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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:07,974 It is important that we do not expect too much from this summit 2 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:12,479 but it is first step and from this first step, many. 3 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:17,851 Please, Ron, stop staring at my forehead. 4 00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:18,885 Oh, I’m sorry. 5 00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:20,653 I did it again, didn’t I? 6 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,189 I’m trying so hard not to, but--- 7 00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:26,059 I’ve got kind of a mental thing about it. 8 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,327 - Hey! - Please, continue. 9 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,829 Never mind, it wasn’t important. 10 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:32,432 Anyway, here we are in Washington D.C., 11 00:00:32,465 --> 00:00:35,335 please give me the grand tour. 12 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:38,271 Well, to begin with, as you can imagine Mikhail, 13 00:00:38,304 --> 00:00:41,841 our nation’s capital is rich with history. 14 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,578 Oh, see that building over there with the big pillars? 15 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,180 Lincoln Memorial. 16 00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:48,248 Whatever! 17 00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:49,916 (Laughter) 18 00:00:49,949 --> 00:00:53,153 Anyway, that’s where Jean Arthur talked James Stewart 19 00:00:53,186 --> 00:00:55,789 out of giving up in "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington." 20 00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:58,291 (Laughter) 21 00:00:58,324 --> 00:01:02,529 With malice toward none, with charity to all. 22 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:03,630 No! 23 00:01:03,663 --> 00:01:06,733 I believe she said, "You can’t quit now. 24 00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:08,835 Not you Jeff." 25 00:01:08,868 --> 00:01:11,071 Oh, look over there! 26 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,540 The Iwo Jima Memorial. 27 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,943 Yeah! Have you ever heard the story behind that? 28 00:01:16,976 --> 00:01:18,878 I’m not sure. 29 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:22,682 Well, evidently John Wayne didn’t wanna play that part. 30 00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:24,284 I see! 31 00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:27,854 Duke had his heart set on doing "Slattery’s Hurricane". 32 00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:31,291 But he was under contract to Warner Brothers at the time, 33 00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:34,461 and, well, Jack Warner phoned Duke’s agent, Lew Wasserman, 34 00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:38,732 and said, "Lew, if the Duke doesn’t do "Sands of Iwo Jima", 35 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:43,236 he’ll be shagging tennis balls for Tyrone Power." 36 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:44,671 Tyrone, who? 37 00:01:44,704 --> 00:01:46,339 Tyrone Power. 38 00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,141 Anyway, Duke did the movie 39 00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:51,111 and was nominated for an Academy Award. 40 00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:54,247 Now, you know who would have played Duke’s part 41 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,782 if he had gotten his way? 42 00:01:57,283 --> 00:02:00,653 To play John Wayne’s part? 43 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,055 I - I don’t know, I don’t--- 44 00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:03,356 Forrest Tucker. 45 00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:05,058 (Laughter) 46 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:10,163 Well, it’s a - it’s strange how these things happen. 47 00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,866 Oh, look! The Pentagon. 48 00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:16,369 You, of course, would know this from "Seven Days in May", 49 00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:19,072 "Fail Safe", and so on. 50 00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:22,742 Remember the really big war room in "Fail Safe"? 51 00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:25,378 Yes, yes. 52 00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:27,213 Well, it’s in there. 53 00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:31,084 I’ve never seen it, but in the event of a war, 54 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,153 they’ll take me there, evidently. 55 00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:35,789 (Laughter) 56 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:41,695 Would it be possible for me to see this war room? 57 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:45,865 It would be fascinating to compare it to the film. 58 00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,634 Well, I don’t see why not. 59 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,370 You’re on the VIP tour. 60 00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:53,873 Uh, Mr. President, I’m afraid we can’t visit the war room. 61 00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:55,308 Why not? 62 00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:58,178 Well, sir, I’m quite certain the war room would be off-limits 63 00:02:58,211 --> 00:02:59,846 to Premier Gorbachev, being that 64 00:02:59,879 --> 00:03:02,048 he’s such a high-ranking Soviet official. 65 00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:03,383 Oh, right. 66 00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:07,120 You know, sometimes I forget that we’re mortal enemies. 67 00:03:07,153 --> 00:03:08,955 Well, Ron, I often think 68 00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:12,058 that circumstances had been otherwise, 69 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:14,861 you and I could have been great - we - well, 70 00:03:14,894 --> 00:03:19,632 we could have been good - what monument is that over there? 71 00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:24,204 It might be the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. 72 00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:25,505 (Laughter) 73 00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,741 It’s the Jefferson Memorial, sir. 74 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:28,742 Oh. 75 00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,577 It is very beautiful! 76 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,079 Yes, there must be quite a story behind that. 77 00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:36,149 Oh! Oh! 78 00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:38,084 There’s the Washington Monument! 79 00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:41,688 Now, here on this very field is where the saucer 80 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,758 from "The Day The Earth Stood Still" landed. 81 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:50,830 And I figure that the robot Gort stood right about there! 82 00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,499 Right there! 83 00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:55,101 Ah! 84 00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:59,339 Klaatu barada nikto. 85 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:03,043 Yep. "Klaatu barada nikto". 86 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,912 I always wondered what those words meant. 87 00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:11,384 Oh, it means: Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night! 88 00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:17,090 (Music) 89 00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:31,938 Its Saturday Night Live! 90 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,244 With Dana Carvey, 91 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:41,181 Nora Dunn, 92 00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:44,084 Phil Hartman, 93 00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,586 Jan Hooks, 94 00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:49,589 Victoria Jackson, 95 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:53,093 Jon Lovitz, 96 00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:55,195 Dennis Miller, 97 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:57,263 and Kevin Nealon. 98 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:01,234 Musical Guest Bryan Ferry. 99 00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:05,438 And featuring, G.E. Smith 100 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,874 and the Saturday Night Live band. 101 00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:13,046 And starring Danny DeVito. 102 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:17,384 (Music) 103 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:25,291 Ladies and gentlemen, Danny DeVito. 104 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:28,261 (Music) 105 00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:44,310 (Cheers and applause) 106 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,712 Thank you! 107 00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:46,880 Thank you very much! 108 00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:49,683 Thank you! Thank you! 109 00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:52,152 Thank you! 110 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:56,322 Well, well, well, thank you very much! 111 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,691 Thank you! Thank you! 112 00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:59,793 Well, it’s great to be here! 113 00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:02,162 It’s great! It’s great! 114 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:05,565 I - I know all the hosts say that but they don’t mean it. 115 00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:06,599 I mean it. 116 00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,468 It’s great to be here, really! 117 00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:09,469 (Man cheers loud) 118 00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:10,503 Alright, babe! 119 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:11,938 (Laughter) 120 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,774 Now, I’m on top of the world lately. 121 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,810 I mean, I’ve got a new movie coming out, 122 00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:18,445 "Throw Momma from the Train". 123 00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:19,713 (Loud cheers and applause) 124 00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:20,880 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 125 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,816 Alright! 126 00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:25,218 I’m - I’m sorry I shouldn’t have plugged that but 127 00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:27,220 what’s done is done, if you know what I’m saying. 128 00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:31,658 Well, anyway, I also have a new baby, it’s a boy, Jacob. 129 00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:33,360 Yes. (Loud cheers and applause) 130 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,595 Thank you! Thank you! 131 00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:37,697 (Loud cheers and applause) 132 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,066 And - and now, you know of course, I mentioned Jacob, 133 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:44,070 I have to mention his older sisters, Lucy and Gracie. 134 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:45,772 Don’t leave me hanging here. 135 00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,907 (Loud cheers and applause) 136 00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:51,444 And - and they’re all - they’re both very happy to be back here 137 00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:54,180 because, you know, they get to go to New Jersey 138 00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:57,484 and see their grandma, you know, yeah, Julia, you know, 139 00:06:57,517 --> 00:07:00,120 you remember Julia, right? "Gah, gah, gah!" Crazy. 140 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,622 Anyway, everybody knows that I’m from Asbury Park, right? 141 00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:06,226 Yeah! Asbury! 142 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:10,096 Now, a lot of entertainers came from Asbury Park, you know, 143 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:16,603 myself and Bruce Springsteen, yeah, well, you know, 144 00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:19,606 like - the list is so long, I could go on and on. 145 00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:22,208 But anyway, Bruce and I go way back. 146 00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,377 In fact, we were in high school together. 147 00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:25,845 You know, see - well, listen I got--- 148 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,113 I’ve brought something to prove it. 149 00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,182 I’ve brought my - my high school year book. 150 00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:30,583 This is incredible. 151 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:31,918 This is really--- 152 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,953 Let’s see! Let me see! 153 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,689 Where am I? 154 00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:37,323 Alright, here I am! 155 00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:38,525 Alright, here it is! 156 00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:39,926 Daniel DeVito. 157 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,095 See him, right there. See him. 158 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,130 Okay, see? Right? 159 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:49,302 It says, it’s a homecoming king, student council president, 160 00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:53,773 football captain, three and four, the boss. 161 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,642 (Laughter) 162 00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:59,846 And here, we have Bruce Springsteen. 163 00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:01,548 Do you see him? Can you see him there? 164 00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:03,016 (Laughter) 165 00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:04,017 This is Bruce, right here. 166 00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,218 That’s Bruce. 167 00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:09,723 And it says, Bruce Springsteen, band 1 and 2, 168 00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:12,792 a friendly smile for everyone. 169 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:16,396 He was kind of an outsider but - but you know, just to be nice, 170 00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:20,166 I let him sign my book and he says here "Dear boss man"-- 171 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,369 Moi! 172 00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:24,104 "Thanks for the laughs! 173 00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:25,872 "I never really got to know you, 174 00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:28,508 "but you seemed like a nice, cool guy. 175 00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:31,544 "Take it easy and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, 176 00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:33,813 ha ha ha!" 177 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,816 Well, this was before he was so creative, you know, this was... 178 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,885 Anyway, we’re both doing great, 179 00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:41,488 but I am hosting Saturday Night Live 180 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,090 and he is not! (Laughs) 181 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,459 The boss is back! 182 00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:49,396 We’ve got a great show for you tonight. 183 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:51,531 Bryan Ferry is here. 184 00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:52,899 Yeah! 185 00:08:52,932 --> 00:08:55,168 And we’ll be right back! 186 00:08:55,201 --> 00:09:00,340 (Loud cheers and applause) 187 00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,314 Here’s the rough design. 188 00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,083 I’ll have the rest in the morning. 189 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,352 Nice girl. 190 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,254 Yeah, she really is. 191 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,056 Too bad about her hands. 192 00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:21,728 (Man speaking) You’ve tried sanding them off. 193 00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,863 You’ve tried slamming them off. 194 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,232 And mitts only hide the problem. 195 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,701 There’s no way around it... 196 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,270 you’ve got extra fingers. 197 00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:32,505 It’s time for Handi-Off. 198 00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:35,241 Only Handi-Off contains Leprosin. 199 00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,310 That tingle will tell you it’s working. 200 00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:38,745 Ooh! 201 00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:42,782 In just three days, unsightly fingers disappear-- 202 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,184 for good! 203 00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:45,719 (Laughter and applause) 204 00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,721 Hey, Sheila, pick you up at six? 205 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,323 Let’s make it five! 206 00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:53,593 Subtract your extra digits with Handi-Off. 207 00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:56,196 Now there’s new Toe-Riffic for toes. 208 00:09:56,229 --> 00:10:00,066 (Loud cheers and applause) 209 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:18,985 Well, I’m afraid this is a fake. 210 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:19,986 Damn! 211 00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:22,188 I knew it! I knew it! 212 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,991 That guy had this sneaky citified 213 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:29,029 holier than that kind of squinty liar type look in his eyes, 214 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,630 I should’ve known. Damn! 215 00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:32,198 Well now, wait a minute! Mister, are you sure? 216 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,067 Oh yes, I’m quite certain. 217 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,703 In fact, this isn’t even a painting. 218 00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:39,973 Not a painting? The hell do you say? 219 00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:42,676 - Well, he told us flat-out, didn’t he, Joleen? - Yeah! 220 00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,512 That this was from the museum in France. - Yes. 221 00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:48,114 I’m sorry. You see, this is a print. 222 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:51,351 A reproduction, one in probably thousands of copies 223 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,920 made through an offset photography process. 224 00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:57,090 Okay, so this ain’t worth no $10 million then? 225 00:10:57,123 --> 00:11:00,160 No, far from it, I’d say, 5 tops. 226 00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,395 What? Five million? 227 00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:03,430 Five dollars. 228 00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:05,198 - Damn! - Oh! 229 00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:09,135 Damn this door to door salesman, Joleen, no more. 230 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,704 No more! Not in this house. 231 00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:13,206 No, you should’ve heard this guy’s sob story, 232 00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:14,708 he was - said he was trying to buy his momma 233 00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:17,610 a new set of spinal cords or some damn thing, I don’t know. 234 00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:20,080 Well, I hope you didn’t get taken for too much. 235 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,648 $50. 236 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,450 That’s $50 we’ll never see again. 237 00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:24,484 Damn his hide! 238 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,485 Oh, boy! 239 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,920 - Say, Rice... - Hmm? 240 00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:28,888 Maybe we ought to let Mr. Reynolds appraise that 241 00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,323 Stradivarius fiddle we got? 242 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,491 No, you don’t think--- 243 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,326 Well, it’s better to be safe than sorry honey. 244 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,828 - Oh, you better get it. - Alright, I will. 245 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,596 Come to think of it, that violin salesman 246 00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,099 was a shifty eyed city slicker, too! 247 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,801 Well, I’d be happy to examine the instrument. 248 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,436 Here it is! 249 00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,005 Here it is! (Laughter) 250 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,006 Take a look at it. 251 00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,375 Uh... 252 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,977 Well, what - what do you think? 253 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:56,182 Uhm, well, I’m afraid this is also a fake. 254 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,984 - Damn! - Sweet mama! 255 00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,352 (Laughter) 256 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:03,790 Uh, yes, someone has written Stradivarius on here, 257 00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:08,762 apparently with a ball point pen. 258 00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:12,932 But, this is in fact a plastic ukulele. 259 00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:15,502 - I knew it! I knew I could smell a rat. - I knew it! 260 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:20,073 See, Stradivarius created his violins in Cremona, Italy. 261 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:23,543 So, a clue to the instruments fraudulent origins 262 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:26,913 would be this Taiwan decal. 263 00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:28,548 I just thought of something, I will be right back. 264 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,883 Hold - hold it, let me see that. 265 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,485 Taiwan? Wait! 266 00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:34,287 Hey, come here a minute, 267 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,923 I want you to take a look at something for me. 268 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,460 Now - now level with me-- 269 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:43,096 does that look like Hitler’s staff car to you? 270 00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:44,431 (Laughter) 271 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,599 Uh, actually no. 272 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,201 No? 273 00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:50,870 Now see, that’s a ’65 Plymouth Valiant. 274 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,405 (Laughter) 275 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:56,242 Oh, no! My own brother sold me that! 276 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,444 (Laughter) 277 00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:58,445 I’m sorry! 278 00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,480 Okay, look! Look here! Look here! 279 00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,615 Now, I wanna ask you something here--- 280 00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:05,518 is this is a gold doubloon from Blackbeard’s treasure? 281 00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:07,554 No! 282 00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:08,588 - Ah! - Damn! 283 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,823 Damn! I told you--- 284 00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:12,425 That - I knew that guy didn’t look like no pirate. 285 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,094 I know it! I know it! 286 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,596 This is actually a foil-covered chocolate. 287 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:17,864 Oh, okay! (Laughter) 288 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:19,366 Alright! Now, just wait, wait! 289 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:20,367 - Damn! - Wait! 290 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,835 - Damn! Damn! - Wait! 291 00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:24,471 Is this a ruby from the crown of King--- 292 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,573 - Old King Cole! - Old King Cole! 293 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,708 (Laughter) 294 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:38,451 Well, this is what is commonly called a jujubead. 295 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,086 Damn! 296 00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:42,322 It’s - it’s a kind of a gumdrop. 297 00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:43,523 - A jujubead? - Yeah! 298 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:44,758 Now wait a minute! 299 00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:49,729 Okay, is - okay, is this the famous Orlov Diamond? 300 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:58,805 (Low dramatic musical pad) 301 00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:06,479 No, this is, uh, just glass. 302 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,615 - Mister, you are a liar. - You - you liar. 303 00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:09,916 - You’re a liar! - You get out of here! 304 00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:11,484 That is the Orlov Diamond, mister, 305 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:14,788 we had it appraised at the American Gemological Society. 306 00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,122 - It’s a certified stone. - Sure is. 307 00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,323 Perhaps I can take another look. 308 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,059 - No, no, out! - Get out of here, mister! 309 00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,927 We don’t need no city folks around here, go on, get out! 310 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,129 Get out! Scram! Woo hoo, out! 311 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:25,465 (Both laugh) 312 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,467 - He scared me for a minute there. - Yeah! 313 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,470 You know that phony had been - had me thinking we’ve been ripped off right and left. 314 00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:31,471 I know it! 315 00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:32,972 You know what, 316 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:34,674 we shouldn’t have let him eat that gold doubloon, though. 317 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,509 That’s alright. We’ve got plenty more where that came from. 318 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:37,577 Yes, there is. Yeah! Alright! 319 00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:40,080 Not a Stradivarius. My heinie. 320 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,581 - I know it. - Huh! 321 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,351 Listen to the tones on that, huh! 322 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,686 If that ain’t Italian, I don’t know what is. 323 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,221 Lord, that’s pretty! 324 00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:52,225 (Cheers and applause) 325 00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:56,096 (News music theme) 326 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,697 (Don Pardo speaking) And now Weekend Update 327 00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:00,767 with anchorperson Dennis Miller. 328 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:04,904 (Loud cheers and applause) 329 00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:11,144 Thank you, folks. 330 00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:12,812 Good evening and what can I tell you, 331 00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:16,216 it’s been quite a week for our colleague Tom Brokaw in addition 332 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,451 to anchoring NBC’s nightly news on Monday, 333 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,787 he interviewed Soviet Leader Mikhail Gorbachev. 334 00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,489 On Tuesday, he was the moderator 335 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,724 for a 12 Man 2 Part Presidential Debate. 336 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:27,227 On Thursday, participated on a Foreign Network Presidential 337 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,661 Press Conference. 338 00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:31,731 And yesterday was capped off when NBC News reluctantly named 339 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,700 Brokaw its Person Of The Week. 340 00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:38,171 Yesterday conservative leaders across the nation decried 341 00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:40,073 President Reagan’s implied accusations 342 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,908 on his Thursday night press conference, 343 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,377 that those among them who disagreed with the INF Treaty 344 00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:45,979 were in fact warmongers. 345 00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:47,080 Boy! 346 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,848 The conservatives turning on Reagan, 347 00:15:48,882 --> 00:15:50,517 what are the odds on that, huh? 348 00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:53,086 And in a related story from the Weekend Update Weather Bureau, 349 00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,788 Hell froze over today. 350 00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:56,690 (Laughter) 351 00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:59,492 Howard Phillips, Chairman of the National Conservative Caucus 352 00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:01,327 opposing the INF Treaty yesterday said 353 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,063 that President Reagan has become 354 00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:05,465 "A useful idiot for Soviet propaganda". 355 00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:06,933 The President replied saying, 356 00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,035 "Hey, at least I’m still useful." 357 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:12,038 President Reagan was criticized this week by a conservative 358 00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:13,907 group for his INF Treaty with the Russians. 359 00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:16,042 Later, an even more conservative group criticized 360 00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,844 the first conservative group, saying 361 00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:20,113 they had not been critical enough of Reagan. 362 00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:21,614 On the eve of the next week summit, 363 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,883 Americans are responding enthusiastically 364 00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:27,387 to Mikhail Gorbachev giving him a 54% favorable rating. 365 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,090 In fact, the Des Moines Register Poll taken earlier this week 366 00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:32,258 has the Soviet Premier leading all the announced 367 00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,527 Democratic presidential candidates in Iowa. 368 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:38,565 (Laughter and applause) 369 00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,601 During an interview earlier this week with NBC’s Tom Brokaw, 370 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:45,071 Soviet Premier Gorbachev said he tells his wife "everything". 371 00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:47,507 Oddly enough, that was the only part of the interview deleted 372 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,976 when it was rebroadcast in the Soviet Union. 373 00:16:50,076 --> 00:16:51,511 When asked to explain the deletion, 374 00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,813 a spokesman for the SovietNews Agency Tass, said that 375 00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:57,083 there are certain people in the Moscow area, who the Premier 376 00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:59,119 would just assume not know that he is married. 377 00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,754 (Soft laughter) 378 00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:01,755 Enough said! 379 00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,490 This just in! 380 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,292 An even more conservative group, has criticized the conservatives 381 00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:08,395 who were critical of the group that attacked Reagan 382 00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:10,030 on the INF Treaty, saying if they 383 00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:11,931 would all just be a little more conservative, 384 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:14,300 things would get a lot better. 385 00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:16,636 In his interview the other night with the media, 386 00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:19,072 President Reagan said that George Bush was 387 00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:21,274 "The finest vice president in my memory." 388 00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,843 Oh, you talk about a backhanded compliment, huh? 389 00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:25,545 (Laughter) 390 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,348 And finally, this just in, Mississippi slave owner 391 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,418 Jubal Pettigrew has criticized all the conservative groups 392 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:33,219 groups critical of Reagan, calling them soft, 393 00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,822 and challenging anyone to be more conservative than him. 394 00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:38,291 His challenge was immediately accepted by South African 395 00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:40,794 right wing fascist kook John Stimsa 396 00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:43,663 who is tied to a rotary leash in his own backyard. 397 00:17:43,697 --> 00:17:45,131 (Laughter) 398 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:47,734 Republican presidential candidate Alexander Haig’s head 399 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,336 continues to shrink. 400 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:50,870 (Laughter) 401 00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,206 Experts in the field of craniology say that 402 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,775 if the deterioration of the skull continues at this rate, 403 00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:58,712 Haig will be a pee brain by the New Hampshire primary--- 404 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:03,750 (Laughter and applause) 405 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,218 And - and a complete pinhead 406 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,187 by next summer’s Republican Convention. 407 00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,889 Haig refuted these findings, by saying "The experts don’t know 408 00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,325 anything, I’ve been a complete pinhead for years". 409 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:15,128 On Wednesday night a group of Cuban terrorist took over 410 00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:17,330 the 12 Man 1988 Presidential Debate 411 00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:19,666 and held all 12 Presidential candidates as it’s hostage. 412 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:22,602 Spokesman for the Cubans said, "We’ve got 12 politicians in here 413 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,604 "and if our demands aren’t met, we start throwing out 414 00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:27,207 a live one every hour on the hour". 415 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,776 A group of scientists at Rhode Island University this week say 416 00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,945 they have determined the heaviest substance known to man 417 00:18:32,045 --> 00:18:34,414 to be the Sunday New York Times. 418 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,583 G. Gordon Liddy shot his hair off this week to promote-- 419 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,084 (Laughter) 420 00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:40,653 to promote his chain of William Tell Hair Salons For Real Men 421 00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:43,156 who believe that scissors are for sissies. 422 00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:45,325 Comedian Redd Foxx says he’ll be changing his name 423 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,360 for the second time in his career, in an effort to create 424 00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:48,395 a new image for himself. 425 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,597 The new name, Reddd Foxxx. 426 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,066 (Laughter) 427 00:18:53,066 --> 00:18:55,769 Bad news in Atlanta, Georgia this week as a group of Cubists 428 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:59,105 took over an art gallery and held the curator hostage. 429 00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:00,607 The Cubists said they are being framed 430 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,242 for crimes against humanity. 431 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,843 It was announced this week that Frank Sinatra, 432 00:19:03,877 --> 00:19:05,245 Sammy Davis and Dean Martin would mount 433 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:08,014 a 29 city tour of North America in 1988. 434 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:10,016 You know this tour would’ve never come off when these guys 435 00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:12,252 were in their prime, nothing to do with egos, 436 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:13,486 there just weren’t 29 major cities in North America 437 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,221 at that point. 438 00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:16,690 (Soft laughter) 439 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:19,392 NASA’s latest mission, an unmanned space craft to Jupiter, 440 00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:21,127 has hit more snags in recent days. 441 00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,630 Officials have scrapped the project and now plan to launch 442 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:27,367 an unmanned artist rendering to Pluto, on December 16th. 443 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,736 If that doesn’t work, preparations for project 444 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,104 El Dorado have begun. 445 00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:32,906 Four astronauts will attempt to drive 446 00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:36,109 a car from Cape Canaveral to Edwards Air Force Base. 447 00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:39,045 Another rough week on the stock exchange as the Dow Jones 448 00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:42,115 plummeted to 1766, the lowest figure since Black Monday 449 00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:43,850 last October 19th. 450 00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:46,319 In an effort to convey the sickly nature 451 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:49,089 of the stock market, naturalists are working feverishly to find 452 00:19:49,122 --> 00:19:51,791 the animal metaphor which will replace the term "bear market," 453 00:19:51,825 --> 00:19:53,226 which is no longer strong enough. 454 00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:56,196 Among the choices are the cornered rat market, 455 00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:59,099 the raccoon with progressive tail mange market, 456 00:19:59,132 --> 00:20:02,836 and the walking catfish hit by a truck market. 457 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:05,505 The FAA attributes human error as the major factor 458 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,307 in the recent ra.sh of airline disasters 459 00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,409 Here now to discuss this theory in his thoughtful 460 00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:11,444 inside commentary is correspondent Kevin Nealon. 461 00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:13,113 Hello, Kevin! 462 00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:15,081 (Cheers and applause) 463 00:20:15,115 --> 00:20:16,082 Welcome to the show! 464 00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:18,151 Thanks! 465 00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:21,121 You know I’ve been thinking, there’s always the chance 466 00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:24,924 of human error in life because people make mistakes. 467 00:20:24,958 --> 00:20:26,593 I think that’s what I’m really trying to say tonight, 468 00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:29,362 the point I’m making, you know, that people make mistakes. 469 00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:31,197 And it happens to everyone. 470 00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:33,466 Last week for example, I had some tinted windows installed 471 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,468 on my car to keep the sun out and you know, 472 00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:37,604 to keep people from looking in, but the stupid guys 473 00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:39,439 put them in backwards, you know, 474 00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:42,409 so now everyone can see in but I can’t see out. 475 00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:45,845 I won’t drive it that way ’cause it’s just not safe. 476 00:20:45,879 --> 00:20:49,883 Sometimes, I think it’s better to be safe than sorry in life. 477 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,084 Wait a minute! 478 00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,419 That’s what I’m really trying to say! 479 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:54,487 It’s better to be safe than sorry in life. 480 00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:56,289 Forget what I said before, about people making mistakes. 481 00:20:56,322 --> 00:20:57,724 I didn’t know what I was saying. 482 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,726 And I’ll be honest, I just talk on the top of the head. 483 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,094 I was just going through the motions. 484 00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:02,562 No! No! 485 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:05,432 In all seriousness, the point I’m making guys, 486 00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:07,467 "It’s better to be safe than sorry." 487 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:08,902 It’s like where I grew up, you know, 488 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,770 we didn’t have fireworks on the Fourth of July because 489 00:21:10,804 --> 00:21:13,073 the town was afraid that someone would get hurt. 490 00:21:13,073 --> 00:21:14,341 We didn’t miss out though, you know, 491 00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,276 we got the same effects just by closing our eyes 492 00:21:16,309 --> 00:21:18,745 and rubbing them really hard like that, you know. 493 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,214 And see all the little stars shooting around, you know! 494 00:21:21,247 --> 00:21:23,249 Then for our grand finale, we’d do this-- 495 00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:25,485 (Laughter) 496 00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:29,389 You see, you gotta take what you can get in life. 497 00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:30,690 Wait a second, wait! 498 00:21:30,724 --> 00:21:31,858 That’s what I’m really trying to say! 499 00:21:31,891 --> 00:21:33,193 You gotta take what you can get in life, 500 00:21:33,226 --> 00:21:35,328 forget what I said before, about better safe than sorry, 501 00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:36,996 and that people make mistakes. 502 00:21:37,097 --> 00:21:38,798 And honestly, I don’t know where that came from. 503 00:21:38,832 --> 00:21:40,600 I was just taking a stab at anything there. 504 00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:41,968 I didn’t know what was happening. 505 00:21:42,002 --> 00:21:43,370 I was way out in left field of that one. 506 00:21:43,403 --> 00:21:45,605 I’ll admit it, you know. No, seriously. 507 00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:48,308 You know, what I’m really trying to say is, 508 00:21:48,341 --> 00:21:52,379 seriously, that you gotta take what you can get in life. 509 00:21:52,412 --> 00:21:54,848 Let’s say, you’re on a business trip and you can’t get a safe 510 00:21:54,881 --> 00:21:57,217 flight home to visit your wife or your girlfriend, 511 00:21:57,250 --> 00:21:59,219 you could always call. 512 00:21:59,252 --> 00:22:01,087 They say calling long distance is the next best thing 513 00:22:01,121 --> 00:22:02,889 to being there. 514 00:22:02,922 --> 00:22:05,158 I say the next best thing to being there 515 00:22:05,191 --> 00:22:07,060 is being with someone that looks similar. 516 00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:08,928 (laughter) 517 00:22:08,962 --> 00:22:13,533 Because you gotta do what you gotta do in life. 518 00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:14,801 That’s what I’m really trying to say. 519 00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:16,302 You gotta do, what you gotta do in life. 520 00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:18,371 Forget what I said before, about that other stuff. 521 00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:20,073 Believe me, that was a bunch of garbage. 522 00:22:20,073 --> 00:22:21,474 I was just walking through it. 523 00:22:21,508 --> 00:22:22,976 Now seriously, I don’t know if I was coming or going. 524 00:22:23,076 --> 00:22:24,411 I was just flipping it through the channels, you know, 525 00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:25,745 just running around the bases, I didn’t have any idea 526 00:22:25,779 --> 00:22:27,247 - what was going on. - Kevin, thanks... 527 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:28,314 Kevin! Kevin! 528 00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:29,916 Thank you! I think we got the message! 529 00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:31,384 Thank you very much! 530 00:22:31,418 --> 00:22:33,219 Kevin Nealon, ladies and gentlemen. 531 00:22:33,253 --> 00:22:34,220 Thank you Kevin! 532 00:22:34,254 --> 00:22:36,956 (Loud cheers and applause) 533 00:22:36,990 --> 00:22:38,958 Alright! 534 00:22:38,992 --> 00:22:42,495 Athlete extraordinary Bo Jackson who has already made his mark 535 00:22:42,529 --> 00:22:44,731 in professional football and baseball announced this week 536 00:22:44,764 --> 00:22:47,567 that he’ll run in next year’s Kentucky Derby. 537 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,603 Jackson will be ridden by veteran jockey Willie Shoemaker 538 00:22:50,637 --> 00:22:52,605 in a Triple Crown event. 539 00:22:52,639 --> 00:22:54,874 Comedian Joe Piscopo blew up this week 540 00:22:54,908 --> 00:22:57,844 during a weight lifting session at a Los Angeles gym. 541 00:22:57,877 --> 00:23:00,880 The Coca Cola company this week unveiled a new ad campaign 542 00:23:00,914 --> 00:23:02,549 aimed at rural areas in the deep south. 543 00:23:02,582 --> 00:23:03,750 The new slogan will be, 544 00:23:03,783 --> 00:23:05,852 "Coke, it’s not just for breakfast anymore." 545 00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:09,356 Well, guess what folks, that’s the news and I am outta here! 546 00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:15,562 (News music theme) 547 00:23:15,595 --> 00:23:18,365 (Cheers and applause) 548 00:23:22,836 --> 00:23:25,538 (Street atmosphere) 549 00:23:25,572 --> 00:23:26,539 No, no, the mail... 550 00:23:26,573 --> 00:23:28,074 - Hey, man! - Hi! 551 00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:30,543 No, no, Mrs. MacGallon, the mail hasn’t come in yet, you know. 552 00:23:30,577 --> 00:23:32,078 - Hey, man! - Hi! 553 00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:35,715 Well, you know what they say about the post office ma’am. 554 00:23:35,749 --> 00:23:38,084 It’s slow. They-- 555 00:23:38,118 --> 00:23:40,353 Yeah, they’re very slow. You know what I mean. 556 00:23:41,688 --> 00:23:43,823 At - at getting the mail Mrs. MacGallon, yeah! 557 00:23:43,857 --> 00:23:45,525 Alright, yeah! 558 00:23:45,558 --> 00:23:47,093 Hi, Junior, how are you doing? 559 00:23:48,294 --> 00:23:49,295 Alright, goodbye! 560 00:23:49,329 --> 00:23:50,697 Okay! Take care! 561 00:23:50,730 --> 00:23:52,098 Hi, Ms. Brisbane, how are you? 562 00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:54,434 Hi, Danny! Listen, I’m expecting the cable man here. 563 00:23:54,467 --> 00:23:56,369 He’s supposed to be here before 5, but if he gets here after, 564 00:23:56,403 --> 00:23:58,104 would you just send him away because I’ve got 565 00:23:58,104 --> 00:23:59,372 some people coming up, so I have to get ready. 566 00:23:59,406 --> 00:24:00,540 - Five o’clock deadline. - Yeah! 567 00:24:00,573 --> 00:24:01,608 Boy, it’s been busy! 568 00:24:01,641 --> 00:24:02,809 People going in and out, you know. 569 00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:05,445 You know Mr. MacMartin, is leaving, Mr. Martin. 570 00:24:05,478 --> 00:24:07,113 Mr. Martin? 571 00:24:07,147 --> 00:24:09,749 Yeah, you know, Mr. Martin, 14A. 572 00:24:09,783 --> 00:24:11,184 Uh, sorry-- 573 00:24:11,217 --> 00:24:15,622 You know, the dark haired fellow, nice looking. 574 00:24:15,655 --> 00:24:17,757 - Advertising man. - I don’t think I know him, no. 575 00:24:17,791 --> 00:24:19,592 The gentlaman’s got this grey patch in his hair, you know. 576 00:24:19,626 --> 00:24:21,561 - Oh, yeah! - That guy, okay, yeah! 577 00:24:21,594 --> 00:24:23,530 He’s bringing his stuff down now. 578 00:24:23,563 --> 00:24:25,165 Oh, okay, but you remember the time about the cable guy? 579 00:24:25,198 --> 00:24:26,466 Five - 5 PM. 580 00:24:26,499 --> 00:24:27,734 Alright, thanks Danny. 581 00:24:30,270 --> 00:24:32,138 Oh, you guys... 582 00:24:34,074 --> 00:24:35,442 - Hi Brenda, how are you? - Hi, Danny. 583 00:24:35,475 --> 00:24:36,543 - How are you doing? - How are you doing? 584 00:24:36,576 --> 00:24:37,544 - Okay! - Okay! 585 00:24:37,577 --> 00:24:38,778 Hey, who’s leaving? 586 00:24:38,812 --> 00:24:40,380 Oh, Mr. Martin, you know... 587 00:24:40,413 --> 00:24:41,815 - Martin? Martin? - Yeah! 588 00:24:41,848 --> 00:24:43,416 Patch of grey gentleman, you know. 589 00:24:43,450 --> 00:24:45,852 - Oh! Yes, yes! - Yeah, Mr. Martin. 590 00:24:45,885 --> 00:24:47,153 Come on baby, we’ve got shopping to do! 591 00:24:47,187 --> 00:24:49,122 Hi! How are you doing? 592 00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:50,824 Okay! Bye! 593 00:24:53,860 --> 00:24:55,862 Men! 594 00:24:55,895 --> 00:24:58,665 Thanks guys, I’ll be right up. 595 00:24:58,698 --> 00:24:59,666 Well, okay! 596 00:24:59,699 --> 00:25:01,634 Just have to do one more thing. 597 00:25:01,668 --> 00:25:03,670 Danny, I’m leaving. 598 00:25:03,703 --> 00:25:04,838 Oh, this is it. 599 00:25:04,871 --> 00:25:07,574 Well, you’re gonna be missed Mr. Martin. 600 00:25:07,607 --> 00:25:10,310 Yeah! Well, hey! I’ll miss this place. 601 00:25:10,343 --> 00:25:12,212 Well, sure, yeah. 602 00:25:12,245 --> 00:25:13,613 Well, it’s changing though. 603 00:25:13,646 --> 00:25:15,281 - Yeah! - Well, yeah, yeah! 604 00:25:15,315 --> 00:25:18,118 It’s a lot of turnover, you know, people moving in, 605 00:25:18,151 --> 00:25:21,287 moving out, but you know, people passing away like, 606 00:25:21,321 --> 00:25:23,523 - you know, Mrs. Mahoney. - Sorry? 607 00:25:23,556 --> 00:25:24,924 You know, Mrs. Mahoney, you know, 608 00:25:24,958 --> 00:25:26,860 white haired old lady, you know. 609 00:25:26,893 --> 00:25:28,928 Seventh floor. 610 00:25:28,962 --> 00:25:30,697 You know, she used to walk the poodle a lot, you know. 611 00:25:30,730 --> 00:25:31,898 I don’t know. 612 00:25:31,931 --> 00:25:33,733 She had this limp, you remember Mrs. Mahoney. 613 00:25:33,767 --> 00:25:34,934 Oh, yeah, yeah! 614 00:25:34,968 --> 00:25:36,636 Yes! He passed away? 615 00:25:36,670 --> 00:25:38,338 She! She passed away! 616 00:25:38,371 --> 00:25:39,472 Oh, yeah! 617 00:25:39,506 --> 00:25:40,473 That’s too bad! 618 00:25:40,507 --> 00:25:42,709 - Well... - Guess life goes on. 619 00:25:42,742 --> 00:25:45,245 Oh, yeah! You’re very right about that Mr. Martin. 620 00:25:45,278 --> 00:25:46,813 Life goes on. 621 00:25:46,846 --> 00:25:48,648 It goes on, but well--- 622 00:25:48,682 --> 00:25:51,184 - Well... - Yeah! 623 00:25:51,217 --> 00:25:52,786 We did have some good times over the years, right? 624 00:25:52,819 --> 00:25:55,689 Oh, yeah! Oh yes, we did! We did! That we did! 625 00:25:55,722 --> 00:25:58,224 Like-- 626 00:25:58,258 --> 00:26:00,293 remember that time with the package? 627 00:26:00,326 --> 00:26:02,162 Package? Oh yeah! 628 00:26:02,195 --> 00:26:04,831 The package fell behind the desk and was there. 629 00:26:04,864 --> 00:26:06,166 It was there forever. 630 00:26:06,199 --> 00:26:07,834 Yeah, it just sat there for a week before 631 00:26:07,867 --> 00:26:09,336 I finally noticed it. 632 00:26:09,369 --> 00:26:10,804 Yeah! Yeah! 633 00:26:12,339 --> 00:26:13,440 It’s been a long time. 634 00:26:13,473 --> 00:26:15,241 Yeah! 8 years! It’s a long time. 635 00:26:15,275 --> 00:26:16,443 That’s right! 636 00:26:18,678 --> 00:26:19,779 Hey! 637 00:26:19,813 --> 00:26:24,951 What about the basket of fruit incident, huh? 638 00:26:25,051 --> 00:26:28,321 Oh no! Oh, that was incredible. 639 00:26:28,355 --> 00:26:31,057 The basket of fruit and I kept - I thought it was yours. 640 00:26:31,057 --> 00:26:33,159 I kept bringing it up there. 641 00:26:33,193 --> 00:26:35,895 And then I get it and it wasn’t for me 642 00:26:35,929 --> 00:26:37,764 so I’d send it downstairs for you! 643 00:26:37,797 --> 00:26:39,432 Yeah! And we’d sit here and then I’d say, whoa! 644 00:26:39,466 --> 00:26:40,967 They forgot to deliver it. 645 00:26:41,067 --> 00:26:43,236 Let me bring it back up, I mean, that went on, I mean, 646 00:26:43,269 --> 00:26:44,838 a few more times than that. 647 00:26:44,871 --> 00:26:47,207 That’s for sure. That’s for sure. 648 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:51,244 Boy, that was - that was some basket of fruit too. 649 00:26:51,277 --> 00:26:53,146 - Oh, yeah! - Oh, it was very, very... 650 00:26:53,179 --> 00:26:54,848 - They had grapes. - Oh, lots. 651 00:26:54,881 --> 00:26:56,182 - Lots of - lots of-- - Oranges. 652 00:26:56,216 --> 00:26:59,519 Oranges and bananas and fancy fruits in there too. 653 00:26:59,552 --> 00:27:01,121 Yeah, there were some mangos--- 654 00:27:01,154 --> 00:27:03,323 Mangos. All those exotic fruits, yeah! 655 00:27:03,356 --> 00:27:05,158 Whose basket was that anyway? 656 00:27:05,191 --> 00:27:07,761 Uh, oh that was Mr. Vanami. 657 00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:08,828 Vanami? 658 00:27:08,862 --> 00:27:12,332 Yeah! Vanami, you know, 14th floor. 659 00:27:12,365 --> 00:27:13,600 Vanami? 660 00:27:13,633 --> 00:27:15,035 The pockmarked face gentleman, you know. 661 00:27:15,068 --> 00:27:17,404 Oh, yes! Yeah. 662 00:27:17,437 --> 00:27:19,039 Yeah, he had one eyebrow. 663 00:27:19,072 --> 00:27:21,474 Okay, couldn’t miss him. 664 00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:26,646 You know, it been - it’s funny, it just hit me, 665 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:30,850 I’ve seen you every day for years and I don’t know 666 00:27:30,884 --> 00:27:33,787 anything about you, I mean, I don’t know anything 667 00:27:33,820 --> 00:27:35,855 about your life or where you’re from or your family--- 668 00:27:35,889 --> 00:27:38,124 That’s no big deal, I mean. 669 00:27:38,158 --> 00:27:41,394 You know, the building is a big chunk of my life so I-- 670 00:27:41,428 --> 00:27:42,562 Yeah! But still-- 671 00:27:42,595 --> 00:27:44,064 I mean, it just hits me like that. 672 00:27:44,064 --> 00:27:46,599 Well, you know, I live in Long Island City, I commute, 673 00:27:46,633 --> 00:27:48,134 I got three kids. 674 00:27:48,168 --> 00:27:50,737 The little one, Amy, still in high school, yeah! 675 00:27:50,770 --> 00:27:52,839 The big one, my son is in engineering school. 676 00:27:52,872 --> 00:27:55,408 Well, he’s so smart, the kids - my Susan, 677 00:27:55,442 --> 00:27:58,244 she’s at Queens College, you know, and she’s a good kid. 678 00:27:58,278 --> 00:28:00,013 She’s a little - she’s gone through some things now, 679 00:28:00,013 --> 00:28:01,481 she’ll cut her hair like very--- 680 00:28:01,514 --> 00:28:02,716 Oh, short. 681 00:28:02,749 --> 00:28:05,018 It’s the strangest thing, but I love her. 682 00:28:05,018 --> 00:28:06,119 And she’s going through some things. 683 00:28:06,152 --> 00:28:07,354 I know. 684 00:28:07,387 --> 00:28:08,855 Okay, well it’s nothing to speak about. 685 00:28:08,888 --> 00:28:12,726 No, it’s great, you know, it’s--- 686 00:28:12,759 --> 00:28:14,627 well, great! 687 00:28:14,661 --> 00:28:15,729 (Car horn) 688 00:28:15,762 --> 00:28:17,030 Oh, is that yours? 689 00:28:17,030 --> 00:28:18,665 - Let me see...yeah! - Yeah! 690 00:28:18,698 --> 00:28:19,899 Yeah, that’s me alright! 691 00:28:19,933 --> 00:28:21,835 Well, I guess you gotta be going! 692 00:28:21,868 --> 00:28:23,103 Yeah! Well-- 693 00:28:23,136 --> 00:28:24,771 Well, you’ll be really missed. 694 00:28:26,740 --> 00:28:28,508 I’m gonna really miss you! Let me walk you out. 695 00:28:28,541 --> 00:28:30,643 Hey, allow me! 696 00:28:30,677 --> 00:28:31,745 Oh, no, no, no. 697 00:28:31,778 --> 00:28:33,246 Mr. Martin, I couldn’t do that. 698 00:28:33,279 --> 00:28:35,148 No, I - this could be the last time 699 00:28:35,181 --> 00:28:37,517 I get to open the door for you. 700 00:28:37,550 --> 00:28:39,919 - Thanks! - Alright. Take care! 701 00:28:41,388 --> 00:28:43,757 (Loud cheers and applause) 702 00:28:47,794 --> 00:28:51,831 (Music) 703 00:28:55,235 --> 00:28:58,672 Well, we had a good time! 704 00:28:58,705 --> 00:29:00,340 Yeah! 705 00:29:00,373 --> 00:29:02,142 Had a real good time! 706 00:29:02,175 --> 00:29:03,343 Hey, Rhea! 707 00:29:04,844 --> 00:29:06,446 Well, thank you everybody! 708 00:29:09,315 --> 00:29:11,451 And good night! 709 00:29:13,420 --> 00:29:18,358 (Music) 53936

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