All language subtitles for The.Impostors.1998.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX].ENG

I'm sorry.

You stole my death.

I couldn't believe it.
I thought

Why is he dying?

I die.

Today is my day to die.

I was really,
really confused.

Aah!

Did you think that you
were supposed to die?

I was confused.

Uh

I was unsure,
and I made a choice.

Aah!

Aah! I'm hit!

But didn't you see
that I was dying?

Aah!
Aah!

Aah!
Aah!

I did, I did, but

I did, but

but what?

Arthur

It was just because
yourthe pause

Was just so long.

Aah!
Aah!

And good.

And good.

It was such a good
long pause

that I was just
unsure.

I became unsure.

Well, it felt good.

Oh, no, it was good.

Really?

Oh, you were good.
Very.

Well, then, Maurice,

I don't understand.

What

I

Because it was
so good,

I became unsure.

I'm really so,
so sorry.

No, it's all right.
It's all right.

No. I just feel
terrible.

It's ok. Don't.
It's ok.

It's ok.

I'm sorry. I didn't

it's ok.

It's all right.

It's ok.

Maurice: Happy.

Frightened.

Ecstatic.

Good.

Switch.

Arthur: Fortunate.

No hands.

Make it simple.
Keep it clean.

Give it to me again.

Fortunate.

Hands.

No hands.
Fortunate.Ok.

Ah, there you go.
There you go.

Uh

Disturbed.

Not mentally disturbed.

Oh. Um

Disturbed.

Not emotionally disturbed,

but sort of spiritually
disturbed.

But on a smaller level.

Ah, there you go,
there you go.

Subtle as a sphinx.
Switch.

Excited.

That's it for me.

What's the matter?

No, Maurice, I

I can't.

I'm going to die
if we don't get work.

I'm so hungry.

What are we going to do?

I don't know.

Arthur.

We might just have to look
for other work.

We might just have to look
for other jobs.

Other jobs?

Beggars can't be choosers,
Arthur.

Are you calling us
beggars?

We will be
if we don't get jobs.

Beggars.

Please, sir.

I want some more.

You see, sir,

I've not eaten
for 14 days.

Since me mum died
of the group.

Croup.

Croup. Of the croup,
she died.

Leaving me and my
mentally ill brother

here to fend
for ourselves.

Murdered, she was,

in her bed by
one of her Johns.

You see, she sold
herself to feed us.

She compromised herself
for our sakes,

and here we are,

left alone and hungry
and homeless.

And my poor brother
needs a brain operation,

and my glaucoma's
getting worse,

and, sir, sir, sir?

Are you there, sir?

Aah!

I can't see you, sir.

I can't see you, sir!

Aah! Aah!

I'm blind!

Aah!

So, how we doing?

Great.
Good.

Good. Now, as you know,
this is just a formality.

I want you both in the show.

It's just a matter
of who plays what part.

You mean you want us
in the play?

Yes, I do,
and if I say too much,

forgive me, but having written
it and lived it for 18 years,

and now directing it
while my wife is producing,

I think I know it
pretty well,

but there's always something
new you can learn, right?

So I just want to say
about these characters

that they once
loved each other,

but now they hate each other,
but underneath, love,

but on top, hate.

Love, hate, so see
what I'm saying here?

Yeah, sure.

Love, hate,
love, hate.

Yes, love, hate,
love, hate.

Love, hate, love, hate.

Love, hate, love, hate.

Love, hate, love, hate.

Love, hate, love, hate.

Loveth-th-th
whenever you're ready, go.

Ok.

Both: Do you want
to be the guy

do you want to be the guy
who dies first?

It doesn't matter to me.

Why don't you go?

Are you sure?
Yeah.

Excuse me.

Do you have a preference
who dies first?

Couldn't care less.

Ok. I don't care.
Actually,

do you mind if I die second?

Because I'm a little
not ready.

Ok, good, good.

Ok. Go ahead.

Ahem.

What a fool you are, Alan.

No, lateur.
You are a fool.

Me ha!

It is not I who is soon
to breathe his final breath.

True, but I am not
afraid, lateur,

for with that breath
I will inhale hope.

Hope because I know
that there are

others like me,
lateur,

who will soon come,

and from whom a pure
light will shine

and blind the devils
of this world.

Aah!
Aah!

Ahh.

Uhh!

Oh, father.

Um, now switch parts.

That was good.

Arthur:
That was very good.

Yello.

Oh, hi, hon.

Keep going. It's my wife,
the producer.

Hi, hi. What's up?

It's going well,
it's going well.

What a fool
you are, Alan.

I said I was sorry,
and I meant it.

Me ha!

That's why I'm not going
to behave like that anymore.

Where are you?

What are you doing
with him?

You what?

You're saying to me that
you're leaving me for him?

This is what you're
saying to me?

Well, yes,
naturally I'm shocked.

Of course I'm shocked.

Does this mean you're pulling
your money out of the show?

No, no, I will not find anybody
else to put money in this play.

Everyone thinks
it's a piece of shit.

Where are you now?

Because I'm coming down.

I'm going to bite out
both your throats.

Maurice: So I insult him?

Arthur: Yeah.
Tell him you think

his pastries
are no good.

Oh, good idea.

Yeah. Say that they're
stale, all right?

Hey, buddy,
your pastries are stale.

Right, but don't say
buddy. Just say

your pastries are stale.

Your pastries are stale.

I can do it.

Ok. Then

You'll come
to his defense.

Yeah, right. I'll come
to his defense,

and then

He'll reward you with
a cornucopia of delicacies.

Yes, right.

Which you will then
share with me. Ok.

All right, good.

But be
you know. Ok?

Small.
Small.

You, too.

Good day, sir.

Good day.

Everything is made fresh?

Yes, sir. I make
everything myself,

fresh every day.

Oh, every day.

Every day. Good day.

Good day, sir.

Good day.

How do you do?

Every single day?

Every single day.

Well

Even these cream puffs
are fresh?

They look stale to me.

Baker: You may taste
if you like.

Taste?

If I must.

Ahem.

I hate them.

Oh, I'm sorry.

To each his own.

There's another bakery shop
down the block

whose wares might be
more to your liking.

Thank you for coming in.
May I help you, sir?

Yes. Would you excuse me
a moment?

I'm sorry. I couldn't help
but overhear. Excuse me, sir.

But may I say
that your rudeness

to this hardworking
gentleman is uncalled for.

Please, sir.

I beg your pardon.

No, I beg yours, sir.
I happen to know

that this gentleman is one
of the finest pastry chefs

on the eastern seaboard.

Well, thank you.
You're welcome.

Of course you do.
What's your point?

My point is that you would not
know a good cream puff

if it jumped up
and licked you on the ass.

It's just a difference
in taste.

No. This man is clearly
an imbecile.

Ah, an insult!

I'm insulted?
Yes!

I'm insulted!

Oh, fine, well,
good, good, good!

Well, I am!

But I'm sure you're not
as insulted as this gentleman.

I'm not insulted.
Oh, yes, you are!

The man works all day
like a mule

to support
his miserable family.

My family isn't miserable.
We're all quite happy.

No, you're not!
You're miserable
and pathetic. Look at you.

Baker: Well, I

All day working like a lackey
from rise to set,

sweating in the eye
of phoebus.

I love my work.

No, you don't!
My god, how could you?

Are you
no, you are!Insulting him?

That's
what I thought!

Oh, how it grieves me

to see a man living
the life of a dog.

And treated worse than a dog
by a bourgeois pig!

You don't even know
this gentleman.

Oh, I know him!
I knew them all!

Puppeteers. And you, the poor
sweaty blue-collared bumpkin

at the end
of their strings.

What a fool you are!

I am not a fool!

Yes, you are!

You really
shouldn't talk

to that gentleman
this way.

You like
the cream puffs.

I don't like
the cream puffs.

Fuck the cream puffs!

This man is a slave
and an idiot!

Get out of here!

What?

Get out of my shop!

I'll handle this.

You've really said
quite enough.

I think we've heard
quite enough from you.

Begone!

Sir, how can I
repay you?

Please.

I did nothing.

I insist.
You came to my aid.

Well

Perhaps a cream puff.

No, no. You don't
like them.

Well

I have something
even better.

2 tickets
to the theater tonight

to see the great
Jeremy burtom as Hamlet.

Please, take them
with my gratitude.

Arthur: Tickets to see
Jeremy burtom?

Maurice: That's correct.

Out of anything in the shop,
he gives you tickets
to see Jeremy burtom?

Why didn't he just
stab you in the heart?

You tell me, Arthur.

Oh, god. Burtom
is the worst actor

on the face of the earth.

Yup.

That man is unwatchable.

Yup.

You couldn't pay me to go
see that guy's Hamlet.

I wanted to see
how bad he really was.

I hear he makes a real fool
out of himself.

You always learn from
other people's mistakes.

Oh, yes.

Right?
Please.

Look at this crowd.

Unbelievable.

I'll never understand it.

It's criminal.

Hey.

Mike's in this.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Good for him.
Good for Mike.

Great for Mike.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Maurice: Someone's
put on a little weight.

Arthur: I hope they
reinforced the stage.

My god.

Shh.
Shh.

Actor: And my son.

Good Hamlet,
why seems it

so particular
with thee?

Seems, madam?
Nay, it is.

I know not seems.

'Tis not alone my inky cloak,
good mother,

nor the customary suits
of solemn black,

nor the dejected 'havior
of the visage,

together with all forms,

moods, shapes of grief,

that can denote me truly.

These indeed seem,

for they are actions
that a man might play.

But I

Have that within

which passeth show.

These

But the trappings
and the suits

Of woe.

Intermission's
almost over, sir.

Director: Places for act 2.

Places for act 2.

Ow!

Come for the third,
laertes.

You do but dally.

Who choreographed this?

I don't know.
It's so sloppy.

It's a mess.

Crazy boy!

Aah! You crazy boy!

Aah!

What was that part?

I don't know.

Come on.

Aah!

What the hell's he doing?

Drunken son of a bitch.

Ladies and gentlemen

It appears an actor,
having missed a parry,

upset by his mistake,
has vacated the stage.

Therefore,
with your kind permission,

we will lower the curtain

and regroup, as it were

And then complete this,

the greatest of all
of Mr. Shakespeare's plays.

I thank you.

The man is vicious.

Wednesday
he stuck me

Right there.

Where?

Right in the rib.

Gertrude.

Killed her
with a goblet.

He's done it before?

That's sick.

That's just sick.

Sick.

You let me at him.

You know what
really burns me up?

What really
gets my goat

is that Mike had such
a great death coming up,

and he was cheated.

He was cheated, right?

That's the

Yeah, but, you know

You want to know?

You want to know what I'd do
in that situation?

What?

I'd stop
center stage.

I'd turn.
I'd wait for the quiet.

He's saying what he would do
if he was you.

Tonight.

I know.

What you have just seen,

ladies and gentlemen,

is unprofessional
behavior

of an overrated,

under-talented,

drunken hack

named Jeremy burtom.

He has blustered his way
to success

on the backs of the great
supporting players

for too long!

And it's time for us
to make a stand and say no!

No, burtom! Begone!

It is time for us to say,
no, boozy boy!

Bye-bye, burtom bad boy!

Have-at-thee boy!

Boozy, boozy boy!

Greasy boy!

Saggy, farty boy!

Poke you! I poke you!
I poke you!

Something like that.

Daah!

Aah!
Aah!

Burtom: Come on!
Come back here!

Ooh!
Come back!

Come back here!
Ooh!

Stop them!

Stop them!

They're trying to kill
a genius!

Man: There they go.

Too small.
What?

Too small.
No.

No, no, no,
don't move.

No, no.
Ok, too small.

Ok, claustrophobia!

Please.

Officer: Over there?

Officer: I checked
over there already.

Did you check
the other side?

Shh!

Officer:
What's that noise?

Officer:
You hear that?

I don't hear nothing.

You fart?

Shh. Please.

Officer:
All right, come on.

Let's go.

Hey.

Arthy.
Ooh.

Ok. Come on.

Go slow.

Maurice:
What are you doing?

Maurice: Oh, god.

We're outlaws.

We've got to
get out of here.

The place is
crawling with cops.

I know, I know.

I have an idea.
Come on.

Ladies.

110, oceano.

Why are we standing
around, please?

These go
to stateroom 40,

and that goes to 15.

Thanks, girls.

So, Lily, everything
is in order?

Yes, meistrich.

Good.

You are so good
at what you do, Lily.

Thank you.

So good.

Thanks, meistrich.

So sweet.

Thanks.

So

Oh, Lily.

Lily, when I'm with you,

I feel like a young
schoolboy again

full of hope
and wonder

like a young bud
in springtime

waiting to blossom.

Well
Your face

Your hands

Your beautiful,
snow-white hands.

lil, lil, lil

Lily, ly

Lily

lil, lil, lil

Marco.

Hi. Um, excuse me.

Hi, meistrich.

Could I talk to you
for a second?

Well, actually, no.

Please, meistrich.
Just one minute.

Hi, Marco.
Hey.

How are you?
You look so handsome.

Thank you. Did you
get my flowers?

Yes. I was hoping
they were from you.

There was no card.

Oh.

No. I wanted to talk
to you in person,

because, Lily

I just wanted
to tell you that

W

But I wanted
to tell you that

Man: Ohh! Aah!

Why don't you watch
what you're doing, hmm?

Make a mistake
like that next time,

and I chop off
your hands

and let you drown
in your own blood!

Are you two finished with
your little tete

because, Lily, I mean,
there is work to do.

If we don't work,
we lose our jobs, yes?

Yes. Right away,
meistrich.

Good-bye, Marco.

Ok.

Ok.

Bye-bye.

Yes.

Lily,

will you dance with me
tonight at the ball?

I have something
I want to say to you.

Well
excellent!

Until tonight?

Thank you.

Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you, thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.

It's burtom!
It's him! Arthy.

I know, I know,
I know.

What are we
going to do?

Let's get out of here.
Let's get out of here quick.

Burtom: Having been
abused yesternight

by a band of ruffians,

I thwarted an attempt
on my life

by these incompetent
scofflaws

single-handedly.

Man: Bravo.

Wonderful.
Good job.

As for myself,

I hope that

The salt air
will heal my wounds

And the motion
of the cool green sea

soothe my tortured soul.

Thank you and
bon voyage to us all.

Woman: Bon voyage.

Woman: Mr. Sparks,

what an honor it is
to have you here.

I'm pancetta leaky,
the ship's social director.

Welcome aboard,
Mr. Sparks.

Congratulations
on your last match.

Well, thank you
very much, good fella.

Ow.

Do you feel that grip?

I do, sir.
I do.

Powerful enough
to snap the neck

of a small beast,

and yet
sensitive enough

to caress the tender throat
of a young castrato

coax a song from him.

Good for you.

That is why I win.

I'm sure it is, sir.

Enjoy your voyage.

Oh, I will.

I will.

I'll help you
with your bags.

Mrs. Essendine, it's
a pleasure to see you.

How delighted we were
to see your name

on the passenger list,

and I was sorry to hear
about the death
of your husband.

He was the most
generous of men.

That he was.

That he was.

Wait.

Wait.

Can this be Emily?

She has blossomed so.

Thank the gentleman,
Emily.

Thanks.

Stewards.
Stewards.

Give us a hand
here, please.

Gentlemen,

is there a problem?

I have it, arthy.
I have it.

Oh, ok. Thank you.

Thank you.

Ohh!

Aah!
Ohh!

Both: Ohh.

Ok.

Ok.

Excuse me.

Are you lost?

Yes.
No.

Do you work
on this ship?

I'm innocent.

I'm not a thespian thug.
I'm a good man.

Can you help us?

Please, ma'am?
The ship's about to leave.

Man on P.A.: All ashore
that are going ashore!

All ashore that
are going ashore!

There is desperation in
these little footsteps.

Now, Lily,
your cheeks are flushed.

Your breasts heave.

May I ask
where is the fire?

No, there's no fire,
meistrich.

A passenger needs help.

Oh?

2 minutes to departure?

I don't recall
hiring you two.

I didn't, either,
but, you know

stewards!

It appears
my steamer is stuck.

I require
some assistance.

Unless, of course,
you're all too busy,

like every other bloody
steward on this bloody ship!

Absolutely, sir.

Move!

Very good, very good.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Hang on.

There you go.
Thank you very much.

Now, haven't I seen
you two boys before?

Are you sure?

Weren't you
employed once

on the s.S. Normandy?

Ooh!
Ooh!

It's you!

It's you!

Halt!

Psst! Psst!

Ok, who are you?

We're actors.
Actors?

Just actors.

Would I have
seen you in anything?

It's possible.Maybe.

Movie actors?

Both: No, not yet.

Jay? Put it in 13.

Ok.

We're of the theater.

We're seeking
new representation.

Ok.

Why are you stowaways?

We're not.

We hid in a crate
last night.

Escaping
from the police.

For something that we did
to that man back there

that was an accident.

He's famous.

He's a hack!

He's overrated.

Oh, you're the ones
he was talking about!

Both: But we're innocent.

I swear we didn't
do anything.

We couldn't
hurt a fly.

We never meant it.

He's a big baby.

We were at a bar.

We drank too much

admittedly so.
Admittedly so.

But I just was
expressing an opinion

it's a free country

and he attacked us
physically.

The man is an animal.

He attacked us.

Please, you have to help us
get off this boat.

We'll do anything
for you. Please?

Will you please
take us home?

Ok.

I believe you.

Thank you.

What are your names?
My name's Lily.

All

Aboard!

Paris?
Yes.

That's the first stop?

Paris!

The smoky cafés,

the seine at dawn,

the clatter
of the horses' hooves

on the cobblestone,

the little école
where I studied so hard,

the musk of people,

le cri
de la révolution.

You know Paris
quite well.

He's never
been there.

Not physically.

Someone's coming.
In here.

Too small.

Too small, too small.

We gotta go.

Shh.

No, no. You can't leave.

He's slightly
claustrophobic.

It's ok, it's ok.

Shh, shh.

Burtom: These men are
vicious inexorable dogs.

They must be found.

What do you propose we do
about it, captain?

About what?

The stowaways.

Where?
Oh, good god.

The 2 actors, sir.
We must find them.

Yes, yes, Marco, Marco,
go find them.

Si, capitaine.

Apprehend them.
Imprison them.

Torture them.

Everything.
On your way.

I want them
dead or alive. Go.

But

but what?

I could never
kill anyone.

Well, you'll have
to fucking learn.

It's really
not that hard.

Marco.

Ohh, ohh, aah!

I'm sorry.

What are you doing
with this gun?

I'm sorry. I have to find
the stowaways.

Dead or alive.

What?

Yeah. They want them
really dead.

Marco, don't hurt
the stowaways.

I don't want to.
I mean, I couldn't.

I know.

You could never.

Lily, I wanted to say before,

I mean, earlier,

that I like you.

Imy

You

Marco, stop.

I'm sorry.
It's ok.

The stowaways are

burtom: Still missing.

Come with me, inspector.
Not a moment to lose.

One of my men tried
to soil your reputation.

I have corrected him.

But may I ask
where you have been?

Looking for the stowaways
like you, and I'm exhausted.

I will crush them
for causing you pain.

Oh.

The danger of the chase
has made you perspire.

It has made me also

Moist.

Lily.
Not now.

Meistrich, there's still
so much to do.

You are so right,
diligent Lilly.

Forgive me.

Until tonight.

Shoot. Arthur, we've got
to find a bigger room.

Ok.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Excuse me.

Ohh.

Oh, god. Oh, god.

Ohh!

Ohh.

In here.

Ah, gentlemen,
gentlemen,

come in, come in.
Don't be shy.

Don't be shy.

We are all men,
are we not?

Men, men, men.

Where are your strapping
colleagues with my bags?

No trouble. Gives us
more time to get acquainted.

The male figure,
gentlemen.

Something to be very,
very proud of.

It is beautiful,
and it is powerful.

Should be often
exhibited

and always,
always celebrated.

Mmm.

Why,
in ancient Greece

are either of you
Greek?

No.

Well, yes. Actually
I'm half Greek.

Top half
or bottom half?

I jest, I jibe.

Perhaps we should
wrestle sometime.

Do you like
the taut roundness

that exercise brings
to the buttocks?

Maurice: Yeah.

Do you enjoy the warmth
of the mediterranean sun

on that selfsame place?

I once wrestled a man

on the steps
of the acropolis

when the sun
was at its height,

wearing
only what god sent me

into the world with.

Can you picture that?

That's where
we'll wrestle,

my semi-grecian lad.

That's where I'll
make a man of you.

Ok, well, um

It's been a real pleasure
meeting you.

We do have to go now.

We have a lot to do
on the ship

As stewards on the ship,

and, um,
thank you very much.

Um, good luck.

See you around
the ship, lads.

Oh, my god.

Bon voyage.

Bon voyage.

Happy:
What do you want?

Oh, sorry.

What?

Mr. Franks.

Mr. Franks, sorry
I gotta rush you.

We need you
for rehearsal.

I got your bag.

Hey, wait, wait!

Hey, hey,
hey, wait!

This one's open.
Come on, quick.

Come on.

Oh, good. You are here
to fix the gramophone.

I don't know what
I was going to be doing
if you did not come by.

I am not in the habit
of fixing things.

I was listening
to the music,

and then there was
no more functioning.

Only silence.

And when she was
singing no more,

I got so excited,
I tried to pull it,

but I scratched it,
and I hurt it.

You did hurt it.

Sheik: Yes.

You shouldn't pull it.

No, I know.

I am now realizing this.

Good. We will fix
your gramophone,

but we have to go
and get the tools.

Ah.

Pass.

Pass.

Thank you.

It's a new model.

We don't need tools.

Hmm.
Hmm.

Arthur: There it is.
You see it?

Maurice: It's bad.

It's very pulled.

We may have to be here
for a while.

I know you don't know
how these things work,

but they really shouldn't
be pulled like that.

No, they shouldn't.

Excuse me.
Excuse me.

Maybe

Ooh!

Woman:
parlez-moi d'amour

redites-moi
des choses tendres

what is it
with this ship?

I don't know.

Oh, my god.

Sit tight,
sit tight.

What the hell
is he doing?

I don't know.
Doesn't matter.

Oh, my god, Maurice,
we have got to get out of here.

Jesus. Look at him.

He's coming over.

Take it easy.

je veux encore

ecouter ces mots
que adore

votre voix
est si caressante

que les murmures
fremissants

me bercent
de sa belle histoire

et malgre moi
je veux y croire

parlez-moi d'amour

reditez-moi
des choses tendres

votre Beau discours

mon coeur n'est pas las
de l'entendre

pourvu que toujours

vous repetiez
ces mots supremes

je vous aime

il est si doux

mon Cher tresor
d'etre UN peu fou

la vie est parfois
trop amere

si l'on ne croit pas
aux chimeres

le chagrin est vite agueri

il faut consoler

du coeur
on guerit la blessure

par UN sermen
qui le rassure

since my husband's
demise,

my daughter is obsessed
with pain,

loss, and death.

She finds them romantic.

We don't find death.

It finds us.

It's gonna find you
in a minute.

Easy, easy, my dear,
with that valise.

It's hand-stitched
leather.

Florentine.

It bears the tatters
of a tuscan tryst.

Another carcass.

Can it, em.

Will that be all?

Yes. Thank you, my dear.

I'd tip you,
but I'm clothing rich

and cash poor
at the moment.

See me at the end
of the voyage.

Emily.

Though this is, perhaps,
our last voyage of this kind,

given the tremendous blow
to our finances.

You mean because daddy

don't you dare
to mention him!

That philanthropic cocksucker
left all the money to the poor

and not a dirty dime to me.

Oh, Mary, mother of god,
what have I ever done to you?

Life without money
is no goddamn life at all!

You know that!

As I was saying,

this unfortunate turn
of events not withstanding,

I want our trip to the continent
to be a happy and hopeful one,

so put a smile
on that lovely face,

and let's pray
that this ship is overflowing

with men of means.

God almighty, it's them!

It's you!
Get them, get them!

Faster!

Stop,
please, please!

Ohh!

Marco: I don't know
where they went.

Burtom: Find those
bastards. Find them.

Ohh.

Yes,
this is monsieur lagasse

in stateroom 10.

I would like 2 cognac.

S'il vous plait.

Merci.

Who is it?

C'est moi.

I wasn't followed.

No problem with the passport?

No problem at all.

Aces. So how's
the French thing going?

The accent?

Superb.

What?

Superb.

Oh.

So we're all set,
Johnny?

Easy as pie.

You make Mrs. Essendine
fall in love with you?

Essendine's a goose
ready for cooking.

Gonna make her want
to marry you

and put her dough
in both your names?

Piece of cake.

This lighter
doesn't work.

Cheap boat.

And you'll
knock her off,

and all that dough
will be ours?

Candy from a baby,
babe.

Oh, Johnny, Johnny.

You do the same
with the sheik, Maxine.

I'll wreck that sheik
in 2 shakes.

Then you'll slay him.

In more ways than one.

That's my sweet cookie.

What are we gonna do
with all that cash?

What do you think, babe?

Take it on the lam

and scram to some
far-off land

and lead a life
of bliss, Johnny?

Regular bowl
of cherries, babe.

You love me, Johnny?

What?

You love me, Johnny?

Like a bee loves honey.

I'm so hungry, Johnny.

Me, too.

Johnny, gobble me up.

Oh, Johnny.
Mmm, Johnny.

Ahh

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Johnny: Touch me!
Touch me! Touch me!

Regina! Regina!
Regina! Regina!

Maxine! Maxine!
Oh! Oh!

Blow! Blow! Blow!

Maxine! Maxine!
Oh! Oh!

Blow! Blow!
Oh! Oh!

Blow! Blow!
Whoa!

Blow! Please blow!
Oh, god!

Oh, get on with it!

Just a touch

Ow! God, you ox!

Be careful!

Anything happens
to this profile,

it's the death
of my film career!

You don't have
a film career.

I'm too fucking good
to have a film career!

Those upstarts

Who the hell do they
think they are, hmm?

Treating me like this,
an actor of my caliber?!

Ow! Go on, leave it, you
fucking useless bastard!

Have they found
those 2 boys yet?

No. I'll go do it
oh, god! Jesus! Jesus!

The pain!

Well, get me
to the infirmary!

Sir, I think
you're fine.

Oh, fuck you.
I'm not fine, my lad.

I'm not fine. Just look
into myow, god! Ow!

Help me! Help me!
You've blinded me!

Ohh! Unh!

Maurice, listen!

Nono
nono

what
shh! Shh!

There's a French couple.
They're not really French.

They're down there.
They're really from New York.

They're gonna kill a sheik
and a rich lady.

You're kidding.

No. We gotta
do something.

Listen to me.
The first mate?

Yeah?

He's from
another country.

He's going to
blow up the ship.

What?

When are the bombs
set to go off?

Midnight.

Oh, my god,
we're gonna die!

Shh!

I don't want to die!

Listen, your dream
has come true.

You'll have your
great tragic death.

I don't want a real one!

Shh! Somebody's coming!

No, no, no, no.

Oh. Here we go.

Put this on.
Put these on.

I want to see
the doctor.

Sir, if I may
say so

doctors

I beg youHeal me.

I'm in your hands.

Help!

Heeelllp!

Oh, my god!
The stowaways!

Please don't
try anything.

I don't want
to hurt you.

I could, and may be
supposed to,

but I never
really could,

so just be easy
with each other.

Don't worry
about us.

No, please!
Ok!

I justi hate
these things.

Aah!

Arthy?

Arthur.

Oh, my god.

Oh!

Maurice?

What?

Jesus!

Help me up.

Jee

oh!

It's all right.
It's ok.

How? Wha

jeez, Arthur, I really
I really thought that

did you?
Yes, I did.

It worked?
I think so.

Good. Ha ha!
Ok, Maurice, listen.

We gotta save the ship.

Ok.

Maurice?

Yes, arthy?

We must be brave.

I know.

We risk imprisonment
and even death.

Death?

Yes.

Arthur?

Yes, Maurice?

The time has come to act.

I need my bag!

Would you stop
with the bag?

I need my bag!
Miss leaky!

And now,
ladies and gentlemen,

the dulcet tones
of Mr. Happy Franks.

Shall we start
the first number?

Yeah.
The nearness of you.

Isn't that
a little

What?

Slow?

Do you know it?
Sure.

Then play it.
Ok.

it's not the pale moon

that excites me

that thrills

and delights me

oh, no

it's just the nearness

of you

when you're in my arms

and I feel you so close

to

all my wildest dreams

come true

I need no soft lights

to enchant me

if you'll

only Grant me

the

Thank you, thank you,
Mr. Franks.

How about a warm hand
for Mr. Franks?

Play something upbeat.

Uh, triple bourbon,
please.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Ohh.

I know
your pain.

You seem so sad,
captain.

I'm always
a little sad.

But why?

You're the captain of
a big beautiful ship.

You see

On every voyage

All my life I look for
a woman I loved.

So long ago.

Almond eyes and
the mouth of a cherub.

Hmm.

Oh, who's that?

He's turning around.

Good Christ,
he's ancient!

But look at
those rings.

Obviously
he's loaded.

Oh, god. Rigid.

Probably drop dead
before he gets here.

Waiter.

Evening.

Good evening.

Martini, please.

Right away, sir.

Oh, no, not in
that glass.

That glass.

That is
for display, sir.

It'll do just fine.

Should I have
an accent, too?

What?

Should I have
an accent, too?

I don't know.

What kind of an accent
would it be?

I don't know.
That's up to you.

How about Indian?

I've always wanted
to do an Indian.

Yeah, but you don't
really look Indian.

That's true.

Ahem.

Oh! There we are.
Thank you so much.

Very good, man.
Very kind. Thank you.

Ulp.
There they are.

Pardon.

Oh, my.

Allow me to
introduce myself.

I am Jean lagasse,
entrepreneur and poet.

Oh, charmant.

Maxine:
I would like a

Grasshopper,
s'il vous plait?

Forgive me. I do not
speak very well English.

I am a French woman

traveling alone
and unaccompanied.

Alone.

We gotta do something.

We gotta find
the bomber.

Mm-hmm.

First, look for lil.

Gotcha.

Do you know the gentleman
who stole your wife?

Excuse me?

He was my agent.

Some agent.

He was
a great agent.

I loved him
like a brother.

I loved my wife like
a mother and a hooker,

and look where
it's got me!

Look! Alone. Afraid.

And I just
want to die!

Don't give up, hap.
You don't want to die.

Sorry I'm late.

For what?

May I get you
some champagne?

Oh, too kind.

Garçon, champagne.

parlez-moi

d'amour

reditez-moi

des choses
tendres

votre Beau
discours

la la la la
la la la

Albert

Do you hear
a ticking?

No.

Tick-tick-tick,
like that?

No.

Hey, hey,
the actor!

Boy, you look so bad.

I found them!
They tried to murder me!

Who?
The stowaways!

Stowaways?
Where?

Oh, god!

Gentlemen,
you must help!

I've found them!

The stowaways?
Yes

I told the captain, but he
doesn't seem to understand!

You must do something.
The detective, he's missing.

Haven't seen him
for hours.

Pity.

Meistrich, tell the crew
to step up the search.

I will.

Thank you.

Calm yourself.

Thank you.

Not at all.

Do you hear
no.

God, where is she?

I don't know, arthy.
I don't know.

God, Maurice.
We're gonna die.

Hey, there she is!
Lily!

Lily!
Come on!

May I have this dance,
please?

I'll have her back
in a jiffy.

The stowaways
have been spotted.

They have?
Where

no. They are still
being sought out.

Did Marco find them?

Nein.
He seems to have disappeared.

What?

May I have this honor?

Excellent!

That mouth

The mouth of a cherub.

Could it be?

Is it she?

Amore mio

My love!

Are you you?

No, I'm not me.

Yes, you are.

Not anymore.

Since then I have
longed for you.

And I for you.

Amore.

Amore.
No.

Si. Si.

when you're dancing and
you're dangerously near me

I get ideas

I get ideas

I want to hold you
so much closer than I dare to

I want to scold you 'cause
I care more than I care to

and when you touch me and
there's fire in every finger

I get ideas

I get ideas

and after we have
kissed good night

and still you linger

I kind of think
you get ideas, too

your eyes
are always saying

the things
you're never saying

I only hope
they're saying

that you
could love me, too

for that's
the whole idea

it's true

lovely idea

that I've
fallen in love with you

shall I come to your
stateroom at midnight?

Oh, yes. Yes.

Yes, again.

Hey.

He wants to kill you.

He's trying to kill you!

Oh, shit!

Please excuse me.

What a grotesque woman.

your eyes are
always saying

the things
you're never saying

I only hope
they're saying

that you
could love me, too

that's
the whole idea

it's true

lovely idea

that I've fallen
in love with you

oh!

Lily! Lily! Psst! Psst!

Lily! Lily! Psst!

Lily! It's me!

Arthur! It's me!
Arthur! Lily!

Ooh! Ow! Ow!

Why don't you look
where you're going?

Terribly sorry.
Please forgive me.

You're British!

Thank god for that,
old boy!

I've been drowning
in this sea of Americans.

Oh, sure.

They're all colonials,
you know.

Every man Jack of them.

Now I've found you
yeah?

Let's go have a drink.

No, I'm fine.

I'm not a drinker.
I'm a teetotaler.

Oh! What the

was that your best shot,
savage gypsy lover?

Come to my stateroom.

Non, non.

I will give you things.

I will take them,

but tonight at midnight.

In my country,
they kill the insane.

Where exactly in
england are you from?

Up north.
Where?

Chester-near-chichester-
on-Manchester.

Never heard of it.

Quite small.

Keep your eyes open,
old boy.

They could be
anywhere.

Here we are.
Bottoms up.

Oh, thank you
very much.

Cheers.
Cheers.

Don't give up, hap.
Don't want to die.

Don't be afraid of love.

Don't kid
a kidder, kid!

People are afraid
of poverty, of war,

of pestilence,
of not knowing

who they are or what
they want, of dogs!

And I say don'tdon't
fear these things!

They're not real!

You want something
to fear?

Do you know
what to fear?

Love. Fear love.

Love is real,
and it is terrifying.

If you're
gonna be afraid,

be afraid
when someone says

I love you.

Je t'aime.

Te amo.

Ich leibe sie.

I

I love you!

I love

oh! Ha! I think

it's you.

No!

Impostor.

Impostor!

Impostor!

Impostor!

Impostor!

Impostor!

Impostor!

Unh!

Impostor!

Arthy!

Burtom:
Stop them! Stop them!

Impostor!

I think
I have been found out.

Our plan must be
carried out now.

I will seize the queen and
escape with her immediately,

then detonate
the bombs myself.

Meet me in one hour
at the appointed place.

This is voltri,
over and out.

We've been
found out, Johnny.

What are we gonna do?

And don't tell me
we're gonna jump ship

Shut up!
'Cause I can't swim!

Come on.

It was him! I knew it!

The stowaway is an impostor!
The stowaway is an impostor!

Come on. Let's go
and get those bastards!

We haven't been found out.
They're the impostors.

Our cover ain't been blown.
It's business as usual.

Did you tell the sheik
to meet you in his room?

I did, Johnny.

I'm meeting
the old broad in hers.

Go seek the sheik.
I'll catch up with you later.

Hey.

You knock him dead, kid.

You bet I will,
Johnny. Johnny?
You're a genius.

Don't flatter me, babe.
I don't know what to do with it.

I'm sorry, Johnny.

Stop!

I'm a man!

And so am I!

Oh, my god!

Hey!

Arthur: Maurice!

Hi, lil.

Arthy?
Yeah?

Can I be the man
next time?

Sure. Ok.

Fellas, we gotta
find the first mate.

Come on!
Step on it, fellas!

Shh! Shh!

Marco!

Oh, Lily!
Oh, Lily!

I have done
something awful!

Marco, these are
the stowaways.

It's nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you.

Oh! Madonna!

No! It's ok!

No, it's ok!
Marco, these 2 are actors.

They are pretending
to be the stowaways?

No, they are the stowaways,
but they're actors.

So I didn't
you didn't die?

No.
No.

I just pretended.

Very good.

Really?

Yeahwha
I believed you!

Thanks.

And you're
an actor, too?

Yeah. Yes, i'm
I am also an actor.

Well, would I have
seen you in anything?

It's a possibility.

I mean, it'sit's

do you think
you have?

It'sit's hard.

It's been a
tough stretch.

It's been a little slow.
It's beenyeah.

But you know
it's not

the deck is kind
of stacked against

it's a hard
hard business.

It'sit's
a tough business.

What can you do?
There's nothing

we're on a tickin' ship,
and she blows at midnight.

We've gotta go.

Oh, my god! Why?

The first mate has planted
bombs all over the ship.

He's a gardener?

What?

How many bulbs
did he plant?

No, not bulbs.
Bombs!

Oh, bombs!

We gotta go!

We gotta go!

I got a plan!
I got a plan!

Wait!
What?

Lily

Will you marry me?

Oh, yes, Marco.
I will marry you.

Well, well, well.

So, now I see
the real you, Lily.

Not only are you
a two-timing harlot,

but you are
a common criminal as well.

I'm afraid so,
meistrich.

I guess you're not
gonna love me anymore.

No. I love you more.

You are a wild beast,
and I must tame you.

Rrowr!

Anngh.

Let's go!

Emily: Happy!

Happy!

Oh, happy! Happy!

Please, happy! I promise
not to love you too hard!

Happy!

Happy!

Happy!

Happy!

I could love you,
Emily

But I can't.

Please!

So long, kid.

Happy!

Ohh!

Happy!

Happy!

Happy! Please!

Happy!

Please! Happy!

Oh!
Happy!

Madame essendine,
je suis arrivé.

Not yet.
My daughter.

Ha ha!

Leave no stone unturned
and a worm will be found!

Come, my queen,
your people await you.

Allow me to escort you
to your death.

Ha ha ha ha!

No!

Where are you, amore mio?
Where are you?

Oh, that mouth!
My whole life!

Hey!

Oh!

Hey!

Oh!

Bandit!
Ohh!

Bandit!

Woo-hoo.

Your highness

It is me.

Hello?

Your highness?

Woo-hoo.

Psst!

Your highness,
wait for me.

Johnny:
Mon amour.

Mon amour?

Ah, mon amour.

Maxine:
Your highness?

Hello?

Mon amour.

Queen: Oh!

Oh!

Give me back my love!

My love!

Happy!

No! I'm not happy!

I'm miserable,
and I want to die!

You must go on!

I can't go on. The show
is over for this fella.

But I love you, hap!
Can't you love me?

I'd be afraid
to try, Emily.

You can do it, hap.

Sorry, kid

But I gotta go.

No!

Burtom: What's
going on here?

I can explain.

Marco: Oh, no! The first mate,
he's gotten away!

Ha ha ha ha!

He's got the detonator!
He's gonna blow up the ship!

She's right!

I hold your ends
in my hands.

For in my hands
I holdDeath!

The death of all of you

and your confused
bourgeois lives!

With your deaths,
we will tell the world

who we are

and what we fight for!

We fight to create a world

where there will be
no pretense!

Each thing
will be what it is,

each man and woman
will know who they are,

and all will be equal.

All masks will be removed, and
we will all have a single face!

One single face!

One single face!

One single face!

One single face!

One single face!

One single face!

parlez-moi d'amour

redites-moi
des choses tendres

votre Beau discours

mon coeur n'est pas las
de l'entendre

pourvu que toujours

vous repetiez
ces mots supremes

je vous aime

vous savez bien

que tant de fois
je ne crois rien

mais cependant
je veux encore

ecouter ces mots
que adore

votre voix
est si caressante

que les murmures
fremissants

me bercent
de sa belle histoire

et malgre moi
je veux y croire

parlez-moi d'amour

reditez-moi
des choses tendres

votre Beau discours

mon coeur n'est pas las
de l'entendre

pourvu que toujours

vous repetiez
ces mots supremes

je vous aime

Fellas, I just have
to ask you a question.

And you've probably
thought of this,

but when the baker
gave you the tickets,

why didn't you just sell them
if you needed the cash?

I bet they were worth
a lot of money.

Well, I'm glad you didn't,

or we would have never met.

Thanks, lil.

Thanks, lil.

Would you
like to dance?

Yes.
Yes?

Excuse us.

Ah, love.

Yes, yes, yes.

Ahh.

To life.

And its many deaths.