Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:06,700
Welcome to Sparkhill, Birmingham,
the capital of British Pakistan.
2
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:12,700
Community leader.
3
00:00:18,700 --> 00:00:20,700
They all know me...
You like my suit?
4
00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:27,700
Number one - Citizen Khan.
5
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,000
HE YAWNS
6
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,000
Man, these all-night prayers
really take it out of you, huh?
7
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:57,000
I know, I'm completely
cream-crackered.
8
00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:01,000
Sshh! He's still praying.
Sorry.
9
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,000
MR KHAN SNORES
10
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,000
SNORING CONTINUES
11
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,000
All night long
12
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,000
All night
13
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,000
All night long
14
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,000
All night!
15
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,000
Not tired, Mr Khan?
16
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,000
No, Dave.
17
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,000
All night prayers is easy-peasy
for us proper Muslims.
18
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,000
We can do it in our sleep.
19
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,000
Right.
20
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,000
The trick is to prepare
properly.
21
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,000
Like, I've got dodgy knees,
so I wear these.
22
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,000
What did you pray for?
23
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,000
It's a difficult one.
24
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:43,000
You don't want to waste Allah's time
with anything frivolous,
25
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:46,000
so I prayed I could jump NHS
queue for my knee operation.
26
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,000
I've been waiting bloody ages.
27
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,000
I prayed for world peace and
an end to all hunger and suffering.
28
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,000
Obviously, I prayed for that
too.
29
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,000
So did I, but I sometimes
wonder
30
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:02,000
if it does any good.
Praying works. Definitely.
31
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,000
If you have the faith, it can
achieve the most amazing things,
32
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:08,000
like the other day, I prayed that
I will come into lots of money
33
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,000
without having to do any
work, and now I have.
34
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,000
I'm not sure that's a very good
example.
35
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:17,000
Right, come on, I'm starving.
Let's have some breakfast.
36
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,000
But the Imam's called a fast
for today. Are you not doing it?
37
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,000
No way! He's always calling a
fast.
38
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,000
We don't need to starve
ourselves all the bloody time.
39
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,000
We're Muslims, not supermodels.
40
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,000
Good point.
41
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,000
I'm not doing it either.
42
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,000
Well, I'm doing it.
43
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:37,000
What a creep. You won't find
me fasting willy-nilly.
44
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,000
You only have to do
Ramadan and I've done that.
45
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,280
Bish-bosh. Let's have some nosh.
46
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,000
Chick, chick, chick, chick,
chicken
47
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,000
Lay a little egg for me.
48
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:52,000
Salaam alaikum.
Wa alaikum assalaam.
49
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,000
Imam, I was just telling
the others about the fast
50
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,000
and how I'm going to be doing it.
51
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,000
It would be great honour for
me to join you on your fast.
52
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,000
Well done. Well done.
53
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,000
Looks like Dave is flavour of
the month.
54
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,000
Mmm! Mmm!
55
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,000
MUFFLED SPEECH
56
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,000
I said, I'll be doing it too.
57
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:24,000
Mr Khan, Imam. Community
leader. They all know me.
58
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,000
I thought you said you
weren't doing it. No, I didn't.
59
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,000
Oh, yes, you did.
60
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,000
You said that we weren't
supermodels.
61
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,000
No. And then you said,
"You won't catch me
62
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,000
"fasting willy-nilly."
63
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:37,000
Shush! I'm the best faster in this
whole mosque. Everyone knows that.
64
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,000
Khuda Hafiz. Khuda Hafiz.
65
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,000
Khuda Hafiz. Khuda Hafiz.
66
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,000
I know your game, Dave.
67
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,000
Trying to make me look bad
in front of the Imam.
68
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,000
Really Mr Khan, I don't know
what you're talking about.
69
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,000
Well, it's not going to work.
70
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,000
I'm going to fast you
under the table.
71
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,000
You can't do the fast.
72
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,000
You haven't prepared.
No, he's right,
73
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,000
Mr Khan, you have to eat
the night before you fast,
74
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,000
otherwise it could be
dangerous.
75
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:04,000
Rubbish! I don't need to prepare.
Us Pakistanis are bred for this,
76
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,000
not like you lot. I'll bet you don't
even have the fasting app.
77
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,000
The what?
78
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:14,000
The Ramadan phone app, huh? You have
all this month's prayer times on it.
79
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:17,000
Now, we fast till sunset. 6.28.
80
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,000
When the alarm goes off,
we can eat.
81
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:24,000
Food, glorious food
82
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,000
Hot sausage and mustard...
83
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,000
CRUNCH
84
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,000
Ek...
85
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,000
...do...
86
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,000
...teen...
87
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,000
99...
88
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,000
...100!
89
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,000
What are you doing, Papaji?
90
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:53,000
It's for my knee. Pakistani Pilates.
91
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,000
What's that?
92
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,000
It's like normal Pilates,
93
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:59,000
but you don't have to spend
any money on equipment.
94
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,000
Are they Mum's tights? Hmm?
95
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,000
Does she know?
Of course she knows.
96
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,000
But for God's sake, don't tell her.
97
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,000
Ooh! Feeling a bit light-headed.
98
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,000
Are you OK?
I'm fine. I'm fasting.
99
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,000
Doing a special one for the Imam.
Wow!
100
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,000
You're so amazing at religion
and that.
101
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:21,000
Yes, your father's not just
a pretty beard.
102
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,000
Look me up and down,
I'm the best Muslim in town!
103
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:28,000
Well, I just wanted to let you
know we're going out tonight.
104
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,000
Who's we?
Me and my French exchange student.
105
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,000
What? You know,
106
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,000
the college has got
French exchange students over.
107
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,000
They've given me one to look
after for the day.
108
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,000
She's from, like, Paris or
something.
109
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:42,000
Excellent. It's a very good way
to learn about another country.
110
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,000
Somewhere completely different from
our own culture. What's her name?
111
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,000
Nabila.
112
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,000
C'est mon pere.
113
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,000
She doesn't speak much English.
114
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,000
It's OK, beti.
I know a little bit of French.
115
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,000
HE RASPS
116
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,000
CLEARS THROAT
117
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,000
Assalaam alaikum.
118
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,000
Wa alaikum assalaam.
119
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,000
Going somewhere nice?
120
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,000
Une discotheque.
121
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:09,000
Huh? It's French for prayer meeting.
122
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:16,000
Hah! You two got a lot in common.
123
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,000
Can we have some money
for books and that?
124
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,000
Of course.
125
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,000
There you go.
126
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,000
Thanks!
127
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,000
Ohh!
128
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,000
Merci beaucoup, monsieur.
129
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,000
You're... wel... come.
130
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,000
What's he doing here?
131
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,000
MISPRONOUNCES: Salaam alaikum,
Mr Khan.
132
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,000
I just came round to ask about
the washing machine
133
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,000
and the old bathtub out the
front there.
134
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,000
What about it?
135
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,000
Well, it does make the street
look a bit untidy.
136
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:54,000
Keith, I'll get it all cleared up
when I can afford a skip.
137
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,000
I'm not made of money.
138
00:06:55,000 --> 00:07:00,000
I know. It's... it's just that you
have left them in m-my front garden.
139
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:04,000
Because I got Mercedes in mine!
140
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:11,000
I'd like to apologise for my
husband.
141
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,000
He's fasting.
142
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,000
Oh, Keith, would you like to stay
for lunch?
143
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,000
I've cooked a big pot of
chicken. No! Put it away!
144
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,000
I can't see the food!
145
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,000
I can't even smell it!
It's like torture!
146
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,000
OK, I'll put some in the fridge
for you to have later.
147
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:30,000
It's always like this. He gets
low blood sugar and dehydration.
148
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,000
All right, all right.
149
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:34,000
Plus, I think his bladder
shrinks when he's fasting...
150
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:38,000
...because as soon as he's had a
drink, it's straight back out again.
151
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,000
Sweetie!
During Ramadan,
152
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,000
he's up and down to the toilet
all night long.
153
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,000
Not in front of the peoples.
154
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,000
Keith's our friend.
155
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,000
He's not my friend.
156
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:53,000
So, no food or drink, is that it?
157
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,000
No.
158
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,000
No?
Also no tang tang.
159
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:01,000
Every cloud has a silver lining.
160
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,000
I got it! I got the job!
I got the job!
161
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,000
I got the job!
She got the job!
162
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,000
You got the job!
She got the job!
163
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,000
What job?
164
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:13,000
I applied for a job with Amjad's company
and I got it! Can you believe it?
165
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,000
Well, they employ him!
166
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:21,000
Well done, beti.
I'm so proud of you.
167
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,000
Me too.
168
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,000
It's not exactly what I want to
do, but it's a lot more money.
169
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,000
And now that
we're with the same company
170
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,000
we get to spend more time
together.
171
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:33,000
Yeah... except my job's
going to be in India.
172
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,000
BOTH: What?!
173
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,000
They want me to help set up
their new office out there.
174
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:41,000
But, Shazia, won't India be a long
commute?
175
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:47,000
I'd have to live out there, budhoo,
but it wouldn't be for that long.
176
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,000
How long would it be for?
177
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,000
A year.
178
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,000
A year?!
179
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,000
You can't go to India, Shazia.
180
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,000
Why not?
181
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,000
It's a toilet!
182
00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,000
Dad! It's one of the world's
fastest-growing
183
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,000
and most dynamic economies.
184
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,000
Well, I must have missed that
meeting.
185
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,000
And they pay all my living
expenses,
186
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,000
so I'd be able to save up enough money
to put a deposit down on a flat.
187
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:14,000
That's our dream, isn't it?
To have our own place.
188
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,000
I suppose.
189
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,000
When do they want you to start?
190
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,000
Straightaway.
191
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,000
What do you think?
Should I do it?
192
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,000
If you want to.
193
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:29,000
Well, what about you?
Will you be OK if I go?
194
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,000
Oh, yeah.
195
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,000
Won't you miss me?
196
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,000
I'll be fine.
197
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,000
Right.
198
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:45,000
Well, I said I'd... let them know
by tomorrow morning.
199
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,000
This is terrible!
200
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,000
I know! I'm bloody starving.
201
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:03,000
She's going to be in India for a
year. What will happen to Amjad?
202
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,000
He said he'll be fine!
203
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:07,000
Of course he won't be fine!
Didn't you see his face?
204
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,000
I try not to look at it.
205
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:13,000
Mrs Aktar's son went to Dubai
for six months
206
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,000
and he and his fiancee broke up.
207
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:19,000
Mark my words - if she goes,
their relationship won't survive.
208
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,000
Oh, well.
209
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:25,000
If only Amjad was more business
minded, he'd be earning more money.
210
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:29,000
Yes, and if my auntie had
dingly dangly, she'd be my uncle.
211
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,000
Could we help them out
with a deposit for the flat?
212
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,000
How?
213
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,000
I don't know! Sell something.
214
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,000
Like what?
215
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,000
The car!
216
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,000
Never, ever say that,
217
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:49,000
not even as a joke.
218
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:53,000
But we can't let money
come between them.
219
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:56,000
Don't you remember
when we were first married,
220
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,000
and you had to come over
here on your own
221
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,000
and I had to wait in Pakistan till
you could afford to bring me over?
222
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,000
Yes.
223
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:09,000
And you were here all alone
for all that time.
224
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,000
Wasn't it awful?
225
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:21,000
Awful! Really, really awful!
226
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,000
We've got to do something.
227
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,000
Can't you get a loan
from the building society?
228
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,000
No, I'll get an Islamic loan
from the mosque.
229
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,000
Interest free, isn't it?
230
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,000
Fine, whatever, just do it.
231
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:35,000
Why can't the Maliks give
them the money?
232
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:39,000
The Maliks won't care if they
break up. They've never liked us.
233
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,000
Ah, sweetie. That's not true.
234
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,000
It's you they don't like.
235
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,000
That's right.
Sparkhill Jamiya Mosque,
236
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,000
and may Allah bestow his blessings
and mercy upon you.
237
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,000
Oh, and can we get a bucket
of chicken wings as well?
238
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,000
Alaikum, boys.
Wa alaikum assalaam.
239
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,000
Where's Dave?
240
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,000
I need to get a loan to
stop daughter going to India.
241
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,000
India?
Exactly. I told her,
242
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,000
"What's wrong with
Leicester?"
243
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,000
Same bloody thing,
just more temples.
244
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,000
How's the fasting going?
245
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,000
It's fine. I'm fine.
246
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,000
It's all fine.
Salaam alaikum.
247
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,000
Wa alaikum assalaam.
Wa alaikum assalaam.
248
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,000
Hello, Dave.
249
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,000
How's the fasting going? Good.
250
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,000
And you?
Yes, fine, thanks.
251
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,000
You wanted to see me?
252
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,000
Yes, you're in charge of
the mosque hardship fund,
253
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,000
right? That's right.
254
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,000
Well, I need to get a loan.
255
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,000
I see. What's it for?
256
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,000
I can't say. It's a family matter.
257
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:40,000
In Pakistani culture,
family honour is sacred.
258
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,000
Not to be shared with any
ginger Toms, Dicks or Harrys.
259
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,000
Well, I can't authorise a loan
without knowing what it's for.
260
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:50,000
His daughter's going to India so he
needs the money to stop her from going.
261
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,000
He was going to drag it out of
me in the end.
262
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:56,000
Yes, well, I'm afraid that doesn't sound
like the sort of thing that will qualify.
263
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,000
What? Why not?
264
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,000
It's a hardship fund, Mr Khan.
265
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:01,000
A lot of people see going to India
as a great opportunity.
266
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,000
It's a very youthful and exciting
place these days.
267
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:08,000
Alton Towers is a very youthful
and exciting place, Dave.
268
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,000
India is a dump.
269
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,000
I'm sorry, but I can't help you.
270
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,000
So where am I supposed to
find the money?
271
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,000
I've got an idea.
272
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,000
You know I came into
a bit of a windfall recently...
273
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,000
Of course! Brilliant, Riaz.
That's it.
274
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,000
Maybe, if you prayed really
hard like I did...
275
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,000
Right, that's not it,
276
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,000
but you don't mind giving me a loan
anyway, huh?
277
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,000
Interest free, of course? Wouldn't
want you to do anything un-Islamic?
278
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,000
OK.
279
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,000
Great! You see, Dave?
280
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:36,000
This is how real Muslims
look out for each other.
281
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,000
Now, exactly how much
are we talking about?
282
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,000
I don't really know.
Oh, you must have some idea.
283
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,000
The man said it could be up to
several thousand pounds.
284
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,000
What man?
The man on the phone.
285
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,000
Where precisely
is this money coming from?
286
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,000
I've been mis-sold
PPI protection insurance.
287
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:55,000
The man said they're going to get me
all my money back in compensation
288
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,000
as well. I see.
289
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,000
And have you ever taken out
290
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,000
any PPI policies? No.
291
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,000
So how the hell are you
meant to get anything back?
292
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,000
Oh, yeah.
293
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,000
So there is no money.
294
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,000
Of course there's no money.
Ah, well.
295
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:15,000
And stop eating those bloody
crisps!
296
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,000
I thought you said
you weren't hungry?
297
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,000
Of course I'm hungry.
298
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,000
I'm bloody starving.
299
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:24,000
Yoo-hoo!
Anybody want to try my jalebi.
300
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,000
No, thank you, Mrs Bilal.
301
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,000
Go on, Mr Khan, I know
you can't resist my jalebis.
302
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,000
Not today, Mrs Bilal.
303
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,000
Go on, you know you want to.
304
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,000
I do. I do want your jalebis,
Mrs Bilal...
305
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:41,000
more than anything,
but I can't have it.
306
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,000
OK. I'll come back later.
307
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:58,000
Right, get this loan, in a minute
I can eat something - tickety-boo.
308
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,000
HUMS MERRILY
309
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,000
I'm going to open my fast.
310
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,000
I've got my date.
311
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,000
Hmm-hmm-hmm!
312
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,000
There! Very good.
313
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,000
Oh-oh-oh!
314
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,000
HE SNEEZES
315
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,000
Oh, twaddi!
316
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,000
Ohhh!
317
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,000
PHONE:
Food, glorious
food...
318
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,000
SHOUTS IN URDU
319
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,000
Ah.
320
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,000
Heh-heh.
321
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,000
Aah!
322
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,000
Ah.
323
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,000
HE GROWLS
324
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,000
Mr Khan? Steve.
Steven Harrington.
325
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,000
I'm the branch manager here.
I'm so sorry to have kept you.
326
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,000
It's OK.
327
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,000
Got to keep hydrated.
328
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,000
So, shall we go into my office?
329
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:13,000
Mm. Oh, I'm supposed to drink
two litres a day of this stuff,
330
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,000
but you know, it's a lot,
isn't it?
331
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,000
I guess...
it just goes straight through me,
332
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,000
if you... know what I mean.
333
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:24,000
So, I understand you wish to
talk about a loan application.
334
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,000
That's right.
335
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:31,000
I'll just find the form. There's
forms for everything these days.
336
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,000
Especially in this business.
Drowning in paperwork.
337
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:39,000
Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip,
drip, drip.
338
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,000
It's like Chinese water torture.
339
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,000
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
340
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,000
And when you get to my level,
the floodgates open.
341
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,000
Pouring in, it's like turning
on a tap. Oh!
342
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,000
And out... they... gush!
343
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,000
Oof!
344
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,000
Pressure builds up
345
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,000
and you find yourself fighting to
hold it back before it all bursts.
346
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,000
I just don't know where this
form is.
347
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,000
Ah, Claire will know.
I'll give her a tinkle.
348
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,000
Oh!
349
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:09,000
Oh, no, no, no. I've got it.
Here it is. Here it is.
350
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,000
Ah, now I just need to make
a few photocopies of this,
351
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,000
so is it OK if I leave you alone
for a few seconds?
352
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,000
Yes, OK.
OK, I won't be long.
353
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,000
Two shakes of a lamb's tail.
Oh, God...
354
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:22,000
Oh, twaddi!
355
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,000
Oh, God!
356
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,000
Oh!
357
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,000
Oof!
358
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,000
Ah.
359
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,000
Ah!
360
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,000
Oh...
361
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,000
Oh... Oh-uh-oh-oh!
362
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,000
Oh-uh-uh-oh!
363
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,000
Oh... Ah!
364
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,000
There we go.
365
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,000
Ah. So, are you OK?
366
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,000
I am now.
367
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,000
Great. So, if we can get on.
368
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:44,000
Only I'm going out for dinner later.
You're going out for dinner?
369
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,000
Yes.
Where are you going?
370
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,000
Afzals on Stratford Road.
371
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,000
Good choice.
372
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,000
Yes, it's very nice. I know.
373
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:54,000
Only I don't want to be late,
so if we could...
374
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,000
Why don't we go there now? What?
375
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,000
Well, let's have the meeting there.
I'm not sure that's a good idea.
376
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,000
Come on, it'll be fine!
We'll order some Shami kebabs.
377
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,000
Some chicken tikka.
Tandoori paratha.
378
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,000
Maybe some spicy prawn puri.
379
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,000
I... I don't think so.
380
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,000
It's OK.
If you don't like it, I'll have it.
381
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:14,000
The thing is, I'm... I'm meeting
my wife. It's our anniversary.
382
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,000
I don't mind.
383
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,000
But she will.
384
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,000
Will she? She doesn't sound
very nice.
385
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,000
What?
386
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,000
Not very friendly.
387
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,000
Why don't you tell her to stay
at home,
388
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,000
then we can order whatever we want
and have our meeting in peace?
389
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,000
So, you wish to take out a loan.
390
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,000
That's right.
391
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,000
May I ask why you require the money?
392
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,000
To stop daughter going to
India.
393
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,000
I'm sorry?
394
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,000
Daughter's got a job offer
from India.
395
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,000
She's going to get paid lots more
money. We don't want her to go.
396
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,000
Why not?
India's a terrible country.
397
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,000
Dirty, smelly. Not like Pakistan.
398
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,000
And do you know
the worst thing about India?
399
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,000
The Indians!
400
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,000
Is that right?
401
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:58,000
Horrible peoples.
Short, fat, ugly, no manners
402
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,000
and they've got poo breath.
403
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,000
My wife is Indian.
404
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,000
We're looking to borrow? 10,000.
405
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,000
I see.
406
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,000
What do you think?
407
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:35,000
Now, as some of you know, I'm quite
good at creating spreadsheets.
408
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,000
He won an award.
409
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,000
Mum!
410
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,000
So I thought it might be helpful
if we looked at Shazia's decision
411
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,000
in terms of choosing a mobile phone
tariff -
412
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:51,000
i.e. finding the product that best suits
your own personal needs for yourself.
413
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,000
Can't we just talk about it?
414
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:58,000
He's done a chart, Shazia. Carry
on, beta. You're doing very well.
415
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:02,000
So, I thought we could do
a going-to-India tariff and a...
416
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,000
not-going-to-India tariff.
417
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:09,000
And the one with the most ticks
would be the one that best suits
418
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,000
your own personal needs for
yourself.
419
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,000
Brilliant.
420
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,000
Go on, then.
421
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,000
Right, well, I've entered
all the variables,
422
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,000
so if I just click here, then...
423
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,000
Oh.
424
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,000
What?
425
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,000
It says that you should go.
426
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,000
What? Do it again, Amjad.
427
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,000
The computer can't lie.
428
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,000
I might have missed
something out.
429
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:36,000
Can I say something?
430
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,000
Shoot.
431
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,000
What do YOU think?
432
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:43,000
Well... I made a spreadsheet.
433
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,000
Forget the spreadsheet.
434
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,000
He's only trying to help.
435
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,000
I just want to make sure
you make the right decision.
436
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,000
What if you didn't have to
save?
437
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,000
What if you already had enough to
put down a deposit on the flat?
438
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,000
That would make a difference,
wouldn't it?
439
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,000
I suppose.
440
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:02,000
Well, then, your father is going to
solve all our problems!
441
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,000
Well, that would be a first.
442
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:15,000
Bowl of chicken curry in the
fridge. Mrs Khan, I love you!
443
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,000
Gimme chicken, gimme,
gimme chicken!
444
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,000
Aah! Where is it?
445
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,000
Hi, Papaji.
446
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,000
Where is my bloody chicken?
447
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,000
We ate it.
448
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,000
C'etait delicieux.
449
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,000
HE GROANS
450
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,000
Aah! Ow!
451
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:34,000
Papa, please have something to eat,
you've been fasting all day.
452
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,000
There you are! We've been
waiting for you.
453
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,000
Come. Come and tell them
your good news. Tell them.
454
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,000
Here he is!
455
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,000
HE WINCES
456
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,000
Say something!
457
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,000
Huh? Assalaam alaikum.
458
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,000
What are you doing?
459
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,000
I feel funny.
460
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,000
Have you had anything to eat? No.
461
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,000
But then, eat something!
462
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,000
YELLS: I've been trying to!
463
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,000
My husband is fasting.
464
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,000
Have a biscuit.
465
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,000
Sorry, that was the last one.
466
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:06,000
YELLS: Why?!
467
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,000
Just tell them about the money.
What?
468
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,000
The money from the building society.
469
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:14,000
Oh, yes. Of course.
470
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,000
The money.
471
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,000
I didn't get it.
472
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,000
What?
473
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,000
They wouldn't give it to me.
Why not?
474
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,000
Because I wee'd in the fish
tank.
475
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,000
Oh, my God!
476
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,000
And I said his wife had poo breath!
477
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,000
I couldn't help myself.
478
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,000
It's all India's fault!
479
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,000
You stupid, stupid man!
480
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,000
That's it, then.
I'm going to India.
481
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,000
Right. I'll go and let them know.
482
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,000
I think perhaps I'd better go
too.
483
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:03,000
No, wait!
I can't let you do this.
484
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,000
It's OK, Mum. Really.
485
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,000
I always think
there's nothing so unattractive
486
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,000
as an overprotective mum.
487
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:14,000
Careful with that, Amjad.
It's hot.
488
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,000
Ohh!
489
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,000
HE SIGHS
490
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,000
Amjad.
491
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:31,000
I'm very weak with hunger, and it might
have affected the balance of my mind,
492
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:35,000
but I don't think you should let
Shazia go to India.
493
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,000
But Shazia said it made
sense for her to go.
494
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:41,000
Amjad. As you go through life,
495
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,000
you will learn something
about womens.
496
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,000
Like what?
497
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:51,000
Sometimes you have to show that
you are willing to fight for them.
498
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:55,000
When I first met Mrs Khan...
499
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,000
she had many admirers
500
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:59,000
and had I not told her
how I felt about her,
501
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:02,000
she would not have known
how much I liked her.
502
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:06,000
And in the end, she might have gone
off with one of the other admirers.
503
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:07,000
Then where would we be?
504
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,000
Amjad...
505
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,000
...what I'm saying to you is this.
506
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:24,000
That you cannot wait for a woman to
guess how you feel about her.
507
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,000
In the end, you just have to
tell her.
508
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:31,000
I've got to e-mail them
some details tonight.
509
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,000
Wait.
510
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,000
What is it?
511
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,000
I've thought of another tick.
512
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:41,000
SIGHS: Go on, then.
513
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,000
I don't want you to go.
514
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:45,000
What?
515
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,000
Look. I know that this is
a great opportunity
516
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:51,000
and we need the money, and like,
a million other things, but...
517
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:56,000
...I love you and I
can't bear to be without you.
518
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,000
Oh, budhoo.
519
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,000
Oh, ladoo...
520
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,000
I am so sorry.
521
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,000
Why didn't you just say that
before?
522
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,000
I didn't want to get in your
way.
523
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,000
But that's all I needed to hear.
524
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,000
Well done!
525
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,000
Hmm.
526
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,000
MR KHAN: Aah! My knee!
527
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,000
I think it's broken!
528
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,000
SIREN WAILS
529
00:27:33,050 --> 00:27:37,600
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38090
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof