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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:06,567 Yes, I did choose to V.O.D. the film through your service, 2 00:00:06,568 --> 00:00:09,829 but my end-user experience was unsatisfactory. 3 00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:13,323 No, no. There was no lag time. Everything was fine. 4 00:00:13,324 --> 00:00:14,630 _ 5 00:00:14,631 --> 00:00:16,530 Well, you see, Mario, 6 00:00:16,531 --> 00:00:18,526 the problem is The Babadook... 7 00:00:19,202 --> 00:00:21,177 Yeah, it's not scary. 8 00:00:21,178 --> 00:00:22,678 (WHISPERS): It's actually so scary. 9 00:00:22,679 --> 00:00:24,096 - I'm gonna make you watch it. - Then why do you 10 00:00:24,097 --> 00:00:25,806 - want a refund? - They just give you free shit. 11 00:00:25,807 --> 00:00:28,809 I told U-verse that I got seizures from watching Legion... 12 00:00:28,810 --> 00:00:30,936 They gave me six months NBA TV. 13 00:00:30,937 --> 00:00:31,854 - (WHISPERS): Yeah. - (CAR DOORS CLOSING) 14 00:00:31,855 --> 00:00:34,148 - (CAR ALARM CHIRPS) - Shit-sticks. 15 00:00:34,149 --> 00:00:36,775 Uh, hide. You can't be here. 16 00:00:36,776 --> 00:00:37,835 Gretchen can be anywhere! 17 00:00:37,836 --> 00:00:39,670 That crumplesack Neil is dropping off Olivia. 18 00:00:39,671 --> 00:00:42,823 I'm not supposed to let a lover hang with the kid until Whitney 19 00:00:42,824 --> 00:00:45,201 - meets her and approves. - I'll meet your ex-wife. 20 00:00:45,202 --> 00:00:46,494 I'll meet anyone. 21 00:00:46,495 --> 00:00:49,163 I met January Jones once. 22 00:00:49,164 --> 00:00:51,290 Hey, Booner. Olivia ran next door 23 00:00:51,291 --> 00:00:54,355 to play on the Coughlins' trampoline. Okay, bye. 24 00:00:54,356 --> 00:00:58,005 Hey, so... I've started seeing someone. 25 00:00:58,006 --> 00:00:59,224 She wants to meet Whitney. 26 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,092 Oh. Uh... 27 00:01:01,093 --> 00:01:03,719 Our shared calendar says she's free this afternoon. 28 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,264 Shared calendar? (MIMICS WHIP CRACK) 29 00:01:06,265 --> 00:01:07,614 (LAUGHS) 30 00:01:07,615 --> 00:01:09,067 - Sorry. - Real mature. 31 00:01:09,068 --> 00:01:10,193 - I said sorry. - Whatever. 32 00:01:10,194 --> 00:01:12,194 Yes, Neil, I have a hot girlfriend 33 00:01:12,195 --> 00:01:15,240 who likes it when I give it to her every day, hard, 34 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:16,650 sometimes twice. 35 00:01:16,651 --> 00:01:20,203 So, have fun having zero sex ever. 36 00:01:20,204 --> 00:01:21,413 Why are you like this?! 37 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,039 Maybe 'cause you're living in my house, 38 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,417 farting on my Tempur-Pedic, next to my wife, 39 00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:27,460 you walking circumcision! 40 00:01:27,461 --> 00:01:29,171 - You need therapy. - I don't... 41 00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:32,090 You need therapy! You creepy little turd! 42 00:01:32,091 --> 00:01:34,451 - (DOOR SLAMS) - You jug of ball sweat! 43 00:01:34,452 --> 00:01:36,303 This afternoon? 44 00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:38,638 Okay, bring it on. 45 00:01:38,639 --> 00:01:41,933 Once I get a gallon of tomato juice and beer in me, 46 00:01:41,934 --> 00:01:43,810 I am hella charming. 47 00:01:43,811 --> 00:01:45,562 She's gonna grill you. 48 00:01:45,563 --> 00:01:47,439 Grill away, bitch. 49 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:48,690 (GAGS) 50 00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:50,525 This ranch tastes funny, boo. 51 00:01:50,526 --> 00:01:51,605 We don't have ranch. 52 00:01:51,606 --> 00:01:53,224 ? ? 53 00:01:55,368 --> 00:02:00,368 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 54 00:02:02,264 --> 00:02:05,457 ? I'm gonna leave you anyway ? 55 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:08,501 ? I'm gonna leave you anyway ? 56 00:02:08,502 --> 00:02:09,936 ? Gonna leave you anyway. ? 57 00:02:15,244 --> 00:02:17,469 NPR ANNOUNCER: This week on "Tip of My Tongue..." 58 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:19,780 CONTESTANT: I guess I'd rename the Miracle Mile the, uh, 59 00:02:19,781 --> 00:02:21,931 - Cursed Kilometer. - (LAUGHTER) 60 00:02:21,932 --> 00:02:24,117 (KATHERINE LAUGHS) 61 00:02:24,118 --> 00:02:25,310 Morning! 62 00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:26,353 Katherine. 63 00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:28,114 Hello. 64 00:02:30,064 --> 00:02:32,192 So... 65 00:02:33,590 --> 00:02:36,146 not that I regret last night... 66 00:02:36,147 --> 00:02:38,750 I mean, on principle, I don't regret things, 67 00:02:38,751 --> 00:02:40,444 not even buying tickets 68 00:02:40,445 --> 00:02:42,738 to see Billy Bob Thornton's band, but... 69 00:02:42,739 --> 00:02:44,573 But there are no sleepovers. 70 00:02:44,574 --> 00:02:47,393 Got it. Won't happen again. 71 00:02:57,939 --> 00:03:00,172 Well, it's been weird, 72 00:03:00,173 --> 00:03:02,550 but ultimately delightful seeing you, Jimmy. 73 00:03:03,365 --> 00:03:06,011 You're right, it got much bigger. 74 00:03:06,012 --> 00:03:07,629 - I'm just gonna get me coat. - (PHONE VIBRATES) 75 00:03:09,283 --> 00:03:14,728 Hey, guess who's about to buy his first brand-new car? 76 00:03:14,729 --> 00:03:18,023 My main dude Max has a guy who sets up the loan 77 00:03:18,024 --> 00:03:21,193 and delivers it to you like a pri-zza! 78 00:03:21,194 --> 00:03:24,279 What the hell does Gretchen mean by this? "We need to talk." 79 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,865 There's a special circle in hell for people who say, 80 00:03:26,866 --> 00:03:29,468 "We need to talk," instead of just talking. 81 00:03:29,469 --> 00:03:30,772 Fire back, bruh. 82 00:03:31,361 --> 00:03:32,992 I shall. 83 00:03:32,993 --> 00:03:35,099 _ 84 00:03:35,508 --> 00:03:38,335 _ 85 00:03:38,715 --> 00:03:41,146 Take that. 86 00:03:41,147 --> 00:03:42,423 Well, I'm off. 87 00:03:42,424 --> 00:03:44,047 (PHONE VIBRATES) 88 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,474 _ 89 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,430 Where are you going? 90 00:03:49,431 --> 00:03:51,657 Meeting a few mates for brunch. 91 00:03:51,658 --> 00:03:55,394 Perfect. I need a mimosa or six. 92 00:03:55,395 --> 00:03:57,546 Let me just put on some pants. 93 00:04:05,089 --> 00:04:06,447 Nice. 94 00:04:06,448 --> 00:04:08,365 Right? 95 00:04:08,366 --> 00:04:12,202 YOUNG LINDSAY: Mommy, over here! Mommy! Mommy! Mom! 96 00:04:12,203 --> 00:04:15,039 - This is so sweet. - YOUNG LINDSAY (ON VIDEO): Mom! 97 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:18,375 Sweet? No! Look! 98 00:04:18,376 --> 00:04:20,586 You were doing foot sex with Lou Diamond Phillips 99 00:04:20,587 --> 00:04:22,554 instead of paying attention to us! 100 00:04:23,580 --> 00:04:27,235 Am I supposed to feel something about that? 101 00:04:27,236 --> 00:04:29,535 Maybe regret that your daughters... 102 00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:31,305 One more than the other, obviously... 103 00:04:31,306 --> 00:04:33,057 Are broken because of you. 104 00:04:33,058 --> 00:04:37,227 Lou and I happened to have had explosive sexual chemistry. 105 00:04:37,228 --> 00:04:39,501 He could make me climax by whispering in my ear. 106 00:04:39,502 --> 00:04:42,624 You ignored us constantly. I played in the street, 107 00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:46,924 I ate watch batteries, I went on a date with Edward Furlong. 108 00:04:46,925 --> 00:04:48,484 But you're fine. 109 00:04:48,485 --> 00:04:50,777 I am married to Vernon, 110 00:04:50,778 --> 00:04:54,286 a man who shaves his pubic hair into the letter "V." 111 00:04:54,287 --> 00:04:55,954 Well, I don't know what to tell you. 112 00:04:55,955 --> 00:04:57,998 And I've got to get to the set. 113 00:04:57,999 --> 00:05:00,432 Go. 114 00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:03,562 Deal with your problems like normal people. 115 00:05:03,563 --> 00:05:05,898 - Split a Klonopin. - (BECCA SCOFFS) 116 00:05:07,727 --> 00:05:11,395 You saw the tape. We were... happy little girls. 117 00:05:12,740 --> 00:05:14,740 How did we turn out like this? 118 00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:20,559 Hey, did you ever hear from Lou after he and Mom broke up? 119 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:21,747 BECCA: Never. 120 00:05:21,748 --> 00:05:23,941 - Did you? - Not a peep. 121 00:05:23,942 --> 00:05:26,534 Unless he's the one who's been leaving notes on my car 122 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,703 saying "learn how to park." 123 00:05:29,405 --> 00:05:31,281 But it's weird. Isn't it? 124 00:05:31,282 --> 00:05:33,862 He lived with us for, like, three years. 125 00:05:33,863 --> 00:05:37,371 Yeah, he drove me to dressage every week in junior high, 126 00:05:37,372 --> 00:05:40,032 and then he just... disappeared. 127 00:05:40,033 --> 00:05:41,600 He wasn't there when I finally got Princess Pamplemousse 128 00:05:41,601 --> 00:05:42,960 to do the moonwalk. 129 00:05:42,961 --> 00:05:46,046 That's what I'm saying, he could have kept being our dad-not-dad, 130 00:05:46,047 --> 00:05:47,875 but he straight bailed. 131 00:05:48,829 --> 00:05:50,275 What if it's us? 132 00:05:50,276 --> 00:05:51,541 What? 133 00:05:51,542 --> 00:05:54,262 What if the reason Mom neglected us 134 00:05:54,263 --> 00:05:57,141 and Lou vanished us is that we've always sucked? 135 00:05:57,142 --> 00:05:58,795 (LAUGHS): No. 136 00:05:58,796 --> 00:06:01,517 I was the perfect, special girl. 137 00:06:01,518 --> 00:06:02,924 I... 138 00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,234 Let's go ask him. 139 00:06:07,893 --> 00:06:10,404 Mom misremembers everything about our childhoods. 140 00:06:10,405 --> 00:06:12,614 She showed me a photo of her and Christina Ricci 141 00:06:12,615 --> 00:06:14,908 on the set of Mermaids and told me it was us 142 00:06:14,909 --> 00:06:16,790 on vacation in Orlando. 143 00:06:16,791 --> 00:06:18,576 Yes! Let's do it. 144 00:06:18,577 --> 00:06:21,204 Lou was always honest with us, no matter... 145 00:06:21,205 --> 00:06:23,098 - and there's his dick. Okay. - Oh. 146 00:06:30,713 --> 00:06:32,654 WHITNEY: Gretchen. 147 00:06:32,655 --> 00:06:34,656 (QUIETLY): Balls. 148 00:06:34,657 --> 00:06:37,326 Yes. Gretchen is me. 149 00:06:37,327 --> 00:06:39,119 I mean, I. 150 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,354 - Whitney. - Oh. 151 00:06:47,897 --> 00:06:49,367 Hmm. 152 00:06:50,936 --> 00:06:55,135 I hope you don't mind, but I did a little research on you. 153 00:06:55,853 --> 00:06:59,222 You post to Urban Dictionary a lot. 154 00:06:59,223 --> 00:07:00,891 People got to know. 155 00:07:00,892 --> 00:07:03,170 You don't want people walking around not knowing what you mean 156 00:07:03,171 --> 00:07:04,841 when you tell them you just skunked a creamer. 157 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:08,946 Um, did you know there's a 14-year-old girl 158 00:07:08,947 --> 00:07:10,213 with your name? 159 00:07:10,214 --> 00:07:12,363 That is also me. 160 00:07:12,364 --> 00:07:15,435 I use "Lil' Gretch" to catch pedophiles 161 00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:18,704 and occasionally cyberbully Elle Fanning. 162 00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:20,372 Can I get you ladies a drink? 163 00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:22,041 Just an iced hibiscus tea. 164 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:25,586 I'll have a Long Island... juice. 165 00:07:25,587 --> 00:07:27,229 (RINGTONE PLAYS) 166 00:07:27,230 --> 00:07:28,348 Oh, sorry. 167 00:07:31,108 --> 00:07:32,619 I got to take this. 168 00:07:33,896 --> 00:07:34,932 What? 169 00:07:34,933 --> 00:07:35,985 (WHISPERS): Hey. 170 00:07:35,986 --> 00:07:38,249 Double shot of Patr�n in my juice? 171 00:07:38,975 --> 00:07:40,768 And if you narc on me, I will cut you. 172 00:07:41,921 --> 00:07:43,395 (QUIETLY): Okay. 173 00:07:43,915 --> 00:07:45,065 (SIGHS) 174 00:07:46,794 --> 00:07:48,794 Sunday Funday! 175 00:07:48,795 --> 00:07:50,712 Better than a Monday! 176 00:07:50,713 --> 00:07:55,200 Can only do it one way, and that is the drunk way! 177 00:07:55,201 --> 00:07:57,453 - Gag. - Really. 178 00:07:57,454 --> 00:08:00,623 My friends are all a bit posh. Try not to embarrass me. 179 00:08:00,624 --> 00:08:02,625 (SCOFFS) I am here to binge drink, 180 00:08:02,626 --> 00:08:05,311 read the Guardian on my phone, and stumble home. 181 00:08:05,312 --> 00:08:07,896 I don't make friends. 182 00:08:07,897 --> 00:08:10,633 Oh! This is Charlie, Mariel and Flynn. 183 00:08:10,634 --> 00:08:12,301 - Guys, Jimmy. - Hello. 184 00:08:12,302 --> 00:08:13,735 Oh, six mimosas. 185 00:08:13,736 --> 00:08:15,721 Actually, just bring a bottle of champagne 186 00:08:15,722 --> 00:08:17,289 - and a pitcher of juice. - Mm-hmm. 187 00:08:18,659 --> 00:08:20,517 - What do you do, Jimmy? - Novelist. 188 00:08:20,518 --> 00:08:21,960 - How do you know Katherine? - Back home. 189 00:08:27,051 --> 00:08:30,235 Same question, politely directed back at you. 190 00:08:30,236 --> 00:08:33,238 Well, actually, we all met after Mariel gave a TED Talk 191 00:08:33,239 --> 00:08:35,090 about habit persistence. 192 00:08:35,091 --> 00:08:36,492 I'm a macro-economist. 193 00:08:36,493 --> 00:08:39,828 Halfway interesting. What about you two? 194 00:08:39,829 --> 00:08:41,204 Architecture critic for the Times. 195 00:08:41,205 --> 00:08:42,539 I work at JPL. 196 00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:43,916 Tell Jimmy about your robot. 197 00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:45,697 I don't want to bore the guy. 198 00:08:45,698 --> 00:08:46,919 I'm building 199 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,505 a self-guided cryobot to drill the ice deposits on Mars. 200 00:08:49,506 --> 00:08:52,091 - It's got spider legs. - What?! 201 00:08:52,092 --> 00:08:54,259 - So, tell us about your book. - Oh, it's just a spank book. 202 00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:56,095 Nobody's read it with dry hands. 203 00:08:56,096 --> 00:08:57,554 Oh, you'll appreciate this. 204 00:08:57,555 --> 00:09:00,557 I wrote most of it in a tree house I designed. 205 00:09:00,558 --> 00:09:03,393 Hammered it together and everything, with the big nails. 206 00:09:03,394 --> 00:09:05,145 Did you hear the ad for next week's "Tip of My Tongue"? 207 00:09:05,146 --> 00:09:07,981 - That Tommy Vietor is so witty. - Hush. 208 00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:09,608 So, what are you guys all doing later? 209 00:09:09,609 --> 00:09:12,235 Heading to Pour Haus to taste their Uco Valley Malbecs. 210 00:09:12,236 --> 00:09:14,463 Then, we have a reservation for an escape room. 211 00:09:14,464 --> 00:09:16,156 It's labeled "impossible," but we'll see about that. 212 00:09:16,157 --> 00:09:17,407 (LAUGHTER) 213 00:09:17,408 --> 00:09:18,825 And the Astrid Jorgen, 214 00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,494 the Greenlandic Scream-Singer, 215 00:09:20,495 --> 00:09:22,037 is performing in Chinatown. 216 00:09:22,038 --> 00:09:23,563 Would you want to come? 217 00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:26,208 Wish he could, but you're busy today, aren't you, Jimmy? 218 00:09:26,209 --> 00:09:28,085 Never! If I'm being honest, 219 00:09:28,086 --> 00:09:30,713 I basically do nothing most of the time. 220 00:09:30,714 --> 00:09:33,815 Yesterday, I nodded off halfway through second breakfast. 221 00:09:40,457 --> 00:09:42,824 I almost wonder if I should take this and sell it on eBay. 222 00:09:42,825 --> 00:09:43,892 Ooh. 223 00:09:43,893 --> 00:09:45,602 - Huh. - No, '80s. 224 00:09:45,603 --> 00:09:47,662 - Becca! Lindsay! - (LINDSAY GASPS) 225 00:09:47,663 --> 00:09:50,232 This is my car! 226 00:09:50,233 --> 00:09:51,500 Wow. 227 00:09:51,501 --> 00:09:53,402 This is a total panty-soaker. 228 00:09:53,403 --> 00:09:56,029 They threw in the Teen Safety Package for free. 229 00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:58,448 So, my phone won't work while the engine's on, 230 00:09:58,449 --> 00:10:01,410 and it beeps if I swear. Max says... 231 00:10:01,411 --> 00:10:02,619 "Max says, Max says." 232 00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:05,347 Lindsay says it makes you look doable. 233 00:10:05,348 --> 00:10:06,456 But we do it all the time. 234 00:10:06,457 --> 00:10:07,733 Ugh. Please stop. 235 00:10:08,852 --> 00:10:09,876 (SQUEALS, WHOOPS) 236 00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:12,212 JIMMY: Okay, uh, careful, please. 237 00:10:12,213 --> 00:10:15,841 - Gentle, be gentle. - How'd you nab a future car? 238 00:10:15,842 --> 00:10:19,052 Well, um, with my, uh, spotty credit history, 239 00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:22,472 I had to take out a seven-year loan with 20% APR. 240 00:10:22,473 --> 00:10:24,933 And as soon as I put my foot on the gas, 241 00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:26,393 it started depreciating. 242 00:10:26,394 --> 00:10:28,395 Well, I "de-preciate" this car. 243 00:10:28,396 --> 00:10:29,730 Maybe I should cut my losses, return it, 244 00:10:29,731 --> 00:10:31,039 and get something reasonable. 245 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,315 I'm just a grunt... 246 00:10:32,316 --> 00:10:34,676 - Why is he still talking? - Bored. Drive now. 247 00:10:35,963 --> 00:10:38,046 (SLURPING) 248 00:10:38,047 --> 00:10:40,490 Jesus Christ, my job is a mess. 249 00:10:40,491 --> 00:10:41,784 And I'm still trying to figure out 250 00:10:41,785 --> 00:10:43,051 the vacation hand-off with Boone. 251 00:10:43,052 --> 00:10:45,786 And Neil keeps bugging me about wanting braces. 252 00:10:45,787 --> 00:10:47,289 I'm sorry, would... 253 00:10:47,290 --> 00:10:49,666 would you mind if I ordered a drink? 254 00:10:49,667 --> 00:10:50,917 Drinking during the day? 255 00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:53,086 Bring us two alcoholic drinks. 256 00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:55,297 - The same as...? - Yes, the same as each other. 257 00:10:55,298 --> 00:10:56,465 Ketel One martini with a twist. 258 00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:57,732 I don't even know what that is. 259 00:10:57,733 --> 00:10:58,984 Two of those. 260 00:11:01,071 --> 00:11:03,513 I thought the pain of divorce would end with the papers, 261 00:11:03,514 --> 00:11:06,349 but a breakup is the gift that keeps on giving. 262 00:11:06,350 --> 00:11:08,081 Amen to that. 263 00:11:09,188 --> 00:11:10,896 So... what are the other questions 264 00:11:10,897 --> 00:11:12,377 you have on your list? 265 00:11:12,378 --> 00:11:14,355 You could tell I had a list? 266 00:11:15,469 --> 00:11:17,029 I copied it from a blog. 267 00:11:17,737 --> 00:11:19,002 Okay. 268 00:11:20,364 --> 00:11:24,355 "True or false: dinosaur bones are a lie sent by the devil." 269 00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,095 Guess it was a Christian blog? 270 00:11:27,096 --> 00:11:28,930 Bible's got some horny parts. 271 00:11:28,931 --> 00:11:30,265 (LAUGHS) 272 00:11:30,266 --> 00:11:32,567 (GASPS) Mmm. 273 00:11:48,452 --> 00:11:50,644 - Hey! - (BOTH GASP) 274 00:11:50,645 --> 00:11:52,604 Stay away from those lemons! 275 00:11:52,605 --> 00:11:54,273 Just because they're hanging over the sidewalk, 276 00:11:54,274 --> 00:11:55,457 doesn't mean they're free! 277 00:11:55,458 --> 00:11:56,900 You people act 278 00:11:56,901 --> 00:11:59,444 like I don't need these lemons, but I do. 279 00:11:59,445 --> 00:12:01,215 I need them very badly! 280 00:12:01,976 --> 00:12:03,748 It's Becca and Lindsay. 281 00:12:04,325 --> 00:12:05,659 Cottumaccio. 282 00:12:06,251 --> 00:12:07,900 You railed our mom. 283 00:12:07,901 --> 00:12:10,856 Sorry, you railed our mother, in the '90s? 284 00:12:13,861 --> 00:12:14,877 Oh, my God. 285 00:12:14,878 --> 00:12:16,295 Mm. 286 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,390 Becca? Lindsay? 287 00:12:21,259 --> 00:12:23,135 (LAUGHING) 288 00:12:23,927 --> 00:12:25,095 Oh... 289 00:12:25,096 --> 00:12:27,072 ? ? 290 00:12:30,961 --> 00:12:33,312 Mmm! This is good. 291 00:12:33,313 --> 00:12:35,814 It's Country Time. My lemons aren't juicing lemons. 292 00:12:36,931 --> 00:12:39,526 So... what happened? 293 00:12:39,527 --> 00:12:42,028 (SIGHS) 294 00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:43,984 I loved your mom. 295 00:12:45,018 --> 00:12:46,700 And when she left me, I was devastated. 296 00:12:46,701 --> 00:12:48,410 I couldn't even stay in the city anymore. 297 00:12:48,411 --> 00:12:49,912 Everything reminded me of her. 298 00:12:49,913 --> 00:12:51,663 One day, I'm sitting on my lanai, 299 00:12:51,664 --> 00:12:53,456 watching my gardeners, 300 00:12:53,457 --> 00:12:56,251 and I thought to myself, "That's what I want to do." 301 00:12:56,252 --> 00:12:58,712 So, I told my agent, "From now on, I'm offer-only," 302 00:12:58,713 --> 00:13:00,689 and I moved out here, and I put all my energy 303 00:13:00,690 --> 00:13:02,215 into my lemon grove. 304 00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:04,217 One thing I know for sure: 305 00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:06,861 lemons won't ever walk out on me. 306 00:13:06,862 --> 00:13:08,931 Then why did you just disappear? 307 00:13:08,932 --> 00:13:10,724 Was it my bed-wetting? Because I stopped 308 00:13:10,725 --> 00:13:12,534 eventually, mostly, sort of. 309 00:13:12,535 --> 00:13:14,786 Your mother forbade me from ever contacting you again. 310 00:13:14,787 --> 00:13:15,930 I thought you knew that. 311 00:13:17,925 --> 00:13:19,358 (SIGHS) 312 00:13:19,359 --> 00:13:22,235 Listening to her is one of my biggest regrets. 313 00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:24,029 That, and turning down Die Hard. 314 00:13:24,030 --> 00:13:26,330 - Why would our mother do that? - I don't know. 315 00:13:26,331 --> 00:13:29,576 I wanted to ask her, but she had moved on to dating John Stamos. 316 00:13:29,577 --> 00:13:31,856 You do not mess with that guy. 317 00:13:31,857 --> 00:13:33,521 I mean, the Beach Boys were so scared of him, 318 00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:35,724 they let him pretend to play bongos on "Kokomo." 319 00:13:37,227 --> 00:13:38,710 Well, I don't buy it. 320 00:13:38,711 --> 00:13:41,279 You don't just walk away from people you love. 321 00:13:41,982 --> 00:13:43,298 What could I do, girls? 322 00:13:43,299 --> 00:13:45,050 I had no choice. 323 00:13:45,795 --> 00:13:46,901 Hey, 324 00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:49,145 I've always wondered... 325 00:13:49,937 --> 00:13:52,398 Did you ever get Princess Pamplemousse to moonwalk? 326 00:13:54,086 --> 00:13:55,468 I did. 327 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,913 Ultimately, it led to a hairline fracture in her shin, 328 00:13:58,914 --> 00:14:00,641 and we had to shoot her, but... 329 00:14:00,642 --> 00:14:03,127 - she got me that blue ribbon. - And, Lindsay, 330 00:14:03,128 --> 00:14:05,421 you had always talked about being a dinosaur. 331 00:14:05,422 --> 00:14:06,647 How'd that go? 332 00:14:06,648 --> 00:14:08,649 (LAUGHS) 333 00:14:08,650 --> 00:14:10,651 So this is Mom's fault. 334 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:12,653 Sorry. 335 00:14:12,654 --> 00:14:15,406 We got to go pour water on a witch. 336 00:14:16,492 --> 00:14:18,392 Thanks, La Bamba-Dad. 337 00:14:18,393 --> 00:14:20,986 Good luck with your lemons. 338 00:14:20,987 --> 00:14:23,414 Oh, I need more than luck. 339 00:14:25,167 --> 00:14:26,333 (EXHALES) 340 00:14:28,729 --> 00:14:31,519 I'm tasting plum, with hints of violet. 341 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,956 And then licorice and, um, barberry. 342 00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:37,842 Hmm, it seems the fruit was harvested too early. 343 00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:39,448 Oh, why do you say that? 344 00:14:39,449 --> 00:14:42,798 Because I'm tasting notes of statutory grape. 345 00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:49,305 Mmm. 346 00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:51,473 (SUSTAINING OFF-KEY NOTE) 347 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:54,251 ? ? 348 00:14:54,252 --> 00:14:55,811 (LAUGHING) 349 00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,947 - Shh! - Shh, shh! 350 00:14:58,923 --> 00:15:02,009 I'm thinking it might be the outside ones that... 351 00:15:02,010 --> 00:15:03,177 You can tilt. 352 00:15:03,178 --> 00:15:05,929 No! No, no, no. 353 00:15:05,930 --> 00:15:08,157 Ooh! (STAMMERS) 354 00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:14,830 (SCREAM-SINGING CONTINUES) 355 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:17,216 (ALL LAUGHING) 356 00:15:20,004 --> 00:15:21,862 Rystar! That says rystar! 357 00:15:21,863 --> 00:15:23,280 Uh, Rystar... knight! 358 00:15:23,281 --> 00:15:24,365 Rystar means knight! 359 00:15:24,366 --> 00:15:25,841 Night! Uh... nighttime! 360 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,176 KATHERINE: No, here, here, here! 361 00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:28,510 Here's the knight, here's the knight! 362 00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:29,578 55! 363 00:15:29,579 --> 00:15:31,205 Ooh, the lock, the lock. 364 00:15:31,206 --> 00:15:32,715 Yeah. 365 00:15:32,716 --> 00:15:34,291 Oh, I can't breathe. 366 00:15:34,292 --> 00:15:36,419 I can't breathe! I can't breathe! 367 00:15:36,420 --> 00:15:39,380 - Photos. - I'm claustrophobic, can you let me out? 368 00:15:39,381 --> 00:15:43,025 - Let me out! - (POUNDING ON DOOR) 369 00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:47,471 Let me out! Let me out! 370 00:15:47,472 --> 00:15:51,200 (BUZZER SOUNDS) 371 00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:52,935 Oy. 372 00:15:52,936 --> 00:15:55,094 Ta-da! I escaped us. 373 00:15:55,095 --> 00:15:57,147 - (SIGHS) - Stupid. 374 00:15:57,911 --> 00:16:00,984 There is this one mom in the PTA 375 00:16:00,985 --> 00:16:04,546 that I think about knifing so much, 376 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:07,366 I should take out a restraining order on me. 377 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,410 You are nuts, hooker! 378 00:16:09,411 --> 00:16:11,662 I used to be fun. 379 00:16:11,663 --> 00:16:16,333 I used to wear low-rise jeans and 'shroom in Joshua Tree. 380 00:16:16,334 --> 00:16:21,255 And now, I have to be the grown-up, but I want to be fun. 381 00:16:21,256 --> 00:16:22,576 Hey, now! 382 00:16:22,577 --> 00:16:26,218 You are just a lady doing her A-plus best. 383 00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:28,910 - Mm-hmm. - I wish I had a mom like you. 384 00:16:28,911 --> 00:16:30,557 Can I call you Mom? 385 00:16:30,558 --> 00:16:32,908 I'm glad Boone found someone nice. 386 00:16:33,915 --> 00:16:37,146 He was so lonely for so long. 387 00:16:37,147 --> 00:16:38,397 Aw. 388 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,216 Let's get another round. (LAUGHS) 389 00:16:40,217 --> 00:16:42,609 (WHISTLES) 390 00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:46,447 One thing I do miss is the spontaneousness. 391 00:16:46,448 --> 00:16:47,948 On our second date, Boone drove us 392 00:16:47,949 --> 00:16:49,199 (DISTORTED): to Portland to... 393 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,111 GRETCHEN: No. Gretch, don't black out. 394 00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,121 (VOICE ECHOING INDISTINCTLY) 395 00:16:54,122 --> 00:16:58,267 GRETCHEN: Not now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! (GRUNTS) 396 00:17:01,372 --> 00:17:05,107 (WHITNEY MOANING) 397 00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:12,865 Oh. Mmm. 398 00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:16,226 GRETCHEN: Oh, God. 399 00:17:16,585 --> 00:17:19,337 Oh, no. Why is this? 400 00:17:19,338 --> 00:17:21,115 Harder! 401 00:17:22,426 --> 00:17:24,109 (WHITNEY MOANING) 402 00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:25,294 (GIGGLING): Oh, God. 403 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:26,987 This is fun. 404 00:17:26,988 --> 00:17:28,739 I feel fun! (LAUGHING) 405 00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:31,658 Oh, oh, oh, oh, no... 406 00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:33,243 Here I go. Here I go. 407 00:17:33,244 --> 00:17:34,620 Oh... 408 00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:37,748 Boomtown! (SCREAMS) 409 00:17:37,749 --> 00:17:39,708 Oh... 410 00:17:39,709 --> 00:17:42,478 (MOUTHING) 411 00:17:47,250 --> 00:17:49,397 JIMMY (LAUGHING): Statutory grape. 412 00:17:49,398 --> 00:17:52,401 I should sell that one to the funny-pages. 413 00:17:52,402 --> 00:17:54,654 Edgar, call a tow truck. 414 00:17:54,655 --> 00:17:58,407 Someone's left a try-hardy luxury sedan in my car park. 415 00:17:58,408 --> 00:18:00,493 Actually, that's mine. 416 00:18:00,494 --> 00:18:02,339 But... you're poor. 417 00:18:02,340 --> 00:18:04,372 I'm not poor. I'm a writer now. 418 00:18:04,373 --> 00:18:07,183 That doesn't matter. You have poor brain. 419 00:18:07,184 --> 00:18:09,669 Do you know how I know? Because I have poor brain. 420 00:18:09,670 --> 00:18:11,421 - Jimmy! - Do you know what I did with 421 00:18:11,422 --> 00:18:13,422 the outsized advance for my first book? 422 00:18:13,423 --> 00:18:15,925 I bought a house that I couldn't afford. 423 00:18:15,926 --> 00:18:20,274 I got an FHA loan, so I only put down 3.5%, 424 00:18:20,275 --> 00:18:23,533 but it's an ARM on a balloon structure, 425 00:18:23,534 --> 00:18:25,368 which means by the end of next year, 426 00:18:25,369 --> 00:18:28,020 I may have to burn it for the insurance, 427 00:18:28,021 --> 00:18:29,775 which I do not have. 428 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:31,774 Return the car. 429 00:18:31,775 --> 00:18:33,206 No, Jimmy. 430 00:18:33,207 --> 00:18:35,485 You forfeited your right to tell me what to do. 431 00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:43,869 (SIGHS) 432 00:18:43,870 --> 00:18:46,022 (PHONE VIBRATES) 433 00:18:47,275 --> 00:18:48,348 (PHONE BEEPS) 434 00:18:49,882 --> 00:18:51,794 Maximus. 435 00:18:52,455 --> 00:18:53,980 Oh, the whip? 436 00:18:58,162 --> 00:19:00,680 You got to come check it out. 437 00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:04,450 I am so glad you suggested I buy it. 438 00:19:05,953 --> 00:19:10,456 Hell yeah, I sprung for the all-vegan leather package. (LAUGHS) 439 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,111 Mom! We're coming in! 440 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,545 (GASPS) 441 00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:18,114 Hi, girls. 442 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:22,285 So, wait, you dated John Stamos, then Dave Coulier? 443 00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:25,113 That is not the direction it's supposed to go. 444 00:19:25,114 --> 00:19:26,214 I know. 445 00:19:26,215 --> 00:19:27,873 LINDSAY: What's going on here? 446 00:19:27,874 --> 00:19:30,376 Why is La Bamba-Dad in your house-car? 447 00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:32,227 And which is it, a house or a car? 448 00:19:32,228 --> 00:19:33,921 And where does the poop go? 449 00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:36,132 Your visit inspired me to reach out to Faye 450 00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,633 after all these years. 451 00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,885 I'm so glad you all reconnected. 452 00:19:39,886 --> 00:19:41,971 Well, we're glad too, Mom. 453 00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:44,316 Because we started to think the reason we never heard from him 454 00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:45,821 was because there was something wrong with us. 455 00:19:45,822 --> 00:19:47,825 But, now we know, there's nothing wrong with me at all. 456 00:19:47,826 --> 00:19:50,606 He told us you forbidded him from ever contacting us. 457 00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,999 - (KNOCK ON DOOR) - WOMAN: We're inviting first team, Faye. 458 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,410 Well? 459 00:19:55,213 --> 00:19:56,829 It's true. I did. 460 00:19:56,830 --> 00:19:58,503 Why would you do that? 461 00:19:58,504 --> 00:20:00,666 Because I could see how close you all were getting, 462 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:03,269 and I knew it wasn't going to last between Lou and me. 463 00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:05,104 I did it to protect you. 464 00:20:05,105 --> 00:20:07,840 - (KNOCK ON DOOR) - WOMAN: Cameras are ready, Faye. 465 00:20:07,841 --> 00:20:09,133 - Will you give us a second?! - We are very busy 466 00:20:09,134 --> 00:20:10,276 blaming our mother for everything! 467 00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:11,995 - This is very, very important! - Go, go, go! 468 00:20:14,114 --> 00:20:15,765 You two are adults. 469 00:20:15,766 --> 00:20:17,507 You're goddamned baked. 470 00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:20,119 If your lives are a mess, you figure it out. 471 00:20:23,124 --> 00:20:24,124 (SCOFFS) 472 00:20:29,798 --> 00:20:30,964 She's right, you know. 473 00:20:31,658 --> 00:20:34,347 Instead of sitting around being angry at your mom, 474 00:20:34,348 --> 00:20:36,411 I decided to buy some land in the country 475 00:20:36,412 --> 00:20:38,788 and focus my energy on growing a real orchard. 476 00:20:38,789 --> 00:20:42,208 And now, I just kick back and wait for La Croix to call. 477 00:20:42,209 --> 00:20:43,709 (SIGHS) 478 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:47,713 You can't solve your problems by blaming the past. 479 00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,199 Then how do we solve them? 480 00:20:51,627 --> 00:20:52,943 You have a kid. 481 00:20:52,945 --> 00:20:54,396 Be a good parent. 482 00:20:54,397 --> 00:20:55,572 Break the cycle. 483 00:20:55,573 --> 00:20:56,865 It's too late. 484 00:20:56,866 --> 00:20:58,867 Vernon's her father. 485 00:20:58,868 --> 00:21:00,702 Tallulah's headed straight for the pole. 486 00:21:00,703 --> 00:21:02,579 What about me? 487 00:21:02,580 --> 00:21:04,247 I don't have a kid. 488 00:21:04,248 --> 00:21:05,818 You were such a giving child. 489 00:21:05,819 --> 00:21:07,016 It's true. 490 00:21:08,010 --> 00:21:10,262 She used to dump her dinner in the toilet 491 00:21:10,263 --> 00:21:12,914 because she felt bad that it only ever got to eat poop. 492 00:21:12,915 --> 00:21:14,883 Maybe you're supposed to help other people. 493 00:21:14,884 --> 00:21:17,093 ? ? 494 00:21:17,094 --> 00:21:18,802 Help people. 495 00:21:20,263 --> 00:21:21,373 Okay. 496 00:21:21,374 --> 00:21:24,267 In fact, you've already started by helping me do something 497 00:21:24,268 --> 00:21:26,102 that I've wanted to do for years, 498 00:21:26,103 --> 00:21:29,497 have sex with your mom one last time. 499 00:21:34,421 --> 00:21:37,906 Your friends are so sophisticated. 500 00:21:37,907 --> 00:21:41,117 You know, my only friends are this divorced girl 501 00:21:41,118 --> 00:21:44,954 with citrus blindness and a redheaded doctor 502 00:21:44,955 --> 00:21:47,015 who might be a legal imbecile. 503 00:21:47,016 --> 00:21:49,626 Are they, uh, available tomorrow? 504 00:21:49,627 --> 00:21:51,770 I'm not bringing you around my friends again. 505 00:21:55,097 --> 00:21:56,397 What? 506 00:21:56,790 --> 00:21:58,009 They didn't like me? 507 00:21:58,010 --> 00:21:59,969 You behaved like a complete rube. 508 00:21:59,970 --> 00:22:02,305 You were our redheaded doctor! 509 00:22:02,306 --> 00:22:05,392 Jimmy, I moved across the world on purpose. 510 00:22:05,393 --> 00:22:07,936 All you do is remind me of the past. 511 00:22:07,937 --> 00:22:09,855 Bye, Jimmy. 512 00:22:10,919 --> 00:22:11,946 Wait. 513 00:22:15,577 --> 00:22:17,302 Can we still go to JPL? 514 00:22:17,304 --> 00:22:18,779 I want to see the spider robot. 515 00:22:19,716 --> 00:22:21,883 ? ? 516 00:22:28,942 --> 00:22:30,750 Ah. 517 00:22:30,751 --> 00:22:32,210 Mmm! 518 00:22:32,212 --> 00:22:35,354 Right? It's like getting drunk on salsa. 519 00:22:35,356 --> 00:22:36,978 - (CHUCKLES) - (PHONE CHIMES) 520 00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:38,980 _ 521 00:22:39,202 --> 00:22:42,429 Oh, um, Whitney texted the okay. 522 00:22:42,430 --> 00:22:44,205 She really, really likes you. 523 00:22:46,042 --> 00:22:47,934 Oh, that's such good news. 524 00:22:47,935 --> 00:22:50,578 Also, they refunded me the seven bucks for The Babadook. 525 00:22:50,579 --> 00:22:52,454 Suckers! 526 00:22:53,274 --> 00:22:54,749 Ah. 527 00:22:54,750 --> 00:22:55,783 Ah... 528 00:22:55,860 --> 00:22:58,406 _ 529 00:22:59,506 --> 00:23:02,157 Good job, you. She's a tough nut to crack. 530 00:23:02,158 --> 00:23:03,867 I had to go deep. 531 00:23:03,868 --> 00:23:06,870 Really knuckle down. 532 00:23:06,871 --> 00:23:08,887 (QUIETLY): Boomtown. 533 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:13,960 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 534 00:23:14,010 --> 00:23:18,560 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37346

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