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1
00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:02,867
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
2
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:30,761
Hey, Lisa from 3-B, care
to join my study group?
3
00:00:30,829 --> 00:00:32,763
Why are you
studying in the hall?
4
00:00:32,831 --> 00:00:34,632
So I can talk to girls.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
5
00:00:40,273 --> 00:00:41,639
Knock yourself out.
6
00:00:43,041 --> 00:00:44,609
You're pretty.
Back at you.
7
00:00:44,677 --> 00:00:46,211
Hey, thank you.
8
00:00:47,613 --> 00:00:49,314
Hey, Jack.
9
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:52,083
Please tell me you were just trying
to get out of a traffic ticket.
10
00:00:52,151 --> 00:00:55,786
Will you stop? I passed by the
Gamma Epsilon fraternity.
11
00:00:55,854 --> 00:00:59,724
There's a big party. All the
girls were there, so I pledged.
12
00:00:59,792 --> 00:01:02,060
Yeah, but doesn't that make you
feel, like, humiliated, man?
13
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,362
Yes, it does. I paid
$200 for this dress.
14
00:01:04,429 --> 00:01:06,564
I'm never going to
get to wear it again.
15
00:01:10,369 --> 00:01:11,603
(EXCLAIMS)
16
00:01:11,670 --> 00:01:14,939
(GROANS)
College is easy.
17
00:01:15,006 --> 00:01:17,508
So I guess this is where
Eric and Jack study, huh?
18
00:01:17,576 --> 00:01:21,178
Study? Oh, my dear,
sweet, little Cory.
19
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:24,215
Let me show you what college
is all about, okay?
20
00:01:24,283 --> 00:01:26,083
Hi. I'm Shawn Hunter.
21
00:01:26,151 --> 00:01:28,586
Jennifer Crane from 3-B.
You guys live here?
22
00:01:28,654 --> 00:01:29,687
I do indeedy.
23
00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:33,958
That's college talk.
24
00:01:34,025 --> 00:01:35,627
So, how do you
like Pennbrook?
25
00:01:35,694 --> 00:01:36,794
Oh, no, no.
Shawn doesn't go to...
26
00:01:36,862 --> 00:01:37,995
I love Pennbrook.
27
00:01:38,063 --> 00:01:40,231
Old buildings,
pretty girls.
28
00:01:40,299 --> 00:01:42,367
So you're taking Introduction
to Western Philosophy?
29
00:01:42,434 --> 00:01:43,701
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
30
00:01:43,769 --> 00:01:46,070
Yes, I am.
31
00:01:46,138 --> 00:01:48,606
Another relationship
starting off on a lie.
32
00:01:48,674 --> 00:01:51,142
So, I'll see you in class tomorrow?
Okay.
33
00:01:51,210 --> 00:01:53,011
I'll save you a seat.
34
00:01:55,781 --> 00:01:56,982
Would you look at that?
35
00:01:57,049 --> 00:02:00,085
First day of college,
and I got me a girlfriend.
36
00:02:03,422 --> 00:02:07,558
Now, who can tell me what's
wrong with that sentence?
37
00:02:07,693 --> 00:02:08,893
I can.
38
00:02:08,961 --> 00:02:11,596
I know, Miss Lawrence,
but you're already 10 for 10.
39
00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:14,165
Oh, why don't we
try Mr. Matthews?
40
00:02:14,233 --> 00:02:15,700
Mmm, he won't
know this one.
41
00:02:16,468 --> 00:02:17,969
Mr. Matthews?
42
00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:19,804
She's 11 for 11.
43
00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:20,872
You know,
I'm not surprised
44
00:02:20,939 --> 00:02:23,341
that no one knows the
answer to that question.
45
00:02:23,409 --> 00:02:24,375
I do.
46
00:02:24,443 --> 00:02:26,811
Many of you have
forgotten the basics.
47
00:02:26,878 --> 00:02:31,348
Now, this is alarming because you'll
be entering college next fall...
48
00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:33,952
Mr. Hunter?
Huh?
49
00:02:35,054 --> 00:02:36,588
Clipping coupons?
50
00:02:36,655 --> 00:02:40,725
Yep. Odor-Eaters.
$2.49 for a dozen,
51
00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:44,595
and my Christmas
shopping is done.
52
00:02:44,663 --> 00:02:47,899
This is your senior year,
your last chance, Mr. Hunter.
53
00:02:47,966 --> 00:02:50,101
If you don't
apply yourself now,
54
00:02:50,169 --> 00:02:52,137
how do you expect
to make it in college?
55
00:02:53,105 --> 00:02:54,372
I don't.
56
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,540
(BELL RINGS)
57
00:02:56,642 --> 00:02:58,309
Uh, Mr. Feeny.
58
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,715
Listen, I'm worried
about Shawn.
59
00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:05,617
Isn't there anything
you can do to help him?
60
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,418
I've been trying
for four years.
61
00:03:07,486 --> 00:03:10,321
What more would you have
me do, Mr. Matthews?
62
00:03:16,228 --> 00:03:18,496
Hi. Major fraternity
party Friday night.
63
00:03:18,564 --> 00:03:20,398
I'm the head cheese
at the fraternity,
64
00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:22,267
and I can't wait
to see you all there.
65
00:03:22,334 --> 00:03:24,602
Singles only, okay? No children.
Great. I'll see you.
66
00:03:24,670 --> 00:03:29,039
Fraternity party! Fraternity
party, Friday night! Hey, buddy.
67
00:03:29,107 --> 00:03:31,542
Eric, this fraternity
party's at our apartment.
68
00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:34,044
Yes, it is. You know,
you were absolutely right.
69
00:03:34,112 --> 00:03:36,581
That hazing was so humiliating,
I came up with my own idea.
70
00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:38,249
I'm going to start
a fraternity of my own.
71
00:03:38,317 --> 00:03:40,017
That way, the girls
will come to me.
72
00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:41,819
I don't have to
wear a dress anymore.
73
00:03:41,887 --> 00:03:43,854
Unless, you know,
I want to.
74
00:03:43,922 --> 00:03:45,222
When the dean finds out
what you're doing, man,
75
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:46,624
he's gonna kick
you out of school.
76
00:03:46,692 --> 00:03:49,494
No! See,
the dean adores me.
77
00:03:49,561 --> 00:03:51,429
Why are you in my
college hallway?
78
00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:53,598
I'm passing out flyers.
79
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:55,767
Everybody's got a flyer.
80
00:03:55,834 --> 00:03:59,036
If it ain't the chess guys,
it's the drama freaks.
81
00:03:59,104 --> 00:04:00,805
Save this,
conserve that.
82
00:04:00,872 --> 00:04:04,108
Ever since Kinko's opened,
everybody's flyer crazy.
83
00:04:04,176 --> 00:04:05,576
I think you're going to
like this one, buddy.
84
00:04:05,644 --> 00:04:07,912
Good old-fashioned
fraternity party.
85
00:04:07,979 --> 00:04:10,147
And it's all his idea. I'm on
my way to the library, sir.
86
00:04:10,215 --> 00:04:11,583
Why is your name on it?
87
00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:14,719
Why is my name on it?
88
00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:16,420
We're the founding members.
89
00:04:16,689 --> 00:04:18,356
What's the name
of your fraternity?
90
00:04:18,423 --> 00:04:19,657
It's...
91
00:04:20,959 --> 00:04:23,027
It's Magnum Pi.
92
00:04:23,095 --> 00:04:25,296
Started at the
University of Hawaii.
93
00:04:25,363 --> 00:04:26,430
Hey!
94
00:04:27,566 --> 00:04:29,867
You ever heard
of this Magnum Pi?
95
00:04:31,603 --> 00:04:33,204
Get out of here.
96
00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:36,541
He's not right
in the head.
97
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:38,109
Hey, Topanga, listen,
I'm glad you're here.
98
00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:40,512
Feeny's on the warpath because
Shawn's cutting classes,
99
00:04:40,579 --> 00:04:42,980
so I'm writing an excuse
from Shawn's parents.
100
00:04:43,048 --> 00:04:45,350
How do you
spell Shawn?
101
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,519
You don't know how to spell
your best friend's name?
102
00:04:47,586 --> 00:04:52,590
Well, we're phone people.
Is it S-H-A-W-N or S-E-A-N?
103
00:04:52,758 --> 00:04:55,260
It's S-H-A-W-N,
and where is he?
104
00:04:56,828 --> 00:04:58,463
Jennifer.
105
00:04:58,531 --> 00:05:01,165
Hi, Shawn. Come down here.
I saved a seat for you.
106
00:05:01,266 --> 00:05:04,102
No. Why don't you come on
and sit in the back?
107
00:05:04,169 --> 00:05:06,938
You, stop talking and
take a seat down here.
108
00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:10,107
When we left off yesterday,
109
00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:13,811
we were analyzing French philosopher
Jacques Buridan's paradox.
110
00:05:13,879 --> 00:05:15,746
A hungry dog is
placed an equal distance
111
00:05:15,814 --> 00:05:18,816
between two bowls containing
equal amounts of food.
112
00:05:18,884 --> 00:05:20,552
Which does he choose?
113
00:05:20,619 --> 00:05:21,819
Not me. Not me.
114
00:05:21,887 --> 00:05:23,521
Jennifer.
115
00:05:23,589 --> 00:05:25,590
Buridan concluded that the
dog would starve to death,
116
00:05:25,657 --> 00:05:28,292
implying that we
can only choose that
117
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,095
which our reason tells
us is the greater good.
118
00:05:31,162 --> 00:05:34,799
Refute this argument using
dialectic reasoning. You.
119
00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:36,567
Um...
120
00:05:36,635 --> 00:05:39,337
Well, I think the dog would
choose the food on the right.
121
00:05:39,571 --> 00:05:41,138
That's one way to go.
Why not the left?
122
00:05:41,206 --> 00:05:43,574
Okay, the left.
123
00:05:43,642 --> 00:05:46,677
Doesn't really matter. I mean,
anybody would eat something
124
00:05:46,745 --> 00:05:48,379
before they
starved to death.
125
00:05:48,446 --> 00:05:50,548
Did the rest of you see
what he just did there?
126
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:52,684
He skipped right ahead
to Schopenhauer's theory
127
00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:56,487
that the will to live is the
predominant human trait.
128
00:05:56,555 --> 00:05:58,690
Name?
Shawn.
129
00:05:58,757 --> 00:06:01,625
Non-linear thinking. Good.
130
00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:04,228
Wow! Schopenhauer.
131
00:06:04,296 --> 00:06:06,397
That's like
graduate level.
132
00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:08,599
Really?
133
00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:10,468
I like the way
your mind works.
134
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,870
Free will.
Want to take a shot?
135
00:06:12,937 --> 00:06:14,606
Do I really
have a choice?
136
00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:16,341
Ooh!
137
00:06:16,408 --> 00:06:18,209
I got to take five.
138
00:06:23,849 --> 00:06:28,152
Shawnie. Hey, finally working on
your paper for Feeny's class, huh?
139
00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:31,489
Actually, I'm writing a
biography on Schopenhauer.
140
00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:33,324
The comic
or the singer?
141
00:06:33,391 --> 00:06:35,159
The philosopher.
142
00:06:35,227 --> 00:06:36,994
But, you know, I wouldn't
expect you to know that.
143
00:06:37,062 --> 00:06:39,363
It's not stuff that they
cover in high school.
144
00:06:39,431 --> 00:06:40,931
You're still pretending
to be in college,
145
00:06:40,999 --> 00:06:43,501
so you can impress
that girl Jennifer, huh?
146
00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,436
Cory, this isn't
even about her anymore.
147
00:06:45,504 --> 00:06:48,206
I like philosophy,
and I'm good at it.
148
00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:49,373
Yeah, but, Shawn,
we always said
149
00:06:49,441 --> 00:06:51,142
that we're gonna end
up in college together.
150
00:06:51,209 --> 00:06:53,444
I mean, if you don't
finish high school,
151
00:06:53,512 --> 00:06:55,179
that's never
going to happen.
152
00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:58,516
I'm already in college. Obviously,
I don't need high school.
153
00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:01,185
(BELL RINGS)
154
00:07:01,253 --> 00:07:02,786
We got Feeny,
okay? Let's go.
155
00:07:02,854 --> 00:07:07,992
Cory, Cory, no, come on. I got
to write my philosophy paper.
156
00:07:08,059 --> 00:07:10,394
Okay, fine, but that's
it, Shawn, all right?
157
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:13,898
I will not compromise my name
and cover for you again.
158
00:07:16,935 --> 00:07:18,535
Mr. Matthews,
159
00:07:18,603 --> 00:07:20,171
where is Mr. Hunter?
160
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,808
Alaska?
161
00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:27,378
That remark will cost
you a 500-word essay.
162
00:07:27,445 --> 00:07:31,348
Mr. Feeny, come on, I'm just
trying to help out a friend here.
163
00:07:31,416 --> 00:07:36,821
Make that 1,000 words on what
helping out a friend really means.
164
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:39,691
Mr. Feeny, don't you think you're
being a little harsh on Cory?
165
00:07:39,758 --> 00:07:42,627
I mean, he waters your plants
when you're out of town.
166
00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,495
Two thousand words.
167
00:07:44,562 --> 00:07:45,964
That's not fair. He
didn't even say anything.
168
00:07:46,031 --> 00:07:49,934
Miss Lawrence, you just bought the
entire class the same assignment.
169
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,002
(ALL GROAN)
170
00:07:51,069 --> 00:07:52,770
And I want it
by tomorrow.
171
00:07:52,905 --> 00:07:54,439
ALL: Oh! What?
172
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:58,442
Now, perhaps someone can
tell me where Mr. Hunter is.
173
00:08:00,979 --> 00:08:03,614
Excuse me.
174
00:08:03,682 --> 00:08:08,519
I don't know if this makes up for
anything, but lunch is on us, huh?
175
00:08:10,322 --> 00:08:13,892
Mr. Hunter, class has begun.
I suggest you join us.
176
00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:16,894
Thanks for the invite, but
I've got to finish this paper.
177
00:08:16,962 --> 00:08:18,662
I'm not asking you,
Mr. Hunter.
178
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:19,931
This is high school.
179
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,800
I'm the teacher and
you're the student.
180
00:08:24,336 --> 00:08:25,636
Well, that certainly
is one point of view,
181
00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:29,673
but I believe that there's
still room for discussion.
182
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:31,442
Are you refusing
to come to class?
183
00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:33,844
No, I am not refusing.
184
00:08:33,912 --> 00:08:37,314
I am exercising
my free will.
185
00:08:37,382 --> 00:08:41,252
Then I will exercise mine.
You are hereby suspended.
186
00:08:42,921 --> 00:08:44,255
End of discussion.
187
00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:53,064
Suspended students are
not allowed in school.
188
00:08:53,298 --> 00:08:56,967
Now, I have a room full of
students who want to learn,
189
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,202
so good day,
Mr. Hunter.
190
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,040
CORY: Shawn.
191
00:09:05,144 --> 00:09:07,344
How could you
do this to him?
192
00:09:07,412 --> 00:09:10,214
This is his senior year.
How can you suspend him?
193
00:09:10,282 --> 00:09:11,916
He suspended himself.
194
00:09:11,983 --> 00:09:13,618
If he wants to
join all the others
195
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:15,920
who failed to live
up to their potential,
196
00:09:15,987 --> 00:09:17,522
that is his choice.
197
00:09:18,623 --> 00:09:20,057
But it's Shawn.
198
00:09:21,693 --> 00:09:23,861
Yes, I know.
199
00:09:34,072 --> 00:09:35,672
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
200
00:09:44,149 --> 00:09:46,751
I don't want to
talk about it, okay?
201
00:09:46,819 --> 00:09:50,355
Yeah, well, I do. You took
that out of my closet.
202
00:09:50,422 --> 00:09:51,823
I'm pledging Omega,
all right?
203
00:09:51,890 --> 00:09:53,023
The dean thinks
I'm in a fraternity,
204
00:09:53,091 --> 00:09:54,525
let him think I'm
in a real fraternity.
205
00:09:54,593 --> 00:09:57,294
I love him, okay?
And he loves me.
206
00:09:57,363 --> 00:10:00,498
Eric, he doesn't
love you.
207
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:02,166
Oh, yeah?
If he doesn't love me,
208
00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:04,001
how come he's coming to see
me right now, then, hmm?
209
00:10:04,069 --> 00:10:07,772
Eric. Hi, Shelly.
210
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:11,742
Listen, Matthews, I
happen to have a niece
211
00:10:11,810 --> 00:10:13,844
who attends the University
of Hawaii in Oahu,
212
00:10:13,912 --> 00:10:16,580
and she has no knowledge
of this Magnum Pi.
213
00:10:16,648 --> 00:10:18,048
What do you
make of that?
214
00:10:18,083 --> 00:10:20,418
Well, we have
no Oahu chapter.
215
00:10:20,485 --> 00:10:24,622
However, we are very big on the
island of Humina Humina Humina Who.
216
00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:27,291
How are you funded?
217
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:28,525
Alumni.
218
00:10:28,593 --> 00:10:30,661
I want names. You!
219
00:10:30,729 --> 00:10:31,862
I don't know.
220
00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:32,964
You're out of school.
221
00:10:34,532 --> 00:10:37,201
Famous celebrity alumni.
222
00:10:37,269 --> 00:10:40,037
Well, I would
love to know who.
223
00:10:40,105 --> 00:10:41,839
Love to know who. Love.
224
00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:43,841
Love... Love Boat.
225
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:47,811
The Love Boat's Ted Lange
and Bernie Kopell, sir.
226
00:10:47,879 --> 00:10:50,148
(LAUGHS)
Oh! What fun!
227
00:10:50,215 --> 00:10:54,052
Well, I'll look forward to meeting
them at your fraternity party.
228
00:10:54,119 --> 00:10:57,688
And as soon as you started
talking, I knew you were Jack.
229
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:03,360
Come inside,
you hussy.
230
00:11:05,564 --> 00:11:10,200
Look, not everybody is going
to get Nietzsche right away.
231
00:11:10,268 --> 00:11:14,037
The key is to read it
in its original German.
232
00:11:16,608 --> 00:11:17,875
Tutor me.
233
00:11:17,943 --> 00:11:19,977
(DOOR OPENS)
234
00:11:20,044 --> 00:11:24,415
Okay. Today we're going
to explore structuralism.
235
00:11:27,519 --> 00:11:28,586
Psst, hey!
236
00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:31,522
What are you
doing here?
237
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:33,324
Listen, you've got to come
back and talk to Feeny, okay?
238
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:36,059
This is nonsense.
You don't belong here.
239
00:11:36,127 --> 00:11:39,530
You! Oh, my God, I've been hit.
240
00:11:39,597 --> 00:11:42,466
Life, mortality, existence.
What are your thoughts?
241
00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:44,368
Oh, I'm just visiting.
242
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:47,638
Oh. Like in,
"We're all just visiting."
243
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:52,844
Yes. Yes. Exactly.
244
00:11:52,911 --> 00:11:54,912
That's bull!
245
00:11:54,979 --> 00:11:57,148
See? This is what happens
in philosophy class.
246
00:11:57,216 --> 00:12:00,918
You throw out a few cliches, and I'm
supposed to be impressed. I'm not!
247
00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:03,453
I wish I wasn't here.
248
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:05,689
Now, see? That's a
good starting point.
249
00:12:07,426 --> 00:12:11,295
I'm sorry. Sometimes I just
get a little frustrated.
250
00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:12,864
I look at you
and wonder
251
00:12:12,931 --> 00:12:15,066
how many of you should
still be in high school.
252
00:12:17,035 --> 00:12:18,702
Here are your papers.
253
00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:20,804
Listen, are you going
to come back or not?
254
00:12:20,872 --> 00:12:22,873
Cory, I belong here.
255
00:12:23,708 --> 00:12:25,910
Shawn, I was very
surprised by yours.
256
00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:27,444
Yes, sir.
257
00:12:27,512 --> 00:12:30,447
I was expecting a scholarly
work of real accomplishment.
258
00:12:30,515 --> 00:12:31,915
An "F."
259
00:12:31,983 --> 00:12:33,450
I didn't even
get yours.
260
00:12:35,654 --> 00:12:37,321
I don't believe this.
261
00:12:37,389 --> 00:12:40,458
Listen, Shawn, it's okay. I mean,
you're not in this class anyway.
262
00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:44,795
No, no, this has got to be a mistake.
I really know this stuff.
263
00:12:44,862 --> 00:12:46,731
I've got to talk to him.
264
00:12:47,599 --> 00:12:50,268
Excuse me, Professor.
265
00:12:50,335 --> 00:12:53,504
I worked really hard on this paper.
I don't understand.
266
00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:56,507
Shawn, except for a few promising
ideas, it was poorly written.
267
00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:59,410
It was disorganized
and sloppily researched.
268
00:12:59,477 --> 00:13:01,144
But you said
I had a good mind.
269
00:13:01,212 --> 00:13:03,247
You do.
But you're in college.
270
00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:05,383
You're supposed
to know the basics.
271
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:08,119
I don't have time
to teach them to you.
272
00:13:08,186 --> 00:13:10,687
Okay, class,
let's move on.
273
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:16,193
I don't belong
in high school.
274
00:13:16,261 --> 00:13:17,295
I don't belong
in college.
275
00:13:17,362 --> 00:13:19,530
Listen, talk to Feeny.
276
00:13:21,733 --> 00:13:22,766
You!
277
00:13:24,402 --> 00:13:26,036
Schopenhauer.
278
00:13:26,571 --> 00:13:27,437
Me.
279
00:13:28,439 --> 00:13:29,673
Leaving.
280
00:13:34,913 --> 00:13:36,981
Yeah, it's good to
have you on board, Jack.
281
00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:38,449
Yeah, well, the only
reason I'm here
282
00:13:38,516 --> 00:13:39,783
is because as long
as I wore that dress,
283
00:13:39,851 --> 00:13:42,486
I couldn't
shake the dean.
284
00:13:42,554 --> 00:13:44,688
Then let the fraternity
party games begin.
285
00:13:44,756 --> 00:13:47,357
Girls, to the closet.
286
00:13:47,826 --> 00:13:49,160
All right.
287
00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:50,861
Freeze!
288
00:13:53,098 --> 00:13:55,399
You two think I'm a
clown, don't you?
289
00:13:55,466 --> 00:13:57,702
Dean Bozo!
290
00:13:57,769 --> 00:14:00,804
Well, it's been
fun toying with you,
291
00:14:00,872 --> 00:14:03,206
but now I'm bored.
292
00:14:03,275 --> 00:14:05,709
We all know
there's no Magnum Pi,
293
00:14:05,777 --> 00:14:08,111
but what really
fries my dean butt
294
00:14:08,179 --> 00:14:10,281
is you promised I'd get
a chance to mingle
295
00:14:10,348 --> 00:14:13,016
with The Love Boat'sTed Lange and Bernie Kopell.
296
00:14:13,084 --> 00:14:16,020
Jack, take my
hand and pray.
297
00:14:16,088 --> 00:14:18,155
What are you, scared, man?
You're not?
298
00:14:18,223 --> 00:14:19,590
Not at all.
299
00:14:20,391 --> 00:14:22,159
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
300
00:14:33,404 --> 00:14:36,240
Can I fix
anybody a drink?
301
00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:40,411
Ted!
302
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:42,646
Look, Dean,
The Love Boat guys.
303
00:14:42,814 --> 00:14:46,016
Why do you always have
to do the finger thing?
304
00:14:46,084 --> 00:14:49,152
'Cause I know
you hate it.
305
00:14:49,220 --> 00:14:52,656
You still resent me for
outranking you on the boat.
306
00:14:52,724 --> 00:14:56,293
Bernie, you do know that you're
not a real doctor, right?
307
00:14:57,261 --> 00:14:58,395
You called them?
308
00:14:58,463 --> 00:14:59,663
Of course
I called them, man.
309
00:14:59,731 --> 00:15:03,400
I want to live. I want
to stay in school.
310
00:15:03,468 --> 00:15:07,505
Ted Lange, Bernie Kopell, I'm the
dean here at Pennbrook University.
311
00:15:07,572 --> 00:15:09,440
A fan
from way back.
312
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:13,944
As the two most prominent
celebrity alumni of Magnum Pi,
313
00:15:14,012 --> 00:15:17,814
we would like to say we couldn't be
prouder of our Pennbrook chapter
314
00:15:17,882 --> 00:15:20,451
and the dean
who supports it.
315
00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:22,553
Can I fix
anybody a drink?
316
00:15:24,121 --> 00:15:26,824
They have drinks,
and it's getting old.
317
00:15:28,393 --> 00:15:32,029
Boys, you both proved
something to me today.
318
00:15:34,299 --> 00:15:36,600
I was drunk when I hired
the dean of admissions.
319
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:40,037
You poodles
actually believe
320
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,973
that I'd be impressed by a
couple of guys from Love Boat?
321
00:15:43,041 --> 00:15:44,474
No offense.
Big fan.
322
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:47,578
Hey, we don't care.
We get paid either way.
323
00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:50,681
All right, boys,
324
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:54,951
first thing tomorrow morning,
consider Magnum Pi closed.
325
00:15:55,019 --> 00:15:59,422
Right now, Bernie and Ted, you're
coming home to meet my mom.
326
00:15:59,490 --> 00:16:03,927
We ordinarily do just
one appearance a night.
327
00:16:03,995 --> 00:16:05,963
She's a big
Get Smart fan.
328
00:16:06,030 --> 00:16:09,166
Well, I don't suppose it
would kill us to stop by.
329
00:16:10,935 --> 00:16:13,571
Bernie, you know
you're not the head
330
00:16:13,638 --> 00:16:16,640
of a secret organization
known as KAOS, right?
331
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,344
(BOTH SIGH)
332
00:16:20,412 --> 00:16:23,013
Well, Jack,
tomorrow we're closed.
333
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,048
But tonight,
we're open.
334
00:16:25,784 --> 00:16:27,451
Ladies...
335
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:28,919
To the closet!
336
00:16:34,759 --> 00:16:37,094
George, hi.
337
00:16:37,161 --> 00:16:38,762
We just got back
from Glaciers.
338
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,163
You in the mood
for a yogurt?
339
00:16:45,036 --> 00:16:47,404
Why can't I
offer him a yogurt?
340
00:16:47,472 --> 00:16:50,341
Do you not understand
the concept of a whisper?
341
00:16:50,408 --> 00:16:52,243
I think this might
have something to do
342
00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:54,612
with my suspending
Shawn Hunter.
343
00:16:54,679 --> 00:16:56,847
You suspended Shawn?
344
00:16:56,914 --> 00:16:58,315
Can you believe that?
345
00:16:58,383 --> 00:17:01,918
Shawn's senior year.
His most important year,
346
00:17:02,587 --> 00:17:04,555
and Feeny suspends him.
347
00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:09,025
Mr. Matthews, Shawn was skipping
class, mouthing off to me.
348
00:17:09,093 --> 00:17:11,328
He practically asked
to be suspended. Fine.
349
00:17:11,396 --> 00:17:14,565
Okay, fine.
But this is Shawn here.
350
00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:19,936
Every year, I watch bright kids
like Shawn fall through the cracks.
351
00:17:20,004 --> 00:17:21,972
How do you
think it feels?
352
00:17:22,039 --> 00:17:24,675
Cory, this isn't
Mr. Feeny's fault.
353
00:17:24,742 --> 00:17:26,277
You should give
him another chance.
354
00:17:26,344 --> 00:17:28,678
He's given me
plenty of chances.
355
00:17:32,183 --> 00:17:33,984
Look, Mr. Feeny, I...
356
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:38,255
I didn't treat you with the
respect that you deserve.
357
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:42,459
Come on, let's take
these yogurts inside.
358
00:17:42,527 --> 00:17:45,129
Are you asking to come
back to school, Shawn?
359
00:17:45,196 --> 00:17:47,231
Yes. Yes, he is. He is.
360
00:17:47,298 --> 00:17:50,567
I shouldn't be wasting
any of Mr. Feeny's time.
361
00:17:50,635 --> 00:17:52,602
You've never wasted
any of my time.
362
00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:56,439
Mr. Feeny, did you know that Shawn's
taking college courses at Pennbrook?
363
00:17:56,507 --> 00:17:58,341
Is that right, Shawn?
364
00:17:59,944 --> 00:18:02,812
I guess it's like
Buridan's paradox.
365
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,382
There were two bowls
placed in front of me.
366
00:18:05,450 --> 00:18:08,685
One was high school
and one was college.
367
00:18:08,753 --> 00:18:10,487
I chose college.
368
00:18:10,555 --> 00:18:11,655
Why don't you
show him your paper?
369
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:13,657
It's no good.
370
00:18:13,724 --> 00:18:14,791
May I read it?
371
00:18:16,060 --> 00:18:17,528
It's just an "F."
372
00:18:17,595 --> 00:18:21,532
You know, another "F"
to add to the scrapbook.
373
00:18:27,004 --> 00:18:29,839
Well, I can see you have
some grammar problems here.
374
00:18:31,209 --> 00:18:33,377
And the structure
is way off.
375
00:18:35,079 --> 00:18:37,481
This entire paper
is in one sentence.
376
00:18:41,719 --> 00:18:43,219
But it's good.
377
00:18:43,888 --> 00:18:45,756
Clearly, college level.
378
00:18:46,891 --> 00:18:49,827
Really?
379
00:18:49,894 --> 00:18:53,063
'Cause, you know, I was
kind of enjoying college.
380
00:18:53,130 --> 00:18:55,866
For the first time,
I saw myself there.
381
00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:58,635
I always
saw you there.
382
00:18:58,703 --> 00:19:00,370
So did I.
383
00:19:00,438 --> 00:19:03,707
But, Shawn, you must
come back to class.
384
00:19:03,774 --> 00:19:07,644
You have to learn the basics, and
I'm going to keep teaching it.
385
00:19:07,712 --> 00:19:10,214
That is my philosophy.
386
00:19:10,281 --> 00:19:14,318
And every now and then, I'll throw
in a little Schopenhauer for you.
387
00:19:15,353 --> 00:19:17,254
What do you know
about Schopenhauer?
388
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,924
Probably not as
much as you do,
389
00:19:20,992 --> 00:19:22,993
but I'm willing
to learn.
390
00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:36,706
So, Bernie, Ted, don't
you just love my family?
391
00:19:36,774 --> 00:19:39,776
Oh! We had
a wonderful evening.
392
00:19:39,844 --> 00:19:41,644
You're really
delightful people,
393
00:19:41,712 --> 00:19:43,146
but we really should be
heading back to the airport.
394
00:19:43,214 --> 00:19:48,117
Oh, nonsense! Come
on, one more story.
395
00:19:48,185 --> 00:19:51,555
It's not every day we get to meet a
couple celebrities from the TV, huh?
396
00:19:52,823 --> 00:19:54,291
Okay.
397
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,894
One more story.
398
00:20:02,266 --> 00:20:04,701
When Cory was seven, he
fell off of his bicycle...
399
00:20:04,769 --> 00:20:06,103
The tooth fairy story.
400
00:20:06,170 --> 00:20:08,471
That's a good one.
401
00:20:08,539 --> 00:20:10,540
With the teeth.
We already heard this one.
402
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:12,442
When?
403
00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:16,112
Six hours ago. For the
love of God, let us go!
404
00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:18,582
No, you sit.
My son paid you.
405
00:20:18,649 --> 00:20:21,585
You sit and you listen
to my wife's stories.
406
00:20:23,521 --> 00:20:26,156
Bernie, I'm scared.
407
00:20:27,825 --> 00:20:29,693
Love Boat stalkers.
408
00:20:34,065 --> 00:20:36,066
How'd you like
to live here?
409
00:20:37,669 --> 00:20:40,137
Anyway, Cory looked
under his pillow.
410
00:20:40,204 --> 00:20:41,237
But that's not
the story.
411
00:20:41,606 --> 00:20:42,673
This is the story.
412
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:43,741
ALL: This is so good.
413
00:20:43,808 --> 00:20:45,342
(ALL CHATTERING)
414
00:20:45,392 --> 00:20:49,942
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