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And today, serial killer
Willy Watkins was sentenced
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to multiple life sentences.
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00:00:05,780 --> 00:00:09,180
The murder spree known as
the Wheels on the Bus Massacre
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was foiled by a pair of
local coach tour operators
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00:00:12,340 --> 00:00:14,140
and private investigators,
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Terry Bremmer and Gemma Draper.
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There he is.
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This isn't over, Terry and Gemma!
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You'll never really get rid of me!
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I'm like a verruca.
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This is just the beginning...
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CAMERAS CLICK
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SIRENS WAIL
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TYRES SCREECH
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SCREAMING
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No, no, no! Stop!
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SHOUTING
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Oh! Oh!
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Can you slow down? Please.
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I get travel sickness!
What do they want?
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What do you want?! Whoa, whoa!
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If this is about the fly tipping...
Pull over! Let's put an end to this!
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Whatever they say!
Whatever they say!
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HE SOBS
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THEY SHOUT
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Mind your head.
SHE GASPS
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Terry! Oh... Please!
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Do it now. No, no, no, please!
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I'll do anything.
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I'll even clean up that mess I left
in the back seat.
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Let's just talk about this, can we?
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Agh...!
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Welcome to couples counselling.
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Surprise!
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No!
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No! No!
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This is our new case.
I know I didn't tell you about it,
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but if I had, you'd have just been
worried we'd miss the wedding.
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All you need to know is
we're fully undercover.
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Follow my lead,
and I believe in you.
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We were supposed to be going on a
luxury spa break before our wedding.
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This does NOT feel like that.
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Someone's coming. Be undercover.
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Hi, guys. I'm Neil,
the course leader.
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Hi, Neil. This is Brad,
and I'm...Angelina.
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Like the film stars? Yeah.
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You couldn't make it up, could you?
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Well, here, we like to think that
while everyone might look at you
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and say, "These people
shouldn't be together..."
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They do. They do say that.
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Do they? Yeah. I think they
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most definitely do say that, yeah.
BUT...we're going to
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prove them wrong.
Come, meet the rest of our group.
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Thank you.
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And so, the new case begins.
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Terry and Gemma may
not solve this case,
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but Brad and Angelina are on it
like a car bonnet.
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Brad's a bit annoyed about
being basically kidnapped
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by Angelina.
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The head office told us
they're getting death threats.
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They're worried about something
terrible happening this weekend.
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So you're telling
the podcast listeners
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all about this before me?!
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We've only got 64 followers,
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and 63 of them is you, checking that
it's uploaded properly!
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Terry is failing to be supportive
about our amazing podcast.
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Because Terry has soiled himself.
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Yeah, OK...
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Yeah.
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I will be perfectly honest with you,
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I'm not at all comfortable
being outside.
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She kind of likes you. OK.
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Yeah. Well, that's actually
a bit of a surprise. Thank you.
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Sometimes. I mean, not all the time.
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Welcome to the beginning of the end
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of your relationships as they are.
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We will work through your issues,
but we'll only do this when we...?
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ALL: Get it all out in the open.
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That's right. Two days and
two nights of hiking, bushcraft
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and survival exercises
to bring your...
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..FAILED marriages
back from the precipice.
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To start, everyone, put your phones
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in this secure...pouch.
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I'll chuck it on the Jeep,
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you get them back at the end.
Ooh, yes, please!
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Let the babysitter sweat it out
on her own.
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That is my mum. It is. Yes.
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What, are you kidding?
We ask participants
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to take a hiatus from technology
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so they can focus on reconnecting
with their partner.
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Don't plug into the world!
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Plug into each other.
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But, you see, I've got a cousin
going through a quite nasty divorce.
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Yeah. There's a lot of juicy back
and forth going on on Facebook.
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Thank you.
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My phone... It's my everything.
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Emma's an influencer. You don't
need to introduce me, Darren. Yeah.
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I've got 500,000 followers.
That's over a million.
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We're trying to break your addiction
to social media, babes.
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Just give it here...
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It's placed a sort of barrier
in our relationship,
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whereby I'm just an accessory
in our marriage
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on Emma's various posts.
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Sort of just mainly...
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..hold up Gucci handbags.
Darren, phone...
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I need phone!
What if I need to take a selfie?
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We will cope. You do not need
to take a selfie.
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Just ask me what you look like
and I'll just describe you to you.
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It's not for me, you moron!
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I need my followers to see what
I'm doing. I'm a brand, yeah?
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An honest, truthful depiction of
what I'm up to
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and what I look like, with filters.
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Let it go, babe. Some things are
more important than a phone.
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My Facebook followers are going to
really miss my daily updates,
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but you know what? Saving
my marriage is more important.
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Because it's falling apart,
isn't it, darling?
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Oh, yes, darling, it is.
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It's in tatters.
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Very inconvenient.
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I want my phone!
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She'll calm down in a minute.
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It's just a tantrum.
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We see loads of those,
don't we? Yeah.
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We've got six kids.
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We're not sure if we're staying
together for them,
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or if we're just too tired
to get a divorce.
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That's why we're here.
Have you got kids?
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No. Honestly, don't.
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Oh, God, no, don't have kids.
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That is the one thing
we can actually agree on.
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We should never have had kids,
and now we've got six of the...
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..leeches. And on that note
of delicious regret...
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..off we go!
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This way, please!
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Come on...
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Come on!
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After the first baby,
we just started arguing.
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So we thought a new baby
might bring some love back
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into the relationship,
but it didn't work.
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So we had a third baby.
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Thought that might help,
but that didn't work.
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I think we had the last three
just to spite each other.
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Thankfully, we're too knackered
to make any more.
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The only way I could pregnant now
is if Devon
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fell into me the right way
while I was having a nap.
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For Christ's sake! Don't blame it
on your children, darling.
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Passion just fizzles out on its own.
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Do you remember, Aaron,
when we had the passion, darling,
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before it all went away, darling?
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Oh, certainly do, darling.
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But then we replaced it with
our passion for local politics.
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A lot more rewarding, and a lot less
wiping things down afterwards.
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I mean, do I miss Aaron
slipping off his Chinos
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and plunging me into
a world of flesh?
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Sometimes.
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There's something so much more
exciting about power, raw power.
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There's something so much more
exciting about power, raw power.
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Keep talking.
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Like when I had you close down
that Italian restaurant
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because the waiter
wouldn't flirt with me.
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Or when I denied Brenda next door
planning permission...
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..because... She had
plastic butterflies on her house.
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She had plastic butterflies
on her house. Mm...
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And that is the problem,
you see? Yes.
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Sexually, nothing turns us off
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more than the thought of having sex.
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But you get us talking about our
abuse of official Council policy...
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Mm!
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..and we are a couple of
very dirty Gerties.
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..and we are a couple of
very dirty Gerties.
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Dirty Gerties.
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Just a minute. Brad's suffering.
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Yeah, in his past, made-up life,
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he really let himself go.
Just come on.
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Very wise, Brad.
Conserve your energy.
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You're going to need it. Sandra's
going to thoroughly grill you.
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Emotionally. She can see the
poison beneath the surface of
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any relationship,
and squeeze it out like a...
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like an emotional blackhead.
It's true.
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I even did it with mine and Neil's.
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We were together once, but, er,
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then as we developed this therapy
programme, I identified the reasons
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as to why our marriage
was utterly doomed.
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Sandra has, erm, intimacy issues.
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And Neil is needy and weak.
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00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:06,500
But we built this business
with our life savings
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so, like many of you, we are adrift
in an ocean of love debt,
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so, like many of you, we are adrift
in an ocean of love debt,
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until one of us drowns.
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Bleuh, bleuh, bleuh!
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Angelina, can we leave now, please?!
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00:10:27,780 --> 00:10:29,940
No, we have to solve this case.
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What's your rush?
I've stepped on an ants' nest!
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Oh! Please! Help me kill them!
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Kill them all! Oh, Terry...
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00:10:37,340 --> 00:10:39,420
Angelina? Yeah?
You didn't take this job
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because you feel like we need
counselling too, did you?
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00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:44,540
Oh, what are you like? Well...
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..is that a yes or a no?
Terry, they're on your...
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They're on your face. Ow!
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They're all over your face!
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Get 'em!
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Show 'em who's boss!
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SHOUTS
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So sad to see.
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00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:04,460
They really need this place.
How many are there?!
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00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:06,100
So much anger.
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00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:09,660
Please!
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00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:11,660
Help me kill 'em! Kill 'em all!
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00:11:11,660 --> 00:11:13,100
Ow!
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00:11:14,580 --> 00:11:19,380
HORN BLASTS
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00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:19,580
HORN BLASTS
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00:11:21,940 --> 00:11:23,820
Silence!
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00:11:24,980 --> 00:11:28,100
It's time to break you down,
so you can truly see
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00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:30,460
the other person for who they are.
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00:11:30,460 --> 00:11:34,140
Have you chosen a soulmate
to journey through life with,
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or just given in and settled?
218
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:40,300
Now, we find out.
219
00:11:40,340 --> 00:11:42,180
We're searching for
truth here, guys,
220
00:11:42,180 --> 00:11:44,780
in an exercise we call...
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00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:48,740
..A Shock to the System.
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00:11:48,780 --> 00:11:53,180
Ah... Oh! Brad has a bad feeling
about this. Shut up!
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00:11:53,220 --> 00:11:53,580
Ah... Oh! Brad has a bad feeling
about this. Shut up!
224
00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:55,940
Now, as with our other couples,
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00:11:55,940 --> 00:11:58,820
guys, we're going to share
some truths between one another.
226
00:11:58,860 --> 00:12:00,940
And if you don't like that truth,
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00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:05,460
you can administer a small
electric shock to your partner.
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00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:09,620
How many volts are in the shock
itself, Neil? Well, we hook it up to
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00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:09,740
How many volts are in the shock
itself, Neil? Well, we hook it up to
230
00:12:09,740 --> 00:12:12,180
a farmer's electric fence
just through that forest there.
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00:12:12,220 --> 00:12:14,020
It's, um...solar-powered.
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00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:16,300
But with the advances in
solar technology,
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00:12:16,340 --> 00:12:19,540
it can give quite a belt.
It can, yes.
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00:12:20,620 --> 00:12:24,700
Suck it up! The pain of
living a lie is worse.
235
00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:28,020
Be grateful, guys,
for this learning experience.
236
00:12:28,020 --> 00:12:30,540
It will bring you both together.
237
00:12:30,580 --> 00:12:32,180
Can I get a "yep"?
238
00:12:32,180 --> 00:12:34,020
Yep. Yep. Oh, and Devon?
239
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:39,020
You're finally beginning to accept
Beatrice's truth
240
00:12:39,060 --> 00:12:41,740
about conceiving your youngest child
241
00:12:41,740 --> 00:12:43,340
with another man,
242
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:46,260
in the car park of a Toby Carvery.
243
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:49,620
Yeah, I'm really starting to feel
that processing going on now.
244
00:12:49,660 --> 00:12:52,940
And I'm starting to forgive Emma
for treating me like an accessory
245
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:56,220
to her influencer life. Yes, Darren,
I accept it was my fault
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00:12:56,220 --> 00:12:58,500
you were able to give up work
and sit on your backside!
247
00:12:58,540 --> 00:13:01,980
There's no blame here, babes.
Safe space, yeah?
248
00:13:02,020 --> 00:13:04,820
OK, Brad, why don't you
tell us the truth...
249
00:13:06,020 --> 00:13:09,860
..about Angelina?
Well, to tell you the truth,
250
00:13:09,860 --> 00:13:11,620
she's the best thing
that ever happened to me.
251
00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:14,540
No complaints here. As a man, I am
252
00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:16,700
satisfactorily punching
well above my weight.
253
00:13:16,740 --> 00:13:19,900
Come on, I can take it. Go on.
254
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:23,180
STUTTERS
There is one thing,
255
00:13:23,180 --> 00:13:25,980
though, that really makes me
love Angelina.
256
00:13:25,980 --> 00:13:29,740
She's very...task-oriented.
257
00:13:29,780 --> 00:13:31,140
Mm, I think there's more.
258
00:13:31,180 --> 00:13:33,340
Do you? Mm.
259
00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:35,140
Let it flow, Brad.
260
00:13:35,180 --> 00:13:36,940
Let it...flow.
261
00:13:38,660 --> 00:13:42,060
Like, when she was so focused,
262
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:43,780
yeah, in getting us to this retreat,
263
00:13:43,820 --> 00:13:48,060
that she completely ignored my plans
for a lovely pre-wedding spa break.
264
00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:49,900
that she completely ignored my plans
for a lovely pre-wedding spa break.
265
00:13:49,940 --> 00:13:52,460
SHOUTS
266
00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:54,740
Yes! You're not even married yet?
267
00:13:54,740 --> 00:13:56,660
Oh, my God, get out while you can!
268
00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:02,060
Sorry, but it's true.
I wish I'd married your sister!
269
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:06,340
Me too! Angelina, no holding back.
270
00:14:06,340 --> 00:14:07,820
Give us your truth,
271
00:14:07,860 --> 00:14:12,660
so we can hear your screams of
relationship-affirming pain.
272
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:13,060
so we can hear your screams of
relationship-affirming pain.
273
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:17,700
I love that bit!
OK. And I mean this kindly,
274
00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:21,860
but I think one of the things
that endears me most about Brad
275
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:22,100
but I think one of the things
that endears me most about Brad
276
00:14:22,140 --> 00:14:25,780
is that he can't stop going
on about our bloody wedding!
277
00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:27,940
Well, I can work on that.
278
00:14:27,980 --> 00:14:32,180
Brad, do it! Do it.
279
00:14:32,180 --> 00:14:32,300
Brad, do it! Do it.
280
00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:33,660
It's awesome.
281
00:14:34,860 --> 00:14:36,900
He wouldn't dare, to be honest.
282
00:14:36,940 --> 00:14:39,860
Agghhh!
283
00:14:39,860 --> 00:14:41,260
And we're off!
284
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:43,220
That was too far...
285
00:14:45,660 --> 00:14:47,100
Gotcha!
286
00:14:48,340 --> 00:14:52,180
Know what gets my loins moist?
How Angelina disregards
287
00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:54,860
every single little thing
that I care about!
288
00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:55,940
Agghhh!
289
00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:58,260
What really turns me on is how
Brad can whinge
290
00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:01,380
to Olympic standards
about absolutely nothing!
291
00:15:01,420 --> 00:15:04,900
Ow! Well, Angelina
breaks wind in her sleep,
292
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:07,060
and blames it on me! Oh!
293
00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:10,140
I don't! Fry him! Light him up!
294
00:15:10,180 --> 00:15:11,900
Don't be scared, Brad.
295
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:13,620
Time to ride the lightning, Brad!
296
00:15:13,660 --> 00:15:18,300
ALL: Evil, evil, evil!
Brad...cried...at...the...end...of
297
00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:18,540
ALL: Evil, evil, evil!
Brad...cried...at...the...end...of
298
00:15:18,580 --> 00:15:21,060
Mam...ma Mi...a!
299
00:15:21,060 --> 00:15:23,980
Agh! OK,
perhaps we'll leave it there.
300
00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:26,380
Seems like a good time
to call it a day. Really?
301
00:15:26,380 --> 00:15:30,140
It was just getting good. We'll
deliver food to your shelters.
302
00:15:30,140 --> 00:15:33,140
There's an organic wild mushroom
soup hand-picked by yours truly.
303
00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:35,220
Or bacon sandwiches.
304
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:37,980
For those of you who enjoy eating
the flesh of innocent animals.
305
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:40,100
Which, in turn,
is strangling Mother Earth,
306
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,660
not that I'm here to lecture anyone
about that.
307
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:45,660
Yet you always find a way.
Come on, then, lovebirds.
308
00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:47,660
Let's get you disconnected.
309
00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:01,740
Agh! Oh, my God, that was amazing.
310
00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:04,140
Was it? Yeah!
311
00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:06,060
Look at us. Fully undercover.
312
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:08,940
Brad and Angelina,
slagging each other off!
313
00:16:08,940 --> 00:16:11,780
No-one suspects a thing. Oh!
314
00:16:11,780 --> 00:16:12,780
Amazing!
315
00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:17,940
So, I did well? Yeah.
316
00:16:17,980 --> 00:16:20,140
I was a good boy? Yeah.
317
00:16:20,140 --> 00:16:24,940
I think the electricity's
made my teeth go soft. Aw!
318
00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:27,540
OWL HOOTS
319
00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:29,620
HYPERVENTILATING
320
00:16:40,460 --> 00:16:42,180
WIND HOWLS
321
00:16:43,660 --> 00:16:45,740
Gemma?
322
00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:48,300
Gemma!
323
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:49,820
Oh...
324
00:16:49,820 --> 00:16:51,980
It stinks. Is that you?
325
00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:55,260
There's something outside.
326
00:16:55,260 --> 00:16:58,020
Go and take a look,
then, scaredy-pants.
327
00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:02,780
You know, I think we're better off
staying in the sleeping bags.
328
00:17:02,820 --> 00:17:06,140
They'll protect us from predators
and...monsters.
329
00:17:07,820 --> 00:17:09,740
Fine!
330
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,340
I'll have a bloody look.
331
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:14,820
And if I see any monsters,
I'll say you're in
332
00:17:14,860 --> 00:17:16,380
your impregnable sleeping bag.
333
00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:19,580
Agghhhh! Agh...!
334
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:21,220
Gary!
335
00:17:21,260 --> 00:17:23,780
GROANING
336
00:17:23,780 --> 00:17:27,780
Get out of the bag! Don't want to!
337
00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:35,420
SHE GASPS
Oh!
338
00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:39,500
It's all right, it's all right.
339
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:44,660
He's definitely dead, bless him.
340
00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:47,180
Mm. Yeah, but what's
wrong with his face?
341
00:17:47,220 --> 00:17:50,140
Bishop's Balls. I've never seen
a pair, but if you think
342
00:17:50,180 --> 00:17:53,460
there's a likeness...?
It's a mushroom. Very poisonous.
343
00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:56,500
They grow around here.
He must have...I don't know,
344
00:17:56,540 --> 00:17:58,580
accidentally slipped one
into his mushroom soup.
345
00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:01,700
I told him a hundred times
this would happen. The idiot!
346
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:04,740
I don't mean to offend, Sandra,
347
00:18:04,780 --> 00:18:07,660
but...this is pretty shocking... Mm.
348
00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:09,380
..and you don't seem very upset.
349
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,420
Oh, no, I was, a minute ago.
But then I used my advanced
350
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:15,940
therapeutic training to sort of
speed up the grieving process.
351
00:18:15,940 --> 00:18:17,820
I'm at peace with it now.
352
00:18:19,020 --> 00:18:21,860
Is that possible,
to speed up your feelings?
353
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:25,860
Yes. When my mother died,
I was laughing with the firemen
354
00:18:25,860 --> 00:18:30,020
before they'd even cut her
out of the car. Ha-ha-ha!
355
00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:30,460
before they'd even cut her
out of the car. Ha-ha-ha!
356
00:18:30,460 --> 00:18:32,100
Night-night!
357
00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:36,300
Uh... What? Hang back a bit.
We're going to look for clues.
358
00:18:36,300 --> 00:18:38,220
Oh, please, not on his body!
359
00:18:38,220 --> 00:18:40,500
Oh, my God, no.
Have you seen him?! Ugh!
360
00:18:42,260 --> 00:18:44,300
Right, what's over here?
361
00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:46,660
Oh, Terry, it's a dump.
362
00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:48,140
I think I've found something.
363
00:18:49,460 --> 00:18:51,140
What's this?
364
00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:54,100
Ah-ha!
365
00:18:55,900 --> 00:19:00,340
Listen to this. "F and D
having an affair. �2,000 paid.
366
00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:03,060
"J stealing from B's mother.
367
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,860
"�3,000 paid.
368
00:19:05,860 --> 00:19:07,340
"Y ran over cat.
369
00:19:07,340 --> 00:19:10,340
"Blames neighbour. �5,000 paid."
370
00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:12,580
Terry, these aren't just notes.
371
00:19:12,580 --> 00:19:14,700
This is information he's gathered
about the people
372
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:17,260
on the counselling course -
he's using it to blackmail them.
373
00:19:17,260 --> 00:19:21,380
People with deep pockets. �5,000.
Is the cat going to live with him?!
374
00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:24,060
Permanently?
Keep your eyes peeled here, Terry.
375
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:27,300
There's people with secrets,
and we're going to find out who.
376
00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:34,980
I can't believe this. He's dead!
377
00:19:34,980 --> 00:19:37,380
Dead, Darren! Focus, Emma!
378
00:19:37,420 --> 00:19:39,220
Talk to me about your feelings.
379
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,300
Communicate.
Don't tell me what to do!
380
00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:43,580
All I want to do is post
a picture of a feather,
381
00:19:43,620 --> 00:19:46,420
and tell all my followers
an angel just got his wings.
382
00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:49,180
Think of the engagement I'd get!
Come on, everyone.
383
00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:51,140
Let's buck our spirits up.
384
00:19:51,180 --> 00:19:54,460
Has a man accidentally poisoned
himself to death with a mushroom?
385
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:55,980
Yes.
386
00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:58,340
Is that a reason to dilly-dally?
387
00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:03,740
No, it's not. No, now we need
to notify the authorities.
388
00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:05,700
Oh, there will be no refunds.
389
00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:07,860
Apologies. Sorry, not sorry.
390
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:10,260
If you want to complete the therapy,
you'll have to come back again.
391
00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:14,260
But I can probably save
you some money. Erm...
392
00:20:14,260 --> 00:20:16,660
Darren, you're a parasite, mate.
393
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:18,660
Emma, get out now!
394
00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:20,660
Beatrice and Cornwall... Devon.
395
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:24,020
Whatever. Take three kids each,
swap them over at the weekends.
396
00:20:24,020 --> 00:20:25,580
Um, Diane and Aaron...
397
00:20:25,580 --> 00:20:28,460
I'm Aaron. Switch it
in your mind, mate.
398
00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:30,500
I haven't got time. Um...
399
00:20:30,540 --> 00:20:32,540
You're both fixated on power,
400
00:20:32,580 --> 00:20:35,380
and I can turn that into a sexual
dynamic, but just not this weekend,
401
00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:37,460
because I haven't brought
my special gloves.
402
00:20:37,460 --> 00:20:40,340
Angelina, you and Brad, er...
403
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:43,380
No, I have no words.
404
00:20:43,380 --> 00:20:45,660
OK, that's it, then. Onwards.
405
00:20:45,660 --> 00:20:48,540
Erm, is it not quicker
to just go back?
406
00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:49,900
Back?
407
00:20:51,340 --> 00:20:53,460
Back? There is no back.
408
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:56,420
No, the Jeep is not meeting us
till the last exercise tomorrow.
409
00:20:56,460 --> 00:20:58,780
Can't we just call the Jeep
and tell it to pick us up?
410
00:20:58,820 --> 00:21:01,580
Uh, no. I've left my phone
in the Jeep as well.
411
00:21:01,580 --> 00:21:04,140
Feeling pretty stupid
about that now,
412
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:06,580
and I'm trying not
to think about it.
413
00:21:06,620 --> 00:21:08,700
Let's go. I know the way.
414
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:11,180
I think. I do hope so, Sandra.
415
00:21:11,220 --> 00:21:12,660
I've no sense of direction.
416
00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:17,140
Aaron's lost me twice in Waitrose.
Always finds me by the yoghurts.
417
00:21:17,140 --> 00:21:19,300
But that's just me,
isn't it, darling?
418
00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:20,900
Only culture she's tolerant of.
419
00:21:22,260 --> 00:21:23,900
Come on, everybody.
Follow the stick.
420
00:21:23,940 --> 00:21:28,220
I'm flying the flag at half mast,
so keep your eyes on it.
421
00:21:46,020 --> 00:21:48,260
Looks like someone's eaten something
422
00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:50,300
that's disagreed with them.
423
00:21:54,460 --> 00:21:57,220
I mean, the last time we had sex
424
00:21:57,260 --> 00:21:59,540
was when he voted for Brexit.
425
00:21:59,580 --> 00:22:02,140
It is good for business, darling...
426
00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:05,260
..eventually. Honestly,
427
00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:07,180
when we first met,
428
00:22:07,220 --> 00:22:09,340
Aaron was so passionate.
429
00:22:09,340 --> 00:22:13,580
All corduroy jackets
with elbow patches.
430
00:22:13,620 --> 00:22:17,700
There wasn't a march he wouldn't
go on, like a sexy Jeremy Corbyn.
431
00:22:17,740 --> 00:22:18,780
There wasn't a march he wouldn't
go on, like a sexy Jeremy Corbyn.
432
00:22:18,780 --> 00:22:20,980
Darling, what happened to you?
433
00:22:20,980 --> 00:22:23,020
You were all about the common man.
434
00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:24,820
Yes, well, I was...
435
00:22:25,860 --> 00:22:27,900
..but then I met him.
436
00:22:27,900 --> 00:22:29,660
What, me?!
437
00:22:29,660 --> 00:22:32,380
I'm not common. I'm...earthy.
438
00:22:33,820 --> 00:22:38,180
HE SOBS
Oh, here come the bloody tears!
439
00:22:38,220 --> 00:22:38,460
HE SOBS
Oh, here come the bloody tears!
440
00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:43,300
What is it now? Death brings it so
close to me how precious life is.
441
00:22:43,340 --> 00:22:44,100
What is it now? Death brings it so
close to me how precious life is.
442
00:22:45,540 --> 00:22:48,700
I miss the kids. All of them.
443
00:22:48,740 --> 00:22:51,780
Even the one you had under my nose,
and tried to pass off as mine.
444
00:22:51,780 --> 00:22:54,620
Miss the kids?!
445
00:22:54,620 --> 00:22:56,700
Even with the dead body,
this is still
446
00:22:56,740 --> 00:22:59,220
the best weekend we've had in years!
447
00:22:59,260 --> 00:23:02,820
I'm a mother, Devon.
I don't miss my kids.
448
00:23:02,860 --> 00:23:06,460
I go away, recharge, then go
back into battle with them.
449
00:23:06,460 --> 00:23:09,060
Oh, we can't have kids.
450
00:23:09,060 --> 00:23:11,980
At least, not until Emma
signs a deal with a magazine
451
00:23:12,020 --> 00:23:13,700
for the baby photo.
452
00:23:13,700 --> 00:23:15,540
Babies don't just happen, Darren.
453
00:23:15,580 --> 00:23:17,100
Remember the five-year plan.
454
00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:19,740
Yeah! Emma's got a five-year plan.
455
00:23:19,780 --> 00:23:21,780
The main part of the plan being,
I'm not allowed
456
00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:23,660
to make any decisions
for the next five years.
457
00:23:23,700 --> 00:23:26,820
Can we stop? Please!
458
00:23:26,820 --> 00:23:31,380
My feet are killing me. Right,
morale's flagging. We need a break.
459
00:23:31,380 --> 00:23:33,820
Let's stop at the sweat lodges.
460
00:23:33,860 --> 00:23:35,900
Maybe the heat
will soothe your feet,
461
00:23:35,900 --> 00:23:38,180
and get the weaker ones to SHUT UP!
462
00:23:38,220 --> 00:23:40,100
You know who you are!
463
00:23:48,940 --> 00:23:50,700
SIZZLING
464
00:23:59,980 --> 00:24:03,300
Shame about Neil, isn't it? Indeed.
465
00:24:03,300 --> 00:24:07,380
Although...as a therapist,
he was atrocious.
466
00:24:07,420 --> 00:24:07,780
Although...as a therapist,
he was atrocious.
467
00:24:07,820 --> 00:24:10,140
Yeah. Goes without saying. Mm-hmm.
468
00:24:10,140 --> 00:24:12,980
He told me that Beatrice's
cheating was in response to
469
00:24:12,980 --> 00:24:15,140
a lack of attention from me. Mm.
470
00:24:15,140 --> 00:24:17,180
You try getting jiggy with it
when you live in a house where
471
00:24:17,220 --> 00:24:19,420
there's always at least one person
with diarrhoea.
472
00:24:19,460 --> 00:24:23,780
True. At all times, there's a little
bit of diarrhoea on me somewhere.
473
00:24:23,820 --> 00:24:25,300
True. At all times, there's a little
bit of diarrhoea on me somewhere.
474
00:24:25,340 --> 00:24:28,900
Ha! Emma had diarrhoea once, right?
475
00:24:28,940 --> 00:24:31,500
So she kept howling at
me from the bathroom,
476
00:24:31,500 --> 00:24:33,620
and I pretended to be out.
477
00:24:33,620 --> 00:24:36,180
Still think about that
every time I feel a bit sad.
478
00:24:36,180 --> 00:24:38,220
It's what cheers me up a bit,
do you know what I mean?
479
00:24:40,380 --> 00:24:42,180
GROANING
480
00:24:48,900 --> 00:24:52,740
So, Sandra,
what was Neil like, then?
481
00:24:52,780 --> 00:24:54,220
An absolute waste of space.
482
00:24:54,260 --> 00:24:57,660
So clingy. I thought
I could make him un-cling,
483
00:24:57,660 --> 00:25:02,780
but...some men are just tragic
little limpets, aren't they? Mm.
484
00:25:02,780 --> 00:25:03,460
but...some men are just tragic
little limpets, aren't they? Mm.
485
00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:05,900
Yeah, yeah. Tell me about it.
486
00:25:05,900 --> 00:25:07,940
And he was a terrible therapist.
487
00:25:07,980 --> 00:25:11,100
You know, I mean, this place'll
be much better off without him.
488
00:25:11,140 --> 00:25:12,340
A hundred per cent.
489
00:25:12,340 --> 00:25:16,580
I think Aaron will be happy when
I pop off, if he even notices.
490
00:25:18,220 --> 00:25:20,260
Neil helped Darren and I
on our journey towards
491
00:25:20,300 --> 00:25:22,260
Darren acknowledging
I'm the most important,
492
00:25:22,300 --> 00:25:25,380
and he's more of
a background character,
493
00:25:25,420 --> 00:25:28,140
you know, in his own life. Right.
494
00:25:28,180 --> 00:25:31,460
I liked Neil.
He really helped me see that
495
00:25:31,500 --> 00:25:34,700
Devon basically made me have
unprotected sex
496
00:25:34,740 --> 00:25:38,540
in a Toby Carvery car park, and
twice in the loading bay of a Lidl.
497
00:25:38,540 --> 00:25:41,380
And a little something in the
drive-through of the McDonalds,
498
00:25:41,380 --> 00:25:44,260
but nothing to write
home to Mother about.
499
00:25:45,340 --> 00:25:46,900
NERVOUS LAUGH
500
00:25:48,540 --> 00:25:50,060
Sandra...
501
00:25:51,180 --> 00:25:52,260
Dear God...
502
00:25:53,460 --> 00:25:56,340
Beatrice thinks she's going grey.
Oh, is she, yeah? No!
503
00:25:56,380 --> 00:26:00,580
Oh. Of course not! OK. Every night,
when she's asleep, I stay awake,
504
00:26:00,620 --> 00:26:03,740
and I dye a single
hair of hers grey.
505
00:26:03,740 --> 00:26:06,340
LAUGHTER
Been doing it for years!
506
00:26:06,340 --> 00:26:09,660
I'm thinking about poisoning Emma.
Good. Yeah. Good.
507
00:26:09,660 --> 00:26:11,380
What?!
508
00:26:11,420 --> 00:26:14,260
I'm not. I'm not. No. No.
509
00:26:14,300 --> 00:26:16,180
Have I had that thought?
510
00:26:17,700 --> 00:26:19,340
Yeah, yeah. Obviously.
511
00:26:20,340 --> 00:26:22,060
Would I do anything about it?
512
00:26:28,020 --> 00:26:30,620
Obviously not! Very
probably not, yeah.
513
00:26:30,660 --> 00:26:32,220
Such a shame. Yeah.
514
00:26:32,220 --> 00:26:35,460
It's just, for someone who gets
thousands of likes,
515
00:26:35,460 --> 00:26:36,900
she's not very likeable.
516
00:26:36,940 --> 00:26:38,620
She's awful. Mm.
517
00:26:40,460 --> 00:26:43,540
Is it not a bit hot? Nobody else?
518
00:26:43,540 --> 00:26:45,700
SHE GASPS
519
00:26:45,740 --> 00:26:48,300
I think I can feel a kidney
popping out.
520
00:26:48,300 --> 00:26:52,500
Oh, heat doesn't bother me. I did
a whole season in Ibiza, darling.
521
00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:52,780
Oh, heat doesn't bother me. I did
a whole season in Ibiza, darling.
522
00:26:52,780 --> 00:26:54,260
Didn't need deodorant once.
523
00:26:54,300 --> 00:26:57,860
But this is a...oh,
it's a sexy heat.
524
00:26:57,900 --> 00:27:01,460
Reminds me of making
love to Galway Girl,
525
00:27:01,460 --> 00:27:04,100
by Ed Sheeran, in a Swedish sauna.
526
00:27:04,140 --> 00:27:08,740
Hands strumming on me as fast as
Ed's on his teeny-tiny guitar.
527
00:27:10,140 --> 00:27:13,820
Are you all right, Angelina? Huh?
528
00:27:13,860 --> 00:27:15,780
Me? Yeah.
529
00:27:15,780 --> 00:27:18,260
Just have to go home.
530
00:27:18,260 --> 00:27:21,820
Mum says she's seen me smoking
cigarettes with the older girls.
531
00:27:23,660 --> 00:27:25,100
We've got a fainter!
532
00:27:25,100 --> 00:27:26,460
I'll get the first-aid kit.
533
00:27:26,500 --> 00:27:28,780
Give her some Calpol.
It works on everything.
534
00:27:28,820 --> 00:27:30,700
Angelina, stop sweating!
535
00:27:30,740 --> 00:27:33,340
It's unattractive. Get her out!
536
00:27:34,460 --> 00:27:36,740
Her hair! Get her by her hair.
537
00:27:36,740 --> 00:27:38,140
Get out of the way!
538
00:27:38,180 --> 00:27:39,980
Angelina's fainted. Don't panic.
539
00:27:40,020 --> 00:27:42,980
SHOUTS
Angelina?
540
00:27:43,020 --> 00:27:45,500
She's with me! What?
541
00:27:45,500 --> 00:27:48,580
GROANING
542
00:27:51,540 --> 00:27:53,940
Angelina's fainted! Nobody panic!
543
00:27:53,980 --> 00:27:56,100
No! Come on, Angelina.
544
00:27:56,140 --> 00:27:58,140
Come back to me. Somebody help!
545
00:27:58,180 --> 00:27:59,500
My legs have gone.
546
00:27:59,500 --> 00:28:01,420
I've fallen into the fire.
547
00:28:01,460 --> 00:28:03,620
I'll get her.
548
00:28:03,660 --> 00:28:05,540
Come on, Angelina. What, what...?
549
00:28:07,700 --> 00:28:10,020
Diana, my darling.
550
00:28:10,060 --> 00:28:13,460
I apologise if it's not the
right time to mention this,
551
00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:15,020
but I am afraid...
552
00:28:16,220 --> 00:28:18,580
..that I've been pierced.
553
00:28:18,580 --> 00:28:20,580
Oh, my God!
554
00:28:24,380 --> 00:28:26,820
Aaron! No!
555
00:28:26,860 --> 00:28:29,020
Sorry, can I just say,
I'm definitely not liable for this.
556
00:28:29,060 --> 00:28:32,940
This was not a coincidence. Whoever
did this must have poisoned Neil.
557
00:28:32,980 --> 00:28:35,020
Oh, Aaron!
558
00:28:35,020 --> 00:28:38,620
Darling. Are you missing
the kids YET, Beatrice?!
559
00:28:38,660 --> 00:28:40,860
And he's got one of those
bow and arrow things,
560
00:28:40,900 --> 00:28:43,020
like the one that woman invented
in the Hunger Games.
561
00:28:43,020 --> 00:28:45,100
Where are they shooting us from?
562
00:28:45,140 --> 00:28:48,460
She's right. Somebody's
watching us from over there.
563
00:28:48,500 --> 00:28:50,300
Right, everybody,
get behind the tent.
564
00:28:50,340 --> 00:28:52,180
Sandra, come on, help me, please.
565
00:28:52,180 --> 00:28:55,380
Grab her by the hair! It's the only
way! No! I'm fine, I'm fine!
566
00:28:55,420 --> 00:28:59,580
Oh! Oh! Run! Run! Run!
567
00:28:59,580 --> 00:29:01,180
Ow! I told you we shouldn't
568
00:29:01,220 --> 00:29:02,700
have come! Oh, now?
569
00:29:02,740 --> 00:29:04,100
You want to do this now?
570
00:29:04,140 --> 00:29:06,460
You know how reluctant
your mum is to take the kids.
571
00:29:06,500 --> 00:29:09,300
We've wasted this weekend.
We could die here.
572
00:29:09,300 --> 00:29:11,020
Oh, it'll be you that dies,
won't it?
573
00:29:11,060 --> 00:29:13,580
Leaving me with the children,
always taking the easy option.
574
00:29:13,580 --> 00:29:16,300
I'm not going. I am not leaving
575
00:29:16,300 --> 00:29:17,980
Aaron here alone!
576
00:29:18,020 --> 00:29:21,220
Diana, you're injured. Patch
yourself up while you whinge.
577
00:29:21,220 --> 00:29:23,260
I think Aaron would want you to come
578
00:29:23,300 --> 00:29:25,100
with us, so we can
keep you safe. Yeah?
579
00:29:25,140 --> 00:29:27,820
I know Brad would want that,
if the arrow had hit him,
580
00:29:27,820 --> 00:29:30,500
piercing his heart,
most probably both his lungs.
581
00:29:30,540 --> 00:29:33,380
Nice sentiment. Bit technical.
582
00:29:33,380 --> 00:29:35,340
Diana, come on, you can do this.
Come on.
583
00:29:35,340 --> 00:29:38,260
Yes, you're right.
I'll grieve as we run.
584
00:29:38,300 --> 00:29:40,460
If that's all right with everyone?
Yeah.
585
00:29:40,500 --> 00:29:42,420
OK, we're going to leg it down
that pathway.
586
00:29:42,460 --> 00:29:45,300
First, we're going to grab our
essentials, OK? We're going to go
587
00:29:45,340 --> 00:29:47,460
in three... Let's go! Go!
588
00:29:54,060 --> 00:29:56,500
Come on! Come on, hurry up!
589
00:29:56,500 --> 00:29:59,100
THEY CONTINUE TO ARGUE
590
00:30:02,860 --> 00:30:04,740
Come on!
591
00:30:04,740 --> 00:30:08,220
Why are you in a mood? Cos when you
said grab the essentials,
592
00:30:08,220 --> 00:30:11,660
I thought you meant survival
equipment. Yeah. Not clothes.
593
00:30:11,660 --> 00:30:14,700
I mean, look at my back. Just...
594
00:30:14,740 --> 00:30:18,180
I've got some stuff you borrow,
Brad, but it's my night-time gear.
595
00:30:18,220 --> 00:30:21,460
She's got night-time gear.
Oh, great, night-time attire!
596
00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:22,940
We're saved!
597
00:30:26,900 --> 00:30:28,660
HE PANTS
598
00:30:36,100 --> 00:30:38,060
New podcast entry.
599
00:30:38,060 --> 00:30:41,060
As the disaster unfolds
around us, Angelina,
600
00:30:41,060 --> 00:30:45,260
one question - happy with
our little escapade, are we?
601
00:30:45,300 --> 00:30:45,420
one question - happy with
our little escapade, are we?
602
00:30:45,460 --> 00:30:47,700
Well, we've got two dead bodies.
603
00:30:47,740 --> 00:30:49,500
And?
604
00:30:49,540 --> 00:30:51,540
Literally everyone's a suspect.
605
00:30:51,580 --> 00:30:54,820
And we could be where right now?
606
00:30:54,860 --> 00:30:57,700
In a five-star hotel,
planning our wedding.
607
00:30:57,700 --> 00:31:00,220
But instead, we are...?
608
00:31:00,260 --> 00:31:03,420
Stranded in the wilderness,
609
00:31:03,460 --> 00:31:06,220
with a crossbow-wielding murderer,
whose identity we don't yet know.
610
00:31:06,220 --> 00:31:08,460
And I am currently...?
611
00:31:10,300 --> 00:31:11,940
Say it, Angelina.
612
00:31:11,940 --> 00:31:13,580
You're a "hot bitch".
613
00:31:15,660 --> 00:31:17,180
So maybe we...?
614
00:31:18,740 --> 00:31:21,100
Shouldn't have come at all.
615
00:31:21,100 --> 00:31:24,100
What a breakthrough! Ha!
616
00:31:24,100 --> 00:31:26,180
As long as we're on the same page.
617
00:31:35,100 --> 00:31:37,860
I'm pretty sure it's that way.
618
00:31:37,900 --> 00:31:41,140
No, I seem to remember
it's that way.
619
00:31:41,180 --> 00:31:42,620
But you know,
don't trust me, darling.
620
00:31:42,620 --> 00:31:46,820
Come to think of it, you're right.
It's by those sycamores. This way!
621
00:31:46,820 --> 00:31:46,940
Come to think of it, you're right.
It's by those sycamores. This way!
622
00:31:48,340 --> 00:31:50,820
You remember, Diana?
623
00:31:50,860 --> 00:31:52,140
You've been here before?
624
00:31:53,260 --> 00:31:57,020
Oh, yes. Four times.
625
00:31:57,060 --> 00:32:00,220
Aaron just couldn't face a life
where us getting divorced
626
00:32:00,220 --> 00:32:04,060
might make him face
a challenging re-election!
627
00:32:04,060 --> 00:32:06,540
Diana's at stage six of grieving -
628
00:32:06,580 --> 00:32:08,860
annoying the hell out of
the rest of us.
629
00:32:08,900 --> 00:32:10,900
So let's get a shift on!
630
00:32:10,940 --> 00:32:13,220
We're nearly at base camp.
I can radio for help,
631
00:32:13,260 --> 00:32:15,220
and we never have to see her again.
632
00:32:15,260 --> 00:32:17,500
Can you contact head office as well?
633
00:32:17,540 --> 00:32:19,780
Head office?
There is no head office.
634
00:32:19,820 --> 00:32:22,180
It's just me and Neil. Or it was.
635
00:32:23,780 --> 00:32:26,820
You said their head office contacted
you about the death threats.
636
00:32:26,860 --> 00:32:28,300
I know.
637
00:32:28,340 --> 00:32:29,940
What if we've been set up?
638
00:32:31,380 --> 00:32:34,780
I'll figure out what those initials
on Neil's book mean if it kills us.
639
00:32:34,780 --> 00:32:37,540
Us?! Be extra vigilant.
640
00:32:37,580 --> 00:32:41,420
Oh, sorry. Yeah, because up to now,
I've only been medium vigilant!
641
00:32:41,460 --> 00:32:43,700
How silly of me! Nuh-nuh!
642
00:32:43,740 --> 00:32:46,460
For God's sake, hurry up!
643
00:32:46,460 --> 00:32:49,300
Do you want to be left all alone
in this world like Diana?!
644
00:32:49,340 --> 00:32:50,740
No.
645
00:32:50,780 --> 00:32:53,140
DIANA SOBS
646
00:33:02,580 --> 00:33:03,940
Count yourself lucky.
647
00:33:05,140 --> 00:33:07,500
I think this is going to get
very, very messy.
648
00:33:32,100 --> 00:33:34,260
PHONE RINGS
649
00:33:37,780 --> 00:33:40,660
Having fun? Oh, yeah.
650
00:33:40,700 --> 00:33:42,820
Just keep doing what you're doing.
651
00:33:42,820 --> 00:33:45,860
Everything is going to
work out perfectly.
652
00:33:47,300 --> 00:33:50,460
Oh, thank God! This is it.
653
00:33:50,500 --> 00:33:52,300
The final exercise.
654
00:33:52,340 --> 00:33:56,420
Now, I know we're exposed. Just try
to avoid getting shot, and run.
655
00:33:56,420 --> 00:33:57,940
He can't kill us all!
656
00:34:01,220 --> 00:34:03,100
THEY SHOUT
657
00:34:20,060 --> 00:34:21,940
Oh! Brad's hit a mine!
658
00:34:23,140 --> 00:34:26,140
You what?! Everybody, freeze! Oh!
659
00:34:26,180 --> 00:34:28,860
Did you just say, "hit a mine"?
660
00:34:28,860 --> 00:34:32,500
We call this exercise
The Emotional Minefield,
661
00:34:32,500 --> 00:34:34,300
but don't worry, it's metaphorical.
662
00:34:34,340 --> 00:34:35,900
Oh, thank God!
663
00:34:35,900 --> 00:34:37,140
POPPING
664
00:34:37,180 --> 00:34:38,500
What the bloody hell's that?
665
00:34:38,540 --> 00:34:41,300
Jesus Christ!
666
00:34:41,340 --> 00:34:42,380
Ooh.
667
00:34:42,420 --> 00:34:44,220
Oh!
668
00:34:44,260 --> 00:34:46,140
In many ways,
I'm not shocked at all.
669
00:34:46,180 --> 00:34:49,220
It's the murderer.
They've laid a trap for us.
670
00:34:49,260 --> 00:34:51,180
Guys, my heart!
671
00:34:51,220 --> 00:34:53,580
Why?!
672
00:34:53,620 --> 00:34:55,940
We were so perfect together.
673
00:34:55,980 --> 00:35:00,340
A new angel has got its wings.
HE SOBS
674
00:35:00,340 --> 00:35:03,940
All that's left are
a few hundred thousand selfies.
675
00:35:03,980 --> 00:35:06,700
Sandra, Gemma, I'm scared!
676
00:35:07,940 --> 00:35:09,340
It'll be all right, Diana.
677
00:35:09,380 --> 00:35:11,620
We're going to get us out of here.
678
00:35:11,660 --> 00:35:14,740
Just keep still. This is rubbish!
679
00:35:14,780 --> 00:35:16,700
This is supposed to be our
680
00:35:16,700 --> 00:35:19,180
make-it-or-break-it
weekend, Beatrice,
681
00:35:19,180 --> 00:35:21,060
to decide if we want to
stay together.
682
00:35:21,100 --> 00:35:23,940
I do want to stay together.
683
00:35:23,940 --> 00:35:27,260
I've realised that my love for
the life we've built together
684
00:35:27,300 --> 00:35:30,700
far outweighs the hate
that I feel for you.
685
00:35:32,540 --> 00:35:35,500
I'm so glad you said that!
686
00:35:35,540 --> 00:35:37,420
I forgive you for all the affairs.
687
00:35:37,460 --> 00:35:40,580
I don't care how many of the kids
are actually mine.
688
00:35:40,580 --> 00:35:42,340
I mean, I had a vasectomy
after the fourth one,
689
00:35:42,340 --> 00:35:45,100
so we probably need to have
a conversation about that.
690
00:35:45,140 --> 00:35:47,580
But...I was going to propose again.
691
00:35:47,580 --> 00:35:51,860
A second marriage. You can do
all of that. Just don't move!
692
00:35:51,900 --> 00:35:52,020
A second marriage. You can do
all of that. Just don't move!
693
00:35:52,060 --> 00:35:55,180
See? Our counselling works!
694
00:35:55,180 --> 00:35:58,660
Beatrice Smith... You don't
have to do this now, Devon.
695
00:35:58,660 --> 00:36:01,580
Just put it off, like you have been
with the grouting in the bathroom.
696
00:36:01,580 --> 00:36:03,980
I'll understand. Devon, no...
697
00:36:04,020 --> 00:36:06,740
Will you marry me...one more time?
698
00:36:06,780 --> 00:36:08,380
Of course I will!
699
00:36:08,420 --> 00:36:09,740
Thank God!
700
00:36:15,660 --> 00:36:17,660
CLICKING
Bugger!
701
00:36:19,740 --> 00:36:21,540
SHE SCREAMS
702
00:36:25,420 --> 00:36:27,500
Will everyone stop moving?!
703
00:36:28,660 --> 00:36:32,900
And exploding! I am meant to
be being pampered right now,
704
00:36:32,940 --> 00:36:33,300
And exploding! I am meant to
be being pampered right now,
705
00:36:33,340 --> 00:36:35,140
in a hotel I can't afford.
706
00:36:35,180 --> 00:36:37,620
But look at me! Look at me!
707
00:36:37,620 --> 00:36:41,460
This is possibly THE worst day
of my entire life.
708
00:36:41,500 --> 00:36:46,180
I'm going to need more therapy after
this than we needed when we arrived!
709
00:36:46,220 --> 00:36:47,860
We're going to get Diana here out,
710
00:36:47,900 --> 00:36:51,540
then I'll be back for you,
my love, OK? Right, Diana...
711
00:36:52,500 --> 00:36:55,220
..grab my hand.
712
00:36:55,220 --> 00:36:57,860
We're just going to retrace
my steps, OK?
713
00:36:57,860 --> 00:37:00,900
Get you to safety. The mines...
714
00:37:00,940 --> 00:37:02,540
Don't worry about them.
715
00:37:03,860 --> 00:37:05,660
I've just figured out
who the killer is.
716
00:37:05,660 --> 00:37:07,660
Ah... Who is it, darling?
717
00:37:08,940 --> 00:37:11,140
It's you.
718
00:37:11,180 --> 00:37:13,140
Isn't it, darling? Uh...
719
00:37:14,220 --> 00:37:15,460
Hmm?
720
00:37:17,220 --> 00:37:20,820
I don't see what you think
I could have done.
721
00:37:20,820 --> 00:37:24,340
Lost, out here, in the wilderness?
722
00:37:24,340 --> 00:37:27,700
Lost, are you?
It's funny, cos you told us that
723
00:37:27,700 --> 00:37:30,620
you always get lost in Waitrose,
yet you seemed
724
00:37:30,660 --> 00:37:33,340
pretty sure of your way back
by those sycamore trees.
725
00:37:33,340 --> 00:37:37,500
That was your first lie. Oh! That
was just a lucky guess, darling.
726
00:37:37,540 --> 00:37:37,580
That was your first lie. Oh! That
was just a lucky guess, darling.
727
00:37:37,580 --> 00:37:42,580
I mean, I must have recognised it
from last time. Oh, really?
728
00:37:42,620 --> 00:37:45,620
You told us that you and Aaron
hadn't had sex
729
00:37:45,620 --> 00:37:48,580
since the Brexit referendum,
then in the sweat lodge,
730
00:37:48,580 --> 00:37:51,260
you told me that you enjoyed
making love to Galway Girl.
731
00:37:51,300 --> 00:37:55,940
Ha! And?! Well, I don't know much
about politics, Diana,
732
00:37:55,940 --> 00:37:56,380
Ha! And?! Well, I don't know much
about politics, Diana,
733
00:37:56,420 --> 00:38:00,100
I really don't, but I bloody know
my stuff about Ed Sheeran,
734
00:38:00,100 --> 00:38:03,140
and he released Galway Girl in 2017,
735
00:38:03,180 --> 00:38:06,220
and that is after
the Brexit referendum.
736
00:38:07,420 --> 00:38:11,420
So, who's been strumming you like
Ed's teeny-tiny guitar, then, hm?
737
00:38:13,180 --> 00:38:16,380
"F and D are having an affair.
�2,000 paid."
738
00:38:18,620 --> 00:38:21,340
She must be the D! Yeah, exactly.
739
00:38:21,380 --> 00:38:23,580
She's been strumming with an F.
740
00:38:23,580 --> 00:38:26,060
Neil blackmailed you
about your affair,
741
00:38:26,100 --> 00:38:27,940
so you crept into his tent
742
00:38:27,980 --> 00:38:30,820
and slipped some Bishop's
Balls in his mouth. Hmm?
743
00:38:36,540 --> 00:38:38,660
I bet if the police checked
Neil's bank account,
744
00:38:38,700 --> 00:38:41,220
they'd see it was you
who paid the �2,000.
745
00:38:41,260 --> 00:38:44,300
This is absolute nonsense.
Oh, and as for poor Aaron...
746
00:38:44,340 --> 00:38:46,460
You have no proof
that I killed Aaron.
747
00:38:46,500 --> 00:38:49,740
I wasn't even anywhere near him.
Oh, but you were, weren't you?
748
00:38:49,780 --> 00:38:52,820
You told us in the sweat lodge
that heat doesn't affect you.
749
00:38:52,860 --> 00:38:54,740
Then next thing we know,
your legs have gone
750
00:38:54,780 --> 00:38:58,180
and you've fallen in the fire.
Oh, how convenient! I bet if we took
751
00:38:58,220 --> 00:38:59,820
that bandage off your burnt arm,
752
00:38:59,860 --> 00:39:02,140
we'd see that there was
nothing wrong with it.
753
00:39:02,180 --> 00:39:03,900
SHE GASPS
754
00:39:03,940 --> 00:39:05,660
What a surprise!
755
00:39:05,660 --> 00:39:07,780
You hid the weapon in advance,
didn't you?
756
00:39:07,820 --> 00:39:09,540
Because you've been here before,
haven't you?
757
00:39:09,580 --> 00:39:12,780
And you knew where to put it
that no-one could find it.
758
00:39:20,020 --> 00:39:21,460
Ugh!
759
00:39:21,500 --> 00:39:24,860
Agh! Somebody help,
my legs have gone!
760
00:39:24,900 --> 00:39:27,100
I've fallen into the fire!
761
00:39:27,140 --> 00:39:30,260
You think you're so clever,
don't you?
762
00:39:30,260 --> 00:39:34,300
Who are you to accuse me? Oh, I
think you know exactly who I am.
763
00:39:34,340 --> 00:39:37,020
Because she used your real name!
764
00:39:37,020 --> 00:39:38,940
Sandra?
765
00:39:38,940 --> 00:39:40,420
Gemma?
766
00:39:40,460 --> 00:39:41,980
I'm scared.
767
00:39:42,020 --> 00:39:44,020
I was about to say that!
768
00:39:44,060 --> 00:39:46,020
That's how I figured the
whole bloody thing out.
769
00:39:46,060 --> 00:39:47,460
I can't believe it!
770
00:39:47,460 --> 00:39:51,260
I've solved another murder. No, you
haven't. I said it out loud first.
771
00:39:51,260 --> 00:39:52,460
Shut up!
772
00:39:52,460 --> 00:39:54,260
Yes, it was me.
773
00:39:54,300 --> 00:39:56,660
No way?!
I know your real name because
774
00:39:56,660 --> 00:39:59,020
I listen to your podcast, you idiot!
775
00:39:59,060 --> 00:40:02,820
You're our listener? Good to know
our fan base is homicidal.
776
00:40:02,860 --> 00:40:06,100
Yes, I've listened to every episode,
and I thought,
777
00:40:06,140 --> 00:40:10,260
"These two are a complete pair
of morons." It's our brand.
778
00:40:10,300 --> 00:40:10,940
"These two are a complete pair
of morons." It's our brand.
779
00:40:10,980 --> 00:40:13,660
IN WELSH ACCENT: I was even
the Welsh woman who rang you
780
00:40:13,660 --> 00:40:15,780
from head office. You're
pretty cocky for someone
781
00:40:15,820 --> 00:40:19,260
who's just got caught.
Oh, I haven't been caught!
782
00:40:19,300 --> 00:40:22,060
No! I am going to walk off
783
00:40:22,060 --> 00:40:25,340
and disappear into the wilderness.
784
00:40:25,340 --> 00:40:27,100
It may have slipped your mind,
785
00:40:27,140 --> 00:40:29,140
but you are standing in a minefield,
786
00:40:29,180 --> 00:40:31,740
and only I know where
they're buried. And don't think
787
00:40:31,740 --> 00:40:34,340
because you are standing up there
that you are safe.
788
00:40:34,340 --> 00:40:36,140
They're everywhere!
789
00:40:36,140 --> 00:40:38,660
This was my last trap,
790
00:40:38,700 --> 00:40:42,660
in case the crossbow failed, or
the Bishop's Balls didn't work.
791
00:40:42,700 --> 00:40:46,460
I really only wanted to kill
Aaron and Neil,
792
00:40:46,500 --> 00:40:49,660
but I needed a back-up.
Just in case.
793
00:40:49,700 --> 00:40:53,460
Aw! It's been nice knowing you.
794
00:40:53,460 --> 00:40:56,100
Forgive me if I don't keep in touch,
though, won't you?
795
00:41:00,860 --> 00:41:02,420
Terry...
796
00:41:04,660 --> 00:41:06,660
Agghhhh!
797
00:41:06,660 --> 00:41:08,820
SHE SCREAMS
798
00:41:12,620 --> 00:41:14,260
THEY ALL SCREAM
799
00:41:17,420 --> 00:41:21,180
That was for Neil!
800
00:41:21,180 --> 00:41:24,380
Aw! Because you actually really
loved him, and it was his death
801
00:41:24,380 --> 00:41:26,140
that made you see that?
802
00:41:26,180 --> 00:41:28,260
No, because he was mine!
803
00:41:28,300 --> 00:41:30,860
Mine to belittle and destroy!
804
00:41:30,860 --> 00:41:33,620
And SHE took that away from me!
805
00:41:33,620 --> 00:41:35,180
I see your point.
806
00:41:35,220 --> 00:41:38,660
Right, we're going to have
to flag down the next car.
807
00:41:41,180 --> 00:41:42,540
Hello?
808
00:41:46,340 --> 00:41:49,140
The bomb squad were nice when they
got you out of there, weren't they?
809
00:41:49,140 --> 00:41:51,580
Mm. Yeah.
810
00:41:51,620 --> 00:41:53,900
Gave me a lollipop for being
a brave boy.
811
00:41:53,900 --> 00:41:57,860
You WERE a brave boy.
Brad and Angelina. Gemma and Terry.
812
00:41:57,900 --> 00:42:00,460
I just wanted to say...
No, you don't have to thank us.
813
00:42:00,500 --> 00:42:03,340
No, I was going to say that
you two are
814
00:42:03,380 --> 00:42:06,740
the worst couple we
have ever, ever had.
815
00:42:06,740 --> 00:42:10,180
Here's your phones back. Thanks.
816
00:42:10,220 --> 00:42:11,900
There we go.
817
00:42:11,940 --> 00:42:13,340
And all the best.
818
00:42:17,980 --> 00:42:22,060
She did mean Brad and Angelina,
didn't she? Yeah.
819
00:42:22,100 --> 00:42:23,980
What a pair they are! Oh! Tell me...
820
00:42:24,020 --> 00:42:26,140
Jokers! Losers!
821
00:42:26,140 --> 00:42:29,180
Losers. Yeah.
Destined to be unhappy forever.
822
00:42:29,220 --> 00:42:31,580
Has-beens!
823
00:42:31,620 --> 00:42:34,660
There is one thing still bothering
me, though. Hmm?
824
00:42:34,700 --> 00:42:37,540
When I was looking up the hill
at the sweat lodge,
825
00:42:37,540 --> 00:42:39,980
I'm certain I saw someone
in them woods.
826
00:42:40,020 --> 00:42:43,420
I doubt it. You were probably
hallucinating from the heat.
827
00:42:44,380 --> 00:42:46,100
Yeah.
828
00:42:46,140 --> 00:42:49,100
Most likely that.
Anyway, come on, you.
829
00:42:49,140 --> 00:42:52,420
Let's get you to that hotel
for a therapeutic mud bath
830
00:42:52,420 --> 00:42:55,580
and an essential oils facial.
831
00:42:55,580 --> 00:42:57,140
Keep talking. All right.
832
00:42:57,140 --> 00:43:00,860
So, then we might take
a quick little walk down the aisle,
833
00:43:00,860 --> 00:43:02,860
and you might bag yourself a wife.
834
00:43:06,380 --> 00:43:10,740
So, after the worst day of
my entire life,
835
00:43:10,780 --> 00:43:11,460
So, after the worst day of
my entire life,
836
00:43:11,460 --> 00:43:14,500
we walk off into the sunset
and get married.
837
00:43:14,540 --> 00:43:15,700
SHE SQUEALS
838
00:43:15,740 --> 00:43:18,580
Who knows what terrors await us
839
00:43:18,620 --> 00:43:20,860
at our five-star hotel?
840
00:43:20,900 --> 00:43:23,740
With spa, conferencing centre
841
00:43:23,780 --> 00:43:25,660
and banqueting facilities.
842
00:43:33,020 --> 00:43:35,300
PHONE RINGS
843
00:43:36,940 --> 00:43:38,740
So, can I get in there now?
844
00:43:38,780 --> 00:43:40,980
Ruin their lives?
845
00:43:41,020 --> 00:43:43,700
Like you promised. Oh, yes.
846
00:43:43,740 --> 00:43:46,740
I think we've found
the perfect time for it.
847
00:43:47,860 --> 00:43:50,940
This is going to be epic!
848
00:43:59,020 --> 00:44:00,980
# I'm on my way
849
00:44:02,540 --> 00:44:05,620
# Driving at 90
850
00:44:05,620 --> 00:44:08,540
# Down those country lanes
64977
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