Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYS]

Look, I'm sorry I didn't call you back, Kristen.

I forgot. You forgive me?

Apparently not.

You know the big difference between guys and girls...

girls want commitment, guys want girls.

What's the matter with commitment?

You are so 11.

Hey, where's your mom?

She just blew through here a minute ago...

looking for contracts or something. I don't know.

Hey, Dad, I'm pretty sure...

Mr. Feeny numbers those things.

Well, this was hanging on our side of the fence...

so its number is up.

I know I put those papers around here somewhere.

Now, you look very nice this morning.

Oh, there they are!

I need them for the closing on that brick split-level...

on oak Street.

I fact, you look downright huggable.

Hi, hon.

Morgan! Your oatmeal's ready!

You know, you're gonna be leaving soon...

and that window of hugging opportunity will close.

Hey, Mom, I need a note for that field trip this Friday.

That should cover it.

Thanks, Mom.

Morgan! It's getting cold!

Coffee? Poured with love.

[TIMER BELL RINGS]

Cinnamon rolls.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

I got it.

Hello.

Morgan! This is the last time I'm calling you!

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Oh, great. It's Jimmy, and he's early.

I've got to get to this closing.

Mom, that was Judy, queen of zits.

She has a cold and she can't babysit.

Good. Between her nose running...

and her zits popping, I don't want her in the house.

I'm done.

OK, well, I'll call a back-up sitter later on.

I don't want to punk out on my bowling league.

Hey, relax, you've got a responsible teenage son...

with no current social life. I'll take the weasel.

Thank you.

Hey, hey, hey! Some of that, some of that.

- [HORN HONKS] - Got to go.

Morgan, if you don't get down here now...

I'm gonna give the oatmeal to the dog.

We don't have a dog.

Oh, excuse me for improvising.

Hey, Dad, can we order out for pizza tonight...

since Mom's got her bowling league...

and you've got your managers' meeting?

Sure.

Cool. Now, the large with everything on it...

is gonna run us around 100 bucks.

Here's a 20.

20! Cool!

I want change, massive amounts of change.

Hey, Dad, can I have this?

Sure. Somebody ought to get some use out of it.

I know, you're going to use that rose...

to make up with Kristen.

Are you kidding? She hung up on me.

I mean, that's what she wants... for me to go back...

on my hands and knees and give her stuff.

So you're gonna give it to her?

Yes, I am.

You are so 15!

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

Al washes a car in 6 minutes.

Fred washes the same car in 8 minutes.

How long will it take Al and Fred...

to wash the car together?

Piece of cake.

Think about it, Mr. Matthews.

I don't have to think about it, Mr. Feeny. It's simple.

It is anything but simple, Mr. Matthews.

But I've got the answer.

I'm not interested in the answer.

Why not?

Because I'm more interested...

in how you arrive at the answer.

And you couldn't possibly have arrived...

at the correct answer so rapidly.

But I did. I've arrived. I'm here. I'm ahead of you.

Oh, well, then if you're ahead of me...

what is the answer?

- 7. - 7.

That's not the correct answer.

But it has to be.

Al speeds Fred up. Fred slows Al down.

So the answer is halfway between 6 and 8... 7.

- That's not... - That's not...

- the correct answer. - the correct answer.

But it has to be.

- No, it doesn't. - Why not?

Fred can't slow Al down.

Even if Al washes most of the car...

and Fred just washes a hubcap...

the total time still has to be faster...

than Al's time alone.

You with me?

So if Fred is 25% slower than Al...

then 25% of 6 minutes is...

Anybody?

It's a minute and a half...

which leaves us with...

4.5!

4 1/2 minutes is the correct answer.

Hold your applause, please.

Mr. Minkus, you're wrong.

Wrong? As in not right?

You know the law of averages better than I do.

It was bound to catch up with you.

Where are you going?

Nurse.

"Minkus, you're wrong."

I've been waiting to hear those words...

since pre-school.

Does anyone else have any thoughts on this problem?

On this problem?

Om...

I'm channeling the ancient Egyptian mathematician...

who first solved this problem.

[GURGLING]

Check, please.

All right, Ms. Lawrence.

Let's see what you've come up with.

Well, oddly enough...

you and your metaphysical lab partner...

have arrived at the correct answer.

Let me see that.

Grraar!

Nice demon.

Interesting, isn't it, Mr. Matthews?

Mr. Minkus didn't get the correct answer...

but Ms. Lawrence did.

You would do well to consider that...

in your search for your answer.

She's cheating. She copies off dead guys.

OK, we've got everything right in front of us.

We got a car, we got water, we got brushes.

We got Al and we got Malibu Fred.

Minkus got it wrong.

It's not like it's just an assignment anymore.

It's like a mystery.

And he could just not hack being wrong.

I mean, did you see him?

He went to the nurse and he never came back.

But Topanga got it right. That is a clue.

OK, so what's the difference between Minkus and Topanga?

All right. Minkus is really smart.

And really weird.

Now, Topanga on the other hand is really weird.

And really weird.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Minkus?

I Was. I used to be.

Who's got the right answer?

Yes, Mr. Minkus. That's right, Mr. Minkus.

Calm down, Minkus.

That's correct, Mr. Minkus.

Get a grip, Minky.

Another "A" for Mr. Minkus.

No. Make that an A-plus for Mr. Minkus.

So what? So you're not a genius anymore?

Right. Now I'm just a brainless...

pathetic moron without a clue.

Trust me. It's not so bad.

It's just a word problem.

Every problem has to have an answer.

There has to be an answer.

What's the answer, Matthews?

What's the answer?

In my opinion, 7.

Look at me. What have I become?

A brainless pathetic moron.

We just went over this material.

They say the short term memory...

is the first thing to go.

Who says that?

I forgot!

The new Minkus.

I like him!

Hey, I see you guys got the car ready.

I'll order the pizza...

and you and your little friends can pick it up, oK?

Hey, thanks for inviting me, guys.

I saw my mom looking...

at her Let's Have Fun with Liver cookbook.

But she's got her bowling league tonight, Shawn.

No, that ended six weeks ago.

No, it didn't.

Yes, it did.

Shawn, my mom's in that league...

and she's been going every Wednesday night.

Well, I don't know where she's going...

but it ain't bowling.

You guys all set? I'm about ready to leave.

For bowling, right?

Yeah. Like every Wednesday night.

I'm going upstairs to say goodnight to Morgan.

See?

I'm telling you, the league ended 6 weeks ago.

Yeah? If there's no bowling league...

why is my mom going out with this big, heavy...

Eric, something's wrong. This doesn't weigh anything.

Maybe Mom forgot her ball.

And if those are bowling shoes...

there should be a number on the back...

just above the spike heel.

Eric, what does this mean?

It means Mom's going to be flashing some leg...

when she picks up that 7-10 split.

"La Buggy-a."

La Bugia?

That's that fancy dinner place...

seniors always take their prom dates.

Why would Mom be going there?

Maybe Mom's dating a senior. I mean, everybody else is.

MRS. MATTHEWS: I love you, too, pumpkin.

Morgan says she's getting hungry...

so you guys better order that pizza soon.

I'm on it.

Good. Hey, keep your eye on your sister...

and I'll be home around 10:00.

From bowling, right?

Where else would I be going with my bowling bag?

Oh, this ball weighs a ton.

GUYS: Ha ha ha!

OK, maybe it's not as bad as it looks.

I sure hope so because this looks pretty bad.

Does it look as bad as liver?

No.

Why is she going to La Bugia?

Why is she going to La Bugia with a bowling bag?

Is there... trouble in paradise?

Between my mom and dad? No way!

They're so happy, it's disgusting.

They're always kissing and being romantic.

Are they?

Or is Dad always kissing and being romantic?

What are you talking about?

Remember this morning he came in with a rose for her...

she didn't even care?

Yeah, and he poured coffee for her...

and she just walked away.

And that kiss she gave him this morning before she left...

was nothing more than a pity kiss.

Believe me. I know what they look like.

The main thing is, she picked Wednesday nights.

The one night that Dad has his managers' meeting.

Yeah, and why was she in such a rush to leave this morning?

I mean, is she trying to get away from Dad?

You don't think she loves him anymore?

It could mean Worse.

I mean, no one goes to La Bugia alone.

You think she loves somebody else?

You guys better tell your dad.

Tell him what? We don't have any proof.

- Get proof. - How?

Don't you guys watch NYPD BLUE?

Tail her...

and talk dirty.

Tail her on our bikes?

Get on a bus. You know where she's going.

Just get there, take a look around.

You know, he's right. We should do this.

I mean, chances are we'll get there...

we'll find she's there alone... in a cocktail dress...

bowling.

We're gonna have to go undercover.

- As what? - Two kids.

By day, two ordinary kids.

By night, two ordinary kids on a bus.

Talking dirty.

We'll be back as soon as we can.

Here's the 20.

Order the pizza, watch my house...

and guard my sister.

And if I'm killed on this mission...

find out the answer to that car wash problem...

from Feeny and have Topanga channel it to me.

OK, what do you have?

3 daddies and 2 mommies.

A full house?

FuLL House? I love those olsen twins.

MORGAN: Hi. Daddy.

Well, hey, sweetie.

What are you doing up? It's, uh, 10:15.

Shawn was teaching me how to play 5-card...

Go Fish.

Jacks or better to open.

Where's Cory and Eric?

They went to the library.

Would that be the public library...

the one that closes at 9:00?

No, no. The other one.

I'm going to put Morgan to bed...

and then you and I are gonna talk a little more.

Kind of a relationship building thing?

No.

Great. First time in my life I'm in trouble...

with someone else's dad.

Guys! Your dad just got home.

Where is he?

Upstairs putting your sister to bed. What did you find out?

Nothing good.

Mom Was at the club.

She was dancing with some guy.

In those red shoes.

Wow!

Yeah, she was snuggling up with him in a dark booth.

Who was it?

I don't know. I couldn't tell.

Neither could I.

There were lace curtains and plastic grapes...

hanging all over the place.

So what are you going to do?

I have no idea.

I can't keep this a secret, Eric.

You know me. I'll crack.

Dad will say, "Good night, son."

And I'll say, "Mom was with another guy!"

Shh!

Look, I mean, you're right. We'll have to tell him.

Cory. Eric.

You know I'm always here for you.

Just not right now.

Oh, by the way...

I told him you were at the library.

Great lie, Shawn. The library closes at 9:00.

Yeah. He knew that, too.

This is not gonna be easy to tell Dad.

Maybe we could just send him a letter.

"Dear sir, your wife was dancing with another guy.

Signed... A concerned citizen."

MR. MATTHEWS: Good night. Morgan.

Oh, no. He's gonna say good night to me next.

I'm gonna blow! You gotta handle this, Eric.

Look, you just stay quiet. Let me do all the talking.

Why, hey, guys.

Hi, Dad.

Where's Shawn?

Oh, Shawn decided to walk home.

I'd have driven him.

Oh, relax, Dad. He lives 2 blocks away.

Now why don't you sit down, relax...

and not think that anything terrible...

is going on in your life.

Would you like some pizza?

- Mmm. - Hey, where's my change?

You know, speaking of change...

change can be a very positive thing in one's life...

especially unexpected change, which funnily enough...

we'll be talking about right now.

What's going on? Where were you two?

Uh, well, for 2 1/2 hours...

we were on 4 different city buses...

going to and coming from this place.

This place?

Could you be a little more specific, please?

Uh, it was a rectangular place.

We, uh, we were at La Bugia, Dad.

Mmm!

La Bugia?

Mom was with another guy!

She was dancing.

With another guy!

Cory looked in the window and recognized Mom's shoes...

and the shoes of...

Do I have to draw you a picture?

It's all We could see. It Was dark.

There's Mom's car.

Quick. More pizza.

Well, I guess I'll have to have a little talk with your mother.

Hey, I'm here for you, Dad.

That's why I had you, son.

Hey, stranger.

Hi.

Well, I just had an interesting conversation...

with Cory and Eric.

Is anything wrong?

Yeah. We're busted.

Oh, man, they found out?

Guess we just weren't sneaky enough.

Actually, I was sneaky enough.

What?

They only caught you, you, you brazen hussy.

They're still talking. That's a good sign.

They're not yelling?

Not yet.

Oh, no. Look, as long as they're not yelling...

we have a chance, but once they go quiet...

that's when we're in real trouble.

CORY: What's it mean when he's smiling?

- He's smiling? - Uh-huh.

Oh, no. He's lost it.

He's turned into Freddie Krueger.

I mean, you know how Freddie always smiles before...

Tch... Aah!

- She's gone! - What?

Mom's gone! She left! I don't see her!

We'll never see her again, Eric!

We don't have a mother anymore!

Hi, guys.

I overreacted.

Mom, are we still a family...

or have we become like an after-school special?

Everything is fine.

Are you sure? Because Dad was smiling.

I understand you two...

did a little detective work tonight.

Sorry we ratted on you, Mom.

It Was me. I folded under torture.

Yeah. Dad said hello.

Look, I didn't go bowling tonight.

Aahh...

And I did stop at a gas station...

and change into that dress that you saw.

Aahh...

And I did go to La Bugia...

and danced the night away with the most exciting...

wonderful guy I know.

Mom, shouldn't this confession be a little harder for you?

I was dancing with your father.

- What? - Dad's not our father?

It Was Dad!

How long have you guys known me?

Since we were born?

Before We Were born.

Right! You know me inside and out.

You know my heart.

I was dancing with your father.

But I thought Dad had a managers' meeting.

Bogus.

- Like your bowling league. - Yeah.

So you guys lied to us.

Look, Cor, I have a wonderful life...

and I love being a mother...

but that's just not all of who I am.

I mean, I also have a career...

and I happen to be madly in love with my husband.

- Cool. - Yecch.

I'm sorry you feel that way, Cor...

because your father and I...

work very hard to keep our relationship fresh.

You know, keep the electricity going.

We want to stay hot for each other.

Aagh...

Cory.

You guys snuck off and lied to us.

Look, Cor, did you ever cut school?

Me? No. Uh-uh.

Off the record.

Once in fifth grade.

Did you have fun?

Yeah. I went to the mall. It was really cool.

Yeah, but you've been to the mall a hundred times.

Now, maybe it was fun...

because you weren't supposed to be there.

You know, like it was a bit dangerous?

Get it?

Yeah!

No.

Come on, Cory.

I mean, it's exciting. It's adult.

Sneaking around's romantic. Very cool, Mom. I approve.

Thank you, Eric.

Well, I don't approve. It sounds like you guys...

were just trying to get away from us.

And I think that's wrong.

See, that's the fine line...

between being an adult and being a kid.

When you're a kid, you see everything...

as right or wrong, black or white...

blonde or brunette.

But when you're an adult...

you realize that, that not everything...

is as simple as right or wrong.

I mean, sometimes there are gray areas.

Any of this make sense to you?

Of course. I'm an adult. You're very cool, Mom.

I'll take cool.

Now, if you guys will excuse me...

there's a guy in the back yard...

who owes me a goodnight kiss.

It's OK. It's Dad.

Good morning.

[BELL RINGS]

Al washes a car in 6 minutes.

Fred washes the same car in 8 minutes.

How long will it take them to wash the car together?

And the answer is still not 7, Mr. Matthews.

I know that, sir.

What else do you know?

I know why you gave us this word problem.

To suck the fun out of our lives.

Yeah, that, but the main reason is...

to get us to stop thinking like kids...

and start thinking like adults.

I know that there's not always one right answer.

There may not even be an answer at all.

Startling.

And how did you arrive at that conclusion?

I found out that sometimes...

we need to learn to think differently.

That's how Topanga knew. Because she thinks differently.

Really differently.

Well, Mr. Matthews...

in all the time We've known each other...

I don't think I've ever been so impressed.

Thanks, Mr. Feeny.

In the course of your education...

you have been taught to look for the right answer.

But you also must know that in life...

many times the right answer is that there isn't one.

This is an especially valuable lesson for you, Mr. Minkus.

So I'm afraid your calculations...

are all for naught.

Not necessarily.

I think I may have inadvertently discovered...

the secret of time travel.

Did your spirit guide talk to you...

and give you the answer?

Yeah. My mom.

Wait a minute.

Maybe time isn't a continuum.

Maybe it's a random repetition of moments.

I think I've got it!

A continuum.

Maybe it's a random repetition of moments.

A continuum.

Maybe it's a random repetition of moments.

Nah????????????????????????????????????????????????

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