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PREVIOUSLY ON "BOSTON LEGAL"...
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00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,305
I WAS REFERRED TO
A SEX THERAPIST, A SURROGATE.
3
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:07,875
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
WITH HER.
I'M RETIRED. I'VE REMARRIED,
4
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:10,644
AND MY HUSBAND HAS PROBLEMS
5
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,380
WITH HIS WIFE
BEING A SEXUAL SURROGATE.
6
00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:15,483
I-I'M SURE YOU HAVE A NAME,
BUT I'M NOT MUCH INTERESTED.
7
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,218
YOU SCARE ME.
SEE ME SHUDDER?
8
00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:20,321
TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF.
I'LL MAKE YOU SHUDDER.
9
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,556
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD
MAYBE SQUEEZE ME IN?
10
00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:25,659
I'M VERY SORRY,
BUT YOU WON'T BE MAKING PARTNER.
11
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,995
JERRY ESPENSON DESERVES
TO BE MADE A PARTNER.
12
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:32,333
HE'S NOT A RAINMAKER, ALAN.
HE'S TOAST, WEIRD TOAST.
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00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:36,204
***
14
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,176
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
15
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,245
AND YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.
16
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,513
OKAY.
17
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,348
OBAMA'S TROUBLE WITH WOMEN
18
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HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH THE HILLARY SUPPORTERS,
19
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,020
MOST OF WHOM ARE LESBIANS,
BY THE WAY,
20
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,423
AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT.
(laughs) I THINK I WON'T.
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00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,858
IT COMES FROM BILL.
BILL?
22
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,094
SEE, HE'S BEEN WITH
A LOT OF WOMEN.
23
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:04,398
LEFT MOST OF THEM WITH
A BAD TASTE IN THEIR MOUTH.
(laughs)
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00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:07,101
(laughs)
25
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:09,437
SO, UH, JERRY,
26
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,205
YOU AND I ARE HAVING A DRINK.
27
00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:13,941
WHAT'S THE DEAL?
'CAUSE I THINK YOU'RE WEIRD.
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00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,443
OKAY.
29
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:18,712
I COME UP FOR PARTNER
THIS FALL, MR. CRANE.
30
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:20,214
CALL ME DENNY. NO, DON'T.
31
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:24,118
AND WHEN I DO...
I EXPECT YOUR FULL SUPPORT.
32
00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:28,122
WHY WOULD I WANT
A WEIRD GUY FOR A PARTNER?
33
00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:30,124
BECAUSE I'VE EARNED IT.
34
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:34,962
AND TO GET IT,
I'M GOING TO NEED YOUR SUPPORT.
35
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:38,232
HERE'S MY QUESTION TO YOU--
DO YOU REALLY WANT IT?
36
00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:39,567
YES, I DO.
37
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,469
BECAUSE BEING A PARTNER
IN A LAW FIRM
38
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,637
ISN'T ALL
IT'S CRACKED UP TO BE.
39
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BUT THE MONEY'S GOOD,
RIGHT?
40
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,242
WHO ARE YOU?
41
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:50,644
OH, I'M PART OF
THE NEIGHBORHOOD CRIME WATCH.
42
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,914
THE WAY THIS WORKS IS,
YOU WATCH, I COMMIT THE CRIME.
OH, MY GOD.
43
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,116
NOW--
NAH, NO, NO.
THERE'S NO TALKING.
44
00:01:56,150 --> 00:02:00,454
YOU JUST GIVE ME
YOUR WATCH AND WALLET NOW.
45
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,590
HERE'S MY PROBLEM--
46
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,492
YOU'RE BLACK.
OH, MR. CRANE!
47
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:05,959
WHAT?
48
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:08,429
I'M DENNY CRANE.
I'M A BIG SHOT.
49
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,664
SO AM I.
50
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:12,666
IF YOU KILL ME,
THE HEADLINE'S GONNA BE,
51
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,102
"BLACK GUY
KILLS WHITE BIG SHOT,"
52
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,505
AND THAT'S
THE LAST THING WE NEED
53
00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:18,806
WHEN WE'RE TRYING
54
00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:21,675
TO ELECT AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN
AS PRESIDENT.
DEAR GOD.
55
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:24,278
HOW ABOUT IF I JUST BLOW
YOUR BRAINS OUT RIGHT NOW?
56
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:27,448
THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME.
WORK FOR YOU?
DENNY, PLEASE.
57
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,283
HEY...
58
00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:32,520
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
(chuckles) ALL RIGHT.
59
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,388
WATCH.
60
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,225
WALLET.
61
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:39,827
GUN. KNEE.
62
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,362
AAH!
RIGHT FOOT.
63
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:42,496
AAH!
LEFT FOOT.
64
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,332
AAH! OH!
65
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,467
GAH! OH!
66
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,203
THANK GOD FOR GUNS,
HUH, JERRY?
67
00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:51,839
ONLY IN AMERICA...
68
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:55,376
SWEET LAND OF LIBERTY VALANCE.
69
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:59,012
***
70
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BOOM.
71
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(makes popping noise)
72
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:25,539
(Shirley)
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
73
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:28,008
WELL, OF COURSE I'M ALL--
WHY WOULDN'T I BE ALL RIGHT?
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00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:32,012
IT WAS JUST
AN ATTEMPTED MUGGING AND NO--
AND YOU ABSOLUTELY
HAD TO SHOOT HIM.
75
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,682
I SHOOT PEOPLE ALL THE TIME.
YOU HAD TO SHOOT HIM
THREE TIMES.
76
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,584
UH, IF YOU SAY SO.
IN BOTH FEET.
77
00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:39,219
MR. CRANE?
78
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:42,256
I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING
LAST NIGHT.
YES,
AND WE APPRECIATE THAT, SIR.
79
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:45,058
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, WE HAVEN'T
BEEN SENT TO GET YOUR STATEMENT.
80
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:48,262
WHAT IS IT THEN,
AUTOGRAPH?
81
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:50,931
NO, SIR. I APOLOGIZE,
BUT WE'RE HERE TO ARREST YOU.
82
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,867
ARREST ME?!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
83
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:57,070
LOOK, IF IT WAS UP TO ME,
MR. CRANE HERE WOULD--
WHAT ARE THE CHARGES?
84
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,873
POSSESSION OF
A CONCEALED FIREARM.
OH, PLEASE.
85
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,075
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
THIS MAN WAS MUGGED.
86
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:05,078
I REALIZE THAT. I ALSO REALIZE
THAT HIS HAVING A GUN
87
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:07,715
HELPED US CATCH A GUY
WE BEEN LOOKIN' FOR,
88
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,117
BUT THE LAW IS THE LAW,
AND MR. CRANE BROKE IT.
89
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:12,620
PLEASE PLACE YOUR HANDS
BEHIND YOUR BACK, SIR.
90
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,388
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
91
00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:17,124
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO REMAIN SILENT.
I KNOW MY RIGHTS,
92
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,092
AND LET ME TELL YOU,
I'M NEVER SILENT.
93
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,295
EVERYTHING ABOUT ME
MAKES NOISE.
(passes gas)
94
00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:25,165
***
95
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,272
I WANT THOSE BACK
WHEN WE'RE DONE.
96
00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:35,142
***
97
00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:43,283
***
98
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,657
THE ARRAIGNMENT IS AT 10:30.
I'M ON MY WAY.
99
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,125
UH, HE DOESN'T WANT YOU, ALAN.
EXCUSE ME?
100
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:54,762
HE THINKS YOU'RE TOO ANTI-GUN.
101
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,830
OH.
102
00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:58,999
DID HE SAY WHO HE DID WANT?
103
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:02,135
ANGELINA JOLIE,
BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
104
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,304
CARL, DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD GO?
105
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:07,007
ME? I'M NOT PRO-GUN.
106
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PLEASE.
(knock on door)
107
00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:11,479
ALAN.
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00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:14,147
JOANNA. HELLO.
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00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:17,651
SORRY TO DISTURB. I HAVE
A BIT OF AN EMERGENCY.
110
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,153
MY EX-HUSBAND, UH,
111
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,189
HE'S TRYING
TO TAKE MY DAUGHTER.
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00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:25,859
HE SAYS MY BEING A SEX SURROGATE
MAKES ME AN UNFIT MOTHER.
113
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:28,328
HOW OLD IS SHE?
10.
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00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:31,031
AND I'VE ONLY WORKED PART-TIME
SINCE SHE WAS BORN.
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00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,299
I'VE BEEN PRETTY MUCH
STAY-AT-HOME.
116
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,636
HAVE YOU HAD SOLE CUSTODY?
NO, SPLIT,
BUT HE'S GOING FOR SOLE.
117
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:39,473
I WOULDN'T GET
TO HAVE HER AT ALL.
OKAY, LOOK, LET ME SET UP
A MEETING WITH HIS ATTORNEY.
118
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:43,043
HE CAN'T WIN THIS, CAN HE?
LET ME JUST TALK--
119
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SHE'S MY LITTLE GIRL.
JOANNA,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA LOSE HER.
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00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:50,651
***
121
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,320
(woman) "3-2-8-8-8--
122
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,155
"THE COMMONWEALTH
vs. DENNY CRANE,
123
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:59,326
ON THE CHARGE OF POSSESSION
OF A CONCEALED WE--"
YOUR HONOR, CARL SACK
FOR THE DEFENDANT.
124
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,229
WE'LL WAIVE THE READING.
FOR GOD SAKE,
WHAT HAS HE DONE NOW?
125
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:04,532
WHAT'S HE DONE, YOUR HONOR,
IS TO HAVE THE TEMERITY
126
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,667
TO DEFEND HIMSELF
AGAINST AN ARMED ASSAILANT.
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00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,169
THE CHARGE IS FOR POSSESSION
OF A CONCEALED FIREARM,
128
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,672
NOT SHOOTING.
I HAVE A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT
TO BEAR ARMS.
129
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,742
ASK THE SUPREME COURT.
THE SUPREME COURT DID NOT
GIVE HIM THE RIGHT
130
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:18,078
TO CONCEAL A FIREARM
WITHOUT A CARRY PERMIT.
I GOT A NOTE FROM DICK CHENEY.
131
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:21,348
MR. CRANE, YOU ARE ACCUSED
OF BREAKING THE LAW.
132
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,184
YOU WILL STAND TRIAL.
IS THAT CLEAR?
133
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,186
YOUR HONOR, SHOULDN'T YOU
RECUSE YOURSELF?
134
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:30,023
AFTER ALL, I DID TELL YOU
TO BITE ME THAT TIME.
WHEN?
135
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:33,594
IT WAS, UH... OH, COME TO THINK
OF IT, UH, NOW, ACTUALLY.
136
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,228
BITE ME.
137
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:38,198
YOU CANNOT, CANNOT, CANNOT,
CANNOT ANTAGONIZE THE JUDGE.
OH, PLEASE.
138
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:42,202
YOU KNOW THE JURY WILL TAKE
ITS CUES FROM HIM.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
139
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,538
WE GO TO TRIAL.
UH, JERRY.
140
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:46,039
YOU'LL BE SECOND CHAIRING.
141
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:49,543
WON'T I BE A WITNESS?
I WANT YOU AS COCOUNSEL.
142
00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:51,044
WHO BETTER TO CLOSE
143
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,781
THAN SOMEBODY WHO STARED DOWN
THE BARREL OF THE GUN?
144
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,549
YOU WANT HIM TO CLOSE?
145
00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:56,917
WHY NOT?
146
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,052
DENNY, DO YOU WANT
TO GET OFF OR NOT?
147
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,589
MY PLACE OR YOURS?
148
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,091
BRING THE OUTFIT.
149
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:07,795
DENNY, I'M NOT REALLY
COMFORTABLE ARGUING THIS ONE.
150
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:10,130
JERRY, YOU WANT
TO MAKE PARTNER?
151
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:13,266
YOU GOTTA TAKE ONE
FOR THE TEAM.
152
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:22,576
***
153
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,077
IT'S AN UNSTABLE ENVIRONMENT.
154
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:26,313
SHE'S A PERV,
AND WE'RE NOT BUDGING.
155
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:29,249
OKAY, FIRST--
AND DON'T TRY ANY OF YOUR
DISGUSTING STRATEGIES
156
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:32,252
TO UNSETTLE ME.
WELL, WHO'S TO SAY
WHAT'S DISGUSTING?
157
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,421
I COULD OFFER TO CLOSE MY EYES
AND SUCK ON YOU
158
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,490
AS IF YOU WERE
A GIANT LOVE PEACH.
159
00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,626
I'M GIVING YOU 30 SECONDS
TO STATE YOUR CASE,
160
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,928
AND THEN I'M OUT THE DOOR.
161
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,764
EMMA--
AND DON'T CALL ME
BY MY FIRST NAME.
162
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:47,167
DANIELLA'S DOING VERY WELL WITH
THE CURRENT CUSTODY ARRANGEMENT.
163
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,270
SHE'S HEALTHY, HAPPY,
VERY ACTIVE.
164
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,339
SHE GETS STRAIGHT A's
IN SCHOOL.
165
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:56,009
HER MOTHER SELLS HER BODY
AS A SEX WORKER.
SHE'S NOT A SEX WORKER.
166
00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:58,145
SHE'S A CERTIFIED
HEALTH PROFESSIONAL
167
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,780
WHO OFFERS SEX SURROGACY
168
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:03,617
AS ONE OF MANY THERAPEUTIC
APPROACHES TO HELP PEOPLE
169
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,786
SUFFERING WITH A DYSFUNCTION.
170
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,788
I UNDERSTAND YOU WERE
ONE OF HER CLIENTS.
171
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,289
YES.
172
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,292
SHE TAUGHT ME SEVERAL THINGS
I'D LOVE TO PASS ON TO YOU.
173
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,461
SHOULD WE JUST GET A ROOM?
DISGUSTING.
174
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:17,798
LOOK, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
A 10-YEAR-OLD GIRL HERE.
175
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:20,467
I CAN'T HAVE YOU AROUND HER.
MARTIN, THE SHARED CUSTODY--
176
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,636
IF YOU AND I DON'T SEE
EYE TO EYE,
177
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:24,805
WE CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS
TOGETHER.
178
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,807
I'M AFRAID OF YOUR INFLUENCE,
179
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,842
OF THE IMPACT
YOU MIGHT MAKE ON HER.
180
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:32,145
I-I-I JUST CAN'T HAVE IT.
181
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:35,482
WE'LL SEE YOU IN COURT,
STUD MUFFIN.
182
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,050
(exhales)
183
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,386
WHOA! OOH, TENDERLOIN.
184
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,990
TEASE.
185
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:46,193
***
186
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:58,706
***
187
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,577
YOUR EX-HUSBAND WILL
TESTIFY FIRST, THEN YOU.
188
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,178
OKAY.
189
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,380
WE'LL TRY TO AVOID
HAVING TO CALL DANIELLA,
190
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:08,515
BUT SHE'LL LIKELY
191
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,685
HAVE TO AT LEAST TALK
TO A JUDGE IN CHAMBERS.
192
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,687
OKAY.
193
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,422
JOANNA, IT WOULD TAKE A LOT
194
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:19,359
FOR A JUDGE TO DENY A MOTHER
CUSTODY OF ANY KIND.
195
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,929
MOST MOTHERS DON'T DO
WHAT I DO.
196
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,731
THERE'S THAT.
197
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,536
ALAN...
198
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,272
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
199
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:34,608
(chuckles)
ME? FINE. WHY?
200
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,276
JUST ASKING.
201
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:40,047
JOANNA, YOU NEVER JUST ASK.
WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT?
202
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,281
(clicks tongue)
203
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,784
WELL, YOUR DIALOGUE
WITH OPPOSING COUNSEL
204
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:47,554
WAS ESPECIALLY AGGRESSIVE...
205
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:48,789
SEXUALLY AGGRESSIVE.
206
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:52,259
THAT WAS JUST
LAWYER'S GAMESMANSHIP.
207
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:55,729
THE LANGUAGE I HEARD WAS...
NOT SIMPLY FOR ANOTHER LAWYER.
208
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:58,231
IT WAS FOR A WOMAN.
209
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,734
SAY WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND,
JOANNA.
210
00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:01,735
OKAY.
211
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:03,403
WELL, I'VE NEVER
SAID IT BEFORE,
212
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,473
BUT THERE'S A PART OF YOU
THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN SEXIST.
213
00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,976
BUT NOW YOU SEEM TO BE
LOSING THE ABILITY,
214
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,978
EVEN THE INCLINATION,
215
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,446
TO CONNECT WITH A WOMAN
IN A NONSEXUAL WAY.
216
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:17,617
WHAT USED TO BE A PART
IS BECOMING THE WHOLE.
217
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,454
YOU KNOW, GIVEN THAT
218
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:24,424
YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER
IS ABOUT TO BE DECIDED,
219
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,594
I WOULD THINK THE LAST THING
YOU'D WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW
220
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,097
IS TO DISTRACT ME.
221
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,332
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
222
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,001
I APOLOGIZE.
223
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,040
LET'S GO.
224
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,612
WE PULLED THREE GUNS
OFF HIM AT THE SCENE.
225
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,448
THEN WHEN WE WENT TO ARREST HIM
THE NEXT DAY,
226
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,350
HE HAD FIVE MORE GUNS
ON HIM.
227
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:53,286
HE ALSO HAD A LITTLE PROPANE
THING THAT WASN'T LEGAL.
A PROPANE THING?
228
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,356
YEAH, IT WAS A DEVICE
STRAPPED TO HIS BUTTOCKS.
229
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:58,191
BASICALLY,
HE COULD BREAK WIND
230
00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:00,127
AND TURN HIS ASS
INTO A BLOWTORCH.
231
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,663
AND DID HE HAVE ANY
CARRY PERMITS FOR THESE WEAPONS?
232
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,198
NO, SIR, HE DID NOT.
233
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:08,702
WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED
HAD MR. CRANE NOT BEEN ARMED?
234
00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:11,371
OBJECTION.
CALLS FOR SPECULATION.
235
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,306
YOUR HONOR, THIS OFFICER
HAS 15 YEARS EXPERIENCE
236
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,208
WITH CRIMINALS
AND THEIR CONDUCT.
237
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:17,044
HE HAS FOUNDATION
TO SPECULATE.
238
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:21,148
I'LL ALLOW IT.
(Carl) SO HOW DO YOU THINK
IT WOULD'VE GONE DOWN?
239
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,051
I'M SURE
HE WOULD'VE BEEN MUGGED.
POSSIBLY KILLED?
240
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:27,988
POSSIBLY,
BUT IT'S ALSO POSSIBLE--
THANK YOU, OFFICER.
YOU'VE ANSWERED MY QUESTION.
241
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,890
OH, ONE MORE THING, OFFICER,
HONESTLY,
242
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:33,160
WHEN YOU ARRESTED MR. CRANE,
DID YOU WANT TO?
243
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,063
OBJECTION!
THAT ONE'S SUSTAINED.
244
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:37,831
OH, YOUR HONOR, IF I MAY...
245
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:41,034
WHAT?
BY SUSTAINING THE OBJECTION,
THE JURY WILL NEVER LEARN
246
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,170
THAT THE OFFICER
REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO ARREST ME,
247
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:46,706
WHICH HE REALLY
DIDN'T WANT TO DO.
(bangs gavel)
248
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:49,843
I'M SORRY, BUT HER SEX JOB MAKES
HER AN INAPPROPRIATE PARENT.
249
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,912
OBJECTION TO THE TERM
"SEX JOB."
250
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,847
IT'S INACCURATE
AND MAKES ME GIGGLE.
251
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:57,250
MR. SHORE, YOU TURN THIS
COURTROOM INTO A PLAYGROUND,
252
00:11:57,284 --> 00:12:01,721
AND I'M GONNA COME DOWN THERE
AND BEAT THE CRAP OUTTA YOU.
253
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:04,024
MS. PATH, PLEASE.
254
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,359
AND WHILE THIS WOULD BE
A CALL TO ACTION
255
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,528
AT ANY POINT
IN DANIELLA'S LIFE,
256
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,697
IT IS OF EVEN
MORE PRONOUNCED CONCERN
257
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,099
AT HER CURRENT AGE, YES?
258
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:15,602
YES. GIRLS ARE ENTERING PUBERTY
EARLIER AND EARLIER.
259
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:19,206
THIS IS A VERY FORMATIVE TIME
FOR HER.
A TIME WHEN HER MORAL
260
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,574
AND BEHAVIORAL FOUNDATIONS
ARE PUT INTO PLACE
261
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:24,444
ABOUT SO MANY THINGS,
ABOUT SEX.
262
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:27,280
KIDS LEARN FROM WHAT
THEIR PARENTS SAY,
263
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:29,049
FROM WHAT THEIR PARENTS DO,
264
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,118
EVEN FROM
THEIR UNSAID ATTITUDES.
265
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:33,453
IN FACT,
60% OF 8 TO 11 YEAR OLDS
266
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:36,556
SAY THEIR MOTHERS
ARE THEIR NUMBER ONE RESOURCE
267
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:40,260
FOR ISSUES LIKE SEX, H.I.V.
AND A.I.D.S., ALCOHOL, DRUGS--
268
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:43,096
AREN'T YOU A LITTLE ENCYCLOPEDIC
BALL OF FIRE?
269
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,598
MR. SHORE, DO I HAVE TO
COME DOWN THERE?
270
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:48,401
JUDGE, I'M ACTUALLY A FAN
OF CORPORAL PUNISHMENT,
271
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,104
ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES
FROM THE RUGGED HANDS...
272
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:54,241
BUT THAT'S JUST ME.
273
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,276
(sighs) MS. PATH,
PLEASE CONTINUE.
274
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:59,312
WHAT'S YOUR MAIN ISSUE,
MARTIN?
275
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:02,282
MY EX-WIFE,
IN DOING WHAT SHE DOES,
276
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:04,151
IS GIVING DANIELLA
277
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,153
AN EXCESSIVELY PERMISSIVE TAKE
ON SEX.
278
00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:09,156
SHE'S SAYING TO MY DAUGHTER,
"IT'S OKAY TO BE SEXUAL
279
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:11,825
WITH PEOPLE YOU DON'T LOVE
FOR MONEY."
280
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,460
(Alan) STUDIES SHOW
281
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:16,429
THAT THE MORE OFTEN PARENTS
DISCUSS SEX WITH THEIR KIDS
282
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,299
IN AN OPEN
AND COMFORTABLE MANNER,
283
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,970
THE LESS LIKELY THE KIDS ARE
TO HAVE SEX EARLY AND CASUALLY.
284
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:26,139
THIS GOES
WAY BEYOND DISCUSSION.
IT'S ALSO BEEN FOUND
285
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:29,943
THAT THE PARENT NEEDS TO
INITIATE THESE EXCHANGES,
286
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:33,146
UH, AS 77% OF TEENAGERS
287
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:35,949
SIMPLY DON'T KNOW
HOW TO BRING IT UP.
288
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:37,617
SHOULDN'T YOU
COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY
289
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,287
THAT YOU HAVE A TRAINED
PROFESSIONAL IN THE FAMILY,
290
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,655
SOMEONE SKILLED--
A LITTLE TOO SKILLED.
291
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:46,326
YOU WERE AWARE THAT JOANNA
WAS A SEX SURROGATE
292
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:49,196
WHEN YOU MARRIED HER?
WELL, YES, BUT--
293
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,830
DID IT TURN YOU ON?
OBJECTION.
294
00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:53,133
OVERRULED.
DID IT TURN YOU ON?
295
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,970
ONCE YOU BECOME A PARENT,
YOU LOOK AT THINGS DIFFERENTLY.
THAT'S A YES,
IT TURNED YOU ON?
296
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,339
I TOLD HER I WANTED HER
TO QUIT.
297
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,975
WE WANTED TO START A FAMILY,
WHICH WE DID,
298
00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:05,212
AND SHE QUIT FOR A WHILE,
BUT THEN SHE WENT BACK TO WORK.
299
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,214
AH.
SO WOMEN SHOULD ONLY WORK
300
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,349
UNTIL THEY BECOME
WIVES AND MOTHERS
301
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,318
BECAUSE THAT'S
THEIR REAL CALLING,
302
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,220
AND A CAREER
IS JUST SOMETHING TO DO
303
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,989
UNTIL THEIR REAL LIVES START,
WHICH IS MOTHERING.
304
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,991
I DIDN'T ASK HER
TO QUIT CURING CANCER...
305
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:21,161
(chuckles)
OR QUIT TEACHING KIDS
TO BE CONCERT VIOLINISTS.
306
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,564
I ASKED HER TO GIVE UP
THE ORGASM WORKSHOPS.
307
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:27,234
MOVE TO STRIKE.
OVERRULED.
308
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,241
SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU,
MR. SHORE?
309
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:37,577
***
310
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,850
SHE THREATENED
TO BEAT YOU UP?
YES.
311
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,185
THE JUDGE?
YES.
312
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,354
AND THE LAWYER.
SHE'D BEAT ME UP IF SHE COULD.
313
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,057
THE LITTLE ONE
WHO SLAPPED ME AROUND?
YES.
314
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,059
OH, SHE'S A FIERY NUMBER.
315
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:54,227
SHE'D WEAR YOU OUT
AT NIGHT, I'LL BET.
316
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:57,197
DENNY, DO YOU THINK
YOU AND I ARE SEXIST?
317
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,531
US?
318
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,400
WE DO TEND
TO OBJECTIFY WOMEN.
319
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,103
THEY LOVE THAT, ALAN.
THEY'D BE MAD IF YOU DIDN'T.
320
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,605
DO YOU THINK YOU TREAT WOMEN
AS YOUR EQUAL?
321
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,540
I'M DENNY CRANE.
322
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,543
THERE'S NO MAN MY EQUAL,
MUCH LESS A WOMAN.
323
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,945
AH.
324
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:15,048
YOU KNOW WHO THE REAL SEXISTS
ARE IN THIS COUNTRY, ALAN?
325
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:18,618
IT'S THE WOMEN. IT'S THE WOMEN
MEDIA WHO TORE UP HILLARY,
326
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,720
WOMEN WHO CRITICIZED
HER PANTSUITS,
327
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:24,091
SAID SHE WASN'T PRETTY ENOUGH,
SHE SHOULD BE SOFTER, SEXIER.
328
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:26,059
ME? HELL, JUST GIVE ME
THE WORD,
329
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:29,896
I'LL THROW HER ACROSS MY DESK.
YOU'RE SUCH A LIBERTARIAN.
330
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,231
ALAN, YOU AND I
331
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,400
ARE THE LAST PEOPLE
WHO COULD BE CALLED SEXIST.
332
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:37,137
WE LOVE WOMEN, ALL WOMEN,
EVEN THE FAT ONES.
333
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:41,074
HELL, SOMETIMES I EVEN
PREFER THE FAT ONES.
334
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,110
WHAT?
335
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:44,811
***
336
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:53,320
***
337
00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:00,760
TALKING IS THE PREDOMINANT
ELEMENT OF SURROGATE THERAPY--
338
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:04,931
UM, SHARING INFORMATION,
PROVIDING EMOTIONAL SUPPORT,
339
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,666
DEVISING COPING SKILLS.
340
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:09,836
THERE ARE NONEROTIC
BODY AWARENESS EXERCISES,
341
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:12,772
SENSORY EXPLORATIONS
AND RELAXATION TECHNIQUES.
342
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:16,476
AND YET, THESE FOLKS
DEPICT YOU AS A STRUMPET
343
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,278
WITH A PLAQUE ON THE WALL.
344
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,280
LESS THAN 15% OF MY TIME
WITH CLIENTS
345
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,782
IS SPENT
ENGAGING IN SEXUAL ACTIVITIES.
346
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:25,952
THE GOAL IS TO REORIENT,
TO REEDUCATE
347
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:29,189
SO THAT INTIMACY IS POSSIBLE,
COMFORTABLE AND HEALTHY.
348
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:31,858
BUT IS IT PRIMARILY ABOUT
SEXUAL TECHNIQUE?
349
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:34,127
IT'S PRIMARILY ABOUT INTIMACY,
350
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,796
WHICH OFTEN GOES
WAY DEEPER THAN SEX.
351
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:40,367
SOME WOMEN ARE SELF-LOATHING
AND USE SEX AS AN AFFIRMATION,
352
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,335
WHICH, OF COURSE,
COMPLETELY BACKFIRES.
353
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,837
I HAVE MANY MEN
WHO LOVE THEIR WIVES,
354
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:50,343
BUT NEVERTHELESS,
HATE WOMEN ON SOME LEVEL.
355
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,380
UH...
356
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:55,515
AND... (stammers)
357
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:58,685
YOU WENT BACK TO WORK
AFTER YOUR DIVORCE BECAUSE?
358
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:01,688
I WAS EAGER TO BE AN EXAMPLE
TO MY DAUGHTER
359
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:03,923
OF AN INDEPENDENT,
SELF-SUFFICIENT WOMAN.
360
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:09,162
FOR THE MOST PART,
THAT WENT VERY WELL.
361
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:12,499
WOULD YOU LIKE TO EXPLAIN THAT
LITTLE PERSONAL SHOT AT ME?
362
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,667
EXCUSE ME?
THAT COMMENT ABOUT
MEN HATING WOMEN?
363
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,036
THAT COMMENT WASN'T
SOMEWHAT DIRECTED AT ME?
364
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:20,373
NO. I HAVE MANY MALE CLIENTS
WHO ARE REPULSED BY FEMINISM.
365
00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,742
IT HAD NOTHING TO DO
WITH YOU, ALAN.
366
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,678
BUT THE FACT
THAT IT HIT A NERVE IS--
OF COURSE IT HIT A NERVE!
367
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,181
YOU'VE GOT MY ANTENNAE UP.
THEN ASK YOURSELF WHY.
368
00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:30,383
JOANNA, I AM NOT ONE OF
THOSE MEN
369
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:33,019
WHO HATES WOMEN
OR IS REPULSED BY FEMINISM.
370
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,555
I KNOW THAT.
I'M NOT. I'M...
371
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:45,098
LOOK, DO YOU WANT ME
TO WIN YOUR DAUGHTER BACK?
I DO.
372
00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:47,900
THEN DON'T
UNSETTLE ME WITH...
373
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,707
YOU KNOW, ALAN, YOU ONCE
TOLD ME, WHEN YOU MEET A WOMAN,
374
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,776
THE FIRST QUESTION
YOU ASK YOURSELF IS,
375
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,379
"WOULD I OR WOULDN'T I,
AND HOW WOULD IT BE?"
THAT'S THE FIRST QUESTION
376
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,381
EVERY HETEROSEXUAL MALE
ASKS HIMSELF.
377
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,049
WE'RE BUILT THAT WAY.
378
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,285
AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
IT'S NOW MORE LIKE
379
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,754
THE THIRD OR FOURTH QUESTION
I ASK MYSELF.
380
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:10,790
THAT DOESN'T MEAN
I HATE WOMEN.
381
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:13,226
WHEN I KNOCKED ON YOUR DOOR
THE OTHER DAY, YOU SAID HELLO
382
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,228
AND MENTALLY UNDRESSED ME
IN A HEARTBEAT.
383
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,830
I DO THAT
WITH ALL... PEOPLE.
384
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:21,401
YOU LOOKED FANTASTIC.
385
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,903
***
386
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,406
THE GUY PULLED A GUN ON ME.
I PULLED MINE ON HIM.
387
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,642
YES. THE ISSUE HERE ISN'T
SELF-DEFENSE SO MUCH AS--
BUT IT WAS SELF-DEFENSE.
388
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:32,078
ABSOLUTELY.
I MEAN,
IF I DIDN'T HAVE MY GUN--
389
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,147
YOU'D BE DEAD.
GONE.
FINIS.
390
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:36,082
I HAD TO SHOOT.
BOOM.
SAVED MY LIFE.
391
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,750
AND JERRY'S.
DIDN'T SHOOT TO KILL.
JUST TO WOUND.
392
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,652
TOOK A KNEE.
AND TWO FEET.
(both) BOOM.
393
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:42,489
AND BOOM.
OBJECTION!
YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
394
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,491
FUNNY? UH, DID YOU
HAVE A CHUCKLE
395
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,593
THE LAST TIME SOMEBODY
PULLED A GUN ON YOU?
396
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:50,463
THIS CASE IS ABOUT CONCEALING
A HANDGUN ON THE PERSON,
397
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,465
NOT ABOUT SELF-DEFENSE.
398
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,267
THAT DOESN'T MEAN
WE CAN IGNORE THE REALITY
399
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:57,170
THAT IF MR. CRANE DIDN'T HAVE
HIS CONCEALED WEAPON...
DEAD.
400
00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,671
GONE.
FINIS.
BOOM.
401
00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:01,007
BOOM.
AND BOOM.
OBJECTION!
402
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,676
STOP IT!
403
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,778
YOU THINK YOU HAVE
A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT
404
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,680
TO CONCEAL A WEAPON
WITHOUT A CARRY PERMIT?
405
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:09,816
I HAVE A RIGHT
TO KEEP A GUN AT HOME.
406
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,984
THE COURT SAYS SO.
YOU WERE ON THE STREET.
407
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:15,154
A MAN'S HOME IS WHERE HIS
HEART IS. IN MY CASE, THE PENIS.
408
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:18,658
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY
PEOPLE DIE FROM GUN VIOLENCE
409
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:20,827
IN THIS COUNTRY?
YEAH, YEAH. LET'S MAKE A LAW--
NO CARRYING GUNS.
410
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:23,196
I'M SURE THE CRIMINALS
WILL OBEY IT.
SHOW ME WHERE
IN THE CONSTITUTION
411
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:26,799
IT SAYS YOU CAN WALK THE STREETS
ARMED WITHOUT A CARRY PERMIT.
412
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,869
THE CONSTITUTION SAYS WHATEVER
THE SUPREME COURT SAYS IT SAYS.
413
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,871
AS FOR WHAT
THE SUPREME COURT SAYS,
414
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:34,474
THAT ALL DEPENDS
ON WHO'S PRESIDENT.
MOVE TO STRIKE.
415
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,209
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
A LEGAL GENIUS TO KNOW
416
00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:39,145
THAT IF YOU'VE GOT A PRESIDENT
IN OFFICE WHO LIKES GUNS
417
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:42,849
AND A VICE PRESIDENT WHO LIKES
TO HUNT... LAWYERS AND QUAIL
418
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,984
AND A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE
WHO HUNTS WITH HIM,
419
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,186
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT
420
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:50,557
TO SHOOT BAD GUYS IN THE KNEE.
421
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:58,030
***
422
00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:01,234
I SWEAR TO YOU, THE MAN
DOESN'T HAVE ALZHEIMER'S.
423
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,035
HE USES THE MAD COW
424
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:05,738
AS AN EXCUSE TO DO
WHATEVER THE HELL HE WANTS,
425
00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:08,074
WHETHER IT'S DROPPING HIS PANTS
OR SHOOTING PEOPLE.
426
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:11,244
HE HAD A PET SCAN. IT SHOWED
HE HAS PLAQUE ON HIS BRAIN.
427
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:12,679
SAYS WHO? HE'S DENNY CRANE.
428
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,582
YOU DON'T THINK
HE COULD RIG A PET SCAN?
429
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,684
I'M TELLING YOU, THE MAN
KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.
430
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,719
IS HE GOING TO WIN HERE?
431
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,555
THAT I DON'T KNOW.
WE DON'T REALLY HAVE A DEFENSE.
432
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:25,592
CAN YOU...
EXPLAIN THE WISDOM
433
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:28,861
IN LETTING JERRY CLOSE?
434
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:29,862
DENNY'S WISDOM.
435
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:32,432
SINCE JERRY WAS ALSO A VICTIM,
HE'S MOST ABLE
436
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:35,034
TO PUT THE JURY
IN DENNY'S SHOES THAT NIGHT.
437
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,070
SHIRLEY. CARL.
438
00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,607
SHIRLEY, UM,
439
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,742
DO YOU FIND ME
TERRIBLY SEXIST?
440
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,076
(laughing)
441
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:45,578
THIS ISN'T FUNNY.
442
00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:47,280
(continues laughing)
443
00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:48,915
ANSWER THE QUESTION.
444
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:54,787
BEFORE I RESPOND, COULD YOU
ANSWER A QUESTION FOR ME?
445
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:58,057
ARE YOU FINISHED FIDDLING
WITH MY CHEERLEADER OUTFIT?
446
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,726
(chuckles) I-I...
447
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:03,396
THAT'S JUST...
A TEXTILE FETISH.
448
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:05,598
(laughing) ALAN.
449
00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:08,635
I RESPECT WOMEN,
EVERY PART OF A WOMAN.
450
00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:11,137
I'D SAY
ESPECIALLY THE PARTS.
451
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:12,639
THAT'S RIGHT. SO...
452
00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:14,907
THAT ISN'T TRUE, SHIRLEY.
453
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,643
IS IT?
454
00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:20,246
ALAN, YOU KNOW YOU ARE
AN ICONIC LETCH.
455
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,981
IF IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL
ANY BETTER,
456
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:25,918
SOMETIMES EVEN I LIKE
BEING OGLED BY YOU.
SO DO I.
457
00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:30,323
I THINK THE PROBLEM
YOU'RE HAVING IS...
458
00:21:30,357 --> 00:21:33,426
YOU FEEL REDUCED
BY THE LABEL.
459
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:35,428
YOU'RE NOT A SIMPLE MAN.
460
00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:38,130
YOU'RE EXTREMELY COMPLICATED,
BRILLIANT,
461
00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:40,833
FUNNY, PROFOUNDLY LAYERED,
462
00:21:40,867 --> 00:21:45,938
BUT FUNDAMENTALLY, YOU ARE,
AN... INCORRIGIBLE,
463
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:49,041
IRREPRESSIBLE DOG...
464
00:21:50,510 --> 00:21:52,979
WITH A TEXTILE FETISH.
465
00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:58,518
I LOVE THIS PLACE.
466
00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:01,488
(laughs)
467
00:22:01,521 --> 00:22:03,623
***
468
00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:12,198
***
469
00:22:25,244 --> 00:22:26,846
JERRY?
470
00:22:26,879 --> 00:22:28,681
DENNY.
471
00:22:28,715 --> 00:22:31,150
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
472
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:33,853
STANDING ON MY DESK.
473
00:22:33,886 --> 00:22:35,855
FOR ANY PARTICULAR REASON?
474
00:22:35,888 --> 00:22:39,492
I'M HAVING
AN OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCE.
475
00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:41,494
I'M LOOKING DOWN ON MYSELF
476
00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:44,997
AS I DELIVER
MY COMPELLING CLOSING.
477
00:22:45,031 --> 00:22:49,402
COME ON OFF THE DESK THERE,
BIG FELLA.
478
00:22:49,436 --> 00:22:52,171
HERE, COME TO PAPA.
(chuckles)
479
00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:55,174
(chuckles)
(laughs)
480
00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:58,010
YOU WANT TO DO WELL HERE,
DON'T YOU?
I DO.
481
00:22:58,044 --> 00:23:00,179
'CAUSE LAWYERS WHO GET ME OFF
TEND TO MAKE PARTNER,
482
00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:02,348
ESPECIALLY WOMEN LAWYERS.
(laughs)
(laughs)
483
00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:05,017
STOP LAUGHING, JERRY.
484
00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:08,888
I NOTICE YOU TWIDDLING
THE WOODEN CIGARETTE.
485
00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:12,191
MAKES YOU FEEL CONFIDENT,
DOES IT?
IT HELPS.
486
00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:15,562
HMM.
LOOK WHAT I GOT HERE.
487
00:23:15,595 --> 00:23:17,430
A WOODEN CIGAR.
488
00:23:17,464 --> 00:23:19,065
IT'S YOURS...
489
00:23:19,098 --> 00:23:21,734
IF YOU DO A GOOD JOB,
490
00:23:21,768 --> 00:23:23,703
AND BY DOING A GOOD JOB,
JERRY,
491
00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:25,905
YOU PERSONALLY CAN ENSURE
THAT EVERY AMERICAN
492
00:23:25,938 --> 00:23:28,575
HAS THE RIGHT, THE PRIVILEGE
OF CARRYING A GUN.
493
00:23:28,608 --> 00:23:31,878
HOW MANY LAWYERS
HAVE THAT OPPORTUNITY...
494
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:33,580
(military band playing march)
495
00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:35,214
TRULY, JERRY?
496
00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:37,750
(music continues)
497
00:23:37,784 --> 00:23:41,053
DOES YOUR MOM EVER BRING
ANY OF HER CLIENTS HOME?
498
00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:42,054
NO.
499
00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:44,557
DANIELLA,
WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU KNOW
500
00:23:44,591 --> 00:23:46,058
ABOUT YOUR MOTHER'S JOB?
501
00:23:46,092 --> 00:23:48,728
I-I KNOW
SHE'S A SEXUAL SURROGATE.
502
00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:51,798
AND YOU KNOW WHAT
A SEXUAL SURROGATE DOES?
503
00:23:51,831 --> 00:23:54,734
SHE TREATS PEOPLE WITH,
LIKE... SEX PROBLEMS
504
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:57,770
AND PROBLEMS TRUSTING
AND STUFF.
505
00:23:57,804 --> 00:24:01,073
AND YOU KNOW THE NATURE
OF THAT TREATMENT?
506
00:24:01,107 --> 00:24:02,609
SHE TALKS TO THEM,
507
00:24:02,642 --> 00:24:04,944
SOMETIMES SHE HAS SEX
WITH THEM.
508
00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:08,414
(sighs) HOW DO YOU FEEL
ABOUT THAT?
509
00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:11,651
I DON'T KNOW. UM...
O-OKAY, I GUESS.
510
00:24:11,684 --> 00:24:14,453
I MEAN...
IT'S A LITTLE WEIRD,
511
00:24:14,487 --> 00:24:16,255
BUT IT'S HER JOB.
512
00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:19,592
DANIELLA, CAN YOU TELL ME
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT
513
00:24:19,626 --> 00:24:21,761
WHAT LIFE IS LIKE
AT HOME WITH YOUR MOTHER?
514
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:25,632
IT'S... I DON'T KNOW,
NORMAL, I GUESS.
515
00:24:25,665 --> 00:24:27,767
UM, IT'S HOME.
516
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,269
AND WHAT DO YOU
AND YOUR MOM DO TOGETHER?
517
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:32,104
LOTS OF STUFF.
WE LIKE TO HIKE.
518
00:24:32,138 --> 00:24:35,007
WE LIKE TO PLAY A LOT OF GAMES--
YOU KNOW, HEARTS, MONOPOLY.
519
00:24:35,041 --> 00:24:37,777
SHE'S ONE OF THE COACHES
ON MY SOCCER TEAM.
520
00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:40,780
OH.
BUT MOSTLY, SHE KINDA NAGS ME
TO DO MY HOMEWORK
521
00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:42,849
AND STOP PLAYING
"GUITAR HERO."
(chuckles)
522
00:24:42,882 --> 00:24:46,185
DO YOU EVER TALK ABOUT
YOUR MOTHER'S JOB WITH HER?
523
00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:47,987
SOMETIMES.
524
00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:51,157
DANIELLA, I KNOW THIS IS
AN UNFAIR QUESTION,
525
00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:54,193
BUT I AM GOING TO ASK IT.
526
00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:55,962
DO YOU HAVE A FEELING
527
00:24:55,995 --> 00:24:59,131
ABOUT LIVING EITHER
MOSTLY WITH YOUR MOM
528
00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:01,834
OR YOUR DAD?
529
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:07,039
WE ARE A NATION OF LAWS,
AND MR. CRANE BROKE THE LAW.
530
00:25:07,073 --> 00:25:11,010
HE CARRIED A CONCEALED WEAPON--
EIGHT OF THEM, ACTUALLY.
531
00:25:11,043 --> 00:25:13,680
HE HAS NO DEFENSE
NOR HAS HE OFFERED ONE.
532
00:25:13,713 --> 00:25:18,685
HIS ONLY PLAY WOULD BE
TO CHALLENGE THE EXISTING LAW.
533
00:25:18,718 --> 00:25:20,820
HE NO DOUBT THINKS
534
00:25:20,853 --> 00:25:23,489
THE RECENT SUPREME COURT RULING
EMPOWERS HIM.
535
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:25,324
IT DOES NOT.
THE RULING SAID
536
00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:27,994
THAT AN INDIVIDUAL
HAS THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS.
537
00:25:28,027 --> 00:25:30,730
IT DOES NOT SAY HE HAS A RIGHT
TO CONCEAL THEM,
538
00:25:30,763 --> 00:25:33,566
NOR DOES IT HOLD
THAT THE STATE CAN'T IMPOSE
539
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,703
REASONABLE RESTRICTIONS
ON THAT RIGHT.
540
00:25:36,736 --> 00:25:39,839
AND THIS RESTRICTION
IS VERY REASONABLE.
541
00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:43,843
30,000 AMERICANS ARE KILLED
BY GUNS EVERY YEAR.
542
00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:45,177
TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE,
543
00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:48,347
WE HAVE LOST
CLOSE TO 4,000 SOLDIERS
544
00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,049
IN IRAQ DURING THE WAR.
545
00:25:50,082 --> 00:25:52,852
KIDS ARE KILLED ON THE STREET
WALKING TO SCHOOL.
546
00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:55,688
PEOPLE ARE SHOT DEAD IN THEIR
HOUSES, THEIR PLACES OF WORK.
547
00:25:55,722 --> 00:25:57,523
DO WE REALLY NEED
ANOTHER VIRGINIA TECH
548
00:25:57,556 --> 00:26:01,027
TO REALIZE THAT THIS COUNTRY
HAS A PROBLEM WHICH IS EPIDEMIC?
549
00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:04,530
THERE ARE NOW MORE FIREARMS
IN HOMES THAN PETS.
550
00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:06,866
DOES THE DEFENSE
REALLY MEAN TO SUGGEST
551
00:26:06,899 --> 00:26:08,868
THAT FOLKS BE ALLOWED
TO WALK AROUND
552
00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:10,870
CONCEALING THEIR FIREARMS?
553
00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:13,740
OR IS IT JUST THAT DENNY CRANE
IS ABOVE THE LAW?
554
00:26:13,773 --> 00:26:17,209
OR MAYBE,
AS HIS TESTIMONY SUGGESTS,
555
00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:20,546
IT'S ALL IN GOOD FUN.
556
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:22,281
WHY BE SO CONCERNED
557
00:26:22,314 --> 00:26:27,920
ABOUT SOMETHING
AS TRIVIAL AS HUMAN LIFE?
558
00:26:39,932 --> 00:26:43,770
JERRY, YOU HAVE TO
GET UP NOW.
559
00:26:49,508 --> 00:26:51,477
HUMAN LIFE? HUMAN LIFE?
560
00:26:51,510 --> 00:26:54,413
CAN WE JUST PLEASE DISPENSE
WITH THE HUMAN LIFE JINGLE?
561
00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:57,583
IT'S SO BORING. OF COURSE
WE'RE ALL PRO-HUMAN LIFE.
562
00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:03,422
SHOW OF HANDS. HOW MANY IN FAVOR
OF PEOPLE NOT BEING DEAD?
563
00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:07,093
BUT LET'S FACE IT.
WE LOVE GUNS.
564
00:27:07,126 --> 00:27:10,096
GO TO THE MOVIES, FOR
PETE'S SAKE, TURN ON YOUR TV.
565
00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:12,164
WE'RE A PISTOL-TOTIN',
GUN-LOVIN' PEOPLE.
566
00:27:12,198 --> 00:27:13,766
REMEMBER,
WE STARTED THIS COUNTRY
567
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,668
WITH THE SHOT
HEARD ROUND THE WORLD,
568
00:27:15,702 --> 00:27:18,838
NOT A "LEGISLATION."
AM I RIGHT? (laughs)
569
00:27:18,871 --> 00:27:21,107
LOOK, DENNY CRANE
IS A LAWYER HIMSELF, A SCHOLAR.
570
00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:23,509
IN FACT, IF THERE ARE
TWO LEGAL MINDS
571
00:27:23,542 --> 00:27:26,278
THAT WERE EVER IN PERFECT SYNC
IN THIS COUNTRY,
572
00:27:26,312 --> 00:27:28,280
IT WOULD BE THOSE
OF ANTONIN SCALIA
573
00:27:28,314 --> 00:27:30,683
AND DENNY CRANE.
574
00:27:30,717 --> 00:27:34,286
CHECK THEIR D.N.A.--TWINS
SEPARATED AT BIRTH, I TELL YOU--
575
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:36,188
DENNY AND TONY,
TONY AND DENNY.
576
00:27:36,222 --> 00:27:38,357
CAN YOU IMAGINE DENNY CRANE
ON THE SUPREME COURT?
577
00:27:38,390 --> 00:27:40,993
WOW. SCALIA, ROBERTS, THOMAS,
ALITO AND CRANE--
578
00:27:41,027 --> 00:27:42,829
TALK ABOUT BIRDS OF A FEATHER.
579
00:27:42,862 --> 00:27:44,463
JERRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
580
00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:47,333
WHAT AM I DOING? I'M CELEBRATING
THE ACTIONS OF MY CLIENT.
581
00:27:47,366 --> 00:27:50,136
I'M ACKNOWLEDGING THAT HE,
ALONG WITH THE SUPREME COURT--
582
00:27:50,169 --> 00:27:51,637
NOT ALL, BUT THE BIG FIVE--
583
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,873
ARE SMARTER THAN ANY OTHER
SUPREME COURT WE'VE EVER HAD.
584
00:27:53,906 --> 00:27:56,876
I MEAN, NO OTHER SUPREME COURT
IN OUR 200-YEAR HISTORY
585
00:27:56,909 --> 00:28:00,046
COULD FIND A RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS
FOR NONMILITARY PURPOSES,
586
00:28:00,079 --> 00:28:02,181
BUT SUDDENLY--PRESTO!
587
00:28:02,214 --> 00:28:05,852
THANK GOD FOR THE BIG FIVE,
I TELL YOU.
588
00:28:07,419 --> 00:28:09,989
"A WELL REGULATED MILITIA
589
00:28:10,022 --> 00:28:12,324
"BEING NECESSARY TO
THE SECURITY OF A FREE STATE,
590
00:28:12,358 --> 00:28:14,994
"THE RIGHT OF THE PEOPLE
TO KEEP AND BEAR ARMS
591
00:28:15,027 --> 00:28:16,829
SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED."
592
00:28:16,863 --> 00:28:18,364
IT TURNS OUT
593
00:28:18,397 --> 00:28:24,236
THE TRICK IS TO JUST IGNORE
THE FIRST 13 WORDS.
594
00:28:24,270 --> 00:28:25,671
HOME FREE.
595
00:28:25,704 --> 00:28:29,341
SEE, BIG TONY CALLS THIS
"THE PREFATORY CLAUSE."
596
00:28:29,375 --> 00:28:31,677
PREFATORY--
I GUESS THAT MEANS "WORTHLESS."
597
00:28:31,710 --> 00:28:36,015
AND THIS IS
THE OPERATIVE CLAUSE.
598
00:28:36,048 --> 00:28:37,683
(chuckles) OF COURSE.
599
00:28:37,716 --> 00:28:39,886
ALL THIS NONSENSE ABOUT
THE RIGHT BEING NECESSARY
600
00:28:39,919 --> 00:28:41,087
FOR A WELL REGULATED MILITIA,
601
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,223
THEY PUT THAT IN FOR FUN,
THOSE FOUNDING FATHER JOKESTERS.
602
00:28:44,256 --> 00:28:45,591
(laughs)
603
00:28:45,624 --> 00:28:47,760
WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY
TAKE THIS PART SERIOUSLY.
604
00:28:47,794 --> 00:28:49,762
HOW COULD ALL THOSE
STUPID SUPREME COURTS
605
00:28:49,796 --> 00:28:52,264
OVER THE LAST 200 YEARS
HAVE FALLEN FOR THAT?
606
00:28:52,298 --> 00:28:55,434
MAY I HAVE A WORD
WITH COCOUNSEL--
NO, YOU MAY NOT.
SIT DOWN, HACKY SACK.
607
00:28:55,467 --> 00:28:58,370
AND ENOUGH WITH THIS "WE'RE
A NATION OF LAWS" CRAPOLA.
608
00:28:58,404 --> 00:29:00,406
PLEASE, WE'RE A NATION
OF POLITICS.
609
00:29:00,439 --> 00:29:02,374
AM I RIGHT? AM I RIGHT?
610
00:29:02,408 --> 00:29:04,543
THE LAWS ARE SIMPLY DEVICES
TO SERVE OUR IDEOLOGIES.
611
00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:07,079
FOR EXAMPLE, THIS COURT,
WHICH IS THE SMARTEST
612
00:29:07,113 --> 00:29:09,581
IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD,
TRUMPETED INDIVIDUAL LIBERTIES
613
00:29:09,615 --> 00:29:11,583
TO PROTECT GUNS.
(imitates trumpet fanfare)
614
00:29:11,617 --> 00:29:14,887
BUT AS FOR INDIVIDUAL LIBERTIES
FOR CRIMINAL DEFENDANTS?
615
00:29:14,921 --> 00:29:17,256
(chuckles) WHO NEEDS 'EM?
AND THEN IN THE GUANTáNAMO CASE,
616
00:29:17,289 --> 00:29:19,258
BIG TONY SAID
INDIVIDUAL LIBERTIES BE DAMNED
617
00:29:19,291 --> 00:29:21,093
WHEN IT MEANS MORE HUMAN LIVES
MIGHT BE LOST,
618
00:29:21,127 --> 00:29:23,562
BUT IN THE GUN'S CASE, IT'S
HAIL, HAIL INDIVIDUAL LIBERTIES,
619
00:29:23,595 --> 00:29:25,731
EVEN THOUGH MORE HUMAN LIVES
MIGHT BE LOST.
620
00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:27,266
THAT'S CONSISTENT.
621
00:29:27,299 --> 00:29:29,268
SEE, BIG TONY KNOWS THE SCORE.
622
00:29:29,301 --> 00:29:31,603
LOOK TO YOUR POLITICS.
623
00:29:31,637 --> 00:29:34,740
THAT'LL TELL YOU
WHAT THE LAW IS.
624
00:29:34,773 --> 00:29:36,608
(whispers) JERRY.
PIPE DOWN, SACKY-BOY.
625
00:29:36,642 --> 00:29:39,111
THESE ARE SMART JUDGES,
THESE SUPREEMIES.
626
00:29:39,145 --> 00:29:42,314
AND, BOY, ONCE WE GOT
THE NEWBIES, ROBERTS AND ALITO,
627
00:29:42,348 --> 00:29:43,749
THE PREEMIES--
628
00:29:43,782 --> 00:29:46,585
THE POSSIBILITIES
ARE JUST BOUNDLESS.
629
00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:49,421
THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE BOUND
BY THE CONSTITUTION
630
00:29:49,455 --> 00:29:51,123
OR THE FOUNDING FATHERS.
631
00:29:51,157 --> 00:29:54,460
SEEMS THEY'RE NOT EVEN BOUND
BY THEIR OWN PRINCIPLES.
JERRY.
632
00:29:54,493 --> 00:29:57,329
CONSIDER... THEY ALWAYS SAY
POLITICAL QUESTIONS
633
00:29:57,363 --> 00:29:59,498
SHOULD BE DECIDED
BY ELECTED OFFICIALS,
634
00:29:59,531 --> 00:30:02,334
BUT AS FOR GUNS--NUH-UH!
635
00:30:02,368 --> 00:30:04,636
THEY SAY WE NEED TO PAY
CLOSE ATTENTION
636
00:30:04,670 --> 00:30:07,306
TO THE PRECISE WORDS
IN THE CONSTITUTION,
637
00:30:07,339 --> 00:30:08,674
BUT FOR GUNS--NUH-UH!
638
00:30:08,707 --> 00:30:11,443
THEY SAY THEY LOATHE
JUDICIAL ACTIVISM,
639
00:30:11,477 --> 00:30:13,980
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO GUNS--
NUH-UH!
640
00:30:14,013 --> 00:30:16,282
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE
THESE PREEMIES? McCAIN DOES.
641
00:30:16,315 --> 00:30:19,618
HE WANTS TO GO OUT AND FIND
MORE JUDGES EXACTLY LIKE THEM.
642
00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:21,620
HE'S A SMARTY-PANTS, TOO,
THAT McCAIN.
643
00:30:21,653 --> 00:30:23,856
HE KNOWS
HOW TO BECOME PRESIDENT.
644
00:30:23,890 --> 00:30:26,993
HE ONCE COSPONSORED A BILL
CLOSING THE GUN SHOW LOOPHOLE.
645
00:30:27,026 --> 00:30:28,194
BUT NOW? NUH-UH!
646
00:30:28,227 --> 00:30:31,630
HE NOW BELIEVES THE SECOND
AMENDMENT MEANS NO GUN CONTROL.
647
00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:34,466
THAT MIGHT MAKE HIM EVEN SMARTER
THAN BIG TONY AND THE PREEMIES.
648
00:30:34,500 --> 00:30:36,202
AND OBAMA, HE'S NO DUMMY.
649
00:30:36,235 --> 00:30:38,004
HE ONCE TOOK A STAND
ON FIREARMS,
650
00:30:38,037 --> 00:30:41,307
BUT IN HIS BLUEPRINT
FOR CHANGE... (laughs) NADA,
651
00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:42,541
NOTHING ON GUN CONTROL.
652
00:30:42,574 --> 00:30:44,843
I GUESS WE DON'T NEED
THAT MUCH CHANGE.
653
00:30:44,877 --> 00:30:47,213
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
OF THE JURY,
654
00:30:47,246 --> 00:30:49,315
YOU CANNOT CONVICT DENNY CRANE.
655
00:30:49,348 --> 00:30:51,984
IF ANYTHING,
THIS MAN SHOULD BE CANONIZED.
656
00:30:52,018 --> 00:30:54,186
OH, DON'T YOU LOVE THAT WORD?
CANONIZED.
657
00:30:54,220 --> 00:30:56,889
SOUNDS LIKE A BIG GUN. SHOW OF
HANDS, HOW MANY ARE TITILLATED?
658
00:30:56,923 --> 00:30:59,325
DENNY CRANE, LIKE BIG TONY,
LIKE THE PREEMIES,
659
00:30:59,358 --> 00:31:02,561
HE DOESN'T LOOK AT THE MEANING
OF THE CONSTITUTION AND SAY WHY.
660
00:31:02,594 --> 00:31:05,064
HE SEES MEANINGS
THAT NEVER WERE
661
00:31:05,097 --> 00:31:06,899
AND SAYS WHY NOT?
662
00:31:06,933 --> 00:31:10,169
MY CLIENT IS A REAL AMERICAN--
FLAG ON HIS LAPEL,
663
00:31:10,202 --> 00:31:12,871
GUN IN HIS PANTS.
664
00:31:12,905 --> 00:31:15,507
HE SHOOTS BAD GUYS.
BOOM, BOOM. BOOM, BOOM.
665
00:31:15,541 --> 00:31:18,510
THERE IS NOTHING MORE RED,
WHITE AND BLUE THAN HIM,
666
00:31:18,544 --> 00:31:20,546
A MAN WHO KNOWS,
AS DOES OUR PRESIDENT,
667
00:31:20,579 --> 00:31:22,014
AS DO THE BIG FIVE...
668
00:31:22,048 --> 00:31:26,718
HUMAN LIFE IS SIMPLY NO MATCH
FOR A GUN.
669
00:31:26,752 --> 00:31:31,523
(military band playing march)
670
00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:42,868
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!
671
00:31:42,901 --> 00:31:45,871
WAS I NOT COMPELLING?
YOU JUST SENT HIM TO JAIL.
672
00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:48,274
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY
POSSESS YOU?
673
00:31:48,307 --> 00:31:51,043
YOU DID, FOR STARTERS. YOU SAID
TO GIVE DENNY WHAT HE NEEDS.
674
00:31:51,077 --> 00:31:52,744
HE NEEDED TO LOSE.
675
00:31:52,778 --> 00:31:55,747
HE NEEDED TO LOSE.
AND YOU MADE THAT DECISION?
676
00:31:55,781 --> 00:31:57,449
DENNY DID.
677
00:31:58,784 --> 00:32:02,121
CARL, MY FRIEND, THE TRICK
TO CHANGING A LAW
678
00:32:02,154 --> 00:32:04,090
IS NOT TO BEAT IT,
BUT TO GET BEAT.
679
00:32:04,123 --> 00:32:08,060
THEN YOU CAN APPEAL
TO A COURT THAT CAN CHANGE IT.
680
00:32:08,094 --> 00:32:10,396
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
681
00:32:10,429 --> 00:32:11,897
THE MASSACHUSETTS
LEGISLATURE
682
00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:13,899
IS NEVER GONNA LET US
PACK PISTOLS.
683
00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:16,068
YOU GOTTA GET IT
TO THE SUPREME COURT.
684
00:32:16,102 --> 00:32:18,470
THEY'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
685
00:32:18,504 --> 00:32:19,938
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
686
00:32:19,972 --> 00:32:23,942
YOU WANT TO LOSE SO YOU CAN
APPEAL TO THE SUPREME COURT?
687
00:32:23,976 --> 00:32:25,277
(laughs)
688
00:32:25,311 --> 00:32:28,280
JERRY, MY BOY,
LET ME PRESENT YOU
689
00:32:28,314 --> 00:32:30,149
A WOODEN CIGAR.
690
00:32:30,182 --> 00:32:33,485
YOU EARNED IT, MY FRIEND.
691
00:32:34,786 --> 00:32:37,823
THANK YOU.
692
00:32:37,856 --> 00:32:40,592
I'M A PROFESSIONAL WOMAN.
I HAVE KIDS.
693
00:32:40,626 --> 00:32:43,595
THEY UNDERSTAND WHAT I DO.
THEY ASK ME ABOUT MY WORK.
694
00:32:43,629 --> 00:32:46,465
THEY'RE PROUD TO HAVE ME
COME TO THEIR SCHOOL
695
00:32:46,498 --> 00:32:48,167
FOR CAREER DAY.
696
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,969
AND WHEN I GET THIS PAYCHECK,
697
00:32:51,003 --> 00:32:53,505
THEY CAN FEEL CONFIDENT
THAT IT DOESN'T REPRESENT
698
00:32:53,539 --> 00:32:56,608
ONE MINUTE OF ME ENGAGING
IN A SEX ACT.
699
00:32:56,642 --> 00:32:59,178
WILL THIS BE THE CASE
FOR DANIELLA?
700
00:33:00,679 --> 00:33:02,481
WHAT'S IN HER BEST INTERESTS?
701
00:33:02,514 --> 00:33:06,352
DANIELLA'S BEST INTERESTS
LIE WITH HER FATHER.
702
00:33:06,385 --> 00:33:09,955
LET'S NOT BE OUTFOXED
BY THE FANCY TALK
703
00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:13,192
AND THERAPY-JARGONIZED ARGUMENT
OF MS. MONROE
704
00:33:13,225 --> 00:33:14,793
AND HER SLEAZY LAWYER
705
00:33:14,826 --> 00:33:17,996
AND ALLOW DANIELLA
TO BE EXPOSED TO A WOMAN
706
00:33:18,030 --> 00:33:19,998
WHO EMPLOYS
QUESTIONABLE PHILOSOPHIES
707
00:33:20,032 --> 00:33:23,869
AND UNFIT MORAL PRACTICES
IN HER CHOSEN CAREER.
708
00:33:23,902 --> 00:33:26,638
THE GENERAL LAWS
OF MASSACHUSETTS STATE THAT
709
00:33:26,672 --> 00:33:30,809
CUSTODY OF A CHILD INCLUDES
THE RIGHT AND RESPONSIBILITY
710
00:33:30,842 --> 00:33:33,812
TO SEE TO THE CHILD'S WELFARE
AND MAKE MAJOR DECISIONS
711
00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:37,649
ABOUT HIS OR HER EDUCATION
AND MEDICAL CARE
712
00:33:37,683 --> 00:33:44,490
AND EMOTIONAL, MORAL
AND RELIGIOUS DEVELOPMENT.
713
00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:49,027
GIVE DANIELLA'S FATHER
SOLE CUSTODY.
714
00:33:56,034 --> 00:34:00,172
DON'T MAKE ME HIT YOU.
715
00:34:00,206 --> 00:34:02,074
(Alan) THERE WAS AN INCIDENT
716
00:34:02,108 --> 00:34:04,576
IN A SHOPPING MALL RECENTLY
717
00:34:04,610 --> 00:34:06,578
THAT INCITED
A STORM OF PROTESTS
718
00:34:06,612 --> 00:34:08,580
AND WAS WELL-COVERED
BY THE MEDIA.
719
00:34:08,614 --> 00:34:12,851
APPARENTLY A WOMAN WAS
THROWN OUT OF A LINGERIE STORE
720
00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:15,721
BECAUSE WHILE SHE WAS SITTING
NEXT TO A MANNEQUIN
721
00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:19,691
THAT WAS WEARING ONLY A THONG
AND A PEEKABOO BRA,
722
00:34:19,725 --> 00:34:21,860
THE WOMAN STARTED
TO BREASTFEED HER BABY.
723
00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:24,196
MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE CAPITAL,
724
00:34:24,230 --> 00:34:28,066
ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN ASHCROFT
HAD MAMMOTH DRAPES PURCHASED
725
00:34:28,100 --> 00:34:30,602
TO OBSCURE TWO STATUES
726
00:34:30,636 --> 00:34:33,205
IN THE GREAT HALL
OF THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
727
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:36,375
BECAUSE THE FEMALE STATUE,
SPIRIT OF JUSTICE,
728
00:34:36,408 --> 00:34:38,777
HAS ONE BREAST UNCOVERED
729
00:34:38,810 --> 00:34:42,047
AND THE MALE STATUE,
MAJESTY OF LAW,
730
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,916
IS BARE-CHESTED
AND WEARS A LOINCLOTH.
731
00:34:44,950 --> 00:34:48,720
WHAT IS YOUR POINT?
MY POINT IS, THIS COUNTRY
732
00:34:48,754 --> 00:34:52,224
HAS A PROFOUNDLY PARADOXICAL
RELATIONSHIP WITH SEX.
733
00:34:52,258 --> 00:34:54,560
WE DAMN INFIDELITY,
734
00:34:54,593 --> 00:34:56,562
BUT OUR PRESIDENTS HAVE HAD
EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS
735
00:34:56,595 --> 00:34:58,264
IN AND OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE.
736
00:34:58,297 --> 00:35:01,900
THE MISTRESS KEEPING
AND RENDEZVOUSING OF F.D.R.,
737
00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:03,269
L.B.J., BILLY BOB CLINTON
738
00:35:03,302 --> 00:35:08,140
AND GRAND CHAMP J.F.K.
ARE LEGENDARY, AND OTHER THAN
739
00:35:08,174 --> 00:35:10,409
THE POLITICALLY MOTIVATED
IMPEACHING OF BILLY BOB,
740
00:35:10,442 --> 00:35:11,910
WE WENT WITH IT.
741
00:35:11,943 --> 00:35:14,913
WE DIDN'T SAY YOU'VE ENGAGED IN
INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL BEHAVIOR
742
00:35:14,946 --> 00:35:17,082
OUR CULTURE FINDS INEXCUSABLE,
SO GIVE UP YOUR CHILDREN.
743
00:35:17,115 --> 00:35:20,752
AND BY THE WAY,
WHEN IT COMES TO OUR CHILDREN,
744
00:35:20,786 --> 00:35:22,788
WE'VE ENTIRELY LOST OUR HEADS.
745
00:35:22,821 --> 00:35:25,824
WHEN PARENTS WERE SURVEYED
746
00:35:25,857 --> 00:35:27,926
ABOUT WHAT THEY FOUND
MOST OFFENSIVE
747
00:35:27,959 --> 00:35:29,828
IN THEIR KIDS' VIDEO GAMES,
748
00:35:29,861 --> 00:35:33,465
A MAN AND A WOMAN HAVING SEX
CAME IN FIRST AS MOST OFFENSIVE,
749
00:35:33,499 --> 00:35:37,803
BEATING OUT GRAPHICALLY SEVERED
HUMAN HEAD, WHICH CAME IN THIRD.
750
00:35:37,836 --> 00:35:39,938
AND YET WE HAVE
MORE AND MORE WOMEN
751
00:35:39,971 --> 00:35:42,007
PROUDLY DECLARING
TO THEIR FRIENDS OVER COFFEE,
752
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,443
"I'M A MILF
AT MY KID'S HIGH SCHOOL."
753
00:35:44,476 --> 00:35:46,612
M-I-L-F--
MOTHER I'D LIKE TO...
754
00:35:46,645 --> 00:35:48,847
FORGIVE ME FOR SPEAKING
THIS WAY IN COURT.
755
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:50,682
EVIDENTLY, WE'VE DECIDED,
756
00:35:50,716 --> 00:35:52,851
INSTEAD OF OUR TRADITIONAL
DESEXING OF MOTHERS,
757
00:35:52,884 --> 00:35:56,622
WE NOW NEED TO
SEX THEM UP A BIT.
758
00:35:56,655 --> 00:35:58,790
JUST TALK ABOUT THE FITNESS
OF THIS MOTHER.
759
00:35:58,824 --> 00:36:00,959
JOANNA IS
A WONDERFUL MOTHER.
760
00:36:00,992 --> 00:36:03,795
AND PART OF HER JOB
IS TO HELP PEOPLE
761
00:36:03,829 --> 00:36:08,700
FIND SOME SEMBLANCE OF ORDER
IN THIS PARALYZING MESS,
762
00:36:08,734 --> 00:36:11,036
TO HELP PEOPLE
FIND SOME CLARITY.
763
00:36:11,069 --> 00:36:13,839
IN TODAY'S WORLD, WE SHOULD
ALL BE ASSIGNED SOMEONE
764
00:36:13,872 --> 00:36:18,877
TO HELP US NAVIGATE THE WATERS
OF SEX AND SEXISM,
765
00:36:18,910 --> 00:36:21,813
BECAUSE IT'S SO EASY
TO GET LOST,
766
00:36:21,847 --> 00:36:25,651
SO WOEFULLY, WOEFULLY LOST.
767
00:36:25,684 --> 00:36:28,720
WE NEED TO BRING SEX
OUT OF THE DARK SHADOWS
768
00:36:28,754 --> 00:36:31,990
WHERE IT CAN GET TWISTED
AND TORQUED AND...
769
00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:36,395
WE THINK NOTHING OF USING SEX
TO SELL PRODUCTS
770
00:36:36,428 --> 00:36:39,698
OR MOVIES,
TELEVISION SHOWS, MAGAZINES,
771
00:36:39,731 --> 00:36:41,700
BUT WHEN SOMEONE IS
ADDRESSING SEX
772
00:36:41,733 --> 00:36:45,036
IN A REAL, TRUE, HONEST WAY,
773
00:36:45,070 --> 00:36:46,538
THAT'S IMMORAL?
774
00:36:46,572 --> 00:36:48,407
THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE?
775
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,175
THAT'S UNFIT?
776
00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:51,410
ALL RIGHT, YOU WIN.
777
00:36:51,443 --> 00:36:53,845
I AM MAINTAINING
DUAL CUSTODY.
778
00:36:53,879 --> 00:36:55,180
WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND,
779
00:36:55,213 --> 00:36:58,917
I'D STILL LIKE TO FINISH
WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.
NO.
780
00:36:58,950 --> 00:37:01,853
MR. MONROE, WHAT SHE DOES
IS CLEARLY UNCONVENTIONAL,
781
00:37:01,887 --> 00:37:05,757
BUT THERE IS NO SIGN THAT
IT'S AN UNSTABLE ENVIRONMENT,
782
00:37:05,791 --> 00:37:08,694
AND THERE'S NO EVIDENCE
THAT YOUR EX-WIFE IS UNFIT.
783
00:37:08,727 --> 00:37:11,697
THEREFORE, WE ARE ADJOURNED.
784
00:37:11,730 --> 00:37:14,032
THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.
785
00:37:14,065 --> 00:37:15,066
YES.
786
00:37:15,100 --> 00:37:16,902
THANK YOU, ALAN.
787
00:37:20,105 --> 00:37:23,975
***
788
00:37:28,580 --> 00:37:29,948
WILL IT GO STRAIGHT
TO THE SUPREME COURT?
789
00:37:29,981 --> 00:37:32,751
WELL, NO. YOU'D HAVE TO
LOSE AT THE APPEALS COURT.
790
00:37:32,784 --> 00:37:34,286
THEN YOU'D HAVE TO LOSE AGAIN
WITH THE S.J.C.
791
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,589
BUT NOT TO WORRY. JERRY'S
CLOSING WILL GET THE JOB DONE.
792
00:37:37,623 --> 00:37:41,793
(Brown) MR. FOREMAN, YOU HAVE
REACHED A UNANIMOUS VERDICT?
WE HAVE, YOUR HONOR.
793
00:37:41,827 --> 00:37:43,795
WHAT SAY YOU?
"IN THE MATTER
794
00:37:43,829 --> 00:37:46,798
"OF THE COMMONWEALTH OF
MASSACHUSETTS vs. DENNY CRANE
795
00:37:46,832 --> 00:37:48,934
"ON THE CHARGE OF CARRYING
A CONCEALED FIREARM
796
00:37:48,967 --> 00:37:51,269
"WITHOUT A PERMIT,
WE THE JURY
797
00:37:51,303 --> 00:37:53,572
FIND THE DEFENDANT,
DENNY CRANE, NOT GUILTY."
798
00:37:53,605 --> 00:37:55,741
WE WON?
WHAT?!
799
00:37:55,774 --> 00:37:57,943
YOUR HONOR, WE APPEAL.
800
00:37:57,976 --> 00:38:01,079
YOU CAN'T APPEAL AN ACQUITTAL.
YOU'RE THE DEFENDANT.
801
00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:03,915
THIS ISN'T RIGHT.
WHAT HAPPENED?
(gavel bangs)
802
00:38:03,949 --> 00:38:06,818
SORRY, DENNY.
GUESS YOU CAN'T LOSE 'EM ALL.
803
00:38:06,852 --> 00:38:09,988
I CAN'T LOSE ANY.
804
00:38:10,021 --> 00:38:13,992
***
805
00:38:14,025 --> 00:38:16,628
YOU REALLY HAD
YOUR HOPES UP.
806
00:38:16,662 --> 00:38:19,498
WELL, IT'S ONE THING
TO BE AN ICON...
807
00:38:19,531 --> 00:38:21,667
(laughs)
808
00:38:21,700 --> 00:38:24,302
BUT TO BE
A CAUSE CéLèBRE...
809
00:38:24,336 --> 00:38:25,937
A MARTYR EVEN...
810
00:38:25,971 --> 00:38:28,940
THE IDEA OF
FAMOUS HOLLYWOOD PEOPLE
811
00:38:28,974 --> 00:38:31,309
WEARING A BUTTON--
"FREE DENNY"...
812
00:38:31,343 --> 00:38:34,145
I DON'T THINK HOLLYWOOD TYPES
WEAR BUTTONS FOR GUN NUTS.
813
00:38:34,179 --> 00:38:37,849
YOU ACTUALLY THINK
I'M A NUT TO CARRY A GUN?
TO CARRY FIVE ALL AT ONCE?
814
00:38:37,883 --> 00:38:40,185
YES, DENNY. THAT RAISES YOU
TO LUNATIC STATUS.
815
00:38:40,218 --> 00:38:43,689
OH, AND YOU WOULD NEVER
OWN ONE.
I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
816
00:38:43,722 --> 00:38:45,824
YOU'RE AFRAID TO EVEN
HOLD ONE, YOU GIRL, YOU.
817
00:38:45,857 --> 00:38:48,159
I HAVE ONE,
IN A SAFE AT HOME.
818
00:38:48,193 --> 00:38:50,295
A .38.
819
00:38:50,328 --> 00:38:51,963
YOU HAVE A .38?
820
00:38:51,997 --> 00:38:52,864
YES.
821
00:38:52,898 --> 00:38:54,700
I SEE NOTHING WRONG
WITH THAT.
822
00:38:54,733 --> 00:38:56,702
I SEE A LOT WRONG
WITH ASSAULT WEAPONS
823
00:38:56,735 --> 00:38:59,304
AND PEOPLE WALKING AROUND
LIKE YOU, WITH GUNS.
824
00:38:59,337 --> 00:39:02,207
HAVE YOU EVER SHOT IT?
JUST TARGET PRACTICE.
825
00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:05,210
I CAN'T FATHOM A LIBERAL
LIKE YOU OWNING A GUN.
826
00:39:05,243 --> 00:39:06,311
(chuckles)
827
00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:08,980
THAT'S ONE OF THE PROBLEMS
IN THIS COUNTRY.
828
00:39:09,014 --> 00:39:11,717
WE HAVE TWO CAMPS--THOSE THAT
LIKE GUNS AND THOSE THAT DON'T.
829
00:39:11,750 --> 00:39:13,519
WHY CAN'T THERE BE A MIDDLE?
830
00:39:13,552 --> 00:39:16,888
WHY CAN'T WE SAY OKAY TO GUNS
AND OKAY TO GUN LEGISLATION?
831
00:39:16,922 --> 00:39:18,890
WHY DOES IT MAKE SOMEONE
A PINKO-LIBERAL-GIRL
832
00:39:18,924 --> 00:39:22,828
IF HE SUPPORTS BACKGROUND CHECKS
AND BANS ON ASSAULT WEAPONS?
833
00:39:22,861 --> 00:39:25,897
THAT'S A SEXIST REMARK.
YOU REALIZE THAT?
WHAT?
834
00:39:25,931 --> 00:39:27,899
"A PINKO-LIBERAL-GIRL."
835
00:39:27,933 --> 00:39:30,536
GIRLS CAN LIKE GUNS.
836
00:39:30,569 --> 00:39:31,737
NEVER MIND.
837
00:39:31,770 --> 00:39:34,406
JUST LET ME DRINK.
838
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,075
FINE.
839
00:39:39,110 --> 00:39:41,179
I AM SEXIST.
840
00:39:41,212 --> 00:39:45,016
WHEN I SEE A WOMAN,
MY FIRST THOUGHTS ARE SEXUAL.
841
00:39:45,050 --> 00:39:47,218
IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T
RESPECT HER INTELLIGENCE,
842
00:39:47,252 --> 00:39:50,188
IT'S NOT THAT I WOULDN'T WANT
A WOMAN TO BE PRESIDENT,
843
00:39:50,221 --> 00:39:53,024
I'LL EVEN ADMIT
TO THE POSSIBILITY
844
00:39:53,058 --> 00:39:54,760
THAT WOMEN ARE EMOTIONALLY
845
00:39:54,793 --> 00:39:56,762
AND INTELLECTUALLY SUPERIOR
TO MEN,
846
00:39:56,795 --> 00:40:01,232
BUT I CANNOT DENY,
THERE'S A PART OF ME THAT...
847
00:40:01,266 --> 00:40:05,937
SEES A WOMAN AS THIS BIG,
HUMAN MITTEN,
848
00:40:05,971 --> 00:40:07,906
PERFECTLY DESIGNED
TO KEEP MY COCKLES WARM
849
00:40:07,939 --> 00:40:10,041
ON A COLD, WINTER'S NIGHT.
850
00:40:10,075 --> 00:40:12,744
(laughs)
851
00:40:12,778 --> 00:40:14,780
OH, ALAN. IT'S CULTURAL.
852
00:40:14,813 --> 00:40:16,715
IT'S BIOLOGICAL.
853
00:40:16,748 --> 00:40:19,050
AND... IT'S FUN.
854
00:40:19,084 --> 00:40:20,752
(laughs)
855
00:40:20,786 --> 00:40:24,590
THERE ARE MANY WAYS
MEN GO DEAD AS THEY AGE.
856
00:40:24,623 --> 00:40:27,392
ONE WAY,
THEY START INCORPORATING
857
00:40:27,425 --> 00:40:28,927
ALL THE LEARNED,
858
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:30,896
POLITICALLY CORRECT
BEHAVIOR AND THOUGHTS
859
00:40:30,929 --> 00:40:32,598
INTO WHO THEY ARE,
860
00:40:32,631 --> 00:40:35,734
AND IN THE PROCESS,
DENY WHAT THEY ARE.
WHAT ARE WE?
861
00:40:35,767 --> 00:40:38,436
ANIMALS.
862
00:40:38,470 --> 00:40:39,738
TODAY'S EVOLVED MEN
863
00:40:39,771 --> 00:40:41,773
TALK TO EACH OTHER
ABOUT POLITICS
864
00:40:41,807 --> 00:40:43,809
AND KIDS AND EDUCATION.
865
00:40:43,842 --> 00:40:46,745
THEY TALK ABOUT ANYTHING
AND EVERYTHING,
866
00:40:46,778 --> 00:40:50,081
AND YET ARE
PROFOUNDLY LONELY. WHY?
867
00:40:50,115 --> 00:40:52,317
'CAUSE THEY'RE ASHAMED
TO SHARE
868
00:40:52,350 --> 00:40:55,921
THEIR MOST BASE INSTINCT.
869
00:40:55,954 --> 00:40:57,989
YOU AND I
ARE NOT LIKE THAT.
870
00:40:58,023 --> 00:41:00,792
WHEN WE'RE 90, WE'LL BE
SITTING ON A PARK BENCH,
871
00:41:00,826 --> 00:41:03,629
A PRETTY GIRL WILL GO BY,
AND WE'LL SAY,
872
00:41:03,662 --> 00:41:05,964
"LOOK AT THE RACK
ON THAT ONE."
873
00:41:05,997 --> 00:41:08,800
YOU AND I WILL NEVER,
EVER BE LONELY.
874
00:41:08,834 --> 00:41:11,269
AND IF THE GIRL
HAS A BOYFRIEND
875
00:41:11,302 --> 00:41:13,672
WHO COMES TO CONFISCATE
OUR WALKERS?
876
00:41:13,705 --> 00:41:15,807
I'VE GOT MY GUN.
877
00:41:15,841 --> 00:41:18,176
I FEEL BETTER.
YOU SHOULD.
878
00:41:20,178 --> 00:41:21,780
ALAN...
879
00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:26,685
EMBRACE YOUR INNER WOLF.
880
00:41:26,718 --> 00:41:29,120
YOU LISTEN TO DENNY NOW.
881
00:41:29,154 --> 00:41:30,622
YES.
882
00:41:30,656 --> 00:41:33,992
***
883
00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:44,970
NEXT ON "BOSTON LEGAL"...
884
00:41:45,003 --> 00:41:47,138
PHOEBE.
THE POLICE
JUST ARRESTED MY HUSBAND.
885
00:41:47,172 --> 00:41:48,540
ARRESTED HIM FOR WHAT?
MURDER.
886
00:41:48,574 --> 00:41:52,143
THE VICTIM IS ONE OF
HIS FORMER NURSES.
I'M INNOCENT.
887
00:41:52,177 --> 00:41:54,312
I DID HAVE A SHORT-LIVED
RELATIONSHIP WITH HER,
888
00:41:54,345 --> 00:41:57,015
WHICH I BROKE OFF. I WAS NOT
THERE ON THE MURDER NIGHT,
889
00:41:57,048 --> 00:41:59,150
WHICH MY WIFE WILL CONFIRM.
QUESTIONS?
890
00:41:59,184 --> 00:42:01,653
HE CAN BE
A BIT CHILLY AT FIRST.
891
00:42:01,687 --> 00:42:04,723
DO YOU TRUST THIS MAN?
(Denny) COME ON.
YOU'RE GUILTY AS SIN.
892
00:42:04,756 --> 00:42:07,158
YOU DON'T FOOL US.
YOU WON'T FOOL A JURY.
893
00:42:07,192 --> 00:42:10,061
(reporters all shouting at once)
894
00:42:10,095 --> 00:42:12,931
ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH MY WIFE,
MR. SHORE?
65115
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