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1
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:09,341
Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars,
2
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:12,677
Saturn, Uranus, Jupiter, Pluto.
3
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,524
You lose. Wait, wait, wait.
4
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:15,993
Murray, this very nice
lady will be walking you.
5
00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:17,694
Neptune! Neptune! It's too late.
6
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,696
Pick up some milk while
you're out. It is not! No, no, no!
7
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,064
Let's play again! Let's play
again! You lost. You lost the game.
8
00:00:21,088 --> 00:00:23,455
Wait! Mercury,
Venus, Earth, Mars,
9
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,291
Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto.
10
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,893
Jupiter.
11
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:29,228
You, you, you, you...
12
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:44,643
♪ Tell me why I
love you like I do
13
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:48,613
♪ Tell me who can stop
my heart as much as you
14
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,482
♪ Let's take each other's hand
15
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,785
♪ As we jump
into the final frontier
16
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:57,523
♪ I'm mad about you, baby
17
00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:59,758
♪ Yeah!
18
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,826
♪ I'm mad about you ♪
19
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:24,283
Hi. I'm Burt Buchman.
20
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:27,786
Yes, I'm Burt Buchman. How
are you? Nice to meet you.
21
00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:29,866
I have reservations
under Buchman.
22
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:32,124
Please, call me Burt.
23
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,426
They're not going
to ask our names.
24
00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,005
You never know. I know.
25
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:37,941
I'm telling you, one little slip
26
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,299
then no all-paid
vacation, no resort,
27
00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:42,734
no eat-till-you-puke
buffet. Like that.
28
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:45,170
Like that, we're back
on the road to Dullsville.
29
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,838
Dullsville?
30
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:48,840
To Dullsville, yeah.
31
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,242
Boringtown.
32
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,444
Rutland.
33
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:54,446
Yawnburg.
34
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,283
Mount Otony.
35
00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:02,454
Get it? I get it. I just
didn't know we lived there.
36
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,901
I'm just saying it's good
to get away once in a while.
37
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,458
That's true. It is.
38
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,460
Smell me.
39
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,795
Very nice. Hi. Burt Buchman.
40
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:14,099
My lovely-smelling wife, Sylvia.
41
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:17,436
Why would he surprise your
mother with a non-refundable trip?
42
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:20,105
"Why"? Why did he
make me take flute?
43
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:22,752
He told her this place was
supposed to be paradise? Yes, he did.
44
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:25,844
So? She said it's not for her.
45
00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:27,846
Oh! Oh! Did we
lock the apartment?
46
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,726
Yes, we did. I don't
remember locking it.
47
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,294
I must've locked it.
No, I'm gonna call...
48
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,029
I did! I did! I did! I
did! Are you sure?
49
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:35,132
Yes, I did. I did. I just want to
make sure everything's taken care of
50
00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:37,722
so we can enjoy
the next five days.
51
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,002
Five days.
52
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,492
Murray will be fine.
53
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:41,838
WOMAN ON PA: Ladies
and gentlemen, at this time,
54
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:44,022
we'd like to begin
boarding flight 827...
55
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:47,132
That's us, Burt and
Sylvia Buchman.
56
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:49,034
They're not going
to ask our names.
57
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:50,614
Just... Do me a favor.
58
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:52,782
Just be my mother till we
get off the ground, please.
59
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:56,074
All right. What? I can't wait
to get you in that hotel room!
60
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,243
Now I'm not interested.
61
00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,752
No, no. Come on,
come on, come on.
62
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:06,696
(CALYPSO MUSIC PLAYING)
63
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,087
There's like a whole
ocean out there.
64
00:03:09,156 --> 00:03:11,690
This is the exact same
room as in the brochure.
65
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:13,992
I know. Oh, and, uh...
66
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:17,261
There you go. Thank
you very much. Thanks.
67
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,198
Seemed pretty happy.
68
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:20,877
What'd you give him?
Gave him, uh, eight beads.
69
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,201
That's $35.
70
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:25,870
I know.
71
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:29,174
Look. Fruit.
72
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:30,509
You hear music?
73
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:32,511
Yeah, I do. What is this?
74
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:36,515
Huh? That's a, uh... What
is that? It's a breadfruit.
75
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,016
How do you eat it?
76
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,063
You get another one, you
get a couple of slices of ham,
77
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:42,221
and you got yourself
a little sandwich.
78
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,901
Where's the
remote, do you think?
79
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,125
We're not gonna watch
TV! We're in paradise!
80
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:50,429
I'm not gonna watch.
I'm just gonna turn it on.
81
00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:53,465
It's probably with the TV.
82
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,601
All right, so where's the TV?
83
00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:00,004
I don't know. Maybe it pops up.
84
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:08,124
Doesn't pop up. This is nuts.
85
00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:09,792
I'm gonna call the
front desk. Honey?
86
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,428
Wait a sec. There's no...
Wait, wait, wait... Honey?
87
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:13,818
"Leave yourself behind.
At Hotel St. Nicole,
88
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:16,488
"you will enjoy a relaxing
tropical atmosphere
89
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,235
"with none of the
distractions of modern life.
90
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:22,327
"No phones, no TV,
just you and paradise."
91
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:23,862
What, are they kidding?
92
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,830
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
93
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,499
That's just wrong.
94
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,079
Hi! Hi!
95
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,604
Hi! I'm Trish Dawson. Yes.
96
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,072
We spoke last week.
97
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:35,741
We did? Burt?
98
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:38,310
Trish! Hi!
99
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:39,978
Hi. Come on in.
100
00:04:40,046 --> 00:04:41,824
This is my wife.
Honey, look, it's...
101
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,616
I know. I know. Hi, Trish. Hi!
102
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:47,319
So this is your room,
and you share the terrace,
103
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,931
and I have a few things for you.
104
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:52,395
Oh, boy, and we
didn't get you anything.
105
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:57,896
Okay, here's your, um,
schedules and activities. Oh, good.
106
00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,899
Here's the table numbers
and your cabana locations.
107
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,834
This is the tide schedule.
108
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:05,504
Here's a map of the island,
109
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:07,872
and our complimentary
shell diary.
110
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,819
And here's a list of
four other couples
111
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:12,054
we think that you
are really gonna like.
112
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:13,318
Other couples?
113
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,880
Based on our conversation,
we tailor-made your week
114
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,916
just to fit your
personal profile.
115
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,229
Now, if there's anything else
you need, you please let me know.
116
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:21,398
We will. Yes.
117
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:22,354
Believe me when I tell you,
118
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:24,133
this is going to be the vacation
119
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,591
that Burt and Sylvia Buchman
have always dreamed of.
120
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,465
I've never been
more afraid in my life.
121
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:41,473
Can I just say I loved
you in The Lion in Winter?
122
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,344
I'm very fair.
123
00:05:45,412 --> 00:05:47,324
What'd you put on, number 45?
124
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:48,680
What, you're kidding?
125
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:51,109
You squeeze this, a
sweater comes out.
126
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,786
(GRUNTING)
127
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,321
What's the matter?
128
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:59,023
I'm supposed to be my
father. You sit, you announce it.
129
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,272
This is nice, isn't it?
130
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,429
Mmm-hmm.
131
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:09,000
"I hear Genevieve had
an eventful voyage."
132
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,169
Who's that?
133
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:15,273
(READING IN FRENCH)
134
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:16,462
What are you doing?
135
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,543
I am looking for a
man named Guy.
136
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,725
Don't look for a man
named Guy here!
137
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,047
My French final's in two weeks.
138
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,362
What happened to
leaving ourselves behind?
139
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:27,552
All right. Tres bien.
140
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,154
All right. Come
on, isn't this nice?
141
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,257
Mmm-hmm. It's paradise.
142
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:35,193
That's right. And plenty of it.
143
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:36,740
MAN: Burt and Sylvia!
Yes. What happened?
144
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,930
Sam and Fritzi Frank. Hi.
145
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,766
FRITZI: Hello! Hello.
146
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,945
You're on our list.
We're on the list?
147
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,049
Yeah, sure. You're on the list.
148
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,159
(GRUNTING) Oh!
149
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,820
Is this paradise or what?
150
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,310
Yes, it is.
151
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,819
Yeah, sure. I understand
you're in the business.
152
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,426
In the business? In
sporting goods, yes!
153
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,683
Sporting goods, yes,
for years. Yeah, sure.
154
00:06:58,752 --> 00:06:59,896
Yeah, sure.
155
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,185
I hear you like canasta.
156
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,432
From whom?
157
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:03,889
It's on the list.
158
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,624
So how's business?
159
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:06,870
Business? Business is
good, good. Very good.
160
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:08,560
For you? How's business for you?
161
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:11,029
Balls. Mmm?
162
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:14,933
Balls, balls, balls, balls. That's
all anybody wants, is balls.
163
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,436
Yeah. Well, kids. Go figure.
164
00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:19,115
You want me to spray
you? Excuse me?
165
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:21,372
The bugs. They
will eat you alive.
166
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,553
I don't see any bugs. Ah! That's
why they call 'em "no-see-'ems."
167
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:25,076
You'll thank me later.
168
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,679
What do they do
with all these balls?
169
00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:29,692
Well, uh, uh... Hey,
welcome to paradise.
170
00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:30,916
Uh-huh.
171
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:37,722
Nothing like 100
hands of canasta
172
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,158
to help you work up an appetite.
173
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:42,093
Burt, Sylvia, hi!
174
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,773
Hi. Are you having a good time?
175
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,029
Oh, the very best.
176
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,676
Oh, here's your
afternoon schedule.
177
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,132
I put you at table 17.
178
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,880
I want you to enjoy
your lunch. Okay.
179
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,537
Table 17 would be...
180
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,840
Eat first, and
then I'll spray you!
181
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:58,109
Think this is... This
is table 17, I think.
182
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:01,045
So what do we got to do today?
183
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:02,525
We eat, and I have
an archery lesson.
184
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:04,516
You have a burro
ride on the beach.
185
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:07,418
And then we're back
together for "Simon says."
186
00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:08,728
I'm riding a burro?
187
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,254
Let's blow it off.
188
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,156
Can't. Can't blow
it off. Why not?
189
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:15,059
Because Burt Buchman
wouldn't blow off a burro.
190
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,095
We can't do this.
What are we gonna do?
191
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,865
Well, tonight, for
example, karaoke.
192
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,500
God help us.
193
00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:23,849
It'll be fine.
It'll be just fine.
194
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:26,037
Splink! Splink.
195
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:28,740
Excuse me?
196
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,753
My father. You never noticed
my father can't put ice in a drink
197
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:32,455
without saying "splink, splink"?
198
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:33,612
What does it mean?
199
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,514
It means "splink!"
200
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:38,661
I don't know. It's just actually
kind of fun. Ready? Splink, splink.
201
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:40,819
I'm really tired of
being your parents.
202
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:44,133
Well, we already left ourselves
behind. So who else you got?
203
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,824
Hi. Bonjour.
204
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,804
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
You speak French.
205
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,027
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
206
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,773
(WAITER INQUIRING IN FRENCH)
207
00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:53,632
(ORDERING IN FRENCH)
208
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,746
(INQUIRES IN FRENCH)
209
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,136
Yeah, uh...
210
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,804
I'm gonna have a, uh...
211
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,606
Give me a Reuben and, uh,
212
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,608
the fries of your people.
213
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:08,279
(ASKING FOR
CLARIFICATION IN FRENCH)
214
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:12,617
(RESPONDING IN FRENCH)
215
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:13,830
(REPLIES IN FRENCH)
216
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:14,854
(THANKS IN FRENCH)
217
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:17,221
Hi.
218
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,424
Hi.
219
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:21,893
My husband and I
went to Europe last year.
220
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,762
(MUTTERS IN AGREEMENT)
221
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:25,897
What part of
France are you from?
222
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,680
We never... Paris.
223
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,636
I'm Louise. This is Ron.
224
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,816
Hi. I'm Paul, and
this is my wife...
225
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,373
Simone. Bonjour.
226
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:41,279
(ENUNCIATING)
I love your accent.
227
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:43,648
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
Thank you, and I love yours.
228
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,684
Oh! You speak English.
229
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,752
A little.
230
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,061
Listen, we are not...
231
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:51,823
Uh, very comfortable,
oui, with the English.
232
00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:54,626
Oh, no, no. You're
doing just fine.
233
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,628
We're not French. Non. Just me.
234
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:59,330
Uh, my husband is a diplomat.
235
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:02,266
Oh! Really? That's
so interesting!
236
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:05,169
Oui, oui. More interesting
than the ride on the burro.
237
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,938
No?
238
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:08,350
LOUISE: I beg your pardon?
239
00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:11,042
Um, it is an idiom. I
do not know how to say.
240
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,644
(LOUISE CHUCKLING)
241
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,378
How did you two meet?
242
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,225
Ze peace talks. The peace talks?
243
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:18,016
Oui, oui, ze peace talks.
244
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:21,920
I was selling crepes,
and my cart had a flat.
245
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:25,323
You know, it is the same
story since time began.
246
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:29,127
Oh, I must say, you two are
just the most fascinating people.
247
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:30,862
Yeah. You have no idea.
248
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:35,734
What were you doing?
I don't know. It was fun.
249
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,503
That's fun? Lying
to nice people is fun?
250
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:41,217
Every vacation, Lisa and
I would have a contest.
251
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:44,643
We'd go down to the boardwalk
and see who could be the most people.
252
00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:46,144
Well, look what happened to her.
253
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,389
Oh, all right.
254
00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:48,725
Don't knock it
till you've tried it.
255
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:50,615
Hey! Honey!
256
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:53,395
Honey, are you all
right? Yes, thank you.
257
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:54,919
Hi. BOTH: Hi.
258
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,028
Everything okay out here?
259
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,433
I'm fine, thanks. What happened?
260
00:10:57,457 --> 00:11:00,091
He was just trying out
a new routine. Routine?
261
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,526
We're circus people.
262
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,528
Really?
263
00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:05,742
Absolutely. Isn't
that right, honey?
264
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,866
Yes. Uh, fifth-generation
circus people.
265
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,468
Wow! I love the circus!
266
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:12,637
So what do you do?
267
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:15,006
Uh... Well, you see
what I did there? Yeah.
268
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:17,308
Picture that higher
up and in tights.
269
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,610
That's great! So what do you do?
270
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:20,823
I, uh... She's a contortionist.
271
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,481
I'm a contortionist. Yeah.
272
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:25,695
You know what? Show him
the thing you've been working on.
273
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,385
What thing?
274
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:30,214
The new thing where you put both
feet behind your head and you spin.
275
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,190
Not without a net.
276
00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:34,378
Come on, come on,
let's do it, huh? Come on.
277
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:35,667
Hop up.
278
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:39,142
I wouldn't say I invented it,
279
00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:40,531
but I said to Lipton,
280
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,634
"You got a cup. You got
noodles. You do the math."
281
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,674
Actually, I should
be head rodeo clown,
282
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:52,711
but it's just a big boys' club.
283
00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:54,123
Oh, yeah, I've
been on the Calypso
284
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,681
about eight, nine years now.
285
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,950
Jacques is a nice man. Nice man.
286
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:02,721
You have to remember,
don't touch his hat.
287
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,266
Well, sure, it's a
little dangerous,
288
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,770
but, heck, they don't
dismantle themselves.
289
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:12,330
I'm sorry. That's why they
call it the Secret Service.
290
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,737
(CALYPSO MUSIC
PLAYING ON STEREO)
291
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:26,677
Sweetie, come on. This
music's gonna make me nuts.
292
00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:29,280
Tika-tika-tika-tika...
293
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:30,849
Turn it off.
294
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,217
If I could turn it off,
295
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,853
I wouldn't be sitting here
going "tika-tika-tika-tika."
296
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,154
All right, one second.
297
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:37,600
Seriously. It's
like we're in hell
298
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,864
and Don Ho is the deejay.
299
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:42,827
I'm ready. What is that?
300
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,708
Oh, good. The Van Runks want
to have dinner with us tonight.
301
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:47,676
We can't do that.
So? They were nice.
302
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,100
No. They have, like...
303
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:51,335
He wants me to
make him a sport coat.
304
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,382
Will you just admit you had fun?
305
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:55,907
It was fun for one night.
306
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,920
Honey, honey, the Shapiros.
Where were we last night?
307
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,055
Oh, oh, oh, oh... Who were we?
308
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:00,845
Who were we? Wait, wait, wait!
309
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:03,081
Hey, Giuseppe! Hey, buon giorno!
310
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,066
You know what, I'm actually
starting to like this place.
311
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:12,334
Sure. All we do is eat
and lie. What's not to like?
312
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:13,758
Hey, Vinnie.
313
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,067
How's this?
314
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,890
That's good. You just
want to watch the hook.
315
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,000
What was that?
316
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:23,980
I told him I'm a
professional bowler.
317
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,481
Where did you get that?
318
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:26,704
At ease.
319
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:31,120
What did we do last
night? We were interesting.
320
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,822
Let's never do that again.
321
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,290
I'll see you later.
Where are you going?
322
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,514
To get my shoes.
Sylvia has a golf lesson.
323
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:38,460
What about me? Do
you want to come?
324
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,285
Nah. It's enough that you asked.
325
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,586
I'm gonna check out the
lagoon, take a nap, whatever.
326
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:43,900
All right. I'll see
you at dinner.
327
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:45,501
All right, have fun. Okay.
328
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:46,568
Hello.
329
00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:48,092
Oh, hi!
330
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,738
I've been looking for you.
331
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,908
I know, I know. I'm sorry
about the cheese-tasting thing.
332
00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,109
It's just that it was so hot.
333
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:55,566
That's not the problem.
There's a problem?
334
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,746
Oh, yes. I have
been having trouble
335
00:13:57,770 --> 00:14:00,116
making the seating
arrangements for tonight's dinner.
336
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,772
Uh-huh.
337
00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:04,854
It seems that the Reznicks want to have
dinner with the astronaut and his wife,
338
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:07,756
and the Duvalls are dying
to dine with the cellists,
339
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,458
and the Nagles have
a million questions
340
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:11,749
for the couple who
discovered Velcro.
341
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:14,052
So?
342
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,631
So I have checked it out,
343
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:19,055
and it seems that they're
all staying in your room.
344
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:20,658
Well, that hardly
seems possible.
345
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,571
Exactly. So we're
all clear, then?
346
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,863
No. All righty.
347
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:26,931
What is going on here? Nothing.
348
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,577
Is this some sort
of a con game? No.
349
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,612
Are you from another hotel? No!
350
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,182
Because if you're not Burt
and Sylvia Buchman, We are!
351
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,184
I'm going to be forced to turn
this matter over to security...
352
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,476
All right, all right, all
right. I will tell you the truth.
353
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:39,643
Go on.
354
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,613
It's my husband.
355
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,415
Yes? Burt.
356
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:45,549
Yes?
357
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,087
This is very hard
for me to talk about.
358
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:50,155
Try.
359
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:53,892
He's not well.
360
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,137
In what sense?
361
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:56,928
In the sense that he's...
362
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,374
What? Uh, well...
363
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,031
What? Sort of...
364
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,299
What?
365
00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:02,533
(WHISPERING) Insane.
366
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:09,107
Insane? Yeah, well, we
don't like to use that word.
367
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:10,474
I... I just... I...
368
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,021
I'm sorry. I had no idea.
369
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:14,545
His doctors
suggested we get away
370
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:15,824
and it seemed like a good idea.
371
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,126
I thought I could control him
372
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,250
but I never should've
brought him back to the sea.
373
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:21,619
He looks at the ocean, and
memories start coming back,
374
00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:23,587
and the voices... It's...
375
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:27,836
Well, is... is he dangerous?
376
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,760
Not at all. I have
a golf lesson.
377
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,964
I'm so sorry. Thank you.
378
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,911
Is there anything
that we can do?
379
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:38,002
No, no, thank you. Actually,
we could use some more towels.
380
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,707
How you doing,
Biff? Hey. Damn bugs.
381
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,288
Where are these
bugs? I don't see 'em.
382
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,611
That's why they call
them "no-see-'ems."
383
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,147
We've been through this.
384
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,296
You ever had this
juice? What is it?
385
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,530
Guava. Guava?
386
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,020
Guava.
387
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,221
I like papaya.
388
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,023
Guava. Guava.
389
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:02,171
Guava. The juice that's as
much fun to say as it is to drink.
390
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:03,861
Guava.
391
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,874
Mr. Frank, could I speak
to you for a minute?
392
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:07,009
Sure. Hi.
393
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:08,033
Hi, Trish.
394
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,338
Splink, splink.
395
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,074
Guava.
396
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,342
Guava, guava.
397
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,255
Splink. Splink, splink.
398
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,599
Guava, guava, splink, splink.
399
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,517
See you.
400
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:56,414
Let that be a lesson
to the rest of you.
401
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:05,356
Hi. Hi.
402
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:06,902
I'm thinking about
renting a boat.
403
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:09,460
Ah! Do you like boats?
404
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,499
Love boats. I like boats, too.
405
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:17,767
Yeah, right, well, then you
can be my very best friend.
406
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:20,704
Are you a sailor, sir?
407
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,551
Yeah, you can call me Popeye.
408
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:25,309
Okay. And where are
we going today, skipper?
409
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,814
Who knows? Maybe Canada.
410
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,584
Yeah, eat me some
bacon, drink me some beer.
411
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:38,222
Oh, I don't know.
Canada? It's pretty far away.
412
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,504
All right, then I'll just paddle
around till the rope says no.
413
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,594
Very good, sir. Oh,
hey, look at that.
414
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,164
Our boats seem
to be all rented out.
415
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,945
All right, then we'll just
have to attack by air.
416
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,502
(CHUCKLING CONDESCENDINGLY)
417
00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:59,510
It just breaks your
heart, doesn't it?
418
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:05,283
(CALYPSO MUSIC
PLAYING ON STEREO)
419
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:07,918
(GRUNTING)
420
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,598
How do you expect me
to take a nap around here
421
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,855
with this tika-tika-tika-tika?
422
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,925
There's the speaker!
423
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:17,562
(GRUNTS)
424
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,734
Can't stop the music.
Can't stop the music.
425
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,484
Here you go, tika-tika-tika.
426
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,652
Here, tika-tika-tika-tika-tika.
427
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:31,676
Come here.
428
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,321
May I help, sir?
Yeah, two, please.
429
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,290
Yes, of course.
430
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:50,728
Thank you.
431
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:00,070
Is that all right?
432
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,672
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
433
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:05,843
How you doin' today?
434
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:07,846
Hello.
435
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:12,483
Can I borrow that
knife? That knife?
436
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,252
Yeah. Why?
437
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,232
I just wanna butter my roll.
Oh, I'll butter your roll for you.
438
00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:18,523
No, you don't have
to... No, really, I do.
439
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:23,494
Thank you.
440
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:24,762
Hey.
441
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,475
Hi. Hey, how was your lesson?
442
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,844
It was good. How was
your day? Uh, good.
443
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,234
Did you talk to anybody?
444
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:31,669
Not really. Why?
445
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,417
Okay, here's the thing. Madam?
446
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,105
Monsieur.
447
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:36,574
Thank you.
448
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:39,410
When you get a chance,
can I get a knife, please?
449
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,080
What's going on?
450
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:46,717
Okay, you're gonna laugh. Hi!
451
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,365
Oh, oh, Trish, I don't know if
you've done tomorrow's schedule,
452
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:51,767
but I'd love to get in
on that parasailing.
453
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,392
We have a lovely lanyard class.
454
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:56,760
I don't want to
take a lanyard class.
455
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,440
My guests find it very soothing.
456
00:19:58,464 --> 00:20:00,442
Okay. Well, what
about the parasailing?
457
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,278
You can make a key ring.
I already have a key ring.
458
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:05,502
All right, all right, just
settle down. Settle down.
459
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,308
What's going on?
All right, all right. Um,
460
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:13,311
it's possible that
some people here
461
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,479
may think you're a little
462
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:16,548
crazy.
463
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,127
Why would they think that?
464
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,729
Because I might've
told them that you were.
465
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,086
You might have?
466
00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:23,566
I'm sorry. What's-her-name
heard us telling people stuff,
467
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,356
and I had to say something.
468
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:26,835
So that's what you came
up with? That we're crazy?
469
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:29,927
No, just you. Boy, I'm hungry.
470
00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:31,240
Are you ready to order?
471
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:32,675
Uh... Yeah, listen,
472
00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:36,245
I don't know what you
heard. I'm not crazy.
473
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:37,501
I'll come back.
474
00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:41,706
Uh, I'm... I'm not crazy.
475
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,207
Of course not.
476
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:45,557
And I'm not a
diplomat. Of course not.
477
00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:46,612
I'm a filmmaker.
478
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,823
Really? Yes.
479
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,927
Are you Alfred Hitchcock?
480
00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:52,983
No, I'm not Alfred Hitchcock.
481
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:55,720
Excuse me. Excuse
me. Is there a situation?
482
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:59,490
Yes, there's a situation. You
told everybody that I'm crazy?
483
00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:02,092
I had a responsibility.
484
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:04,528
You want to know the
truth? Okay, here is the truth.
485
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:08,799
We came on vacation, and
we got a little carried away.
486
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:11,179
We're not doctors.
We're not diplomats.
487
00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:14,938
We're not astronauts.
We're not rodeo clowns.
488
00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:17,286
I am not my father.
She is not my mother.
489
00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:19,087
This whole trip has
been one big lie.
490
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,890
And I gotta tell you, I'm getting a
little tired of being everybody else.
491
00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:23,514
I am Paul Buchman,
492
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:25,883
I'm a documentary
filmmaker from New York,
493
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,271
and I can butter my own roll.
494
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:31,900
This is my wife,
her name is Jamie,
495
00:21:31,924 --> 00:21:34,136
she runs a PR firm
out of our living room,
496
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:37,861
and she has a French
exam in two weeks.
497
00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:40,542
All right? Do you understand
this? We are who we are,
498
00:21:40,566 --> 00:21:43,334
and from now on,
that's all we're gonna be.
499
00:21:46,071 --> 00:21:47,750
Thank you. Does
everybody understand?
500
00:21:47,774 --> 00:21:49,374
Has everybody got that?
501
00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:54,144
PAUL: So I don't really
need your lanyard class.
502
00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:58,649
Ooh, I like your lanyard.
503
00:21:58,718 --> 00:21:59,917
Thank you.
504
00:22:06,091 --> 00:22:08,759
(CALYPSO MUSIC
PLAYING ON STEREO)
505
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:12,108
Come on, honey. If you can't
beat 'em, join 'em. Come on.
506
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,773
Hey, dig me.
507
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:24,575
I'm Harry Belafonte.
36365
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