Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:08,934
ARCHER: I don't know, but I
think we're pretty close.
2
00:00:09,102 --> 00:00:12,646
What? Well, blame these road signs.
They don't have any vowels.
3
00:00:12,814 --> 00:00:15,733
Yes, and thanks for watching AJ. I...
4
00:00:15,901 --> 00:00:18,986
No. As a matter of fact,
I don't think it's a good opportunity...
5
00:00:19,154 --> 00:00:23,073
...to, quote, "work some of
that fat off her," unquote. I...
6
00:00:23,241 --> 00:00:24,825
Mother, she's a goddamn baby.
7
00:00:24,993 --> 00:00:26,076
[LANA MOANS]
8
00:00:26,244 --> 00:00:28,871
No, I have to go so... I will.
9
00:00:29,039 --> 00:00:32,833
And if I find out you gave her diet pills,
Mother, no kidding, I will have you arrested.
10
00:00:33,001 --> 00:00:35,502
Mm. Do what? Who's having a rest?
11
00:00:35,670 --> 00:00:38,047
I heard you. Now I gotta go. Goodbye.
12
00:00:38,214 --> 00:00:40,007
Hey, sleepy head.
13
00:00:40,175 --> 00:00:43,260
Hey you. Mm. Man, I was out.
14
00:00:43,428 --> 00:00:45,346
Heh, yeah, you were.
Mm.
15
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,139
Where are we?
Uh...
16
00:00:47,307 --> 00:00:50,351
LANA: Seriously, what is this, the Shire?
ARCHER: Uh, no, uh, it's...
17
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:53,854
Wait, wait, wait. What the shit?
Where are we?
18
00:00:54,022 --> 00:00:55,898
Where is AJ?
With Mother. Calm down, I...
19
00:00:56,066 --> 00:00:59,068
Why am I in a car, in a trench coat,
and lingerie?
20
00:00:59,235 --> 00:01:01,654
Why am I in...?
God, there was a vagina in your sink!
21
00:01:01,821 --> 00:01:05,491
Okay, technically, yes, but...
I caught you cheating on me.
22
00:01:05,659 --> 00:01:07,868
No, you didn't because, no, I wasn't.
23
00:01:08,036 --> 00:01:10,329
Stop the car. Let me out.
Lana, calm down.
24
00:01:10,497 --> 00:01:13,248
Calm down?
Yes. I can explain if you...
25
00:01:13,416 --> 00:01:18,170
Yeah, explain how I just woke up
in weird clothes, in a weird car, in...
26
00:01:20,924 --> 00:01:22,383
Archer, where are we?
27
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:23,550
[ARCHER SIGHS]
28
00:01:23,718 --> 00:01:25,427
Wales.
Wales?
29
00:01:25,595 --> 00:01:27,721
Yeah, surprise is ruined.
30
00:01:27,889 --> 00:01:30,349
No, it's not. I am extremely surprised.
31
00:01:30,517 --> 00:01:32,559
Really?
Because last thing I remember...
32
00:01:32,727 --> 00:01:34,353
...we were arguing in your bedroom.
33
00:01:34,521 --> 00:01:38,399
Yeah, I wanted to explain everything,
but you were totally freaking out...
34
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:41,360
...so I thought let's go somewhere neutral,
talk things out.
35
00:01:41,528 --> 00:01:44,405
So we're going to this little farm
right on the coast.
36
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:48,784
It's remote, but it's got
this real kind of rugged beauty, you know?
37
00:01:48,952 --> 00:01:51,286
It's actually very romantic.
38
00:01:51,454 --> 00:01:56,709
Oh, so just curious, what happened
between your bedroom and right now?
39
00:01:56,876 --> 00:01:58,502
Well, you were hysterical, Lana...
40
00:01:58,670 --> 00:02:02,965
...so I thought the best thing to do
would be inject you with a tranquilizer...
41
00:02:03,133 --> 00:02:05,759
...drive you to private airfield,
put you on CIA plane...
42
00:02:05,927 --> 00:02:08,762
...fly you overnight to Wales,
and then that brings us to now.
43
00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:09,972
Huh.
44
00:02:10,140 --> 00:02:12,391
And I know drugging women
isn't cool at all, ever...
45
00:02:12,559 --> 00:02:16,937
...and obviously I would never, ever do that
for any sort of sexual-assaulty reason.
46
00:02:17,105 --> 00:02:19,481
I mean, for one thing, I'd never need to.
47
00:02:19,649 --> 00:02:21,900
Heh, that's what the whole fight was about,
right?
48
00:02:22,068 --> 00:02:23,944
Women throwing themselves at...
49
00:02:24,112 --> 00:02:25,571
[CHOKING]
50
00:02:26,364 --> 00:02:28,157
Stop the car.
51
00:02:29,784 --> 00:02:35,205
Sorry, maybe you can't hear me over the sound
of all the blood vessels bursting in your eyes.
52
00:02:35,373 --> 00:02:36,790
I said, stop.
53
00:02:36,958 --> 00:02:38,125
[ARCHER YELLS]
54
00:02:38,293 --> 00:02:39,376
[SHEEP BAAS]
55
00:02:39,544 --> 00:02:41,170
[BOTH SCREAMING]
56
00:02:46,968 --> 00:02:49,636
[LANA GROANING]
57
00:02:49,804 --> 00:02:53,015
Well, I hate to say it, but you were right.
58
00:02:53,183 --> 00:02:55,517
It is kind of romantic.
59
00:02:55,685 --> 00:02:57,311
Yeah, right?
60
00:02:57,479 --> 00:02:58,979
[COUGHING]
61
00:03:00,023 --> 00:03:03,692
I'm pretty sure there's a fireplace.
62
00:03:45,193 --> 00:03:46,652
ARCHER:
There, see?
63
00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:51,115
Quaint little farmhouse,
a cozy little fire going.
64
00:03:51,282 --> 00:03:53,659
I mean, this place is
right out of a fairytale.
65
00:03:53,827 --> 00:03:57,079
Yeah, a fairytale in which the heroine
is drugged and kidnapped.
66
00:03:57,247 --> 00:03:59,623
You realize that's like every fairytale.
67
00:04:00,250 --> 00:04:02,042
I do now that you mention it.
68
00:04:02,210 --> 00:04:05,963
Don't yell at me. I'm not the one
advocating rape and child cannibalism.
69
00:04:06,131 --> 00:04:09,925
No, you're the one whose ex-girlfriend
left her robot vagina in your sink.
70
00:04:10,093 --> 00:04:11,718
Unbeknownst to me, Lana.
71
00:04:11,886 --> 00:04:14,179
Jesus,
we've been through this 10 times already.
72
00:04:14,347 --> 00:04:17,724
Sorry I'm hazy on the details
of what happened before I was drugged...
73
00:04:17,892 --> 00:04:21,103
...and stuffed in a cargo hold.
It wasn't the... You were in a seat.
74
00:04:21,271 --> 00:04:22,896
Is that supposed to make it better?
75
00:04:23,064 --> 00:04:25,399
That is better, like, empirically.
76
00:04:25,567 --> 00:04:28,777
I am leaving. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
Let me explain.
77
00:04:28,945 --> 00:04:30,237
If you don't let go of me...
78
00:04:30,405 --> 00:04:33,991
...you're gonna have to explain how those
tampons got driven into your brain.
79
00:04:34,159 --> 00:04:35,909
Thanks for these, by the way.
80
00:04:36,077 --> 00:04:38,078
And, Lana, I swear, I didn't call Katya.
81
00:04:38,246 --> 00:04:40,122
I just came home and there she was.
82
00:04:40,290 --> 00:04:42,374
And why would she just show up?
83
00:04:42,542 --> 00:04:44,877
I think the idiots called her.
84
00:04:45,044 --> 00:04:46,503
What idiots?
85
00:04:46,671 --> 00:04:48,589
Alrighty, can someone give me a hand?
86
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,883
But I thought the patient
was getting the hand.
87
00:04:51,050 --> 00:04:53,635
Speaking of hands, nurse, I'm...
Overplaying yours?
88
00:04:53,803 --> 00:04:56,555
I was gonna say "putty in yours," my dear,
but I'll have to hand it to you.
89
00:04:56,723 --> 00:04:59,266
Hmph. Keep your hands
to yourself, doctor.
90
00:04:59,434 --> 00:05:02,561
Can we have a show of hands?
Who thinks this is getting out of hand?
91
00:05:02,729 --> 00:05:04,104
Goddamn it!
92
00:05:04,272 --> 00:05:10,777
Can you please shut up
and sew on my robot hand?
93
00:05:12,447 --> 00:05:13,780
Hand job.
94
00:05:13,948 --> 00:05:17,117
So they call Katya
because they're jealous we're dating.
95
00:05:17,285 --> 00:05:19,036
She shows up...
Unbeknownst.
96
00:05:19,204 --> 00:05:21,955
Nothing happens
even though your clothes get burned off...
97
00:05:22,123 --> 00:05:25,959
...champagne gets jizzed everywhere
and her vag winds up in the sink.
98
00:05:26,586 --> 00:05:28,879
Yes.
So you're saying it was...
99
00:05:29,047 --> 00:05:31,924
Literally a farce. Exactly, yes.
Ah.
100
00:05:32,091 --> 00:05:34,301
Lana, come on.
Whose life, through no...
101
00:05:34,469 --> 00:05:38,639
...or sometimes maybe moderate fault
of his own, is as farcical as mine?
102
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:41,683
Hmm. You still shouldn't have drugged me.
103
00:05:41,851 --> 00:05:46,271
No, I know, that was...
Extremely uncool.
104
00:05:46,439 --> 00:05:48,482
Mm. That's not though. Holy shit.
105
00:05:48,650 --> 00:05:53,362
Right? Glengoolie, for the best of times.
106
00:05:53,529 --> 00:05:55,822
After we're done,
we'll have to rent a new car...
107
00:05:55,990 --> 00:06:01,161
...but we can drive up to the distillery and...
Done here at our romantic fairytale getaway...
108
00:06:01,329 --> 00:06:05,374
...where you make up for the idiot Archer
shit you pulled over the past 24 hours?
109
00:06:05,541 --> 00:06:07,834
Yes, and... Here's the thing.
110
00:06:08,002 --> 00:06:09,002
[DOOR OPENS]
111
00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:10,671
What the...?
Unh! Ah!
112
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,673
Freeze!
Whoa, whoa, steady on.
113
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,092
Freeze or I'll... I have no weapon. Archer.
114
00:06:15,260 --> 00:06:17,511
Ah. So you're Archer.
115
00:06:19,347 --> 00:06:23,058
Uh, yes.
And are those tampons?
116
00:06:23,226 --> 00:06:25,018
Also, yes.
Right.
117
00:06:25,186 --> 00:06:30,357
So if he's Archer,
I suppose that makes you Lana Kane.
118
00:06:30,525 --> 00:06:34,278
I... Yes, actually. And I suppose
that makes you... Who the hell are you?
119
00:06:34,445 --> 00:06:35,529
Lloyd Llewellyn.
120
00:06:35,697 --> 00:06:37,447
This is my brother, Daffyd.
121
00:06:37,615 --> 00:06:40,242
Say hello to the lady, Daffyd.
Hello, lady.
122
00:06:40,410 --> 00:06:41,493
Hello, human giant.
123
00:06:41,661 --> 00:06:44,538
And follow-up question,
why the hell are you here?
124
00:06:44,706 --> 00:06:47,040
Ah. Have you not told her?
125
00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:50,752
Yeah, so even though
it's a romantic fairytale getaway...
126
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:56,508
...there's also kind of a work component
to it.
127
00:06:57,677 --> 00:07:00,387
Lana?
What?
128
00:07:00,638 --> 00:07:03,807
Come on, it's like 30 bucks a glass.
129
00:07:08,313 --> 00:07:14,776
So if I understand the situation correctly,
we're supposed to help these terrorists who...
130
00:07:14,944 --> 00:07:18,655
Well, you obviously don't understand
the situation because we're not terrorists.
131
00:07:18,823 --> 00:07:19,948
We're freedom fighters.
132
00:07:20,116 --> 00:07:22,034
They're the Free Wales Army, Lana.
133
00:07:22,201 --> 00:07:24,202
[DAFFYD SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
134
00:07:24,370 --> 00:07:27,539
Oh, yeah, that's right, Daffyd. Good lad.
Leg hurts.
135
00:07:27,707 --> 00:07:29,791
Yes, it will do, Daff, you've been shot.
136
00:07:29,959 --> 00:07:32,878
We're supposed to help George
and Lennie out of the country...
137
00:07:33,046 --> 00:07:36,089
...because they're wanted by Ml5?
Yeah, that's what Mother said.
138
00:07:36,257 --> 00:07:39,843
Ml5, from England, our ally.
139
00:07:40,011 --> 00:07:41,470
Well, they're no ally to Wales.
140
00:07:41,637 --> 00:07:44,056
What are you...?
It's the same country, Lloyd.
141
00:07:44,223 --> 00:07:45,265
[DAFFYD GASPS]
142
00:07:45,433 --> 00:07:47,893
Tell that to Dyffryn Ddibwys.
143
00:07:48,061 --> 00:07:50,270
Duffer who?
Dyffryn Ddibwys.
144
00:07:50,438 --> 00:07:55,108
It was a town in Wales that had stood proudly
for a thousand years until the Saesneg...
145
00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:58,028
The English, deliberately flooded it.
146
00:07:58,196 --> 00:07:59,905
Oh, my God, to drown everybody?
147
00:08:00,073 --> 00:08:02,157
No, to make a reservoir.
They needed water.
148
00:08:02,325 --> 00:08:05,327
So they built a dam
and that flooded Dyffryn Ddibwys...
149
00:08:05,495 --> 00:08:07,621
...and all the people lost their homes.
150
00:08:07,789 --> 00:08:09,956
My God, countless thousands of them.
151
00:08:10,124 --> 00:08:11,291
Well, 48.
152
00:08:11,459 --> 00:08:13,710
Thousand?
No, just 48. You know, four dozen.
153
00:08:13,878 --> 00:08:15,128
Are you...?
Still, though.
154
00:08:15,296 --> 00:08:16,755
So now they're all homeless?
155
00:08:16,923 --> 00:08:21,426
Well, no. They were compensated, so
they got new houses somewhere else...
156
00:08:21,594 --> 00:08:23,512
...and, in many cases,
much nicer ones.
157
00:08:23,679 --> 00:08:26,473
Then what's the problem?
Who are you, Josephine Stalin?
158
00:08:26,641 --> 00:08:31,269
That shit wouldn't happen in America.
Yes it would, and does all the time.
159
00:08:31,437 --> 00:08:34,106
TVA has flooded thousands of Americans
out of their homes.
160
00:08:34,273 --> 00:08:37,192
The what?
Tennessee Valley Authority.
161
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:38,944
ARCHER: Hmm.
LANA: Ugh.
162
00:08:39,112 --> 00:08:42,072
Remember Deliverance?
How the whole valley was gonna be flooded?
163
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:45,492
Lana, I hate to break it to you,
I even hate to say it out loud...
164
00:08:45,660 --> 00:08:48,286
...but Deliverance was just a movie.
165
00:08:48,454 --> 00:08:49,704
Oh, my God.
166
00:08:49,872 --> 00:08:53,291
So, what exactly are you wanted by Ml5 for?
167
00:08:53,459 --> 00:08:55,794
Uh, we tried to blow up a dam.
168
00:08:55,962 --> 00:08:58,755
A dam? What, to flood a bunch of people
out of their homes?
169
00:08:58,923 --> 00:09:00,340
Well, not real people, just English ones.
170
00:09:00,341 --> 00:09:00,424
Well, not real people, just English ones.
171
00:09:00,425 --> 00:09:01,508
Well, not real people, just English ones.
172
00:09:01,676 --> 00:09:03,677
Excuse me.
173
00:09:04,053 --> 00:09:05,137
[LLOYD SIGHS]
174
00:09:05,304 --> 00:09:09,141
Christ, is she always this angry? She's
not mad at you, Lloyd, she's mad at me.
175
00:09:09,308 --> 00:09:10,892
For what?
Um...
176
00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:14,646
Okay. So I was engaged
to this smoking hot Russian woman...
177
00:09:14,814 --> 00:09:16,690
Lieutenant Ginger Bayliss.
178
00:09:16,858 --> 00:09:19,234
Clamp. Played by Odessa Cleveland...
179
00:09:19,402 --> 00:09:21,987
...who had a guest spot as a nurse
on Trapper John, M.D.
180
00:09:22,155 --> 00:09:24,322
BOTH: What?
Starring Pernell Roberts...
181
00:09:24,490 --> 00:09:26,700
...as the titular Trapper John, somehow.
182
00:09:26,868 --> 00:09:28,535
In a drama, which was totally weird.
183
00:09:28,703 --> 00:09:30,328
But not as weird as Ed Asner.
184
00:09:30,496 --> 00:09:32,330
Mary Tyler Moore's Lou Grant.
185
00:09:32,498 --> 00:09:35,584
Playing Lou Grant in the show Lou Grant,
which was also a drama.
186
00:09:35,751 --> 00:09:39,754
Okay, yeah, but besides one nurse,
M*A*S*H didn't have any black characters.
187
00:09:39,922 --> 00:09:43,175
Actually, it did have one.
And his name was Spearchucker.
188
00:09:43,342 --> 00:09:46,845
BOTH: What?
Spearchucker Jones. I mean...
189
00:09:47,013 --> 00:09:50,765
Okay, yeah, maybe in the book or that
football movie, but I'm talking about...
190
00:09:50,933 --> 00:09:53,393
Yeah, the show. On network television.
191
00:09:53,561 --> 00:09:56,938
In America, and not that long ago.
ANA: But how is this even possible?
192
00:09:57,106 --> 00:09:59,232
MALORY [OVER PHONE]:
Well, I know it may seem strange.
193
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,026
What, aiding our ally's enemies?
194
00:10:01,194 --> 00:10:02,277
Well, it makes sense...
195
00:10:02,445 --> 00:10:06,448
...when you're the biggest kid in the schoolyard,
if your little friends have a bully.
196
00:10:06,616 --> 00:10:08,366
You want them to come running to you.
197
00:10:08,534 --> 00:10:11,786
Exactly. And Slater says...
Wait, you talked to Slater?
198
00:10:11,954 --> 00:10:14,998
Yes, Lana. Obviously,
I've spoken to Slater.
199
00:10:15,166 --> 00:10:19,085
And he says the CIA
does this sort of thing all the time, so...
200
00:10:19,253 --> 00:10:21,588
So did he say why
he keeps giving us assignments...
201
00:10:21,756 --> 00:10:26,384
...that always seem to blow up in our faces?
No. Although, speaking of blowing up...
202
00:10:26,552 --> 00:10:30,305
Malory, she's a baby, and she weighs
exactly as much as she's supposed to...
203
00:10:30,473 --> 00:10:32,724
...so you better be feeding her!
204
00:10:32,892 --> 00:10:36,645
I am. It's just... Hello?
205
00:10:36,812 --> 00:10:40,815
Please. As if I wouldn't feed you.
206
00:10:41,192 --> 00:10:43,235
Now, who wants a little ice chip?
207
00:10:43,402 --> 00:10:44,444
[CRYING]
208
00:10:44,612 --> 00:10:45,654
No?
209
00:10:45,821 --> 00:10:50,825
I suppose you'd prefer a nice big bottle
of that liquid butterfat.
210
00:10:51,285 --> 00:10:55,622
Goat, swear to Christ, I'll have your hide
as boots and the rest of you as a curry.
211
00:10:55,790 --> 00:10:56,957
Go on. Shoo. Sh...
212
00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:58,333
Shit.
213
00:10:58,501 --> 00:10:59,543
Shit, shit.
214
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:02,504
Aw, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit.
215
00:11:02,964 --> 00:11:07,050
ARCHER: No shit, I'm telling you guys,
Katya looked absolutely amazing.
216
00:11:07,218 --> 00:11:10,929
The tiniest, laciest
lingerie you've ever seen.
217
00:11:11,097 --> 00:11:13,431
Sexy stiletto heels.
218
00:11:13,599 --> 00:11:14,724
And a good body, huh?
219
00:11:14,892 --> 00:11:18,812
Good? I mean, you're from the UK so you don't
have anything to compare it to, but...
220
00:11:18,980 --> 00:11:21,648
No, Lloyd, not good, insane.
221
00:11:21,816 --> 00:11:23,984
Oh-ho!
Daffyd.
222
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:27,654
ARCHER:
And she was just like rubbing all over me.
223
00:11:27,822 --> 00:11:29,656
LLOYD:
But nothing happened?
224
00:11:29,824 --> 00:11:31,491
ARCHER:
No, nothing.
225
00:11:31,659 --> 00:11:36,997
Well, except for the goodbye kiss,
which was definitely NSF Wales...
226
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:39,499
...if you know what I mean.
Oh, you little...
227
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:41,251
I say, pardon me.
228
00:11:41,419 --> 00:11:43,837
Madam. Hello?
229
00:11:44,005 --> 00:11:46,464
Lana, hey. Uh, we were just... Not talking.
230
00:11:46,632 --> 00:11:47,716
Shut up.
231
00:11:47,883 --> 00:11:49,009
Already was, so...
232
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:53,263
So is it possible
you two were followed here by Ml5?
233
00:11:53,431 --> 00:11:57,726
LLOYD:
Um...
234
00:11:57,893 --> 00:11:58,935
Yeah.
What?
235
00:11:59,103 --> 00:12:00,562
Yeah, they're good.
Son of a...
236
00:12:00,730 --> 00:12:02,188
Archer, passport.
Why do you...?
237
00:12:02,356 --> 00:12:04,608
Give me your passport.
Here.
238
00:12:05,359 --> 00:12:08,028
Ah, for the love of Randy Randleman?
239
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:11,740
Yeah, Randy grew up on the wrong side
of the tracks, ran with a bad crowd...
240
00:12:11,907 --> 00:12:13,908
...got into some trouble, went to juvie.
241
00:12:14,076 --> 00:12:16,661
Uh, he worked in the mess hall,
fell in love with cooking...
242
00:12:16,829 --> 00:12:19,039
...and when he got out,
went to culinary school.
243
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:22,709
And now he's got two restaurants, Lana,
one Michelin star...
244
00:12:22,877 --> 00:12:24,336
...and a marriage on the rocks.
245
00:12:24,503 --> 00:12:28,423
He's here to go balls deep on farm to table,
you know, trying to get back to basics.
246
00:12:28,591 --> 00:12:30,884
Archer...
Like that time Rocky went to Russia.
247
00:12:31,052 --> 00:12:33,053
DAFFYD: Ugh.
Just get in that closet over there...
248
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:34,721
...and take Lurch with you.
Daffyd.
249
00:12:34,889 --> 00:12:37,223
He's the one they're looking for.
Why am I getting in the closet?
250
00:12:37,391 --> 00:12:38,391
Because I said so.
251
00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:40,101
How is your American accent?
252
00:12:40,269 --> 00:12:43,229
Um, it's okay. Like, you know,
people are always like, "You know."
253
00:12:43,397 --> 00:12:44,981
Like, you know, it's crap?
254
00:12:45,149 --> 00:12:46,566
No, dude, people really dig it.
255
00:12:46,734 --> 00:12:51,404
Heh. People from where, dude? Quebec?
He's the one who should be in the closet.
256
00:12:51,572 --> 00:12:53,740
No, wait. Oh, hang on.
257
00:12:53,908 --> 00:12:55,450
Lana, why am I in the closet?
258
00:12:55,618 --> 00:12:57,077
Because I said so.
259
00:12:57,244 --> 00:13:01,081
I think this will really help sell it.
What? Randy doesn't wear nerd goggles.
260
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:02,582
He's a culinary bad boy.
261
00:13:02,750 --> 00:13:03,792
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
262
00:13:03,959 --> 00:13:07,337
BARDSLEY: Open the door, please.
Get in the closet.
263
00:13:07,505 --> 00:13:11,591
I am getting in the closet
because I choose to get in the closet.
264
00:13:11,759 --> 00:13:12,842
Come on, Gort.
265
00:13:13,010 --> 00:13:14,636
Daffyd.
266
00:13:16,055 --> 00:13:17,972
Okay, Randy, follow my lead.
267
00:13:18,140 --> 00:13:19,265
[LANA CLEARS THROAT]
268
00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:22,477
Yes?
Good afternoon. My name is Bardsley.
269
00:13:22,645 --> 00:13:23,728
I'm with Ml5.
270
00:13:24,397 --> 00:13:26,439
Ml5? My goodness.
271
00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:28,149
Please, do come in.
272
00:13:28,317 --> 00:13:30,985
Uh, what's the problem here?
Well the problem, Mr., uh...
273
00:13:31,153 --> 00:13:32,946
Randleman. Randy Randleman.
274
00:13:33,114 --> 00:13:35,365
I'm an American.
Right. Uh...
275
00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:38,868
Uh, yeah, I'm here to learn about
farm tables. I beg your pardon?
276
00:13:39,036 --> 00:13:41,121
I thought it was dams.
Shh.
277
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,123
Come on, buddy.
Daffyd.
278
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:48,044
Farm to table, he meant to say.
He's a chef. An American chef.
279
00:13:48,212 --> 00:13:51,381
He knows you're American, honey. Heh.
280
00:13:51,549 --> 00:13:55,552
The reason I'm here,
we're searching for Welsh terrorists.
281
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,470
Welsh terrorists?
282
00:13:57,638 --> 00:13:59,305
Is there even such a thing?
283
00:13:59,473 --> 00:14:00,807
Yes, I'm afraid so.
284
00:14:00,975 --> 00:14:03,601
The self-styled Free Wales Army.
285
00:14:03,769 --> 00:14:04,853
[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
286
00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:07,313
Shh! If you stay really, really quiet...
287
00:14:07,481 --> 00:14:12,110
...I will buy you a puppy that you
will probably accidentally strangle.
288
00:14:12,278 --> 00:14:15,321
We have reason to believe they're
in the area and one is wounded...
289
00:14:15,489 --> 00:14:19,284
...so we're canvassing all the farms,
and when we saw the damaged vehicle...
290
00:14:19,452 --> 00:14:21,745
A bee flew in it and I crashed.
291
00:14:21,912 --> 00:14:24,372
A bee flew into a convertible?
292
00:14:24,540 --> 00:14:30,545
Look, our marriage is on the rocks,
and also, I have two Michelin tires, so...
293
00:14:30,713 --> 00:14:32,213
Right.
May I just see your passport again, please?
294
00:14:32,214 --> 00:14:32,297
Right.
May I just see your passport again, please?
295
00:14:32,298 --> 00:14:33,173
Right.
May I just see your passport again, please?
296
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:34,382
[LANA CLEARS THROAT]
297
00:14:34,550 --> 00:14:36,760
Oh, good heavens.
Wow.
298
00:14:36,927 --> 00:14:41,014
What the shit?
Mm, ooh.
299
00:14:41,182 --> 00:14:44,726
This is actually why we're here in Wales.
300
00:14:44,894 --> 00:14:46,853
To try and save our marriage.
301
00:14:47,855 --> 00:14:49,689
Oh, my God, baby.
302
00:14:49,857 --> 00:14:52,233
I think it's working.
303
00:14:56,572 --> 00:14:58,782
BARDSLEY:
Are you joking or insane?
304
00:14:58,949 --> 00:15:03,787
Do you really expect me to believe
you came to Wales for a romantic getaway?
305
00:15:03,954 --> 00:15:05,872
Easy, bro. Wales is kickass.
306
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,082
Honey. I do, because we did.
307
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:11,544
I mean, if this weren't
a romantic getaway...
308
00:15:11,712 --> 00:15:15,381
...would I be doing this?
309
00:15:16,217 --> 00:15:17,801
What the shit?
LANA: Or this?
310
00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:19,052
DAFFYD:
Ooh!
311
00:15:20,304 --> 00:15:21,721
[BOTH MOANING]
312
00:15:21,889 --> 00:15:22,889
[GRUNTS]
313
00:15:23,057 --> 00:15:24,557
Closet rampage.
314
00:15:24,725 --> 00:15:28,353
Right. Then, obviously, I've made
an extremely embarrassing mistake.
315
00:15:28,521 --> 00:15:31,439
So, uh...
What the shit, Lana?
316
00:15:31,607 --> 00:15:33,817
Aha!
"Aha" what?
317
00:15:33,984 --> 00:15:37,529
Who is this man?
I... Wait, shit, who am I?
318
00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:40,406
You're Lloyd Llewellyn,
if I don't miss my guess...
319
00:15:40,574 --> 00:15:43,117
...which means your brother Daffyd
can't be too far off.
320
00:15:43,285 --> 00:15:45,203
Uh, in the closet, jacking off in a hat.
321
00:15:45,371 --> 00:15:46,454
Daffyd!
DAFFYD: No, I'm not.
322
00:15:46,622 --> 00:15:49,582
Yes, you are.
And I'm not Lloyd Llewellyn, he is.
323
00:15:49,750 --> 00:15:51,417
Oh, Archer.
Archer?
324
00:15:51,585 --> 00:15:54,295
As in Sterling Archer?
Yes, you idiot.
325
00:15:54,463 --> 00:15:56,756
As in Sterling Archer of the CIA?
326
00:15:56,924 --> 00:15:58,091
I mean, no, you idiot.
327
00:15:58,259 --> 00:16:00,009
I mean, I...
My God.
328
00:16:00,177 --> 00:16:02,095
Then you must be Lana...
329
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,013
[GRUNTS]
330
00:16:04,682 --> 00:16:06,683
Way to go, Randy.
331
00:16:06,851 --> 00:16:08,434
Ugh. How is this Randy's fault?
332
00:16:08,602 --> 00:16:11,604
Sorry. Did someone else barge in
yelling their idiot head off...
333
00:16:11,772 --> 00:16:13,773
...about being with the CIA?
Oh, I don't know.
334
00:16:13,941 --> 00:16:16,860
Was someone else making out
with Frodo P. Gryffindor here...
335
00:16:17,027 --> 00:16:18,486
...just to make someone jealous?
336
00:16:18,654 --> 00:16:20,697
Well, maybe now you know how I feel.
337
00:16:20,865 --> 00:16:24,993
Actually, I don't know how you feel, Lana,
because I didn't make out with Katya.
338
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:29,247
Oh, no? You didn't jam your fat tongue
down her throat on that goodbye kiss?
339
00:16:29,415 --> 00:16:31,291
Ah! You were eavesdropping.
340
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,501
Uh, yeah, I'm a spy.
Oh, right.
341
00:16:33,669 --> 00:16:36,963
And I also heard you raving
about how insane Katya's body was.
342
00:16:37,131 --> 00:16:39,841
Is. But not as insane as your mind.
343
00:16:40,009 --> 00:16:43,595
And her stilettos and her lingerie
and her big, fat, vibrating robot vagina!
344
00:16:43,762 --> 00:16:47,265
And you're making my point for me.
And... How?
345
00:16:47,433 --> 00:16:50,727
It's easy not to bang your ex
if she's gone all frump-a-dump.
346
00:16:50,895 --> 00:16:56,482
The fact that Katya's still crazy hot makes it
all the more commendable I didn't bang her.
347
00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:59,903
I'm sorry, I think one of us
must have just suffered a massive stroke.
348
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:03,573
Oh, sorry, that's me, just making toast.
DAFFYD: Toast!
349
00:17:03,741 --> 00:17:05,491
Yes, come and have some toast,
Daffyd.
350
00:17:05,659 --> 00:17:08,745
Ugh. Make him wash his hands first.
Okay, so, what do we do about this?
351
00:17:08,913 --> 00:17:10,830
Since, apparently,
we're seeing other people now...
352
00:17:10,998 --> 00:17:12,081
LLOYD: Oh?
Not you.
353
00:17:12,249 --> 00:17:14,375
Not us? I meant sleepy Floyd here.
354
00:17:14,543 --> 00:17:17,629
Right, shit. He knows we're with the CIA,
thanks to your fat mouth.
355
00:17:17,796 --> 00:17:21,507
Well, it was your fat mouth all over him
that started this whole thing.
356
00:17:21,675 --> 00:17:25,428
Here, both of you. Get your fat mouths
around some hot, crispy toast.
357
00:17:25,596 --> 00:17:28,222
DAFFYD: Toast!
Damn it, Daffyd, come and have some toast!
358
00:17:28,390 --> 00:17:30,850
It's obvious what we
have to do with him.
359
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,810
Shoot him.
What?
360
00:17:32,978 --> 00:17:34,520
We're not shooting an Ml5 agent.
361
00:17:34,688 --> 00:17:36,814
That's like shooting a cow.
362
00:17:36,982 --> 00:17:39,901
How is that like...?
Lana, cows are our friends.
363
00:17:40,069 --> 00:17:41,986
They may even be our best friends.
364
00:17:42,154 --> 00:17:43,279
We have to shoot him.
365
00:17:43,447 --> 00:17:47,033
If we don't, Downing Street will know
the CIA's bankrolling the Free Wales Army.
366
00:17:47,201 --> 00:17:48,952
[DAFFYD SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
367
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:51,829
Daffyd, come and have the bloody toast
or I'm throwing it in the bin.
368
00:17:51,997 --> 00:17:54,958
He does have a point, Lana.
Yeah, I hate to waste good toast.
369
00:17:55,125 --> 00:17:57,502
We are not murdering an Ml5 agent.
370
00:17:57,670 --> 00:17:59,671
End of sentence, end of discussion.
371
00:17:59,838 --> 00:18:03,549
Are you sure there's nothing I can
do or say to change your mind, Lana?
372
00:18:03,717 --> 00:18:07,178
Very.
Well, then, could you hold the toast?
373
00:18:07,346 --> 00:18:08,388
Damn it.
Lloyd?
374
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,181
Grabbed it while you were arguing.
375
00:18:10,349 --> 00:18:12,850
You never read Rosenberg's writings
on nonviolent communication?
376
00:18:13,018 --> 00:18:15,770
Uh, no.
It really helped me and Daffyd.
377
00:18:15,938 --> 00:18:17,480
Well, maybe we'll check that out.
378
00:18:17,648 --> 00:18:20,900
Uh, don't bother.
Because before I shoot this Ml5 asshole...
379
00:18:21,068 --> 00:18:23,361
...I'm gonna have to shoot both of you.
What?
380
00:18:23,529 --> 00:18:25,321
Oh, don't worry, we'll always have...
381
00:18:27,658 --> 00:18:30,326
You think he was gonna say "table"?
Probably "Wales."
382
00:18:30,494 --> 00:18:31,786
Lloyd!
383
00:18:31,954 --> 00:18:34,539
Uh, so that's a problem.
384
00:18:34,707 --> 00:18:36,249
Nope, that is your problem.
385
00:18:36,417 --> 00:18:37,834
Uh, then may I have the gun, please?
386
00:18:38,002 --> 00:18:39,293
[DAFFYD GRUMBLING]
387
00:18:39,461 --> 00:18:42,255
No.
Oh, my God, you are so immature.
388
00:18:42,423 --> 00:18:45,591
And you are so big.
389
00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:47,218
[GROWLING]
390
00:18:47,386 --> 00:18:49,762
This is gonna be all Daniel Boone.
391
00:18:49,930 --> 00:18:51,681
[YELLS]
392
00:18:51,849 --> 00:18:53,474
Alrighty, I think that's got it.
393
00:18:53,642 --> 00:18:55,518
Nurse, would you close for me?
394
00:18:55,686 --> 00:18:57,520
Uh, you already did that, doctor.
395
00:18:57,688 --> 00:18:59,939
Oh, right.
Well, then, would you open for me?
396
00:19:00,107 --> 00:19:02,358
Goddamn it!
Stop sexually harassing me!
397
00:19:02,526 --> 00:19:04,610
Sorry.
Ugh. Jesus.
398
00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:09,032
Seriously. Come on, Tinkertoy,
let's go pound some homemade gin.
399
00:19:09,199 --> 00:19:12,952
So, wait, how did we get to talking about
African-American characters on M*A*S*H?
400
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:16,873
Well, the M*A*S*H connection is obvious,
perhaps even painfully so...
401
00:19:17,041 --> 00:19:19,500
...but the African-American thing?
402
00:19:19,668 --> 00:19:22,295
Nope, no idea.
403
00:19:22,463 --> 00:19:26,257
ARCHER: But all things considered, that
went about as well as could be expected.
404
00:19:26,425 --> 00:19:28,176
Oh, yeah? Which part?
405
00:19:28,343 --> 00:19:33,097
Leaving two Welsh terrorists basically
at large or kidnapping an Ml5 agent?
406
00:19:33,265 --> 00:19:35,600
Well, first of all, both.
How...?
407
00:19:35,768 --> 00:19:37,977
And second,
I was talking about our argument...
408
00:19:38,145 --> 00:19:41,689
...and how now you realize
you overreacted about Katya.
409
00:19:41,857 --> 00:19:44,025
I... Oh, my God.
410
00:19:44,193 --> 00:19:45,526
Ha, admit it, Lana.
411
00:19:45,694 --> 00:19:47,153
I admit nothing.
412
00:19:47,321 --> 00:19:52,867
Although, I do think we both learned
that trust is important and...
413
00:19:53,035 --> 00:19:54,660
I don't know, whatever. Trust.
414
00:19:54,828 --> 00:19:58,331
Is that the best I'm gonna get out of you?
Yup, by far.
415
00:19:58,499 --> 00:20:01,834
Well, then I accept your non-apology.
And...?
416
00:20:02,002 --> 00:20:07,090
Oh, my God, and I promise to try not to get
into compromising situations with other women.
417
00:20:07,257 --> 00:20:08,341
Best I can do.
418
00:20:08,509 --> 00:20:11,636
Well, then let's just get this
limey bastard on that CIA plane...
419
00:20:11,804 --> 00:20:13,930
...and let Slater worry about the blowback.
420
00:20:14,098 --> 00:20:18,476
You don't think they'll kill him, do you?
No. Then they'd have to kill us.
421
00:20:18,644 --> 00:20:21,646
But before we go back to the States...
422
00:20:21,814 --> 00:20:25,399
Archer, I am not driving to Scotland
with a kidnapped Ml5 agent in the back...
423
00:20:25,567 --> 00:20:29,112
...just to visit a stupid distillery.
It's not stupid, Lana, it's...
424
00:20:29,279 --> 00:20:31,948
Glengoolie, for the best of times.
425
00:20:32,116 --> 00:20:35,034
Although, you're right, it's probably
not the smartest idea I've ever had.
426
00:20:35,202 --> 00:20:37,912
Hmm. What is?
Oh, my God, I'm glad you asked.
427
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,040
Okay, so you put giant magnets
in the bumpers of all the cars...
428
00:20:41,208 --> 00:20:46,295
...so that every car repels every other
car, so there would never be any accidents.
429
00:20:46,463 --> 00:20:49,966
Except every time you're at a red light
and a car comes and bounces you...
430
00:20:50,134 --> 00:20:53,469
...into the intersection
and you get the shit T-boned out of you.
431
00:20:55,639 --> 00:20:58,015
Thanks for the tampons.
432
00:20:58,065 --> 00:21:02,615
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35358
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof