All language subtitles for Borderline s02e06 Workshop.eng

Actual modelling?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh, dear.

How did this come about?

Just some scout came up to
me when I was doing a set.

Why?

Yeah, right, it's... Yeah...

'Yeah, the first shoot went really well.

'They said I've got, like,
a really good general face.'

You know I can do, er, this one...

...and then... Oh, yeah, there's that one.

And then there's this one, as well.

I've got another shoot tomorrow.

- Is it for jumpers or...?
- No, er...

Oh, yeah, hair! Hair, wow?!

- Yeah, yeah.
- That's my brand!

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

- That's Clive's brand.
- CLIVE & MANSOOR: Yeah.

? No doubt about it ?

? I'm on my way ?

? Take it over ?

? I'm here to sta-ay ?

? We're teaming together ?

? That's what I sa-ay ?

? One way to do this ?

? Taking over today ?

? We're taking over ?

? We're taking over today. ?

Subtitles by explosiveskull

So, what are we all doing at the weekend?

- Sailing.
- Parkour?

Wrong!

We are having a workshop...

- (ALL GROAN)
- Fuck!

...with stand up comedienne Eleanor Wilson,

who's going to teach us
strategy, dealing with the public,

and communication, all
through games and role play.

Fuck!

Oh, come on, it might help
us be better employees.

You might even enjoy it.

Andy, you are not pulling a sickie.

- I've never pulled a sickie.
- What about the awayday?

- What was it you had again?
- Consumption, wasn't it?

I was reading Jane Austen and I
thought that was still a thing.

Well, no consumption.

Except of alcohol in the pub after!

OK, you can all go.

You OK?

- Yeah, why?
- You've got a cough?

Oh, er, no. I was just trying
to get out of the workshop.

NARRATOR: It's Saturday
morning and the agents file in

with boundless enthusiasm
as they give up their weekend

for voluntary mandatory training
with comedian Eleanor Wilson.

So, you're primarily a comedienne?

Comedian, not comedienne. You
wouldn't say "doctress", would you?

Well, why don't you talk me through

what's going to happen in the workshop?

You don't remember me, do you?

Sorry, I...?

Should I have seen you in something?

Maybe if I had mayonnaise and
ketchup smeared all over my hair

you might remember?

CRYING: Stop it, stop it!

Lezza Lennie!

We were in school together.

She had a nervous breakdown
and moved to Birmingham.

God, Lezza Lennie...

In those days, it was different,

if you called someone a "lezza",

it was kind of like a term of endearment.

It's not like that any
more... Wouldn't say it now.

Oh, God!

Oh, we were terrible girls, weren't we?

Yeah, well, you were.

So, the workshop, tell me more.

Well, it's all in the literature
which I'm sure you've read.

Learning through role play,

with particular emphasis
placed on... status.

So good to see you.

Hey, how was your
modelling shoot last night?

- Er, it was all right, it was cool.
- What was it for?

You know it was like a general shoot day,

you know kind of non-specific
pharmacy or something.

Wait, wait, did you have to
make a face, like, "Aaah?!"

Whoa, it's not that bad, is it?

We haven't even started yet.

Hello, everybody, welcome.

Welcome to my workshop.

My name is Eleanor Wilson.

We're going to have fun
over the next couple of days.

We're going to workshop,
we're going to role play,

we're just going to generally
shake things up a bit.

First of all though, very, very
important for the workplace,

- is trust exercise.
- (THUD!)

Ah! Right, now, you
see what happened there?

That shows that you have to have
your wits about you at all times.

Proctor? Thank you.

- (THUD!)
- Ah!

OK, so let's throw these balls around!

There you go, there you go, there you go...

I like to think I help people to escape,

and yet, at the same
time, to find themselves.

I want them to leave their cage and fly

and that's why I do the workshop.

That and the fee,

I've got quite a big mortgage.

Now, there's another muscle
that's very important,

especially in your job, and it is here.

It's the vocal cords, the vocal cords.

- So, can you help me Proctor?
- Oh, yeah, sure.

Say, "I love you".

- What?
- Say, "I love you".

- I love you.
- Lower.

I love you.

- Lower.
- I love you.

- Higher, now, higher.
- I love you.

- Higher, like a little baby.
- I love you!

Walk like a little baby.

Love you. Love you. Love you.
Notre Dame, Hunchback of Notre Dame.

- But he can be English, this time.
- I love you, I love you!

Yes, yes, you're a monkey!

You're a monkey, a talking monkey,

- come on.
- I love you.

- I love you, keep it higher.
- (SHE IMITATES A MONKEY)

- I love you.
- Show me the monkey, show me the monkey,

That's good! Now, you're a diva!

Sing! Opera sing to the back of the room.

- ? I love you! ?
- Come on, high note!

? I love you, I
love yoo-o-ou! ?

And relax.

Sit.

NARRATOR: As Proctor begins
to suspect she may be in

for a long day, baggage handlers Mo and Suj

muse on their exclusion from the session.

Who wants to go there anyway?
I don't want to go to them.

It's just some guy like, "Oh, why
don't we role play how to be trees?"

- Come on, bruv!
- I could do that, I could be good at that.

Bruv, no, you couldn't.

I'll do it now, look. All right.

- What's that one?
- A willow tree and that?

Oak?

Ooph, that's interesting.

Palm tree in a tsunami?

- Last one.
- Yeah, waves.

WHISPERS: It's got conkers on it.

- Huh?
- Conkers.

- Conkers.
- Conker tree!

- Horse chestnut tree.
- Five out of five for me.

Four trees, five out of five.

- Was it only four?
- It's five out of five.

Cut that bit off there,
boss man, you understand?

I can do my times tables,
2, 4, 6, 8, 12... 10, 12.

OK. Where's Larry?

ALL: Larry! Larry!

As the morning progresses,
slowly but surely,

the agents begin to loosen up
and engage with the role play.

Where's my bowl of fruit?

Oh, captain, you shouldn't
be steering the boat!

I'm not, someone should steer the boat.

My name is Vladimir and I'm angry.

Wonderful! Dorcas, Dorcas,
have you been in the fields?

Yes, milady.

- How did you discover the body?
- It was lying on the ground.

What happened to the
voice you created before?

- You had a butler voice.
- It was lying on the ground.

Howdy, there, partner!

Er, howdy partner! Good old animals.

- How are you, Dorcas?
- Not bad, milady.

(SHE CLAPS) Proctor, be my poodle.

- Will you be my poodle?
- 'No, I wasn't remotely embarrassed.'

It's part of my job to model
really good presentation skills

and improvisational skills
and just to be game, you know?

I think I achieved that today.

- Does everybody love my poodle?
- ALL: Yeah.

Isn't he wonderful! Isn't he wonderful!

Very good, now beg! Beg, Proctor, beg!

I mean, it's just a... It's just
a crock of shit, really, isn't it?

- Hello.
- Hi.

You're being really wonderful by the way.

- Ah, thank you.
- Really, yeah.

He's been talking about spreading out.

Well, you know, sometimes
DJ's now present, as well?

So, they have like personalities on stage.

Yeah, but that's the problem,

you need to have a little bit more...

- ...you know.
- Projection?

Not projection, um...

Something to do with...

It's like, charisma?

Charisma, you need to have more charisma.

NARRATOR: After an exhausting
morning, over lunch,

some of the team discuss how much
they've enjoyed the subtleties

of the improvisation.

The bit when you had to be a
dog and you were doing a wee!

(HE LAUGHS)

NARRATOR: But it's the
self-confessed cynic Andy Church

who's most surprised at how
much she's enjoying herself.

Yeah, yeah, I really like
Eleanor, she's really nice.

Yeah, we were just chatting and talking

and sharing stories and memories

and, yeah, I think what I'm doing here

is describing a normal conversation.

Which is nice, because it's unusual.

Andy isn't the only agent

fascinated by the
charismatic Eleanor Wilson.

As the rest of the team prepare
for the afternoon session,

Grant Brodie pops over for a chat.

How did you get into this... this business?

Well, my ex-wife encouraged me to.

Wife.

You're a lesbian.

Ah.

And what about you? Do you have a husband?

I assumed you were gay, you know,
what with the beard and the look.

I thought you were a bear.

That's what the gay lads call your type.

- Do they?
- Yeah.

Nope, I'm...

Where I come from, having a beard

is pretty much an emblem
of masculinity, like...

Cos you'll find that even a lot
of the Scottish rugby players,

like, those guys they've
all got beards, too.

You like the Scottish rugby team?

- Yeah, I do.
- I bet you do.

A lot.

Would you like a banana?

No, thank you, bit bruised.

- Ah, well.
- See you back in there.

Yeah.

NARRATOR: After a relatively
uneventful afternoon session,

team bonding is scheduled
to continue in the pub.

Everyone reflects on what a
good time they've had today.

No, I have not had a
fucking good time today.

I've been ritually humiliated

acting like a fucking poodle
in front of all my staff.

And now I've got to go to the fucking pub!

Can you not, actually...?

So, Eleanor, she's a lesbian,

she's got an ex-wife,

I offered her a banana, she said, "No".

What we playing?

Do you know what the
capital of the Ukraine is?

Hmm, no.

OK, I just have to hope it doesn't come up.

- Another one? Nope, just me, sorry.
- Ow!

Yeah, they never asked her.

- Oh, I'm going to get some nibbles.
- OK.

- Hey.
- Hey, you winning?

Er, no, Clive's playing.

Oh, right, yeah, OK. Well, sorry.

(THEY LAUGH)

- Eleanor's nice.
- Yeah, yeah, she's really nice, yeah.

Really nice. We were just
having a chat about her ex-wife.

Er, yeah, she's taken a
liking to you, I suppose.

Ah, I'll see you later.

There we go, that'll help.

Just crisps, I'm afraid, I don't do nuts.

- So Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy...
- Yeah, yeah.

Tell me about yourself.

- Have you got a partner?
- No, no boyfriend, or girlfriend in fact.

I don't have either of those, um, friends.

But if, you know, just... I
think sexuality's quite fluid.

- I agree.
- Yeah, I'm open. It's...

- Polymorphous.
- Yeah, yeah, that's a good word.

I don't know why I said that, I'm straight.

Well, I do know why,

it's because if someone
makes an assumption about me,

I'm too much of a coward to correct them.

My landlord thinks that I'm Australian...

IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: ...and
I cannot afford to move!

Well, that's my Uber.

- Oh!
- Can I have a lift?

Oh, where you going? I'm at
the Travelodge, I could...?

Oh, yeah, that would make more
sense, actually, because you...

You live right next to me...

- Thank you.
- So, yeah, come.

Thank you.

- Yeah. Cool.
- Yeah.

Okey dokey then, girls.
See you bright and early.

- Yeah, absolutely.
- Well done.

- This is... this is great.
- Yeah.

What's Robert De Niro's
character in Goodfellas?

Mean...

Yeah.

? We're taking over today! ?

? We're taking over today! ?

Morning!

NARRATOR: It's bright and
early on Sunday morning

and the team are back in for their
second day of training workshops

with Eleanor Wilson.

I'd like coffee, please.

- Right, great.
- Yeah, cheers, thank you.

- Sorry, your eyes are extraordinary.
- (COFFEE POURS)

- Oh, thanks.
- I would call that colour "faded denim".

- Colour's extraordinary, oh!
- (WATER SPLASHES)

Oh, God, Jesus!

- Oh, sorry!
- Ooh, you're overflowing, my dear!

- Oh, sorry, sorry!
- (MOBILE VIBRATES)

There you go, it's OK, I'll clean it,

- I'll clean it up, I'll get you...
- No, that's OK.

Unfortunately for Andy,

certain of her colleagues are
having issues of their own...

Hi, Proctor.

...and she may not get quite
the support she was hoping for.

No, you're not, no, you're not!

No, I don't... I'm FaceTiming
you. I don't believe you.

(RINGING TONES)

Where are you? Are you at home?

Oh, hi, Andy.

Hi, I'm really sorry,
I'm just really not well.

I don't think I'm going
to make it in today.

No, no, you're not,
you're fine! Look at you.

Do you know what, I think
it might be consumption, bye.

No, no, I need you here, Proctor!

Proctor, you... Fuck!

Fucking... fucking fuckface!

Sorry. Hi.

That was Proctor who is unfortunately...

She's got... She's ill,
so she can't come in.

- Is she?
- Yeah, so, we're a woman down.

Yes, sorry, I didn't mean.

OK, don't worry, don't worry,
darling. Let's crack on, shall we?

Proctor may be off sick,

but despite not being invited
to the training sessions,

baggage handlers Mo and Suj
are hard at work as always.

Sick? No, not me.

I'm here every single
day, every day of the week.

Bank Holiday Mondays, bank holiday...

All the bank holidays, yeah,
you find me here, you understand?

Yeah, but you don't do
any work when you are here.

Yeah, but you know...

Upstairs, after another full
and productive day of training,

Eleanor starts to wrap up the session.

The colour blue, the colour
blue, the colour blue.

Lift it, lift it, lift it, lift it!

Take it up, take it up,
take it up, take it up,

- take it up, take it up!
- (ALL EXCLAIM)

- Take it down...
- ALL: Ooohhhh...

Open your eyes.

- Well done, well done!
- (APPLAUSE)

Well done, well done, that
was great, that was great.

Oh, well, I think we can safely say

that we really, really
trust each other now, yeah?

Let's put that trust to
the test, one final game.

Andy, will you step out here, my love?

- Thank you, big round for Andy.
- (APPLAUSE)

She's been great.

We're going to do a little trust exercise.

Now, if you stand here, my darling.

Stand here, stand here, and just...

- ...relax, lift your...
- I'm relaxed.

- Lift your arms... That's it, that's it.
- Oh, right, sorry.

"Oh, Jack, I'm flying!"

(SHE LAUGHS)

Now, what I want you to
do is just fall back on me.

Just trust me, I'll catch you.

- Fall back on me. And, go!
- Great, yeah.

OK.

Whoa, see?

Wonderful. Very well done.

She trusts me, so she relaxes

and when you relax,

Andy, what do you do?

You do your best work.

You do your best work. Wonderful.

OK, well, that's the end of the workshop.

I so hope you've enjoyed it cos
I've really enjoyed working with you.

Give yourself a round of
applause You've been fantastic.

(APPLAUSE)

Oh, sorry. There you go, there you go.

It's been a successful weekend's training,

and although Proctor is suffering at home,

she still finds a small way
to make her presence felt.

- Eleanor?
- Yeah.

That's a delivery from Proctor.

- Oh, from Proctor? Thanks.
- Yeah.

"Thanks for the workshop.

"PS, for what it's worth, sorry."

Well, who wants some fizz?

Oh!

- Come on!
- Yeah, sure.

Not for me, that makes me wild like a fox,

but I'll probably have a pint in the pub.

Yeah, I think I'm just
going to join Grant...

- (CORK POPS)
- ...and embarrassing to say,

but that stuff makes me
poo like a piggy bank.

Oh, no!

I'm all right, I'm going
to... Have fun, though.

Well, see you in the pub maybe later, yeah?

(SHE POURS DRINK)

It's just us, then.

Yeah, yeah.

Just a small one cos I haven't had dinner.

- Cheers! Cheers, darling.
- Cheers!

Mm! Mmmm. Oh, the bubbles!

What about the fruit bowls?

- Yeah!
- Yeah, I didn't know which fruit to be!

As they head to the pub,

Clive and Grant are treated to an update

on Tariq's fledgling modelling career.

Ah! Ah!

(THEY LAUGH AND EXCLAIM)

Oh, look, you could've
had a glass of champagne!

(THEY LAUGH)

- I'm going to have to get a...
- That's amazing.

Guys, no, please! Are you kidding
me? Are you kid...? Guys, come on.

- This is so cool! It's your whole body.
- Take a...

No, guys, come on, please. Come on, guys.

Hey, Tariq, it's number one in the UK.

That's like, that means it's
the best advert in the UK.

You gotta be happy with that?

A little later in the office,

Andy has nervously drunk

almost all of the bottle
of champagne to herself

and is starting to feel
a little worse for wear.

Ah, God, these lights are so oppressive.

Yeah, sort of mind control.

Why are you here?

Cos I work here.

I think you're too good for this place.

You know it's weird that a girl
that works in an airport like this

doesn't want to fly away somewhere.

Don't just think about it.

Shall we go to the pub, then?

Shall we finish...?

Let's go to the pub!

OK. Oh, wow, OK...

Half a bottle of champagne,
she's a cheap date.

- Right show me where this pub is then.
- Yeah, God.

PPbbbbbbbt!

And then a voiceover, "Has
this ever happened to you?

"You need Stopt!"

You want to have like a big acting career,

like a big director, he could
be going through the airport

and he'll be like, "Oh, my
God, that's the diarrhoea guy,

- "get him in my movie."
- It's really likely, yeah.

You've got a thing now that people
will always associate with you

which is great.

- My career in diarrhoea.
- It's like a brand now.

Loads of people will
know you from travelling,

they'll be coming back from their
holidays and they'll be like,

"Oh, my God, I was like looking
at your face on the packet

"when I was like..." (HE STRAINS)

Fuck it! I'm getting rid of it!

One of the biggest killers
in the third world...

I think, like, Brad Pitt,
he started off like that.

With diarrhoea?

Thank you.

As Tariq rushes to remove his
life-size cut-out from public view,

Andy attempts to remove herself
from her own embarrassing situation.

- Are you all right?
- Yeah, yeah, God, yeah, sorry.

I think I'm just a bit of a lightweight.

- You should've eaten something, I suppose.
- That, yeah.

Actually, you know what,
I think it would be better

if I went back to the hotel.

Now, Andy you're wonderful
and... I want you...

The thing is that, I, um...

I have a... I have a boyfriend, it's...

Yeah, it's Tariq, so it's a secret...

Andy, I was going to say

I want you to have my card in
case you want to do any more impro.

Yeah?

I'm sorry, listen.

- Don't be, it happens, all the time.
- Oh, that's really stupid, OK.

No, you're lovely but you're
um, you're not my type.

- Right.
- I like them...

Actually, Proctor...

she was my first crush...

but...

...don't tell her.

Are you going to be OK?

- Yeah, yeah.
- You sure?

Yes, yeah. I'm just going to go home, too.

All right, then, my darling.

- Thank you and bye-bye. No, bye!
- Thank you, sorry.

(ELEANOR LAUGHS)

Shut up, you did not see any of that.

Please don't leave and be a model...

...cos I do actually quite need you.

(SHE RETCHES)

(SHE COUGHS)

As our cameras move on from
Northend Airport for another year,

we leave Tariq concerned

and a little confused by Andy's actions.

Meanwhile, now that Grant
and Clive are in the pub,

Proctor has made a startling recovery

and manages to join
them where their weekend

and their journey ends on a massive high.

What is the capital of the Ukraine?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- It's Reykjavik!
- Edinburgh!

Kiev!

(ALL CHEER)

- How much is it?
- Three pounds.

(ALL CHEER)

? No doubt about it ?

? I'm on my way ?

? Take it over ?

? I'm here to sta-ay ?

? We're teaming together ?

? That's what I sa-ay ?

? One way to do this ?

? Taking over today ?

? We're taking over ?

Subtitles by explosiveskull

? We're taking over today. ?

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