Original subtitles

Guys, get a move on. Eric's going to miss his flight.

Eric, you're going to Boston for the camping show.

Now, I don't want to hear from any of the suppliers

that you missed meetings

because you were at the hotel bar dancing on tables.

Oh!

Father, for you to even suggest that I would blow off the camping show

to go party hearty in Boston,

that speaks volumes about our relationship.

Eric, you forgot your book.

What book?

"How to Act Innocent When Your Father Catches You."

Eric.

Guess I better read it again.

Bye, Mom.

Bye, honey.

Bye.

Amy, Cory, hi.

Is there a lock on this thing?

Mr. Feeny!

Too late.

I tried. I tried. I tried. I tried. I tried.

I don't get the assignment. I want to drop economics.

Business, figures, numbers...

I just can't keep it in my head. Woo-hoo.

Shawn, it's simple.

Come up with a business, pretend you're running it, and write a report.

Oh! Now I... Woo-hoo. You see?

Now, come on, let me drop the course.

No Hunter has ever made it in business.

Why cause me agony? Why?

I like it.

Shawn, sit down. It's quiet time.

Amy, here are my house keys.

I really appreciate you looking after things while I'm away this weekend.

Oh, sure, George.

Now, is there a number at the hotel in case we need to reach you?

Actually, I'm staying at a lovely bed-and-breakfast.

Oh, good for you.

Living in someone else's house, eating someone else's food.

So what's that run you, like two bucks?

Actually, Shawn, a room in a nice bed-and-breakfast

can go for as high as $200 a night. Right, George?

Not this one.

$200 a night? Wow.

I have made a list of things that have to be done...

Plants to water and, uh, plants that will need vitamins

and plants that need to be rotated to get the morning sun.

Oh, you'll do fine. Thank you!

Just don't kill them.

Shawn, what are you doing? It's just a house.

No, no, no. This is Feeny's house.

There's got to be, I don't know, some shrunken heads,

some eyeballs in jars, voodoo dolls.

Now, why would he have stuff like that?

Well, he took them from me last year.

Okay. I'm going to go jump on Feeny's bed just like I've always dreamed of.

Okay.

Oh, my history paper and a red pen!

Feeny, you fool.

"Cory, you fool. Put down the paper and step away from my walnut credenza."

(EXCLAIMING)

(SHAWN SCREAMING)

Shawn?

It's okay. It's okay.

Thought I saw a poster of me, but it's just a mirror.

Cory, this is like nothing you've ever dreamed of.

What?

Okay. He's got three bedrooms, beautifully decorated, but here's the best.

Feeny's got a 6-foot round tub.

Well, the man's got to bathe.

With jets.

Oh, kooky.

You know, I think I may have an idea for my economics project.

I'm going to go get started.

Well, good for you.

I don't want to be alone in here.

Hi. Hi.

My name is Dylan Hightower.

I'm the CEO of a mid-sized venture-capital group.

You might look for me on the cover of next month's Forb-ees.

It'll look something like this.

(LAUGHS)

You're just out of high school, you work for your daddy.

This is your first convention,

it's pronounced Forbes.

And what's your real name?

I'm not telling.

So, what are you drinking, mystery boy?

Uh, brewski.

Root brewski?

If that's all you can give me, sure.

It sure is,

but I will do this.

ERIC: Cool.

I believe you're supposed to catch the glass, Mr. Matthews.

Oh, no.

Mr. Feeny!

You're here.

What a remarkable and horrifying coincidence.

Horrifying indeed.

What are you doing in Beantown?

Hiding from you, and I failed.

Why must you stalk me so?

Sorry to burst your balloon, buster,

but I'm waiting for somebody else.

Cory?

No, not Cory.

Cabernet.

I'm waiting for a special lady friend of mine

to have dinner in the hotel.

Oh, Mr. Feeny, I didn't know you had somebody special in Boston.

Well, that's because I've never mentioned her to you before, Eric.

And why not?

For the same reason that you don't talk about your girlfriends to me.

It's squeamy?

Precisely.

But now that you've asked...

I didn't.

Elizabeth is someone I've known for 15 years,

someone I care about deeply.

But she lives and works in Boston,

and her teaching career is as important to her as mine is to me.

A female Feeny. (GROANING)

So, how often do you guys see each other?

Three or four times a year.

Every so often, one of us asks the other to give it all up

and move so that we can be together.

But you never took her up on it?

Nor she me. No.

The asking and saying no has become a bittersweet ritual between us.

This year it's my turn to pop the question.

What if she says yes?

Oh, she won't.

No, she'll just smile at me over her glass of merlot and ask,

"Can't we just keep things the way they are?"

And I'll squeeze her hand gently

and say, "If that's what you truly want."

And then I'll go home.

To me and Cory.

You're killing my story.

(WHISTLING)

Shawn.

What are you doing in Feeny's house without me?

Actually, I'm here to work on my school project. You proud?

Why here?

I don't have an answer that wouldn't upset you.

Can you rotate these two plants just a little?

No, no, no. What's your school project, Shawn?

No, don't tell me. Yes, tell me.

Tell me, but lie.

A bed-and-breakfast.

Okay. Okay. Nothing to worry about here.

Mmm-hmm.

Uh-huh.

Two hundred bucks a night.

Ah! Look at this. You're even advertising.

Yeah, yeah, just a little sign up at the airport near duty-free.

Thorough, Shawn, incredibly thorough.

Well, look at this. You've even got guests checked in,

got their credit cards, given them names...

The Timmers. Hmm, kind of cute.

Who are you?

We are the Timmers.

Of course you are.

It says so right here on your credit card. The Timmers.

(SPEAKING DUTCH)

He's going to scream now.

Shawn!

(SCREAMING)

Feeny left us the keys to his house.

He knows this is going to happen. He wants this to happen.

(SCREAMING)

Cory, if you're going to stay at my bed-and-breakfast,

I'm going to have to ask you to keep your voice down.

The Moorparks are upstairs napping.

(SOFTLY) Ah.

Newlyweds. They're here on the honeymoon package.

Hey! Put that down!

We are the Timmers.

Cory, they're Dutch. Please, allow me.

(SPEAKING DUTCH)

(LAUGHING)

Shawn.

The Moorparks and the Timmers. That's it, right?

Yeah, yeah, that's it. Okay.

Hi! We're here.

Oh, the Hecks, Arnie and Gloria, from Boca.

Well, they booked through the last-minute club.

Gloria, I said I wanted to stay in a Ritz-Carlton!

It's a bed-and-breakfast. It's a little foofy, no?

I want to pick something.

I want to pick one time, and I like it.

It's got charm.

You understand charm?

I understand no mini-bar. I understand no macadamias!

And I threw a few bucks to the cabbies.

That way they tell them the hotels are full and bring them right here.

Out! Out! I want you all out!

This is our bellhop. He's rude and obnoxious.

I like him!

Here, boychik, put this in my room, huh?

I have to kill you now.

So where's the good shopping?

Well, why don't we ask our concierge?

Concierge?

(RINGING)

No, not you, Topanga.

How could someone as sweet and honest as you

get mixed up with one of Shawn's evil schemes?

Because of this.

Why don't I show you to your suite, and then we can map out your day.

Here, buy yourself some heels.

It's a living.

You will get caught. We will get caught.

I said no "we." I said "you." I said no "we."

You had the key. You let me in.

As far as Feeny's concerned, you're the brains.

The brains?

Huh. I rather like that.

Okay. Just promise me this,

that when Feeny gets back, he finds his house exactly as he left it. Okay?

You have my word. Good.

(BOTH SPEAKING DUTCH)

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

So it's really sweet of you to wait up for your...

What is he, exactly?

Oh, Mr. Feeny? He's my next-door neighbor,

and he used to be my teacher,

and he's real concerned about where my life is going.

What would you call that?

I'd call that a friend.

Yeah? Feeny? Friend? Okay.

So listen, I get off work in 10 minutes, and you seem real nice.

How about I buy you dinner?

Well, as long as it wouldn't interfere with my loyalty to my friend.

Hey, isn't that him now?

Yeah, it would have to be, because something good was going to happen in my life.

Something really good.

Hey, he seems troubled.

Yeah, but, see, it's my first convention away from home,

and dinner with a lady bartender would be...

Oh, I hate everything.

Hello, Eric.

Are you all right?

You know, every year I look forward to seeing her,

and every year we part company.

Knowing that we care for each other,

but not quite enough

to give up the lives we've made and find comfortable.

She said yes.

You popped the question, and she said yes.

She said yes, and you're stuck good.

No, no. She said no.

We always say no.

Why do we always say no?

Because you don't really love each other.

Now, how would you know that, Mr. Matthews?

Because if you truly loved each other,

you'd risk anything for that love.

Even the lives you've made and find comfortable.

I just wonder if at this stage of my life,

my risk-taking days are over.

Or perhaps I never appreciated the value of taking a risk,

and that's why I've missed the chance at true love.

Yeah. I felt that same way when I broke up with Debbie.

You remember that?

No.

Well, I mean, I'm still in there plugging away,

because I believe true love can come at any time.

Well, until then, I will continue my life teaching my students.

You got more than your students, Mr. Feeny.

You got your friends.

Eric, if you haven't had your dinner yet,

I thought we might grab a bowl of pasta on the north end.

Oh, I don't know, Mr. Feeny.

I mean, it's my first night in Boston.

I was thinking of something a little riskier.

Maybe you and me can go out, hit the town, check out the action.

You mean cruise for chicks?

And their mothers.

You know something, Mr. Feeny, I don't understand this friendship.

Oh, neither do I.

(PIANO PLAYING)

(SINGING BY THE LIGHT OF THE SILVERY MOON)

Hey!

All right.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you very...

Thank you. Thank you.

Everyone remember, drive safe. Okay?

News from the honeymoon suite. The Moorparks have eaten.

(ALL CHEERING)

All right.

Don't forget, tomorrow morning, sunrise nature walk.

Wear comfortable shoes.

Good night. Good night.

Chocolate mint? Right on your pillow.

Is she your girl?

Sure is.

Mr. Lucky.

I know.

(SPEAKING DUTCH)

Good night. (SPEAKING DUTCH)

Wow. $42.50.

Now we can afford that public defender.

I cannot do time.

Cory, we're not getting caught, okay?

We have grown as schemers.

You always thought that you would rub off on me,

but instead, I have corrupted you.

You're as shady as I am now. You have to deal with it.

Wrong, Shawn, okay?

The universe will catch up with us.

I trust the universe.

Yeah? Well...

The universe better hurry up, because they're all leaving tomorrow.

All we have to do is make it through breakfast, and we didn't get caught.

We have to get caught at breakfast. They're all leaving after breakfast,

so we got to get caught at breakfast.

You hear me?

Wait a minute.

Are we feeding them at breakfast?

There it is!

I think it's only fitting that we bow our heads

and give thanks for the food in front of us.

Lower.

We say thanks for this wonderful meal we have in front of us.

Amen.

Okay, we did it. The upstairs is in a shambles,

and every dish Feeny owns is in the sink.

Now we get caught, and I am at peace,

because without punishment,

my world loses both form and meaning.

You were one of those kids that enjoyed getting spanked, weren't you?

I always deserved it.

You boys made us feel so welcome,

we all tidied up after ourselves.

What?

Oh, and Nona did all the dirty dishes.

We are the Timmers.

Don't you know it's us?

Well, forget it, Cory.

The universe cares jack about us.

Shawn, I'm not comfortable with this, you know? I don't feel right.

I mean, in the old days, we'd be standing here patting ourselves on the back,

and your eyes would roll towards the door...

Like that, because the doorknob would be turning...

Like that, and the door would open, and Feeny would be standing there.

(EXCLAIMING)

Ah. The messrs. Matthews and Hunter.

The universe still cares about us.

Yeah, I guess it does.

Oh, blast. I forgot my overnight bag.

It's in the cab. I'll be right back.

Wait. We could still pull it off.

All we have to do is get our guests checked out

in the next 15 seconds. No, not gonna.

It is over. It is our time. I am at peace.

Arnie, if we don't leave in the next 5 seconds,

we're gonna miss our flight,

and then we'll have to take a connection over Dallas.

Dallas? I need Dallas right now.

Splittin' ze taxi?

(SPEAKING DUTCH)

Okay, well, thanks for staying with us.

I've got your deposits, and I'll be holding your rooms for Christmas.

You go out the front door, Feeny's out the front door.

It's over, over now. I'm going towards the white light.

Let's go out the back way.

I want to take that bench with me.

(DOOR OPENS)

Boy, that was close.

Well, well, here she is, Mr. Feeny, your house.

How does she look?

Does she, uh, she look the same?

Here it comes. Hang in there, buddy.

Well, the credenza is nicely polished.

Plants look well-sunned.

Look, the statue. The Hecks killed us.

Good! What?

Arnie took Feeny's statue.

Very nice.

Wait a minute. My statue.

I confess!

All is right with the world.

Oh, that's just not possible.

Right here, Mr. Feeny.

Just giving it a quick polish.

I must say you boys have done a terrific job.

Just say thank you and walk towards the door.

Thank you and walk towards the door.

How much money did you actually make?

(WHIMPERING)

Thank you! Thank you so much!

All right! Hey!

I knew you still cared about me.

Okay, so how'd you get us?

Sign at the airport? Run into a Dutch person?

I gotta know.

Actually, it was the cabdriver.

I gave him my address, he said he knew the place very well,

and I should get the room with the jacuzzi.

Oh, the cabdriver. I forgot to deport the cabdriver.

So I guess you want the money back.

I think that would be appropriate.

How much trouble am I in?

Whoa.

Oh, the usual, Mr. Hunter.

That's it?

Well, you took a risk.

I happen to have a soft spot right now for risk takers.

Take another risk and ask for the money back.

Can I have the money back?

Yes, you can.

When you're in college.

College?

Well, now, you've already proved to yourself

that you have a future in business.

That and a college education, you'll do fine.

You hear that?

I'm gonna be okay in this world.

I don't have to be a criminal.

And the universe is a better town for that.

Look, I understand that you're the honeymoon couple,

and I appreciate the fact that you've paid for two nights,

but I really must insist that you vacate my bedroom immediately.

I mean, check-out time is now.

Oh, listen.

It's not that I can't identify

with two young people in love.

I was young once.

I know that when love comes, you must seize it,

lest it slip away through the sands of time.

I was young once.

And perhaps I still am.

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