Original subtitles

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

You and Topanga can't be apart like this.

It's giving me a heart attack.

Shawn, I didn't even do anything, okay?

I meet one other girl, I talk to her,

and I get a little thank you note.

Cory, she wrote you the most passionate love letter I've ever read

that didn't start with "Dear Shawn."

I can't control what another person puts in a letter, Shawn.

Now, Topanga knows that.

Okay, okay, it's been raining for seven days.

How do you explain that?

Warm air meets a low-pressure system?

Wrong. It's raining because God is crying.

And he's crying because he created you and Topanga

to be the role model of the perfect couple for the entire universe.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

You know, Shawn, Topanga's angry at me.

What are you so upset about?

Because, you know, someday,

after a slew of meaningless relationships,

it's possible that I'm gonna want what you have.

Now, how can I want what you have

if you don't have it?

I want you to still have it.

Shawn, I didn't do anything, okay. I fell off a bus.

I sat on a couch. I talked to some girl.

I didn't write that letter, and she kissed me.

Cory, a guy can do no better than Topanga Lawrence.

Yeah, I know that.

Then be at Chubbie's after school.

He lied to me.

He lied to me about staying up all night with Lauren.

Strike one.

All they did was talk.

He lied to me about kissing her.

Strike two.

All they did was talk and kiss.

I read the letter, Shawn. She's crazy about him.

Because she knows what you know, Topanga.

A girl can do no better than Cory Matthews.

You're a good friend, Shawn,

and I think it's great what you're trying to do for Cory, but...

I'm not just doing this for Cory.

What?

(GRUNTING)

You're my friend, Topanga.

You're one of the two best people I know.

Who's first?

He is.

But you and me are the two best things in his life.

Who's first?

You are.

Please let him tell you that some girl named Lauren came on to him,

and it was flattering, but it didn't mean anything.

And he's never gonna see her again for the rest of his life.

Talk to him, Topanga.

Where?

Chubbie's. After school.

Will you be there?

You know, I'm actually a little bit nervous.

Don't be nervous. She's about to forgive you, Cory.

Nothing can go wrong.

Yeah, but it's kind of like a first date, you know?

I mean, I wonder what she'll be wearing.

Hi.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, my God. She's wearing a Lauren costume.

Cory.

What are you doing here?

I just spent four hours on the bus, Cory.

Can you give me something better than,

"What are you doing here?"

You have to leave.

Sweet talker.

No wonder I couldn't stop thinking about you.

Lauren, listen, I'm meeting someone here,

and really, I don't mean to be rude, but...

Get out! Get out! You, get out!

Cory, if you want me to leave, I will.

But I needed to see you.

You never answered my letter, and I needed to know if what we had

was just because of the fireplace

and the mountains and the sky.

All right, listen, toots. May I call you toots?

What you had was, "You, get out!"

(SCOFFS)

Lauren, I'm meeting Topanga here, okay?

And I don't want her to see us together.

Can't always get what you want.

Strike three.

Topanga, I'm sorry,

it didn't mean what it sounded like, okay?

I had no idea she was gonna be here.

She came all this way to talk to you, and...

If you feel that you need to talk to her,

then that's what you should do.

It's a trap.

Take Topanga and go. Trap.

I couldn't be with somebody who wasn't 100% sure.

So if you need some time, then, yeah,

take it.

And the world as we know it has ended.

Oh, Eric.

I just had a phone call. I need to ask you a favor.

Oh, no problem. Just give me your keys.

I'll mow your lawn and water those ugly little plants.

You don't think I'd actually let you inside my house.

(LAUGHS)

No. No, what I'm talking about

is a lot more important than watering plants.

Oh, look, Mr. Feeny, don't get my hopes up

that you're actually gonna trust me with something, okay?

I'll wash your car. No biggie.

My citizenship class is starting a series of practice tests this week.

Unfortunately, I have a scheduling conflict.

I need you to proctor.

Me? Proctor?

Proctor Matthews.

You know what proctor is?

Yeah. It's a tushie doctor.

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) I'm not gonna do that!

Maybe you better just wash the car.

No, Mr. Feeny. No problem. What do you want me to do?

Well, you see, this is a class

of people from foreign countries

who want to become American citizens.

All I want you to do, all...

Is pass out the pencils and tests

and gather them at the end of the class.

You do nothing else.

Do you understand?

All right, everybody hold your tests up like this.

Now do this.

There will be no test today.

Throw away the textbooks, throw away the tests.

Throw away the textbooks

You're my class now, and for the first time in my life,

I'm the smartest guy in the room.

Can we all just take a second and let that sink in?

In my country, I was a nuclear physicist.

Yeah, but, see, everybody here starts with a clean slate.

And as your proctologist, I'm gonna show you something.

Please don't pick me.

Pick a card, any card you want.

You know, Topanga practically told me to go out with Lauren.

What did she mean by that?

She's a woman. She was speaking to you in "womanese."

Oh, you speak that language?

I'm conversational. I wouldn't say I was fluent.

What I do know is that you have to look for stuff that's not there.

And believe me, there's a whole lot she was saying

that's not there.

What do your parents think?

I haven't told them yet.

Haven't told us what?

That I agreed to see that girl I met up at the mountains.

Lauren.

Yeah. Order me not to see her. Order me.

Cory, nobody loves Topanga as much as we do,

but if you think you really like this girl,

then you owe it to yourself and to Topanga and Lauren to find out.

You know, a long time ago, when your mom and I were dating,

she let me go out with another girl.

Her name was Teresa Lulich.

So, I went out with her just to test my love of your mother.

I never let you go out with any Teresa Lulich.

I would never do that. We wouldn't be together this very day.

(LAUGHING)

Actually, I'm mixing up a couple of stories here.

Gee! What are these, peaches?

(STUTTERS) Where do they go?

Cory, the rest of your life,

you're gonna be presented with opportunities and temptations.

And it's how you deal with them that matters.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi, Shawn.

Oh, stop trying to butter me up, Yoko.

I'm Lauren. I met Cory up at the mountains.

Hi, Teresa. Nice to meet you.

Are you kidding me?

Hi, Lauren, nice to meet you.

Cory's told us so much about you.

Oh! What is this?

(STUTTERING) Oaties.

You know what goes good with Oaties?

Peaches. You know where they are?

They're right over here.

I told my parents how you took care of me up at the lodge,

how, you know, we stayed up and talked all night.

That's why I needed to see you.

I don't think we really finished talking.

I hope it's okay.

Shawn, don't be mad at me.

I would never hurt your friend.

What's she really saying?

She's saying she wouldn't hurt you.

Ready?

Yeah. Mom, Dad.

Have a good time.

Have a time.

Shawn?

Lauren?

Shawn?

Have him home by midnight.

Not a minute after.

I like her.

I like her.

I like her, too.

So you want to live in a cottage, huh?

Yeah. A little wood house.

That's all I want.

That's it?

You don't want a big brick house in the suburbs

with walk-in closets and a skylight over the Jacuzzi?

Who would want any of that?

Nobody.

No, just, want to be in love with someone

and maybe have some kids someday.

Do you want to have kids?

Yeah, but I have to be home by midnight.

No, I do.

So, I'm not the wild and reckless guy you thought I was, huh?

It's not what I'm looking for. I've met too many of them.

All talk, nothing real. Slick and boring.

Yeah, Topanga always says the reason that I...

Sorry.

It's okay. She's a big part of your life.

Yeah, she is.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

It's raining.

Here, let's get inside somewhere.

No, no, no, no. Let's not.

(STUTTERING) But I'm not the kind of guy

who stands out in the rain without the appropriate outerwear.

Here, let me keep you warm and dry.

So, you got any film you need developed?

I love the rain!

Yeah. I do, too, now.

You do?

'Cause I got your rain right here.

(EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHING)

Good, good. Tell you what. You can dry your hair off.

Come here.

You're worried about something, aren't you?

Yeah.

Aren't you having fun with me?

That's what I'm worried about.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

I had a good time.

Cory, you're soaking wet.

I went out with Lauren. We had fun.

I had fun with a girl who isn't Topanga.

You got a tough choice to make here.

We are going to decide this scientifically.

Hand me those jelly beans over there.

(CLEARS THROAT)

First off, personality. Which girl makes you laugh?

We're not gonna decide the rest of my life with jelly beans, Shawn.

Then who is going to decide the rest of your life, Cory, you?

Okay, but don't use the red ones. I want to eat those.

Who makes you laugh?

Topanga makes me laugh.

But, you know, Lauren makes me laugh, too.

All right, which girl would you rather have deep conversations with?

Well, I mean, I can talk to Topanga about anything.

But I like talking to Lauren also.

All right.

Honesty. You can trust her. Very key. Very key.

Well, Topanga's the most honest person I've ever met.

Well, that's a double beaner, and I'm gonna use red.

But Lauren has been honest with me, Shawn, from the very beginning.

Okay.

Okay, now I'm gonna ask you a very important question.

Who's got the better... You know.

Who's got the perfume going? Who do you see yourself...

(GRUNTING)

Oh, you mean...

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Well, there's only one Topanga,

and she's got the "Huh-huh-huh"

with the "ra-ra" and the "hockity-hockity."

Oh, yeah.

But there's nothing like being inside Lauren's Jacket.

What?

Just pour the beans.

It's a tie.

You like Lauren as much as you like Topanga,

and you can't live without either of them.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

No. No, this was a good idea.

Shawn, yeah, I like Lauren.

I like spending time with her.

But I can live without her.

I can't live without Topanga.

It's no contest.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

All right, Raj, your turn.

What do you got, babe?

I'm lucky enough to have picked an ace.

Ooh!

An ace. Okay, category is pop culture.

Pop culture.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective launched the career of funny movie man Jim Carrey.

Very nice.

Do nothing!

I said all I wanted you to do was nothing.

Just watch them take the test.

Oh, no tests. Tore them up.

You what?

I understand what you were doing.

You were testing me, to see if I had initiative.

You think I should be a teacher.

No, I don't!

I just wanted you to pass out the test.

And what has Ace Ventura got to do with United States citizenship?

Eric, for the love of God.

Mr. Feeny, if you don't mind, I'm in the middle of teaching a class, okay?

Minh, your turn. Come on.

I have a king.

Let me guess. King Kong.

Don King.

Donkey Kong King.

Okay, those were all good answers, weren't they?

Except for the Donkey Kong King.

Look, Mr. Feeny, you can't play.

You're already a citizen, okay?

All right, Minh, you're holding a king.

Category is civil rights.

"I have a dream that my four little children will live in a nation

"where they will not be judged by the color of their skin

"but by the content of their character." Dr. Martin Luther King.

Well, I must say, although unorthodox,

I'm very impressed with your teaching methods, Mr. Matthews.

Well, thank you, Mr. Feeny. That means a lot coming from you.

You know, Mr. Feeny, all of us from different backgrounds

are like cards in deck.

RAJIV: Some cards are red, some cards are black,

some are kings and queens, and some are sixes and sevens.

But without even one of them, the deck of cards doesn't work,

and that's what Mr. Matthews says is America.

Topanga. Hi.

I'm glad you're here. Sit, sit.

I want to tell you everything that happened.

Okay, I went out with Lauren,

and I'm not gonna lie to you, we had a great time.

Well, Lauren's a nice girl, Cory.

I knew you'd have fun.

Yeah, but I didn't know I was allowed to.

See, when I first met Lauren,

she was the first girl besides you

that I ever thought I could like.

And that made me feel bad because I thought if I liked another girl,

it somehow meant that I liked you less.

I'm sorry you felt bad. No, no, no.

But it was good that I went through this,

because it taught me that liking someone else

could never, ever take away from loving you.

And I don't have to be afraid of what I feel about anybody else,

because I know that it could never take away from loving you.

And I always will.

And I know that completely now.

You know that now?

Yeah.

Is there anything else you have to tell me?

Love you completely, know that now, always will...

No, that's it. So, listen, can you put me in your jacket,

because I only want to be in your jacket.

Cory, I can't see you anymore.

What?

Do you have any idea how many guys hit on me?

What are you talking about?

I never needed to test my feelings for you.

I moved away from my parents in Pittsburgh to be close to you.

Ever since we were little kids,

I felt like I belonged with you and...

I would've given you everything, Cory.

Topanga...

I'm so sorry.

I forgive you.

I forgive you for lying at the lodge,

I forgive you for kissing her,

and I forgive you for the letter, which I read.

I know how intimately she felt about you.

But that you needed to see her

to test how you felt about me...

I don't forgive you for that, Cory.

No. No! You told me to see her, Topanga!

You told me to see how I felt.

And you listened.

Topanga, what's up?

It's gonna be okay.

No. No, it won't.

"We the People of the United States,

"in order to form a more perfect union,

"establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility..."

"Secure the blessings of liberty

"to ourselves and our posterity,

"do ordain and establish this constitution

"for the United States of America."

"We hold these truths to be self-evident,

"that all men are created equal,

"and they are endowed by their creator

"with certain unalienable rights,

"that among these

"are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

I never understood why anybody would want to be a teacher until now.

That's because you're seeing your students succeed and grow

right in front of your eyes.

Makes you feel so proud to know

you made a difference in somebody's life, doesn't it, Mr. Feeny?

Yes, it does, my boy. Indeed it does.

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