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1
00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:10,001
Tonight is going to be
the best night of our lives.
2
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:11,340
Mom and Dad... gone.
3
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:12,572
Your brother... date.
4
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,046
Who's left in charge?
5
00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:16,106
Judy... queen of zits.
6
00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:17,446
We'll tell her she's looking...
7
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:19,145
especially broken out
this evening...
8
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,448
So she'll spend all night...
9
00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:22,785
in the bathroom
squeezing her face...
10
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:25,621
Leaving us free to watch...
11
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,892
Barney salutes the alphabet?
12
00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:31,397
That's just the box.
13
00:00:31,431 --> 00:00:32,898
It's parent camouflage.
14
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:35,902
Outside, a happy purple sock.
15
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:38,905
Inside, the guts are flying.
16
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:40,304
Whoa!
17
00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:43,673
I'm blowing Up
Your Head. Part 6...
18
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,679
Stumpy's Revenge.
19
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,375
I thought Stumpy died
in Part 5.
20
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:51,941
Well, that's why
he wants revenge.
21
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,213
Cool.
22
00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:57,179
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
23
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,942
ERIC: ooh,
"Barney Does the ABCs."
24
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,887
You know, I don't want
to ruin the ending...
25
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,390
for you, Cor,
but, uh... "Z."
26
00:02:04,424 --> 00:02:06,688
You totally underestimate me.
27
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:07,989
Open it.
28
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:09,222
Ha.
29
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:10,729
Stumpy's Revenge.
30
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,129
Not bad for a baby scam.
31
00:02:12,165 --> 00:02:13,928
This is not a baby scam.
32
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,128
This is a totally major scam.
33
00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:18,865
"Stumpy's Revenge"
is rated "R" For violence.
34
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:20,202
Yeah, maybe a little nudity?
35
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,003
Yeah, but we can
fast forward over that.
36
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:24,169
All right, you're right.
It's a major scam.
37
00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:25,906
But hey, if you're
gonna do the crime...
38
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,277
be sure you're ready
to do the time.
39
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,406
What do you mean?
40
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:29,710
Why do you think
Mom and Dad...
41
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,581
are letting me go get
my driver's license...
42
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:33,586
with Jason and his brother
instead of with them?
43
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:37,147
Because they hope you'll
get lost and never come back?
44
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:38,657
No. Because they trust me.
45
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,250
See, I've spent my whole life...
46
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:41,783
putting deposits
in the trust bank...
47
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,420
and today I'm cashing in.
48
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:46,330
What trust bank?
You get busted all the time.
49
00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:48,334
Just a few,
carefully selected times.
50
00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:51,030
Enough so Mom and Dad think
they're doing their job.
51
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:52,561
See, they know
if something major happens...
52
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,665
I'll come to them.
53
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,699
Wow. I never thought
I'd say this...
54
00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:58,711
but I could learn from you.
55
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:02,408
And maybe I can fit
into this master plan of yours.
56
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:03,882
After you get your license...
57
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,612
we could drive downtown
and check out...
58
00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:07,586
that new baseball card shop
on Third Street.
59
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,849
Excellent!
60
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,857
Yes! Then we could
go to the drive-thru...
61
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,415
and pick up
a bucket of hot wings...
62
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:14,017
for me and Shawn to eat
with the movie.
63
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,392
- Oh, yes!
- Yes! Yes!
64
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,363
That's why
I'm getting my license.
65
00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:18,830
So I could bring
my little brother...
66
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,662
to all the places
he's ever wanted to go to.
67
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,293
Unless Jason and I
have a date...
68
00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:24,701
with two totally major babes.
oh, wait, we do.
69
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,831
But here's
a lovely parting gift.
70
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,502
[DOG BARKING]
71
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,217
You doing your homework?
72
00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:39,218
Mm-hmm.
73
00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:40,719
It's still light outside.
74
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,881
What's going on?
75
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,413
I'm being responsible.
76
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:48,083
No, really. What's going on?
77
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:50,828
Ta-da!
78
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,422
What do you think?
79
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:53,592
Uh...
80
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:57,729
Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!
81
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:58,965
What's the problem?
82
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:00,768
Clean shirt,
new jeans, jacket.
83
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,274
I look good.
84
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,777
Alan, tonight is
really important to me.
85
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,506
All the real estate biggies
in Pennsylvania...
86
00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:07,706
are gonna be there...
87
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,545
and they're kind of
a non-casual bunch.
88
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:13,075
How dressed up do you have
to be to be bored to death?
89
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,486
Put on a suit.
If you die of boredom...
90
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:19,481
then I won't have to change
your clothes for your funeral.
91
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,426
Can't I just stay home...
92
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:23,986
spend some quality time
with my kids, huh?
93
00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:28,296
No! I mean, you don't want
to let Mom down, right?
94
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:30,633
Oh, come on, son.
How does a night of bonding...
95
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:32,331
with your dear old dad sound?
Pretty good, huh?
96
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:33,839
Great, yeah.
It sounds great.
97
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:36,536
So I'll meet you halfway.
You go with Mom...
98
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,771
and I'll miss
the heck out of you.
99
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:41,280
I am so proud
to be the best friend...
100
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:42,838
of the first guy
in history...
101
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:46,683
to fail his driver's test
before it started!
102
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,688
The DMV guy waved me forward.
103
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,246
I pulled up, like, two inches.
104
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,848
That was not the DMV guy.
105
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,757
That was the father
of the kid ahead of you.
106
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,557
How am I supposed to know that?
107
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,529
I'm at the DMV.
I assume the guy...
108
00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:59,156
waving me forward
is the DMV Guy.
109
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:01,258
Eric, DMV guys are cops, oK?
110
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:05,169
They don't usually wave
you forward with a can of beer.
111
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,605
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
112
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:11,778
Hello?
113
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,279
Oh, hey, Tracy.
114
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,339
Yeah, there's some bad news.
Um, I went...
115
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,351
Tracy, how you doing?
116
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,353
Bad news? oh, uh...
117
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:25,120
the cash machine only gave us
200 bucks for tonight's date.
118
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,625
Oh, you, uh...
119
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,958
you bought a new dress?
120
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,156
Oh, you hope
it's not too short.
121
00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:34,656
Sweetheart,
life can be too short...
122
00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:37,431
But dresses, no.
Heh heh heh heh.
123
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,335
I'll pick you up
tonight at 8:00.
124
00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:41,272
What are you saying to her?
We cannot pick them up...
125
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:43,299
until I take the driving test
again in two weeks.
126
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:47,211
OK, that's just logic.
That's getting in our way.
127
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,214
Look...
128
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,215
Ahem.
129
00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:50,648
Hey, looking good, Mr. M.
130
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:51,651
Hey, guys.
131
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,414
Hey, how's the road warrior?
132
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:54,784
Dad, look, about the...
133
00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:56,652
He got off to kind of
a rocky start...
134
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,180
but, you know,
once he had his foot...
135
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,022
on the accelerator,
next thing you knew...
136
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,288
it Was over. Ha ha.
137
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:04,058
Attaboy! I knew you wouldn't
let me down.
138
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,530
Nope. No letting down here.
139
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:07,123
Not the father,
not the friend...
140
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:09,567
and not two lovely babes
in drafty apparel.
141
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,163
Jason, I have to tell him.
142
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,036
Yes, you do.
That is the right thing to do.
143
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,042
And tomorrow is
the right day to do it.
144
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,703
Ahem.
145
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:18,711
Rrrr.
146
00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:20,110
Ow!
147
00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:21,113
Whoo!
148
00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:22,580
Too young to be a mom.
149
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,311
Too pretty to be
in real estate.
150
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:26,114
Why are you sucking
up to my mom?
151
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:29,280
Hey, have you seen my mom?
152
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,916
You know, son,
I was thinking...
153
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:35,758
somebody in this house
should have a good time tonight.
154
00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:38,025
Those are your car keys.
155
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,292
Mm-hmm.
156
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:41,800
- Dad, I...
- Eric, Eric, his car keys.
157
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:44,303
Your father is giving you
his car keys.
158
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:48,899
You know, someday I hope
I can be half the man you are.
159
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:50,500
Well, right now you are.
160
00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:55,514
No leaving this house
until Judy gets here.
161
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,484
[DOOR CLOSES]
162
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:04,990
I am not lying to my parents.
163
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,322
I mean, they trust me.
164
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:09,226
They gave me life.
They deserve better from me.
165
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,957
OK, you got that
out of your system?
166
00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:12,965
Yeah. What's the plan?
167
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,194
You are gonna drive us
on the date.
168
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,862
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
169
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:19,838
Hello? oh, hi, Judy.
170
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,340
Yeah. How are you?
171
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,968
What? You can't.
172
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,068
You can't.
173
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,544
You can't.
174
00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:27,568
She did.
175
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:30,239
- Did what?
- She bailed.
176
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,807
She's not gonna babysit
tonight. We're dead.
177
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:33,375
No, we're not dead.
All's we have to do...
178
00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:34,512
is find another babysitter.
179
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,146
Where are we gonna find
another babysitter...
180
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,986
on fifteen minutes notice?
181
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:39,548
[SIGHS]
182
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:48,361
Mr. Feeny.
183
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,665
Hello, Eric.
184
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:51,898
I was wondering
if you could help me out...
185
00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:52,996
with a problem I've got.
186
00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:56,008
Always happy to assist
a former student.
187
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:58,010
See, our babysitter
canceled, so...
188
00:07:58,044 --> 00:07:59,204
Judy Horn?
189
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:02,009
Yeah. Some kind of
a skin crisis.
190
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:06,178
I don't even want to think about
what a crisis for her would be.
191
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:10,019
Her whole head
would have to pop.
192
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:11,717
Uh, anyway,
I'm going...
193
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,589
to a classical music
concert with a friend...
194
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:16,060
You? Classical music?
195
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:18,030
Beethoven or Prokofiev?
196
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,156
Uh, Beethoven.
197
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,496
Symphony or concerto?
198
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:21,761
Uh, symphony.
199
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:23,325
Blonde or brunette?
200
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:24,337
Blondes...
201
00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:25,838
Brahms.
202
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:27,840
Ah, so the real
situation is...
203
00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:30,342
that you have a date,
but you can't go...
204
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,777
until you find
a replacement babysitter.
205
00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,439
Within the next ten minutes.
206
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:38,315
Oh, well, you have quite
a time crunch, don't you?
207
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,546
Name your price.
208
00:08:41,554 --> 00:08:42,714
Manual labor...
209
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:47,523
spreading manure in my yard
for the next... four sundays.
210
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:48,618
Two sundays.
211
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:50,492
- Five.
- Done.
212
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:02,504
Yes, I would love another cup
of tea, thank you.
213
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,306
And would you like
to try on my new floppy hat?
214
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:10,875
No, Morgan.
215
00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:12,817
Now, here I really must
draw the line.
216
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:15,480
I will not put on
your floppy hat.
217
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:21,319
Now, that's not going to work.
218
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,352
We had an agreement.
219
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,923
I was to get dressed up
and come to your tea party.
220
00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:30,834
And then you were to leave me
in complete peace...
221
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,838
so that I could
grade my papers.
222
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:35,306
Now, I have upheld
my part of the bargain.
223
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:37,206
I have festooned myself...
224
00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:40,345
in costume jewelry.
225
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:43,213
I have swilled your faux tea.
226
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:48,547
Now, I insist that you keep
your end of the bargain.
227
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,579
[CRYING]
228
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,892
Oh, all right. All right.
229
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,417
Give me the hat.
230
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,363
Happy now?
231
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,203
Uh-huh.
232
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:09,230
[BELL DINGS]
233
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,367
What's that?
234
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:12,674
My mix-and-bake cake
is ready.
235
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:14,873
Oh, well.
236
00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:16,905
I rush on winged feet.
237
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,476
[CLICK]
238
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,215
MAN ON Tv:...So.
aLL previous theories...
239
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,382
of the migratory pattern
of the Arctic caribou...
240
00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:26,892
are shattered by
the startling discovery...
241
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:30,384
that not one.
but two arctic caribou here...
242
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:34,127
where there were previously
not one. but none.
243
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,794
[CLICK]
244
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:38,861
MAN ON Tv:. ALL right.
college girL in the shower...
245
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:41,897
kiss your head goodbye.
246
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:45,399
WOMAN ON Tv:.
No! Stumpy! No!
247
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,537
[EXPLOSION]
248
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:51,349
Why did Stumpy
just blow up her head?
249
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,113
Well, that's a tough one, Cor.
250
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,212
Stumpy's a pretty complex guy.
251
00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:58,713
Here We are.
252
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:03,020
MAN ON Tv:. After the infant
caribou is delivered...
253
00:11:03,062 --> 00:11:06,862
the mother Licks it free
of the birth fluids.
254
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:09,198
- Eww!.
- Eww!.
255
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:13,729
Oh, buck up. You're watching
the glorious tapestry of nature.
256
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:20,110
MAN ON Tv:. ALL right.
buxom night nurse.
257
00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:24,105
Say hasta La vista
to your head.
258
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:25,583
WOMAN ON Tv:.
No. Stumpy!
259
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,051
Not the crossbow!
260
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:28,576
No!
261
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,020
[BOWSTRING SHOOTS]
262
00:11:32,091 --> 00:11:33,149
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
263
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,593
Ooh, she blowed up real good.
264
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,591
Bean dip?
265
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:42,362
Wonder if Eric's having
as good a time as we are.
266
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:46,099
Are you kidding?
Having fun is what he's best at.
267
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,607
Please give me back
my daddy's car.
268
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:52,042
There has to be some shred
of humanity in you.
269
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,879
What does that mean,
uh, humanity?
270
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,319
[MUSIC PLAYING]
271
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:08,991
[GROWLS]
272
00:12:09,028 --> 00:12:10,222
All right.
273
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,094
Mr. Feeny will be here
in a few minutes.
274
00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:15,259
Now, um, excuse me, mister... sir,
I still don't understand...
275
00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:18,498
why you can't give us the car.
I mean, we have the money.
276
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:21,006
Oh, so I should just
hand over a vehicle...
277
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,508
to any yutz
who has forty bucks.
278
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:25,977
You want the car,
then I need to see...
279
00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:27,445
the address
on your driver's license...
280
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,506
matches the address
on your vehicle registration.
281
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:33,383
Then... I'm happy.
282
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,909
Make me happy.
283
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:38,217
I got a junior with a Camaro.
284
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,452
Should we take it?
285
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,517
Anything to get out of here.
286
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:44,793
You know, I really
learned a lot tonight.
287
00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:45,957
Like What?
288
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:48,627
White curb good, red curb bad?
289
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,329
No, I learned
that girls like you...
290
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,065
are only interested
in using people.
291
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,834
And you know something?
We're glad you found...
292
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:56,842
a junior with a Camaro,
because we don't need you.
293
00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:58,241
They think they don't need us.
294
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,575
Poor naive lambs.
295
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:00,601
[BOTH LAUGH]
296
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,851
Tony with a "Y '," huh?
297
00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:07,614
That's cool.
298
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:09,622
It was my mother's idea.
299
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,420
So, uh, what can I do
for you girls?
300
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,926
Our friend left
his license at home.
301
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,929
And we know
you're not supposed to...
302
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:20,421
But we thought maybe you could
give him his car anyway.
303
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:24,368
Our moms would be so worried
if we're not home by curfew.
304
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,929
So, you'll just be needing
the one car?
305
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,235
[BOTH LAUGH]
306
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:30,799
Yep, just one
little itty-bitty car.
307
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:33,676
But we may be back,
Tony with a "Y '."
308
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:37,672
Well, uh, here. You give this
to Vinnie at the impound lot...
309
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,184
and, uh,
he'll give you the car.
310
00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:40,685
That was amazing.
311
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,654
You girls are unbelievable.
312
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,156
Yeah, we are.
313
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:48,149
Wait a minute. Aren't these
the guys who don't need us?
314
00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:50,321
Yeah, well, then I guess
they can get back...
315
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:53,298
their pathetic dad-mobile
all by themselves.
316
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,233
- No!
- No!
317
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:56,235
No!
318
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,236
Tape! Tape!
319
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,329
[HORN HONKS]
320
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:00,999
Sounds like a Camaro.
321
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:05,510
Oh, Mr. Feeny.
322
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:08,139
I never thought
I'd be happy to see you.
323
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,775
I wish I could say the same.
What seems to be the problem?
324
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,148
Dad's car got towed.
325
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,779
And we can't get it back
from Sasquatch.
326
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,584
Oh, I'll clear this up
in no time.
327
00:14:16,622 --> 00:14:18,055
Excuse me, young man.
328
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:20,389
It's, uh, Tony with a "Y '."
329
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:25,386
Fine, Tony. Might I inquire
why you won't release the car?
330
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:26,728
It's like I told the kid...
331
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:29,326
you ain't got a license,
you ain't getting the car.
332
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:30,597
Aren't.
333
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:31,728
What?
334
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,329
You aren't getting the car.
335
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:37,070
Wrong, pal.
I already got the car.
336
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,577
No, no.
You misunderstand me.
337
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,238
I was simply correcting
your grammar.
338
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,144
I don't need talking lessons...
339
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:44,149
from a guy
who's wearing an earring.
340
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:49,150
Could we get back
to the car issue, please?
341
00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:53,181
The issue is, no license,
no car. Capisce?
342
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,559
Eric, why don't you just give
the man your driver's license?
343
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,962
Because I, uh...
I don't have it.
344
00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:02,695
Well, tell me where you left it,
and I'll go get it.
345
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,067
Ahem. Well, I don't,
uh, technically...
346
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:06,594
like, at this
actual point in time...
347
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,698
He doesn't have a license.
348
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:09,969
He's got to.
349
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:13,536
Not even my brother's
that big an idiot.
350
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,342
I, uh...
351
00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:16,871
beg to differ.
352
00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:24,722
Missy...
353
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,850
brush your teeth
and go to bed.
354
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:33,622
You suck that lip back in.
355
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:35,923
Upstairs. Now.
356
00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:40,232
You, return
to your home... now.
357
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,571
Jason, you cannot leave me
holding the bag for all this.
358
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,701
Ha ha ha. See how
little you know me?
359
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:49,871
And as for you, young man,
I want you to go to your room...
360
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:51,679
and wait till
your parents return.
361
00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:53,742
Just because you were once
my sixth grade teacher...
362
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,378
does not give you the right
to tell me what to do.
363
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:56,445
Go to your room!
364
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:57,854
Apparently it does.
365
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,288
I don't suppose
your parents have any Maalox...
366
00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:05,229
in the house, do they?
367
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:08,333
What are you watching?
368
00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:09,334
Uh...
369
00:16:09,368 --> 00:16:10,335
uh...
370
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:14,328
it's caribou... migrating
and licking their babies.
371
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:17,342
Where's the remote?
Where's the remote?
372
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:19,844
MAN ON Tv:. ALL right.
fun-Loving stewardess...
373
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,176
coffee. tea...
374
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,681
or bazooka sheLL?
375
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:25,183
WOMAN ON Tv:.
Uh... coffee?
376
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,185
No!
377
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:27,447
[EXPLOSION]
378
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:28,545
Ooh!
379
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:29,850
[SCREAMING]
380
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:33,017
Why did that man
just blow up her head?
381
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:35,493
- Uh, it's nature.
- It's human nature.
382
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:38,793
A rich tapestry
of exploding heads.
383
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,299
[SCREAMS AND EXPLOSIONS]
384
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,730
That is cheap garbage.
385
00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:49,365
Wait. What are you doing?
386
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:52,138
No, Mr. Feeny.
our machine's kind of tricky.
387
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,146
No!
388
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,704
This is rated "R."
389
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,579
Yeah, "R" for wrecked.
390
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,813
Now Shawn's gonna
have to pay for it.
391
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,345
- Shawn?
- Hey, you rented it.
392
00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:08,988
AMY: George.
you're not supposed to be here.
393
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:09,995
What's wrong?
394
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:13,795
The babysitter canceled.
I'm doing my best to fill in.
395
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,425
He killed our tape.
396
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:16,730
What tape?
397
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:17,827
Good move.
398
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,338
Uh, tape? There is no tape.
399
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,831
Did I say tape?
What was I thinking?
400
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,845
You were thinking...
"Good night, Shawn."
401
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:30,371
Shawn, you cannot leave me here
with this tape.
402
00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:33,112
Heh. See how little you know me?
403
00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:37,179
I'm blowing Up
Your Head. Part 6?
404
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,123
From the little I saw...
405
00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:40,955
Uh, no. No, thank you, George.
406
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:44,656
I think I can figure out
the subtle plot nuances.
407
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:48,428
You smuggled a violent
"R" -rated movie into this house?
408
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:49,991
Oh, no, no, honey.
Calm down.
409
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:51,697
This may look like
a violent film...
410
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:54,137
but at its heart,
it's really a morality tale...
411
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,697
about an eleven-year-old boy...
412
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:58,335
who's in terrible, terrible,
terrible trouble.
413
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,402
Dad, it's just a tape.
414
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:02,914
It's trash.
I don't Want it in the house.
415
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,382
Go to your room, Cory.
416
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,509
For how long?
417
00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:07,416
31 years.
418
00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:09,751
Mom, I'm your son.
419
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,654
Cory, you're dog meat.
420
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,854
Uh, Mom, Dad.
421
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:18,625
Speaking of Puppy Chow...
422
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:20,393
Wait a minute.
You're not here.
423
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,298
My car isn't in the driveway.
424
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:26,271
You're out driving it somewhere
very, very carefully, right?
425
00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:28,273
Uh, Dad, I hope
you're in a good mood.
426
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:29,535
You lose.
427
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:33,102
Ahem. Uh,
your car got towed away.
428
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:38,415
You are the worst babysitter
that ever lived.
429
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:42,854
And your children
are the spawn of Satan.
430
00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:45,721
Honey, I think
you should stay calm.
431
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,225
I am calm.
432
00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:50,717
Under the circumstances,
I'm the Dalai stinking Lama.
433
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,663
Eric, where is the car?
434
00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:53,892
It's at the impound station.
435
00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:55,491
I have the forty bucks
to bail it out.
436
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:57,297
Great, but I'll have
to drive you down there...
437
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:58,394
So we can get it home.
438
00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:00,905
Actually, you both
will have to drive him.
439
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,134
Why?
440
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:05,632
Because one of you is gonna have
to drive Mom's car back...
441
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:07,612
and one of you is gonna
have to drive your car back.
442
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,773
Why?
443
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,476
He hasn't got
a driver's license.
444
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:14,145
Well...
445
00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:15,676
my work is done.
446
00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:18,824
I'll just leave.
447
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:19,950
Tip?
448
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:22,285
No?
449
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,693
Well, then, all right.
450
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,125
I, uh...
451
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,464
I sort of failed
my driving test.
452
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,369
But you still decided to...
453
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:33,895
sort of drive my car...
454
00:19:33,939 --> 00:19:35,236
without a license.
455
00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:37,799
Well, you're going
to get your license.
456
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,811
And then I'm going
to take it away.
457
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,643
You are gonna be a pedestrian
for life, pal.
458
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:43,910
Go to your room, Eric.
459
00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:45,314
No, I'm not finished
with him yet.
460
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,545
I haven't started
with him yet.
461
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:48,610
But I want to talk
with you now.
462
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:50,645
Is my authority
being undermined?
463
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,885
Would I do that
in front of your son?
464
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,415
Go to your room.
465
00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:01,293
- No good.
- What, no good?
466
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:02,766
Who drives Morgan
to gym class?
467
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,235
Who drives Cory
to little league?
468
00:20:04,270 --> 00:20:05,794
Who drives Eric
on a tristate search...
469
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,897
for the perfect
flannel shirt? Me.
470
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:10,033
I take these kids everywhere.
471
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:11,703
I help...
472
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:15,444
when I can.
473
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:17,039
I mean Well.
474
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:21,553
I want Eric
to get his license.
475
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:25,284
I have been waiting for this
for sixteen years.
476
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:27,224
So how are we supposed
to punish him?
477
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:28,920
Look, Eric sees driving...
478
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:31,521
as nothing but dates
with cheerleaders...
479
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,191
open road, unlimited freedom.
480
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,063
But I am seeing
his driving...
481
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,535
as trips to the dry cleaners
and the supermarket...
482
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,197
and taking
his brother and sister...
483
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,069
wherever they want to go.
484
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:44,076
I never should've
tried to scam them.
485
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:46,078
Crime doesn't pay.
486
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:47,602
Violence is bad.
487
00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:51,479
They're gonna kill me.
488
00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:53,985
Cor, just be happy
it was a baby scam.
489
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:56,487
Mine, on the other hand,
was a megascam...
490
00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:58,581
a hyperscam,
the mother of all scams.
491
00:20:58,624 --> 00:21:00,990
I am truly a dead man.
492
00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:05,087
These could be our last few
precious moments together.
493
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:07,622
Is there anything
you want to say to me?
494
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:10,702
Yeah.
495
00:21:10,736 --> 00:21:12,670
Here's a lovely parting gift.
496
00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:13,694
Ooh!
497
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:20,374
- Cory...
- Eric...
498
00:21:20,412 --> 00:21:21,379
Dad...
499
00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:23,176
Mom...
500
00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:25,308
I think you know why we're here.
501
00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:28,320
And I think you know
why we're here.
502
00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:31,551
This is the sentencing phase
of the proceedings.
503
00:21:31,590 --> 00:21:33,490
I'm the oldest.
Do me first.
504
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:36,188
Both of you are grounded
for two weeks.
505
00:21:36,228 --> 00:21:39,129
BoTH: Aah! Two weeks?
Grounded?
506
00:21:39,165 --> 00:21:40,655
That's horrible!
507
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:43,198
There's more.
508
00:21:43,235 --> 00:21:45,669
BOTH: There's more.
509
00:21:45,704 --> 00:21:48,468
During those two weeks,
you will do nothing but study...
510
00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:50,532
the Pennsylvania
Motor Vehicle handbook...
511
00:21:50,576 --> 00:21:52,703
and you will pass
your driver's test.
512
00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:53,712
I'll try.
513
00:21:53,746 --> 00:21:54,906
You'll pass.
514
00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:56,005
I'll pass.
515
00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:58,573
And what will I do
for two weeks?
516
00:21:58,617 --> 00:22:01,085
Oh, you're going
to watch TV.
517
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:02,087
Cool.
518
00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:05,090
Educational TV, and nothing but
educational TV...
519
00:22:05,124 --> 00:22:07,684
starting right now.
520
00:22:07,726 --> 00:22:10,991
MAN ON Tv:. The caribou
marks its territory...
521
00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:14,864
by defecating
and flinging its dung.
522
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:16,424
Eww!.
523
00:22:25,578 --> 00:22:27,808
Come on, I'll be
late for gymnastics.
524
00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:30,338
Eric, come on. Little league
starts in twenty minutes...
525
00:22:30,382 --> 00:22:32,145
and we have to stop
at the cleaners...
526
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:33,310
to pick up my uniform.
527
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:35,047
I want to stop
for frozen yogurt.
528
00:22:35,087 --> 00:22:37,180
And we have to pick up Shawn
and we have to stop...
529
00:22:37,223 --> 00:22:39,783
and get pizza
because you're the snack mom.
530
00:22:39,825 --> 00:22:42,385
How shall I spend
my afternoon?
531
00:22:42,428 --> 00:22:44,794
Should I read magazines
and then soak in the tub...
532
00:22:44,830 --> 00:22:47,298
or should I soak
and then read?
533
00:22:47,333 --> 00:22:49,301
Soak and read,
read and soak.
534
00:22:49,335 --> 00:22:51,326
Hi, hon.
535
00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:53,235
How was your day?
536
00:22:53,272 --> 00:22:54,466
Ahh, bliss.
537
00:22:54,506 --> 00:22:56,599
It's good to have
a son who drives.
538
00:22:56,642 --> 00:22:58,940
- Little league!
- Frozen yogurt!
539
00:22:58,978 --> 00:23:01,003
I'll drive off a bridge,
I swear I will.
540
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:03,310
Take your mother's car????????????????????????????????????????????????
541
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:07,910
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