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1
00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,400
21 Seconds
I got 21 seconds to go
2
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:13,240
Cos if you love me, let me know Let
me in the studio I got 21 seconds to go
3
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,760
Did you see me in the video?
Oh, no
4
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:20,560
So if you like me, let me know Let me in the
studio I got 21 seconds before I got to go
5
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:30,040
For those of you
who've just joined us.
6
00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:33,280
A government spokesman
has confirmed reports
7
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:35,840
that Britain is under attack.
8
00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:37,920
In 20 minutes,
bombs will hit London,
9
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:41,600
Washington, Tehran,
Beijing and Berlin.
10
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:45,360
Though it doesn't look like anyone's
bothered with Africa or South America.
11
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,440
Tell me this is a movie.
12
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,600
I ain't seen it.
13
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:54,640
Prime Minister, who's to blame for this rapid
and senseless escalation of hostility? Twitter.
14
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,120
China, America, Russia.
Who's bombing Britain?
15
00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,680
Look,
it's lights out at boarding school.
16
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:01,600
We don't know
who's got us by the balls.
17
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,200
The Prime Minister's
just suffering from shell shock.
18
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,200
Final word to the nation.
Er... yes, er...
19
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,040
Bellum omnium contra omnes.
20
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,320
Not many of whom speak Latin.
Don't speak Latin?
21
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,200
Schools in this country,
a bloody joke.
22
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,920
Should you be saying that?
23
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:18,720
Just a bit of banter, Jennifer.
It's not the end of the world.
24
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:26,280
What are you doing?
It's the end of the world. So?
25
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:29,320
So it's what you do when you've
got, like, 20 minutes to live.
26
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,560
And, I mean, I love you, Suze.
27
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,280
You love me? Really?
28
00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:36,120
You're the girl of my dreams.
Why didn't you say something?
29
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,640
Cos I was afraid.
Then why are you saying it now?
30
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,360
Well, cos I'm afraid!
31
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,520
You're not just saying it
to sleep with me? No.
32
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,480
But, you know, it is,
kind of, the end of the world.
33
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:49,720
That's not the most romantic thing.
Yeah? Well I've got an erection.
34
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,720
What the hell?
35
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,240
Wait, my brother.
Sh!
36
00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,280
It's too late for him now.
He's just upstairs! Really?
37
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,160
He's gonna kill the mood.
38
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,880
If anyone has a lead apron,
now's the time to wear it.
39
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,920
I got 21 seconds to flow
I got 21 seconds to go
40
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,640
Cos if you like me, let me know
Let
me in the studio
I got 21 seconds to go
41
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,440
Wait! What if we survive?
42
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,360
Then this is gonna be
really, really awkward.
43
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,920
Did you see me on the video?
Oh, no
44
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,600
Thank God you're all safe.
Daddy and I were...
45
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,080
Susanna!
Mum!
46
00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:28,800
Argh!
47
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,800
Mummy, Daddy.
48
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:14,360
Ooh, look, Laura.
We must be in Essex.
49
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,080
Wow!
50
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:21,320
Found a road. Yeah, you
stumbled on a road. Eventually.
51
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,840
Sorry, did you wanna
live with your parents forever?
52
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,960
I had to get out of there. You're
one of those weird naked families.
53
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,080
Eight years in a basement, trying
not to look at your dad's balls.
54
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,440
The problem is
you made no effort with my parents.
55
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,520
OK, my parents are fucking dead,
so... Whoa!
56
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,720
Do not swear in front of Laura.
Protecting our daughter? Yeah.
57
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,280
It's, kind of,
what you're meant to do.
58
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,800
From what? Naughty words?
59
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:42,840
Laura's first toy was a human skull.
60
00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,880
I've seen shit.
Yeah!
61
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,920
Mummy, are we there yet? Oh, Sweetheart,
we're not really going anywhere.
62
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,080
Well, we should be.
We should go to the sea.
63
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:54,240
Why visit the sea?
Dover. Some shit.
64
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:56,360
What people do in films.
This isn't a film.
65
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,080
Well, I wish it was.
66
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:01,880
This is boring.
We're in a nuclear wasteland.
67
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,360
What did you expect, Chessington
68
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,800
Zombies. Evil robots.
Mutant mice on motorbikes.
69
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:09,840
This? This is just...
70
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,320
I mean,
I'd take your dad's balls over this.
71
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,200
Oh, it's not that bad.
This tuna's older than me.
72
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,920
I miss sweets.
73
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:32,040
I miss... fish fingers, nuggets.
74
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,920
Like, super greasy pizzas.
75
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,840
Laura won't ever get
to eat that shit.
76
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,640
Shit being the operative word.
77
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:40,880
All right, chill out. Couscous.
78
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,920
Seriously, I wish I could just
give her a chocolate bar, you know?
79
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,000
I wish I could give her a Barbie.
That toy is pretty rank.
80
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,640
What's wrong with Mr Bingham?
81
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,680
I can give him a moustache.
82
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,240
Or he can wear a wig
of Daddy's hair.
83
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:59,320
Oh, no.
Steady, Suze.
84
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:04,080
No! Mr Bingham was
our neighbour for, like, ten years.
85
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:08,040
And he is wearing
what is essentially your pubic hair.
86
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,760
I'm just so sorry, Laura.
87
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,520
Just remember,
however bad people look,
88
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:19,480
on the inside they're still human,
they're still good.
89
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,480
We had music, we had literature.
90
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,480
We had Ant & Dec.
91
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,840
And that's why
I found you a present.
92
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,880
What is it?
A violin.
93
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,120
That's so beautiful.
94
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,800
Why is she learning the violin?
It's a life skill.
95
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,520
Yeah, but, firstly, it's not.
96
00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:51,360
Secondly, neither of us can play it
so how we gonna teach her?
97
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,400
She might pick it up.
From where?
98
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:57,200
We need to teach her something.
Yeah, useful things. Survival.
99
00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,280
You're not a survivor.
Can't even grow a beard.
100
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:05,280
I'm going to bed.
And don't breastfeed her again.
101
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,960
Well, I'm going to breastfeed her.
It's weird.
102
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,680
She needs nutrition.
103
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,720
Do you want some milk?
104
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:18,240
Yes, please.
105
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,480
And this time, yeah?
Try not to gnaw.
106
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:24,760
This is so wrong.
107
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,560
Cannibals?
108
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,800
Cannibals!
In there!
109
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:40,040
'Hang on a mo,
there's a couple of butties there.'
110
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:43,920
What the hell is that language?
I think it's Scouse.
111
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,760
They're a long way from Liverpool.
112
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,200
Scousers are really sentimental.
113
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,040
Probably don't want
to eat their own.
114
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,160
Sh!
115
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:08,040
Oh, thank God.
Look, they left us the tuna.
116
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,040
Bastards!
117
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,880
Argh!
Argh!
118
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,320
What the...? Don't die, mate.
119
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:30,240
Leave him, Tom!
I don't wanna kill the guy.
120
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,240
To me, to you. To me, to you.
121
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,960
To me, to you.
122
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,000
Argh!
123
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,680
Look, people!
124
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,360
Now go ask for directions.
To where? Dover or wherever.
125
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,720
Asking for directions
is so embarrassing, man.
126
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:03,000
So you'd rather go on being lost?
We're not lost.
127
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,720
Well, I'm flagging 'em down.
This is weak.
128
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:08,000
'Scuse me! Excuse me!
129
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:11,960
If they're cannibals, you're killing them this time.
I killed them last time.
130
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,800
And it was one old guy
having a heart attack. Bullshit.
131
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:18,080
I'm a killing machine.
Dad was really strong. See?
132
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,240
Independent witness.
Unbelievable.
133
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,680
Oh, my God.
134
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:28,520
It's Oscar!
Oscar? We went to school with him.
135
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,360
You know? My ex?
136
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,160
God, this is crazy!
137
00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:36,320
We're in the middle of nowhere.
138
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,000
There are, like, 12 people left
and we meet this clown.
139
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,680
Brilliant
140
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,320
Oh, it's Oscar!
141
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,320
Suze? Suze!
142
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,520
Oh, my God!
143
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,960
Man!
Embarrassing herself.
144
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,000
Oh, this is like too deep.
145
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:58,640
God, you're still alive.
And you're still... buff ting.
146
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:00,640
You are still
wearing those trousers?
147
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:03,360
Well, well... er...
This is my daughter Laura.
148
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,400
Say hi to Oscar.
Hi, Oscar.
149
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:07,120
Fist bomb me, yeah?
150
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:09,960
Boom!
151
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:13,400
Is that...?
Ah, what's your name, bruvs?
152
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,240
It's Tom.
Don't tell me.
153
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,520
Ahhh... Weird, creepy guy, right?
154
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:20,680
Used to follow you around
all the time.
155
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,040
You crashed my yurt,
secret garden party.
156
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,600
I spiked your drink.
Spiked it with acid, yeah.
157
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,280
And you would not
stop crying like a bitch.
158
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,320
He would not stop crying.
159
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:35,120
I was seeing dragons,
which are famously terrifying.
160
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,840
Tom. Right?
161
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,120
Yes, bruvs. What's gwanin?
162
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,840
Touch me.
163
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:45,080
Tom's Laura's dad.
Oh, my days.
164
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,360
Yeah.
God, I can't believe it's you.
165
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,080
Look at that beard.
166
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,840
It's like caveman shit, you feel me?
167
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,920
Christ!
168
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,720
You all right, fam?
169
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,440
Oh, sorry, I've...
just got a bit of sick in my mouth.
170
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,120
Er... where did you
get all that stuff?
171
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:05,240
I found a supermarket,
like, two days walk away.
172
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,320
Basement was, like, full of ting.
173
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,360
Yeah, like beer's gonna help
174
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,400
You want a crate?
A crate?
175
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,520
If you're forcing me.
Such a survivor!
176
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,080
We're all headed back to our camp,
if you wanna come cotch?
177
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:24,280
We got everything there.
Food, shelter, poi.
178
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,120
Sorry but we're going to the sea.
179
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,800
And you know what they say?
Time and tide waits for no man.
180
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,800
Who talks like that?
Who talks like that?
181
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:35,520
What's your problem?
182
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,880
I don't wanna hang out
with your ridiculous ex-boyfriend.
183
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:40,320
We are starving, Tom.
Have you got a better idea?
184
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,360
I've never eaten chocolate before.
185
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,200
This is the best day ever.
186
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,280
Oh, man, she's jokes.
187
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,000
I could kill him.
188
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,160
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
189
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,360
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
190
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,640
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
191
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,360
That's just creepy.
192
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,040
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
193
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,720
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
194
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:13,440
Is that the Prime Minister?
195
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,320
Kiss the baby, kiss the baby.
Just don't look him in the eyes.
196
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:19,320
And what do you do? Have you come far?
Can I count on your vote?
197
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,040
Peace in our time.
198
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,320
Privacy.
199
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,320
She still do that
little squeaky chuckle?
200
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,200
I'm messing.
201
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:36,920
Or am I?
202
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,400
So, then you take your shank.
203
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,480
Your knife, mate.
I haven't got a knife.
204
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:46,680
Well, I take my knife.
205
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,520
Little loop there,
then we bump and grind.
206
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,680
Pow!
207
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:55,040
Bare cribbage.
Thanks so much, Oscar.
208
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:58,200
Yeah, we're all gonna be
sleeping soundly together tonight.
209
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,640
Er... nah, bruv.
You is coming out.
210
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,640
Out?
To the feast.
211
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,360
We smoked a pig.
212
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,560
Not like ganja.
213
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,880
Ha, this guy. Rastafari.
214
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,000
Fuck, I miss weed.
215
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,440
Erm... the pig?
216
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,400
Oh, the pig, yeah.
217
00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,480
Nah, we smoked it
to preserve it, you know?
218
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,160
Salami, chorizo.
219
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:33,160
Chipolata.
220
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,200
Well we shouldn't impose on your...
221
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,640
sausage festival.
222
00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:39,880
Suze?
I can't wait. Touch.
223
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,120
What you doing?
Getting ready.
224
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,480
You're wearing shoes
made out of plastic bags.
225
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,320
How good are you ever gonna look?
226
00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,520
So what club are you going to?
227
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,000
I hear there's a burnt out caravan
that's very now.
228
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,760
I think we should have
an open relationship. We do.
229
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,480
I've seen you have a poo five times.
230
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,800
I mean I think we should
see other people. Who? Oscar?
231
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,520
He's so creepy.
232
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:14,080
They chant his name, Suze.
He's just popular.
233
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,880
Popular? I bet this is a cult.
234
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:21,360
And he has a ritual where
he's the front of a human centipede
235
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,800
which waddles around a wicker man
236
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,320
they're using
to burn a virgin cos...
237
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,440
Well, cos he's a dick.
238
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,560
Have you ever thought about us?
239
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,280
At what we are, you and me?
240
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,960
I mean, do you even love me?
That's a stupid question.
241
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,200
Suze, wait.
242
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,640
Don't forget your ID.
243
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,680
I hear that caravan's well strict.
244
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:16,480
Some people pay for thrills
245
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,400
But I get mine for free
246
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:23,600
Oh, I'm just living my life
247
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:27,440
There's nothing crazy about me
248
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:30,160
I'm bonkers.
249
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,680
Bonkers!
250
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,160
See people?
251
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,040
Not like we've been
seeing each other.
252
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:49,560
Last time she 'saw me'
was on my birthday,
253
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,200
and I swear I've had
another birthday since.
254
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,280
What are you talking about?
Sex.
255
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,000
What's sex?
256
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,720
A lovely, lovely memory.
257
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,120
I need a beer.
What's beer?
258
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:29,240
It's like better water.
How do you mean better?
259
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,560
It makes everything else
seem less bad.
260
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,680
Can I have some?
Afraid not.
261
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,080
You have to build up
quite a tolerance to this stuff.
262
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,240
Luckily they didn't call me
Captain Carnage for nothing.
263
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,360
I haven't drank beer for years.
264
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,000
Oh, my God!
What?!
265
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,520
What have you done to her?
Suze? Laura!
266
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,800
I thought you were called Suze?
I leave you with her for one night.
267
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,240
I'm Captain Carnage!
268
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,080
Lad.
Can you grow up, please?
269
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:15,480
Can you grow up, please?
Out! Out. Get out of my house.
270
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:18,120
House? You're like
the world's shittest echo.
271
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:19,840
Urgh!
272
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,600
Wait.
How come you didn't sleep here?
273
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,320
Because I slept with Oscar.
274
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,560
Right, you...
You mean a sleep over?
275
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,640
Up all night gossiping.
Top to toe.
276
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,200
Or has he got a bunk bed?
Tom.
277
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,200
I slept with Oscar.
Bitch!
278
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,520
Whatever I did was because of you.
You pushed me away.
279
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,480
Bullshit! And you're kicking me out?
280
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:47,600
Our daughter is drunk.
They grow up so fast these days.
281
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,760
Get your things and go.
You can't make me.
282
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,560
I can.
283
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,760
Oscar,
this has got nothing to do with you.
284
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,200
Babe, we are the new Kim and Kanye.
We're not.
285
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,480
Last night...
Was beautiful.
286
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,200
...won't happen again.
287
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,920
We made a mistake.
288
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,520
Nah.
289
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,480
You made a mistake.
290
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,680
Are you gonna shack up
with Lord of the Flies?
291
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,000
No, I'm going back to my parents'.
292
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:32,200
Fine. If I promise
to make an effort, can I come? No.
293
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,920
OK.
294
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,840
But I've never
broken up with anyone before, so...
295
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,240
...what do we do?
296
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,560
Well, that's definitely
my tarpaulin. No, it's not.
297
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,560
Remember,
I shook the shitting dog off it?
298
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,320
Then you gave it to me
for my birthday.
299
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,560
Oh, you got something
for your birthday? I see.
300
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,240
Anyway, you never use it.
Fine, but I get the buckets.
301
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,040
Er, no. You get two of the buckets.
302
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,080
On the condition
that I can choose them.
303
00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:57,240
You get first choice of the buckets.
Done.
304
00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:00,600
But I'm keeping those tins of tuna.
Fine. Cos I'm going to the sea.
305
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,880
Well I'm sure there'll be loads of
tuna. It being the English Channel.
306
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:07,280
Once she's learnt the violin,
you could teach Laura sarcasm.
307
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,120
Wait,
what are we gonna do about Laura?
308
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,400
My dad got weekend visits.
309
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,560
Where is Laura?
310
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,520
Laura?
Laura?
311
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,880
Laura?
312
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,000
Laura!
313
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,720
Laura!
314
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,760
Right, you go that way,
I'll go up here, yeah?
315
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,160
She'll be OK, all right?
316
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,640
Laura!
317
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,360
Bag for life, my arse!
318
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,000
Laura!
319
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,800
Laura!
320
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,680
F-M-L.
321
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,400
Ahh, no!
322
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,520
No!
323
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,440
Laura!
324
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,920
Oww!
325
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:27,320
Well this is quite serious.
326
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,120
I am the mannest man
in the whole of Jamaica.
327
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,600
Begin.
328
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:42,800
Stop it!
329
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:44,520
Laura!
330
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,280
No!
331
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:51,360
Get her down from there.
332
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,240
Please.
333
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:56,960
Daddy!
334
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,960
Mummy!
See, Suze? I was right.
335
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,960
But you didn't know
this was gonna happen.
336
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,680
I told you every detail.
337
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:05,560
The human centipede,
the wicker man.
338
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,160
All this guy's got in his head
is cliched cult bullshit.
339
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,880
I'm gonna waste you, bruv.
340
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,800
Well, yes, you've got me
slightly cornered, but...
341
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,440
I haven't got my parents
or my friends or my sissy.
342
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,480
And what you've got is my family.
343
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,040
The only beautiful things left.
344
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,480
Mummy's a bitch.
True dat. Oh, shut...
345
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,080
Can't kill me,
I'm the half fuckin' priest.
346
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,520
Argh!
347
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,120
Oh, my golly fuck.
348
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,880
Tom.
349
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,760
Erm... er... I love you.
350
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,320
Are you saying that
cos you're afraid?
351
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,760
Yeah. Afraid of losing you.
352
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:09,560
I love you, Tom.
353
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:24,720
Woo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha.
354
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,440
Thanks for that.
355
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,200
Oscar's a bit of a dick, eh?
356
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:29,920
Absolute madman.
357
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:33,920
So why were you guys obeying him?
358
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,040
He's quite entertaining,
he's charismatic.
359
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,880
I mean, he's a great laugh
to have around the place, you know?
360
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,760
May I take the chance to say
she's a little angel?
361
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,520
A credit to you both.
362
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,520
Not cool, bruv.
This is my wanking hand.
363
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,400
Sorry, I'm still confused.
364
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,440
Do you do a lot of human sacrifices?
365
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:54,080
Oh, that? Spur of the moment thing.
366
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,960
I like to think someone was gonna
say something before it escalated.
367
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,280
Right. Cos it was quite scary.
368
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,000
I know, right?
369
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,160
What are you gonna do with him?
Learn our lesson, I suppose.
370
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,240
Don't give political power to a man
371
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,880
just cos he does
silly things with a big knife.
372
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:11,640
Right, boss?
I'm not your boss.
373
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,400
Well, you are. You stabbed him
right in the wanking hand.
374
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,120
Absolute classic.
375
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,160
Tom! Tom! Tom!
376
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,400
Er... look.
377
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,520
Er... we're not staying here
cos erm...
378
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,960
You know,
don't take this the wrong way, but
379
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,920
you're all murderous freaks.
380
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,640
We could stay, Tom.
381
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,880
They have food, shelter.
382
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,600
They nearly killed us!
383
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,960
Nothing on what's left of Earth
could make me stay.
384
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,680
Beer?
385
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:41,760
Yeah, go on then.
There we go. Top dog. Boss.
386
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,520
Stop it.
Le grand fromage.
387
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,080
When I've built a cage,
you can be Oscar's prison wife.
388
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,040
Can I have a beer?
Yeah, sure. No.
389
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,360
It's hair of the dog.
No!
390
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,320
Er...
391
00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:56,680
Don't undermine me in public.
I'm like a god to these people.
392
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,160
I need to drink.
393
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:03,200
Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom!
394
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,760
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