All language subtitles for MST3k Overdrawn at the Memory Bank

In the not too distant future

Somewhere in time and space

Mike Nelson and his robot pals

Are caught in an endless chase

Pursued by a woman
whose name is Pearl

An evil gal who wants
to rule the world

She threw a few things
in her purse

And in her rocket ship
she hunts him

All across the universe

PEARL: I'll get you!

I'll send him cheesy movies

The worst I can find

La-la-la

He'll have to sit
and watch them all

And I'll monitor his mind

La-la-la

Now keep in mind
Mike can't control

Where the movies begin or end

La-la-la

He'll try to keep his sanity

With the help
of his robot friends

Robot Roll Call:

-Cambot.
-You're on!

-Gypsy.
-Oh, my stars!

-Tom Servo.
-Check me out.

-Crow!
-I'm different!

If you're wondering how he
eats and breathes

And other science facts

La-la-la

Just repeat to yourself,
"It's just a show,

I should really just relax"

For Mystery Science Theater

Hi, everyone, Mike Nelson here.

Welcome
to the Satellite of Love,

and once again,
we're lost...

[ Clears throat ]

Is there something wrong, Crow?

Yeah, yeah.

You know, you want me, baby.

Hit it, Servo.

-MIKE: All right, who?
-Yeah, come on, Mike.

Don't act like you haven't heard
my trademark catchphrase,

loved by millions.

"You know you want me, baby."

Yeah.

It's new to me.

Oh, don't play coy.

People everywhere are standing
around water coolers,

chuckling over my high jinks
from the night before,

especially when I roll out
my lovable chestnut,

"You know you want me, baby."

You know what,
I have never heard that before

in my entire life.

Oh, sure you have.
I say it all the time, Mike.

I'm a cultural icon,

bigger than that
Ray J. Johnson guy

-in his prime.
-SERVO: Yeah.

America, you know
you want me, baby.

Can't you feel
the slightest bit bad

about just pulling a catchphrase
out of thin air?

Now, this was embraced
by the people, Mike.

It didn't come from me.

-Yes, it did.
-Well, all right.

Well, that may be true,

but I have to justify this huge
t-shirt order.

-I mean, look at this stuff.
-Yeah, you know,

I was wondering about that.

Yup, two million of them.

MIKE: Yeah.

CROW: And I know what you're
thinking looking at that.

Where's the B?

Yeah-- No, no, no.

I mean-- I mean,
you know you want me, baby.

SERVO: Come on.
Come on, work.

-Exactly, we'll be right back.
-SERVO: Stupid. Stupid.

Stupid stinking...!

♪♪

So, these are the catchphrases
I can chose from, huh?

Yup.

Oh, wait, wait,
there's a pretty good one.

Kiss off, Sloppy.

-I like that.
-SERVO: That's great.

Nah, that's not really for me.

Oh, here's one that ought
to get the kids going.

We're all out of toner.

-CROW: Uh.
-SERVO: Oh, boy.

Don't run on my wet floor.

-SERVO: Oh, man.
-CROW: Jeez.

Secretary, please read
the minutes from the last...

-CROW: Yeah, right.
-SERVO: Pathetic.

Let go off it, Slappy.

SERVO:
Oh, knock it off, Mike.

-Jeez.
-MIKE: Oh, all right.

Well, Pearl's calling now.

-SERVO: I said, cut it out.
-No, it's not.

She is, it's...

SERVO: Oh, sorry.

Standby.

♪♪

[ Telephone ringing ]

Oh, go.

Hello, and welcome back
to day one

of our Public Pearl
Pledge Drive.

That clip you just saw was,

of course, Are You Being Served?

Just one of the many
quality programs

that you'll see here
on Public Pearl.

[ Telephone ringing ]

Hey, Nell Bell,
I just remembered

how much squats
Public Television pulls down,

so I had Brain Ball whip me up

this set and, viola,

it's Pledge Drive time.

From now on,
I'm playing the ponies

on some well-meaning
liberal's coin.

Ka-ching!

Let's go talk to one
of our great volunteers.

-Hi, what's your name?
-ORTEGA: [ Grunting ]

Ortega? That's pretty.

What's your favorite show

here on Public Pearl?

ORTEGA: [ Grunting ]

Oh, sure, I love that show.

Jeremy Bread is one of the best.

-ORTEGA: [ Grunting ]
-Thanks for helping out.

ORTEGA: [ Grunting ]

Now, remember, folks,

if you pledge at the $150

Golden Producer Level,

you'll receive this
sturdy tote bag,

emblazoned in over
its entire surface

with the color brown.

Give a call, won't you?

Wow, Mike, this is so cool.
You know, with all the money

I take from you, I can get
one of those cool tote bags,

which is great,
because I have, like,

so much stuff I need to tote.

Why, just this morning, you
know, I was toting something,

only it wasn't in anything,

so no matter how I tried
to tote it,

it fell all over the place.

Servo, she's just gonna use
our money

to send us more bad movies.

SERVO:
What? Oh, sure, sure.

Just go sit in front
of your stupid Network TV

you cheap facist...

Oh, hello.

Yeah, say, I wanna do my part

to get one of those cool
tote bags.

So, how much
of Mike's money do you need?

-ORTEGA: [ Grunting ]
-SERVO: Oh, great.

I'll pay you cash...

If you contribute,

you'll see fine shows

like Mike Nelson's

Lord of the Dance,

or this quality nature program,

The Nature of Bobo.

Let's watch, won't we?

[ Monkeys screeching ]

The, uh, mountain gorilla

subsists almost solely on fruit,

and nuts,

and, uh, uh...

Beef and bean changarrito
with extra Paso sauce.

Having lived among this
magnificent creature

for years,
I have gained its trust.

-And, thereby, I am...
-Hey, that reminds me,

Brain Guy,
I borrowed you a sweater

and you never returned it.

I don't trust you anymore.

Having challenged me thusly,
I must reassert my dominance,

thereby enabling me to live

among these great beasts
for many a year to come.

Just...

He-yaa!

Oh. [ Groans ]

Oh, sauce.

Wow.

Just a sample
of the kind of thing

that you'll see here

on Public Pearl.

And now, sit back and enjoy

this special nine-part series

Overdrawn at the Memory Bank,

starring the late Raul Julia,

a very wonderful actor.

What was he doing in this piece

of sh--surely very quality,

quality programming?

It was produced
by one of my affiliates,

WNET in New York.

Please enjoy,

and we'll be back later.

[ Telephone ringing ]

SERVO: Give me, come on,

there's still so much more
to tote.

Let go of it, man.

Oh, sure, Mike,

just go watch your Websters
and your Facts of Lifeses,

and your
Who's the Bossesesses?

-No.
-Okay, we got-- Oh.

Movie sign.

SERVO: Oh, boy.

APOLLONIA: How was I supposed
to know Day 276

was going to be as wild
as it turned out to be?

My life as a Computech
was calm and simple,

but that was before I met
Aram Fingal.

CROW: AKA Gomez.

SERVO: Yeah.

APOLLONIA:
My name is Apollonia James.

CROW: Oh, right.

APOLLONIA:
And I work in Nirvana Village

monitoring doppels.

MIKE: I'm sure you do.

APOLLONIA:
I remember thinking

that Fingal didn't seem
the doppeling kind.

MIKE:
So, Fingal didn't doppel?

APOLLONIA:
He had the most unusual eyes.

CROW: They were made of Mylar.

SERVO:
[ Imitates train engine sound ]

MIKE: Corpse body.

APOLLONIA: As it turned out,

everything went wrong
with Fingal's doppel.

SERVO: Hmm.

APOLLONIA: He lost his body,
and I almost lost my mind.

CROW:
Which wasn't a major loss,

but still pretty annoying.

SERVO:
Oh, if only she spoke French.

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

♪♪

MAN:
This lovely Raul Julia pendant

available only on the
Home Shopping Network.

CROW: It's a Raulbik's cube.

SERVO: Yeah, he's-- see,
I thought he was Puerto Rican.

-I didn't know that he was
MIKE: No, don't say it

SERVO: Cube-an!
MIKE: Oh.

CROW:
Raul, you come right back

and be in this bad movie,
young man.

SERVO: But I'm signed to play
Archbishop Romero.

MIKE: And now, the news.

SERVO: That's a New York
Public TV Station.

What, did Pearl accidentally
sent us MacNeil-Lehrer Report?

CROW:
I don't know, you think

Mark Russell
is gonna be in this?

-MIKE: Uh, no.
-CROW: Gee.

SERVO: Ha-ha-ha-ha!

That is funny.

CROW: Wanda Cannon,
now, that's a porno name

if I ever heard one.

Not that I've ever heard one.

MIKE: All right.

CROW: And, you know,
I don't subscribe

to lots of publications
or anything.

Uh, never mind.

MAN: As of this business...

-MIKE: Wow, TV's Frank.
-SERVO: Wow, Frank.

SERVO: He's really come up
in the world.

CROW: Frank.

MAN: ...by four percent.

Let Lexicorp deal with that.

We will win.
Novicorp is communication.

He's kind of

a Dickensian-character
of-the-future sort of thing.

MAN: And communication
is civilization.

SERVO: Did I imagine it, Mike,
or did a chubby angel

with Gin Blossoms just visit us?

Go get...

CROW: Still, this is easier
than reading Wired Magazine .

MIKE: Yeah, they're showing us
the Tubby Guy's angioplasty.

CROW: [ Laughs ]

SERVO: You know,
I've produced a lot of stuff

I don't want the world to see.

CROW:
SAT farms of the future.

APOLLONIA: Fingal's problem
started the day before we met.

He was working in the data
flow center of Novicorp

as a processor third-class.

He had a terrible job.

Monitoring routine data output
on global climate control.

SERVO:
And its effect on Bugs Bunny.

APOLLONIA:
But he thought he's found a way

to outwit the system

and do something different
with his time.

SERVO:
Man, never show a good movie

in the middle
of your crappy movie.

APOLLONIA: And he'd been
doing it for a few weeks

before they caught him.

MIKE:
Data entering with no pants.

SERVO: [ Humming ]

CROW:
We now return to Billy Madison.

MAN:
Aram Fingal, you are creating

an efficiency problem.

Access is terminated.

Report to Psychist now.

Report to Psychist now.

Do you know how long it took me
to find the cinema bus master?

MAN: Report to Psychist now.

SERVO: Yes, Aram Fingal
from San Juan, Puerto Rico.

Felicia,
can I borrow your machine

for a couple of minutes, please?

SERVO: Felicia?

[ Machine beeping ]

Thank you.

CROW:
UPS fashions of the future!

♪♪

APOLLONIA: Fingal's ability
to figure out computers

was amazing, and still is.

Somehow he managed to break

into a closed file
called cinemas.

MIKE: Wow.

-Really, really big brother.
-FELIX: Of the year...

of the decade.

SERVO: Hey, someone,
turn off the fat rotating guy.

MAN: It is Novicorp
that speaks for the future.

APOLLONIA: Only the all
all-powerful chairman

of Novicorp was allowed access,

but Fingal had found a way.

His supervisor thought he
just had a bad work attitude,

so she sent him to a psychist,
you know how loony they are.

-CROW: Oh, sure.
-What have you done, Mister...?

-SERVO: Fingal.
-WOMAN: ...Fingal.

-FINGAL: Nothing.
-MAN: Processor third-class.

You did something.

MIKE: It's Merv Griffin.

MAN: Ask about his mother.

SERVO:
Ask if she wears army boots.

Do you love your mother?

FINGAL: My mother, yes I--

She died a long time ago.

WOMAN: You used your computer

for unauthorized viewing
of cinemas?

FINGAL: I was just
trying to find some way

to stay awake.

MAN: Fingal is out
of supervisor's control.

CROW: The password is Fingal.

SERVO: Fing.

Hmm, nice yabos.

MAN: Diagnosis of Fingal
is now complete,

48-hour compulsory rehab,

Nirvana Village.

Prophylactic Rehab, Fingal.

-MIKE: Retread his condom?
-CROW: I guess so.

WOMAN: Weekend doppel
at Nirvana Village

and you'll come back
to work relaxed,

with everything solved.

Doctor, nothing's wrong with me.

WOMAN: I'm sure you'll have
a successful rehab.

You can trust
my diagnosis, Mister...

-MAN: Fingal.
-WOMAN: ...Fingal.

SERVO: So, aging lesbian nuns
run the future.

MIKE: [ Laughs ]

♪ Imagine me and you
and you and me ♪

♪ No matter
how they toss the dice ♪

♪ We'll always be ♪

Felicia, I just got the news.
Not good.

Fingal, I have data to process.

You don't understand,

they're sending me off
for a compulsory rehab.

Novicorp is always generous.
It'll do you good.

I don't need a rehab.

Oh, I'm sure you do,
or they wouldn't be sending you.

I need other things, Felicia.

SERVO: I need you to sealcoat
my driveway.

You need your rehab, Fingal.

I mean your at-work attitude
isn't exactly what it might be.

Everyone's noticed it.

How can I concentrate
on my data processing

when you're sitting across
the aisle from me?

You could get your desk changed.

-SERVO: [ Mumbling ]
-FINGAL: Listen, Felicia.

I've asked you out 67 times,

-you're always saying no...
- CROW: Huh?

FINGAL: ...and now I'm going
down to Nirvana Village

and being doppeled.

CROW: Big tanning booth.

FINGAL:
Anything could happen to me.

APOLLONIA:
Fingal's worries

about doppeling
were a little out of date.

In the five years I had
worked in Nirvana Village,

nothing had ever gone wrong,

but, of course,

almost everyone
doppeled voluntarily.

Fingal was my first
compulsory doppel.

SERVO: I didn't wanna bungle
or bobble the Fingal doppel.

They're just sleepwalkers.

MIKE: Hello?

Never saw a cinema
in their lives.

CROW: Never saw a Chris Farley
movie, Philistines.

Nothing anti-Corp about it.

SERVO: Anti-Corp.

[ Beeping ]

SERVO: Oh, someone calling
on the steel drum.

MAN: Day 275 termination
in five minutes.

Okay, so it's my first doppel.

SERVO:
I've only dabbled in doppels.

Maybe it'll be good for me.

[ Beeping ]

-MAN: Day 276...
-CROW: He's staying

-at Bill Gates' house.
-MAN: ...wakeup call

at 06:17 hours, Nirvana Village
transpod departure 07:00.

♪ Well, I hear
the transpod coming ♪

♪ It's coming around the bend ♪

MAN: ...is starting to work.

SERVO:
Does this train go uptown?

MAN: ...to say is that
Lexicorp must be stopped.

SERVO: Oh.

Fine-looking guy
in the chairman.

-A little...
-SERVO: He's pregnant?

Is that...

MAN: My friend...

So, we'll be down in Nirvana
Village anytime now, huh?

Yes.

Have you ever been
doppeled before?

-First time?
-Yeah.

MAN:
Let me tell you something.

Try it as a horse.

Stallion, always good
the first time out.

That'd be real megabucks.

MAN: Uh-hmm, 600, 700.

I got 47 credits.

What kind of a doppel
do you think that buys?

An anteater, maybe.

CROW: Whoa, huge slam
on anteaters out of nowhere.

MIKE: [ Laughs ]

♪♪

SERVO: Paneling world.

Paneling world, paneling world.

Paneling world, paneling world.

♪ Come, as you are ♪

♪ To my mall,
to my atrium, yeah, yeah ♪

SERVO: Oh, look,
there must be a Jack-in-the-Box

in the food court.

CROW: Yeah.

APOLLONIA: So, that's why
Fingal was ordered to report

to Nirvana reception,

and that's when I saw him
for the first time.

SERVO: As previously seen.

APOLLONIA:
I guess it wasn't

just his eyes.

He had this special attitude.
He didn't quite fit in.

I know most people thought
he was a pain in the neck,

but I never felt that,

even when things
were at their worst.

-Have a good doppel.
-CROW: Okay, governor.

Next?

SERVO: We'll be right there.

-Okay.
-Ident?

SERVO: That's a shame, maybe
you need a polyvinyl coating.

[ Beeping ]

Compulsory rehab?

I was thinking about a stallion.

Your credit, you should take
what you can get.

FINGAL: What's that?

CROW: Bullocks.

A mangy old baboon.

A baboon?

Name's Daisy. Good luck, buddy.

FINGAL: What's so funny?

I don't have to do this,
you know.

Suit yourself.

SERVO: You rummy Laurie.

You know the rules.

No rehab card, no work.

No work, no credits.

No credits, nothing.

Zip.

MIKE: Oh, I lost a tooth.

Doopeling rooms is over there.

CROW: Bloody Darby.

SERVO: Fashioned.

Dum-dum-dum-dum.

APOLLONIA:
My workload that day

looked like the usual
bunch of doppelers,

people going on
short doppeling vacations,

looking for a new thrill.

Having their personalities

inserted into wild animals,

so they could experience
the world

through different eyes.

MIKE: Oh, yeah, old guys
becoming pandas.

-That's the future.
-SERVO: It looks that way.

CROW: I'm Daisy,
I like poetry, rottenfruit,

and flinging my filth.

APOLLONIA: I just gotten to
Fingal's data file

when Djamilla came on shift.

SERVO: Yo, Djamilla.

DJAMILLA: Okay, kid, my turn,

unless you wanna work
my shift.

Just one second.

MAN: Mandatory rehab

unauthorized interface

with blocked cinema file.

APOLLONIA: So he'd been
scrolling up cinemas.

CROW:
Yeah, that's been established.

APOLLONIA: That was the word
you only heard whispers about.

That time I didn't even know
what one was.

SERVO: Of course I didn't know
what string was, either.

How do you supposed he managed
to scroll up cinemas?

SERVO: It's Alt+7.

Forget it.

That's why he's doing rehab
in a starving worn-out baboon,

and we're in here getting fat
on Flavo-Fibes.

CROW: Yeah, you big tubs.

MIKE: [ Laughs ]

SERVO: Oh, they opened
a syntho-flavo-door.

MIKE: Gee.

MAN:
Good morning, Doppeler Fingal.

The light shower
you will receive

will sanitize you
so that we can protect

the Nirvana Village wildlife.

MIKE:
You are supposed to be nude

while your suit is cleaning.

MAN: This is an identicube.

The first step in doppeling

is to transfer
your total identity

to the cube.

-Once the...
-I've learned about identicubes

when I was six, stupid.

SERVO: Lucy.

MAN: The identicube
is then implanted into...

Wait a minute.

SERVO: Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.

Techno crap, blah, blah.

MAN: ...every minute
of your priceless

doppeling adventure...

Forty-seven credits,
every unit I have.

Good morning, Mr. Fingal,

you are about
to begin doppeling.

My name is Apollonia James.

SERVO: I forgot for a sec.

I am the Computech

who will be monitoring
your doppel.

SERVO: Nice baboon.

Okay.

Fine with me.

We have to keep
to our schedule, Mr. Fingal.

Now, please sit down.

CROW: Please,
I can see your little Fingal.

You'll find a fresh glass
of cold Reconst

next to your chair.

SERVO: Reconst D, man.

APOLLONIA: We want you
to understand about your DP.

You know, it's ridiculous, them
sending me here for a rehab.

All I did was spend some time
looking at cinemas.

-Did you ever see one?
-SERVO: Yeah, cinemas.

No, I'm afraid not.

FINGAL: Oh, you don't know
what you're missing.

They're really something.

If you finished your Reconst,

we'd better done
with my explanation.

Since you are
a first-time doppeler,

we'll be installing a DP,

that's a doppel plug
in your brain.

-SERVO: Eww.
-What?

APOLLONIA: A DP is
a permanent installation,

so making your identicube
in the future

will just be a matter
of a few moments.

It causes no pain

and is easily covered
by any normal hair growth.

FINGAL: Wait a minute.

I change my mind.
Some other time.

Sit down, Mr. Fingal.

SERVO:
You need to tinkle, Fingal?

Nothing to worry about.

SERVO:
How about some Pringles, Fingal?

Trust me.

MIKE: Just gonna bandsaw
the top of your head off.

Just relax.

Take a deep breath.

[ Machine beeping ]

CROW: Not that deep.

APOLLONIA: You might be
interested to know

that doppeling
comes from the German,

"Doppelganger,"
meaning "double" or "twin".

MIKE: We were gonna call it
strudel-ganger, but...

Have a good Safari, Mr. Fingal.

CROW: I seem to have died.
Is that okay?

MIKE: [ Laughs ]

SERVO:
Beauty School Drop Out.

Eww.

MIKE:
Oh, I envy him right now.

Over here.

SERVO: Mike, the comic relief
lady is making me very tense.

MIKE: Yeah, me too.

Sorry about that, fella.

MIKE: The Right Tots.

-MAN: Welcome...
-WOMAN: Marco?

MAN:
...students of school 592.

-WOMAN: Have you seen Marco?
-MAN: Your tour has now reached

the doppeling transit zone.

You are requested to respect
the privacy of all doppelers.

CROW: Don't fondle the doppels.

Marco.

Oh, what's this?

A routing tag.

Each color
has a different destination,

green for the slumber room,

yellow for organ transplant,
and so on.

And blue like this?

Well, that's rather unusual.
We can talk about it later.

Is it sexy?

We'll talk about it later.

Now, come along.

The class is waiting
in the doppeling room.

SERVO: Oh,
that littlest sexual deviant.

[ Laughs ]

CROW: I'll kill him.

WOMAN:
Remember not to touch anything.

CROW:
You'll grow hair on your palms.

No.

Oh, Desiree,
you could've gotten mustard

-all over his brain.
-DESIREE: Ow.

SERVO: Is his brain sexy?

DESIREE:
Brains don't have feeling,

you told us that.

WOMAN: I also told you to wipe
your hands clean after eating.

SERVO:
The Children of the Damned Day

at the Brain Institute here?

-CROW: I guess so.
-WOMAN: It's the same thing.

DESIREE : Isn't eating
is when you sit down?

WOMAN: All right, wipe
your hands after eating

and snacking.

-No!
-SERVO: No!

I'd like to see you doppeled
into a toad.

Dummy, only a retard
would wanna be a medico.

-SERVO: Wow.
-Nice talk.

All right, class,
what is the medico doing?

DESIREE: Making an identicube.

That's right.

Making a copy
of his whole identity,

and what is it called?

SERVO:
There's your precious Canadian

healthcare system at work.

MIKE: [ Laughs ]

MAN: Computech James,

you may access
the Fingal Personal Data File.

His mother was
Emmaline Ozmondo Fingal.

-CROW: Hello, dear.
-MAN: Deceased.

Aram Fingal, who was educated
at BosNYWash Central,

graduated 997th in his class.

Okay...uh...

when I unplug the identicube...

-CROW: Yeah.
-...you'll have a blank

until it's inserted
into the host, okay?

CROW: Right there with you
-Okay?

Bye-bye, Fingal.

CROW: Get that cat out of here.

[ Machine beeping ]

SERVO: Hey, stereo cats.

MIKE: Dr. Marcia Clark.

MAN: Preparations for Fingal
doppel are complete,

48-hour doppel begun.

CROW:
Dr. Who... the hell cares.

MIKE: You know, isn't it weird
how life imitates art,

and I'm like
sleeping right now, too.

CROW: Yeah.

SERVO: Oh,
Whistler's Baboon in Repose.

-Hey.
-MIKE: What the...?

SERVO: A doppel.

CROW:
And I'm unfeeling suddenly.

FINGAL:
At least, I'm not an anteater.

SERVO:
This movie just hates anteaters.

-SERVO: What's the deal?
-CROW: Unbelievable.

SERVO: Oh, I got to run
in these, they're new.

FINGAL: Not much to look at.

It's gonna be pretty boring just
sitting on this rock all day.

Hey, wait a minute.
Hold it, hold it.

I got here first.

This is my rock.

That's sex discrimination.

How's Daisy doing?

Holding her own.

She just might make it all
the way through this doppel.

CROW: Surely, this will cure him
of his love of cinemas.

SERVO: [ Laughs ]

FINGAL: This is costing
every credit I have.

MIKE: He's gonna start
flinging in any minute now.

FINGAL:
Hey, that looks more exciting.

SERVO:
Hey, extreme babooning.

MIKE: Looks like fun.
I wonder if I could do that.

CROW:
Well, that does look fun, Mike.

If I could do that,
I'd basically never stop.

MIKE: Yeah.

FINGAL:
Can't get the hang of it.

It's harder than I thought.

MIKE: He's clumsy as a stupid,
repulsive anteater.

-APOLLONIA: Fingal.
-FINGAL: Yeah.

DJAMILLA: Seven hours
of doppling time elapsed,

program proceeding normally.

MIKE: Flame of fire's go...

-CROW: Here, boy.
-SERVO: Come on, honey.

Henry, where are you?

Henry.

Come on.

Come on, honey.

-Come on down. It's okay.
-Honey.

[ Whistles ]

Hi, hi.

-Henry.
-Henry, come on.

Honey.

Come on, boy.

-Hi, Mike.
-Hi.

-Hello?
-Come on.

Okay.

Who wants to start?

Crow does.

Well, Mike, we like Daisy
in the movie so much,

we thought it'd be fun
to have a monkey.

Oh, yeah, so we ordered one
from Instant Monkeys Online.

Yeah.

And it came instantly,
just like the ad says.

"Get your monkey instantly
with Instant Monkeys Online!"

And as soon as it got here,
it escaped from its box,

and it submissively urinated
all over your shoes, so...

-Yeah, well-- What?
-Yeah.

Well, we think
it's a sign of affection.

Anywho, Henry got all scared.

Now he's hiding up
in the rafters or something.

-Henry?
-Yeah.

We named him Henry Kissinger
because of his scalp.

Yeah.

Oh.

-Whoa. Whoa.
-Careful, Mike.

-Incoming.
-Your aggressive stance

is threatening Henry.

What?

You need to adapt
a passive posture.

Now stoop down,
and to the right.

Good.

No, no, no, your right hand
is threatening him, Mike...

Yeah, yeah, my right?

-Put it up around your head.
-Okay.

Good, good, okay,
now lull your head around.

-Like a marionette.
-Right, right, right.

Okay, stroke your chest,
stroke your chest.

No, use the back of your hand.

-Are you crazy?
-What are you doing?

Now bob up and down
and "ook" very softly.

-Are you-- Are you sure? Okay.
-Ook, ook, ook.

Well, see, it's working.

-Drool.
-Okay.

There, you see,
Henry Kissinger likes you.

Drool a little bit more.

Drool.

Ah, yes, he thinks
you're his mother.

Aw, that's so cute.

So, huh, what do you know,
commercial sign.

Well, I'll see you, Mike.

-Bye.
-But, but, but, but, but...

Wait, where are you guys going?

SERVO: Careful, Mike.

CROW: Come on,
he's mad at you again.

I will be right back.

SERVO: Keep trying.

♪♪

FINGAL: Delicious.

-Ouch.
-SERVO: Hi, Mike, you okay?

Funny. Funny.

MIKE: What happened to him?

SERVO: He looks drunk to me.

CROW:
I'm on medication, okay?

Lexicorp 185,

there's the possibility
of some minor damage

to some of the dopplers.

Nothing serious,

but it's that time
of year again.

-SERVO: What?
-The maruba fruit's ripe.

Some of the dopplers
are getting drunk.

Remember last year?

FINGAL:
Very, very, very refreshing.

Just like a nice cold Martini.

MIKE: That monkey's been
in and out of Hazelden

so many times.

SERVO:
So they doppled Oliver Reed

and Peter O'Toole, huh?

CROW: I love you, guys.

And now we're gonna graduate.

I'm never gonna see you guys
again, man.

FINGAL: I feel awful.

Daisy still managing?

Sort of.

MIKE: How about Gatsby?

She found the maruba trees.

FINGAL: Daisy, don't move.

I'll be sick.

SERVO: She's vomiting blood.

Oh.

CROW: I don't know.
It's just-- ugh, I don't know.

SERVO: The Days of Maruba Fruit
and Roses.

MIKE:
I've been gaining weight now.

FINGAL: I feel better up here.

-SERVO: Hmm.
-FINGAL: Fresh air.

SERVO: Times Square.

FINGAL: Hey, wait a minute.

What's that elephant do--?
Oh, hold it, hold it.

Wait a minute.

Hey, I'm not a baboon!
I'm a human being!

MIKE: Hey, Babar, cut it out.

FINGAL: Get me out.
I want out now.

Oh, overwrite priority!

APOLLONIA:
Emergency disengage.

Sited Fingal, Site Kenya park,
Sector J21, Code Red.

CROW: Out of paper.

Tooby here.

Input your data.

We need the subject ahead
of schedule.

Name is Aram Fingal.

Can you-- can you spell
that for me, please?

F-I-N-G-A-L.

MIKE: I gained an ounce.

What's going on?

APOLLONIA: What a mess.

Look.

Code Red.
Do you know what that means?

We'll be here all night
filling in Compu-Stats.

You don't have to go through it.
I was on duty, I'll handle it.

No way, we'll both suffer.

-CROW: Ooh.
-SLAVIN: Slavin here.

They've brought Daisy in.

She's in the doppling room,
and the medico is ready.

SERVO: Ooh, Ralph Malph here.

Damn. Why couldn't Slavin
be off-duty?

We're waiting.
Where's Fingal's body?

I called Tooby.
It must be on its way.

Must be some snafu, Apollonia.

We never had no--
any Aram Fingal.

-MIKE: Uh-hmm.
-APOLLONIA: It must be there.

They brought him up yesterday.

Economy, compulsory rehab.

Look again, Tooby.

SERVO: So, Pat Benatar...

TOOBY:
I'm notifying Slavin now.

Lexicorp 185,

I have to speak
to Walenda Irving, urgent.

Yes.

SERVO: The flying Walenda, yes.

I have some interesting news
for you, Mr. Irving.

MIKE: I finally touched her.

MAN: Unauthorized intercom
communication intercept.

SERVO: Embassy Suites
is having a free brunch! Woo.

♪♪

CROW: Ooh, teppanyaki
and video bar, nice.

MAN: Lexicorp World News
just issued a bulletin.

Novicorp's stock
is plummeting.

It dropped twenty points
in the last two minutes.

What are you going to do?

CROW: Eat.

Identicube.

SERVO: Yoooo-ga-yewww.

CROW: Elizabeth Clare Prophet
and David Duchovny, look on.

MIKE: My lunchbox
can withstand a nuclear blast.

MAN: Found him?

-We will.
-MIKE: Just find my mark here.

APOLLONIA: Here it is.

The interface of identicube
with HX 254,

they were cloning a subject.

Watch this with me, Slavin.

CROW: Put on a pink top
and watch this with me.

WOMAN: We just lost Watson.

SERVO: He came here,
we wanted him.

Best technician
of the department.

SERVO:
We're pressing your pants.

All right,
let's make this short.

CROW: Oh, why start now?

Patient's identicube
was connected to the computer

while cloning was attempted.

Cube must remain active
or electron loss results.

SERVO: Sorry, I ran over here.

We used the central computer
to simulate life experience.

But we had to set up
a control interface

from outside.

We used Watson to complete
the interface.

There was-- there was
no other way to keep contact.

CROW: David Bowie
in a brilliant cameo.

APOLLONIA:
She was going too fast for me,

but if I was to get
Fingal out of trouble,

I had to understand everything.

SERVO: Fast?

WOMAN: So I punched up
additional information,

included in the file.

SERVO: Uh-hmm.

Identicube Computer Interface.

SERVO: And other crap.

To achieve interface,

the subject's personality

is transferred
from his identicube

into the computer.

SERVO:
It's just a furnace filter.

A technician
outside the computer

must then maintain
constant contact

with the subject.

SERVO: Lay on him.

Warning: sudden increases
in energy flow

can totally erase
the technician's identity.

We plugged Watson in
to monitor. What happened?

I wouldn't have done it
if I'd realized the awful danger

he was in.

Watson was tired,
but still maintaining contact.

Then there was some kind of...

negative energy surge.

-CROW: Energy surge.
-It's as if the computer

sucked everything in.

CROW: "Sucked,"
let's go with that word, movie.

Oh, God, Watson's identity
was sucked in too.

SERVO:
I got to get back to the 10K.

He was still breathing,
vital signs fine,

but he wasn't there.

A blank brain.

CROW: Hooray for Sox.

Listen, don't do it.

Don't risk
anyone's life this way.

Nothing's worth it.

MIKE:
You see what she's wearing?

I was responsible for Fingal.

I'll make the connection.

CROW:
God, I want to make you over.

But I wish I hadn't
seen that tape.

♪♪

[ Snoring ]

I'm afraid, we don't want
to allow this interface.

Do you have any other ideas?

Well, how do you know
what he'll do in there?

I can control my own computer.

Of course you can,
under normal circumstances.

You are not responsible,
Gondol.

I suggest your interference
is less than appropriate.

-SERVO: For...
-MAN: Fingal interface ready.

-SERVO: Initiate Harpo hair.
-MAN: All right.

We're ready to begin.

-Proceed.
- Interface initiated.

SERVO: Mustache visible.

MAN: Warning:
six hours of cube life remain

before automatic destruct.

CROW: Must be Christmas
on the Borg ship.

SERVO: See you on the dark side
of Raul.

♪♪

SERVO:
Oh, look, it's embarrassing.

The poor dope figures
if he can't see the camera,

the camera can't see him.

CROW: Is that you, Fester?

MIKE: You know,
with this digital technology,

the suckiness comes through
with great clarity.

CROW: Absolutely.

-MAN: What happened?
-SERVO: Well, the ate too many

Flavo-Fibes.

Last thing I knew, I was about
to be killed by an elephant.

SERVO: I should have wrapped
him up in cellaphant.

APOLLONIA: It was eerie,
watching Fingal

creating his own reality
simulation around him.

SERVO: Well, maybe you should
Flavo-Fibes.

APOLLONIA: Especially
since he didn't even know

he was doing it.

It must be something
in that reconst she gave me.

MAN: Ready for external
tracking

personnel interconnect.

-Connect.
-SERVO: Connect.

MAN: Ms. James,
please begin tracking Fingal.

He's in there.

Wait.

Switch to analog.

SERVO: It has a warmer sound.

Locate as fast as you can.

SERVO: Why don't you reconst
your Flavo-Fibes?

Hey, take it easy.

I was living two lives
at the same time.

Part of me was outside
the computer

in my office talking
with Slavin and Jamilla,

but I was inside, too,

trying to maintain contact
with Fingal,

so I could keep
in constant touch with him.

CROW: It's a Viv Savage
Christmas ornament.

Contact.

SERVO: Oh, wait, no, Yahtzee.

I better call for a medico.

SERVO: Yeah, on the Voice-Com
Flav-o-Link Synth.

-Argh.
-WOMAN: Sorry.

This phone
is no longer available

for outgoing calls.

Wait a minute, I paid my bill.
Get me the service manager.

WOMAN:
Do not interrupt, please.

You cannot make calls
to the external world.

What?

Trust me, Fingal.

No outgoing calls.

Who's this?

WOMAN: Go to work.

I'll explain when I can.

Just stick to your routine,
no surprises.

If you do anything unexpected,
I may not be able to track you.

Listen, either I'm nuts
or you are.

I'll be in touch.

SERVO: You know, I bet nobody
ever scrolls up this cinema.

-Go to work?
-CROW: But I'm an actor.

Then, it's morning.

SERVO: Mike, it's eerie,

watching Fingal
create his own reality

simulation around him.

Very eerie.

It was essential
to always keep an exact sync

-with Fingal.
-CROW: Uh-huh.

It was the only way
we'd be able to find him

when we were ready to put him
back in his own body.

SERVO: Are you ready to put him
back in his own body?

I already accepted
the simulation of Novicorp.

I sensed he was still confused.

CROW: Or stupid.

WOMAN: I had to get in there
and explain things to him,

but I'd have to simulate
someone he'd really trust.

WOMAN: Fingal.

FINGAL: What?

SERVO: Now this.
Is this off?

FINGAL: Mom!

Hello, sonny.

What are you doing here?

SERVO:
Why aren't you Puerto Rican?

That's an entirely
healthy question, son.

The fact is I'm being
electronically simulated.

-SERVO: Whoa.
-Mom, am I nuts?

SERVO: My nuts?

No, dear, but...

This is all in your mind.

SERVO: Oh, my God.

There's been a big goof up,
and you're still in the...

SERVO: Shh,
they're talking about his area.

Negative input.

Fingal's too curious.

Girl's too eager to help.

Pork delivery's late.

Might blurt out
delicate information.

They've tucked you away
in the HX368

computer for safekeeping.

SERVO: Yum.
Swedish Puerto Rican cooking.

Finest, tallest system made.

Mom, you died a long time ago.

I haven't seen you in 15 years.

Better late than never, sonny.

SERVO: Got to get me
some of that soup.

Your instructions understood.

I will simulate a presence
to threaten them.

SERVO: Carol Channing.

-Go on, eat up.
-Uh-hmm.

While your mother tells you
something important.

SERVO: Don't talk about your
private parts in public.

Who loves you, baby?

Jamilla, something weird.

It feels like somebody else
is interfacing, too.

SERVO: Wear a cup and wash
right-- Oh, got to go.

I better be going, sonny.

Wait, wait, mom.

CROW: I ordered salad!

Meet me after work, here.

SERVO: This will keep
the swelling down.

Sonny, sonny!

The whole world's in sixes
and sevens, sonny!

CROW: Is she on the ceiling?

FINGAL: Mom!

-Mom!
-You want your spoon back?

SERVO: It's the cyst in my ear.

CROW:
Someone beat up George Will.

SERVO: Oh, yes.

In about an hour?
I don't think so.

CROW:
Clara Barton's getaway car.

MIKE: Look,
it's the aging Pee-wee up there.

What happened?

The most unfortunate accident.

Poor woman
ran across the street,

a truck came around the corner
and hit her.

SERVO: He hit her.

May I trouble you
for a light, sir?

CROW: Who's he--
who's he trying to do,

Jimmy Stewart?

James Cagney?

No, no, no, wait, wait.

John Kenneth Galbraith.

No, Ram Dass?

Terry-- Hulk Hogan maybe or...

Everybody goes to the place.

SERVO: You know,
when they have to go.

A fine bar, sir,
may I recommend it to you?

CROW: So, down one mother,
up a matchbook.

Not too bad.

MAN: Listen,
the call to script rewrites.

SERVO: Very sacred.
Let's see.

I'll take an old garden
from filth.

CROW: Well, pop on a fez
and eat some couscous, I guess.

SERVO:
Formally, that other place.

MIKE: Yeah, they hired a huge
consulting firm for millions

of bucks, and this is the name
they came up with.

CROW:
Appearing tonight, Slayer.

MIKE: Yeah.
They brought a non-perishable

food item, so he gets them free.

♪♪

[ Monkey screeching ]

You guys, come and do something
about your monkey.

You, guys.

Oh, great.

Now Pearl's calling.

[ Monkey screeching ]

And now,

a very special preview

of a special pledge
week special.

We are so fortunate
to present to you

our viewer.

Pearl,

Pearl,

Pearl,

Pearl,

Pearl.

♪♪

[ Applause ]

When loving lovers love

When loving love
on wings of gold

And loving love we fly above

Their love is such a soft
and precious love

It's love

A lovely love is all
we seem to need

when we're in loving love

But then... it's gone

It is nothing but a memory

Memory...

Memory...

Memory...

And then it's back
and loving lovers love again

Who knows where it flies?

Lustrous love must rise

Into the endless skies

A new day shining bright

Your heart has wings to fly

And no one else can fly

I really can't say why

I really do like pie

I know a couple guys

They really do like pie

And loving lovers love
as loving lovers love

Golden, shimmering, lustrous...
lovely, loving, loving love

[ Applause ]

[ Bell ringing ]

What...

a performer.

The lovely,

leggy,

Pearl Forester.

Hey, I can sing, too!

And now you find yourself

in '82.

Come on, fur face.

Oh, is that all you got,
banana breath?

Come on,
show me something good.

Oh, okay, must be my birthday.
Here it comes.

Ooh. Ow.

[ Alarm blaring ]

[ Door slamming ]

♪ You must remember this:
this movie really sucks ♪

Because it's fly soup, sir,
that's why.

♪♪

CROW: Are you buying
or selling, sailor?

What's going on here?

Now I'm making up
my own movies?

SERVO: Oh, could you make up
a better one than this?

Hey, the maître d's Ted Baxter.

CROW: Oh, no.

[ Singing ]

CROW: Hey,
a midget rabbi cowboy, look.

SERVO: Yippie-aye-oy-vey.

[ Singing ]

CROW: Mike, is that lady sick?

MIKE: I hope so.

Lola likes you, Fi.

Not now, sweetheart.

He's got some talking to do,
all right, but with me.

Tell the piano player,
play anything you want, Lola.

Drinks on the house.

SERVO:
That's kind of inconvenient.

Lola will see you later, Fing.

CROW:
Yeah, I'm gonna score with me

tonight, yeah.

SERVO: Where was I?

[ Singing ]

-CROW: Sexy.
-APOLLONIA: Fingal...

We have to talk about all this.

Apollonia, is it you?

What are you doing here?

APOLLONIA: Will you please stop
trying to figure things out?

You're making it harder on me.

I'm making it harder?

My mother who died years ago
tells me I'm not real,

I'm inside the Novicorp's
central computer?

APOLLONIA: That's right.

Then she gets run over
by a truck?

We set up the interface
until we find your body.

SERVO: We've got one
on back order.

You lost my body?

What's this?

It's a simulation.

You've created a kind of reality
inside the computer.

When do I get out?

We'll find you, don't worry.

But we can't just leave
your cube lying around

while we look
for the rest of you.

-CROW: Is this Ishtar?
-All you have to do is relax.

And please don't mess things up.

SERVO: And come to you BVM
one-woman show.

I'm not the one
who messed things up

in the first place, am I?

Am I?

All right, Fingal.

CROW: You once said
I was a warped, frustrated...

All right, Fingal.

MIKE: Wow, Tom Wolfe
with a thyroid problem.

SERVO: Ooh, yummy.

-CROW: Uh-hmm.
-We're doing the best we can.

SERVO: All I can eat?
The joke's on them.

I have to go.

Wait a minute.

CROW: I went out of this
movie, too.

I can't keep this up.

You must listen to me, okay?

If you feel alive, it's normal.

Normal?

Is it normal when the woman
you're talking to

turns into a head with a veil
hanging down over nothing?

I think you better be going
now, Fingal.

Come back to my place anytime.

SERVO: We're getting
a karaoke machine.

Ding.

I'll have what I'm having.

Stay away from the fat man,
Mr. Fingal.

CROW: He smells like feet.

SERVO: Ding.

MIKE: Formerly, the locale.

♪♪

So, that's who was
after Fingal.

I figured I better lie low
for a bit.

The fat man was, in fact,
the Novicorp chairman.

I can't believe I'm making
the whole thing up.

Most assuredly, sir.

The whole ball of wax.

MIKE: David Brenner.

CROW: Well, he can walk too fast
or he'll run out of set.

There was only one way
to keep a lid on things.

Fingal had to go back
to his old work routines.

It was boring,
but it was the only way

to keep him out of trouble.

SERVO: So, more boring, then.

CROW: Oh.

Chairman's getting involved
was bad news.

He could call off the search
for Fingal's body.

Five hours of cube life remain
before automatic destruct.

I'd only been monitoring
Fingal for an hour,

but it felt like years.

CROW: Yeah, tell us about it.

MIKE: And these are all the
people who were writing scripts

for Parker Posey.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

I should have known.

As soon as Fingal was back
at work data processing,

his old boredom resurfaced.

I can't stand this anymore.
I'm so bored.

SERVO: Okay.
Which one of us said that?

CROW: You know, I felt that.

Maybe I had to put up
with it out there,

but not in here.

SERVO: I'm going to get a Glock
and mow these people down.

Listen!

We're nothing more than a byte
in a giant computer!

-ALL: I'm okay with that.
-CROW: It's fine.

WOMAN: Fingal,
if you don't watch out,

you're going to get yourself
into real trouble.

If you're so bored, there
are a lot of little things

you can change.

Okay, Ms. Computech
Apollonia James, I will.

CROW: My coffee coupon.

SERVO: Oops, I leaked.

I'm gonna give the hell out
of these flowers.

CROW: That steams my mustache.

I am working, Mr. Fingal.

FINGAL: Listen, Felicia,

why don't we just walk out
of here and go back to my place

and make love?

SERVO: Whoa, I wanna work
in data entry.

Is that your idea of a joke?

Do you wanna get us fired?

Not a satisfactory reply,
Felicia.

SERVO:
Oh, there's a fly in here.

[ Indistinct ]

CROW: What's that,
kill myself?

Okay.
Not a problem.

Now, shall we go back
to my place and make love?

SERVO: This is sexual harassment
and I'm gonna take it.

CROW: Whoa.
Look familiar, Mike?

MIKE: Um, probably not.
Not for you.

Oh, I thought you'd never ask,
big boy.

SERVO: Well, I'm actually
size-doesn't-matter boy.

♪♪

I wouldn't wish
that no-good-drone on anyone.

Now, he started playing
around with himself.

CROW: Whoa!

MIKE: Man, kids are tuned
in right now to watch Barney.

So I sing you to syntho-sleep
after the techno-love

♪♪

Oh, not now, Felicia, please.

Why not?

Well, it's all we did last night
and the night before.

I'm tired.

Frankly, I'm bored.

CROW: That's why you kept
saying William Hurt's name.

Bored?

SERVO: We could spice things up,
maybe invite Fing to watch.

MIKE: We don't even get
this far before the crying.

CROW: Yup.

You know, if only she had turned
into a cold beer,

it would've been perfect.

[ Beeper beeps ]

SERVO:
Was that the lady's beeping?

Yeah.

You're too much, Fingal,
you know that?

Wait a minute.

You're the one who told me
to change things

if I didn't like them.

And this is what you mean
by changing things?

Why not?

I'm entitled to a little bit
of happiness, aren't I?

Happiness?

CROW: You were raised Catholic.

Happiness?

Listen to me, Fingal,
your navel is very deep.

I can't even see
to the bottom of it.

And if you fall in, I can't
guarantee to pull you out.

What is it with you?

First, you tell me
to go out and change things,

instead of sitting around.

Now, you want me to sit around?

Why don't you go try
and figure out what you want

-and then come back?
-SERVO: Yeah.

What I want is to get you back

inside your body
and be rid of you.

-Fine!
-SERVO: Fine?

I wanna get back
to my life, too, you know.

Oh, if this one-handed exercise

is all you can think of
to do with your life...

-CROW: Whoa.
-...you're a very little man,

and I'm very disappointed
in you.

SERVO: Is this still
the officially sanctioned

boring part?

You had me fooled.

SERVO: You replaced my coffee
with Folgers Crystals.

I was beginning to think
that you are someone special.

It's a good thing we don't have
to like each other, isn't it?

Because you're definitely
not my kind of woman.

SERVO: Ooh.
CROW: Ooh.

Well, now you are, actually.

SERVO:
Film and soap opera vision.

I can't go on with this.

MIKE: We'll return to
"Days of R. Fingal" after this.

SERVO: Oh, did they just switch
to the dinner menu here?

I'm trying to do
the right thing, Fingal,

but I'm not sure what that is.

SERVO: Well, slapping him
seemed like a good start.

You're going to have to tell me
what to do.

Okay. I will.

SERVO: Let's slip into something
more virtual.

♪♪

Here's looking at you, kid.

CROW: Here's looking at you,
taunte.

SERVO: Here's looking at you,
biquitous.

MIKE: Here's looking at you,
lysses.

♪♪

SERVO: Of all the public
television stations

in the world.

That was some show
at the circuit.

Yeah.

I hate these things.

SERVO: Hey,
don't Bogart that, man.

I thought you weren't
gonna make waves.

It just happened.

I didn't do anything
on purpose.

She just-- I've had it.

If I'm in charge of what
happens to me in here,

I'm not gonna go
on being a zombie,

like all those
other zombies at work.

CROW: I'll be a better zombie.

And what are you gonna do?

I don't know,

but I've got to get
the hell out of here.

Novicorp isn't helping,

so I guess I'm gonna
have to punch

my own buttons
for a change.

SERVO: Nah, you've been
doing enough of that, mister.

CROW: Geez.

SERVO: Whoa!

Kitchen alert!

Who's that guy?

CROW: Crap.

And I'm running the prime
ribs special tonight.

He plays dirty, Fingal,
and he plays for good.

So do I, Rick.

And it's my play now.

MIKE: What say you and me,
uh-hmm?

SERVO: Oh, more
'80s video technology.

I couldn't believe it.

Fingal was going to try
to reprogram the HX368

while he was still inside it.

CROW: Now, that's what
I found out later talking

to the screen writer.

♪♪

SERVO: Hi.
Did you lose your bananas?

Would you leave me alone?
I don't want any fruit.

WOMAN: Couldn't get his
Casablanca fantasy

out of his head.

And Casablanca gets really hot
during the summer.

Invalid format, quit or retry?

MIKE: Contact your network
administrator.

What is your access code?

SERVO: Bite my five
and a quarter floppy.

Fingal was taking on
the mainframe computer

that more or less
ran the world.

Now I was terrified.

If he did manage to write
his own programs,

anything could happen.

CROW: But no matter what,
we won't show it.

He was stubborn.

Invalid format, quit or retry?

I'm gonna keep on
until I crack you open.

Fingal,
you have to do something...

-MIKE: Oh, man.
-...about the heat.

-We can't work.
-What do you expect?

This is Casablanca, 103,
and probably getting hotter.

SERVO: And get lost,
Cat Stevens.

Can't you find
some other reality?

Why don't you see
your psychist?

I'm not giving up
my fantasies, lady,

not for you or anyone else.

And you don't exist,
so just disappear, will you?

SERVO: I mean, you smell
like you exist but...

You can sit there all day.
I'm not seeing any psychist.

From now on, I'm doing
what I wanna do, get it?

CROW: And gets young.

Apollonia.

Listen, I don't understand
how you did it,

but what happens in here
can have an effect out there.

You can't just play games,
Fingal.

Apollonia.

MIKE: Oh, now,
she's Joan Blondell again.

I haven't seen you for weeks.

Get back to work, Fingal.

SERVO: You make me tingle,
Fingal.

Fingal, are you single?

Give me a jingle.

MIKE: Oh, good one.

What is your access code?

CROW:
Where do you wanna go today?

All over this movie.

That's where I wanna go.

Invalid format,
quit or retry?

SERVO:
I'll take quit for 25, Alex.

Okay.

♪♪

We both take a break.

MIKE: We both said things
we'll regret.

Hey, Fingal, can't you do
something about the heat?

CROW: Well, some like it hot,

and some sweat
when the heat is on.

SERVO: Your new backyard!

♪♪

MIKE: Ah, I wandered
into the ladies room.

CROW: Man, that's why
they stay in there so long.

Yeah, those ladies,
they get everything.

SERVO: Man, ladies!

Good afternoon, Mr. Fingal.

I trust you're enjoying
Casablanca?

Very amusing city, Fat Man.

I have a communication for you.

CROW: Bite me.

Well, thanks,
but I have an appointment.

Hey, Fingal,
where are you going?

The boss would like
to talk to you.

Shut up and listen.

Good of you to spare me
the time, Mr. Fingal.

-[ Burping ]
-I will be brief.

The powers that be

want you to know
that they've discovered

what happened to your body.

They found me?

They discovered,

one of the children,

who observed your doppling,

labeled the joke on you.

He switched the tag
from your body

to another body.

[ Coughs ]

Where am I?

[ Laughs ]

Well, unfortunately,

the little rascal
couldn't remember what color tag

he put on your body.

CROW: Breathing knocks
the wind out of this guy.

Even after a rather
intensive questioning.

But there is still hope.

How much hope?

FAT MAN:
That depends on you, Fingal.

If you persist
in trying to interfere

with the HX368 programs,

I guarantee

your body will not be found
in time.

Don't threaten me, Fat Man.

SERVO: This is what happens
when you have to put offseason

Santas to work.

[ Splash ]

SERVO:
Grab hold of the watercress.

[ Laughs ]

I don't make threats,
Mr. Fingal,

only promises.

SERVO:
Oh, and a great pork roll.

[ Laughs ]

Here's a towel, Fingal.

CROW: Those damn thugs
giving him a towel.

[ Laughs ]

SERVO: Quick-drying Fingal, too.

MIKE: Formerly The Site.

CROW: Boy,
Morocco must be moving.

They got all their stuff
in these boxes here.

[ Chuckles ]

MIKE: Oh, blessed, St. Humphrey.

SERVO: He wandered
into an English pub.

CROW: Sorry, mate.

-Apollonia.
-Hurry, quick.

You're gonna get hit.

They're shooting darts at us.

It'll be fatal
within two seconds.

-FINGAL: Oh, my God.
-CROW: Well, run.

SERVO: The Uga Buga Tribe.

APOLLONIA: I can't always
be there, Fingal,

getting your system stuff on me.

FINGAL: I'll be okay.

You look after yourself.

APOLLONIA:
My job is looking after you,

and you sure aren't
making it easy.

CROW: No, butter knives.

If you think I'm the one
who's trying to kill me,

you're crazy, Apollonia.

Can you just shut up
and listen?

This is no time
for a serious conversation.

Go.

MIKE: Oh.

CROW: The fiends,
they're bombing rattan shops.

APOLLONIA: I don't know
what all of this does to you,

but you've got to stop trying
to reprogram the computer.

Yeah, I guess that's
what they think, too.

We put you into the HX368
to keep you safe, you owe us.

I'm just trying to save my ass,
and right now,

I'm having a damn
hard time of it.

-SERVO: He said "ass".
-MIKE: Yeah.

Listen, I know you're trying
to do your job,

but please,
why don't you get out of here?

CROW: Oh, she's trying
to impersonate Ingmar Bergman,

isn't she?

Fingal.

MIKE: I've got a fever
for the flavor of Fingal.

We can't stay here.

♪♪

CROW: Damn trendy cigar bars.

Apollonia?

Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry.

SERVO: He's a village people.

CROW: He thought I was a black
male construction worker,

it's cute.

♪♪

SERVO: Well,
I killed that rhino.

Okay.

Let's try alpha numerics.

Start with a two-letter prefix.

MIKE: Very good.

-SERVO: Thank you.
-CROW: Huh.

You know, I'd rather watch

the kind of hackers
who spit a lot.

SERVO: HX369--

8.

-SERVO: Ooh, a bug on my desk.
-I got access.

SERVO: Abcess?

CROW: Varicose desk.

SERVO: He cracked the code
to scrubbing bubbles.

CROW: Scrubbing bubbles.

[ Thunder rumbling ]

♪ It's raining men,
hallelujah ♪

MAN: Ready for a game
of Battleship, sir.

Are there any storms
programmed for today?

No, sir.

I knew it.

Fingal's accessed again.

[ Ducks quacking ]

SERVO: They have ducks
in their computer.

MAN: Oh, a whole lot
of plaque in your artery, sir.

What?

CROW: Seven copies collated.

Attention,
all personnel leave now.

Got you, Fat Man.

♪♪

MIKE: Yeah, see these guys?

They were rejected
from Men Without Hats.

SERVO: Oh,
really bad musicians, huh?

MIKE: No.
You see, they wear hats.

SERVO: Oh, so the brim gets in
their way of reading the music?

MIKE: No, look, forget it,
just never mind.

♪♪

MIKE: Fat Guy's marathon,
26.2 feet.

SERVO: In the future,
puerile ruses will still work.

Started with HX.

MIKE: Oh, just gotta relax
with my Gameboy for a minute.

Yeah. Then what?

The variance?

CROW: Oh, no. Oh, no.

What if this is still
the pre-credit sequence?

Got it.

Repeat it, 368.

SERVO: And my garage door
should open.

IY...

479.

SERVO: Oh, I get it,
because they're wearing hats.

-CROW: Ooh.
-MIKE: Yeah.

SERVO: That's good, Mike.

CROW: Sherlock.

MIKE: It's a hologram
of the effectiveness

of liquid plumber.

Yeah.

Yeah!

SERVO: Oh, this movie hurts!

-Oh!
-I got it.

CROW: The chairman
has got really bad dandruff.

MIKE:
This is how much pure cocaine

you would need
to enjoy this movie.

CROW: Ah, so this is public
television, huh?

Sometimes, I feel like beating
the crap out of Fred Rogers.

-MIKE: I know.
-I'm not making this up.

MIKE:
I'm not cleaning it up, either.

I got to find Rick.

London Weather reports
hurricanes and blizzards.

Thames River flooding
Parliament.

Florida reports five inches
of snow.

Fingal's accessed
my weather interface.

SERVO: And I'm out of cutlets.

Abort new program soonest.

Invalid format,
quit or retry?

Iceland and Greenland
in midst of heat waves.

He couldn't have done all this.

-MIKE: Love is a battlefield.
-SERVO: Uh-hmm.

Is this how you control
that lunatic?

It's summer, and there is
a blizzard out there.

Rain and typhoons in the south!
Floods, cyclones!

Everything is out of control.

James, am I mistaken?

SERVO: Or are you deep-fried?

Are you not an employee
of Novicorp?

Of course, I am.

FAT MAN: And you have certain
loyalties to us?

SERVO: Yes, Mr. Fat.

FAT MAN: All right.

Stop romanticizing.

Find him.

Chastise him.

If there is one more
catastrophe,

we will not deliberate.

We will terminate him.

SERVO: Oh, no.
Ear the police.

[ Siren wailing ]

CROW:
Now it's changed ownership.

Now it's a gentleman's club.

Well, Mr. Fingal, you've
created quite an event, sir.

Yeah.
It's the beginning, Pierre,

now that he can enter
his own programs.

Hey, Rick,
I just stumbled into it.

MIKE: Ah, yes,
Mr. Geffen is expecting you.

You're too modest, Mr. Fingal.

He's just
getting started, Pierre.

He could be a contender.

Come on.
I didn't do anything.

You did a hell of a lot,
and you're gonna do

a damn sight more.

Yeah.

I guess I made some waves.

It's a pleasure, my dear sir,
to see the waves you made.

CROW: Hey, hey, hey,
don't do that thing

with your finger
when you shake my hand.

[ Thunder rumbling ]

SERVO: God! I told you
you're barred from here

until you pay your past tab.

[ Thunder rumbling ]

♪ You can't always get
what you want ♪

MIKE: Back off the stick,
cut the engine.

Cut.

CROW: And that's poison oak
on your naughty bits, Ma'am.

FINGAL: Apollonia?

SERVO: This gal just needs to
go home, wait for him to call.

Is it really you?

SERVO: Or just a fig leaf
of my imagination?

CROW: Mike.

MAN: Here's some more
commandments I forgot.

APOLLONIA: Thou shalt not
screw around with things

thou does not understand.

Thou shalt not meddle
in Novicorp Hardware,

or Novicorp shall hold
thee responsible.

Thou shalt not break out
of HX368.

Thou shalt not program.

Where's my body?

Hold thy horses, wait it out.

And thou shalt soon
see the light

at the end of the tunnel.

FINGAL: I promise,
no more meddling around.

And you don't need
all that pizzazz.

You're enough.

SERVO: Do you have
these in pocket size?

Goddess of transitory.

-SERVO: Yeah.
-APOLLONIA: Promise me.

Promise me.

♪ You can't always get
what you want ♪

So, where's the monkey?

Oh, never mind him, Mike.

Come on. Synth my dopple
down to the nanites

and monitor both my queue time
and my Fingal time.

Hey. Why are you so eager
to get down

to the nanite world?

Oh, you know,
I'm feeling a little wicked.

I wanna go down there and
mess with the little shrimps.

You know, have a few laughs,
just shake them up.

You see, that doesn't
sound very nice.

Huh?

Oh, no, I won't be too hard
on them.

Just rattle
their cages a little bit.

Yank their chains,
push them around.

Just get a few kicks.

You know, kicks.

Yeah. Well, don't be
too rough on them, okay?

Ah, yeah.
Just dopple my Fingal.

I'll show you some fun stuff.

All right.

SERVO: Hey, nanites.

Hey, you little pipsqueaks,
a giant walks among you.

Ooh, it looks like I landed
in the rough part of town here.

Hey, hello?

Where are those
little idiots, anyway?

MAN: Well, well, well,
what do we have here, Mookie?

MOOKIE: I don't know, Slicer.

Looks like a college boy to me.

SERVO: Um, hi, fellas.

MAN: So, Mookie,
did I just hear this punk

calling me an idiot?

SERVO: Oh, no, no, not you. No.

MOOKIE: And so, what,
you're calling me idiot, then?

-I was--
-Okay. Excuse me a second.

Mike, you didn't have to
synth me down quite so small.

I'm sorry, Tom.
It's out of my control.

What's up, Mike?

Oh.

Servo synth-o dopple thing
is down in the nanite world.

MOOKIE: You come around
dissing our neighborhood,

Mr. College?

SERVO: No. No. No. No.

MOOKIE: You know
you're gonna take a beating.

- Hold him, Slicer.
-SERVO: Oh, boy, help.

Oh, come on, guys, I've never
even been to college.

Please, help me!

Oh, wow.

Servo's dopple
is getting his butt kicked.

You think we should
bring him out?

Nah, teach him a lesson,
you know?

Yeah. Tough love, right?

-Yeah.
-We'll be right back.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, Henry, there you are.

♪♪

-MIKE: You all right?
-What happened?

SERVO: I got a headache.
I don't know.

-MIKE: Oh, it'll be fine.
-He'll stay in line now. Great.

They're going to owe you,
Apollonia.

-SERVO: Oh.
-I bet you get a promotion

out of this if you don't
blow everything

by fighting with the chairman.

I don't care about a promotion.

That loony Fingal is starting
to get to you, isn't he?

He's not crazy.

MIKE: Well, sure,
he eats mittens, but...

I don't know.

Maybe I shouldn't have gone
in there like that.

-MIKE: Yeah.
-Warning, 60 minutes

to cube destruct.

CROW: I'll just add more toner.

Tooby here.

APOLLONIA:
Time's running out, Tooby.

We're close.

We've only got
two areas left to search.

He's got to be in one of them.

Keep me posted,
will you, Tooby?

-MIKE: Or not, Tooby.
-Thanks.

[ Machine beeping ]

SERVO: That just keeps
chucking rectangles at you.

MIKE: Can Woody Allen bring
a lawsuit against these people?

CROW: I don't think Woody
is gonna be bringing

too many lawsuits
against anyone, frankly.

Fasten your seatbelt, Fingal.

MIKE: It's the law.

You're in for a bumpy ride.

MIKE: Well, now all about Eve,

why don't they just have
The Bowery Boys

-come through the movie?
-SERVO: Yeah.

CROW: For crying out loud.

RICK: I heard you were leaving.

CROW: I have something
caught in my teeth, hold on.

RICK: Probably just as well.

SERVO: Now Sinatra shows up?

I can't stay here, Rick.

I'm going to work every day
behaving like a good boy,

like I promised Apollonia.

-MIKE: He promised Apollonia?
-There's no way out.

And I don't have much time left.

RICK: So you're gonna
go out crying?

SERVO: Yes, and wetting,
actually.

RICK: I thought you were gonna
try for something really big?

SERVO: Aah, Hitler.

-MIKE: Or a guy in a car.
-CROW: Yeah.

-FAT MAN: Mr. Fingal!
-SERVO: Santa!

I see you got in time.

For what, Fat Man?

FAT MAN: I've taken
the liberty of arranging

for some papers for you,

as for the exit visa,
that sort of thing.

SERVO: And I'm big-boned,
by the way.

Your most recent reports
were very positive, Mr. Fingal.

RICK: Ain't that just great?

FAT MAN: It would be very wise

to think of traveling
and enjoying yourself.

Is that what
you're gonna do, Fingal?

Enjoy yourself?

Lay off, will you, Rick?

MIKE: Let's just get
through the movie.

I don't have to be a big man.
It was crazy of me

to try reprogramming the HX368.

-CROW: Uh-huh.
-Luckily you stopped in time.

SERVO: Dadum, da, da, da, die!

Dadum, da, da, da, crap!

WOMAN: Come on, Fingal.

The plane is leaving.

You're gonna spend
the rest of your life

-playing it straight?
-CROW: Wow.

It's my only chance.

If you had made any more trouble
for them, Mr. Fingal,

they would have been forced
to erase your existence here.

That would have been
most unfortunate.

Yeah? Well, maybe
I would've found

my own way to get out.

CROW: Oh, sorry.
Burped up...

I highly doubt it.

You think he can't do it?

I think he's a fool
to risk everything

for his silly games.

I guess that's
what he was doing.

-The hell I was.
-SERVO: [ Gasps ]

Mike, he said "hell".

Plane, Mr. Fingal,
you don't want to miss it.

There's nothing more boring
than playing it safe, Fingal.

Let me accompany you
to the plane, Mr. Fingal.

Shut up, Fat Man!

SERVO: You...you, anteater.

Better safe than dead, Rick.

That's a matter of opinion.

FAT MAN: Mr. Fingal,
they're ready for takeoff.

Here, Fat Man,
you take the trip.

SERVO: And yes, there's a meal.

My compliment!

You're a very foolish man,
Mr. Fingal.

-CROW: A lot of faith.
-FAT MAN: From now on,

whatever happens
is your responsibility,

is that clear?

SERVO: To Wendy's!

[ Laughs ]

Sure would be glad
to hear you'll be staying on

for a while.

SERVO: Oh. They're
holding hands with himself.

Da, da, da, da, da, suck.

Da, da, da, go away.

Da, da, end, end, end, end.

CROW: Okay.

Here I'll show you
why they call me "Frenchie".

SERVO: Wipe your windshield
clean with Rain-X.

CROW: Hmm.
The watch is delicious.

-Hmm.
-Oh, Fingal.

Warning. You have 28 minutes
to cube destruct.

Identicube may begin loss
of personality traces.

Please concentrate.

You must not let the contact
with Fingal be broken.

CROW: More gravy.

Pity about that, Mr. Chairman.

You might not have
another chance.

Neither will Fingal.

I've added a new security lock
to the access program.

Now, he can go on
trying forever.

CROW:
How's your homework, honey?

Thanks, Pierre.

Any progress, sir?

No, the bastard changed
the access code on me.

I have to start all over
from square one.

I'm confident you'd find
a way, Mr. Fingal.

CROW: Thank you,
Floyd the pervert.

Sorry, Fingal, but we're
gonna have to open up

-in a few minutes.
-CROW: Roll some setups.

Sure, I'm not getting
anywhere anyway.

[ Techno sounds ]

MIKE: Is that a tick
she keeps fiddling with?

It seems that you have
lost contact with Fingal.

Please try to regain it.

You are letting your emotions
disrupt your concentration.

-Wait a minute.
-SERVO: My nuts!

[ Laughter ]

FINGAL: Why didn't
I think of that before?

It's so simple.

Reverse the access code.

He probably thought I'd never
try something so simple.

CROW: You know, if this works,
I am gonna spank you, movie.

SERVO: Notions.

Welcome, Aram Fingal.

I offer you access
to my programming.

SERVO:
He offers access to anybody.

-CROW: Yeah.
-SERVO: Oh.

I'm requesting program access.

CROW: I'm requesting
movie jump up my butt.

MAN: What program
do you wish to call up,

Aram Fingal?

Fingal's accessed again.

SERVO: I want more butter
on my hand.

[ Techno sounds ]

SERVO:
Hear no movie, see no movie,

be no movie.

CROW: Oh, I could hear
my hands roar.

I've got him.

She's found him.

SERVO: Sir, the brisket.

APOLLONIA: Fingal,
I've got to talk to you.

SERVO: Watch tower, damn it.

FAT MAN: Mr. Fingal.

You and I must have
another little...

CROW: Bring out your dad.

We're closed, Fat Man.

How odd, good sir,
that the Fat Man always emerges

just after she has
made contact again?

Wait a minute.

Apollonia wouldn't give me
away to him.

RICK: No, I'm saying
she would, kid,

but it sure looks
like she's part of it.

MIKE: Oh, excuse me,
were we supposed to do

some readings for this movie,
that I miss on?

SERVO: Well,
I had a pencil stuck up there.

CROW: Let me get you
some juice, and then I'll leave.

Fingal?

MIKE: Would you like to mingle?
Maybe a slice of Danish kringle?

Take it easy.

You're exhausted.

That's not what happened.

He shut me out,

maintaining contact
takes the both of us.

Find him again,
Ms. James, at once.

We must not lose contact.

SERVO: Were we just yelled
at by a pork roast?

He's been using me
to track Fingal, hasn't he?

CROW: You're saying I'm fat,
aren't you?

No wonder he disconnect.

SERVO: "Disconnected,"
not that I give a flying--

I meant.

[ Techno sounds ]

CROW: Finally,
I killed my virtual pet.

Okay.

Let's try...

Escalate access.

CROW: Yeah, let's try that!

-Yeah, wee!
-Phase Two.

MIKE: All right. Sorry.

♪♪

MAN:
You have reached Phase Two.

You now can program
all intercorp

and personal
financial transactions.

[ Laughing ]

MIKE: Ha, ha, Fang, ha, ha!

Sure is better
than watching fireworks.

Genius, pure genius.

CROW: Couldn't save this film.

♪♪

Beginning re-distribution
of Novicorp shares.

-MAN: Oh.
-SERVO: I'm farting

-Monopoly cards.
- June Dunley,

25 shares, Novicorp.

Matthew Carsley,
80 mega credits.

SERVO: Well,
they're all getting credits

where credits are due.

-CROW: Shh.
- Lora Smurf.

SERVO: Sorry.

Three hundred
and fifty credits.

William Gardener,
87 shares Novicorp.

CROW: Hey, he followed us home,
can we keep him?

APOLLONIA: Fingal!

Where was he?

SERVO: He was
in the food service freezer.

They're gonna chip him,
and cream him,

and serve him over toast
if someone noticed.

That kid has some
sense of humor.

SERVO: Yeah, whatever.

Scram, Flowbee.

WOMAN: He was next in line
for a sex-change operation.

What good that does us now?
We've got the body,

but we can't do anything with it
because we don't have the mind.

WOMAN: What's happening?

Haven't you heard?

The computer's going crazy.

CROW: He sounds like Barney.

It's ordering bonuses
for 50 credits

- for every employee.
-CROW: I love you.

And stock bonuses.

MIKE: Tee, hee, hee,
hee, hee, hee.

I think I'm gonna go
for a drink.

CROW: And George said
he'd tell me about the rabbits,

so...

♪♪

CROW:
They're juicing Jerry Garcia.

♪♪

MIKE: You know, she looks like
a gray with a wig on.

CROW: Yeah.

SERVO:
Someone should buy her a nose.

CROW: Oh, wow.

Thrill as she thinks.

SERVO: Winston Churchill's
mobbed up brother, Veto.

All right, Fingal.

CROW: I'll have the waffles.

SERVO: Man, I hate anteaters.

[ Car engine revving ]

He's here!

CROW: Grandpa, grandpa!

♪♪

MIKE: Well, that'll stop
the 400 pound guy

who smells pancakes.

Behind the bar.
We will bluff him.

CROW: I'll put on a robe
and pretend I'm Frangelico.

[ Knocking ]

FAT MAN: Open up, Rick.

We know he's in there.

SERVO: Wow, heck, Pier One
promised that would work.

CROW: Hmm.

SERVO: Oh.

We demand that you set up
a delicious buffet.

Where is he?

Club's closed, Fat Man.

I'm on vacation.

I've come for Fingal, Rick.

CROW: Fingalrick? What is that?
Some kind of a Rhine wine?

FAT MAN: Search the place.
He must be here somewhere.

SERVO: Oh, Rolf, no.

I wish my brother, George,
were here.

Oh, Rick, oh.

He died protecting
the Cointreau.

That was my best geek.

Stay where you are.

SERVO: I'm getting
your heart attack pills.

MIKE: Geez.

♪♪

CROW: And, you know,
Eraserhead was easier

to follow than this movie.

MIKE: That's-- is that
James Joyce back there?

-CROW: It is.
-SERVO: Riverrun.

Ms. James, why are you
voluntarily breaking contact

-with Fingal?
-MIKE: Yeah.

SERVO: What is your deal?

-Oh.
-You are losing him!

CROW:
His lava lamp's out of control.

SERVO: He looks drunk to me.

Hey, you know what? It's Tazz.

[ Makes noise ]

-What now?
-CROW: Try jiggling it.

♪♪

MIKE: Moliere looks on.

Fingal?

Fingal, you are mine.

CROW: With Bearnaise sauce.

Thank you, Ms. James.

Your contact with Fingal
is no longer required.

You will no longer be able
to communicate with him.

Cube destruct, three minutes.

SERVO: The director's neck
right in my hands.

CROW: Yeah.

FAT MAN: Fingal, you are mine!

SERVO: [ Whistles ]

[ Belches ]

Mr. Fingal.

CROW: Draw me some butter.

FAT MAN:
You are being terminated.

SERVO: With extreme pork chops.

FAT MAN: Stay out of it, Rick.

♪♪

CROW: Well,
I feel so sorry for his shirt.

One sec, Rick.
That's all I need.

Stay out of it, Rick.

[ Techno sounds ]

I'm interfaced!

[ Indistinct ]

[ Screams ]

SERVO: The prime rib is gone.

Fingal.

-Fingal.
-CROW: Der Bingle,

Kris Kringle, Pat Hingle.

♪♪

♪ You must remember this ♪

My liver has been pierced.

MIKE: Oh, I don't know.

I guess, I'm more
disappointed than shocked.

CROW: I should probably marry
the catsups before I die.

SERVO: Hey, did you hear?

I'm interfaced, you know?

-RICK: Fingal.
-SERVO: How about that, huh?

It's up to you.

It's okay, buddy.

I can handle it.

CROW: And just what is the "it"
which is to him up

at which he can perhaps handle?

MIKE: That, I don't know.

He didn't tell me
what the dinner special was.

SERVO:
But now that he's interfaced,

we're gonna see some, uh, uh...

-MIKE: I don't know.
-FAT MAN: Well, Mr. Fingal,

it is your turn.

CROW: To feed me.

Cube destruct, 90 seconds.

SERVO: Oh, here's the big one.

♪♪

SERVO: Hang on.

I'm passing a ham
through my left ventricle.

CROW: Ah.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

See, with him
being interfaced and all,

it really makes sense
that he, uh, you know,

no, forget it.

MIKE: Man, it's a real dilemma
because, you know,

Fingal's the only
cook on tonight.

SERVO: People with pacemakers,
do not watch Raul Julia here.

CROW: Think of the sausages
I'll never eat.

MAKE: Most face
any screen has ever held.

CROW: Yeah.

Cube destruct, 30 seconds.

Come on, Fingal.

SERVO: Come on, what?

CROW: You know, my apathy
is palpable at this point.

MIKE:
T-zones, graphically portrayed.

Cube destruct, 15 seconds.

[ Screams ]

SERVO: Yay!

Why am I cheering?
I don't know, but yay.

♪ One less cake to baking ♪

♪ Twelve less eggs to fry ♪

Cube destruct...

Five, four, three...

-Two, one.
-SERVO: Ah, shut up.

Shut up!

- Destruct.
-Fingal?

SERVO: I got spurs
that Jingle Jangle Jingle.

MIKE: Vertigo to hell.

Dammit, Fingal, where are you?

Apollonia, where are you?

CROW: Gee, you think
she might be sitting

on her bony rear end
in that room

with her hand to her ear?

Ms. James, you are in danger.

Do not attempt
to contact Fingal.

He has created
a massive energy surge.

You could be destroyed.

Can't lose you now.

MIKE: The energy surge
gave her a new hairdo.

We haven't even had
a dance together.

CROW: Well, you never bought
a muffler together, either.

What's the point?

APOLLONIA: If you don't get out,

you'll be nothing
but a flow of electrons.

SERVO: I like it, though!

Wee, it's fun!

Woo-hoo!

Electrons don't dance, Fingal.

It don't make love.

CROW: They're Lutherans.

SERVO: You kidding?

What happened to the electron
sex party right now?

Wee!

Hello?

I don't know where you are.

MIKE: I love you this much.

SERVO: I don't care for you.

But I'm starting the transfer.

Ms. James,

this procedure
is not recommended.

CROW: Hey, hey, Hal,
why don't you go on break?

-Huh?
- I recommend you accept

the cancellation
of Aram Fingal.

APOLLONIA:
We're going to save him.

I don't care what the risks are.
I order you to begin

-that transfer.
- As you say...

CROW: You know what
would've saved this movie?

Surf music.

Man, surf music
makes anything good.

[ Makes noise ]

See what I mean?

♪ Ave Maria ♪

Pond's fortifying cream,

diminishes tiny lines
while you sleep.

CROW: Mike, I think
she really is Billy Squier.

SERVO: Raul...

Wake up.

So, what, the final two hours
of the movie

is in slow motion now?

CROW: You have a jellybean
stuck to your hair.

MIKE:
Now, she turns into a werewolf.

-CROW: Yeah.
-MIKE: No.

-CROW: Oh.
-MIKE: I guess not.

SERVO: Hi.

FINGAL:
Nice to meet you, Ms. James.

SERVO: Uh-oh.

CROW: Oh.

Eating Raul.

SERVO: I guess.

♪♪

You really are too much.

You know that, Fingal?

SERVO: Too much, yeah.

FINGAL: Gotta get going,
there's still a lot to do.

SERVO: Oh, not on our count,
feel free to add.

MIKE: Yeah, whatever.

What are you doing?

I just erased Aram Fingal.

He never existed.

Try me.

CROW: So, lots to do meant
a few taps on the keyboard.

Aram Fingal, no file.

-Put your thumb right there.
-Wait a minute.

You'll need a new identity
as much as I will.

APOLLONIA:
You could've asked.

But all right, all right.

What's my name?

FINGAL: Ingrid Lazlo.

-SERVO: Ooh.
-And what's yours?

Just call me Rick.

And what's happening now?

I'm taking care of the chairman.

He's going on for a month's
compulsory rehab.

You're putting him in Daisy?

Daisy's too good
for the bastard.

He's going on as an anteater.

-Now, lay off the anteaters.
-CROW: Come on.

-SERVO: Man.
-I guess, you have to go now.

-Yeah.
-CROW: But just number one.

Don't worry.

-You can stay here.
-What are you gonna do...

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Listen, I'm not
just gonna disappear.

I'm gonna fight.

Not let the system
run me anymore,

and I don't want you
to get hurt.

I can take care of myself.

MIKE: You know, if Raul
was Scott LeDoux,

he'd be on the floor now.

♪♪

SERVO:
Oh, and, I guess, "PBS" means

"Public Boinking System," huh?

CROW: Do people ever lock
tongues and get stuck that way?

MIKE: Hmm.

SERVO: Man, I'm more interested

in those little rectangles
back there.

MIKE: See? Oh, you know.

FINGAL: I was thinking
about getting a place.

-MIKE: Fried or broiled?
-SERVO: Don't.

FINGAL: A club
on the other side of town.

We can call it, "Rick's Place."

Get a piano player.

Wait, this'll
only take a second.

CROW: Let me show you
this really hard FreeCell game.

SERVO: Man, I'm sorry these two
didn't end up together.

-MIKE: Well, they did.
-SERVO: Oh.

Well, but I'm sorry about that.

♪♪

MIKE: Well, I guess,
this movie was kinda like

watching Casablanca .

Well, having a small child
use your groin

as a punching bag.

-SERVO: Yeah.
-CROW: Yeah.

But I hate this movie.

It's on AMC every week.

SERVO: Wait, wait.
I was working on a project

with the UN
provide emergency aid.

Oh, well, never mind.

♪♪

MIKE: And now, the news.

That was the news.

CROW: You know, if I was
gonna scrawl up a cinema,

I'd scrawl up, uh, I don't know.

Maybe Dirty Dingus McGee.

SERVO: Yeah, you don't see
that enough, do you?

CROW: No.

MIKE: Man, that was a very bad
and confusing movie, huh?

There sure was something
they could do.

CROW: Well,
why don't you call tech support?

MIKE: Tech support for Overdrawn
at the Memory Bank?

CROW: Yeah, I'm sure
they get a lot of complaints.

They better have a tech support.

-SERVO: Why not?
-MIKE: Well, okay.

We'll give it a try.

[ Phone tone ]

MIKE: Let's see, uh...

MIKE: 1-800, what?

-S-U-C-K?
-CROW: Or, yeah.

MIKE: Hey, it's ringing.

MAN: Welcome and thank you

for calling our award-winning

24-hour technical
support service

for "Overdrawn
at the Memory Bank".

Please be prepared
with a specific problem

regarding "Overdrawn
at the Memory Bank",

in order
to facilitate assistance

from one of our skilled
Overdrawn

at the Memory Bank technicians.

MIKE: Oh, yeah. I'm prepared
with some specific problems

about "Overdrawn
at the Memory Bank", all right.

Don't have to worry about that.

Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
Technical Support.

This is Mandy.
How can I help you?

MIKE:
Well, first of all, let me see.

WOMAN: Sir, let me take care
of some common

troubleshooting
possibilities right away.

Are you in fact watching
"Overdrawn

at the Memory Bank?"

-MIKE: Yes, yeah.
-CROW: Yes.

WOMAN: We do find that
people new to our "Overdrawn

at the Memory Bank"
family viewers

can make a simple mistake
in actually be watching

- another movie.
-SERVO: Uh-uh.

-CROW: What?
-WOMAN: If that is the case,

then, we would urge you
to call the appropriate

technical support service,

for we are legally unable

to provide support for other...

MIKE: Look, look,
we're watching "Overdrawn

at the Memory Bank", the credits
are rolling right now.

WOMAN:
So, it's not complete yet?

MIKE:
Well, no, but I mean, we...

WOMAN: We strongly advise
our customers to view

the entire film.

It is impossible for us
to gauge the accuracy

of any confusion
or complaint...

MIKE: Look, how are the
credits gonna help the fact

that we have no idea what
was going on with anything?

-CROW: Yeah
-SERVO: Yeah.

MIKE: What was the,
"I'm interface" thing?

What was the skinny woman doing

when she was licking her watch?

-SERVO: Yeah.
-MIKE: Hey, hey, why the pinch

mouth cockney creep

and, "The guy just reverses
the access code."

-CROW: Really?
-MIKE: Who thought that was

-well-crafted screenwriting?
-WOMAN: Sir...

MIKE: And the music
was the most insipid...

-SERVO: Banal.
-CROW: Banal.

-MIKE: Banal noodling...
-CROW: Yeah.

MIKE: ...I've ever heard
in my life.

WOMAN: Sir, those are
unfortunate design flaws,

which we do acknowledge.

MIKE:
Well, what can I do about it?

WOMAN: When did you purchase
your version of "Overdrawn

at the Memory Bank?"

MIKE: I didn't purchase it.

-I just, uh...
-WOMAN: Uh-huh.

So, you are
an unauthorized viewer

of "Overdrawn
at the Memory Bank"?

-MIKE: I don't--I'm...
-WOMAN: I am legally required

to report this violation
of all...

-SERVO: Hang up.
-CROW: Hang up.

SERVO: Hang up, hang up.
Get out of here. Run.

CROW: Well, that got us nowhere.

SERVO: We're in trouble.

MIKE: That went bad.

BOBO: Oh, come on, man.

You don't wanna do this, man.

Listen to me, man.
You don't wanna end up

-in the bone orchard, man.
-Oh.

Get down, Mike.

-BOBO: I know you're scared...
-What's going on?

Ssh, hush, Mike.

Bobo's trying
to talk Henry down.

-BOBO: Uh-uh.
-Huh?

Well, yeah, sure,
I used to throw stuff in my day.

Huh?

Okay, you're on, Henry.

MIKE: Down. Whoa.

BOBO: This is the answer.

Thank you for that microwave.

-Incoming!
-Whoa!

BOBO: Okay. Now...

-Yahoo!
-MIKE: Okay. I have an idea.

Hold on, you guys.

I'm gonna use a blowgun.

It won't hurt him a bit.

Okay. Okay.

BOBO: Oh, buddy. Ow.

Buddy. Oh, whoa.

Mike, no.

They weren't hurting anybody.

Yeah, except for us.

But still, I mean, man.

-You're mean.
-What was I supposed to do?

Sit down here and let him
throw refrigerators at me?

-Oh, but this...
-They were playing, Mike.

This is the most
terrible thing...

-Geez.
-Hey.

That's-- does anybody mind
if I use the phone for a second

-to call Pearl?
-Yeah, wait, no, no.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-...give me, tote bag,

tote bag.

♪♪

[ Phone ringing ]

Yeah?

Look, Servo,
we're out of tote bags.

Yes, I'm sure.

Well, okay,
for a $25.000 pledge,

you can get a, uh,
an ashtray for your premium.

Payment plan?

Yeah.

You send me a cash year's check
for the whole amount.

No, thank you, Servo.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Um, Public Pearl.

Because, uh, where the hell else

are you gonna see
public television crap, huh?

That's right.

Nowhere else but
public television, so come on.

Pay up, freeloaders.

Keep the money coming.

And remember, cash money.

Oh, yeah.

Always grease your phone bank.

Here you go, Ortega.

Buy yourself
some Irish Spring, huh?

[Theme music]