Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,000
Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:07,230 --> 00:00:08,464
Okay, give it to me.
3
00:00:08,532 --> 00:00:10,300
What...
4
00:00:10,367 --> 00:00:11,801
Honey, what the
hell are you doing?
5
00:00:11,869 --> 00:00:13,069
It's 4:00
in the morning.
6
00:00:13,137 --> 00:00:15,538
God! You know, I was just
trying to get a head start
7
00:00:15,606 --> 00:00:17,840
Getting things ready
for the baby shower.
8
00:00:17,908 --> 00:00:19,776
There is so much to do.
9
00:00:19,843 --> 00:00:21,644
Because I have
40 people coming.
10
00:00:21,712 --> 00:00:23,045
How long have you
been up, Joy?
11
00:00:23,113 --> 00:00:24,747
I don't know.
Couple hours.
12
00:00:24,815 --> 00:00:27,250
But, you know, Eddie, we're gonna have
to get used to this schedule anyway,
13
00:00:27,317 --> 00:00:29,552
'cause this is what it's gonna
be like when the baby arrives.
14
00:00:29,620 --> 00:00:31,854
Joy, we're not the
parents this time.
15
00:00:31,922 --> 00:00:34,056
Doug and Ally
stay up all night.
16
00:00:34,124 --> 00:00:35,291
They raise the baby.
17
00:00:35,359 --> 00:00:38,127
You and I, see, we get
to sleep through the night
18
00:00:38,195 --> 00:00:41,297
So we can wake up rested
and then spoil the baby.
19
00:00:41,365 --> 00:00:43,733
Trust Doug and Ally
with my grandchild?
20
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,301
I don't think so.
21
00:00:45,369 --> 00:00:48,070
All right, look, I know
Doug is a bit of a wacko,
22
00:00:48,138 --> 00:00:51,674
But our little girl is a stable
and...and a good kid and...
23
00:00:51,742 --> 00:00:55,344
Yeah, as long as she's not responsible
for another living creature.
24
00:00:55,412 --> 00:00:58,681
Do you remember how many pets
are buried in our backyard?
25
00:00:58,749 --> 00:01:01,350
When it rains, the lawn
shakes itself off.
26
00:01:02,386 --> 00:01:04,754
Ok, look. You wanna
stay up, stay up.
27
00:01:04,821 --> 00:01:05,821
I don't care.
28
00:01:05,889 --> 00:01:08,791
Okay. Listen, I...
I gotta make a list
29
00:01:08,859 --> 00:01:11,460
Of all the lists
I have to make.
30
00:01:11,528 --> 00:01:14,563
Honey, look,
I hesitate to say this,
31
00:01:14,631 --> 00:01:16,699
But don't you think
you're getting
32
00:01:16,767 --> 00:01:19,568
A little carried away
with all this stuff?
33
00:01:19,636 --> 00:01:23,172
You do have the tendency
to do that a lot.
34
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,274
No. Come on. I'm fine.
35
00:01:26,343 --> 00:01:29,378
Oh! 200 eggs to devil.
36
00:01:38,221 --> 00:01:39,522
Babe, are you awake?
37
00:01:39,589 --> 00:01:41,157
What?
38
00:01:41,224 --> 00:01:43,059
Are you awake?
39
00:01:43,126 --> 00:01:45,828
I am now.
40
00:01:45,896 --> 00:01:48,731
What's wrong?
Why are you awake?
41
00:01:48,799 --> 00:01:51,000
Well, the vacuuming
woke me up,
42
00:01:51,068 --> 00:01:53,336
But then I started
worrying about something.
43
00:01:53,403 --> 00:01:55,504
Oh! I know, Doug.
44
00:01:55,572 --> 00:01:58,040
Will there ever be
another "star wars" movie?
45
00:01:58,108 --> 00:02:00,176
Don't worry.
There won't be.
46
00:02:01,211 --> 00:02:02,244
No. No, besides that.
47
00:02:02,312 --> 00:02:04,413
I'm worried that
there's gonna be
48
00:02:04,481 --> 00:02:06,716
A big show about you
havin' a baby,
49
00:02:06,783 --> 00:02:09,318
And then the baby'll never
appear on camera again,
50
00:02:09,386 --> 00:02:11,253
Because that's what
happens in sitcoms.
51
00:02:11,321 --> 00:02:13,956
Baby's born, and then
you don't see it
52
00:02:14,024 --> 00:02:16,292
Until it's 4 years old
and sarcastic.
53
00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:20,062
Oh, honey, I think it's time
you go see Dr. Bialik again.
54
00:02:20,130 --> 00:02:22,999
That's fine, because I
like my scenes with her.
55
00:02:23,066 --> 00:02:27,436
In fact, I don't know why
she doesn't have her own show.
56
00:02:27,504 --> 00:02:28,738
Oh, you should tell her that.
57
00:02:28,805 --> 00:02:30,740
I'm sure she'd be
pleased to hear it.
58
00:02:30,807 --> 00:02:32,775
I mean, "Blossom"
was a great show.
59
00:02:32,843 --> 00:02:35,244
It has Joey Lawrence, who
was really good-lookin',
60
00:02:35,312 --> 00:02:36,345
And he said, "whoa,"
61
00:02:36,413 --> 00:02:38,914
And, it had Blossom's
best friend, Six,
62
00:02:38,982 --> 00:02:42,518
Played by Jenna von Oy, who
was really cute and sassy,
63
00:02:42,586 --> 00:02:45,121
And her brother Anthony,
who conquered drug addiction
64
00:02:45,188 --> 00:02:46,422
And became a paramedic.
65
00:02:46,490 --> 00:02:49,125
Did you know that his name
is, Michael Stoyanov
66
00:02:49,192 --> 00:02:50,593
And he's still an actor?
67
00:02:50,660 --> 00:02:53,929
In fact, he played one of the
clowns in "the dark knight."
68
00:02:53,997 --> 00:02:56,365
Well, why do you know
so much about "blossom"?
69
00:02:56,433 --> 00:02:58,401
I don't know.
70
00:02:58,468 --> 00:03:01,470
I didn't know anything
about it until this episode.
71
00:03:07,744 --> 00:03:10,079
Is the coast clear?
Baby shower over?
72
00:03:10,147 --> 00:03:11,781
Yes, it is.
73
00:03:11,848 --> 00:03:15,251
Wow! For the first time, the
carpet matches the drapes.
74
00:03:18,055 --> 00:03:20,523
How did we do?
How was the take?
75
00:03:20,590 --> 00:03:23,726
How was the haul? How
much loot did we make?
76
00:03:23,794 --> 00:03:25,895
Oh, little bit
underwhelming, I would say.
77
00:03:25,962 --> 00:03:28,664
We... well, we got
a bunch of rattles.
78
00:03:28,732 --> 00:03:31,400
And a highchair,
a year's supply of diapers,
79
00:03:31,468 --> 00:03:33,669
And a pair
of flammable pajamas.
80
00:03:33,737 --> 00:03:35,971
Mom, I don't know why
you're being so negative.
81
00:03:36,039 --> 00:03:37,673
I mean, aside from
the flammable pajamas,
82
00:03:37,741 --> 00:03:39,141
We could use
all this stuff.
83
00:03:39,209 --> 00:03:40,376
Hey, everybody!
84
00:03:40,444 --> 00:03:43,446
So, I'm not familiar
with baby showers.
85
00:03:43,513 --> 00:03:45,481
Is this...is this
good or bad?
86
00:03:45,549 --> 00:03:47,616
Bad. But hardly
anyone showed up.
87
00:03:47,684 --> 00:03:49,552
You guys didn't want
to invite anybody,
88
00:03:49,619 --> 00:03:51,687
And apparently Eddie and I
have no friends.
89
00:03:51,755 --> 00:03:54,223
What about the
Woodcocks or Kenny?
90
00:03:54,291 --> 00:03:57,426
And the other 5 girls
who've played Ally?
91
00:03:57,494 --> 00:04:01,030
How about the, rich neighbor
next door and his hot wife,
92
00:04:01,098 --> 00:04:04,767
Or was it too expensive to
fly 'em out from New York?
93
00:04:04,835 --> 00:04:07,303
He's having a relapse of sitcomosis.
94
00:04:07,370 --> 00:04:08,704
He's seeing
Dr. Bialik.
95
00:04:08,772 --> 00:04:10,973
I already made an appointment for him.
96
00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:12,908
Yeah, not that it's
gonna make any difference,
97
00:04:12,976 --> 00:04:15,478
Because when we're not on
camera, none of us exist.
98
00:04:15,545 --> 00:04:19,381
Ok, Doug, for the last time,
we are not in a sitcom,
99
00:04:19,449 --> 00:04:21,350
And we exist
all the time.
100
00:04:21,418 --> 00:04:24,220
Ok, then why do I have these
giant gaps in my memory?
101
00:04:24,287 --> 00:04:26,422
Oh, I'd like to take a crack at that.
102
00:04:26,490 --> 00:04:28,757
Could it be because
all the weed you smoked?
103
00:04:28,825 --> 00:04:31,660
Okay. You see? How come we
can't even have a conversation
104
00:04:31,728 --> 00:04:32,962
And talk like
normal people?
105
00:04:33,029 --> 00:04:35,731
How come everything has to
be part of a running gag?
106
00:04:35,799 --> 00:04:37,533
Maybe because you're
a walking joke.
107
00:04:40,003 --> 00:04:41,637
I'll go talk to him.
108
00:04:41,705 --> 00:04:45,074
He always gets like this
toward the end of the season.
109
00:04:45,142 --> 00:04:46,575
Not like I would know.
110
00:04:46,643 --> 00:04:49,311
Yeah, because you
weren't here last season.
111
00:04:49,379 --> 00:04:50,846
Okay, honey. Come on!
112
00:04:57,937 --> 00:05:01,139
I'm telling you, Whitey, her behavior's
getting more and more manic.
113
00:05:01,207 --> 00:05:03,808
She's up all hours of the
night doing housekeeping
114
00:05:03,876 --> 00:05:05,544
Or working on
her crazy lists
115
00:05:05,611 --> 00:05:06,945
Or obsessing
about the baby.
116
00:05:07,013 --> 00:05:08,647
That's not
unusual, Eddie.
117
00:05:08,714 --> 00:05:10,615
It's called maternal
transference.
118
00:05:10,683 --> 00:05:12,951
For instance, when
my sister got pregnant,
119
00:05:13,019 --> 00:05:14,486
My mother started lactating.
120
00:05:14,554 --> 00:05:19,191
On the upside, I didn't have to
pay for half-and-half for 6 months.
121
00:05:19,258 --> 00:05:20,792
Look at this crazy
list she made here
122
00:05:20,860 --> 00:05:22,794
Of all the stuff she
wants to get the baby.
123
00:05:24,130 --> 00:05:26,164
And everything on this
list, the best money can buy.
124
00:05:26,232 --> 00:05:27,933
Why does it have to be the
best? We're not the best.
125
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,268
Why can't it be,
pretty good
126
00:05:30,336 --> 00:05:32,971
Or not bad if you're
feelin' flush, right?
127
00:05:33,039 --> 00:05:34,940
And look at this
baby stroller.
128
00:05:35,007 --> 00:05:37,008
This costs more
than my first car.
129
00:05:37,076 --> 00:05:39,544
Yet she still buys me
generic heart medicine.
130
00:05:39,612 --> 00:05:43,181
Well, it's a stokke. That's
the best you can get there.
131
00:05:43,249 --> 00:05:47,052
You get disc brakes and a rollover
bar, a chemical toilet onboard.
132
00:05:47,119 --> 00:05:49,054
Well, how do you
know about this?
133
00:05:49,121 --> 00:05:51,223
I have one.
Why would you have one?
134
00:05:51,290 --> 00:05:54,059
I collect things
with wheels, Eddie.
135
00:05:54,126 --> 00:05:56,561
Wow. That's
a lot of things.
136
00:05:56,629 --> 00:05:57,762
Yeah, it sure is.
137
00:05:57,830 --> 00:05:59,798
You got cheese
and hamster and ferris.
138
00:05:59,865 --> 00:06:01,967
There's a whole
round world out there.
139
00:06:02,034 --> 00:06:06,438
Anyway, I would
like to give Doug and Ally,
140
00:06:06,505 --> 00:06:09,174
That stokke as a gift.
141
00:06:09,242 --> 00:06:11,209
Well, are you sure, Whitey?
142
00:06:13,613 --> 00:06:14,479
Whitey?
143
00:06:14,547 --> 00:06:16,748
Yes. Yes, I'm sure.
144
00:06:16,816 --> 00:06:21,419
It would be good for me, and
it would be good for the baby.
145
00:06:21,487 --> 00:06:25,156
Wow. That I... thank you.
You are an amazing friend.
146
00:06:25,224 --> 00:06:28,860
I don't think you and I could be
closer if one of us was a florist.
147
00:06:30,229 --> 00:06:31,162
More coffee?
148
00:06:31,230 --> 00:06:32,430
Appreciate it.
Thank you!
149
00:06:32,498 --> 00:06:33,832
You bet.
150
00:06:33,899 --> 00:06:36,501
So everything
with wheels, huh?
151
00:06:36,569 --> 00:06:37,569
Oh, yeah!
152
00:06:37,637 --> 00:06:40,238
I have spent hours
at the VA hospital.
153
00:06:46,212 --> 00:06:47,379
Joy.
154
00:06:48,681 --> 00:06:50,148
What? Where are you?
155
00:06:50,216 --> 00:06:51,783
I'm in the bathroom.
156
00:06:51,851 --> 00:06:53,418
What's wrong
with the toilet seat?
157
00:06:53,486 --> 00:06:54,953
I can't get it up.
158
00:06:55,021 --> 00:06:57,956
Is that one problem or two?
159
00:06:59,058 --> 00:07:01,293
Stop screwin' around,
Joy. I've gotta pee.
160
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,428
What's wrong with
the toilet seat?
161
00:07:03,496 --> 00:07:05,764
Oh, I put a lock on it.
162
00:07:05,831 --> 00:07:07,098
What?!
163
00:07:07,166 --> 00:07:09,301
I put a lock on it.
164
00:07:09,368 --> 00:07:11,536
Is there something
valuable in there?
165
00:07:12,571 --> 00:07:14,372
No. It's babyproofing.
166
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:15,640
Okay. Listen to me.
167
00:07:15,708 --> 00:07:17,709
I don't
have time for this.
168
00:07:17,777 --> 00:07:19,377
How do you
unlock it?
169
00:07:19,445 --> 00:07:22,280
You put your hand
under the thing,
170
00:07:22,348 --> 00:07:24,816
And then you put
your right index finger,
171
00:07:24,884 --> 00:07:28,586
And you find the little latch,
and you pull the latch forward.
172
00:07:31,757 --> 00:07:33,591
Are you taking a shower?
173
00:07:33,659 --> 00:07:35,493
Part of me is.
174
00:07:38,831 --> 00:07:40,899
Almost done.
175
00:07:46,038 --> 00:07:48,373
Joy-Joy, honey...
176
00:07:48,441 --> 00:07:51,843
We... we have to
have a conversation.
177
00:07:51,911 --> 00:07:54,546
You're out
of your mind.
178
00:07:54,613 --> 00:07:56,381
No, you know what?
No. You're wrong.
179
00:07:56,449 --> 00:07:58,083
I've never been
more in my mind.
180
00:07:58,150 --> 00:08:02,120
If we don't take care of this kid,
then who's gonna take care of it, huh?
181
00:08:02,188 --> 00:08:03,555
Okay, listen to me.
182
00:08:03,622 --> 00:08:08,126
The baby won't even be walking
on his own for at least a year.
183
00:08:08,194 --> 00:08:11,596
We don't have to go around
now and start locking toilets
184
00:08:11,664 --> 00:08:13,965
Or buying everything
that's on your lists.
185
00:08:14,033 --> 00:08:16,901
I wanna do everything
in advance.
186
00:08:16,969 --> 00:08:20,672
Baby, we're gonna have the best
grandchild in the whole world.
187
00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:23,641
He's...he's gonna be
a genius.
188
00:08:23,709 --> 00:08:26,511
Don't say that, Joy.
We don't want a genius.
189
00:08:26,579 --> 00:08:28,847
Geniuses can't deal
with the real world.
190
00:08:28,914 --> 00:08:31,916
They become creeps
or serial killers
191
00:08:31,984 --> 00:08:32,917
And "Simpsons" writers.
192
00:08:32,985 --> 00:08:34,786
What we want,
really, is a kid
193
00:08:34,854 --> 00:08:36,821
Who could throw
a football 80 yards.
194
00:08:36,889 --> 00:08:38,790
We don't want
a baby genius.
195
00:08:38,858 --> 00:08:40,625
We want
a baby Tom Brady.
196
00:08:40,693 --> 00:08:43,261
Why? Because quarterbacks
get to sleep with supermodels.
197
00:08:43,329 --> 00:08:44,362
Do you understand?
198
00:08:44,430 --> 00:08:46,765
Now get in here and help
me unlock the toilet,
199
00:08:46,832 --> 00:08:49,567
Or else you're gonna
have to retile the shower.
200
00:08:59,585 --> 00:09:01,186
This is weird.
201
00:09:01,253 --> 00:09:02,754
Tell me about it.
202
00:09:02,822 --> 00:09:05,357
These people used to be part
of my fake life on "Blossom,"
203
00:09:05,424 --> 00:09:07,759
And now we're sitting here
making a reality show
204
00:09:07,827 --> 00:09:09,561
About people who used
to be on sitcoms.
205
00:09:09,629 --> 00:09:11,863
I mean, it really doesn't
get much weirder than that.
206
00:09:11,931 --> 00:09:14,165
And we're actually
paying to be here.
207
00:09:14,233 --> 00:09:15,400
Oh, shut up, Michael!
208
00:09:15,468 --> 00:09:17,268
Don't tell me to shut up.
I was in "Dark Knight."
209
00:09:17,336 --> 00:09:18,737
Okay, I've seen the film,
like, 10 times.
210
00:09:18,804 --> 00:09:20,271
I still don't know
which clown you were.
211
00:09:20,339 --> 00:09:21,439
The funny one.
212
00:09:21,507 --> 00:09:22,841
They're not supposed
to be funny.
213
00:09:22,908 --> 00:09:24,676
You know, well, it's not
like you been doin' anything.
214
00:09:24,744 --> 00:09:26,177
Ah, actually I did
an episode of "Cold Case."
215
00:09:26,245 --> 00:09:28,146
It was the one about
your missing career.
216
00:09:28,214 --> 00:09:29,147
Oh, bravo!
217
00:09:29,215 --> 00:09:31,383
Oh, and I also did
a "Family Guy."
218
00:09:31,450 --> 00:09:32,384
Really?
219
00:09:32,451 --> 00:09:33,551
Does his wife know?
220
00:09:33,619 --> 00:09:35,553
Wow. That's your joke?
Still got it.
221
00:09:35,621 --> 00:09:37,088
That's the joke? Good.
Zing.
222
00:09:37,156 --> 00:09:38,356
Okay. We're...
223
00:09:38,424 --> 00:09:39,591
We're losing focus here.
224
00:09:39,659 --> 00:09:41,393
We're...we're here
to help Doug.
225
00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:43,728
Who did you play
on the show?
226
00:09:43,796 --> 00:09:46,931
Were you that guy in the
party scene with tobey maguire?
227
00:09:46,999 --> 00:09:49,167
No. I wasn't
on "Blossom."
228
00:09:49,235 --> 00:09:51,269
Why are you here?
Why is he here?
229
00:09:51,337 --> 00:09:55,573
Doug believes that he's
living in a sitcom right now,
230
00:09:55,641 --> 00:09:58,343
So I thought it would be good
for him to see the distinction
231
00:09:58,411 --> 00:10:00,945
Between people who were
actually on a sitcom
232
00:10:01,013 --> 00:10:05,550
Versus the fantasy of believing
you're currently in one.
233
00:10:05,618 --> 00:10:07,252
And you
really believe that?
234
00:10:07,319 --> 00:10:09,721
Yep. I do, actually.
235
00:10:09,789 --> 00:10:11,656
Okay, so when is
your show "on"?
236
00:10:11,724 --> 00:10:14,759
Well, it's not
actually on right now.
237
00:10:14,827 --> 00:10:17,629
Uh, I don't...
I don't think.
238
00:10:17,697 --> 00:10:19,998
Uh, I mean,
239
00:10:20,066 --> 00:10:22,467
We've had a lot of
different time slots
240
00:10:22,535 --> 00:10:24,269
And, like, 5 different actresses
241
00:10:24,336 --> 00:10:25,270
Playing my wife.
242
00:10:25,337 --> 00:10:27,272
You know, we had
a little saying
243
00:10:27,339 --> 00:10:28,740
On the "Dark Knight" set.
244
00:10:28,808 --> 00:10:31,409
If you are not on,
you are not on.
245
00:10:31,477 --> 00:10:34,012
Said that a lot
on "Dark Knight," huh?
246
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,413
That's right.
247
00:10:35,481 --> 00:10:37,882
Christian Bale,
nice guy?
248
00:10:37,950 --> 00:10:40,552
Who?
249
00:10:41,353 --> 00:10:42,520
We're drifting again, folks.
250
00:10:42,588 --> 00:10:44,789
Let's try and focus
on Doug's problem.
251
00:10:44,857 --> 00:10:47,092
I don't really understand
what Doug's problem is.
252
00:10:47,159 --> 00:10:48,426
He's not on a sitcom.
253
00:10:48,494 --> 00:10:51,763
I mean, if he is, he's
on one nobody's ever seen.
254
00:10:51,831 --> 00:10:54,332
But...but sometimes
I see booms or...
255
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,468
Or lighting guys
and stagehands.
256
00:10:56,535 --> 00:10:59,437
Maybe you're on
a Tyler Perry Show.
257
00:10:59,505 --> 00:11:02,373
I don't think so.
258
00:11:04,110 --> 00:11:06,311
Who is this guy?
259
00:11:06,378 --> 00:11:09,180
Oh, this is Gary Shapiro.
He thinks he's Joey.
260
00:11:09,248 --> 00:11:11,349
Listen, Gary, you
may have Joey's hair,
261
00:11:11,417 --> 00:11:13,551
But you sure don't
have his body.
262
00:11:13,619 --> 00:11:16,921
I'm working on it.
Dr. Bialik,
263
00:11:16,989 --> 00:11:19,524
I thought these sessions
were supposed to be supportive.
264
00:11:19,592 --> 00:11:22,060
It's the worst
35 bucks I've ever spent.
265
00:11:22,128 --> 00:11:24,562
35 dollars?
You're charging me 70.
266
00:11:24,630 --> 00:11:25,730
You were
in "dark knight."
267
00:11:25,798 --> 00:11:27,632
I was
clown number 3!
268
00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:29,267
Complain to your agent,
michael, not to me.
269
00:11:29,335 --> 00:11:31,770
If I could get him on the
phone, don't you think I would?
270
00:11:33,005 --> 00:11:34,372
Hey, hey, hey!
Everybody,
271
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,842
I don't think fighting
is gonna help any of us.
272
00:11:37,910 --> 00:11:39,644
Doug is right.
You know, I think
273
00:11:39,712 --> 00:11:42,013
This may not have been
a very good idea.
274
00:11:42,081 --> 00:11:45,150
I thought it would be good to
mix a little reality with fantasy,
275
00:11:45,217 --> 00:11:46,985
But I'm sorry, Doug.
I was wrong.
276
00:11:47,052 --> 00:11:48,086
Yeah, you sure
were, sister.
277
00:11:48,154 --> 00:11:51,322
Can I get a prescription
for percocet?
278
00:11:51,390 --> 00:11:52,690
No.
279
00:11:52,758 --> 00:11:54,826
Then why am I here?
280
00:11:54,894 --> 00:11:56,661
Come on, fake joey.
281
00:11:56,729 --> 00:11:59,931
Let's go get wasted and try
and get on Dr. Drew's show.
282
00:12:04,403 --> 00:12:06,304
Can you validate me?
283
00:12:07,406 --> 00:12:09,107
You're a great actress.
284
00:12:09,175 --> 00:12:11,442
Oh! Thank you.
285
00:12:11,510 --> 00:12:12,443
Good luck, Doug.
286
00:12:12,511 --> 00:12:13,444
Oh, thanks.
287
00:12:13,512 --> 00:12:15,747
Oh, and,
if you ever do
288
00:12:15,815 --> 00:12:17,649
Change wives again on the show,
289
00:12:17,716 --> 00:12:18,716
I'm available.
290
00:12:18,784 --> 00:12:21,519
I could be your wife
number 6. Hello!
291
00:12:21,587 --> 00:12:23,555
Hey! That could happen.
On our show,
292
00:12:23,622 --> 00:12:26,024
We've gone through more
actresses than warren beatty.
293
00:12:27,193 --> 00:12:29,260
Well, here's my card.
294
00:12:29,328 --> 00:12:30,495
Stay in touch.
295
00:12:30,563 --> 00:12:33,698
By the way, you were
always my favorite one.
296
00:12:33,766 --> 00:12:36,401
I always thought
you were the hot one.
297
00:12:39,805 --> 00:12:41,973
Not smart, Doug.
We're done here.
298
00:12:42,041 --> 00:12:43,675
Uh, really?
299
00:12:43,742 --> 00:12:45,310
22 minutes, we gotta
wrap everything up.
300
00:12:45,377 --> 00:12:47,912
Rusty, cue theme song.
301
00:12:57,256 --> 00:12:58,923
Hey, Whitey!
302
00:12:58,991 --> 00:13:00,124
Hi, Joy!
303
00:13:00,192 --> 00:13:02,861
Oh, my God!
It's a stokke.
304
00:13:02,928 --> 00:13:03,862
Yes, it is.
305
00:13:03,929 --> 00:13:07,832
Wow. The kids are
gonna be so stokked.
306
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:09,701
Eddie didn't tell you?
307
00:13:09,768 --> 00:13:11,202
I thought he was
kidding, you know?
308
00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:13,771
I thought it was one of those
jokes you freaks play on each other.
309
00:13:13,839 --> 00:13:15,874
No, Joy. It's no joke.
310
00:13:15,941 --> 00:13:19,210
This is... this is my
little gift to the new baby.
311
00:13:19,278 --> 00:13:21,479
That is an extremely
generous gift.
312
00:13:21,547 --> 00:13:23,548
I mean, these things
cost a fortune.
313
00:13:23,616 --> 00:13:26,117
Oh, no! The cost...
is meaningless
314
00:13:26,185 --> 00:13:29,187
When it comes to the happiness
of Eddie's grandchild.
315
00:13:29,255 --> 00:13:30,555
And my grandchild.
Yeah.
316
00:13:30,623 --> 00:13:32,156
Whatever.
317
00:13:33,392 --> 00:13:36,327
Well, thank you.
I wanna show it to the kids.
318
00:13:36,395 --> 00:13:38,963
Yeah. You know,
one of the great things
319
00:13:39,031 --> 00:13:42,634
About these strollers is they can
also be used as a car seat and...
320
00:13:42,701 --> 00:13:43,534
Bassinet. Yeah!
321
00:13:43,602 --> 00:13:44,569
I know.
It's fabulous.
322
00:13:44,637 --> 00:13:45,570
It's fantastic.
Yeah.
323
00:13:45,638 --> 00:13:46,871
I'm gonna go
show it to Ally.
324
00:13:46,939 --> 00:13:48,306
Okay. You know,
maybe I should show you
325
00:13:48,374 --> 00:13:51,309
How to, you know,
work some of these features.
326
00:13:51,377 --> 00:13:53,544
Oh, you don't
have to show us.
327
00:13:53,612 --> 00:13:55,380
No, we'll...
we'll figure it out.
328
00:13:55,447 --> 00:13:57,515
It was so,
so generous, again,
329
00:13:57,583 --> 00:14:00,318
Of you to give it to...
330
00:14:00,386 --> 00:14:01,819
Us.
331
00:14:01,887 --> 00:14:03,755
All righty.
332
00:14:03,822 --> 00:14:04,989
Okay, then.
333
00:14:06,091 --> 00:14:08,593
So I guess
I'll just go.
334
00:14:08,661 --> 00:14:09,594
Okay.
335
00:14:09,662 --> 00:14:10,595
Yeah. Well,
336
00:14:10,663 --> 00:14:14,065
Good-bye, Cynthia.
337
00:14:14,133 --> 00:14:15,633
My name's Joy.
338
00:14:15,701 --> 00:14:17,635
I wasn't talking to you.
339
00:14:19,972 --> 00:14:24,943
Ally! G-mama
is in the house!
340
00:14:25,010 --> 00:14:26,377
Come in!
341
00:14:26,445 --> 00:14:28,179
Surprise!
342
00:14:28,247 --> 00:14:29,747
Got somethin'
for the baby.
343
00:14:29,815 --> 00:14:32,383
Stop, mom.
Stop right there.
344
00:14:32,451 --> 00:14:33,751
What?
345
00:14:33,819 --> 00:14:36,154
Look at this place. There isn't
any room for anything else.
346
00:14:36,221 --> 00:14:37,922
There isn't even any room for the baby.
347
00:14:37,990 --> 00:14:39,557
Oh, stop it.
Don't be ridiculous.
348
00:14:39,625 --> 00:14:41,559
Once we get everything
out of the boxes
349
00:14:41,627 --> 00:14:43,828
And set it all up,
it's gonna be perfect.
350
00:14:43,896 --> 00:14:46,064
No, no. It's too much.
Look, I don't even know
351
00:14:46,131 --> 00:14:47,632
What to do with half
of this stuff.
352
00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:49,000
I appreciate
what you're doing,
353
00:14:49,068 --> 00:14:51,302
But, you know, I just wanted
a simple papoose sling,
354
00:14:51,370 --> 00:14:52,603
Not some giant stroller.
355
00:14:52,671 --> 00:14:54,572
Ally, your hormones
are going crazy.
356
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:58,009
You don't know what you want.
You need all this stuff.
357
00:14:58,077 --> 00:14:59,277
Read any baby blog.
358
00:14:59,345 --> 00:15:01,879
I didn't have any of this
stuff when I was a baby,
359
00:15:01,947 --> 00:15:02,880
And I turned out fine.
360
00:15:02,948 --> 00:15:04,315
You're homeless
and pregnant.
361
00:15:04,383 --> 00:15:06,784
You're a banjo and a cleft
palate away from "deliverance."
362
00:15:06,852 --> 00:15:10,088
And you've got a banjo.
363
00:15:10,155 --> 00:15:11,889
Come on, babe. Listen.
364
00:15:11,957 --> 00:15:13,891
Your dad and I, we did...
365
00:15:13,959 --> 00:15:16,160
We did a lot
of things wrong.
366
00:15:16,228 --> 00:15:17,562
No. No, you didn't.
367
00:15:17,629 --> 00:15:21,399
I love that beer can mobile
that was strung above my crib.
368
00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:22,500
That wasn't a mobile.
369
00:15:22,568 --> 00:15:24,802
We didn't have room
in the fridge.
370
00:15:24,870 --> 00:15:26,838
Well, look. I'm gonna
be perfectly fine,
371
00:15:26,905 --> 00:15:28,973
And the baby's
gonna be perfectly fine.
372
00:15:29,041 --> 00:15:30,441
There's nothing
to worry about.
373
00:15:30,509 --> 00:15:33,644
I don't think I like
your attitude, young lady.
374
00:15:33,712 --> 00:15:34,779
What?
375
00:15:34,847 --> 00:15:37,215
All this "everything's
gonna be perfectly fine"
376
00:15:37,282 --> 00:15:38,649
La-di-da attitude.
377
00:15:38,717 --> 00:15:41,319
Come on. If the greatest
generation had said,
378
00:15:41,387 --> 00:15:43,921
"everything is gonna be fine,"
after pearl harbor,
379
00:15:43,989 --> 00:15:46,758
We'd all be
speaking japanese.
380
00:15:46,825 --> 00:15:49,694
Are you comparing the fact
that I don't want a stroller
381
00:15:49,762 --> 00:15:50,695
To world war I?
382
00:15:50,763 --> 00:15:52,997
And clearly we've
got to get this kid
383
00:15:53,065 --> 00:15:55,133
Into a better school
than you went to.
384
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,368
Mom, I think you're just
being a little over the top.
385
00:15:57,436 --> 00:16:00,538
Oh, yeah? If I'm over the top,
then you're under the bottom.
386
00:16:00,606 --> 00:16:02,573
Mom, look at this place.
387
00:16:02,641 --> 00:16:05,576
I mean, I think it looks like
the inside of your head right now.
388
00:16:05,644 --> 00:16:08,179
It's cluttered and filled
with unnecessary stuff.
389
00:16:08,247 --> 00:16:09,580
It's just too much.
390
00:16:09,648 --> 00:16:11,849
Okay, this is not clutter.
391
00:16:11,917 --> 00:16:12,784
This is love.
392
00:16:12,851 --> 00:16:14,519
It's clutter.
393
00:16:15,821 --> 00:16:18,122
Doug? Where are you?
394
00:16:18,190 --> 00:16:20,525
I'm on the bed.
I fell asleep,
395
00:16:20,592 --> 00:16:22,727
And then there
was a cave-in.
396
00:16:22,795 --> 00:16:23,961
See? It's too much.
397
00:16:24,029 --> 00:16:26,764
Don't worry, honey.
I'm comin' to get ya.
398
00:16:26,832 --> 00:16:28,766
I can't feel my legs.
399
00:16:36,177 --> 00:16:37,110
Hey, Whitey.
400
00:16:37,178 --> 00:16:38,011
Hi, Eddie.
401
00:16:38,078 --> 00:16:38,879
What's this?
402
00:16:38,946 --> 00:16:42,215
It's a stokke, just exactly
like the one I gave you.
403
00:16:42,283 --> 00:16:44,418
Well, why?
She's not havin' twins.
404
00:16:44,485 --> 00:16:48,689
I know. I need the one
I gave you back... Cynthia.
405
00:16:48,756 --> 00:16:50,624
Why are you
calling me Cynthia?
406
00:16:50,692 --> 00:16:52,159
No, that's
the stroller's name.
407
00:16:52,226 --> 00:16:54,494
Everything I own
has a name, Eddie.
408
00:16:54,562 --> 00:16:59,266
I mean, the gloves are
Johnny Winter and Edgar.
409
00:16:59,333 --> 00:17:01,068
I don't understand.
410
00:17:01,135 --> 00:17:03,837
I'm a hoarder, Eddie.
I am a hoarder.
411
00:17:03,905 --> 00:17:05,505
I hoard things.
412
00:17:05,573 --> 00:17:08,542
I can't let go of anything
I've ever touched.
413
00:17:08,609 --> 00:17:11,645
I mean, you wouldn't believe
my collection of doorknobs
414
00:17:11,713 --> 00:17:14,981
And place mats and lamps and
license plates and eyeglasses
415
00:17:15,049 --> 00:17:17,784
And nude photos
of mailmen and...
416
00:17:17,852 --> 00:17:19,519
Okay, I get it.
I get it.
417
00:17:19,587 --> 00:17:20,721
You're...
you're a hoarder.
418
00:17:20,788 --> 00:17:23,623
Yeah. And I thought
I could get over it,
419
00:17:23,691 --> 00:17:25,992
You know, using my desire
to help you,
420
00:17:26,060 --> 00:17:27,694
But it just didn't work.
421
00:17:27,762 --> 00:17:29,496
Anyway...
422
00:17:29,564 --> 00:17:31,598
My skin has never
touched this stroller,
423
00:17:31,666 --> 00:17:34,501
So I have no emotional
connection. I wonder if you cou...
424
00:17:34,569 --> 00:17:38,138
If you could just trade 'em
out with me, that would be...
425
00:17:38,206 --> 00:17:40,507
Okay. Sure. You want me
to switch the strollers.
426
00:17:40,575 --> 00:17:42,375
Please.
Okay. All right.
427
00:17:42,443 --> 00:17:45,245
I will do that.
I will go get you cindy.
428
00:17:45,313 --> 00:17:47,314
No, no!
It's Cynthia.
429
00:17:47,381 --> 00:17:49,516
Cindy is a bowling ball.
430
00:17:50,918 --> 00:17:53,553
Thanks. And a tip
of the henry to you.
431
00:17:53,621 --> 00:17:55,422
Okay.
432
00:17:58,392 --> 00:17:59,226
Me!
433
00:17:59,293 --> 00:18:00,460
It's open.
434
00:18:00,528 --> 00:18:02,996
Hey, I was gonna
make some lunch...
435
00:18:03,064 --> 00:18:04,798
Where the hell
is everything?
436
00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:06,032
It's in the garage.
437
00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:07,467
Oh, good thinking.
438
00:18:07,535 --> 00:18:08,502
We could paint.
439
00:18:08,569 --> 00:18:11,471
'cause I have an idea
for a cowboy mural.
440
00:18:11,539 --> 00:18:13,673
Or trains.
'cause boys love trains.
441
00:18:13,741 --> 00:18:15,642
No. Mom, no more.
I told you.
442
00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:17,577
I don't want any
more of the stuff.
443
00:18:17,645 --> 00:18:20,847
And I told you that I
want you to have everything,
444
00:18:20,915 --> 00:18:22,849
And I'm bigger than you.
445
00:18:22,917 --> 00:18:23,850
Wait! What is that?
446
00:18:23,918 --> 00:18:25,719
Oh, it's a gift
from uncle Charlie
447
00:18:25,787 --> 00:18:26,653
And his partner
Terrence.
448
00:18:26,721 --> 00:18:27,721
It's called
Bi-curious George.
449
00:18:27,789 --> 00:18:29,556
Let me take him
out of his closet.
450
00:18:29,624 --> 00:18:31,057
He's been there
long enough.
451
00:18:32,794 --> 00:18:34,895
He talks, too.
452
00:18:34,962 --> 00:18:36,463
I need a man
453
00:18:36,531 --> 00:18:39,466
In a big yellow hat.
454
00:18:40,701 --> 00:18:43,036
Huh. God, you know,
I should have thought of that.
455
00:18:43,104 --> 00:18:45,572
I don't know why
I didn't think of that.
456
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,074
Educational toys. I'm gonna
get some more of those.
457
00:18:48,142 --> 00:18:50,043
No, no, mom, stop.
Look, I am the mother.
458
00:18:50,111 --> 00:18:51,578
The mother has control
over the child.
459
00:18:51,646 --> 00:18:53,580
Exactly, and I
am your mother.
460
00:18:53,648 --> 00:18:56,817
That means you do
whatever I tell you to do.
461
00:18:56,884 --> 00:18:57,884
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
462
00:18:57,952 --> 00:19:00,253
No, I don't.
Yes, you do!
463
00:19:00,321 --> 00:19:01,221
Mom, what are
you doing?
464
00:19:01,289 --> 00:19:02,656
I don't know! I'm having
465
00:19:02,723 --> 00:19:05,091
A nervous breakdown because
my baby is having a baby!
466
00:19:05,159 --> 00:19:08,395
I thought that I was ok with all
this, Ally, and I'm really not,
467
00:19:08,462 --> 00:19:12,265
Because now it's real. I mean, a
baby is gonna come out of my Ally.
468
00:19:12,333 --> 00:19:14,935
I mean, not my alley,
but my...your...
469
00:19:15,002 --> 00:19:17,771
You know what I'm saying.
It's gonna come out,
470
00:19:17,839 --> 00:19:19,472
And then what
are we gonna do?
471
00:19:19,540 --> 00:19:22,509
I mean, somebody in this house
is gonna say, "mommy,"
472
00:19:22,577 --> 00:19:24,511
And they're not gonna
be talking to me.
473
00:19:24,579 --> 00:19:26,713
Oh, God, I'm so terrified.
474
00:19:26,781 --> 00:19:28,548
Oh, mom.
475
00:19:30,585 --> 00:19:32,586
Oh, where are you?
I'm here.
476
00:19:32,653 --> 00:19:35,589
Come here. I gotta
talk to you. Come here.
477
00:19:35,656 --> 00:19:36,590
Listen to me.
478
00:19:36,657 --> 00:19:38,592
I have to tell you
something
479
00:19:38,659 --> 00:19:41,027
That nobody
knows about me,
480
00:19:41,095 --> 00:19:44,231
And I've never said this
to anyone ever before.
481
00:19:44,298 --> 00:19:48,168
But I am a little bit
of a control freak.
482
00:19:48,236 --> 00:19:50,003
No, mom. You don't...
483
00:19:50,071 --> 00:19:51,137
Shh! Let me finish!
484
00:19:51,205 --> 00:19:53,673
This whole
baby thing,
485
00:19:53,741 --> 00:19:57,577
It's... it makes me feel
like I'm out of control,
486
00:19:57,645 --> 00:19:58,745
And I'm freaked out.
487
00:19:58,813 --> 00:20:00,714
I mean, not just
a little bit,
488
00:20:00,781 --> 00:20:02,749
But I am
a lot freaked out.
489
00:20:02,817 --> 00:20:05,752
Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm pretty freaked out, too,
490
00:20:05,820 --> 00:20:06,753
A lot.
491
00:20:07,822 --> 00:20:09,289
What a pair we make.
492
00:20:10,358 --> 00:20:12,859
All right.
Well, come here.
493
00:20:12,927 --> 00:20:17,497
I guess we'll just try
to get through this,
494
00:20:17,565 --> 00:20:19,499
This whole thing
together.
495
00:20:19,567 --> 00:20:23,470
And if I ever
get to be too much...
496
00:20:23,537 --> 00:20:24,471
Oh, no. Mo...
497
00:20:24,538 --> 00:20:25,872
Shh! Let me finish!
498
00:20:25,940 --> 00:20:30,911
If at any time you
feel like I'm too much
499
00:20:30,978 --> 00:20:32,646
Or I'm doing
too much
500
00:20:32,713 --> 00:20:34,848
Or maybe I'm
saying too much,
501
00:20:34,916 --> 00:20:36,850
Tell me to stop.
502
00:20:36,918 --> 00:20:38,952
Mom, stop.
503
00:20:40,187 --> 00:20:42,122
We're gonna get through this,
504
00:20:42,189 --> 00:20:43,823
The two of us.
505
00:20:45,126 --> 00:20:47,160
Don't you mean
the three of us?
506
00:20:47,228 --> 00:20:50,063
Yeah. I guess I do.
507
00:20:51,599 --> 00:20:53,033
I love you.
508
00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:54,601
I love you, too, mom.
509
00:21:01,509 --> 00:21:03,743
Please stand by.
510
00:21:03,811 --> 00:21:06,313
Excuse me a second.
511
00:21:06,380 --> 00:21:08,648
You're a good aim.
Was just...
512
00:21:08,716 --> 00:21:10,116
It's that high?
513
00:21:10,184 --> 00:21:14,120
It was just one-inch area that
could have affected it, and you...
514
00:21:14,188 --> 00:21:16,423
It's called
maternal transference.
515
00:21:16,490 --> 00:21:20,160
For instance, my sister,
when she got pregnant...
516
00:21:20,227 --> 00:21:23,563
I'm sorry. Just went
to bermuda for a second there.
517
00:21:23,631 --> 00:21:25,932
Okay, come on!
518
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,033
How was it there?
519
00:21:27,101 --> 00:21:29,536
It was quite nice,
actually. Thank you.
520
00:21:29,603 --> 00:21:30,604
Where you stayin'?
521
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,500
Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com
522
00:21:33,550 --> 00:21:38,100
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38330
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof