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1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:02,970
MAN:
So, Mika, if I decide
2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,638
I'm not gonna wear socks,
3
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,240
I'm not gonna
wear socks.
4
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:08,542
I love a slow news day.
5
00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:10,411
MIKA: I've got a story
that's actually gonna keep
6
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:12,012
everyone talking:
stunning audio
7
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,547
that appears to reveal
8
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:16,717
First Daughter
Becca Gilchrist is pregnant.
9
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,219
MAN: What?
10
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:19,487
MIKA:
After a recent interview,
11
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,055
the First Lady
and daughter apparently
12
00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:23,491
left their mics on;
take a listen.
13
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,093
BECCA:
What if one time I actually
14
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,827
let loose and made a mistake?
15
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,429
EMILY:
It would be healthy.
16
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:29,930
BECCA:
I'm pregnant.
17
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:31,999
EMILY:
It's okay. You're gonna be okay.
18
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:34,602
EMILY:
Did you see that?
19
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,104
Um, yes, ma'am,
I did see that.
20
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,505
And as the press secretary,
21
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,273
I can tell you I did
not like seeing that.
22
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:40,741
All right, well,
let's just stay calm.
23
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:41,875
Oh, my God!
I know.
24
00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:43,111
Does the
president know?
25
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,612
How could you let us
leave our mics on?
26
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:45,913
Wait, this is my fault?
27
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,348
Oh, aren't you
the big media expert?
28
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,849
I'm not a sound guy!
29
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:49,850
Does the president know?
30
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:50,884
No!
No!
31
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:52,720
(exhales)
32
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:57,391
Dad?
33
00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:04,365
(stopwatch beeps)
34
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:05,733
30.26 seconds, Dad.
35
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,235
Another near personal best.
36
00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:09,370
Remember, keep the
strokes efficient, bud.
37
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,038
Skip, I'm just exercising.
38
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,273
You don't have to time me.
39
00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:13,941
You don't have
to time me...?
40
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:16,076
I'm not calling
you "coach."
Coach.
41
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:17,611
There it is.
I got you to say it.
42
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,213
All right, time
for free swim.
43
00:01:19,247 --> 00:01:21,249
(whistle blows)
44
00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:24,652
Skip,
45
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,387
you've been hanging
around the pool a lot.
46
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,722
Have you given any thought
to finding a job?
47
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:31,091
100%, Dad.
I'm just using the extra time
48
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:33,161
to unwind from the stress
of college.
49
00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:35,463
You were there for seven years.
All you did was unwind.
50
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:38,098
Hey, watch how long
I can hold my breath.
51
00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:40,901
Hey, guys.
52
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,136
Something going on?
53
00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:43,837
I, um...
(phone rings)
54
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:44,838
CNN's got it.
55
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,274
Fox has got it.
56
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,742
Al Jazeera has got it.
57
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,511
I'm pregnant.
58
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:51,612
(gasps for air)
59
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:52,880
Time?
60
00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:55,849
Dad!
61
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:58,286
You said
you'd watch.
62
00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:05,493
* Oh, whoa-oh-oh, whoa.
63
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:20,241
(deep breath)
64
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,043
So...
65
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:25,313
Look, I know this is
a lot to take in
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00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:27,848
at once, everyone.
Becca's not a girl anymore.
67
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:31,151
Sure, it's messy,
but that's life.
68
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:32,720
Life finds a way.
69
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,388
But I, for one,
am excited.
70
00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:37,525
I'm gonna be an uncle...
I'm gonna be an uncle?
71
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:40,127
My sister's having a baby.
I'm not a kid anymore.
72
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,963
Um, you know what, I'm starting
to feel woo... all...
73
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,666
it's... I want
to say light-woozy?
74
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,568
To be fair, this is
partially my fault.
75
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:50,338
I came into this meeting
with very low blood sugar,
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00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:51,405
which was really chancing it.
77
00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:52,906
So, what happened?
78
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,008
Well, um...
79
00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,344
I met a guy...
80
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,178
at a party.
81
00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:00,314
It was one night.
82
00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:01,815
Damn it, Becca.
Do you even know his name?
83
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:02,916
Oh, my God, Dad, yes.
84
00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:04,885
I know his nickname.
85
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,387
He goes by D.B.
86
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:07,921
Um, he said he was
in the Navy.
87
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,657
Which we acknowledge
might've been a lie.
88
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,892
Emily, you want
to let me do this?
89
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:14,328
Yeah, I'm backup.
I'm here if you need me.
90
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:15,829
I can't believe that
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00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:16,997
you got yourself
in this situation.
92
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,432
I mean, what
about your future?
93
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:20,200
What about law school?
94
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:22,536
I don't know...
I'll-I'll defer.
95
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,071
Dad, I... I made a mistake.
96
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,606
That's just it.
97
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,508
You're supposed to be
the responsible one.
98
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,243
Recklessness is what
I expect from...
99
00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:30,578
Jackpot!
100
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,947
I put this here.
101
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,784
And you didn't tell me.
102
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,352
You didn't tell me.
103
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:39,587
Now, it's that much harder
104
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:40,721
to protect you
from every dingus
105
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:41,955
with a press badge.
106
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,891
How many times
have I told you guys?
107
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:46,026
EMILY AND BECCA:
Reporters are the worst people
in the world.
108
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,028
Expiration dates are
there for a reason.
Sir?
109
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,030
They're holding for you
in the Situation Room.
110
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,965
All right.
111
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,601
We'll talk
about this later.
112
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,235
I guess?
113
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:56,670
I'll be right back.
114
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,943
(loud crinkling)
115
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,585
EMILY:
Dale.
116
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:14,322
Casey, can you
give us a minute?
117
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,256
Look, I'm sorry
I didn't tell you.
118
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,392
How could you keep this from me?
I tell you everything.
119
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:19,827
I mean, not the launch codes
120
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,595
and black ops.
121
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:24,231
Okay, fine, there's a ton
of stuff I keep from you.
122
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,599
But not family stuff!
123
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,301
I promised; she trusted me.
124
00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:29,670
You know our relationship
is still a work in progress.
125
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,171
I appreciate the hell
out of that kind
126
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:33,674
of operational security,
but I'm her father!
127
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,643
Well, she wanted to tell you,
but she was afraid!
128
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,945
Of what?!
Of that.
129
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,980
What?!
That!
130
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:44,752
MAN:
Here we have our artist
131
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,987
rendition of Becca Gilchrist
at seven months.
132
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,856
Look at the girth on that.
133
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:52,025
Wow. How'd they get
that picture of you?
134
00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:54,928
You're probably not gonna
want to watch the news today.
135
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,964
Or answer your phone.
Or leave the building.
136
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,198
It might be a good day
for a puzzle.
137
00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:00,167
Is Dad gonna have to say
something?
138
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,269
Given his current state
of mind, I hope not.
139
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,704
But you should probably
prepare a statement.
140
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,939
I can help write it
if you want. You just have
141
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,508
to tell me what happened.
Not that I want to pry.
142
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:08,942
It's just that
logistically speaking...
143
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:09,977
I'll write the statement,
Marshall.
144
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,545
All right. I've cleared
my schedule
145
00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:13,814
so that I can get
Xander and Marigold from school.
146
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,115
'Cause I don't want them
to hear this from a classmate.
147
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,550
(sighing):
Oh, the kids.
148
00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:18,285
Emily, it is
really important to me
149
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,187
that I'm the one
to tell them, okay?
150
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,188
Okay.
I screwed up
telling
151
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,623
everybody else. I just...
152
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,392
I really need them
to hear this from me.
153
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,493
I promise.
154
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:27,561
You'll be the one to tell them.
155
00:05:27,595 --> 00:05:28,729
Think about
that statement.
156
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:31,031
Marshall! Bye!
157
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:31,999
(phone chimes)
158
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:33,667
Ugh!
159
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:35,969
How'd they get that picture?
160
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,505
Sis, you need to relax,
161
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,206
get your mind off things.
(phone chimes)
162
00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:41,809
I really think you should come
with me to the pool.
163
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,044
I can't. I have to write a
sober, thoughtful statement
164
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,914
about the one time
I tried a Jell-O shot
and its consequences.
165
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,816
You know what you need to do?
You need to put your phone away.
166
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:49,817
I used to love
167
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,218
my Google alerts.
It was like...
168
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:53,020
Okay, Becca, look at me.
169
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,354
(quietly):
Close your eyes.
170
00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,656
That's it.
171
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,857
Now breathe.
172
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:57,891
(phone chimes)
173
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:01,395
Skip!
(phone chimes)
174
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:02,830
Marshall said not to check
your phone anyway!
175
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,498
(phone chimes)
Skip, give that to me!
176
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,366
Look, I know this is annoying
and although it seems
177
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,736
like I'm making this up
on the fly, which I am,
178
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:11,772
there's a method to my madness!
Skip!
179
00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:16,944
Becca, do you realize that
you're mostly made of water?
180
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,779
Come home.
181
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,213
Give it to me.
182
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,215
Come and get it.
183
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:24,217
(phone chimes)
184
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:25,619
(gasping):
Skip.
185
00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:27,120
Get my phone!
186
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,689
Why? I threw it in the pool.
187
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,090
It's not a phone anymore.
188
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:30,824
(frustrated grunt)
189
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,969
(gasps)
190
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,037
(groans)
Marco!
191
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:47,641
...and having boots on
the ground has paid dividends.
192
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:50,944
It's the only reason we've been
able to confirm that this cell
193
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:54,247
is actively pursuing targets
within the country.
194
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:57,217
This is the first
I'm hearing of it.
195
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,487
Uh, yes, sir. We, uh...
196
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,955
What else aren't you telling me?
Sir?
197
00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:04,458
Are you guys afraid
to tell me stuff?
198
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,927
Is that it?
Oh...
199
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,962
Well, sir, we only bring it
to your attention
200
00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:11,164
when we feel like the
information is good and baked.
201
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,299
But then it's too late!
202
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:13,801
Then everybody knows but me.
203
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,836
And all of a sudden
I'm caught off guard
204
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:19,406
by some rogue force waltzing in
and defiling her... us...
205
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,642
the country.
206
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,811
(generals muttering)
207
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,846
You guys have kids, right?
Mm-hmm.
208
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,347
Two.
209
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,416
(sighs)
210
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,418
EMILY:
Sorry to be
the best stepmom ever
211
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,320
and make you guys miss school.
212
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:36,524
Some giant political thing
must be happening, huh?
No.
213
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,926
MAN:
And hope you're having
a smooth afternoon.
214
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,294
Wild news coming out
of the White House, MSN...
215
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:43,296
MAN 2:
La hija del
Presidente Gilchrist
216
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,165
está teniendo un bebé...
Hush! Stop it!
217
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,767
(chuckles)
218
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,970
Everything's fine.
XANDER: Emily,
the fact that
219
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,673
you're not telling us what's
going on means that it's big.
220
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:55,175
The fact that you're absconding
with us without alerting
221
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,678
our classmates means you don't
want to incite panic.
222
00:07:57,711 --> 00:08:00,548
Therefore, I believe that a
meteor is headed towards Earth.
223
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:01,682
No.
No.
224
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:05,018
It's not, if but when, Marigold.
225
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:06,654
So if it's not
a political thing,
226
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:07,955
is it, like,
a family thing?
227
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:08,989
Don't worry about it.
228
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,457
So it is a family thing.
Okay,
229
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,793
no more guessing.
Family thing that's
230
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,494
big enough to take us
out of school...
231
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:16,697
Look at these trees, you guys.
They're so green.
232
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:19,132
Did you look? Look. Look
at the outside window.
Oh!
233
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,668
Maybe somebody's visiting.
234
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,036
Mm. No, that's not big enough.
235
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:26,540
Unless it's a family member
we've never met before.
236
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:28,576
How could we not have met them?
That doesn't make sense.
237
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:32,445
Oh! I got it.
Maybe somebody's...
We are going on vacation!
238
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,816
Really?
It's not a meteor?
239
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,851
We wanted to surprise you,
but you guys
240
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:39,486
are so smart, you got me.
241
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,822
We're going on
a surprise vacation!
242
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,691
XANDER and MARIGOLD:
Whoo! Yeah!
243
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,425
XANDER and MARIGOLD (chanting):
Vacation, vacation...
244
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,995
Vacation, vacation...
Oh, don't get too excited.
245
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,932
Vacation, vacation, vacation...
I wouldn't want you to end up
horribly disappointed.
246
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,505
WOMAN:
Is the President disappointed?
MAN: Who's the father?
247
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,273
Guys, guys, guys.
248
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,776
This is a private family matter.
249
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,177
EMILY:
Come on. Go to your rooms.
250
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,746
I told you
we're going on a trip.
251
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:08,015
Time to go...
pack for that trip.
252
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,783
Yikes!
253
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:12,519
Okay.
254
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:16,123
(sighs)
Come on, Becca.
Answer your phone.
255
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,460
(sighs)
It's so warm in here.
256
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:23,363
I know. I like to keep it
at 90 degrees.
257
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,965
It's soothing.
Like a broth.
258
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,199
EMILY:
Come on.
259
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,301
Pick up.
Wait. Where are we going?
260
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,638
XANDER:
Do we pack for hot weather
or cold weather?
Both!
261
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,940
Whatever! I've already said
way too much. Get in your rooms
262
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,642
and pack.
You are the best stepmom ever.
263
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,476
Oh... I am not.
264
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,045
Okay, go, go, go, go.
265
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,579
DALE:
Why would she not
266
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:41,815
feel safe to open up to me?
267
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:44,117
I'm her father. I love her.
268
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:46,253
What am I missing here?
269
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:52,259
Uh, well, sir,
when you get bad news,
270
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:55,162
your personality can be, uh...
271
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,598
...not good.
272
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:00,768
I don't take bad news well?
It's...
273
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:03,837
kind of a "shoot
the messenger" situation, sir.
274
00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:05,438
Well, who does
275
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:09,442
takes bad news well? And
what is the proper etiquette?
276
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,779
Should I cheer and blow bubbles?
277
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,313
No, no. No one's
saying that, sir.
278
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,182
Not at all, sir.
This is
279
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,651
the most ridiculous assessment
you guys have ever made,
280
00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:21,154
and I'm including
your approval of the XR-67.
281
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:22,422
I'm sorry, sir.
282
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,824
I... I thought it would be cool
283
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:25,158
if it was amphibious.
284
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:27,294
I remember getting
that bad news.
285
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,462
And what did I say then?
286
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,598
You said to get my head
out of my ass.
And what happened?
287
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:32,833
I got my head
out of my ass, sir.
288
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,001
That's called leadership.
289
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:36,369
Yes, sir, but...
(sighs)
290
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:40,373
it never works that way
with your family.
291
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:45,178
Iced tea?
292
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,147
Lemonade? Arnold Palmer?
293
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,782
I'm good.
All right,
suit yourself.
294
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:50,684
You know, I was thinking
295
00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:52,720
now that Dad's gonna
be mad at me forever,
296
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,522
probably gonna lighten up on the
whole you getting a job thing.
297
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:57,791
Dad just doesn't understand
my whole approach.
298
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,894
When you're looking for a
career, you don't find a job;
299
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:03,330
a job finds you.
That's the secret.
300
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,698
That's not the secret.
That's the se...
301
00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:06,734
No, I read the book;
that's the secret.
302
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:09,837
Heh, well, what do I know?
303
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:12,172
Hey, uh, Bec, can I
ask you a question?
304
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:13,340
Mm-hmm.
How did
the wh...
305
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,342
whole with the, um...
306
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:17,244
(whistles) how
did that happen?
307
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:20,580
Well, uh, I was dating...
308
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:23,550
someone, and...
we broke up.
309
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:25,585
I was really hurt.
My friends, they were,
310
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,587
like, "Oh, you should just
have a meaningless fling
311
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:30,357
to get over it," which is
not something that I do ever.
312
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,026
No. Me, either.
I never... Go on.
313
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:37,164
They point out this guy
who's nice and definitely hot.
314
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,598
Drinks were involved.
315
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:42,402
Precautions were not taken,
and... here I am,
316
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,504
floating for two.
317
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,607
You remember how good I
was at babysitting you?
318
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,109
Well, I'm available 24/7.
319
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,879
Unless NASA calls, which
they almost certainly won't.
320
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,113
They could.
They could call.
321
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:55,048
EMILY:
Oh, Becca! There you are.
322
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:57,184
Great! Hi. Hi, Skip.
323
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,086
Becca, can you come talk
to Marigold and Xander?
324
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:00,520
I didn't tell
them anything,
325
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,689
but I really need you
to come right now.
326
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,457
Come right now!
SKIP:
Uh, Momily,
327
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:05,725
this sounds like
a "land problem."
328
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:07,027
We don't have those problems
329
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,229
here in the Skipcif...
in the PaSkip...
330
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:10,964
here in the
Skiplantic Ocean.
331
00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,532
BECCA:
Yeah, I'm sorry.
It's just
332
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,701
I'm not insanely stressed
out for the first time
333
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,469
in... forever,
and I just...
334
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,405
could you maybe keep
a lid on things
335
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,440
with the kids just
a little while longer?
336
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,475
Well, here's the thing:
everything is still...
337
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,044
(clicks tongue)
but it wasn't easy,
338
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,478
'cause those kids
are frickin' smart.
339
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:27,114
So it actually would
be best if you...
340
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:28,548
BECCA:
Oh, my God,
Emily, I am
341
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,383
in a really good
head space right now.
342
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,385
Can't you please
just give me this?
343
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:33,553
Yes, I can.
344
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,322
You know, as a father,
345
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,825
sometimes the best weapon
in your arsenal
346
00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,492
is the hug.
347
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:41,628
A hug as a weapon?
I like it.
348
00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:43,496
Yeah.
I try to talk
349
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:46,900
to my son, but he says,
"You don't know me."
350
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:48,969
Well, I'm, like,
"Well, let me know you.
351
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,403
Let me in," you know?
352
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,972
I know where
you're coming from.
Yeah.
353
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,306
I can't get
through to mine.
354
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:54,607
It's like I'm
talking to aliens.
355
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,576
What was that book
you were talking about it?
356
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:59,112
It breaks anger down
into four parts:
357
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:00,747
the physical,
the behavioral...
358
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,082
Personally, I think
the Buddhists
359
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,917
have a lot
to teach us.
360
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:07,520
You know, there's actually a
great daddy blog that I go to...
361
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,489
DALE:
You know what I think it is?
362
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,359
Becca had these
amazing plans for herself.
363
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,995
We had such high expectations.
364
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,830
She was always...
365
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:17,931
Perfect?
366
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:20,500
Yeah.
Maybe that's why
367
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,635
she was afraid
to tell you.
368
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:23,603
(others murmur in agreement)
369
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,073
Mm-hmm.
Mm.
370
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:31,011
Thanks, guys.
371
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:31,879
Uh, sir?
372
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,182
Congratulations
on your first grandchild.
373
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,418
Thank you.
374
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:43,490
Oh, and that terror cell,
that's confirmed?
375
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,325
Yes, sir, 100%.
376
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:46,626
Take 'em out.
377
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,562
And really good talk.
378
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,531
(chuckling)
379
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:56,836
Do you think
I'm stupid?
380
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,505
Nope. No.
381
00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:00,740
We're not going on
vacation, are we?
382
00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:02,375
Okay.
383
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:05,412
Listen...
I know what's
really happening.
384
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:06,646
You're pregnant, aren't you?
385
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,315
M...
386
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,582
I...
387
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:13,653
I knew it! I knew it!
I knew it!
388
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:14,721
I knew it!
Shh...
389
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,556
I don't want
Xander to know.
390
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:18,358
Let's just let him think
he's still going on vacation.
391
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:21,661
'Cause the actual truth is
really gonna mess with his mind.
392
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,163
(whispers): You got it.
I'll keep packing.
393
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,432
(quietly):
Out of the pool, Becca!
394
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:26,866
(door closes)
395
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,668
XANDER:
Do you think
I'm stupid?
396
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,837
(quietly):
Oh, God.
397
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,906
We're not going on
vacation, are we?
398
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,341
Nope.
399
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,709
There is a meteor
headed towards Earth.
400
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:39,779
Yes, there is.
401
00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:41,414
I knew it!
402
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:44,351
Has the military been alerted?
Yes, and they have
403
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,186
informed me there's
a hundred percent chance
404
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,388
of it being shot down.
I'm sure their
projections
405
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:51,358
are wildly optimistic.
Hello, Vietnam.
406
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,793
Mm.
Which is why we're headed
for a shelter, right?
407
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,462
'Kay, Xander...
I won't tell
Marigold.
408
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:56,796
She's not as strong as me.
409
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:57,764
Let her have this
410
00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:58,765
"vacation"
411
00:14:58,798 --> 00:14:59,866
a little while longer.
412
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,135
(quiet squeal)
413
00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:03,971
*
414
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,438
(quietly):
Oh, where is she?!
415
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:07,440
SKIP:
You know, a lot of people think
416
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:10,043
that the key to s'mores
is the chocolate,
417
00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:11,711
but it's really
the marshmallow...
418
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,047
and the graham crackers...
and the chocolate.
419
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,316
Why aren't we just using
our own kitchen?
420
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:19,752
'Cause I'm taking you
to the beating heart of
the kitchen system, Bec!
421
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,788
The microwave in there
is crazy powerful.
422
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:23,890
One time I set it
for four hours
423
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,792
instead of four minutes,
and it totally
424
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:26,994
ruined those jeans.
425
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,795
REPORTERS:
Becca! Oh, Becca! Becca!
426
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,130
(reporters clamoring)
427
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:32,966
This is not the kitchen.
Who's the father?
428
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,569
Hey, guys,
429
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,271
(reporters quiet)
guys...
430
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:40,107
ma'am, please,
431
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,741
leave my sister alone, okay?
432
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,410
If you got write
something about
433
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,512
the "crazy White House family,"
I'll take the bullet.
434
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,580
Write the article about me.
I did, last week.
435
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,283
Oh, can you send me
a link to that?
You got it, Skip.
436
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,152
Thanks, Evan.
Look, the point is,
437
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:53,753
there's nothing to see here.
438
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:56,089
This is not some
salacious story.
439
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:58,825
My sister just broke up
with a guy.
440
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:01,494
Her friends told her to,
you know, blow off some steam,
441
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:04,131
have a one-night stand,
so she did.
442
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:05,865
Who among us...?
Am I right?
443
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:07,434
Just with a stranger?
Look,
444
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,969
look, she doesn't
even know the guy's name,
445
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:11,338
so don't bother asking!
446
00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:12,972
(all stop talking)
447
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,774
I think we're done here.
448
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,144
(reporters clamoring)
449
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,379
Whoa, that was crazy
in there.
450
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,148
Where do we stand
on s'mores?
451
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:22,782
'Cause it's kind of
getting close to dinner.
452
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:23,816
Do we just wait?
453
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,560
SKIP (on TV):
Look, she doesn't even
know the guy's name,
454
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,328
so don't bother asking!
455
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:37,530
MAN: And we will have continuing
coverage as this story
456
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:40,033
gets more insane by the moment.
457
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,234
Wow.
458
00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:42,669
I'm so sorry about this, Becca.
459
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,904
But do you know
what the bright side is?
460
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:46,539
What?
No, I'm legitimately asking,
461
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,375
'cause this seems
like a disaster.
462
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:49,376
Aw, Skip,
463
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:51,078
why did I listen to you?
464
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,912
I should've been
preparing a statement,
465
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:56,015
but you tricked me into
relaxing like a lunatic!
466
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:58,318
EMILY:
Everything's cool.
Wh-Where are the kids?
467
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,087
A lot of stuff went down.
They're both carrying suitcases
468
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,089
that they know they don't need
to convince the other one
469
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,590
we're going on a vacation
that we're not going on
470
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,058
to protect each other
from the truth,
471
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:06,326
even though what they think
is the truth
472
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,361
is actually a lie,
respectively.
473
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,897
What?
A lot of stuff went down.
474
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,432
Hi, guys.
475
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,667
Well, why does she think
we're going on vacation?
476
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,436
Oh, I know the truth.
477
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,338
This is for the baby.
478
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,839
What?! You told her?
Yes, I told her
479
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,241
that I'm having a baby.
480
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,375
You, too?
What?
481
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:24,211
Stuff went down, man!
482
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:25,778
Sorry. I packed a lot because...
483
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,547
who knows how long
we'll be down there?
484
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:28,781
At the resort.
485
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,517
Why is he going
on vacation?
486
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,918
He's not.
487
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:34,387
Xander, Emily's
gonna have a baby.
488
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:35,922
Is there enough room
in the shelter?
489
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,224
There's no meteor, Xander.
490
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:38,691
Aw, come on!
491
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:39,692
What did you tell them?
492
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,094
A pack of lies, so that you
493
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,462
would trust me,
and it worked.
494
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,264
See how confused
they are?
SKIP: Yeah.
495
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,966
I have no idea
what's going on.
So please,
496
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:48,368
(whispers):
tell them.
497
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,036
MARIGOLD:
Tell us what?
498
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,139
What's going on?
499
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,874
(exhales)
Well...
500
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,444
I'm gonna have
a baby, you guys.
501
00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:59,579
What?!
502
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:02,649
Oh, wait.
I knew that.
503
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:04,417
Whoa.
Whoa.
504
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:14,594
EMILY: I earned
your trust.
505
00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,129
(toy squeaks)
506
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:18,598
I also contributed
to this moment.
507
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,602
Well...
508
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,771
I'm... glad
that you're all here.
509
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,105
NEWSMAN:
Once again,
510
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:28,007
our top story:
the first daughter...
511
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,008
I wanted to say...
512
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:30,277
...and a prominent blogger
513
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:31,811
has headlined his take--
514
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,446
these are his words, not mine--
515
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:34,981
"First Slut."
516
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:37,484
He writes: "Who did
the First Daughter do,
517
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:40,420
and when did she do him?"
518
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,289
Yikes. Coverage of this story
getting uglier
519
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,090
and uglier.
Understand, now,
520
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,625
I'm not saying this;
I'm reporting
521
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,227
on someone else saying this.
522
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,198
Sir, it might be
a bad idea
523
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,032
to go in front
of the press right now.
524
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,667
You don't like them
on a good day,
525
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,269
and this is
not a good day.
526
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,104
Sir, I just want to point out
527
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,307
that you are still walking
towards the Briefing Room.
528
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:03,042
Um... sir...
529
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:05,478
I'm gay.
530
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:07,680
I accept you.
Okay, I'm not gay,
531
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:09,316
but please don't
go in there.
532
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,651
Sir, you know
you have a temper.
533
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:14,053
(reporters clamoring)
534
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,525
I'll do the talking here.
535
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:21,328
DALE:
There's nothing I'd love more
than to come in here
536
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:23,330
and yell at you guys...
537
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:25,732
but we have a free press, so...
538
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:27,867
you do your job,
I'll do mine...
539
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,569
Dad's looking good.
Very presidential.
540
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:30,570
Shh!
541
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:31,804
DALE: Well...
Shh.
542
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:34,140
one of my jobs is...
543
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:37,644
being a father, and today
544
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:40,046
I failed at that job.
545
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:42,649
So I'm gonna say something
I should have said this morning.
546
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,985
My daughter is
one of the sweetest,
547
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:49,055
smartest, strongest people
that I know,
548
00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:52,191
and she is gonna make
a great mom.
549
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:54,060
And I'll be with her
550
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:57,029
every step of the way.
551
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:02,068
Oh, and, uh, we took out
a terrorist cell today.
552
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,271
Bad dudes.
We left nothing but rubble.
553
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:05,838
Marshall has the details.
554
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,940
(reporters clamoring)
555
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:13,946
You okay?
556
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,181
Yeah.
557
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,216
I'm sorry about
what Skip did.
558
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:19,686
Oh, it's okay.
You know,
559
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:23,055
hanging out with him in the pool
actually got me through today.
560
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:24,557
Really?
561
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:27,126
Sometimes Skip knows
exactly what to do.
562
00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:30,763
And other times
he'll eat a hot dog
out of the pool filter.
563
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:33,633
(chuckles) You take
the good with the bad.
564
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,602
(laughs)
565
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,742
SKIP:
...guys, guys, ma'am...
566
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,377
leave my sister alone, okay?
567
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,078
Skip.
568
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:47,447
Hi, Dad.
569
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,781
Just watching my clip.
570
00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,249
Aside from the content,
571
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,952
I think I gave off
kind of a bad-boy charm.
572
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,454
(laughs):
Yeah.
573
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,122
Just, uh...
574
00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:58,157
no more briefings, okay?
Lot of people
575
00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,592
have been telling me that.
576
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,661
Lot of people.
577
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:02,729
Sorry I screwed up, Dad.
578
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,597
No. Look...
579
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,265
your instincts
were right.
580
00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:08,234
You were protecting your
sister, and other than
581
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:11,838
the horrific way in which you
acted upon those instincts...
582
00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:13,740
you did good.
583
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,174
Thanks, Dad.
584
00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:17,744
Oh, and by the way,
what were you and Becca
585
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,679
doing all day
in the pool?
The usual.
586
00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:21,948
Marco Polo, noodle races,
587
00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:24,617
and then we were
gonna make some...
588
00:21:24,651 --> 00:21:27,854
Oh. Oh, no.
41757
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