All language subtitles for 1600.Penn.S01E07.To.the.Ranch.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.x264-AJP69_track3_[eng]

And we continue to wait word
from the White House

on who President Gilchrist

plans to nominate
to the Supreme Court.

Many in both parties are asking,
"What's the holdup?"

Okay, it's Hopkins.

Good choice, sir.

Or Chang.
Hopkins or Chang.

That's my
short list.

But now I'm feeling like

why isn't Garcia
in the mix?

I love Garcia.

And we're going backwards.

Honey, maybe you need
to take a break.

So many qualified judges.

If one of them
would just take a bribe

or strike a pedestrian, it
would really make this easier.

Why don't you
get out of here,

get some air.

Okay.

I've decided.

The president has chosen to go
to his ranch in Nevada.

He's taking a vacation?

He is stepping
outside of the bubble

to focus on this major decision.

So it is a vacation.

MARSHALL:
You know what, darling.

This appointment is
of monumental importance,

and the president takes it
very, very seriously.

To the ranch, to the ranch.

To the ranch, ranch, ranch.

Tom, Sylvia.

* Oh, whoa-oh-oh, whoa

* Oh, whoa-oh-oh, whoa.

I'm so happy you're coming
on vacation with us, Marshall.

Yup, I get to watch
your father bale hay

while I take an
irresponsible amount

of black market
antihistamines.
Mm-hmm.

I have... I have
terrible allergies.

(laughing): Right, that
is hysterical, bud.

Wait, here comes Stacey.

MARSHALL:
What's going on
with you and her?

Well, we went on one date.

The Washington Post
called it a disaster,

but I don't read reviews.

Technically, we're not
together-together,

or together, but I like the path
we're on right now.

Oh, no, what's this?

Look at them.

Laughing too hard
at each other's jokes.

Finding excuses
to touch.

Skip, I think
you're overreacting.

Okay, that's not good.

You sure I can't come?
I'm practically family.

I'm related to
that little rascal.

You sure are.

Look, D.B., we've really gotten
to know each other

over the last six weeks,
and it's going fine.

I think
it's going awesome.

Okay, awesome.

But why don't we let it
breathe a little, you know?

Maybe we'll look back
on this time

and say, "Wow, absence
made the heart grow fonder."

Think so?

Hope so.

Well, you know
what they say:

hindsight's 50/50.

What?
It's an expression.

It means things are
basically cool either way.

Oh, I'm going to miss you.

(sighs)

Wow, that's firm.

Bob.

Oh, this is going to be
a good weekend, Emily.

Smell that air.

(sneezes)

Oh, that's ragweed.
Here we go.

Isn't it amazing how different
you feel out here?

This is a place that
I can think, you know.

I can get some real work done
with my own hands.

I know. I'm so excited.

Really?
You hate nature.

I do not hate nature.
I respect it.

As I would
any adversary.

I'm just looking forward
to being a normal family.

There's nothing
to distract us here.

Come on, guys.

We're at the ranch.

Let's hike to a swimming hole
and track a wild buffalo.

Do we have that here?

I'm in the middle
of a serious online debate

about objectivist
philosophy.

What about you, Marigold?

Oh, uh, I'll have
a grilled cheese.

Shh. You guys are ruining
Bridges of Madison County.

BECCA:
Yes, D.B., I will pet
a horse for you.

Yup, I promise
it will be a brown one.

Okay, bye.

The phone's not really
his best medium.

In person you can look at him.

Which is good.

I'm going to go milk a cow.

That kid gets it.

Yeah, but what
about the others?

I can almost see them
losing bone density.

Still moping
about that girl.

He brought a suitcase
full of DVDs

'cause he said he needs
to get his "cry on."

(whispering):
There's so much love
and so much loss

and so many bridges.

Thank you.

(coughs)

That's warm.

How long has it been out?

Of the cow?

About 30 seconds.

What is this? Fur?

That is
horrifying.

What are you doing?

Well, your dad decided to throw
Garcia back into the mix

so now I have to write
a new speech.

Millie Garcia? Second Circuit?

88 majority opinions,
only 3% overturned on appeal?

I mean, nobody puts up
those kind of numbers.

Here, move over.
This speech writes itself.

You are a nerd. You know that?

MARIGOLD:
Emily.

Emily.

Emily!

Okay, what
are you doing?

I just texted Lisa
she was my "BFF,"

but it autocorrected it
to "BFFA,"

which is a total insult.

And if I don't post
on the message board,

they'll think I concede
the argument, Emily.

Your phones are safe, all right?

They are being hidden in a spot

that I have right here
on this map.

And with these backpacks,
this compass,

and some good,
old-fashioned orienteering,

we are going to
find your phones.

And you know what else
we'll find?

Rattlesnakes?
Quicksand?

Poison ivy?
Hantavirus?

Mountain lions?
Hill folk?

A jackalope?
Unsprung bear traps?

Flash floods?
El Chupacabra?

Nell?
The bones of the last
kids who tried this?

No. Fun...

with a compass.

Emily, I don't even
know you anymore.

Sigh.

You're upset about a girl, huh?

Yeah, she threw away
everything we had.

Before we had anything.

Skip, you know I'm in the middle

of making a tough decision,
right?

And the more I think about it
and focus on it,

the more stuck I get.

So, what I do is,

I chop wood

and I don't think about it.

I chop. Don't think.

Chop...
then it comes to me.

Give it a try.

Let me get it set up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, careful.

I'll get out of the way
before...

Okay.

Yeah, well, see...

um, I think what
you might want to do,

is take all
those feelings

that are inside
you, right?

And make them fly out
of the end of the axe.

Make Stacey get out
of your head.

Get out of my head, Stacey.

Yeah.

Stacey, get out of my head.

Well, that's a start.

Isn't this
great, guys?

You can't get
this at home.

It's just us
and the mountain.

Man versus nature.

Emily, right behind us

is an example of man's victory
over nature.

We've already won this war.

Guys, look, you
just got to forget

the Secret Service
is there, okay?

Oh, my God, look.

XANDER:
A bunny rabbit.
Aww.

Now you'll
always remember

that great hiking trip
where we saw the bunny.

MARIGOLD:
Wow, look at that bird.

See how
he's circling?

I think that means
he's looking for... Oh.

(screeching)
(wings fluttering)

Oh, my God, that rabbit
screamed like a person.

It's a perfectly normal
part of nature, guys.

Circle of life.

Ooh, this is a good one.

Her rationale
in Mallone v. Vermont

has become sine qua non
in due process cases,

even beyond her circuit.

She's not afraid to make
tough decisions.

You're making it
sound simplistic.

I'm making it
sound human.

I take your raw, unpasteurized

horrible-tasting
information milk

and I process it

into a delightful
whipped topping.

After being reversed
on the claimant's standing

in Smith v. Smith,
she masterfully resurrected

a ripeness argument.

She is no quitter.

You're good.

Thank you.

(sighs) Really
loving this, Dad.

I feel like I'm Luke Skywalker
on the swamp planet of Dagobah

and you're Yoda
and you're speaking

in a really
weird cadence,

but I'm really learning
and growing.

That's good, but I think
we'd get a little bit more done

if you focus little less
on talking,

a little more on chopping.

No. No, maybe for you.

But I'm more of a
classic multi-tasker.

Dad, let me ask
you something.

Do you ever wonder
what it would be like if,

instead of being president,

you were just a cowboy
or a legend?

Hey, Dad,
what would you do

if an alligator jumped out
at you right now?

Skip, this is a
ranch in Nevada...

Uh-uh, too late,
you just lost an arm.

Let's say a Vegas
alligator escaped

from the Otto Burnholtz
Alligator Magic Spectacular

and is scuttling
across the Mojave.

He's hot, he's tired,
he's pissy,

and he's going to eat you.

What do you do, Dad?

What do you do?

You punch it in the eyes.

And then you run.

But not in a zigzag motion.

That's a myth that a lot
of people have disproven

with their lives.

(whispering): Do you know what
the alligator mating call is?

(weird bleating)

So, either there are
no alligators here,

or they've
recently fornicated.

But that's not how
the snapping turtle thinks.

(chainsaw starting)

(barely audible): But
interestingly enough,

the python is taking
over the Everglades.

They estimate that...

Can't stop thinking
about that rabbit.

For some reason, Emily wants
us to remember that forever.

Guys, just try picturing
a nest full of cute baby hawks

with full tummies instead.

Gross.
Ew.

EMILY:
Speaking of which,
you guys look hungry.

Do I hear a dinner triangle?

Come and get it!

Did you bring
a can opener?

I sure...

corkscrew.

Damn it.

Emily, as the largest,

I would like to ally
with you now

against Marigold

before this devolves
into a Donner Party situation.

We're not going to need
to eat Marigold.

Steve? Hank?

Thank you.

All right, soup's on.

Great.

Where are the spoons?

Damn it.

It has a lot to do
with pond temperature.

(cracking)

Father, look out!

(grunts)

My back.

The tree was about
to fall on you.

Oh...
Timber, right?

Should one of us
have said "timber"?

(computer dings)

Hey, D.B.

Hey, it's me, D.B.!

Yeah, I can see you.

I had such a crazy day
at the Old Navy.

My boss asked me to order

extra larges, and I thought
he meant more larges,

which he did not mean.

So long story short:
sale on larges.

Ha.
But hey, hindsight's 50/50,
right?

We...
(mutes sound)

Yeah.

Totally hear you.

Hope you kids are all right
in there.

Sorry I brought
the wrong size tent.

But I'm not sorry
'cause I love it out here.

I can see Orion,

and the other one...

Oh! Spider on my face!

(panting)
Oh, spider. Spider on my face!

Ah, ah!

Its foot went in my mouth.

Ah, ah.

Spider web!

Oh, that was a spider web!

Ah, ah!

(blows out) Mother Nature!

Wow. Deep sleepers.

I'm out.

Hey, guys.

I'm just taking a break
from the grandeur.

And its many...

many spiders.

I'm gonna get
back out there.

Don't you worry.

Any second now.

I'm gonna leave

the comfort of this

American-made
luxury SUV and...

oh, wait.

Oh, this bad boy
goes all the way back.

And that is
a seat warmer.

(exhales)

Wake me in four hours and throw
some leaves in my hair.

(Dale groans)

Owie.

How's the
back, sir?

Considering I was chain-sawing
with Skip,

it could have been
a lot worse.

You look like crap,
by the way.

Allergies have shut down
all but my most basic systems.

(sniffs) Anyway, I, uh, finished
the Garcia speech.

Becca was actually a big help.

I brought it
by in case

you wanted to take
a look at it.

He will do
no such thing.

Papa,

yesterday you guided
me through my pain

by showing me
your world.

And today, as you recover
from the injuries

that I inflicted upon you,

I will show you mine.

Now, would you
rather visit

Madison County,

or take A Walk to Remember?

That's really
sweet, Skip,

but you should be outside

working through
the whole Stacey thing...

Shh. Shh, shh.

Don't think. Chop.

You taught me that.

Now let me
teach you.

Let me be your Yoda.
I don't need a Yoda.

(imitating Yoda):
Mm. Resistant

you be.

(knocking softly)
(gasps)

Why didn't you wake me?

We tried, ma'am.

You made a number
of profane threats.

Okay.

I know this looks bad.

Your latte, ma'am.

Thank you.

Dad, have you ever eaten
fried green tomatoes?

I ate like a
million of them

after I watched the movie,

just to kind of
immerse myself,

and to be honest,

I did not love 'em.

I liked them,
did not love 'em.

I wonder why

the tomatoes
have to be green.

Why not just...
fried tomatoes!

You literally never
hear about those.

Kind of weird, right?

Kind of weird.

Maybe it's a
flavor profile

thing, or maybe...
Enough!

Please.
Well, what...?

You're relentless.

Have you ever heard
the expression

"A little goes
a long way"?

I've heard that
about cinnamon.
Well,

you're like the
cinnamon of people,

and that's your problem.

You say every single thing
that pops into your head.

I'm sorry. I was upset
about Stacey, I guess.

Well, get over it!

I mean, is this
how you act with her?

It's no wonder that she doesn't
want to go out with you.

And I immediately regret
that I said that.

Yesterday, you
taught me lessons

using tough love,

and today you're
teaching me

using no love.

So I thank you.

They say our work with
ourselves is never done.

Ah!

I think I hear
my kettle boiling.

Skip...

Skip!

Buddy...

Are you sure it's okay

for you to be doing this
in your...

condition?

My O.B. says it's okay,
and the NRA recommends it.

I see you survived
the night.
Yeah.

What'd you do
after I passed out?

I Skyped with D.B.

Oh. How was that?

Good!

You okay?

(exhales)

D.B. is great.

He really is.
He's just...

not exactly who
I see myself with.

You know, he's really sweet

and he tries so hard.

Yeah, and I am
confident enough

in my heterosexuality

to say that he is
a fine-looking man.

I just always saw myself

as being part of one of those,
like, power couples

who's brilliant and

hyper-successful

and watches documentaries,

and just makes everyone else
feel super-inadequate

about their own relationship.
Don't worry.

People will totally,
totally hate you guys.

You're just saying that.

Well, no point in looking back.

What happened happened.

Yep. Hindsight is 20/20.

D.B.:
Hello!

Oh!

D.B.!

Hey! It's me, D.B.

Whoa, what...?
D.B.: What's
happening, Marvin?

It's Marshall.

Well, what are
you doing here?
Last night on Skype,

I asked if you were
gonna have trouble

sleeping without your
pregnancy pillow.

And you said, "Uh-huh,
I totally hear you."

And I said, "Do you want me
to bring it to the ranch?"

And you said, "Uh-huh,
I totally hear you."

So, here I am.
And here it is.

Wow, that's
really, really...

You bought a plane ticket
on one-day notice?

That must have cost you
a fortune.

Well, I wanted my baby
to be comfortable.

You, not the stomach baby.

Both.

Whoo, well!

I've been cooped up on
a plane for six hours.

You guys want to go
for a hike?

Marvin, push-up pyramid
at the top of the hill!

Whoo!

Let's do this!

Come on! Whoo!

I'm not taking
my shirt off.

Come on, Marvin.
Let's go!

(birds twittering)

(sighs)

How'd you find me?

Look,
I'm sorry.

I made a mistake.

I guess I'm feeling
the pressures of the job.

I didn't mean any of that.

Perhaps you shouldn't
say every little thing

that pops into your head.

Look, I said you
were wallowing...

I'm the one
who's wallowing.

I keep second-guessing myself
about that judge thing.

It's hard to admit.

I'm afraid of being wrong.

Why don't you just go
with your gut?

That's what you do, right?

I mean, like with Stacey.

You don't even know
if she likes you.

No, there's mostly evidence
to the contrary.

But you know she's the one.

Of course.

You actually make
a pretty good Yoda.

Out of curiosity,

who would you go with?

Hopkins, Chang,
or Garcia?
Chang.

Is it because
she's Asian?
Yes.

EMILY:
All right, just
a little further up,

and then it's
just a short hike

back to the house.

So our phones have been near
the house the whole time.

Great.

(sighs) Just
when I thought

I was into this
hike, Emily,

you pull me
back out.

All right!
You know what?

You're right.

Nature sucks, okay?

I have got three
different rashes.

A spider crawled
across my face in the night.

Did it lay eggs? Who knows?

Check back in nine days.

So...
I'm sorry.

All right?
I thought we would be outside

and bond and make memories.

The only memories
we've made

are the kind that
will haunt us.

Which is on me.

So...
Stepmom strikes out again.

What?

DALE:
Hey, guys.

Listen, about before...

I'm sorry.
I got carried away.

Oh, totally.
I get it.

D.B. is the father
of this baby.

I have to try
and make it work.

Hey, I just want you
to be happy.

So... just
friends, right?

Of course!

Otherwise...

this would be
completely romantic.

Now, this is the kind of memory
I was talking about.

(phone ringing)

My phone!

And we're done.

SKIP:
Dad, do you think
the Loch Ness monster

is just a dinosaur
that didn't die

when the asteroid hit?

Not now, Skip.
Got it.

And the president urges Congress

to confirm Judge Garcia quickly

so she can bring
her wisdom and experience

to the bench

as soon as possible.

What's up, friend-o?

You better treat
Stacey right,

or you'll have to answer
to the Cinnamon Kid.

Are you the Cinnamon Kid?
Yes.

Yes, I am.
That's my cowboy nickname.

A little of me
goes a long way.

Don't worry about it.
She broke up with me.

Oh...

No, I'm so sorry.

Come here.

Well, if it's any consolation,

she was way too good for you.

Huh?
Hush...

Don't think. Chop.