All language subtitles for BoJack Horseman s03e01 Start Spreading The News.eng

[BoJack]
It's a dream come true.

[woman] You've been trying to get
this movie made for 20 years.

Did you ever think you'd be sitting here,
talking about Secretariat?

Sitting here? In this hotel room?

[clears throat]

It's a dream come true.

What's it like to play Secretariat?

Dream come true.

Playing Secretariat, what was that like?

Dream come true.

[woman]
How long you in New York for?

Just a couple days of fun interviews,

then it's off to Chicago
for more fun interviews,

and then, if I don't blow my brains out,
I get to go back to L.A.

Darling, you're doing marvelously,
I am so proud of you.

If I could make one slight adjustment?

Maybe fewer jokes
about how these interviews

- make you want to blow your brains out?
- Right. Sorry.

I am so thrilled to be here,
talking with, uh...

-Yahoo Finland.
-Yahoo Finland.

- Are you Finnish?
- No, we are just getting started.

Walked right into that one.

What would an Oscar nomination
mean for Mr. BoJack Horseman?

Any award recognition is just gravy.

The real joy is to sit
in this hotel room all day,

answering the same questions
over and over again.

Great answers, you're divine.
I'm in love with you.

One small adjustment.
I don't think sarcasm is going to read.

Just write a script for me,
so I don't have to think for myself.

Honey, I would shove my hand
up your ass

and control your mouth like a Muppet
if it would win you an Oscar.

What do I know?

I'm just the publicist you hired
to help win you an Oscar.

[woman]
What's it like to play Seabiscuit?

I don't know.
You'd have to ask Tobey Maguire.

[man] Your last attempt at a comeback
was The BoJack Horseman Show.

Pass.

[man 2] People still see you as the guy
from that sucky show from the '90s.

Horsin' Around was not a sucky show.

- Yeah, but it was.
- It lasted nine seasons.

Its whole purpose
was for people to watch it

so the network could sell ad time,

so the show could make more money
than it cost to produce.

It did that well. It was a good show.

- Yes, but it sucked.
- It didn't suck!

Great job today.
It could not have gone better.

My only note would be
stop defending Horsin' Around.

Why? Millions of people loved it!

We need to use these next few months
to define your story.

When people see you
they need to think Oscar winner,

not dumb asshole from an old TV show
that nobody cares about.

Okay, I hear what you're saying,

but we can both agree Horsin' Around
was a good show, right?

BoJack, you know
I think the world of you.

I think you are so smart and attractive,
so I'm not going to mince words.

Horsin' Around was a piece of shit.

[funky electronic music]

Looking good. Fantastic.
You need a coaster.

I told you to wear lipstick
and underpants, Teresa.

I put everything bill-related
in one folder.

Gas bill, cable bill,
and the new headshots for Billy Zane.

- Thank you, Judah.
- You also wanted me to remind you

- to call Mr. Peanutbutter.
- Yeah.

Ping me again in two minutes?
No, five minutes.

Uh, when's our call
with BoJack and Spanakopita?

The one that started seven minutes ago?
It started seven minutes ago.

What?

Diane's in your office right now,
stalling... poorly.

And that is my opinion on the Octomom.

Remember Octomom?

[Ana] Diane, are you stalling
for Princess Carolyn?

What? You know who was good at stallin'

was Joseph Stalin. [chuckles]

[BoJack] If anything,
Stalin was ruthlessly efficient.

Get your head out of your ass.

He also had a city named after him.
Isn't that right, Princess Carolyn,

- who's been here the whole time?
- Hey, buddy.

How was your first big day
at the press junket?

[sighs] Endless. It was like
the second act of a Judd Apatow movie.

He was exquisite.

The movie's tracking really well
on social.

New media impressions are up
23 percent across platforms.

What does that mean?

Oh, I have no idea.
I assumed you would know.

[clears throat]

But I keep tweeting things
and they keep getting retweeted,

so we're doing something right.

Yesterday I dropped my phone
in the bathroom

which made BoJack's Instagram
post a picture of the floor,

with the caption "spujb."
That got 4000 likes.

- [Ana] Great.
- I am exhausted.

Being a movie star is the hardest job.

And we get no recognition.
[grunts]

Okay, you're gonna love this.

I pulled some strings at Manatee Fair
and set up an interview tomorrow night.

BoJack is not ready
for a magazine feature.

Relax. It's not that big a deal.

I didn't realize
you were an authority on deal size.

[Princess Carolyn]
Listen, Moussaka...

Ladies, please.
There's plenty of BoJack to go around.

I can do all the bullshit things
Ana's scheduled for me in the morning

and still have time for Princess Carolyn's
bullshit thing tomorrow night.

Now, pajamas.

- Whaa!
- [gasping]

- Todd?!
- What is going on over there?

[Ana] BoJack smuggled
a young boy into his room.

No big deal.
Movie stars do it all the time.

Where am I? [sniffs]

Bagels? Pizza?

[sniffing] Hipsters? Urine?

- Am I in Minneapolis?
- What? No, you're in New York.

Follow-up: why are you in New York?

Beats me. Sometimes I just am places.

[moaning]
I can't get to sleep. Oh, God.

[groans]

Yeah, that'll do it.

[sighs]

Is my name Sarah Koenig?
Because I'm about to get cereal.

[moans]

I am the queen.

Follow me, citizens.

There are no sad times
in our cave of possibilities.

[sighs and snores]

[grunting]

[monitor beeps]

- [beeping]
- Huh.

Small bottle of shampoo?!
Not on my watch!

- [alarm ringing]
- [screaming]

You better not have gotten
your failure stink

all over my important movie star clothes.

- Ohh...
- I didn't mean that.

You're my friend
and you don't stink of failure.

Your stink is one of good intentions
and youthful exuberance.

[Todd]
Hooray, compliment!

You wanted me to ping you
regarding Mr. Peanutbutter.

Oh, fish! Guys, hold on,
I have to make a quick call.

- What? You're already on a call.
- Sorry.

- Please hold.
- [Ana] This is ridiculous.

- Hello?
- [Princess Carolyn] It's your agent!

I wanted to remind you
of your meeting with Pinky today.

I think I'm already in it.

[annoyed throat clearing]

- Do I need to be on this call still?
- I put you on conference. How do I...?

- BoJack Horseman, is that you?!
- Hey, Mr. Peanutbutter.

Hey buddy, loved that bathroom floor pic
you posted yesterday.

Spujb! Classic BoJack.

We should get together sometime
and take a selfie.

I'd love to, buddy,
but I'm kinda in New York right now.

[Peanutbutter] New York City?!
They make such great salsa.

I'm here too, honey.
Have a great meeting!

Diane?! Wait, you went to New York?

- [Diane] No. I'm just on--
- Why wouldn't you tell me?

How long are you-- I'm not accusing.

I just... I feel safer when I know
that I know where you are.

- I affirm your feelings...
- [BoJack] I don't want to--

...your feelings have value,

but I'm not in New York,
I'm just on the conference call.

- Guys, can we...
- [Peanutbutter] I feel heard.

- [Diane] I hear that you feel heard.
- What the hell is happening?

- Hey, Mr. Peanutbutter, I'm in New York!
- What?!

[Todd] As Carrie from
Sex and the City might say...

- I'm Carrie.
- [Peanutbutter] Todd? In the naked city?

[chuckling] That is going to lead
to some wackiness. You mark my words.

Would you guys literally mark my words?
I do want to refer back to this later on.

We're in the middle of a meeting!

[Peanutbutter] Got to go.
It's always "Rabbit, Run" with this guy.

Right?

Oh, yeah. Somebody did their research
on J.D. Salinger.

Rabbit, Run?

- That's Updike, you illiterate.
- What's Updike?

Not much, dyke, what's up with you?

Is "dyke" an okay thing to say now?

Has it been reclaimed?
I honestly can't keep track.

- Who are you asking?
- [Ana] We're hanging up now, goodbye.

Wow! BoJack and Todd in the Big Apple.

I want to find one of those fortune
telling robots that can make me big!

[groans]

Hey, champ,
I have a very important job for you.

Why don't you go get us some ice?

You don't need to patronize me.

- But, yeah, I can do that important job.
- [BoJack] Don't get lost, buddy!

I'm not gonna get lost.

The city's on a grid, why would I get...

Oh, no.

Hello? Are you still there?

- They may have hung up.
- I have some good news for once.

I just got promoted
to head of programming.

I'm no longer a passenger
on the burning wreckage of an industry

that is broadcast television.

- I'm a captain!
- What happened to Wanda?

You didn't hear? She got poached.

- Oh, God!
- By another company.

Oh, good.

- They shot her.
- Oh, God!

Straight to the top
of the corporate ladder!

- Oh, good.
- She had to move to Detroit.

- Oh, God!
- Which I hear is due for a resurgence.

Can we get to the goddamn point, please?

Anyway, the network
is finally breaking even,

thanks to the runaway success
of Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities:

What Do They Know?
Do They Know Things? Let's Find Out!

Not to mention its companion show
Talking Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities:

What Do They Know?
Do They Know Things? Let's Find Out,

With Chris Hardwick.

- So as long as you two stick around...
- I'm taking the show off the air.

Wait, what? Why?!

I told the story I wanted to tell.

To prolong it for commercial reasons
would be crass and inorganic.

Uh...

At long last the public knows
what Hollywoo stars and celebrities know

- and what they don't know.
- [moaning]

- Did they know things?
- [whimpers]

- Well, we found out.
- This is a nightmare.

Why does everything I love fall apart
as soon as I touch it?

Oh, my ex-wife was right about me.

I am no Christopher
from the Tesla dealership.

Is this as good as it gets?

Or are we living in the ghost town
where once my career did blossom?

Who will speak my name
when I am gone?

Who will sing lamentations
for he who once talked soup?

- [groans]
- What legacy of ruin am I left with?

What rewards have I reaped
for the damage done?

I do not miss the spotlight's glare,

but I do... a little, miss sunshine.

[sobbing]

[gasps and growls]

But before you fold the omelette,

I'd like the chef to hold the pan up
and whisper his or her dreams into it.

Whisper dreams into omelette.

Just coffee.
Don't need to talk to it at all. Thanks.

You look different. Older. A lot older.

I'm not saying you look bad,
just much, much, much older.

Thank you, Jill.

You haven't heard from Cuddlywhiskers
recently, have you?

Cuddlywhiskers? I haven't talked
to him since the show was canceled.

I worry about him.

About six months back, he disappeared,

stopped returning my calls.

I'm sure he's fine.
I mean, who returns calls?

Promise me you'll check on him
when you get back to L.A.

Maybe swing by his house?
I think you owe him that much.

Fine. Listen, about the play...

The Tragedy of Greg KingLear,
a theatrical immersion by Jill Pill?

- Right.
- That's dead. Over.

A thing that happened
that happens no longer,

- like a whimper in the wind.
- Okay.

Theater is by its very nature ephemeral.
We shout into the void, "Hey, you!"

And the void says,
"Stop shouting at me, please!"

And we grab the void and we spit
in its face, "Sir, I will not."

Boy, did New York do a number on you.

Let me tell you about my next piece.
It starts with you,

BoJack Horseman,
completely naked and covered in milk.

- I'll stop you there.
- It's a symbol for rebirth.

I'm not interested in being rebirthed.

I'm still recovering
from being birthed the first time.

Jill, I'm not the guy who does things
that are challenging,

or edgy, or covered in milk.

I'm about to be nominated for an Oscar.
I'm thinking about my legacy now.

I want to do things that connect
with people, things that last.

That's the whole point, nothing lasts.

No, I know, but see, years after I die,

people will still be able
to see me in Secretariat.

- And then what?
- And then...

I'll be remembered.
If I win an Oscar, I'll be remembered.

- And then what?
- Then my life will have meaning.

- I don't know!
- Mm-hmm.

You know what the real tragedy
of Greg KingLear is?

Two hours long without an intermission?

It's that he's a marionette.

And he doesn't even know someone else
is pulling his strings.

Mmm, I don't think the chef
whispered his dreams into this.

This does not taste like dreams.

You told me I would be getting
more attention at a smaller agency,

but if anything, I'm getting less.

Is this the best time to be on your phone?

I'm sorry.
Let me just send this one email...

What? Why isn't it sending? Judah!

I'm taking my business
to Gekko Rabitowitz.

What? No!

J.D. Salinger is too big a star to be
hamstrung by some rinky-dink operation

working out of a two-story warehouse.

I need an agency
with at least nine stories.

Uh...

That was a reference to my work,
with which you are clearly not familiar.

- Oh...
- Goodbye.

Hello to you, Rasputin.

- Give my regards to the czar.
- I will relay the message.

Oh, I don't know why
I thought I could do this.

I'm drowning, and cats hate drowning.

I believe I can take on
more responsibility around here.

- On a provisional basis, of course.
- Okay.

But we're a small agency
and we need to think like one.

Instead of spreading ourselves thinner,

we should focus on better gigs
for the clients we already have.

- Oh. Like Jerry Maguire.
- Yes.

- What part of Jerry Maguire?
- The part where Tom Cruise's agent

got him a massive payday
for being in Jerry Maguire.

[ringtone]
Who's that dog?
Mister Peanutbutter

Princess Carolyn?!

Listen, kid, tough break about
the Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities

Whatever, Whatever, Whatever,
but what are we gonna do next?

I was looking forward
to taking some time off.

What?
That is the worst idea I've ever heard.

You're the biggest name in TV right now.

and every network would love to air
your next project.

Why don't you get off your lazy keister

and come up with some TV ideas
and make us all billionaires?

Go get us some money.

Go get it, boy. You can do it!
Go! Atta boy!

[barking]

Daddy, it's so nice having you home.

These last few months have been amazing.

My blood pressure's down,
my stress is down.

- [engine revving]
- Oh, what the...?

There's my favorite accountant!

Great news! P.B. Livin' is back...

- No! No!
- ...in business!

- No!
- Yes!

-Here we go!
-Oh, God, no, please.

It's gonna be great, as it always is,
from my perspective.

Dad, you promised
we were gonna play catch,

and then we'd listen to your favorite
Harry Chapin song together!

You never told me what it was!

Oh, it's Cat's in the Cradle,
but don't listen to it now!

I'm gonna go listen to it.

No! The lyrics are too relevant.
Don't do it.

- No!
- [engine revving]

[both laughing]

So, what's next for BoJack?

What do you mean, "What's next?"
Why does everything have to have a next?

I just mean, after Secretariat's all over,
what are you going to do next?

We were told this feature would be
pegged to the release of Secretariat.

It is, but we also want to get to know
the real BoJack.

- Do we?
- If you want the real BoJack,

there's a book written about that.

But that was BoJack
before the book came out.

Who's BoJack now?

Who's BoJack now? BoJack is just...

He's a guy who could use a drink,
that's who!

Should we order alcohol?

Heather, could we have
a moment of privacy, please?

Sure. I'll just plug my ears
and sing an old sea shanty.

Sweetheart, I don't think
we need to be drinking tonight.

Trust me, you do not want me
to do this sober.

You don't need to micromanage
everything, okay? I'm not your puppet.

All right.
You clearly have everything under control.

Gar?on, dos whiskey sours, por favor?

Actually, make it tres.
And whatever the lady wants.

- Did mama bear finally leave?
- She's a human, but yes.

Well, when the cat's away...

Again, a human.
I like where you're going with this.

I gotta tell you,
I really loved the movie.

You're definitely going to win an Oscar.

That "You Are Secretariat" scene?
Oh, it made me wet.

It made you wet?!

Yeah. "Wet" is manatee slang.

It refers to a feeling
of comfort and warmth,

because a manatee's
natural habitat is water.

Oh, okay.

- It also made me really horny.
- Uh...

That's narwhal slang.

You know, because they have horns.

[both chuckling]

[Todd] When I first came to New York
I was young, full of hope.

But you get lost in this town.

One day you look in the mirror
and think to yourself,

"Who is this sad, broken man?"

Listen, kid, I don't need your life story.

I just came out here to commit suicide.

- No, don't!
- Crap! Forgot I could fly.

[chuckling and kissing]

The first thing you notice about BoJack
is he's got a nice buzz going.

Oh, one final question.
Are you more man than horse?

Or are you more horse than man?

What the hell does that mean?

Take off your city clothes
and let's be animals!

I want to get natural!

[laughing]

Okay! A manatee and a horse
making out with each other.

Just like in nature.

In the old days sailors thought
manatees were mermaids.

Remember that episode of Horsin' Around
where Sabrina wanted to be a mermaid?

I don't want to think about that show.

I didn't come back to your hotel room

because you're a goofy dad who once got
his dick stuck in a vacuum cleaner.

I'm pretty sure
that never happened on the show.

If I'm going to sacrifice
my journalistic integrity,

it's because I'm having sex
with a movie star.

And they're off!

[chuckling]

[Heather] You like that, little horsie?
[BoJack] Yeah.

- But I don't need you to talk.
- [Heather] I'm a mermaid, baby.

- Gonna climb up onto your boat.
- [BoJack] What?

- [Heather] What happened?
- Sorry, I just... Give me a minute.

[Heather] You want me to touch it,
blow on it, sing it happy birthday?

[BoJack]
No, no, just...

Why did you say
that thing about the boat?

I don't know, I was being sexy.
You okay?

Just forget it. You ruined it.

[exhales]

You want to talk about it?

There's nothing to talk about.
It was a misunderstanding, that's all.

She just walked in
at the worst possible...

It-- It wasn't my fault, uh, right?

I don't know what you're talking about.

On the boat, there was a girl.

- What?
- In New Mexico.

And she trusted me.

I keep asking myself
if her mother didn't walk in,

would I have done it?

And part of me is sure
that I-- I couldn't.

But another part knows that's a lie.

How do you make something right
when you've made it so wrong

you can never go back?

I just think
you have to keep moving forward?

[sighs] Yeah.

All my life that's all I've ever done.
What's it gotten me?

Well, hey, look,
you're the star of a movie now.

You're probably gonna win an Oscar.

I'm not even in it. That's not me.

- What do you mean, that's not you?
- I was digitally replaced.

Special effects. None of it's me.

Wow, that's... [sighs]

That's quite a story.

I shouldn't even be here.

It's been a long night.

Why don't we go to bed?
In the morning, everything will be okay.

[lamp clicks]

[sighs]

- [traffic outside, faint]
- [snorts]

[moans]

Oh, shit.

[cell phone vibrating]

BoJack?

It's 4:00 am.

No, it's 7:00. I'm in New York.
I'm calling from the future.

[drowsily] Is that BoJack Horseman?
What is this, a crossover episode?

What do you want?

Let's say, hypothetically,
you had some information about me.

You were gonna write about it,

I wanted to stop you
before you could get it published.

What would be a smart thing
I could do in that situation

that would change your mind?

Are we fighting about the book again?

I don't remember
where we left off last time.

No. Diane, not everything is about you.

For once, I have a problem,
I need your help.

Okay, walk me through it again?

I don't have time!
It's already three hours later here!

Thanks a lot. Once again,
you've been no help whatsoever.

Spoiler from the future, you suck.

Sorry, you don't suck. I'm just...
very stressed out right now. Bye.

[groans]

Oh, come on, come on.

I'm aware of the situation
and I'm handling it.

- But I haven't even--
- I'm handling it.

I'll see you at the screening tonight.

- But...
- Don't be late.

- BoJack!
- Huh?

There you are. Stay right there.

You will not believe the night I had.

- This city will eat you alive.
- Did you get the ice?

[groans]

I'll be right back.

I'm lost again!

[Peanutbutter]
All right, Oxnard.

We are looking at
a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Too bad Todd's not here.

He's always the best
at coming up with ideas

that at first might seem terrible...

Right.

If he was here,
he'd probably say something like,

"Hey, you know what's cool?
Spaghetti strainers!"

Go on.

And you'd say, "I feel like
I've seen that somewhere before."

Hah! That is so me!

And then he'd say, "What if I told you

that this spaghetti strainer
is also a hat?"

A spaghetti strainer that's also a hat?

That is a brilliant idea!

That's a terrible idea.
That's my point!

Put that in the maybe pile.

Right now, we need to focus
on TV shows.

I'm sure Todd would suggest,

A Spaghetti Strainer
That's Also A Hat: The TV Show.

That's it! Todd, you've done it again.

No! Nobody's done anything.

Oxnard, I want you to buy out
the entire spaghetti strainer warehouse.

I mean, every spaghetti strainer they got.

I'm putting all my money
in spaghetti strainers for this show.

- How is this a show?
- Don't ask me. It's your idea.

[sighs]

- [vehicle stopping]
- [door opens, closes]

I took care of our problem.

What did you do?

You don't need to know anything else.
It's been taken care of.

Ana...

There-- There was a moment
back at the hotel where...

I really thought I blew it,
I was scared it was all over, and--

And then after, I was relieved.

I don't know if I should win an Oscar.

- I don't know if I want to.
- Stop punishing yourself.

I was in New Mexico.

None of that matters.
All that matters now is the story.

We get to decide what our story is.

Nobody else gets to tell you
what your story is.

- What is my story?
- I'll tell you.

This has been your dream for the last
30 years. You made it happen.

An Oscar won't make you happy forever,
it won't solve all your problems.

You win that Oscar,
the next day you go back to being you.

But that night is a really good night.

I think you deserve a really good night,
and I know how to get you there.

Do you want that?

Yes, I do.

Go introduce your movie. Tell your story.

Tomorrow we fly to Chicago.

Being Secretariat
isn't just about running fast.

Secretariat's a state of mind.

It's about doing the right thing,
standing up for yourself.

Why, I look around and I see
a whole room full of Secretariats.

You are Secretariat.

And you are Secretariat.

And you... are Secretariat.

BoJack, it's such a beautiful movie
and I think such a textured performance.

When you were on Horsin' Around,

could you ever have imagined
that you'd give a performance like this?

- Yes. Actually, I imagined it a lot.
- [laughter]

I always knew I was more
than just a dumb TV actor.

Even if other people
didn't always know that.

- [laughter]
- Seriously, though...

that TV show...

it wasn't me.

This movie is me.

And I can't tell you how great it feels
to finally be doing

the kind of work that I can be proud of.

[cheers and applause]

-
I'm BoJack the Horseman

Boxer vs. Raptor,

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0