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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:06,406 * 2 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:22,722 Announcer: It’sSaturday Night Live. 3 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,994 With Dana Carvey... 4 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,864 Nora Dunn... 5 00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:33,933 Phil Hartman... 6 00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,469 Jan Hooks... 7 00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:39,506 Victoria Jackson... 8 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:42,642 Jon Lovitz... 9 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,911 Dennis Miller... 10 00:00:44,944 --> 00:00:46,813 and Kevin Nealon. 11 00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:54,120 Musical guest, L.L. Cool J and The Pull. 12 00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:58,525 And featuring A. Whitney Brown... 13 00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:04,064 G.E. Smith and theSaturday Night Live Band... 14 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:09,869 and starring Sean Penn. 15 00:01:18,211 --> 00:01:21,481 Ladies and gentlemen, Sean Penn. 16 00:01:21,514 --> 00:01:24,451 ( cheers and applause) 17 00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:43,837 Thank you. Thank you. 18 00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:46,806 ( cheers and applause ) 19 00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:50,577 Thank you. 20 00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:55,982 Announcer: Attention, please. 21 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:57,617 During tonight’s performance, 22 00:01:57,650 --> 00:02:00,353 the taking of photographs is strictly prohibited. 23 00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:03,890 ( laughter ) 24 00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:06,860 ( cheers and applause ) 25 00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:17,871 I’d like to thank L.L. Cool J for playing my lover in jail. 26 00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:20,840 ( cheers and applause ) 27 00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:28,081 But nothing like that ever happened in jail, 28 00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:32,218 not that I didn’t have some opportunities. 29 00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:33,553 But I wanna make that clear, 30 00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:36,156 because I think there’s enough weird conceptions 31 00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:38,591 about me already. 32 00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:41,661 I guess that the biggest one is that, uh, 33 00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,163 that I’m married to Madonna. 34 00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:45,632 - Man: Yeah! - I wish. 35 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:48,168 ( laughter ) 36 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,669 And, uh, the other 37 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:52,439 is that I punch out photographers everywhere I go. 38 00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:55,442 Yeah, in my dreams. 39 00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:57,610 I do, though-- I do have a deep resentment 40 00:02:57,644 --> 00:02:58,812 against photographers, 41 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:01,047 but there’s a real good reason for that. 42 00:03:01,047 --> 00:03:02,682 ( piano music plays ) ( sighs ) 43 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,552 ( laughter ) 44 00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:09,589 It goes back to when I was a kid in Hollywood, 45 00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:12,559 and a roving gang of celebrity photographers 46 00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,327 raided and burned our home. 47 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:17,163 ( laughter ) 48 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:20,800 I don’t know, I must have been about 4 or 5 at the time, 49 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,737 but I still remember my father waking me and my brothers up 50 00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:26,072 and telling us, "Run from the house, 51 00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:28,108 and don’t return until the celebrity photographers 52 00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:29,409 had gone." 53 00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:35,782 We lost everything in that fire. 54 00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,784 And I’ll never forget the picture that splashed 55 00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:40,720 across the newspapers, 56 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:44,324 "Malibu Family Flees Burning House." 57 00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:45,992 And, why? 58 00:03:46,092 --> 00:03:47,794 Because it was a slow news day. 59 00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:53,166 Well, maybe someday I’ll forget that terrible night, 60 00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:56,836 and, if I do, that’s the day you’ll see my smiling face 61 00:03:56,870 --> 00:04:00,273 on the cover of the New York Post. 62 00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:02,909 Until then, you’ll be seeing this. 63 00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:07,580 ( applause ) 64 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,825 We have a great show, so stick around. 65 00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:20,794 We’ve got L.L. Cool J, and the Pull. 66 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:24,764 We’ll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) 67 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,711 ( bells tolling ) 68 00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:40,680 * 69 00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:51,224 Announcer: Wall Street Week is made possible by grants 70 00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:53,793 from Ballhorne Investment. 71 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,930 At Ballhorne, your future’s in the bag. 72 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,766 And High-Risk Securities. 73 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:03,536 When you’re investing the money you don’t absolutely need. 74 00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:06,239 And The Diversified Group. 75 00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:07,807 Your money’s safe with us 76 00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:11,678 unless the whole thing collapses. 77 00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:14,714 Produced Friday, October 23rd. 78 00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:17,083 Our panelists are Tony Stepanich, 79 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:21,221 Colin Hutchinson, Jane Wickham, and Steven Babcock. 80 00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:24,524 Our special guest is Future Man. 81 00:05:24,557 --> 00:05:26,726 ( coughs ) 82 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,462 Good evening, I’m Lewis Bruckheisser. 83 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:33,333 Well, it’s been an up and down week on Wall Street. 84 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:37,103 The bulls who had ridden the rollercoaster to its peak 85 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:40,540 after gorging themselves on the cotton candy 86 00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:45,745 of overvalued issues... found themselves Monday 87 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:49,849 caught in a nauseating plummet down the rickety rails 88 00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,218 of panic selling. 89 00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:54,788 And some who stood up on the roller coaster 90 00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:59,192 despite the repeated warnings were decapitated. 91 00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:02,896 Others who failed to lock the thing 92 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,231 that swings down over the waist 93 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:07,834 of fiscal restraint were hurled headlong 94 00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:10,837 into the spook house of bankruptcy. 95 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,940 All to the restraints of the demented 96 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,042 that is the federal deficit. 97 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,877 That’s the kind of week it was. 98 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:21,114 Our first guest is someone who knows a thing or two 99 00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:23,817 about roller-coaster rides. 100 00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:28,822 He is Tony Stepanich, operator of the Wild Loose Roller Coaster 101 00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:32,258 at Playland in Rye, New York. 102 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,760 Tony, I wanna thank you for helping me 103 00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:35,528 with my introductory notes. 104 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,064 Yeah, no problem, Lew. 105 00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,866 Also with us is Colin Hutchinson, 106 00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,601 a partner with the investment firm 107 00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:43,136 of Lambert Fitch and Taylor. 108 00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:45,138 Welcome back, Colin. How are you? 109 00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:47,674 I’m fine, Lewis. Why wouldn’t I be? 110 00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:53,179 Now Colin, you’re advising the small investor 111 00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:54,948 to stay in the market. 112 00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,916 Well, yeah, there’s nothing to be worried about, 113 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,084 everything’s gonna be fine. 114 00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,320 This was just a much-needed correction, Lew. 115 00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,255 There’s nothing to get upset about. 116 00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:05,025 We’ve been through much worse. What about the Great Depression? 117 00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:09,462 That was much, much worse, wasn’t it? 118 00:07:09,496 --> 00:07:13,033 It’s all those guys buying up all those condos on 5th Avenue. 119 00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,668 They’re probably panicking, 120 00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:16,436 but they’d be crazy to sell, wouldn’t they? 121 00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:18,505 Well, I think that some of them might have to sell 122 00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,807 to meet their margin costs. 123 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:24,044 I know that! Why am I on trial here? 124 00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:25,812 It’ll bounce back. It’s got to! 125 00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:27,180 ( laughter ) 126 00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:29,883 It’s--It’s just that there’s too much at stake, 127 00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,418 too many people have too much at stake. 128 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,053 Lew, my friend, help me! 129 00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:34,921 Yes, yes, all right. 130 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:38,825 Let’s turn to someone who is taking a contrary view, 131 00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:41,895 Jane Wickham, securities analyst for Seagull and Wright. 132 00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:44,064 Now you’re a little more bearish than Colin. 133 00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:45,432 Yes, I am, Lewis. 134 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,902 We’re taking a very conservative posture here. 135 00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:52,339 This is certainly not a time to panic, okay? 136 00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:55,108 Now we are urging our clients with assets in the market 137 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:58,511 to sell off these assets as quickly as possible 138 00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:00,080 for whatever they can get. 139 00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:03,083 And we would also urge the small investor 140 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,151 to stop by his bank Monday morning, 141 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,420 say, about 7, 7:30, 142 00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:10,523 and withdraw whatever savings he may have tied up 143 00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:13,660 in savings account, certificates of deposit, 144 00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:15,729 checking, Christmas club, what have you. 145 00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:18,565 Now wouldn’t this tend to cause a run on the banks? 146 00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:23,336 Well, that’s why I’m saying to go down regularly 147 00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:26,673 and to tell absolutely no one of their plans. 148 00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:29,542 Well, do you see any sound investments out there? 149 00:08:29,576 --> 00:08:32,779 Yes, Lewis, we like bottled water, okay? 150 00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:37,217 Canned foods, propane, rural real estate. 151 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,685 We’re also, uh-- 152 00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:42,756 We’re recommending shotguns for defense 153 00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:46,860 against the marauding bands of angry intercity youth-- 154 00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:49,062 I’m frightened people, don’t you understand this! 155 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,131 I’m frightened, frightened! 156 00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,866 - Our next guest-- - Don’t leave me! 157 00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:54,234 - Don’t leave me, do you understand? - No... 158 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:57,070 -Don’t leave me! -I’m--I’m right here. 159 00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:58,805 I’m right here. 160 00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,910 Our next guest is-- or should I say was-- 161 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:06,546 the dean of Whiz Kids on Wall Street. 162 00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:09,482 Steven Babcock is a graduate of Choate, Princeton, 163 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:12,619 the Wharton School of Finance, and at the age 24, 164 00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:15,855 pioneered the highly-- highly controversial practice 165 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,224 of trading on margin leveraged options 166 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:21,327 on stock index futures. 167 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:24,030 Now Steven, you’ve suffered every investor’s nightmare, 168 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,632 losing every cent you own, 169 00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,801 and yet, you seem to be in good spirits. 170 00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:30,570 Well, Lewis, 171 00:09:30,603 --> 00:09:33,873 following last Monday’s carnage on the floor, 172 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:38,445 I repaired to a certain Wall Street watering hole 173 00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:42,782 where a substantial quantity of liquid refreshment 174 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:46,720 was consumed and a gratifying level 175 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:49,055 of inebriation was achieved. 176 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:52,058 Yes. I was sorry to hear about your wife. 177 00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:54,794 Yes, she left me 178 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:59,065 taking certain recreational pharmaceuticals 179 00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:00,500 with her. 180 00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:03,803 And given my current situation, 181 00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:08,308 they would have proved most useful in mood management. 182 00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:09,809 ( laughter ) 183 00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:12,078 However, with the aid of a neighborhood vendor 184 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:15,181 of bottled fluid intoxicants, 185 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:19,919 I was able to maintain a state of profound insobriety 186 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,789 throughout the aforementioned ordeal. 187 00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:25,625 So it is your plan to stay drunk 188 00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:27,327 until the market turns around? 189 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,997 Oh, steady as she goes, Lewis. 190 00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:32,432 All right, very well. 191 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,468 Now, why don’t we go over and meet our special guest. 192 00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:39,773 ( cheers applause ) 193 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,175 He’s a man who has outperformed the market 194 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,910 with uncanny regularity, 195 00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:48,248 our visitor from the year 2013, Future Man. 196 00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,816 Now Future Man, your market performance 197 00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:51,317 has been nothing short of spectacular 198 00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:54,954 and it is certainly worth reviewing. 199 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:58,625 Now then you bought here and then you sold here 200 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,262 and you bought here, sold here, bought, sold, bought, sold, 201 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,130 bought, sold, bought, sold, and so on. 202 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:08,168 Now Future Man, what is your basic investment strategy? 203 00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:10,804 Read old newspapers. 204 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:14,507 Go back in time, buy low, sell high. 205 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,076 Mm-hmm. 206 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,311 Excellent strategy, excellent indeed. 207 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:22,315 Excuse me, would you be so kind as to direct me 208 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:26,219 to the nearest porcelain convenience? 209 00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:28,488 Uh, yes, right that way. 210 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,989 Okay. 211 00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:33,259 Now Future Man, given the grave state of the marketplace, 212 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,561 perhaps you could break precedent 213 00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:37,230 and share a hot tip or two with our viewers. 214 00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:39,566 As I have said many times before, 215 00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:42,102 I do not give investment advice. 216 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:43,470 It would alter history. 217 00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,739 Please, give it to me man. Help me just this once. 218 00:11:45,772 --> 00:11:47,407 I won’t ask again. Please help me. 219 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,175 Sorry, no can do. 220 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,443 Future Man, will I ever have children? 221 00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:51,511 (gunshot) 222 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,248 Well, what was that? 223 00:11:55,281 --> 00:12:00,120 Our inebriated colleague, young Mr. Babcock, just shot himself. 224 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:02,655 Now, why didn’t you stop him, Future Man? 225 00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:05,458 I didn’t like him. 226 00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:08,194 I was always glad he killed himself. 227 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,630 Right, well, I guess our roller-coaster ride 228 00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:13,867 has jolted to a rather macabre end. 229 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,069 I’d like to thank our guests-- 230 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,438 Hey, Lew, can I tell you something? 231 00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,907 The best thing you got happening on this show is future. 232 00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:23,143 I don’t even know why you booked these cry babies. 233 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:25,578 Future Man, that’s your show, dude. 234 00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:27,147 Thank you, Tony. 235 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,082 - Tony, a word of advice. - Yeah. 236 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,650 - Get out of the carnival. - Right. 237 00:12:30,684 --> 00:12:33,887 And I’ll be seeing you next week, 238 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,822 but hopefully the roller coaster 239 00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:38,324 will have become a graceful gondola 240 00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:42,562 sailing into the tunnel of love that is the economic recovery. 241 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,564 Future Man, I’m asking you one more time, 242 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,000 please help me, just please help me. 243 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,969 ( cheers and applause ) 244 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:59,612 Announcer: What qualities make an investment firm number one? 245 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:04,451 Determination, the will to succeed. 246 00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,753 Aggressiveness... 247 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:10,156 a fierce drive to compete and win. 248 00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:15,128 Instinct, knowing the right moment to strike. 249 00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:17,664 Tenacity... 250 00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:21,868 holding on when others let go. 251 00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:24,237 Cold-bloodedness... 252 00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:28,975 indifference to the suffering of those who stand in your way. 253 00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:30,677 Pitman and Bullock, 254 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:34,614 put the power of the pitbull to work for you. 255 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:38,184 ( cheers and applause ) 256 00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:42,122 * 257 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,823 Don Pardo: And now,Weekend Update 258 00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:46,659 with anchorperson Dennis Miller. 259 00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:49,629 ( cheers and applause ) 260 00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,735 Thank you. 261 00:13:55,769 --> 00:13:57,637 Good evening, and what can I tell you? 262 00:13:57,671 --> 00:14:00,507 Judge Robert Bork, not one to wallow in his misery, 263 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:04,277 has moved on from yesterday’s 58 to 42 defeating the Senate. 264 00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:07,313 He’s already in the midst of a lucrative advertising career, 265 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,715 and his first assignment, 266 00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:10,717 the new guy on the Quaker Oats box. 267 00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:13,687 ( cheers and applause ) 268 00:14:15,789 --> 00:14:18,658 After the Bork turned on, President Reagan’s staff 269 00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:20,927 prepared a list of new nominees for his consideration. 270 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,063 The list includes Judge J. Clifford Wallace 271 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,898 of San Diego, California, 272 00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:27,600 Judge Pasco M. Bowman of Kansas City, Missouri, 273 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,136 Judge Laurence Silberman of Washington, D.C., 274 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:33,139 Judge Patrick E. Higginbotham of Dallas, Texas, 275 00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:36,276 and Judge Reinhold of Beverly Hills Cop 2. 276 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:39,612 The defeat of Judge Bork leaves the Supreme Court 277 00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:41,481 with still only eight justices. 278 00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,083 The problem was apparent yesterday 279 00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,085 when the court again voted 4-4 280 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,587 on the question of how to break a tie. 281 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,089 ( laughter ) 282 00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:52,325 Secretary of State George Shultz reported from Moscow yesterday 283 00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,728 that Soviet Leader Mikhail Gorbachev has refused 284 00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:57,464 to set a date for the summit meeting with President Reagan 285 00:14:57,497 --> 00:15:00,266 until differences over Star Wars are settled. 286 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,169 However, Shultz and Gorbachev did agree that in late November, 287 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,504 they would have a certs encounter 288 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,339 in the back of a cab. 289 00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:09,743 Wall Street went through more mood swings 290 00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,578 than a PMS victim this week. 291 00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:14,447 I, fortunately, was not affected 292 00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:16,383 as all my money is tucked safely away 293 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,918 in Wheel of Fortune gift certificates. 294 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:22,055 This is one of those graphs you’ve been seeing all week 295 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:25,425 that tries to show what happened in the stock market disaster. 296 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:28,561 I’ll try to explain it to you in layman’s terms, 297 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,530 if you can move in on this. 298 00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:32,265 There’s where the market started on Monday. 299 00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:35,268 It plummeted past the little girl in the well, 300 00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:38,738 then down here past Geraldo Rivera’s ethics, 301 00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:41,141 There’s the Titanic. 302 00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:44,110 There’s Andrew Ridgley’s Career. 303 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:47,080 That’s Hitler in Hell and at bottom down here, 304 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:50,250 the ratings for CBS’ West 57th Show. 305 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:53,720 ( cheers and applause ) 306 00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:57,524 Yeah, Wall Street experts blame Monday’s record plunge 307 00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:59,092 on Mickey Rooney. 308 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:03,196 Here now are the thoughtful insight 309 00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:06,533 on the stock market situation is our very own Kevin Nealon. 310 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,667 Hello, Kevin. 311 00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:08,802 Hey, Dennis. 312 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,140 You know, if we learned only one thing 313 00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:15,909 from this past week on Wall Street, 314 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:18,111 it’s that money isn’t everything, 315 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,046 and that’s the point I’m trying to make tonight, 316 00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:22,148 money isn’t everything. 317 00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:23,483 You know, a lot of people measure success 318 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:24,684 by the amount of money they have, 319 00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:26,052 or the buildings they own or the stocks. 320 00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,487 I don’t agree. 321 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,657 I think a good sign of success is like when you have women 322 00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:33,960 walking around your house that you don’t know 323 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:35,862 and they’re wearing your shirts and using your car, 324 00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:38,064 but you don’t care. 325 00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:41,401 You see, it’s important that you live for the moment. 326 00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,602 Wait a minute, wait a minute, 327 00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:43,737 that’s what I’m really trying to say. 328 00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,205 You should live for the moment. 329 00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,740 Forget what I said before about money isn’t everything. 330 00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:48,708 I was just-- I was grabbing at straws there. 331 00:16:48,742 --> 00:16:50,610 No, no, you should live for the moment, 332 00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,645 that’s what I’m really trying to say tonight. 333 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,381 Because things could be a lot worse. 334 00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,249 I remember reading about how bad the economy was 335 00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:57,650 in Europe 40 years ago, 336 00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:58,818 people were starving and, you know, 337 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,520 really going through tough times. 338 00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:01,921 Now I don’t know what they were complaining about, 339 00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:03,089 at least they’re in Europe. 340 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,025 I’ve never even been to Europe before. 341 00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,559 ( laughter ) 342 00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:11,264 See, some people just don’t appreciate what they have. 343 00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:12,465 Wait a second, wait a second, wait. 344 00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:13,700 That’s what I’m really trying to say. 345 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,669 Some people don’t appreciate what they have. 346 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,704 Forget about that money isn’t everything stuff 347 00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,139 and you’ve got to live for the moment. 348 00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:20,440 I’ll be honest with you, 349 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,909 I was just talking off the top of my head, really. 350 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,144 No, no. 351 00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:26,713 Some people don’t appreciate what they have 352 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:29,049 is what I’m really trying to say. 353 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,484 And they should, especially when it comes to their health, 354 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,286 ’cause, you know, you don’t know what’s gonna happen. 355 00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,822 You could wake up tomorrow and have Alzheimer’s disease 356 00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:36,956 or, you know, anything. 357 00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,725 You don’t know. 358 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,326 Now wasn’t that a coincidence that Lou Gehrig 359 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:41,895 got Lou Gehrig’s Disease? 360 00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:44,264 ( laughter ) 361 00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,266 I mean, what are the odds? 362 00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:51,671 Now Alzheimer’s, I don’t know who he played for, 363 00:17:51,705 --> 00:17:55,442 but you know, that was a terrible one too. 364 00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:59,612 You see, you can never be too careful. 365 00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:00,780 That’s what I’m really trying to say. 366 00:18:00,814 --> 00:18:02,082 You can never be too careful. 367 00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:03,817 Forget about all that other garbage I was saying, 368 00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:06,186 that was just a turkey shoot, I’ll be honest with you. 369 00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:10,790 No, you can never be too careful is what I’m really trying to say 370 00:18:10,824 --> 00:18:13,360 especially when it comes to your money. 371 00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:16,029 I think the safest investment is real estate. 372 00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:18,031 My uncle just bought a farm in upstate New York, 373 00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:20,500 it’s just a small farm, half an acre, you know, 374 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:24,137 which really kind of presents a problem for him 375 00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:26,172 ’cause he’s got about 800 heads of cattle. 376 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,707 ( laughter ) 377 00:18:27,741 --> 00:18:29,409 He has to stack them to get them all on 378 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:33,313 but you know, where there is a will, there is a way. 379 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:34,514 That’s what I’m really trying to say. 380 00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,516 Where there’s a will, there’s a way. 381 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:37,717 Thank you. 382 00:18:37,751 --> 00:18:40,220 Thank you, Kevin. ( cheers and applause ) 383 00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:41,955 Thank you. 384 00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:43,423 Thank you, Kevin. 385 00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:49,329 Here’s an update on the number of U.S. vessels 386 00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:51,264 in the Persian Gulf area. 387 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,566 12 battleships, 3 aircraft carriers, 388 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,837 3 carrier support groups, 26 warships, 55 barges, 389 00:18:57,871 --> 00:18:59,806 88 special operations units, 390 00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:02,008 plus maintenance and supply ships. 391 00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:03,209 We have so many boats over there 392 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,311 that the water level has risen high enough 393 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:06,846 to cause overflowing in the Persian Gulf 394 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,449 and flood the Iranian missile sites. 395 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,317 On Monday of this week, 396 00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:13,053 President Reagan gave the go ahead 397 00:19:13,086 --> 00:19:15,321 for a U.S. military missile attack 398 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:17,590 on a so-called strategic site, 399 00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:20,026 a small oil derrick in the Persian Gulf. 400 00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:22,128 Reagan said if the Iranians continue to mess with us, 401 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,596 he would have no compunction at all 402 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:26,866 about ordering future strikes at equally strategic targets 403 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:28,234 including the windmill hole 404 00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:30,603 at the Tehran miniature golf course. 405 00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:33,907 This week, the navy revealed plans 406 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:36,042 to send trained dolphins into the Persian Gulf 407 00:19:36,076 --> 00:19:38,044 to seek out Iranian underwater mines. 408 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:39,379 Should the plan hit a snag, though, 409 00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:41,681 the navy has a foolproof backup systems, 410 00:19:41,715 --> 00:19:44,184 Don Knotts as The Incredible Mr. Limpet. 411 00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,585 ( laughter ) 412 00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:48,054 A footnote to that navy dolphin story, 413 00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:51,157 the navy announced, quote, "We do not train marine mammals 414 00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,493 to perform task which could result in injury 415 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,961 or death to the animal." 416 00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:57,330 However, the navy said it could not be responsible 417 00:19:57,364 --> 00:20:00,734 for any trouble the dolphins got into during shore leave. 418 00:20:03,837 --> 00:20:06,473 This week, Bernhard Goetz was sentenced to six months 419 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,775 in the Rikers Island Prison for shooting four U’s 420 00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,777 who tried to rob him on a New York City subway 421 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:12,579 in December 1984. 422 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:13,747 When asked whether he’d do it again 423 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,315 under the same set of circumstances, 424 00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:16,816 Goetz said he would, but he added 425 00:20:16,850 --> 00:20:18,985 that he would then rob them after he had shot them 426 00:20:19,019 --> 00:20:20,587 and hopes that the New York Court System 427 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,422 would be lenient on him too. 428 00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:25,392 ( laughter, applause ) Vice, uh-- 429 00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:29,996 Vice President George Bush this week 430 00:20:30,030 --> 00:20:32,832 visited little Jessica McClure who is recovering nicely-- 431 00:20:32,866 --> 00:20:35,268 hi, Jessica-- in a Midland Texas hospital. 432 00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:37,070 Asked if the visit was a campaign event, 433 00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,305 Bush said, "No, I just wanted to meet somebody else 434 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:41,574 who’s been in the dark as long as I have." 435 00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:43,610 ( laughter ) 436 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:47,080 When, uh-- ( applause ) 437 00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,248 When asked what she thought 438 00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:50,050 of being visited by the vice president, 439 00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,885 Jessica said, "I think he’s a wimp. 440 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:55,021 There’s no way we can turn the country over to that man." 441 00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:58,725 Bush was, of course, visibly moved, 442 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:01,461 saying, "This is what America is." 443 00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:04,164 Asked what he meant by that, he said, "The rock was hard, 444 00:21:04,197 --> 00:21:06,700 but they heard the voice and they wouldn’t give up." 445 00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:09,803 Oh, I thought he meant America is an unfunded day care center 446 00:21:09,836 --> 00:21:11,304 where kids are left to roam free 447 00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:13,840 and fall on to unprotected wells. 448 00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:16,576 Gavin MacLeod was in the news this week, 449 00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:19,079 but not on my time. 450 00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:20,780 From our Papal File Visit this week, 451 00:21:20,814 --> 00:21:24,150 last summer, when John Paul II visited Los Angeles, California, 452 00:21:24,184 --> 00:21:25,585 in addition to blessing the masses, 453 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,954 he also met with the Delorentos film group 454 00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:30,090 to discuss the spring 1988 release 455 00:21:30,090 --> 00:21:32,092 of his new film Robo Pope. 456 00:21:32,092 --> 00:21:34,094 ( laughter ) 457 00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:38,098 And remember, tonight at 2 a.m., 458 00:21:38,098 --> 00:21:40,266 set your clock back one hour to 1 a.m. 459 00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:43,136 But I warn you, an hour later, it’ll be 2 a.m. once more 460 00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:46,439 and you’ll have to do it again, and again, and again, and again. 461 00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:49,442 Guess what folks, that’s the news and I am out. 462 00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:52,445 ( cheers and applause ) 463 00:21:52,479 --> 00:21:55,415 * 464 00:21:58,418 --> 00:22:01,388 ( moaning ) 465 00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,058 - Oh, Gary. - Oh, Susan. 466 00:22:05,058 --> 00:22:06,693 - Oh, Gary. - Oh, Susan. 467 00:22:06,726 --> 00:22:08,061 - Oh, Gary. 468 00:22:10,764 --> 00:22:12,799 ( glass shatters ) 469 00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:15,168 Marge: Woo-hoo, Susan? 470 00:22:15,201 --> 00:22:18,338 Hello? Is that you? 471 00:22:18,371 --> 00:22:22,075 Oh, well, I thought I heard you come in. 472 00:22:22,075 --> 00:22:24,978 Hello, hello, hello. ( chuckles ) 473 00:22:25,078 --> 00:22:26,880 How was your friend’s wedding? 474 00:22:26,913 --> 00:22:29,082 - It was really nice. - Oh. 475 00:22:29,082 --> 00:22:31,384 They made up their own vows. 476 00:22:31,418 --> 00:22:33,353 Oh, what did they say? 477 00:22:33,386 --> 00:22:37,290 Uh, they said-- she said she wouldn’t leave him. 478 00:22:37,323 --> 00:22:39,592 He said he wouldn’t leave her and then they left. 479 00:22:39,626 --> 00:22:43,263 - Oh. - Don: Marge, are you down there with someone? 480 00:22:43,296 --> 00:22:44,931 Yes, I am, honey. 481 00:22:44,964 --> 00:22:46,833 Gary just brought Susan back from the wedding reception. 482 00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:49,936 - Bring the camera. Come on. - Okay, hon. 483 00:22:49,969 --> 00:22:55,909 - Come on. - Gary, I really had a good time. Good night. 484 00:22:55,942 --> 00:22:57,877 Oh, come on, baby, they’re not gonna-- 485 00:22:57,911 --> 00:23:00,680 they won’t stay up long. 486 00:23:00,714 --> 00:23:01,748 Don: Smile. 487 00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:05,552 ( chuckles ) 488 00:23:05,585 --> 00:23:08,321 I just had to get a picture of you in that tuxedo, Gary. 489 00:23:08,355 --> 00:23:10,657 Oh, ever since Don got that Polaroid, 490 00:23:10,690 --> 00:23:12,092 he’s taking picture after picture after picture 491 00:23:12,125 --> 00:23:14,060 after picture. ( laughs) 492 00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:15,562 - Oh, look at here, hon. - Oh. 493 00:23:15,595 --> 00:23:17,464 They look like they could be the wedding couple themselves. 494 00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:18,598 - Look at that. - Oh, oh. 495 00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:21,368 - Dad. - I love weddings. 496 00:23:21,401 --> 00:23:23,870 You know, there’s something so wonderful about 497 00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:26,072 when a man and a woman are bonding together, 498 00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:27,807 it’s so gratifying. 499 00:23:29,576 --> 00:23:30,810 You could say that again. 500 00:23:30,844 --> 00:23:34,514 You know, when Don and I got married, 501 00:23:34,547 --> 00:23:37,584 we went to that honeymoon place up in New York. 502 00:23:37,617 --> 00:23:38,918 The Niagara Falls. 503 00:23:38,952 --> 00:23:40,987 No, no, this was in New York. 504 00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:43,390 Yeah, Niagara Falls, it’s in New York. 505 00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:45,291 No, it wasn’t Niagara Falls. 506 00:23:45,325 --> 00:23:49,295 - No, it had a lot of hotels and lodges. - The Catskills. 507 00:23:49,329 --> 00:23:51,264 - No. - No, no. 508 00:23:51,297 --> 00:23:54,000 - Poconos? - No, it was in some mountains. 509 00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:55,402 Adirondacks. 510 00:23:55,435 --> 00:23:57,137 Oh, I remember. It was the Poconos. 511 00:23:57,170 --> 00:23:58,471 - The Poconos, yes. - Yes. 512 00:23:58,505 --> 00:24:00,140 The Poconos. 513 00:24:00,173 --> 00:24:02,342 I’ll get the atlas, I can show you right where it is. 514 00:24:02,375 --> 00:24:06,946 - No. I mean, don’t stay up just ’cause of us. - Yeah, we’re fine. 515 00:24:07,047 --> 00:24:08,581 Don’t worry about the lights, we’ll shut them all out. 516 00:24:08,615 --> 00:24:11,384 Well now, Gary, I don’t want you to stay up too late either. 517 00:24:11,418 --> 00:24:12,619 Now your mother told me you’re going back 518 00:24:12,652 --> 00:24:14,054 to the university tomorrow. 519 00:24:14,054 --> 00:24:15,221 - Oh. - Yeah. 520 00:24:15,255 --> 00:24:16,656 You’re majoring in? 521 00:24:16,690 --> 00:24:18,725 Veterinary medicine, daddy. 522 00:24:18,758 --> 00:24:20,860 Ooh, veterinary medicine. Sit down. 523 00:24:20,894 --> 00:24:24,564 You know, I have often wondered, 524 00:24:24,597 --> 00:24:27,500 do you believe that dogs can think? 525 00:24:27,534 --> 00:24:30,603 We used to have the cutest dog, Ginger, do you remember that? 526 00:24:30,637 --> 00:24:32,806 She was half Irish-Setter and half-- 527 00:24:32,839 --> 00:24:35,709 Oh, let’s see, she was like a Setter. 528 00:24:35,742 --> 00:24:37,777 - A Labrador? - No, not the black one. 529 00:24:37,811 --> 00:24:39,713 - Saint Bernard? - No, smaller. 530 00:24:39,746 --> 00:24:40,980 - Uh, chow? - No. 531 00:24:41,081 --> 00:24:42,182 - Akita? - No. 532 00:24:42,215 --> 00:24:43,983 - Collie? - No. It’s a shepherd thing. 533 00:24:44,084 --> 00:24:46,319 - A German shepherd? - No, it’s a kind of police use. 534 00:24:46,353 --> 00:24:47,654 - German shepherd. - Huh? 535 00:24:47,687 --> 00:24:50,123 - German shepherd? - Yes. 536 00:24:50,156 --> 00:24:52,459 German shepherd, German shepherd, yes. 537 00:24:52,492 --> 00:24:55,228 Oh, she was the best dog. 538 00:24:55,261 --> 00:24:57,931 She lived to be 19. 539 00:24:57,964 --> 00:24:59,733 We had to have her put to sleep. 540 00:24:59,766 --> 00:25:02,936 No, honey, we backed over her with the car. 541 00:25:03,036 --> 00:25:04,337 ( laughter ) 542 00:25:04,371 --> 00:25:07,140 No, no, we didn’t back over Ginger with the car. 543 00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:09,042 - That was-- - Rusty. 544 00:25:09,075 --> 00:25:11,678 No, no, Rusty choked on a doggie toy. 545 00:25:11,711 --> 00:25:15,048 No. no, that wasn’t Rusty. That was-- 546 00:25:15,048 --> 00:25:17,317 Oh, I can still see the tufts of hair 547 00:25:17,350 --> 00:25:18,818 and the tire track over his head. 548 00:25:18,852 --> 00:25:20,820 It was-- 549 00:25:20,854 --> 00:25:25,058 - Spot? - Yes. Spot. Spot. 550 00:25:25,058 --> 00:25:27,494 Oh, we had Spot when we lived on Rosedale Road, you remember? 551 00:25:27,527 --> 00:25:29,062 - Oh, yeah. - And I can prove it. 552 00:25:29,062 --> 00:25:30,163 I’m gonna get the photo album. 553 00:25:30,196 --> 00:25:31,364 - No. - No, no, no. 554 00:25:31,398 --> 00:25:34,267 I mean, it’s getting really late and-- 555 00:25:34,300 --> 00:25:37,103 - Oh, it is, yeah. - Oh, my gosh, look at the time. 556 00:25:37,137 --> 00:25:39,472 Well, we better get to bed. 557 00:25:39,506 --> 00:25:41,708 Well, you know, we haven’t stayed up this late 558 00:25:41,741 --> 00:25:43,410 since Uncle Ed came up from-- 559 00:25:43,443 --> 00:25:46,079 Florida. Night, daddy. 560 00:25:46,079 --> 00:25:47,781 Marge’s brother Ed lives. 561 00:25:47,814 --> 00:25:49,749 He just loves to stay up late. 562 00:25:49,783 --> 00:25:52,819 He loves seafood and he took us out 563 00:25:52,852 --> 00:25:56,256 to that little-- That little place on Route 9. 564 00:25:56,289 --> 00:25:58,091 - Somebody Sea Shanty... - Let me see. 565 00:25:58,091 --> 00:25:59,159 - Captain... - Captain... 566 00:25:59,192 --> 00:26:00,794 That’s on the napkin, what was it? 567 00:26:00,827 --> 00:26:03,930 - He had a little hat on on the picture in the napkin. - Yeah. 568 00:26:04,030 --> 00:26:05,198 - It was Captain. - Uh, Kid? 569 00:26:05,231 --> 00:26:07,067 Captain-- no, no, he had an eye patch. 570 00:26:07,100 --> 00:26:08,301 - Hook? - Captain. 571 00:26:08,335 --> 00:26:09,469 Well, he was kind of a pirate, but no. 572 00:26:09,502 --> 00:26:11,037 - Blood? - No. 573 00:26:11,071 --> 00:26:12,672 Ahab? 574 00:26:12,706 --> 00:26:16,343 Bligh, Kirk, Hornblower, Nemo. 575 00:26:16,376 --> 00:26:19,045 Yes! Neptune. 576 00:26:19,079 --> 00:26:20,814 - Neptune, Neptune, yes. - Neptune Sea Shanty. 577 00:26:20,847 --> 00:26:24,351 Yes, sometimes it’s hard to remember things when-- 578 00:26:24,384 --> 00:26:26,586 - When you stay up late. - Oh, wow. 579 00:26:26,619 --> 00:26:28,722 - I guess it is pretty late. - It is. 580 00:26:28,755 --> 00:26:31,391 Do you know--I have to tell you. 581 00:26:31,424 --> 00:26:32,625 You know what one of the first things I did 582 00:26:32,659 --> 00:26:34,361 with daddy after we got married? 583 00:26:34,394 --> 00:26:35,595 Oh, no. 584 00:26:35,628 --> 00:26:38,665 Oh, no, you stop that, Don. ( chuckles ) 585 00:26:38,698 --> 00:26:40,200 No, no, no. 586 00:26:40,233 --> 00:26:44,204 As you know, daddy was in the navy 587 00:26:44,237 --> 00:26:45,572 and they invited all the wives 588 00:26:45,605 --> 00:26:47,207 to come down to the shipyard, right, 589 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,075 to see them on the ship and there he was. 590 00:26:49,075 --> 00:26:51,544 He was upfront manning that big gun. 591 00:26:51,578 --> 00:26:53,279 And I just had to have a picture. 592 00:26:53,313 --> 00:26:54,914 So I had my brownie camera, remember. 593 00:26:54,948 --> 00:26:58,785 And I backed up, I backed up into the point of the ship 594 00:26:58,818 --> 00:27:01,821 and I looked up at that man with that shock of red hair 595 00:27:01,855 --> 00:27:04,257 just peaking out of his sailor hat, yeah. 596 00:27:04,290 --> 00:27:07,827 And he had that big gun and it was just waving over me. 597 00:27:07,861 --> 00:27:12,432 And you know, my knees-- my knees just buckled, 598 00:27:12,465 --> 00:27:17,804 and I swear I fell back against the cold hard steel hull. 599 00:27:17,837 --> 00:27:19,339 And you know what? 600 00:27:19,372 --> 00:27:22,342 I suddenly realized just why we had fought that war. 601 00:27:22,375 --> 00:27:26,746 - You know your daddy was just so-- - Brave? 602 00:27:26,780 --> 00:27:28,648 - No. - Patriotic? 603 00:27:28,682 --> 00:27:31,151 - No. - Manly. 604 00:27:32,886 --> 00:27:34,154 Yup. 605 00:27:36,690 --> 00:27:40,593 I think I’m gonna go to bed. I’m getting kind of sleepy. 606 00:27:40,627 --> 00:27:43,463 Don’t be too long, sailor. 607 00:27:45,965 --> 00:27:48,568 Oh, wow, look at the time. 608 00:27:48,601 --> 00:27:52,272 Well, I got to get some sleep. 609 00:27:52,305 --> 00:27:54,240 Good night, daddy. 610 00:27:59,479 --> 00:28:02,782 Guess there’s some things you never forget. 611 00:28:02,816 --> 00:28:05,752 ( cheers and applause ) 612 00:28:09,889 --> 00:28:12,826 * 613 00:28:31,077 --> 00:28:33,513 Hello, I’m Peter Graves. 614 00:28:33,546 --> 00:28:36,583 Welcome to the World of Discover. 615 00:28:36,616 --> 00:28:38,251 Man’s fascination with reptiles 616 00:28:38,284 --> 00:28:41,788 dates back to the days of Adam and Eve. 617 00:28:41,821 --> 00:28:44,591 With us today at the Center for Zoological Research 618 00:28:44,624 --> 00:28:47,127 is reptile expert Robyn Tessler. 619 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,229 - Hello, Robyn. - Hello, Peter. 620 00:28:49,262 --> 00:28:51,364 Robyn, what are reptiles? 621 00:28:51,398 --> 00:28:54,968 Peter, reptiles are cold-blooded vertebrates 622 00:28:55,068 --> 00:28:57,437 who crawl around on their bellies 623 00:28:57,470 --> 00:29:00,006 or by means of small short legs. 624 00:29:00,006 --> 00:29:03,276 All right, so reptiles are cold and short 625 00:29:03,309 --> 00:29:06,012 like, say, a glass of beer. 626 00:29:06,012 --> 00:29:09,382 ( laughter ) Well, yeah, in a way. 627 00:29:09,416 --> 00:29:10,850 Would you like to hold one? 628 00:29:10,884 --> 00:29:13,853 Yes, but I can’t drink it on the air. 629 00:29:13,887 --> 00:29:15,422 No, no, no, I mean, the reptile. 630 00:29:15,455 --> 00:29:17,257 Oh, all right. 631 00:29:17,290 --> 00:29:18,458 Okay. 632 00:29:18,491 --> 00:29:22,395 Now this is a king snake. 633 00:29:22,429 --> 00:29:25,131 Oh, so this is a king. 634 00:29:25,165 --> 00:29:27,467 How do snakes choose their king, Robyn? 635 00:29:27,500 --> 00:29:30,503 Oh, well, they’re just born king snakes, Peter. 636 00:29:30,537 --> 00:29:32,672 - Oh, just like humans. - Yes. 637 00:29:32,706 --> 00:29:35,408 ow some snakes can kill you, but not this one. 638 00:29:35,442 --> 00:29:39,145 Uh-huh. So this snake is a coward. 639 00:29:39,179 --> 00:29:42,382 No, Peter, I just mean he’s not poisonous. 640 00:29:42,415 --> 00:29:44,918 Well, do you have any poisonous snakes here, Robyn? 641 00:29:44,951 --> 00:29:47,053 Well, yes, we do, Peter, but right now, 642 00:29:47,053 --> 00:29:49,456 they’re all being used in an experiment. 643 00:29:49,489 --> 00:29:51,725 Oh, is that the experiment over there? 644 00:29:51,758 --> 00:29:53,059 Well, yes, it is. 645 00:29:53,059 --> 00:29:55,762 Now that’s Randy Fibido[PH , one of our researchers. 646 00:29:55,795 --> 00:29:58,598 For the last 36 hours, he’s been in that enclosure 647 00:29:58,631 --> 00:30:02,102 studying the behavioral adaptation of cobras, 648 00:30:02,135 --> 00:30:04,604 copperheads, and other poisonous snakes. 649 00:30:04,637 --> 00:30:07,340 Well, that’s amazing, Robyn. May I speak to him? 650 00:30:07,374 --> 00:30:09,009 No, no, Peter, I can’t let you do that. 651 00:30:09,042 --> 00:30:11,678 - I’m sorry. - All right, I will. 652 00:30:11,711 --> 00:30:13,179 ( laughter ) 653 00:30:13,213 --> 00:30:15,081 Hello, Randy! 654 00:30:15,115 --> 00:30:16,516 You’ve been in there for quite a while. 655 00:30:16,549 --> 00:30:18,084 Are you comfortable? (knocks) 656 00:30:18,118 --> 00:30:19,786 Who are you? Get away. 657 00:30:19,819 --> 00:30:22,856 Startling snakes, leave now. 658 00:30:22,889 --> 00:30:25,759 - I beg your pardon? - Go away. Do it now. 659 00:30:25,792 --> 00:30:28,795 Randy, are these snakes unpredictable? 660 00:30:28,828 --> 00:30:31,531 Yes. Get out. Leave. I implore you. 661 00:30:31,564 --> 00:30:34,367 Oh, what’s that really big one on your lap? 662 00:30:34,401 --> 00:30:37,103 Gaboon viper, get out. 663 00:30:37,137 --> 00:30:39,706 And how about that black one over there? 664 00:30:39,739 --> 00:30:43,877 A fat black mamba. Can’t turn to look. Get out. 665 00:30:43,910 --> 00:30:46,413 Well, it looks like you’ve made some friends in there. 666 00:30:46,446 --> 00:30:48,882 No friends, deadly. Get out. Get out. 667 00:30:48,915 --> 00:30:51,584 Now why are you telling the snakes to get out, Randy? 668 00:30:51,618 --> 00:30:54,988 Idiot. Look, at snakes. Think of poison bite. 669 00:30:55,021 --> 00:30:58,124 Oh. Can the snakes bite through glass, Randy? 670 00:30:58,158 --> 00:31:00,060 Idiot. Bite me! 671 00:31:00,060 --> 00:31:02,395 How good is their hearing? 672 00:31:02,429 --> 00:31:04,497 ( laughter ) 673 00:31:04,531 --> 00:31:06,533 Must shoot you. 674 00:31:06,566 --> 00:31:10,203 Reach gun in three minutes, leave now. 675 00:31:10,236 --> 00:31:13,340 All right, I’m going to leave now, Randy. 676 00:31:13,373 --> 00:31:15,141 Just bit in my ankle. 677 00:31:15,175 --> 00:31:16,376 Oh, you say you’ve just been bitten, 678 00:31:16,409 --> 00:31:17,510 but you haven’t cried out, 679 00:31:17,544 --> 00:31:18,912 Why is that? 680 00:31:18,945 --> 00:31:21,114 Fear additional bites. 681 00:31:21,147 --> 00:31:24,084 Oh, well, would you like me to call a doctor for you? 682 00:31:24,117 --> 00:31:27,187 Too late, venom working. 683 00:31:27,220 --> 00:31:28,588 Well, which one did the biting, Randy? 684 00:31:30,924 --> 00:31:32,826 Which one? Was it the mamba? 685 00:31:32,859 --> 00:31:34,961 I curse you. I curse you. 686 00:31:34,994 --> 00:31:36,863 I curse all your children. 687 00:31:39,366 --> 00:31:40,800 All right. 688 00:31:40,834 --> 00:31:45,372 Then tune in next week for another episode of Discover. 689 00:31:45,405 --> 00:31:48,341 ( applause ) 690 00:31:52,746 --> 00:31:55,682 * 691 00:32:01,087 --> 00:32:03,790 Thank you very much. I hope you enjoyed the show. 692 00:32:03,823 --> 00:32:06,192 Thanks everybody, it was a good time. 693 00:32:06,226 --> 00:32:09,195 ( cheers and applause ) 694 00:32:09,229 --> 00:32:12,165 * 53222

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