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1
00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:06,474
This is a day of destiny.
2
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:09,177
The day we stand up
against our tormenters.
3
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:10,578
They think they're so cool
4
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:13,481
because of the cool things
they do and say.
5
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:17,151
And their hair.
But we've taken enough
harassment from these guys.
6
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:18,552
Their hair looks
so effortless.
7
00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:20,321
They trashed our house,
8
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,056
mocked us all over campus...
9
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:24,192
One of them stole
Mike's girlfriend.
10
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:26,527
I still love her.
Mike still loves her.
11
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:30,364
But now... we exact our revenge.
12
00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,267
Wait. What are we doing,
exactly?
13
00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:37,071
Step 1: we set off the fireworks
display on their lawn.
14
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:40,274
Step 2: it scares
the crap out of them.
15
00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:42,210
This is such a good plan.
16
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:47,681
Gather water!
17
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:49,950
The prank has gone wrong!
18
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,252
Is everybody out?
19
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,921
This is a serious situation!
20
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:55,256
They got Doug!
21
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,024
Stop chasing me!
22
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,427
Fire is our common enemy
right now!
23
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:01,595
(grunts)
24
00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:05,466
Oh, hey, guys.
25
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:06,934
College, am I right?
26
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,369
What a crazy time in our lives.
27
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,338
Meatball is in the oven.
28
00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:13,574
SKIP:
He said my code name!
29
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,217
Early this morning,
the President received word
30
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,485
of an incident
on the college campus
31
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:26,720
of his oldest son Standrich,
32
00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,289
known by all of us,
affectionately, as Skip.
33
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:29,590
Has Skip received
any kind
34
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,292
of preferential treatment
in this matter?
35
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:33,427
He has not nor will not receive
any special treatment
36
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,062
because his father's
the President.
37
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,497
In fact, most people meet Skip
38
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,065
and forget that his father's
the President.
39
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,501
(laughter)
You all have a good day.
40
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,102
WOMAN:
Kids, let's hear it
41
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:43,971
for First Lady
Emily Nash Gilchrist.
42
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:47,074
I'm so proud of all you girls.
43
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,143
And I know if my stepdaughter
Becca were here...
44
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:51,479
...she would say the same thing.
45
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:54,515
So... do any of you girls
have any questions?
46
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:57,451
Yes.
What does it mean when my dad
says you're a trophy wife?
47
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:03,424
Well, do you have
any trophies?
48
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,159
Yeah. For winning in soccer.
49
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:07,528
And I'm sure you're very proud
of that soccer trophy.
50
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:09,163
Because trophies
aren't just pretty.
51
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:11,031
They denote accomplishment.
52
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,366
Like putting yourself
through law school,
53
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,001
running a dozen successful
political campaigns
54
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:15,203
by the age of 40,
55
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:17,004
and still managing to get to
the gym three days a week--
56
00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:18,005
and I mean real classes,
57
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:19,340
not just standing there
on the elliptical.
58
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:21,509
So if your dad has any
further thoughts on trophies,
59
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,177
wives or otherwise,
60
00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:25,012
I think you should show him
your soccer trophy
61
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,214
and tell him to shove...
62
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:28,549
Oh, no! We are so out of time.
63
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,150
Let's multiply.
64
00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:31,485
Yay!
65
00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:34,054
SAVANNAH:
So, no Becca.
66
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,056
Hopefully she'll have time
for our interview later.
67
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:38,025
Of course. Though we may
have to pull her away
68
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:39,493
from volunteering
at the soup kitchen
69
00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:43,030
or teaching Japanese to
little Japanese children.
70
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,632
Where's Becca?
(sighs)
71
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,166
20 on Miss Perfect?
72
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,735
(sighs)
73
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,203
Ew.
74
00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:50,404
Okay...
75
00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:51,639
Is it plus?
76
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,542
It's plus. Bad brand.
77
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:57,245
This is the first time you don't
want to ace a test. Come on!
78
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,219
Perfect.
79
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,587
And finally, Mr. President,
80
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,223
we're implementing
your insurance reforms.
81
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:11,659
Good job, everybody.
82
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,727
Now we just gotta keep
our eye on the ball.
83
00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:16,330
Two dozen Latin American
leaders arrive today,
84
00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:19,867
and they are not leaving until
they approve my trade deal.
85
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:24,338
If you'll excuse me,
86
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:27,441
I have to go talk some sense
into my son.
87
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,411
Hey.
88
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:32,246
So how was the event
with Becca?
89
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,415
She bailed on me.
I'm not sure why,
90
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,116
but I'm guessing it's because
I'm still the evil stepmom.
91
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,585
But don't worry.
I'm gonna win her over.
92
00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:39,787
She's gonna love me
whether she likes it or not.
93
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,122
That's the spirit.
I think.
94
00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:43,424
MARSHALL:
Sir.
Whoa.
95
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:44,758
After the Latin American
leaders arrive,
96
00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,294
you have that
"friendly" game of tennis
97
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:47,528
with the Brazilian
president.
98
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,796
Where I let him win.
I got it.
99
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,230
And the First Lady
arranged for Skip
100
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,565
to record a fire
safety video.
101
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:55,303
Yeah, I figured he could
be like... a role model.
102
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:59,206
SKIP (imitating President):
Son, I'm disappointed in you
about this fire.
103
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,742
But deep down inside,
I know that you are awesome.
104
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:05,145
That is why I have appointed you
Chief Astronaut.
105
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:06,780
(as himself):
No, Dad, I can't accept it.
106
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,148
(as President):
You must.
107
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,784
For this nation!
108
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,453
And for these ladies.
109
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,322
Where did you guys come from?
110
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,223
Hi, I'm Skip.
111
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,827
Tell me, have you
always been Asian?
112
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,163
Why the pregnant pause?
113
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,432
Come here, sister!
114
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,900
I am in so much trouble!
115
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,802
Yeah.
116
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,604
So much history here, right?
117
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,806
Roosevelt, Superman...
118
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,275
Skip...
119
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,845
let me ask you something.
120
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,480
You've had to, um...
121
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:41,415
you know, deliver
a lot of rough news
122
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:42,816
to Dad over the years, right?
123
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:45,252
Tons of times.
I'm kind of an expert at it.
124
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,287
Do you have some kind of
special technique, or...
125
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:48,689
Let's role-play.
126
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,758
I've been work-shopping a pretty
killer impression of Dad.
127
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,660
That's not really
what I had in mind.
Okay.
128
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,828
(as President):
Becca...
129
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:59,166
you are an amazing,
brilliant human being.
130
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:00,868
Skip is right to be suspicious.
131
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,503
You are my favorite.
132
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:05,172
Well, Dad, I really need...
why am I indulging this?
133
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,807
You sound nothing like Dad.
134
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:10,177
(door opens)
PRESIDENT:
Skip, don't sit in my chair.
135
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,512
That's actually not that bad.
136
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:13,180
Maybe try it a little gruffer,
137
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:14,948
like you're an angry cowboy...
138
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,517
Dad!
139
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:24,358
Momily...
140
00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:25,793
Aw, Skip.
141
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,294
Nothing fazes you.
142
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,662
Not even the things
that should.
143
00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:30,197
I'm unflappable.
144
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,265
All right, Skip, can you
sit down for a second?
145
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,871
Skip, I think it's time
146
00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:39,673
for you to come home
from school.
147
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,742
Seven years of college
is plenty.
148
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:43,711
I'm three credits shy
of graduating.
149
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:44,812
You said that last year.
150
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,480
Doesn't make it less true.
151
00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:47,848
Mrs. Gilchrist,
Xander and Marigold's school
152
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,349
is on the line.
153
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:50,551
Hello?
154
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,386
Yes, Ms. Esslinger.
155
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:53,854
What seems to
be the prob...
156
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,389
Uh-huh. Yes.
157
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:57,791
She's right here.
158
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,694
BECCA:
Sorry about that...
159
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,229
Yes, we will
talk to them.
160
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:05,232
Thank you.
161
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:07,735
Xander and Marigold were sent
home from school for fighting.
162
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:10,270
They have an armed escort.
Who are they fighting?
163
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:11,839
BOY:
Becca!
164
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,341
Marigold, you've betrayed me
for the last time!
165
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,576
Don't be so dramatic.
166
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,411
I'm going to betray you
lots more times.
167
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:18,679
Knuckle noogie!
168
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,415
Dad, make her stop!
PRESIDENT:
Enough.
169
00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:22,883
Couch. Now.
170
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:25,285
(whispering):
You seriously hurt me.
171
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,587
I am shocked.
172
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:29,256
Do you two want to get
kicked out of school?
173
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,792
We'd be better off.
It's a fascist institution.
174
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,393
What's going on
with you guys?
175
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:34,428
I don't want
to talk about it.
176
00:06:34,462 --> 00:06:35,963
Fine. Then go to your rooms.
177
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:38,298
And Skip, can you
head upstairs?
178
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:39,633
Emily and I have
a little project for you.
179
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,435
(whispering):
I love projects.
180
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:43,871
I'll talk to Xander
and Marigold.
181
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,272
See if I can break
through to them.
182
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:46,273
(scoffs)
183
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:47,575
Becca, don't scoff.
184
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:49,610
It's not called
the Oval Scoffice.
185
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,812
Oh, God. Do better, Emily.
186
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,948
PRESIDENT:
Come on...
187
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,817
Isn't it nice to have everybody
under one roof again?
188
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,619
I miss it.
189
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:01,388
I wish that we could go out
for pizza like the old days.
190
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,956
With Mom?
191
00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:05,559
Dad, um...
192
00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:06,960
can we talk?
193
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,896
Sir, the Latin Americans
are gathering outside.
194
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,465
You only have a few minutes
before De Soto arrives.
195
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,000
Sorry, Becca, today is...
196
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,768
well, actually it's just
about like every other day.
197
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,303
Can it wait?
198
00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:17,938
Yeah.
199
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,575
(sighs)
200
00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:23,477
I know this jacket
makes me look skinny,
201
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,979
but it makes me feel fat.
202
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,681
All you have to do
is read, Skip.
203
00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:30,317
No. I want to do
so much more.
204
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,820
I'm going to make my dad proud,
Marshall Mathers.
205
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:36,524
I'm going to make love
to that audience.
206
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,759
No, not in like a dirty way.
207
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:42,663
I mean like in a romantic
comedy from the '80s,
208
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:45,499
when somebody's like,
"Hey, I want to marry you,"
209
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:47,434
and the other person's
like, "No."
210
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,503
And then they're like,
"I'm gonna get on that plane,"
211
00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:52,005
and the other person's like,
"You can't get on that plane.
212
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,941
"Oh, wait. You can.
213
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:57,444
Security hasn't taken
precautions post-9/11 yet."
214
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,679
Skip. Skip...
It feels like...
215
00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:01,048
It's just 30 seconds of text.
216
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,084
I just... I don't
like your tone.
217
00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,688
Mr. President, many of us would
support your trade agreement,
218
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:08,822
but we are under
terrific pressure
219
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:10,891
from Brazil to vote against you.
220
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,561
Yeah, De Soto has
a little ax to grind.
221
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,596
Ever since that G20 incident.
222
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:22,369
America wins!
(gasping for air)
223
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:25,038
Ah, (bleep).
224
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:28,375
It was regrettable,
and, uh...
225
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:29,810
Skip, please.
226
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,679
You can do this.
227
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,481
It's just, I've said the word
"fire" so many times,
228
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,384
it just sounds
so weird to me now.
229
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:41,922
Fahyer. Fower? Fahherrr...
Okay. Okay.
230
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,523
Okay, okay, okay.
231
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,392
How about this?
Let's just pretend
232
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,727
like the camera's not even here.
233
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,730
See, Marshall,
now that's helpful.
234
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,900
Hi. I'm Skip Gilchrist,
235
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:55,035
You may know me from such things
as the White House...
236
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,403
Skip. Skip!
What?
237
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,905
You have to look at the camera.
238
00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,406
You said pretend
it's not there.
239
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:00,741
Know it's there,
240
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,676
but pretend like it's not there.
241
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,912
There... not there.
242
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:07,080
Marshall, you sound
like a crazy person.
243
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,683
I'm sorry that De Soto
has made it personal,
244
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:12,586
but this deal is good
for all of us.
245
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:18,759
Hmm.
246
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,427
...let's fight fire
247
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,696
with fire safety.
248
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,632
I think we got it!
249
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:27,434
Oh, no.
Oh, no!
250
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:30,203
President De Soto,
welcome to the United States.
251
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,106
I just hope to avoid
bodily injury.
252
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:34,808
We'll keep you
out of harm's way.
253
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,590
Maybe try a little bit harder?
254
00:09:51,659 --> 00:09:53,861
SKIP:
I'm so sorry!
255
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:01,468
Guys, guys. As I said, Skip is
deeply sorry about the fire.
256
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,236
(reporters shouting)
Both fires.
257
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,939
Can we please move on
to literally any other topic?
258
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:09,476
I really doubt it.
You know what else is on fire?
259
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:10,978
The American auto industry.
260
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:12,145
Anything?
261
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:14,147
OK, first of all,
I'm crazy sorry.
262
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,816
The frat house fire,
real boner move.
263
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,484
We talked about
that earlier.
264
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:19,486
But this second fire,
it's a freak thing.
265
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,188
If anything, it's because
I was trying too hard
266
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,490
to do what you asked.
I'm not blaming you, but...
267
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,625
Skip. Do you know why I decided
to you should move back here?
268
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,160
So that I could
be surrounded
269
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:29,596
by people who can
keep an eye on me?
Absolutely.
270
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,966
But also, this can be
a new phase in your life.
271
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,969
A chance for you to become
a doer of things,
272
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,706
rather than a man to
whom things are done.
273
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:41,675
To be the lion,
and not the gazelle.
274
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,143
To be a man...
275
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:45,045
a man, Skip.
276
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:47,014
Oh, my God.
I love you so much.
277
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,215
Okay.
278
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,984
You and I are different.
279
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:53,186
In a lot of ways,
you're more like your mother.
280
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:54,988
She had a spark, you know?
281
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:57,958
A way with people I never had,
and you have that, too.
282
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,693
I have a spark.
283
00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:01,795
All I ask is
that you use
284
00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:05,733
that spark for something other
than setting things on fire.
285
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:11,171
Sir? You good
with the game plan?
286
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,974
De Soto's champ because
I whipped him on his turf,
287
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,844
so now I let him whip me
on mine-- hatchet buried.
288
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,712
Though I'd rather send
him home with a racket
289
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,814
down his Panama
Canal-- Enrique!
290
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,549
I'm about to do to you
what China did
291
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:23,717
to your manufacturing sector.
292
00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:25,618
Ha-ha.
(yells)
293
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:32,726
(grunts)
294
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:36,163
You got lucky
on that one, Enrique.
295
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,164
Luck is for Americans.
296
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,165
I'm gonna treat you like
297
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:41,034
you treated
your indigenous peoples.
298
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:41,935
(grunts)
299
00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:42,903
(crowd groans)
300
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,038
SKIP:
No, Dad.
301
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,707
Aah!
Come on!
302
00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:52,279
He needs...
303
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,848
a spark.
304
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:57,250
May... hey, may I have
your attention, please?
305
00:11:57,284 --> 00:12:01,188
Thank you. My dad didn't
fight his way across Iraq
306
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:05,692
in the Desert Storm operations
to lose a battle on our soil.
307
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,762
Dale won't fail;
I just need
308
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,864
one other person to not make
this not feel so awkward.
309
00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:12,199
That's perfect.
You'll be great.
310
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,935
Dale won't fail.
Dale won't fail.
311
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:17,104
ALL (chanting):
Dale won't fail.
SKIP: Feel it!
312
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,772
Dale won't fail.
313
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:21,809
Dad, I'm using my spark!
314
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,611
Based on
our conversation.
315
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:26,980
Be the lion,
not the Gisele.
316
00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:29,616
It's your serve, Gisele.
Dale won't fail.
317
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:32,085
Dale won't fail.
Dale won't fail.
(laughs)
318
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:35,322
U.S.A.--
let's switch it up.
319
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:38,792
U.S.A.-- yeah, more pride.
CROWD:
U.S.A. U.S.A.
320
00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:40,327
That's it!
321
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,963
U.S.A. U.S.A.!
Now, let me feel it.
322
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,297
U.S.A.
Back row.
323
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:47,935
U.S.A. U.S.A.
324
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:49,837
U.S.A.
325
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,405
U.S.A.!
326
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,640
U.S.A.
327
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:54,641
ALL: Ooh!
328
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,409
Maybe we have a match after all.
329
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,710
(whooping)
330
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,682
Becca, Becca.
331
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,184
Look, I didn't want
to get into it this morning
332
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,286
in front of your father,
but you and I have got to talk.
333
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,922
We've been over
and ovary this.
334
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,090
What did you just say?
335
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,092
I mean let's
fetus facts.
336
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,827
Will we always get along?
337
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:14,862
Maybe, baby not.
338
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:17,130
But you have to come to term
339
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,265
with the idea
that I'm here,
340
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,667
uterus dilated single mother.
341
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:21,801
What?
You and I
342
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,837
are related one way
or the other.
343
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,438
I can't deal
with this.
344
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:26,706
Where are you going?
345
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:29,342
(sighs) I am going to talk
to Xander and Marigold
346
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:30,777
about why they're fighting.
347
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,980
Well, that's... why I'm here.
348
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:33,847
Is it?
349
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,015
Becca, I don't want to get
350
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:36,216
into a competition with you.
351
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:40,820
(crowd cheering)
SKIP: Match point. Go, Dad!
352
00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:44,357
MARSHALL:
Sir! Sir.
353
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:45,692
The plan?
It's just
354
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:47,360
so much patriotic chanting.
355
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,196
It's intoxicating.
356
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:51,198
All you have to do is
lose this tiebreaker.
357
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,833
He'll be happy and he'll
stop blocking the deal.
358
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:56,703
SKIP:
Papa! Jimmy here
is your #1 fan.
359
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,371
His one wish was to come
to the White House.
360
00:13:58,405 --> 00:13:59,873
You're his hero.
361
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:02,142
I believe in you,
President Gilchrist.
362
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,776
Oh, come on.
363
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,416
So, that's why
they were fighting.
364
00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:11,084
Pretty shocking, huh?
365
00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,486
Yes, I know,
I know.
Yeah, I mean
366
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,056
Xander told me everything.
Marigold told me...
yeah, the whole thing.
367
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,158
Well, I don't want
to betray her confidence,
368
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,427
so what did Xander say?
Marigold didn't tell
you anything, did she?
369
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,829
Not a word.
Xander has a crush
on some girl named Jessica.
370
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,898
Marigold was giving him
a hard time about it.
371
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,033
Good try though.
372
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,302
Damn it.
373
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:41,014
(yells)
374
00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:42,215
(coughing)
375
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,217
Ooh, uh...
376
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,885
(blows air)
377
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:48,922
Woo-- so how we celebrating
this victory, huh?
378
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,124
Thinking something small,
Rose Garden, no plus ones?
379
00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:53,460
Mr. President, you mark
380
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,929
my words, I will not
be humiliated again.
381
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:59,099
I've said that a lot of times.
Always comes back to bite me.
382
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:00,767
Skip, stop talking.
383
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,936
The president was supposed
to lose this game.
384
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,771
It was the key
to a big trade deal.
385
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:05,939
I was just trying to help.
386
00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:07,440
It's okay, Skip.
387
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:10,944
I think you've done
enough helping today.
388
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:14,114
I really was trying
this time, you know?
389
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:17,184
I can't believe
I let him down again.
390
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,926
Please.
391
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,642
Oh, Skip, you caught me.
392
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,477
When I'm stressed,
I snack.
393
00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:47,314
Me, too. Thank goodness we
both have amazing metabolisms.
394
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:49,682
I'm making a salad.
Think I'll have a...
395
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:52,519
...salad.
So, why are you snacking?
396
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,421
I just wish people
would be more upfront.
397
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,588
Preaching to the choir.
398
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,956
Every time I try
to talk to Becca
399
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,925
about our stuff,
she runs away.
400
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,627
Then you should speak to her
somewhere she can't run.
401
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:03,696
That's how I got Cara Niam
to give me a definitive "no"
402
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,466
on prom, you know,
so I could make other plans.
403
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:09,836
You know what, Skip?
404
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:11,371
You're right.
405
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,606
It's better to just put
yourself out there.
406
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,609
That's what you do.
407
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,912
You should never be
ashamed of that.
408
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:29,556
Dad, sorry I let you down.
409
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,558
I'll make it up to you.
410
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:34,594
(imitates Dale):
Oh, Skip, you're my best friend.
411
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,667
(men arguing indistinctly)
412
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:45,638
SKIP: Hola.
413
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,808
Agua may llama Skip,
414
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:52,579
and I just want to say
I am mucho sorry
415
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:56,316
for screwing up
your trade agreement.
416
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,917
MAN:
Skip Gilchrist.
417
00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,720
You threw a flaming chair at our
colleague, the leader of Brazil,
418
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:03,656
President Enrique Hernando
Feliz Navidad De Soto.
419
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:04,924
I know and I just
want to say that...
420
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,759
Nice work.
421
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,895
Come. Drink with us.
422
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:11,831
There's nothing
girls can't achieve
423
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,433
when it comes to
math and science.
424
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:16,336
Yet only 20% of engineering
students are women.
425
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,271
So, why did you two
team up for this?
426
00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:20,773
Well, originally when I began
my degree, I remember...
427
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:25,612
Actually, there was a story
that touched us both.
428
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,447
We heard about
a math class
429
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,349
that lost its teacher.
430
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,284
What happened was a very
talented student-teacher
431
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:33,720
stepped up and taught
the class for a while, but then
432
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,054
the school found a sub.
Unfortunately,
433
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:36,789
the sub had no clue
how to handle the class.
434
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:38,558
The sub felt
she could do a good job
435
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:39,892
if she wasn't constantly
being undermined
436
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,461
by the student teacher.
The student teacher
437
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:42,629
probably felt that
438
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,564
the sub took the job
for all the wrong reasons.
439
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,299
Is the wrong reason love?
440
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:47,700
(laughs)
441
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,969
Of math...
442
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:52,372
and science?
443
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,640
What was that?
444
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:54,774
A metaphor.
445
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:57,477
Who cares? At least we're
finally talking about it.
446
00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,078
You want to talk?
Let's talk!
447
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,647
(reporters clamoring)
448
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:01,814
Guys, guys,
it was a tennis ball,
449
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:03,450
not a cruise missile.
450
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:05,318
Yeah, those are gonna
be coming from Brazil.
451
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:06,919
And we are done here.
452
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:09,456
My point is you deserve
a chance to be a girl.
453
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:10,823
Go to parties.
454
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:13,326
Mess up a little.
And what if I did?
455
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:16,329
What if one time I actually
let loose and made a mistake?
456
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:17,430
It would be healthy.
457
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:18,498
No, no, I don't think so.
458
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:19,399
I do.
459
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,534
I'm pregnant.
460
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,805
It's okay.
461
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:27,507
You're gonna be okay.
No.
462
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,075
I feel like I'm losing my mind.
463
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,611
I'm seeing things.
I'm hearing things.
464
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:34,914
I'm talking to you about my
feelings, which I never do.
465
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,916
MAN:
There she is.
You know what?
466
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:40,420
I'm glad my dad smashed a ball
into this guy's sternum.
467
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,355
Even if it ruined everything.
468
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:44,791
Because De Soto, he's a bully.
469
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,025
Skip is right.
He's got us
470
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:47,494
over a barrel like
a bunch of Ecuadorians.
471
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:50,697
Hey. Us, too.
472
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:52,865
He's been leaving me
the worst voicemails.
473
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:55,468
But you've taken enough
harassment from this guy.
474
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,604
His moustache is
so effortless.
He's threatened
475
00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,039
your economies, turned you
against each other.
476
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:03,009
He stole Miguel's mistress.
I still love her.
477
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,544
Miguel still loves her.
478
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:08,381
But now you can stand up to him.
479
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:12,419
This... is a day of destiny.
480
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:14,887
Aye compete-o?
481
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:15,955
Hmm?
482
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,123
Uh, do you understand?
483
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,124
How do you say that?
Comprende?
484
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,559
Comprende.
Si.
485
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,632
I have the votes.
Your trade deal will crumble
486
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,401
like your nation's
aging infrastructure.
487
00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:30,837
Guy's got a million of those.
488
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,941
(man clears throat)
489
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:53,560
Mr. President,
we are ready to vote.
490
00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:57,096
All in favor.
491
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:11,110
How did this happen?
492
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:12,779
You divided us.
493
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:14,614
Skip united us.
494
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:15,782
And that just had
a better feel to it.
495
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:19,118
(men laughing, cheering)
496
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,887
Dad, I'm sorry
I'm in your seat again...
497
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,889
No, it's okay.
498
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:25,157
Stay.
499
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:29,962
DALE:
None of us is perfect.
500
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:34,634
We give in to pride.
We hold on to resentment.
501
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,235
And sometimes,
502
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:39,739
Oh, yeah... oop...
...we just grow up.
503
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,474
Nice, nice.
504
00:20:41,508 --> 00:20:43,175
Dad, I have
to tell you something.
505
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,046
This was a great idea.
506
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,815
We needed to get out
of the house.
507
00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:53,219
And allies, like any family,
have differences.
508
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:57,490
What matters is that
we overcome them,
509
00:20:57,524 --> 00:20:59,492
that we learn
to trust each other.
510
00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:01,494
So, why'd you give
your brother such a hard time
511
00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:02,662
about that Jessica girl?
512
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:03,930
I'm sorry, I just,
513
00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:05,998
I never had feelings
like this before.
514
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:07,767
Oh, you have a crush, too.
515
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,936
Well, you're 13.
That's a good thing.
516
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,003
So, what's his name?
517
00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:13,105
Jessica.
518
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:16,743
And if we can do that,
519
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:20,913
if we can hold fast
to one another
520
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,182
even in the chaos
of this world,
521
00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:26,052
we're gonna be just fine.
522
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,660
JAY LENO:
Skip, he needs to know.
When you wanted Gilchrist
523
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:35,362
to make a bunch
of embarrassing mistakes,
524
00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:36,529
we'd like to vote
for 'em first.
525
00:21:36,563 --> 00:21:38,631
Okay, it's called manners?
526
00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:39,999
Oh, and, oh,
and the president, please,
527
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:42,869
can someone tell him
that Brazil is an ally?
528
00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:44,504
On the bright side now,
529
00:21:44,537 --> 00:21:45,938
the Pentagon has lined up
a badminton game
530
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:47,707
between President Gilchrist
and the ayatollah...
531
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:49,942
I'd pummel
his ass, too.
532
00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:53,279
So it turns out, Skip is moving
back home to the White House,
533
00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:56,783
so on behalf of all
late-night comics, thank you.
534
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:58,485
You're welcome.
535
00:21:58,518 --> 00:22:00,587
Be right back after this.
38199
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