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1
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,091
Colonel Sandurz?
2
00:03:38,091 --> 00:03:40,302
What is it,
Sergeant Ricco?
3
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:46,183
You told me to let you know the moment
Planet Druidia was in sight, sir.
4
00:03:46,183 --> 00:03:47,309
So?
5
00:03:47,309 --> 00:03:49,561
Planet Druidia
is in sight, sir.
6
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:51,647
You're really
a Spaceball.
7
00:03:51,647 --> 00:03:53,106
You know that,
don't you?
8
00:03:53,106 --> 00:03:54,399
Thanks, sir.
9
00:03:54,399 --> 00:03:55,901
Have you notified
Lord Helmet?
10
00:03:55,901 --> 00:03:58,237
Yes, sir. l took the
liberty. He's on his way.
11
00:03:58,237 --> 00:04:00,489
Make way
for Dark Helmet!
12
00:04:00,489 --> 00:04:03,450
All rise in the presence
of Dark Helmet.
13
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,584
l can't breathe
in this thing.
14
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,671
We're approaching
Planet Druidia, sir.
15
00:04:57,671 --> 00:04:58,922
Good.
16
00:04:58,922 --> 00:05:02,009
l'll call Spaceball City and
notify President Skroob immediately.
17
00:05:02,009 --> 00:05:04,845
l already called him, sir.
He knows everything.
18
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:10,434
What? You went
over my helmet?
19
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:14,146
Well, not exactly over,
sir. More to the side.
20
00:05:14,146 --> 00:05:17,774
l'll always call you first. lt'll
never happen again. Never ever!
21
00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,486
Oh, shit!
22
00:05:21,486 --> 00:05:24,448
No! Please!
23
00:05:24,448 --> 00:05:26,783
Please, no, not that!
24
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,412
Yes, that.
25
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,141
Sandurz!
Sir.
26
00:05:51,141 --> 00:05:53,101
l don't see Planet
Druidia. Where is it?
27
00:05:53,101 --> 00:05:56,438
We don't have visual contact yet,
but we have it on the radar screen.
28
00:05:56,438 --> 00:05:57,814
Shall l punch it
up for you?
29
00:05:57,814 --> 00:05:59,316
Never mind.
l'll do it myself.
30
00:05:59,316 --> 00:06:00,692
Very good, sir.
31
00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:06,490
What's the matter? What's
that churning and bubbling?
32
00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:08,116
You call that
a radar screen?
33
00:06:08,116 --> 00:06:10,827
No, sir, we call it
Mr. Coffee.
34
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:12,746
Care for some?
35
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:17,542
Yes. l always have coffee when
l watch radar. You know that.
36
00:06:17,542 --> 00:06:19,419
Of course l do.
Everybody knows that!
37
00:06:19,419 --> 00:06:21,296
Of course we do, sir.
38
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:26,134
Now that l have my coffee,
l'm ready to watch radar.
39
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:28,095
Where is it?
40
00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:29,930
Right here, sir.
41
00:06:29,930 --> 00:06:31,515
Switch to teleview.
42
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,684
There it is.
Planet Druidia.
43
00:06:34,684 --> 00:06:38,188
And underneath the air shield,
1 0,000 years of fresh air.
44
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:39,981
We must get through
that air shield.
45
00:06:39,981 --> 00:06:41,108
We will, sir.
46
00:06:41,108 --> 00:06:44,569
Once we kidnap the Princess, we
can force her father, King Roland,
47
00:06:44,569 --> 00:06:46,738
to give us the combination
to the air shield,
48
00:06:46,738 --> 00:06:50,659
thereby destroying Planet Druidia
and saving Planet Spaceball.
49
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,953
Everybody got that?
50
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,747
Good. When will the
Princess be married?
51
00:06:55,747 --> 00:06:57,332
Within the hour, sir.
52
00:06:57,332 --> 00:06:59,709
Well, l hope
it's a long ceremony,
53
00:06:59,709 --> 00:07:02,003
'cause it's gonna be
a short honeymoon.
54
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,055
Hot! Too hot.
55
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:32,409
lf only your mother were
alive to see this day.
56
00:07:32,409 --> 00:07:34,411
ls everyone ready?
Yes, Your Majesty.
57
00:07:34,411 --> 00:07:36,246
No! Where's my
droid of honor?
58
00:07:36,246 --> 00:07:39,374
Oh, dear, yes.
Where's Dot? Dot?
59
00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:41,668
Dot Matrix!
60
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:43,837
Oh, thank God,
dear!
61
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,131
Where've you been?
62
00:07:46,131 --> 00:07:49,050
Here l am. l'm sorry. l
had to make a pit stop.
63
00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:51,845
l'm so excited, l
couldn't hold my oil.
64
00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:54,806
All right, people.
lt's magic time!
65
00:07:54,806 --> 00:07:57,559
All right, everyone,
starting on the left foot.
66
00:07:57,559 --> 00:07:59,144
Daddy, that's
the right foot.
67
00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:00,896
lt's too late.
Keep going.
68
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:15,660
Daddy.
69
00:08:17,370 --> 00:08:18,872
Must l go through
with this?
70
00:08:18,872 --> 00:08:21,333
l'm sorry, my dear.
You have to.
71
00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:32,427
But, Daddy,
72
00:08:34,596 --> 00:08:36,014
l don't love him.
73
00:08:36,014 --> 00:08:39,601
l'm sorry, Vespa. He's the
last prince left in the galaxy.
74
00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:55,325
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
here on this most joyous occasion
75
00:08:55,325 --> 00:08:59,204
to witness Princess Vespa,
daughter of King Roland,
76
00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:02,791
going right past the altar,
heading down the ramp
77
00:09:02,791 --> 00:09:04,668
and out the door!
78
00:09:04,668 --> 00:09:07,379
Stop her! Someone
stop her! Stop her!
79
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,799
Hey, wait! You forgot
to get married !
80
00:09:10,799 --> 00:09:12,467
Will you stop?
81
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,594
What are you doing?
82
00:09:14,594 --> 00:09:16,763
No questions, Dot.
Get in.
83
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,985
What is she doing?
Where is she going?
84
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:37,117
Come back!
85
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,181
Ooh, yeah
86
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:06,772
You
87
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:11,276
You got
a nasty reputation
88
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:14,946
We're in
a sticky situation
89
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:18,199
lt's down to
me and you
90
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,369
So tell me,
is it true?
91
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:25,248
They say there ain't
nobody better
92
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:28,001
Well, now
that we're together
93
00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:32,047
Show me
what you can do
94
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,259
Barf.
95
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:40,889
Barf.
96
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,184
Barf.
97
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,144
And playin'
to win
98
00:10:46,144 --> 00:10:47,520
Huh?
99
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,522
Raise your hands...
100
00:10:51,149 --> 00:10:52,317
Barf?
101
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:54,569
Always when l'm eating.
102
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:00,909
Barf!
103
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:04,663
What can l
do you for, boss?
104
00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:05,789
Where you been?
105
00:11:05,789 --> 00:11:06,873
Grabbing myself a snack.
106
00:11:06,873 --> 00:11:08,083
You want some?
No!
107
00:11:08,083 --> 00:11:09,417
A little hair
of the dog?
108
00:11:09,417 --> 00:11:11,628
No! Listen, answer
that thing for me.
109
00:11:11,628 --> 00:11:12,671
Will you
watch that?
110
00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:13,755
Sorry.
111
00:11:13,755 --> 00:11:16,883
l'll just throw on our audio
here. That way they won't see you.
112
00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:19,260
Yello!
113
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:21,596
Hello, Lone Starr.
114
00:11:21,596 --> 00:11:23,223
Sorry, wrong switch.
115
00:11:23,223 --> 00:11:25,642
Hello, Vinnie.
What do you want?
116
00:11:25,642 --> 00:11:28,937
No, it's not what l want.
117
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,940
lt's what he wants.
118
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:36,695
Pizza the Hutt.
119
00:11:37,821 --> 00:11:40,990
Well, if it isn't
Lone Starr
120
00:11:40,990 --> 00:11:43,618
and his sidekick, Puke.
121
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:45,578
That's Barf.
122
00:11:45,578 --> 00:11:48,081
Barf, Puke, whatever.
123
00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:50,458
Where's my money?
124
00:11:50,458 --> 00:11:53,086
Don't worry, Pizza. You'll
have it by next week.
125
00:11:53,086 --> 00:11:56,131
No. l gotta have it
by tomorrow.
126
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:59,509
1 00,000 space bucks?
By tomorrow?
127
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,304
1 00,000? No way!
128
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:05,390
You forgot late charges
129
00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:09,644
which brings it up to
1 million space bucks!
130
00:12:09,644 --> 00:12:12,647
A million?
That's unfair!
131
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,150
Unfair to the payer,
132
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:17,694
but not to the payee.
133
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:23,950
But you're gonna
pay it or else. . .
134
00:12:25,285 --> 00:12:26,870
Or else what?
135
00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:28,621
Tell him, Vinnie.
136
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:35,962
Or else Pizza
is gonna send out for you.
137
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:44,596
You're delicious.
138
00:12:44,596 --> 00:12:45,764
Ciao, boys.
139
00:12:53,229 --> 00:12:55,398
l slept in your arms
140
00:12:55,398 --> 00:12:59,986
Content to go on dreaming
141
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,866
A nightmare
too real to imagine
142
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:08,328
Losing you
143
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,332
Can we talk?
144
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,835
Okay. We all know
Prince Valium is a pill,
145
00:13:15,835 --> 00:13:18,338
but you could've married
him for your father's sake
146
00:13:18,338 --> 00:13:21,382
and then had a headache
for the next 25 years.
147
00:13:21,382 --> 00:13:23,468
l love you more each day
148
00:13:23,468 --> 00:13:25,804
Will you turn
that thing off?
149
00:13:25,804 --> 00:13:28,848
Play on my heartstrings...
150
00:13:28,848 --> 00:13:30,058
What?
151
00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:32,393
What is it?
152
00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:36,314
l was saying, do you
realize what you've done?
153
00:13:36,314 --> 00:13:38,691
Yes! And l'm glad.
154
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,151
Glad.
155
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,323
l wonder
if she's glad.
156
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:55,166
Don't be ridiculous.
157
00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:57,752
As president
of Planet Spaceball,
158
00:13:57,752 --> 00:13:59,838
l can assure
both you and your viewers
159
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:03,633
that there's absolutely
no air shortage whatsoever.
160
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:07,053
Yes, of course. l've heard
the same rumor myself.
161
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:10,139
Yes, thanks for calling
and not reversing the charges.
162
00:14:10,139 --> 00:14:11,474
Yes, bye.
163
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,810
Shithead.
164
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,661
President Skroob.
165
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:33,746
Yes?
166
00:14:33,746 --> 00:14:35,164
This is Central Control.
167
00:14:35,164 --> 00:14:37,542
Spaceball Commanderette
Zircon speaking, sir.
168
00:14:37,542 --> 00:14:39,043
Yes, what is it,
Commanderette?
169
00:14:39,043 --> 00:14:42,672
Lord Helmet has just notified us
that Princess Vespa is in sight
170
00:14:42,672 --> 00:14:44,757
and Spaceball One
is closing in on her.
171
00:14:44,757 --> 00:14:46,092
Good.
172
00:14:46,092 --> 00:14:50,263
We have both ships coming up on the
teledar, sir, if you wish to observe.
173
00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:51,723
l'll be down immediately.
174
00:14:51,723 --> 00:14:54,517
Should l have Snotty
beam you down, sir?
175
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,812
l don't know about that
beaming stuff. ls it safe?
176
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,149
Oh, yes, sir. Snotty
beamed me twice last night.
177
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,443
lt was wonderful.
178
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,904
All right.
l'll take a shot at it.
179
00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:08,281
What the hell,
it works on Star Trek.
180
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:13,995
Snotty,
181
00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:15,580
beam him down.
182
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:16,789
Yes, sir.
lmmediately, sir.
183
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,556
Great beasties!
What's happened to his head?
184
00:15:33,556 --> 00:15:35,308
lt's on backwards!
185
00:15:35,308 --> 00:15:37,769
This is terrible!
Do something !
186
00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:42,023
l'm sorry, sir. There must have
been a micro-converter malfunction.
187
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:46,444
Why didn't somebody tell me
my ass was so big?
188
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,866
Hold on, sir. We'll try
to reverse the beam.
189
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,953
lt could be
the interlocking system.
190
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:02,251
Lock one. Lock two.
Lock three. Loch Lomond !
191
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,640
Are you all right,
Mr. President?
192
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,809
Fine.
No thanks to you !
193
00:16:17,809 --> 00:16:19,394
We'll beam you back, sir.
194
00:16:19,394 --> 00:16:21,896
Forget it.
No more beaming.
195
00:16:21,896 --> 00:16:23,731
This time l'm gonna walk.
196
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,487
President Skroob!
Salute!
197
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,489
Hail, Skroob!
198
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:36,077
Hello, President Skroob.
199
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:38,621
Hello, Charlene.
200
00:16:38,621 --> 00:16:39,831
l'm Marlene.
201
00:16:39,831 --> 00:16:40,999
Hello, Marlene.
202
00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:42,375
l'm Charlene.
203
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,335
Chew your gum.
204
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,004
Where's the Princess?
205
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:48,631
Right there, sir, on the
left side of the screen
206
00:16:48,631 --> 00:16:52,427
approaching SpacebaII One at 1
,500 light leagues per minute.
207
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,096
Good. She's almost
in our grasp.
208
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:58,266
Tell Dark Helmet he must
take the Princess alive.
209
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,443
Princess Vespa's spaceship
within range, sir.
210
00:17:08,443 --> 00:17:09,610
Good.
211
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:13,114
Fire a warning shot
across her nose.
212
00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:16,993
What's going on?
213
00:17:16,993 --> 00:17:18,786
lt's either
the Fourth of July,
214
00:17:18,786 --> 00:17:20,705
or someone's
trying to kill us!
215
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,209
Hey!
216
00:17:25,209 --> 00:17:28,129
l don't have to put up
with this. l'm rich.
217
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:31,049
What are you doing?
218
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,467
l'm calling my father.
219
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,928
1 -800-Druidia.
220
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,768
Careful, you idiot! l said
across her nose, not up it!
221
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:45,229
Sorry, sir.
l'm doing my best.
222
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,565
Who made
that man a gunner?
223
00:17:47,565 --> 00:17:49,067
l did, sir.
224
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,651
He's my cousin.
225
00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:52,987
Who is he?
He's an Asshole, sir.
226
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,114
l know that.
What's his name?
227
00:17:55,114 --> 00:17:56,199
That is his name, sir.
228
00:17:56,199 --> 00:17:57,950
Asshole.
Major Asshole.
229
00:17:57,950 --> 00:17:59,994
And his cousin?
He's an Asshole, too, sir.
230
00:17:59,994 --> 00:18:02,330
Gunner's Mate, First
Class, Phillip Asshole.
231
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:04,874
How many Assholes we
got on this ship anyhow?
232
00:18:04,874 --> 00:18:05,958
Yo!
233
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,006
l knew it. l'm
surrounded by assholes.
234
00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:15,593
Keep firing, assholes!
235
00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:19,097
Hurry, Daddy. Hurry!
236
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,559
There are laser blasts
all around us! l'm scared.
237
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:28,648
King Roland to Lone Starr.
238
00:18:28,648 --> 00:18:29,982
Are you there?
239
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,486
Lone Starr, you've got to help
me. Please save my daughter.
240
00:18:33,486 --> 00:18:35,738
She's being attacked
by Spaceballs!
241
00:18:35,738 --> 00:18:38,074
Spaceballs? Forget
it. Too dangerous.
242
00:18:38,074 --> 00:18:41,828
Besides, l'm already numero
uno on Dark Helmet's hit list.
243
00:18:41,828 --> 00:18:45,123
Look, Your Highness, it's not
that we're afraid. Far from it.
244
00:18:45,123 --> 00:18:48,459
lt's just that we got this
thing about death. lt's not us.
245
00:18:48,459 --> 00:18:49,502
Please, you must!
246
00:18:49,502 --> 00:18:52,547
You're the only ones that can
save her! l'll give you anything !
247
00:18:52,547 --> 00:18:54,674
Did you hear me?
Anything.
248
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,300
Anything?
249
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:57,510
Yes, anything.
250
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:02,348
Okay. We'll do it
for a million.
251
00:19:02,348 --> 00:19:03,474
A million?
252
00:19:03,474 --> 00:19:06,477
You're starting to fade here. We're
losing picture, Your Highness.
253
00:19:06,477 --> 00:19:09,647
All right, l'll pay it.
Only find her, save her.
254
00:19:09,647 --> 00:19:11,816
All right, King.
You just made a deal.
255
00:19:11,816 --> 00:19:14,318
One princess for
1 million space bucks.
256
00:19:14,318 --> 00:19:15,486
What's she driving?
257
00:19:15,486 --> 00:19:17,321
A brand-new white Mercedes
258
00:19:17,321 --> 00:19:19,615
2001 SEL limited edition.
259
00:19:19,615 --> 00:19:21,492
Moon roof,
all-leather interior.
260
00:19:21,492 --> 00:19:24,036
l got it at a very
good price. l paid cash.
261
00:19:24,036 --> 00:19:26,664
My cousin, Prince Murray, has
a dealership in the valley.
262
00:19:26,664 --> 00:19:27,874
He was very nice to me.
263
00:19:27,874 --> 00:19:29,000
We get the idea.
264
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,334
Where was
she last seen?
265
00:19:30,334 --> 00:19:32,336
She was just passing
Jupiter Two.
266
00:19:32,336 --> 00:19:33,504
We'll find her.
267
00:19:33,504 --> 00:19:35,840
Please bring her back safely.
268
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,969
And if it's at all possible,
try to save the car.
269
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:45,349
1 million space bucks! We'll be
able to pay off Pizza the Hutt!
270
00:19:45,349 --> 00:19:46,601
Give me paw!
271
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,026
What's happening?
272
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,487
What's that glow?
273
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:00,198
We're not moving.
274
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:02,200
We're moving,
all right.
275
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,784
Backwards.
276
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,042
Look, there's our princess.
She's got company.
277
00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:13,044
Oh, no.
Spaceballs!
278
00:20:13,044 --> 00:20:15,421
And they've already got
her in their magnetic beam.
279
00:20:15,421 --> 00:20:17,048
We're too late.
What a shame.
280
00:20:17,048 --> 00:20:19,342
l'll throw her in reverse.
We'll get out of here.
281
00:20:19,342 --> 00:20:20,760
No! Bad.
282
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,763
What are we doing risking our
lives for a runaway princess?
283
00:20:23,763 --> 00:20:25,723
l know we need the
money, but. . . Listen,
284
00:20:25,723 --> 00:20:28,309
we're not just
doing this for money.
285
00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:33,147
We're doing it
for a shitload of money.
286
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:34,774
You're right.
287
00:20:34,774 --> 00:20:38,069
And when you're right, you're
right. And you, you're always right.
288
00:20:38,069 --> 00:20:39,946
Okay, we save her.
But how?
289
00:20:39,946 --> 00:20:42,740
The minute we move in there, they're
gonna spot us on their radar.
290
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:45,034
Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.
291
00:20:45,034 --> 00:20:46,744
Not if we jam it.
292
00:20:46,744 --> 00:20:47,870
Aha!
293
00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:48,996
You're right.
294
00:20:48,996 --> 00:20:50,915
Down scope.
Down scope.
295
00:20:57,297 --> 00:21:01,509
Radar about to be jammed.
296
00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:26,993
Shit.
297
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,293
Sir.
What is it?
298
00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:38,337
Can l talk to you for
a minute, please, sir?
299
00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:42,967
Well?
300
00:21:42,967 --> 00:21:44,051
l'm having trouble
with the radar, sir.
301
00:21:44,051 --> 00:21:46,971
You don't need that, Private.
We're right here. What is it?
302
00:21:46,971 --> 00:21:49,265
l'm having trouble
with the radar, sir.
303
00:21:49,265 --> 00:21:50,349
Now what is it?
304
00:21:50,349 --> 00:21:51,809
l'm having trouble
with the radar.
305
00:21:51,809 --> 00:21:52,852
What's wrong?
306
00:21:52,852 --> 00:21:54,979
l've lost the bleeps, the
sweeps, and the creeps.
307
00:21:54,979 --> 00:21:56,272
The what?
And the what?
308
00:21:56,272 --> 00:21:57,732
You know. The bleeps.
309
00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:01,986
The sweeps.
310
00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:05,823
And the creeps.
311
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:09,410
That's not
all he's lost.
312
00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:11,787
Sir.
The radar, sir.
313
00:22:11,787 --> 00:22:13,622
lt appears to be
314
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:15,624
jammed.
315
00:22:17,252 --> 00:22:18,419
Jammed.
316
00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:23,716
Raspberry.
317
00:22:25,552 --> 00:22:30,139
Well, there's only one man who
would dare give me the raspberry.
318
00:22:31,141 --> 00:22:33,267
Lone Starr!
319
00:23:01,004 --> 00:23:02,046
What was that?
320
00:23:03,130 --> 00:23:05,216
Never mind that.
What was that?
321
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:08,344
Hi.
322
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:10,513
Who are you?
Barf.
323
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:13,474
Not in here, mister.
This is a Mercedes.
324
00:23:13,474 --> 00:23:15,726
No, that's
my name. Barf.
325
00:23:15,726 --> 00:23:16,894
Barf?
326
00:23:16,894 --> 00:23:18,312
What are you?
327
00:23:18,522 --> 00:23:20,856
l'm a Mawg:
half man, half dog.
328
00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:23,192
l'm my own best friend.
329
00:23:23,192 --> 00:23:24,568
What do you want?
330
00:23:24,568 --> 00:23:27,071
Your father hired Captain
Lone Starr and me to save you.
331
00:23:27,071 --> 00:23:29,031
We got to hop up
this ladder and get out.
332
00:23:29,031 --> 00:23:31,242
Good. Quick. Hurry,
darling. Follow the dog.
333
00:23:31,242 --> 00:23:32,827
Mawg. l'm a Mawg.
334
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,663
Wait. What about
my matched luggage?
335
00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:43,295
Stop looking
up my can.
336
00:23:43,295 --> 00:23:44,547
Sorry.
337
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:57,476
Checking in? What
the hell is all that?
338
00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:02,231
lt's Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage!
339
00:24:02,231 --> 00:24:03,357
What?
340
00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:06,569
Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage.
341
00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:08,946
Matched luggage, huh?
342
00:24:08,946 --> 00:24:11,615
What's she think this is,
a Princess Cruise?
343
00:24:12,242 --> 00:24:13,993
Well, she wouldn't
go without it.
344
00:24:13,993 --> 00:24:15,369
Oh, yeah?
345
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:20,583
Now hear this.
346
00:24:20,583 --> 00:24:23,461
The minute we get out of
here, the first thing we do is
347
00:24:23,461 --> 00:24:25,546
dump the matched luggage.
348
00:24:26,256 --> 00:24:27,715
Who is that?
349
00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:31,594
Now you hear this,
whoever you are.
350
00:24:32,053 --> 00:24:34,346
You will not touch
that luggage.
351
00:24:34,346 --> 00:24:37,308
And furthermore, l want
this pigsty cleaned up.
352
00:24:37,308 --> 00:24:40,019
l will not be rescued
in such filth.
353
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:44,356
Listen. On this ship, l don't
take orders, l give them.
354
00:24:44,356 --> 00:24:46,859
This is my dreamboat,
sweetheart.
355
00:24:47,152 --> 00:24:48,527
Sweetheart?
356
00:24:48,527 --> 00:24:49,778
Oh-oh.
357
00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:53,157
How dare you
speak to me that way?
358
00:24:53,157 --> 00:24:56,577
You will address me in the proper
manner as Your Royal Highness.
359
00:24:56,577 --> 00:24:58,537
l am Princess Vespa,
360
00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:01,957
daughter of Roland,
King of the Druids.
361
00:25:04,669 --> 00:25:06,462
That's all we needed.
362
00:25:06,462 --> 00:25:09,215
A Druish princess.
363
00:25:11,801 --> 00:25:14,136
Funny.
She doesn't look Druish.
364
00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:54,301
Now we will show her who
is in charge of this galaxy.
365
00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:59,098
Hold it. l'll handle
this personally.
366
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,351
Jawohl,
Lord Helmet!
367
00:26:05,772 --> 00:26:08,065
So, Princess Vespa,
368
00:26:08,065 --> 00:26:11,986
you thought you could outwit the
imperious forces of Planet Spaceball.
369
00:26:12,362 --> 00:26:14,029
Well, you were wrong.
370
00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:16,282
You are now our prisoner.
371
00:26:16,282 --> 00:26:19,285
And you will be held
hostage until such time
372
00:26:19,285 --> 00:26:22,871
as all of the air is
transferred from your planet
373
00:26:23,164 --> 00:26:24,915
to ours.
374
00:26:33,633 --> 00:26:35,092
She's not in there.
375
00:26:36,553 --> 00:26:37,761
Radar repaired, sir.
376
00:26:37,761 --> 00:26:40,931
We're picking up the outline
of a Winnebago.
377
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,933
Winnebago?
378
00:26:43,518 --> 00:26:44,977
Lone Starr.
379
00:26:54,154 --> 00:26:56,030
Here comes
the Badyear blimp.
380
00:26:56,865 --> 00:26:58,407
We'd better get out
of here in a hurry.
381
00:26:58,407 --> 00:27:00,200
Switch to
secret hyper-jets.
382
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,036
Switching to
secret hyper-jets.
383
00:27:02,036 --> 00:27:05,539
Buckle up back there, we're
going into hyperactive.
384
00:27:13,173 --> 00:27:14,506
We're closing in
on them, sir.
385
00:27:14,506 --> 00:27:16,884
ln less than a minute,
Lone Starr will be ours.
386
00:27:16,884 --> 00:27:19,637
Good.
Prepare to attack.
387
00:27:19,637 --> 00:27:21,055
Prepare to attack.
388
00:27:21,055 --> 00:27:23,098
On the count of three.
389
00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:24,600
One,
390
00:27:25,226 --> 00:27:26,393
two,
391
00:27:27,395 --> 00:27:28,479
late!
392
00:27:28,479 --> 00:27:29,730
What happened?
Where are they?
393
00:27:29,730 --> 00:27:31,023
l don't know, sir.
394
00:27:31,023 --> 00:27:32,691
They must have
hyper-jets on that thing.
395
00:27:32,691 --> 00:27:34,902
And what have we got on
this thing, a Cuisinart?
396
00:27:34,902 --> 00:27:35,986
No, sir.
397
00:27:35,986 --> 00:27:37,196
Well, find them,
catch them !
398
00:27:37,196 --> 00:27:38,280
Yes, sir.
399
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,074
Prepare ship
for light speed.
400
00:27:40,074 --> 00:27:41,659
No, light speed
is too slow.
401
00:27:41,659 --> 00:27:42,826
Light speed too slow?
402
00:27:42,826 --> 00:27:45,746
Yes. We're gonna have to
go right to ludicrous speed.
403
00:27:46,997 --> 00:27:48,207
Ludicrous speed?
404
00:27:48,207 --> 00:27:51,377
We've never gone that fast. l don't
know if this ship can take it.
405
00:27:51,377 --> 00:27:53,337
What's the matter,
Colonel Sandurz?
406
00:27:53,337 --> 00:27:54,630
Chicken?
407
00:27:56,299 --> 00:27:57,758
Prepare ship.
408
00:27:58,468 --> 00:28:00,928
Prepare ship for
ludicrous speed.
409
00:28:01,262 --> 00:28:02,846
Fasten all seat belts.
410
00:28:02,846 --> 00:28:04,723
Seal all entrances
and exits.
411
00:28:04,723 --> 00:28:06,517
Close all shops
in the mall.
412
00:28:06,517 --> 00:28:08,519
Cancel the
three-ring circus.
413
00:28:08,519 --> 00:28:10,020
Secure all animals
in the zoo...
414
00:28:10,020 --> 00:28:12,815
Give me that, you petty
excuse for an officer.
415
00:28:13,899 --> 00:28:15,484
Now hear this.
416
00:28:15,902 --> 00:28:17,361
Ludicrous speed!
417
00:28:17,361 --> 00:28:18,696
Sir, hadn't you
better buckle up?
418
00:28:18,696 --> 00:28:20,364
Buckle this.
419
00:28:20,364 --> 00:28:23,075
Ludicrous speed! Go!
420
00:28:46,015 --> 00:28:47,808
What have l done?
421
00:28:50,019 --> 00:28:54,064
My brains are going
into my feet.
422
00:29:05,702 --> 00:29:07,786
What the hell
was that?
423
00:29:08,371 --> 00:29:09,872
Spaceball One.
424
00:29:11,332 --> 00:29:13,167
They've gone to plaid.
425
00:29:14,961 --> 00:29:19,173
We passed them.
Stop this thing.
426
00:29:19,173 --> 00:29:21,800
We can't stop.
lt's too dangerous.
427
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,219
We've got to
slow down first.
428
00:29:25,138 --> 00:29:28,474
Bullshit!
Just stop this thing !
429
00:29:28,474 --> 00:29:32,186
l order you. Stop!
430
00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:49,787
Here, sir. Here.
Let me help you, sir.
431
00:29:52,248 --> 00:29:53,415
Are you
all right, sir?
432
00:29:53,415 --> 00:29:55,667
Fine.
How have you been?
433
00:29:55,667 --> 00:29:56,752
Fine, sir.
434
00:29:56,752 --> 00:29:57,836
Good.
435
00:29:57,836 --> 00:29:59,296
Good thing you were
wearing that helmet.
436
00:29:59,296 --> 00:30:00,422
Yeah.
437
00:30:00,422 --> 00:30:02,090
What shall
we do now, sir?
438
00:30:02,090 --> 00:30:04,259
Well, are we stopped?
439
00:30:04,259 --> 00:30:05,469
We're stopped, sir.
440
00:30:05,469 --> 00:30:06,595
Good.
441
00:30:07,472 --> 00:30:09,640
Why don't we take
a five-minute break?
442
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:11,266
Very good, sir.
443
00:30:11,893 --> 00:30:13,727
Smoke if
you got them.
444
00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,148
Take her out of
hyperactive.
445
00:30:18,148 --> 00:30:20,192
Taking her out
of hyperactive.
446
00:30:22,945 --> 00:30:24,655
Congrats, boss.
We did it.
447
00:30:24,655 --> 00:30:26,824
They must have overshot
us by a week-and-a-half.
448
00:30:26,824 --> 00:30:28,325
Okay. Let's set
a course for Druidia.
449
00:30:28,325 --> 00:30:29,451
Setting a course
for. . .
450
00:30:30,494 --> 00:30:31,662
What's that?
451
00:30:31,662 --> 00:30:33,747
l don't know.
We're losing power!
452
00:30:33,747 --> 00:30:35,374
Why?
'Cause we're out of gas!
453
00:30:35,374 --> 00:30:37,000
Must have burned it
up in hyperactive.
454
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,503
We should have put more
than five bucks' worth in !
455
00:30:39,503 --> 00:30:41,380
Okay. We'll have to
set her down.
456
00:30:41,380 --> 00:30:43,340
Prepare for
an emergency landing.
457
00:30:43,340 --> 00:30:44,591
Quick, give me
a reading !
458
00:30:44,591 --> 00:30:47,010
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name. . .
459
00:30:47,010 --> 00:30:48,846
Will you stop that?
460
00:30:48,846 --> 00:30:50,764
Keep your seat belts
fastened back there.
461
00:30:50,764 --> 00:30:52,015
You okay, Princess?
462
00:30:54,143 --> 00:30:57,354
No, you idiot! Where'd
you learn how to fly?
463
00:30:57,354 --> 00:30:59,773
Okay.
EagIe 5 coming in.
464
00:31:20,628 --> 00:31:22,838
Left! Go left!
Right! l mean right!
465
00:31:23,131 --> 00:31:24,298
Pull up!
466
00:31:35,602 --> 00:31:36,810
Where're you going?
467
00:31:36,810 --> 00:31:39,813
l am going to tell him
off once and for all.
468
00:31:40,648 --> 00:31:43,901
Wait. We'll need him
to get us out of here.
469
00:31:43,901 --> 00:31:45,694
Called me an idiot?
470
00:31:45,694 --> 00:31:48,739
l'm going back there and
explain a few things to her.
471
00:31:48,739 --> 00:31:52,159
Besides, he's got a sexy
voice. He might be cute.
472
00:31:53,286 --> 00:31:54,578
You haven't seen her.
473
00:31:54,578 --> 00:31:55,829
l know what
she looks like.
474
00:31:55,829 --> 00:31:57,664
You've seen one,
you've seen them all.
475
00:31:57,664 --> 00:32:00,959
Cute? l know these space
bums, they're all alike.
476
00:32:01,252 --> 00:32:02,419
Fat, ugly. . .
477
00:32:02,419 --> 00:32:03,754
Buck-toothed,
knock-kneed. . .
478
00:32:03,754 --> 00:32:05,464
Beer-swilling pigs!
479
00:32:05,464 --> 00:32:07,007
Horse-faced space dogs!
480
00:32:07,007 --> 00:32:08,091
Yeah, well, normally. . .
481
00:32:09,176 --> 00:32:10,844
That's gonna leave a mark.
482
00:32:10,844 --> 00:32:12,679
Now listen, you. . .
483
00:32:14,390 --> 00:32:15,390
You listen.
484
00:32:15,390 --> 00:32:19,519
On this ship, you're to refer to
me as "idiot," not "you Captain."
485
00:32:20,021 --> 00:32:21,730
l mean. . . You know
what l mean.
486
00:32:21,730 --> 00:32:23,815
And you will not
call me "you."
487
00:32:23,815 --> 00:32:26,068
You will never
address me as "you."
488
00:32:26,068 --> 00:32:28,862
You will call me
"Your Royal Highness"!
489
00:32:29,197 --> 00:32:31,698
You are a royal
pain in the. . .
490
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:33,450
Hold it. Time!
What?
491
00:32:33,450 --> 00:32:35,202
May l make
a small suggestion?
492
00:32:35,202 --> 00:32:37,996
Any minute now, the Spaceballs
will make a major U-turn,
493
00:32:37,996 --> 00:32:40,457
head back this way,
and make us all dead.
494
00:32:40,457 --> 00:32:42,250
He's right. Let's go.
495
00:32:42,250 --> 00:32:43,919
Wait. My things.
496
00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:46,171
Now listen,
you royal. . .
497
00:32:47,339 --> 00:32:48,799
Highness.
498
00:32:48,799 --> 00:32:52,010
Take only what
you need to survive.
499
00:33:12,782 --> 00:33:16,660
Please slow down. l'm
getting sand up my gears.
500
00:33:19,747 --> 00:33:22,582
Gee, l hope she
didn't forget anything.
501
00:33:27,422 --> 00:33:30,382
All right, wait a minute,
Barf. Put it down.
502
00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:34,094
What the hell's
in this thing?
503
00:33:38,766 --> 00:33:39,766
What's this?
504
00:33:40,393 --> 00:33:43,270
l said, take only what
you need to survive.
505
00:33:43,270 --> 00:33:45,731
My industrial-strength
hair dryer.
506
00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:48,275
And l can't
live without it!
507
00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:51,903
Okay, Princess,
that's it.
508
00:33:52,405 --> 00:33:54,031
The fairy tale is over.
509
00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:56,366
Welcome to real life.
510
00:33:56,743 --> 00:33:59,494
You want this hot air
machine, you carry it.
511
00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:01,722
You pick that up.
512
00:34:05,918 --> 00:34:08,837
How dare you,
you insolent peasant?
513
00:34:09,213 --> 00:34:11,965
Nobody talks to me
that way. Nobody!
514
00:34:12,508 --> 00:34:13,717
Nobody!
515
00:34:14,093 --> 00:34:16,762
Well, what have we got here?
Will you look at her?
516
00:34:17,846 --> 00:34:21,767
Those flashing eyes, those flushed
cheeks, those trembling lips.
517
00:34:21,767 --> 00:34:23,769
You know
something, Princess?
518
00:34:23,769 --> 00:34:26,146
You are ugly
when you're angry.
519
00:34:26,146 --> 00:34:27,397
Uh-oh.
520
00:34:27,397 --> 00:34:28,815
That's it.
521
00:34:28,815 --> 00:34:30,734
You and
your dog are. . .
522
00:34:30,734 --> 00:34:32,027
Please.
523
00:34:32,027 --> 00:34:34,321
Total humans,
droids, if l may?
524
00:34:34,697 --> 00:34:35,947
lt's going to be
very dark soon.
525
00:34:35,947 --> 00:34:37,991
l suggest we find a place
to camp for the night.
526
00:34:37,991 --> 00:34:39,576
Come, darling.
527
00:34:45,833 --> 00:34:47,626
See? lt's lighter.
528
00:34:47,626 --> 00:34:50,253
Oh, yeah.
This is the best.
529
00:34:51,339 --> 00:34:54,257
l could have carried
two or three of these.
530
00:34:56,219 --> 00:34:58,345
Have you
found them yet?
531
00:34:58,345 --> 00:34:59,554
No, Lord Helmet.
532
00:34:59,554 --> 00:35:01,139
They're still not
on the scanner.
533
00:35:01,139 --> 00:35:03,600
Well, keep looking
for them.
534
00:35:12,318 --> 00:35:14,611
Pardon me, sir.
l have an idea.
535
00:35:15,029 --> 00:35:18,448
Corporal, get me the video
cassette of Spaceballs: The Movie.
536
00:35:18,448 --> 00:35:19,825
Yes, sir.
537
00:35:23,371 --> 00:35:26,623
"The Producers, Twelve Chairs,
Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein."
538
00:35:26,623 --> 00:35:29,126
Colonel Sandurz, may l
speak with you, please?
539
00:35:29,126 --> 00:35:30,168
Yes, sir.
540
00:35:30,168 --> 00:35:32,754
How can there be a cassette
of Spaceballs: The Movie?
541
00:35:32,754 --> 00:35:34,131
We're still in the
middle of making it.
542
00:35:34,131 --> 00:35:35,298
True, sir.
543
00:35:35,298 --> 00:35:37,843
There's been a new breakthrough
in home video marketing.
544
00:35:37,843 --> 00:35:38,927
There has?
545
00:35:38,927 --> 00:35:40,637
Yes.
lnstant cassettes.
546
00:35:40,637 --> 00:35:43,849
They're out in stores
before the movie is finished.
547
00:35:43,849 --> 00:35:44,933
No.
548
00:35:44,933 --> 00:35:48,061
Here it is, sir!
Spaceballs.
549
00:35:48,646 --> 00:35:50,814
Good work,
Corporal. Punch it up.
550
00:35:54,735 --> 00:35:56,820
That's much too early.
Prepare to fast-forward.
551
00:35:56,820 --> 00:35:57,988
Preparing to
fast-forward.
552
00:35:57,988 --> 00:36:00,031
Fast-forward !
Fast-forwarding, sir.
553
00:36:18,801 --> 00:36:21,178
No, go past this.
Past this part.
554
00:36:21,178 --> 00:36:23,597
ln fact, never play
this again.
555
00:36:26,475 --> 00:36:28,018
Try here. Stop.
556
00:36:39,405 --> 00:36:40,989
What the hell
am l looking at?
557
00:36:40,989 --> 00:36:42,574
When does this happen
in the movie?
558
00:36:42,574 --> 00:36:43,700
Now.
559
00:36:43,700 --> 00:36:45,035
You're looking
at now, sir.
560
00:36:45,035 --> 00:36:47,412
Everything that happens now
is happening now.
561
00:36:47,412 --> 00:36:49,164
What happened to then?
We passed then.
562
00:36:49,164 --> 00:36:50,332
When?
Just now.
563
00:36:50,332 --> 00:36:51,541
We're at now, now.
564
00:36:51,541 --> 00:36:52,667
Go back to then.
565
00:36:52,667 --> 00:36:53,877
When?
Now.
566
00:36:53,877 --> 00:36:55,795
l can't. We missed it.
When?
567
00:36:55,795 --> 00:36:57,172
Just now.
568
00:36:57,172 --> 00:36:59,090
When will then
be now?
569
00:36:59,090 --> 00:37:00,300
Soon.
570
00:37:01,302 --> 00:37:02,469
How soon?
571
00:37:02,469 --> 00:37:04,387
Sir! We've
identified their location !
572
00:37:04,387 --> 00:37:05,889
Where?
lt's the moon of Vega.
573
00:37:05,889 --> 00:37:07,766
Set a course and
prepare for our arrival.
574
00:37:07,766 --> 00:37:09,142
When?
1 900 hours, sir.
575
00:37:09,142 --> 00:37:11,519
By high noon tomorrow,
they will be our prisoners.
576
00:37:11,519 --> 00:37:12,646
Who?
577
00:37:30,623 --> 00:37:32,707
No, thank you.
l'm perfectly all right.
578
00:37:32,707 --> 00:37:34,709
Take it,
it's freezing.
579
00:37:34,709 --> 00:37:36,378
lf you insist.
580
00:37:44,178 --> 00:37:45,345
Won't you be cold?
581
00:37:45,345 --> 00:37:47,639
No, cold never bothers me.
582
00:37:54,104 --> 00:37:56,064
l can't seem
to find Druidia.
583
00:37:56,064 --> 00:37:57,691
lt's right there.
584
00:37:57,691 --> 00:37:58,942
Where?
585
00:37:58,942 --> 00:38:02,529
lt's right there. lt's that
bright blue one right there. See?
586
00:38:03,406 --> 00:38:07,534
Oh, yeah.
But it's so far away.
587
00:38:09,078 --> 00:38:11,413
Don't worry,
l'll get you there.
588
00:38:12,456 --> 00:38:13,581
Which one's yours?
589
00:38:13,581 --> 00:38:14,666
Who knows?
590
00:38:14,666 --> 00:38:16,126
You don't know
where you're from?
591
00:38:16,126 --> 00:38:19,212
Not really. l was found on
the doorstep of a monastery.
592
00:38:19,212 --> 00:38:20,964
Monastery? Where?
593
00:38:20,964 --> 00:38:23,174
Somewhere
in the Ford Galaxy.
594
00:38:23,801 --> 00:38:26,303
Well, didn't the monks tell
you who your parents were?
595
00:38:26,303 --> 00:38:29,180
They couldn't. They
took a vow of silence.
596
00:38:29,180 --> 00:38:32,058
All l got was this.
lt was around my neck.
597
00:38:32,058 --> 00:38:33,476
What is it?
l don't know.
598
00:38:33,476 --> 00:38:35,854
l've taken it to every
wise man in the universe
599
00:38:35,854 --> 00:38:38,565
and nobody could
tell me what it means.
600
00:38:39,817 --> 00:38:41,359
lt's beautiful.
601
00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:44,362
You know, l. . .
602
00:38:47,074 --> 00:38:48,616
lt's beautiful.
603
00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:55,915
So, how come you ran
away from your wedding?
604
00:38:56,959 --> 00:39:00,670
Well, if you must know, l
wasn't in love with the groom.
605
00:39:01,255 --> 00:39:03,256
Why were you
going to marry him?
606
00:39:03,256 --> 00:39:07,802
Because l'm a princess, and
l have to marry a prince.
607
00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:10,972
And he doesn't
do it for you, huh?
608
00:39:11,932 --> 00:39:14,726
No, he doesn't
do it for me.
609
00:39:18,939 --> 00:39:20,774
l really must go back.
610
00:39:22,276 --> 00:39:24,277
l shouldn't have run away.
611
00:39:24,862 --> 00:39:28,114
l realize now that
love is one luxury
612
00:39:30,743 --> 00:39:32,285
You're probably right.
613
00:39:33,037 --> 00:39:36,831
l know now that l must
learn to live without love.
614
00:39:37,041 --> 00:39:38,458
l guess so.
615
00:39:38,458 --> 00:39:40,627
Besides, love isn't
that important.
616
00:39:40,627 --> 00:39:42,670
No, it never was.
617
00:39:42,670 --> 00:39:46,299
l could be perfectly happy
the rest of my life without
618
00:39:47,468 --> 00:39:48,551
love.
619
00:39:49,136 --> 00:39:50,637
Sure you could.
620
00:39:52,723 --> 00:39:55,100
Without physical contact.
621
00:39:55,851 --> 00:39:56,976
Yeah.
622
00:39:57,645 --> 00:39:59,813
Without being held.
623
00:39:59,813 --> 00:40:01,147
Yeah.
624
00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:04,067
Or kissed.
625
00:40:11,742 --> 00:40:13,952
Abandon ship!
626
00:40:13,952 --> 00:40:15,662
Women and Mawgs first!
627
00:40:16,997 --> 00:40:18,957
We'll
have none of that, mister.
628
00:40:18,957 --> 00:40:21,084
How far did he get?
What did he touch?
629
00:40:21,084 --> 00:40:22,627
Nothing happened !
630
00:40:22,627 --> 00:40:24,337
What the hell
was that noise?
631
00:40:24,337 --> 00:40:26,047
That was
my Virgin Alarm.
632
00:40:26,047 --> 00:40:28,633
lt's programmed to
go off before you do.
633
00:40:29,009 --> 00:40:30,760
You get back
to bed, miss.
634
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,262
And as for you,
sex fiend. . .
635
00:40:32,262 --> 00:40:34,889
All right. Let's all
just get some sleep.
636
00:40:34,889 --> 00:40:36,933
We gotta get moving
before dawn.
637
00:40:36,933 --> 00:40:38,101
Why so early?
638
00:40:38,101 --> 00:40:40,061
Because we're in
the middle of the desert
639
00:40:40,061 --> 00:40:44,190
and we aren't gonna get very far
once that blazing sun gets overhead.
640
00:40:48,821 --> 00:40:50,405
Nice dissolve.
641
00:40:59,999 --> 00:41:00,719
Water.
642
00:41:12,553 --> 00:41:14,387
Oil.
643
00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:19,100
Room service.
644
00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:27,108
Chief, l'm dead.
645
00:41:30,446 --> 00:41:32,363
l can't go
any further.
646
00:41:34,700 --> 00:41:36,493
Come on, Barf,
old buddy.
647
00:41:37,620 --> 00:41:38,995
Just one more
dune to go.
648
00:41:38,995 --> 00:41:40,163
No!
649
00:41:40,163 --> 00:41:43,875
You said that three dunes
ago. l got no more left.
650
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,296
Oh, waiter.
Check, please.
651
00:41:50,925 --> 00:41:52,245
Must go on.
652
00:41:58,974 --> 00:42:00,725
Who am l kidding?
653
00:43:01,954 --> 00:43:03,454
Thanks, little guy.
654
00:43:06,083 --> 00:43:07,166
Thank you.
655
00:43:09,378 --> 00:43:11,170
Did l miss something?
656
00:43:11,714 --> 00:43:13,965
When did we get
to Disneyland?
657
00:43:31,900 --> 00:43:33,943
l don't
see them, Sandurz.
658
00:43:33,943 --> 00:43:36,446
l've sent the troops on
ahead to Vector 78, sir.
659
00:43:36,446 --> 00:43:37,614
Let's get moving.
660
00:43:37,614 --> 00:43:39,240
Yes, sir. Driver,
prepare to move out.
661
00:43:39,240 --> 00:43:41,993
What are you preparing? You're
always preparing. Just go.
662
00:43:41,993 --> 00:43:43,286
Just go.
Yes, sir.
663
00:43:43,286 --> 00:43:45,496
Sir, shouldn't
you sit down?
664
00:44:03,724 --> 00:44:04,891
What're they saying?
665
00:44:04,891 --> 00:44:08,102
Well, it's obvious they
want us to go with them.
666
00:44:17,571 --> 00:44:19,322
What is
this place?
667
00:44:19,322 --> 00:44:21,699
lt looks like
the Temple of Doom.
668
00:44:21,699 --> 00:44:24,410
Well, it sure ain't
Temple Beth lsrael.
669
00:44:24,410 --> 00:44:27,246
Come on. l think we'd
better follow them.
670
00:44:39,467 --> 00:44:41,427
Oh-oh. l think
we woke it up.
671
00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:44,597
Goodbye, folks! Let me
know how it turns out.
672
00:44:44,597 --> 00:44:45,807
Come back
here, Dot!
673
00:44:45,807 --> 00:44:47,016
Come on. We
gotta keep going.
674
00:44:47,016 --> 00:44:48,601
We need you.
675
00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:56,776
What's gonna
happen now?
676
00:44:56,776 --> 00:44:58,528
Don't ask.
Maybe it won't.
677
00:44:58,528 --> 00:44:59,862
But what if
it does?
678
00:44:59,862 --> 00:45:02,198
l don't know about you,
but l'm all for leaving.
679
00:45:02,198 --> 00:45:04,826
l say we get out of here right
now, while the going. . .
680
00:45:05,910 --> 00:45:07,245
Silence!
681
00:45:07,913 --> 00:45:11,374
Who dares enter the
sacred and awesome presence
682
00:45:11,374 --> 00:45:14,669
of the everlasting
know-it-all, Yogurt?
683
00:45:16,255 --> 00:45:17,505
Yogurt?
684
00:45:27,641 --> 00:45:28,808
You heard of me?
685
00:45:28,808 --> 00:45:31,811
Heard of you? Who
hasn't heard of Yogurt?
686
00:45:32,354 --> 00:45:33,855
Yogurt,
the wise.
687
00:45:34,064 --> 00:45:35,815
Yogurt,
the all-powerful.
688
00:45:35,815 --> 00:45:37,692
Yogurt,
the magnificent.
689
00:45:37,692 --> 00:45:41,529
Please, don't make a fuss.
l'm just plain Yogurt.
690
00:45:42,156 --> 00:45:43,239
But you're the one. . .
691
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:44,365
Yes.
692
00:45:44,365 --> 00:45:47,034
l am the keeper of
a greater magic,
693
00:45:47,453 --> 00:45:50,788
a power known throughout
the universe as the. . .
694
00:45:50,788 --> 00:45:51,873
The Force?
695
00:45:51,873 --> 00:45:53,958
No. The Schwartz.
696
00:45:54,668 --> 00:45:56,627
The Schwartz!
697
00:45:57,004 --> 00:46:00,506
Yes, the Schwartz.
698
00:46:04,052 --> 00:46:07,847
But, Yogurt, what is this place?
What is it that you do here?
699
00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:09,932
Merchandising.
700
00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:11,934
Merchandising?
What's that?
701
00:46:11,934 --> 00:46:13,102
Merchandising.
702
00:46:13,102 --> 00:46:15,938
Come, l'll show you.
Open up the store.
703
00:46:21,069 --> 00:46:23,821
Come! Walk this way.
Take a look.
704
00:46:23,821 --> 00:46:27,200
We put the picture's
name on everything !
705
00:46:27,534 --> 00:46:30,244
Merchandising,
706
00:46:30,244 --> 00:46:32,872
where the real money
from the movie is made.
707
00:46:33,165 --> 00:46:34,916
SpacebaIIs, The T-shirt.
708
00:46:34,916 --> 00:46:36,959
Spaceballs,
The Coloring Book.
709
00:46:36,959 --> 00:46:38,836
Spaceballs,
The Lunch Box.
710
00:46:39,046 --> 00:46:41,214
Spaceballs,
The Breakfast Cereal.
711
00:46:41,423 --> 00:46:43,800
Spaceballs,
The Flamethrower.
712
00:46:44,510 --> 00:46:46,469
The kids love this one.
713
00:46:46,887 --> 00:46:48,679
Last, but not least,
714
00:46:48,931 --> 00:46:51,224
SpacebaIIs, The Doll.
Me.
715
00:46:52,558 --> 00:46:54,894
May the Schwartz
be with you.
716
00:46:57,063 --> 00:46:58,397
Adorable.
717
00:47:00,067 --> 00:47:02,068
Hot together
718
00:47:02,778 --> 00:47:03,778
Hot
719
00:47:03,778 --> 00:47:05,321
So hot together
720
00:47:05,321 --> 00:47:06,989
Baby, we could be hot...
721
00:47:13,997 --> 00:47:15,289
President Skroob.
722
00:47:15,289 --> 00:47:16,415
What is it?
723
00:47:16,792 --> 00:47:20,294
l have an urgent message from Lord
Helmet. He's lost the Princess.
724
00:47:20,294 --> 00:47:21,420
Where?
725
00:47:21,420 --> 00:47:22,797
Somewhere in
the sands of Vega.
726
00:47:22,797 --> 00:47:26,551
Tell them to comb the desert.
Do you hear me? Comb the desert!
727
00:47:26,927 --> 00:47:28,010
Yes, sir.
728
00:47:33,892 --> 00:47:35,434
Sir?
What?
729
00:47:37,521 --> 00:47:39,230
Are we being
too literal?
730
00:47:39,230 --> 00:47:41,023
No, you fool.
We're following orders.
731
00:47:41,023 --> 00:47:44,443
We were told to comb the
desert, so we're combing it.
732
00:47:44,778 --> 00:47:46,487
Found anything yet?
733
00:47:47,114 --> 00:47:48,906
Nothing yet, sir.
734
00:47:50,826 --> 00:47:52,869
How about you?
735
00:47:53,370 --> 00:47:54,996
Not a thing, sir.
736
00:47:57,958 --> 00:47:59,792
What about
you guys?
737
00:48:00,210 --> 00:48:01,961
We ain't found shit!
738
00:48:05,382 --> 00:48:08,968
lt's a big mystery. None of the
wise men could tell me what it means.
739
00:48:08,968 --> 00:48:13,222
Wise men, pshaw. Wise guys,
you mean. What do they know?
740
00:48:13,222 --> 00:48:15,308
Here, let me
take a look.
741
00:48:24,526 --> 00:48:25,693
You can read it!
742
00:48:25,693 --> 00:48:27,904
No, l was just
clearing my throat.
743
00:48:27,904 --> 00:48:30,323
Here, let me
take a. . .
744
00:48:32,534 --> 00:48:35,828
Oh, yes.
Yes, of course!
745
00:48:35,828 --> 00:48:36,996
You understand it?
746
00:48:36,996 --> 00:48:38,748
Yes.
What's it say?
747
00:48:38,748 --> 00:48:43,377
l cannot tell you that now. lt shall
be revealed to you at the proper time.
748
00:48:43,670 --> 00:48:44,879
Great.
749
00:48:45,213 --> 00:48:46,797
Come on, don't be
disappointed.
750
00:48:46,797 --> 00:48:48,507
Back to your
Schwartz training.
751
00:48:48,507 --> 00:48:52,136
Here, take the ring. Point
it at that big statue.
752
00:48:52,387 --> 00:48:54,305
Okay. But l still
don't understand
753
00:48:54,305 --> 00:48:57,558
how l'm going to lift that big
statue with this little ring.
754
00:48:57,558 --> 00:49:01,854
Never underestimate the
power of the Schwartz!
755
00:49:01,854 --> 00:49:04,774
Come on, concentrate!
Here we go!
756
00:49:06,234 --> 00:49:07,693
Concentrate.
757
00:49:20,874 --> 00:49:23,376
Lone Starr,
you're doing it!
758
00:49:25,963 --> 00:49:28,965
l can't believe it! The
Schwartz, it's working !
759
00:49:30,258 --> 00:49:33,135
Hey, boss,
how'd you do that?
760
00:49:37,391 --> 00:49:40,184
Give me the ring, quick.
761
00:49:43,772 --> 00:49:45,231
Upsy-daisy!
762
00:49:50,946 --> 00:49:52,405
Sorry, Barf.
763
00:49:58,036 --> 00:49:59,620
Keep searching.
764
00:50:01,623 --> 00:50:03,791
lt's no use, sir. We've
searched everywhere.
765
00:50:03,791 --> 00:50:04,834
Wait.
766
00:50:04,834 --> 00:50:08,087
l feel the presence
of the Schwartz.
767
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:10,172
The Schwartz?
Yes.
768
00:50:10,674 --> 00:50:12,925
lt's coming
from somewhere
769
00:50:13,260 --> 00:50:15,636
down there.
770
00:50:18,181 --> 00:50:21,517
You're right, sir. There's
a secret entrance here.
771
00:50:21,517 --> 00:50:24,437
And look at this
insignia. lt's a "Y."
772
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:29,316
Yogurt!
l hate yogurt!
773
00:50:29,776 --> 00:50:31,610
Even with strawberries!
774
00:50:31,610 --> 00:50:33,195
l'll call for
the attack squad, sir.
775
00:50:33,195 --> 00:50:36,073
No, we can't go in there.
Yogurt has the Schwartz.
776
00:50:36,073 --> 00:50:37,450
lt's far too powerful.
777
00:50:37,450 --> 00:50:40,202
But, sir, your ring. Don't
you have the Schwartz, too?
778
00:50:40,202 --> 00:50:42,413
He got the upside.
l got the downside.
779
00:50:42,413 --> 00:50:44,040
There's two sides
to every Schwartz.
780
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:47,001
Then how are we gonna
go in there and get her?
781
00:50:48,253 --> 00:50:50,254
We will not
go in there.
782
00:50:50,714 --> 00:50:53,507
She will
come out to us.
783
00:51:05,395 --> 00:51:10,816
Vespa, my
child. Where are you?
784
00:51:11,318 --> 00:51:12,568
Daddy?
785
00:51:12,819 --> 00:51:16,822
Vespa, it's your father,
King Roland.
786
00:51:17,157 --> 00:51:18,574
Come to me.
787
00:51:18,574 --> 00:51:19,867
Daddy?
788
00:51:20,243 --> 00:51:22,995
l hear you.
Where are you?
789
00:51:23,413 --> 00:51:25,331
Follow my voice.
790
00:51:26,291 --> 00:51:28,334
Come to me.
791
00:51:33,715 --> 00:51:35,591
Vespa, where are you going?
792
00:51:35,591 --> 00:51:38,719
Vespa, come to me.
793
00:51:42,682 --> 00:51:45,601
Daddy.
ls it really you?
794
00:51:45,601 --> 00:51:47,186
Yes, my dear.
795
00:51:47,896 --> 00:51:51,607
l guarantee it.
Would l lie?
796
00:51:54,319 --> 00:51:55,361
Daddy.
797
00:51:56,445 --> 00:51:58,155
No, Vespa, don't!
798
00:52:01,827 --> 00:52:03,536
Fooled you.
799
00:52:06,706 --> 00:52:09,625
Take them both aboard and put
the Princess in my quarters.
800
00:52:09,625 --> 00:52:11,210
Yes, sir.
801
00:52:11,210 --> 00:52:12,962
Now she is mine.
802
00:52:13,421 --> 00:52:14,922
What's the matter?
What are they saying?
803
00:52:14,922 --> 00:52:16,882
They've taken
the Princess.
804
00:52:26,476 --> 00:52:28,644
Spaceballs.
Too late.
805
00:52:28,644 --> 00:52:31,355
Don't worry, boss.
We'll get her back.
806
00:52:34,985 --> 00:52:36,277
Thanks for
the gas, Yogurt.
807
00:52:36,277 --> 00:52:38,487
You're welcome.
And here!
808
00:52:39,197 --> 00:52:41,365
Just in case
you get hungry.
809
00:52:42,075 --> 00:52:43,868
A fortune cookie?
Yes!
810
00:52:43,868 --> 00:52:47,246
Remember, open it
before you eat it.
811
00:52:47,998 --> 00:52:50,124
Thanks.
We better get going.
812
00:52:50,124 --> 00:52:52,877
l wonder, will we ever
see each other again?
813
00:52:53,086 --> 00:52:56,380
Who knows? God willing,
we'll all meet again
814
00:52:56,380 --> 00:52:59,425
in Spaceballs 2:
The Search for More Money.
815
00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:01,969
Goodbye, Lone Starr.
816
00:53:01,969 --> 00:53:03,637
Goodbye, Yogurt.
817
00:53:04,347 --> 00:53:06,390
The ring of the Schwartz!
818
00:53:06,933 --> 00:53:09,018
No, l can't take this.
819
00:53:09,018 --> 00:53:12,646
Take it.
You might need it.
820
00:53:13,148 --> 00:53:15,774
Thanks.
l'll never forget you.
821
00:53:17,235 --> 00:53:18,944
Wish me luck.
822
00:53:41,593 --> 00:53:43,344
So, Princess Vespa,
823
00:53:43,344 --> 00:53:46,639
at last l have you
in my clutches
824
00:53:47,182 --> 00:53:50,851
to have my way with you
the way l want to.
825
00:53:51,144 --> 00:53:53,854
No, please!
Leave me alone.
826
00:53:53,854 --> 00:53:55,272
No, you are mine.
827
00:53:55,272 --> 00:53:56,732
Not so fast, Helmet.
828
00:53:56,732 --> 00:53:58,067
Lone Starr.
829
00:53:58,067 --> 00:54:00,778
Yes, it's me. l'm here
to save my girlfriend.
830
00:54:00,778 --> 00:54:01,987
Hi, honey.
831
00:54:01,987 --> 00:54:04,281
Now you are
going to die.
832
00:54:06,785 --> 00:54:08,619
Hey,
what'd you do to my friend?
833
00:54:08,619 --> 00:54:11,747
The same thing l'm going
to do to you, big boy.
834
00:54:11,747 --> 00:54:13,332
And you, too.
835
00:54:14,125 --> 00:54:17,753
Now, Princess Vespa,
at last we are alone.
836
00:54:18,630 --> 00:54:21,215
No, l hate you.
Leave me alone!
837
00:54:21,215 --> 00:54:23,842
Yet l find you
strangely attractive.
838
00:54:23,842 --> 00:54:25,427
Of course you do.
839
00:54:25,427 --> 00:54:29,598
Druish princesses are often
attracted to money and power.
840
00:54:29,598 --> 00:54:32,559
And l have both.
And you know it.
841
00:54:33,228 --> 00:54:35,145
Leave me alone!
No, kiss me!
842
00:54:35,145 --> 00:54:36,772
No! Yes! No!
843
00:54:36,772 --> 00:54:38,023
No!
Yes!
844
00:54:43,196 --> 00:54:45,406
Your helmet
is so big.
845
00:54:46,032 --> 00:54:47,324
Lord Helmet.
What?
846
00:54:47,324 --> 00:54:49,285
You're needed
on the bridge, sir!
847
00:54:49,285 --> 00:54:51,662
Knock on my door.
Knock next time!
848
00:54:51,662 --> 00:54:52,788
Yes, sir.
849
00:54:52,788 --> 00:54:54,456
Did you see anything?
No, sir.
850
00:54:54,456 --> 00:54:56,125
l didn't see you
playing with your dolls.
851
00:54:56,125 --> 00:54:57,293
Good.
852
00:55:16,396 --> 00:55:17,813
President Skroob.
853
00:55:17,813 --> 00:55:21,734
l told you never to call me on
this wall. This is an unlisted wall.
854
00:55:21,734 --> 00:55:23,652
Sorry, sir,
but it's vey important.
855
00:55:23,652 --> 00:55:26,071
The Princess has just
been brought to your office
856
00:55:26,071 --> 00:55:28,699
and Lord Helmet and Colonel
Sandurz are awaiting you there.
857
00:55:28,699 --> 00:55:31,160
All right. Tell them
l'll be right there.
858
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:32,494
Yes, sir!
859
00:55:44,299 --> 00:55:46,842
Helmet, you fiend!
What's going on?
860
00:55:46,842 --> 00:55:48,510
What are you doing
to my daughter?
861
00:55:48,510 --> 00:55:50,346
Permit me
to introduce
862
00:55:50,346 --> 00:55:54,183
the brilliant young plastic
surgeon, Dr. Phillip Schlotkin.
863
00:55:54,601 --> 00:55:59,104
The greatest nose job man in the
entire universe and Beverly Hills.
864
00:55:59,397 --> 00:56:00,647
Your Highness.
865
00:56:00,647 --> 00:56:02,191
Nose job?
l don't understand.
866
00:56:02,191 --> 00:56:05,361
She's already had a nose job.
lt was her sweet-sixteen present.
867
00:56:05,361 --> 00:56:08,781
No, it's not what you
think. It's much, much worse.
868
00:56:08,990 --> 00:56:12,493
lf you do not give me the
combination to the air shield,
869
00:56:12,493 --> 00:56:16,872
Dr. Schlotkin will give your
daughter back her old nose.
870
00:56:18,123 --> 00:56:18,873
No!
871
00:56:22,420 --> 00:56:24,338
Where did you get that?
872
00:56:24,338 --> 00:56:26,590
All right, l'll tell!
873
00:56:26,883 --> 00:56:28,967
No, Daddy,
no, you mustn't!
874
00:56:28,967 --> 00:56:32,096
You're right, my dear.
l'll miss your new nose.
875
00:56:32,096 --> 00:56:35,391
But l will not tell him the
combination, no matter what.
876
00:56:35,391 --> 00:56:39,186
Vey well. Dr.
Schlotkin, do your worst.
877
00:56:39,479 --> 00:56:41,230
My pleasure.
878
00:56:44,317 --> 00:56:46,360
No! Wait!
879
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:49,655
l'll tell.
880
00:56:50,407 --> 00:56:54,368
I knew it would
work. All right, give it to me.
881
00:56:55,870 --> 00:56:57,663
The combination is:
882
00:56:59,916 --> 00:57:00,916
One.
883
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:03,127
Two.
884
00:57:04,211 --> 00:57:05,504
Three.
885
00:57:06,256 --> 00:57:07,339
Four.
886
00:57:09,843 --> 00:57:10,968
Five.
887
00:57:12,554 --> 00:57:16,765
So the combination is
1 -2-3-4-5.
888
00:57:17,559 --> 00:57:20,644
That's the stupidest combination
l ever heard in my life!
889
00:57:20,644 --> 00:57:23,272
That's the kind of thing an
idiot would have on his luggage!
890
00:57:23,272 --> 00:57:24,690
Thank you,
Your Highness.
891
00:57:25,817 --> 00:57:26,859
What did you do?
892
00:57:26,859 --> 00:57:27,943
l turned off
the wall.
893
00:57:27,943 --> 00:57:29,486
No, you turned off
the whole movie.
894
00:57:29,486 --> 00:57:30,946
l must have pressed
the wrong button.
895
00:57:30,946 --> 00:57:32,531
Put the movie back on !
896
00:57:32,531 --> 00:57:33,699
Yes, sir.
897
00:57:33,699 --> 00:57:35,117
You gotta get
that thing fixed.
898
00:57:35,117 --> 00:57:37,786
We're back! And we
have the combination !
899
00:57:37,786 --> 00:57:39,496
Schlotkin !
What?
900
00:57:39,496 --> 00:57:40,873
We're done with you.
901
00:57:40,873 --> 00:57:43,625
Go back to the golf course
and work on your putts.
902
00:57:43,625 --> 00:57:45,502
Let's go, Arnold.
Come, Gretchen.
903
00:57:45,502 --> 00:57:49,256
Of course, you know l'll still
have to bill you for this.
904
00:57:52,510 --> 00:57:54,720
l bet she gives
great helmet.
905
00:57:57,765 --> 00:57:59,308
Did it work?
Where's the King?
906
00:57:59,308 --> 00:58:01,310
lt worked, sir.
We have the combination.
907
00:58:01,310 --> 00:58:05,856
Great. Now we can take every last
breath of fresh air from Planet Druidia.
908
00:58:05,856 --> 00:58:07,107
What's the combination?
909
00:58:07,107 --> 00:58:09,067
1 -2-3-4-5.
910
00:58:09,402 --> 00:58:10,652
1 -2-3-4-5?
911
00:58:10,652 --> 00:58:11,737
Yes.
912
00:58:11,737 --> 00:58:15,365
That's amazing. l've got the
same combination on my luggage.
913
00:58:15,365 --> 00:58:18,118
Prepare SpacebaII One
for immediate departure.
914
00:58:18,118 --> 00:58:19,244
Yes, sir.
915
00:58:19,244 --> 00:58:22,080
And change the combination
on my luggage.
916
00:58:28,755 --> 00:58:31,632
There it is. Spaceball
City, straight ahead.
917
00:58:31,632 --> 00:58:33,509
Good,
l'm taking her in.
918
00:58:36,930 --> 00:58:39,139
What the hell
is that thing?
919
00:58:39,139 --> 00:58:41,433
lt looks like
a Winnebago with wings.
920
00:58:42,644 --> 00:58:45,187
Hey, you can't
park here!
921
00:58:45,187 --> 00:58:48,023
Yeah, can't you guys
read? "No parking."
922
00:58:52,819 --> 00:58:54,905
That son of a. . .
923
00:58:57,909 --> 00:59:02,371
All right, hands up. You're
under arrest for illegal parking.
924
00:59:02,371 --> 00:59:03,455
Yeah !
925
00:59:26,521 --> 00:59:30,607
Warden Miller,
you're wanted in V-17.
926
00:59:31,192 --> 00:59:35,654
Attention.
Section C scanners, report.
927
00:59:36,948 --> 00:59:37,990
Nah.
928
00:59:42,328 --> 00:59:43,829
She's gotta be in
one of these cells.
929
00:59:43,829 --> 00:59:45,831
Yeah, but which one?
930
00:59:47,667 --> 00:59:49,042
No.
No.
931
00:59:49,042 --> 00:59:52,254
Nobody knows
932
00:59:52,254 --> 00:59:53,630
lt's coming
from here.
933
00:59:53,630 --> 00:59:54,923
That can't
be her.
934
00:59:54,923 --> 00:59:57,342
The trouble
l've seen
935
00:59:58,136 --> 01:00:03,348
Nobody knows
but Jesus
936
01:00:05,143 --> 01:00:06,393
lt's her.
937
01:00:07,437 --> 01:00:11,023
Nobody knows
938
01:00:11,608 --> 01:00:14,067
The trouble l've seen
939
01:00:14,444 --> 01:00:15,611
She's a bass.
940
01:00:15,611 --> 01:00:19,865
Glory hallelujah
941
01:00:25,455 --> 01:00:27,122
What do you want?
942
01:00:27,122 --> 01:00:28,415
lt's me.
943
01:00:29,042 --> 01:00:30,292
lt's us.
944
01:00:30,292 --> 01:00:32,919
Lone Starr.
How did you find us?
945
01:00:32,919 --> 01:00:34,963
No time to talk.
Come on.
946
01:00:34,963 --> 01:00:36,173
We gotta move.
947
01:00:36,173 --> 01:00:37,799
Barf! How'd you do it?
948
01:00:59,238 --> 01:01:01,823
Those are the guys
that stole our uniforms!
949
01:01:01,823 --> 01:01:04,242
And beat the shit
out of us, too!
950
01:01:08,539 --> 01:01:10,082
We got company.
951
01:01:15,254 --> 01:01:16,505
Watch out!
952
01:01:19,676 --> 01:01:21,677
Damn it! That's
our only way out.
953
01:01:21,677 --> 01:01:22,803
We're trapped.
954
01:01:22,803 --> 01:01:24,054
l hate
these movies.
955
01:01:27,808 --> 01:01:28,892
l'm out of ammo!
956
01:01:28,892 --> 01:01:30,894
Get back!
l'll hold them off.
957
01:01:32,105 --> 01:01:33,647
l got an idea!
958
01:01:35,441 --> 01:01:36,858
What's he doing?
959
01:01:49,622 --> 01:01:50,789
Good work.
960
01:01:50,789 --> 01:01:52,833
More ping-pongs.
Run for it.
961
01:01:52,833 --> 01:01:54,167
Let's go!
962
01:01:57,714 --> 01:01:59,798
lt's closing !
963
01:02:01,259 --> 01:02:02,968
The door's closing !
964
01:02:02,968 --> 01:02:04,511
Go for broke!
965
01:02:13,062 --> 01:02:15,647
Don't move or you're
dead. Stand up!
966
01:02:15,647 --> 01:02:17,774
Captain,
we've got them.
967
01:02:21,529 --> 01:02:25,574
Spectacular stunt, my friends,
but all for naught.
968
01:02:26,576 --> 01:02:28,326
Turn around, please.
969
01:02:29,829 --> 01:02:32,914
What a pity.
970
01:02:33,666 --> 01:02:37,419
So, Princess, you thought you could
outwit the imperious force of. . .
971
01:02:41,382 --> 01:02:42,799
You idiots!
972
01:02:43,342 --> 01:02:46,928
These are not them. You've
captured their stunt doubles.
973
01:02:47,847 --> 01:02:50,640
Search the area.
Find them !
974
01:02:53,394 --> 01:02:56,146
Hurry up. Get
aboard. l'll hold them off.
975
01:02:59,317 --> 01:03:00,776
Open the door!
976
01:03:00,985 --> 01:03:02,277
l can't,
it's fused.
977
01:03:02,277 --> 01:03:04,112
What about this one?
lt's locked.
978
01:03:04,112 --> 01:03:05,947
Where are the keys?
lnside.
979
01:03:05,947 --> 01:03:07,699
Oh, great!
Duck!
980
01:03:10,870 --> 01:03:13,205
Here, you hold them off.
l'll get the door.
981
01:03:13,205 --> 01:03:15,749
l ain't shooting this
thing. l hate guns.
982
01:03:18,377 --> 01:03:21,129
My hair.
He shot my hair!
983
01:03:22,131 --> 01:03:24,216
You son of a bitch !
984
01:03:35,061 --> 01:03:36,895
Holy shit!
985
01:03:41,734 --> 01:03:43,151
How was that?
986
01:03:43,151 --> 01:03:44,694
Not bad.
987
01:03:44,694 --> 01:03:46,238
Not bad
for a girl.
988
01:03:46,238 --> 01:03:48,657
That was pretty good
for Rambo!
989
01:03:48,657 --> 01:03:50,659
Let's blow this joint.
990
01:04:02,296 --> 01:04:05,715
President
Skroob! Salute!
991
01:04:05,715 --> 01:04:07,342
Hail, Skroob.
992
01:04:08,845 --> 01:04:11,763
The ship is too big. lf l
walk, the movie will be over.
993
01:04:11,763 --> 01:04:13,014
Sir.
Yes?
994
01:04:14,140 --> 01:04:17,185
Never have that damn
thing down in front of me.
995
01:04:17,185 --> 01:04:20,021
How do l know you're not making
faces at me under that thing?
996
01:04:20,021 --> 01:04:21,565
President Skroob.
Yes?
997
01:04:21,565 --> 01:04:23,817
There it is,
Planet Druidia.
998
01:04:24,610 --> 01:04:28,613
Planet Druidia.
And 1 0,000 years of fresh air.
999
01:04:28,948 --> 01:04:31,116
The way he runs things,
it won't last 1 00.
1000
01:04:31,116 --> 01:04:32,200
What?
1001
01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:34,452
Preparing ship for
metamorphosis, sir.
1002
01:04:34,452 --> 01:04:36,037
Good.
Get on with it.
1003
01:04:36,037 --> 01:04:37,581
Ready, Kafka?
1004
01:04:44,213 --> 01:04:45,463
Look, it's
Spaceball One.
1005
01:04:47,633 --> 01:04:49,050
They've reached
the air shield.
1006
01:04:49,050 --> 01:04:50,927
And it's opening.
1007
01:04:54,640 --> 01:04:56,808
The ship's too big.
They'll never get through.
1008
01:04:56,808 --> 01:04:59,895
How will they get the air out? l
don't see any hoses or anything.
1009
01:05:05,151 --> 01:05:06,818
What's happening?
1010
01:05:09,739 --> 01:05:12,198
The ship. Changing.
1011
01:05:26,255 --> 01:05:29,883
Oh, my gosh. lt's
not just a spaceship.
1012
01:05:30,718 --> 01:05:32,510
lt's a transformer.
1013
01:05:43,230 --> 01:05:44,981
lt's changing into...
1014
01:05:44,981 --> 01:05:46,858
A gigantic...
1015
01:05:46,858 --> 01:05:48,360
Maid!
1016
01:05:48,694 --> 01:05:50,528
With a vacuum cleaner.
1017
01:05:52,073 --> 01:05:55,033
So that's how they're
gonna get the air out.
1018
01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:20,684
Metamorphosis completed, sir.
SpacebaII One has now become
1019
01:06:25,231 --> 01:06:26,523
Megamaid.
1020
01:06:26,941 --> 01:06:28,191
Good !
1021
01:06:28,191 --> 01:06:29,359
Remarkable.
1022
01:06:29,359 --> 01:06:33,697
Now, commence
Operation Vacu-Suck.
1023
01:06:40,204 --> 01:06:43,289
Suck.
1024
01:06:57,096 --> 01:06:59,639
Goodbye, little Vespa.
1025
01:07:01,475 --> 01:07:06,062
My little baby Vespa.
1026
01:07:13,446 --> 01:07:15,238
The air bag,
it's almost full.
1027
01:07:15,238 --> 01:07:16,364
What do we do?
1028
01:07:20,286 --> 01:07:21,536
We've gotta act fast.
1029
01:07:21,536 --> 01:07:25,498
Step one: We reverse the vacuum and
blow the air back onto the planet.
1030
01:07:25,498 --> 01:07:28,877
Step two: We
destroy that thing.
1031
01:07:29,128 --> 01:07:30,879
But isn't that
dangerous?
1032
01:07:30,879 --> 01:07:32,172
Extremely.
1033
01:07:32,172 --> 01:07:36,134
Plus, l don't know how the
hell we're gonna do it.
1034
01:07:36,802 --> 01:07:38,553
What about that ring
Yogurt gave you?
1035
01:07:38,553 --> 01:07:39,929
Oh, yeah.
1036
01:07:41,057 --> 01:07:43,224
Come on, boss.
Give it a shot!
1037
01:07:43,224 --> 01:07:45,310
Okay.
Here goes nothing.
1038
01:07:55,279 --> 01:07:56,654
Look at that.
1039
01:07:56,654 --> 01:07:57,906
Wow!
1040
01:07:58,991 --> 01:08:00,492
lt's working.
1041
01:08:01,660 --> 01:08:03,620
Come on, Schwartz!
1042
01:08:12,671 --> 01:08:14,214
Helmet,
what's going on?
1043
01:08:14,214 --> 01:08:15,924
Sandurz,
what's going on?
1044
01:08:15,924 --> 01:08:19,761
lt's Megamaid. She's
gone from suck to blow.
1045
01:08:20,221 --> 01:08:23,181
What? They're getting all
their air back. Do something.
1046
01:08:23,181 --> 01:08:24,808
Do something !
1047
01:08:24,808 --> 01:08:26,142
Do something!
1048
01:08:42,201 --> 01:08:43,743
l'm breathing.
1049
01:08:44,995 --> 01:08:46,079
Air.
1050
01:08:48,290 --> 01:08:49,624
Air!
1051
01:08:58,134 --> 01:08:59,384
Dim the lights.
1052
01:08:59,384 --> 01:09:00,927
Dimming the lights.
1053
01:09:01,220 --> 01:09:02,303
Go to infrared.
1054
01:09:02,303 --> 01:09:03,680
Going to infrared.
1055
01:09:03,680 --> 01:09:04,764
Pray to God.
1056
01:09:04,764 --> 01:09:06,391
Praying to God.
1057
01:09:15,192 --> 01:09:17,318
Careful.
1058
01:09:24,910 --> 01:09:26,661
What are you doing?
1059
01:09:26,661 --> 01:09:27,996
Scanning.
1060
01:09:35,296 --> 01:09:37,005
There's gotta be
a self-destruct mechanism
1061
01:09:37,005 --> 01:09:39,090
somewhere in
the central brain area.
1062
01:09:43,721 --> 01:09:45,430
l think
we just found it.
1063
01:09:45,430 --> 01:09:47,265
Where?
Watch.
1064
01:09:52,563 --> 01:09:54,647
Bingo!
There it is.
1065
01:09:56,066 --> 01:09:57,859
lt's right below us.
1066
01:09:58,569 --> 01:10:00,111
Put her in hover, Barf.
1067
01:10:00,111 --> 01:10:01,654
Putting her in hover.
1068
01:10:02,489 --> 01:10:03,531
l'm going
down there.
1069
01:10:03,531 --> 01:10:05,575
He's going
down there.
1070
01:10:06,118 --> 01:10:07,535
l wouldn't.
1071
01:10:49,286 --> 01:10:51,454
What the hell
are you doing?
1072
01:10:52,539 --> 01:10:54,415
The Vulcan
neck pinch?
1073
01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:57,961
No, stupid. You got
it much too high.
1074
01:10:57,961 --> 01:11:00,755
lt's down here where the
shoulder meets the neck.
1075
01:11:00,755 --> 01:11:02,173
Like this?
1076
01:11:02,173 --> 01:11:03,341
Yeah.
1077
01:11:06,053 --> 01:11:07,303
Thanks.
1078
01:11:12,851 --> 01:11:16,104
Hand print
identification, please.
1079
01:11:26,198 --> 01:11:27,657
Thanks again.
1080
01:11:35,582 --> 01:11:37,041
ls that you, Mylar?
1081
01:11:48,262 --> 01:11:50,430
Who are you? What are
you doing with that?
1082
01:11:50,430 --> 01:11:51,723
This!
1083
01:11:56,769 --> 01:11:58,813
Sweet dreams.
1084
01:12:16,081 --> 01:12:18,291
Not so fast,
Lone Starr.
1085
01:12:18,834 --> 01:12:20,084
Helmet.
1086
01:12:20,502 --> 01:12:24,797
So. At last we meet for the
first time for the last time.
1087
01:12:27,593 --> 01:12:32,055
Before you die, there is something
you should know about us, Lone Starr.
1088
01:12:33,057 --> 01:12:34,182
What?
1089
01:12:34,600 --> 01:12:39,979
l am your father's brother's
nephew's cousin's former roommate.
1090
01:12:42,941 --> 01:12:44,650
What's that make us?
1091
01:12:44,650 --> 01:12:46,611
Absolutely nothing!
1092
01:12:46,945 --> 01:12:49,614
Which is what
you are about to become.
1093
01:12:50,908 --> 01:12:52,784
Prepare to die.
1094
01:13:00,167 --> 01:13:05,046
You have the ring, and l see
your Schwartz is as big as mine.
1095
01:13:07,299 --> 01:13:10,301
Now let's see
how well you handle it.
1096
01:13:34,743 --> 01:13:35,868
He did it.
1097
01:13:35,868 --> 01:13:37,036
What?
1098
01:13:53,804 --> 01:13:57,181
Shit! l hate it when l
get my Schwartz twisted.
1099
01:13:57,891 --> 01:14:02,603
Maybe if l put my leg up on yours,
we could scoot apart, like...
1100
01:14:03,188 --> 01:14:06,065
Good. Yeah, on three.
One, two, three, go!
1101
01:14:48,484 --> 01:14:52,445
So, Lone Starr,
Yogurt has taught you well.
1102
01:14:53,572 --> 01:14:56,866
lf there's one thing l
despise, it is a fair fight.
1103
01:14:57,242 --> 01:14:59,410
But if I must,
then l must.
1104
01:14:59,410 --> 01:15:01,412
May the best man win.
1105
01:15:02,414 --> 01:15:03,915
Put her there.
1106
01:15:07,669 --> 01:15:11,797
The ring! l can't believe you fell
for the oldest trick in the book.
1107
01:15:12,257 --> 01:15:16,427
What a goof! What's
with you, man? Come on.
1108
01:15:16,803 --> 01:15:19,180
You know what? Here, let
me give it back to you.
1109
01:15:19,180 --> 01:15:21,682
Look at that!
You fell for that, too.
1110
01:15:21,682 --> 01:15:23,726
I can't believe it, man.
1111
01:15:25,687 --> 01:15:30,399
So, Lone Starr, now you see
that evil will always triumph
1112
01:15:30,901 --> 01:15:32,902
because good is dumb.
1113
01:15:42,538 --> 01:15:44,705
Vey impressive,
Lone Starr.
1114
01:15:45,165 --> 01:15:48,125
Too bad this isn't
the Wide World of Sports.
1115
01:15:49,002 --> 01:15:52,338
Use the Schwartz,
Lone Starr. Use the Schwartz.
1116
01:15:52,338 --> 01:15:54,674
l can't.
l lost the ring.
1117
01:15:54,674 --> 01:15:57,593
Forget the ring.
The ring is bupkis.
1118
01:15:57,593 --> 01:16:00,012
l found it
in a Cracker Jack box.
1119
01:16:00,430 --> 01:16:04,225
The Schwartz is in you,
Lone Starr. lt's in you.
1120
01:16:04,225 --> 01:16:06,435
All right. l'll try.
1121
01:16:06,812 --> 01:16:09,355
Say goodbye to
your two best friends.
1122
01:16:09,731 --> 01:16:12,650
And l don't mean your pals
in the Winnebago.
1123
01:16:21,326 --> 01:16:24,161
Thank you for
pressing the self-destruct button.
1124
01:16:24,161 --> 01:16:27,331
This ship will self-destruct
in three minutes.
1125
01:16:32,004 --> 01:16:35,590
What's going on? Where
the hell are we? Paris?
1126
01:16:35,590 --> 01:16:37,967
Thank you for pressing
the self-destruct button.
1127
01:16:37,967 --> 01:16:42,513
This ship will self-destruct in
exactly two minutes and 45 seconds.
1128
01:16:42,513 --> 01:16:45,099
You've got to stop it. ls
there any way to stop it?
1129
01:16:45,099 --> 01:16:47,268
l can't.
lt's irreversible.
1130
01:16:47,268 --> 01:16:48,936
Like my raincoat.
1131
01:16:48,936 --> 01:16:52,064
Attention, this is Colonel
Sandurz in forward command.
1132
01:16:52,064 --> 01:16:53,608
Abandon ship!
1133
01:16:53,608 --> 01:16:56,319
All personnel proceed
to escape pods.
1134
01:16:56,319 --> 01:16:59,280
Close down the circus.
Evacuate the zoo.
1135
01:16:59,280 --> 01:17:03,200
The self-destruct mechanism has
been activated. Abandon ship.
1136
01:17:04,036 --> 01:17:07,622
Sandurz, you gotta help me.
l don't know what to do.
1137
01:17:07,622 --> 01:17:10,416
l can't make decisions.
l'm a president!
1138
01:17:10,626 --> 01:17:12,585
This is
your two-minute warning.
1139
01:17:12,585 --> 01:17:15,671
This ship will self-destruct
in exactly two minutes.
1140
01:17:15,671 --> 01:17:18,841
Launch all escape
pods as soon as they are filled.
1141
01:17:19,176 --> 01:17:20,885
What's happening?
Where is he?
1142
01:17:21,219 --> 01:17:23,095
Spaceballs
1143
01:17:23,597 --> 01:17:25,014
Watch out!
1144
01:17:27,851 --> 01:17:29,518
Where is he?
Here.
1145
01:17:29,518 --> 01:17:31,896
We've got a minute and 40 before
the end of the world. Hang on.
1146
01:17:32,397 --> 01:17:34,273
Spaceballs
1147
01:17:36,735 --> 01:17:38,027
Full throttle.
Full throttle.
1148
01:17:38,027 --> 01:17:39,779
Go to hyper-jets!
Going to hyper-jets.
1149
01:17:41,615 --> 01:17:45,743
lf you're livin' in
a bubble and you haven't got a care
1150
01:17:45,743 --> 01:17:47,870
Get out of there. Where
do you think you're going?
1151
01:17:47,870 --> 01:17:49,121
Pizza to go!
1152
01:17:49,121 --> 01:17:50,998
Well, you're gonna
be in trouble
1153
01:17:50,998 --> 01:17:53,000
'Cause we're gonna
steal your air
1154
01:17:56,463 --> 01:17:58,422
'Cause what you got
is what we need
1155
01:17:58,422 --> 01:18:00,508
And all we do
is dirty deeds
1156
01:18:00,508 --> 01:18:02,885
We're the Spaceballs
1157
01:18:03,095 --> 01:18:04,053
Watch out!
1158
01:18:04,053 --> 01:18:06,972
'Cause we're
the Spaceballs
1159
01:18:11,228 --> 01:18:13,437
That's my escape pod.
Who are you?
1160
01:18:13,437 --> 01:18:16,941
l'm the bearded lady. What
are you, one of the freaks?
1161
01:18:19,277 --> 01:18:22,530
Come back!
That's my pod ! No!
1162
01:18:26,034 --> 01:18:28,786
Come back, you fat,
bearded bitch !
1163
01:18:29,955 --> 01:18:34,083
One pod left. And three of
us. And l'm the president.
1164
01:18:34,334 --> 01:18:36,669
Well, boys,
it's a very lovely ship.
1165
01:18:36,669 --> 01:18:38,754
l think you should
go down with it.
1166
01:18:39,131 --> 01:18:40,423
Goodbye!
1167
01:18:43,885 --> 01:18:46,178
What the hell's the
matter with this seat belt?
1168
01:18:53,770 --> 01:18:55,229
Spaceballs
1169
01:18:55,229 --> 01:18:58,274
This ship will
self-destruct in 20 seconds.
1170
01:18:58,274 --> 01:19:01,277
This is your last chance to
push the cancellation button.
1171
01:19:01,277 --> 01:19:03,821
Cancellation button?
Hurry!
1172
01:19:05,323 --> 01:19:07,575
Spaceballs
1173
01:19:11,371 --> 01:19:12,872
Where is it?
1174
01:19:12,872 --> 01:19:14,248
lt's gotta be here.
1175
01:19:14,248 --> 01:19:15,291
Out of order?
1176
01:19:15,291 --> 01:19:17,793
Fuck! Even in the
future nothing works.
1177
01:19:17,793 --> 01:19:21,172
This ship will
self-destruct in exactly 1 0 seconds.
1178
01:19:22,423 --> 01:19:23,924
Counting down.
1179
01:19:23,924 --> 01:19:25,676
Ten. Nine.
1180
01:19:26,303 --> 01:19:27,261
Eight.
1181
01:19:27,261 --> 01:19:28,345
Six.
1182
01:19:28,345 --> 01:19:30,431
Six? What happened
to seven?
1183
01:19:30,431 --> 01:19:32,016
Just kidding.
1184
01:19:32,517 --> 01:19:33,559
There's the other
end. Faster!
1185
01:19:33,559 --> 01:19:34,643
Seven.
1186
01:19:34,643 --> 01:19:37,730
Six. Five. Four.
1187
01:19:37,730 --> 01:19:40,608
Three. Two. One.
1188
01:19:41,193 --> 01:19:42,735
Have a nice day.
1189
01:19:42,735 --> 01:19:44,361
Thank you.
1190
01:19:54,873 --> 01:19:56,207
We did it!
1191
01:20:03,381 --> 01:20:04,965
We all did it.
1192
01:20:24,069 --> 01:20:28,489
So, l guess you might call
that a case of man bites droid?
1193
01:20:31,451 --> 01:20:34,119
On a sadder note,
Pizza the Hutt,
1194
01:20:34,119 --> 01:20:38,791
famed half man, half pizza,
was found dead earlier today
1195
01:20:38,791 --> 01:20:41,669
in the back seat
of his stretched limo.
1196
01:20:41,669 --> 01:20:43,796
Evidently,
the notorious gangster
1197
01:20:43,796 --> 01:20:47,758
became locked in his car
and ate himself to death.
1198
01:20:48,468 --> 01:20:52,680
Coming up, Pongo's review
of Rocky 5,000.
1199
01:20:53,974 --> 01:20:54,974
Pongo.
1200
01:20:54,974 --> 01:20:56,183
Whoever said
when you've seen...
1201
01:20:56,183 --> 01:20:58,769
Did you hear that?
Pizza kicked the bucket.
1202
01:20:58,769 --> 01:21:03,107
Now we don't have to pay him the
million. We can keep it for ourselves.
1203
01:21:22,627 --> 01:21:23,836
Daddy!
1204
01:21:24,588 --> 01:21:27,882
Vespa, my darling. l thought
l'd never see you again.
1205
01:21:27,882 --> 01:21:32,511
My sweet little daughter. l'm so
happy that you're home and safe.
1206
01:21:32,762 --> 01:21:36,640
And, little Vespa, here's someone
else who's happy to see you.
1207
01:21:39,728 --> 01:21:42,771
Hello.
Where have you been?
1208
01:21:58,622 --> 01:21:59,997
Thanks, hon.
1209
01:22:12,636 --> 01:22:15,804
Hiya, big stuff.
Hi, dream.
1210
01:22:16,181 --> 01:22:17,264
What will you have?
1211
01:22:17,264 --> 01:22:20,100
We just got a couple minutes while
we're gassing up. What's ready?
1212
01:22:20,100 --> 01:22:22,561
l can give you the space
soup, or the space special.
1213
01:22:22,561 --> 01:22:24,480
l'll have the soup.
1214
01:22:24,480 --> 01:22:25,731
Okay.
1215
01:22:25,731 --> 01:22:28,525
l'll have the cleavage.
Special.
1216
01:22:29,611 --> 01:22:32,613
Okay, one special
and one soup.
1217
01:22:35,992 --> 01:22:36,951
Ready to order?
1218
01:22:36,951 --> 01:22:38,077
Hi, yes.
1219
01:22:38,077 --> 01:22:39,495
We'll both have
the lunafish.
1220
01:22:39,495 --> 01:22:40,579
Anything to drink?
1221
01:22:40,579 --> 01:22:43,582
Hey, watch where you're
sticking that thing.
1222
01:22:44,667 --> 01:22:46,627
Look, it's got a mind
of its own, sweetheart.
1223
01:22:46,627 --> 01:22:48,712
l can't do
a thing with it.
1224
01:22:54,970 --> 01:22:58,389
So, we were lost. None
of us knew where we were.
1225
01:22:58,389 --> 01:23:02,518
And then Harry began feeling
around on all the trees.
1226
01:23:02,518 --> 01:23:06,355
Then he said, "l got
it. We on Pluto."
1227
01:23:06,815 --> 01:23:08,899
And we say, "Harry,
how can you tell?"
1228
01:23:08,899 --> 01:23:11,610
He said, "From the
bark, you dummies."
1229
01:23:17,616 --> 01:23:18,701
ls he all right?
1230
01:23:18,701 --> 01:23:21,120
Yeah,
the guy digs me.
1231
01:23:21,120 --> 01:23:22,746
Hey, what's wrong
with this guy?
1232
01:23:22,746 --> 01:23:24,289
l don't know.
1233
01:23:27,043 --> 01:23:28,502
Bring him
some water!
1234
01:23:28,502 --> 01:23:32,047
Water, my ass! Bring this
guy some Pepto-Bismol !
1235
01:23:32,924 --> 01:23:36,010
Waitress!
What did he order?
1236
01:23:36,010 --> 01:23:37,803
He had the special.
1237
01:23:37,803 --> 01:23:40,639
That's what l ordered.
Change my order to the soup.
1238
01:23:40,639 --> 01:23:41,807
Good move.
1239
01:23:50,608 --> 01:23:53,736
Oh, no. Not again !
1240
01:24:05,915 --> 01:24:08,250
Hello, my
baby Hello, my honey
1241
01:24:08,250 --> 01:24:10,627
Hello, my ragtime gal
1242
01:24:10,627 --> 01:24:15,299
Send me a kiss by wire
Baby, my heart's on fire
1243
01:24:15,299 --> 01:24:17,760
lf you refuse me,
Honey, you'll lose me
1244
01:24:17,760 --> 01:24:19,136
Then you'll be
left alone
1245
01:24:19,136 --> 01:24:24,183
Oh, baby, telephone and
tell me l'm your own
1246
01:24:26,978 --> 01:24:28,479
Check, please.
1247
01:24:39,157 --> 01:24:41,575
Five minutes
to magic time.
1248
01:24:41,575 --> 01:24:45,037
Are you all right, my dear?
You look a little flighty.
1249
01:24:45,037 --> 01:24:48,540
Don't worry about me, Father.
l'm completely over him.
1250
01:24:49,708 --> 01:24:51,585
Didn't even stay
for the wedding.
1251
01:24:51,585 --> 01:24:54,588
Just grabbed his million
space bucks and ran.
1252
01:24:54,588 --> 01:24:56,757
He didn't
take the million.
1253
01:24:56,757 --> 01:24:58,092
He didn't?
1254
01:24:58,092 --> 01:25:03,055
No. He just took 248 space
bucks for lunch, gas and tolls.
1255
01:25:13,441 --> 01:25:15,776
l still can't believe
you turned down the money.
1256
01:25:15,776 --> 01:25:19,279
At least we could have stayed for
the wedding feast. l'm starving.
1257
01:25:19,279 --> 01:25:21,573
Have you got
anything to eat?
1258
01:25:22,534 --> 01:25:25,744
Wait a minute. Yogurt gave
me that fortune cookie.
1259
01:25:26,121 --> 01:25:27,371
Here, chow down.
1260
01:25:27,371 --> 01:25:29,289
Wow, thanks. l'll
split it with you.
1261
01:25:29,289 --> 01:25:30,707
No.
Okay.
1262
01:25:35,088 --> 01:25:36,171
Yogurt!
1263
01:25:36,171 --> 01:25:37,589
Hello, boys.
1264
01:25:37,841 --> 01:25:41,301
Well, you opened your fortune
cookie, so here's your fortune.
1265
01:25:41,301 --> 01:25:45,305
Lone Starr, you know that medallion
that you wear around your neck
1266
01:25:45,305 --> 01:25:47,474
but you don't know
what it means?
1267
01:25:47,474 --> 01:25:50,894
Here's what it means. lt's
a royal birth certificate.
1268
01:25:50,894 --> 01:25:55,440
Yes! Your father was a king.
Your mother was a queen.
1269
01:25:55,440 --> 01:25:59,153
Which makes you
a certified prince.
1270
01:25:59,153 --> 01:26:01,822
Hey, l'm a prince!
1271
01:26:01,822 --> 01:26:04,116
l'm a prince.
Which means. . .
1272
01:26:04,116 --> 01:26:08,328
Which means, if you hury, there
could be a princess in your future.
1273
01:26:08,328 --> 01:26:11,331
lf you want to get back there
before she marries Sleeping Beauty,
1274
01:26:11,331 --> 01:26:14,668
there's a special can of fuel
in your glove compartment.
1275
01:26:14,668 --> 01:26:15,752
Good luck, boys.
1276
01:26:15,752 --> 01:26:16,879
Bye, Yogurt.
1277
01:26:16,879 --> 01:26:19,673
And, Yogurt, thanks.
1278
01:26:19,673 --> 01:26:21,175
You're welcome.
1279
01:26:21,175 --> 01:26:25,470
And may the Schwartz
be with you!
1280
01:26:30,476 --> 01:26:32,311
Barf, open that
glove compartment.
1281
01:26:32,311 --> 01:26:34,438
You got it,
Your Highness.
1282
01:26:37,817 --> 01:26:40,527
Wow! Liquid Schwartz!
1283
01:26:40,527 --> 01:26:42,529
Quick, pour it
in the emergency tank.
1284
01:26:42,529 --> 01:26:43,822
Right.
1285
01:26:47,076 --> 01:26:48,535
Look at that.
1286
01:26:50,163 --> 01:26:51,246
Done!
1287
01:26:51,246 --> 01:26:54,291
Hang on, Barf, we're
gonna make spacetracks.
1288
01:27:47,178 --> 01:27:50,639
Dear me, what are those
things coming out of her nose?
1289
01:27:52,183 --> 01:27:53,934
Hey, watch my helmet.
1290
01:27:57,355 --> 01:27:59,314
Spaceballs?
1291
01:27:59,565 --> 01:28:02,276
Oh, shit.
There goes the planet.
1292
01:28:05,530 --> 01:28:09,408
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here together
1293
01:28:12,203 --> 01:28:14,121
Why didn't you tell me
he didn't take the money?
1294
01:28:14,121 --> 01:28:16,123
l didn't think
it was important.
1295
01:28:16,123 --> 01:28:17,833
May l continue,
please?
1296
01:28:17,833 --> 01:28:20,544
Besides, he asked me
not to tell you.
1297
01:28:21,212 --> 01:28:22,546
Thank you.
1298
01:28:23,047 --> 01:28:27,843
To join Princess Vespa
and Princess Valium. . .
1299
01:28:29,095 --> 01:28:31,096
l'm sorry,
it's the hair.
1300
01:28:31,723 --> 01:28:36,018
Prince Valium in the
bonds of holy matrimony.
1301
01:28:36,018 --> 01:28:39,646
l see it all now. Don't
you see? He loves me!
1302
01:28:39,646 --> 01:28:41,606
l'm trying to conduct
a wedding here,
1303
01:28:41,606 --> 01:28:42,941
which has nothing
to do with love.
1304
01:28:42,941 --> 01:28:44,568
Please be quiet.
l'm sorry.
1305
01:28:44,568 --> 01:28:45,652
l'm sorry.
1306
01:28:45,652 --> 01:28:46,737
l'm sorry, too.
1307
01:28:46,737 --> 01:28:48,071
Don't be sorry.
Be quiet!
1308
01:28:48,071 --> 01:28:49,948
l'm sorry!
1309
01:28:52,702 --> 01:28:56,747
To join Princess Vespa
and Prince Valium
1310
01:28:56,747 --> 01:28:59,082
in the bonds of holy
1311
01:28:59,082 --> 01:29:00,751
moly!
1312
01:29:06,174 --> 01:29:07,257
Matrimony.
1313
01:29:07,257 --> 01:29:09,968
That's him ! l know
it's him. He's come back.
1314
01:29:09,968 --> 01:29:13,513
That's it! l'm gonna take no more
chances. We're doing the short version.
1315
01:29:13,513 --> 01:29:17,351
Prince Valium, do you take Princess
Vespa to be your lawfully wedded wife?
1316
01:29:17,351 --> 01:29:21,146
Princess Vespa, do you take Prince
Valium to be your lawfully wedded husband?
1317
01:29:21,146 --> 01:29:23,565
Well, l suppose.
1318
01:29:23,775 --> 01:29:25,650
Well. . .
Oh, l don't know.
1319
01:29:25,650 --> 01:29:27,069
No! She doesn't!
1320
01:29:27,069 --> 01:29:28,278
What?
1321
01:29:33,284 --> 01:29:35,118
Who the hell are you?
1322
01:29:35,118 --> 01:29:37,120
Prince Lone Starr.
1323
01:29:37,120 --> 01:29:38,455
Prince?
1324
01:29:38,455 --> 01:29:40,957
l just found out.
That's what this says.
1325
01:29:40,957 --> 01:29:43,168
l'm an honest to God prince.
1326
01:29:43,795 --> 01:29:45,462
Will you marry me?
1327
01:29:45,797 --> 01:29:47,923
Well, let me
think about it.
1328
01:29:49,050 --> 01:29:50,175
Yes.
1329
01:29:50,175 --> 01:29:51,426
l'm sick of this.
1330
01:29:51,426 --> 01:29:54,721
l don't give a damn who it is, but
l'm gonna marry somebody today!
1331
01:29:54,721 --> 01:29:56,556
Who are you?
l'm the best man.
1332
01:29:56,556 --> 01:29:58,058
What's your name?
Barf.
1333
01:29:58,058 --> 01:29:59,309
Your full name.
1334
01:29:59,309 --> 01:30:00,644
Barfolomew.
1335
01:30:00,644 --> 01:30:02,062
Are you the one
that's getting married?
1336
01:30:02,062 --> 01:30:03,146
No.
1337
01:30:03,146 --> 01:30:04,731
Then get over there!
1338
01:30:04,731 --> 01:30:07,901
Okay, here we go.
The short, short version.
1339
01:30:08,319 --> 01:30:10,278
Do you?
Yes.
1340
01:30:10,488 --> 01:30:11,696
Do you?
Yes!
1341
01:30:11,696 --> 01:30:14,074
Good. You're married.
Kiss her.
1342
01:30:14,534 --> 01:30:17,327
l love you.
1343
01:30:28,339 --> 01:30:30,549
Well, goodbye, Virgin Alarm.
1344
01:32:48,145 --> 01:32:52,482
lf you're livin' in
a bubble and you haven't got a care
1345
01:32:55,736 --> 01:32:57,571
Well, you're gonna
be in trouble
1346
01:32:57,571 --> 01:33:00,198
'Cause we're gonna
steal your air
1347
01:33:03,035 --> 01:33:05,036
'Cause what you got
is what we need
1348
01:33:05,036 --> 01:33:07,038
And all we do
is dirty deeds
1349
01:33:07,038 --> 01:33:09,499
We're the Spaceballs
1350
01:33:09,917 --> 01:33:10,917
Watch out!
1351
01:33:10,917 --> 01:33:13,670
'Cause we're
the Spaceballs
1352
01:33:14,672 --> 01:33:16,590
We're the masters of space
1353
01:33:16,590 --> 01:33:18,425
Hey,
don't mess around
1354
01:33:18,425 --> 01:33:20,677
With the Spaceballs
1355
01:33:29,812 --> 01:33:31,605
Going cruising
in a spaceship
1356
01:33:31,605 --> 01:33:34,024
We're so good at being bad
1357
01:33:37,361 --> 01:33:41,656
We'll destroy your little
planet if you ever get us mad
1358
01:33:44,702 --> 01:33:46,620
We're mothers of the galaxy
1359
01:33:46,620 --> 01:33:48,955
You better scatter
when you see
1360
01:33:48,955 --> 01:33:51,333
The Spaceballs!
1361
01:33:51,333 --> 01:33:52,584
Watch out!
1362
01:33:52,584 --> 01:33:55,128
We're the Spaceballs
1363
01:33:56,005 --> 01:33:58,048
We're the masters of space
1364
01:33:58,048 --> 01:33:59,966
Say what?
Don't mess around
1365
01:33:59,966 --> 01:34:02,427
With the Spaceballs
1366
01:34:02,887 --> 01:34:04,554
Watch out!
1367
01:34:33,125 --> 01:34:35,710
We're mothers of the galaxy
1368
01:34:35,710 --> 01:34:40,256
We're gonna take
the air you breathe
1369
01:34:40,716 --> 01:34:44,052
Oh, Spaceballs!
1370
01:34:44,512 --> 01:34:45,595
Watch out!
1371
01:34:45,595 --> 01:34:48,556
We're the Spaceballs
1372
01:34:48,766 --> 01:34:51,434
We're the masters of space
1373
01:34:51,811 --> 01:34:55,313
Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs
1374
01:34:55,313 --> 01:34:56,731
Duck!
Watch out!
1375
01:34:56,731 --> 01:34:59,609
We're the Spaceballs
1376
01:35:00,611 --> 01:35:03,113
We're the masters of space
1377
01:35:03,113 --> 01:35:06,991
Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs
1378
01:35:06,991 --> 01:35:08,118
Watch out!
1379
01:35:08,118 --> 01:35:10,620
We've got
a bossin' little ship
1380
01:35:11,706 --> 01:35:13,998
So you better
watch your lip
1381
01:35:15,501 --> 01:35:18,420
'Cause we're the Spaceballs
1382
01:35:18,420 --> 01:35:19,546
Watch out!
1383
01:35:19,546 --> 01:35:21,881
You may think
that you are bad
1384
01:35:23,300 --> 01:35:26,052
But believe you can be had
1385
01:35:26,887 --> 01:35:29,848
By the Spaceballs
1386
01:35:29,848 --> 01:35:30,932
Watch out!
1387
01:35:30,932 --> 01:35:33,435
We're the Spaceballs
1388
01:35:33,435 --> 01:35:34,561
Watch out!
1389
01:35:34,561 --> 01:35:37,397
We're the Spaceballs
1390
01:35:37,982 --> 01:35:40,942
We're the masters of space
1391
01:35:40,942 --> 01:35:45,071
Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs
1392
01:35:46,490 --> 01:35:48,241
We're so bad and mean
1393
01:35:49,744 --> 01:35:52,620
We make nightmares
out of dreams
1394
01:35:53,539 --> 01:35:54,539
We're the Spaceballs
1395
01:36:01,547 --> 01:36:02,589
You better
1396
01:36:02,589 --> 01:36:03,840
Watch out!
96531
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