Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:06,567
Yes, I did choose to V.O.D. the
film through your service,
2
00:00:06,568 --> 00:00:09,829
but my end-user experience
was unsatisfactory.
3
00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:13,323
No, no. There was no lag
time. Everything was fine.
4
00:00:13,324 --> 00:00:14,630
_
5
00:00:14,631 --> 00:00:16,530
Well, you see, Mario,
6
00:00:16,531 --> 00:00:18,526
the problem is The Babadook...
7
00:00:19,202 --> 00:00:21,177
Yeah, it's not scary.
8
00:00:21,178 --> 00:00:22,678
(WHISPERS): It's actually so scary.
9
00:00:22,679 --> 00:00:24,096
- I'm gonna make you watch it.
- Then why do you
10
00:00:24,097 --> 00:00:25,806
- want a refund?
- They just give you free shit.
11
00:00:25,807 --> 00:00:28,809
I told U-verse that I got
seizures from watching Legion...
12
00:00:28,810 --> 00:00:30,936
They gave me six months NBA TV.
13
00:00:30,937 --> 00:00:31,854
- (WHISPERS): Yeah.
- (CAR DOORS CLOSING)
14
00:00:31,855 --> 00:00:34,148
- (CAR ALARM CHIRPS)
- Shit-sticks.
15
00:00:34,149 --> 00:00:36,775
Uh, hide. You can't be here.
16
00:00:36,776 --> 00:00:37,835
Gretchen can be anywhere!
17
00:00:37,836 --> 00:00:39,670
That crumplesack Neil
is dropping off Olivia.
18
00:00:39,671 --> 00:00:42,823
I'm not supposed to let a lover
hang with the kid until Whitney
19
00:00:42,824 --> 00:00:45,201
- meets her and approves.
- I'll meet your ex-wife.
20
00:00:45,202 --> 00:00:46,494
I'll meet anyone.
21
00:00:46,495 --> 00:00:49,163
I met January Jones once.
22
00:00:49,164 --> 00:00:51,290
Hey, Booner. Olivia ran next door
23
00:00:51,291 --> 00:00:54,355
to play on the Coughlins'
trampoline. Okay, bye.
24
00:00:54,356 --> 00:00:58,005
Hey, so... I've started seeing someone.
25
00:00:58,006 --> 00:00:59,224
She wants to meet Whitney.
26
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,092
Oh. Uh...
27
00:01:01,093 --> 00:01:03,719
Our shared calendar says
she's free this afternoon.
28
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,264
Shared calendar? (MIMICS WHIP CRACK)
29
00:01:06,265 --> 00:01:07,614
(LAUGHS)
30
00:01:07,615 --> 00:01:09,067
- Sorry.
- Real mature.
31
00:01:09,068 --> 00:01:10,193
- I said sorry.
- Whatever.
32
00:01:10,194 --> 00:01:12,194
Yes, Neil, I have a hot girlfriend
33
00:01:12,195 --> 00:01:15,240
who likes it when I give
it to her every day, hard,
34
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:16,650
sometimes twice.
35
00:01:16,651 --> 00:01:20,203
So, have fun having zero sex ever.
36
00:01:20,204 --> 00:01:21,413
Why are you like this?!
37
00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,039
Maybe 'cause you're living in my house,
38
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,417
farting on my Tempur-Pedic,
next to my wife,
39
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:27,460
you walking circumcision!
40
00:01:27,461 --> 00:01:29,171
- You need therapy.
- I don't...
41
00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:32,090
You need therapy! You
creepy little turd!
42
00:01:32,091 --> 00:01:34,451
- (DOOR SLAMS)
- You jug of ball sweat!
43
00:01:34,452 --> 00:01:36,303
This afternoon?
44
00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:38,638
Okay, bring it on.
45
00:01:38,639 --> 00:01:41,933
Once I get a gallon of
tomato juice and beer in me,
46
00:01:41,934 --> 00:01:43,810
I am hella charming.
47
00:01:43,811 --> 00:01:45,562
She's gonna grill you.
48
00:01:45,563 --> 00:01:47,439
Grill away, bitch.
49
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:48,690
(GAGS)
50
00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:50,525
This ranch tastes funny, boo.
51
00:01:50,526 --> 00:01:51,605
We don't have ranch.
52
00:01:51,606 --> 00:01:53,224
? ?
53
00:01:55,368 --> 00:02:00,368
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
54
00:02:02,264 --> 00:02:05,457
? I'm gonna leave you anyway ?
55
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:08,501
? I'm gonna leave you anyway ?
56
00:02:08,502 --> 00:02:09,936
? Gonna leave you anyway. ?
57
00:02:15,244 --> 00:02:17,469
NPR ANNOUNCER: This week
on "Tip of My Tongue..."
58
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:19,780
CONTESTANT: I guess I'd rename
the Miracle Mile the, uh,
59
00:02:19,781 --> 00:02:21,931
- Cursed Kilometer.
- (LAUGHTER)
60
00:02:21,932 --> 00:02:24,117
(KATHERINE LAUGHS)
61
00:02:24,118 --> 00:02:25,310
Morning!
62
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:26,353
Katherine.
63
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:28,114
Hello.
64
00:02:30,064 --> 00:02:32,192
So...
65
00:02:33,590 --> 00:02:36,146
not that I regret last night...
66
00:02:36,147 --> 00:02:38,750
I mean, on principle, I
don't regret things,
67
00:02:38,751 --> 00:02:40,444
not even buying tickets
68
00:02:40,445 --> 00:02:42,738
to see Billy Bob Thornton's band, but...
69
00:02:42,739 --> 00:02:44,573
But there are no sleepovers.
70
00:02:44,574 --> 00:02:47,393
Got it. Won't happen again.
71
00:02:57,939 --> 00:03:00,172
Well, it's been weird,
72
00:03:00,173 --> 00:03:02,550
but ultimately delightful
seeing you, Jimmy.
73
00:03:03,365 --> 00:03:06,011
You're right, it got much bigger.
74
00:03:06,012 --> 00:03:07,629
- I'm just gonna get me coat.
- (PHONE VIBRATES)
75
00:03:09,283 --> 00:03:14,728
Hey, guess who's about to buy
his first brand-new car?
76
00:03:14,729 --> 00:03:18,023
My main dude Max has a
guy who sets up the loan
77
00:03:18,024 --> 00:03:21,193
and delivers it to you like a pri-zza!
78
00:03:21,194 --> 00:03:24,279
What the hell does Gretchen mean
by this? "We need to talk."
79
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,865
There's a special circle in
hell for people who say,
80
00:03:26,866 --> 00:03:29,468
"We need to talk,"
instead of just talking.
81
00:03:29,469 --> 00:03:30,772
Fire back, bruh.
82
00:03:31,361 --> 00:03:32,992
I shall.
83
00:03:32,993 --> 00:03:35,099
_
84
00:03:35,508 --> 00:03:38,335
_
85
00:03:38,715 --> 00:03:41,146
Take that.
86
00:03:41,147 --> 00:03:42,423
Well, I'm off.
87
00:03:42,424 --> 00:03:44,047
(PHONE VIBRATES)
88
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,474
_
89
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,430
Where are you going?
90
00:03:49,431 --> 00:03:51,657
Meeting a few mates for brunch.
91
00:03:51,658 --> 00:03:55,394
Perfect. I need a mimosa or six.
92
00:03:55,395 --> 00:03:57,546
Let me just put on some pants.
93
00:04:05,089 --> 00:04:06,447
Nice.
94
00:04:06,448 --> 00:04:08,365
Right?
95
00:04:08,366 --> 00:04:12,202
YOUNG LINDSAY: Mommy, over
here! Mommy! Mommy! Mom!
96
00:04:12,203 --> 00:04:15,039
- This is so sweet.
- YOUNG LINDSAY (ON VIDEO): Mom!
97
00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:18,375
Sweet? No! Look!
98
00:04:18,376 --> 00:04:20,586
You were doing foot sex
with Lou Diamond Phillips
99
00:04:20,587 --> 00:04:22,554
instead of paying attention to us!
100
00:04:23,580 --> 00:04:27,235
Am I supposed to feel
something about that?
101
00:04:27,236 --> 00:04:29,535
Maybe regret that your daughters...
102
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:31,305
One more than the other, obviously...
103
00:04:31,306 --> 00:04:33,057
Are broken because of you.
104
00:04:33,058 --> 00:04:37,227
Lou and I happened to have had
explosive sexual chemistry.
105
00:04:37,228 --> 00:04:39,501
He could make me climax
by whispering in my ear.
106
00:04:39,502 --> 00:04:42,624
You ignored us constantly.
I played in the street,
107
00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:46,924
I ate watch batteries, I went
on a date with Edward Furlong.
108
00:04:46,925 --> 00:04:48,484
But you're fine.
109
00:04:48,485 --> 00:04:50,777
I am married to Vernon,
110
00:04:50,778 --> 00:04:54,286
a man who shaves his pubic
hair into the letter "V."
111
00:04:54,287 --> 00:04:55,954
Well, I don't know what to tell you.
112
00:04:55,955 --> 00:04:57,998
And I've got to get to the set.
113
00:04:57,999 --> 00:05:00,432
Go.
114
00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:03,562
Deal with your problems
like normal people.
115
00:05:03,563 --> 00:05:05,898
- Split a Klonopin.
- (BECCA SCOFFS)
116
00:05:07,727 --> 00:05:11,395
You saw the tape. We were...
happy little girls.
117
00:05:12,740 --> 00:05:14,740
How did we turn out like this?
118
00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:20,559
Hey, did you ever hear from Lou
after he and Mom broke up?
119
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:21,747
BECCA: Never.
120
00:05:21,748 --> 00:05:23,941
- Did you?
- Not a peep.
121
00:05:23,942 --> 00:05:26,534
Unless he's the one who's
been leaving notes on my car
122
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,703
saying "learn how to park."
123
00:05:29,405 --> 00:05:31,281
But it's weird. Isn't it?
124
00:05:31,282 --> 00:05:33,862
He lived with us for, like, three years.
125
00:05:33,863 --> 00:05:37,371
Yeah, he drove me to dressage
every week in junior high,
126
00:05:37,372 --> 00:05:40,032
and then he just... disappeared.
127
00:05:40,033 --> 00:05:41,600
He wasn't there when I finally
got Princess Pamplemousse
128
00:05:41,601 --> 00:05:42,960
to do the moonwalk.
129
00:05:42,961 --> 00:05:46,046
That's what I'm saying, he could
have kept being our dad-not-dad,
130
00:05:46,047 --> 00:05:47,875
but he straight bailed.
131
00:05:48,829 --> 00:05:50,275
What if it's us?
132
00:05:50,276 --> 00:05:51,541
What?
133
00:05:51,542 --> 00:05:54,262
What if the reason Mom neglected us
134
00:05:54,263 --> 00:05:57,141
and Lou vanished us is
that we've always sucked?
135
00:05:57,142 --> 00:05:58,795
(LAUGHS): No.
136
00:05:58,796 --> 00:06:01,517
I was the perfect, special girl.
137
00:06:01,518 --> 00:06:02,924
I...
138
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,234
Let's go ask him.
139
00:06:07,893 --> 00:06:10,404
Mom misremembers everything
about our childhoods.
140
00:06:10,405 --> 00:06:12,614
She showed me a photo of
her and Christina Ricci
141
00:06:12,615 --> 00:06:14,908
on the set of Mermaids
and told me it was us
142
00:06:14,909 --> 00:06:16,790
on vacation in Orlando.
143
00:06:16,791 --> 00:06:18,576
Yes! Let's do it.
144
00:06:18,577 --> 00:06:21,204
Lou was always honest
with us, no matter...
145
00:06:21,205 --> 00:06:23,098
- and there's his dick. Okay.
- Oh.
146
00:06:30,713 --> 00:06:32,654
WHITNEY: Gretchen.
147
00:06:32,655 --> 00:06:34,656
(QUIETLY): Balls.
148
00:06:34,657 --> 00:06:37,326
Yes. Gretchen is me.
149
00:06:37,327 --> 00:06:39,119
I mean, I.
150
00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,354
- Whitney.
- Oh.
151
00:06:47,897 --> 00:06:49,367
Hmm.
152
00:06:50,936 --> 00:06:55,135
I hope you don't mind, but I
did a little research on you.
153
00:06:55,853 --> 00:06:59,222
You post to Urban Dictionary a lot.
154
00:06:59,223 --> 00:07:00,891
People got to know.
155
00:07:00,892 --> 00:07:03,170
You don't want people walking
around not knowing what you mean
156
00:07:03,171 --> 00:07:04,841
when you tell them you
just skunked a creamer.
157
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:08,946
Um, did you know there's
a 14-year-old girl
158
00:07:08,947 --> 00:07:10,213
with your name?
159
00:07:10,214 --> 00:07:12,363
That is also me.
160
00:07:12,364 --> 00:07:15,435
I use "Lil' Gretch" to catch pedophiles
161
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:18,704
and occasionally
cyberbully Elle Fanning.
162
00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:20,372
Can I get you ladies a drink?
163
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:22,041
Just an iced hibiscus tea.
164
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:25,586
I'll have a Long Island... juice.
165
00:07:25,587 --> 00:07:27,229
(RINGTONE PLAYS)
166
00:07:27,230 --> 00:07:28,348
Oh, sorry.
167
00:07:31,108 --> 00:07:32,619
I got to take this.
168
00:07:33,896 --> 00:07:34,932
What?
169
00:07:34,933 --> 00:07:35,985
(WHISPERS): Hey.
170
00:07:35,986 --> 00:07:38,249
Double shot of Patr�n in my juice?
171
00:07:38,975 --> 00:07:40,768
And if you narc on me, I will cut you.
172
00:07:41,921 --> 00:07:43,395
(QUIETLY): Okay.
173
00:07:43,915 --> 00:07:45,065
(SIGHS)
174
00:07:46,794 --> 00:07:48,794
Sunday Funday!
175
00:07:48,795 --> 00:07:50,712
Better than a Monday!
176
00:07:50,713 --> 00:07:55,200
Can only do it one way, and
that is the drunk way!
177
00:07:55,201 --> 00:07:57,453
- Gag.
- Really.
178
00:07:57,454 --> 00:08:00,623
My friends are all a bit posh.
Try not to embarrass me.
179
00:08:00,624 --> 00:08:02,625
(SCOFFS) I am here to binge drink,
180
00:08:02,626 --> 00:08:05,311
read the Guardian on my
phone, and stumble home.
181
00:08:05,312 --> 00:08:07,896
I don't make friends.
182
00:08:07,897 --> 00:08:10,633
Oh! This is Charlie, Mariel and Flynn.
183
00:08:10,634 --> 00:08:12,301
- Guys, Jimmy.
- Hello.
184
00:08:12,302 --> 00:08:13,735
Oh, six mimosas.
185
00:08:13,736 --> 00:08:15,721
Actually, just bring a
bottle of champagne
186
00:08:15,722 --> 00:08:17,289
- and a pitcher of juice.
- Mm-hmm.
187
00:08:18,659 --> 00:08:20,517
- What do you do, Jimmy?
- Novelist.
188
00:08:20,518 --> 00:08:21,960
- How do you know Katherine?
- Back home.
189
00:08:27,051 --> 00:08:30,235
Same question, politely
directed back at you.
190
00:08:30,236 --> 00:08:33,238
Well, actually, we all met
after Mariel gave a TED Talk
191
00:08:33,239 --> 00:08:35,090
about habit persistence.
192
00:08:35,091 --> 00:08:36,492
I'm a macro-economist.
193
00:08:36,493 --> 00:08:39,828
Halfway interesting. What about you two?
194
00:08:39,829 --> 00:08:41,204
Architecture critic for the Times.
195
00:08:41,205 --> 00:08:42,539
I work at JPL.
196
00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:43,916
Tell Jimmy about your robot.
197
00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:45,697
I don't want to bore the guy.
198
00:08:45,698 --> 00:08:46,919
I'm building
199
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,505
a self-guided cryobot to drill
the ice deposits on Mars.
200
00:08:49,506 --> 00:08:52,091
- It's got spider legs.
- What?!
201
00:08:52,092 --> 00:08:54,259
- So, tell us about your book.
- Oh, it's just a spank book.
202
00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:56,095
Nobody's read it with dry hands.
203
00:08:56,096 --> 00:08:57,554
Oh, you'll appreciate this.
204
00:08:57,555 --> 00:09:00,557
I wrote most of it in a
tree house I designed.
205
00:09:00,558 --> 00:09:03,393
Hammered it together and
everything, with the big nails.
206
00:09:03,394 --> 00:09:05,145
Did you hear the ad for next
week's "Tip of My Tongue"?
207
00:09:05,146 --> 00:09:07,981
- That Tommy Vietor is so witty.
- Hush.
208
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:09,608
So, what are you guys all doing later?
209
00:09:09,609 --> 00:09:12,235
Heading to Pour Haus to taste
their Uco Valley Malbecs.
210
00:09:12,236 --> 00:09:14,463
Then, we have a reservation
for an escape room.
211
00:09:14,464 --> 00:09:16,156
It's labeled "impossible,"
but we'll see about that.
212
00:09:16,157 --> 00:09:17,407
(LAUGHTER)
213
00:09:17,408 --> 00:09:18,825
And the Astrid Jorgen,
214
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,494
the Greenlandic Scream-Singer,
215
00:09:20,495 --> 00:09:22,037
is performing in Chinatown.
216
00:09:22,038 --> 00:09:23,563
Would you want to come?
217
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:26,208
Wish he could, but you're busy
today, aren't you, Jimmy?
218
00:09:26,209 --> 00:09:28,085
Never! If I'm being honest,
219
00:09:28,086 --> 00:09:30,713
I basically do nothing most of the time.
220
00:09:30,714 --> 00:09:33,815
Yesterday, I nodded off halfway
through second breakfast.
221
00:09:40,457 --> 00:09:42,824
I almost wonder if I should
take this and sell it on eBay.
222
00:09:42,825 --> 00:09:43,892
Ooh.
223
00:09:43,893 --> 00:09:45,602
- Huh.
- No, '80s.
224
00:09:45,603 --> 00:09:47,662
- Becca! Lindsay!
- (LINDSAY GASPS)
225
00:09:47,663 --> 00:09:50,232
This is my car!
226
00:09:50,233 --> 00:09:51,500
Wow.
227
00:09:51,501 --> 00:09:53,402
This is a total panty-soaker.
228
00:09:53,403 --> 00:09:56,029
They threw in the Teen
Safety Package for free.
229
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:58,448
So, my phone won't work
while the engine's on,
230
00:09:58,449 --> 00:10:01,410
and it beeps if I swear. Max says...
231
00:10:01,411 --> 00:10:02,619
"Max says, Max says."
232
00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:05,347
Lindsay says it makes you look doable.
233
00:10:05,348 --> 00:10:06,456
But we do it all the time.
234
00:10:06,457 --> 00:10:07,733
Ugh. Please stop.
235
00:10:08,852 --> 00:10:09,876
(SQUEALS, WHOOPS)
236
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:12,212
JIMMY: Okay, uh, careful, please.
237
00:10:12,213 --> 00:10:15,841
- Gentle, be gentle.
- How'd you nab a future car?
238
00:10:15,842 --> 00:10:19,052
Well, um, with my, uh,
spotty credit history,
239
00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:22,472
I had to take out a
seven-year loan with 20% APR.
240
00:10:22,473 --> 00:10:24,933
And as soon as I put my foot on the gas,
241
00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:26,393
it started depreciating.
242
00:10:26,394 --> 00:10:28,395
Well, I "de-preciate" this car.
243
00:10:28,396 --> 00:10:29,730
Maybe I should cut my losses, return it,
244
00:10:29,731 --> 00:10:31,039
and get something reasonable.
245
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,315
I'm just a grunt...
246
00:10:32,316 --> 00:10:34,676
- Why is he still talking?
- Bored. Drive now.
247
00:10:35,963 --> 00:10:38,046
(SLURPING)
248
00:10:38,047 --> 00:10:40,490
Jesus Christ, my job is a mess.
249
00:10:40,491 --> 00:10:41,784
And I'm still trying to figure out
250
00:10:41,785 --> 00:10:43,051
the vacation hand-off with Boone.
251
00:10:43,052 --> 00:10:45,786
And Neil keeps bugging
me about wanting braces.
252
00:10:45,787 --> 00:10:47,289
I'm sorry, would...
253
00:10:47,290 --> 00:10:49,666
would you mind if I ordered a drink?
254
00:10:49,667 --> 00:10:50,917
Drinking during the day?
255
00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:53,086
Bring us two alcoholic drinks.
256
00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:55,297
- The same as...?
- Yes, the same as each other.
257
00:10:55,298 --> 00:10:56,465
Ketel One martini with a twist.
258
00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:57,732
I don't even know what that is.
259
00:10:57,733 --> 00:10:58,984
Two of those.
260
00:11:01,071 --> 00:11:03,513
I thought the pain of divorce
would end with the papers,
261
00:11:03,514 --> 00:11:06,349
but a breakup is the gift
that keeps on giving.
262
00:11:06,350 --> 00:11:08,081
Amen to that.
263
00:11:09,188 --> 00:11:10,896
So... what are the other questions
264
00:11:10,897 --> 00:11:12,377
you have on your list?
265
00:11:12,378 --> 00:11:14,355
You could tell I had a list?
266
00:11:15,469 --> 00:11:17,029
I copied it from a blog.
267
00:11:17,737 --> 00:11:19,002
Okay.
268
00:11:20,364 --> 00:11:24,355
"True or false: dinosaur bones
are a lie sent by the devil."
269
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,095
Guess it was a Christian blog?
270
00:11:27,096 --> 00:11:28,930
Bible's got some horny parts.
271
00:11:28,931 --> 00:11:30,265
(LAUGHS)
272
00:11:30,266 --> 00:11:32,567
(GASPS) Mmm.
273
00:11:48,452 --> 00:11:50,644
- Hey!
- (BOTH GASP)
274
00:11:50,645 --> 00:11:52,604
Stay away from those lemons!
275
00:11:52,605 --> 00:11:54,273
Just because they're
hanging over the sidewalk,
276
00:11:54,274 --> 00:11:55,457
doesn't mean they're free!
277
00:11:55,458 --> 00:11:56,900
You people act
278
00:11:56,901 --> 00:11:59,444
like I don't need these
lemons, but I do.
279
00:11:59,445 --> 00:12:01,215
I need them very badly!
280
00:12:01,976 --> 00:12:03,748
It's Becca and Lindsay.
281
00:12:04,325 --> 00:12:05,659
Cottumaccio.
282
00:12:06,251 --> 00:12:07,900
You railed our mom.
283
00:12:07,901 --> 00:12:10,856
Sorry, you railed our
mother, in the '90s?
284
00:12:13,861 --> 00:12:14,877
Oh, my God.
285
00:12:14,878 --> 00:12:16,295
Mm.
286
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,390
Becca? Lindsay?
287
00:12:21,259 --> 00:12:23,135
(LAUGHING)
288
00:12:23,927 --> 00:12:25,095
Oh...
289
00:12:25,096 --> 00:12:27,072
? ?
290
00:12:30,961 --> 00:12:33,312
Mmm! This is good.
291
00:12:33,313 --> 00:12:35,814
It's Country Time. My lemons
aren't juicing lemons.
292
00:12:36,931 --> 00:12:39,526
So... what happened?
293
00:12:39,527 --> 00:12:42,028
(SIGHS)
294
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:43,984
I loved your mom.
295
00:12:45,018 --> 00:12:46,700
And when she left me, I was devastated.
296
00:12:46,701 --> 00:12:48,410
I couldn't even stay
in the city anymore.
297
00:12:48,411 --> 00:12:49,912
Everything reminded me of her.
298
00:12:49,913 --> 00:12:51,663
One day, I'm sitting on my lanai,
299
00:12:51,664 --> 00:12:53,456
watching my gardeners,
300
00:12:53,457 --> 00:12:56,251
and I thought to myself,
"That's what I want to do."
301
00:12:56,252 --> 00:12:58,712
So, I told my agent, "From
now on, I'm offer-only,"
302
00:12:58,713 --> 00:13:00,689
and I moved out here,
and I put all my energy
303
00:13:00,690 --> 00:13:02,215
into my lemon grove.
304
00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:04,217
One thing I know for sure:
305
00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:06,861
lemons won't ever walk out on me.
306
00:13:06,862 --> 00:13:08,931
Then why did you just disappear?
307
00:13:08,932 --> 00:13:10,724
Was it my bed-wetting? Because I stopped
308
00:13:10,725 --> 00:13:12,534
eventually, mostly, sort of.
309
00:13:12,535 --> 00:13:14,786
Your mother forbade me from
ever contacting you again.
310
00:13:14,787 --> 00:13:15,930
I thought you knew that.
311
00:13:17,925 --> 00:13:19,358
(SIGHS)
312
00:13:19,359 --> 00:13:22,235
Listening to her is one
of my biggest regrets.
313
00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:24,029
That, and turning down Die Hard.
314
00:13:24,030 --> 00:13:26,330
- Why would our mother do that?
- I don't know.
315
00:13:26,331 --> 00:13:29,576
I wanted to ask her, but she had
moved on to dating John Stamos.
316
00:13:29,577 --> 00:13:31,856
You do not mess with that guy.
317
00:13:31,857 --> 00:13:33,521
I mean, the Beach Boys
were so scared of him,
318
00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:35,724
they let him pretend to
play bongos on "Kokomo."
319
00:13:37,227 --> 00:13:38,710
Well, I don't buy it.
320
00:13:38,711 --> 00:13:41,279
You don't just walk away
from people you love.
321
00:13:41,982 --> 00:13:43,298
What could I do, girls?
322
00:13:43,299 --> 00:13:45,050
I had no choice.
323
00:13:45,795 --> 00:13:46,901
Hey,
324
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:49,145
I've always wondered...
325
00:13:49,937 --> 00:13:52,398
Did you ever get Princess
Pamplemousse to moonwalk?
326
00:13:54,086 --> 00:13:55,468
I did.
327
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,913
Ultimately, it led to a
hairline fracture in her shin,
328
00:13:58,914 --> 00:14:00,641
and we had to shoot her, but...
329
00:14:00,642 --> 00:14:03,127
- she got me that blue ribbon.
- And, Lindsay,
330
00:14:03,128 --> 00:14:05,421
you had always talked
about being a dinosaur.
331
00:14:05,422 --> 00:14:06,647
How'd that go?
332
00:14:06,648 --> 00:14:08,649
(LAUGHS)
333
00:14:08,650 --> 00:14:10,651
So this is Mom's fault.
334
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:12,653
Sorry.
335
00:14:12,654 --> 00:14:15,406
We got to go pour water on a witch.
336
00:14:16,492 --> 00:14:18,392
Thanks, La Bamba-Dad.
337
00:14:18,393 --> 00:14:20,986
Good luck with your lemons.
338
00:14:20,987 --> 00:14:23,414
Oh, I need more than luck.
339
00:14:25,167 --> 00:14:26,333
(EXHALES)
340
00:14:28,729 --> 00:14:31,519
I'm tasting plum, with hints of violet.
341
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,956
And then licorice and, um, barberry.
342
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:37,842
Hmm, it seems the fruit
was harvested too early.
343
00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:39,448
Oh, why do you say that?
344
00:14:39,449 --> 00:14:42,798
Because I'm tasting notes
of statutory grape.
345
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:49,305
Mmm.
346
00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:51,473
(SUSTAINING OFF-KEY NOTE)
347
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:54,251
? ?
348
00:14:54,252 --> 00:14:55,811
(LAUGHING)
349
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,947
- Shh!
- Shh, shh!
350
00:14:58,923 --> 00:15:02,009
I'm thinking it might be
the outside ones that...
351
00:15:02,010 --> 00:15:03,177
You can tilt.
352
00:15:03,178 --> 00:15:05,929
No! No, no, no.
353
00:15:05,930 --> 00:15:08,157
Ooh! (STAMMERS)
354
00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:14,830
(SCREAM-SINGING CONTINUES)
355
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:17,216
(ALL LAUGHING)
356
00:15:20,004 --> 00:15:21,862
Rystar! That says rystar!
357
00:15:21,863 --> 00:15:23,280
Uh, Rystar... knight!
358
00:15:23,281 --> 00:15:24,365
Rystar means knight!
359
00:15:24,366 --> 00:15:25,841
Night! Uh... nighttime!
360
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,176
KATHERINE: No, here, here, here!
361
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:28,510
Here's the knight, here's the knight!
362
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:29,578
55!
363
00:15:29,579 --> 00:15:31,205
Ooh, the lock, the lock.
364
00:15:31,206 --> 00:15:32,715
Yeah.
365
00:15:32,716 --> 00:15:34,291
Oh, I can't breathe.
366
00:15:34,292 --> 00:15:36,419
I can't breathe! I can't breathe!
367
00:15:36,420 --> 00:15:39,380
- Photos.
- I'm claustrophobic, can you let me out?
368
00:15:39,381 --> 00:15:43,025
- Let me out!
- (POUNDING ON DOOR)
369
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:47,471
Let me out! Let me out!
370
00:15:47,472 --> 00:15:51,200
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
371
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:52,935
Oy.
372
00:15:52,936 --> 00:15:55,094
Ta-da! I escaped us.
373
00:15:55,095 --> 00:15:57,147
- (SIGHS)
- Stupid.
374
00:15:57,911 --> 00:16:00,984
There is this one mom in the PTA
375
00:16:00,985 --> 00:16:04,546
that I think about knifing so much,
376
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:07,366
I should take out a
restraining order on me.
377
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,410
You are nuts, hooker!
378
00:16:09,411 --> 00:16:11,662
I used to be fun.
379
00:16:11,663 --> 00:16:16,333
I used to wear low-rise jeans
and 'shroom in Joshua Tree.
380
00:16:16,334 --> 00:16:21,255
And now, I have to be the
grown-up, but I want to be fun.
381
00:16:21,256 --> 00:16:22,576
Hey, now!
382
00:16:22,577 --> 00:16:26,218
You are just a lady
doing her A-plus best.
383
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:28,910
- Mm-hmm.
- I wish I had a mom like you.
384
00:16:28,911 --> 00:16:30,557
Can I call you Mom?
385
00:16:30,558 --> 00:16:32,908
I'm glad Boone found someone nice.
386
00:16:33,915 --> 00:16:37,146
He was so lonely for so long.
387
00:16:37,147 --> 00:16:38,397
Aw.
388
00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,216
Let's get another round. (LAUGHS)
389
00:16:40,217 --> 00:16:42,609
(WHISTLES)
390
00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:46,447
One thing I do miss is
the spontaneousness.
391
00:16:46,448 --> 00:16:47,948
On our second date, Boone drove us
392
00:16:47,949 --> 00:16:49,199
(DISTORTED): to Portland to...
393
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,111
GRETCHEN: No. Gretch, don't black out.
394
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,121
(VOICE ECHOING INDISTINCTLY)
395
00:16:54,122 --> 00:16:58,267
GRETCHEN: Not now. No, no,
no, no, no, no, no! (GRUNTS)
396
00:17:01,372 --> 00:17:05,107
(WHITNEY MOANING)
397
00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:12,865
Oh. Mmm.
398
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:16,226
GRETCHEN: Oh, God.
399
00:17:16,585 --> 00:17:19,337
Oh, no. Why is this?
400
00:17:19,338 --> 00:17:21,115
Harder!
401
00:17:22,426 --> 00:17:24,109
(WHITNEY MOANING)
402
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:25,294
(GIGGLING): Oh, God.
403
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:26,987
This is fun.
404
00:17:26,988 --> 00:17:28,739
I feel fun! (LAUGHING)
405
00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:31,658
Oh, oh, oh, oh, no...
406
00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:33,243
Here I go. Here I go.
407
00:17:33,244 --> 00:17:34,620
Oh...
408
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:37,748
Boomtown! (SCREAMS)
409
00:17:37,749 --> 00:17:39,708
Oh...
410
00:17:39,709 --> 00:17:42,478
(MOUTHING)
411
00:17:47,250 --> 00:17:49,397
JIMMY (LAUGHING): Statutory grape.
412
00:17:49,398 --> 00:17:52,401
I should sell that one
to the funny-pages.
413
00:17:52,402 --> 00:17:54,654
Edgar, call a tow truck.
414
00:17:54,655 --> 00:17:58,407
Someone's left a try-hardy
luxury sedan in my car park.
415
00:17:58,408 --> 00:18:00,493
Actually, that's mine.
416
00:18:00,494 --> 00:18:02,339
But... you're poor.
417
00:18:02,340 --> 00:18:04,372
I'm not poor. I'm a writer now.
418
00:18:04,373 --> 00:18:07,183
That doesn't matter.
You have poor brain.
419
00:18:07,184 --> 00:18:09,669
Do you know how I know?
Because I have poor brain.
420
00:18:09,670 --> 00:18:11,421
- Jimmy!
- Do you know what I did with
421
00:18:11,422 --> 00:18:13,422
the outsized advance for my first book?
422
00:18:13,423 --> 00:18:15,925
I bought a house that I couldn't afford.
423
00:18:15,926 --> 00:18:20,274
I got an FHA loan, so
I only put down 3.5%,
424
00:18:20,275 --> 00:18:23,533
but it's an ARM on a balloon structure,
425
00:18:23,534 --> 00:18:25,368
which means by the end of next year,
426
00:18:25,369 --> 00:18:28,020
I may have to burn it for the insurance,
427
00:18:28,021 --> 00:18:29,775
which I do not have.
428
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:31,774
Return the car.
429
00:18:31,775 --> 00:18:33,206
No, Jimmy.
430
00:18:33,207 --> 00:18:35,485
You forfeited your right
to tell me what to do.
431
00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:43,869
(SIGHS)
432
00:18:43,870 --> 00:18:46,022
(PHONE VIBRATES)
433
00:18:47,275 --> 00:18:48,348
(PHONE BEEPS)
434
00:18:49,882 --> 00:18:51,794
Maximus.
435
00:18:52,455 --> 00:18:53,980
Oh, the whip?
436
00:18:58,162 --> 00:19:00,680
You got to come check it out.
437
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:04,450
I am so glad you suggested I buy it.
438
00:19:05,953 --> 00:19:10,456
Hell yeah, I sprung for the
all-vegan leather package. (LAUGHS)
439
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,111
Mom! We're coming in!
440
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,545
(GASPS)
441
00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:18,114
Hi, girls.
442
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:22,285
So, wait, you dated John
Stamos, then Dave Coulier?
443
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:25,113
That is not the direction
it's supposed to go.
444
00:19:25,114 --> 00:19:26,214
I know.
445
00:19:26,215 --> 00:19:27,873
LINDSAY: What's going on here?
446
00:19:27,874 --> 00:19:30,376
Why is La Bamba-Dad in your house-car?
447
00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:32,227
And which is it, a house or a car?
448
00:19:32,228 --> 00:19:33,921
And where does the poop go?
449
00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:36,132
Your visit inspired me
to reach out to Faye
450
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,633
after all these years.
451
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,885
I'm so glad you all reconnected.
452
00:19:39,886 --> 00:19:41,971
Well, we're glad too, Mom.
453
00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:44,316
Because we started to think the
reason we never heard from him
454
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:45,821
was because there was
something wrong with us.
455
00:19:45,822 --> 00:19:47,825
But, now we know, there's
nothing wrong with me at all.
456
00:19:47,826 --> 00:19:50,606
He told us you forbidded him
from ever contacting us.
457
00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,999
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- WOMAN: We're inviting first team, Faye.
458
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,410
Well?
459
00:19:55,213 --> 00:19:56,829
It's true. I did.
460
00:19:56,830 --> 00:19:58,503
Why would you do that?
461
00:19:58,504 --> 00:20:00,666
Because I could see how
close you all were getting,
462
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:03,269
and I knew it wasn't going
to last between Lou and me.
463
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:05,104
I did it to protect you.
464
00:20:05,105 --> 00:20:07,840
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- WOMAN: Cameras are ready, Faye.
465
00:20:07,841 --> 00:20:09,133
- Will you give us a second?!
- We are very busy
466
00:20:09,134 --> 00:20:10,276
blaming our mother for everything!
467
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:11,995
- This is very, very important!
- Go, go, go!
468
00:20:14,114 --> 00:20:15,765
You two are adults.
469
00:20:15,766 --> 00:20:17,507
You're goddamned baked.
470
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:20,119
If your lives are a mess,
you figure it out.
471
00:20:23,124 --> 00:20:24,124
(SCOFFS)
472
00:20:29,798 --> 00:20:30,964
She's right, you know.
473
00:20:31,658 --> 00:20:34,347
Instead of sitting around
being angry at your mom,
474
00:20:34,348 --> 00:20:36,411
I decided to buy some
land in the country
475
00:20:36,412 --> 00:20:38,788
and focus my energy on
growing a real orchard.
476
00:20:38,789 --> 00:20:42,208
And now, I just kick back and
wait for La Croix to call.
477
00:20:42,209 --> 00:20:43,709
(SIGHS)
478
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:47,713
You can't solve your problems
by blaming the past.
479
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,199
Then how do we solve them?
480
00:20:51,627 --> 00:20:52,943
You have a kid.
481
00:20:52,945 --> 00:20:54,396
Be a good parent.
482
00:20:54,397 --> 00:20:55,572
Break the cycle.
483
00:20:55,573 --> 00:20:56,865
It's too late.
484
00:20:56,866 --> 00:20:58,867
Vernon's her father.
485
00:20:58,868 --> 00:21:00,702
Tallulah's headed straight for the pole.
486
00:21:00,703 --> 00:21:02,579
What about me?
487
00:21:02,580 --> 00:21:04,247
I don't have a kid.
488
00:21:04,248 --> 00:21:05,818
You were such a giving child.
489
00:21:05,819 --> 00:21:07,016
It's true.
490
00:21:08,010 --> 00:21:10,262
She used to dump her
dinner in the toilet
491
00:21:10,263 --> 00:21:12,914
because she felt bad that it
only ever got to eat poop.
492
00:21:12,915 --> 00:21:14,883
Maybe you're supposed
to help other people.
493
00:21:14,884 --> 00:21:17,093
? ?
494
00:21:17,094 --> 00:21:18,802
Help people.
495
00:21:20,263 --> 00:21:21,373
Okay.
496
00:21:21,374 --> 00:21:24,267
In fact, you've already started
by helping me do something
497
00:21:24,268 --> 00:21:26,102
that I've wanted to do for years,
498
00:21:26,103 --> 00:21:29,497
have sex with your mom one last time.
499
00:21:34,421 --> 00:21:37,906
Your friends are so sophisticated.
500
00:21:37,907 --> 00:21:41,117
You know, my only friends
are this divorced girl
501
00:21:41,118 --> 00:21:44,954
with citrus blindness
and a redheaded doctor
502
00:21:44,955 --> 00:21:47,015
who might be a legal imbecile.
503
00:21:47,016 --> 00:21:49,626
Are they, uh, available tomorrow?
504
00:21:49,627 --> 00:21:51,770
I'm not bringing you
around my friends again.
505
00:21:55,097 --> 00:21:56,397
What?
506
00:21:56,790 --> 00:21:58,009
They didn't like me?
507
00:21:58,010 --> 00:21:59,969
You behaved like a complete rube.
508
00:21:59,970 --> 00:22:02,305
You were our redheaded doctor!
509
00:22:02,306 --> 00:22:05,392
Jimmy, I moved across
the world on purpose.
510
00:22:05,393 --> 00:22:07,936
All you do is remind me of the past.
511
00:22:07,937 --> 00:22:09,855
Bye, Jimmy.
512
00:22:10,919 --> 00:22:11,946
Wait.
513
00:22:15,577 --> 00:22:17,302
Can we still go to JPL?
514
00:22:17,304 --> 00:22:18,779
I want to see the spider robot.
515
00:22:19,716 --> 00:22:21,883
? ?
516
00:22:28,942 --> 00:22:30,750
Ah.
517
00:22:30,751 --> 00:22:32,210
Mmm!
518
00:22:32,212 --> 00:22:35,354
Right? It's like getting drunk on salsa.
519
00:22:35,356 --> 00:22:36,978
- (CHUCKLES)
- (PHONE CHIMES)
520
00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:38,980
_
521
00:22:39,202 --> 00:22:42,429
Oh, um, Whitney texted the okay.
522
00:22:42,430 --> 00:22:44,205
She really, really likes you.
523
00:22:46,042 --> 00:22:47,934
Oh, that's such good news.
524
00:22:47,935 --> 00:22:50,578
Also, they refunded me the
seven bucks for The Babadook.
525
00:22:50,579 --> 00:22:52,454
Suckers!
526
00:22:53,274 --> 00:22:54,749
Ah.
527
00:22:54,750 --> 00:22:55,783
Ah...
528
00:22:55,860 --> 00:22:58,406
_
529
00:22:59,506 --> 00:23:02,157
Good job, you. She's a
tough nut to crack.
530
00:23:02,158 --> 00:23:03,867
I had to go deep.
531
00:23:03,868 --> 00:23:06,870
Really knuckle down.
532
00:23:06,871 --> 00:23:08,887
(QUIETLY): Boomtown.
533
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:13,960
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
534
00:23:14,010 --> 00:23:18,560
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37346
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof