All language subtitles for Saturday.Night.Live.S13E11.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-M29_iris1-eng

Announcer: Live from the Old
Curmudgeon Auditorium

in Nashua, New Hampshire
it’s the--oh, boy, 53rd debate

of the 1988 Republican
Presidential Candidates

sponsored tonight
by the disabled yachtsmen

of Portsmouth.

And now here is your moderator,

Colorado Congresswoman
Pat Schroeder.

Thank you. Thank you.

( cheers and applause )

Hi again.

I’m Pat Schroeder.

You know, a lot of people
were surprised when they
heard

that I was going to moderate the
Republican Presidential Debate.

But don’t worry,
I’m not the Presidential

or the Democratic pitbull.

Pitbulls don’t cry.

( laughs )

( sighs ) Okay.

Let’s introduce
our five candidates,

and please hold your applause
until the end,

in fairness to Pete du Pont.

( laughter )
Okay.

George Bush, Vice President
of the United States,

Jack Kemp,
congressman from New York,

Pierre du Pont,
former Governor of Delaware,

The Reverend Pat Robertson,

and Senate Minority Leader
Robert Dole of Kansas.

( cheers and applause )

First, Vice President Bush.

Your campaign
attacked Sen. Dole in Iowa

calling him mean-spirited
and accusing his wife

of financial misconduct,

obviously this tactic
didn’t work very well.

And my question is,
are you gonna apologize?

Well, first of all let me say
that Bob Dole and I are friends

and I never authorized the flyer
that said Bob Dole

is mean-spirited.

But I’m not gonna disavow it

because I wanna stay
above the fray,

on the high road.

So apologize, no.
Above the fray, yes.

Can I say something here, Pat?

Go ahead Sen. Dole.

I don’t believe my good friend
George Bush. He’s lying.

He knows it, you know it,
I know it,

the people at home know it,

American people know it,
we all know it.

Now it’s one thing
to attack an opponent’s record

in the heat of a campaign.

When you come
after an opponent’s wife,

well, to me,
that’s another thing.

Now my wife, Elizabeth Dole,
ran the buses in this country

for three years so it’s unfair.

Maybe if we had a life
of privilege like George Bush,

you don’t know that.

See, Bob Dole grow up in Kansas
in a small farm town,

didn’t have
the prep school education

or the sterling silverware
or the bumper pool table

in the basement,

didn’t have the shower massage,

the five-way adjustable heads
or the sit-down lawnmower.

Bob Dole didn’t have
these things.

Now wait a minute.
Can I say something here?

- George, I’m not finish yet.
- No, I’m not gonna back down
from this Bob.

- I didn’t have
a little chrome hat.
- I wanna say something here.

Well, George,
why don’t you take a rest?

’Cause I know it, you know it,

and the people here tonight
know it,

American people know it,
we all know it,

Bob Dole from Russell, Kansas

is gonna be the next president
of the United States

so why don’t you just go
on back home

to your summer home in Maine,

your automatic
garage door opener,

your electric steak knife,

run around Kennebunkport Bay
in your powerboat

while I take care of real issues
in the White House.

- I’m not gonna stand for that,
that’s a cheap shot right there.
- Gentlemen, please.

Please gentlemen.
We’ll get back to you later.

Let’s turn to Jack Kemp.

Jack, as much--as much as
anyone, you have been identified

with the supply-side economics.

But hasn’t supply-side
caused these huge deficits

and since you’re offering
simply more of the same,

how do you plan
to balance the budget?

Well, the whole thing boils down
to leadership, Pat.

You know,
when I played quarterback

for the old Buffalo Bills,
I gave a 110 percent

and that inspired the guys
around me

to give a 110 percent or better.

The same thing applies
to this budget.

With the proper leadership,

you can get that budget
to give a 150 percent.

That means that you can spend
80 percent on the military,

40 percent on education and
still have 30 percent left over

for rebuilding
our infrastructure.

Let’s turn now
to Pat Robertson, Pat.

Yes, Pat.

( chuckles )
It’s easy to remember your name.

Rev. Robertson,
you bristled Monday

when Tom Brokaw called you
a television evangelist.

Why?

Well, Pat, this is a...

A deliberate attempt
by the media to belittle me,

and I’m just not gonna stand
for it.

( cheers and applause )

I’ve been so many things
besides a religious broadcaster.

I’m a businessman,

I’m president of the sixth
largest cable TV network

in the country,

um, I’ve mowed lawns,

uh, I’ve been a babysitter, uh,

I’ve watched peoples’ homes
while they went on vacation,

uh, I’ve been a caddy
at a country club,

one of the largest country clubs
in the state of Virginia.

And I think that the media

by ignoring
these other positions I’ve had

and focusing on 25 odd years

of my hosting
an evangelical show,

I think it’s just unfair

and it’s just religious bigotry.

Now come on now, Pat,
that’s a load of bunk.

You know and I know that you’re
an old Bible-thumping,

revival show con artist
from way back

who claim to heal people.

Well, I’ll tell you something
Pat Robertson,

you turn to me
and heal my right arm

and I’ll be glad to step aside

and let you be president
of United States.

Now Pat...

Pat, that last comment--
that last comment

is what people are talking about
when they say Bob Dole

is mean-spirited
and wicked tempered.

You don’t wanna a man like
Bob Dole, a hot head like that,

in the White House with his
finger on the nuclear button.

Now George Bush, don’t you call
me wicked tempered.

I saw you slap
a Senate page once,

slapped a page right
to the ground,

- and a female one, at that.
- Yeah, she had it coming.

- Gentlemen, please.
- Well...

Please gentlemen.
Let’s now turn to Pete du Pont.

Pete, you’ve been running
on what you call

"Damn Right Ideas," like
privatizing Social Security.

They didn’t exactly catch on
in Iowa.

How are the people
of New Hampshire responding

to your idea that teenagers
should be tested

before they can get a--
for drugs

before they can get
a driver’s license?

Well, they love it, Pat.
They do.

They understand
that it’s a damn good idea

to link the privilege of driving
with being drug free.

In fact, I’ve decided to expand
the idea to Social Security.

Now I say,
tell our senior citizens,

"You do drugs, you don’t get
your Social Security check.

I mean, it’s just that simple.

Can I say something, Pat.

I don’t know what my good friend
Pierre du Pont,

and that’s your name, Pete.

I mean, come on now,
it’s Pierre, not Pete.

Don’t go around telling people

your name is Pete
when it’s Pierre.

( laughter )

Besides, Pierre, I don’t know
what you know about what--

I don’t know what you know
about Social Security,

what I mean, Bob Dole didn’t
grow up with a 150-foot yacht,

didn’t have the convertible
for graduation,

the sterling sliver
cocktail shaker

or the machine that serves
the tennis balls at you.

Now wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

I’m getting sick of this!

Why won’t you pick
on someone your own size?

I’m not gonna let you pick
on my friend Pierre here.

Now come on, Bob,
you’re a millionaire.

And I’m not sure all that money
was made on the up-and-up.

George, how would you like this
pen stuck right in your neck?

- Oh.
- Hey, wait a minute.

- Gentlemen please.
- I’d like to see you try.

I could take you
with my one good arm,

George Bush, and you know that.

- In a fair fight,
you could use two.
- Okay.

Please, gentlemen.

Gentlemen,
we are nearing the end

and I’d like to ask one question
and address it to each of you.

You are all articulate
and attractive candidates,

but only one of you can win
the presidential nomination.

Now starting with Gov. du Pont,
would you accept the second spot

- on the Republican ticket?
- No, Pat.

I have a no interest
in being a vice president.

I don’t really wanna spend
the next four years

going to funerals.

( laughter )

- Cong. Kemp?
- Pat, absolutely not.

I’ve been a quarterback.

I have no interest
in being the water boy.

Pat Robertson?

Pat, the answer is no.

I’ve had so many different jobs,

but frankly,
being called vice president

would make me as angry as being
called a TV evangelist.

Sen. Dole?

Oh, Pat, I think the people
know the vice presidency to me

is just a lowest form
of political existence.

I think the only person
I can think of

who’s spineless enough
to want the job

is my good friend, George Bush.

( cheers and applause )

Mr. Bush.

Well, Pat, I intend
to be the presidential nominee

of this party,
let’s make that clear.

But am I gonna stand here and
rule out the vice residency, no!

And I’m the only one
with guts to say so. And why?

’cause I think I make a damn
good vice president,

because I’ve been there,
I’ve done it for eight years

and I could do it
for eight more.

Well, thank all of you
for joining us.

Remember,
Tuesday is Primary Day,

so all of you here
in New Hampshire,

remember: Vote Democrat.

Just kidding.

No, not really.
( laughs )

Good night.
And thank all of you.

- Can I say something, Pat?
- Yes.

- May I say something?
- Sen. Dole.

Live from New York,
it’s Saturday Night.

*

Announcer:
It’sSaturday Night Live.

With Dana Carvey...

Nora Dunn...

Phil Hartman...

Jan Hooks...

Victoria Jackson...

Jon Lovitz...

Dennis Miller...

and Kevin Nealon.

Musical guest,
Terence Trent D’Arby.

Featuring G.E. Smith and
theSaturday Night Live Band...

and starring Justin Bateman.

( cheers and applause )

You know,
when I star on Family Ties,

I was 16 years old.

And well, 6 years
and 147 episodes later,

the show is still
going strong.

Now...
( cheers and applause )

But you know, you know,
of all the episodes we’ve done,

my favorites are what we like
to call the flashback episodes.

Now those are the shows
where our characters reminisce

about some of our favorite
moments from the past episodes.

It’s a great way of filling up
a show with a lot of old clips

and the best part is that,

well, everybody gets paid
for a brand-new show.

Now my favorite one,
my favorite flashback show is--

Yeah, it’s tough.

But my favorite flashback
is just one that we just taped.

It’s called
"If These Old Walls Could Talk,"

and well, we shot it
in five minutes.

I can’t believe
we’re leaving this house

and moving to Colorado.

Honey, I can always turn down
that new job.

Dad, turn down that job?

Dad.

( cheers and applause )

Dad, don’t get sentimental
at a crucial stage like this.

I guess Alex is right.

For once.

We sure have done a lot
of living in this kitchen.

Yeah.

( laughter )

If these old walls could talk,
the things they’d say...

Remember that time you’re
gonna elope with Nick,

and I got really upset?

Oh, it seems like
only yesterday.

I can’t believe it.

( cheers and applause )

I just--I cannot believe you two
are eloping now.

But I love Nick, Mom..

But, Mallory,
Nick doesn’t even have a job.

Yeah.

( laughter )

Hey-ee, Mr. Keaton...

you forget, I’m an artist.

No, Nick, the problem
is we remember you’re an artist.

- Alex.
- Mallory...

Mallory, as a Keaton with the
highest potential earning power,

I feel it’s my duty to tell you
that, you know,

if you wanna borrow money
from me in the future,

don’t come to me for any loans.

- I wouldn’t do that, Alex.
- Oh, yeah!

Yeah, what about the time
I leant you money

for your first date?

Huh,
it seem like it was yesterday.

I can’t believe my little girl
is going out on her first date.

But it’s not a real date, Mom,
it’s a group date.

Yeah!

Mom! Mom, I can’t believe
you’re letting her go.

Alex.

Mom, have you met these guys?

Well, Mom,
the average 15 year-old boys

are sex-starved animal.

I mean, a group date is just
a teen euphemism for an orgy.

Alex, I trust your sister.

Yeah!

That’s our Jennifer, huh?

And to think
it wasn’t so long ago

we thought Jennifer
was gonna die, huh?

Yeah, I remember it
like it was yesterday.

I can’t believe my little
Jennifer is going to die.

I just wish we could be
at the hospital.

Mom, you know the doctor said

we could do far more good
for Jennifer

- if we’d just stay here
in the kitchen.
- Well...

( laughter )

( applause )

I suppose so,
but I’ll tell you,

we have had some real memories
with Jennifer.

Yeah, remember the time
we all went to Holland

and Jennifer and Mallory
were mistaken

for international art smugglers?

( chuckles )

And they chased them all through
the streets of Amsterdam.

Yeah, that was really something.

Yeah, it sure was.

( sighs )

Oh, boy.

And to think that Jennifer
is dying.

Hey, but we’ve had some great
times together!

- Yeah.
- Remember the last time
we watched TV altogether?

Yeah, we all watched this--
an episode of The Jeffersons.

I wish I had a club right now
to hit that crook with.

What’s he doing out there,
anyway, messing up the place?

Don’t worry about that.

Florence will help me
straightened it up.

Hey, remember when we first
hired Florence?

Boy, that was some episode
of The Jeffersons.

It sure was.

I can’t help thinking
about Jennifer dying, though.

( phone rings )

I’ll get it.

Hello?

It’s the hospital,
Jennifer is not going to die.

- Oh, God!
- All right! All right!

( sighs )

We almost lost you, honey.
That was a close call.

Yeah!

But I don’t know
about this group date business.

Mom!

( phone rings )

Hello?

Yeah, okay. Thanks.

Two of the boys have the flu.

The group date
has been cancelled.

- Oh!
- Oh, honey. Come here.

Well, that sure was a close call
with that group date.

Yeah. And now you’re eloping
with Nick.

Hey, hold it everybody.

Hey, while you were
all reminiscing,

I was doing some thinking.

Sorry, Mallory,
I just don’t think we’re ready.

( sighs ) You know what, Nick,
you’re right.

( phone rings )

Hello?

Yeah, we know.

He’s reconsidered.
Thanks anyway.

Just think you almost eloped
with Nick.

Yeah, it sure was a close call.

And now we have to move.

Yeah!

( laughter )

( phone rings )

Well, I don’t wanna give away
the ending.

This is gonna be on in April.

But the phone call
was from the company

that offered my dad the job
and they--

Well, I don’t wanna
give it away.

We’ll be right back!

( cheers and applause )

*

Announcer: The people and
problems you are about to see

are real and unscripted.

Denise Venetti, PhD, will help
them with their problems.

Tina Ryan feels guilty
about moving out

of her parents’ home.

Neil Simons feels that his life

is a continual
roller-coaster ride.

Cyril and Nonie Landis
are struggling

with a surprisingly
common sexual problem.

Let’s watch now
as Denise Venetti, PhD,

meets with Tina, Neil,
and the Landises.

Hello, Tina.

Welcome to Learning to Feel.

Now you had a problem

moving out
of your parents’ home?

Yes. My mother and I
have always been very close.

She’s my best friend.

I confided in her,
told her everything.

Since I moved out,
she’s become very distant

and very depressed,
and I feel responsible for that.

So, what are you feeling, Tina?

Well, guilt.

I feel guilty about leaving.
I don’t know what to do.

I--but I can’t move back.

I know what you can do.

Look at yourself.

What?

Take a look at yourself, Tina.

Had you looked at yourself,
you wouldn’t feel guilty

and your mother
wouldn’t feel bad.

I guess you’re right.

You forgot to look at yourself.

Oh!

Oh!

- Oh, thank you.
Denise, I’ll do that.
- All right.

Yes. All right.
Thank you.

( applause )

Hello, Neil.

Welcome to Learning to Feel.

Tell me
about the roller coaster, Neil.

I just feel like I’m
on a roller coaster, you know.

Life is so full of some many ups
and downs, just when you think,

oh, everything
is going real smooth, bam!

The whole bottom comes up
from underneath you.

You never know
which way you’re gonna turn.

I’m scared. I’ve had enough.
Now please, I wanna get off.

I just wanna get off!

- Neil.
- Yeah.

- Neil.
- What?

Have you looked at yourself?

Have I what?

Have you taken a long look
at yourself?

Because if you don’t look
at yourself, I can’t see you.

I can’t help you.
You have to look at yourself.

Life will pass you by,
people will pass you by

because you don’t look
at yourself.

And Neil,
you’re not on a roller coaster.

I’m not?

Take a look.

I’m not!

- No.
- God bless you, Denise.

Look at yourself.
Yes. Thank you.

( applause )

You are?

- Cyril.
- Cyril.

- Nonie.
- Nonie.

Hello,
welcome to Learning to Feel.

Now Nonie,
you have a sexual problem?

I don’t have the problem.

It’s my husband Cyril.

I found him in the bathroom...
masturbating

and...

( laughter )

he said he was shaving

and then he started shaving
more and more often,

sometimes two
and three times a day,

but I knew that he was...

Masturbating.

Cyril, how do you respond?

Well, you know,
what do you want me to say?

Have you looked at Nonie lately?

I guess not.

Why don’t you look at Nonie now?
Go on look at Nonie.

Don’t look at me,
look at Nonie.

Look at her!

Now look at yourself.

Look at yourself.

( laughter )

Cyril, if you look at yourself,
you wouldn’t wanna masturbate.

( applause )

Now there’s no problem here.

You have to look at each other
and look at yourselves.

Go look at yourselves.

( both chuckle )

- Thank you.
- Yes!

Thank you.

( applause )

This is theLearning to Feel
with Denise Venetti, PhD.

*

Don Pardo:
And nowWeekend Update

with anchorperson
Dennis Miller.

( cheers and applause )

Thank you. Good evening.
And what can I tell you.

Presidential hopeful
Pierre du Pont convinced

that his poor showing in Iowa

is due
to the foreign sounding name

has had a change to something

that would be more familiar
to the ears

of mainstream America

and will heretofore be known
as Pepe Le Pew.

( laughter )

After getting 0 percent
at the Iowa Caucus vote,

that 0 percent,

Al Haig pulled out
of the race yesterday

and said he was throwing
all of his support to Bob Dole.

( chuckles )
Well, thank you, Al.

As the campaign
heated up this week,

Pat Robertson accused
Congressman Jack Kemp

of being soft on pornography.

Kemp responded by saying
that’s exactly why I gave it up.

Well, the final tabulations
are in for the Iowa Caucus,

and on the Republican side,

the figures reveal that
Vice President George Bush

actually finished fourth in Iowa
behind Dole, Robertson

and the new third place
finisher, Drew McLemore.

For those of you not familiar
with McLemore’s candidacy,

he classifies himself
as anti-ruralist

and has promised, if elected,

to destroy Iowa
with a thermonuclear device.

McLemore edged Bush
by a scant 80 votes.

The FBI released
its 10 most wanted list today

and for the first time
in the Bureaus’ history,

the top five are women.

They are Miss Kentucky,
Miss Rhode Island,

Miss New Mexico,
Joanne Chesimard,

and Miss District of Columbia.

You know,
it may have been 92 degrees

in Managua, Nicaragua,

but a vicious snowstorm hit the
city’s snarling local traffic.

The street value of the snow
has not yet been determined.

When President Reagan leaves
Washington D.C. next year,

he’ll leave behind
the newly commissioned

Ronald Reagan Republican Center
already under construction.

This minimum security
penitentiary

will host most
of Reagan’s current staff.

Real estate super mogul
Donald Trump

was threatened
by the City of New York

with legal action this week
over discrepancy

in his best-selling book,
Trump: the Art of the Deal.

Officials say the book exceeds
the city’s maximum height limit

by 16 stories and cast a vicious
shadow on Central Park.

Doctors in Mexico claimed they
have developed the contraceptive

that is 100 percent effective
against pregnancy

and is simple to use.

The new device called "The Cork"

will be available
in the U.S. next week.

America’s best hope
for a gold medal

on the upcoming Winter Olympics
appears to be the luge event.

For those of you unfamiliar
with the event,

it’s the small sled that you lay
down on on your back,

here is the American
number one sled

under the able command
of Team Captain Donna Rice.

( laughter )

U.S. Olympic figure skater
Debi Thomas

suffered minor injuries
on a practice session

in Calgary last night

when she lost control
on a double axle,

skidded into the boards
and burst into flames.

( laughter )

A challenging new completion
makes his debut

at the Winter Olympics
at Calgary next week,

the ski jump relay.

Now timing in this event
is crucial

especially for the guy
at the bottom of the ramp.

What price to the gold, huh?

Howdy, right, and Hidy,

the mascots
of the Calvary Olympic Games,

arrested fugitive financier
Robert Vesco

at the Canadian border
yesterday.

A new kind of plane
that crashes into parking lots

was tested this week
in San Jose, California.

The results were described
as very encouraging.

Well, Bassie and Wan-Wan
left San Diego this week

for their home in China
and San Diego Zoo officials

report there were some tiles
missing from their room.

Those cheap bastard bears.

British actor Michael Caine
announced he will star

in every movie made
in the continent

of United States next year.

Caine will receive the flat sum
of $800,000 for his efforts

and says, "Hey, I’m just glad
to be working."

Penthousemagazine notorious

for printing
nude celebrity photographs

without consent
plucked another feather

for its racy cap this week
when it release these pictures

of Dino Flintstone,

taken from the X-rated movie
Mesozoic Love Machine.

( laughter )

In his own defense,
Dino told reporters,

"Hey, it’s the time
I was prehistoric

and I needed some quick cash.

Remember it’s Valentine’s Day
this--tomorrow,

so at 2 a.m., set your EKG
back exactly one heartbeat.

Guess what folks,
that’s the news,

and I am out of here.

( cheers and applause )

Hello, Michael?

Michael, it’s me Derek.

Yes, Derek Stevens!
That’s right.

Well, I know you haven’t heard
from me in five years,

but I’ve called to tell you
that I’ve gotten over the block.

Yes, I’m writing again.

In fact, I can’t stop at all.

I’m turning out tune after tune,
it’s fabulous!

Well, you know they’re pretty
much ballads, but--

Well, you know, what it is,
is I’ve met this girl, you know,

and I think I’m in love
with her.

Wait--Michael,
can you hear this?

Hold on a second!

( piano plays )

* She stops me
She moves me *

* She scorns me
And approve me *

* She’s my little baby
She’s my little baby *

* She’s my little baby *

Hey, what do you think, Michael?
I mean, it’s fabulous, right?

Right! It’s a bigger hit than
"Chopping Broccoli" ever was.

Yes, and I’ve got lots more
just like that.

All right.
We’ll talk. We’ll talk.

( piano plays )
* We’re gonna talk
Going to talk *

- Derek.
- Ciao, baby!

- Good morning, love.
- Good morning.

Derek, before we go any further,
get away from the piano.

- Come. Sit somewhere else.
- All right.

Don’t--no, no, no.
Not on top of me.

Back over there somewhere,
somewhere.

Sit! Derek,
I want you to move out.

- It’s not working.
- Oh, but it is working.

In two weeks I’ve known you,
I’ve written over a 139 songs.

I know. I know.
I know. I know. Get out.

Well, I can’t get out.
It’s a giant chemistry here.

It’s like a humongous,
monstrous, out-of-control vibe.

I mean, can’t you feel it?

Remember last night
when you walked into the kitchen

and threw that entire set
of dishes at me.

Do you remember that?

- I apologize.
- No!

Don’t apologize!
Just listen! Listen!

( piano plays )

* She comes in unexpected
And I stand unprotected *

* And it comes flying at me *

* Her love comes flying at me *

* Well, she’s my little baby
She’s my little baby *

* Well, she’s my little baby
Hey, hey *

I mean, don’t you see?

You are magic!

You’re magic.
You’re my muse.

Don’t you understand?

I mean, every millennium,

the gods open a porthole
in the heavens

and a muse descends
to help out a mortal.

Did you ever see
the movie Xanadu?

Well...

My cable must have been out.

But in this film,
Olivia Newton-John

is sent by the gods to earth

to help Gene Kelly
open a roller rink.

Don’t you see?

You’re sent to help my career
get back on track.

No, no, look!
I had no idea who you were.

I’ve never heard your records.

A friend told me
you used to be Derek Stevens.

Because of you,
I’m going to live to be 30.

Oh, please, I can’t accept
that responsibility.

Listen, Derek.
Listen to me.

There’s something I have to say,
it ain’t--this isn’t love.

This is over. Okay.

And you’re going to have
to go on your way.

- You--You’re going to have
to go on your way?
- Yes!

- You--You’re going to have
to go on your way.
- Yes!

- You’re going to have to go
on your way.
- No!

( piano plays )
* I listened to my lover *

* There was nothing more
to say *

* This isn’t love, it’s over *

* And you have to go away *

* Then she ran
Her ivory fingers *

* Through her flowing
Sable hair *

* And then she turned her back
On me *

* As if I wasn’t there *

* She’s my little baby *

* She’s my little baby *

* She’s my little baby *

Look at you. Look!

I mean, you don’t even know
you’re doing it, do you?

I mean, inspiration
goes through you,

goes into my head

and the music just bloody pours
right out of me.

I know,
and you get it on everything.

Derek, hear this.

I’m going for a walk,

and when I come back,
you won’t be here.

You’re going for a walk,

and when I come back,
you won’t be here.

I’ll be gone.

- Yes.
- Gone.

- Yes.
- Gone.

- No!
- Gone.

( piano plays )
Oh!

* She’s picking up her coat
And purse *

* And now she’s in the hall *

( glass shatters )

* From the noise *

* She must have broken
Something on the wall *

* She’s on the sidewalk now *

* She crossed the streets *

Woman: Shut up!

* She says, "Shut up" *

* She’s moving
Through the street *

* With her tiny feet *

* She’s getting smaller now *

* She’s getting really small *

* She’s getting very tiny *

( piano plays out of tune )
* She’s my tiny baby *

* She’s my little baby *

* She’s my little tiny baby *

* She’s getting tiny *

* She turned the corner *

Oh, my God, I’m blocked.

( applause )

( indistinct chattering )

All right, boys. Now listen up.

Plan is foolproof, all right?

We make the hit
tomorrow morning.

The bank should be--
I’m sorry.

First of all, if there’s anyone
here who’s not a bank robber,

I may have to ask you
is to leave.

And don’t say nothing
about this to no one, huh?

All right. Good. All right.

All right.

Now like I was saying,
the plan is foolproof,

in and out, nobody gets hurt.

Okay. Now pay attention.

Here is a diagram
of the bank, okay.

We get in, we get out.

Nobody gets hurt.

Okay. It’s very clear
and its cut.

In and out, nobody gets hurt.

Any questions?

Let me understand this,
we enter the bank

and then we--we--

I’m sorry, we...

We get out, nobody gets hurt.

Now what if a guy
tries to stop us?

I mean, do we hurt him?

No! Nobody gets hurt.
In and out, nobody gets hurt.

Yeah. Anybody gets in my way,
they’re gonna get hurt big-time!

Shut up! You play by my rules
or you don’t play at all.

Nobody gets hurt.
In and out, nobody gets hurt.

- All right, let’s do it.
- Ho, ho, ho. Scarpetti--

Scarpetti, sit down.
Sit down. Sit down.

Now listen, I wanna make sure

that you all understand this,
all right?

So repeat after me,
in and out, nobody gets hurt.

( all speaking indistinctly )

No, no, in and out,
nobody gets hurt. Question?

Yeah, well, we go out
the same door we come in?

Good question. Good question.
The answer is yes.

Probably the same door.

All right,
let me understand this,

when we come out after first,
going in first,

- nobody has been harmed--
- Hurt.

Hurt. Nobody’s been hurt because
we came in and went out then?

- Exactly.
- Yeah. Okay.

- In and out, nobody gets hurt.
- Okay, let’s do it!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
sit down, sit down, sit down.

Sit down. Now listen,
this plan is simple, all right.

It’s like you’re in a big hurry
at the grocery store,

only this time,
you’re taking stuff

that doesn’t belong to you
and it’s not food.

And unlike the grocery store,
nobody gets hurt.

Okay, let me understand this,

nobody, meaning even before
we enter the bank

- or just when we’re inside
or...
- Listen, listen, listen.

- When do we go back outside?
- You’re all overthinking this,
all right.

It’s very, very simple.

In and out, nobody gets hurt.

Let me write it out for you.

In and out,

nobody gets hurt, okay?

In and out, nobody gets hurt.

It’s got kind of a rhythm to it,
doesn’t it?

In and out, nobody gets hurt.

* Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa *

- * Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa *
- Good.

- * Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa *
- In and out...
* Pa, pa, pa, pa *

- * Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa *
- In and out, nobody...
* Pa, pa *

- Good. In and out,
nobody gets hurt.
- In and out, nobody gets hurt.

Good. In and out,
nobody gets hurt. Good. Good.

That’s a good way
to remember it.

All right.
Tony, what’s the plan?

* Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa *

* Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa *

In and out, nobody gets hurt.

All right, now listen.

If everything
goes according to plan,

there shouldn’t be any trouble.

Oh, I got some news,
if there’s any trouble,

the only thing that’s going in
and out is gonna my blade.

- Oh, yeah. That’s my plan,
in and out, ba-ba!
- All right, all right.

All right, all right.
Slammer, settle down.

All right.
Any other questions?

So, what you’re saying
is we’re gonna walk in the door

and I don’t know,
I just don’t...

Let me understand this,
we’re all going together?

- Yeah, I mean, how many times
are we going in and out?
- We’re going one at a time?

- You know, do we shoot somebody
going in there...
- Yeah.

or once we’re in,
how long before we get out.

- I mean, what is the whole--
- It’s not a one-shot deal.

Oh, you better believe
it’s gonna be a one-shot deal

because I won’t think twice
about lodging a bullet

in somebody’s brain,
I’m a bad apple!

- All right, let’s go.
- All right. All right.
Sit down.

Sit down. Sit down. Sit down.
All right, come on. Sit down.

Everybody sit down.
I’ll put a lid on it.

Listen up, I did a little
research on banks, okay.

Their hours are 10 to 3.

So, why don’t we make the hit
before they open?

Before they open?

How are we supposed to get in?

We wait till they open then it’s
in and out, nobody gets hurt.

Okay, let me understand this,
so we’re in after 10

and went out sometime
before 3, then?

Exactly. Exactly.

And boys, let’s stick
to the plan this time, huh?

And if this works out,

I got another plan
to knock over a jewelry store.

The plan is hit him hard
and hit him fast.

( chuckles )
How hard do we hit them?

- And what do we hit them with?
- How long do we hit them?

- Hit hard, all right.
Let’s do it tomorrow.
- All right, let’s do it.

- Come on. Let’s go. Let’s go.
- Settle down. Settle down.
Settle down.

All right, let him go.
Let him go.

All right. Now remember,
first things first.

Tomorrow morning with the bank,

the plan is in and out,
nobody gets hurt, okay?

What are we gonna do?

- Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba!
- No, no, no, no.

In and out, nobody gets hurt.

* Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa *

- * Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa *
- Good.

- * Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa *
- In and out, good, good.

( cheers and applause )

*

Whoa.
Was that a great show or what?

Thank you for watching.

I’ve had a great time.

Come back next week.

Good night everybody.

( cheers and applause )

*