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1
00:00:04,011 --> 00:00:06,121
Ah, Tim, you got
my message, good.
2
00:00:06,121 --> 00:00:07,141
What're you doing up here?
3
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:09,141
Just sometimes come
up here to think.
4
00:00:09,141 --> 00:00:11,041
Hey, you want some?
5
00:00:11,041 --> 00:00:14,101
Any chance that is
actually coffee?
6
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:16,121
No.
7
00:00:16,121 --> 00:00:19,241
You know the question I ask
myself every single day?
8
00:00:19,241 --> 00:00:22,211
-Am I sober?
-It's this, Tim.
9
00:00:22,211 --> 00:00:25,211
Do the ends always
justify the means?
10
00:00:25,211 --> 00:00:27,201
-No.
-Probably.
11
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:29,121
-It's a gray area.
-Not really.
12
00:00:29,121 --> 00:00:32,061
That's why I wanna be
sure that my agents
13
00:00:32,061 --> 00:00:35,021
understand my ethics.
14
00:00:35,021 --> 00:00:38,071
Think I understand
your ethics perfectly.
15
00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:40,241
I knew I could count on you.
16
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:43,001
Hang on a second.
17
00:00:44,241 --> 00:00:47,151
-Hey, you ready to talk yet?
-Never.
18
00:00:47,151 --> 00:00:49,081
Well, let me know when you are.
19
00:00:49,081 --> 00:00:51,151
Sorry, uh, where were we?
20
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:54,111
-Ethics.
-Right.
21
00:00:54,111 --> 00:01:21,211
♪
22
00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:24,171
-Tell them how much you got.
-Five hundred pounds.
23
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:26,121
Just for getting
a story published?
24
00:01:26,121 --> 00:01:29,171
-What's it about?
-Existential relativism.
25
00:01:29,171 --> 00:01:32,211
And a killer robot
that tries to eat itself.
26
00:01:32,211 --> 00:01:34,141
You gonna be a
famous author then?
27
00:01:34,141 --> 00:01:36,071
Probably, yeah.
28
00:01:36,071 --> 00:01:38,211
♪
29
00:01:38,211 --> 00:01:42,001
(knocking)
30
00:01:42,001 --> 00:01:44,101
What you doing in here?
31
00:01:44,101 --> 00:01:46,141
One short story and he
thinks he's Tolstoy.
32
00:01:46,141 --> 00:01:48,141
-So write something yourself.
-I did.
33
00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:50,211
-An entire novel actually.
-You've written a novel?
34
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:53,171
Mmm, never got published.
35
00:01:53,171 --> 00:01:56,171
What if I could make you
into a famous author?
36
00:01:56,171 --> 00:01:59,141
More famous than Nick
could ever hope to be.
37
00:01:59,141 --> 00:02:01,031
-Really?
-But you'd have to do
38
00:02:01,031 --> 00:02:04,191
exactly what I tell you do to.
39
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:08,001
-Okay.
-I mean exactly, do you swear?
40
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,031
I swear.
41
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:14,101
(manic laughter)
42
00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:21,091
♪
43
00:02:21,091 --> 00:02:23,001
Turn that off.
44
00:02:23,001 --> 00:02:25,141
Sorry.
45
00:02:25,141 --> 00:02:29,141
I can't believe I'm gonna
be 30, that's so old.
46
00:02:29,141 --> 00:02:33,031
Well at least you've
got a boyfriend.
47
00:02:33,031 --> 00:02:34,221
-What?
-Oh, I don't know.
48
00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:37,111
It's just that...
49
00:02:37,111 --> 00:02:41,151
-You can't tell anyone this.
-What?
50
00:02:41,151 --> 00:02:44,021
-Don't you love him?
-Sometimes I'm not sure
51
00:02:44,021 --> 00:02:45,031
I even like him.
52
00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:46,071
Huh.
53
00:02:46,071 --> 00:02:49,021
He can be so rude
and insensitive.
54
00:02:49,021 --> 00:02:51,101
-He must have his moments.
-You would've thought.
55
00:02:51,101 --> 00:02:53,131
It's always me doing
nice things for him.
56
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:56,151
He's never cooked me dinner,
or brought me flowers,
57
00:02:56,151 --> 00:02:58,151
or offered to clean
my nine-millimeter.
58
00:02:58,151 --> 00:02:59,201
Well, you wait,
I'm sure he's got
59
00:02:59,201 --> 00:03:01,071
a great birthday
present lined up.
60
00:03:01,071 --> 00:03:03,041
All I'll say is that he better,
61
00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:05,211
because I don't know if
this can go on much longer.
62
00:03:05,211 --> 00:03:09,131
♪
63
00:03:09,131 --> 00:03:14,021
Can the ends justify
the means, Tim?
64
00:03:14,021 --> 00:03:16,071
Please stop doing that.
65
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:20,151
♪
66
00:03:21,211 --> 00:03:23,211
-Well?
-I'm not sure.
67
00:03:23,211 --> 00:03:24,241
What are you talking about?
68
00:03:24,241 --> 00:03:26,031
It's got everything!
69
00:03:26,031 --> 00:03:29,091
-Romance, action, betrayal.
-Lizards.
70
00:03:29,091 --> 00:03:31,071
We can lose the lizards.
71
00:03:31,071 --> 00:03:32,141
The lizards are
not a deal breaker.
72
00:03:32,141 --> 00:03:35,181
I'm sorry, I just don't
think this is one for us.
73
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:38,061
Least we tried, little man.
74
00:03:38,061 --> 00:03:39,111
At least now
you can make
75
00:03:39,111 --> 00:03:42,001
that final journey
without any regrets.
76
00:03:42,001 --> 00:03:44,061
-Final journey?
-Oh, didn't I mention it?
77
00:03:44,061 --> 00:03:46,101
-Yeah, he's dying.
-He's what?
78
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:48,241
-I'm what?
-Poor kid, still in denial.
79
00:03:48,241 --> 00:03:50,141
This is awful.
80
00:03:50,141 --> 00:03:51,241
What's wrong with him?
81
00:03:51,241 --> 00:03:54,021
I don't wanna go
into specifics.
82
00:03:54,021 --> 00:03:56,221
It's all rather graphic.
83
00:03:56,221 --> 00:03:58,101
Come on, champ.
84
00:03:58,101 --> 00:04:02,141
♪
85
00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:05,021
I suppose I just
had this crazy dream
86
00:04:05,021 --> 00:04:08,031
that this little guy's fading
memory would be of his novel
87
00:04:08,031 --> 00:04:12,031
sitting proudly on
some bestseller list.
88
00:04:12,031 --> 00:04:15,241
And of a publisher who
dared to take a chance.
89
00:04:21,141 --> 00:04:25,031
-That was your plan?
-Wait.
90
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:28,031
♪
91
00:04:28,031 --> 00:04:31,061
How about we make
that dream come true?
92
00:04:31,061 --> 00:04:33,121
What do you say, Marcus?
93
00:04:36,001 --> 00:04:38,011
Thank you.
94
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:41,141
(coughing)
95
00:04:47,141 --> 00:04:49,041
-Hey.
-Hey.
96
00:04:49,041 --> 00:04:52,011
So, Caitlin's birthday
on Thursday.
97
00:04:52,011 --> 00:04:53,061
Yeah.
98
00:04:53,061 --> 00:04:55,121
-The big three-zero.
-Mm-hmm.
99
00:04:55,121 --> 00:04:56,201
You haven't got her
anything, have you?
100
00:04:56,201 --> 00:04:58,201
-I got something on order.
-Oh.
101
00:04:58,201 --> 00:05:01,031
-What?
-Nothing.
102
00:05:01,031 --> 00:05:03,151
-Tim.
-No okay, I just, uh--
103
00:05:03,151 --> 00:05:05,231
Well I overheard her talking
to Lisa before and, uh,
104
00:05:05,231 --> 00:05:08,201
she is freaking out
about turning 30.
105
00:05:08,201 --> 00:05:10,031
-Really?
-Yeah.
106
00:05:10,031 --> 00:05:12,151
Says she doesn't want
anyone to get her anything.
107
00:05:12,151 --> 00:05:15,201
-Not me though.
-Oh, especially you.
108
00:05:15,201 --> 00:05:16,231
I think she just
wants the whole thing
109
00:05:16,231 --> 00:05:19,041
to go by completely unnoticed.
110
00:05:19,041 --> 00:05:22,041
-But I can't get her nothing.
-Well, if you'd prefer it.
111
00:05:22,041 --> 00:05:23,211
Tim, I'm not
getting her nothing.
112
00:05:23,211 --> 00:05:25,141
Okay, sure.
113
00:05:25,141 --> 00:05:27,181
If you feel you must
disregard her wishes,
114
00:05:27,181 --> 00:05:29,231
at least get her
something functional, eh?
115
00:05:29,231 --> 00:05:31,231
-Functional?
-Yeah, you know how she hates
116
00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:33,231
all that romantic stuff.
117
00:05:33,231 --> 00:05:35,231
Right yeah, of course.
118
00:05:35,231 --> 00:05:38,151
Get her some
nail clippers or...
119
00:05:38,151 --> 00:05:40,121
some deodorant
or a toaster.
120
00:05:40,121 --> 00:05:42,231
What about flowers?
121
00:05:42,231 --> 00:05:45,201
If you want her to dump ya.
122
00:05:45,201 --> 00:05:49,061
-Shouldn't have said anything.
-No, you did the right thing.
123
00:05:49,061 --> 00:05:52,091
Well, I was just trying
to look out for my bro.
124
00:05:52,091 --> 00:05:54,231
You're a good guy, Tim.
125
00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:59,141
Yeah, listen, probably
best we don't, um,
126
00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:02,231
mention any of
this to her, eh?
127
00:06:02,231 --> 00:06:04,041
Yeah.
128
00:06:11,231 --> 00:06:14,101
-I'm not sure about this.
-Would you stop worrying?
129
00:06:14,101 --> 00:06:16,041
I thought you wanted to
get your book published.
130
00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:18,151
-I do, but not by lying.
-Who's even gonna know?
131
00:06:18,151 --> 00:06:20,211
-I will.
-I don't understand.
132
00:06:20,211 --> 00:06:23,121
Chris, they think I'm dying.
133
00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:25,121
I know, isn't it awesome?
134
00:06:27,121 --> 00:06:29,121
No, I'm sorry, you're just
gonna have to call them
135
00:06:29,121 --> 00:06:32,041
-and tell them that--
-Can you make it out,
136
00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:36,041
"To my best friend, Phil."
137
00:06:36,041 --> 00:06:38,091
Sorry, what did you
want me to tell them?
138
00:06:38,091 --> 00:06:41,011
Tell them I want to see cover
designs by this afternoon.
139
00:06:41,011 --> 00:06:44,141
(manic laughter)
140
00:06:52,181 --> 00:06:54,211
Here's another one,
you've invited over
141
00:06:54,211 --> 00:06:57,211
a lady friend for a
quick glass of wine,
142
00:06:57,211 --> 00:07:00,231
and sometime between 9, 9:15,
143
00:07:00,231 --> 00:07:04,061
you may have
accidentally killed her.
144
00:07:04,061 --> 00:07:06,231
What are your
ethical obligations?
145
00:07:06,231 --> 00:07:09,181
Tell the police.
146
00:07:09,181 --> 00:07:11,121
Anyone else?
147
00:07:11,121 --> 00:07:12,201
Are you looking forward
to your birthday?
148
00:07:12,201 --> 00:07:15,121
Hello, this is me remember.
149
00:07:15,121 --> 00:07:19,211
-Have you got me a present?
-I'm workin' on it.
150
00:07:19,211 --> 00:07:22,001
Won't be anywhere near as
good as Portis' though.
151
00:07:22,001 --> 00:07:23,151
-What?
-Whoops.
152
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:25,141
-Has Portis got me a present?
-It's not for me to--
153
00:07:25,141 --> 00:07:28,151
-Tim.
-Okay, yes.
154
00:07:28,151 --> 00:07:30,181
But I don't know what.
155
00:07:30,181 --> 00:07:34,041
Spoke to him earlier and he
said it cost him a fortune.
156
00:07:34,041 --> 00:07:36,231
Can't believe it, he's
usually not very romantic.
157
00:07:36,231 --> 00:07:39,121
Looks like someone's turning
over a new leaf, huh?
158
00:07:39,121 --> 00:07:43,201
(indistinct remarks)
159
00:07:43,201 --> 00:07:45,231
Don't tell him I
said anything though.
160
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:49,181
-Don't wanna spoil the surprise.
-I won't say a word.
161
00:07:49,181 --> 00:07:51,231
-What do you reckon, Tim?
-Huh?
162
00:07:51,231 --> 00:07:53,151
-To the question.
-Question?
163
00:07:53,151 --> 00:07:56,181
Whether the ends
justify the means.
164
00:08:00,041 --> 00:08:01,121
It's a gray area.
165
00:08:01,121 --> 00:08:03,091
(laughing)
166
00:08:03,091 --> 00:08:04,211
Good lad.
167
00:08:04,211 --> 00:08:08,201
Okay, next, you accidentally
sleep with your second cousin.
168
00:08:08,201 --> 00:08:11,121
Discuss.
169
00:08:11,121 --> 00:08:15,071
I'm here outside St. Benjamin's
School in South West London
170
00:08:15,071 --> 00:08:17,141
where today, Marcus Elliot,
171
00:08:17,141 --> 00:08:20,011
a remarkable
10-year-old boy,
172
00:08:20,011 --> 00:08:23,091
has landed the publishing
deal of a lifetime.
173
00:08:23,091 --> 00:08:25,061
But what makes this
story so special
174
00:08:25,061 --> 00:08:28,001
apart from his
prodigious talent?
175
00:08:28,001 --> 00:08:29,091
It's simple.
176
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:32,031
Marcus Elliot is dying.
177
00:08:32,031 --> 00:08:35,211
-Have you lost your mind?
-It was his idea.
178
00:08:35,211 --> 00:08:37,151
I am actually
going to kill you.
179
00:08:37,151 --> 00:08:40,151
No, now wait, I can see this
has come as a bit of a surprise,
180
00:08:40,151 --> 00:08:42,021
but can't we talk
about it rationally?
181
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,111
-You're twisted!
-I appreciate your feedback.
182
00:08:44,111 --> 00:08:46,061
You are gonna call
whoever you need to call
183
00:08:46,061 --> 00:08:49,001
right now and tell
them the truth!
184
00:08:49,001 --> 00:08:51,031
-Or--
-Chris, just do it now!
185
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:54,131
Okay, fine, suppose I'll
have to return this.
186
00:08:54,131 --> 00:08:57,081
-What is that?
-What, this?
187
00:08:57,081 --> 00:09:00,051
Oh, it's just--this
is just the advance
188
00:09:00,051 --> 00:09:02,211
I negotiated on
a three-book deal.
189
00:09:02,211 --> 00:09:05,181
How much is there,
just out of interest?
190
00:09:05,181 --> 00:09:07,081
200,000.
191
00:09:07,081 --> 00:09:08,191
I was gonna split
it with you guys.
192
00:09:08,191 --> 00:09:12,161
-What about me?
-Grown-ups are talking.
193
00:09:12,161 --> 00:09:16,031
-That's like 70,000 pounds each.
-I guess so.
194
00:09:16,031 --> 00:09:19,031
Anywho, I should be off.
195
00:09:19,031 --> 00:09:22,121
-No!
-No?
196
00:09:22,121 --> 00:09:26,031
Let's just take a minute
to really think about this.
197
00:09:26,031 --> 00:09:29,121
I mean, what's
the actual harm?
198
00:09:29,121 --> 00:09:32,091
It's not as if Marcus
is actually sick.
199
00:09:32,091 --> 00:09:35,081
And, who knows, maybe his
book will actually cheer up
200
00:09:35,081 --> 00:09:37,181
other genuinely
sick children.
201
00:09:37,181 --> 00:09:40,181
♪
202
00:09:40,181 --> 00:09:43,061
I don't know.
203
00:09:43,061 --> 00:09:46,031
Are we despicable people for
even thinking about this?
204
00:09:46,031 --> 00:09:49,111
You are completely despicable.
205
00:09:49,111 --> 00:09:50,221
In all my years, I
have never seen anything
206
00:09:50,221 --> 00:09:53,181
so disgusting or grotesque.
207
00:09:53,181 --> 00:09:57,061
-You should be ashamed.
-What did you say to her?
208
00:09:57,061 --> 00:09:58,181
What could I say, I
just pulled up my pants
209
00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:01,081
and referred her to
another therapist.
210
00:10:01,081 --> 00:10:03,181
Now, thanks for coming in,
I thought we could press on
211
00:10:03,181 --> 00:10:05,221
with getting these
adoption papers signed.
212
00:10:05,221 --> 00:10:07,151
-Adoption papers?
-Well, I assume
213
00:10:07,151 --> 00:10:11,111
you're getting short of Tiny Tim
now that he's on the way out.
214
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,181
-Oh, you've seen the news then?
-Certainly did.
215
00:10:13,181 --> 00:10:18,031
Thought we could
celebrate your liberation.
216
00:10:18,031 --> 00:10:21,121
Okay, well leaving aside
your unbelievable crassness,
217
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,161
-Marcus isn't sick.
-Really?
218
00:10:23,161 --> 00:10:27,121
Chris made up the illness
to get his novel published.
219
00:10:27,121 --> 00:10:30,031
-I bought Pringles.
-I think you're right, Tim.
220
00:10:30,031 --> 00:10:32,161
We have to tell the truth.
221
00:10:32,161 --> 00:10:36,191
Yes, truth should always
be our guiding beacon.
222
00:10:36,191 --> 00:10:38,161
It's decided then.
223
00:10:38,161 --> 00:10:39,221
We give the money
back tomorrow.
224
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:43,181
-Money?
-200,000 pounds.
225
00:10:43,181 --> 00:10:47,191
I mean, what is the truth?
226
00:10:47,191 --> 00:10:51,151
Isn't the real truth
just mother and father
227
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:54,081
wanting to do the best
for their beloved child?
228
00:10:54,081 --> 00:10:55,161
-Ten percent.
-Fifteen.
229
00:10:55,161 --> 00:10:57,211
-Eleven.
-Done.
230
00:10:57,211 --> 00:11:00,051
Hey, you can't go in there!
231
00:11:00,051 --> 00:11:02,021
Is it true?
232
00:11:02,021 --> 00:11:05,121
Is Marcus really ill?
233
00:11:05,121 --> 00:11:07,151
(in unison)
Yeah.
234
00:11:07,151 --> 00:11:10,061
(indistinct chatter)
235
00:11:10,061 --> 00:11:12,151
-Chocolate or carrot?
-Mmm, bit of both.
236
00:11:12,151 --> 00:11:14,131
Good for you.
237
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:16,181
-I brought you your mango juice.
-Thanks.
238
00:11:16,181 --> 00:11:19,121
It's been tough, but your
support means so much
239
00:11:19,121 --> 00:11:23,081
to us at this
difficult time.
240
00:11:23,081 --> 00:11:24,181
You should get some rest.
241
00:11:24,181 --> 00:11:28,121
(children playing)
242
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,031
Got to hand it to you.
243
00:11:30,031 --> 00:11:31,121
You've really got them going.
244
00:11:31,121 --> 00:11:33,061
I don't know what
you're talking about.
245
00:11:33,061 --> 00:11:35,121
It must be so
frustrating having
246
00:11:35,121 --> 00:11:38,051
such a mysterious illness.
247
00:11:38,051 --> 00:11:39,211
Do you want to say
something to me?
248
00:11:39,211 --> 00:11:41,181
I'm saying it.
249
00:11:41,181 --> 00:11:45,091
You might be able to fool
them, but you don't fool me.
250
00:11:45,091 --> 00:11:48,091
Come on, Nick, really must
let Marcus get some rest.
251
00:11:48,091 --> 00:11:51,031
Sorry, sir, just wishing
him a speedy recovery.
252
00:11:51,031 --> 00:11:53,051
Unfortunately, that's
not likely to happen.
253
00:11:53,051 --> 00:11:56,051
I don't know about that, I am
a big believer in miracles.
254
00:11:56,051 --> 00:11:58,161
Amen to that.
255
00:12:03,001 --> 00:12:06,031
♪
256
00:12:06,031 --> 00:12:10,031
-Oh, oh that's so kind.
-How's he doing?
257
00:12:10,031 --> 00:12:14,061
-Um, yeah he's fine.
-You are taking this so well.
258
00:12:14,061 --> 00:12:17,091
Well no, it's difficult
obviously, but, um,
259
00:12:17,091 --> 00:12:20,061
you know, you just
gotta stay positive.
260
00:12:20,061 --> 00:12:23,001
-Hey, that kid's a fighter.
-Yeah, if you don't mind,
261
00:12:23,001 --> 00:12:24,211
I'd actually rather
not talk about it.
262
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,081
-Sorry, man.
-Sorry.
263
00:12:26,081 --> 00:12:28,111
Yeah, I mean, you know, just
think of happier things, huh?
264
00:12:28,111 --> 00:12:32,061
Like, uh, like Caitlin's
birthday tomorrow.
265
00:12:32,061 --> 00:12:33,241
You haven't got me
anything, have you?
266
00:12:33,241 --> 00:12:37,081
Haven't really
thought about it.
267
00:12:37,081 --> 00:12:39,121
That's cool.
268
00:12:44,021 --> 00:12:46,241
-Heard about the kid.
-Yup, thanks.
269
00:12:46,241 --> 00:12:51,061
-There are options.
-Options?
270
00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:52,181
-No.
-It's quick.
271
00:12:52,181 --> 00:12:53,191
-No!
-Painless.
272
00:12:53,191 --> 00:12:55,191
-Do no shoot my son.
-Let me know.
273
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:59,181
♪
274
00:12:59,181 --> 00:13:01,111
(knocking)
275
00:13:01,111 --> 00:13:05,031
-Hi.
-Hi.
276
00:13:05,031 --> 00:13:07,211
-How are you feeling?
-I'm fine, thanks.
277
00:13:09,211 --> 00:13:11,181
Do you remember when
you gave me this?
278
00:13:11,181 --> 00:13:13,151
-Yes.
-I just want you to know,
279
00:13:13,151 --> 00:13:16,031
I'll always keep it with me.
280
00:13:16,031 --> 00:13:18,061
Justine, I have to
tell you something.
281
00:13:18,061 --> 00:13:20,181
♪
282
00:13:20,181 --> 00:13:22,051
Is there a problem?
283
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:25,051
I've got Salman Rushdie on
the phone, are you coming?
284
00:13:25,051 --> 00:13:27,051
You were about
to say something?
285
00:13:27,051 --> 00:13:30,001
♪
286
00:13:30,001 --> 00:13:31,051
It was nothing.
287
00:13:31,051 --> 00:13:34,061
Here, for you.
288
00:13:34,061 --> 00:13:37,181
I don't need a photo
to remember you, Marcus.
289
00:13:40,061 --> 00:13:52,031
♪
290
00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:55,111
(crying)
291
00:13:55,111 --> 00:13:57,031
Is someone in there?
292
00:13:57,031 --> 00:14:01,111
♪
293
00:14:01,111 --> 00:14:03,111
-Tim.
-What are you doing in here?
294
00:14:03,111 --> 00:14:06,021
-What's wrong?
-Nothing.
295
00:14:06,021 --> 00:14:07,241
Well, I can see that.
296
00:14:07,241 --> 00:14:11,161
-Oh, I'm pathetic.
-No you're not, what is it?
297
00:14:11,161 --> 00:14:14,031
I found it in Portis' desk.
298
00:14:14,031 --> 00:14:17,151
♪
299
00:14:17,151 --> 00:14:21,031
He's bought me
a bread maker.
300
00:14:21,031 --> 00:14:25,001
-And you've already got one?
-It's my 30th birthday, Tim,
301
00:14:25,001 --> 00:14:27,241
and my boyfriend's bought me
sodding kitchen appliance.
302
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:31,091
♪
303
00:14:31,091 --> 00:14:33,181
-I'm sorry.
-No.
304
00:14:33,181 --> 00:14:36,131
It's my fault.
305
00:14:36,131 --> 00:14:38,001
I knew what he was like.
306
00:14:38,001 --> 00:14:42,121
-I deserve a man like Portis.
-No, you don't.
307
00:14:42,121 --> 00:14:45,181
You deserve much better.
308
00:14:45,181 --> 00:14:49,131
-I don't know anymore.
-Oh, come on.
309
00:14:49,131 --> 00:14:53,091
Don't be like that.
310
00:14:53,091 --> 00:14:56,121
Hey, here I've got
something that, uh,
311
00:14:56,121 --> 00:14:58,121
might cheer you up.
312
00:14:58,121 --> 00:14:59,221
What's this?
313
00:14:59,221 --> 00:15:02,221
Well, it was meant to
be for tomorrow, but, um,
314
00:15:02,221 --> 00:15:05,031
thought you could
do with it now.
315
00:15:05,031 --> 00:15:07,221
-For me?
-Mm-hmm.
316
00:15:07,221 --> 00:15:10,181
-What is it?
-Open it.
317
00:15:10,181 --> 00:15:14,061
♪
318
00:15:14,061 --> 00:15:16,061
I know you really
like penguins so--
319
00:15:16,061 --> 00:15:22,211
♪
320
00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:35,061
Okay.
321
00:15:35,061 --> 00:15:38,001
That's that then, we
should probably, um--
322
00:15:38,001 --> 00:15:41,061
(crashing)
323
00:15:41,061 --> 00:15:42,001
Sorry.
324
00:15:44,131 --> 00:15:45,241
Okay, tomorrow then.
325
00:15:45,241 --> 00:15:49,151
We--excellent--you...
326
00:15:49,151 --> 00:15:51,081
Goodnight.
327
00:15:51,081 --> 00:15:55,191
♪
328
00:15:55,191 --> 00:15:57,091
-We're through the worst of it.
-I don't care,
329
00:15:57,091 --> 00:15:59,181
-we have to end it now.
-You are panicking.
330
00:15:59,181 --> 00:16:01,211
-It's wrong, Chris.
-Or is it?
331
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,031
(together)
Yes!
332
00:16:03,031 --> 00:16:06,061
-Ah, the voice of reason.
-We have to end this now.
333
00:16:06,061 --> 00:16:09,061
-Not you too.
-I feel horrible, Chris.
334
00:16:09,061 --> 00:16:11,031
Lying to my friends,
I can't believe
335
00:16:11,031 --> 00:16:13,001
-I let you talk us into this.
-Me?
336
00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:15,091
Yes, in our heads
with your poison.
337
00:16:15,091 --> 00:16:17,031
-Little dramatic.
-We're finishing it,
338
00:16:17,031 --> 00:16:18,221
right here, right now.
339
00:16:18,221 --> 00:16:19,241
What do we have to do?
340
00:16:19,241 --> 00:16:21,191
-Don't know.
-What?
341
00:16:21,191 --> 00:16:23,161
What was your plan
to get out of it?
342
00:16:23,161 --> 00:16:25,001
-Didn't have one.
-Oh God,
343
00:16:25,001 --> 00:16:26,151
-we're all going to prison.
-Even me?
344
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,211
-Especially you.
-No, look it's obvious.
345
00:16:28,211 --> 00:16:32,021
-Marcus just has to get better.
-Just like that?
346
00:16:32,021 --> 00:16:33,161
Well, no one really knew
what was wrong with him.
347
00:16:33,161 --> 00:16:35,161
We can't suddenly
declare he's better,
348
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,131
people will ask questions.
349
00:16:37,131 --> 00:16:39,111
Or we'll just get a doctor
to give him the all clear.
350
00:16:39,111 --> 00:16:41,061
And where are we
gonna find that?
351
00:16:41,061 --> 00:16:44,051
Your patient, Marcus Elliot,
was terminally ill,
352
00:16:44,051 --> 00:16:47,111
and yet, just one week
later, he's fully recovered.
353
00:16:47,111 --> 00:16:50,061
Tell us, Doctor, are
you a miracle worker?
354
00:16:50,061 --> 00:16:54,001
No, maybe, no.
355
00:16:54,001 --> 00:16:56,021
Look, obviously it's a
tremendous outcome but I can't
356
00:16:56,021 --> 00:17:00,001
take all the credit, maybe
90, 95 percent was me.
357
00:17:00,001 --> 00:17:02,161
So, can you tell us a bit more
about this terrifying illness
358
00:17:02,161 --> 00:17:04,121
of which so little is known?
359
00:17:04,121 --> 00:17:07,221
Of course, the, um,
360
00:17:07,221 --> 00:17:11,041
disease, Martin, targets
the upper-right ventricle
361
00:17:11,041 --> 00:17:14,241
and the left patella,
uh, causing restricted
362
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:19,061
blood flow in the,
um, hedula area.
363
00:17:19,061 --> 00:17:21,061
The right ventricle
and the left patella.
364
00:17:21,061 --> 00:17:23,191
That's the heart and
the kneecap, isn't it?
365
00:17:23,191 --> 00:17:25,071
That's right.
366
00:17:25,071 --> 00:17:26,241
I wasn't aware they
affected each other.
367
00:17:26,241 --> 00:17:29,041
Oh yes, very common interplay.
368
00:17:29,041 --> 00:17:30,171
So what was your
course of treatment
369
00:17:30,171 --> 00:17:32,011
that proved so successful?
370
00:17:32,011 --> 00:17:33,161
Well, it was a
multi-pronged approach,
371
00:17:33,161 --> 00:17:36,181
but essentially, it boiled
down to plenty of fresh air,
372
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:40,001
lots of orange squash and
some decent afternoon telly.
373
00:17:40,001 --> 00:17:42,181
Right.
374
00:17:42,181 --> 00:17:45,221
Forgive me for asking, but
are you a medical doctor?
375
00:17:45,221 --> 00:17:47,131
-Medical or clinical?
-Medical.
376
00:17:47,131 --> 00:17:48,121
-No.
-Clinical?
377
00:17:48,121 --> 00:17:51,161
-No.
-The boy wasn't ill, was he?
378
00:17:51,161 --> 00:17:54,051
-That is an absolute--
-It was a scam.
379
00:17:54,051 --> 00:17:57,001
-Yeah.
-To get the book published!
380
00:17:57,001 --> 00:17:58,181
You have to admit,
it's pretty funny.
381
00:17:58,181 --> 00:18:00,181
They're paying me
ten grand just to do this.
382
00:18:04,181 --> 00:18:06,221
And I can report that
as of this morning,
383
00:18:06,221 --> 00:18:10,201
every single copy of Marcus
Elliot's novel has been burned
384
00:18:10,201 --> 00:18:14,081
by the publishers who said
they wanted nothing more to do
385
00:18:14,081 --> 00:18:17,061
with this sordid conspiracy.
386
00:18:17,061 --> 00:18:19,111
Back to you in the studio.
387
00:18:21,121 --> 00:18:24,241
Do you have anything
to say for yourself?
388
00:18:24,241 --> 00:18:26,181
No.
389
00:18:26,181 --> 00:18:29,181
How could you?
390
00:18:29,181 --> 00:18:32,021
After everything
I did for you.
391
00:18:32,021 --> 00:18:34,131
-I feel so betrayed.
-What?
392
00:18:34,131 --> 00:18:38,001
I'm sorry, I don't think I
can be around you right now.
393
00:18:39,141 --> 00:18:41,191
It was all his idea!
394
00:18:41,191 --> 00:18:43,171
He made me do it!
395
00:18:43,171 --> 00:18:51,181
♪
396
00:18:51,181 --> 00:18:54,021
I'm sorry, Philip.
397
00:18:57,021 --> 00:18:59,201
-Oh, Julian, can't really stop.
-I've been trying to call you.
398
00:18:59,201 --> 00:19:01,071
Great, send my
love to the kids.
399
00:19:01,071 --> 00:19:02,191
Never mind about that,
where's our money?
400
00:19:02,191 --> 00:19:05,001
Now about that, I'm having
a few liquidity issues.
401
00:19:05,001 --> 00:19:06,081
I want that money!
402
00:19:06,081 --> 00:19:08,111
Yeah, now's not really a
good time, can you call me?
403
00:19:08,111 --> 00:19:10,141
-I did!
-Okay, love to the kids!
404
00:19:10,141 --> 00:19:12,121
I don't have any kids.
405
00:19:15,181 --> 00:19:18,121
Okay look, I'm sorry, okay?
406
00:19:18,121 --> 00:19:20,171
Things got a little
bit out of hand.
407
00:19:20,171 --> 00:19:23,101
Never meant to mislead
you and I apologize.
408
00:19:23,101 --> 00:19:25,021
Okay?
409
00:19:25,021 --> 00:19:27,051
Can you just forgive me?
410
00:19:27,051 --> 00:19:29,181
Come on, what do you say?
411
00:19:32,041 --> 00:19:34,001
Need a bit more time.
412
00:19:34,001 --> 00:19:37,121
(indistinct conversations)
413
00:19:39,101 --> 00:19:44,121
♪
414
00:19:44,121 --> 00:19:46,141
Why did you do it?
415
00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:47,221
You really wanna know?
416
00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:52,101
Because I was jealous.
417
00:19:52,101 --> 00:19:54,181
Jealous of Nick.
418
00:19:54,181 --> 00:19:56,191
Of you and Nick.
419
00:19:56,191 --> 00:19:59,161
-You did a bad thing.
-I know.
420
00:19:59,161 --> 00:20:06,131
♪
421
00:20:10,191 --> 00:20:12,121
Hiya.
422
00:20:12,121 --> 00:20:15,001
Oh look, it's Tim.
423
00:20:15,001 --> 00:20:16,241
If that is indeed your name.
424
00:20:16,241 --> 00:20:19,081
Sorry I lied.
425
00:20:19,081 --> 00:20:21,001
Wanted Marcus to get
his book published.
426
00:20:21,001 --> 00:20:23,001
-What were you thinking?
-I know.
427
00:20:23,001 --> 00:20:25,181
Did you even read the book
before you got into all this?
428
00:20:25,181 --> 00:20:29,001
It was all about
lizards and chess.
429
00:20:31,061 --> 00:20:33,221
-Do you forgive me?
-Of course I forgive you.
430
00:20:33,221 --> 00:20:38,011
You're an idiot, but
you're not a cruel idiot.
431
00:20:38,011 --> 00:20:39,181
What?
432
00:20:39,181 --> 00:20:43,121
We kissed, it was nice.
433
00:20:43,121 --> 00:20:46,071
-Aren't you forgetting Portis?
-I'm trying to.
434
00:20:46,071 --> 00:20:47,191
(knocking)
435
00:20:47,191 --> 00:20:49,131
Boss wants to see you.
436
00:20:49,131 --> 00:20:54,201
♪
437
00:20:54,201 --> 00:20:56,231
(in unison)
Happy birthday!
438
00:20:56,231 --> 00:20:59,121
(giggling)
439
00:20:59,121 --> 00:21:02,201
Is all this for
me, oh thank you.
440
00:21:02,201 --> 00:21:07,081
So you lied about the kid, huh?
441
00:21:07,081 --> 00:21:09,011
That's hilarious.
442
00:21:09,011 --> 00:21:11,061
Open mine first.
443
00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:13,171
Oh wow.
444
00:21:13,171 --> 00:21:15,141
Wonder what this could be.
445
00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:17,141
Well, if you liked that,
446
00:21:17,141 --> 00:21:21,121
watch this, could be good.
447
00:21:21,121 --> 00:21:23,181
Oh, a bread maker.
448
00:21:23,181 --> 00:21:25,241
-The best you can get.
-You shouldn't have.
449
00:21:25,241 --> 00:21:28,081
It's got all these
attachments inside.
450
00:21:28,081 --> 00:21:30,101
-Yeah, I'll look later.
-No, come on, baby.
451
00:21:30,101 --> 00:21:33,001
They wanna see.
452
00:21:38,081 --> 00:21:42,001
What's this?
453
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:45,061
Caitlin, will you marry me?
454
00:21:45,061 --> 00:21:49,141
♪
455
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:52,001
Okay.
456
00:21:52,001 --> 00:21:53,191
You're right.
457
00:21:53,191 --> 00:21:56,101
That was brilliant.
458
00:21:56,101 --> 00:22:29,001
♪
32374
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