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1
00:00:05,970 --> 00:00:07,086
Doug, just admit it.
2
00:00:07,154 --> 00:00:09,289
Carrie, I was not
crying, okay?
3
00:00:09,356 --> 00:00:12,358
Come on, it was a sad
movie, it's okay to cry.
4
00:00:12,427 --> 00:00:15,161
For the last time, I got
nacho sauce in my eye
5
00:00:15,229 --> 00:00:18,364
and yeah, there were tears,
but they were snack-related.
6
00:00:18,433 --> 00:00:22,201
Okay, 'cause I thought I saw
a different side of you
7
00:00:22,269 --> 00:00:24,838
and it, uh, kind
of turned me on.
8
00:00:24,906 --> 00:00:27,173
Oh, me crying
turns you on.
9
00:00:27,241 --> 00:00:28,958
Yes, that's right.
10
00:00:29,026 --> 00:00:30,760
Tell you the truth,
I was actually thinking
11
00:00:30,828 --> 00:00:33,029
of doing the, uh,
birthday thing for you.
12
00:00:33,097 --> 00:00:35,448
Oh, yeah, okay,
the birthday thing.
13
00:00:35,516 --> 00:00:36,683
Yeah, that's right.
14
00:00:36,751 --> 00:00:38,218
But it doesn't really
matter now, does it?
15
00:00:38,285 --> 00:00:41,554
Because you made it clear
that you were not crying.
16
00:00:41,623 --> 00:00:44,992
Wait, Carrie, wait.
17
00:00:45,059 --> 00:00:46,860
I was crying.
18
00:00:46,928 --> 00:00:48,011
Oh, shut up.
19
00:00:48,079 --> 00:00:49,880
No, I was,
I mean...
20
00:00:49,947 --> 00:00:53,950
When the baby penguin, you
know, died, after the parents
21
00:00:54,018 --> 00:00:56,953
tried to save it
through the long winter...
22
00:00:57,021 --> 00:00:58,589
I don't know,
it just got to me.
23
00:00:58,656 --> 00:01:00,090
It did.
24
00:01:00,157 --> 00:01:04,494
You see, I knew
you were crying.
25
00:01:04,562 --> 00:01:06,396
How about the
birthday thing?
26
00:01:06,464 --> 00:01:08,198
Yeah, right.
27
00:01:44,417 --> 00:01:46,768
Thank you guys so much
for having us over.
28
00:01:46,836 --> 00:01:47,869
This is great.
29
00:01:47,938 --> 00:01:50,105
Yeah, you two
freaks can cook.
30
00:01:50,173 --> 00:01:52,340
Well, I figured it
was time to reciprocate.
31
00:01:52,408 --> 00:01:53,943
You guys have us
over all the time.
32
00:01:54,010 --> 00:01:55,711
We actually don't
have you over.
33
00:01:55,779 --> 00:01:57,245
You just come.
34
00:01:59,048 --> 00:02:02,151
Sometimes when
we're not there.
35
00:02:02,219 --> 00:02:04,320
We found stuff.
36
00:02:07,758 --> 00:02:11,326
Well, uh, tonight is
a very special occasion.
37
00:02:11,394 --> 00:02:12,427
It is?
38
00:02:12,495 --> 00:02:13,629
Yeah.
39
00:02:13,696 --> 00:02:17,332
This is may 15th,
the 2 year anniversary
40
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,569
of when we moved
in together.
41
00:02:20,637 --> 00:02:24,306
Somebody's gettin'
lucky tonight.
42
00:02:24,373 --> 00:02:26,475
Actually, I am.
43
00:02:26,542 --> 00:02:29,094
I was kidding.
44
00:02:29,161 --> 00:02:33,332
No, we made a deal,
I get the big bedroom.
45
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,083
Remember?
46
00:02:37,586 --> 00:02:39,788
If after two years
we're too poor to move
47
00:02:39,856 --> 00:02:42,191
and still have
no girlfriends,
48
00:02:42,258 --> 00:02:43,792
the big bedroom
reverts to Spence.
49
00:02:43,860 --> 00:02:48,130
Well, we're still poor
and we're still single.
50
00:02:48,198 --> 00:02:49,481
Yeah, well,
you know what?
51
00:02:49,549 --> 00:02:50,782
I'm not moving into
that mop closet.
52
00:02:50,850 --> 00:02:52,183
No, I have it
in writing.
53
00:02:52,252 --> 00:02:55,220
Oh yeah, oh, okay,
well, now you don't.
54
00:02:55,288 --> 00:02:57,006
That napkin is binding.
55
00:02:57,073 --> 00:02:58,724
Yeah, well then
don't eat it.
56
00:02:58,792 --> 00:03:00,626
Hey, you are moving
your stuff out of my room.
57
00:03:00,694 --> 00:03:01,727
No, I'm not.
58
00:03:01,795 --> 00:03:02,962
Okay, you know what,
this is so typical.
59
00:03:03,029 --> 00:03:06,331
You never give back money
when I loan it to you.
60
00:03:06,399 --> 00:03:07,466
You never clean up after
yourself and now this?
61
00:03:07,533 --> 00:03:08,467
I'm tired of it.
62
00:03:08,534 --> 00:03:09,668
You know what I'm tired of?
63
00:03:09,736 --> 00:03:12,471
Your big fat head.
64
00:03:12,538 --> 00:03:14,406
Yeah, well, I'm tired
of your head.
65
00:03:14,474 --> 00:03:15,791
Happy anniversary.
66
00:03:15,859 --> 00:03:17,592
Happy anniversary to you.
67
00:03:21,648 --> 00:03:25,383
That ice cream cake we
brought needs to sit out.
68
00:03:33,476 --> 00:03:34,809
Oh my God.
69
00:03:34,877 --> 00:03:36,578
Dad, are you okay?
What happened?
70
00:03:36,646 --> 00:03:38,714
He's okay, he just
inhaled a little smoke.
71
00:03:38,781 --> 00:03:39,998
Smoke from what?
72
00:03:40,065 --> 00:03:41,366
There was a small fire
in the basement.
73
00:03:41,434 --> 00:03:42,835
But thank God
nobody got hurt.
74
00:03:42,902 --> 00:03:45,838
For what it's worth, I'd
say it's not a great idea
75
00:03:45,905 --> 00:03:48,340
to have him making bacon next
to an open can of gasoline.
76
00:03:50,109 --> 00:03:52,043
I told you not
to cook down there.
77
00:03:52,111 --> 00:03:53,211
You banned me
from the kitchen!
78
00:03:53,279 --> 00:03:55,097
Okay, I swear,
I'm gonna kill...
79
00:03:55,164 --> 00:03:56,298
You know everybody, you
might want to look away
80
00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:57,600
because I am going
to kill him!
81
00:03:57,667 --> 00:03:58,617
Honey.
82
00:03:58,768 --> 00:04:00,102
No, I'm sick of it,
Carrie, I'm sick of him.
83
00:04:00,169 --> 00:04:02,370
Doug, take it easy,
he's been through a lot.
84
00:04:02,438 --> 00:04:03,589
Okay, Lou, please
stay out of this.
85
00:04:03,657 --> 00:04:06,958
You would not want
to see me when I'm angry.
86
00:04:12,898 --> 00:04:14,766
So my dad's gonna
sleep in the office.
87
00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:15,967
The basement is
kind of flooded.
88
00:04:16,035 --> 00:04:17,886
Yeah, I know, I was
thinking we could turn
89
00:04:17,954 --> 00:04:19,921
it into
a wet-and-wild.
90
00:04:21,474 --> 00:04:23,041
Doug, look, I know
you're a little upset.
91
00:04:23,109 --> 00:04:24,742
A little upset, Carrie, we
could have lost everything
92
00:04:24,810 --> 00:04:25,743
down there, everything!
93
00:04:25,811 --> 00:04:26,845
Doug, listen to me.
94
00:04:26,912 --> 00:04:28,797
No, okay, my baseball
card collection,
95
00:04:28,864 --> 00:04:31,599
my cd's,
my ab roller.
96
00:04:33,536 --> 00:04:35,470
Doug, just shut up and listen
to me one second, okay?
97
00:04:35,538 --> 00:04:37,105
What?
98
00:04:37,173 --> 00:04:39,324
Look, I've been thinking
about this a lot and
99
00:04:39,392 --> 00:04:41,693
I think it's time to do
something about my dad.
100
00:04:42,962 --> 00:04:46,431
You want to do the pillow
thing we saw on law and order?
101
00:04:47,617 --> 00:04:50,118
No.
102
00:04:50,186 --> 00:04:51,787
I'm thinking that
maybe we should...
103
00:04:51,855 --> 00:04:54,456
Find someplace else
for him to live.
104
00:04:54,523 --> 00:04:56,241
Are you serious?
105
00:04:56,308 --> 00:04:58,643
For the last 8 years, every
time he does something stupid
106
00:04:58,711 --> 00:05:00,211
like steals money
out of your wallet
107
00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:02,514
or throws the remote
control across the room
108
00:05:02,582 --> 00:05:05,584
because he said Matt lauer
stole his haircut,
109
00:05:05,651 --> 00:05:08,253
I've always defended him,
but it's not fair to you.
110
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:09,388
It's not fair to us.
111
00:05:09,455 --> 00:05:10,756
It isn't fair to us.
112
00:05:10,823 --> 00:05:12,758
So, what do you
want to do?
113
00:05:12,825 --> 00:05:15,059
Well, I think tomorrow
maybe we should start
114
00:05:15,127 --> 00:05:17,596
looking at some
retirement homes for him.
115
00:05:17,663 --> 00:05:20,165
Or, how about
right now.
116
00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:22,000
Now look, we got one
over here in red meadows.
117
00:05:22,035 --> 00:05:23,835
You know what, no
bells and whistles
118
00:05:23,903 --> 00:05:24,836
but it really
gets the job done.
119
00:05:24,904 --> 00:05:26,237
Come, sit, sit, sit.
120
00:05:27,924 --> 00:05:29,007
Now, this one here
is my favorite,
121
00:05:29,075 --> 00:05:31,243
not to far away, it's pretty
much in our price range
122
00:05:31,310 --> 00:05:32,378
and I'm tellin' you,
he's gonna like it.
123
00:05:32,445 --> 00:05:34,713
Oh my God, my
hands are shaking.
124
00:05:39,218 --> 00:05:42,788
Doug, I don't know, the rooms
look so small and depressing.
125
00:05:42,856 --> 00:05:45,924
You know what, you'll
never see it again.
126
00:05:45,992 --> 00:05:46,809
Look, I didn't want
to have to go expensive
127
00:05:46,876 --> 00:05:49,178
but if we gotta do it,
that's what we gotta do.
128
00:05:49,245 --> 00:05:50,645
Here we go,
not a problem.
129
00:05:50,713 --> 00:05:52,614
Hey, look how nice this one
is here, huh, look at them.
130
00:05:52,682 --> 00:05:54,382
Look at them in the pool,
they gotta pool, look at
131
00:05:54,450 --> 00:05:58,453
the old people,
they're aqua-dancing.
132
00:06:15,588 --> 00:06:17,839
Hey, man.
133
00:06:17,907 --> 00:06:19,875
All right, very funny,
where's all my stuff?
134
00:06:19,942 --> 00:06:23,028
Uh, I moved it
into your room.
135
00:06:23,096 --> 00:06:25,280
This is my room.
136
00:06:25,348 --> 00:06:26,965
I don't think so, unless,
uh, this is your
137
00:06:27,032 --> 00:06:32,036
warriors of grun poster,
starring one Tony danza.
138
00:06:33,356 --> 00:06:34,990
Okay, what do you
think, I'm an idiot?
139
00:06:35,058 --> 00:06:36,825
I'll just move
everything back.
140
00:06:36,893 --> 00:06:39,027
Let me get out
of your way.
141
00:06:52,842 --> 00:06:54,142
You bolted
everything down.
142
00:06:54,210 --> 00:06:56,861
Yeah, and one of my things
has an electric current
143
00:06:56,929 --> 00:07:00,599
running through it, I'll let
you find that for yourself.
144
00:07:05,154 --> 00:07:07,555
Flat screen will
go right there, right?
145
00:07:07,623 --> 00:07:09,858
Air hockey table over here
with, like, a hot dog cart.
146
00:07:09,926 --> 00:07:11,359
And how about this,
I'm just thinkin',
147
00:07:11,427 --> 00:07:15,580
one of those chairs that takes
me up and down the stairs, huh?
148
00:07:15,648 --> 00:07:18,916
Fun now,
necessary later.
149
00:07:18,984 --> 00:07:21,352
So does Arthur know
he's getting the boot yet?
150
00:07:21,420 --> 00:07:24,172
Yeah, we broke it to him
last night at sizzler.
151
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:25,356
How'd it go?
152
00:07:25,424 --> 00:07:26,508
Not as well
as we thought.
153
00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:28,910
He held his breath a couple
minutes and he bit a waiter.
154
00:07:28,978 --> 00:07:33,332
Okay, well anyway, is
anything valuable in here?
155
00:07:33,399 --> 00:07:35,167
It's all soaked.
156
00:07:35,235 --> 00:07:36,601
I don't know, why don't
you just open it up.
157
00:07:36,669 --> 00:07:38,436
Man.
158
00:07:45,945 --> 00:07:47,779
What the hell
is this stuff?
159
00:07:47,847 --> 00:07:49,648
It's playbills.
160
00:07:49,716 --> 00:07:51,049
Fiddler on the roof?
161
00:07:51,117 --> 00:07:52,717
The iceman cometh?
162
00:07:52,785 --> 00:07:55,303
Is that Arthur?
163
00:07:55,371 --> 00:07:56,504
Yeah, looks like him.
164
00:07:56,572 --> 00:07:58,640
Hey, I didn't know
he was an actor.
165
00:07:58,707 --> 00:08:00,108
Neither did I.
166
00:08:00,176 --> 00:08:03,595
Well, we had a bomb scare
in the Bronx yesterday.
167
00:08:03,663 --> 00:08:05,564
But it turned out
to be a cantaloupe.
168
00:08:07,233 --> 00:08:12,237
Requesting permission
to have a glass of water.
169
00:08:12,305 --> 00:08:14,939
Arthur, you don't need to ask
permission about everything.
170
00:08:15,007 --> 00:08:16,658
Of course I do, I'm
a guest in your house.
171
00:08:16,726 --> 00:08:19,728
At least until you throw
me out into the street.
172
00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:22,580
Hey, what is this stuff?
173
00:08:22,648 --> 00:08:23,981
Where did you
get that?
174
00:08:24,049 --> 00:08:24,949
Down in the basement.
175
00:08:25,017 --> 00:08:27,752
Yes, locked up
in my trunk.
176
00:08:27,820 --> 00:08:29,954
How dare you go through
my private things!
177
00:08:30,022 --> 00:08:31,623
You go through my
stuff all the time.
178
00:08:31,690 --> 00:08:33,291
That is a lie!
179
00:08:33,358 --> 00:08:35,526
Arthur, yesterday I caught
you eating my chap stick.
180
00:08:39,531 --> 00:08:41,299
Now what is this?
181
00:08:41,366 --> 00:08:44,535
Look, you were in TV
shows and in Broadway plays.
182
00:08:44,603 --> 00:08:47,038
You got pay stubs here for,
like, thousands of dollars.
183
00:08:47,106 --> 00:08:48,873
What's going on?
184
00:08:48,941 --> 00:08:51,243
It was always my
dream to be an actor.
185
00:08:51,311 --> 00:08:52,877
I was a natural.
186
00:08:52,946 --> 00:08:54,179
In fact, I was
often compared
187
00:08:54,247 --> 00:08:57,682
to a younger, shorter
Fred mcmurray.
188
00:08:59,985 --> 00:09:01,720
What happened, why is
there a stubby Fred mcmurray
189
00:09:01,787 --> 00:09:03,421
living in my basement?
190
00:09:03,489 --> 00:09:09,043
The sixties happened,
it was a time of free love.
191
00:09:09,111 --> 00:09:13,715
One evening, I met
a gorgeous young dancer.
192
00:09:13,782 --> 00:09:15,483
We had a wild
night, Douglas.
193
00:09:15,551 --> 00:09:19,554
In the bed, in the shower,
we destroyed a beanbag chair.
194
00:09:22,091 --> 00:09:25,260
Back to the acting.
195
00:09:25,327 --> 00:09:30,232
Anyway, nine
months later...
196
00:09:30,299 --> 00:09:33,602
Carrie was born.
197
00:09:33,669 --> 00:09:35,537
I never acted again.
198
00:09:35,605 --> 00:09:36,838
Why not?
199
00:09:36,906 --> 00:09:39,241
Because in the performing arts
you never know when you're
200
00:09:39,308 --> 00:09:42,177
working, where
you're working.
201
00:09:42,245 --> 00:09:43,945
That's no way
to raise a child.
202
00:09:44,013 --> 00:09:45,180
So you just...
203
00:09:45,248 --> 00:09:48,300
You stopped, I mean you
just gave up your dream?
204
00:09:48,367 --> 00:09:49,667
All for Carrie?
205
00:09:49,735 --> 00:09:55,023
Yes, I decided to become
a 9-to-5 Charlie
206
00:09:55,091 --> 00:09:58,026
and give her the stable
life she deserved.
207
00:09:58,094 --> 00:10:01,445
But you've never held
a job for more than a month.
208
00:10:03,082 --> 00:10:05,884
I didn't say
it worked out.
209
00:10:07,086 --> 00:10:08,220
I'm home.
210
00:10:08,287 --> 00:10:09,388
Does she know
about this?
211
00:10:09,455 --> 00:10:12,224
No, and promise me
she never will.
212
00:10:26,505 --> 00:10:28,139
Hey, buddy.
213
00:10:28,206 --> 00:10:29,906
Yeah, this
is real mature.
214
00:10:29,974 --> 00:10:32,275
Yeah, well, I'm not the one
who bolted my pottery wheel
215
00:10:32,343 --> 00:10:33,343
to the floor.
216
00:10:33,411 --> 00:10:35,263
You know what,
I'm not leaving.
217
00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:38,432
In fact...
218
00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:41,769
I'm never leaving.
219
00:10:41,836 --> 00:10:43,771
Well, neither
am I, and f.Y.I.,
220
00:10:43,838 --> 00:10:47,741
I have 9 sick days and
I'm not afraid to use 'em.
221
00:10:47,809 --> 00:10:50,361
I'll quit my job.
222
00:10:50,429 --> 00:10:53,664
I'm about to be replaced by
a Metro card machine anyway.
223
00:10:59,771 --> 00:11:00,821
Hey!
224
00:11:00,889 --> 00:11:04,125
There's the man
I love.
225
00:11:04,192 --> 00:11:05,926
Whoa, I guess somebody
hit Margarita madness
226
00:11:05,994 --> 00:11:07,828
on the way home, huh?
227
00:11:07,896 --> 00:11:09,847
No, but I did
hit happy hour
228
00:11:09,914 --> 00:11:13,016
at the north shore
retirement village.
229
00:11:13,084 --> 00:11:14,768
Whoa, sounds rockin',
how was it?
230
00:11:14,836 --> 00:11:16,220
Oh my God, Doug,
he's gonna love it.
231
00:11:16,287 --> 00:11:17,655
I mean, they have ping-pong,
crafts, and every Friday
232
00:11:17,723 --> 00:11:20,524
is make your own
sundae and movie night.
233
00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:21,475
Maybe we should
move in there and
234
00:11:21,543 --> 00:11:22,643
give him the house.
235
00:11:22,710 --> 00:11:23,777
I know, right?
236
00:11:23,845 --> 00:11:25,346
Anyway, I filled
out the paperwork.
237
00:11:25,414 --> 00:11:27,215
He has orientation
on Saturday, he moves
238
00:11:27,282 --> 00:11:30,417
in on Sunday and then you
got your basement back.
239
00:11:30,485 --> 00:11:32,904
Yeah, I'm gonna throw
something out at you.
240
00:11:32,971 --> 00:11:35,739
Little bit
of a curveball.
241
00:11:35,807 --> 00:11:36,891
What are you
talking about?
242
00:11:36,958 --> 00:11:40,060
I see you got
your game face on.
243
00:11:40,128 --> 00:11:42,179
You're taking
your lemons
244
00:11:42,247 --> 00:11:44,665
and you're trying
to making lemonade.
245
00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:48,051
But you don't
have to, Carrie.
246
00:11:48,119 --> 00:11:50,387
Look, you're my wife and
I know he's your dad.
247
00:11:50,455 --> 00:11:52,173
If you want him
here, he can stay.
248
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,809
Now come on,
bring it in.
249
00:11:57,145 --> 00:11:58,679
Ow!
250
00:11:58,746 --> 00:12:00,514
What are you
doin' to me here?
251
00:12:00,581 --> 00:12:02,183
What are you
talking about?
252
00:12:02,250 --> 00:12:03,500
This has been the hardest
decision for me to make, Doug.
253
00:12:03,568 --> 00:12:05,402
I finally convinced
myself that putting
254
00:12:05,470 --> 00:12:08,305
my dad in a retirement home was
the best thing for everybody.
255
00:12:08,372 --> 00:12:11,274
Now your sittin' here
talking about lemonade?
256
00:12:11,342 --> 00:12:13,694
I'm just saying I realized
that, you know what,
257
00:12:13,762 --> 00:12:16,030
I don't mind
having him around.
258
00:12:16,097 --> 00:12:17,765
Oh, really you
don't mind it?
259
00:12:17,832 --> 00:12:20,501
You were swinging a rake
at him the other day.
260
00:12:20,569 --> 00:12:21,919
That's how
we play, okay?
261
00:12:21,987 --> 00:12:23,804
Oh, come on.
262
00:12:23,872 --> 00:12:26,606
I'm just saying, Carrie,
he's not such a bad guy.
263
00:12:26,674 --> 00:12:29,844
And I just, I got a feeling
he's done some pretty nice
264
00:12:29,911 --> 00:12:31,145
things in his
life for you.
265
00:12:31,213 --> 00:12:33,548
Oh, really?
Name one.
266
00:12:37,268 --> 00:12:39,336
That's what
I thought.
267
00:12:51,849 --> 00:12:54,918
Arthur, what are
you still doing up?
268
00:12:54,986 --> 00:12:57,087
Uh, I couldn't sleep.
269
00:12:57,239 --> 00:13:01,074
Can I interest you in
some of your scotch?
270
00:13:02,611 --> 00:13:05,846
Listen, I want to tell
Carrie about the acting thing.
271
00:13:05,914 --> 00:13:06,980
Absolutely not.
272
00:13:07,048 --> 00:13:09,500
Listen, I think if she
knows about it, you know,
273
00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:13,670
she may change her mind
and you could... stay here.
274
00:13:13,738 --> 00:13:17,758
So you're saying
you want me here?
275
00:13:17,825 --> 00:13:22,029
No, I don't want
you here, no.
276
00:13:22,097 --> 00:13:25,999
I'm used to the noise,
you know, so, uh,
277
00:13:26,067 --> 00:13:27,435
can I tell Carrie?
278
00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:29,970
Douglas, I've done a
lot of things in my life
279
00:13:30,038 --> 00:13:31,839
I'm not proud of.
280
00:13:31,907 --> 00:13:34,608
I've written thousands
of bogus checks.
281
00:13:34,676 --> 00:13:38,078
I started forest fires.
282
00:13:38,146 --> 00:13:40,280
I sucker punched
a lady cop.
283
00:13:42,717 --> 00:13:44,085
But the one good thing
I've done in my life
284
00:13:44,152 --> 00:13:49,056
is to not let her
know about this.
285
00:13:49,124 --> 00:13:51,391
And when I get to those
pearly gates that's all I got.
286
00:13:52,911 --> 00:13:56,146
I'm just saying, look,
I'm gonna take out a loan.
287
00:13:56,214 --> 00:13:58,148
And I'm gonna turn that
basement into my media room.
288
00:13:58,216 --> 00:14:01,218
So I'm just sayin', look,
this is your last chance.
289
00:14:01,285 --> 00:14:06,190
Douglas, pull the trigger
on that media room.
290
00:14:06,257 --> 00:14:08,259
You sure that's
what you want?
291
00:14:08,326 --> 00:14:13,396
What I want is that you and
Carrie have a wonderful life
292
00:14:13,464 --> 00:14:15,099
because you deserve it.
293
00:14:17,335 --> 00:14:20,337
Thanks, Arthur.
294
00:14:20,405 --> 00:14:21,605
You know what?
295
00:14:21,673 --> 00:14:23,240
I don't think you're
gonna have any trouble
296
00:14:23,308 --> 00:14:24,975
getting into
those pearly gates.
297
00:14:25,043 --> 00:14:27,745
Thank you, Douglas.
298
00:14:27,812 --> 00:14:29,446
Want to see me
in a prell commercial?
299
00:14:29,514 --> 00:14:31,815
Let her rip.
300
00:14:36,421 --> 00:14:38,989
And this
is our rec room,
301
00:14:39,056 --> 00:14:41,525
where the residents have
a full range of activities.
302
00:14:41,593 --> 00:14:44,127
They've got cards,
and board games
303
00:14:44,195 --> 00:14:45,562
and penny bingo.
304
00:14:45,630 --> 00:14:47,431
Oh, that sounds
like fun, right, dad?
305
00:14:47,499 --> 00:14:48,732
Uh-huh.
306
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,636
Now, why don't I show you
the rooms that are available.
307
00:15:13,024 --> 00:15:14,742
Dad, come on.
308
00:15:29,407 --> 00:15:31,775
What are you doing?
309
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:33,310
Ah, listening to music.
310
00:15:33,378 --> 00:15:37,030
Can you turn it down?
I'm trying to sleep.
311
00:15:37,098 --> 00:15:38,415
Yeah, well, this whole thing
could have been over with
312
00:15:38,483 --> 00:15:40,784
if you just moved all your
crap back to where it belonged.
313
00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:41,718
No way.
314
00:15:41,870 --> 00:15:43,937
Now come on, I gotta
get up early for work.
315
00:15:44,005 --> 00:15:47,074
That's if I was going.
316
00:15:47,141 --> 00:15:49,143
Fine, you big baby.
317
00:15:58,169 --> 00:15:59,903
What's all this junk
all over the ceiling?
318
00:15:59,971 --> 00:16:02,272
Duh, it's
the universe, genius.
319
00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:05,842
Those are glow
in the dark stickers.
320
00:16:07,712 --> 00:16:09,713
I know, I know.
321
00:16:09,780 --> 00:16:12,599
And that's the big dipper
right over there.
322
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,768
No, that's
orion's belt.
323
00:16:14,836 --> 00:16:17,971
Have you ever been
to a planetarium?
324
00:16:18,039 --> 00:16:19,874
The big dipper's
way over there.
325
00:16:19,941 --> 00:16:21,442
What, that thing?
326
00:16:21,510 --> 00:16:22,976
No, that's cassiopeia.
327
00:16:23,044 --> 00:16:26,380
The big dipper's right
there, see the handle?
328
00:16:26,397 --> 00:16:27,882
Oh, yeah.
329
00:16:29,083 --> 00:16:31,351
Wow, you sure know
a lot about this stuff.
330
00:16:31,420 --> 00:16:32,820
Hey, when you're
in the 10th grade
331
00:16:32,888 --> 00:16:35,989
and you're 4'10"
and still hairless,
332
00:16:36,057 --> 00:16:40,160
this is...
333
00:16:40,228 --> 00:16:44,131
This is something to
do on a Friday night.
334
00:16:46,984 --> 00:16:50,254
So I want the projection TV
with the 6-foot screen
335
00:16:50,321 --> 00:16:52,389
and the, uh, deluxe
surround sound.
336
00:16:52,457 --> 00:16:54,724
What size speakers
were you thinking?
337
00:16:54,792 --> 00:16:55,675
Let's put it this way.
338
00:16:55,743 --> 00:16:57,677
I don't want the sound
just to surround me,
339
00:16:57,745 --> 00:16:59,413
I want it in me.
340
00:17:00,548 --> 00:17:03,016
I'll put you down
for the bronco package.
341
00:17:03,084 --> 00:17:05,769
All right, bronco.
342
00:17:09,407 --> 00:17:11,191
Hey, art attack.
343
00:17:11,258 --> 00:17:13,927
Douglas, can we
talk for a sec?
344
00:17:13,995 --> 00:17:14,928
Yeah.
345
00:17:14,996 --> 00:17:16,497
Remember how you
wanted to tell Carrie
346
00:17:16,564 --> 00:17:18,198
about my giving up
my dream for her?
347
00:17:18,265 --> 00:17:19,766
Yeah.
348
00:17:19,834 --> 00:17:21,669
Well, you can pull
the trigger on that.
349
00:17:21,736 --> 00:17:23,103
What?
350
00:17:23,171 --> 00:17:26,039
Yeah, that retirement home
is death, I don't want to go.
351
00:17:26,107 --> 00:17:27,607
But, Arthur,
it's too late.
352
00:17:27,759 --> 00:17:30,394
You already told me to pull
the trigger on the media room.
353
00:17:30,462 --> 00:17:32,112
I'm changing my mind.
354
00:17:32,180 --> 00:17:33,647
But you said it was
the one good thing
355
00:17:33,714 --> 00:17:35,449
you did in your life,
and it was gonna get you
356
00:17:35,517 --> 00:17:36,850
through the pearly gates.
357
00:17:36,917 --> 00:17:38,419
Let's not kid ourselves,
I'm going to hell
358
00:17:38,486 --> 00:17:40,187
and you know it!
359
00:17:41,389 --> 00:17:42,456
Now pull the trigger.
360
00:17:42,524 --> 00:17:44,458
Arthur, you are
making me crazy.
361
00:17:44,526 --> 00:17:46,293
These last few days,
you're going, you're staying.
362
00:17:46,361 --> 00:17:47,794
Let me tell
you something.
363
00:17:47,863 --> 00:17:49,596
Carrie is fine with you goin',
I'm fine with you goin'.
364
00:17:49,664 --> 00:17:51,899
So you better get fine
with it, you got it?
365
00:17:54,718 --> 00:17:57,037
So we'll put
a pin in it?
366
00:18:01,058 --> 00:18:02,009
All right, Doug,
we're leaving.
367
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,961
Okay.
368
00:18:05,029 --> 00:18:07,180
All right, I'm gonna
pull the car around.
369
00:18:07,248 --> 00:18:08,415
You guys say your
goodbyes, okay?
370
00:18:15,423 --> 00:18:18,741
Well, uh,
good luck, Arthur.
371
00:18:18,809 --> 00:18:20,460
Thank you.
372
00:18:20,528 --> 00:18:22,429
And what can
I say, except...
373
00:18:22,497 --> 00:18:24,931
I hope you die,
you fat pig.
374
00:18:36,527 --> 00:18:38,178
And to this day...
375
00:18:38,245 --> 00:18:41,615
My dad still hasn't forgiven
me for quitting the saxophone.
376
00:18:41,683 --> 00:18:43,884
I mean, he couldn't
grasp the fact that
377
00:18:43,952 --> 00:18:46,386
I had asthma and that
every time I played a song
378
00:18:46,454 --> 00:18:49,355
I put my life
on the line.
379
00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,443
Well, at least your
dad stuck around.
380
00:18:53,511 --> 00:18:55,578
I mean, I've always
wondered, like,
381
00:18:55,647 --> 00:18:58,682
if I'd been taller
or better at sports,
382
00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:00,350
maybe he would
have stayed.
383
00:19:00,417 --> 00:19:04,004
Hey, do not blame
yourself, he left you.
384
00:19:04,072 --> 00:19:05,889
Yeah, you're right.
385
00:19:07,225 --> 00:19:09,759
Oh my God, the sun's
coming up.
386
00:19:09,827 --> 00:19:12,829
Wow, we've been
talkin' all night.
387
00:19:17,168 --> 00:19:18,268
Hey, you know what?
388
00:19:18,336 --> 00:19:20,103
You can have this room.
389
00:19:20,889 --> 00:19:22,172
Really?
390
00:19:22,239 --> 00:19:23,239
Yep.
391
00:19:23,307 --> 00:19:24,675
I made a promise
to you on that napkin
392
00:19:24,742 --> 00:19:25,976
and I'm gonna
stick to it.
393
00:19:26,044 --> 00:19:27,828
I'm not going to be
like your father.
394
00:19:27,895 --> 00:19:29,863
Hey, wait
wait wait.
395
00:19:29,931 --> 00:19:31,765
Maybe you don't
have to move out.
396
00:19:32,767 --> 00:19:33,667
What do you mean?
397
00:19:33,735 --> 00:19:34,934
If we shared
a vanity we could
398
00:19:35,002 --> 00:19:37,904
fit all our
stuff in here.
399
00:19:39,173 --> 00:19:40,574
Really?
400
00:19:40,642 --> 00:19:42,743
Yeah, and we could
turn the other bedroom
401
00:19:42,810 --> 00:19:43,877
into a sitting room.
402
00:19:43,945 --> 00:19:45,061
I like sitting.
403
00:19:45,129 --> 00:19:46,513
Yeah, and you know
what, we could put
404
00:19:46,581 --> 00:19:47,881
a fold-out couch
in there so if one
405
00:19:47,949 --> 00:19:48,983
of us has
a girl over
406
00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:50,918
the other guy has
a place to crash.
407
00:19:50,986 --> 00:19:56,089
Yeah, might get more use
out of a foosball table, but...
408
00:19:56,508 --> 00:19:58,892
Yeah, you're right.
409
00:20:02,731 --> 00:20:04,498
Hey, honey,
I'm down here!
410
00:20:04,565 --> 00:20:09,302
Hey, I have a great
night set up for us.
411
00:20:09,370 --> 00:20:12,873
I have your favorite movies,
porky's, and pork rinds.
412
00:20:12,941 --> 00:20:15,475
Huh, just you and
me in our house.
413
00:20:15,543 --> 00:20:17,511
Honey, I gotta tell you,
the room looks great.
414
00:20:17,578 --> 00:20:19,813
I mean, I really didn't think
all this stuff was gonna work
415
00:20:19,881 --> 00:20:21,348
like this carpet, the
black and burgundy thing.
416
00:20:21,415 --> 00:20:24,050
A little Danny terrio
but it does work in here.
417
00:20:24,118 --> 00:20:25,569
And that jets
helmet is...
418
00:20:29,374 --> 00:20:31,341
I can't do
this, Doug.
419
00:20:31,409 --> 00:20:33,427
I'm sorry,
I tried, but I...
420
00:20:33,494 --> 00:20:34,661
I want him back.
421
00:20:34,729 --> 00:20:36,863
Please.
422
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:39,415
I promise, I will wash
him, I will feed him.
423
00:20:39,483 --> 00:20:42,919
You won't even know that
he's here, I prom-
424
00:20:46,590 --> 00:20:48,258
dad.
425
00:20:48,326 --> 00:20:49,259
There she is!
426
00:20:49,327 --> 00:20:50,961
Hi, welcome back.
427
00:20:51,028 --> 00:20:53,430
Oh, I'm so glad
you're back.
428
00:20:53,498 --> 00:20:56,216
Thank you, it's
good being back.
429
00:20:56,283 --> 00:21:00,888
Although I'm not loving
the color scheme.
430
00:21:15,202 --> 00:21:18,104
This bronco
package is marvelous!
31316
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