Original subtitles

(Lucy) They say that by the end of your first semester

in med school, it's already obvious what kind of doctor

you'll end up being. (Cox) Him.

(Turk) Who... Trang? Yep.

Oh, man. Small hands, great with the ladies... Ob-Gyn.

No, more like a shopping mall pretzel vendor. Next.

Maybe Emergency Medicine.

Nope! Pediatrics.

There it is. What's up?

Hello. Hey.

Man, you're so lucky to have someone like drew.

I wish I could find a stud-wannabe surgeon

to take under my wing.

I've been making a play for this guy right here... Clint,

but he's too cool and aloof. See you in class. Dr. Turk.

Not if I see you first! Ha!

We gonna kick it!

He's gonna think I'm lame.

You are lame.

All right, then. Listen up, murderers.

As you know, we are approaching the end of the semester.

The ceremony of thanks is quickly approaching.

That's where you publicly thank the friends and families

of the cadavers you've been dissecting this semester.

It's actually a pretty sweet deal for em.

After their loved ones are stripped for parts

like a 1998 Mitsubishi Mirage,

we treat 'em to some free cold cuts

and a chance to listen to you regurgitate some trite quotes

about their family members' sacrifice

that you found on the Internet. Oh, yeah. Uh, heads up to all you white people out there.

Reciting a Maya Angelou poem in an old black lady's voi...

Not cool, okay? Cole, I'm talkin' to you.

Talkin' to you.

What are you cooking? I can smell it from next door.

It's a Wild Mushroom and Shrimp Risotto

I learned to make while working at a hostel in Naples. Risotto... that's gay for rice, right?

Yeah. Shrimp's gay for chicken.

Hey, should we get married today?

What?

We've been dating for four months.

I mean, it's pretty good, right? Let's stop screwing around

and just get it over with. Who cares?

Okay, obviously your diet of power bars and boxed wine

has scrambled your brain.

We got as great thing going here, you know?

Why mess with it? Yeah, you're probably right. It was just an idea.

Okay. (Chuckles) (Chuckles) Let's make a baby instead.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm on my birth control... I think.

Yeah. Uh...

How great is this cadaver ceremony gonna be?

We have to start planning what we're gonna do for...

(Whispers) You know who. You know, he can't actually hear you. He is a corpse.

(Normal voice) I am just excited to honor his memory.

I don't see what the big deal is.

People die in third world countries all the time,

and no one cares. Since when did you become so political?

Since my boy Trent went on a surf vacation to El Salvador

and got a tattoo infection.

He had to die with a partial mermaid on his shoulder.

It just looked like a regular stupid lady.

Where was his ceremony? Am I the only one that cares

about doing something nice for Ben? Lucy, it's not that we don't care.

I actually do not care. It's just that with the semester ending,

we all have a lot on our plate,

and the cadaver ceremony didn't make the top of the list.

Guys, just do me a favor, okay? Come up with one thing

that's important to you about Ben. That's it.

It could be a poem or a lightly choreographed dance number.

Don't be afraid to go modern. I think Ben would appreciate it.

(Scoffs) Fine. Or you could just bring some pretzels

or something.

Well, Cole, everything looks great

two weeks out, the wound's healed.

Test results came back clean. Your cancer's gone.

That is so crazy.

You know, I-I've always known that a surgeon might hook me up

with some sweet calf implants or a robot arm. Mm.

But I never thought one would save my life.

I'm not gonna lie. Surgeons are pretty awesome.

Hey, Dr. T., do you believe in fate?

You know, like, the stuff they talk about

during the boring parts of "Lost"?

Well, I was thinking that maybe I got cancer for a reason.

Like... like somebody up there is telling me

that I'm supposed to be a surgeon! Oh, Cole, you don't want to be a surgeon.

Now just a second there, Gandhi. You've been looking

for a prot?g?, and the good lord answered your prayers.

Oh, Dr. t., I would kill to be your prot?g?!

You don't want to be a surgeon, Cole. Okay?

It's boring and it sucks.

It's the complete opposite of a waterslide! Dr. Turk is right.

You'd... you'd hate it... All the blood and guts.

It's like an amazing horror movie.

I love horror movies!

Well, sure, but you'd have to wear a mask like a ninja,

and who wants to do that?

(Laughs) Last Halloween I was a slutty ninja.

Oh, this is gonna be awesome!

I'm more sure about wanting to be a surgeon

than I've ever been about anything ever.

Okay. I gotta go update my facebook status.

But then I'm gonna come back, and I'm gonna start

shadowing you, and I'm never gonna leave your side.

(Laughs) You're happy, aren't you?

I don't know about happy, but darn it all,

I feel alive for the first time.

And that's nice.

So nice.

(Waz) I can't do this all on my own

no, I know

I'm no Superman

I'm no Superman

all right.

I am so excited to see what we've all written about Ben.

Pass 'em up. Really? Nothing?

Ah. Thank you, drew.

(Paper crinkles) This is a receipt for a pair of pants.

Yeah, well, I didn't want to leave you hanging,

and I'm gonna need that back.

I'm probably gonna return those pants.

They were skinny jeans, and I couldn't pull 'em off.

Literally took me like an hour to pull 'em off.

Guys, we've gotta come up with something good.

The other groups are way ahead of us.

they think they're so badass just 'cause Ron had

a vestigial tail and spinal meningitis.

Ben could have had that tail.

He's just not a show-off like ron.

(Elevator bell dings)

Cole, you're all up under me. You need to back up, all right?

I mean, you smell great, but I don't think

I should know that about you. Yeah, no, I'm sorry, Dr. t.

It's just I-I'm so psyched about this surgery thing.

I already know what I'm gonna call my surgical practice...

"Cole cutz."

With a "z"? That's right!

(Chuckles) Man, you gotta knock before you enter Cole's brain.

Okay. Well, why don't you go upstairs and get me some stuff?

Yeah, yeah. What kind of stuff? Everything that's up there.

Done! All right.

Dude!

Don't worry about Cole, all right?

He never sticks with anything. He said he was gonna learn

a new bone in the body every day until he figured out that

the penis wasn't actually one of 'em and quit. Hmm.

Just be tough on him. He'll bail.

So you want to be a surgeon, huh?

Well, then you need to understand

that it's not about glamour or money

or even making a great mix cd for the o.

Surgery is long, tedious and boring.

Oh, I get it... Like episodes of "Entourage"

that revolve around Turtle.

Sometimes you have to stand totally still

and stay completely lasered in,

even if it means just holding this clamp,

because this clamp right here...

This clamp could keep someone alive.

That's what you're gonna practice right now. (Creak)

You think you can handle it? I'll stay here as long as it takes.

I'll even cancel my 5:30 at the tanning salon.

Cole, you had skin cancer, like, yesterday!

Just hold the damn clamp.

What the...

Oh, there you are. Can you believe this?

Apparently, there's water damage in the wall or something.

Yeah, I heard about that.

Some guy upstairs cracks his head open in the shower,

lies there for four hours, and we gotta pay the price.

You think they'll be able to fix it?

Could be kinda cool, right?

I mean, instead of my crappy room

and your crappy room, we could have one giant crappy suite.

I mean, it'd be kind of like we're living together, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's exactly what it'd be like.

Exactly.

Exactly like that.

Exactly.

I was really excited, because i'd done a bunch of research

about Ben's life, and I couldn't wait

to share it with the group. Cole, did you know Ben was president

of the association for independent dry cleaners

for the midatlantic region from 1973 to 1976?

Woman, can't you see I'm in surgery?

Uh, no.

Can other people see that? Look, I'm sorry. I don't have time for this.

Go bother drew.

(Grunts) Okay, now I know you're not excited about Ben,

but would it change things at all if I told you

that he had a time-share in myrtle beach? Wow!

So he got to spend two weeks a year,

one of them off-peak, in South Carolina's

third most popular vacation destination?

Ho, ho! Game-changer.

Heads up. Oh!

So you're bringing some of your stuff in. Good.

Yeah, I'm just gonna keep this on your bed for a while,

since we always sleep in mine anyway.

And until they fix the hole, I figured this area could

kind of be like a den/hangout/place

where we have dirty sex on top of my hockey equipment.

Oh, honey, Lucy's here.

Oh, I'm sorry. I should clarify.

The sex is actually pretty vanilla.

It's the hockey equipment that's dirty.

God, I am liking this. Yeah! Yeah, me, too.

I'll be back in a jiff. Okay.

I don't like this at all. I like things clean and simple.

Everything I own is in that box.

A hat, some ramen and a car battery?

Don't you have personal things? I've had that car battery a long time.

(Sighs)

Cole? I totally forgot about you.

Have you been standing here all day?

I don't know. I can't read old people clocks.

And you haven't moved once, not even to pee?

Nope. I learned a trick at keggers.

When there's a long line at the bathroom...

Let a little out, let it dry. Little out, let it dry.

Didn't I say that he has what it takes to be a surgeon?

Beyond the blind sense of entitlement and complete lack

of human empathy, there's the empty-headed concentration,

the unjustifiable arrogance

and the sheer willingness to stand in one place

and wet yourself like a zoo elephant.

That's awe-inspiring stuff.

Thank you, Dr. c.!

I've proved myself, right? So let's go open a brother up!

First of all, why it gotta be a brother?

And second of all,

a surgeon has to have a delicate touch and steady hand.

Now I want you to take these tweezers

and remove the fortune from this cookie

without breaking it. I can do that. Check out these brows.

I know my way around a pair of twzies, mm!

Is that bright? Huh? Is it bright? Is it too bright?

Lots of distractions in surgery.

Blood everywhere... ooh!

And out of nowhere, there could come a noise

to just break your concentration!

a drum line in the O.R.!

What?

Done. Mm?

Somebody snare me.

I want you to imagine

these bears were in a horrible accident

like a bus crash, and before you ask,

no, I don't know why the bears were on a bus.

Maybe they're super smart government bears

on their way to fight terrorism. Anyway, all you need to do

is sew one of these bad boys up before me,

and I'll know you have the skills to be a surgeon.

Are we clear? As a vodka tonic.

I'm really disappointed in you guys.

All you had to do was write one measly little line about Ben,

and you couldn't handle that. What are we gonna do about this?

We're not gonna do anything. We gotta bounce.

Maya's treating me to dinner. Yeah. It's Vietnamese Valentine's day.

(Whispers) It's not real.

Yeah, I gotta go, too.

I gotta figure out what I'm gonna do

about the giant hole in my wall.

Sadly, that's not a metaphor.

Stop! You guys we have only been here one semester,

and we're already becoming jaded.

Before Ben was our homework, he was a real human being

with a job and a wife and a son Eric,

who's gonna be here tomorrow.

Fine.

I'll do it myself.

Saying how you feel can be tricky.

Some people will do anything to hide their true emotions...

What's the big surprise?

Oh.

Curtain.

Yeah. I put this in so we can maintain our separate zones.

What if I want to come see my stuff?

That's the best part. It's all back in your closet.

So, cool.

We're good.

Um, what do you want to do tonight?

Want to get married? Ha ha. Remember that?

While others have no probl telling you

exactly what's on their mind.

(Falsetto voice) Done!

Wow. I'm not even close.

(Normal voice) Oh, man. That bear's in bad shape.

That's sad, Cole.

Looks like being a surgeon's just not for you.

And sometimes you're so excited

to tell someone your feelings... Excuse me.

Are you Ben Coleman's son? Yeah.

Hi. I'm Lucy Bennett.

We worked with your father in our Anatomy class,

and, um, I'm sort of in charge of our group's tribute to him.

And I just want to know

if there's anything you wanted us to include.

That you never consider they might not feel the same way.

Well, how about that he was a miserable, horrible dad

who pretty much ruined my childhood,

and I'm only here to see him put in the ground?

I guess I could work that in.

Over the next 20 minutes, Eric regaled me

with horrible stories about Ben.

He was never around when I was a kid.

He cheated on my mom.

He didn't call me for 20 years.

Okay, but you gotta admit he was an excellent bowler.

I found a photo from when he rolled that perfect game

on June 16, 1976.

So that's where he was on my 7th birthday.

Oh, balls.

Dr. Cox, I don't know what I'm gonna do about this ceremony.

I had this whole... da-da-da-da-da-da. No sitting.

Can't you see I'm reading a very important chart here?

A british tabloid?

This chart functions as my shield

to protect me from those who would annoy me.

Hey, Dr. C. Shield on.

Ohh. See what you've done?

You have destroyed the shieldlike power

of my chart. (Thud)

I, um, I guess starting tomorrow I'll be shadowing you again.

I decided that surgery is not really my thing.

No, no. You are suosed to be with Dr. Turk.

Where is Dr. Turk?

Oh, Gandhu, step away from the pizza pastry,

would you please?

Yeah, but the chemicals taste better when it's hot, so...

Fair enough. I've come to clear up a point of confusion.

This is what a prot?g? should look like.

It is an empty vessel that I'm filling with knowledge.

I also get to hold stuff.

Cole didn't have what it takes, all right?

We surgeons are an elite crew. Really? Say, Todd, do me a favor.

Would you tell me what that wonderful new invention is

you've been working on? It's a series of erotic novelty wines...

Chardonn-gay, sauvignon donk, teeny-weeny peeny grigio.

Patent pending five.

Drink up, boys.

Yes, indeedy, sweetie.

You surgeons truly are the chosen ones.

Come on. He wasn't even serious about it.

I bet he's already moved on. Actually, he hasn't. He's still practicing.

(Gas)

(Suspenseful music playing)

I can fix it.

And the worst part is,

I had to stay in that room for 17 horse funerals.

Okay, so young Cole may not be an ideal prot?g?.

He may not even be an ideal human.

Nevertheless, you don't get to pick who needs you as a mentor.

Do you realize, for the last eight years

I've been saddled with a whiny, clingy lady-man

whose very life force was dependent on hugs?

Now, of course, I have young drew,

and although he may be filled with a bubbling rage

that I fear cannot be contained very much longer,

at least he doesn't need me to hold his hand

when he speaks of love and his true feelings.

The point is, we don't always get to choose who deserves

and who wants our help. That's it.

Why you gotta always ruin pastry time?

Perfectly good pastry.

Dr. Cox, can I ask you something?

Yes?

When you're in love, h-how do you set aside your fears

so that you can just dive in and follow your heart?

Oh, dear God, drew. Not you.

It's happening again.

It's happening again.

Ben?

I am very upset with you. You tricked me...

All old and cute on the outside

and horrible and cruel on the inside.

I was planning an amazing tribute for you...

Stories and poems and a dozen purple balloons

to signify a cluster of grapes.

Well, now I'm gonna pop them

so they look like raisins, nature's saddest fruit...

All shriveled and dr

hey. Stop being weird.

I'm trying to eat my sandwich around some corpses.

Why are you eating lunch in here?

Why are you yelling at a dead guy?

See? We all got a lot of questions.

I'm yelling at Ben because I made

this really beautiful tribute for him,

and it turns out he was a jerk. So? Did he have all his parts?

Yeah. Were you able to slice through his tendons,

soft through his lower intestines

and study the anatomy of his right hepatic flexure? Yes.

Then he was exactly who he was supposed to be.

Who cares if he was a jerk in real life?

You have to learn to adjust

when your expectations don't match the reality.

Whether it's about the present state of a relationship...

What are you doing?

I'm taking down the curtain. Sorry I was such a jerk.

It's just sometimes the tiniest changes terrify me,

and I just need a little time to process things.

But eventually, I come around.

(The Cardigans) in the morning and everything was gone

is this a, uh, sledgehammer?

Is what a sledgehammer?

dead in the hallway

this sledgehammer.

oh, come on, sun, why must I burn?

you're the one who put the hole in the wall.

I may have.

Look, I mean, room and board is expensive.

I think that we should live together next year.

So this was my way of easing you into it, you know?

Getting you comfortable with the idea.

I'm curious to see whether it worked.

This is where you say...

I'm in love with a sociopath?

Wrong. Yes or no.

I mean, it's your life. Sort of.

(Thud)

but I lived and I learned

yes.

yes, I lived and I learned

or your expectations about a person's future...

Hey, Cole, you got a sec?

Listen, I've been thinking about it,

and amazingly enough,

the same things that make you a complete douche

also give you the potential to be a good surgeon,

so, uh, it'd be an honor to teach you,

if that's something you really want.

It might be the first thing I've ever really wanted.

Don't get all mushy, all right? (Laughs)

Or even your expectations about somebody's past.

(Voice amplified) I met Ben on my first day of med school

at a moment when I wasn't really sure if I would make it.

But the truth is, I didn't really know Ben.

In life, I'm sure he had his faults,

but in death, he did great things.

He brought us together and helped us realize

that we couldn't do it all on our own.

He gave us the confidence to believe in ourselves...

And he gave his body so that we could become doctors.

And for that, we thank him.

(Drumbeats)

oh, come on!

Hey, Clint, so, uh...

What you got planned this weekend?

Just going to see the eels. Oh, really? You're a member of the aquarium, too?

Those annual fees are so worth it.

My daughters and I... We love the sea turtles.

They're slow in the body but fast in the mind, right?

Lightning fast! (Chuckles) Yeah, I was actually talking about the band, the eels.

Oh. Rock music! Rock... What am I doing?

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