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1
00:00:26,536 --> 00:00:27,837
The way you live says a lot
2
00:00:27,957 --> 00:00:30,306
about the way
you're going to die.
3
00:00:30,307 --> 00:00:32,541
Come on! Give me my fucking
soda, you asshole!
4
00:00:32,542 --> 00:00:34,377
Bottom line is this, kids.
5
00:00:37,647 --> 00:00:40,683
Some people just get
what they deserve.
6
00:00:40,684 --> 00:00:44,687
Give me my fucking soda,
you stupid asshole machine!
7
00:00:44,688 --> 00:00:46,122
Then there are the schmucks
8
00:00:46,123 --> 00:00:47,890
who never should have existed
in the first place.
9
00:00:47,891 --> 00:00:50,193
Richard, thank God I found you.
10
00:00:50,194 --> 00:00:52,195
I have identified
your shadowy assassin.
11
00:00:52,196 --> 00:00:53,929
Be gone.
12
00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:57,600
Other people die exactly
as you'd expect them to.
13
00:01:05,409 --> 00:01:07,410
Then there's the cockroaches,
14
00:01:07,411 --> 00:01:10,480
the stubborn fucks who
just keep on ticking...
15
00:01:11,615 --> 00:01:13,383
No matter what.
16
00:01:13,384 --> 00:01:17,620
But the best death of all,
17
00:01:17,621 --> 00:01:19,255
the bonus kill,
18
00:01:19,256 --> 00:01:23,626
the one that comes with
a cash fucking reward.
19
00:01:23,627 --> 00:01:25,594
I'm sorry.
20
00:01:25,595 --> 00:01:27,497
There wasn't a thing we
could do for your father.
21
00:01:29,633 --> 00:01:30,699
Yeah!
22
00:01:33,303 --> 00:01:34,637
Good news.
23
00:01:34,638 --> 00:01:36,805
Your father's going to be fine.
24
00:01:37,974 --> 00:01:39,042
Fuck.
25
00:01:40,177 --> 00:01:44,947
26
00:01:44,948 --> 00:01:46,916
Without you
27
00:01:46,917 --> 00:01:51,120
I'd find my smile
28
00:01:51,121 --> 00:01:53,856
Without you
29
00:01:53,857 --> 00:01:56,359
I'd have won by a mile
30
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,727
Without you
31
00:01:58,728 --> 00:02:02,432
Oh, life would be so grand
32
00:02:02,433 --> 00:02:04,500
Without you
33
00:02:04,501 --> 00:02:06,569
I'm half a man
34
00:02:06,570 --> 00:02:10,306
Without you
35
00:02:13,310 --> 00:02:17,346
Without you...
36
00:02:18,949 --> 00:02:22,051
Without you
37
00:02:31,428 --> 00:02:33,096
You forgot to put
an emergency contact
38
00:02:33,097 --> 00:02:35,498
on Ken Fitzpatrick's
admission form.
39
00:02:35,499 --> 00:02:36,765
Are you family?
40
00:02:36,766 --> 00:02:37,967
And who wants to know?
41
00:02:37,968 --> 00:02:40,536
I'm his daughter,
Meghan Fitzpatrick.
42
00:02:43,974 --> 00:02:45,708
Oh, how much does that pay?
43
00:02:45,709 --> 00:02:47,843
It's not a job offer.
44
00:02:47,844 --> 00:02:49,579
Well, it sounds like
a lot of work to me.
45
00:02:49,580 --> 00:02:51,114
And you want me
to do it for free,
46
00:02:51,115 --> 00:02:52,781
after what this family's
put me through?
47
00:02:52,782 --> 00:02:54,117
Forget it.
48
00:02:54,118 --> 00:02:56,719
Let my degenerate brother
take responsibility for once.
49
00:02:58,188 --> 00:02:59,455
Yeah, I'd love
to help you out, honey,
50
00:02:59,456 --> 00:03:01,890
but I just called a cab.
51
00:03:01,891 --> 00:03:03,692
And if you ever want a ride,
52
00:03:03,693 --> 00:03:05,328
you call Uncle Fitzy.
53
00:03:05,329 --> 00:03:07,263
Ring, a-ding, ding.
54
00:03:07,264 --> 00:03:09,398
Ma'am, I would be
more than happy
55
00:03:09,399 --> 00:03:12,801
to be put down as
Mr. Fitzpatrick's next of kin.
56
00:03:12,802 --> 00:03:13,902
You're related?
57
00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:16,705
Well, technically, yes,
58
00:03:16,706 --> 00:03:20,309
as I am the living embodiment
of Richard's conscience.
59
00:03:20,310 --> 00:03:22,411
There-
Psych Ward is on five.
60
00:03:22,412 --> 00:03:24,313
Really, Larry?
61
00:03:24,314 --> 00:03:26,282
Does that shit ever fly?
62
00:03:26,283 --> 00:03:27,517
One day it might.
63
00:03:27,518 --> 00:03:29,118
Fuck, it smells
like death in here.
64
00:03:29,119 --> 00:03:32,188
Well, it's the proximity
of the shadowy figure.
65
00:03:32,189 --> 00:03:35,558
And by my estimation, Richard,
she is wearing support hose.
66
00:03:38,662 --> 00:03:40,996
That's right. I found
that fortune teller.
67
00:03:40,997 --> 00:03:41,997
And you now what she said?
68
00:03:41,998 --> 00:03:45,434
Closer than you think.
69
00:03:45,435 --> 00:03:46,869
Paging Dr. Ass-tard.
70
00:03:46,870 --> 00:03:49,705
Your mouth is on line one and it
wants you to shut the fuck up!
71
00:03:49,706 --> 00:03:53,342
Okay, you can see him now.
72
00:04:10,227 --> 00:04:13,296
Fuck. I'm dead.
73
00:04:13,297 --> 00:04:15,331
No!
74
00:04:16,533 --> 00:04:19,435
Oh, thank Christ.
75
00:04:19,436 --> 00:04:21,504
Hey, keep it down over there!
76
00:04:26,476 --> 00:04:27,610
What is this?
77
00:04:27,611 --> 00:04:30,079
Some kind
of back-alley peepshow?
78
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,915
You waited a long time to have
your cancerous testicle removed.
79
00:04:32,916 --> 00:04:34,584
Now with your
high blood pressure
80
00:04:34,585 --> 00:04:35,551
and today's
cardial infraction-
81
00:04:35,552 --> 00:04:36,985
Will you fucking speak English?
82
00:04:38,222 --> 00:04:39,955
Surgery or bust, sunshine.
83
00:04:39,956 --> 00:04:41,324
Emergency surgery?
84
00:04:41,325 --> 00:04:43,392
Isn't that dangerous
for an old man?
85
00:04:43,393 --> 00:04:45,695
Maybe even fatal?
86
00:04:45,696 --> 00:04:47,963
Yeah, there's always
a risk of complications,
87
00:04:47,964 --> 00:04:50,366
but tomorrow,
double those odds.
88
00:04:50,367 --> 00:04:52,201
Okay.
89
00:04:52,202 --> 00:04:55,638
The money the old man's got
socked away, plus the pension,
90
00:04:55,639 --> 00:04:57,707
minus the debt,
property value...
91
00:04:57,708 --> 00:05:00,142
Hah.
92
00:05:00,143 --> 00:05:01,277
Your bank account's
the only thing
93
00:05:01,278 --> 00:05:02,878
about you that's
healthy, old man.
94
00:05:02,879 --> 00:05:05,013
If I die, why should
you get a hot nickel?
95
00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:05,948
Because I've been putting up-
Yeah, what about me?
96
00:05:05,949 --> 00:05:06,949
What do I get?
97
00:05:06,950 --> 00:05:09,852
Both of you need
to get in line.
98
00:05:09,853 --> 00:05:12,955
Technically, we are
still married.
99
00:05:12,956 --> 00:05:14,657
Huh?
What?
100
00:05:14,658 --> 00:05:17,693
Maybe Mama forgot
to file the papers.
101
00:05:18,762 --> 00:05:20,496
And enough of this
death talk, baby.
102
00:05:20,497 --> 00:05:21,997
You're not going anywhere.
103
00:05:21,998 --> 00:05:23,699
You're as strong as an ox.
104
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:25,701
Especially those balls.
Fuck.
105
00:05:25,702 --> 00:05:26,802
Get your fucking hands
off his balls,
106
00:05:26,803 --> 00:05:28,237
you fucking old dragon.
Excuse me, Daddy,
107
00:05:28,238 --> 00:05:29,438
I did everything
you said! I want my-
108
00:05:29,439 --> 00:05:30,606
Excuse me, Daddy, I did
everything you said.
109
00:05:30,607 --> 00:05:33,075
All right, everybody!
Shut the fuck up!
110
00:05:33,076 --> 00:05:34,644
Tearing up the old will.
111
00:05:34,645 --> 00:05:35,944
Writing a new one.
112
00:05:37,147 --> 00:05:39,448
And if-
When!
113
00:05:39,449 --> 00:05:41,317
If I die-
114
00:05:41,318 --> 00:05:42,951
Don't worry about me, sir-
115
00:05:42,952 --> 00:05:46,489
You, especially,
will get squat and like it.
116
00:05:46,490 --> 00:05:50,326
If I die, everything goes
to the disappointment
117
00:05:50,327 --> 00:05:54,497
who disappointed me the least.
118
00:05:54,498 --> 00:05:56,499
That's right.
119
00:05:56,500 --> 00:06:00,436
Fill in that fucking blank.
120
00:06:07,177 --> 00:06:08,511
I deserve that inheritance,
121
00:06:08,512 --> 00:06:09,978
not Elaine, not Meghan.
122
00:06:09,979 --> 00:06:12,381
Richard, call me crazy, but
it's a fairly minor procedure.
123
00:06:12,382 --> 00:06:14,317
In all likelihood,
Ken won't even die.
124
00:06:14,318 --> 00:06:15,718
Stop being so negative.
125
00:06:15,719 --> 00:06:17,620
You need to concentrate on
the real problem at hand here:
126
00:06:17,621 --> 00:06:20,122
your mother!
Yes, get rid of her.
127
00:06:20,123 --> 00:06:21,490
Wait! Me?
128
00:06:21,491 --> 00:06:22,925
Yes, you.
129
00:06:22,926 --> 00:06:24,660
You're the one who keeps
saying she's out to get me.
130
00:06:24,661 --> 00:06:26,329
Keep an eye on her while
I get back to work.
131
00:06:26,330 --> 00:06:28,431
Only way I'm going
to impress the old man
132
00:06:28,432 --> 00:06:29,865
is to sell some cars.
133
00:06:29,866 --> 00:06:32,201
Richard, we're in a hospital.
134
00:06:32,202 --> 00:06:34,970
That's right, full of sickos
who sure as hell
135
00:06:34,971 --> 00:06:36,539
won't be driving
themselves home.
136
00:06:36,540 --> 00:06:38,307
It's the oldest scam
in the book, Larry.
137
00:06:38,308 --> 00:06:41,644
Find a geezer,
low-ball him with a cash offer,
138
00:06:41,645 --> 00:06:42,778
get him to sign
on the dotted line
139
00:06:42,779 --> 00:06:44,780
and ring, a-ding, ding.
140
00:06:44,781 --> 00:06:46,515
Game on, Mom.
141
00:06:48,485 --> 00:06:50,619
Dr. Flores, dial 182,
142
00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:53,622
Oh, excuse me.
143
00:06:53,623 --> 00:06:56,692
I've asked about a private
room six times now, okay?
144
00:06:56,693 --> 00:06:59,628
I don't want my father waking
up next to some sick immigrant.
145
00:06:59,629 --> 00:07:03,699
No offence.
146
00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:05,334
Poor Daddy.
147
00:07:05,335 --> 00:07:07,102
He must be so scared.
148
00:07:07,103 --> 00:07:09,004
Scared about losing his money.
149
00:07:09,005 --> 00:07:11,640
He always was a greedy bastard.
150
00:07:11,641 --> 00:07:12,975
Except in the sack.
151
00:07:14,544 --> 00:07:16,612
Hey, if you guys
got back together,
152
00:07:16,613 --> 00:07:19,281
then you would
just get the money,
153
00:07:19,282 --> 00:07:22,284
like as a wife and a mother,
154
00:07:22,285 --> 00:07:24,553
a mother who cares about her
recently divorced daughter's
155
00:07:24,554 --> 00:07:26,489
need for inner-thigh
liposuction.
156
00:07:27,424 --> 00:07:28,924
And outer thigh too.
157
00:07:28,925 --> 00:07:31,761
Basically
the entire thigh area.
158
00:07:31,762 --> 00:07:33,228
Have I taught you nothing?
159
00:07:33,229 --> 00:07:35,030
Actually, no.
160
00:07:35,031 --> 00:07:39,101
Plastic surgery,
expensive trips to Hawaii,
161
00:07:39,102 --> 00:07:42,337
meaningless sex, that's what
rich boyfriends are for.
162
00:07:42,338 --> 00:07:45,240
Rupee doesn't believe
in plastic surgery,
163
00:07:45,241 --> 00:07:47,142
or meaningless sex,
164
00:07:47,143 --> 00:07:49,044
or being rich.
Fuck him!
165
00:07:49,045 --> 00:07:50,780
You see, now you're
using your head.
166
00:07:50,781 --> 00:07:52,581
Nothing would make
your father happier
167
00:07:52,582 --> 00:07:55,518
than getting rid of that
flaming pile of camel shit.
168
00:07:55,519 --> 00:07:57,386
Okay, well, if there's
one thing I'm not doing,
169
00:07:57,387 --> 00:07:59,622
it's taking relationship
advice from you.
170
00:07:59,623 --> 00:08:01,557
You have horrible taste in men.
171
00:08:01,558 --> 00:08:03,225
I mean, Daddy? Ugh.
172
00:08:03,226 --> 00:08:04,693
Oh, excuse me.
173
00:08:04,694 --> 00:08:07,029
Okay, I have asked-
Excuse me!
174
00:08:09,132 --> 00:08:11,333
Dr. Davis, telephone, please.
175
00:08:11,334 --> 00:08:12,968
Hey, you got the papers?
176
00:08:12,969 --> 00:08:14,737
Yeah.
177
00:08:14,738 --> 00:08:16,071
Not those papers, idiot!
178
00:08:16,072 --> 00:08:19,308
The sales contracts so
I can sign some new business.
179
00:08:19,309 --> 00:08:20,309
Yeah, they're in the car.
180
00:08:20,310 --> 00:08:21,544
Well, go fucking get them.
181
00:08:21,545 --> 00:08:22,878
And whatever you do,
do not tell Dot where we are.
182
00:08:22,879 --> 00:08:24,146
The last thing I need
is another piranha in panties
183
00:08:24,147 --> 00:08:27,015
trying to oust me
out of the will.
184
00:08:27,016 --> 00:08:28,617
You owe me for parking.
185
00:08:28,618 --> 00:08:30,185
Oh, hello.
186
00:08:30,186 --> 00:08:33,856
Hello.
187
00:08:33,857 --> 00:08:37,860
Tick, tock!
188
00:08:37,861 --> 00:08:40,095
I got a sweet minivan
with your name all over it!
189
00:08:40,096 --> 00:08:41,697
Come on! Let's do this!
190
00:08:41,698 --> 00:08:45,400
My final offer. You're raping
me on this, you asshole.
191
00:08:45,401 --> 00:08:49,805
All right, went you turn 16, you
remember, "Fitzpatrick Motors."
192
00:08:49,806 --> 00:08:51,707
Uh...
193
00:08:51,708 --> 00:08:55,811
Ooh.
194
00:08:56,746 --> 00:08:58,814
Hm, opiates.
195
00:09:13,062 --> 00:09:16,431
Just go. Just go.
196
00:09:19,369 --> 00:09:20,703
Richard, we need to talk.
197
00:09:20,704 --> 00:09:23,238
Making an effort to impress
Ken is commendable but-
198
00:09:23,239 --> 00:09:25,708
Just doing what
I'm best at, pal.
199
00:09:25,709 --> 00:09:28,410
Well, ha, ha, second best at.
200
00:09:28,411 --> 00:09:30,078
Look, the situation
with your mother,
201
00:09:30,079 --> 00:09:31,380
it's worse than I thought.
202
00:09:31,381 --> 00:09:33,382
Always is.
Elaine is many things.
203
00:09:33,383 --> 00:09:35,985
She's slim, foul-mouth,
dynamite in red,
204
00:09:35,986 --> 00:09:38,420
but arrested for petty theft
and cheap seduction?
205
00:09:38,421 --> 00:09:40,455
So she's old
and losing her touch.
206
00:09:40,456 --> 00:09:42,290
Or she's experiencing emotion
for the first time.
207
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:43,826
And not only is she going
to kill you on the Beaver Moon,
208
00:09:43,827 --> 00:09:45,027
she may actually enjoy it.
209
00:09:45,028 --> 00:09:46,695
Will you shut up about
that fucking moon already?
210
00:09:46,696 --> 00:09:48,030
You need to make
amends with her.
211
00:09:48,031 --> 00:09:49,665
That means not competing
for Ken's money.
212
00:09:49,666 --> 00:09:53,235
Competing? I've already
won, motherfucker.
213
00:09:54,671 --> 00:09:58,040
Best thing about the burn ward,
other than the hickory aroma,
214
00:09:58,041 --> 00:10:00,275
a lot of schmucks looking
to unload their rides.
215
00:10:00,276 --> 00:10:01,510
Don't look so smug.
216
00:10:01,511 --> 00:10:02,778
This is my face.
217
00:10:02,779 --> 00:10:04,479
It is.
218
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,148
I'm this close to getting
Daddy a private room.
219
00:10:06,149 --> 00:10:07,082
I'm this close to...
220
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:09,451
Okay, you know what?
Oh, grow up, the two of you.
221
00:10:09,452 --> 00:10:11,219
Stop it.
222
00:10:11,220 --> 00:10:13,221
Here.
223
00:10:13,222 --> 00:10:14,322
Go get Mommy some ice.
224
00:10:14,323 --> 00:10:17,593
No, I will not!
225
00:10:17,594 --> 00:10:19,562
That was a first.
226
00:10:19,563 --> 00:10:20,829
What?
What?
227
00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:22,831
There were some complications.
228
00:10:22,832 --> 00:10:25,000
Testicular mis-assignment.
229
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:26,301
Huh?
230
00:10:26,302 --> 00:10:28,571
Well, in golfer's terms,
we sunk the wrong ball.
231
00:10:28,572 --> 00:10:30,606
Oh, you cross-eyed hack!
232
00:10:30,607 --> 00:10:31,607
Oh, good news.
233
00:10:31,608 --> 00:10:32,608
We managed to reattach it.
234
00:10:32,609 --> 00:10:33,976
The bad news is,
235
00:10:33,977 --> 00:10:36,979
well, we didn't exactly
get to the cancer nut.
236
00:10:36,980 --> 00:10:40,082
We rescheduled
your dad for 6:00.
237
00:10:40,083 --> 00:10:42,517
Excuse me. I need a drink.
238
00:10:44,588 --> 00:10:47,556
Oh, I need a drink.
239
00:10:57,767 --> 00:10:59,267
So this is hell?
240
00:10:59,268 --> 00:11:00,936
Hey, you better make
a decision, old man,
241
00:11:00,937 --> 00:11:02,137
before you go under
the knife again.
242
00:11:02,138 --> 00:11:03,639
Who's it going to be?
243
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,609
Ten, five and 10 says I took
this will action and then some.
244
00:11:06,610 --> 00:11:08,276
Two puddings.
Still working on the room.
245
00:11:08,277 --> 00:11:10,145
I look hot in this skirt.
246
00:11:10,146 --> 00:11:12,615
No other woman on this earth
would put up with you.
247
00:11:12,616 --> 00:11:14,016
Cut the crap, lady.
248
00:11:14,017 --> 00:11:15,951
You're here for the cash.
249
00:11:15,952 --> 00:11:17,753
How do you think these
two blood-sucking
250
00:11:17,754 --> 00:11:18,988
vultures learned to fly?
251
00:11:18,989 --> 00:11:21,356
Well, you need me,
you worthless sack of shit.
252
00:11:21,357 --> 00:11:23,759
I'm on the verge
of fucking death.
253
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:27,796
The only thing I need
is a fresh start, a new kid.
254
00:11:27,797 --> 00:11:29,397
You haven't got the nuts.
255
00:11:29,398 --> 00:11:32,868
I stored some junk before
the scalpel jockey had her fun.
256
00:11:32,869 --> 00:11:34,036
Oh, no way
I'm ruining these tits.
257
00:11:34,037 --> 00:11:35,203
They're brand new.
258
00:11:35,204 --> 00:11:36,639
This is real life, Elaine,
259
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,807
not a fucking horror movie.
260
00:11:38,808 --> 00:11:43,178
I called someone else to have
the kid, someone who cares.
261
00:11:44,313 --> 00:11:45,981
Phone must not be working.
262
00:11:45,982 --> 00:11:47,683
Oh, you're out of surgery.
263
00:11:47,684 --> 00:11:49,885
Darling, aw.
264
00:11:51,921 --> 00:11:54,222
Mm.
Oh.
265
00:11:54,223 --> 00:11:55,524
Fuck me.
266
00:11:55,525 --> 00:11:59,962
Baby.
267
00:12:02,632 --> 00:12:04,133
What kind of voodoo mind shit
268
00:12:04,134 --> 00:12:05,267
are you playing
there, Dot Foxley?
269
00:12:05,268 --> 00:12:07,469
The voodoo has been a little
touch and go lately.
270
00:12:07,470 --> 00:12:10,673
I think Ken actually loves me.
271
00:12:10,674 --> 00:12:11,940
Ironic, huh?
272
00:12:11,941 --> 00:12:13,776
You know how Ken
Fitzpatrick spells "love"?
273
00:12:13,777 --> 00:12:16,411
Fake jugs and a G-string
full of singles.
274
00:12:16,412 --> 00:12:18,547
Sorry, AA, you don't qualify.
275
00:12:18,548 --> 00:12:21,216
Look who's a grumpy
little stepson.
276
00:12:21,217 --> 00:12:24,286
This is all a part of your
plan to fuck with me, isn't it?
277
00:12:24,287 --> 00:12:26,755
Ever since you arrived,
a lot of people I care about
278
00:12:26,756 --> 00:12:29,758
have turned up dead of missing:
Dexter Laine, Sonja.
279
00:12:29,759 --> 00:12:31,026
I don't know what
you're talking about.
280
00:12:31,027 --> 00:12:33,361
I'm all about the gift of life.
281
00:12:33,362 --> 00:12:35,363
Here's that turkey
baster you asked for.
282
00:12:35,364 --> 00:12:37,532
Oh, fuck, Josh,
whose side are you on?
283
00:12:37,533 --> 00:12:38,667
What did I do?
284
00:12:38,668 --> 00:12:39,968
Excuse me.
285
00:12:39,969 --> 00:12:44,239
I have to make a withdrawal
from the sperm bank.
286
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,974
Ah, it's you.
287
00:12:45,975 --> 00:12:47,475
I see what you did
there with the whole-
288
00:12:49,112 --> 00:12:51,279
Dr. Gomez to Emergency.
Dr. Gomez to Emergency.
289
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:52,480
I'll make it up to you, okay?
290
00:12:52,481 --> 00:12:56,018
I'll get you cars,
trucks, motorbikes,
291
00:12:56,019 --> 00:12:59,621
b- boats and just
a whole lot of-
292
00:12:59,622 --> 00:13:00,889
I'll be right with you.
293
00:13:02,425 --> 00:13:05,127
Look, I know the situation
seems insurmountable.
294
00:13:05,128 --> 00:13:06,661
No, the situation is mounting
295
00:13:06,662 --> 00:13:09,098
a rubber kitchen
utensil as we speak.
296
00:13:09,099 --> 00:13:12,067
Richard, you're feeling
the pang of parental rejection.
297
00:13:12,068 --> 00:13:13,501
And it's perfectly
natural when a new child
298
00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:15,170
is introduced to the family.
299
00:13:15,171 --> 00:13:17,039
Listen, Larry, a load
of my old man's spunk
300
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,807
isn't a new child, okay?
301
00:13:18,808 --> 00:13:20,776
Spunk is not your
problem, mister.
302
00:13:20,777 --> 00:13:22,010
Your problem is much
bigger than that,
303
00:13:22,011 --> 00:13:24,613
far more serious,
far more evil and foul and-
304
00:13:24,614 --> 00:13:25,680
Doh!
305
00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:30,953
You stay away from Richard,
because I know your game, lady.
306
00:13:32,188 --> 00:13:34,223
And I am rolling snake eyes.
307
00:13:34,224 --> 00:13:37,392
That means you lost, idiot.
308
00:13:37,393 --> 00:13:38,894
Does it?
What do you want?
309
00:13:38,895 --> 00:13:41,429
Another shot before you
fuck off with my money?
310
00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:43,165
I bailed you out to get
rid of that psycho,
311
00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:45,600
and now I'm stuck
with her forever.
312
00:13:45,601 --> 00:13:47,602
It's just like you
to blame me for everything.
313
00:13:47,603 --> 00:13:48,937
It's little league
all over again.
314
00:13:48,938 --> 00:13:50,038
Little league?
315
00:13:50,039 --> 00:13:52,207
Richard never went
to little league, Mom,
316
00:13:52,208 --> 00:13:55,343
because his games conflicted
with your poker night, remember?
317
00:13:55,344 --> 00:13:56,344
No.
318
00:13:56,345 --> 00:13:57,679
Bar is closed.
319
00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,481
Scram.
320
00:13:59,482 --> 00:14:00,916
I know how to get rid
of the skirt for real.
321
00:14:00,917 --> 00:14:02,918
Just what I need,
another missing woman.
322
00:14:02,919 --> 00:14:04,052
I'm thinking more
along the lines
323
00:14:04,053 --> 00:14:06,054
of no bun without
the baby batter.
324
00:14:06,055 --> 00:14:08,690
Hah! What? So now
you take up baking?
325
00:14:08,691 --> 00:14:10,659
Little late for that, Mom.
326
00:14:10,660 --> 00:14:13,762
No, you moron.
327
00:14:13,763 --> 00:14:16,131
We have to get rid
of Ken's sperm sample.
328
00:14:16,132 --> 00:14:18,066
He said he stored it right
before he went into surgery.
329
00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:20,803
Because there's no way
he could get it up for real.
330
00:14:20,804 --> 00:14:23,038
We destroy the sample
before Miss Mary Fuck-Off
331
00:14:23,039 --> 00:14:24,039
puts her paws on it.
332
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,208
Bye-bye, new baby.
333
00:14:26,209 --> 00:14:27,943
Bye-bye, Dot.
334
00:14:27,944 --> 00:14:29,912
No, don't you fall
for this, Richard.
335
00:14:29,913 --> 00:14:31,579
It's another one
of her mind games.
336
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:33,581
This is vengeful
and spiteful and-
337
00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:37,152
Haven't you caused enough
harm in this family, lady?
338
00:14:37,153 --> 00:14:38,420
Yes, she has.
339
00:14:38,421 --> 00:14:41,256
Now it's time to fuck up
the next generation.
340
00:15:23,566 --> 00:15:25,901
Oh, that's
Fitz's favourite car.
341
00:15:25,902 --> 00:15:27,502
Is someone there?
342
00:15:28,604 --> 00:15:30,472
Is that you, God?
343
00:15:33,243 --> 00:15:35,978
Yes, my son.
344
00:15:35,979 --> 00:15:37,712
Is it my time?
345
00:15:41,150 --> 00:15:44,686
Look into the light.
346
00:15:51,794 --> 00:15:54,129
Daddy, please!
347
00:15:54,130 --> 00:15:58,400
I don't want a sister or another
brother or a Dot,
348
00:15:58,401 --> 00:15:59,968
meanie office manager
who will take what's mine
349
00:15:59,969 --> 00:16:01,703
and piss all over it.
350
00:16:01,704 --> 00:16:02,837
It's not fair!
351
00:16:02,838 --> 00:16:04,006
Fair?
352
00:16:04,007 --> 00:16:04,973
What's fair about
you shacking up
353
00:16:04,974 --> 00:16:06,108
with the chinks
across the street
354
00:16:06,109 --> 00:16:07,475
and stealing my business?
355
00:16:07,476 --> 00:16:10,112
Is that why you won't
put me in your will?
356
00:16:10,113 --> 00:16:12,347
I need someone
who's here for me.
357
00:16:12,348 --> 00:16:14,649
See? Magic.
358
00:16:14,650 --> 00:16:16,451
How's my little
patient feeling?
359
00:16:16,452 --> 00:16:17,652
Like shit.
Oh.
360
00:16:17,653 --> 00:16:19,054
Thanks for asking.
361
00:16:19,055 --> 00:16:21,523
Dot's going to give me
something I never had before,
362
00:16:21,524 --> 00:16:23,792
a grateful little douchebag
363
00:16:23,793 --> 00:16:26,661
who thinks the sun
shines out of my ass.
364
00:16:26,662 --> 00:16:28,964
Are you still standing here?
365
00:16:28,965 --> 00:16:30,432
Yes, I am.
366
00:16:30,433 --> 00:16:32,067
And you know why?
367
00:16:32,068 --> 00:16:34,169
Because that's what I do.
368
00:16:34,170 --> 00:16:35,971
When we went to Tampa in '86,
369
00:16:35,972 --> 00:16:37,072
and you all forgot me
at the gas station,
370
00:16:37,073 --> 00:16:38,473
I stood there!
371
00:16:38,474 --> 00:16:41,776
When I waited at the church
for you and Dick and Elaine
372
00:16:41,777 --> 00:16:43,979
to come off you individual
benders on my wedding day,
373
00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:45,180
I stood there.
374
00:16:45,181 --> 00:16:46,681
Why?
375
00:16:46,682 --> 00:16:50,118
Because I'm a Fitzpatrick,
and I'm loyal to the end!
376
00:16:50,119 --> 00:16:52,287
I'll take it in the ass
for Team Fitzpatrick
377
00:16:52,288 --> 00:16:53,355
and I'll take it hard.
378
00:16:53,356 --> 00:16:55,523
I'll take it so fucking hard
379
00:16:55,524 --> 00:16:57,859
without lube and without
stretching because-
380
00:16:59,162 --> 00:17:02,965
Oh, my heavens, Mom!
381
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,001
And I got you
your private room!
382
00:17:16,812 --> 00:17:21,716
I lived a long life,
but not a good one.
383
00:17:21,717 --> 00:17:26,554
I honestly didn't expect
a private audience.
384
00:17:26,555 --> 00:17:30,825
Equal-oppertunity
God, dude.
385
00:17:30,826 --> 00:17:32,227
Oh, Lord,
386
00:17:32,228 --> 00:17:37,199
I'm sorry for being
a miserable prick all my life.
387
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:40,068
Ah, you weren't that bad.
388
00:17:40,069 --> 00:17:42,937
I was.
389
00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:45,040
I only cared about my car.
390
00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:48,610
That's why I'm here all alone.
391
00:17:48,611 --> 00:17:52,214
My Sunday school
teacher was right.
392
00:17:52,215 --> 00:17:54,949
You can't take it with you.
393
00:17:58,254 --> 00:18:01,056
Well, actually, you can.
394
00:18:01,057 --> 00:18:05,293
And we have valet.
395
00:18:05,294 --> 00:18:09,597
Park it in the shade, Lord.
396
00:18:22,645 --> 00:18:25,414
Hello, this is Ruptal,
the handsome one.
397
00:18:25,415 --> 00:18:28,783
Please leave
a message at the tone.
398
00:18:28,784 --> 00:18:32,187
Rupee, I'm sorry.
399
00:18:32,188 --> 00:18:33,621
It's over.
400
00:18:33,622 --> 00:18:38,693
My Daddy needs me
and I need my daddy- 's money.
401
00:18:43,466 --> 00:18:44,466
Oh, fuck.
402
00:18:44,467 --> 00:18:46,535
Dr. Rodriguez...
403
00:18:49,672 --> 00:18:51,906
Richard, a spermicidal
killing frenzy
404
00:18:51,907 --> 00:18:53,942
with one's mother does not
constitute making amends.
405
00:18:53,943 --> 00:18:55,243
I'm not killing anything.
406
00:18:55,244 --> 00:18:58,280
Sperm without an egg is
a like a car without wheels.
407
00:18:58,281 --> 00:19:00,282
It's here.
Shh, shh, shh.
408
00:19:00,283 --> 00:19:01,716
Her fangs could
emerge at any moment.
409
00:19:01,717 --> 00:19:06,555
Back off, ass douche!
410
00:19:06,556 --> 00:19:08,890
I got this.
411
00:19:08,891 --> 00:19:10,992
Oh, fuck!
412
00:19:10,993 --> 00:19:11,993
Subtle.
413
00:19:11,994 --> 00:19:13,228
Ugh!
414
00:19:13,229 --> 00:19:14,396
The pros kick doors in.
415
00:19:14,397 --> 00:19:16,164
Pussies pick logs.
416
00:19:16,165 --> 00:19:18,166
Advice from a master criminal.
417
00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:20,435
Jesus, you're the one who
just got caught shoplifting.
418
00:19:20,436 --> 00:19:22,304
I know what I'm doing.
Do you really?
419
00:19:22,305 --> 00:19:23,405
Yes, I do.
Really?
420
00:19:23,406 --> 00:19:28,042
Okay, would you both
please stop fighting?
421
00:19:28,043 --> 00:19:32,180
Oh, that's not good.
422
00:19:34,117 --> 00:19:36,184
Richard!
423
00:19:41,591 --> 00:19:43,791
Mrs. Curzon?
424
00:19:43,792 --> 00:19:48,230
Dr. Cohn to Emergency.
425
00:19:52,168 --> 00:19:53,835
What are you doing here?
426
00:19:53,836 --> 00:19:57,439
I received your message,
not my cousin.
427
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,873
He didn't hear me
break up with him?
428
00:19:58,874 --> 00:19:59,874
I hate that machine.
429
00:19:59,875 --> 00:20:01,909
You know I accidentally
pressed "erase"
430
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:02,944
while I was singing
to the heavens:
431
00:20:02,945 --> 00:20:05,947
"At last
the she-beast is dead!"
432
00:20:05,948 --> 00:20:07,182
Thank you.
433
00:20:07,183 --> 00:20:10,218
Hey, I'm not here
to console you.
434
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,468
Mom!
435
00:20:29,539 --> 00:20:31,506
No names!
436
00:20:31,507 --> 00:20:34,942
How are we supposed to know
which ones to flush?
437
00:20:34,943 --> 00:20:37,546
All of them?
438
00:20:37,547 --> 00:20:39,747
No child left behind.
439
00:20:41,917 --> 00:20:44,852
Mama's not taking any chances.
440
00:20:57,866 --> 00:20:58,966
Shit.
441
00:21:03,005 --> 00:21:04,772
Liquid nitrogen.
442
00:21:04,773 --> 00:21:06,508
Oh, free huff.
443
00:21:06,509 --> 00:21:08,876
Or the sperm bank just
turned into a gas chamber.
444
00:21:08,877 --> 00:21:10,212
Are you kidding me?
445
00:21:10,213 --> 00:21:12,980
No.
446
00:21:18,954 --> 00:21:22,257
Hello?
447
00:21:22,258 --> 00:21:23,891
Fuck!
448
00:21:23,892 --> 00:21:26,027
Where is that stretched out
homo when you need him?
449
00:21:27,496 --> 00:21:29,797
Maybe Larry was right
about you after all.
450
00:21:29,798 --> 00:21:32,166
What are you talking about?
451
00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:34,536
You tricked me
into helping you,
452
00:21:34,537 --> 00:21:36,471
and now you're
trying to gas me.
453
00:21:36,472 --> 00:21:39,507
You were the one that wanted
me to get rid of Dot.
454
00:21:39,508 --> 00:21:42,744
Yeah, but I didn't ask
you to stick around.
455
00:21:46,148 --> 00:21:50,885
Well, maybe I still
love the bastard.
456
00:21:50,886 --> 00:21:53,455
Who the fuck else has
the balls to deal with me.
457
00:21:53,456 --> 00:21:56,491
Oh come on, Mom.
We got about five minutes left.
458
00:21:56,492 --> 00:21:59,794
How about you take the truth
out for a test drive for once?
459
00:21:59,795 --> 00:22:03,865
All right, you want the truth?
460
00:22:03,866 --> 00:22:05,567
Yeah.
461
00:22:05,568 --> 00:22:08,703
I got arrested on purpose,
462
00:22:08,704 --> 00:22:11,839
because I knew you'd
bail me out eventually.
463
00:22:13,709 --> 00:22:15,777
Fuck it, kid.
464
00:22:15,778 --> 00:22:17,879
I'm lonely.
465
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:18,946
You happy?
466
00:22:20,283 --> 00:22:22,284
You happy now?
467
00:22:22,285 --> 00:22:23,585
No.
468
00:22:23,586 --> 00:22:25,920
I know what you're
trying to do.
469
00:22:25,921 --> 00:22:27,922
You're trying to lull me
into trusting you.
470
00:22:27,923 --> 00:22:29,090
Ritchie?
471
00:22:29,091 --> 00:22:31,559
No, no, I'm not falling
for it again, Mom.
472
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,261
Not this time.
473
00:22:33,262 --> 00:22:35,363
You're the one in my nightmare.
474
00:22:35,364 --> 00:22:36,564
You get out of my head.
475
00:22:36,565 --> 00:22:39,000
You leave me alone.
476
00:22:39,001 --> 00:22:40,368
Come on, kid.
477
00:22:40,369 --> 00:22:42,203
I'm the one who's rolling
snake eyes lately.
478
00:22:42,204 --> 00:22:43,605
Yeah.
479
00:22:43,606 --> 00:22:48,276
And that means
this time you lose.
480
00:23:05,928 --> 00:23:07,529
You're a dude.
481
00:23:10,065 --> 00:23:11,433
Oh, thank God.
482
00:23:11,434 --> 00:23:13,635
We need to talk before
security comes back.
483
00:23:15,270 --> 00:23:16,705
Where is she?
484
00:23:16,706 --> 00:23:19,708
Richard, there's something you
need to know about Elaine.
485
00:23:19,709 --> 00:23:21,309
Yeah, she was actually
telling the truth for once.
486
00:23:21,310 --> 00:23:22,944
Shut the fuck up over there.
487
00:23:22,945 --> 00:23:24,346
I'm recuperating.
488
00:23:24,347 --> 00:23:26,548
Richard, please let
me finish. Wait, wait.
489
00:23:26,549 --> 00:23:27,915
You can't have
a baby with Dot Foxley.
490
00:23:27,916 --> 00:23:29,250
Why the fuck not?
491
00:23:29,251 --> 00:23:31,753
Elaine may be a shrew,
but in her own fucked up way,
492
00:23:31,754 --> 00:23:34,021
she cares more about you
than Dot Foxley ever will.
493
00:23:34,022 --> 00:23:35,557
Richard.
It wasn't a con this time.
494
00:23:35,558 --> 00:23:37,325
She got herself
arrested on purpose
495
00:23:37,326 --> 00:23:39,026
so she could come back to you.
496
00:23:39,027 --> 00:23:41,363
That's fucking family
loyalty, old man.
497
00:23:41,364 --> 00:23:42,564
That's a real Fitzpatrick,
498
00:23:42,565 --> 00:23:44,532
something Dot Foxley
will never be!
499
00:23:44,533 --> 00:23:45,834
Elaine left.
500
00:23:48,904 --> 00:23:50,372
What?
501
00:23:50,373 --> 00:23:52,340
She said you told her to leave,
502
00:23:52,341 --> 00:23:53,908
and then she hijacked Josh
503
00:23:53,909 --> 00:23:56,845
out of a car that
he just got for you.
504
00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:58,880
Does it hurt
505
00:23:58,881 --> 00:24:00,782
being a fuck up all the time?
506
00:24:00,783 --> 00:24:02,584
Don't answer that.
507
00:24:02,585 --> 00:24:05,152
Laughing makes my
balls hurt- Ball.
508
00:24:05,153 --> 00:24:09,858
Pretty sure your soldiers
hit the beach, hon.
509
00:24:09,859 --> 00:24:13,361
No, no, no, but you destroyed
all those samples.
510
00:24:13,362 --> 00:24:16,464
Haven't you heard of the
old-fashioned way, asshole?
511
00:24:16,465 --> 00:24:18,032
No, no, of course you wouldn't.
512
00:24:30,780 --> 00:24:32,614
I'm so sorry, Richard.
513
00:24:32,615 --> 00:24:35,383
Fuck off, Larry.
Just fuck off.
514
00:24:35,384 --> 00:24:38,720
She waited until
she knew you were okay.
515
00:24:41,896 --> 00:24:44,292
So what did I miss?
516
00:24:55,572 --> 00:24:59,173
Start marching, soldiers.
517
00:24:59,223 --> 00:25:03,773
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