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,485
Ooh, I found an eye.
I found an eye.
542
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,287
Oh, my gosh, there's
another piece right there.
543
00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:15,522
Look at that.
544
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:17,657
And look! It's a whole kitten.
545
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:18,891
Oh.
546
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:20,493
We did it.
So cute.
547
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:23,530
Yeah.
548
00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:39,212
(whispering):
Hey, buddy.
549
00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:42,181
I came back to answer
all of your questions,
550
00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:45,385
but, oh, no, you're asleep.
551
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:47,854
I'm just gonna
count this as handled.
552
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:54,361
(grunts)
Shh-shh-shh...
553
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:01,934
I'm awake.
554
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:03,236
(whispering):
Oh, are you? Great.
555
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,537
That's great.
556
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:07,540
Did I say something
wrong earlier?
557
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:10,777
No.
558
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:13,079
No, absolutely not.
559
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:14,547
I am so sorry.
560
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:16,916
I never meant
to make you feel that way.
561
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,451
There is absolutely
562
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:20,219
nothing wrong
with liking girls.
563
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,724
You know what?
I'm a huge fan myself.
564
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:27,294
And it is really hard
565
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:28,761
getting them to like you.
566
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,430
Oh, I know, right?
567
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,732
Tell you what:
568
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,567
whichever one of us
figures it out first
569
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:36,703
promises to tell the other.
Deal?
570
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:37,804
Deal.
571
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:39,739
Good night, Marigold.
572
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:42,074
Good night, Skip.
573
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:43,443
Oh, and, uh...
574
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,211
I'm just gonna take the Cosmo.
575
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,315
I got to get to the bottom
of this whole guh-spot thing.
576
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,489
Thanks for visiting
577
00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:59,091
(speaking French)
578
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,760
Merci, merci.
579
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:02,795
What, I don't...
(speaking French)
580
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:04,997
What is this?
581
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:06,333
Oh.
582
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:07,934
(whispers):
That's where that went.
583
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,469
(chuckles): The
search is over.
584
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:11,671
We, um, we took your advice
on the puzzle.
585
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,673
Yeah.
Good stuff.
586
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:16,609
You thought we were literally
talking about a jigsaw game?
587
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,411
They thought
the puzzle was a puzzle.
588
00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:20,413
(laughing)
Uh, what was
it, then?
589
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:22,982
We'll show you
when you come to France, huh?
590
00:21:24,651 --> 00:21:28,187
It, uh... it takes
four people anyway.
591
00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:29,322
Au revoir.
592
00:21:29,356 --> 00:21:30,490
BERNICE:
Au revoir, merci.
41142
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