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1
00:00:02,081 --> 00:00:06,001
♪
2
00:00:06,001 --> 00:00:10,101
You don't know me,
but I know you.
3
00:00:10,101 --> 00:00:13,081
I know everything about
you, your name, your age,
4
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:16,201
where you live, where
your family lives.
5
00:00:16,201 --> 00:00:18,201
Yes.
6
00:00:18,201 --> 00:00:21,081
There's no way out of this,
7
00:00:21,081 --> 00:00:23,121
and it's going to involve
8
00:00:23,121 --> 00:00:26,201
a lot of pain.
9
00:00:26,201 --> 00:00:28,241
Unless you join us.
10
00:00:28,241 --> 00:00:30,241
♪
11
00:00:30,241 --> 00:00:32,101
MI5.
12
00:00:32,101 --> 00:00:35,111
Join or die.
13
00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:40,151
-Well, on a scale of one to ten?
-Ten.
14
00:00:40,151 --> 00:00:42,061
-One.
-Ha, thanks, Tim.
15
00:00:42,061 --> 00:00:43,161
No, sir,
16
00:00:43,161 --> 00:00:46,061
-one as in not good.
-Sure.
17
00:00:46,061 --> 00:00:48,211
Sir, you cannot use that
as a recruitment video.
18
00:00:48,211 --> 00:00:50,021
Really?
19
00:00:50,021 --> 00:00:51,221
Well, tell me one thing
that's wrong with it?
20
00:00:51,221 --> 00:00:53,141
-It's threatening.
-Inaccurate.
21
00:00:53,141 --> 00:00:55,001
-Upsetting.
-Inflammatory.
22
00:00:55,001 --> 00:00:57,221
-And far too arousing.
-Okay, right.
23
00:00:57,221 --> 00:01:02,051
-And none of that's good?
-It's not ideal.
24
00:01:02,051 --> 00:01:04,191
Okay right, well, you do it.
25
00:01:04,191 --> 00:01:06,081
-Me?
-Yeah, we still need a video.
26
00:01:06,081 --> 00:01:08,071
-No, I'm no--I can't act.
-I'll do it.
27
00:01:08,071 --> 00:01:09,171
-Done.
-Me too.
28
00:01:09,171 --> 00:01:11,211
Excuse me, um, we're in the
middle of a casting here.
29
00:01:11,211 --> 00:01:13,141
Sir, you gotta pick
me, I'm black.
30
00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:15,031
If you don't that's
basically racism.
31
00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:17,231
Oh come on, sir, he's American,
32
00:01:17,231 --> 00:01:20,141
and he's CIA, and he's bald.
33
00:01:20,141 --> 00:01:22,081
Hey man, not cool to
bring the hair into it.
34
00:01:22,081 --> 00:01:25,191
Okay, enough, Tim, Caitlin,
35
00:01:25,191 --> 00:01:28,121
-you've got the job!
-Racist.
36
00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:32,231
All we need now is a director.
37
00:01:37,211 --> 00:01:40,161
Not cool?
38
00:01:40,161 --> 00:02:13,031
♪
39
00:02:13,031 --> 00:02:14,221
-What do you want?
-Can we talk?
40
00:02:14,221 --> 00:02:17,031
Whatever you've got to say, you
can say it in front of them.
41
00:02:17,031 --> 00:02:20,101
Well, I was wondering if you
would sign up for the quiz team?
42
00:02:20,101 --> 00:02:21,211
Why me?
43
00:02:21,211 --> 00:02:23,021
It's an inter-school competition
44
00:02:23,021 --> 00:02:25,071
and we need to put
up our strongest team.
45
00:02:25,071 --> 00:02:28,151
-And you need me.
-Yes.
46
00:02:28,151 --> 00:02:32,031
I want to hear you say it.
47
00:02:32,031 --> 00:02:35,111
We need you.
48
00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:38,021
Check.
49
00:02:38,021 --> 00:02:40,141
Okay, I'll join.
50
00:02:40,141 --> 00:02:43,021
That's great, thank you.
51
00:02:44,171 --> 00:02:47,181
When is it?
52
00:02:47,181 --> 00:02:49,101
-Oh no!
-What?
53
00:02:49,101 --> 00:02:51,241
There seems to have
been a bit of mix-up.
54
00:02:51,241 --> 00:02:54,091
-What are you talking about?
-Yeah, you see, you've actually
55
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,171
just signed up to appear
on Who's Your Daddy!
56
00:02:56,171 --> 00:02:58,141
-I love that show!
-What is it?
57
00:02:58,141 --> 00:03:00,071
A quiz show for
fathers and sons.
58
00:03:00,071 --> 00:03:01,141
On television.
59
00:03:01,141 --> 00:03:03,141
They're filming one of
the heats next week.
60
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:05,201
That contract isn't worth
the paper it's written on.
61
00:03:05,201 --> 00:03:07,091
Scared I'm going
to humiliate you
62
00:03:07,091 --> 00:03:09,041
in front of millions of people?
63
00:03:09,041 --> 00:03:12,221
(indistinct chatter)
64
00:03:12,221 --> 00:03:14,171
I'm going to enjoy crushing you.
65
00:03:14,171 --> 00:03:16,101
Marcus, don't.
66
00:03:16,101 --> 00:03:18,241
I'm told your dad's quite a
character, but don't worry,
67
00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:21,221
my dad's pretty unusual
too, when he's not teaching
68
00:03:21,221 --> 00:03:24,141
at Harvard or advising Obama.
69
00:03:27,031 --> 00:03:30,061
Checkmate.
70
00:03:30,061 --> 00:03:32,181
I'm sure your dad
will be fine on TV.
71
00:03:34,111 --> 00:03:35,211
Yeah.
72
00:03:35,211 --> 00:03:39,101
♪
73
00:03:39,101 --> 00:03:43,021
You have had an interesting
day, Caitlin, have you?
74
00:03:43,021 --> 00:03:45,151
-Yes.
-Yes.
75
00:03:45,151 --> 00:03:47,041
Ah, I just wish...
76
00:03:47,041 --> 00:03:50,001
I just wish I could tell you all
about it but it is top secret.
77
00:03:50,001 --> 00:03:52,041
Oh?
78
00:03:52,041 --> 00:03:56,071
I could tell you but then
I would have to kill you.
79
00:03:56,071 --> 00:03:59,031
I entirely understand,
my work too is top secret,
80
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:01,021
but it is interesting
and rewarding and fun,
81
00:04:01,021 --> 00:04:02,111
and I wouldn't want
to do anything else
82
00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:05,091
because I am so
professionally fulfilled.
83
00:04:05,091 --> 00:04:08,031
I am also fulfilled,
and I am a woman.
84
00:04:08,031 --> 00:04:11,071
Okay, can we just
hold it there please?
85
00:04:11,071 --> 00:04:13,061
Tim, Tim's good, Tim's good.
86
00:04:13,061 --> 00:04:15,041
Well, yeah...
87
00:04:15,041 --> 00:04:16,231
You could get an autocue?
88
00:04:16,231 --> 00:04:19,201
-How bad was it?
-Bad.
89
00:04:19,201 --> 00:04:23,001
-Twilight Eclipse bad.
-Oh, I was so nervous.
90
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:25,201
Don't worry, I know plenty
of relaxation techniques.
91
00:04:25,201 --> 00:04:28,011
I am not taking my clothes off.
92
00:04:28,011 --> 00:04:30,041
Look, you've gotta
stop thinking here,
93
00:04:30,041 --> 00:04:32,151
and start thinking here.
94
00:04:32,151 --> 00:04:34,151
-With our nipples?
-Excuse me?
95
00:04:34,151 --> 00:04:37,151
-Coffee, one sugar.
-Uh, no, sir.
96
00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:39,231
I'm picking up some worrying
chatter coming out of the Yemen.
97
00:04:39,231 --> 00:04:42,091
Let's go again people,
we're losing the light.
98
00:04:42,091 --> 00:04:45,151
-Quiet on set!
-Go, no, now's not a good time.
99
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:47,231
-Go, go, go.
-Oh, okay.
100
00:04:47,231 --> 00:04:49,151
From the top, guys.
101
00:04:49,151 --> 00:04:52,101
And, action!
102
00:04:56,211 --> 00:05:00,061
-This is a disaster!
-I can't believe he tricked us.
103
00:05:00,061 --> 00:05:02,181
-Such a mug!
-The school's reputation
104
00:05:02,181 --> 00:05:04,181
is gonna be destroyed!
105
00:05:04,181 --> 00:05:07,181
Have you any idea how
humiliating this will be for me?
106
00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:09,011
-For you?
-For all of us!
107
00:05:09,011 --> 00:05:11,091
-Tim cannot go on that show.
-What show?
108
00:05:11,091 --> 00:05:14,061
-Not now, Tim.
-I've got it!
109
00:05:14,061 --> 00:05:16,041
Got what, what's going on?
110
00:05:16,041 --> 00:05:18,091
"In the event that
the biological father
111
00:05:18,091 --> 00:05:21,031
is unavailable or
deemed unsuitable
112
00:05:21,031 --> 00:05:23,201
for broadcast, the
contestant may appoint
113
00:05:23,201 --> 00:05:26,001
a substitute father figure."
114
00:05:26,001 --> 00:05:28,071
-Could work.
-Yes, yes!
115
00:05:28,071 --> 00:05:29,201
Would someone please
tell me what's going on?
116
00:05:29,201 --> 00:05:31,181
It's nothing, just some
TV show they don't want
117
00:05:31,181 --> 00:05:33,061
you to go on because
apparently you're unbelievably
118
00:05:33,061 --> 00:05:34,061
ignorant and embarrassing?
119
00:05:34,061 --> 00:05:35,231
-Oh, right.
-Why can't I go on it?
120
00:05:35,231 --> 00:05:38,151
-Do you have a penis?
-Does she?
121
00:05:38,151 --> 00:05:40,201
So basically we're
looking for a man.
122
00:05:40,201 --> 00:05:43,201
-With a first class education.
-Who's incredibly confident.
123
00:05:43,201 --> 00:05:46,061
And available at
a moment's notice.
124
00:05:48,151 --> 00:05:50,151
Really, guys, that is--
I can't tell you--
125
00:05:50,151 --> 00:05:53,091
-Out the way, Tim.
-Yep.
126
00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:57,001
What?
127
00:05:57,001 --> 00:06:01,121
♪
128
00:06:01,121 --> 00:06:04,201
Ah, here they are,
my Scarlett Johansson
129
00:06:04,201 --> 00:06:08,011
and my Morgan Freeman.
130
00:06:08,011 --> 00:06:10,141
Yeah, the thing is--
131
00:06:10,141 --> 00:06:13,231
We are very grateful
for the opportunity.
132
00:06:13,231 --> 00:06:16,041
But we don't think we
can be in this video.
133
00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:19,121
What, oh, this is about
the nude scene, right?
134
00:06:19,121 --> 00:06:22,171
-No, wait, what?
-Never mind, you go.
135
00:06:22,171 --> 00:06:25,231
No, sir, it's just
although we are
136
00:06:25,231 --> 00:06:28,001
thoroughly enjoying
the experience--
137
00:06:28,001 --> 00:06:30,151
-Seriously enjoying it.
-Right?
138
00:06:30,151 --> 00:06:32,231
Uh, we are just concerned
139
00:06:32,231 --> 00:06:35,121
about the lack of anonymity.
140
00:06:35,121 --> 00:06:38,121
And how that might compromise
our ability to do our jobs.
141
00:06:38,121 --> 00:06:40,181
Hmm, hmm, yeah.
142
00:06:40,181 --> 00:06:44,001
I must admit, I hadn't
thought of that before.
143
00:06:44,001 --> 00:06:47,041
-It is such a bummer.
-We're devastated.
144
00:06:47,041 --> 00:06:49,201
If only there was some
way round it, but--
145
00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:51,201
Maybe there is.
146
00:06:51,201 --> 00:06:54,211
♪
147
00:06:54,211 --> 00:06:57,101
I'm really not sure about this.
148
00:06:57,101 --> 00:06:59,001
What do you think?
149
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:02,001
♪
150
00:07:02,001 --> 00:07:03,231
Oh, I don't know.
151
00:07:03,231 --> 00:07:06,001
Look at me.
152
00:07:06,001 --> 00:07:08,181
Yesss.
153
00:07:08,181 --> 00:07:10,181
Shall we go and
make movie history?
154
00:07:10,181 --> 00:07:13,061
♪
155
00:07:15,091 --> 00:07:16,171
-John Everett Millais.
-Correct.
156
00:07:16,171 --> 00:07:17,231
What's the world's
largest desert?
157
00:07:17,231 --> 00:07:19,031
-Antarctica.
-Correct.
158
00:07:19,031 --> 00:07:20,041
Who was the Greek
god of music?
159
00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:21,091
-Apollo.
-Correct.
160
00:07:21,091 --> 00:07:23,101
-Who shot JR?
-Kristin Shepard.
161
00:07:23,101 --> 00:07:26,041
-Correct.
-They're good.
162
00:07:26,041 --> 00:07:28,181
-What are you doing here?
-Just supporting my team.
163
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,031
What do you mean your team?
164
00:07:30,031 --> 00:07:33,061
Carbon, nitrogen, oxygen,
fluorine, neon, sodium--
165
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:34,201
Why aren't you
supporting Marcus?
166
00:07:34,201 --> 00:07:37,231
Yeah, not a fan, rude.
167
00:07:37,231 --> 00:07:41,121
Oh, I think you might've backed
168
00:07:41,121 --> 00:07:45,011
-the wrong horse this time.
-Oh, really?
169
00:07:45,011 --> 00:07:47,171
-Care to make it interesting?
-Maybe.
170
00:07:47,171 --> 00:07:50,171
-What about five pounds?
-Make it ten.
171
00:07:50,171 --> 00:07:52,091
-Twenty!
-Forty!
172
00:07:52,091 --> 00:07:54,101
Yeah, actually I'm parked on
a yellow so let's just cut
173
00:07:54,101 --> 00:07:57,201
to the chase, what
about 311£ 57p?
174
00:07:57,201 --> 00:08:01,101
-Mom's ISA.
-You're on!
175
00:08:01,101 --> 00:08:04,141
I am so looking forward to
spending your mom's savings
176
00:08:04,141 --> 00:08:07,061
on a romantic
holiday with Judith.
177
00:08:07,061 --> 00:08:09,071
Me too.
178
00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:11,041
Double yellows, car.
179
00:08:11,041 --> 00:08:37,151
♪
180
00:08:37,151 --> 00:08:39,181
Out the way, sister.
181
00:08:39,181 --> 00:08:42,151
MI5 agents in need
of cooling down.
182
00:08:42,151 --> 00:08:44,181
♪
183
00:08:44,181 --> 00:08:46,161
Nice job breaking
down that terrorist.
184
00:08:46,161 --> 00:08:48,061
Right back at you.
185
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,241
One more bad guy
off the streets.
186
00:08:49,241 --> 00:08:52,091
And they said we
had no evidence.
187
00:08:52,091 --> 00:08:54,211
Who needs evidence when you've
got a really strong hunch.
188
00:08:54,211 --> 00:08:58,121
MI5 makes me feel so horny.
189
00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,091
You have no idea.
190
00:09:00,091 --> 00:09:02,121
♪
191
00:09:02,121 --> 00:09:04,131
Cut, and that's a wrap!
192
00:09:04,131 --> 00:09:08,031
-Well done, everybody.
-Yes, yes!
193
00:09:08,031 --> 00:09:10,151
That was incredible, guys!
194
00:09:10,151 --> 00:09:12,031
-Really?
-Are you kidding?
195
00:09:12,031 --> 00:09:15,091
I don't know which one
of you I want most.
196
00:09:15,091 --> 00:09:16,161
Well, probably Tim.
197
00:09:16,161 --> 00:09:18,061
I'm telling you, you're
gonna be huge stars.
198
00:09:18,061 --> 00:09:20,181
Ah well, we'll see.
199
00:09:20,181 --> 00:09:22,081
I'm sorry, sir, but
we've just intercepted
200
00:09:22,081 --> 00:09:24,161
-another transmission.
-Actually this is cast only.
201
00:09:24,161 --> 00:09:25,211
Can someone get her out of here?
202
00:09:25,211 --> 00:09:29,111
-Okay, come on now.
-No, it's important!
203
00:09:29,111 --> 00:09:32,161
Thank you for trusting
me with your talent.
204
00:09:32,161 --> 00:09:35,061
-Thank you for the words.
-Oh, group, come on.
205
00:09:35,061 --> 00:09:36,241
Group, group, group, group.
206
00:09:36,241 --> 00:09:39,121
Mmmm.
207
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:41,091
Someone's touching my bottom.
208
00:09:41,091 --> 00:09:43,211
♪
209
00:09:43,211 --> 00:09:47,151
Sorry.
210
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:49,221
-I think we're in good shape.
-And we've still got four days
211
00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:52,021
-until the quiz.
-That's plenty of time.
212
00:09:52,021 --> 00:09:54,061
You're going to look very
handsome on television.
213
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:56,061
What do you mean on television?
214
00:09:56,061 --> 00:09:58,181
This is a TV quiz,
you knew that.
215
00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:01,031
-No I didn't.
-Is there a problem?
216
00:10:01,031 --> 00:10:03,081
No.
217
00:10:03,081 --> 00:10:05,151
What on earth are you wearing?
218
00:10:05,151 --> 00:10:07,151
Do I make you nervous?
219
00:10:07,151 --> 00:10:10,151
-Do you have a throat infection?
-No.
220
00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:12,051
-No.
-You look ridiculous.
221
00:10:12,051 --> 00:10:14,211
Yeah, I know, I was just
gonna go and take it off.
222
00:10:14,211 --> 00:10:16,061
What's the matter
with you, you look ill.
223
00:10:16,061 --> 00:10:18,241
No.
224
00:10:18,241 --> 00:10:20,151
Well then.
225
00:10:20,151 --> 00:10:21,491
Where were we?
226
00:10:23,131 --> 00:10:29,091
♪
227
00:10:29,091 --> 00:10:32,031
-Caitlin?
-I don't know a Caitlin.
228
00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:33,191
You're not allowed in
the men's locker room.
229
00:10:33,191 --> 00:10:35,161
So arrest me, make me feel
230
00:10:35,161 --> 00:10:39,091
the full force of the law.
231
00:10:39,091 --> 00:10:41,001
What's the matter?
232
00:10:41,001 --> 00:10:42,151
-Are you scared?
-Yes.
233
00:10:42,151 --> 00:10:44,091
-What?
-I'm sorry.
234
00:10:44,091 --> 00:10:45,241
I'm just really not
good at role play.
235
00:10:45,241 --> 00:10:47,151
Oh.
236
00:10:47,151 --> 00:10:48,211
-You're angry with me.
-No, it's fine.
237
00:10:48,211 --> 00:10:52,031
-I'll wait outside.
-Actually,
238
00:10:52,031 --> 00:10:56,131
damn eczema's back
again, would you mind?
239
00:10:56,131 --> 00:11:09,211
♪
240
00:11:11,241 --> 00:11:14,061
Not on my watch.
241
00:11:17,191 --> 00:11:20,161
(indistinct conversations)
242
00:11:20,161 --> 00:11:22,181
Look, I'm sorry about this.
243
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,211
That's not his father.
244
00:11:24,211 --> 00:11:27,181
Well, as I've said, they did
apply to make a substitution.
245
00:11:27,181 --> 00:11:29,181
This is totally unacceptable.
246
00:11:29,181 --> 00:11:31,151
The decision has
already been made.
247
00:11:31,151 --> 00:11:33,211
Look, why don't you both
just sit back and relax
248
00:11:33,211 --> 00:11:35,221
'cause hey, you're gonna
have a terrific show.
249
00:11:35,221 --> 00:11:37,211
You're gonna hear from
my lawyers about this.
250
00:11:37,211 --> 00:11:40,031
-I'm gonna sue your butts off!
-Blood pressure.
251
00:11:40,031 --> 00:11:43,111
-Screw the blood pressure!
-Second cousin?
252
00:11:43,111 --> 00:11:46,131
No, Richard II was
Edward III's grandson.
253
00:11:46,131 --> 00:11:49,091
-Oh right, I knew that.
-What is the matter with you?
254
00:11:49,091 --> 00:11:51,211
Nothing, I'm fine.
255
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:55,221
Is it hot in here, I'm hot.
256
00:11:55,221 --> 00:11:57,151
Have you ever been
to Marrakech?
257
00:11:57,151 --> 00:12:00,151
-No.
-Could you leave on a Tuesday?
258
00:12:00,151 --> 00:12:04,181
♪
259
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:06,001
We'll talk about it later.
260
00:12:06,001 --> 00:12:08,121
♪
261
00:12:11,091 --> 00:12:14,151
-Is something wrong?
-You're looking sexy.
262
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:18,051
Take care of your woman.
263
00:12:18,051 --> 00:12:20,161
Or I might take care
of her for you.
264
00:12:23,031 --> 00:12:26,021
(phone ringing)
265
00:12:26,021 --> 00:12:28,051
Talk to me.
266
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:31,211
Yeah, Tim, I think
we've got a problem.
267
00:12:31,211 --> 00:12:35,001
(buzzing)
268
00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:37,211
Next!
269
00:12:37,211 --> 00:12:40,001
Could I have a word, please,
it's about the Yemen situation.
270
00:12:40,001 --> 00:12:42,181
Sit down, what's
your name sweetheart?
271
00:12:42,181 --> 00:12:45,061
-Lisa.
-Lisa, mmm.
272
00:12:45,061 --> 00:12:48,181
Where are you from, Lisa?
273
00:12:48,181 --> 00:12:51,151
-Out there.
-And tell us,
274
00:12:51,151 --> 00:12:55,051
are you willing to do nude
scenes if the work demands it?
275
00:12:56,181 --> 00:13:00,091
-I think that's a maybe.
-Definite maybe.
276
00:13:00,091 --> 00:13:05,181
♪
277
00:13:05,181 --> 00:13:07,181
-Standard room with shower?
-Shh!
278
00:13:07,181 --> 00:13:09,091
Yeah, that should be fine.
279
00:13:09,091 --> 00:13:10,161
We can't wait much
longer, Marcus.
280
00:13:10,161 --> 00:13:14,241
-I told you, he's coming.
-Hmm.
281
00:13:14,241 --> 00:13:17,161
Christopher, it's Philip,
282
00:13:17,161 --> 00:13:20,091
um, we were just wondering
283
00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:23,111
if you might be ready
to come out soon?
284
00:13:23,111 --> 00:13:26,211
♪
285
00:13:26,211 --> 00:13:29,021
Where is he?
286
00:13:29,021 --> 00:13:32,051
♪
287
00:13:32,051 --> 00:13:34,181
-Get up!
-I can't.
288
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:37,131
-Get up now!
-You don't understand.
289
00:13:37,131 --> 00:13:40,121
I can't go on
television, not again.
290
00:13:40,121 --> 00:13:42,181
What do you mean again?
291
00:13:45,061 --> 00:13:47,001
Blockbusters.
292
00:13:47,001 --> 00:13:51,001
1994, I was going for
my fifth gold run.
293
00:13:51,001 --> 00:13:54,121
The pressure got to me, I had
294
00:13:54,121 --> 00:13:58,001
an accident and
passed out in it.
295
00:14:00,001 --> 00:14:01,221
But that was years ago.
296
00:14:01,221 --> 00:14:04,121
-You'll be okay.
-No!
297
00:14:04,121 --> 00:14:07,031
Don't make me, please!
298
00:14:07,031 --> 00:14:10,081
I'm begging you, please!
299
00:14:10,081 --> 00:14:12,051
(crying)
300
00:14:13,241 --> 00:14:16,091
Look, I'm sorry, Marcus, we're
gonna have to disqualify you
301
00:14:16,091 --> 00:14:19,091
-unless your father turns up--
-Not so fast.
302
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:21,091
-Who are you?
-I'm his dad.
303
00:14:21,091 --> 00:14:23,001
You told us your dad had
learning difficulties.
304
00:14:23,001 --> 00:14:25,211
-Look at him.
-Fair point.
305
00:14:25,211 --> 00:14:27,181
Right, let's start the show.
306
00:14:27,181 --> 00:14:33,151
♪
307
00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:38,001
I don't believe we've met.
308
00:14:38,001 --> 00:14:40,061
-What?
-I'm the new guy.
309
00:14:40,061 --> 00:14:44,061
I was just wondering if you
felt like showing this cowboy
310
00:14:44,061 --> 00:14:47,051
-round the neighborhood.
-Oh, I see.
311
00:14:47,051 --> 00:14:48,161
Look, Portis, you
really don't have to--
312
00:14:48,161 --> 00:14:50,181
Portis, who's this Portis?
313
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:53,001
No, my name's...
314
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:57,091
-Brad?
-No.
315
00:14:57,091 --> 00:14:59,001
-Ryan?
-No.
316
00:14:59,001 --> 00:15:01,061
-Zac?
-Dirk.
317
00:15:01,061 --> 00:15:04,131
-Dirk?
-Dirk Blumenstein.
318
00:15:04,131 --> 00:15:07,021
-Rectal oncologist.
-Wow.
319
00:15:07,021 --> 00:15:10,211
-You really are bad at this.
-Okay, what's the latest?
320
00:15:10,211 --> 00:15:13,061
Well, the Intel suggests that
Yemen is preparing to launch--
321
00:15:13,061 --> 00:15:14,241
Oh, Yemen, Yemen, Yemen,
Yemen, no, not that.
322
00:15:14,241 --> 00:15:17,151
Come on, turn it over.
323
00:15:17,151 --> 00:15:20,031
Okay, woo, that was close.
324
00:15:20,031 --> 00:15:21,241
-But sir--
-Shh, shh please!
325
00:15:21,241 --> 00:15:24,031
Correct, a car with
the international
326
00:15:24,031 --> 00:15:27,061
registration code
"BG" comes from?
327
00:15:27,061 --> 00:15:29,051
-Bulgaria.
-Correct.
328
00:15:29,051 --> 00:15:33,121
Invented by Marc Chavannes
and Al Fielding in 1957,
329
00:15:33,121 --> 00:15:36,151
-this textured material is--
-Bubble wrap.
330
00:15:36,151 --> 00:15:41,031
Correct, the condition
gynophobia is a--
331
00:15:41,031 --> 00:15:43,091
-Fear of women.
-Correct.
332
00:15:43,091 --> 00:15:45,121
Not something you
suffer from, Tim, I bet.
333
00:15:45,121 --> 00:15:47,241
You know me, Mike.
334
00:15:47,241 --> 00:15:50,111
-George Dem--
-Come on, phew!
335
00:15:50,111 --> 00:15:52,061
He's incredible,
isn't he incredible?
336
00:15:52,061 --> 00:15:54,081
Did you know that he
was a quiz genius?
337
00:15:54,081 --> 00:15:55,181
No.
338
00:15:55,181 --> 00:16:00,091
What is 162.5 kilometers lo--
339
00:16:00,091 --> 00:16:04,031
-Is that the Suez Canal?
-Correct, my word.
340
00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:07,061
Now then, which country
341
00:16:07,061 --> 00:16:10,091
has the highest
population density?
342
00:16:10,091 --> 00:16:13,001
-Monaco.
-It's Monaco.
343
00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:17,121
Correct, who was the youngest
President of the United States?
344
00:16:17,121 --> 00:16:20,161
-That was...
-That was...
345
00:16:20,161 --> 00:16:22,081
(feedback screeching)
346
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:25,111
I'm gonna have to
hurry you, Tim.
347
00:16:25,111 --> 00:16:28,001
-No, it's gone.
-Ah, I'm afraid you lose
348
00:16:28,001 --> 00:16:30,121
five points, it was
Theodore Roosevelt.
349
00:16:30,121 --> 00:16:32,151
Good news, Nick, he
is human after all.
350
00:16:32,151 --> 00:16:34,161
(audience laughing)
351
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:37,061
Now, who can tell me,
what is the common name
352
00:16:37,061 --> 00:16:41,031
-for ascorbic acid?
-Vitamin C!
353
00:16:41,031 --> 00:16:43,131
-Correct.
-Come on.
354
00:16:43,131 --> 00:16:47,001
(applause)
355
00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:52,121
♪
356
00:16:54,061 --> 00:16:56,121
-J. Lo?
-Uh, no.
357
00:16:56,121 --> 00:16:59,121
I'm afraid the correct answer
is of course Angela Merkel.
358
00:16:59,121 --> 00:17:02,091
What, what happened to him?
359
00:17:02,091 --> 00:17:04,111
Don't know.
360
00:17:04,111 --> 00:17:06,131
(buzzer)
361
00:17:06,131 --> 00:17:10,161
-Manchester United?
-Uh, no, the answer is Hamas.
362
00:17:12,111 --> 00:17:15,181
Which mammal can
kneel on all fours?
363
00:17:15,181 --> 00:17:17,181
-Elephant.
-Where's Owen?
364
00:17:17,181 --> 00:17:20,171
I don't know,
what's the matter?
365
00:17:22,061 --> 00:17:26,001
That one is John, Paul,
George, and Ringo.
366
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:29,001
Uh, no, I can offer it across.
367
00:17:29,001 --> 00:17:32,071
-Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
-Ah, hallelujah!
368
00:17:32,071 --> 00:17:35,161
Oh now, that can
mean only one thing.
369
00:17:35,161 --> 00:17:39,061
With the scores
tied at 165 a piece,
370
00:17:39,061 --> 00:17:41,141
we move into sudden death.
371
00:17:41,141 --> 00:17:42,201
Now, please don't go anywhere,
372
00:17:42,201 --> 00:17:45,021
because we'll be
right back after these.
373
00:17:45,021 --> 00:17:50,051
♪
374
00:17:50,051 --> 00:17:52,011
Back in a sec.
375
00:17:52,011 --> 00:18:01,081
♪
376
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:05,051
Chris?
377
00:18:05,051 --> 00:18:08,001
-I want to go home.
-Who did this?
378
00:18:08,001 --> 00:18:09,221
-I did.
-Why?
379
00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:12,201
Because he wants the
other team to win.
380
00:18:12,201 --> 00:18:13,241
What's going on in here?
381
00:18:13,241 --> 00:18:15,111
Philip bet on the
other kid to win.
382
00:18:15,111 --> 00:18:16,241
What?
383
00:18:16,241 --> 00:18:19,181
-Philip, how could you?
-I bet on Marcus to win.
384
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,121
-Don't lie.
-I'm not lying!
385
00:18:21,121 --> 00:18:23,241
Listen, listen, listen.
386
00:18:23,241 --> 00:18:26,071
None of this matters anymore.
387
00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:28,001
I have to get up there
and win this quiz.
388
00:18:28,001 --> 00:18:29,161
He's right.
389
00:18:29,161 --> 00:18:33,121
But before you go, can I just...
390
00:18:33,121 --> 00:18:39,021
♪
391
00:18:39,021 --> 00:18:40,101
That was the Home Secretary.
392
00:18:40,101 --> 00:18:42,121
Something about an
attempted airstrike.
393
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,051
What, what, why wasn't
I told about this?
394
00:18:45,051 --> 00:18:46,121
But I've, I've been trying to--
395
00:18:46,121 --> 00:18:48,241
I don't want to
hear excuses, okay?
396
00:18:48,241 --> 00:18:52,121
Go on, get out, get
out of my sight.
397
00:18:52,121 --> 00:18:54,191
Welcome back, uh,
Tim are you all right?
398
00:18:54,191 --> 00:18:57,181
-Yep.
-What the...
399
00:18:57,181 --> 00:19:00,041
-You look ridiculous.
-I am aware of that, thank you.
400
00:19:00,041 --> 00:19:02,081
So, with the scores
absolutely level,
401
00:19:02,081 --> 00:19:04,191
we move into sudden death.
402
00:19:04,191 --> 00:19:06,221
♪
403
00:19:06,221 --> 00:19:09,051
Now, for a place
in the next round,
404
00:19:09,051 --> 00:19:11,231
who can give me
the chemical formula
405
00:19:11,231 --> 00:19:14,101
for dynamite?
406
00:19:14,101 --> 00:19:21,111
C6H2NO23CH3.
407
00:19:21,111 --> 00:19:27,231
♪
408
00:19:27,231 --> 00:19:29,231
That is correct!
409
00:19:29,231 --> 00:19:34,061
♪
410
00:19:34,061 --> 00:19:37,051
-Get in!
-Excuse me, that isn't right.
411
00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:39,081
Hello?
412
00:19:39,081 --> 00:19:42,131
Shh, shh, hey, wait, wait, wait.
413
00:19:42,131 --> 00:19:44,141
-Hello, that's not right.
-Don't make it worse.
414
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,061
I'm sorry Tim, that's
what I've got on the card.
415
00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:48,051
Yeah, no, but that's wrong.
416
00:19:48,051 --> 00:19:50,191
Um, he gave you
the formula for TNT.
417
00:19:50,191 --> 00:19:55,181
The formula for
dynamite is C3H5NO33.
418
00:19:55,181 --> 00:19:57,121
-Uh...
-Just saying.
419
00:19:57,121 --> 00:20:07,111
♪
420
00:20:07,111 --> 00:20:12,081
Uh, Tim, you are
absolutely right!
421
00:20:12,081 --> 00:20:15,051
Yes, yes!
422
00:20:15,051 --> 00:20:18,111
I'm sorry, Nick, that makes
Tim and Marcus today's winners.
423
00:20:18,111 --> 00:20:22,221
(audience cheering)
424
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,011
High five!
425
00:20:24,011 --> 00:20:26,131
Don't even think
about touching me.
426
00:20:28,111 --> 00:20:31,001
I'm gonna sue every
single one of you.
427
00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:33,121
Shut up, Dad.
428
00:20:33,121 --> 00:20:35,061
I wanna hear you say it.
429
00:20:35,061 --> 00:20:37,131
Do I have to?
430
00:20:37,131 --> 00:20:40,051
Okay, fine, you're the daddy.
431
00:20:40,051 --> 00:20:43,171
(applause)
432
00:20:48,051 --> 00:20:52,121
You ever been to Marrakech?
433
00:20:52,121 --> 00:20:55,181
♪
434
00:20:55,181 --> 00:20:59,181
-You've had a haircut.
-Oh.
435
00:20:59,181 --> 00:21:02,001
Sorry, think I got
a bit carried away.
436
00:21:02,001 --> 00:21:03,171
Forget about it.
437
00:21:03,171 --> 00:21:06,181
You actually looked,
um, not that bad.
438
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:08,121
Well, you too.
439
00:21:08,121 --> 00:21:11,161
(phone ringing)
440
00:21:11,161 --> 00:21:14,141
♪
441
00:21:14,141 --> 00:21:16,181
-You should get that.
-Okay.
442
00:21:16,181 --> 00:21:18,221
♪
443
00:21:18,221 --> 00:21:20,221
Yep, I'll be right in.
444
00:21:20,221 --> 00:21:25,121
♪
445
00:21:25,121 --> 00:21:30,001
Duty calls, sister.
446
00:21:30,001 --> 00:21:32,081
Hello, sitting right here.
447
00:21:32,081 --> 00:21:35,001
Yeah, sorry.
448
00:21:35,001 --> 00:22:06,111
♪
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