Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,000
What's the matter?
2
00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:07,270
I wasn't 100% sure
you were coming back.
3
00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:09,430
You know, your flight
landed 30 minutes ago.
4
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:11,030
My luggage was on the wrong carousel!
5
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:13,230
Why wouldn't I come back?
6
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:17,270
I dunno. You're already on
a plane, you have a passport.
7
00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:21,070
You thought I'd hijack the
plane to get away from you?
8
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:22,510
Did you miss me?
9
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:24,950
I was angry at how much I missed you.
10
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:29,000
I missed you too. Just
the last two days, though.
11
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,390
~ Did you watch porn?
~ Absolutely.
12
00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,830
But I would always take a pillow
and make a little Sharon
13
00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:39,880
out of it that I would
hug while I... watched.
14
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,790
I did the same, just
without the pillow.
15
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,150
Actually it's hard for me
to masturbate at the moment
16
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,990
because I've got to look
over my belly to do it,
17
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:50,670
and I know there's a baby in there,
so it's kind of off-putting.
18
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,390
It's like you wouldn't want to
have a wank if there were kids
19
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:55,430
playing in the background, you know?
20
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:59,480
Yeah, yeah. That's kind of one
of my things, not doing that.
21
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:01,510
Did anyone try to convince
you to stay?
22
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,070
Yes. My friend Cory said,
23
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:08,070
~ "I'll see you in six months
when it doesn't work out." ~ Ugh!
24
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:11,230
I mean, that's given me more
motivation to make this work
25
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,310
than even the baby!
26
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,110
Yeah. Did you sort things
out with your mum?
27
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,030
No, not even close.
28
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:22,710
I can't believe it's taken me
38 years to realise my mother is
29
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,110
a shit bubble.
30
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,910
SHE LAUGHS UPROARIOUSLY
31
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,550
Did you get your best man sorted?
32
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,310
~ No.
~ Oh, because I've got a maid of honour now, so you have to.
33
00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:33,470
Who's your maid of honour? Fran?
34
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:36,390
What? No. Although she did offer.
35
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:39,950
No, I got panicked one night and
I asked my friend Kate from uni.
36
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,230
So she's going to come
over for a week,
37
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,350
hang out, you know, have some fun.
38
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,590
Does she know that you're
not fun any more?
39
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,150
You're such a fucker!
40
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:50,550
HE LAUGHS
41
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,790
I could ask your brother
to be my best man.
42
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,270
What would you think of that?
43
00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:57,270
Yeah. You can ASK him.
44
00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:59,630
I mean, you barely know him.
45
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:03,680
Yeah... I barely know you.
46
00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:09,310
It would be an honour. Thank you.
47
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,590
I mean it. You're part
of this family now.
48
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,750
You've given my sister
something to live for.
49
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,070
~ Well, I'm not sure she...
~ I love you, man.
50
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:21,120
Well, I love you too,
man. You're my brother.
51
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:25,390
Hey, Fergal, are you drunk?
52
00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,030
Since Wednesday.
53
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,630
Jesus! What's in there?
54
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:31,670
Bailey's, you pussy.
55
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,950
Mallandra's gone.
56
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,750
She's... where?
57
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,510
To Spain - with the kids.
58
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:42,560
But when she gets back,
she wants a divorce.
59
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,830
She wants a fucking divorce.
60
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,950
~ She's going to take my kids.
~ She's not going to take your kids.
61
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:52,070
And don't you have to agree
to let somebody divorce you?
62
00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:54,670
Don't let her divorce
you and we'll fix it.
63
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:58,720
I really fucked up this time.
I mean, ha! I've got a problem.
64
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,590
I'm a fucking monster.
65
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:05,350
~ What did you do?
~ Thank you. Thank you very much.
66
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:08,110
Your wedding is the week
before my court date,
67
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:11,950
so it'll give me something
to look forward to.
68
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,230
D'you want a smoothie?
69
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,870
WOMEN LAUGHING AS DOOR CLOSES
70
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,590
There he is.
71
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:23,590
Rob, this is Kate, my maid of honour. Kate,
this is Rob, the future Mr Sharon Morris.
72
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:27,640
Great to meet you, Kate. Sharon,
can I just talk to you...?
73
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,750
I'm so happy to finally meet you.
74
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:30,870
Same here.
75
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,710
You've got a good one here.
76
00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:37,430
Even if you hadn't gotten her
pregnant, she'd be a catch!
77
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,510
You know, she got all
the dick back home.
78
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:41,910
Not all of it.
79
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:45,550
We are going to have
a legendary week!
80
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,550
SHE HOOTS WITH LAUGHTER
81
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,390
This is my first time away
from my kids in five years.
82
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:54,440
I don't miss them and
I fucking LOVE LONDON!
83
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:59,110
~ Hey, can I talk to you for a quick second?
~ Yeah.
84
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:03,160
KATE HOOTS WITH LAUGHTER
85
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,830
She's always annoying
for the first day or so.
86
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,670
No, it's not that. I mean yes, she
is very annoying, but it's Fergal.
87
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:11,750
Is he not going to do it?
88
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:14,950
~ No, he is going to do
it but did he tell you... ~ Tell me what?
89
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,990
~ What he's done?
~ What did he do?
90
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,270
I don't know.
91
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,150
~ What are you asking me?
~ Well, do you know Mallandra left him?
92
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,590
Yeah. She does that
like... twice a year.
93
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,430
~ Do you know why?
~ Yes, because he's a prick.
94
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,230
No, I think it's worse than that.
95
00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:29,510
What are you talking about?
96
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,790
I don't know but there was something
in his eyes that said,
97
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,430
"I've done something really bad."
98
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,310
Something in his eyes?
99
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,470
Look. I don't know, I think
he may have hurt someone.
100
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:42,390
I'm not saying he has a freezer
full of kid-meat or anything...
101
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,950
Listen. I don't know if
you're stressed or what,
102
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:49,000
but you need to stop slandering my brother
and I need to stop ignoring my visitor.
103
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:52,470
This is rude. We are both being
very rude at the moment.
104
00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:56,520
~ Sorry.
~ Sorry, do you have Sudocrem or something?
105
00:04:56,680 --> 00:05:00,680
I got a Brazilian yesterday
and my pussy's on fire!
106
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:08,000
I'll get you some.
107
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:11,470
I'd like to introduce
Rob Norris to you all.
108
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,190
Rob helped establish
Frye & Loeb in Boston.
109
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,510
He's also coached brands
wrestling with PR issues.
110
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:20,910
I guess you could say he's
sort of a perception engineer.
111
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:24,030
Rob, the floor is yours.
112
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:26,590
Thank you, Harita.
113
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,670
The public are like toddlers.
114
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,350
They like shiny things like scandal,
115
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:35,400
like astronauts maybe dying because
they took Braeband's flagship drug.
116
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,030
So we need to distract them
with something even shinier
117
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,830
and what if, what
if that shiny thing,
118
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,590
could also be something truly good?
119
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,950
I'm sure I don't need to
tell you guys what animal
120
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:50,870
kills the most people
on earth every year.
121
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:52,990
~ Sharks?
~ No.
122
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:56,630
It's not sharks. It's the
mosquito, because of malaria
123
00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:00,680
and who's treated more cases of
malaria in India than anyone else?
124
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:05,070
It's not sharks!
125
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,230
But it's not Braeband, either.
126
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:10,830
It's the Dutch company Nyromax. Now,
what if Braeband were able to...
127
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:13,110
Rob, I'm going to interrupt
you for just a second
128
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,590
and say that your enthusiasm
is really something.
129
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,590
~ Well, honestly...
~ Thank you so much.
130
00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,310
Guys, this is what
courage looks like.
131
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:24,360
Not some dusty old astronaut whose
kids are basically committing libel.
132
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:30,390
~ Do you think she'll be much longer?
~ Why? D'you leave your lip liner in there?
133
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,230
No. I do that in the cab.
134
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:34,390
You look nice. Where
are they taking you?
135
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,270
Just for a steak. Montefiorres.
136
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,350
~ Nice.
~ Where are you guys off to?
137
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,710
~ Just going to go for a
pizza, I think and then... ~ Ready?
138
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:43,030
We're going to take it easy, daddy.
139
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:46,910
Just a couple of glasses of wine,
bit of dancing, half an E...
140
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,190
I probably won't do any E.
141
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,590
Neither will I.
142
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:53,590
OK. Well, call me if you...
143
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:57,640
Have a great night!
144
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,550
What's up, cock-munchers?
145
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:06,600
~ Pretty good. You know Chris?
~ Hey, man!
146
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:16,200
~ Get in.
~ What... are we not going for steak? ~ Get in!
147
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,590
Do you know what hospital
you're having the baby at?
148
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,270
~ St Thomas'.
~ My daughters were born there!
149
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:31,150
~ No way!
~ Yeah, it was great, my wife loved it.
150
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,630
She had a water birth there.
151
00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,910
You should do that. It just
swims right out! It's easy!
152
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,750
~ OK. I'll try that.
~ You have beautiful eyes.
153
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,310
Sorry?
154
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,550
What the fuck?
155
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:47,350
~ I think I want to get out of here. Now.
~ Me too.
156
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:51,190
~ See the guy I'm talking to?
~ SHE GIGGLES MANIACALLY
157
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:54,510
He wants to show me his boat!
158
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,750
Imagine.
159
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:01,630
So do you mind if I go... with him?
160
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:05,270
I'll be back in the morning.
I'll bring pastries!
161
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:06,910
I'm going to the loo now, OK?
162
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,270
Because my baby is pushing
down on my bladder
163
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,790
and then we're going to leave, OK?
164
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,840
So say good night to the rapist and I'll
see you out the front in five, OK?
165
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:31,910
Good shit, huh?
166
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,910
You know, I want to like it.
167
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:36,310
I mean it's naked women - great -
168
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,270
and dancing, which I also love,
169
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:41,670
so it's two great things together,
but then you add a bunch of sweaty
170
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:45,720
guys and you know, you leering at
them and it's just kind of a bummer.
171
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:51,200
Yeah, sure. Pop this in her thong.
172
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,270
Lenore?
173
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:57,320
Chris? Oh, my God. What
are you doing here?
174
00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:01,150
Yelp said you do a good
onion ring. SHE LAUGHS
175
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,430
You look fuckin' amazing.
176
00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,390
Yeah, well, you put on
an ounce in this place
177
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,310
and they make you dance
for the Chinese lads.
178
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:11,360
~ Sure, sure.
~ Fuck me! Chris Beesley.
179
00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:14,030
Hey, Chris, you going to
get your dinky stinky?
180
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,350
I don't know who that is.
181
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:19,070
Listen, I'm on the clock but
do you want to buy a dance.
182
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,790
We could catch up.
183
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,840
Sure.
184
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:30,200
Hey, sh! You're not allowed
to talk while they're dancing.
185
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:34,280
~ I was just gonna...
~ Sh!
186
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,350
Girls!
187
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:39,710
And do you have any kids?
188
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:41,030
One boy.
189
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,630
I've got a boy and a little girl.
190
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,950
Two kids came out of there? Wow.
191
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,870
Outdoors is all right
192
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:53,920
but my fanny looks like
it stepped on a land mine.
193
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,550
How long have you
been with your wife?
194
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:57,950
12 years. Her name's Fran.
195
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,390
And does Fran not mind you
coming to places like this?
196
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:05,390
Not as long as I fuck her
when I get back home.
197
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:07,910
She doesn't know I'm here.
198
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,270
Listen, there's some rooms out the
back that are a bit more private,
199
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:15,320
if you want to, you know, talk more.
200
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:19,880
I think I should get
back to the lads.
201
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,030
You sure?
202
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:27,080
No.
203
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:45,390
I left my bag inside. I'll
be one minute, two minutes.
204
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:49,350
This bag? You left this bag inside?
205
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,030
I want to see the boat.
206
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:54,230
Look at me, focus. There's no boat.
207
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,510
There's a tiny flat
with a filthy mattress
208
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:59,630
and nose hair clippings in the sink.
209
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:03,680
I want a filthy mattress.
I want any mattress.
210
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,230
I'm not happy.
211
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:10,150
Oh, darling! I am sorry to hear that
212
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,070
but you're going to
be even less happy
213
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:16,120
if you get all cut up and
put in a bin bag, OK?
214
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:20,840
So come on. Let's just go.
215
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,150
Oh, my God!
216
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,550
Shit! Did you just bang
your head? Are you...?
217
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,750
I'm OK.
218
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,800
Ow!
219
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:38,790
Oh, fuck! Just wait there. Don't
move, I'll get some help.
220
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,270
Help her! Don't move.
221
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,790
I need some help. I want a
first aid kit or something.
222
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:47,310
She's really banged her head.
223
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,430
Hello? I need an ambulance.
224
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,830
Where's the woman that
was like... there?
225
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:55,880
Where's the woman... Kate?
226
00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:00,110
Kate! Kate!
227
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,190
I want to tell you what I did.
228
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,710
In the States, you get a
lot more bang for your buck
229
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,760
cos you can use dollar bills, y'all!
230
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,710
You've already given me like ?300.
231
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:11,990
Rob, I need to talk to you.
232
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:13,630
Do you? Now?
233
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:16,590
You can't really put a pound
coin down a dancer's g-string.
234
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:17,790
It's just going to fall out.
235
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:21,840
~ I want to tell ya what happened.
~ What if you didn't? What if you just took me out of the loop?
236
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:25,830
~ I found out that Mallandra...
~ I threw a pound coin on the stage once but it bounced
237
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:27,310
and chipped the dancer's tooth.
238
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:31,360
Do you ever shut yer fucking
trap for five minutes? Shut up!
239
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:37,270
Shut... THE FUCK UP!
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
240
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:41,320
THEY SHOUT
241
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:46,600
And I'll have the 32-ounce
Kobe Tomahawk.
242
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,000
Hey.
243
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:03,550
We can't just roam London yelling
her name. I mean, the fact is,
244
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,830
statistically, she's
going to wake up today,
245
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:09,310
maybe with a concussion and probably
with herpes, but she'll be
246
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:13,360
alive and we can send her directly
back to Ireland on a bus.
247
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:17,150
I don't understand. Her
Facebook is all PTA
248
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,670
and cake sale shit and
Deepak Chopra quotes.
249
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,590
Maybe she's getting back
at you for all that dick.
250
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:26,640
She's missing. She cracked her skull
open. I don't know what to...
251
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,110
should I call her husband?
252
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,630
What are you going to say?
253
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:32,830
"Hey, Rick. I know
it's been six years
254
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:36,880
"but wanted to let you know your
wife is fucking a guy on a boat."
255
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:38,390
Or dead.
256
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,950
Or dead, but probably
fucking a guy on a boat.
257
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,750
Oh...
258
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,470
She was supposed to help
me get my dress today.
259
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,230
I'm sorry, honey.
260
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,350
Are you going straight to work?
261
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,750
Yeah, unfortunately.
262
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,150
Why? I thought it was getting better.
263
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,350
Weren't you going
to be a Spy for God?
264
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:59,030
I don't want to burden you with
it now, but my prevailing sense
265
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:03,080
is that it's bad people doing
bad things and I'm helping them.
266
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:07,840
It doesn't have to be forever. You
know, just the next 18 years or so.
267
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,390
Right.
268
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:13,440
Better now?
269
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,110
Special delivery!
270
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:44,160
Oh, God, don't say special delivery.
271
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,230
Hi.
272
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:51,280
~ Oh, my God, what is she wearing?
~ I don't want to hear it.
273
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,230
Hi.
274
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:55,350
You look beautiful.
275
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,310
No, I don't. I look like a couch.
276
00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,110
~ A beautiful couch.
~ I'm going to take the hat off.
277
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:03,030
Fran really pushed the
hat, I don't like the hat.
278
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:07,080
Well, I don't think you need
it because I would like to look
279
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,550
at this unencumbered.
280
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:14,600
~ Do you want to go in there?
~ Yep.
281
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,950
(Are you OK?)
282
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,390
(Yes.)
283
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:27,440
(Good.)
284
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,390
OK, I took it off because...
285
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,470
Sorry I'm late!
286
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,710
You look lovely.
287
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,350
Where the fuck have you been?!
288
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,750
I thought you were dead or murdered.
I nearly cancelled the wedding!
289
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:42,800
I know, I'm sorry. I
ended up in Brighton.
290
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,030
I should've called but I knew
you'd just make me come back.
291
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,510
You know your husband has called
Sharon maybe 40 times?
292
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:54,560
It's fine. I spoke to him on the way
here, he knows I got a head wound.
293
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,030
~ Oh, Christ!
~ Jesus!
294
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,550
Oh, you need to go home.
295
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:00,990
But I'm your Maid of Honour.
296
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,310
Why don't you both go
in? I'll take over here.
297
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:07,360
It's OK.
298
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:13,560
I understand the groom would
like to say something.
299
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,950
I never thought it
would happen this way.
300
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,150
I mean, I wouldn't have ordered
this, if it were on the menu.
301
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,910
But there was no menu.
302
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,710
It was like one of those restaurants
where the chef just decides
303
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:33,630
what you're going to eat and it's
scary because what if you get, like,
304
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:37,510
a pheasant filled with capers?
305
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,950
But then he brings you something
unbelievably delicious
306
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,670
and you realise he knows better
than you could ever know,
307
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:48,720
and you never want to go to any
other restaurant ever again.
308
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,630
Fuck menus.
309
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,870
Do you have something
you'd like to add?
310
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,190
Erm...
311
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:58,910
Amen.
312
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,830
I call upon these persons
here present...
313
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:04,590
Actually, I would like to say
something, as maid of honour,
314
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:05,790
just now if that's...?
315
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:07,270
Sure.
316
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:11,320
It's actually a short song
but I think it's very fitting.
317
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:16,560
When my bonny love did falter
318
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:22,960
As the river laps the bank
319
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:27,480
His furtive tongue did loosen for
320
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,840
My love has just become
321
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:37,120
His eye did gaze upon our place
322
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:42,440
A love safe fine yet clear
323
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:47,160
I see your wheel turn fit, my dear
324
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:52,480
It pleasures me somewhere
325
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:57,160
The highs and lows where'er we go
326
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:01,430
Sha.
327
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,510
Sorry, just a second.
328
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:07,560
APPLAUSE
329
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:14,520
MUSIC: Don't Shilly Shally
by Edwyn Collins
330
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,510
Remember this place?
331
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:53,990
Yeah.
332
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:56,470
It's not as nice as
I remember it, though.
333
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:57,950
It's a different room.
334
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,710
I tried to get our room but
they'd had to seal it off
335
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,870
because they couldn't
get our sex funk out.
336
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,910
HE LAUGHS
337
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:09,960
We should probably have some
sex now, don't you think?
338
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,030
I...
339
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:16,080
This is pushing down
on my fart maker, so...
340
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,390
~ I'm not sure it's a good idea.
~ OK.
341
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,190
Hey, how are your feet? Those
shoes looked painful.
342
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,230
(They're killing me.)
343
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:25,510
Let me rub them a little bit.
344
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:28,870
Aww, thank you.
345
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:32,110
Oh, hey, Fergal was great
today, by the way.
346
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,270
I guess whatever he was going
on about wasn't that bad.
347
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,590
Oh, no, it was that bad,
I forgot to tell you.
348
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:40,830
This guy fromm Mallandra's work
texted her that she looked
349
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,990
sexy in her new dress, so Fergal
went round to his house
350
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,470
and attacked him, then he tried
to put him in the dress
351
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,230
and dislocated the guy's shoulder.
352
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:52,280
But he's decided to drop charges
now, so they're all OK.
353
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,750
Oh. Oh, good.
354
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:58,800
I mean, that's terrifying.
355
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,350
Wow.
356
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:03,590
What?
357
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,790
Your toenails are mighty long.
358
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,870
Oh, no, I'm sorry. Every time
I try to bend over to clip them
359
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:12,030
~ I feel like I'm going to puke and...
~ It's OK. I'll clip them for you.
360
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:15,870
What? No, I'll get
a pedicure tomorrow.
361
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,750
That's ridiculous. You're
my wife, you're pregnant,
362
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,350
your toenails are a hate crime,
so instead of having sex
363
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:25,400
on our wedding night, I'm
going to cut your toenails.
364
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:34,680
Hey...
365
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,350
Can I change my mind?
366
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:48,950
About what?
367
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:53,000
I think we should have some sex.
368
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,230
What?
369
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:57,590
What?
370
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,270
Well, you just... hesitated.
371
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,190
No, it's just, I have a
handful of your toenails.
372
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,310
It's not exactly foreplay...
373
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:08,310
That was your idea. I mean, if
clipping my toenails is going
374
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,790
to turn you off, don't
clip my toenails.
375
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,830
Well, I wanted to help you.
I mean, they were claw-like.
376
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:17,070
~ They weren't claw-like.
~ They were claw-like and gnarly.
377
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:18,430
You know what? Just forget it.
378
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:21,870
No, don't. Listen, I'm not
saying I don't want to...
379
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:25,510
Jesus, I hesitated because I looked
at the contents of my hand
380
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:29,560
and then it took a second to divert
blood from my brain to my dick...
381
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,230
Now you're making me feel shit.
382
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:36,280
Great, like I don't feel shit enough.
383
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,710
~ Why are you doing that?
~ Because...
384
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:43,190
you hurt my feelings, I don't really
want to look at your face right now.
385
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,230
I don't want look at yours either,
because you've twisted it
386
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:49,710
from its normal beautiful state
into a frowny little sourpuss,
387
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,710
like you do every day.
388
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:55,750
Like I do every day? What, every
day of my cursed pregnancy?
389
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,790
Where I've got to go to the doctor
three times a week because I'm 41
390
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,750
and every possible thing that could
have gone wrong has gone wrong?
391
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,670
I know, I've been there
every step of the way
392
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,110
and it hasn't been
a blast for me either.
393
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,950
Oh, well, why don't you go and
fuck another drunk woman and see
394
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,870
if she'll have a nicer, less
complicated pregnancy for you?
395
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:16,920
You know, I would but I've already
hitched my wagon to this... horse.
396
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:18,870
Horse?
397
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:22,110
Horse, I don't know, donkey...
Whatever you hitch a wagon to.
398
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,670
A beast of burden.
399
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,750
~ Get out.
~ You fucking get out,
400
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,470
you have got a house. I'll
stay here in this hotel
401
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,990
that I never should have
left in the first place.
402
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:35,030
OK.
403
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:36,550
Bullshit.
404
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,390
"Never should have left," what's
that supposed to mean?
405
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:40,830
Wait, are you really going?
406
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,870
Are you really leaving
on our wedding night?
407
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:47,910
Are you shitting me? This
isn't a fucking soap opera!
408
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:51,960
All I've ever done is try
and do the right thing.
409
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:56,320
The right thing? That's what this
is? That's what you're doing?
410
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,910
The right thing? You fucking
duty-bound boy scout.
411
00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:02,230
~ I didn't mean...
~ I don't want to be the right thing.
412
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:05,630
I want to be a choice, that's
why I fucking hate this.
413
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:09,680
You are without a doubt the most hard
to please person I have ever met.
414
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,790
If I showed you a rainbow, you'd be
like, "Oh, there's too many colours.
415
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:16,950
"There's too many colours
on one thing."
416
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:21,000
Yeah, well, at least I don't
sell drugs that kill astronauts.
417
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:26,190
I just started there, and they
don't kill people any more.
418
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,710
And you believe that, you
gullible American prick?
419
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:32,760
I only took the job because of
you, you fucking ingrate shrew!
420
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,790
Fucking Christ!
421
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,030
Why the fuck did I...?
422
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,110
KNOCK AT DOOR
423
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,430
~ I'm so sorry...
~ My waters broke.
424
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:54,480
~ My waters broke and it's too early.
~ What?
425
00:23:54,530 --> 00:23:59,080
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33465
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof