Original subtitles

[cheers and applause]

It's The Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show.

[cheers and applause]

Now, to introduce your host, Johnny Karate,

here is me, Perd Hapley!

Silence!

Welcome to the only show that's all about learning,

music, animals, fireworks, water skis,

and above all, ice cream, pizza,

ninjas, getting stronger,

sharks versus bears, and above all...

karate! All: Hiya!

Now, why don't you kids help me sing The Welcome Song!

Let me just grab my guitar.

[gasps]

Someone has stolen my guitar.

[all gasping]

This seems like a case for Special Agent...

Burt Macklin.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

I don't give a crap, Batman. You work for me.

Increase the perimeter!

Macklin, the President's called six times.

If we don't get that guitar back,

the peace in Iraq will be canceled.

Get off my back, Chief!

I'm doing the best I can.

I don't play by the rules.

But I get results.

Dang it! You're right again, Macklin.

And I'm sorry.

You're the best agent I've seen.

And I've worked with James Bond.

- This clue may help. - Mm.

It was left at the crime scene.

You're dismissed.

This case just keeps getting deeper and deeper.

I'm drowning in the adult end of the pool,

and the lifeguard's off in the bathroom pooping.

[laughter]

That's good writing.

Johnny Karate's guitar has been stolen.

That instrument is worth literally $900 million.

But more importantly, he can't play The Good-bye Song

without it.

So, by the time this show is over,

I will find who stole it, and they will pay

the ultimate price.

A one-way ticket to the Funky Monkey Dunk Tank!

All that and more,

on The Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show!

It's time to punch boredom in its stupid face

Jump, kick, punch, and jump

And drop-kick sadness into outer space

Punch, kick till you drop

It's the Johnny Karate Super Awesome

Musical Explosion Show

So, karate masters, you are here

for an extra-awesome and super-special episode

of Johnny Karate.

[cheers and applause]

And that is because it's my final show.

All: Aw.

Don't look glum.

In a couple of weeks, I'll be moving to Washington, D.C.

It's the capital of the entire world.

They have things there like this white house

and this mental institution

and my very favorite, the Lincoln Memorial.

It's this crazy statue of this giant monster

sitting on a chair that represents

all of America's enemies.

I'll be moving to Washington, D.C.,

because my wife, April Ludgate-Karate-Dwyer,

has accepted an amazing job there.

I'm very proud of her and totally in love.

April, why don't you come on out and talk to the children?

Take a bow for being so cool.

Hey, Johnny!

So, since it's your final show, I wanted to do

one last extra-special April's Animal Corner.

[children gasp]

That's right.

This week I brought one of the scariest,

weirdest animals in the whole world--

a goliath bird-eating tarantula.

All: Wow!

Ah!

Now, the name, "goliath" means "giant."

And you can see that--

- Andy, where is it? - What?

- Uh-oh. - Where is it?

Don't look at me. I don't know what happened.

I took it out to play hide-and-seek.

I couldn't find it, and then--

Oh, that's what happened.

Okay, well, once again, April's Animal Corner

has turned into one of our favorite segments--

Loose Animal in the Studio.

Yay!

And as always, when we accidentally end up

doing Loose Animal in the Studio,

we have to show you this disclaimer.

Boring!

Here's a disclaimer, I didn't read this disclaimer.

[blows raspberry]

Ooh, good point.

Okay. Done.

Okay, kids, so be on the lookout for a--

What's it called?

A goliath bird-eating tarantula,

known locally to Venezuelans as "the devil's fist."

Bye, kids!

Okay, kids, well, we've got a lot of work to do,

performing the Five Karate Moves to Success.

Sing it with me!

Today we're gonna make something

Learn something

Karate chop something

And then we'll try something new

Even if it's scary to you

And finally we'll have some fun

Being nice to someone

Because that's the Johnny Karate way

Step one-- let's go make something.

[upbeat music]

Hello, Carpenter Ron.

How are you doing?

My contract is very specific.

I do not have to answer that question.

This week I am making a shadowbox frame,

which can be used to display an object of great value.

This one is constructed with American cherry wood.

Cherry, huh? Now, I have just one question--

No, the wood does not taste like cherry.

You cannot eat it.

I was not going to eat it, Carpenter Ron.

I was going to lick it.

Always remember, kids, when you find something new,

you must lick it before you eat it.

That is incorrect in a number of ways.

[groans]

I sure have had some fun making things with you, son.

Thank you for everything you've done

for the children of this area.

You're welcome, Carpenter Ron.

Hey, kids, this, to me, seems like a...

Hug moment

You are mistaken. Remove the graphic.

Well, kids, it's time for our next "Karate Move to Success."

Let's learn something.

Hello, Professor Smartbrain.

Hi, Johnny.

Listen, I don't know if you got my email,

but I thought that since this is our final show,

maybe we not use the--

[buzzer sounds]

Boring buzzer.

[laughter]

Okay, kids, today we're gonna learn about geography.

Now, you, Johnny, are moving to Washington, D.C.

I thought what we could talk about is how fast

you could get there using an airplane, a train, or a car.

Now, as you can see, the airplane is the fastest.

Not the fastest. What about teleporting?

Well, sure, that would be really fun,

but it's impossible.

Nothing is impossible, kids.

Teleportation is impossible.

It's about theoretical physics.

[buzzer sounds]

You know, you asked me to do this. This was a favor--

[buzzer sounds]

Morning, Johnny. Mail call.

[all cheering]

Ya!

Hi, Mailman Barry.

Who brought me mail today?

Well, Johnny, you got over 500 letters

from kids who love you, asking for you and April to stay.

- Aw, babe, did you hear that? - [chuckles]

Now, Johnny, you also got one very special letter.

It's from me.

And on the last day of your show,

I thought I could read it to you.

All: Aw.

"Dearest Andy, I have never had a son of my own,

and I just want you to know that for the past ten years"--

It's time to karate chop something!

Ninjas, attack!

Oh, jeez.

[all grunting, shouting]

Disperse!

Remember, never attack a real postal employee.

We're allowed to attack Mailman Barry

because he volunteered to help us with our karate moves.

I kind of thought I'd be holding a piece of wood

or something, but, you know...

always happy to help.

Next up, we're going to try something new,

with my good friend Leslie Knope.

Hey, Johnny Karate, I'm so happy to be here

on your last show ever.

Hi, Leslie. I'm glad you're here

to teach us all how to be brave.

So, Leslie, what are you going to be trying new this week?

I am going to be taking over hosting my friend's TV show.

Huh?

Isn't that right, April?

That is right.

Johnny, you have made so many kids

and so many parents so happy, that we wanted to give you

a proper send-off.

Andy Dwyer/Johnny Karate,

this is your life.

Oh, my gosh, Leslie, this is amazing.

I don't know what to say...

literally, because normally I have a script

that I have to stick to, but...

I don't know what I'm supposed to say right now.

It's kind of a nightmare.

Okay, you leave that to us, Johnny.

Uh, when we come back, we will take a look

at the journey of Andy Dwyer.

Stay tuned.

"Now listen to some words from our sponsors,"

are the words I'm saying right now.

Hire Very Good Building Company

for your construction needs.

Or do not.

I am not a beggar.

End of commercial.

The Wamapoke people have a saying--

"Only one who listens hears the cry of the wolf."

[wolf howling]

That advice has been passed down from generation to generation.

Today I give that advice to you.

Listen for Coinsy the Wolf at Wamapoke Casino.

Twice a day, one lucky visitor will hit the mega-wolf jackpot.

And Coinsy will howl for you!

[siren wailing and wolf howling]

[chuckles]

The thing we return to now

is my Johnny Karate Show return message.

[all cheering]

Welcome back. When I first met the man

standing next to me, he was not a cultural phenomenon.

"Phenomenon" means "to explore a cave."

He was going through a tough time.

He had just broken both legs from falling into a pit.

I was super wasted.

- It's a kids' show, Andy. - Yes, good call.

- Kids' show. - Good call.

That event set in motion many wonderful things in my life,

including the building of the Pawnee Commons.

So, in a weird way, Andy, I owe it all to you.

And now that the show is ending,

I'm gonna have to start all over again.

Hopefully there's a pit in Washington, D.C.,

that I could fall into.

Andy pulled his life together, and he got himself a job

at the shoe-shine stand in City Hall.

He then became a bureaucratic assistant.

- Hi, honey. - Hey. Hi.

He was always enthusiastic.

But he also kept track of his appointments

by writing them on his arm.

Still do.

To commemorate that time and to make sure

that you never miss another appointment again,

we have brought you a monogrammed day planner.

[gasps]

Guys...

So sweet.

Thank you.

Aw.

Oh, no. I lost it.

The day planner's gone. I can't find it anywhere.

What?

Fitting, really.

From then, Andy went to England for a few months

to work for a nonprofit.

It was there that he befriended

the 14th Earl of Cornwall-upon-Thames,

Sir Edgar Covington.

Ta-da!

Oh, my God, Eddie, this is amazing!

[laughs]

Andy, I am here in this weird, flat place,

to name you a loyal and true karate defender

of the Queen's Realm.

[regal music]

Please get down on one knee.

This honor is bestowed on those who have shown great achievement

in fields of the arts, learning, literature, and science.

Therefore, I hereby dub thee

a knight of the Order of the British Empire.

Hang on, can you actually do this?

Well, technically, only the Queen can knight somebody,

but I'm so rich that she lets me do what I want.

Would you like to be knighted?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, of course not. It's Andy's day.

Dude, I don't mind.

Oh, then, yes, knight me, please.

Oh, my God, this is amazing!

Winter is coming for Sir Ben Lightstorm.

Okay, you're both knights.

Cool.

Guys, this was so much fun.

Friend, coworker, musician, husband, Andy Dwyer--

Sir Andy Dwyer.

Sir Andy Dwyer had become so many things

to so many people.

But his greatest creation was yet to come.

A salute to Johnny Karate when we come back.

We know what you want--

healthy, natural food that still tastes great.

And we're here to tell you...

[record scratches]

It doesn't exist.

Healthy food is for suckers.

It tastes like garbage,

and if you say you like it, you're a chump and a liar.

Be honest. This is what you want to eat...

It tastes amazing.

What's in it? Who cares?

How many calories? Shut up.

It's awesome.

One of Andy's greatest achievements

was the success of his band, Mouse Rat.

No one was doing what we were doing.

Well, that's not really true.

I mean, we were basically playing covers

of Dave Matthews songs.

So I guess you could say Dave Matthews

was doing what we were doing.

Oh, to play in a band like Mouse Rat

that brought such joy to so many

truly was a mitzvah.

I should mention I'm a rabbi now.

For the full rockumentary, go to

TheJohnnyKarateSuperAwesome MusicalExplosion.com.

And now, back to the show.

[upbeat music]

Every hero struggles with failure,

faces something they cannot do.

Andy faced one of those moments just a few years ago.

And I would've chugged that entire gallon of milk

had I not started puking out of nowhere.

No, you did not achieve your dream

of becoming a Pawnee police officer.

Oh, right.

But you did create Burt Macklin,

a character who exemplifies everything that is great

about law enforcement.

Take a look.

My name is rt Tyra.

[funky music]

I don't know what the problem is, Sergeant.

Just drain the ocean.

[bullet ricochets]

[kids cheering]

Andy, on behalf of the entire Pawnee Police Department,

I'd like to present you with this genuine

- Pawnee police badge. - Wow.

It's ensconced forever in the shadowbox

- we made earlier. - How about that?

[glass shatters] No.

Son, we spent four days making that.

This means so, so much to me.

I'm a cop.

I should get some handcuffs too.

- Give me your cuffs, Randy. - No, no, no.

- Give me your cuffs. - It's an honorary title only.

- Stand down, sir. - Stop it! Quit!

Andy, now that you're an official police officer...

He's not. I want to make it clear--he's not.

You should be able to solve the case of the missing guitar.

So grab your clue and head on over to Professor Smartbrain.

[siren wails]

Professor Smartbrain, this piece of fabric

was found at the scene.

Look at it under your telescope.

Hmm.

It looks like there are some tiny initials.

"J.C."?

President Jimmy Carter stole my guitar?

But why?

I don't think it's Jimmy Carter, buddy.

The champ is here! [cheers and applause]

[gasps]

Hi, kids, is everybody having a great time?

[cheers and applause]

I know I am!

John Cena in the house!

John Cena, you're my hero.

- Wait, you're Andy. - Yeah, I'm Andy.

From the information I got,

I just assumed you'd be, like, ten years old.

- Thank you. - Okay, great. Thank you.

Thank you so much, man, for bringing martial arts

and music to all the children--

Wait, wait, what are you doing, man?

- Got you. - Got me?

- What? - He got my cuffs.

Wait. What the hell is this?

John Cena, you're a great inspiration, a true hero,

and this is the greatest moment of my life.

But you're going down.

Going down? What are you--

Whoa! Hey, stop--

You stole Johnny Karate's guitar.

I didn't steal his guitar, man.

I'm just doing this as a favor.

You're going in the dunk tank, bud.

I don't want to go in the dunk tank.

- Shut up. - Is anybody in charge?

A little help?

And now it's time to celebrate Andy Dwyer's greatest creation--

Johnny Karate.

[kids cheering]

He has brought so much happiness to so many children

in southern Indiana that we thought a piece of Johnny Karate

should stay here in Pawnee.

[soulful rendition of Kung Fu Fighting plays]

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting

Raise it up.

Those kicks were fast as lightning

This is awesome. Can you believe it, babe?

In fact, it was a little bit fritening

That karate gi will stay here forever.

Well, not here here, because this studio

actually has a show where divorced couples

work out their problems.

So that might be weird if that thing was hanging over them.

But it'll be somewhere.

And the spirit will stay with us forever.

Andy Dwyer's final good-bye when we come back.

[cheers and applause]

[uplifting music]

What powers us?

What gives us the tools to attain our goals,

face our fears, take that next step into the unknown?

It's energy.

Verizon, Exxon, and Chipotle are proud to announce

a cross-platform merger of our three great brands.

Whether it's extending your 6G coverage,

drilling natural gas out of shale,

or perfecting the chicken quesadilla,

we will give you the energy to get you to the next level.

And with enough energy, America, nothing can stop us.

The all-new Verizon-Chipotle-Exxon--

proud to be one of America's 8 companies.

[acoustic guitar music]

I'd like to begin by saying thank you

to anyone who has ever worked

on the Johnny Karate Musical Explosion Show.

This has been the greatest job I've ever had,

and today has been the best day of my life.

And that's saying something.

I once found a rock that looked exactly like Santa Claus--

hat and everything, so...

Before I say good-bye, let's review our checklist

one last time.

We made something with Carpenter Ron.

We learned something with Professor Smartbrain.

We karate chopped something--

old Mailman Barry's face.

And we tried something new, even though it was scary to us,

with Leslie Knope.

That leaves just one more thing,

the most important one.

Be nice to someone.

And I think I know right now who needs it the most--

my wife, April Ludgate-Karate-Dwyer.

Honey, come on out here.

Come here.

Babe.

Hey, babe?

Wait!

Honey, where are you going?

Babe, hey, will you--

Hey, come here.

April, what's going on?

It's...

Every week, this show is an amazing train wreck,

and you love doing it, and you're the best host,

like, even better than my all-time favorite host,

Tom Snyder, which is crazy.

And all those kids love you,

and you're doing what you're meant to do.

And I can't be the person that makes you lose what you love.

Yeah, but you're what I love.

You're the only reason I have any of this.

You believed in me, and you supported me.

You make me happy...

happier than I ever thought I could be.

Without you, I wouldn't be anything.

You're what keeps me going.

You're my Verizon-Chipotle-Exxon.

As long as I'm with you, I'm gonna be happy.

So we go to Washington, D.C.

And then we figure out

the next cool and awesome thing from there, okay?

Okay.

That was a very good "Being Nice to Someone."

I did it.

I can go finish the show.

Well it's time for us to go

But I want you all to know

That karate's not about fighting

It's about knowing who you are

And being kind and honest

While you're kicking for the stars

Yeah, that's the Johnny Karate way

Keep karate in your heart

And aspire to your dreams

And always remember

You're forever on my team

Yeah, that's the Johnny Karate way

Karate yell!

All: Hiya!

Good-bye, Pawnee. I will miss you.

[cheers and applause]

Guys?

Guys?

Guys!

Tarantula.

[gasps]

Could somebody get me out of here, please?

I'll help you, John Cena.

No--

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0