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♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
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00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:07,472
♪ Songs that made
the hit parade ♪
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00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:10,642
♪ Guys like us
we had it made ♪
4
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:13,044
♪ Those were the days ♪
5
00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:16,748
♪ And you knew
where you were then ♪
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00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,918
♪ Girls were girls
and men were men ♪
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00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:25,089
♪ Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again ♪
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00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:28,226
♪ Didn't need
no welfare state ♪
9
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:31,362
♪ Everybody pulled
his weight ♪
10
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:35,366
♪ Gee, our old LaSalle
ran great ♪
11
00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:41,239
♪ Those were the days ♪
12
00:00:45,110 --> 00:00:53,051
♪ I am calling you ♪
13
00:00:53,053 --> 00:01:00,925
♪ Will you answer to me? ♪
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♪ How about a beer? ♪
15
00:01:06,332 --> 00:01:09,334
Oh, Archie!
You're home!
16
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,002
Oh, geez, Edith.
17
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,971
Oh, all right.
Just give me a quick kiss, Edith.
18
00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:15,807
You ain't washin' a car.
19
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,141
[LAUGHS]
20
00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:21,313
Oh, guess what?
I got the most wonderful surprise for ya!
21
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:22,914
I found it, Ma.
22
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,749
Oh, is this it?
23
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,985
Well, I ain't
jumpin' for joy.
24
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,520
What are you
doin' with my rake?
25
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:31,623
Well, I was just
gonna borrow it to rake the leaves from my tree.
26
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,292
What am I supposed
to do when the leaves fall off of my tree?
27
00:01:34,294 --> 00:01:35,893
You don't have any leaves,
your tree's dead.
28
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Get away from me.
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Let me tell you
about my surprise.
30
00:01:39,999 --> 00:01:43,435
I was in
Ferguson's Market today, and guess what happened?
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I'm too tired
to listen, Edith.
32
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:49,206
I was standing at
the checkout counter fillin' out my entry blank,
33
00:01:49,208 --> 00:01:51,943
on account of Mr. Ferguson
has this contest.
34
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,913
And every time you buy
$10 worth of groceries,
35
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:57,315
you get another
chance to enter.
36
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What's the prize?
37
00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:00,885
Don't egg her on,
will ya, Meathead?
38
00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:04,789
The first prize
is one of them new showerheads
39
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,958
that gives ya a massage.
40
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,292
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
41
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:11,896
When I take a shower,
I want it to wash me, not give me a feel.
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00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,502
Well, anyway,
I'm standin' there
43
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:20,338
and this man
is standin' behind me.
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00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,575
And all of a sudden,
he says, "Edith Baines!"
45
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,610
Well, I turn around
to him and I says,
46
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:29,380
"I used to be Edith Baines,
but now I'm Edith Bunker."
47
00:02:29,382 --> 00:02:30,582
[CHUCKLES]
48
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:33,585
And he said,
"I went to school with Edith Baines,
49
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:36,954
and I was brought up
with an Archie Bunker."
50
00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:41,158
So I says,
"Isn't it a small world?
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"I used to be Edith Baines,
52
00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,697
and now I'm
Mrs. Archie Bunker."
53
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,832
And then I recognized him.
54
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,567
Guess who it was.
55
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:51,569
I don't give a damn.
56
00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:56,340
Oh, you better,
'cause I invited him to dinner tonight.
57
00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:57,676
You what?
58
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,377
I invited him to dinner.
59
00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:01,212
You invited him to dinner?
60
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:02,947
Why do you do these things?
61
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:05,617
You know I hate people
in the house!
62
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,886
Can't you behave
like the rest of the world
63
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:10,622
and be a little normal
when you run into an old friend?
64
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,356
Don't you know what
you're supposed to do?
65
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:15,259
You're supposed to say,
"Hello, how nice it is to see ya.
66
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:17,996
We must make a date
to meet each other some time again."
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00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,531
And then forget it!
68
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:23,200
Oh, Archie,
it was Bummie Fensel.
69
00:03:24,369 --> 00:03:26,103
Bummie Fensel?
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Yeah!
71
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,841
Well, why didn't you say so?
Bummie Fensel.
72
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:31,342
What's a Bummie Fensel?
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00:03:32,911 --> 00:03:35,080
A Bummie Fensel
is a person, Meathead.
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00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:36,814
And a very
remarkable person, too.
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00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:39,084
You should of knew him
when he was a kid.
76
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:40,485
All us kids
in the neighborhood,
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00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,153
we'd all chip in
and get money.
78
00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:44,189
And we'd pay Bummie
just to see him eat.
79
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:45,623
He'd eat anything for money.
80
00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:46,757
What do you mean "anything"?
81
00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:49,160
Well, not like you
cleaning out an icebox.
82
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,395
He'd eat interesting things.
83
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,098
He'd eat paper,
cardboard, and insects.
84
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:57,435
Yeah, sometimes
we used to call him "Bugs Bummie."
85
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[ALL LAUGH]
86
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:02,039
That's right. We'd pay him
a nickel, he'd eat a fly.
87
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,675
For a dime,
he'd eat a short worm.
88
00:04:04,677 --> 00:04:08,546
Yeah, when he said
he had butterflies in his stomach,
89
00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:11,216
he really did.
Yeah!
90
00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:13,951
Aw, gee, it'll be good
to see old Bummie again.
91
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:15,820
I'm glad you invited
him over, Edith.
92
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:17,255
And he's bringin' his wife.
93
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,589
Yeah, good.
94
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,425
Guess who he married.
95
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,859
A praying mantis?
96
00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:27,432
No, Dolores Manchini.
97
00:04:31,103 --> 00:04:34,039
Course now
it's Dolores Fensel.
98
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:38,009
Uh, hey, Edith.
99
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:41,846
Maybe we shouldn't invite 'em
over here tonight, huh?
100
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:45,550
Because, lookin' at
the TV guide, you know what I'm reminded of?
101
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:47,017
You know what's
on here tonight?
102
00:04:47,019 --> 00:04:49,454
The Korean midget wrestlers.
103
00:04:53,425 --> 00:04:55,225
They're wrestlin'
in the finals.
104
00:04:55,227 --> 00:04:57,127
They're wrestlin' in mud.
105
00:04:58,196 --> 00:05:01,766
Oh, Archie,
I already invited them.
106
00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:04,669
Well, I know, but, Edith--
what are you gonna feed 'em?
107
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,604
Run down
to the live bait store.
108
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Oh, no. We got chicken.
109
00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:12,743
Oh, Edith, Edith,
come here a minute.
110
00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:15,280
Come here a minute. Listen,
do me a big favor, huh?
111
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,582
Get on the blower here
and call 'em up
112
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:19,250
and kinda
disinvite 'em, huh?
113
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:20,918
Oh, I couldn't
do that, Archie.
114
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I don't know
their number, anyway.
115
00:05:23,055 --> 00:05:24,422
They'll be here any minute.
116
00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:27,292
Wait a minute.
Wait--wait a minute, will you?!
117
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:30,795
Edith, all right, but do I
really have to be here?
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00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:35,165
Oh, Archie, it's nice
to see old friends.
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00:05:35,167 --> 00:05:37,635
It'll be fun.
[CHUCKLES]
120
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:38,569
Don't worry.
121
00:05:39,738 --> 00:05:41,072
Fun?
122
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:44,809
Holy cow, Dolores--
123
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What are you lookin' at?
124
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,282
I don't understand you, Arch.
What's with you?
125
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:52,884
What do you mean,
what's with me?
126
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:55,620
You were all excited
when you heard Bummie was comin' over,
127
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,488
until you heard he
was bringin' his wife, too.
128
00:05:57,490 --> 00:06:00,324
Dolores Manchini don't mean
nothin' to me and never did!
129
00:06:05,063 --> 00:06:07,097
You knew her
in high school, huh?
130
00:06:07,099 --> 00:06:08,399
Aw, geez.
131
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:11,469
I knew her barely,
I mean I barely knew her.
132
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:13,070
You know what I mean.
133
00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:20,444
Ya had a thing
for her, huh?
134
00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:21,746
Aw, come on.
135
00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:23,247
Before you met Ma?
136
00:06:25,417 --> 00:06:28,185
Listen, you. Come here.
137
00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:29,954
I might need
your help tonight,
138
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:33,958
so I gotta tell you
something very personal. Archie!
139
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:37,795
Joe Louis was
the greatest heavyweight that ever walked into a ring!
140
00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:41,932
What do you think Bummie
will like with his chicken?
141
00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:43,534
Potatoes or spaghetti?
142
00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:46,170
Give him the spaghetti,
he likes anything that squirms.
143
00:06:48,506 --> 00:06:51,242
This girl Dolores,
when we was in high school,
144
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,911
she had a very big thing
for me, you understand?
145
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,380
She really had
the hots for me.
146
00:06:56,382 --> 00:06:58,649
She'd have took me
over Errol Flynn.
147
00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:06,758
What are you
sayin' that for? It's possible.
148
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,493
I ain't tellin' ya
I was the greatest lookin' guy in school,
149
00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:11,462
but I was at least
in the top ten.
150
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,032
Don't say that no more!
151
00:07:16,201 --> 00:07:17,335
Now, listen.
152
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:20,438
This whole thing
started way back there.
153
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,940
It was a school picnic, see?
154
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:24,476
And all the kids,
we went out to this Hanley Park.
155
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:27,111
And it was gettin' dark,
and Dolores and me, we took a walk.
156
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,613
We went into
the ballpark, see?
157
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,182
And we walked across there,
and we got to the dugout.
158
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,951
Into the dugout, right?
159
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:37,054
All right, there we are.
The two of us all alone and, well...
160
00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:39,557
We was imminent together.
161
00:07:47,165 --> 00:07:49,434
You mean you and she...
162
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:51,936
Don't do a thing like that!
163
00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:58,008
But there's
an important thing you gotta understand.
164
00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:01,278
I didn't ask her
for nothin'.
165
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:05,282
It was her that reduced me.
166
00:08:09,988 --> 00:08:13,324
Yeah, I--I
just can't believe it.
167
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,559
Why not?
168
00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:16,661
Well, no, it's not
that I can't believe it.
169
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:20,731
It's just that I
always find it hard to picture you in bed.
170
00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:23,167
Why?
171
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,803
I--I--I don't mean in bed.
172
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:28,473
I mean...in bed.
173
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:30,341
Don't do that no more!
174
00:08:34,145 --> 00:08:38,916
Why? What, do you think
that you invented this here?
175
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:44,455
This was around
a long time before you.
176
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:48,259
That's how you happened
to be born, ya dope, ya.
177
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:51,596
Now, listen.
After that big night with Dolores, see,
178
00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:53,631
she couldn't
keep away from me.
179
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:56,334
After me the whole time,
because it's like, you know,
180
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,402
when you give honey
to a bear.
181
00:08:58,404 --> 00:09:02,240
After that, they'd kill
for more, huh?
182
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:04,375
So then when Edith
got back, see--
183
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,744
Hold it, hold it.
I gotta check on Edith.
184
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:08,579
Stay there.
Stay there! Stay there!
185
00:09:09,648 --> 00:09:10,648
[CLEARS THROAT]
186
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:12,350
Hey, Edith.
Uh, hey, Edith.
187
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,151
Yeah?
188
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,285
What are you doin' here?
189
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,520
I'm fixin' the chicken.
190
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:16,521
Over there?
191
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:17,522
Yeah.
192
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:18,456
Stay there.
193
00:09:19,724 --> 00:09:22,326
Arch, what do you mean
"when Edith got back"?
194
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:24,862
You mean to tell me that
you were foolin' around with Dolores
195
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:26,864
at the same time
you were goin' with Ma? Shh.
196
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:29,200
No. No,
not at the same time.
197
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:30,868
Edith was out of town.
198
00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:37,608
Some rotten person tryin'
to break the two of us up
199
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:39,544
took her away
to Atlantic City.
200
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:40,545
What rotten person?
201
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:41,678
Her mother.
202
00:09:44,282 --> 00:09:47,318
So because Ma
was out of town for one weekend
203
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,753
you couldn't go
a whole weekend without another woman?
204
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,122
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
205
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,724
I wasn't doin'
nothin' with Edith.
206
00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:53,925
Let me tell you somethin'.
207
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,027
I didn't touch Edith
till after we was married.
208
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,661
But you touched Dolores.
209
00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:59,930
Oh, well...
210
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,765
Certainly, certainly.
211
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:04,035
But then I wasn't
gonna marry Dolores.
212
00:10:05,670 --> 00:10:08,172
You don't marry a girl
unless you have respect for her.
213
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:12,676
And who could respect
a girl who would do a thing like that with me?
214
00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:21,352
That is--that is
so terrible, Arch!
215
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,920
That's the double standard!
216
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:24,755
Nothin' double about it,
we done it once!
217
00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:26,324
Once.
218
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:28,292
What I'm saying--
219
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,362
If it was wrong for her,
then it was wrong for you, too.
220
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:34,865
No, it wasn't, stupid,
I'm a man.
221
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:36,767
Men have got another thing.
222
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:40,805
They got--what do you call it?
Carnival instinct there.
223
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,240
Women ain't got that.
224
00:10:43,242 --> 00:10:45,475
Let me ask you somethin'.
225
00:10:45,477 --> 00:10:48,712
Did you ever hear
of chromostones?
226
00:10:54,019 --> 00:10:56,721
No, I can't say
that I have, Arch.
227
00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:58,288
All right.
228
00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:00,991
Well, keep your mouth shut,
maybe you'll learn somethin'.
229
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,327
Chromostones is little
chemical things
230
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,529
floatin' around
the bloodstream of a man.
231
00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:11,435
Them is the things that
make a man need sex more.
232
00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:18,108
But, uh, women
don't have chromostones?
233
00:11:19,477 --> 00:11:22,813
That's why they're women,
dumbbell.
234
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:25,916
When I think of all the guilt,
fears, and hang-ups
235
00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:27,584
that were caused by
just what you're sayin',
236
00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:30,821
it's a wonder that any
woman can have sex today and enjoy it.
237
00:11:30,823 --> 00:11:35,226
She ain't supposed to
enjoy it, she's supposed to sit still for it.
238
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,626
[DOORBELL RINGS]
239
00:11:36,628 --> 00:11:37,828
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
240
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,230
That must be them at the door.
241
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,232
Now, listen, this is how
you gotta help me.
242
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:42,666
You go over there
and get Gloria.
243
00:11:42,668 --> 00:11:44,468
And the two of you
come back for dinner.
244
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,370
Oh, no, no--
Yes, that's what you gotta do.
245
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,038
And steer that conversation.
246
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,875
The minute Dolores
starts to talk about the old days or about sex,
247
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:54,011
you start talkin'
about Watergate, you grate on that.
248
00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:55,012
I'm not gettin' involved!
249
00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:56,013
Wait, wait, wait!
250
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:57,114
I'm not gettin' involved!
251
00:11:57,116 --> 00:11:59,784
Supposed Edith finds out
about Dolores here.
252
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:00,918
How's she gonna find out?
253
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,219
By women's intermission!
254
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,320
I'm not gettin' involved!
255
00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:04,789
Hey, wait a minute!
That's it, Arch.
256
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:05,790
[DOORBELL RINGS]
257
00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:07,858
See ya later, Ma.
Have a nice dinner.
258
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,359
Wait a minute! Hey!
So long, Arch.
259
00:12:09,361 --> 00:12:10,761
Give me back my rake!
260
00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:11,862
[DOORBELL RINGS]
261
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:13,864
Oh, there they are!
Yeah, I know, I know.
262
00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:16,066
Wait, I'll get it.
I'll get it. I'll get it, Edith.
263
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:17,101
Ooh!
264
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:18,769
Will you let me
out the door?!
265
00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:20,638
I said I'd get it.
Yeah, oh, all right.
266
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:21,839
Hold it, hold it,
hold it.
267
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,040
No, maybe you
better get it.
268
00:12:23,042 --> 00:12:25,242
Oh, all right.
Yeah. No, no, no, wait!
269
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:26,844
They're waiting!
Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.
270
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:28,345
I'm coming!
271
00:12:30,982 --> 00:12:32,950
Oh, hello, Bummie!
Hiya, Edith!
272
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,384
Come on in.
273
00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:35,986
Hiya there, Bummie!
There he is!
274
00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:38,655
Hey, Bummie, how are ya?
Hey, Archie, how are ya?
275
00:12:38,657 --> 00:12:42,426
Geez, are you lookin' good!
You are lookin' terrific!
276
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,094
Hey, you remember Dolores!
277
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:45,496
Oh, no, no, no.
278
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:48,231
Ugh! Sure you do, Archie!
279
00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:50,033
Oh, yea--oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
280
00:12:50,035 --> 00:12:52,670
It's been a long time!
281
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:55,172
And have we got
a lot to talk about!
282
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,841
Oh, we sure do!
283
00:12:57,843 --> 00:12:59,743
Don't we, Archie?
284
00:13:08,687 --> 00:13:10,954
♪ ...high school ♪
285
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,956
♪ With your heart so big ♪
286
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,458
♪ Bum bum-bum
bum bum bum ♪
287
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:18,028
♪ Would we lay
our lives down for you? ♪
288
00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:21,265
♪ We should hope
to kiss a pig ♪
289
00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:29,140
Tony Orlando and Dingbat.
290
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:32,243
Come on, Archie,
you're not joining in the fun.
291
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,745
Don't you remember
our school song?
292
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:38,515
I don't remember that.
You know, I got no memory of them days at all, you know?
293
00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:41,918
Ever since the war,
everything's a blur.
294
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,089
Gosh, you don't remember
all the fun we had?
295
00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:46,957
I was never at a picnic
in my life.
296
00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:52,196
Dolores, I think
I'll wash the dishes.
297
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:53,830
Would you help me?
Sure I will.
298
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:55,266
You wash and I'll dry.
299
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:56,267
Okay.
300
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,334
[CHUCKLES]
301
00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:58,569
Don't go away!
302
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:01,405
[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]
303
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:02,840
Hey, Bummie.
Yeah?
304
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,676
Just for old times sake,
if I went up to the bathtub
305
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,611
and caught a thousand-legger,
would you eat it?
306
00:14:08,946 --> 00:14:12,383
Archie, I was 11 years old.
I don't do that no more.
307
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,151
Oh, come on, come on.
Tell the truth.
308
00:14:14,153 --> 00:14:16,120
When was the last time
you ate a bug?
309
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:18,789
December 7th, 1941.
310
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,791
What kind was it?
311
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,459
A Japanese beetle.
312
00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:23,694
Yah.
313
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,329
Oh.
314
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:28,098
Uh, another thing
I wanna ask you, Bummie,
315
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:30,601
is, uh--you and Dolores,
316
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:33,003
you know, when you're
all alone
317
00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:37,274
and you're talkin', like,
in your privates, you know,
318
00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:41,712
does Dolores do a lot of
recollectin' about the past?
319
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:42,979
It's a funny thing, Archie.
320
00:14:42,981 --> 00:14:46,717
All the recollectin' she does
is about the past.
321
00:14:49,787 --> 00:14:51,722
She's got a lot to recollect.
322
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,023
Oh, yeah.
323
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:54,958
She had a lot of friends.
324
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,529
She was the most popular girl
in the junior class.
325
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:00,297
She was voted that.
326
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:02,533
She deserved that.
327
00:15:06,038 --> 00:15:08,272
Was Archie
wounded in the war?
328
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:10,408
Oh, yeah. Why?
329
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,476
He doesn't seem
to remember anything.
330
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:17,915
He got a Purple Heart
for getting a piece of shrapnel in his...
331
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,316
in his...
[GIGGLES]
332
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:20,484
His butt?
333
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,886
Oh, yeah.
[GIGGLES]
334
00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:25,189
How would that
affect his memory?
335
00:15:28,326 --> 00:15:34,865
Yes, I think there's
certain things that he don't wanna remember.
336
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:38,535
Edith, you're using
Lemon Pledge on that pan.
337
00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:41,705
Ohh! My goodness.
338
00:15:44,509 --> 00:15:46,477
You have something
on your mind?
339
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:49,680
Something on my mind?
Never.
340
00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:56,754
Ain't it funny
the way people
341
00:15:56,756 --> 00:16:01,358
sort of go separate ways
after graduation?
342
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,495
Yeah. Whoever thought
I'd marry Bummie Fensel?
343
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,129
Yeah.
344
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,231
I'm glad to see
you're so happy, Edith.
345
00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:10,066
Oh, thank you.
346
00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:14,938
You know, we were
two different kinds of girls.
347
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:18,542
What do you mean by
"different kinds of girls"?
348
00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:21,078
Well, when we were
in high school, you know,
349
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:26,049
there were the girls
who did and the girls who didn't.
350
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:28,119
Oh.
351
00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:30,854
You didn't?
352
00:16:30,856 --> 00:16:31,922
No.
353
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:32,856
[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]
354
00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:35,993
I didn't think you did.
355
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:38,562
Did you think I did?
356
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:42,166
Well, I didn't
think you didn't.
357
00:16:44,035 --> 00:16:45,769
Well, uh...
358
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:48,939
Dolores, I--I want
to ask you somethin'.
359
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,874
You see, there was
somethin' on your mind.
360
00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:53,076
Oh, no, it ain't much.
361
00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:54,778
It's just, well, you see,
362
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:59,250
one weekend, my mother
took me to Atlantic City,
363
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:03,254
and, uh, when I got back,
Alma Simpson told me that
364
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:06,723
you and Archie
was with the other kids
365
00:17:06,725 --> 00:17:10,127
at a picnic in Hanley Park.
366
00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:11,928
Me and Archie?
367
00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:13,063
Yeah.
368
00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:14,098
At a picnic?
369
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,132
Mm.
370
00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:16,366
Me and Archie?
Yeah.
371
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,935
Gee, I don't
remember that.
372
00:17:18,937 --> 00:17:21,004
What happened?
373
00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:22,006
Oh, well, uh,
374
00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:24,975
she told me that it got dark,
375
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:27,344
and they ran out of weenies.
376
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:31,848
And Archie bought--
Archie bought you a fudgesicle.
377
00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:35,519
And then the two of you
took a long walk together
378
00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:38,522
to find a place
to throw the wrapper.
379
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:41,725
And you found a place.
380
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,193
We did?
381
00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,294
Where?
382
00:17:45,830 --> 00:17:48,365
At the baseball field.
383
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:50,600
In the dugout.
384
00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:54,104
In the dugout?
385
00:17:55,573 --> 00:17:58,808
Was that Archie?!
386
00:18:02,214 --> 00:18:04,849
You don't remember?
387
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:09,019
Well, who can remember
30 seconds out of a lifetime?
388
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:12,455
[LAUGHING]
389
00:18:12,457 --> 00:18:13,456
Oh!
390
00:18:13,458 --> 00:18:14,791
Oh, Edith!
391
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:17,093
Edith, I hope
you're not hurt.
392
00:18:17,095 --> 00:18:18,695
Oh, I feel terrible!
Oh, no!
393
00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,063
Oh, I hope
you'll forgive me!
394
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:21,932
Oh, I ain't hurt!
395
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,200
My goodness,
it was so long ago.
396
00:18:24,202 --> 00:18:26,637
There ain't nothi''
to forgive.
397
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:29,206
You didn't know
what you was doin'.
398
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:31,742
Or who you was doin' it with.
399
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:33,544
[CHUCKLES]
400
00:18:38,583 --> 00:18:39,950
Well, that's it then, huh?
401
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,419
Oh, it's been a great evening,
but I gotta get up early.
402
00:18:42,421 --> 00:18:44,121
You know, the early bird
catches the worm.
403
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,389
Watch it, Archie.
404
00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:47,991
Oh, it was so good
to see you, Edith!
405
00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:49,760
We must do this again!
406
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:50,761
Edith, Edith, Edith.
407
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,363
Oh, yeah.
We must make a date
408
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:53,964
to see each other
soon again.
409
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,499
Terrific, Edith,
terrific.
410
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:56,967
It was wonderful!
411
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,835
And, Edith,
you're a swell person.
412
00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:01,238
You really are.
Oh, it was my pleasure.
413
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,707
Good-bye, Dolores.
Bye, Bummie. Bye-bye.
414
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:04,808
Come back again!
Good-bye, Edith.
415
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,009
Where's your car, Bummie?
416
00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:07,811
Oh, I had to park it
down the block.
417
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,813
Why don't you stay here,
honey, I'll go get it.
418
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:10,914
Good-bye, Archie.
419
00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:12,916
Yeah, yeah.
So long there, old sport.
420
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:14,318
Nice to see ya.
421
00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:17,354
It was a nice evening,
Archie.
422
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:18,855
So good to see you again.
423
00:19:18,857 --> 00:19:21,625
Oh, yeah, well,
likewise, Dolores.
424
00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:23,594
Brings back
so many memories.
425
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,329
[CHUCKLING]
Yeah.
426
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,997
Uh, hey, listen.
427
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,700
Uh, come here a minute.
428
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:30,967
I just wanna...
429
00:19:30,969 --> 00:19:32,869
Uh, before you go,
430
00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:37,040
I wanna thank you
for not sayin' nothin' about, uh...
431
00:19:37,042 --> 00:19:38,342
Well, you know.
432
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,511
No, about what?
433
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:45,081
Well, about long ago.
You know, that certain night.
434
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:47,718
[CHUCKLING]
Oh!
435
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,421
You mean the picnic.
Yeah.
436
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:52,889
At Hanley Park.
Yeah.
437
00:19:52,891 --> 00:19:56,326
Yeah, you bought me
a fudgesicle.
438
00:19:56,328 --> 00:19:58,862
Hey, that's right!
439
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:02,666
And we couldn't find a place
to throw the wrapper.
440
00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:04,201
Yeah, that's right!
441
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,102
So we took a walk...
442
00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:08,272
to the dugout.
443
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:10,307
Yeah, the dugout.
444
00:20:12,143 --> 00:20:16,546
You remember all
the details of that, huh?
445
00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:19,449
So, uh, I must have
got to you there, huh?
446
00:20:19,451 --> 00:20:23,954
Archie, how could I
ever forget you?
447
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:27,291
Well, I knew you couldn't.
448
00:20:29,227 --> 00:20:31,295
Back in them days, uh,
449
00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:33,530
I must have really
been somethin', huh?
450
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:36,633
Oh, Archie,
you were somethin' else.
451
00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:42,772
Thanks, Archie,
for a wonderful evening.
452
00:20:42,774 --> 00:20:45,675
And a wonderful memory.
453
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:49,046
[HORN HONKS]
454
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:51,448
Take care of yourself,
Archie.
455
00:21:01,959 --> 00:21:03,693
Bye!
456
00:21:07,098 --> 00:21:08,898
[HUMMING]
457
00:21:10,868 --> 00:21:14,037
♪ I love the kisses
on the... ♪
458
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:16,173
[HUMMING]
459
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:17,941
Well, Edith, they're gone.
460
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,043
Ain't they a nice couple?
461
00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:21,411
Oh, yeah, they're
a terrific couple.
462
00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:22,980
And you was right, Edith.
463
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:26,183
It's a lot of fun
to have old friends over for dinner.
464
00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:29,552
Especially when
they're old sweethearts.
465
00:21:34,225 --> 00:21:35,893
What do you mean by that?
466
00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:38,395
You and Dolores.
467
00:21:39,763 --> 00:21:43,900
Uh...me and Dolores what?
468
00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:47,737
You and Dolores
at the picnic.
469
00:21:52,576 --> 00:21:53,877
All right.
470
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:55,712
Uh, wait--wait
a minute, Edith.
471
00:21:55,714 --> 00:21:58,315
Uh...what picnic was that?
472
00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:01,918
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, Archie.
473
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,921
I know all about it.
474
00:22:07,124 --> 00:22:09,258
Dolores told you, huh?
475
00:22:09,260 --> 00:22:12,228
Oh, no, we was just
talkin' over old times,
476
00:22:12,230 --> 00:22:13,430
and it came out.
477
00:22:14,699 --> 00:22:18,168
Listen, Edith, I...
I wanna just...
478
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,869
Can I hold your hand?
479
00:22:19,871 --> 00:22:22,806
Oh, sure.
480
00:22:22,808 --> 00:22:24,408
Ahh.
481
00:22:24,410 --> 00:22:26,410
Now, I just want you
to keep calm,
482
00:22:26,412 --> 00:22:29,779
get ahold of yourself,
and please don't go to pieces on me, huh, Edith?
483
00:22:29,781 --> 00:22:31,415
All right, Archie.
484
00:22:31,417 --> 00:22:34,718
I just want you to know
that what happened long ago,
485
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,888
that didn't have nothing
to do between you and me.
486
00:22:37,890 --> 00:22:39,756
Oh, I know that.
487
00:22:39,758 --> 00:22:42,992
I wasn't even around.
I was in Atlantic City.
488
00:22:42,994 --> 00:22:44,528
Yeah, that's right--
that's right.
489
00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:45,929
You was in Atlantic City,
Edith,
490
00:22:45,931 --> 00:22:47,631
and that's the reason
it happened.
491
00:22:47,633 --> 00:22:51,367
'Cause I was here in New York,
I was all alone there, you know?
492
00:22:51,369 --> 00:22:55,472
And there's times
when men gets these here-- what do you call--surges.
493
00:22:57,341 --> 00:23:02,111
All them...
the chromostones boil over, you know?
494
00:23:02,113 --> 00:23:04,748
You understand me?
495
00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:07,718
No, but it's all right.
496
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,154
Well, all I want you
to know is, Edith,
497
00:23:11,156 --> 00:23:15,158
that no matter what ever
happened back in them days,
498
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,828
that I always loved you.
499
00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:19,295
Oh, Archie!
500
00:23:19,297 --> 00:23:21,031
Oh, geez, don't go
to pieces on me!
501
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:22,932
Oh, I ain't
goin' to pieces.
502
00:23:22,934 --> 00:23:25,935
I'm glad you got it
off your chest.
503
00:23:27,038 --> 00:23:28,204
And that's it?
504
00:23:28,206 --> 00:23:29,405
That's it.
505
00:23:29,407 --> 00:23:30,974
Oh, Edith.
[CHUCKLING]
506
00:23:30,976 --> 00:23:34,244
Oh, Edith, you're one girl
in a million, you know that?
507
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:35,645
And you're
a terrific wife.
508
00:23:35,647 --> 00:23:38,381
Oh, you're
a terrific husband. Yeah.
509
00:23:39,450 --> 00:23:40,516
You know, lot's of ladies
510
00:23:40,518 --> 00:23:42,685
would be here
meltin' in tears.
511
00:23:42,687 --> 00:23:44,654
But not you, huh?
512
00:23:44,656 --> 00:23:45,822
No.
513
00:23:47,224 --> 00:23:48,926
Why not?
514
00:23:50,028 --> 00:23:53,463
Well, I figure that
what you done
515
00:23:53,465 --> 00:23:56,366
before we was married
is your business.
516
00:23:56,368 --> 00:23:57,501
Absolutely.
517
00:23:57,503 --> 00:23:58,802
Just like what I done
518
00:23:58,804 --> 00:24:01,137
before we was married
was my business.
519
00:24:01,139 --> 00:24:02,072
Absolutely.
520
00:24:25,930 --> 00:24:28,665
♪
521
00:24:28,667 --> 00:24:33,036
ANNOUNCER: All in the Family
was recorded on tapebefore a live audience.
522
00:24:33,086 --> 00:24:37,636
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