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These lovely young people
on either side of me
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00:00:02,971 --> 00:00:04,159
are the best in the business.
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00:00:04,302 --> 00:00:05,766
If there is a hole in your security,
4
00:00:05,907 --> 00:00:08,030
we will find it before the bad guys do.
5
00:00:08,145 --> 00:00:10,859
Now a legend of your
extraordinary stature needs
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00:00:10,993 --> 00:00:14,332
the extraordinary security
that only Contra can provide.
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00:00:14,463 --> 00:00:18,738
So what do you say, champ?
Fine. You're hired.
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"On Mike" Tyson!
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00:00:25,295 --> 00:00:28,142
Man, I have seen every
fight you've ever been in.
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00:00:28,404 --> 00:00:29,657
Would you do me the honor of punching me
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00:00:29,810 --> 00:00:32,981
square in the face?
Seems like you need your brain cells.
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00:00:33,107 --> 00:00:35,532
Verbal right hook to the cranium.
13
00:00:35,781 --> 00:00:38,379
Awesome!
14
00:00:38,612 --> 00:00:40,620
Okay, my little prize fighters,
15
00:00:40,746 --> 00:00:43,674
let's go over this one more time.
What's our top priority?
16
00:00:43,819 --> 00:00:46,928
- Mike Tyson. - And what will happen
to you if Iron Mike's estate
17
00:00:47,071 --> 00:00:50,208
isn't 100% secure?
You'll lock us in a dank basement
18
00:00:50,349 --> 00:00:52,322
and sew us together like a human centipede.
19
00:00:52,472 --> 00:00:55,469
Exactly. So hop to it.
Except you, Butterscotch.
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00:00:55,615 --> 00:00:58,848
You're working on a separate
case, away from Melanie.
21
00:00:59,046 --> 00:00:59,987
What? Why?
22
00:01:00,119 --> 00:01:02,576
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe because your little office crush
23
00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:05,231
is crushing this office. Need I remind you...
What? I...
24
00:01:05,363 --> 00:01:06,562
What happened last week?
25
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,963
No, like, I love you.
26
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I'm sorry, but I do. I love you, Melanie.
27
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I already made it my ringtone.
Check it out.
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Right?
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00:01:20,843 --> 00:01:23,484
Okay, no one can let Dutch hear this.
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He gets... really jealous.
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Okay, now I'm gonna do your breast exam.
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00:01:28,818 --> 00:01:32,015
Keep your damn hands off my girl.
Hey, baby.
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Oz, I swear, everything's
cool with me and Melanie.
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Just let me do the Tyson
job, and I promise,
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it won't be awkward.
Hyah!
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Sorry I'm late.
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00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:45,058
Just chucking some nun.
Gotta get pumped up for Michael Tyson.
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Two things we got in common...
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00:01:47,648 --> 00:01:52,108
We both hate wearing shirts
and we both have tattoos,
40
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only his... is on his face!
41
00:01:59,305 --> 00:02:01,659
You interested in hearing about
the other job yet, Cambo?
42
00:02:01,781 --> 00:02:03,507
Yes, I am.
43
00:02:08,688 --> 00:02:11,449
All right, so your job is a cinch.
You gotta take care
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00:02:11,582 --> 00:02:13,827
of a 16-year-old kid
named Leslie Kaczander.
45
00:02:13,949 --> 00:02:16,796
Sweet. So what is he? Internet billionaire?
Boy band pop star?
46
00:02:16,868 --> 00:02:18,882
Teen mayor? What?
Random dweebus.
47
00:02:19,012 --> 00:02:21,524
His parents hired us to find out
who's been cyberbullying him
48
00:02:21,671 --> 00:02:22,847
on the Internet.
Seriously?
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00:02:22,986 --> 00:02:24,757
I don't want to babysit
some high school geek.
50
00:02:24,903 --> 00:02:26,842
Aw, Campon, you're acting all skittish
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because you were a high school geek.
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00:02:28,588 --> 00:02:29,374
All right, remember,
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if anyone asks, you like guys,
and you're not my cousin.
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00:02:32,665 --> 00:02:35,157
Okay, okay, okay, fine.
High school wasn't all roses.
55
00:02:35,306 --> 00:02:36,789
Maybe I was a Leslie.
No, no.
56
00:02:36,939 --> 00:02:39,093
I believe your cousin was the "Leslie."
57
00:02:39,304 --> 00:02:40,728
Uh, come on, Oz, I bet even you had it
58
00:02:40,884 --> 00:02:44,116
a little rough in high school.
Ha! No. I ruled the place.
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00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:47,183
One day, me and my buddy--
we ditched class,
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00:02:47,321 --> 00:02:50,080
stole his dad's Ferrari, I
got to sing in a parade,
61
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,603
pretended to be the sausage king of Chicago.
It was great!
62
00:02:52,729 --> 00:02:55,010
I think my buddy John made a
movie about it or something.
63
00:02:55,147 --> 00:02:56,309
You mean "Ferris Bueller"?
64
00:02:56,453 --> 00:02:57,619
Never heard of him.
65
00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:59,372
Hey... there.
66
00:02:59,519 --> 00:03:00,982
I am looking for Cameron Price.
67
00:03:01,124 --> 00:03:03,206
And also, if you have any extra tissues,
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00:03:03,344 --> 00:03:07,174
I have a raging nosebleed.
And, uh, oh, it stopped.
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00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:08,824
Um, I'm Leslie.
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00:03:08,979 --> 00:03:11,191
Uh, right this way.
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00:03:11,511 --> 00:03:13,787
Hey, you go to memorial?
That's where I went.
72
00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:16,120
Go, Wildcats! Clawup.
73
00:03:17,985 --> 00:03:20,699
Listen, somebody at my school is
making my life a living hell.
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00:03:20,832 --> 00:03:24,106
Okay? I can't take it anymore.
Just look.
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00:03:25,527 --> 00:03:27,007
You crapped your pants?
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00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:28,462
No, I didn't crap my pants.
77
00:03:28,603 --> 00:03:32,922
I mean, I have, but I didn't--
I would never admit it to--Aah!
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00:03:33,057 --> 00:03:34,518
It's a fake page. It's fake.
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00:03:34,650 --> 00:03:38,078
Okay, this person is posing
as me and sending messages
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00:03:38,226 --> 00:03:40,155
to this girl I've been in
love with since fifth grade.
81
00:03:40,279 --> 00:03:41,536
Look.
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00:03:41,872 --> 00:03:44,408
Everybody knows
that I love Megan Diamond now,
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00:03:44,538 --> 00:03:48,235
and I'm a laughingstock.
Do you have any idea how I feel?
84
00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:49,789
Yeah. Yeah, I kinda do.
85
00:03:49,931 --> 00:03:53,737
Come on. Let's track down
this cyber dick. That?
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00:03:53,874 --> 00:03:56,872
Hell, yeah. A Nigerian scammer
stole 10 grand from my grandma,
87
00:03:57,009 --> 00:03:58,114
but I took care of him.
88
00:04:03,016 --> 00:04:04,535
I deserve this.
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00:04:06,805 --> 00:04:08,651
Busted. And there's your cyberbully.
90
00:04:08,789 --> 00:04:10,918
Does Kip O'Bannon ring a bell?
Oh, no.
91
00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:13,526
- What? - Uh, okay, that's Megan
Diamond's ex-boyfriend.
92
00:04:13,662 --> 00:04:16,686
Well, just turn him in.
Look, dude, he's crazy, okay?
93
00:04:16,819 --> 00:04:18,909
He once cut a kid's hair off and ate it,
94
00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:21,560
just to prove a point.
I gotta get outta here.
95
00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:23,344
I'll just tell my parents
you couldn't find him.
96
00:04:23,473 --> 00:04:25,224
No, no. I don't feel comfortable with that.
97
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:26,863
Well, I do. I gotta go.
98
00:04:26,991 --> 00:04:28,549
Hey, guys, a little detour.
99
00:04:28,683 --> 00:04:31,167
I need some help with my assignment.
You got it. What's up?
100
00:04:31,310 --> 00:04:33,405
We're going back to high school.
101
00:04:36,473 --> 00:04:37,914
Yeah!
102
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:43,651
This is Leslie Kaczander,
victim of cyberbullying.
103
00:04:43,781 --> 00:04:47,240
3.7 G.P.A., yearbook editor,
model U.N. Treasurer,
104
00:04:47,367 --> 00:04:49,191
and plays xylophone in the school band.
105
00:04:49,318 --> 00:04:52,433
Xylophone?
Even the letter "z" is embarrassed
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00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:53,961
to be near that nerd-strument.
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00:04:54,088 --> 00:04:56,439
Not helping, Dutch.
This is Kip O'Bannon,
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00:04:56,571 --> 00:04:59,713
our cyberbully and senior,
for the second time.
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00:04:59,852 --> 00:05:02,193
Hey, I'll help an underdog.
It may be a surprise to you,
110
00:05:02,337 --> 00:05:04,423
but I was picked on in high
school, and y'all know why--
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00:05:04,550 --> 00:05:06,039
'Cause I'm black.
Sweetie,
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00:05:06,151 --> 00:05:08,151
I really don't think that was the reason.
113
00:05:08,693 --> 00:05:12,822
Bye, mom! First day of school.
Ninth grade, a fresh start.
114
00:05:12,965 --> 00:05:14,591
High school's gonna be awesome.
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00:05:14,918 --> 00:05:18,087
Damn it, I'm such a nerd.
Why couldn't it have been racism?
116
00:05:18,213 --> 00:05:20,949
Cash is right.
High school is just a 4-year nightmare
117
00:05:21,094 --> 00:05:24,100
where all the "normal" kids try
to crush your individuality.
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00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:27,758
Normals. They don't understand us.
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Enjoy your gilded cages.
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00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:30,569
Josh Armstrong,
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00:05:30,727 --> 00:05:33,500
please report to the music room.
You left your tuba.
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00:05:33,663 --> 00:05:35,964
Tube of... mascara.
123
00:05:36,632 --> 00:05:37,818
I gotta go.
124
00:05:38,084 --> 00:05:41,738
You were a goth kid?
Don't label me, but yeah.
125
00:05:41,877 --> 00:05:44,150
Guys, I'm excited to finally
get a taste of high school,
126
00:05:44,297 --> 00:05:45,856
all right?
My dad was a grifter.
127
00:05:46,003 --> 00:05:48,141
I never went.
I wish I had never went.
128
00:05:48,263 --> 00:05:50,841
All those purple nirples.
I'm still missing half a nip.
129
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:53,587
You guys are crazy. High school was epic!
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00:05:53,722 --> 00:05:55,747
You should've seen some
of the pranks I pulled--
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00:05:55,878 --> 00:05:58,193
lemon swirly, subatomic wedgie,
132
00:05:58,334 --> 00:06:01,240
my personal fave-- the blazing saddle.
133
00:06:01,371 --> 00:06:03,990
All you need is a lighter and
a butt cheek for that one.
134
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:07,561
Good times. Oh, my God.
Babe, did you really do those things?
135
00:06:07,699 --> 00:06:09,265
Yeah, sounds like you were the bully.
136
00:06:09,398 --> 00:06:12,391
No, no, no. Those mathletes were my boys.
137
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,876
I'd make 'em laugh so hard, they'd cry.
138
00:06:15,006 --> 00:06:17,169
Deep, heaving sobs of laughter,
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00:06:17,298 --> 00:06:20,023
just begging me to stop
being so damn funny.
140
00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:22,538
I'm gonna go crank call
those mathletes now.
141
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:24,950
Okay, Cam, I got eyes on you from the van.
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00:06:25,076 --> 00:06:27,845
Let's take down our bully.
I've got vis con on O'Bannon.
143
00:06:27,978 --> 00:06:30,659
All right, fire up the spy cam.
I'll tell you when we got him.
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00:06:34,451 --> 00:06:37,053
Whoo! O'Bannon rules!
145
00:06:39,311 --> 00:06:42,225
That's the one.
Rendezvous in five.
146
00:06:42,364 --> 00:06:43,706
Cameron?
147
00:06:43,865 --> 00:06:45,571
Cameron Price?
148
00:06:45,922 --> 00:06:48,479
It's me, Patty Boggs, from high school.
149
00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:50,466
Patty Boggs?
No, no, no.
150
00:06:50,647 --> 00:06:52,303
Um, no, she was...
151
00:06:52,438 --> 00:06:55,190
Fatty Hoggs.
Yeah, still me.
152
00:06:55,321 --> 00:06:58,050
Patty! Yes! You look great!
153
00:06:58,547 --> 00:07:02,296
Yeah. Wow.
Did you do something with your hair?
154
00:07:02,427 --> 00:07:03,967
Well, I lost 150 pounds.
155
00:07:04,104 --> 00:07:07,211
But your hair is... longer.
156
00:07:07,355 --> 00:07:10,648
Oh.
And, uh, you've lost the accordion.
157
00:07:10,788 --> 00:07:12,153
Yeah. No, I still dabble, though.
158
00:07:12,289 --> 00:07:16,155
But, uh, you lost your acne
and your catchphrases. Uh...
159
00:07:17,247 --> 00:07:19,837
Wassup?!
160
00:07:20,037 --> 00:07:22,978
...Ssup?!
Never gets old.
161
00:07:23,105 --> 00:07:25,850
Little bit old.
Uh, what are you doing here?
162
00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:28,264
I teach A.P. Chemistry.
Oh, okay.
163
00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:31,222
What are you doing here?
Um, I work for Contra Security.
164
00:07:31,345 --> 00:07:33,598
Yeah, principal Grieco hired us to install
165
00:07:33,726 --> 00:07:35,627
some web filtering software...
166
00:07:35,749 --> 00:07:37,785
Blabbity blah computer stuff.
167
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,909
Yeah, it's just an excuse
for me to come back here
168
00:07:40,999 --> 00:07:42,476
and relive my glory days.
169
00:07:42,604 --> 00:07:46,226
Go, Wildcats. Claws up!
Bad times.
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00:07:46,353 --> 00:07:49,018
The worst. You know, um, actually,
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00:07:49,148 --> 00:07:50,693
you were the one person back
then who didn't tease me,
172
00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:53,310
and I always thought how nice
it would be to see you again
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00:07:53,435 --> 00:07:55,856
and to tell you thank you so much
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00:07:55,988 --> 00:07:57,805
for being a sweetie to me.
175
00:07:57,930 --> 00:08:00,861
Yeah.
No, you're-- you're very welcome.
176
00:08:01,469 --> 00:08:02,967
It was good to see you.
177
00:08:03,176 --> 00:08:04,569
You, too.
178
00:08:04,695 --> 00:08:07,548
Next time, you're gonna
need a hall pass, mister.
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00:08:07,771 --> 00:08:09,105
Stupid.
180
00:08:09,224 --> 00:08:11,689
No, it's--it was--
Bye.
181
00:08:14,793 --> 00:08:15,757
You got anything yet?
182
00:08:15,884 --> 00:08:18,277
A work of art. Check it out.
183
00:08:18,399 --> 00:08:20,705
You just made the wrong enemy, O'Bannon.
184
00:08:20,837 --> 00:08:22,790
Welcome to Contra Security.
185
00:08:26,513 --> 00:08:27,839
That's not me!
186
00:08:29,212 --> 00:08:31,487
I mean, it's me, but I don't heart Bieber!
187
00:08:31,604 --> 00:08:33,082
I don't heart anyone!
188
00:08:35,833 --> 00:08:37,619
Now that's how you revenge a nerd.
189
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,425
Oh. Man, I wish I had me in high school.
190
00:08:39,541 --> 00:08:43,106
Boys, time to step into detention.
191
00:08:43,212 --> 00:08:44,397
What's he doing with that tushie paddle?
192
00:08:44,541 --> 00:08:46,539
Helping Leslie was supposed to be done
193
00:08:46,685 --> 00:08:49,442
quick and solo, like your date nights.
What happened?
194
00:08:49,590 --> 00:08:51,453
I needed a little help with our cyberbully,
195
00:08:51,575 --> 00:08:52,906
but we crushed it.
Crushed it.
196
00:08:53,025 --> 00:08:55,747
No, pumpkin, you poked the
nest, stirred the hive,
197
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:58,439
angered the bees, and poor
little Leslie got stung.
198
00:08:58,569 --> 00:09:00,384
O'Bannon found out about what you did.
199
00:09:00,531 --> 00:09:03,947
Now he's gone from
cyberbully to bully bully.
200
00:09:04,109 --> 00:09:05,561
Hey, guys.
201
00:09:06,083 --> 00:09:08,007
Thanks for ruining my life.
202
00:09:13,215 --> 00:09:15,887
The shorts don't lie.
He looks like a slut.
203
00:09:16,695 --> 00:09:19,038
I can't believe O'Bannon
found out we biebered him.
204
00:09:19,197 --> 00:09:23,357
- Well, he did, and then he threw
me into the girls' shower... - Oh.
205
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:24,139
Butt-naked.
206
00:09:24,279 --> 00:09:27,805
Ah, the old strip and soak.
Good stuff.
207
00:09:27,922 --> 00:09:31,763
Babe, come on. Seriously?
What? No, it's funny. Ask this dude.
208
00:09:31,894 --> 00:09:34,069
Yeah, look at him.
He's dying with laughter.
209
00:09:34,194 --> 00:09:37,656
Wait a second. You're not happy at all.
210
00:09:37,787 --> 00:09:40,123
My God, maybe I was a bully in high school.
211
00:09:40,459 --> 00:09:42,439
Larry here's made me realize
that just 'cause something's
212
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:43,827
hilarious doesn't mean it's right.
213
00:09:43,968 --> 00:09:46,182
Um, my name's actually Leslie.
214
00:09:47,917 --> 00:09:49,370
Leslie?
215
00:09:50,975 --> 00:09:53,452
What kind of fruity name is...
216
00:09:53,586 --> 00:09:54,854
No.
217
00:09:55,119 --> 00:09:57,067
New leaf, Dutch.
218
00:09:57,261 --> 00:10:00,316
- Hey. We're gonna help you
fight this bully, pal. - Okay.
219
00:10:00,444 --> 00:10:02,786
Ooh. Okay.
220
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,191
Okay, I just got off the
phone with Leslie's parents,
221
00:10:05,323 --> 00:10:08,186
offered my services free
of charge and a snuggie,
222
00:10:08,372 --> 00:10:10,546
'cause you meddling monkeys
decided to throw your poop
223
00:10:10,670 --> 00:10:13,257
all over this poor kid's life.
Hey, you know what? Don't bother.
224
00:10:13,411 --> 00:10:15,851
My life's already a big bowl of suck, so...
Chin up, chachi.
225
00:10:15,978 --> 00:10:18,151
By the time I'm done with you,
you're gonna rule that school.
226
00:10:18,294 --> 00:10:20,625
I'm taking you from sad boy to bad boy.
227
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:23,517
Oh, yes! Movie makeover.
Dude, that's my favorite.
228
00:10:23,650 --> 00:10:25,441
Meet my master of disguise Josh.
229
00:10:25,585 --> 00:10:28,920
We have hipster chic, skater
punk, new school prep...
230
00:10:29,049 --> 00:10:30,511
Step one--style.
231
00:10:30,655 --> 00:10:32,482
Leslie 2.0.
232
00:10:35,130 --> 00:10:37,170
Step two--wheels.
233
00:10:37,567 --> 00:10:40,122
What happened to my mom's station wagon?
Oh, it's in there.
234
00:10:40,267 --> 00:10:43,756
Just swapped in a new frame,
engine, tires, and stereo.
235
00:10:43,882 --> 00:10:45,258
You just got dutched, son.
236
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:48,005
Oh, my God! Yes!
237
00:10:48,135 --> 00:10:50,031
Step three--intimidation.
238
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:53,423
You must possess a menacing glare.
Show us.
239
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,251
That's not menacing. You look constipated.
240
00:10:57,461 --> 00:10:59,529
Step four--self-defense.
241
00:10:59,653 --> 00:11:02,859
I hate you! I hate you!
242
00:11:02,994 --> 00:11:04,268
I couldn't beat you in Nintendo,
243
00:11:04,395 --> 00:11:06,779
but I can beat you now, Mike.
Hey, don't get cocky, kid.
244
00:11:06,901 --> 00:11:07,991
Okay, I'm sorry.
245
00:11:08,122 --> 00:11:10,819
Step five--badass-edness.
246
00:11:18,187 --> 00:11:21,286
Step six--assemble your team.
247
00:11:31,359 --> 00:11:33,551
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Everybody's looking at me.
248
00:11:33,677 --> 00:11:35,316
What do I do?
Act like you've been there, buddy.
249
00:11:35,437 --> 00:11:38,027
Seniors rule!
250
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,588
Dutch, you are supposed to be in the van!
251
00:11:40,715 --> 00:11:42,420
Hey, I might be a year or
ten older than you guys,
252
00:11:42,557 --> 00:11:44,051
but I could totally pull off 17.
253
00:11:44,201 --> 00:11:47,178
Hey, sweet kicks, amigo!
Eat my butt, narc!
254
00:11:47,317 --> 00:11:50,284
Damn it. I just bought this trapper keeper!
255
00:11:51,835 --> 00:11:53,725
This is cool. This is what we used to do.
256
00:11:53,861 --> 00:11:55,033
A little thing called crazy legs.
257
00:11:55,155 --> 00:11:57,482
You know what I'm talking about?
Bam! Ooh!
258
00:11:57,626 --> 00:12:00,182
I am... awesome!
259
00:12:00,322 --> 00:12:02,154
Eat that, grandpa.
Help?
260
00:12:02,285 --> 00:12:03,848
Help me up.
You know, I think I hurt my back.
261
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,882
All right, kiddies, next step--
We're gonna pimp this kid's rep.
262
00:12:07,008 --> 00:12:08,245
Hit your cliques and spread the word--
263
00:12:08,380 --> 00:12:10,827
Leslie Kaczander is a badass.
264
00:12:10,958 --> 00:12:13,499
Leslie Kaczander trains with Mike Tyson?
265
00:12:14,852 --> 00:12:17,365
How is that possible?
Didn't you hear?
266
00:12:17,495 --> 00:12:20,569
Him and Mike Tyson are B.F.F. besties.
Dork.
267
00:12:20,702 --> 00:12:23,501
Guys. Well, I'd rather be a
dork than have split ends,
268
00:12:23,633 --> 00:12:26,853
snaggletooth, unibrow,
and a janky spray tan.
269
00:12:26,977 --> 00:12:29,081
You are a bitch.
270
00:12:29,217 --> 00:12:31,263
Love it. You wanna hang?
271
00:12:31,397 --> 00:12:33,654
Wow. High school's easy.
272
00:12:33,780 --> 00:12:36,703
Our most important step
of oz-ification is last--
273
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:37,866
Intrigue.
274
00:12:38,803 --> 00:12:40,214
Oh! Why would you do that?
275
00:12:40,366 --> 00:12:42,830
You were supposed to go to prom with me!
276
00:12:42,974 --> 00:12:45,744
I love you so much it hurts!
277
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:48,335
What is happening?
"Baby...
278
00:12:48,455 --> 00:12:50,567
We just grew apart." Say it.
279
00:12:50,696 --> 00:12:51,280
Go, Leslie.
280
00:12:51,408 --> 00:12:54,807
Uh, baby, we just grew apart?
281
00:12:54,965 --> 00:12:57,417
I gave you my special gift.
282
00:12:57,553 --> 00:12:59,509
What special gift?
Focus, Leslie.
283
00:12:59,650 --> 00:13:03,046
She's talking about making sexy.
Oh!
284
00:13:03,190 --> 00:13:04,089
Right.
285
00:13:04,234 --> 00:13:07,078
Apologize like a gentleman.
Sorry.
286
00:13:07,209 --> 00:13:11,125
Okay, let's bag our moose.
Do exactly what I do.
287
00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:12,757
Say everything that I say.
288
00:13:12,899 --> 00:13:13,871
Chick's on your six.
289
00:13:14,003 --> 00:13:17,361
I don't know what you just said.
Oh, hello.
290
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:18,436
Hi.
291
00:13:18,583 --> 00:13:21,014
Um, I don't know if we've
ever actually talked before.
292
00:13:21,184 --> 00:13:23,991
I'm Megan.
I'm... L-Dawg.
293
00:13:24,126 --> 00:13:28,152
Don't improvise, Leslie.
I'm just kidding.
294
00:13:28,317 --> 00:13:29,632
I'm Leslie.
295
00:13:29,783 --> 00:13:32,833
Leslie.
Oz, it's working. It's actually working.
296
00:13:32,987 --> 00:13:35,520
Cameron? Is that you?
297
00:13:36,150 --> 00:13:39,431
Patty! Hi... again. How you doing?
298
00:13:39,564 --> 00:13:41,550
Well, um, well, I was good
299
00:13:41,701 --> 00:13:42,986
until the guy I had a
crush on in high school
300
00:13:43,137 --> 00:13:44,063
started roaming around the hallways
301
00:13:44,203 --> 00:13:48,677
in guyliner and skinny jeans.
Okay, the truth is,
302
00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:50,463
our company was hired by Leslie's parents
303
00:13:50,606 --> 00:13:52,931
to find his cyberbully and--
Wh--You had a crush on me?
304
00:13:53,078 --> 00:13:55,392
What, you didn't notice my
awesome flirting techniques
305
00:13:55,526 --> 00:13:57,236
of never speaking to you and
always looking the other way
306
00:13:57,381 --> 00:13:59,155
when you walked in the room?
For what it's worth,
307
00:13:59,285 --> 00:14:01,215
I didn't notice much back then.
308
00:14:02,190 --> 00:14:04,450
21 minutes and you're mine.
309
00:14:05,270 --> 00:14:07,085
Mom! Hang up the phone!
310
00:14:07,230 --> 00:14:10,180
I'm downloading... homework!
311
00:14:12,707 --> 00:14:14,842
Man, I wish I knew you liked me.
312
00:14:15,234 --> 00:14:17,360
High school would have sucked a lot less.
313
00:14:17,483 --> 00:14:19,898
Well--well, you're making
it better for Leslie, so...
314
00:14:20,042 --> 00:14:22,139
Yeah. Actually, the
little dude's on his way
315
00:14:22,292 --> 00:14:23,462
to finding himself a prom date.
316
00:14:23,615 --> 00:14:25,492
Well, if you want to see
how it all turns out,
317
00:14:25,659 --> 00:14:27,490
you could--you could join me.
318
00:14:27,623 --> 00:14:30,760
I'm... chaperoning.
319
00:14:30,894 --> 00:14:33,676
Patty Boggs, are you asking me to the prom?
320
00:14:33,812 --> 00:14:36,534
See you there?
It's a date.
321
00:14:36,666 --> 00:14:37,804
Great.
322
00:14:38,757 --> 00:14:40,136
Yeah.
323
00:14:41,658 --> 00:14:43,080
I used to be fat.
324
00:14:43,223 --> 00:14:45,192
What?
Yeah.
325
00:14:45,331 --> 00:14:47,467
Okay, bye.
Bye.
326
00:14:48,552 --> 00:14:50,588
Dude, you're never gonna
believe what happened.
327
00:14:50,732 --> 00:14:52,775
Megan Diamond said yes!
I have a date to prom!
328
00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:55,612
Me, too!
Hey, act like you been there.
329
00:14:56,927 --> 00:14:58,834
Looking fine, my man!
330
00:14:58,961 --> 00:15:00,433
I bet it feels nice to go to the prom
331
00:15:00,590 --> 00:15:02,745
without your lady-loving cousin.
It really does.
332
00:15:02,876 --> 00:15:04,489
I gotta say, things are looking up.
333
00:15:06,141 --> 00:15:07,828
What the hell, man?
334
00:15:08,117 --> 00:15:09,953
Anything you wanna tell me?
335
00:15:11,288 --> 00:15:13,331
Anything about you, Mel,
336
00:15:13,471 --> 00:15:15,437
and a little baby girl named Toby?
337
00:15:15,558 --> 00:15:17,146
It's the talk of the office!
338
00:15:17,431 --> 00:15:19,245
I heard Cameron's in love with Melanie.
339
00:15:19,650 --> 00:15:21,056
I heard that they have a love child.
340
00:15:21,208 --> 00:15:22,579
His name is Toby.
341
00:15:23,586 --> 00:15:26,749
Toby's a boy's name.
I mean, there is no Toby.
342
00:15:26,886 --> 00:15:28,357
God, it's like high school around here.
343
00:15:28,496 --> 00:15:29,455
It's just a stupid rumor.
344
00:15:29,587 --> 00:15:32,540
I saw the video.
You called me a douche.
345
00:15:32,677 --> 00:15:37,281
He's such a douche.
Cash, what about me is douche-y?
346
00:15:41,754 --> 00:15:42,574
You know what?
347
00:15:42,702 --> 00:15:45,200
The old Dutch would've pounded
your ass like a shot of Jager,
348
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:48,906
but the new Dutch is using his
words instead of his fists.
349
00:15:49,122 --> 00:15:51,934
Mel, do you know about the
stuff he said to you?
350
00:15:52,180 --> 00:15:53,815
Yeah, I was there.
Bigger fish.
351
00:15:53,927 --> 00:15:55,983
I just heard from Britney
who got a text from Tiffany
352
00:15:56,130 --> 00:15:57,974
that O'Bannon's gonna destroy Leslie
353
00:15:58,105 --> 00:16:01,761
for taking Megan to the prom.
Damn it. What are we gonna do?
354
00:16:01,887 --> 00:16:05,713
That seems simple to me.
We're going back to prom.
355
00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:06,990
Are you already dressed for prom?
356
00:16:07,113 --> 00:16:08,549
No, I was on my way to Monte Carlo,
357
00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:11,099
but I'm sure this will be just as much fun.
358
00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:16,140
All right, ladies, gather 'round.
Here's the sitch--
359
00:16:16,282 --> 00:16:19,214
Cameron hacked O'Bannon's phone.
Turns out bully boy rigged it
360
00:16:19,366 --> 00:16:20,775
so Leslie will be voted Prom King.
361
00:16:20,912 --> 00:16:23,272
But when he's up onstage getting
crowned, instead of confetti
362
00:16:23,423 --> 00:16:25,636
raining down on him, it's
going to be a bucket of whiz.
363
00:16:25,765 --> 00:16:28,378
Oh, we used to call that
the Prom King Pee Drop!
364
00:16:28,495 --> 00:16:31,754
Also works at Homecoming.
This is serious, guys.
365
00:16:32,150 --> 00:16:34,328
So here's the game plan--
Mel and Dutch,
366
00:16:34,472 --> 00:16:36,175
you're gonna stuff the
ballot box with votes
367
00:16:36,313 --> 00:16:37,901
for our beloved O'Bannon.
368
00:16:41,770 --> 00:16:44,183
Next, Josh will neutralize the deejay.
369
00:16:44,308 --> 00:16:45,302
Ah, monsieur,
370
00:16:45,436 --> 00:16:47,403
would you care for a prom shrimp?
371
00:16:50,017 --> 00:16:51,938
How much horse tranq did you put in there?
372
00:16:52,066 --> 00:16:54,022
I didn't know he was gonna
eat the biggest shrimp.
373
00:16:54,203 --> 00:16:55,732
Let's crown our Prom King.
374
00:16:55,902 --> 00:16:58,867
Ladies and gentlemen, may
I have your attention?
375
00:16:59,024 --> 00:17:01,975
This year's prom king is...
376
00:17:02,868 --> 00:17:05,126
Kip O'Bannon!
377
00:17:09,959 --> 00:17:12,157
This is a mistake.
You can't make me Prom King!
378
00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:14,528
That cannon's loaded with
three weeks of my pee!
379
00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:21,945
Kip doesn't know that
we swapped out his pee
380
00:17:22,073 --> 00:17:23,595
for a little something else.
381
00:17:30,013 --> 00:17:33,489
He also doesn't know that his
mom is missing her cell phone.
382
00:17:34,173 --> 00:17:35,717
Thanks for bringing my lunch, mom.
383
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,291
Now get out of here. People are watching.
384
00:17:38,978 --> 00:17:41,422
Ooh. Excuse me, ma'am.
385
00:17:41,815 --> 00:17:43,317
Sucka!
386
00:17:44,447 --> 00:17:47,774
And now for the Prom Queen...
387
00:17:48,695 --> 00:17:50,485
Mom, it's Kip.
388
00:17:50,623 --> 00:17:53,412
I-I had an accident, and I need
you to come home right now.
389
00:17:53,566 --> 00:17:56,496
My thumb got caught in
the jacuzzi jet and...
390
00:17:56,789 --> 00:17:59,231
Okay, it's not my thumb. It's my wiener.
391
00:17:59,373 --> 00:18:01,751
Hurry, mommy. It's my wiener!
392
00:18:08,676 --> 00:18:11,375
Now that's how you revenge a nerd.
393
00:18:11,498 --> 00:18:12,725
Hey, Cam.
394
00:18:13,465 --> 00:18:16,106
As part of my nerd forgiveness program,
395
00:18:16,507 --> 00:18:18,937
I'm ready to forget about what you said.
396
00:18:19,570 --> 00:18:21,679
No, I really shouldn't
have said those things.
397
00:18:21,808 --> 00:18:23,344
I'm sorry, Dutch.
398
00:18:23,485 --> 00:18:27,155
So you--you don't think I'm
a total douche nozzle?
399
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,522
No.
400
00:18:29,410 --> 00:18:30,932
Partial.
401
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:33,031
Thanks, man.
402
00:18:34,198 --> 00:18:36,550
You feel my junk?
Yes.
403
00:18:37,968 --> 00:18:39,335
Awesome.
404
00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:43,267
Hey.
405
00:18:43,708 --> 00:18:46,293
There's an after-party at Teegan's. You in?
406
00:18:46,490 --> 00:18:48,077
You know, if you had gone to high school,
407
00:18:48,217 --> 00:18:49,747
you would've ruled the place.
You know,
408
00:18:49,871 --> 00:18:52,065
I'm just--I'm glad I finally got a taste.
409
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,320
I'm glad I'm not here
with my lesbian cousin
410
00:18:54,721 --> 00:18:58,749
who made out with my gym teacher.
So, uh...
411
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:02,715
I should really get over to my date.
Yes. A-absolutely. Go.
412
00:19:02,864 --> 00:19:05,500
It's--it's your prom.
413
00:19:06,694 --> 00:19:08,873
Sweet back brace, brother!
414
00:19:09,087 --> 00:19:11,638
'Sup, Ginger.
Making it work!
415
00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:13,878
Hey, pirate teeth, I wanna get to know you!
416
00:19:14,012 --> 00:19:15,090
So...
417
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:19,728
What exactly are your chaperone duties?
418
00:19:19,856 --> 00:19:21,794
Oh, you know, just the usual.
I-I just have to make sure
419
00:19:21,922 --> 00:19:24,695
the kids don't do anything off-limits.
420
00:19:24,822 --> 00:19:27,116
Would this be off-limits?
421
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,267
I have to do the rounds.
422
00:19:43,394 --> 00:19:46,071
Don't go far, okay?
I won't.
423
00:20:07,638 --> 00:20:10,884
Ah, prom. Magical night.
424
00:20:11,006 --> 00:20:13,614
Uh, you really shouldn't eat those shrimp.
425
00:20:13,738 --> 00:20:16,882
Don't worry about it.
I'm immune to all poisons and sedatives.
426
00:20:17,002 --> 00:20:20,357
Guys, I cannot thank you enough.
427
00:20:20,495 --> 00:20:23,697
I mean, tonight has been
the best night of my life.
428
00:20:23,829 --> 00:20:26,059
Well, great. I mean, if you
need anything else, we--
429
00:20:26,217 --> 00:20:28,443
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I think I've got it from here.
430
00:20:28,570 --> 00:20:31,046
I mean, at some point I gotta
fight my own battles, right?
431
00:20:31,180 --> 00:20:32,832
And you were just like me in high school,
432
00:20:32,983 --> 00:20:34,637
and you turned out pretty awesome.
433
00:20:34,832 --> 00:20:36,302
Gives a brother hope.
434
00:20:37,489 --> 00:20:39,830
I gotta say, helping Leslie out
435
00:20:40,018 --> 00:20:41,932
has turned out to be quite the job.
436
00:20:42,055 --> 00:20:44,352
I mean, I'm back at my old high school,
437
00:20:44,478 --> 00:20:47,287
I met a girl I like, and
I'm finally over Melanie.
438
00:20:47,416 --> 00:20:49,289
Yeah, pretty amazing coinkydink.
439
00:20:49,445 --> 00:20:52,403
Apropos of nothing, I
believe this is yours.
440
00:20:52,528 --> 00:20:54,891
What? No, I threw this away years ago.
441
00:20:55,023 --> 00:20:58,332
How did you get this?
Adorable that you still ask these things.
442
00:21:00,749 --> 00:21:04,005
Oh, my God. You knew Patty liked me.
443
00:21:04,136 --> 00:21:06,297
There's no way you planned
this whole thing.
444
00:21:06,422 --> 00:21:09,086
Your little office crush
is crushing this office.
445
00:21:09,352 --> 00:21:10,709
You're probably right.
446
00:21:10,846 --> 00:21:12,977
Enjoy the evening.
It's good you got the tux on.
447
00:21:13,103 --> 00:21:14,837
Tomorrow we're going to Vegas.
448
00:21:14,979 --> 00:21:17,232
We got a casino to rob.
449
00:21:17,432 --> 00:21:27,632
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450
00:21:27,682 --> 00:21:32,232
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