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1
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:22,350
My upstairs neighbor is hot.
2
00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:25,386
[Muffled] I think preggers had
her baby.
3
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:26,254
Yhe bump's gone.
4
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:27,221
Maybe she lost it.
5
00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:27,888
Honey!
6
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,324
You don't know.
7
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:30,891
Well, I think we should figure
out which apartment is hers
8
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,793
And take her something.
9
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:33,694
Like what? A card to say
congratulations
10
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:34,862
For possibly having the baby
11
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,464
We assumed you were carrying?
12
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:38,166
You're no fun. Why are you
being difficult?
13
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:40,368
I'm not being difficult.
14
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:41,735
I'm just merely challenging
your assumption.
15
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:42,736
Uh-huh.
16
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:43,837
Did you see the guy downstairs?
17
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,639
Someone moved in?
18
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:46,340
Yeah, I guess. I saw him
earlier.
19
00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:47,441
Is he cute?
20
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:48,776
You'd probably think so.
21
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,444
He kind of looks like Adam
Levine...
22
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:54,248
If Adam Levine worked the late
night shift at Burger King.
23
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:01,389
Did you find the cocoa?
24
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:04,225
No, this is for you.
25
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:05,193
What is it?
26
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:08,896
Hot salt water. Go gargle it.
27
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,669
So you're sure this is over?
28
00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:18,506
I moved out.
29
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:19,640
What'd you move?
30
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,509
Your loufa?
31
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:22,643
He took his name off the lease.
32
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:23,711
The apartment's mine.
33
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,413
Oh, it's always been yours.
34
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:29,283
Like a storage unit with
carpet.
35
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:35,423
Darren, please tell me this is
new.
36
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,325
I got it like a couple weeks
ago?
37
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,893
Ugh. It's a bacteria ball.
38
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,462
Do you realize the only way to
clean those
39
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,365
Is to soak them in detergent
after every use?
40
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,366
I mean, who really has that
much time
41
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:49,237
To put into a delicate bath
poof?
42
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:57,845
Have you decided what you're
going to do with yourself?
43
00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,348
Other than dust this place?
44
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:02,483
Greg, I'm fine. I've got it
figured out.
45
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:05,753
You do?
46
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:09,723
Okay.
47
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,928
Don't you have an event to plan?
48
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:18,832
Should you be having drinks
with one of the brides-to-be?
49
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,769
Oh, yeah. Drinks and a
cake-tasting.
50
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:23,304
Well, don't let me keep you.
51
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,673
Don't worry, I planned
accordingly.
52
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:29,443
My maternal instincts said to
stop here and check on you
first.
53
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,013
[TV] Well, what's the matter,
Ben?
54
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,483
Don't you think I can?
55
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:37,551
Yeah, that's the trouble. I do.
56
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:40,288
Oh, Ben...
57
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:41,889
It isn't because I'm not fond
of you,
58
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:44,258
You know that, but...
59
00:03:44,292 --> 00:03:46,360
Well, I've just got to have a
try at it, that's all.
60
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:48,296
If I don't, I'll turn into one
of those women
61
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,531
Who keep talking about what a
great career
62
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:54,368
They would've had if they
hadn't gotten married.
63
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:05,779
[Muffled] Guess what!
64
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,615
What?
65
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,550
I have another audition this
week!
66
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,818
That's great, honey! What's it
for?
67
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,520
A sausage commercial.
68
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:13,521
A sausage commercial?
69
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,389
Yeah.
70
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:16,590
See, I look like some greasy,
sausage-eating serial killer
71
00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:17,958
In my head shots.
72
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:18,826
Have some more taken.
73
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,494
I know. I need to
74
00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:21,495
I'm probably going to lay out
at the pool all day tomorrow.
75
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:21,995
Not all day, all right?
76
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:22,830
You'll burn.
77
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:26,800
[Camera snaps]
78
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:46,854
[Muffled moans]
79
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:53,487
[Muffled] What are you doing?
80
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:56,089
Watching you fall asleep.
81
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:57,425
Why?
82
00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:58,091
What else am I gonna do?
83
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,127
Isn't it boring?
84
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:00,828
Like watching a hippopotamus at
the zoo?
85
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,062
What? Why?
86
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,598
Because, nothing happens...
87
00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:05,833
Why aren't you tired?
88
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:06,834
I don't know.
89
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:07,801
Are you okay?
90
00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:09,570
You've seemed a little distant.
91
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,171
Distant? Why?
92
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,606
Because you aren't six inches
deep?
93
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,541
Thanks.
94
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,175
What?
95
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,411
Next time I'll use my pinky.
96
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:18,879
Maybe I'll read some more of
that book.
97
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:20,448
Have a glass of warm milk.
98
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,182
No, you know, actually...
99
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,050
I think I'm gonna go down to
the gym for a bit.
100
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:26,954
That'll wipe me out
101
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:07,027
[Power cuts out]
102
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:21,509
Hi. Hi. I'm sorry, I know it's
really late.
103
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:22,843
You said the light in your
kitchen went off?
104
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,045
Yeah, well, I plugged the
toaster in...
105
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,881
And then everything along this
wall went out.
106
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:31,785
The lamp, the refrigerator...
107
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,187
There you go.
108
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:34,988
That's it?
109
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:38,191
That's it.
110
00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:40,193
What was I not doing?
111
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:43,964
You've gotta turn it all the
way to the right until you hear
it click.
112
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,000
If it happens again, just give
me a call.
113
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:49,202
Thank you.
114
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,939
Oh...
115
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,876
I think you dropped this.
116
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:57,277
Is he yours?
117
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,812
Yeah.
118
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,047
Yeah, he looks like you.
119
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,281
How old is he?
120
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,184
There he's two, but he's three
now.
121
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,920
Well, I bet he's a handful.
122
00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:09,590
I'll let you get back to him.
123
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:13,260
He lives with his mom,
actually.
124
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:18,031
I was gonna make some coffee...
125
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,636
Would you like a cup?
126
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,740
So... I've forgotten your name,
I'm sorry.
127
00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:28,909
It's Joe.
128
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:31,178
Joe... how long have you been
working here?
129
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,080
About a year, I guess.
130
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,015
Do you like it?
131
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:36,850
It beat some of the other jobs
I've had.
132
00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,151
How often do you get to see
your little boy?
133
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,053
It's been over a year since
I've seen him...
134
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:41,254
My ex-wife hauled him up north
135
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:45,125
And I don't get much vacation
time, so...
136
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,228
Thanks.
137
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:50,764
So, are you from Nashville?
138
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:51,298
Just outside.
139
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:52,332
What about you?
140
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,268
I grew up in California.
141
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:57,337
How'd you end up all the way
over here?
142
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:01,675
Well, I... I met someone and
fell in love
143
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,945
And this became home.
144
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,214
How long were you together?
145
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:11,084
We were never actually
together, actually...
146
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,689
But, then I met my ex and we
were together eight years.
147
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,192
God, yeah, I was eighteen when
we met.
148
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:22,162
I was eighteen when I got
engaged.
149
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:23,664
Why'd you split up?
150
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:26,299
I got tired of carrying around
all the guilt.
151
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:30,103
I wanted to start living more
openly and honestly.
152
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:32,740
About?
153
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:35,609
About being gay.
154
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:38,779
Oh, I wasn't sure.
155
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,681
Sure of what?
156
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:41,815
If you were.
157
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:44,317
Yeah, aren't you?
158
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:48,288
Yeah.
159
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:50,758
Well, thank you, Darren.
160
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,392
This is real nice.
161
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,796
Please, I didn't feel like
sleeping anyway...
162
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:56,797
Toast?
163
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:57,765
Nah.
164
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,266
Suit yourself.
165
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:02,402
Okay, maybe just one piece.
166
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,337
Are you hungry?
167
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,139
I mean, I've got stuff I can
kinda make...
168
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,108
No, toast just sounded really
good.
169
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,643
Yeah, I feel like I have the
munchies...
170
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:11,645
Do you do that? Do you smoke?
171
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,180
I mean, I haven't in a really
long time.
172
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,147
Yeah, me either.
173
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:17,150
My ex was... quite opposed.
174
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:18,986
And it's not like I can now,
175
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:21,722
I wouldn't even know where to
get the shit.
176
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:24,958
So, what do you do?
177
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:27,695
I don't do much of anything.
178
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:30,097
But, I guess calling about a
blown fuse at one a.m.
179
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,131
Is kind of a giveaway.
180
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:34,334
[Laughs]
181
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,168
[Muffled] I'm close!
182
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:37,404
Go, baby, go!
183
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:41,374
[Moans]
184
00:10:57,457 --> 00:11:01,361
[Camera snaps]
185
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:12,840
[Muffled] Did you see this?
186
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:14,942
Some kid threw a desk
187
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:16,710
And he's being charged with
assault with a deadly weapon.
188
00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:17,778
Hey, that movie's still
playing...
189
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:18,846
What movie?
190
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,347
The new Almodovar film...
191
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:21,782
I think it's closing tomorrow.
192
00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:23,884
Do you want to go tonight?
193
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,753
I don't know...
194
00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:27,187
I'd probably fall asleep
reading the subtitles.
195
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:29,156
Maybe there's a decent bootleg
196
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,190
Or screener rip somewhere
online?
197
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,925
We could watch it this weekend.
198
00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,393
I'm checking right now.
199
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,495
I don't see anything.
200
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,030
Well, honey, go.
201
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:38,331
Go see it tonight.
202
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,867
I don't want to go alone.
203
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,068
When has that ever stopped you?
204
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:41,902
You love Pedro's stuff.
205
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:42,870
Go.
206
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:43,904
Okay.
207
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:44,905
There's an early showing...
208
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,139
I could be back before dinner.
209
00:11:46,173 --> 00:11:47,040
Perfect.
210
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:50,844
Well, I need to get back.
211
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,913
[Kisses] Enjoy the movie.
212
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,148
Thanks for lunch.
213
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:59,086
[Door opens and closes]
214
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,605
Hey, Darren!
215
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,340
Hi.
216
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:01,474
Hey.
217
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:02,175
You like nice.
218
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:04,144
Were you out?
219
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,379
Yeah.
220
00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:10,017
Joe, I'm really tired.
221
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:12,385
Okay.
222
00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:16,356
Good night.
223
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:34,942
[Muffled sex noises]
224
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:46,920
[Old music]
225
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:57,430
[Camera snaps]
226
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:02,069
[Knocks from front door]
227
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,940
Hi.
228
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:10,944
Hi.
229
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,680
Is that a record?
230
00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:17,550
Yeah. I like the sound, it's
warmer.
231
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:20,353
Well, I remembered you said you
wish you had some,
232
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:22,222
So...
233
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:25,158
Uh, wow...
234
00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:27,594
You didn't have to do this, Joe.
235
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,597
I wanted to.
236
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:33,000
I can't accept that.
237
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:36,203
Yeah, take it. It's yours.
238
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:40,040
Okay. Well, um... at least have
some with me?
239
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,714
Am I interrupting?
240
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:48,581
Interrupting what?
241
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:49,316
It's just me.
242
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:53,286
Okay.
243
00:15:57,324 --> 00:16:01,294
Why'd that asshole leave you?
244
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:05,332
He didn't really leave me...
245
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,734
He was interested in adding a
third.
246
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,669
To the relationship?
247
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,738
To the bedroom.
248
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,540
I guess that's how it starts.
249
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:16,009
I don't know...
250
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:19,246
I was an only child, I'm not
into group activities.
251
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,281
Who was it?
252
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:24,084
Someone he met at work.
253
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:26,119
Co-worker?
254
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:28,721
Patient. Some twink.
255
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:32,259
Urologist?
256
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,794
Plastic surgeon.
257
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,498
I guess he was proud of his
work.
258
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:39,666
Men are fucking assholes.
259
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:42,502
No...
260
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:43,436
Well, I left my wife...
261
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:44,804
You had a good reason.
262
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,773
I guess I shouldn't have
married her...
263
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:50,143
I was just scared.
264
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,712
Scared of what?
265
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:54,447
I don't know.
266
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:55,748
There are moments where it felt
right.
267
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,617
Moments where I felt like I was
268
00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,720
Where I was supposed to be...
269
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,589
With the person I was supposed
to be with...
270
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:05,525
Being the person I was supposed
to be.
271
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,360
Then there were other moments I
felt like...
272
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:11,631
I should be sucking a dick.
273
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,066
Do you regret it?
274
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,068
Getting married?
275
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:16,236
No, I don't really regret it
all, because...
276
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:17,537
I wouldn't have had my son
277
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:18,838
And having him and being able
to hold him
278
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:22,675
Was really worth every bit of
being oppressed.
279
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,313
And when my wife took him away,
280
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,115
I thought things would never
feel right again,
281
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,750
But... all of the sudden, they
start to.
282
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:39,159
Yeah, well, I don't think...
283
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:40,693
I don't think your wife yanked
him away
284
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:44,531
Due to your inability to be a
loving father.
285
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:47,467
She's probably just pissed...
286
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,835
And taking it out on you.
287
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,603
You know? Maybe she's scared...
288
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:54,874
She probably realizes this is
it...
289
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:59,246
She's not going to find anybody
else like you.
290
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:02,882
I imagine straight men aren't
as gentle.
291
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:05,918
I know this is reaching way
back there, but...
292
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:10,123
Whatever happened to that guy
you moved here for?
293
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:16,296
It, uh... It was problematic.
294
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:20,667
We...
295
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:21,368
We met on the internet,
296
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,706
Spent like four days together...
297
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:28,875
Four days?
298
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,477
You packed up your entire life
299
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:34,347
And move across the country for
four days?
300
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:39,152
We were really young...
301
00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:43,323
In lust... It was an adventure.
302
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,458
I haven't had too many of those
since.
303
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:46,359
Did you know anybody here?
304
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:48,628
Where'd you stay?
305
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:52,399
Until I met Mark, I lived out
of my car for a little while.
306
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,870
Yeah.
307
00:18:57,904 --> 00:18:59,906
Does he know...
308
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:03,643
That's what you went through?
309
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:07,214
No... No, um...
310
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:11,251
Leigh and I fell out of touch
for a while after that.
311
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:12,719
Do you guys still talk?
312
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,821
Mmhmm. Yeah, we talk.
313
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:17,257
He's my oldest friend.
314
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:19,226
So you see each other?
315
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:23,530
No... um... He moved...
316
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:27,367
To California, actually. He
makes movies.
317
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,303
Anything I would've seen?
318
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:33,406
No, not unless you watch gay
movies.
319
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:36,209
Pornos?
320
00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:37,977
Gay-themed movies.
321
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,812
I mean, yeah, I've Netflixed
some.
322
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,714
They're usually really bad.
323
00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:45,652
Yeah...
324
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,260
What's it about?
325
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:56,863
It's about two guys who spend
four days together...
326
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,400
Guess I was just lucky enough
327
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:03,236
To have my heart broken by a
screenwriter.
328
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:18,985
Honestly, I'm just gonna take a
break...
329
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:22,755
I mean, no one wants to finance
it because it's a drama.
330
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:25,658
And you know, it's not just
that it's a drama,
331
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:28,395
It's that it's serious.
332
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,730
I mean, gays want drama...
333
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:34,701
Clearly, it's innate... But
within a comedy.
334
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,305
A raunchy, feel-good romantic
comedy.
335
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,940
God forbid you deny them a sex
scene...
336
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:44,711
Or make 'em think.
337
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,046
Well, how's everything else?
338
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:50,817
Great! Apparently, I am dating
the son of the Princess of
Kuwait
339
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:55,888
And the Sheikh of Qatar.
340
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,790
How'd you meet?
341
00:20:57,824 --> 00:21:01,694
In a bar... aren't we classy.
342
00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:05,532
Gay men don't usually meet in
the
343
00:21:05,565 --> 00:21:07.600
"Let's tell the kids about
this" sorts of ways...
344
00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:10,537
It's not like we meet at church
picnics
345
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:14,407
Or bump carts at the
supermarket...
346
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:18,077
I mean, like us! Look at how we
met.
347
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:22,882
[Footsteps on stairs]
348
00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:30,490
[Door opens and closes
upstairs]
349
00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:31,023
[Muffled] Hi!
350
00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:33,059
Hi!
351
00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:34,727
God, I love the way summer
smells...
352
00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:35,995
Like chlorine with a hint of
barbeque.
353
00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:38,030
What have we here?
354
00:21:38,064 --> 00:21:39,466
I'm making duck.
355
00:21:39,499 --> 00:21:41,801
Duck? You've never made duck
for me before.
356
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:43,770
Well, I've never actually
cooked it before...
357
00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:45,505
But I did see it done earlier
on the cooking channel
358
00:21:45,538 --> 00:21:49,075
And I'm feeling pretty good
about it so far.
359
00:21:50,843 --> 00:21:55,047
[Smoke alarm]
360
00:21:55,081 --> 00:21:57,384
Oh, shit! Is that the entire
building, or just us?
361
00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,352
Just us!
362
00:21:59,386 --> 00:22:01,954
I'm sorry - I told you I've
never cooked duck before!
363
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,058
[Alarm stops]
364
00:22:06,092 --> 00:22:06,993
What happened?
365
00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:08,828
I don't know!
366
00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:10,563
I guess the grease caught fire
when I wasn't looking...
367
00:22:10,597 --> 00:22:11,097
I was prepping the plum sauce.
368
00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:12,799
[Laughs]
369
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:13,833
Are you mad?
370
00:22:13,866 --> 00:22:15,067
Why the hell would I be mad?
371
00:22:15,101 --> 00:22:17,404
I don't know...
372
00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:19,706
Maybe because last month we
almost broke up over a
sandwich.
373
00:22:19,739 --> 00:22:23,610
[Television in background]
374
00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:31,751
[From TV] Well, what do you
mean?
375
00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:32,919
Well, you're pretty young.
376
00:22:32,952 --> 00:22:34,954
I mean, you're pretty and young.
377
00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:36,489
And I can see you've got a lot
to learn...
378
00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:38,425
Oh, feel free to change the
channel...
379
00:22:38,458 --> 00:22:41,828
This is the only thing I could
find that wasn't a reality
show.
380
00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:45,965
No, it's fine... I just can't
believe it's on again.
381
00:22:45,998 --> 00:22:47,567
What is it?
382
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,569
Double Exposure.
383
00:22:49,602 --> 00:22:53,172
I mean, it's really good, if
you like old movies.
384
00:23:02,081 --> 00:23:05,117
I'm Luce...
385
00:23:05,151 --> 00:23:08,921
As in Lucy, not as in the
result of being a whore.
386
00:23:17,564 --> 00:23:20,467
So, which apartment are you?
387
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:23,736
Oh, I don't live here.
388
00:23:23,770 --> 00:23:26,005
You don't?
389
00:23:26,038 --> 00:23:27,039
I mean - sorry. I know someone
that lives here.
390
00:23:27,073 --> 00:23:29,175
Okay.
391
00:23:29,208 --> 00:23:30,510
Yeah, I don't just go around to
random apartments
392
00:23:30,543 --> 00:23:32,445
And use their gyms.
393
00:23:32,479 --> 00:23:34,647
No, I'm friends with someone
that lives here...
394
00:23:34,681 --> 00:23:36,716
Gotcha.
395
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:38,217
They don't ever use their
gym pass,
396
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:40,186
So they gave it to me to use
whenever I want.
397
00:23:40,219 --> 00:23:40,953
You want any more of this?
398
00:23:40,987 --> 00:23:44,090
No, I'm good.
399
00:23:44,123 --> 00:23:47,927
So, you and your ex lived in
Cool Springs? Right?
400
00:23:49,529 --> 00:23:50,129
Uh-huh.
401
00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:51,030
[Sneezes]
402
00:23:51,063 --> 00:23:52,231
That's kind of fancy...
403
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:54,166
Yeah... He's still there.
404
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:58,137
Mmm.
405
00:23:58,971 --> 00:24:02,742
So...
406
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:06,679
Were you, like... kept?
407
00:24:10,082 --> 00:24:12,852
I'm sorry, I hope I didn't
offend you with that question.
408
00:24:12,885 --> 00:24:16,789
No, I... I was.
409
00:24:18,157 --> 00:24:19,225
He was an older guy...
410
00:24:19,258 --> 00:24:20,827
He took care of me, but...
411
00:24:20,860 --> 00:24:22,895
I had my own ambitions...
412
00:24:22,929 --> 00:24:26,899
There were things that I wanted
to do...
413
00:24:26,933 --> 00:24:28,000
I took photographs...
414
00:24:28,034 --> 00:24:30,136
Mmhmm.
415
00:24:30,169 --> 00:24:32,238
I worked with this talent
agency and they'd send me models
416
00:24:32,271 --> 00:24:34,106
And actors looking for
headshots.
417
00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:35,808
That's why I got this place...
418
00:24:35,842 --> 00:24:38,678
But...
419
00:24:38,711 --> 00:24:40,713
I couldn't really stick with it.
420
00:24:40,747 --> 00:24:43,716
Every time they'd call or need
me,
421
00:24:43,750 --> 00:24:46,786
I'd be off with Mark somewhere.
422
00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:48,921
Holiday in Bermuda, whatever...
423
00:24:48,955 --> 00:24:52,825
It just didn't materialize.
424
00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:59,732
Yeah? Sure, why not.
425
00:25:01,167 --> 00:25:01,634
So, what do you do now?
426
00:25:01,668 --> 00:25:03,169
Now?
427
00:25:03,202 --> 00:25:07,073
Uh... Now, I... Uh...
428
00:25:12,979 --> 00:25:16,849
What is it, like, top secret?
429
00:25:17,717 --> 00:25:19,552
I grow facial hair...
430
00:25:19,586 --> 00:25:21,287
For a man I've never met...
431
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:25,057
Who pays me two hundred
dollars a week to see
photographs.
432
00:25:29,061 --> 00:25:32,131
He pays you two hundred dollars
a week...?
433
00:25:32,164 --> 00:25:35,034
To take pictures of your
fucking facial hair?
434
00:25:35,067 --> 00:25:37,604
He PayPals me every Friday.
435
00:25:37,637 --> 00:25:39,606
That's the most incredible
thing I've ever heard.
436
00:25:39,639 --> 00:25:40,740
It takes care of the Amex bill.
437
00:25:40,773 --> 00:25:42,709
So, wait a minute though,
okay...
438
00:25:42,742 --> 00:25:46,679
How the fuck does someone
become a freelance beard-grower?
439
00:25:46,713 --> 00:25:48,080
How does that even happen?
440
00:25:48,114 --> 00:25:49,281
I answered an ad on Craigslist.
441
00:25:49,315 --> 00:25:50,783
What!
442
00:25:50,817 --> 00:25:51,918
"Can you grow a thick beard?"
443
00:25:51,951 --> 00:25:53,620
Yes.
444
00:25:53,653 --> 00:25:55,087
"Do you own a digital camera?"
445
00:25:55,121 --> 00:25:57,089
Yes.
446
00:25:57,123 --> 00:25:57,724
"Do you want to make two
hundred bucks a week?"
447
00:25:57,757 --> 00:25:59,826
Sure!
448
00:25:59,859 --> 00:26:01,193
That's incredible!
449
00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:02,795
I mean, I know it's crazy,
but...
450
00:26:02,829 --> 00:26:06,599
It motivated me to do something
about my situation.
451
00:26:06,633 --> 00:26:08,868
Oh, I'm not judging you by any
means.
452
00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:12,872
Trust me, I would gladly -
gladly -
453
00:26:12,905 --> 00:26:14,641
Hand the department of motor
vehicles
454
00:26:14,674 --> 00:26:16,242
My two week notice,
455
00:26:16,275 --> 00:26:18,277
If some cyber-perv wanted to pay
456
00:26:18,310 --> 00:26:20,179
My two hundred dollars a
fucking week
457
00:26:20,212 --> 00:26:21,280
To grow out my leg hair!
458
00:26:21,313 --> 00:26:23,616
Are you kidding me?
459
00:26:23,650 --> 00:26:26,919
I mean, my love life would
probably go down the toilet...
460
00:26:26,953 --> 00:26:28,087
But it would probably be worth
it...
461
00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:29,822
For a while, at least.
462
00:26:29,856 --> 00:26:32,091
Well, my gig pales in
comparison.
463
00:26:32,124 --> 00:26:35,094
You wouldn't believe some of
the other shit I saw on there.
464
00:26:35,127 --> 00:26:36,663
I wouldn't believe?
465
00:26:36,696 --> 00:26:40,266
Trust me, I frequent CraigsList
solely for amusement.
466
00:26:42,101 --> 00:26:44,036
The missed connections are
hilarious.
467
00:26:44,070 --> 00:26:45,404
What are missed connections?
468
00:26:45,437 --> 00:26:47,640
They're sort of like
personals...
469
00:26:47,674 --> 00:26:50,643
But for people who have kind of
already met.
470
00:26:50,677 --> 00:26:53,312
You know, they used to have
them in regular newspapers...
471
00:26:53,345 --> 00:26:55,147
Okay, example
472
00:26:55,181 --> 00:26:57,817
:We hung out the other night at
my apartment...
473
00:26:57,850 --> 00:27:00,753
And we watched The Breakfast
Club
474
00:27:00,787 --> 00:27:03,690
And then we fucked and then I
went to the bathroom...
475
00:27:03,723 --> 00:27:07,193
When I came out you were
sticking my flash drive up your
vagina.
476
00:27:07,226 --> 00:27:08,360
I'd really like to see you
again,
477
00:27:08,394 --> 00:27:10,763
And my flash drive.
478
00:27:10,797 --> 00:27:12,031
You really have never seen
them?
479
00:27:12,064 --> 00:27:16,736
You need to.
480
00:27:16,769 --> 00:27:20,239
This nugget is shaped like
Indiana.
481
00:27:20,272 --> 00:27:21,941
I went to Indiana once.
482
00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:23,175
For what?
483
00:27:23,209 --> 00:27:24,376
A colonoscopy.
484
00:27:24,410 --> 00:27:25,878
[Laughs]
485
00:27:25,912 --> 00:27:27,313
You asked!
486
00:27:27,346 --> 00:27:28,981
I lost my virginity to a
colonoscopy.
487
00:27:29,015 --> 00:27:30,683
Shut the fuck up!
488
00:27:30,717 --> 00:27:32,084
For all intents and purposes!
489
00:27:32,118 --> 00:27:33,452
My doctor looked like C. Thomas
Howell.
490
00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:35,888
Ponyboy?
491
00:27:35,922 --> 00:27:37,690
Among other roles.
492
00:27:37,724 --> 00:27:38,691
Other roles?
493
00:27:38,725 --> 00:27:39,091
Yeah.
494
00:27:39,125 --> 00:27:39,759
What?
495
00:27:39,792 --> 00:27:40,359
Soul Man?
496
00:27:40,392 --> 00:27:41,393
Soul Man! Really?
497
00:27:41,427 --> 00:27:43,095
Exactly!
498
00:27:43,129 --> 00:27:44,163
'Cause that's what I like to
imagine...
499
00:27:44,196 --> 00:27:45,197
My doctor in fucking black face,
500
00:27:45,231 --> 00:27:48,300
Sticking a tube up my ass.
501
00:27:48,334 --> 00:27:50,970
I hate to be the bearer of bad
news...
502
00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:53,873
But I think these are
frostbitten.
503
00:27:53,906 --> 00:27:58,177
Well, they look fucked up.
504
00:27:58,210 --> 00:28:01,213
They have a sackful.
505
00:28:01,247 --> 00:28:02,314
You just get a lot of them?
506
00:28:02,348 --> 00:28:04,050
Yeah, you get twelve
507
00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:07,419
And then you get some fries and
two drinks.
508
00:28:07,453 --> 00:28:08,821
Let's do that.
509
00:28:08,855 --> 00:28:10,356
I like mine with cheese and
mayonnaise only,
510
00:28:10,389 --> 00:28:11,390
I hope that's not a problem.
511
00:28:11,423 --> 00:28:12,158
Uh-uh.
512
00:28:12,191 --> 00:28:13,926
No.
513
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,863
I fucking hate mustard!
514
00:28:19,531 --> 00:28:21,768
Thank you.
515
00:28:21,801 --> 00:28:24,771
Is that a birth mark?
516
00:28:24,804 --> 00:28:27,273
Uh, well... I don't want to be
too obvious.
517
00:28:27,306 --> 00:28:28,941
Too obvious about what?
518
00:28:28,975 --> 00:28:31,744
Oh, I think it's just...
519
00:28:31,778 --> 00:28:33,780
You know, like that dude in
Grease.
520
00:28:33,813 --> 00:28:36,082
What?
521
00:28:36,115 --> 00:28:38,317
You know, the one that's the
leader of the Scorpions.
522
00:28:38,350 --> 00:28:39,786
They call him Crater Face.
523
00:28:39,819 --> 00:28:40,820
Crater Face, yeah.
524
00:28:40,853 --> 00:28:42,021
Like Seal.
525
00:28:42,054 --> 00:28:43,990
[Laughs]
526
00:28:44,023 --> 00:28:45,291
I know, what's up with that?
527
00:28:45,324 --> 00:28:48,761
Why do girls like that shit so
much?
528
00:28:48,795 --> 00:28:51,163
Cha Cha wasn't bad looking.
529
00:28:51,197 --> 00:28:52,031
Remember?
530
00:28:52,064 --> 00:28:53,065
Cha Cha?
531
00:28:53,099 --> 00:28:54,066
The one that came...
532
00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:56,402
And caused Sandy and him
533
00:28:56,435 --> 00:28:59,538
To have a big tiff because she
danced with him?
534
00:28:59,571 --> 00:29:01,040
Oh! The fucking Puerto Rican
bitch!
535
00:29:01,073 --> 00:29:04,811
Oh - yes, yes.
536
00:29:04,844 --> 00:29:07,313
So, whatever happened to him?
537
00:29:07,346 --> 00:29:08,414
Who?
538
00:29:08,447 --> 00:29:10,883
C. Thomas Howell.
539
00:29:10,917 --> 00:29:13,285
Rae Dawn Chong and a ruptured
appendix.
540
00:29:13,319 --> 00:29:17,289
[Laughs]
541
00:29:17,323 --> 00:29:19,058
I had it bad for him.
542
00:29:19,091 --> 00:29:21,127
Oh, yeah?
543
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,963
Uh... I mean, I could tell from
our conversation earlier,
but...
544
00:29:23,996 --> 00:29:27,834
I wore out my VHS copies of The
Outsiders,
545
00:29:30,302 --> 00:29:32,571
Side Out, and Soul Man...
546
00:29:32,604 --> 00:29:35,074
Like regular people wear out
hardcore porn.
547
00:29:35,107 --> 00:29:37,043
Did you ever seen that one movie
548
00:29:37,076 --> 00:29:39,979
Where he munched on Joan
Severance's box?
549
00:29:40,012 --> 00:29:43,515
And he had the handlebar
mustache?
550
00:29:43,549 --> 00:29:44,483
You didn't like that?
551
00:29:44,516 --> 00:29:47,586
Yeah, it was all right.
552
00:29:47,619 --> 00:29:51,423
I remember... racing back to
Blockbuster
553
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:57,563
To inquire about purchasing it
"previously viewed."
554
00:29:57,596 --> 00:29:58,364
Mmhmm.
555
00:29:58,397 --> 00:29:59,966
They wouldn't do it.
556
00:29:59,999 --> 00:30:03,102
So then, I asked if I could
special order it...
557
00:30:03,135 --> 00:30:04,170
Couldn't do that...
558
00:30:04,203 --> 00:30:05,371
The damn thing was in
moratorium,
559
00:30:05,404 --> 00:30:06,839
They weren't making it anymore.
560
00:30:06,873 --> 00:30:08,841
You were fucking persistent.
561
00:30:08,875 --> 00:30:12,444
So, I rented it again and took
it home and tried to copy it...
562
00:30:15,081 --> 00:30:16,482
But that didn't work out so
well because
563
00:30:16,515 --> 00:30:18,851
Fucking Trimark had put one of
those
564
00:30:18,885 --> 00:30:23,122
Macrovision distorted signals
on it that prevent you from
copying it...
565
00:30:23,155 --> 00:30:24,857
Like when you try and watch a
cable...
566
00:30:24,891 --> 00:30:26,158
Like Cinemax...
567
00:30:26,192 --> 00:30:28,360
Yeah, yeah - back before things
were digital
568
00:30:28,394 --> 00:30:30,496
And you're trying to get a
channel
569
00:30:30,529 --> 00:30:32,498
You're supposed to have and
it's all like...
570
00:30:32,531 --> 00:30:35,101
[Laughs] That's pretty much
what it looked like...
571
00:30:35,134 --> 00:30:37,169
And with that sound effect too.
572
00:30:37,203 --> 00:30:39,638
[Laughs] Well...
573
00:30:39,671 --> 00:30:41,473
Anyway, go ahead, I know what
you're saying...
574
00:30:41,507 --> 00:30:43,509
Anyway, I gave up after that...
575
00:30:43,542 --> 00:30:46,078
And it wasn't much long after
that
576
00:30:46,112 --> 00:30:49,916
That I had my first experience
with a man.
577
00:30:54,386 --> 00:30:55,287
Five people, right?
578
00:30:55,321 --> 00:30:59,291
Mmm...
579
00:31:01,327 --> 00:31:05,197
Seth Rogen... David Duchovny...
580
00:31:06,999 --> 00:31:09,601
Hold on. How do you spell
Duchovny?
581
00:31:12,371 --> 00:31:16,442
I don't know. It looks like
Dutch-oveny.
582
00:31:16,475 --> 00:31:19,245
It is - David Dutch-oveny.
583
00:31:19,278 --> 00:31:21,948
That's is name on the streets.
584
00:31:21,981 --> 00:31:22,614
All right...
585
00:31:22,648 --> 00:31:25,217
Uh, Rainn Wilson...
586
00:31:25,251 --> 00:31:27,653
Rainn Wilson from The Office?
587
00:31:27,686 --> 00:31:29,588
What other Rainn Wilson is
there?
588
00:31:29,621 --> 00:31:32,291
I always get him confused with
Bruce Willis' daughter.
589
00:31:32,324 --> 00:31:35,161
Rumor?
590
00:31:35,194 --> 00:31:38,564
The bitch looks like Big Mac
Tonight.
591
00:31:38,597 --> 00:31:40,566
Two more.
592
00:31:40,599 --> 00:31:42,034
Rob Zombie...
593
00:31:42,068 --> 00:31:45,237
And Alan Rickman.
594
00:31:45,271 --> 00:31:46,505
Snape?
595
00:31:46,538 --> 00:31:49,141
He's hot.
596
00:31:49,175 --> 00:31:50,309
Actions?
597
00:31:50,342 --> 00:31:54,513
Uh... bite... Lick...
598
00:31:57,149 --> 00:32:00,452
Suck... Fuck...
599
00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:04,356
Kiss.
600
00:32:04,390 --> 00:32:05,691
Body parts?
601
00:32:05,724 --> 00:32:08,594
Mouth... and, or lips...
602
00:32:08,627 --> 00:32:11,597
Breasts...
603
00:32:11,630 --> 00:32:15,067
Ass...
604
00:32:15,101 --> 00:32:19,405
Uh... vagina...
605
00:32:19,438 --> 00:32:21,207
Don't fucking do that.
606
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,342
What?
607
00:32:23,375 --> 00:32:25,244
I fucking can't stand when gay
guys do that.
608
00:32:25,277 --> 00:32:27,379
They act like fucking vaginas
609
00:32:27,413 --> 00:32:29,748
Are some kind of like toxic
wasteland
610
00:32:29,781 --> 00:32:31,517
And the grossest thing ever.
611
00:32:31,550 --> 00:32:33,019
Um, they are.
612
00:32:33,052 --> 00:32:35,187
Uh, first of all, you came out
of one!
613
00:32:35,221 --> 00:32:37,689
Second of all, you stick your
dick in a place
614
00:32:37,723 --> 00:32:40,192
That shit comes out of...
615
00:32:40,226 --> 00:32:43,395
I can't think of anything
groser.
616
00:32:43,429 --> 00:32:47,399
One more.
617
00:32:47,433 --> 00:32:51,403
Neck.
618
00:32:53,372 --> 00:32:57,243
Okay, I have to ask about
this...
619
00:32:59,211 --> 00:33:02,281
Enlighten me.
620
00:33:02,314 --> 00:33:04,283
Mark's idea of a gift.
621
00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:06,018
Like a gag gift?
622
00:33:06,052 --> 00:33:09,555
No, like, "Hi, honey. I went to
Germany, enjoy!"
623
00:33:09,588 --> 00:33:13,292
This was his idea of a romantic
gesture?
624
00:33:13,325 --> 00:33:15,361
Mark's one of those
ultra-conservatives
625
00:33:15,394 --> 00:33:19,098
Who's a radical in the bedroom.
626
00:33:19,131 --> 00:33:23,035
Wow... Who?
627
00:33:26,505 --> 00:33:30,342
Yeah... This is not good... At
all.
628
00:33:32,111 --> 00:33:34,080
You know what would be good...?
629
00:33:34,113 --> 00:33:37,749
Seth Rogen... sucking your
ass...
630
00:33:39,618 --> 00:33:42,588
On the rooftop of an
apartment building...
631
00:33:42,621 --> 00:33:45,824
To "Lay Lady Lay."
632
00:33:45,857 --> 00:33:47,293
That happens to everyone...
633
00:33:47,326 --> 00:33:49,161
Seth Rogen's out sucking asses.
634
00:33:49,195 --> 00:33:51,263
Mmm! What?
635
00:33:51,297 --> 00:33:55,267
I need to go take a picture of
my face!
636
00:33:55,301 --> 00:33:57,769
Man, I wish I could read German!
637
00:33:57,803 --> 00:34:01,240
This stuff does look quite
fascinating...
638
00:34:01,273 --> 00:34:03,242
Like this dude in a gas mask...
639
00:34:03,275 --> 00:34:07,079
He looks like he just came out
of a fucking coalmine.
640
00:34:08,847 --> 00:34:10,182
[Muffled] Honey, change the
channel...
641
00:34:10,216 --> 00:34:11,817
No. Okay, wait a second,
642
00:34:11,850 --> 00:34:14,753
So... If gay marriage
supposedly devalues
643
00:34:14,786 --> 00:34:17,756
The sanctity of marriage, then
what's all this bullshit?
644
00:34:17,789 --> 00:34:20,359
Who's out there actively
protesting shows like The
Bachelor?
645
00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:21,793
I love that you don't need a
football game
646
00:34:21,827 --> 00:34:23,562
To get drunk and scream at the
television.
647
00:34:23,595 --> 00:34:25,631
Well, it pisses me off, and I'm
tired of living here.
648
00:34:25,664 --> 00:34:29,568
Hey... Come here...
649
00:34:31,803 --> 00:34:33,405
[Muffled] We'll never be able
to get married here,
650
00:34:33,439 --> 00:34:35,441
It's fucking illegal to say the
word "gay" in this state.
651
00:34:35,474 --> 00:34:36,742
Please tell me you can hear
these people talking.
652
00:34:36,775 --> 00:34:38,544
Yeah, it's my upstairs
neighbors.
653
00:34:38,577 --> 00:34:42,348
How is it that we're able to
hear them so well?
654
00:34:42,381 --> 00:34:45,351
I don't know... it's some
acoustical oddness.
655
00:34:45,384 --> 00:34:47,619
Can they hear us?
656
00:34:47,653 --> 00:34:50,456
I don't think so.
657
00:34:50,489 --> 00:34:51,757
They're this really cute gay
couple...
658
00:34:51,790 --> 00:34:53,225
Oh, yeah? Uh-uh
659
00:34:53,259 --> 00:34:54,560
One of them looks like C.
Thomas Howell...
660
00:34:54,593 --> 00:34:55,661
Oh, Lord!
661
00:34:55,694 --> 00:34:57,629
I'm serious.
662
00:34:57,663 --> 00:34:58,697
And the other one looks like
Patrick Wilson.
663
00:34:58,730 --> 00:35:00,132
Oh, now he is hot!
664
00:35:00,166 --> 00:35:01,433
Did you ever see Little
Children?
665
00:35:01,467 --> 00:35:02,601
Mmhmm.
666
00:35:02,634 --> 00:35:04,736
That scene with him and Kate
Winslet...
667
00:35:04,770 --> 00:35:06,338
Oh, my God...
668
00:35:06,372 --> 00:35:07,373
On the washing machine?
669
00:35:07,406 --> 00:35:08,774
I didn't know who to look at!
670
00:35:08,807 --> 00:35:11,710
I knew what to look at -
between his legs.
671
00:35:11,743 --> 00:35:15,247
I just remember pausing it
right on his ass
672
00:35:15,281 --> 00:35:17,849
And looking at it for long
periods of time.
673
00:35:17,883 --> 00:35:19,385
[Muffled] Hey, how was the -uh
uh
674
00:35:19,418 --> 00:35:20,252
Almodovar film?
675
00:35:20,286 --> 00:35:21,587
I forgot to ask you.
676
00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:26,858
You forgot to ask me?
677
00:35:26,892 --> 00:35:29,295
I feel uncomfortable that it's
in the sex books.
678
00:35:29,328 --> 00:35:31,597
What?
679
00:35:31,630 --> 00:35:32,464
[Muffled] It was good.
680
00:35:32,498 --> 00:35:33,532
A lot better than I thought.
681
00:35:33,565 --> 00:35:34,266
Yeah?
682
00:35:34,300 --> 00:35:35,567
He's lying.
683
00:35:35,601 --> 00:35:36,735
Who?
684
00:35:36,768 --> 00:35:38,370
Patrick Wilson?
685
00:35:38,404 --> 00:35:39,905
No. C. Thomas Howell.
686
00:35:39,938 --> 00:35:41,907
What?
687
00:35:41,940 --> 00:35:44,576
Oh, you mean the neighbor that
looks like him?
688
00:35:44,610 --> 00:35:45,911
He's lying.
689
00:35:45,944 --> 00:35:47,679
He didn't go to the movie.
690
00:35:47,713 --> 00:35:49,381
How do you even know what
fuckin' movie
691
00:35:49,415 --> 00:35:50,682
They're talking about?
692
00:35:50,716 --> 00:35:53,219
Uh... I was there.
693
00:35:53,252 --> 00:35:54,853
What'd you do? Comb the theater?
694
00:35:54,886 --> 00:35:56,588
Get a part time job as an usher?
695
00:35:56,622 --> 00:35:58,290
Okay. One.
696
00:35:58,324 --> 00:35:59,891
A subtitled movie on Wednesday
night
697
00:35:59,925 --> 00:36:02,361
In Nashville doesn't exactly
draw a crowd.
698
00:36:02,394 --> 00:36:04,296
Okay, that's fair.
699
00:36:04,330 --> 00:36:07,933
Two. I went to purposely bump
into him.
700
00:36:08,834 --> 00:36:10,636
What?
701
00:36:10,669 --> 00:36:12,838
He's fucking lying.
702
00:36:12,871 --> 00:36:14,373
Okay, he's lying.
703
00:36:14,406 --> 00:36:17,976
But do you realize that this
says way more about you
704
00:36:19,678 --> 00:36:21,613
Than it does about him?
705
00:36:39,731 --> 00:36:41,833
Hi. Hi. I'm sorry, I know it's
really late...
706
00:36:41,867 --> 00:36:43,735
I just... I need to ask you
something.
707
00:36:43,769 --> 00:36:46,238
I'm all ears, angel.
708
00:36:46,272 --> 00:36:48,006
Hypothetically,
709
00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:50,409
Let's say you've got this
character in this screenplay
you're writing.
710
00:36:50,442 --> 00:36:52,444
He looks like C. Thomas Howell.
711
00:36:52,478 --> 00:36:54,713
He's in what appears to be an
otherwise,
712
00:36:54,746 --> 00:36:57,383
Functioning, garden variety
domestic partnership.
713
00:36:57,416 --> 00:37:00,018
Uh. He's He's...
714
00:37:00,051 --> 00:37:03,322
Maybe he's got some sort of
Madame Bovary complex.
715
00:37:03,355 --> 00:37:06,425
He started doing things that
are a little out of character.
716
00:37:06,458 --> 00:37:09,828
He's going out alone and lying
about where he's been.
717
00:37:09,861 --> 00:37:13,332
So... where's he been?
718
00:37:13,365 --> 00:37:15,801
Hypothetically?
719
00:37:15,834 --> 00:37:20,005
This is a little arduous for
2AM my time.
720
00:37:20,038 --> 00:37:23,475
Remember that couple that used
to live on either side of you?
721
00:37:23,509 --> 00:37:27,012
Yeah. Isabelle and the
charlatan...
722
00:37:27,045 --> 00:37:28,947
I forget his name.
723
00:37:28,980 --> 00:37:31,016
Okay well you didn't know them,
per Se,
724
00:37:31,049 --> 00:37:33,752
But you knew from certain
context clues that, you know,
725
00:37:33,785 --> 00:37:36,322
They were in a pretty rocky
relationship.
726
00:37:36,355 --> 00:37:38,957
Hearing them scream, and
slamming doors,
727
00:37:38,990 --> 00:37:40,892
And going back and forth
between apartments
728
00:37:40,926 --> 00:37:44,663
Is all really anyone would need
to figure out the situation.
729
00:37:46,465 --> 00:37:48,500
Even someone in typhlotic
shock.
730
00:37:48,534 --> 00:37:51,069
Okay, well, what if uhh what if
they hadn't been so operatic.
731
00:37:52,738 --> 00:37:56,542
What if uh maybe you'd heard
more intimate moments
732
00:37:57,543 --> 00:37:58,510
Between the two of them?
733
00:37:58,544 --> 00:38:02,514
Okay. Spit it out.
734
00:38:02,548 --> 00:38:06,652
Okay. My upstairs neighbor,
who, yes, I'll admit,
735
00:38:06,685 --> 00:38:08,887
I've had a crush on since the
day I moved in.
736
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,490
But, even if I wasn't so
socially awkward
737
00:38:11,523 --> 00:38:12,924
And could speak to him, nothing
would come of it because,
738
00:38:12,958 --> 00:38:15,661
He he isn't single and what
would I want with him anyway?
739
00:38:15,694 --> 00:38:18,430
I believe in fidelity.
740
00:38:18,464 --> 00:38:19,731
And his boyfriend's some guy in
a suit and I'm nothing,
741
00:38:19,765 --> 00:38:20,966
But anyway -
742
00:38:20,999 --> 00:38:23,835
[Muffled sex noises]
743
00:38:23,869 --> 00:38:25,337
I think he's hiding something.
744
00:38:25,371 --> 00:38:29,107
[Sex noises]
745
00:38:32,811 --> 00:38:33,845
Damn. They are...
746
00:38:33,879 --> 00:38:37,048
Yeah-So.
747
00:38:37,082 --> 00:38:40,852
What's the deal? Do you think
he's like cheating or what?
748
00:38:43,722 --> 00:38:45,857
I don't know. I guess I'll
never know
749
00:38:45,891 --> 00:38:47,726
Unless they talk about it.
750
00:38:47,759 --> 00:38:50,362
Well, if they do, you're bound
to hear it.
751
00:38:50,396 --> 00:38:51,530
Cause I can hear everything.
752
00:38:51,563 --> 00:38:53,465
[Laughs]
753
00:38:53,499 --> 00:38:55,801
Oh. Man.
754
00:38:55,834 --> 00:38:56,635
I didn't mean to sleep that
long.
755
00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:58,770
What're you doing?
756
00:38:58,804 --> 00:39:00,839
Well, I should probably go.
757
00:39:00,872 --> 00:39:02,408
See my friend in Building Four.
758
00:39:02,441 --> 00:39:03,775
You can stay.
759
00:39:03,809 --> 00:39:05,477
No, you can stay, it's late.
760
00:39:05,511 --> 00:39:06,845
I appreciate that and normally
I'd take you up on that,
761
00:39:06,878 --> 00:39:09,415
But one: all my work clothes
are over there.
762
00:39:09,448 --> 00:39:10,549
Oh, okay, gotcha.
763
00:39:10,582 --> 00:39:12,518
And two,
764
00:39:12,551 --> 00:39:15,521
He has texted me like ten times,
765
00:39:15,554 --> 00:39:17,623
Cause I did promise him a
piece, so...
766
00:39:17,656 --> 00:39:19,858
Oh he's that kinda friend?
767
00:39:19,891 --> 00:39:22,127
He's that kinda friend.
768
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:26,097
[Sex noises]
769
00:39:27,933 --> 00:39:28,834
That's out of control.
770
00:39:28,867 --> 00:39:30,001
How do you sleep at night?
771
00:39:30,035 --> 00:39:32,571
[Laughs]
772
00:39:32,604 --> 00:39:34,005
I've gotten used to it.
773
00:39:34,039 --> 00:39:35,707
You better invest in some ear
plugs.
774
00:39:35,741 --> 00:39:36,975
Stat.
775
00:39:37,008 --> 00:39:38,410
Oh my God, do you wanna see
beard guy?
776
00:39:38,444 --> 00:39:39,411
Yes! Yes!
777
00:39:39,445 --> 00:39:43,415
Okay.
778
00:39:47,753 --> 00:39:51,690
[Sex noises]
779
00:39:57,463 --> 00:39:57,796
What'd you say this guy's name
was?
780
00:39:57,829 --> 00:39:59,130
Aldo.
781
00:39:59,164 --> 00:40:00,532
Aldo?
782
00:40:00,566 --> 00:40:04,503
Hmmm...
783
00:40:10,008 --> 00:40:13,445
[Aldo] Thank you for your
photos.
784
00:40:13,479 --> 00:40:17,115
Your beard is looking great,
man.
785
00:40:21,152 --> 00:40:23,622
This can't be for real.
786
00:40:23,655 --> 00:40:27,225
[Aldo] I was wondering - when
did you start shaving?
787
00:40:31,162 --> 00:40:35,100
[Music]
788
00:40:57,288 --> 00:40:59,825
Thanks for breakfast.
789
00:40:59,858 --> 00:41:03,061
You're welcome.
790
00:41:03,094 --> 00:41:04,930
Sure you don't want any?
791
00:41:04,963 --> 00:41:07,833
I don't really eat breakfast.
792
00:41:07,866 --> 00:41:11,737
At least at breakfast time.
793
00:41:14,706 --> 00:41:17,743
I've been meaning to ask you
something.
794
00:41:17,776 --> 00:41:19,144
I've never really done anything
like this before,
795
00:41:19,177 --> 00:41:23,048
So, bear with me. Uh.
796
00:41:24,282 --> 00:41:28,186
Joe?
797
00:41:31,957 --> 00:41:32,958
I think I know what you're
gonna ask.
798
00:41:33,725 --> 00:41:35,561
You do?
799
00:41:35,594 --> 00:41:39,531
And... I'd prefer it if you
didn't.
800
00:41:39,565 --> 00:41:40,932
No, no, I was gonna ask if you
wanted to
801
00:41:40,966 --> 00:41:42,934
Go to the movie sometime.
802
00:41:42,968 --> 00:41:46,104
Joe, I just asked you not to
ask me.
803
00:41:46,137 --> 00:41:47,639
So you don't want me to ask you
to go to the movies?
804
00:41:47,673 --> 00:41:49,074
You don't like movies?
805
00:41:49,107 --> 00:41:50,776
Clearly I like the movies
806
00:41:50,809 --> 00:41:53,211
And I'd like to go sometime if
there's something playing
807
00:41:53,244 --> 00:41:57,182
That we both wanna see, I just.
808
00:41:57,215 --> 00:42:00,752
I don't want you thinking that
it can be anything more than
that.
809
00:42:00,786 --> 00:42:04,322
More than what?
810
00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:05,891
[Sighs]
811
00:42:05,924 --> 00:42:09,761
More than just going to the
movies.
812
00:42:10,996 --> 00:42:14,866
Why'd you cook me breakfast?
813
00:42:17,035 --> 00:42:20,839
Why'd you invite me for coffee
that night?
814
00:42:22,674 --> 00:42:26,344
Because, Joe, I like you.
815
00:42:28,113 --> 00:42:29,214
I like you, too. I'm really
comfortable around you.
816
00:42:29,247 --> 00:42:33,118
I like spending time with you.
817
00:42:42,794 --> 00:42:45,096
Is this, um, cause of what I do?
818
00:42:45,130 --> 00:42:47,265
Because I'm just a maintenance
man?
819
00:42:47,298 --> 00:42:50,068
Come on, Joe.
820
00:42:50,101 --> 00:42:52,337
You know I don't think of you
like that.
821
00:42:52,370 --> 00:42:56,107
Look at me... you know, I'm
single for the first time in my
life.
822
00:42:57,709 --> 00:42:59,845
I'm unemployed.
823
00:42:59,878 --> 00:43:03,615
I'm a mess. I need to figure
things out.
824
00:43:03,649 --> 00:43:07,352
So figure it out.
825
00:43:16,227 --> 00:43:20,165
[Water running]
826
00:43:26,337 --> 00:43:28,073
Listen, I got to get back.
827
00:43:28,106 --> 00:43:32,010
Okay.
828
00:43:34,179 --> 00:43:38,149
[Music]
829
00:43:47,425 --> 00:43:51,296
[Door opens] I forgot my keys.
830
00:43:59,104 --> 00:44:03,008
[Music resumes]
831
00:44:15,453 --> 00:44:19,357
Hey. I was wondering.
832
00:44:22,493 --> 00:44:26,264
You have any baseball caps or
anything?
833
00:44:26,297 --> 00:44:29,200
I would love to see you in a
baseball cap.
834
00:44:29,234 --> 00:44:33,171
With the beard.
835
00:44:34,940 --> 00:44:36,307
[Muffled] Hey, honey, it's me.
836
00:44:36,341 --> 00:44:37,976
Call me back when you get this.
837
00:44:38,009 --> 00:44:39,177
I've got some news! I'm going
for a swim,
838
00:44:39,210 --> 00:44:40,946
So if I don't answer, I'll call
you back.
839
00:44:40,979 --> 00:44:43,815
[Footsteps, then door upstairs
opens]
840
00:45:01,099 --> 00:45:05,036
[Music]
841
00:45:26,792 --> 00:45:29,494
[Footsteps up stairs]
842
00:45:37,435 --> 00:45:41,406
[Music]
843
00:46:23,882 --> 00:46:27,585
[Phone vibrates]
844
00:46:31,556 --> 00:46:33,024
Hello?
845
00:46:33,058 --> 00:46:36,962
Leigh. I'm in their apartment.
846
00:46:52,143 --> 00:46:53,879
Get out of there, go.
847
00:46:53,912 --> 00:46:55,346
If this were one of your movies,
848
00:46:55,380 --> 00:46:58,884
Where would I look for a clue
or something?
849
00:46:58,917 --> 00:47:02,854
Uh, we'll talk more from your
apartment.
850
00:47:02,888 --> 00:47:07,092
[Door opens]
851
00:47:07,125 --> 00:47:10,996
[Leigh, on phone] Hello?
852
00:47:17,302 --> 00:47:21,239
[Phone rings]
853
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:23,174
Hello?
854
00:47:23,208 --> 00:47:24,609
Hi.
855
00:47:24,642 --> 00:47:27,913
Hey, baby, how are you doing?
856
00:47:27,946 --> 00:47:29,380
Did you get my message?
857
00:47:29,414 --> 00:47:31,582
What message?
858
00:47:31,616 --> 00:47:34,519
I got a callback for the
sausage commercial.
859
00:47:34,552 --> 00:47:35,921
That's great.
860
00:47:35,954 --> 00:47:37,322
Who took this picture?
861
00:47:37,355 --> 00:47:38,556
What picture?
862
00:47:38,589 --> 00:47:41,326
The one you sent me.
863
00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:44,129
Um, I don't know, really, I
don't remember.
864
00:47:44,162 --> 00:47:46,164
You don't remember?
865
00:47:46,197 --> 00:47:46,998
So how long have you been in
the habit
866
00:47:47,032 --> 00:47:48,633
Of posing nude for cell phone
cameras?
867
00:47:48,666 --> 00:47:49,935
It's an old picture.
868
00:47:49,968 --> 00:47:51,302
It's like two years old.
869
00:47:51,336 --> 00:47:53,271
So?
870
00:47:53,304 --> 00:47:54,372
Now you remember when it was
taken.
871
00:47:54,405 --> 00:47:55,340
Do you remember where?
872
00:47:55,373 --> 00:47:57,075
What do you want me to do,
873
00:47:57,108 --> 00:47:59,144
Lie to you and tell you I used
a self timer?
874
00:47:59,177 --> 00:48:03,048
My ex boyfriend took it.
875
00:48:04,215 --> 00:48:05,383
Hello?
876
00:48:05,416 --> 00:48:07,919
Hi.
877
00:48:07,953 --> 00:48:09,187
Are you all right?
878
00:48:09,220 --> 00:48:11,222
No.
879
00:48:11,256 --> 00:48:12,423
Why haven't I ever seen this
before?
880
00:48:12,457 --> 00:48:15,026
Honey, why is it such a big
deal?
881
00:48:15,060 --> 00:48:16,294
You're always asking for photos
at work.
882
00:48:16,327 --> 00:48:18,396
I thought you'd like it.
883
00:48:18,429 --> 00:48:19,697
You thought I'd like looking at
a memory of you
884
00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:21,366
With your ex?
885
00:48:21,399 --> 00:48:24,535
I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
886
00:48:24,569 --> 00:48:26,071
I mean. That phone call proves
everything.
887
00:48:26,104 --> 00:48:27,939
Even his boyfriend's
suspicious.
888
00:48:27,973 --> 00:48:30,241
Suspicious codependents aren't
that hard to come by,
889
00:48:30,275 --> 00:48:31,709
Especially if they're gay.
890
00:48:31,742 --> 00:48:33,044
And all the phone call proves
891
00:48:33,078 --> 00:48:35,246
Is that you were hiding under
their bed.
892
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:37,548
Darren, you leave a life of
luxury,
893
00:48:37,582 --> 00:48:38,984
To live in a paper thin cave,
894
00:48:39,017 --> 00:48:41,119
And break into strangers' homes?
895
00:48:41,152 --> 00:48:43,388
Have you completely lost your
mind?
896
00:48:43,421 --> 00:48:45,723
I should've gone through the
hamper and checked his pockets.
897
00:48:45,756 --> 00:48:47,392
Who cares about his pockets.
898
00:48:47,425 --> 00:48:48,659
You need to think about your
own pockets
899
00:48:48,693 --> 00:48:51,129
And how you're gonna line them
from now on.
900
00:48:51,162 --> 00:48:53,664
Christ, the least you could've
done was rob them.
901
00:48:53,698 --> 00:48:54,632
I need to call Leigh back
902
00:48:54,665 --> 00:48:55,700
Leigh?
903
00:48:55,733 --> 00:48:57,702
Is he encouraging this behavior?
904
00:48:57,735 --> 00:49:00,138
Of course he is, he's probably
writing a movie about it.
905
00:49:00,171 --> 00:49:01,539
Hey. Um.
906
00:49:01,572 --> 00:49:02,473
No, I got out.
907
00:49:02,507 --> 00:49:04,042
Um. The boyfriend?
908
00:49:04,075 --> 00:49:05,276
Very suspicious.
909
00:49:05,310 --> 00:49:07,245
He's really mistrustful.
910
00:49:07,278 --> 00:49:08,179
I heard them talking -
911
00:49:08,213 --> 00:49:10,548
I'm just. I'm gonna go.
912
00:49:10,581 --> 00:49:11,649
Hey, hold on a sec.
913
00:49:11,682 --> 00:49:12,517
No, no no no no.
914
00:49:12,550 --> 00:49:13,751
No.
915
00:49:13,784 --> 00:49:15,553
Could you stay?
916
00:49:15,586 --> 00:49:17,422
I was hoping you'd shave my
back for me?
917
00:49:17,455 --> 00:49:20,425
It's grown out to the point
where I can't go to the pool.
918
00:49:20,458 --> 00:49:24,195
I'm gonna go, but I'm glad to
see you've learned how to
burgle.
919
00:49:28,166 --> 00:49:29,434
[Door closes]
920
00:49:29,467 --> 00:49:33,371
[Washing machine]
921
00:49:34,672 --> 00:49:37,308
[Phone rings]
922
00:49:37,342 --> 00:49:38,409
Hello?
923
00:49:38,443 --> 00:49:40,311
[Luce, on phone] Hey, listen.
924
00:49:40,345 --> 00:49:44,049
The object of your distrust is
down here at the gym.
925
00:49:44,082 --> 00:49:46,384
And I just heard him on the
phone with someone,
926
00:49:46,417 --> 00:49:50,221
Saying that he's gonna meet
them downtown in half an hour.
927
00:49:50,255 --> 00:49:52,090
[Beep] Hold on.
928
00:49:52,123 --> 00:49:55,693
I've got another call.
929
00:49:55,726 --> 00:49:57,162
Hello?
930
00:49:57,195 --> 00:49:59,164
You not busy Thursday night,
are you?
931
00:49:59,197 --> 00:50:00,198
There's someone you have to
meet.
932
00:50:00,231 --> 00:50:01,666
Oh yeah? Who?
933
00:50:01,699 --> 00:50:03,301
His name's Walt DePore,
934
00:50:03,334 --> 00:50:04,702
He owns a very successful
business,
935
00:50:04,735 --> 00:50:06,604
He's adorable,
936
00:50:06,637 --> 00:50:08,706
And I'm sure it would be his
honor to shave your back
937
00:50:08,739 --> 00:50:10,508
For as long as you both shall
live!
938
00:50:10,541 --> 00:50:11,576
What're we having?
939
00:50:11,609 --> 00:50:13,178
I don't know, pasta or
something.
940
00:50:13,211 --> 00:50:16,314
Bring an appetite.
941
00:50:16,347 --> 00:50:19,350
I'll meet you in five minutes.
942
00:50:19,384 --> 00:50:23,321
[Footsteps]
943
00:50:45,310 --> 00:50:47,645
Um. You have an aluminum bat in
your car?
944
00:50:47,678 --> 00:50:48,513
Yeah!
945
00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:50,548
Why?
946
00:50:50,581 --> 00:50:53,284
Well, I don't trust myself to
own a firearm.
947
00:50:53,318 --> 00:50:55,353
[Laughs]
948
00:50:55,386 --> 00:50:56,454
And so I feel like, if shit
went down,
949
00:50:56,487 --> 00:50:58,389
Anyone can bust out a gun,
950
00:50:58,423 --> 00:51:01,759
But if I come at them with
this, and just start screaming?
951
00:51:01,792 --> 00:51:05,730
Yeah.
952
00:51:15,806 --> 00:51:18,609
So. This dumb girl I work with
who I hate
953
00:51:20,211 --> 00:51:23,514
Invited me to this shrimp party.
954
00:51:23,548 --> 00:51:24,715
What the fuck is a shrimp
party?
955
00:51:24,749 --> 00:51:27,485
I have no idea, but she said
that
956
00:51:27,518 --> 00:51:31,322
I have to bring my own chair,
side item,
957
00:51:31,356 --> 00:51:32,757
And booze.
958
00:51:32,790 --> 00:51:34,592
Mm-mm.
959
00:51:34,625 --> 00:51:35,793
Yeah! What incentive is that?
960
00:51:35,826 --> 00:51:37,295
For people who have to drive
twenty minutes
961
00:51:37,328 --> 00:51:39,764
Across town when I can go to
fuckin' Red Lobster
962
00:51:39,797 --> 00:51:42,367
Down the street, where shrimp
is bottomless,
963
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:44,335
And I don't have to put up with
people
964
00:51:44,369 --> 00:51:47,205
That I fucking hate that I have
to deal with all the time
anyway?
965
00:51:47,238 --> 00:51:48,706
And you get those cheddar
biscuit things.
966
00:51:48,739 --> 00:51:50,141
Those are good.
967
00:51:50,175 --> 00:51:51,309
Where is she getting the shrimp?
968
00:51:51,342 --> 00:51:52,310
Is she catching it?
969
00:51:52,343 --> 00:51:53,844
I don't know.
970
00:51:53,878 --> 00:51:55,280
Maybe she's married to a
fisherman.
971
00:51:55,313 --> 00:51:57,548
I try not to ask her too much
about herself,
972
00:51:57,582 --> 00:52:00,451
Cause that gives her the
impression that I care.
973
00:52:00,485 --> 00:52:04,389
I think going to a party she's
having and bringing a chair,
974
00:52:04,422 --> 00:52:08,326
Side item, and alcohol gives
her the impression that you
care.
975
00:52:08,359 --> 00:52:11,329
I didn't say I was going.
976
00:52:11,362 --> 00:52:13,598
I just said she invited me.
977
00:52:13,631 --> 00:52:17,602
Kay.
978
00:52:20,805 --> 00:52:21,672
So how's your friend?
979
00:52:21,706 --> 00:52:25,443
What friend?
980
00:52:25,476 --> 00:52:28,679
Your friend in building four.
981
00:52:28,713 --> 00:52:30,848
He's fine I guess.
982
00:52:30,881 --> 00:52:33,918
I mean he was fine the last
time I saw him.
983
00:52:33,951 --> 00:52:36,487
Has it always been casual?
984
00:52:36,521 --> 00:52:38,856
Define casual.
985
00:52:38,889 --> 00:52:40,458
Has it always been about sex
986
00:52:40,491 --> 00:52:42,627
Or have you guys ever dated?
987
00:52:42,660 --> 00:52:45,696
Eh. I mean it's pretty much
always been about sex.
988
00:52:45,730 --> 00:52:47,865
We never dated, if you mean
like,
989
00:52:47,898 --> 00:52:49,400
Take me to dinner and a movie.
990
00:52:49,434 --> 00:52:50,501
No, that's never happened.
991
00:52:50,535 --> 00:52:52,903
Then what do you guys do?
992
00:52:52,937 --> 00:52:53,871
You just go over there?
993
00:52:53,904 --> 00:52:57,375
And - I mean - what?
994
00:52:57,408 --> 00:52:59,877
You go to the gym, and go over
there and screw?
995
00:52:59,910 --> 00:53:00,911
Do you spend the night?
996
00:53:00,945 --> 00:53:04,882
Yeah. Usually.
997
00:53:06,817 --> 00:53:08,519
Okay. I mean that's not all we
do.
998
00:53:08,553 --> 00:53:09,654
So it's a nocturnal
relationship?
999
00:53:09,687 --> 00:53:11,289
If that's how you choose to
define it.
1000
00:53:11,322 --> 00:53:12,357
We were friends before.
1001
00:53:12,390 --> 00:53:13,691
How long?
1002
00:53:13,724 --> 00:53:15,693
About five years.
1003
00:53:15,726 --> 00:53:17,928
So, you were legitimately
friends?
1004
00:53:17,962 --> 00:53:18,829
Yeah!
1005
00:53:18,863 --> 00:53:22,367
When did sex come into it?
1006
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:24,001
I don't know. It was kinda
weird.
1007
00:53:24,034 --> 00:53:27,405
He just... asked me to come
over one night
1008
00:53:27,438 --> 00:53:29,740
And it just kinda happened.
1009
00:53:29,774 --> 00:53:33,611
I mean it's nice and enjoyable
and...
1010
00:53:35,446 --> 00:53:36,814
He doesn't mind seeing me naked,
1011
00:53:36,847 --> 00:53:40,685
So, I guess, you know, that's a
plus.
1012
00:53:42,019 --> 00:53:43,654
Have you always been attracted
to him?
1013
00:53:43,688 --> 00:53:45,623
Yeah.
1014
00:53:45,656 --> 00:53:47,358
We've always really gotten
along.
1015
00:53:47,392 --> 00:53:48,025
Do you ever have sex during the
day?
1016
00:53:48,058 --> 00:53:50,261
Yeah that's happened some.
1017
00:53:50,295 --> 00:53:52,863
You guys both get a day off at
the same time.
1018
00:53:52,897 --> 00:53:55,500
I don't know, we don't have a
schedule.
1019
00:53:55,533 --> 00:53:58,503
It's not like on each one of
our refrigerators there's a
schedule.
1020
00:53:58,536 --> 00:53:59,770
[Laughs]
1021
00:53:59,804 --> 00:54:03,741
[Music]
1022
00:54:10,448 --> 00:54:14,051
Look. I'm about to cut my
fuckin' arm off.
1023
00:54:14,084 --> 00:54:15,753
Why?
1024
00:54:15,786 --> 00:54:19,056
My fuckin' elbow it's just been
so dry.
1025
00:54:19,089 --> 00:54:23,428
And it's just the left one, and
I try everything.
1026
00:54:23,461 --> 00:54:25,830
I try lotion, cream. Nothin'
works.
1027
00:54:25,863 --> 00:54:28,399
Um.
1028
00:54:28,433 --> 00:54:30,034
Oh my God.
1029
00:54:30,067 --> 00:54:30,601
Our elbows were separated at
birth.
1030
00:54:30,635 --> 00:54:31,936
No, for real. I've got-
1031
00:54:31,969 --> 00:54:33,771
What do you use?
1032
00:54:33,804 --> 00:54:35,740
Because I've got this cocoa
butter.
1033
00:54:35,773 --> 00:54:37,708
I just told you that nothin'
else works.
1034
00:54:37,742 --> 00:54:39,410
I've got this cocoa butter
cream that every other part of
my body?
1035
00:54:39,444 --> 00:54:41,346
Fine.
1036
00:54:41,379 --> 00:54:43,414
I've used a loofah and
washcloth in the shower...
1037
00:54:43,448 --> 00:54:45,316
I've scrubbed it to the point
where it's bled.
1038
00:54:45,350 --> 00:54:48,719
Nothing. It's just forever
ashy.
1039
00:54:48,753 --> 00:54:50,821
I know exactly what you mean,
it sucks.
1040
00:54:50,855 --> 00:54:52,823
I'm telling you it's an
epidemic.
1041
00:54:52,857 --> 00:54:54,024
They need to do a special on it.
1042
00:54:54,058 --> 00:54:54,959
[Laughs]
1043
00:54:54,992 --> 00:54:57,795
Dry elbows.
1044
00:54:57,828 --> 00:54:59,697
And how they're ruining
America.
1045
00:54:59,730 --> 00:55:02,467
Um.
1046
00:55:02,500 --> 00:55:06,471
What?
1047
00:55:13,478 --> 00:55:14,645
All right.
1048
00:55:14,679 --> 00:55:18,516
So he's probably having an
affair.
1049
00:55:24,555 --> 00:55:26,591
That guy looks like Taylor
Lautner.
1050
00:55:26,624 --> 00:55:29,360
Who?
1051
00:55:29,394 --> 00:55:30,928
You know there are other ways
of getting the truth
1052
00:55:30,961 --> 00:55:33,631
Without having to stalk a
person.
1053
00:55:33,664 --> 00:55:35,366
What do you mean?
1054
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:37,635
Well, generally when you're
more familiar with someone,
1055
00:55:37,668 --> 00:55:41,606
The easier it is to get them to
reveal shit.
1056
00:55:41,639 --> 00:55:43,774
How am I supposed to do that?
1057
00:55:43,808 --> 00:55:46,777
He's your neighbor, D, just
borrow some sugar.
1058
00:55:46,811 --> 00:55:48,613
Start a conversation.
1059
00:55:48,646 --> 00:55:49,380
You're joking.
1060
00:55:49,414 --> 00:55:51,782
What would I say?
1061
00:55:51,816 --> 00:55:55,553
All right, you said something
about him needing new headshots.
1062
00:55:57,187 --> 00:56:00,024
So I'm going to make you some
business cards.
1063
00:56:00,057 --> 00:56:02,427
Just drop one in his mailbox,
1064
00:56:02,460 --> 00:56:03,694
He'll give you a call,
1065
00:56:03,728 --> 00:56:05,129
You will have his number,
1066
00:56:05,162 --> 00:56:08,633
And before you know it he'll be
in your apartment
1067
00:56:08,666 --> 00:56:10,968
Ready to pose.
1068
00:56:11,001 --> 00:56:12,002
Since he doesn't have to drive
home,
1069
00:56:12,036 --> 00:56:16,040
It'd be kind of impolite not to
stay for a drink.
1070
00:56:17,575 --> 00:56:18,576
[Muffled] I wasn't thinking.
1071
00:56:18,609 --> 00:56:20,144
I overreacted, I'm sorry.
1072
00:56:20,177 --> 00:56:23,781
No, honey, it was completely
inappropriate.
1073
00:56:23,814 --> 00:56:24,949
I wasn't thinking.
1074
00:56:24,982 --> 00:56:26,016
I'm sorry.
1075
00:56:26,050 --> 00:56:27,552
I overreacted.
1076
00:56:29,454 --> 00:56:30,821
[Kisses and moans]
1077
00:56:30,855 --> 00:56:33,524
[Crickets]
1078
00:56:33,558 --> 00:56:37,495
[Music]
1079
00:56:43,568 --> 00:56:47,472
Is this why you haven't been
going to the pool lately?
1080
00:56:47,505 --> 00:56:50,941
Maybe.
1081
00:56:50,975 --> 00:56:53,444
Well, let's do it.
1082
00:56:53,478 --> 00:56:57,181
Just let me pee first.
1083
00:57:12,196 --> 00:57:13,998
[Laughs]
1084
00:57:14,031 --> 00:57:16,767
Joe, shut up.
1085
00:57:16,801 --> 00:57:19,069
It used to be a lot worse,
1086
00:57:19,103 --> 00:57:22,907
But my ex had a colleague try
the laser removal.
1087
00:57:24,575 --> 00:57:27,044
Oh, it didn't work?
1088
00:57:27,077 --> 00:57:31,048
No, not entirely, no, but you
know
1089
00:57:31,081 --> 00:57:32,850
I'd like to have the rest
removed one day
1090
00:57:32,883 --> 00:57:34,519
When I can afford to.
1091
00:57:34,552 --> 00:57:37,054
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
1092
00:57:37,087 --> 00:57:39,657
Yeah, well, it's lookin' pretty
broke to me.
1093
00:57:39,690 --> 00:57:41,892
It's the way you're made, kid.
1094
00:57:41,926 --> 00:57:43,828
Yeah, well, women were made
with hair under their arms,
1095
00:57:43,861 --> 00:57:45,930
On their legs, and sometimes
their upper lips,
1096
00:57:45,963 --> 00:57:49,700
You don't see them walking
around town looking like beasts.
1097
00:57:52,202 --> 00:57:53,904
I've been trying to think of
some money making schemes
lately.
1098
00:57:53,938 --> 00:57:56,140
Not for laser removal?
1099
00:57:56,173 --> 00:57:58,175
[Laughs] No. Other than being
broke and having bills
1100
00:57:58,208 --> 00:58:02,112
I can't pay, I don't know, maybe
1101
00:58:02,146 --> 00:58:04,281
I want to start taking some
classes in the fall,
1102
00:58:04,314 --> 00:58:06,917
But I'm thinking my credit
needs some improvement
1103
00:58:06,951 --> 00:58:08,853
Before that can happen.
1104
00:58:08,886 --> 00:58:10,054
Are you coasting on credit?
1105
00:58:10,087 --> 00:58:15,059
I'm living on credit.
1106
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:17,962
What do you know about eBay?
1107
00:58:17,995 --> 00:58:19,830
What about it?
1108
00:58:19,864 --> 00:58:20,931
People can actually sell stuff
on there and it works?
1109
00:58:20,965 --> 00:58:23,000
Yeah. People do it all the
time.
1110
00:58:23,033 --> 00:58:25,636
What do you want to sell?
1111
00:58:25,670 --> 00:58:28,539
Um. I don't know,
1112
00:58:28,573 --> 00:58:32,142
I mean, I've got a shit ton of
movies
1113
00:58:32,176 --> 00:58:35,946
And a lot of records that I'm
guessing are pretty rare.
1114
00:58:37,715 --> 00:58:40,250
Yeah, I think people would eat
those up.
1115
00:58:40,284 --> 00:58:42,753
You ever used eBay?
1116
00:58:42,787 --> 00:58:46,791
Uh, once.
1117
00:58:46,824 --> 00:58:50,595
There was this gorgeous upright
from 1880, pale green,
1118
00:58:52,262 --> 00:58:55,065
And in God awful disrepair, but
I didn't care,
1119
00:58:56,934 --> 00:58:59,737
I wanted it for the looks. It
was $10.80.
1120
00:58:59,770 --> 00:59:02,339
Sure, $10.80 is great for a
piano, but it wasn't until
1121
00:59:02,372 --> 00:59:04,141
After I'd won the goddamn thing
1122
00:59:04,174 --> 00:59:06,711
That I realized it was halfway
across the country
1123
00:59:06,744 --> 00:59:10,581
And shipping would be a
nightmare.
1124
00:59:10,615 --> 00:59:14,084
Um, so, I wrote them a check
for $11,
1125
00:59:14,118 --> 00:59:16,621
Apologized profusely for the
inconvenience,
1126
00:59:16,654 --> 00:59:20,257
But by that time they had left
me horrible feedback
1127
00:59:22,326 --> 00:59:23,728
And eBay had suspended my
account.
1128
00:59:23,761 --> 00:59:24,795
I'll get your records listed.
1129
00:59:24,829 --> 00:59:26,030
If you don't mind.
1130
00:59:26,063 --> 00:59:29,900
I don't mind, actually.
1131
00:59:29,934 --> 00:59:33,771
By the way, why'd you take that
key?
1132
00:59:39,243 --> 00:59:40,244
You knew?
1133
00:59:40,277 --> 00:59:42,012
Of course I knew.
1134
00:59:42,046 --> 00:59:44,314
Five keys and one goes missing?
1135
00:59:44,348 --> 00:59:46,016
[Laughs]
1136
00:59:46,050 --> 00:59:49,920
Uh. Why didn't you say
anything?
1137
00:59:51,288 --> 00:59:53,958
Darren, I gave you pot.
1138
00:59:53,991 --> 00:59:55,693
A great deal of pot, actually.
1139
00:59:55,726 --> 00:59:59,329
I can't exactly report you for
taking a key.
1140
01:00:10,307 --> 01:00:13,844
But, you know, I am awfully
curious.
1141
01:00:13,878 --> 01:00:15,780
Do you wanna tell me why you
took it?
1142
01:00:15,813 --> 01:00:19,717
No.
1143
01:00:43,340 --> 01:00:45,910
Who is this person?
1144
01:00:45,943 --> 01:00:46,911
You told me to bring an
appetite.
1145
01:00:46,944 --> 01:00:48,713
Cute.
1146
01:00:48,746 --> 01:00:49,980
You're always trying to fix me
up with someone
1147
01:00:50,014 --> 01:00:51,916
Just because he has money.
1148
01:00:51,949 --> 01:00:53,984
That is not the only reason I'm
trying to fix you up with Walt!
1149
01:00:54,018 --> 01:00:54,885
It's not?
1150
01:00:54,919 --> 01:00:58,756
No! Walt is... lovely.
1151
01:00:58,789 --> 01:01:00,991
Uh huh.
1152
01:01:01,025 --> 01:01:03,794
Well, let's see if he can get
along with my friend.
1153
01:01:06,163 --> 01:01:10,134
So, uh, when did you get all
that?
1154
01:01:10,167 --> 01:01:11,969
Oh it's taken years.
1155
01:01:12,002 --> 01:01:12,837
Really?
1156
01:01:12,870 --> 01:01:13,771
Uh huh.
1157
01:01:13,804 --> 01:01:15,405
It's cute, I really like it.
1158
01:01:15,439 --> 01:01:17,975
Yeah. It's quite an investment.
1159
01:01:18,008 --> 01:01:20,978
Yeah, there's still some more
that I wanna add to it.
1160
01:01:21,011 --> 01:01:21,712
Oh yeah?
1161
01:01:21,746 --> 01:01:23,280
Uh huh.
1162
01:01:23,313 --> 01:01:25,149
Like what were you thinking
about adding?
1163
01:01:25,182 --> 01:01:28,118
I was thinking about adding
maybe E.T. in drag.
1164
01:01:28,152 --> 01:01:29,086
[Laughs]
1165
01:01:29,119 --> 01:01:30,420
In drag?
1166
01:01:30,454 --> 01:01:32,990
Not like Priscilla, Queen of
the Desert drag,
1167
01:01:33,023 --> 01:01:34,825
But like how E.T. was in the
movie,
1168
01:01:34,859 --> 01:01:36,927
With the blonde wig and pearl
necklace.
1169
01:01:36,961 --> 01:01:38,062
Oh, yeah!
1170
01:01:38,095 --> 01:01:42,166
Yeah.
1171
01:01:42,199 --> 01:01:44,134
I love that she has a Freddy
Krueger hand.
1172
01:01:44,168 --> 01:01:47,972
Like she's killing people in
their dreams.
1173
01:01:54,144 --> 01:01:56,413
So. How long have you known
Greg?
1174
01:01:56,446 --> 01:01:59,249
A long time.
1175
01:01:59,283 --> 01:02:00,785
Those shoes would look
fantastic on you.
1176
01:02:00,818 --> 01:02:02,286
They do.
1177
01:02:02,319 --> 01:02:04,121
You should borrow them.
1178
01:02:04,154 --> 01:02:05,756
I don't know what occasion
you'd wear them for.
1179
01:02:05,790 --> 01:02:07,357
For work? Where would I not
wear them?
1180
01:02:07,391 --> 01:02:08,358
I thought that you did weddings?
1181
01:02:08,392 --> 01:02:09,359
I thought that was your deal?
1182
01:02:09,393 --> 01:02:11,161
I do a lot of weddings.
1183
01:02:11,195 --> 01:02:12,529
Like, how many do you do?
1184
01:02:12,562 --> 01:02:13,764
How many have you done this
year?
1185
01:02:13,798 --> 01:02:15,833
Twenty eight, so far.
1186
01:02:15,866 --> 01:02:16,366
But after -
1187
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:17,968
A lot!
1188
01:02:18,002 --> 01:02:19,837
But after the next one,
1189
01:02:19,870 --> 01:02:23,007
I have two months off to
reclaim my position as a
celebutante!
1190
01:02:23,040 --> 01:02:24,942
What the fuck is that?
1191
01:02:24,975 --> 01:02:29,279
So how'd you meet Greg?
1192
01:02:29,313 --> 01:02:33,150
Oh, we met at some get together
a while ago.
1193
01:02:34,985 --> 01:02:37,154
Some business professionals
thing?
1194
01:02:37,187 --> 01:02:38,789
[Laughs] Yeah.
1195
01:02:38,823 --> 01:02:40,390
Something like that.
1196
01:02:40,424 --> 01:02:42,126
Yeah he's incredible.
1197
01:02:42,159 --> 01:02:44,795
You know, he's - he paints, too.
1198
01:02:44,829 --> 01:02:45,996
Yeah?
1199
01:02:46,030 --> 01:02:47,231
Full of surprises.
1200
01:02:47,264 --> 01:02:48,966
Look at this little guy.
1201
01:02:48,999 --> 01:02:52,369
Yeah. He's really imaginative.
1202
01:02:52,402 --> 01:02:55,505
Yeah, look, she's like a pie
secretary.
1203
01:02:55,539 --> 01:02:58,242
She's on the phone telling her
boss's lies.
1204
01:02:58,275 --> 01:02:59,476
Her boss the pie.
1205
01:02:59,509 --> 01:03:01,311
That fucker!
1206
01:03:01,345 --> 01:03:03,013
And then, run and get the
coffee while a smile
1207
01:03:03,047 --> 01:03:05,249
Hides the rage in your eyes.
1208
01:03:05,282 --> 01:03:06,116
Yeah.
1209
01:03:06,150 --> 01:03:06,851
I know, it's -
1210
01:03:06,884 --> 01:03:08,118
She's pissed.
1211
01:03:08,152 --> 01:03:10,054
Well, her boss.
1212
01:03:10,087 --> 01:03:11,521
And then this one is my
favorite one
1213
01:03:11,555 --> 01:03:13,257
Because it's "tonight she's
searching for a reason"
1214
01:03:13,290 --> 01:03:15,492
As she's walking home alone in
the rain."
1215
01:03:15,525 --> 01:03:16,994
And I really like that she's so
sad
1216
01:03:17,027 --> 01:03:19,263
And when a pie cries... it's so
sad.
1217
01:03:19,296 --> 01:03:21,065
Yeah.
1218
01:03:21,098 --> 01:03:21,832
Anytime a pie cries it hurts me
in the feelings.
1219
01:03:21,866 --> 01:03:23,500
Mm-hmm.
1220
01:03:23,533 --> 01:03:27,437
Do you like to fish?
1221
01:03:28,438 --> 01:03:30,474
Are you a fisherman, Walt?
1222
01:03:30,507 --> 01:03:34,311
[Laughs] Yes. I'm an avid
offshore fisherman.
1223
01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:38,382
I don't know, I've never really
fished
1224
01:03:38,415 --> 01:03:41,285
Except for maybe once when I
was five.
1225
01:03:41,318 --> 01:03:45,122
We could take my boat out this
weekend maybe.
1226
01:03:46,356 --> 01:03:47,224
[Phone vibrates]
1227
01:03:47,257 --> 01:03:49,026
Who's calling you?!
1228
01:03:49,059 --> 01:03:52,362
It's this asshole Christian TV
personality.
1229
01:03:52,396 --> 01:03:54,164
I thought you were supposed to
call them.
1230
01:03:54,198 --> 01:03:57,334
[Laughs] Well this one will not
leave me alone.
1231
01:03:57,367 --> 01:03:59,503
What he's want? To save your
soul?
1232
01:03:59,536 --> 01:04:01,438
No. I don't know.
1233
01:04:01,471 --> 01:04:04,641
But I keep telling him that I'm
not into fucking fishes and
loaves.
1234
01:04:04,674 --> 01:04:06,610
I'm into cake and sodomy, thank
you!
1235
01:04:06,643 --> 01:04:08,078
Right, and he doesn't get it,
huh?
1236
01:04:08,112 --> 01:04:08,946
No!
1237
01:04:08,979 --> 01:04:10,948
That's fucking gross.
1238
01:04:10,981 --> 01:04:12,249
He's gonna end up married with
like three kids.
1239
01:04:12,282 --> 01:04:13,951
It's so sad.
1240
01:04:13,984 --> 01:04:16,553
That is sad.
1241
01:04:16,586 --> 01:04:19,389
I mean. I don't know why I
can't just meet like a nice
retarded guy
1242
01:04:19,423 --> 01:04:21,558
Like Giovanni Ribisi in "The
Other Sister."
1243
01:04:21,591 --> 01:04:23,260
Oh yes he's so cute.
1244
01:04:23,293 --> 01:04:25,429
He is. I mean, I would date him.
1245
01:04:25,462 --> 01:04:26,563
That's not weird, at all.
1246
01:04:26,596 --> 01:04:28,999
No, no, no, no.
1247
01:04:29,033 --> 01:04:33,070
I would totally... I would date
Rain Man.
1248
01:04:33,103 --> 01:04:35,139
Have you ever been to Sicily?
1249
01:04:35,172 --> 01:04:37,674
No, I have not.
1250
01:04:37,707 --> 01:04:41,145
I just got back. Visited the
Palatine Chapel.
1251
01:04:41,178 --> 01:04:42,279
Mmm.
1252
01:04:42,312 --> 01:04:44,314
Yeah. A Jesus thing.
1253
01:04:44,348 --> 01:04:46,016
We can't go to Vegas, because
they're too smart,
1254
01:04:46,050 --> 01:04:48,485
But I think Atlantic City might
work.
1255
01:04:48,518 --> 01:04:50,254
You take him and he'll count
the cards,
1256
01:04:50,287 --> 01:04:52,422
Or if you drop a box of
toothpicks, you just ask him,
1257
01:04:52,456 --> 01:04:53.290
"How many is that?"
1258
01:04:53,323 --> 01:04:55,459
How many are those?!
1259
01:04:55,492 --> 01:04:56,393
[In Rainman voice]"Four hundred
and twenty five!"
1260
01:04:56,426 --> 01:04:57,661
He just knows it.
1261
01:04:57,694 --> 01:04:59,663
He just knows.
1262
01:04:59,696 --> 01:05:01,431
Listen, though, I think the
charm would eventually just
wear off,
1263
01:05:01,465 --> 01:05:03,267
Cause look, I can't even cut up
my own god damn food,
1264
01:05:03,300 --> 01:05:04,701
Let alone my date's.
1265
01:05:04,734 --> 01:05:05,669
Who needs to cut food?
1266
01:05:05,702 --> 01:05:08,305
Just order it already cut.
1267
01:05:08,338 --> 01:05:10,440
You can't order a steak already
cut.
1268
01:05:10,474 --> 01:05:12,309
It's called chopped steak.
1269
01:05:12,342 --> 01:05:14,444
I don't like that shit.
1270
01:05:14,478 --> 01:05:18,248
We spent a breezy afternoon
right there at Porticello.
1271
01:05:19,749 --> 01:05:23,553
Just, just looking outside at
the gulf.
1272
01:05:24,321 --> 01:05:26,190
Right there.
1273
01:05:26,223 --> 01:05:28,325
Financial stability is very
important.
1274
01:05:28,358 --> 01:05:30,294
Not as important as not
throwing up
1275
01:05:30,327 --> 01:05:33,463
When someone takes their
clothes off.
1276
01:05:33,497 --> 01:05:35,032
Coffee.
1277
01:05:35,065 --> 01:05:36,733
Coffee?! So soon?!
1278
01:05:36,766 --> 01:05:40,137
Don't tell me the night's
almost over.
1279
01:05:40,170 --> 01:05:41,105
(Birds chirping)
1280
01:05:41,138 --> 01:05:45,042
[Knock at door]
1281
01:05:46,210 --> 01:05:47,244
Hi.
1282
01:05:47,277 --> 01:05:48,045
Look at you.
1283
01:05:48,078 --> 01:05:48,678
You off today?
1284
01:05:48,712 --> 01:05:50,314
I am off today.
1285
01:05:50,347 --> 01:05:51,115
Guess what?
1286
01:05:51,148 --> 01:05:52,616
What?
1287
01:05:52,649 --> 01:05:53,350
Your records sold.
1288
01:05:53,383 --> 01:05:54,084
What?
1289
01:05:54,118 --> 01:05:55,019
Yeah.
1290
01:05:55,052 --> 01:05:56,053
Which ones?
1291
01:05:56,086 --> 01:05:57,621
All of 'em.
1292
01:05:57,654 --> 01:05:59,756
What?
1293
01:05:59,789 --> 01:06:01,325
Yeah. So, we need to get them
packaged up
1294
01:06:01,358 --> 01:06:02,459
And I'll teach you how to use
your PayPal account.
1295
01:06:02,492 --> 01:06:05,329
Oh. Well, I already have one of
those.
1296
01:06:05,362 --> 01:06:07,231
Oh, okay. Well, first, I
thought we'd take a drive
1297
01:06:07,264 --> 01:06:11,168
And listen to this.
1298
01:06:12,736 --> 01:06:14,071
What the hell is that?
1299
01:06:14,104 --> 01:06:17,107
It's an iPod. It's yours.
1300
01:06:17,141 --> 01:06:19,343
Why'd you do this?
1301
01:06:19,376 --> 01:06:22,179
Well, I figured you'd need some
music to listen to.
1302
01:06:23,147 --> 01:06:25,215
What'd you put on it?
1303
01:06:25,249 --> 01:06:27,517
Your records.
1304
01:06:27,551 --> 01:06:31,488
[Music]
1305
01:07:14,231 --> 01:07:18,168
[Phone rings]
1306
01:07:19,436 --> 01:07:21,105
Hello?
1307
01:07:21,138 --> 01:07:24,841
[On phone, and muffled through
ceiling] Hello? Darren?
1308
01:07:24,874 --> 01:07:26,810
This is he.
1309
01:07:26,843 --> 01:07:29,613
Hi, Darren, I found one of your
cards in the mail.
1310
01:07:29,646 --> 01:07:31,581
I'd like to see about
scheduling a shoot.
1311
01:07:31,615 --> 01:07:33,517
Nothing elaborate, just a few
headshots.
1312
01:07:33,550 --> 01:07:37,421
Uhh... can I have your name?
1313
01:07:39,389 --> 01:07:42,626
[Darren, on phone] Um, okay,
he's going to be here tomorrow.
1314
01:07:42,659 --> 01:07:44,661
Well, after you're finished,
1315
01:07:44,694 --> 01:07:46,396
Be sure to ask him to stay for
a drink.
1316
01:07:46,430 --> 01:07:48,232
Then what?
1317
01:07:48,265 --> 01:07:49,199
Then call me back.
1318
01:07:49,233 --> 01:07:50,200
Let me know what happens.
1319
01:07:50,234 --> 01:07:51,568
This'll make a great movie.
1320
01:07:51,601 --> 01:07:55,539
[Music]
1321
01:08:06,583 --> 01:08:07,584
I hate this movie.
1322
01:08:07,617 --> 01:08:09,386
What?
1323
01:08:09,419 --> 01:08:12,256
My Boyfriend's Hotter Than
Yours.
1324
01:08:19,629 --> 01:08:23,533
[Shutter clicks]
1325
01:08:31,275 --> 01:08:32,842
Want a drink?
1326
01:08:32,876 --> 01:08:36,746
Nah, I'm okay, thanks though.
1327
01:08:38,615 --> 01:08:40,484
Nothing?
1328
01:08:40,517 --> 01:08:44,454
Yeah. I'm in AA.
1329
01:08:44,488 --> 01:08:47,191
Oh. Gotcha.
1330
01:08:47,224 --> 01:08:51,261
I used to think it was the only
way I could have fun.
1331
01:08:51,295 --> 01:08:53,230
But, hey, how do you think it
went?
1332
01:08:53,263 --> 01:08:54,798
How do you think the photos are
gonna turn out?
1333
01:08:54,831 --> 01:08:58,635
Great. I mean, you're, uh, very
photogenic.
1334
01:09:00,537 --> 01:09:03,673
Thanks. I appreciate it.
1335
01:09:03,707 --> 01:09:07,477
Seth Rogen? David Duchovny?
Rainn Wilson? Rob Zombie? ...
1336
01:09:08,412 --> 01:09:10,280
And Alan Rickman?
1337
01:09:10,314 --> 01:09:12,416
Yeah. Dirty Mash.
1338
01:09:12,449 --> 01:09:15,785
Mash. Like, "mansion,
apartment, shack, house?"
1339
01:09:15,819 --> 01:09:18,355
Yeah.
1340
01:09:18,388 --> 01:09:19,656
My sister and her friends used
to play that
1341
01:09:19,689 --> 01:09:22,626
All the time when we were
little.
1342
01:09:22,659 --> 01:09:26,430
Lick, bite, fuck, suck?
1343
01:09:26,463 --> 01:09:29,766
I can see why it's dirty.
1344
01:09:29,799 --> 01:09:33,637
Wanna play?
1345
01:09:33,670 --> 01:09:35,605
George Clooney.
1346
01:09:35,639 --> 01:09:38,375
Mm-hmm.
1347
01:09:38,408 --> 01:09:42,312
Uh. Colin Farrell.
1348
01:09:48,852 --> 01:09:50,654
Taylor Lautner.
1349
01:09:50,687 --> 01:09:54,491
[Laughs]
1350
01:09:54,524 --> 01:09:56,526
What?
1351
01:09:56,560 --> 01:09:57,294
I used to know someone
1352
01:09:57,327 --> 01:10:00,597
That looked like him.
1353
01:10:00,630 --> 01:10:02,232
Yeah?
1354
01:10:02,266 --> 01:10:05,802
Mm-hmm.
1355
01:10:05,835 --> 01:10:09,706
Who?
1356
01:10:09,739 --> 01:10:13,643
[Knock at door]
1357
01:10:20,317 --> 01:10:23,520
[Luce sniffling]
1358
01:10:23,553 --> 01:10:24,821
What?
1359
01:10:24,854 --> 01:10:28,592
He's fuckin' somebody else.
1360
01:10:28,625 --> 01:10:30,527
What?
1361
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:33,397
He's over there with somebody
else.
1362
01:10:34,531 --> 01:10:38,402
I thought you were just friends.
1363
01:10:41,338 --> 01:10:41,905
Are you okay?
1364
01:10:41,938 --> 01:10:45,909
No!
1365
01:10:55,985 --> 01:10:57,921
So what'd you guys do?
1366
01:10:57,954 --> 01:11:00,357
How'd you get him to stay?
1367
01:11:00,390 --> 01:11:04,328
Uh. We played a game.
1368
01:11:04,361 --> 01:11:07,764
Played a game
1369
01:11:07,797 --> 01:11:10,500
What'd you find out?
1370
01:11:10,534 --> 01:11:12,336
Well, innocently enough,
1371
01:11:12,369 --> 01:11:16,005
He's been meeting up with an
old friend.
1372
01:11:22,111 --> 01:11:25,949
Someone he used to be in love
with.
1373
01:11:30,654 --> 01:11:34,458
Someone who ran out on him
without explanation
1374
01:11:37,527 --> 01:11:41,431
And left him to wonder why.
1375
01:11:46,135 --> 01:11:49,339
[Music plays]
1376
01:11:49,373 --> 01:11:51,908
And over the summer, he called
me out of the blue.
1377
01:11:51,941 --> 01:11:53,777
Confessed his love for me.
1378
01:11:53,810 --> 01:11:55,979
Apologized for running away and
blamed it
1379
01:11:56,012 --> 01:11:58,415
On his abandonment issues.
1380
01:11:58,448 --> 01:12:01,117
You know, leave before you get
left.
1381
01:12:01,150 --> 01:12:04,988
And then he said we should try
again.
1382
01:12:06,823 --> 01:12:08,892
What'd he expect me to say?
1383
01:12:08,925 --> 01:12:11,728
"Let's go to New York! Let's
get married!"
1384
01:12:12,962 --> 01:12:14,097
He wouldn't back down,
1385
01:12:14,130 --> 01:12:15,899
So I've been taking him out to
coffee,
1386
01:12:15,932 --> 01:12:17,701
Get a small bite to eat,
1387
01:12:17,734 --> 01:12:20,437
Mainly because I feel bad for
him.
1388
01:12:20,470 --> 01:12:22,506
I just don't wanna be another
person
1389
01:12:22,539 --> 01:12:25,542
Who walks out on him in his
life, you know?
1390
01:12:25,575 --> 01:12:29,779
So it makes it really difficult
to try to explain -
1391
01:12:29,813 --> 01:12:33,717
Why you've been seeing Taylor
Lautner?
1392
01:12:33,750 --> 01:12:35,819
[Laughs]
1393
01:12:35,852 --> 01:12:39,823
Yeah.
1394
01:12:45,429 --> 01:12:49,098
[Crickets]
1395
01:12:52,836 --> 01:12:53,937
[Muffled] So you've been seeing
him?
1396
01:12:53,970 --> 01:12:54,838
It's not what you think.
1397
01:12:54,871 --> 01:12:56,105
I want you out - Honey.
1398
01:12:56,139 --> 01:12:58,642
I want you to pack up your shit
1399
01:12:58,675 --> 01:12:59,476
And I want you out of here.
It's not what you think!
1400
01:12:59,509 --> 01:13:00,744
It's not what I think?!
1401
01:13:00,777 --> 01:13:02,412
Babe, I pay your phone bill,
remember?
1402
01:13:02,446 --> 01:13:05,449
I see how often the two of you
fucking correspond.
1403
01:13:05,482 --> 01:13:09,419
[Footsteps]
1404
01:14:04,941 --> 01:14:08,845
[Shutter clicks]
1405
01:14:14,984 --> 01:14:17,787
[Water drips, razor buzzes, and
music plays]
1406
01:14:56,159 --> 01:14:58,562
I'm on a month to month lease,
1407
01:14:58,595 --> 01:15:01,197
And, I just, I want to be
closer to the record store
1408
01:15:04,000 --> 01:15:05,234
And to the college, you know?
1409
01:15:05,268 --> 01:15:07,136
I mean, I wouldn't move far,
just downtown,
1410
01:15:07,170 --> 01:15:09,138
I just, you know, if I sell my
car,
1411
01:15:09,172 --> 01:15:11,775
And maybe see about taking out
a loan,
1412
01:15:11,808 --> 01:15:15,579
I could start classes
relatively soon and...
1413
01:15:20,049 --> 01:15:24,020
Joe.
1414
01:15:28,324 --> 01:15:32,161
You've helped me get back on my
feet.
1415
01:15:34,197 --> 01:15:38,034
I just need to start doing
things for myself.
1416
01:15:40,036 --> 01:15:43,873
Otherwise, I may never know
how.
1417
01:15:53,750 --> 01:15:57,687
[Joe sighs]
1418
01:16:03,226 --> 01:16:07,096
[Crickets, then music]
1419
01:16:08,364 --> 01:16:09,799
[Laughs]
1420
01:16:09,833 --> 01:16:11,334
Oh, Luce, thank you.
1421
01:16:11,367 --> 01:16:12,769
Dude, don't even mention it.
1422
01:16:12,802 --> 01:16:14,871
It was like ten dollars on
Amazon.
1423
01:16:14,904 --> 01:16:15,739
What?!
1424
01:16:15,772 --> 01:16:19,743
Yeah.
1425
01:16:21,010 --> 01:16:22,078
Why is he biting her?
1426
01:16:22,111 --> 01:16:23,246
[Laughs]
1427
01:16:23,279 --> 01:16:24,614
I don't know.
1428
01:16:24,648 --> 01:16:26,315
I guess, cause, at first, she
was like
1429
01:16:26,349 --> 01:16:30,186
"I don't think I want this at
all."
1430
01:16:32,922 --> 01:16:34,658
BOOM!
1431
01:16:34,691 --> 01:16:36,259
I know. It's like,
1432
01:16:36,292 --> 01:16:37,894
If you're trying to be
discreet, you're gonna fail.
1433
01:16:37,927 --> 01:16:40,396
Her husband could walk in at
anytime.
1434
01:16:40,429 --> 01:16:41,831
He's about to!
1435
01:16:41,865 --> 01:16:44,934
I know, but they don't care.
1436
01:16:44,968 --> 01:16:46,970
And what are they on, like a
stove?
1437
01:16:47,003 --> 01:16:49,839
Um, yeah. Like, it looks like
one of those stoves
1438
01:16:49,873 --> 01:16:51,841
They make hash browns on at a
Waffle House.
1439
01:16:51,875 --> 01:16:53,342
It's a diner!
1440
01:16:53,376 --> 01:16:57,346
That does not attract me at all.
1441
01:16:57,380 --> 01:16:59,082
Who put?
1442
01:16:59,115 --> 01:17:00,850
There he is - he looks familiar.
1443
01:17:00,884 --> 01:17:04,153
He is the gay gym teacher in
Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2.
1444
01:17:04,187 --> 01:17:05,088
Oh, my God.
1445
01:17:05,121 --> 01:17:07,090
Yeah!
1446
01:17:07,123 --> 01:17:09,893
The one that picks up when like
Freddie's taking over
1447
01:17:11,394 --> 01:17:14,698
In the leather bar and takes
him back to the school.
1448
01:17:14,731 --> 01:17:16,199
Uh huh. God, that movie is so
gay.
1449
01:17:16,232 --> 01:17:19,936
He gets tied up. Like, whipped,
with a jump rope.
1450
01:17:19,969 --> 01:17:23,206
Mm-hmm.
1451
01:17:23,239 --> 01:17:27,043
I don't understand how he did
not hear or sense or smell
1452
01:17:28,878 --> 01:17:29,312
What was going on in there.
1453
01:17:29,345 --> 01:17:31,948
Smell?!
1454
01:17:31,981 --> 01:17:32,882
Yeah!
1455
01:17:32,916 --> 01:17:34,784
And he's holding a gun.
1456
01:17:34,818 --> 01:17:36,185
I know! Why did he have the
gun, anyway?
1457
01:17:36,219 --> 01:17:37,120
I can't remember.
1458
01:17:37,153 --> 01:17:39,022
Was he like a hunter?
1459
01:17:39,055 --> 01:17:40,924
Does he wish he was Charlton
Heston?
1460
01:17:40,957 --> 01:17:44,861
Doesn't everybody?
1461
01:17:46,362 --> 01:17:46,996
Why is he wiping off his mouth?
1462
01:17:47,030 --> 01:17:48,732
Uh.
1463
01:17:48,765 --> 01:17:49,966
[Laughs] Well, he does have a
mustache.
1464
01:17:49,999 --> 01:17:53,369
Juice.
1465
01:17:53,402 --> 01:17:55,939
Yeah but Charlton Heston when?
1466
01:17:55,972 --> 01:17:59,275
Like in that movie. "Moses" or
whatever.
1467
01:17:59,308 --> 01:18:01,377
Moses? [Laughs]
1468
01:18:01,410 --> 01:18:02,979
Whatever movie he it is that
was awesome.
1469
01:18:03,012 --> 01:18:03,847
The Ten Commandments?
1470
01:18:03,880 --> 01:18:07,083
Yeah.
1471
01:18:07,116 --> 01:18:09,385
His life was pretty shitty from
day one.
1472
01:18:09,418 --> 01:18:13,256
He was put in a basket. Like,
abandoned.
1473
01:18:15,191 --> 01:18:18,828
He lived to be really old, I
think.
1474
01:18:18,862 --> 01:18:20,964
He was doomed.
1475
01:18:20,997 --> 01:18:23,499
We're all doomed.
1476
01:18:23,532 --> 01:18:27,336
I mean most events in the Bible
aren't very fun.
1477
01:18:29,338 --> 01:18:31,875
Someone's getting tortured,
hurt, upset.
1478
01:18:31,908 --> 01:18:33,810
I know. It's really kinda
bloody.
1479
01:18:33,843 --> 01:18:35,011
Shitty things happen a lot.
1480
01:18:35,044 --> 01:18:36,345
Gay cities get destroyed.
1481
01:18:36,379 --> 01:18:39,348
Right.
1482
01:18:39,382 --> 01:18:40,516
Women having babies,
1483
01:18:40,549 --> 01:18:42,418
And they didn't even get to do
it first.
1484
01:18:42,451 --> 01:18:46,055
What's the incentive of that?
1485
01:18:46,089 --> 01:18:47,957
[Laughs] You didn't get to -
1486
01:18:47,991 --> 01:18:50,794
Mary originated I "Didn't Know
I was Pregnant."
1487
01:18:52,929 --> 01:18:54,263
I would probably want to be
around
1488
01:18:54,297 --> 01:18:56,399
When all that money changing
thing happened.
1489
01:18:56,432 --> 01:18:59,202
When Jesus gets pissed.
1490
01:18:59,235 --> 01:19:01,004
Whenever he catches the money
changers.
1491
01:19:01,037 --> 01:19:03,072
You know what I'm talking about.
1492
01:19:03,106 --> 01:19:03,940
Remember that story?
1493
01:19:03,973 --> 01:19:05,008
I never actually read it.
1494
01:19:05,041 --> 01:19:07,310
[Laughs]
1495
01:19:07,343 --> 01:19:11,280
[Music]
1496
01:19:34,203 --> 01:19:37,173
[Door opens]
1497
01:19:37,206 --> 01:19:38,908
Hey, is that all that's left?
1498
01:19:38,942 --> 01:19:40,810
Yep.
1499
01:19:40,844 --> 01:19:43,813
What time's that guy coming by
for your couch?
1500
01:19:43,847 --> 01:19:47,250
I don't know. He said five, so
I guess anytime now.
1501
01:19:47,283 --> 01:19:49,986
If he's not here by 5:30, it's
mine.
1502
01:19:50,019 --> 01:19:51,554
I said I'd get those.
1503
01:19:51,587 --> 01:19:55,491
Then you shoulda gotten it.
1504
01:19:56,592 --> 01:20:00,496
[Phone rings]
1505
01:20:02,231 --> 01:20:06,169
[Footsteps]
1506
01:20:11,274 --> 01:20:15,211
[Music]
1507
01:21:01,925 --> 01:21:04,393
[Door opens]
1508
01:21:04,427 --> 01:21:08,264
All right, kiddo, you're all
set.
1509
01:21:26,182 --> 01:21:29,018
Is there something we need to
talk about?
1510
01:21:31,587 --> 01:21:35,491
No?
103314
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