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1
00:00:06,075 --> 00:00:08,422
What are you reading? Julius Caesar.
2
00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:11,114
Oh, for your
Shakespeare group?
Uh-huh.
3
00:00:11,252 --> 00:00:13,082
That's so cool that
you do stuff like that.
4
00:00:13,220 --> 00:00:14,428
I should do
stuff like that.
5
00:00:14,566 --> 00:00:16,223
It's good.
Keeps the brain sharp.
6
00:00:16,361 --> 00:00:18,466
Keeps the wits sharp,
the IQ up there.
7
00:00:18,604 --> 00:00:20,365
Keeps you interesting
to your mate.
8
00:00:21,193 --> 00:00:22,229
Huh?
9
00:00:23,540 --> 00:00:24,679
Doesn't really matter.
10
00:00:37,175 --> 00:00:41,317
♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do
11
00:00:41,455 --> 00:00:46,080
♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you
12
00:00:46,218 --> 00:00:49,980
♪ Tell me all your secrets
I'll tell you most of mine
13
00:00:50,119 --> 00:00:54,433
♪ They say nobody's perfect
Well, that's really true
this time
14
00:00:54,571 --> 00:00:58,782
♪ I don't have the answers,
I don't have a plan
15
00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:00,094
♪ All I have is you
16
00:01:00,232 --> 00:01:02,786
♪ So, baby,
Help me understand
17
00:01:02,924 --> 00:01:04,374
♪ What we do
18
00:01:04,512 --> 00:01:06,652
♪ You can whisper
in my ear
19
00:01:06,790 --> 00:01:08,654
♪ Where we go
20
00:01:08,792 --> 00:01:11,174
♪ Who knows
what happens after here
21
00:01:11,312 --> 00:01:13,211
♪ Let's take
each other's hand
22
00:01:13,349 --> 00:01:16,766
♪ And jump into
the final frontier
23
00:01:18,975 --> 00:01:20,597
♪ The final frontier ♪
24
00:01:27,786 --> 00:01:29,028
PAUL: James,
put the book down.
25
00:01:29,166 --> 00:01:30,512
Stop dilly-dallying.
Get going. Let's go.
26
00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:31,859
I'm going, I'm going.
27
00:01:31,997 --> 00:01:34,033
You got
big things to do.
Big day for Jamie.
28
00:01:34,171 --> 00:01:35,724
What?
29
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:38,106
It's quittin' time!
30
00:01:38,244 --> 00:01:39,521
Quittin' time.
31
00:01:39,659 --> 00:01:40,902
Jamie, you're
quitting today?
32
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,317
Yes, I am.
Yeah, yeah.
33
00:01:42,455 --> 00:01:44,699
She says she is,
but she tried 100 times,
34
00:01:44,837 --> 00:01:46,632
and then she just cannot
bring herself to do it.
35
00:01:46,770 --> 00:01:48,565
I can do it. I'm just
worried about Lance.
36
00:01:48,703 --> 00:01:49,980
What's gonna become of him?
37
00:01:50,118 --> 00:01:52,465
He will be fine
without you, believe me.
38
00:01:52,603 --> 00:01:54,640
He's ready for this.
Trust me.
He is prepared.
39
00:01:54,778 --> 00:01:56,573
I can quit anytime
I want to.
40
00:01:56,711 --> 00:01:58,817
You know what you need?
One of those little
withdrawal patches.
41
00:01:58,955 --> 00:02:00,715
I'm waiting
for the right time.
42
00:02:00,853 --> 00:02:03,166
When would that be?
Are you going to just
shout out the words
43
00:02:03,304 --> 00:02:05,547
while actually
having the baby?
44
00:02:05,685 --> 00:02:07,273
No. I've been waiting
for Lance's campaign
45
00:02:07,411 --> 00:02:09,413
to get on an upswing,
and it's finally on one.
46
00:02:09,551 --> 00:02:10,518
A huge upswing.
47
00:02:10,656 --> 00:02:12,106
It is!
We're up in the polls,
48
00:02:12,244 --> 00:02:13,970
we finally have
money coming in,
49
00:02:14,108 --> 00:02:15,454
and, as a crowning
achievement,
50
00:02:15,592 --> 00:02:17,732
I've booked him
on Newsnight
with Judy Kaufman.
51
00:02:17,870 --> 00:02:20,114
Wow! She had the pope
on last night.
52
00:02:20,252 --> 00:02:22,841
You know that
I've never,
ever seen Newsnight?
53
00:02:23,462 --> 00:02:24,773
Why not?
54
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:26,775
Well...
It's on opposite Popeye.
55
00:02:28,225 --> 00:02:29,848
What happened
to all the umbrellas?
PAUL: Huh?
56
00:02:29,986 --> 00:02:31,711
The umbrellas.
57
00:02:31,850 --> 00:02:33,610
Oh, I think I have
some in my office.
58
00:02:33,748 --> 00:02:34,783
How many?
59
00:02:35,715 --> 00:02:36,716
Six.
60
00:02:38,097 --> 00:02:39,098
[SHRIEKING]
61
00:02:39,236 --> 00:02:40,789
Oh!
Oh, my God! What is it?
62
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,826
Hey, Fran, Fran,
it's a bird.
63
00:02:42,964 --> 00:02:44,863
You say that
like this happens
all the time.
64
00:02:45,898 --> 00:02:47,210
They go
for the eyes!
65
00:02:47,348 --> 00:02:49,557
They don't go
for the eyes.
66
00:02:49,695 --> 00:02:51,421
What the hell
is a bird flying
in here for?
67
00:02:51,559 --> 00:02:53,630
You left
the window wide open.
68
00:02:53,768 --> 00:02:56,046
Since when is that
an invitation
to exotic birds?
69
00:02:56,184 --> 00:02:57,772
[COCKATOO SHRIEKS]
If we leave
the door open,
70
00:02:57,910 --> 00:02:59,394
what, is a cougar
gonna walk in?
71
00:03:00,982 --> 00:03:03,260
I have to get to work
and lead Fran to safety.
72
00:03:03,398 --> 00:03:04,883
Will you get rid
of it, please?
73
00:03:05,021 --> 00:03:06,919
Yeah, I'll do that,
'cause, as you know,
I am a falconer.
74
00:03:09,784 --> 00:03:12,131
Hey, Murray.
Take care of that.
75
00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,067
What am I
paying you for?
76
00:03:19,035 --> 00:03:21,623
TROY: It sounds like
a really great plan...
I think.
77
00:03:21,761 --> 00:03:24,350
You boys think you have
the cojonesto do this?
78
00:03:24,488 --> 00:03:27,284
[HIGH-PITCHED] Yes.
[NORMAL VOICE] Yes, Arthur.
79
00:03:27,422 --> 00:03:28,976
The TV studio's
been taken care of.
80
00:03:29,114 --> 00:03:31,806
Is everything set
on your end?
Everything's set.
81
00:03:31,944 --> 00:03:33,497
If this goes down
the way you promised,
82
00:03:33,635 --> 00:03:35,292
we will be
most appreciative.
83
00:03:35,430 --> 00:03:36,984
How appreciative?
84
00:03:37,122 --> 00:03:38,917
This is just a taste.
85
00:03:40,366 --> 00:03:42,265
Oh, my favorite flavor.
86
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:48,616
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
87
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:51,722
[WHISPERING]
88
00:03:51,860 --> 00:03:54,001
Morning.
Aah! Oh.
89
00:03:54,139 --> 00:03:55,795
Maybe enough coffee
for today, Troy?
90
00:03:55,934 --> 00:03:57,659
Uh... Uh, sorry.
I just, uh...
91
00:03:58,315 --> 00:03:59,696
Nice blouse.
92
00:04:00,697 --> 00:04:02,285
Yes, uh,
good workmanship.
93
00:04:02,423 --> 00:04:05,771
Uh, may it sustain
many washings.
94
00:04:05,909 --> 00:04:08,567
Thank you. What were
you guys doing outside?
95
00:04:08,705 --> 00:04:11,915
Outside? Outside.
Outside.
96
00:04:12,053 --> 00:04:15,954
Outside. In the alley.
I just saw you.
What were you doing?
97
00:04:16,092 --> 00:04:17,610
Oh.
Having a catch.
98
00:04:19,336 --> 00:04:20,510
Having a catch?
99
00:04:20,648 --> 00:04:22,132
Yes. We were
having a catch.
100
00:04:22,270 --> 00:04:24,790
Huh. Why did that man
hand you an envelope?
101
00:04:24,928 --> 00:04:26,861
What envelope?
102
00:04:26,999 --> 00:04:29,968
Oh, this envelope. Oh.
Well, I had this one,
103
00:04:30,106 --> 00:04:33,385
and, uh, I asked him
to hold it while we were
playing catch.
104
00:04:35,111 --> 00:04:37,182
Hello, everybody.
Hey, Lance!
105
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,562
Hey, who's better
than you are?
106
00:04:38,700 --> 00:04:40,426
Nobody, that's who.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
107
00:04:44,741 --> 00:04:47,744
Jamie, I'm sorry
I'm late. My wife, she...
108
00:04:47,882 --> 00:04:51,092
She had this silly dream
that something terrible
would happen to me today,
109
00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:52,438
and she begged me
to stay home.
110
00:04:52,576 --> 00:04:55,165
That's so weird.
I'm reading
Julius Caesar.
111
00:04:55,303 --> 00:04:57,133
His wife does
the exact same thing.
112
00:04:57,271 --> 00:04:59,756
And, and what's
the terrible thing
that happens to him?
113
00:04:59,894 --> 00:05:01,723
He's stabbed
to death in public.
114
00:05:01,861 --> 00:05:03,622
Ooh, that would
be terrible.
115
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:04,968
[CHUCKLES]
116
00:05:05,106 --> 00:05:06,590
Whenever you're ready,
I want to drill you
117
00:05:06,728 --> 00:05:08,282
for your big
Newsnightinterview
today.
118
00:05:08,420 --> 00:05:09,766
Oh, my God.
119
00:05:09,904 --> 00:05:11,802
That's it! That's
the terrible thing!
120
00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:13,804
Lance, it's
national exposure.
121
00:05:13,942 --> 00:05:15,634
Yeah, but it's, it's
with Judy Kaufman.
122
00:05:15,772 --> 00:05:18,395
That woman tears people
to ribbons. Did you see
what she did to the pope?
123
00:05:18,533 --> 00:05:21,260
That's because
he wasn't briefed.
You will be.
124
00:05:21,398 --> 00:05:23,642
It's gonna be the best
thing that ever happened
to your campaign.
125
00:05:23,780 --> 00:05:26,817
Oh, no, no, no.
I am terrible
at those things.
126
00:05:26,955 --> 00:05:30,442
My, my mind goes blank.
I can't remember anything.
127
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,306
I say the first thing
that pops into my head.
128
00:05:32,444 --> 00:05:35,102
I mean,
let's face it, Jamie,
I choke under pressure.
129
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,381
Why I think
I can be mayor
is beyond me.
130
00:05:38,519 --> 00:05:40,417
You've gone
on television before.
You've done fine.
131
00:05:40,555 --> 00:05:42,488
Just be yourself.
That's what people
respond to.
132
00:05:42,626 --> 00:05:45,560
Okay, be myself.
Be myself.
133
00:05:45,698 --> 00:05:47,804
Maybe
a slightly idealized
version of yourself.
134
00:05:47,942 --> 00:05:49,668
Right. Right.
135
00:05:49,806 --> 00:05:52,015
Listen, I will be with you
the whole time. I will
not leave your side.
136
00:05:52,153 --> 00:05:53,327
You promise?
Of course.
137
00:05:53,465 --> 00:05:55,467
Oh, that makes me feel
so much better.
138
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:58,366
I don't know what
I'd do without you.
Uh-huh.
139
00:05:59,781 --> 00:06:02,508
Don't chicken out.
This is a big
opportunity for us.
140
00:06:02,646 --> 00:06:04,752
And if Lance Brockwell
has to get hurt
for it to happen,
141
00:06:04,890 --> 00:06:06,581
then that's just
too bad for him.
142
00:06:06,719 --> 00:06:08,031
What's gonna
hurt Lance?
143
00:06:08,894 --> 00:06:10,240
Jamie! Hi!
144
00:06:10,378 --> 00:06:13,623
Um... I was just saying
that if Lance Brockwell
145
00:06:13,761 --> 00:06:15,866
ever knew how much
we cared for him,
146
00:06:16,004 --> 00:06:18,421
he would be so
overcome with joy
147
00:06:18,559 --> 00:06:20,630
that his heart
would actually hurt.
148
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:23,667
That's what
you were saying?
149
00:06:23,805 --> 00:06:25,738
Did you overhear
anything else?
150
00:06:25,876 --> 00:06:27,671
No.
Then yes.
151
00:06:29,328 --> 00:06:30,467
Okay.
152
00:06:35,576 --> 00:06:38,096
Lance, can I talk to you
for a second?
Sure.
153
00:06:38,234 --> 00:06:39,683
Now, I know this is
gonna sound crazy,
154
00:06:39,821 --> 00:06:43,687
but I think you may be
the victim of some sort
of plot.
155
00:06:43,825 --> 00:06:45,517
What?
I know.
156
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,450
I know it sounds crazy,
but I happen to be
reading Julius Caesar,
157
00:06:47,588 --> 00:06:49,659
and I swear
it's playing out here.
158
00:06:49,797 --> 00:06:52,006
Troy and Vladimir are
like Brutus and Cassius,
159
00:06:52,144 --> 00:06:54,042
and they're trying
to destroy you.
160
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:56,700
Those two? [LAUGHS]
161
00:06:59,151 --> 00:07:01,809
Hey, Vladimir.
Is my wife around?
162
00:07:01,947 --> 00:07:04,812
Oh, Jamsie.
She's talking
to Mr. Brockwell.
163
00:07:04,950 --> 00:07:06,158
Okay. What'd you call her?
164
00:07:06,296 --> 00:07:08,816
Jamsie.
Jamie.
165
00:07:08,954 --> 00:07:09,955
Jamsie.
Jamie.
166
00:07:10,093 --> 00:07:12,130
Jamsie. Jamsie.
Jamie.
167
00:07:14,097 --> 00:07:16,893
[REPEATING] Jamsie.
[REPEATING] Jamie.
168
00:07:17,031 --> 00:07:18,308
Jamsie.
169
00:07:18,446 --> 00:07:19,654
Okay. Yes.
170
00:07:22,105 --> 00:07:25,522
And then this morning
a cockatoo flew
into our apartment,
171
00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:27,041
and that's in the play.
172
00:07:27,179 --> 00:07:28,905
It's gotta be
some kind of omen.
173
00:07:29,043 --> 00:07:32,357
Oh, Jamie,
you are so cute!
174
00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:34,359
I remember,
early in my career,
175
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,084
I was reading Crime and Punishment,
176
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,603
and I did
the exact same thing.
177
00:07:37,741 --> 00:07:40,019
I saw parallels
all over the place.
178
00:07:40,158 --> 00:07:42,401
Everywhere I looked,
there was crime
and punishment,
179
00:07:42,539 --> 00:07:45,059
crime and punishment.
180
00:07:45,197 --> 00:07:47,130
'Course, I was working
in the DA's office
at the time.
181
00:07:48,787 --> 00:07:51,065
Please just promise me
you'll be careful
around them.
182
00:07:51,203 --> 00:07:52,618
I will.
183
00:07:52,756 --> 00:07:54,102
You found
a cockatoo?
184
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:57,002
Well, actually,
It found us.
185
00:07:57,140 --> 00:07:58,314
Why don't you
just kill it?
186
00:08:01,420 --> 00:08:03,629
Kill it?
You know, squish it
with your foot.
187
00:08:05,769 --> 00:08:07,012
It's, it's not
a bug, you know?
188
00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:09,014
It's a fairly
large bird.
189
00:08:09,152 --> 00:08:10,912
So spray it.
Spray it and throw it
in the trash.
190
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:12,155
That's what I would do.
191
00:08:14,302 --> 00:08:17,374
Boy, New York is just losing
its small-town feeling.
192
00:08:20,688 --> 00:08:22,379
Hey.Hi.
193
00:08:22,517 --> 00:08:23,656
What are you
doing here?
194
00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:26,245
Xeroxing for free.
Oh.
195
00:08:26,383 --> 00:08:29,628
Plus I am taking
my suddenly jobless wife
out for lunch.
196
00:08:29,766 --> 00:08:32,355
So? So?
How'd he take it?
Fine.
197
00:08:32,493 --> 00:08:35,461
I haven't
told him yet.
What are you doing?
198
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,808
It's not a good time.
Something is going on
around here.
199
00:08:37,946 --> 00:08:40,121
Yes. You are
procrastinating.
200
00:08:40,259 --> 00:08:41,985
I need a bigger
envelope.
201
00:08:42,123 --> 00:08:45,678
I'm not procrastinating.
Troy and Vladimir are
plotting against Lance.
202
00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:46,955
What are you
talking about?
203
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:49,682
I'm serious.
It's just like Julius Caesar.
204
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:52,720
[WHISPERING]
PAUL: Who, yippy and yappy?
205
00:08:52,858 --> 00:08:54,929
You'll see.
They're acting very shifty.
206
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:56,758
Here, Jamie. You're
gonna need this.
207
00:08:56,896 --> 00:08:58,519
It's the directions
to the Newsnightstudio.
208
00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:00,797
[WHISPERING]
Did you see that?
209
00:09:05,533 --> 00:09:06,845
Shoo!
[SHRIEKS]
210
00:09:06,983 --> 00:09:08,191
Shoo!
[SHRIEKS]
211
00:09:08,329 --> 00:09:10,469
Hey! Shoo! Shoo!
Shoo! Shoo!
212
00:09:10,607 --> 00:09:11,988
[SHRIEKS]
213
00:09:12,126 --> 00:09:14,818
Looking down at us.
What do you suppose
he's thinking?
214
00:09:14,956 --> 00:09:17,131
He's thinking,
boy, both those guys
are losing their hair.
215
00:09:20,375 --> 00:09:22,999
Come here.
216
00:09:23,137 --> 00:09:26,830
Listen to me. Do you
have any idea how much
that thing is worth?
217
00:09:26,968 --> 00:09:29,074
Cooked or raw?
[SHRIEKS]
218
00:09:29,212 --> 00:09:31,386
I'm not kidding.
This thing
is an exotic bird.
219
00:09:31,524 --> 00:09:33,078
It's worth,
like, five grand.
220
00:09:33,216 --> 00:09:35,632
Get outta here.
I'm serious.
221
00:09:35,770 --> 00:09:38,290
Somebody paid
$5,000 for that?
Yeah.
222
00:09:38,428 --> 00:09:40,879
People just have
too much money.
223
00:09:41,017 --> 00:09:43,226
Paulie, the guys use this
to meet women.
224
00:09:43,364 --> 00:09:44,952
You know, it's,
like, instead of dogs.
225
00:09:45,090 --> 00:09:47,851
You teach 'em how
to talk, and then they
hit on chicks for you.
226
00:09:49,301 --> 00:09:50,819
How lazy
could you get?
227
00:09:52,787 --> 00:09:56,101
They say things that
you can't say, like...
"Nice ass."
228
00:09:56,239 --> 00:09:57,171
Hey, cut it out.
229
00:09:57,309 --> 00:09:58,344
Nice ass.
Stop it.
230
00:09:58,482 --> 00:09:59,621
Nice ass.
What's the matter
with you?
231
00:09:59,759 --> 00:10:01,658
Nothing.
232
00:10:01,796 --> 00:10:03,694
You know what? I tell you
what we should do.
233
00:10:03,832 --> 00:10:05,765
We should capture it.
We should sell it
to a pet store.
234
00:10:05,904 --> 00:10:07,595
No. What
are you doing?
235
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,424
Shh! Gotta
sneak up on it.
236
00:10:09,562 --> 00:10:10,770
I saw this on Daktari.
237
00:10:10,909 --> 00:10:12,841
Oh, I dunno.
238
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:15,983
[SHRIEKS]
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
All right!
239
00:10:16,121 --> 00:10:17,743
Now what do we do?
I got a plan.
240
00:10:17,881 --> 00:10:21,195
It looks so sad.
Looks melancholy.
241
00:10:22,196 --> 00:10:23,749
I got a melancholy
cockatoo.
242
00:10:25,371 --> 00:10:27,511
Here.
What's going on there?
What is this?
243
00:10:27,649 --> 00:10:30,687
Put those on. Pretend
we're in the bleachers
at Yankee Stadium.
244
00:10:30,825 --> 00:10:32,931
We're at Yankee Stadium,
but we're making soup?
245
00:10:34,208 --> 00:10:35,312
Shh. Come on.
246
00:10:35,450 --> 00:10:36,486
Oh, I don't
like this at all.
247
00:10:36,624 --> 00:10:38,350
You ready?
Ready... Jump!
248
00:10:38,488 --> 00:10:40,041
[SHRIEKS]
Hey, hey, hey!
249
00:10:42,112 --> 00:10:43,631
Ready? Jump!
[SHRIEKS]
250
00:10:44,873 --> 00:10:46,875
Hey, come here!
Get over here!
251
00:10:48,601 --> 00:10:50,914
See a sort of pattern
developing?
That's not working.
252
00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:53,158
I got an idea.
253
00:10:53,296 --> 00:10:55,298
What?
Ready? Shoo!
254
00:11:03,375 --> 00:11:06,343
Where is everybody?
Are you here
for Sex Date?
255
00:11:06,481 --> 00:11:08,104
Here. Fill this out.
256
00:11:08,242 --> 00:11:10,623
I'm 7 months pregnant.
I've actually already
had my Sex Date.
257
00:11:12,211 --> 00:11:13,972
I'm looking for Newsnight.
258
00:11:14,110 --> 00:11:16,215
Oh. Newsnight.
259
00:11:16,353 --> 00:11:18,493
Uh, they tape
across town.
260
00:11:18,631 --> 00:11:20,771
Oh, God.
What?
261
00:11:20,909 --> 00:11:22,704
Have you ever read
Julius Caesar?
262
00:11:22,842 --> 00:11:27,123
Uh, no, but there is
a great Star Treknovel
where Kirk meets him.
263
00:11:36,365 --> 00:11:39,989
IRA: Paul,
let me handle this.
Watch the master at work.
264
00:11:40,127 --> 00:11:42,889
Okay, me and my friend here,
we've been thinking it over,
265
00:11:43,027 --> 00:11:46,893
and, you know,
it seems like 5,000
would be fair, huh?
266
00:11:47,031 --> 00:11:48,515
I'll give you 500.
We'll take it.
267
00:11:48,653 --> 00:11:50,793
No, no. 500. Come on,
268
00:11:50,931 --> 00:11:54,280
you got a bird in
the front window exactly
like that for six grand.
269
00:11:54,418 --> 00:11:56,454
I'll give you 500.
All right. We'll take it.
270
00:11:56,592 --> 00:12:00,286
No!
Look, the nice man
is gonna give us $500.
271
00:12:00,424 --> 00:12:02,184
$500 is better
than nothing. What's
the matter with you?
272
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:03,289
IRA: It's no good!
Four hundred.
273
00:12:03,427 --> 00:12:05,083
Okay, we're losing
money on this.
274
00:12:05,222 --> 00:12:07,085
He's bluffing.
Three hundred.
275
00:12:07,224 --> 00:12:08,742
300? Okay, see
what's happening?
276
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,089
It's evaporating
right as we speak.
If you would listen to me...
277
00:12:11,228 --> 00:12:12,746
Two hundred.
Two hundred!
278
00:12:12,884 --> 00:12:14,783
It's all going away
right before our...
279
00:12:14,921 --> 00:12:16,440
Don't worry about it.
He's bluffing.
$100.
280
00:12:16,578 --> 00:12:18,165
$100. Okay, why don't
we take that?
281
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,064
Fifty buck a piece.
It'll at least cover our time.
282
00:12:20,202 --> 00:12:22,066
Zero.
What'd you say?
283
00:12:22,204 --> 00:12:24,724
I will give you
zero for this bird.
284
00:12:26,070 --> 00:12:27,382
Zero?
285
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,176
Not, not 500?
Zero.
286
00:12:30,764 --> 00:12:33,698
400? 300? Two, one,
those are all gone now?
287
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:35,355
That's right. Zero.
288
00:12:38,531 --> 00:12:41,568
Okay. We're just
gonna come back in.
We'll try this again.
289
00:12:52,096 --> 00:12:55,410
God, this is it?
This is where
they do Newsnight?
290
00:12:55,548 --> 00:12:56,652
Why is there
only one chair?
291
00:12:56,790 --> 00:12:58,999
Lance, your naivete
is so endearing.
292
00:12:59,137 --> 00:13:01,036
Newsnightis
based in Washington.
293
00:13:01,174 --> 00:13:02,831
You'll do the show
from here by remote.
294
00:13:02,969 --> 00:13:04,764
Really!
295
00:13:04,902 --> 00:13:08,492
Boy, I'll just...
I'll never get the hang
of this new technology.
296
00:13:08,630 --> 00:13:12,496
Anyway, Lance,
let's get this
behind your ear.
297
00:13:12,634 --> 00:13:14,946
Vladimir, don't
just stand there
like you're waiting on line
298
00:13:15,084 --> 00:13:16,534
for toilet paper
in Moscow. Help me.
299
00:13:20,158 --> 00:13:21,953
Wait, oh, ahh.
What's this?
300
00:13:22,091 --> 00:13:24,818
This is the earphone
so you can hear Judy
Kaufman's questions.
301
00:13:24,956 --> 00:13:27,959
It's also how I'll
be able to communicate
to you from the booth.
302
00:13:28,097 --> 00:13:30,203
Now, you're on
in exactly one minute.
303
00:13:30,341 --> 00:13:33,413
One minute? Oh, God.
No, I can't do this.
Where's Jamie?
304
00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:36,002
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
305
00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:42,664
Not to worry, Lance.
Everything's
under control.
306
00:13:42,802 --> 00:13:44,666
[NEWSNIGHTTHEME PLAYS]
307
00:13:46,944 --> 00:13:48,186
[SIGHS]
308
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:53,053
Hello! I'm Judy Kaufman
in Washington,
309
00:13:53,191 --> 00:13:55,435
and welcome
to Newsnight.
310
00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:59,957
My guest this evening is
New York mayoral candidate
Lance Brockwell.
311
00:14:00,095 --> 00:14:01,717
Good evening, Lance.
312
00:14:01,855 --> 00:14:04,617
Uh... [CHUCKLES]
I'm, I'm sorry.
313
00:14:04,755 --> 00:14:06,170
Say, "Good evening,
Judy."
314
00:14:06,308 --> 00:14:07,896
Uh... Good evening,
Judy.
315
00:14:18,182 --> 00:14:19,425
[ELEVATOR BELL RINGS]
316
00:14:22,807 --> 00:14:24,361
If I am elected mayor,
317
00:14:24,499 --> 00:14:25,741
I pledge to lower...
318
00:14:25,879 --> 00:14:27,364
My pants.
My pants.
319
00:14:29,020 --> 00:14:30,505
No. Taxes.
320
00:14:30,643 --> 00:14:32,955
Mr. Brockwell,
have you been
drinking?
321
00:14:33,093 --> 00:14:34,301
TROY: Yes.
Yes.
322
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,510
No.
323
00:14:35,648 --> 00:14:37,788
No. Uh, you see, Judy,
drinking dulls...
324
00:14:37,926 --> 00:14:38,961
The drugs.
The drugs.
325
00:14:39,824 --> 00:14:41,101
No, uh, the senses.
326
00:14:41,239 --> 00:14:43,828
Can I please take
this thing out of my ear?
327
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:46,521
JUDY: You will not be able to hear my questions.
328
00:14:46,659 --> 00:14:48,350
Hey!
Jamie!
329
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:49,524
Jamsie!
330
00:14:49,662 --> 00:14:51,180
Jamie?
It's Judy.
331
00:14:51,318 --> 00:14:52,975
Yippee!
332
00:14:53,113 --> 00:14:54,494
JUDY: Excuse me?
333
00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:56,565
Lance,
don't acknowledge me
on the air.
334
00:14:56,703 --> 00:14:57,670
Security's
on their way.
335
00:14:57,808 --> 00:14:58,947
I don't care.
336
00:15:02,889 --> 00:15:05,340
Mr. Brockwell,
do you need a minute?
337
00:15:06,444 --> 00:15:07,859
JAMIE: No, Lance,
you can do it.
338
00:15:07,997 --> 00:15:10,068
Just use
your own words
and be yourself.
339
00:15:12,347 --> 00:15:14,107
What I was gonna say
is...
340
00:15:15,108 --> 00:15:16,765
That my first act
as mayor
341
00:15:16,903 --> 00:15:20,182
would be to restructure
the tax system,
342
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,634
thereby creating a surplus
that could be funneled
into education.
343
00:15:25,601 --> 00:15:27,465
Bird? Looking
for a bird?
344
00:15:27,603 --> 00:15:28,639
IRA: Free bird.
345
00:15:28,777 --> 00:15:30,227
Would you like
a bird?
Here you go.
346
00:15:30,365 --> 00:15:32,159
Why is nobody
taking our fliers?
347
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:34,576
Fliers. Nobody
takes fliers anymore.
348
00:15:34,714 --> 00:15:36,302
I do. How do you
think I found out
349
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,649
about that whole
mafia-Vatican connection?
350
00:15:38,787 --> 00:15:40,513
Just let
the poor cockatoo
go, all right?
351
00:15:40,651 --> 00:15:43,757
He doesn't want
to go. I asked.
So ask again.
352
00:15:44,275 --> 00:15:45,311
Here.
353
00:15:45,449 --> 00:15:47,105
Hey, little bird.
Want to fly?
354
00:15:47,244 --> 00:15:48,555
Here. Fly.
355
00:15:49,487 --> 00:15:51,178
Go. Fly.
356
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:52,904
Fly away. Be free.
357
00:15:53,042 --> 00:15:54,458
Fly like a bird.
358
00:15:54,596 --> 00:15:56,391
Be a bird. Free.
359
00:15:56,529 --> 00:15:58,151
Fly. No.
360
00:15:59,808 --> 00:16:01,534
So keep him.
I don't want him.
361
00:16:01,672 --> 00:16:03,294
All right, fine.
Give him away, then.
362
00:16:03,432 --> 00:16:04,951
Give him away to who?
363
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:06,780
Excuse me. Excuse me.
364
00:16:06,918 --> 00:16:09,162
Could we interest you
in a "cockertoo"?
[GASPS]
365
00:16:12,752 --> 00:16:14,719
I guess she
misunderstood.
366
00:16:14,857 --> 00:16:16,273
Bird. Bird.
367
00:16:19,724 --> 00:16:20,898
Lance,
you did great!
368
00:16:21,036 --> 00:16:23,141
Oh... Thanks.
369
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,282
I did, didn't I?
Just great.
370
00:16:25,420 --> 00:16:27,456
[LAUGHS]
You know, I really feel
371
00:16:27,594 --> 00:16:29,044
like I'm on
an upswing here.
372
00:16:29,182 --> 00:16:31,080
Gracie Mansion,
here I come.
373
00:16:31,218 --> 00:16:33,359
[LAUGHS]
374
00:16:33,497 --> 00:16:36,362
Boy, I'm really feeling
good about myself.
375
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:37,984
You know what I just
realized, Jamie?
What?
376
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:40,366
[LAUGHS]
I'm the man.
377
00:16:40,504 --> 00:16:41,470
[LAUGHING]
378
00:16:43,196 --> 00:16:44,646
Lance, that's,
that's great,
379
00:16:44,784 --> 00:16:46,682
'cause there's
something I've been
wanting to tell you.
380
00:16:46,820 --> 00:16:49,720
What's that?
I'm sure you know
what I'm about to say.
381
00:16:49,858 --> 00:16:51,377
No. [CHUCKLES]
382
00:16:51,515 --> 00:16:53,724
Well, I imagine
you've known this day
has been coming
383
00:16:53,862 --> 00:16:56,658
for a long time.
I have?
384
00:16:56,796 --> 00:16:59,212
Well, Lance, as I'm sure
you've surmised,
385
00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:00,834
I'm quitting
the campaign.
386
00:17:01,490 --> 00:17:02,491
What do you mean?
387
00:17:02,629 --> 00:17:04,321
Well, I'm pregnant,
388
00:17:04,459 --> 00:17:05,839
so it seemed...
What?
389
00:17:08,670 --> 00:17:10,016
Well, I'm having
a baby.
390
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:12,259
Well, this is
a hell of a time!
391
00:17:13,088 --> 00:17:14,261
I did tell you.
392
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,574
Well, I can't remember
every detail.
393
00:17:16,712 --> 00:17:19,059
I'm trying
to keep my head
above water here.
394
00:17:19,197 --> 00:17:21,061
Oh, my God.
This is terrible!
395
00:17:21,199 --> 00:17:24,755
Lance, please.
You please!
396
00:17:24,893 --> 00:17:26,929
You're not making this
very easy on me.
397
00:17:27,067 --> 00:17:30,312
Easy on you? You're
ruining my life here!
398
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,383
Please don't go. Don't go.
Don't have a baby.
399
00:17:32,521 --> 00:17:34,420
What?
Well, you're killing me
here, James.
400
00:17:34,558 --> 00:17:36,836
You're ripping my guts
out here!
401
00:17:36,974 --> 00:17:39,563
It's gonna be fine. Really,
it's gonna be fine.
402
00:17:40,495 --> 00:17:42,013
[BOTH SIGH]
403
00:17:42,151 --> 00:17:43,981
Listen, I,
I've gotta go.
404
00:17:46,846 --> 00:17:48,641
[SOBBING]
405
00:17:52,748 --> 00:17:53,956
Lance, listen.
406
00:17:54,094 --> 00:17:57,512
Listen. I've, I've really
enjoyed working together,
407
00:17:57,650 --> 00:17:59,997
and my hope is
that we can do it again.
408
00:18:00,135 --> 00:18:01,412
[SOBS]
409
00:18:06,106 --> 00:18:08,074
Well... Bye.
410
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:09,489
[ANSWERS
UNINTELLIGIBLY]
411
00:18:15,702 --> 00:18:17,428
So what was Baretta
really like?
412
00:18:20,776 --> 00:18:22,260
I heard he was
pretty intense.
413
00:18:23,883 --> 00:18:25,125
Not even a chuckle
from you?
414
00:18:26,023 --> 00:18:27,024
Huh?
415
00:18:28,819 --> 00:18:30,337
What are you reading
now, Othello?
416
00:18:30,476 --> 00:18:31,684
Nah, not really.
417
00:18:31,822 --> 00:18:34,134
Want to watch
Newsnight?
Oh, God, no.
418
00:18:35,722 --> 00:18:39,105
Okay. Want to watch Popeye?
Okay.
419
00:18:39,795 --> 00:18:41,210
Good. This is good.
420
00:18:41,348 --> 00:18:43,005
I love that you're here.
This is so good.
421
00:18:43,143 --> 00:18:45,456
We can watch TV.
We can hang out.
422
00:18:45,594 --> 00:18:46,802
We can watch shows
423
00:18:46,940 --> 00:18:49,460
that have absolutely
no redeeming value.
424
00:18:49,598 --> 00:18:50,910
I'm so glad you quit.
425
00:18:51,048 --> 00:18:52,670
[POPEYETHEME PLAYS]
What are you doing?
426
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:54,983
What?
427
00:18:55,121 --> 00:18:57,330
Do you really think
I want to sit here
and watch Popeye?
428
00:18:58,676 --> 00:19:00,091
Well, Green Acres
is on, too.
429
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:03,267
You like that.
430
00:19:03,405 --> 00:19:05,269
What have I done?
[TV SWITCHES OFF]
431
00:19:05,407 --> 00:19:07,133
What do you mean,
what have you done?
You quit.
432
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,860
You said, you promised
you were gonna quit,
and then you quit.
433
00:19:10,792 --> 00:19:12,276
I like my job.
434
00:19:12,414 --> 00:19:14,899
I love my job.
435
00:19:15,037 --> 00:19:17,074
[SOFTLY] How do I know
I'm going to like this?
436
00:19:17,212 --> 00:19:20,526
What?
How do I know I'm
gonna like doing this?
437
00:19:22,113 --> 00:19:23,632
How do you know
you're gonna like
being a mother?
438
00:19:23,770 --> 00:19:24,806
Shh!
439
00:19:28,982 --> 00:19:31,053
Well, it's
a little late now.
440
00:19:31,191 --> 00:19:33,918
I mean...
You know, we can't get
our deposit back.
441
00:19:35,989 --> 00:19:38,716
Believe me, I know.
442
00:19:38,854 --> 00:19:40,684
It's... You know,
it's like when
we were getting married.
443
00:19:40,822 --> 00:19:43,618
You were very happy
being single, right?
Yeah.
444
00:19:43,756 --> 00:19:45,136
But you traded that in.
445
00:19:45,274 --> 00:19:46,897
You got married,
and that was a big risk,
wasn't it?
446
00:19:47,035 --> 00:19:50,107
Yeah, it certainly was.
447
00:19:50,245 --> 00:19:52,419
So let me ask you.
How did that
work out so far?
448
00:19:53,351 --> 00:19:54,732
So far,
not terrible.
449
00:19:55,837 --> 00:19:57,908
So?
So?
450
00:19:58,046 --> 00:20:00,255
So?
So?
451
00:20:01,946 --> 00:20:03,741
So? All right.
So shut up.
452
00:20:04,708 --> 00:20:06,123
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
453
00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:14,131
You know, sometimes
I'm very clever.
454
00:20:15,235 --> 00:20:16,582
You're a very lucky woman.
455
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,204
You're a very lucky bird.
456
00:20:21,518 --> 00:20:23,174
[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
You found
my cockatoo.
457
00:20:23,312 --> 00:20:24,624
That's your bird?
458
00:20:24,762 --> 00:20:27,109
Oh, Van Gogh,
you're alive!
459
00:20:27,247 --> 00:20:30,837
He flew out the window
while I was airing
the living room.
460
00:20:30,975 --> 00:20:33,322
His name is Van Gogh?
I never thought
I would say this,
461
00:20:33,460 --> 00:20:36,705
but I am enormously
grateful. Here.
462
00:20:36,843 --> 00:20:38,845
Oh, isn't that nice?
Look, honey, $5.
463
00:20:40,951 --> 00:20:43,470
Van Gogh,
I'm so happy.
464
00:20:43,609 --> 00:20:46,266
I must say,
I'm very appreciative.
465
00:20:46,404 --> 00:20:47,509
You know, he talks.
466
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:48,821
Really?
Yes.
467
00:20:48,959 --> 00:20:50,270
He says,
"pretty eyes."
468
00:20:50,408 --> 00:20:53,688
Really.
Yes. I taught him
myself. Watch this.
469
00:20:53,826 --> 00:20:56,691
Van Gogh,
what's mommy's best feature?
470
00:20:56,829 --> 00:20:57,968
VAN GOGH: Nice ass.
471
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:09,945
So, so where
are you from?
472
00:21:10,083 --> 00:21:11,809
VAN GOGH: I'm from, uh,
Trenton originally.
473
00:21:11,947 --> 00:21:13,639
I moved out here
in the early '70s.
474
00:21:13,777 --> 00:21:17,677
Some old lady owned me
for a couple of years,
but she, uh, she passed on.
475
00:21:17,815 --> 00:21:20,162
So then I got sold
to some store on 8th street.
476
00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:22,406
That's where
this British lady got me.
477
00:21:22,544 --> 00:21:26,721
I got a brother
down in Baltimore.
I never see him.
478
00:21:26,859 --> 00:21:29,171
That must be tough
'cause you can't write
him or anything.
479
00:21:29,309 --> 00:21:30,759
I know.
480
00:21:30,897 --> 00:21:32,036
Hey, you want
something to eat?
481
00:21:32,174 --> 00:21:33,555
I could eat
something.
482
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:34,970
Is that
a yes or a no?
483
00:21:35,108 --> 00:21:36,696
If you're making,
I'll have.
484
00:21:39,734 --> 00:21:41,425
I'm not making,
but I'll make something
for you.
485
00:21:41,563 --> 00:21:42,909
I don't want
to be a bother.
486
00:21:43,047 --> 00:21:44,324
It's too late for that.
35704
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