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1
00:00:07,439 --> 00:00:09,205
Carrie, I need you!
2
00:00:09,273 --> 00:00:11,442
I'm working, dad!
3
00:00:11,509 --> 00:00:13,777
My fish sticks
are burning.
4
00:00:13,845 --> 00:00:16,279
So take them out
of the oven.
5
00:00:16,347 --> 00:00:17,781
You said I wasn't
allowed near the oven.
6
00:00:17,849 --> 00:00:19,983
Make up your mind,
mussolini!
7
00:00:20,051 --> 00:00:23,587
It's ok, dad.
8
00:00:23,655 --> 00:00:25,456
Where do you hide
the oven mitts?
9
00:00:25,523 --> 00:00:30,026
I hide them on a hook
over the oven.
10
00:00:30,094 --> 00:00:32,262
All I see
are pink puppets.
11
00:00:32,330 --> 00:00:35,365
Those are
the oven mitts!
12
00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:37,233
They're both lefties!
13
00:00:41,205 --> 00:00:43,474
Have you been sitting there
this whole time?
14
00:00:43,541 --> 00:00:45,676
Uh, yeah.
15
00:00:45,743 --> 00:00:48,946
Could you go in there and
please take care of this?
16
00:00:58,155 --> 00:00:59,089
Hey!
17
00:00:59,156 --> 00:01:00,958
Hey, hey!
Those are mine!
18
00:01:02,594 --> 00:01:04,327
It's all taken care of.
19
00:01:04,395 --> 00:01:05,996
Thanks, baby.
20
00:01:46,536 --> 00:01:47,469
Hey, Arthur.
21
00:01:47,537 --> 00:01:49,538
Ah, you're just
in time to join me
22
00:01:49,605 --> 00:01:51,674
in a bowl
of fiber 4,000.
23
00:01:51,741 --> 00:01:55,443
This stuff really shows
your colon who's boss.
24
00:01:55,511 --> 00:01:59,147
Um, not sure
women have colons.
25
00:01:59,215 --> 00:02:01,316
You don't know
what you're missing.
26
00:02:01,384 --> 00:02:02,551
Listen, Arthur,
27
00:02:02,619 --> 00:02:04,653
I need to talk to you
about something,
28
00:02:04,721 --> 00:02:06,088
I'm afraid I'm not
going to be able
29
00:02:06,155 --> 00:02:08,490
to walk you anymore.
What?
30
00:02:08,558 --> 00:02:10,926
I met a guy and he wants me
to move to Manhattan.
31
00:02:10,994 --> 00:02:13,796
And so the dollar
dance begins.
32
00:02:13,863 --> 00:02:16,965
Let's skip the fairy tale
and get to the real story.
33
00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:18,600
You want a raise.
34
00:02:18,668 --> 00:02:20,435
No, no, no.
I'm quitting,
35
00:02:20,503 --> 00:02:23,271
and I was kind of hoping
you'd give me your blessing.
36
00:02:23,339 --> 00:02:24,673
Hi, carr.
Oh, hey.
37
00:02:24,741 --> 00:02:28,444
Darling, you're just in time.
Holly has some "big news."
38
00:02:28,511 --> 00:02:33,215
She's "moving" to "Manhattan"
with her "boyfriend."
39
00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:36,819
Needless to say,
I'm "devastated."
40
00:02:38,487 --> 00:02:40,055
Hmm.
41
00:02:40,123 --> 00:02:41,790
What's going on?
42
00:02:41,858 --> 00:02:44,893
Well, I met a guy.
I mean, he's great.
43
00:02:44,961 --> 00:02:47,930
He's sweet and funny
and, boy,
44
00:02:47,998 --> 00:02:50,265
when the lights go out,
we just-
45
00:02:50,333 --> 00:02:53,769
whoa, easy there, girl.
46
00:02:53,837 --> 00:02:56,037
So, who is this guy?
How'd you meet him?
47
00:02:56,105 --> 00:02:58,574
Well, um... we met.
48
00:02:58,641 --> 00:03:01,210
We just met!
He's amazing!
49
00:03:01,277 --> 00:03:03,979
Well, that answers that.
50
00:03:04,047 --> 00:03:05,547
Yeah, and he says
we're gonna stay
51
00:03:05,615 --> 00:03:07,082
in a penthouse
in Manhattan,
52
00:03:07,150 --> 00:03:08,117
and he can afford it
53
00:03:08,184 --> 00:03:09,985
'cause he owns
his own limo company.
54
00:03:10,052 --> 00:03:11,953
Riiiight.
55
00:03:12,021 --> 00:03:13,455
What is it?
56
00:03:13,523 --> 00:03:15,424
Nothing. It's just not the
first time you've walked in here
57
00:03:15,492 --> 00:03:17,759
all excited about
some amazing guy you met,
58
00:03:17,827 --> 00:03:20,862
and, well, it just hasn't
worked out that way.
59
00:03:20,930 --> 00:03:22,630
What do you mean?
60
00:03:22,698 --> 00:03:23,532
Well, like the time
61
00:03:23,666 --> 00:03:25,066
you were dating
that guy who told you
62
00:03:25,135 --> 00:03:27,836
he was lieutenant governor
of new Jersey.
63
00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:29,604
Spike?
64
00:03:29,672 --> 00:03:31,539
Yeah.
65
00:03:31,607 --> 00:03:33,809
Yeah, he was probably lying. Yeah. Yeah.
66
00:03:33,877 --> 00:03:36,178
But Carl's different,
I just know it.
67
00:03:36,245 --> 00:03:37,378
And I hope so, you know,
68
00:03:37,446 --> 00:03:38,847
but before you uproot
your whole life,
69
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:40,282
you know, you might
want to check out
70
00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,117
if Carl really is
who he says he is,
71
00:03:42,185 --> 00:03:44,986
you know, and that he's
really serious about you.
72
00:03:45,054 --> 00:03:46,221
You're right. I mean,
what if I find out
73
00:03:46,288 --> 00:03:48,189
he's just another
lying creep?
74
00:03:48,257 --> 00:03:49,725
Yep. Well, then
I get a call saying,
75
00:03:49,792 --> 00:03:51,827
"they cut me off at o'dooley's.
Can you drive me home?"
76
00:03:51,894 --> 00:03:53,461
And we get on
with our lives.
77
00:03:53,529 --> 00:03:55,697
I've done that?
78
00:03:55,764 --> 00:03:57,966
Couple of times.
79
00:04:00,903 --> 00:04:02,537
You know something,
my dog is so upset
80
00:04:02,605 --> 00:04:05,174
that holly's not gonna
be walking him anymore,
81
00:04:05,241 --> 00:04:07,609
last night, he peed
in my slippers.
82
00:04:07,677 --> 00:04:10,379
Actually, that was me.
83
00:04:10,447 --> 00:04:12,781
Don't leave 'em
next to the toilet.
84
00:04:12,848 --> 00:04:14,582
You know I break right.
85
00:04:15,851 --> 00:04:16,584
At least you're consistent.
86
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,987
Arthur's like
a golf course sprinkler.
87
00:04:25,128 --> 00:04:27,729
Hey, yo.
Check out the menu.
88
00:04:27,797 --> 00:04:29,330
Don't tell me they're
bringing back the tofu fingers
89
00:04:29,398 --> 00:04:31,499
'cause I swear to God,
I will walk.
90
00:04:31,567 --> 00:04:33,668
No, man. They named
a sandwich after me.
91
00:04:33,736 --> 00:04:34,736
What?
92
00:04:34,803 --> 00:04:37,439
"The Deacon."
That is so cool!
93
00:04:37,507 --> 00:04:39,307
Let me see that.
94
00:04:39,375 --> 00:04:40,175
I guess paddy thought that combo
I came up with the other night
95
00:04:40,310 --> 00:04:42,478
was good enough
to become a menu item.
96
00:04:42,545 --> 00:04:43,712
Yeah, that's great.
There's only one problem.
97
00:04:43,780 --> 00:04:45,580
It's my sandwich.
98
00:04:45,648 --> 00:04:46,581
What are you
talking about?
99
00:04:46,649 --> 00:04:47,382
I'm the one
who came up with the idea
100
00:04:47,517 --> 00:04:48,517
to make a club sandwich
101
00:04:48,584 --> 00:04:51,186
with ham, pastrami,
onion rings and gravy.
102
00:04:51,254 --> 00:04:53,655
But I got rid of the ham
and replaced the gravy
103
00:04:53,722 --> 00:04:55,390
with a dab of horseradish.
104
00:04:55,458 --> 00:04:57,459
Yeah, but I invented it.
105
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,894
See, food to you,
it's just fuel.
106
00:04:59,962 --> 00:05:04,232
To me,
it's an unexplored country.
107
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:05,100
You should come back
108
00:05:05,235 --> 00:05:08,069
'cause that country's
out of bacon.
109
00:05:08,137 --> 00:05:10,372
By the way, I can get your
sandwich at any bennigan's.
110
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,474
Guys, we're all friends
here, all right?
111
00:05:14,376 --> 00:05:15,977
Tell you what,
let's take a survey.
112
00:05:16,045 --> 00:05:17,946
Spence, whose sandwich
do you think it is?
113
00:05:21,717 --> 00:05:24,219
Please don't put me
in the middle.
114
00:05:24,287 --> 00:05:26,821
This is just like
when my dad left.
115
00:05:26,889 --> 00:05:28,223
Whatever, ok?
116
00:05:28,291 --> 00:05:29,892
A real friend would make
this menu thing right,
117
00:05:29,959 --> 00:05:30,992
and I guess you're
not a real friend.
118
00:05:31,060 --> 00:05:32,294
You know, shame on you.
119
00:05:32,361 --> 00:05:33,728
Why are you being
such a baby about this?
120
00:05:33,796 --> 00:05:35,163
You're a baby 'cause
babies are always grabbing
121
00:05:35,231 --> 00:05:37,666
what's not theirs.
That's classic baby!
122
00:05:37,734 --> 00:05:40,469
So you guys
ready to order?
123
00:05:40,536 --> 00:05:43,838
Yeah, yeah,
I'll have a "me."
124
00:05:43,906 --> 00:05:45,006
One Deacon.
125
00:05:45,074 --> 00:05:47,142
Make it two.
126
00:05:49,411 --> 00:05:51,880
Make it three.
127
00:05:51,948 --> 00:05:54,016
Watch your back,
little man.
128
00:05:55,351 --> 00:05:59,154
Three deacons.
And for you?
129
00:05:59,222 --> 00:06:00,989
You know what,
130
00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:02,957
I seem to have
lost my appetite.
131
00:06:03,025 --> 00:06:06,161
I'll just have a burger,
ok, with curly fries.
132
00:06:06,229 --> 00:06:07,596
Don't do the steak fries,
last time they-
133
00:06:07,663 --> 00:06:09,864
just bring the curly fries.
134
00:06:09,932 --> 00:06:14,736
Excuse me, did I just hear
you created the Deacon?
135
00:06:14,804 --> 00:06:17,071
Yes.
Yes, I did.
136
00:06:17,139 --> 00:06:19,774
I just had one.
I loved it!
137
00:06:19,842 --> 00:06:21,409
Thanks, man.
138
00:06:21,477 --> 00:06:24,179
Hate to impose,
but would you sign my menu?
139
00:06:24,246 --> 00:06:25,714
Oh, sure.
140
00:06:25,782 --> 00:06:28,784
Could you make it
out to Roger?
141
00:06:28,851 --> 00:06:30,585
Thanks so much.
142
00:06:30,653 --> 00:06:35,857
"To Roger,
keep on dreamin'."
143
00:06:35,925 --> 00:06:38,761
That's original.
144
00:06:38,828 --> 00:06:39,994
"Deacon Palmer."
145
00:06:48,404 --> 00:06:50,105
I talked with Carl.
146
00:06:50,172 --> 00:06:52,674
Oh, baby,
I'm sorry.
147
00:06:52,741 --> 00:06:53,908
It's better you find out now, though.
148
00:06:53,976 --> 00:06:56,211
We're engaged!
149
00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:57,212
What?!
150
00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:58,413
Well, I did
what you said.
151
00:06:58,481 --> 00:07:00,014
I told him I needed to know
if he was serious,
152
00:07:00,083 --> 00:07:01,216
and, boom,
153
00:07:01,284 --> 00:07:02,250
right then and there,
he proposed.
154
00:07:02,318 --> 00:07:03,951
And look what
he bought me!
155
00:07:04,019 --> 00:07:05,953
Isn't it beautiful?
156
00:07:06,021 --> 00:07:09,757
Holly, holly...
157
00:07:09,825 --> 00:07:11,759
When do we learn?
158
00:07:11,827 --> 00:07:14,029
What's the matter?
159
00:07:14,096 --> 00:07:15,697
It was too easy.
160
00:07:15,764 --> 00:07:17,899
You say one word,
and the guy proposes,
161
00:07:18,001 --> 00:07:18,933
and he just
happens to have
162
00:07:19,002 --> 00:07:21,769
a big, diamond ring
to give you?
163
00:07:21,837 --> 00:07:23,605
You don't think
it's real?
164
00:07:23,673 --> 00:07:26,974
Baby, it's comically big.
165
00:07:27,042 --> 00:07:29,611
But Carl said-
166
00:07:29,679 --> 00:07:32,147
Carl's gonna say what
you want to hear, kitty Kat.
167
00:07:32,214 --> 00:07:34,382
You want to know the truth
about your little ring,
168
00:07:34,450 --> 00:07:36,317
you go to a professional.
169
00:07:36,385 --> 00:07:38,019
It's flawless!
170
00:07:38,087 --> 00:07:39,455
Really?
171
00:07:39,522 --> 00:07:40,756
Really?!
172
00:07:40,824 --> 00:07:43,291
Simply stunning.
173
00:07:43,359 --> 00:07:45,227
Most diamonds have
a yellow tinge,
174
00:07:45,294 --> 00:07:48,897
small inclusions,
and tiny black spots.
175
00:07:51,901 --> 00:07:53,835
But this?
Superb!
176
00:07:53,903 --> 00:07:57,005
And the cut, see how
it dances in the light?
177
00:07:57,073 --> 00:07:58,640
Ok, settle down, you.
178
00:07:58,707 --> 00:08:00,475
Hesh!
Heshy, come look at this!
179
00:08:00,543 --> 00:08:01,910
All right, well, I guess we can go now.
180
00:08:01,977 --> 00:08:03,512
Heshy hasn't see it yet.
181
00:08:05,515 --> 00:08:07,749
I'm just saying can't
we call this "the Doug"?
182
00:08:07,816 --> 00:08:11,185
It already has a name.
It's a taco.
183
00:08:11,253 --> 00:08:13,889
No, it's taco topped with relish
and crumbled up saltines.
184
00:08:13,957 --> 00:08:14,956
Hmm?
185
00:08:15,024 --> 00:08:16,224
Come on, man,
I got customers.
186
00:08:16,292 --> 00:08:17,426
How about this, ok?
187
00:08:17,493 --> 00:08:19,361
You change hot dog
into a "hot Doug"?
188
00:08:19,429 --> 00:08:21,263
You just grab
the "u" from soup.
189
00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:22,897
No one's ordering that anyway,
I got to tell you.
190
00:08:22,965 --> 00:08:23,732
Who's next?
191
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:24,866
Do not ignore me, Manny!
192
00:08:24,934 --> 00:08:27,969
I built this roach coach,
and I can take her down.
193
00:08:28,037 --> 00:08:29,704
Hey! Did you put me
on the sign-up sheet
194
00:08:29,806 --> 00:08:31,139
to work Saturday?
195
00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:33,074
Well, I know you like to put
your name on everything,
196
00:08:33,142 --> 00:08:34,643
so I did you a favor.
197
00:08:34,710 --> 00:08:36,511
You know it's my kid's
tenth birthday.
198
00:08:36,579 --> 00:08:39,647
Good, then he's old enough to
know his dad's a glory hound.
199
00:08:39,715 --> 00:08:41,382
You're pathetic.
I'm pathetic?
200
00:08:41,450 --> 00:08:43,351
Manny's naming an egg salad
sandwich after me.
201
00:08:43,419 --> 00:08:46,087
Play ball with me,
damn it.
202
00:08:57,364 --> 00:08:58,665
So what you're
telling me, Peter,
203
00:08:58,732 --> 00:09:00,767
is that you'll walk me
for $1.00 less
204
00:09:00,835 --> 00:09:03,136
than what
my previous Walker charged,
205
00:09:03,204 --> 00:09:08,575
plus complimentary
sunscreen?
206
00:09:08,643 --> 00:09:09,676
Hey, Arthur.
207
00:09:09,744 --> 00:09:11,210
Ooh, how awkward!
208
00:09:11,278 --> 00:09:17,484
I was just interviewing
your potential replacement.
209
00:09:17,552 --> 00:09:18,885
Oh, great.
Great.
210
00:09:18,953 --> 00:09:20,220
I just stopped by to
invite you to my thing
211
00:09:20,288 --> 00:09:22,155
I'm having tomorrow
night at Cooper's.
212
00:09:22,223 --> 00:09:23,223
Oh, yes,
your elaborate ruse.
213
00:09:23,291 --> 00:09:25,525
I mean,
your going-away party.
214
00:09:25,593 --> 00:09:27,327
Yes, yes, I'll be there.
215
00:09:27,395 --> 00:09:28,995
Now if you'll excuse me,
Peter wanted to hear
216
00:09:29,063 --> 00:09:32,065
all about my decades-long
pen-pal relationship
217
00:09:32,133 --> 00:09:35,569
with Mr. Neil sedaka.
218
00:09:35,637 --> 00:09:36,803
Holly, is that you?
219
00:09:36,871 --> 00:09:37,904
Yeah.
220
00:09:37,972 --> 00:09:40,274
I'm in here.
I just googled your boyfriend!
221
00:09:43,010 --> 00:09:44,110
Can I leave now?
Not yet!
222
00:09:44,178 --> 00:09:45,678
Ok.
223
00:09:45,746 --> 00:09:47,947
See, I put in Carl's
social security number
224
00:09:48,015 --> 00:09:49,883
and his whole life,
right here.
225
00:09:49,950 --> 00:09:52,352
How did you get
his social security number?
226
00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:54,621
Excuse me, who's on
trial here, him or me?
227
00:09:54,688 --> 00:09:57,757
So what did
you find out?
228
00:09:57,825 --> 00:10:01,295
Well, take
a little look-see.
229
00:10:01,362 --> 00:10:03,297
And it ain't pretty.
230
00:10:07,569 --> 00:10:11,171
All it says here is that he's got a
couple of outstanding parking tickets.
231
00:10:11,239 --> 00:10:12,806
Yeah, exactly, holly.
232
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:16,643
The guy thinks he can park
his car anywhere he wants.
233
00:10:16,711 --> 00:10:18,812
What else is he parking
anywhere he wants?
234
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:20,480
You know what
I'm saying?
235
00:10:20,547 --> 00:10:22,916
Well, didn't you tell me
that Doug gets a lot of tickets?
236
00:10:22,983 --> 00:10:25,819
Yes, but he's
just an idiot.
237
00:10:25,887 --> 00:10:30,490
Ok, well, yeah,
thanks for checking.
238
00:10:30,558 --> 00:10:32,225
Again, just making sure
you don't get hurt.
239
00:10:32,293 --> 00:10:34,327
Yeah, again, thanks.
240
00:10:34,395 --> 00:10:36,095
Oh, do you know Carl's
mother's maiden name?
241
00:10:36,164 --> 00:10:37,096
No.
242
00:10:37,165 --> 00:10:39,966
It's ok, baby.
I'll get it.
243
00:10:49,743 --> 00:10:51,277
Let me ask you
a question.
244
00:10:51,345 --> 00:10:52,646
You work
for a lawyer, right?
245
00:10:52,713 --> 00:10:54,514
I used to work
for a lawyer,
246
00:10:54,581 --> 00:10:55,382
but for the last
year and a half,
247
00:10:55,450 --> 00:10:57,350
I've worked
for a real estate firm.
248
00:10:57,418 --> 00:10:59,085
Close enough.
249
00:10:59,153 --> 00:11:02,088
I want to file a lawsuit
or an injunction.
250
00:11:02,156 --> 00:11:04,224
I'll let you handle
the mumbo-jumbo.
251
00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:07,760
The point is,
I want Deacon behind bars.
252
00:11:07,828 --> 00:11:09,529
What are you
talking about?
253
00:11:09,596 --> 00:11:11,097
I invented a sandwich, and
he's taking credit for it.
254
00:11:11,165 --> 00:11:13,366
And where I come from,
that ain't right!
255
00:11:14,902 --> 00:11:16,503
You know what else
ain't right?
256
00:11:16,570 --> 00:11:20,206
This crappy-ass ring
you got me.
257
00:11:21,475 --> 00:11:23,443
Yeah, that's right.
258
00:11:23,510 --> 00:11:26,112
Is it flawless?
Does it dance in the light?
259
00:11:26,180 --> 00:11:27,814
Does it?!
Does it?!
260
00:11:27,882 --> 00:11:29,048
A little.
261
00:11:29,116 --> 00:11:30,116
You move it around
kind of quick there.
262
00:11:30,184 --> 00:11:32,418
It's fine.
What's your problem?
263
00:11:32,486 --> 00:11:34,621
I don't know.
Holly met this great guy
264
00:11:34,689 --> 00:11:36,757
who bought her
this big, diamond ring,
265
00:11:36,824 --> 00:11:39,526
and now they're moving to some
fancy apartment in Manhattan
266
00:11:39,594 --> 00:11:42,729
that overlooks the park,
and, I don't know, it's-
267
00:11:42,797 --> 00:11:44,731
it's everything
I always wanted.
268
00:11:44,799 --> 00:11:46,999
You're mad at me 'cause
I can't give it to you.
269
00:11:47,067 --> 00:11:49,369
No, I made peace with...
270
00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,875
All right, cool.
271
00:11:55,943 --> 00:11:58,010
I guess I'm upset
'cause it's like
272
00:11:58,079 --> 00:12:01,281
who is she to be living
my dream, you know?
273
00:12:01,348 --> 00:12:02,849
Exactly. And who's Deacon
to be living my dream?
274
00:12:02,917 --> 00:12:04,450
It's the same thing!
275
00:12:04,518 --> 00:12:08,722
Excuse me, my dream is to
have a decent quality of life,
276
00:12:08,790 --> 00:12:11,057
your dream is
to be a sandwich.
277
00:12:12,593 --> 00:12:14,227
Yeah.
278
00:12:14,295 --> 00:12:15,762
Doug, the point-
you know what,
279
00:12:15,829 --> 00:12:17,830
I don't even have the energy
to argue with you.
280
00:12:17,898 --> 00:12:19,999
Just tell me what you want
to wear to holly's party.
281
00:12:20,067 --> 00:12:21,267
I'll make sure
it's clean.
282
00:12:21,335 --> 00:12:22,535
Oh, I'm not going
to any party
283
00:12:22,670 --> 00:12:24,804
where that man
is going to be.
284
00:12:24,872 --> 00:12:26,739
Doug, look,
let's just agree
285
00:12:26,807 --> 00:12:29,309
we both got a raw deal here,
all right?
286
00:12:29,377 --> 00:12:31,144
But Deacon and holly,
they're our friends.
287
00:12:31,212 --> 00:12:34,281
We need to go to the party
and be happy for them, ok?
288
00:12:39,587 --> 00:12:44,958
Look at 'em.
"Oh, we're so in love."
289
00:12:45,026 --> 00:12:48,127
I need a bucket.
290
00:12:48,195 --> 00:12:49,663
I thought you wanted to be
happy for our friends.
291
00:12:49,730 --> 00:12:50,664
Oh, right.
292
00:12:50,731 --> 00:12:53,132
Like you're happy
for Deacon?
293
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,634
The man stole the one thing in your life
294
00:12:54,702 --> 00:12:57,970
you had going
for you.
295
00:12:58,038 --> 00:13:00,773
Oh, hey, Carrie.
Great party, huh?
296
00:13:00,841 --> 00:13:02,442
Yep.
297
00:13:02,510 --> 00:13:05,211
You know,
I never told you this,
298
00:13:05,279 --> 00:13:07,013
but I always kind of
had a thing for holly.
299
00:13:07,081 --> 00:13:09,115
I mean, I'm glad
she met Carl.
300
00:13:09,183 --> 00:13:11,317
He seems like
a really great guy and-
301
00:13:11,385 --> 00:13:14,054
oh, grow some nuggets,
will ya?
302
00:13:14,121 --> 00:13:15,255
What?
303
00:13:15,323 --> 00:13:17,257
How many times did
the girl stumble
304
00:13:17,325 --> 00:13:18,859
to your doorstep,
blind drunk,
305
00:13:18,926 --> 00:13:20,493
after walking that ugly,
little dog of yours,
306
00:13:20,561 --> 00:13:23,063
and you still couldn't
close the deal?
307
00:13:23,130 --> 00:13:24,898
You make me sick.
308
00:13:27,134 --> 00:13:29,369
Dinner is served, y'all.
309
00:13:33,941 --> 00:13:35,041
What is that?
310
00:13:35,109 --> 00:13:36,843
A 6-foot Deacon.
You want a piece?
311
00:13:36,911 --> 00:13:38,277
Oh, no, thank you.
312
00:13:38,346 --> 00:13:39,846
Maybe if it had like
brown gravy on it
313
00:13:39,913 --> 00:13:41,614
instead of horseradish.
314
00:13:41,682 --> 00:13:43,350
Wouldn't that make it
kind of soggy?
315
00:13:43,418 --> 00:13:46,052
You're soggy.
316
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:47,053
What?
317
00:13:47,121 --> 00:13:48,421
Walk away.
318
00:13:50,791 --> 00:13:52,191
Very impressive.
319
00:13:52,259 --> 00:13:53,192
Thanks.
320
00:13:53,260 --> 00:13:54,494
Just one note:
321
00:13:54,562 --> 00:13:57,264
Next time you might want to get
a more convincing actor
322
00:13:57,331 --> 00:13:59,532
to play the part
of your fianc�.
323
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:03,636
This guy belongs on a bagel
because he's a lox.
324
00:14:03,704 --> 00:14:05,739
So, I bet
the limousine business
325
00:14:05,806 --> 00:14:07,974
has been very good
to you, huh?
326
00:14:08,042 --> 00:14:11,177
Well, it's a lot of work,
but I love it.
327
00:14:11,245 --> 00:14:12,912
I bet you do.
328
00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:15,248
What do you mean?
329
00:14:15,316 --> 00:14:18,517
Come on, it's me.
It's late at night,
330
00:14:18,585 --> 00:14:21,655
you're driving some coked-up
supermodel to the airport,
331
00:14:21,722 --> 00:14:23,556
and all of a sudden she's
in the front seat with you.
332
00:14:23,623 --> 00:14:26,859
"Oh, you own the company?
That's so hot."
333
00:14:26,927 --> 00:14:28,862
Um, Carrie,
334
00:14:28,929 --> 00:14:30,530
can I talk to you
in private for a second?
335
00:14:30,598 --> 00:14:32,499
Yeah, no problem.
Be right back.
336
00:14:37,538 --> 00:14:39,238
Ohh!
337
00:14:41,942 --> 00:14:43,843
Guy, you ok?
338
00:14:43,911 --> 00:14:48,915
I tell ya, this Deacon
or whatever you call it,
339
00:14:48,982 --> 00:14:51,751
it's so dry,
I can't even swallow it.
340
00:14:55,856 --> 00:14:58,558
I need something
to make it more moist,
341
00:14:58,626 --> 00:15:01,260
yet not soggy.
342
00:15:01,328 --> 00:15:02,262
How about some water?
343
00:15:02,329 --> 00:15:04,564
No, that's not gonna
do anything for me.
344
00:15:04,632 --> 00:15:07,032
I need something smooth
like gravy
345
00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,134
or something like-
346
00:15:11,004 --> 00:15:14,307
oh, yeah.
347
00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:16,442
Now that's a sandwich.
348
00:15:16,510 --> 00:15:18,677
You know what, I've
had enough of your crap.
349
00:15:18,745 --> 00:15:19,879
Well, I've had
enough of yours.
350
00:15:19,947 --> 00:15:20,946
You wanna go?
351
00:15:21,014 --> 00:15:21,715
I would love to go!
352
00:15:21,782 --> 00:15:23,582
Then let's go!
I'm going!
353
00:15:23,650 --> 00:15:25,785
Come on!
354
00:15:25,852 --> 00:15:27,720
Yeah, I just really
want to know
355
00:15:27,788 --> 00:15:30,256
why you were
groping my fianc�?
356
00:15:30,324 --> 00:15:32,525
I was testing him.
357
00:15:32,593 --> 00:15:33,859
And keep up
with the attitude,
358
00:15:33,927 --> 00:15:35,595
I'm gonna stop
helping you.
359
00:15:35,663 --> 00:15:37,797
Helping me?
You're trying to ruin it.
360
00:15:37,865 --> 00:15:40,400
Ruin it? Why would
I want to ruin it?
361
00:15:40,468 --> 00:15:41,801
I don't know.
Maybe 'cause you're mad
362
00:15:41,869 --> 00:15:44,537
because, you know,
I found a really great guy.
363
00:15:44,604 --> 00:15:47,306
Excuse me, I have
a really great guy, too.
364
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,454
Look, did you
ever have a friend
365
00:16:01,522 --> 00:16:03,155
whose life sucked so bad
366
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:05,692
that it made you feel
better about your own?
367
00:16:05,759 --> 00:16:07,594
What? No.
368
00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:10,963
Well, I did,
and it was you.
369
00:16:11,031 --> 00:16:13,767
Oh!
370
00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:17,069
Oh, I'm so sorry things
worked out for me. That's ok.
371
00:16:17,137 --> 00:16:19,805
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
Thank you for understanding.
372
00:16:19,873 --> 00:16:22,075
You're welcome. You're
welcome. Thank you.
373
00:16:22,142 --> 00:16:24,177
The car's here.
We should skedaddle.
374
00:16:24,244 --> 00:16:27,180
Ok, I'll be there
in a second, honey.
375
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:29,849
"Skedaddle"?
376
00:16:29,917 --> 00:16:32,285
I got to tell you,
my gaydar just went
377
00:16:32,353 --> 00:16:34,954
boop, boop, boop.
378
00:16:37,824 --> 00:16:39,659
Good luck, sweetie.
379
00:16:39,727 --> 00:16:41,027
Thanks.
380
00:16:43,664 --> 00:16:44,964
Good-bye.
Bye.
381
00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:49,869
Another gin and tonic.
382
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,842
So your life must be
pretty crappy, huh?
383
00:17:02,049 --> 00:17:04,450
All right, you win.
384
00:17:04,518 --> 00:17:06,118
I'll convince Douglas
and Carrie to give you
385
00:17:06,186 --> 00:17:08,054
$1.00 more an hour.
Arthur-
386
00:17:08,121 --> 00:17:10,389
I'll expect you to kick a
quarter of that back to me.
387
00:17:10,457 --> 00:17:13,360
Would you stop it? Why can't you
get this through your crazy head?
388
00:17:13,427 --> 00:17:15,495
I'm leaving.
389
00:17:15,563 --> 00:17:17,396
Really?
Yes.
390
00:17:17,464 --> 00:17:20,600
And this is
how I find out?
391
00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:21,868
Sorry.
392
00:17:23,770 --> 00:17:27,173
You were the best dog Walker
a man could ever ask for.
393
00:17:27,241 --> 00:17:29,675
Thank you, Arthur.
And of all my clients,
394
00:17:29,743 --> 00:17:32,011
you were definitely
the most interesting
395
00:17:32,079 --> 00:17:35,248
and the least distracted
by squirrels.
396
00:17:35,316 --> 00:17:37,216
You're a terrible liar,
397
00:17:37,284 --> 00:17:39,519
but a marvelous person.
398
00:17:39,586 --> 00:17:43,523
You know,
Carl's still inside.
399
00:17:43,590 --> 00:17:45,324
I have time
for one more walk.
400
00:17:45,392 --> 00:17:46,492
On the house.
401
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:47,860
I'd like that.
402
00:17:50,230 --> 00:17:52,498
What say I treat you
to a lemon ice at Luigi's?
403
00:17:52,566 --> 00:17:53,566
That'd be great.
404
00:17:53,634 --> 00:17:54,634
By the way,
did I ever tell you
405
00:17:54,701 --> 00:17:57,303
how I inspired
Neil sedaka's pop classic,
406
00:17:57,370 --> 00:17:58,838
Happy Birthday,
sweet sixteen?
407
00:17:58,906 --> 00:18:01,540
Yes, but I would love
to hear it again.
408
00:18:02,676 --> 00:18:05,979
Come on, gravy boat!
Whatcha got, huh?
409
00:18:06,046 --> 00:18:07,547
Guys, guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys!
410
00:18:07,614 --> 00:18:09,082
Guys, I talked to paddy,
411
00:18:09,149 --> 00:18:10,984
and he agreed
on a compromise, ok?
412
00:18:11,051 --> 00:18:12,751
He said he would
put back the ham
413
00:18:12,819 --> 00:18:14,854
and he would use
horseradish and gravy,
414
00:18:14,921 --> 00:18:18,224
and he would call it
"the deacon/doug."
415
00:18:18,292 --> 00:18:19,925
I don't know, man.
416
00:18:19,993 --> 00:18:21,494
Why is his name first?
Why is his name first?
417
00:18:21,561 --> 00:18:23,563
Ok, we'll call it
"the double d"
418
00:18:23,630 --> 00:18:25,698
and everybody's happy.
419
00:18:36,577 --> 00:18:38,911
5 minutes, Mr. sedaka.
420
00:18:38,979 --> 00:18:40,880
Thank you.
421
00:18:40,947 --> 00:18:42,448
"So I lost holly,
422
00:18:42,516 --> 00:18:45,785
"and Peter's mother has
forbidden me from contact.
423
00:18:45,852 --> 00:18:49,188
"On the plus side,
the fiber 4,000 continues
424
00:18:49,256 --> 00:18:52,992
"to do a sterling job
on my nether regions.
425
00:18:53,059 --> 00:18:54,627
Thanks for the tip."
426
00:18:54,695 --> 00:18:57,263
Oh, Arthur,
you keep me young.
30101
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