All language subtitles for 1600.Penn.S01E09.Game.Theory.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.x264-AJP69_track3_[eng]

Skip, what are you doing?

Oh, just collecting roses
for my lady.

Your lady?

Remember Stacey Kim

from the mailroom?

Well, I asked her out,
and she said yes.

Isn't Stacey the one

that ran away when you asked her

to be your girlfriend
in a room full of senators?

I was hoping you'd forget
about that, but yes.

She also said
she's gonna give me

one more chance.

However, if you heard the way
in which she said it,

you'd realize I really do have
to make this

the most romantic night ever.

And you know how to do that?

Rose petals wherever she goes.

Getting in the car, rose petals.

At the dinner table,
rose petals.

Go to the bathroom,
"What's that, Stacey?

What's that all over the seat?"

Those are rose petals.

It's gonna be pretty classy.

I don't want to tell you how
to do your job,

but if he's got a blade

in his hands,
you're doing it wrong.

DALE:
We better get this version

of the bill to Congress,

so they can get a head start
on not reading it.

My point is

they don't do anything.

Good one, sir.

(laughter)

Are you sure you want
to go down this road?

There are plenty of other things
we could do tonight.

It doesn't have to be like this.

So you surrender
without a fight?

I'll set it up.

BECCA:
Hey Dad, we just saw

the most amazing exhibit

at the National Gallery.
What'd you see?

Microscopes and Petticoats:
Portraits of Female Scientists

at the Dawn
of Women's Suffrage.

Oof, sorry, son.
It's okay.

Becca said if we're gonna
make this relationship work,

we need to learn about
each other's interests.

Yesterday, we watched Iron Man.
Again.

Oh, and I got this
awesome shirt

with this dude on it.

That's Marie Curie.
Yeah, that's the guy.

(groans)

Risk?

Last time you played Xander,
I seem to recall

someone spent the rest
of the night in tears.

It was a big win;
I was emotional.

You're in big trouble, Dad.

I'm studying game theory.

You can try to
counteract my plans,

but I've already
counter-counteracted your plans.

If you need me,
I'll be in here.

(whispers):
Your mind.

I'm loving the trash talk.

SKIP:
Quick question. If I wanted

to rent a hot air balloon
on short notice,

could I drop your name
to the balloon company

just to speed
up the process?

Skip, you don't need
a hot air balloon.

Well, then where am I supposed
to sing my song, Emily?

Your song?
At the end of the night,

just as Stacey's thinking
to herself,

"My, God, this has been the best
six hours of my life,"

that's when I'm gonna
seal the deal

by singing

the most romantic song
of all time,

"Fever" as performed

by Ella Fitzgerald
as performed by Skip Gilchrist.

Oh, that sounds amazing.
It's all about matching

Ella's balance of toughness
and sensuality.

My friend, Dominic,
from the D.O.D.

is gonna accompany me
on the accordion.

But don't let the name
fool you, he's Jewish.

Oh, game time; have fun, guys.

All right, D.B. and I

are gonna go paint a mural
for the baby.

Microscopes and Petticoats
was just so inspiring.

So no one wants to tap

the brakes
on the old Skip-mobile?

It's just a date, Emily.

Some of the worst disasters
in my life

came in the form of dates.

(chuckles)
That's why we skipped the date.

Just leave him alone.

It's just,
Skip's such a nice guy.

I know how I was with nice guys
when I was Stacey's age,

and I don't want her to make
the same mistake with Skip.

Emily, just let one moment

in life go untouched
by your influence.

That was supposed
to sound playful,

but it came off kind of mean.

No, you're right.
I should just

let him make his own mistakes.

It's the only way
he'll learn.

(gasps)

Major breakthrough.
We're putting

rose petals inside the balloons

so that when they pop,
they'll explode love

all over Stacey.

Skip, sweetie,
you've got such a big heart.

The doctors say dangerously so.

And I know, sometimes,
when you have

a crush on someone,
you feel like

you should do all these big,

romantic gestures,

but too much can be a bad thing.

And that's why I think,
for tonight,

you have to take
all the great things

that make Skip Skip,

and just...

kind of scale it back
a little bit.

Shouldn't I just be myself?
Totally.

I'm saying be yourself,

just... like, 60% of yourself.

(balloon pops)

Forty percent.

Well, here's a question for you.
Uh-huh?

Which part of Skip
should I skip?

(laughs)

Tell you what.

Let's-let's just...

Okay, I'm Stacey.

What's the first thing you say
when we sit down?

I love you.
Uh, no.

That's what I'm talking about.

If you say that in the first
three seconds of the date,

you are going to freak her out.

Trust me, I've been
on a lot of first dates.

Does Dad know?
In the past.

Oh, of course.
And I've picked up

a few tricks, okay?

I'm not saying you have
to change everything.

You can still be nice,
just not too nice.

Nice but not too nice.

Play hard to get.
Tease her a little bit.

So you're saying
I should just insult her?

No. I mean, it'll draw her in
a little bit at first,

and she'll think with some work
she can change you,

but in the end she'll realize
you'll never change,

and her father was right,

and you stolen her 20s,
Russell Peterson.

(whispering):
What's happening?

Let's regroup.

It's not too late
to call this off.

The supreme art of war
is to subdue

the enemy without fighting.

Classic Sun Tzu.

Nice try, Dad.

Talk your game theory
all you want,

but do you see that?

I got that sword when
I became a Marine.

I've been playing Risk
a long time, son,

only in real life.

Ooh, I want a sword.

Focus, Xander;
show no weakness.

That's a sword
for a warrior,

not a toy for a little kid.

And so it begins.

Hey.

Can I play?

So, what are we painting?

It's a mural
of Marie Curie looking

through a microscope,
but what she's looking at

is the history of women's
achievements over time.

(laughing):
What?

No, seriously, what
are we painting?

I was thinking,
like, a sweet truck

with a teddy bear driving it.

(laughs)

No, seriously.

I figured it all out.

I mapped the entire mural
on a grid

using the Pantone color system.

All we have to do
is fill in the squares.

There are 1,024 squares.

Fun.

All right, let's
try this again.

Do not discuss politics

or religion
or past relationships.

Keep it light, smile,

show just the right amount
of interest,

laugh at her jokes,
do not laugh

at your jokes.

And go.

Stacey, have you ever..
had that mole checked?

I know that's not good,

but I'm not sure why.
Are moles political?

I think I'm making this more
complicated than it really is.

No, it's okay.

I just have to get used
to the fact that every instinct

I have is a dirty lie
that will ruin everything.

Look, here's a trick
that I taught your father

for when he needs
to think things through.

If you feel like
you're gonna blurt

something out
that you shouldn't,

just take a long sip of water

and figure out what
you're going to say.

Let's practice.

Spider-Man can beat up Batman.

Well, what an interesting
opinion you have.

That's it! You did it.

That's your secret weapon.

Oh, good.
I just wanted to punch you

in the damn face
when you said that.

Great, Skip.
Do you think you're ready?

Yeah.

I just need to be nice,

but not too nice and also mean,

drink water constantly,

not talk about any

of my favorite subjects,

only order one entrée--
we'll see how that goes--

and basically not be myself

so that she'll like me,
the new me,

the one we just made.

Good.

Okay.

Nice job
picking the place, Skip.

I love you... nicorns;
such noble creatures.

Yeah, they're pretty neat.

And may I just say,

that's an absolutely disgusting
sweater in a great way.

Makes your breasts look sleek
for a mail carrier.

I guess women really can
have it all. Caviar?

How's the conversation going?

He's dying in here, ma'am.

I'll put all my armies in China.

My people focus

on building roads,
libraries and hospitals.

That's not how the game
is played, Marigold.

You have to attack.

Okay, I'll attack you.

But, sweetie, you have
to have a plan.

This is a complex game

of strategy and chance.

Seems like I just roll
the stupid dice

and take your stupid countries.

Whoo.

(slurps)

Code Red.
Tommy, I need you

to spill that drink on Stacey

and get her out of there
so I can talk to Skip.

I really don't want to, ma'am.

Go in now.

I'm sorry to bother you...
Oh, I'm-I'm...

Damn it, Tommy, I'll have you
court-martialed for this.

I'm just kidding; I'd never.

It's okay; that's why
I ordered white wine.

I had a feeling.

I'll be right back.
I'm sorry.

Here, take this.
It's your stepmother.

Hello, Emily, what's going on?

Is it Papa? Am I president?

No, Skip, listen,

I'm outside
watching you,

and you're not doing anything
we talked about.

I'm doing everything
we talked about.

None of it's working.

You're outside, watching me?

(over earpiece):
Calm down.

We can fix this.

She's coming back.

Momily, she's coming back.

Repeat:
she's coming back.

Skip, if you want
to save this date,

say exactly

what I say.

Too bad, kids.

This just isn't your night.

Don't worry, you'll take me down

some day, Xander.

I place my 20 armies in Siam

and attack Australia.

I did not see that coming.

Everyone knows Australia
is the key to victory,

and you left it undefended,

'cause you were too worried
about Marigold.

Looks like this may just be
my night.

Australia, that's, uh...

(laughing):
that's a good... (slurps)

Mmm.

We need more snacks.

General,
sorry to call you so late.

The president needs
the contingency plans

for an attack on Australia?

Do those even exist?

Hey, I may have something.

(gasps)
Hey, how about just

a tiny red lightning bolt
right here?

Ooh, I like that idea,

but let's just put that one
in the maybe pile.

The maybe pile's getting kind
of full, babe.

It's got a truck, Iron Man,

Uncle Randy up in Heaven,
looking down...

And those are all

really great ideas--
I just don't know

if they're right for our baby.

You know what,
I'm painting my own thing.

D.B.--

(gasps)

(exhales)

Hypothetically,
if we're facing an enemy

with troops in Australia
and Western Europe,

and we're holed up in
the Ural Mountains and Yakutsk,

what would our plan be?

Have you been
playing Risk, sir?

Yeah.

And I'm losing to Xander.

It's the first time
it's ever happened.

I'm being ridiculous.

I'm sorry
for wasting everybody's time.

You're not being
ridiculous, sir.

The first time you lose
a game to your son

is the day everything changes.

Well, I don't know
about that, but...

You're not Superman anymore--
you're just some old guy

who lives in his house
and makes love to his mom.

MAURER:
After my Tricia beat me

in air hockey
for the first time,

it was in
with the nose ring,

pink with the hair and
gone with the virginity.

Next thing you know,
she's on the back

of a scooter with
a guy named Motorcycle.

Sir, it is our recommendation
that you do not lose this game.

Okay, what's the strategy?

Can you, uh,
make an alliance?

The enemy of your enemy
is your friend.

Marigold, but it goes
against all my instincts

to negotiate with a teenager.

It's either that
or the nuclear option.

Flipping the board.

That's right, Evan.

We are invading Australia.

Yeah, we are tired of their
bland beer and poisonous snakes.

Turn on CNN, the bombardment
of Sydney is about to begin.

No, you cannot just use
the first part.

Apologize for being weird.

Say you're just excited
to be spending time

with her away from
the White House.

So sorry I've been weird.

I'm just excited
about spending time with you

away from the White House.

Ask her about her family.

So, Stacey, um, tell me
about your family.

We're very close.

My parents came over
from Korea in the '70s.

EMILY: Don't say anything
about Taekwondo.

Skip, I know you want to,
but fight it-- fight it.

Skip, take a sip of water.

Your parents sound delightful.

They are.

Hah!

You're no match
for our alliance.

We'll see how this plays out
over the next five or six hours.

Oh, seriously?

Five hours?

I quit.

You can't quit.

We have an alliance.

We high-fived over it!
Come on!

Dad, it's just a game.

XANDER:
I planned my strategy

around Marigold quitting.

She's a textbook
unexpected interloper.

First, they insert
themselves,

stir things up,
maybe help you for a while.

But things fall apart

the moment you think
you're doing great.

Okay, Skip, you're doing great.

I never knew I was
such a lady killer.

Me neither.

Hm?

EMILY: Okay, Skip, we're
in the home stretch now.

Go ahead and ask her
about her interests.

SKIP:
So, Stacey,

I've been meaning to ask you:

What are your interests?

I love art-- I recently saw

an exhibit
at the National Gallery

on "Women in Science."

Microscopes and Petticoats!

Say you saw it and loved it.

Microscopes and Petticoats!

Say I saw it and loved it.

What was your favorite part?

The s...

(Skip groans)

Stall her, Skip.

Specifically, I love...

the...

brush strokes.

That doesn't even
look like Iron Man.

Good, 'cause it's
Uncle Randy.

(cell phone rings)

(sighs)

Emily, what?
EMILY: Becca?

I'm just out and about
and I was thinking

of seeing
Microscopes and Petticoats.

How nice of you to
respect my opinion.

Yeah, I don't have
a lot of time for that.

Can you just tell me what
your favorite part was?

I guess I would start
with the section

on women breaking
into the Academy...

Tell her your favorite part...

Was when the women broke
into that academy.

Yes, they were

real trailblazers.

Did they not get caught?

(laughs)

(wheezy laugh)

So, what else did you like?

Uh...

Hold on, Skip.

Wait, you're with Skip?

I thought he was on his date.

Well, I kind of followed

him here-- it's no big deal.

Right now, I need you
to tell me more

art facts so I can feed it
to him in his earpiece.

Emily, you have a problem.

I don't have time
to debate this right now.

Skip, just tell her...

You are pathologically
incapable of butting out.

You just can't help yourself.

Okay, listen.

Okay, listen.

I'm tired of going back
and forth on this.

Yes, I feel deeply--
that's not a crime.

SKIP: That's not a crime.
EMILY: And you know what?

EMILY: We're in each
other's lives now.
SKIP: You know what?

We're in each
other's lives now.

So if you could
accept me for me,

that'll save us a hell
of a lot of time.

EMILY: And it may be hard
for you to believe...

But I love you
and I'm not going anywhere.

Wow.

Do you hear me, Becca?

Do you hear me,
Becca?

Becca?

Eh...

Are you wearing an earpiece?

(whispering):
She's asking

if I'm wearing
an earpiece, over.

Can you hear me?

I can hear you.

To be continued, Becca.
(phone beeps off)

(phone beeps off)

What the hell is that?

Repulsor rays.

He's Iron Man now.
Deal with it.

Oh, you are so immature.

(gasps)

(deep exhale)

This is just a fight!

It's not a fight with
romantic undertones.

Are you sure?

MARSHALL: Hey, have
you seen your dad?

Or yourselves?

He's playing Risk
with Xander.

Oh, Risk!

Thank God--
for a second, I thought

the whole world had gone crazy.

Uh-huh.

I don't understand, Skip.

Why do you act
this way around me?

Why?

Hey, guys.

EMILY:
So...

Lots to talk about.
Madame First Lady...

why are you here?

EMILY: Let's just
get it out there.

We tried to do the Cyrano thing

and it didn't work.

I'm sorry, okay?

Cool, now let's put

this date back on track.

Am I right? Order some
calamari for the table.

Round of drinks... maybe a
couple of rounds of drinks.

Get this Love Boat back
in the water.

I'm sorry, Skip.

This is too much.

S...

(sighs)

Skip...
I can't believe this.

If you had let me do the
balloons and the song,

Stacey would be imprinted to me
right now like a werewolf.

I-I don't know what that means.

It means I want Stacey
to like me for me.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna take

my veal parmesan to go.

Thank you, Tommy; thank you.

He gets me.

(sighs)

This is it, Dad.

Down to one final roll.

A merciful man
might let you live.

I wish I were that man.

Oop! Look at the time.

It's getting late.
No, no, no.

Do not pull the bedtime card!

I'm as bummed as you;
it screws up my comeback.

But we can pick it up tomorrow.

Though tomorrow is kind of
cray-cray and then

I have that eight-day swing
through the Baltics, but

that'll give you more time
to study your book.

I don't need a book to see
what's happening here!

You're getting cranky
'cause you're tired, buddy.

I'm getting cranky because
of my righteous indignation,

and the disappointment

of looking down on a man
I once looked up to.

(buzzes)

Are you kidding me?

How is your approval

rating so high?
Stacey,

I messed up-- I filled Skip's
head with all this

crazy stuff that made him act
the way he acted.

Let's be honest-- he's never
gonna be the smoothest dude

on a date, but Skip
is a good guy.

I know he's a good guy.

He's also really weird.

I could see how
you might think that.

But I know if you give him
another chance,

you'll see how normal he is.

(accordion playing,
fingers snapping)

* Never know how much
I love you *

* Never know how much I care

* When you put
your arms around me *

* I get a fever
that's so hard to bear *

* You give me fever

* Fever!
(loud pop)

EMILY: Allow
me to make

the case for weird.

DALE:
Xander, buddy...

You up?

Look, I was out of line.

You were beating me and
I panicked, which is silly,

because this day had to come.

And you know what?

I'm proud of you.

So, here you go.

Thanks.

But...

before you take that final roll,

let me tell you a little story.

I was reminded today

of the first time I beat my dad.

It was in Ping-Pong.

I mean, I...
thought I'd feel great,

'cause we had some pretty fierce
battles down in that basement.

But, after I beat him,

I just felt kind of sad,
you know?

Like everything was gonna
change-- I don't know.

I guess part
of my childhood just...

ended that day.

Just wanted to make sure
you're okay with that.

(sighs)

Yup, I'm good.

Okay.

Okay.
Whoo! Yes!

I win! Wait...

What's this feeling
I'm having?

Oh.

It's just another surge

of triumph!
Great.

You know, part of
being a man

is being a gracious...
XANDER: Whoo, yes! I win!
Whoo-hoo!

Ah, screw it.

Does this mean
I'm a warrior now?

Sorry it didn't work out.

At least Stacey
rejected me for me.

Well, it's her loss.

You're gonna find
the right girl, Skip.

And together, we're gonna
make her love you.

Thanks, Momily.

Let's go see
how Becca's doing.

Oh, Good Lord.

Hey, guys.
Check out our
compromise mural.

It's going to be
Marie Curie riding a...

sweet microscope
over a rainbow bridge

into Iron Man's headquarters.

Is that Uncle Randy
riding shotgun?

You know it, brother.

What do you think?

EMILY:
I think...

I'm staying out of this one.

(both gasp)

DALE (muffled): Xander,
I told you it's not a toy!

XANDER (muffled):
It went through that
Sheetrock like butter.

I'm not gonna stay
out of that one.

EMILY: Who gives a
twelve-year old a sword?

(big dog barks)